All Episodes
Previous Next
June 14, 2014 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:05:00
20140614_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_6-13-14
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
So new in theaters this month, we have the Tom Cruise vehicle, The Edge of Tomorrow, or maybe it's Tomorrow is Another Edge, or Edge of Oblivion, or Jerry McEdge.
Whatever it's called, it's actually quite good.
It's a ton of fun.
Cruz plays a military officer who's really just a press flack for the war.
We're fighting against aliens.
He's the face that sells sending young men and women off to a foreign land to die.
It sounds fun, doesn't it?
Anyway, some sci-fi stuff happens to him.
And the day of our big invasion of France, that's where the aliens are, Tom Cruise keeps reliving the same day over and over and over, which means the pitch meeting went something like this.
It's Groundhog Day, meets saving Private Ryan, but with Tom Cruise.
Although I suspect if those brave soldiers from saving Private Ryan actually had to rescue Tom Cruise, they'd just leave him there.
Anyway, it got made.
And as I said, it's good.
But it was thumped at the box office by a movie called The Fault in Our Stars about a teenage girl with cancer who falls in love with a teenage boy with cancer.
And they have all these friends with cancer.
You spend the whole movie trying to figure out who dies in the end.
It's fun.
Of course, most of the audience already knows who buys it because they've read the young adult book and they've been waiting for this movie with the ignorant anticipation that only people who've never read The Catcher in the Rye can muster.
But hey, at least they're reading.
It's pretty insufferable, but it still beat Tom Cruise at the American box office.
Overseas, though, Cruz still won.
And you know why?
Because everyone else is smarter than we are.
The Edge of Top Gun was Tom Cruise's biggest opening ever in China.
I really can't believe I just said those words.
I was reminded of American unexceptionalism twice recently.
We had another school shooting this week, this one in Oregon, that's 74 since Sandy Hook.
74 school shootings.
But let's not exploit any of them, you know, to try to change the gun culture in America because that would be wrong.
Meanwhile, those pro-gun patriotic Republicans in the House have voted 54 times to kill the Affordable Care Act in some way.
So it's 74 to 54.
I can't believe the kids are winning.
We don't just shoot children in America.
We also shoot police officers.
This week, a guy who was booted off Clivin Bundy's ranch because he was too crazy for Clivin teamed up with his equally ignorant wife and murdered two cops in Las Vegas while the officers were at lunch eating pizza.
We paid attention to that story for nearly eight hours.
Meanwhile, a few days earlier, nearly the same thing happened in Moncton.
That's in Canada.
Three Royal Canadian mounted police officers were shot dead by an anti-government gun nut, a Canadian one this time.
How did Canadians respond?
The country was grief-stricken.
They were perplexed and in shock.
What we should be each time this happens.
All 200 cops in the detachment where the officers served are getting time off to grieve.
They're being replaced by other officers filling in from all over the country.
That is a normal response to that kind of violence.
Here, we just buy more AR-15s and wring our hands about the length of Bob Bergdahl's beard.
But there is good news for those disappointed in the current state of America.
For the next month, at least, we can root for the 31 other countries at the World Cup.
Nice job.
Nice job.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
the show for gut-minded, low-alive lefties.
The kind of people that are It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It charges talking to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in the studio from Turner Classic Movies and what the flick on the TYT network.
It's Ben Mankowitz.
Hi, Ben.
James, how are you?
Good to be here.
It's good to see you.
Really, you look like, you look like you really are ready to, are you going to an audition for Rebel with a Cause later?
Because you look like a badass today.
Is Rebel with a Cause the sequel to Rebel Without a Cause?
Yes.
Yes, because a lot of people saw that one.
Because you're political.
You have a cause.
Right.
Nice turn.
Good save.
On the phone, all the way from San Francisco.
It's hilarious writer Mark Van Landuitt.
How are you, Mark?
Hi, everybody.
That's Mark with a C, ladies and gentlemen.
Mark with a C. Across the glass from me, hilarious comedian, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, which somebody tweeted today they were listening to episode two of Comedy and Everything Else with Todd Glass and Matt Myra, and they couldn't get over it.
And so it's, oh, by the way, so it's our resident Latina at Steph Zamarano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
Hello, Jimmy.
And you know how I feel about my union.
How do you feel about your union, Steph?
I love it.
Yes, let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
I don't know if you heard about Iraq.
A lot of stuff happening in Iraq starting on Thursday.
Looks like the whole place is up for grabs.
And, you know, unlike Bush and Cheney, Barack Obama lacks the resolve to make the current situation in Iraq much worse.
I'm going to have to turn up Mark's.
Oh, there you go.
Got it.
And, you know, the neocons are now urging President Obama to address the situation in Iraq by sending a shitload of money to Halliburton right now.
And did you know this?
We had D-Day.
We had the big D-Day last week.
June 6th now.
June 6th.
And, you know, Dick Cheney celebrates five D-Days, each commemorating one of his five deferments for military service.
It's a special day for him.
Special day for Dick Cheney.
Hey, by the way, the Vegas, we talked about this, the horrible tragedy in Las Vegas where those two crazy anti-government maniacs decided to assassinate two police officers in Las Vegas while they were eating pizza.
