All Episodes
Previous Next
June 21, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:04:51
20140621_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_6-20-14
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, this is Jimmy Dore.
Who's this on the phone I got?
Hey, Jimmy, it's Frick.
Hey, Governor Perry.
How you doing, buddy?
What?
Governor, you don't sell.
What's wrong, sir?
John Stewart made fun of me on his show.
So Jon Stewart, he made fun of you.
Okay, that's true.
He did make fun of you.
So what's the big whoop?
Well, why'd he do that?
I mean, I've always been nice to the Jews in public.
Okay, yeah.
But Governor, your positions on homosexuality, homosexuality, they're pretty horrible.
What?
Yeah.
For one thing, you said homosexuality, you said homosexuality is the same as alcoholism.
Do you remember saying that?
And I stand by that.
Okay.
What do you mean you stand by that?
Look, Jimmy, some people can go to the bathhouse on the weekend and have sex with just a few guys, you know, to relax.
What?
But clearly some people go too far, and the next thing you know, they're shooting up a church with their jiz bullets.
Nothing you just said makes any sense, Governor.
Nothing.
It's a fact.
Look it up.
Okay.
Where exactly would I look that up, Mr. Governor?
I don't know.
Like a pamphlet or Jesus or something.
Okay, listen.
Governor, let's start with the fact that homosexuality is not a choice, okay?
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying that you can choose not to live as a homosexual.
I mean, all men have gay feelings.
No, no, they don't.
All men don't have gay feelings.
Jimmy.
They don't.
Not all men have gay feelings.
Come on, Jimmy.
This is me here.
Governor, like 90% of men are not attracted to other men.
90% of men.
No, you're just making shit up.
Because men are fucking beautiful.
Always walk around her glistening oil chests and cowboy hats and delivering pizzas and whatnot.
But don't you see?
You're either born having those feelings or you're not born having those feelings.
That's exactly my point.
We're all born with a weakness for man flash.
No, Governor, we don't have a weakness for man flesh.
But you can choose to not act on it, even if you're at your stag poker game at Niggerhead and no one would ever find out.
But why, Governor?
Why what?
Why should anyone choose to not live according to their desires?
Why?
Because it's gay, Jimmy.
You know, like gay.
I know, but how does that cause, Mr. Governor, how does that cause harm to anyone else, someone living a gay lifestyle and fulfilling a life for themselves?
Well, it makes your wife cry.
I can tell you that.
What do you mean your wife cry?
What do you mean?
What?
No.
No, my wife is totally happy, especially when I make the sex in her vagina all the time.
Okay, other than making your wife cry, what is the harm if a man actively loves another man?
Jimmy, if we all start doing that, like, where are all the kids going to come from?
Answer me that, smart guy.
I mean, we're all going to be in a hot, oily, naked scrum.
And meanwhile, the daycare centers will be empty.
And before you know it, the only people left on the planet will be like, you know, Mexicans, probably.
Those girls are pretty much born pregnant.
Okay, listen, everything you're saying is offensive and wrong, okay?
Everything.
Science, Jimmy.
People need to have heterosexual sex to make babies.
I'm pretty much 100% sure of that.
Yeah, I know that.
But listen, most men don't want to have sex with other men.
That's the point I'm trying to make to you.
And for those American heroes, thankfully, we have treatment programs where you can pray the gay way or, you know, have it, you know, beaten out of you.
Whatever.
Yeah, there's that one program where you smell your own feces.
Why would you want to have people smell their own feces?
Well, you don't expect people to smell other people's feces, do you?
No, listen.
Cover, that is not what I'm talking about.
I mean, what if it's a hog eyes poke?
And now you're finding out that not only do you like dudes, but you like to have, you know, you got a weird scat fetish, too, to boot.
It would defeat the entire purpose of the therapy, man.
Okay, well, Governor, I guess in your convoluted logic, I see what you mean.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I mean, think about these things before he ask these questions.
Okay, maybe go to journalism school.
Okay, thanks, Governor.
I'll do that.
Thank you very much.
Jimmy, I got ahead.
Where you got to go?
We've got a lot of executions to catch up on since this Oklahoma thing.
You know how it is.
Like when the dishes really piled up and you're like, oh, that's so overwhelming.
And what you got to remember is just start killing that one guy and pretty soon you found yourself killing all of them.
Okay.
All right.
Governor, thank you very much.
You sound like a maniac.
Toodles, Jim's.
Okay.
Okay.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for blackbeards.
The kind of people that are.
Commence maybe on Tearing Down Our Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It starts talking to you, guys.
Here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined on the phone all the way from New York City.
It's TV's Frank from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you, buddy?
Hello there.
It's Frank.
Hello there.
Across the glass from me, hilarious comedian, author of Morning Remembrance.
Hilarious obituaries of real dead people.
He's going to be reading his new one later in the show.
It's Jim Earl is here.
Hi, Jim.
Hey, Jimmy.
How you doing?
I'm doing fantastic.
Are you still on the ham radio?
I'm Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Ham Radio.
Next to Jim Earl, a hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you, buddy?
The better for your asking, James.
Now, is that a Mexican Coke you're drinking?
It is a Mexican Coke.
Oh, everyone loves the Mexican Coke.
Where do you get the good Coke?
Mexico.
Across the Mexican.
I got a girl who brings them across the border.
Oh, man.
You got a mule?
Yeah.
Oh, good for you.
Cross over him, hilarious community, the host of Comedy and Everything Else.
It's our resident Latina.
It's Steph Zemirano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Ula, Jimmy.
And Ula to Mayamitos.
Oh, nice to hear your voice.
Es Prohibito El Fumur.
Hey, Jimmy.
Yeah.
Piso Mojado.
That means wet floor.
Wet floor.
No moleste.
That means do not disturb.
Go ahead, Frank.
Hey, did you know that Chris Pussy has a glazed ham radio?
The guy, he loves food.
He does love food, that guy.
He is a large man, that guy.
All right, let's get to some jokes before we get to the joke.
So the AMA, you know, they group everything at groupings of people.
American Medical Association.
The American Medical Association.
They group people by according to what's ailing you, right?
So they're going to have a new group that's going to include people with erectile dysfunction, latent homosexuality, and a micropenis.
It's going to be under one single medical term called Open Carry Texas.
Get it?
That is the biggest I've seen Jim Earle ever smile.
I thought you were going to say Tea Party.
The Republicans.
Nice.
I don't know if you heard, but they captured the Barack Obama administration is bragging that they captured one of the guys who masterminded the Benghazi attack, right?
And conservatives say, fine, okay, Obama captured a Benghazi suspect, but what about Benghazi?
All that joke is just sitting there.
It's perfect.
Thank you very much.
Frank wrote it.
Everybody's talking about that Iran is getting out of hand.
Again, Iran is getting out of hand.
And Bush, the Bush-Cheney foreign policy, sure, it was a disaster.
But on the other hand, Jim, on the other hand, they also tanked our economy.
So it evens out.
It's a win-win.
It's a win, it's a win-something.
I don't know if you watch, we're going to talk about it.
There's been a lot of the old people who were his big idea was to invade Iraq.
They were brought back on television to get their ideas on how to handle the Iraq situation now.
And Paul Wolfowitz was brought on TV.
Paul Wolfowitz, ladies and gentlemen, one of the architects of the Iraq invasion, brought back on TV to talk about what we should do in Iraq.
And then he was immediately followed by Joel Schumacher, and he was talking about how to make a good Batman film.
That was a long way to go, but it worked out.
That shows longer than those Batman movies.
Yes, it was.
Yes, it was.
And then, by the way, and they also, who do they else they bring out?
They brought on John McCain.
They asked his opinion.
They asked his opinion.
And yeah, let's heed the foreign policy wisdom of John McCain, who thought Sarah Palin was ready to be commander-in-chief.
Well, compared to him, she was.
Compared to Kamerda.
You know, Frank, if TV producers were to march into TV studios and remove the Bush Cheney neocons from all the cable news shows, I bet they'd be greeted as liberators.
By the way, Dick, they got a new website.
Him and his daughter.
They have a new website, the Dick Cheney.
And his new website, by the way, no good.
It's the first bomb he's ever been associated with that hasn't killed innocent people.
Zingo Bingo.
Coming up on today's show, we're going to talk about Iraq.
And it breaks it down for us.
All the old neocons are new again, and they're back on television.
They're all back, and we talk about them.
Plus, Joe Scarborough's got some interesting stuff to say about Iraq.
And guess what?
Former Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney and his daughter, they went on Fox News looking like Grant Woods American Gothic.
And they got hit with a little friendly fire over at Fox News.
We're going to check into that.
Plus, we got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
We got phone calls from Liam Neeson calls in today.
That's right.
Rick Perry calls in today, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
*outro music*
So it would take forever to put the current Iraq civil war in context.
And by the way, have you noticed how nobody on television wants to call it the Iraqi civil war?
I can't imagine why.
So here is Shepard Smith going to break it down what's happening right now.
And he's got Chris Wallace on.
And I swear to you, the whole time, Chris Wallace is not blinking, not nodding his head, not really acknowledging.
It's as if he's waiting for his earpiece to be turned on.
But we know it has already been turned on.
Okay, here's Shepard Smith breaking it down.
Because what happened was we went to war after they told us Paul Wolfowitz stood up and told us there are no sectarian troubles in Iraq.
Remember?
He was talking to Eric Shinseki at the time, Chris.
You remember that?
So there are no sectarian problems in Iraq like we've seen in other places.
They're not going to rise up against each other.
There's no evidence of that.
That's what they told us.
Then we went in there.
We were there for 11 years.
I like how he says it.
He's saying it right to Chris Wallace.
But if you notice, Chris Wallace is not acknowledging what he's saying.
He's sitting there stone-faced.
He's not saying he's not going to go yet.
I agree with your assessment that the right wing was screwed up over.
He's not going to, he won't even nod his head.
Like, yes, I remember I acknowledge, right, Robert, right?
What is going on with Shep Smith?
Has he like gone completely off the reservation over there?
Well, I think what I've heard is that a lot of actually a lot of people at Box News think that Shep Smith is a Muslim because many occasions they've seen him with a beard.
No one's going to do better than that.
Let's move on.
Okay, so here he is.
He's got a little bit more to say.
Then we drew down as President Bush had set up a timeline and President Obama got out.
And when we drew down, we asked to keep some soldiers there.
And Norell Maliki said no to an agreement.
Then we left.
Their sectarian civil war began.
And they're ringing us up on the phone asking us to come back because the half million men we trained and equipped have melted away in the face of a few hundred insurgents.
I just love the whole time he's saying this, they're showing a picture.
You have to look hard, but they have like Chris Wallace on a video screen in the background.
And he is, it's like he's playing Make Me Laugh.
And he's trying not to show an emotion in his face.
He's trying to be steadfast.
He's not agreeing with what Shep.
So it's a, first of all, I didn't know that Chris Wallace needed to have Iraq explained to him by Chep Smith.
It was nice to see him sit there and take it, right?
Go ahead, Frank.
I think he might have thought flashed that like Abion was his father, Mike Wallace, derating him.
Yes.
He probably had a very deep emotional feeling to it.
So, but, you know, there's two things worth noting here, Frank.
First, that the Shiite-Sunni conflict in the region dates back to about the seventh century.
And it's a deep conflict that is steeped in blood.
Second, the second thing is that we should note that Iraq is a real, it isn't a real nation, at least not in the way we're used to understanding what a real nation is, because its borders were arbitrarily drawn, carved out by the British, who also installed a Sunni government.
If the region were utterly left to its own devices, it would lightly reform along ethnic lines, right?
Which is what it's kind of doing right now.
The Sunnis, Shiites, and the Kurds, right?
They're all splitting up.
It's a manufactured country.
It's not a real country.
And so most Western assumptions about government and economics kind of fall apart when it comes to Mesopotamia.
You know what other country was arbitrarily set forth by the British?
Which company is it?
The 13 colonies.
Oh, my God, arbitrary.
You know what?
I will say this on behalf of John McCain.
When all that was happening in the seventh century, he spoke out against it.
That's my point.
Yeah, he said.
Yes, he said that we should arm the Mesopotamian rebels that were fighting on behalf of NOAA.
He crashed four crank-driven velocipedes in the seventh century wars.
He's not a young man at the board.
Yeah, and not a good pilot either.
No, not a good pilot.
So we invaded that situation.
We invaded that situation in the Middle East, which wasn't super smart.