Couldn't be a worse story, right?
But the Vegas shooters, they were anti-government white supremacists and Clive and Bundy supporters, or as Fox News calls them, patriots.
Patriots.
And by the way, let's move to the movies, Ben, because you're from the movies.
And there's a new Transformers movie outright.
And they've spared no expense making the new Transformers movie look exactly like every movie that comes out every weekend.
That costs a lot of money to do that.
It's not easy.
It just doesn't happen.
And by the way, Harrison Ford, he got an injury on the set of the Star Wars.
Did you know that?
I didn't see that story.
Yes, yes.
He sprained his ankle, but Lucas had it digitally remastered to herniated disc.
So.
More age-appropriate injury.
Yeah, very much so.
By the way, but stories, story of earlier events leading up to Harrison Ford's Star Wars set injury, those are going to be told in three boring, overlong installments.
That's a Star Wars joke.
Hold it inside, Gilbert.
Hey, Eric, Eric Cantor, Eric Cantor lost.
D.C. pundits were taken aback by the Eric Cantor loss.
They predicted Thomas Dewey would win.
That goes way back, Gilbert.
That joke.
That goes back to the 50s.
That joke.
48.
I'm sorry, 48.
I don't know anything, Ben.
I just have a gift for humor.
That's really all I have.
And not all the time.
By the way, Eric Cantor, Eric Cantor lost his seat.
The majority Republican majority leader lost his seat.
So you know what?
This means there's going to be a new shitty GOP congressman instead of the old GOP congressman.
This changes everything.
By the way, Cantor's loss does send a big message to all GOP candidates.
You might think you're an asshole, but you need to be a much bigger asshole.
By the way, breaking news, Rick Perry in San Francisco today compared homosexuality to alcoholism.
And I'm guessing Rick Perry keeps flasks of gayness hidden throughout his whole house.
That's right.
What's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about Rick Perry and his gay proclamation.
Plus, we're going to talk about the new winner of the primary against Eric Cantor.
His name is Dave Bratt.
We're going to talk about him and his apparent tough time he had answering straight questions after his victory.
Plus, what is the biggest question Chris Matthews ever asked?
He asked it yesterday.
We're going to show it to you today.
Plus, we got phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
Luke Russard calls in.
We got a phone call from Ted Cruz, drunk Bill O'Reilly, and a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Guess who called me John Boehner left me a message last night?
Oh, Jimmy, I'm so distraught.
I lost my little buddy.
I lost my little buddy.
You bet the world would be Jimmy.
Now he's gone.
Gone forever.
The tea party took him out back and pulled a bullet in his head and a dagger in my heart.
No, little Ricky.
None of us knew what we were looking at here.
Our interno polling had him ahead of David Brat by 34 points.
I would have campaigned personally for him if I'd have known he was in this much danger.
He was always there by my side in some of the toughest fights.
Fighting against affordable health care for Americans.
Using the credit of the United States as a political pawn.
Even just when I was at the bar, drunk and shitting on the poor.
He was so loyal.
We'll say, in retrospect.
Now he's just another Republican hero, primaried in his prime.
I know it may seem odd hearing me gush so.
Admittedly, most thoughts I used to have about Cantor were along the lines of this Jew son of a bitch is gutting for my speakers, Gabel.
I could shick the quim.
I could see it in those beady eyes.
Just like an alien invasion would bring all of humanity together, the menace of this tea party, this rancorous horde of unlettered ning-ka-poops and borderline psychopaths, threatens all of us alike and makes brothers out of one's questionable allies.
Every time I have to meet face to face with the leaders of these tea savages, I immediately feel the need to call the Southern Poverty Law Center and report what I just heard.
Cantor can fall to their guiles.
None of us are safe.
My entire time as speaker has been alternately fighting with and capitulating to these morons.
You can't reason with these people, Jimmy.
But like the rest of the GOP, they're not invested in this economy.
They don't care if it burns to the ground.
They're invested in gold, meals ready to eat, and whatever company makes those little pocket constitutions where everything's built wrong.
You try and get a bunch of trigger-happy end times fetishists to care about our credit ratings.
I dare you.
I'll tell you one thing for sure.
This David Bratt is not going to get the regular round of freshman hazing.
Not just the old saran rap on the toilet seat for him.
Oh, no.
Or Kool-Aid in his shower head.
No, sir.
We're going full on Mickey Finn and his scotch, locked in a closet with Lindsey Graham and brake lines cut.
When we're done with him, he'll pray for the old Louis Goebert, which is what we now call when you get fooled into thinking there's a required prostate exam for freshman congressman administered by a Patrick Kennedy high on Viking and squawking about how marijuana is evil the whole time.
You'll pray for death at that point.
I missed my little buddy.
But I'll get over it.
I'm going to grab some scotch.
Gonna port Lil on the ground from a dead homie.
Actually, not the guy who's got the good stuff.
I'll pour a little wild turkey on the ground for him.
Anyway, go fuck yourself.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
For me, liberalism can be summed up in a few words.
Don't be an asshole.
Or to put it another way, don't be George Will.
Because this week, George F. Will, the F stands for, hmm, George F. Will, the non-thinking man's thinker, wrote in the Washington Post in his own column about what he calls the, quote, supposed epidemic of rape on college campuses, end quote.