And so to say the results were not surprising would be a joke, right?
Because the results have been completely predictable.
What's happening in Iraq right now was not only completely predictable, it was predicted, okay?
Everyone said this would happen.
It was on the side of the box.
It was a war that we bought.
It said contains sectarian violence.
Sectarian violence will erupt in war.
If used in Iraq.
And so you take a strong man out of that area and it leaves a power vacuum.
And what could go wrong, really?
Arbitrarily install a Shiite government?
No problem.
That's not good.
It's going to work.
So what they have is a Shiite government, which is the majority.
Iraq used to be run by the Sunnis, which was the minority.
And so the Shiite government, which is Maliki, he's the leader of it.
He's supposed to keep the Sunnis involved so they don't want to do what they're doing right now.
But he didn't do that, right?
So let's say you were even, let's say you were a supporter of the invasion.
Even if you had a laundry list of seemingly intelligent reasons for invasion, even those people cannot now deny that our actions are a direct contributor to Iraq's current state of affairs.
Or could they?
Enter the architects of the war, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Tony Blair, Bill McChrystal, and the rest of the gang.
And now let's watch them stand in the rain and tell us that it's not raining.
Here's Tony Blair, as read by Chris Hayes.
Ourselves, liberate, use that word, liberate ourselves from the notion that we have caused this.
We haven't.
We can argue as to whether our policies and points have helped or not, and whether action or inaction is the best policy.
There's a lot to be said on both sides.
But the fundamental cause of the crisis lies within the region, not outside it.
So that was Tony Blair, as read by Chris Hayes, verbatim.
That's him not taking responsibility for the stuff that he broke in Iraq.
And what he's really, what he's kind of saying is: sure, I was cheating on my wife, but that was inevitable.
What we should debate is which hotel we went to and when.
That's kind of what his argument is.
So let me explain something.
If you have two sides that have been at each other's throats over a thousand years and someone builds a wall in between those two warring sides, well, the guy who decides to tear that wall down has to take at least a little responsibility when those two sides start killing each other again.
And here is Paul Wolfowitz, former Deputy Secretary of the Defense under George Bush and prime mover of the U.S. invasion in Iraq.
He was the guy who said, among other things, that we would be greeted as liberators and that the Iraq war would ready pay for itself.
That's this guy.
He said that.
Really?
It's going to pay for itself, Paul?
Because we could really use that $2 trillion right now that you said we wouldn't have to spend.
And here he is with David Gregory on Press the Meat.
As part of the Bush administration, were you and others culpable of underestimating the level of sectarian violence, warfare in the country that creates the potential for this kind of terrorist state to develop today?
Now, that's like asking, first of all, I love that he has to ask that question.
Did you guys maybe underestimate, maybe that there would be the sectarian.
I don't want to say that.
Is that not like asking?
Now, could I?
Do you think maybe water's wet?
Maybe.
Do you think, can you just state the fact first?
Why do he have to act?
Like, everything is still up in the air.
There is nothing.
There is no discernible facts that we can pull out of this situation.
Everything is still murky.
He has to ask Paul Wolfowitz if he underestimated.
Are you kidding me?
Okay.
Anything?
Go ahead.
Anyone want to say anything?
He doesn't want to offend Wolfowitz.
Mr. Hitler, did you overreach a bit?
Is David Gregory worried that Wolfowitz won't come back on Meet the Press?
Apparently.
Yeah, I mean, he basically should have just said, so you guys completely screwed the pooch.
Yes.
Every single piece of empirical evidence ever supports that truth that you guys screwed up.
You had no idea what you were doing.
Well, here's what he says.
Here's what he's hearing.
The only way they could have justified having Paul Wolfowitz on is if for that one day they decided to turn Misha Presch into a prank showfully on.
And we're going to ask some serious questions about what we should do in Iraq.
And let's try to do it and not laugh.
And then we'll just tell them to get the hell out of the studio.
And by the way, as with all things in the Republican Party, Captain Oops here failed upward.
Because after he invaded Iraq, said all that's wrong stuff, it's going to pay for itself.
It'll be a short war.
And we'll be greeted as liberators.
Right after he did that, he was then made president of the World Bank.
After publicly demonstrating that he doesn't know anything about anything.
They made him the president of the world, but definitely someone who's valuable, and we need to get his opinion on press the meat.
And when he was made president of the World Bank, he said that he would be greeted as a great man and everyone would get a free toaster and it didn't turn out to be true.
Well, here's what he said.
It's not a good bank.
Here's his response to the question from David Gregory, David Hansome, say stuff.
Here's his response to that question.
Did you underestimate the sectarian violence potential?
You use the word sectarian.
So did Richard Engel.
This is more than just an obscure Shia-Sunni conflict.
This is Al-Qaeda.
And Al-Qaeda is not on the road to defeat Al-Qaeda's on the march, not just in Iraq, in Syria, in Libya.
And we have real enemies of the United States.
And what we should be looking for, friends, I think when we stick with our friends, and those friends are not always perfect, believe me, but we stuck with the Kurds for 20 years.
Northern Iraq-Kurdistan is a success story.
We stuck with South Korea for 60 years.
South Korea is a miracle story, but if we had walked away from South Korea in 1953, that country was a best.
But Dexter Filkins.
So that's our pro.
This was going to be a success story.
This was going to be a miracle, except we walked away.
So what his prescription is: the way to fix the world is move there.
That's his prescription.
Do you want to fix Iraq?
Let's move there.
You want to fix South Korea?
Let's move to South Korea.
You want to fix Japan?
Let's move to Japan.
Let's move to Germany.
Let's move wherever you want to fix it.
Let's just move there and we'll spend a trillion dollars every couple of years, but we'll be, you know, we'll be safe.
It sounds about right because they are on the march.
They are on the march.
And that makes it sound like it's this whole huge military group that's marching on all of these countries.
It does.
You know what?
The Al-Qaeda that is in that region right now, maybe a few thousand Al-Qaeda.
Maybe.
But the reason is the Sunnis have been screwed out of power by the Shiites, by Malachi.
And they're not going to fight against Al-Qaeda to save Malachi's presidency.
They're not.
They're going to walk away, which is exactly what they did.
And by the way, one of the friends he's talking about that we're going to have to ally ourselves with if we want to fight this back is Iran.
Yes.