In it, he accuses female students of seeking the quote coveted status of victimhood because it converss privileges.
That's right.
This is all true.
George Will's argument is that victims proliferate because of survivor privileges.
The female students will lie about sexual assaults because they want to be part of the coveted rape club with all the perks you get from having a rape club membership.
Half off your next rape.
Half off.
We know this to be true because on campuses you can see long lines of women waiting to get their goodie bags for reporting rapes.
The question George Will doesn't answer is what exactly are the privileges for surviving a rape?
Spending an evening with a rape kit, the humiliation of making your private life public in order to get justice, and the bonus of esteem-crushing shame and losing trust and feelings of fear and anxiety that will follow a rape victim for the rest of their lives.
In typical Republican derangement, he puts the ultimate blame on Obama and something he calls progressivism.
He throws around numbers to show that reported sexual assaults at colleges are nothing to be alarmed about.
And what George Will doesn't realize is that sexual assault is underreported because, well, there's people like George Will in the world.
Most disturbing, George Will describes in detail an actual rape where a female student is forced into non-consensual sex with a former partner.
He mockingly calls her a quote-unquote sexual assault victim because she filed a report six weeks after the incident and the Obama administration will be quote riding to the rescue of people like her.
He asserts that non-consensual sex is merely a product of the hookup culture on college campuses.
And who would know better about the hookup culture on college campuses than George F. Will.
George Will, the only man who combs his actual hair to look like a toupee and has all the sexual appeal of Abe Vogoda.
Abe Vogoda played fish.
You know, I felt like I deserve survivor privileges for just reading that fucking column.
What George Will wrote in his column is odious and disgusting.
You know, exactly like every other column George Will has ever written.
For those who might be unfamiliar with George Will, he's one of the most respected and influential intellects on the right.
When he isn't waxing tediously about baseball, he disdains the left's bleeding heart while celebrating the right's lack of heart.
Looking like a cross between Professor Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker, George Will has maintained an impressive 40-year career of getting everything wrong.
In his writing, using turns of phrase stolen from H.L. Mencken, he grumpily sneers at every minor progress that American society has made over the decades.
On the fast-moving road of history, he insists on driving on the wrong side.
George Will opposed the Civil Rights Amendment.
He's opposed to minimum wage.
He believes that money in politics should be unlimited.
He considers climate science a big conspiracy.
He applauds health companies that refuse treatment for HIV or AIDS.
He's against Social Security and Medicare.
He supported the war in Iraq until it became so unpopular, he changed his position.
He's also against industrial regulations, affirmative action, Roe versus Wade, blue jeans, weekends, comfortable furniture, rescue dogs, the smiles of newborn babies, dessert after dinner, kids playing on his lawn, and happiness.
George is a man of personal integrity and honesty.
His wife was Bob Dole's communications director, and she was a consultant and speechwriter for Rick Perry and Michelle Bachman's presidential campaigns.
All that time, George remained a political commentator for the media, never disclosing his conflict of interest.
He recently became employed at Fox News, filling the void of muttering supercilious dork, who also serves as public intellectual for the frat boy date rapists.
An inspiration to many professional Republicans, George Will has spawned armies of young mini George Wills running around Washington think tanks.
Among the children of the bow tie are Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro, and Rich Lowry, douchebags who believe it is the height of cleverness to defend stupidity, particularly if stupidity is paying enough.
George Will's article about sexual assault and survivor privilege was greeted with repulsion, a response that isn't surprising if you're a human being with a basic sense of decency, which the editors of the Washington Post apparently do not have.
Because the following day, the newspaper doubled down on blaming the victims with an article entitled, One Way to End Violence Against Women, Stop Taking Lovers and Get Married.
Wow.
Again, it's the female's fault that she's the victim of violence because she's not married.
This ignores the basic fact that women in our society face violence not from walking down the street, but from inside their home.
You know, I'm starting to think that right-wingers might have issues with women.
You know, many people are calling for the Washington Post to fire George Will.
Sadly, in our media world, George Will will not be punished for this column, but rewarded with bonuses in his paycheck.
And his editor will get a raise in salary for the traffic generated by his trolling of rape victims.
So no matter how many times people say no, George Will still thinks they mean yes.
Besides, if he was fired, I bet he'd only play the victim card anyway.
That's my fucking eight-minute rant on dickface.
*laughter*
Jimmy Dwar, this is Bill O'Reilly.
Hey, Bill, how you doing, buddy?
Good to hear your voice.
I've heard you've been talking about George Will and his attempt to shame rape victims into shutting their whining mouths.
Yeah, shaming rape victims and scaring them into shutting up.
I don't know, Bill.
Buy book, that's pretty despicable.
Listen, Doorknob.
What you don't understand about George Will is that he's a nerd.
He knows about numbers and math and science and crap.
So we have a problem that involves numbers of science and junk.
We call George Will the nerd, and he validates our ignorance while wearing glasses and a bow tie.
Some people think it must be true.
Like with global warming, it's accepted science.
So we bring on George Nerdy McDorkmeister Will, and he tells everybody that scientists are big scammers.
And since he looks like he jerks off the pictures of calculators, people believe him.
He's like our science version of Juan Williams.
How's that?
What do you mean?
He's the thinking man's Uncle Tom.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
You know, Bill, even I'm not that cynical.
Honest to God.
Even I am.
George Will's glasses and bow tie give us cover to deny science and dismiss facts that contain statistics in the same way that Juan Williams' colored skin gives me and Bernie Goldberg the needed covered erase bait on a nightly basis.
Okay, okay.
Bill, that's horrible.
Yeah, horribly effective.
Jimmy, you are such a liberal fancy waste.
Get your little boy.
I draw.
It's our basic fucking playbook, you pussy.
Okay, listen.
And you're proud of that, aren't you?
That that's your basic playbook.
Aren't you proud of that?
Well, the beauty is in the simplicity.
Bet your ass were proud.
What do you mean?
We just get a member of whatever group we happen to be horribly smearing at the moment and have them come on and sit there quietly while we say it.
Or, bonus, we get someone from the group we are presently smearing to actually repeat our smears.
And we are golden, completely immune from any proper societal condemnation.
And that's...
Yes, I have seen that.
That's horrible.
Now, is that how you get away with being such a horribly destructive person, tearing our country apart, and yet somehow you still get ass on the view and show up as a presenter at the Kennedy Center Awards?
Bingo.
See, if we want to scare our audience about blacks, we have Juan Williams sit there quietly while we do it.
Uh-huh.
Or let's say we want to demonize and scapegoat filthy Mexican immigrants.
You get Geraldo.
Now you're getting it.
Okay.
All right.
I follow.
And now let's say we want to denigrate science or statistics about rape being a problem on college campuses.
Uh-huh.
What do you do?
We go with nerd extraordinaire, George Will.
People think this guy looks like someone who's never had sex, and they believe him.
That's why George Will, that's why he got picked to write that column.
Exactly.
Rape has been systematically covered up on college campuses.
We all know that.
You know that, Bill?
Sure.
So why is it being covered up?
It's bad for business, Jimbo.
Nobody wants their daughter going to college at a rape factory.
That's true.
Okay, all right, Bill.
So colleges have been covering up and not reporting sexual assaults to give the appearance of having a safer campus?
Yeah, and it worked perfectly well until President Barack, everybody's a rape victim Obama, upset the apple cart and started playing with the rules and making colleges protect women from rapists.
But aren't you for protecting women from rapists, too?
Yeah, in theory, yes.
Let's face it, most women are dirty, filthy liars.
Most of the time, they admit to even knowing they're rapists.
Yeah, that's what makes it horrible.
They know they're rapists a lot of the time.
It's bad.
It can't be rape if you know the girl.
There we go.
Everybody knows that.
Especially that uptight bitch, Kimberly Cassius, who, by the way, was not too drunk to consent and was awake for a lot of it.
Bill!
What exactly are you saying by that statement?
I'm saying if a woman can be raped by someone they know, if that were the case, then I'd have been put in jail in college twice a semester.
See, I knew it, Bill.
You're a misogynistic date raper.
I knew it.
That's a lie.
I don't hate women.
I love women.
Really?
I love that they're physically smaller and easier to intimidate.
And they're emotional and easy to discredit in court.
I love everything about them.
Especially the ones who take an indisclosed sum in out-of-court settlements to keep their mouths shut.
Okay.
You know what, Bill?
Thank you very much for grossing me out today.
I appreciate it.
Oh, this talk has made me horny.
All right, Bill.
You're despicable.
Commercial-free PBS, bringing you the finest in BBC programming is made possible by Goldman Sachs.
When you invest with Goldman Sachs, you invest with confidence.
Have one of our confidence men handle your money today.
Trans Canada Pipelines, laying pipe up America's backyard.
When you're this excited, it's hard not to spill some.
The prison industrial complex, committed to providing high-quality prison facilities for your children and your children's children.
Pfizer Pharmaceuticals.
For generations, the public has been taking Pfizer products, and for generations, Pfizer has been taking the public.
The Ford Motor Company.
Ford Motors.
Discouraging public transit in cities across our great country.
Monsanto, genetically modifying Americans for over a century.
And China, manufacturing the finest in Sesame Street toys and pledge drive tote bags.
Additional funding by the Rosalind P. Russell Foundation, who believe that culture should be free to everybody.
If you're rich enough.
The Rebecca and Irwin Gross Trust, dedicated to making sure their Daughter Terry has a job.
and from viewers like you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, I hope you enjoy hearing that NPR thing more than once because I certainly do.
So that's why I keep playing it.
I know so many, no one has written.
People have written before.
Hey, Jimmy, stop playing that thing.
But no one, everyone seems to keep enjoying this as much as I am.
So, all right, let's see if we can keep the street going.
And I want to let you know that two places I'm going to be coming up this summer are going to be in Vegas at the Bally's.
If you're going to be there, I'll be there telling jokes July 15th through 20th.
And then July 12th, we're going to be with the Young Turks up at San Francisco at the Regency.
So there's links for all that stuff over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
I want to say big thanks to everybody who, when they buy something from Amazon.com, thinks about us and clicks on our box first over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
It's a great way to help support the show because it's free.