Our old friends.
We should have stuck with Iran.
You know, Iran.
Iran.
Okay, we got somebody on the phone.
I think it's, hello, who's who's on the who's on the phone?
Who do I got on the phone here?
Hello?
Greetings, Jimmy.
It's me, Mitt Romney.
I'm sorry.
You remember me?
I ran for president back in 2012.
I lost.
Oh, sure.
I remember you.
How are you doing, Mitt?
Yeah.
Oh, well, could be better.
I'm wondering where my purpose in life is.
I used to think I was the one that prophecies foretold.
I would become the first Mormon president of the United States, thus bringing the world together under the Latter-day Saints revelations.
Well, I guess I can see why you would be disappointed, buddy.
I thought I was Neo in the Mormon Matrix.
Well, you're not.
I'm still a bishop.
Yeah, you are.
Jimmy, you may call me your Excellency.
Don't think so, Mitt.
But listen, what have you been doing with yourself these days?
Well, to start with, for starters, I was on Meet the Press last Sunday.
Uh-huh.
That nice David Gregory asked me about Iraq.
Yeah.
I don't understand why people say he doesn't connect with audiences.
I found him electric and charismatic.
You might be the only one, Mitt.
My question to you is: why the hell were you asked on Meet the Press anyway?
As a multi-millionaire who doesn't hold elected office, it is important the country heed my opinions.
Meet the press thought it was important that there's at least one pro-war voice in the anti-war mainstream Peace Stick media.
Okay, well, listen, what do you think we should do in Iraq, Mitt?
Tell me that.
Hello.
What do you think we should do?
Oh, yeah.
I agree with Senator McCain and the other Republicans.
This is Obama's fault for leaving Iraq.
We won the war thanks to the surge.
The surge worked.
That's why we need to go back to Iraq.
Okay.
Obama should have acted in Syria to take down the Shiite forces, which would have prevented Sunni forces from taking over Baghdad.
And our alliance with Iran would defeat the Iraqis, stopping their nuclear program, spreading freedom and democracy, putting boots on the ground, but letting Iraqi forces take over, not negotiating with terrorists, and stabilizing the region.
You know, Mitt, nothing you or the other Republicans are saying about this makes any sense whatsoever.
I look forward to hearing the options that the president is considering so I can oppose them.
I bet.
Military action is always the answer.
More war makes any situation better.
Yeah, well, listen, Mitt, you know, I don't think Americans, America can make this situation better.
When we topple Malachi, we'll be greeted as liberators.
The war will pay for itself.
We got to fight them over there so we don't fight them over here.
Mitt, you're repeating the same insane talking points that you had the first time in the run-up to the war.
The sequel is always better.
My definition of sanity is doing the same thing over and over again until you get the result you were expecting.
I don't think that's that.
Listen, I heard Paul Wilfowitz say that what's happening in Iraq is not a sectarian conflict, that it's al-Qaeda, ISIS forces, and everything going wrong is because of Al-Qaeda.
That wise Mr. Wolfowitz has never been wrong before.
All of our enemies are Al-Qaeda.
Syria is Al-Qaeda.
Putin, he's Al-Qaeda.
The waiter at Mossa got my order wrong?
Al-Qaeda.
You know, I don't think anything you're saying is correct, Mitt, at all.
Nothing.
I assure you, Jimmy, if I were president, none of this would be happening.
You know, Mitt, I've always wondered, what is a person like you with hundreds of millions of dollars, what do you do for fun?
Well, I have hobbies.
At night, I like to go out and key people's cars.
Wow, really?
Chibi, I need to go make one of my servants try.
Oh, okay.
Well, listen, Mitt, I appreciate you checking in with us.
Thanks, buddy.
Oh, this may be the last time I call.
Why?
Thanks to TV and newspapers wanting my opinions.
I'm relevant again.
So I don't need to talk to you anymore.
Well, just to say, Mitt, I appreciate you calling in.
It's always good to hear your voice, okay?
Go stick your dick in the shredder, you gaping-ass Irish cockroach.
Just like the old times.
I like it.
That was great.
Seems like old times with the mitzer, doesn't it?
Seems like old goddamn times.
Miss that guy.
Hey, guess what?
This is the time when I say thanks to everybody who thinks about us when they buy something from Amazon.com.
It's an easy way to help support the show that doesn't cost you any money, and it doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
All you need to do the next time you want to buy something from Amazon is you swing over to JimmyDoorComedy.com and click on our Amazon box, which is right on the front page of our front page.
I don't know if it's on the front page of the bront page.
It's right at the front of the page of our website.
And when you click on that Amazon box on our website, it takes you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
So big thanks to everybody who uses our Amazon box when they think to buy something from Amazon.com.
And you know, it's a great way to buy the new book.
Your country is just not that into you.
You can pre-order it now.
Go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click right on the link, and then you can pre-order your copy of your country is just not that into you.
Wouldn't that be the greatest thing ever?
Well, it would be for me if you did it.
So thanks to everybody who's going to do that and who has.
All right, now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in the studio by the author of Morning Remembrance, hilarious obituaries of real dead people, available at jimearl.com.
It's Jim Earl is with us.
Also, on the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's TV's Frank Frank Conniff is with us.
And back here in Los Angeles in the studio, the host of Comedy Everything Else, our resident Latina, Steph Zamorano.
And from Team Yasamura, Robert Yasimura is here.
And we're talking today about all the crazy neocons who are absolutely 100% wrong about the Iraq war being brought back on all the mainstream media, even MSNBC.
Of course, MSNBC likes to kick off their liberal programming day with three hours of Republican right-wing talk hosted by Joe Scarborough.
All right, we're also going to get a phone call from Liam Neesum.
Liam Neeson calls in the second half.
We're going to hear one of those morning remembrances from Jim Earl's book.
Plus, we're going to have drunk Bill O'Reilly calls in.
Okay, so let's get back to the studio right now.
And we're talking about, you know, the Iraq War and the crazy pundits.
you you Back in 2008, the Center for Public Integrity and its affiliated group, the Fund for Independence and Journalism, they did a little study, and they wanted to see how many lies members of the Bush administration told publicly before the run-up to the, before the Iraq war, in the run-up to the Iraq war.
Okay.
Well, here's what that study found by the Center for Public Integrity.
They found that leading Bush administration officials had publicly lied at least 935 times.
No!
The major lie was about Saddam Hussein's regime possessing weapons of mass destruction.
But the second most common lie was that there was a link between Saddam and Al-Qaeda, which made the possibility of an Iraqi nuclear weapon falling into the hands of terrorists who perpetrated 9-11 particularly frightening.
Jimmy, because they're Republicans, they insist that they were white lies.
Okay, so the Bush administration's been documented to have publicly lied 935 times to get us into the illegal war in Iraq.
And most of the lies were about Iraq working with al-Qaeda and WMDs.
But then a few people stood up to those lives, right?
And like there were protesters.
I was one of them.
I was protesting against the Iraq war.
I knew it was BS.
I'm sure, Jim, you knew it was BS.
You were against the Iraq war, correct?
Yeah, but I did not say a word.
I refused to stick my neck out.
You know, I need work.
I hear you.
I need writing work.
Anybody out there hiring a writer, I'm there for you.
I will not make waves.
All right, go ahead.
So the people who stood up against the war, which there were lots and lots of people, right?
But the story is, the narrative now is that, oh, everybody was hoodwinked.
We all thought Saddam had what?
That's the story, but it's not true.
That's not true because people were speaking up and speaking up.
Phil Downey got fired off MSNBC for speaking out against the Iraq war before it happened, okay?
The journalism that had a difference that told the real story was not, you really had to dig deep to find it.
You didn't see it.
You didn't like the guys for the McClatchy papers who wrote stuff that turned out to be true.
Those guys were not on any of the cable.
No, those were not on the front page of the New York Times.
No, no.
Like Judith Miller.
I'd also point out that in terms of the atmosphere of the media at the time, as an example, Al Gore made a speech saying that we shouldn't invade Iraq.
And he talked about it on one of the shows.
And Howard Feynman said, Al Gore is an embarrassment, and he should just go away.
Yes.
Yes.
And that was the overall general.
And I'll give you some more quotes.
I'll give you a gift.
Not just on Fox News, like everywhere, every mainstream media outlet, including the Oprah Winfrey show.
Yes.
If you watch Bill Moyer's documentary about what we're talking about right now, which I highly recommend, he has a clip of Oprah berating an audience member for questioning the Iraq war experts that she had on her show.
And she berated the person in the audience who questioned what they were saying.
Well, Avonan, you talk about not only on Fox, but of course, MSNBC famously fired Chris Matthew, I mean, Phil Donahue and kept Chris Matthews, who was cheerleading for the war, even though he claims he wasn't.
He doesn't Chris Matthews just now on his show.
I only saw part of it, but he says he does often he was reading his column that he wrote before the war where he was against it, but he completely leaves out the history of what a cheerleader for the war is.
Yes, on Fox Business, after the first statue of Saddam Hussein fell in Baghdad, Neil Kavutu, Kavuto, delivered a message to those, quote, people who opposed the liberation of Iraq.
He said, quote, you were sickening then and you are sickening now.
Wow.
People who oppose the Iraq war.
That's Neil Cavuto, said you were sickening for opposing a war.
Michael Savage on MSNBC, remember when he was on MSNBC?
Michael Savage?
He said he was on with Joe Scarborough on MSNBC.
Him and Joe Scarborough and Michael Savage said of the protesters, they are absolutely committing sedition or treason.
That's what he said of people protesting the war.
Joe Scarborough snapped right back at Michael Savage and said, these leftist stooges for anti-American causes are always given a free pass.
Isn't it time to make them stand up and be counted for their views?
So when people, I say, I let you know those things, and I'm glad Frank shared those other ones about Oprah.
By the way, thank God Joe Scarborough got thrown off the air.
It isn't on anymore.
Yeah, thank God for that.
So here's Joe Scarborough now, right?
So that was Joe Scarborough then, shaming people who were right about Iraq, exercising their First Amendment rights and speaking out against a warmongering government.
And by the way, we're proven right within a matter of weeks.
Within a matter of weeks, we're proven correct, right?
And wasn't it one of the largest protests against war?
Yes, it was.
That went almost uncovered.
I was a part of that protest.
I just played out in New York.
Yes, you were, Frank.
Fantastic.
So here's Joe Scarborough now, Frank.
11 years later, when Iraq is falling apart into three sectarian parts of a country, like everybody predicted, here's what he has to say now.
Tamika, I don't both sides are going to be able to blame the other.
We've got a package coming up talking about all the mistakes that have been made on both sides.
Exactly.
Yeah, but let's be honest.
It was just one side.
It was just the warmongering side.
I love how, hey, everybody, hey, let's not try to assess blame.
That's the biggest.
Let's not try to assess.
Why?
To be honest, Jimmy, our side did make a big mistake about what an unmitigating, horrific disaster it would be.
Some thought it would be really, really, really, really bad.
Some thought it would be just really, really bad.
Yeah, so they were also conflicted, right?
There was a lot of infighting on the people who were against the war.
Right.
Yeah.
Some people said it would be horrible.
Some people said it would just be rotten.
Yeah.
So, well, here is what Bill Crystal has to say about people trying to assign blame.
Bill Crystal, always wrong.
The president of the United States wants to go on TV and say, you know what, I was right that we should never have gotten involved in the first place.
Bill Crystal and all those guys were wrong.
I'm fine with that.
This is not the time for recriminations.
This is a serious national security crisis.
No, now is not the time for recriminations.
No, the time was 2008 when you guys should have all been hauled in front of the Congress and brought up on war charges.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, it's not a good time now.
In fact, Barbara, it hasn't been a good time for recriminations for, I would say, the last 11 years.
But we need to wait a little more time, at least until after the next war, to figure out who were the a-holes who got us into the first war, right?
So I'm guessing the very best— Bill Crystal is on TV all the time now and has always been.
But he is not.
He's no longer a Fox News commentator.
He is on ABC.
Yes.
No, he's everywhere.
He's on morning.
He's on ABC every Sunday.
Yeah, he's not afraid of recriminations.
He's not even afraid of career consequences.
He gets promoted all the time.
He has no skin in the game, ultimately.
He just gets to pop off.
The other thing is several years ago, after he was wrong about everything, he was given a column in the New York Times.
Yes.
Again, this is a study in Failing Upward, right?
Wolfowitz, he architects the Iraq invasion.