It doesn't cost you anything, and it doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon, but it sure does help support the show.
The next time you want to buy something from Amazon, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, click on our Amazon box, it'll take you to Amazon.
And then when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
Okay, and thanks everybody who does that for us.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show because there's a lot of fun stuff.
Luke Russard is in the second half.
Do I need to say more?
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
We got phone calls from Ted Cruz, drunk Bill O'Reilly, and Luke Russard coming up in the second half.
And we're talking, I'm joined, by the way, in studio by Ben Mankow at some Turner Classic Movies and hilarious comedian and host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina Steph Zamorano.
And on the phone, Hilarious Writer all the way from San Francisco.
It's Mark Van Landuet.
And we're talking about Eric Cantor's big loss.
Let's get right back to the studio.
Eric Cantor lost his seat in Virginia.
A lot of reasons.
Everybody has a million.
First, let's find out who the guy he is he lost to.
They call him a Tea Party candidate.
His name is Dave Bratt, B-R-A-T.
He's a professor.
And they say he's Tea Party, even though he doesn't claim to be a Tea Partier.
He's just to the right of Eric Cantor.
Okay?
So he was on with Chuck Todd, right?
Who's got he's really bringing back the Caesar.
And Chuck Todd, why not just pull a Lawrence O'Donnell and say that you were in an accident in a car accident in Germany and just go get your hair plugs.
Just go do it because that's what Lawrence O'Donnell is doing right now.
He was in an accident in Europe.
But when he comes home, he'll be fine.
I bet.
I bet.
He's not walking around with a baseball hat on right now.
I know how that goes.
Anyway, so he's supposed to distract from the forehead.
Goatee actually does.
That's a little bit distracting.
Anyway, so he, Chuck Todd, was on with Dave Bratt and he asked him about the minimum wage.
Here's Dave Bratt's answer to the minimum wage.
Where are you on the minimum wage?
Do you believe in it and would you raise it?
Minimum wage, no, I'm a free market guy.
Our labor markets right now are already distorted from too many regulations.
I think Cato estimates, you know, there's $2 trillion of regulatory problems, and then throw Obamacare on top of that.
The work hours is 30 hours a week.
You can only hire 50 people.
There's just distortion after distortion after distortion.
And we wonder why our labor markets are broken.
Yeah, we wonder why our labor markets are broken.
And you know why?
What he just said, the reason why our labor markets are broken is because now people get health care when they work.
Why did you decide to break?
Yes.
Why did you decide to break our economy by letting workers see a doctor when they get sick?
They're supposed to A, go to work until they drop.
And because the economy tanked right when the Affordable Care Act was passed.
Oh, you can't pay.
Yeah, that was the beginning of the end.
Stock market.
Boom.
Yeah, that's right.
Didn't they institute the Affordable Care Act at the end of 2007?
Yeah, late 2007.
That's right.
I think Dave Bratt also has a problem with just paying employees.
Yeah, I think that's part of the regulations.
You should pay somebody.
We're going to get to that.
We're going to get that.
So here, they asked him, they asked him to clarify.
He asked him to clarify.
Should there be a minimum wage, in your opinion?
I don't have a well-crafted response on that one.
All I know is if you take the long-run graph over 200 years.
First of all, let me just point out he's a professor of economics running for Congress.
They asked him what his position on the minimum wage was, and he doesn't have a well-crafted one.
The professor of economics.
That's like asking the professor of English.
Hey, what do you think about Shakespeare?
I haven't really thought about it.
Not really thinking about much.
Did he write in English?
But is the minimum wage in the Bible?
Is it?
No, but the loaves and fish miracle is.
And that was socialism.
Jesus was a hippie.
I can't believe these people like him.
Anyway, here we go.
He's got more to say.
The wage rate, it cannot differ from your nation's productivity, right?
So you can't make up wage rates, right?
I would love for everyone in sub-Saharan Africa, for example, children of God to make $100 an hour, right?
I would love to just assert that that would be the case, but you can't assert that unless you raise their productivity.
And then the wage follows.
You sound like you're making a case that can mandate you to.
So it sounds like you're making a case against a federal-mandated minimum wage.
I'm just making the case I just made, which is that you cannot officially make up wage rates.
They have to be related to productivity.
Let me ask you about Chuck Todd.
I don't understand why Chuck Todd asked him what young workers, children of God in Sub-Saharan Africa should be making.
That was an inappropriate question for Chuck Todd to ask.
I mean, this guy's word of God.
We all know what that's called for.
What is that code?
The one Christian in Sub-Saharan Africa, but you get a decent wage.
Oh, is that what?
So here, well, let me just.
So what he's saying, what he basically tried to say in a way that would confuse normal people because they don't think about things in this way, because he's an economics professor, is he's saying that you can't pay people more money as a wage than they're producing for work.
So if people are only producing $10 worth of products, you can't pay them $12 to make.
So that's what he's saying.
And he has a graph that includes $17.97 in it to help improve his point.
So let me just, so what do you have to say, Mark?
Jimmy, in that case, in that case, wouldn't the wages be in conjunction with productivity?
So workers' wages should be higher right now.
That's the distortion in the market, is that wages are not higher.
So that is.
Workers' productivity in America has far outstripped as far out distanced.
Why is Mark using facts right now?
Mark, really.
So here, I actually have a, I have a chart.
So here's my chart.
And it's about, you see it?
Do you see it?
Ben now, the red line is the average income of the top 1%.
The yellow line is productivity, and the blue line is the average overall wages.
Now, you'll notice that as productivity has gone up since 1982, wages have not gone up.
Wages have been almost stagnant.
But the 1%'s wages have gone through up over 240%.
Yeah, well, they were way more productive.
Yes.
Yeah, it wasn't that they rigged the system to now extract money from the economy and put it in the 1%'s pockets.
That's not what happened.
They didn't, that's not, it couldn't be.
It just happened when it all started when Ronald Reagan became president and accelerated when Bill Clinton decided to deregulate Wall Street.
It couldn't be then.
It couldn't be any of that.
So what he's saying about the minimum wage is factually incorrect.
You know, if you look really closely at that chart, like right between 2006 and 2007, it looks like workers got nearly a nickel more.
It went up a little bit.
Yeah, so shut up.
Okay, basically.
I love that he used as part of his answer a 200-year graph.
Yeah, a 200-year graph.
Yeah.
Tell me what happened in 1811 again.
Yeah, tell me how our economy was going before the Industrial Revolution.
Tell me that.
So here's the cool part about it.
So this is the guy who just beat the second in command of the House of Representatives.
This is the guy who just unseated him is going to be the next guy.
Here's how he answers a direct question.
Ready?
Syrian Rebels.
Would you be in favor of that with the U.S. military helping to arm the moderate Syrian?
So he's asking him, would you be in favor?
He's asking him a foreign policy question.
Would you be in favor of the America of America arming the Syrian rebels?
Okay.
Here's his question.
Here's his answer.
Hey, Chuck, I thought we were just going to chat today about the celebratory aspect.
I'd love to go through all this, but my mind is just, hey, Chuck, I just thought we were going to talk about the celebratory aspect of me winning.
I'm not really prepared to talk about all this stuff.
I'm in the middle of running for Congress.
I thought I was going to come on your news show for a party.
You're going to ask me policy questions.
Can we do that after the election?
Because right now, I got to go pop some champagne and stick a bottle up Eric Cantor's.
Whoa, this is entrapment.
This is entrapment.
You're trapping me here.
So this is, I want to hear this whole answer at once.
Let's hear the whole thing.
Train Rebels.
Would you be in favor of that with the U.S. military helping to arm the moderate Syrian Rebels?
Hey, Chuck, I thought we were just going to chat today about the celebratory aspect.
I'd love to go through all this, but my mind is just.
No, I understand that.
But I just want to get a sense of.
I'm not going to have all the policy questions.
I'm happy to do more.
But I just wanted to talk about the victory hand, and I wanted to thank everybody that worked so hard on that campaign.
I'm happy to take policy issues some other time, I guess.
Maybe after the election.
You know, like not when I'm on a news show being interviewed by a reporter about my campaign.
This is not the time to talk about policy.
I'm happy to take those questions.
Maybe, I don't know, if you meet me in a men's room somewhere at a hotel or maybe I could talk to you over a urinal.
We could have a try who see who can ruin the urinal cake faster.
I don't know.
Someplace where a discussion about the Syrian rebels would be a little more appropriate.
Yeah, this is not the place.
This is not the place.
I prefer to take policy questions when I'm not around.
Thank you.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
I prefer to take policy questions when I'm not around.
Jimmy Dore, behold, for it is I, Ted Crew.
Do not fear me.
I am no longer a Cuban immigrant from Canada.
My caterpillar larva has been shed, and I am now a fully American butterfly.
See me spread my red, white, and blue wings.
Canada, three times I renounce these.
Americans, I am one of you.
Pardon me, Jimmy.
I'm gloating.
I'm floating 14 inches off the ground on clouds of gloating.
I foresaw House Majority Leader Eric Cantor losing his primary to my Tea Party brethren, David Bratt, in a vision.
Except in my vision, Cantor was a giant talking mouse and Bratt was a pink pony with a urinary infection.
My fellow Republicans are wondering, what's the point of serving money if it doesn't buy you elections?
Fear not.
If thou wins the primary, my brothers of the family of Coke will make you their brother.
Republicans can no longer be the party of moderation and compromise.
Unregulated industrial pollution?
Yes, please.
Obamacare, repeal it and replace it with a pretty rock.
Immigration reform.
Thank you, Juan, but we can pick our own fruit.
Bobby Jindal says we can't continue being the party of stupid.
I say to Bobby Jindal, yes, we can.
The little fairies told me that what happened to Eric Cantor was inevitable.
Virginians are so stupid, it took them this long to realize that Cantor's a Jew.
And his last name means Jews.
He's a Jew.
Jimmy, it was prophesied that I will be president of the United States.
If I have to pull out and show everybody my uncircumcised PP, I will.
My pickle is not kosher.
I will bring America out of the darkness.
Join me.
I am the light.
I am the way.
They said I was crazy, Jimmy Doer.
Excuse me.
I'm not crazy.
I'm Ted Crew.