He is hilarious, comedically wrong, comically wrong about it.
He is then punished by being made president of the World Bank.
Next thing you're going to tell me, Jimmy, that Judith Miller is a credible voice now in the United States.
Judith Miller is proving that being disgraced as a journalist only leads to huge TV contracts on Fox News, which is exactly what happened to her.
And everyone talks to her like she's not completely a joke.
They ask her opinion and things.
So here's Joe Scarborough, and he's got some inside information.
He knows he's got some sober truths that we have to hear right now.
Man.
That having, as the Daily News says, Al-Qaeda Nation being born in Iraq, the middle of Iraq, with access to oil fields, with access to billions of dollars, I just, Barack Obama knows that's not acceptable.
And there's no good option here.
There is no good option.
There's no good option here, but we know it's not acceptable.
So what the F does that mean exactly, Joe?
You mean it's not acceptable.
There's no good options.
I guess war?
I guess.
But we can always blame Obama.
We can always blame Obama.
And trust me, even though I was wrong about the first time we went into Iraq, like completely wrong, and I was a dick about it for years and years and years.
And you heard what I said about people who protested it.
They'll never.
So is it about time we hold them accountable?
The people who protested the war, Joe Scarborough said.
Is it about time we hold those people accountable?
But him, he doesn't want to be held accountable.
He just says, hey, let's do this thing.
I was wrong again, but we need to go back in.
Trust me, we all know we have to go back into Iraq.
But Joe, what if the country's not with you going to war again in Iraq, going back in?
What do you say to that?
That's not acceptable.
So we can have this debate all we want.
And Barack Obama knows that even if only 2% of Americans support this, the United States of America is going to have to stop this force from dominating Iraq.
So what he just said is if the American people are 98% against a war, doesn't matter.
Democracy is a luxury, ladies and gentlemen.
Democracy is a luxury.
It's not a value because when things get tough, we chuck it immediately and we become a dictatorship.
And not only that, but a military dictatorship.
That's what he's calling for.
When they're not talking about foreign policy, they're talking about how we can not possibly pay for Social Security.
We have to cut every entitlement in the world because we're mortgaging our grandchildren's future and America can just not sustain this.
When they talk about going back to war, they don't bring the cost up ever.
It's not an issue today.
I'm pretty sure this time it would pay for itself.
Well, here's Berry's.
Yeah, I mean, we got drones now.
We can send in the drones.
We get to get some Amazon.com drones in there.
This would be a two-week war, right?
Yeah, and deliver some pamphlets at the same time.
It's just good to know that the military complex is alive and well.
Alive and well.
Here's Bill Crystal's plan for what we should do in Iraq right now.
You ready?
Which is we go back in, we try to strengthen what moderates there are.
We have to give the Sunnis an incentive to break from ISIS.
How do the Sunnis have an incentive unless we're there to protect them?
How does Maliki have an incentive to do anything but cater to the most radical Shia death squads and to the Iranian interests unless we're there to pressure?
Okay, he makes a good point.
I mean, we have to go back in and fix this thing like we did the first time.
How else is Iraq going to get fixed unless a bunch of butterfingers go over there and start tossing it around like a hacky sack?
How are we going to fix this thing unless we do exactly the same stupid shit we did the first time?
A big mistake we made.
We just didn't lose enough money last time.
Yeah.
If at first you don't succeed, do what you first did again.
Yes, keep doing.
So here, so now John Heilman pushes back on him a little bit.
Yes, correct, John Heilman.
Only on Morning Joe do these guys like John Heilman become the heroes.
Here we go.
John Heilman, hero in this situation.
This is why I think Bill's notion, with all due respect, is fantastical as an absurd.
The president's side isn't.
He's the president of the United States.
He's not running for re-election.
Would Congress stop him if he did this?
Would the Congo support him under the circumstances that Joe just went out?
I just, I think.
What if it didn't?
What if his approval rate?
Yes, well, let us override the will of the people.
Yes, that is absolutely right.
Yes, that is absolutely right.
Let us override the will of the people because we know better, just like we did in 2003 when we started this quack buyer and dropped $2 trillion.
Yes, override the democracy.
Again, it's a luxury.
You're going to listen to the people.
What do they have?
A vote?
They don't have millions of dollars.
I'm super rich, you guys.
You have to totally listen to my opinion all the time.
If Bill Crystal, if Bill Crystal was running a Hollywood studio, he'd be remaking Battlefield Earth and the Lone Ranger.
Yes!
*Bell rings*
Jimmy Dore.
This is actor Liam Neeson.
Oh, hey.
Hey, Liam.
Howie, Mr. Neeson.
Wow, I didn't know you were a listener to the show.
How did you find our show, Mr. Neeson?
Jimmy, as you may know, I live in New York.
Uh-huh.
Where you are broadcast at 3 a.m. on Sunday nights.
Uh-huh.
Right after the Gregorian Chant Hour.
And right before the militant black poetry slam.
Sure.
I did know that that's when they play me in New York, so you didn't have to tell me.
Well, that is usually the time I'm patrolling the streets of Manhattan, holding back the endless tide of scumbags and verbin that seek to control the night.
And that's when you listen to my show, then?
Yes.
Okay, all right.
It is the funniest show ever in the history of anything.
It is much funnier than things that are not funny.
Yes.
Like death or alcoholism.
Yes, death alcoholism.
Not funny at all.
Well, thanks.
I really appreciate you saying that, Mr. Neeson.
Jimmy, I'm calling about something that isn't so funny, though.
Oh, what's that?
What's not so funny?
The dangers of multi-dimensional retail monopolies.
I don't understand.
Okay, you mean like how Amazon.com is refusing pre-orders of your film, the Lego movie?
Is that what you're talking about?
That's right, Jimmy.
It is a film that needs to be burned into the minds of every consciousness everywhere.
This Jeff Bezos and a supposed Amazon has stopped this from happening.
This is unacceptable.
Okay, so for the people who are listening, I just want you to know Amazon is currently in negotiations with Warner Brothers to get a larger piece of the profits from their DVD sales without raising the price.
That's what's happening right now with Amazon, right?
Again, you're correct, Jimmy.
So now they're using strong-arm tactics.
This is a mistake.
Why?
Liam Neeson does not respond to strong-arm tactics.
Okay, okay, Mr. Neeson.
You know, they're also trying this with the Hatchett Publishing Company.
Did you know that?
And that's not going so well for them either.
No, it's not.
Citizens cannot pre-order J.K. Rowling's new book, Tropic of Cancer.
Yeah, I don't think that's the, I don't think that's the name of J.K. Rowling's new book, Tropic of Cats.
That's not the name of it.
She should have called it.
What?
I'll write another Harry Potter book if we all come together to really fuck Amazon.
I guess that would have the desired effect you're looking for there, Mr. Neeson.
Other films you cannot pre-order because of Jeffrey Hitler, Bezos.
Okay.
Grudge Match.
Uh-huh.
In which Sly Stallone and Bob De Niro team up with a tiny black man to fight crime.
Yeah, I don't think that's what that movie is about, Liam.
300 Rise of an Empire.
Okay.
The 300th installment of the gripping Rise of an Empire series.
Okay, Mr. Neeson, listen.
Okay.
In which Tony Depp and Morgan Freeman do something with computers.
Okay, that's sort of accurate about that movie.
And of course, Godzilla.
Or as it is pronounced in the original Japanese, Gutshura.
Okay.
Okay, that's not how it's pronounced in the original Japanese.
The gripping tail of a giant lizard that knocks down buildings, which displease him.
Mr. Neeson, are you just describing movie commercials?
And finally, Blended.
A very humorous sort of movie in which Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore smile at one another against a background picture of Africa.
Okay.
And I think she is pointing at him in a non-threatening way.
Okay.
Well, listen, thanks for calling in, Mr. Neeson, Liam Neeson, and bringing us a very important show.
Jimmy.
And very important story.
What?
What?
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome, buddy.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
I really, no problem.
All right, could you do me a favor or not be so fucking high every time you call me?
Okay, I'll try work.
Okay, but it is, it is fun.
It is fun.
It is fun to be, you know, you're funny.
It was written by Robert Yasamer.
Of course, it's funny.
Okay, that's okay.
I'm just funny.
I can't stop laughing.
Good for you, you're high.
Okay, good for me.
Liam Neeson.
The Jimmy Dore show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
So here is the problem in a nutshell once again.
Things are effed, and Mark Halbrin, things are so effed that once again, Mark Helperin is the sage in this debate.
Here we go.
Here he is talking with Paul Bremer, who was hand-picked by George Bush to run the Iraq invasion.
And here we go.
Here is Helperin and Bremer.
Why should we continue to go back to or even consider going back to the same set of ideas to try to prop up a government with U.S. intervention, which seems to have failed and left us in this position?
First of all, I'm not proposing to prop up any government.
In fact, I explicitly said that we need a new government.
Yes, see, we need a new government.
I'm saying, like the first time we went and got a new government, that didn't work out.
Let's get another government.
I'm saying let's do another government.
Come on, you guys.
We did so well with the first government.
Let's stay without a government.
It's not even we, it's him.
Him.
Bremer is the guy who designed debathification.
He's the guy who designed the current government.
But let's not forget that the Iraqi army, with American help, defeated Al-Qaeda in Iraq.
I'm not proposing to shore up Al-Maliki.
In fact, I explicitly call for him to resign as defense minister.
Business is in the United States at this point.
Who's in the government of Iraq?
Why isn't that up to the people of Iraq?
Civil society leaders there to figure it out and not the United States.
Whose business is it?
What do you call it?
It's Exxon's business.
It's Halliburton's business.
It's Shell Oil's business.
It's BP's business.
Are you kidding me?
Whose business is it of ours to say who should run Iraq?
You've got to be kidding me.
Okay, that was...
When Mark Halpin is the radical hello, that's weird.
Yeah, that is weird.
Yes, that is weird.
So here is his response.
Who are we to decide what government the Iraqis should have?
Because there's no one there who can do it, and there's No other country who can do it.
My experience, the experience of Ryan Crocker, the experience of General Petraeus, the experience of all of us who've been involved in this for the last decade is not worth a fucking shit.
All of your experience could not be more worthless.
Could not be more worth, could not be more.
We defeated Al-Qaeda, says Wolfrowitz.
Why can't these cons get their get their story straight?
You know, him saying only the United States can fix this, that's like asking the bull to clean up the mess he made in the China shop.
Is it not?
Yes.
Well, you know, I think that all of these people, Wolfowitz and Cheney and Bremer, the reason I think they are all so deluded and still be, and I really think they honestly believe this crap, it's because otherwise, how would they sleep at night?
Yes, I agree with you.
I think that is what it is.
But look, so when Mark Halperin...
It just Most people I know who voted for Bush in 2004 aren't even willing to take responsibility for it.
I can't imagine what it's like for these guys.
So Mark Halperin pushes back on Bremer, right?
And here's Joe Scarborough.
So he was just about to say, so Bremer just said, hey, we need to reinstall a new government.
We need to get rid of Malachi.
We need to put a new one in.
And Mark Halperin wanted to say, he tried to break in and say, yeah, how'd that work out for us before?
But Joe Scarborough stops him and he asked the question.
I heard the question you were about to ask.
And I've got to say, you said, what is our record there despite the disasters?
One disaster after another in Iraq.
Got to say by 2009, 2010, 2011, our record was pretty damn good.
Wow.
And getting the SUNY to buy into the government.
Of course, it all came after the surge, but our record was pretty good.
So back in 2009, 10, 11, according to Joe Scarborough, Iraq was all fixed and sorority girls were having pillow fights, and we switched our vacation from Disneyland to the Anbar province.
It was great.
And then Barack Obama, the Muslim, right, goes in there and screws everything up.
So that's BS.
So that's what's happening.
That is complete.
Yes.
Well, I like that what Joe Scarborough just did there, because they keep saying, well, you know, cable news, well, it'll be the news.
They failed us the first time in Iraq, but they'll be a lot better this time.
Joe Scarborough could not be bent.
First of all, he calls for another invasion, and then he bends over backwards to tell us how successful the first one was.
And then we got Bill Crystal.
Yes, so thank God there was Mark Helper and John Heilman on there.
Thank God, right?
So that is a little different than the first time.
But if we go in, those two guys will be off the air, or they'll be singing the same tune he's supposed to be singing because that is a defense contractor owns MSNBC.
So Frank, I understand you have a new podcast dropping.