Okay, Ted Cruz.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sean James makes my computer work so I can do the show on my Macintosh and he can fix your Macintosh too right over the internet.
Go to SeanJames.com.
That's S-H-A-U-N-James.com.
So Joe Scarborough has the reason why the Eric Canter lost.
Now, I already told you why he lost because he's personally a douchebag.
He's unlikable.
He doesn't have an agenda.
He represents everything that's wrong with Congress, and people sniffed him out.
Plus, he never spent any time in his district.
The repugnancy factor.
The repugnancy factor.
Again, we talked about it the morning of his election.
He was in Washington, D.C., having literally having a fundraiser with lobbyists.
So this is why he lost.
But Joe Scarborough has a different reason.
He thinks that Republican voters are tired basically just with Republicans.
And here's what he, because they spend too much.
Here's what he has to say.
Who saw the Republican Party explode the deficit and explode the national debt over the first seven, eight years?
They don't want Republicans to get in power again and do the same thing they did between 2001 and 2009.
Bank bailouts, $7 trillion bank bailouts without paying for a dime of it, a Medicare drug benefit plan without paying for a dime of it.
That's how, you know, big government Republicanism is no better than big government liberalism.
So Joe Scarborough says that the, but I don't know if you know the thing that was peculiar to me in that, Ben, was not the big spending programs he mentioned, right?
Which was the Medicare Part D, the bank bailout, which Eric Cantor voted for both those things.
He didn't mention the Iraq war.
Yeah.
He didn't mention that.
Like, people aren't upset about the waste of money on the Iraq war or the waste of money on a 14-year-old war in Afghanistan that accomplished absolutely nothing.
No, that's right.
And absolutely.
We're leaving.
Taliban's coming back.
As soon as we're leaving, guess what?
They get to take over their own country.
It's like what Mark they would always say, hey, we're trying to liberate Afghanistan.
From who?
The Afghanistanis?
They live there.
By the way, that's why you can't keep these guys in the Bo Verdebull trade.
Like, here's what these Afghanis did who we released, these Taliban members.
They were in their country.
We invaded.
They shot back.
That's the outrage that these guys committed.
Yeah.
So anyway, but getting back to, yeah, he totally leaves that off.
You know, these guys, they want everything.
One main problem with television news is this desire to discern meaning from things about which we don't have meaning yet.
Yes.
I mean, very few people voted in this election.
They gerrymandered the district around.
Eric Canter, by the way, did it himself.
I mean, the legislature technically does it, but believe me, the majority leader from Virginia makes that happen the way Tom DeLay drove redistricting in Texas from Congress.
Eric Cantor drove it in Virginia.
And he wanted to make this district ironically safe for himself for 10, 12 terms.
And in the process of getting rid of Democrats in a Republican primary, he got rid of Eric Cantor voters.
Yes.
And he brought in all these suburban voters who didn't know him and didn't like him.
And to Joe Scarborough's point, since, I mean, the first bailout, the Bush bailout, right?
Yes.
TARP, that was in 2008.
Yeah.
Right?
So early.
Yeah.
So that was when Bush was still president.
So 8, 10, 12.
So Eric, the voters there in Eric Cantor's district three times have decided, no, you can go back with that outrage of the bank bailout to you.
And Medicare Part D. Three times they just sent him along with it.
Since Medicare Part D, that's at least four times.
Yeah.
So four times they've said, okay, but now we're happy at it.
No, what happened was you redistricted it and nobody, everybody thought Cantor had won it, and they didn't turn out.
And he cheated himself out of his own seat by being extra greedy.
It's not that complicated, and it doesn't mean anything except that Eric Cantor lost.
Right.
That's what it means.
So now here is Chris.
So they're befuddled, right?
So why?
I'm watching Chris Hardball.
He has on Michael Steele, who was the former chairman of the Republican National Committee, and he has on Joe Scarborough, right?
And these two Republicans trying to figure out how Eric Cantor lost.
And they're saying, well, he wouldn't do what they wanted.
The people would want this.
He did this.
And so they, and he doesn't understand.
Chris Hardball.
Here's the question he asks.
I don't know exactly how to set this up because it's such a stunning question.
And here we go.
So here's a simple question.
Why don't the Republicans and the Democrats do what the people want?
That's the simple question.
He's like, well, people are so angry at Congress.
They're angry at Paul.
Why don't they just do what the people want?
Chris Hardball, Mr., I've been in politics my entire adult life, and I don't understand why the Democrats and the Republicans just don't do what the people want.
So we know what the answer to that is, Ben.
The answer to that is because politicians are only responsive to their donors because this is all about money, Chris Hardball.
That's why you get $5 million a year to host this show and ask the dumbest questions in the world.
Why don't they do it the people?
Because it's all about money because they blind everybody with money and they only respond to the people who are giving them money.
Did Michael Steele say that?
So here we go.
So he throws it to Michael Steele.
Here's what Michael Steele says.
Once you start to buy into the red versus blue paradigm, once you start to buy in the us versus them paradigm, it's hard.
It's hard all of a sudden now to say, you know what?
We can all do like Reagan and Tip O'Neill.
We can all do, even like Clinton and Newt Gingrich for that matter.