Tell me all about it.
It's the latest episode of Pot House 90, which is original radio plays today.
And the latest one is called Dracula Has Risen to the Polls.
You can find it at frankconnif.com.
It has a great cast.
Eddie Peppetone, Faithful You, Julie Klausner, Dana Gould, Lorraine Newman.
Wow.
Jeremiah Mills.
Yeah, and others.
And I hope people will check it out.
Okay, so the new podcast, Pothouse 90.
Dracula has risen in the polls.
Dracula has risen in the polls.
A lot of hilarious people have part of that podcast.
And you can get it at frankconnif.com.
Of course, I'll have a link over at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And at iTunes, too.
And at iTure, you get it at iTunes.
Get the iTunes link at FrankConniff.com.
Okay, we'll get it all.
All right.
So Pothouse 90, Dracula's Rising in the Polls, Frank Conniff's new podcast.
Check it out.
So, Jim, you have a podcast?
Yeah, I do with my good friend and writing partner, Steve Rosenfield, who also wrote on the Daily Show.
It's called 30 Minutes of Crap.
Just Google it, 30 Minutes of Crap with my name or his name, and it will show up, and you'll listen to it.
We don't have any important people on it, but I do have an Emmy and a Peabody Award.
I have listened to that show before.
It's highly entertaining.
Thank you very much for recommending it.
Yes, and we'll put a link at the website for Jim's new podcast with Steve Rosenfield.
That's right.
People have been wondering where's Steve been?
He's been doing this other podcast.
That's where he's been.
Right.
And it's called 30 Minutes of Crap.
30 Minutes of Crap.
Sometimes it's only 25 minutes, but we'll see.
Thank you very much, Jimmy.
Bye, buddy.
Bye, buddy.
Okay, we're doing a little something.
Guess what?
At the end of the show, usually I say I do the announcements.
I let you know where I'm appearing.
Guys, come see us, what's happening?
If there's a promotion we're doing that you could help support the show.
And that's always seemed like an awkward way to end the show.
Like we do this fantastic dynamite show that's out of this world, four stars.
And then I ended with a bunch of announcements always made me feel weird that that's and that's also how in comedy clubs they tend to end a lot of shows.
Like you read, wow, this has been the greatest.
And everybody said, I'll shut up.
I got to tell you about the show coming next.
Anyway, it just, so we're going to end the show with a fun little thing at the end instead of just ending with the so look forward to that.
That's what I'm telling you right now.
Look forward.
I'm telling you to look forward to that.
Meanwhile, here's a little sample of what's in the premium content this week.
Dick, not Dick, but it's Bill O'Reilly, a little drunk.
And Iraq was fixed, you fucking pan.
He handed over a completely fixed country to Barack the Muslim.
He was a happy town where Muslims lived and occasionally just blew up all the Muslims and fucked fucking whatever.
We didn't give a shit.
But Barack Muslim Obama did.
He fucked it up.
He fucked it up.
This piece of shit.
So there's that happening in the bonus content this week.
Plus, Dick Cheney, you know, Megan Kelly had Dick Cheney on and said right to his face everything that we've always wanted to say right to his face.
And, you know, it's weird that the only time that ever happened, it happened on Fox News.
Megan Kelly said it right to Dick Cheney's fucking face.
Everything you've ever wanted to say.
That was what's wild.
Megan Kelly really making a name for herself over at the five.
I understand that Dick Cheney's also a soft target, but it still was really sweet.
Anyway, that's in the premium content.
And how did you get that?
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium.
You make your $5 donation.
You get access to the premium content.
And if you pay all at once, so for a whole year, you save yourself $5, give you a month free.
Isn't that nice?
And so do that.
And everybody who does that, that's how you help support the show.
And right now, I want to give a shout out to Sean James.
You know, he helps.
He donates his time and his talent to make sure my Macintosh runs right so I can make the show and he can fix your Macintosh right over the internet.
Go ahead and send him an email at machelp at seanjames.com.
MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
You spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
Okay, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Coniff, Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuit, Steph Zamarano, and Robert Yasamura.
And all the voices today perform by the one and only Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
And thanks to everybody who's already pre-ordered their copy of your country is just not that into you.
Woohoo!
There's a link for that book over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And now here it is.
I promise to you, we're not just ending the show with announcements.
Here's a nice little fun thing.
Here's a nice little fun thing.
And now a reading from the book Morning Remembrance: Funny Obituaries of Real Dead People by Jim Earle.
Don Levine, creator of G.I. Joe.
Okay.
Don Levine, the Hasbro toy executive, credited with doing more to distort America's concept of war than Bob Crane's errant penis is now being outflanked by an army of ants.
Levine's body was found four clicks out in his older sister's bedroom, his nails painted pink and his torso draped mockingly in a garish pistachio green gown.
That's what sisters did to the G.I. Joe's.
Born in 1928, the 86-year-old recently attributed his longevity to the fact that he never once set foot in a VA hospital.
Levine first got the idea for the miniature figure while serving in the Korean War after he caught several Chinese soldiers hiding in his helmet.
Small people.
They're small.
They're very small.
G.I. Joe hit the shelves in time for the 1964 Christmas shopping season, and soon millions of Americans were spending $4 a piece on the fake soldiers, or roughly half a real soldier's pension.
The doll boasted 21 moving parts, including a pair of flexible shoulders.
John McCain would someday come to envy.
Accessories included guns, grenades, and a little plastic quagmire full of souvenir jawbones.
But the Vietnam War raged on and interest in the dolls faded.
And sadly, parents soon discovered that whenever they brought their G.I. Joe's home, there were no parades.
As the public shied away from military-related toys, Hasbro countered with the popular upper GI Joe.
Its main talent was being able to avoid combat due to digestive problems.
Levine requested his body be laid to rest on a mattress of Kleenex tissues crammed inside an old shoebox.
Very nice.
That was a reading from the book Morning Remembrance: Funny Obituaries of Real Dead People by Jim Earl.
Available at jimearl.com.
Available at Jimear.com.
Okay, wasn't that a much better way to end the show?
I think so.
Well, Jimmy, now it wasn't.
It's not ended yet.
You're still talking.
The show's still on.
But you know what I'm saying?
Okay, big thanks to Jim Earle and everybody else on the show this week.
And we'll see you on the premium content.
▲
Export Selection