So they're Bernie Sanders and John McCain.
John McCain, the VA, on the VA.
But look, we couldn't even, as we've talked about on this show in all morning, Joe, we couldn't even get these guys and gals to come together on a 90% issue here.
So he's saying, well, he just pretty much restates the problem again without saying what the real problem is.
We can't get these people to come together.
We used to be able to come together.
They just came together, John McCain.
What are you talking about?
They couldn't even come together on a 90%.
Yeah, that's the question.
Why is that, Michael?
Why is that?
The question is, why?
And the answer is, I mean, for him to sit there and say, because we have the us versus them?
The chairman of the Republican National Committee, the people who came up with the Southern strategy, who have tried it to divide and make white Americans fear the other, whoever that is, is coming to take your money, to take your job, worst case scenario, to take your pretty white daughter.
Yes.
Like, yeah.
I don't know why it's this us versus them thing.
I don't know how that happened.
I have no idea how that happened.
Who to say who's to blame for it now?
I don't know.
Once you buy into that us versus them mentality, that red state versus blue state, you liar.
So what freaking paradigm should we buy into, Michael?
Exactly.
Once you buy into that, you mean that, so here's, but Joe Scarborough then also doesn't answer the question.
Good.
He decides.
So the question, let's remember what the question is, right?
The question is, why don't Democrats and Republicans do what the people want?
And here's what Joe Scarborough says.
Yeah, here's the deal, though.
Matt Kibbe said it perfectly on your show earlier today.
Cantor not only was saying one thing in Washington and another back home, he didn't have an agenda.
The House Republicans didn't have an agenda.
So he's not answering the question.
He's pretending that it's something else.
He's not even answering Chris Matthews' question, why don't the Republicans and Democrats do what the people want?
He's answering another question they've already answered.
Why did Eric Cantor lose?
They've already answered that question.
And now he just wants to answer that question again.
Never in this conversation does money come up as to what wrought the problem.
At no point, Eric Cantor is having breakfast with lobbyists the day of he's losing his election.
It never dawns on them that maybe money in politics is a problem.
And look who's having the conversation for these guys not to talk about it.
Chris Matthews, who is the chief of staff or the AA to Tip O'Neill.
Tip One.
So maybe the most powerful Democratic leader ever of certainly of the 20th century.
Joe Scarborough, an actual serving member of Congress, now a broadcaster covering Congress.
Covering Congress.
And the head of one of the two parties.
And these guys can't, between those three brains, they can't quite cobble together the actual answer to the question.
They don't even go, oh, also.
Right.
Oh, also, besides he didn't have agenda.
Besides, they bought into the left-right paradigm, us versus them.
Also, maybe money.
It never even comes up, Ben.
At least Joe Scarborough is on the road to an answer accidentally because he's like, they don't have an agenda.
And it's true.
Their agenda is Obama is a horrible socialist and everything he does we're opposed to.
And our agenda solely is to raise enough money to get more Republicans in in 2014 and ultimately throw the Democrats out and control both houses in 2016 so that the lobbyists who paid us all this money can really get what they want.
Yes.
And so here the thing I love about Joe Scarborough is that he's one of my favorite narcissists.
He can make any question turn into a self-aggrandizing answer about himself.
So here he goes.
Harry, he's continuing on about what's wrong with politics.
And he goes.
But they aggressively ran on.
It was always a reaction to what the Democrats were doing.
We ran in 94.
Of course, we had the contract with America.
I agree with it or disagree with it.
We were always going 90 miles an hour forward.
Democrats were always responding to us.
Yeah, see?
You got to do like he did back in 94.
They were going, they were doing so much.
Bill Clinton got re-elected in 96.
That's how the Democrats were hot.
The Democrats, I mean, the Republicans were, they knew what they were, everybody was looking out for them.
Yeah, the trade.
And then they shut down the government and got blamed for it, and they kicked Newt Gingrich out several years later.
So this is, what are you talking about, Joe?
If you guys were so good, how come you're not still in Congress?
Yeah, they set such a powerful agenda that Bill Clinton had about almost a 70% approval rating.
Yes.
The geniuses who impeached Bill Clinton and increased his popularity.
That's right.
Yeah, so that was just, I just wanted to play that.
That was Joe Scarborough.
You know, you mentioned the disparity of the pollsters showing that.
And I was thinking to myself, and we talked about this, about they can't even hire pollsters who can do a job well.
Yes.
The Republican, they're going to go fix our problems in Congress or in the country, but they can't even hire a competent pollster.
That's a pretty good point.
And the last, by the way, on Canter, the last poll, the independent poll, did have him up 12, like 52 to 40.
Oh, really?
When you're an incumbent up, you know, that's the thing.
What happened was amazing and a rarity.
And good luck trying to discern what it means.
This is critical to understanding this, too.
I believe the number is this, but if I'm off by a couple, it's just because I don't have this in front of me.
In this election cycle, incumbents who faced challengers, right?
You know what their record is in primaries?
Can I guess?
Yeah.
I'm going to guess 98% win ratio.
No, you're off by 2%.
Ah!
96?
The other way.
130.
He's the first one to lose.
So all this stuff about the voters are angry.
Like, it's now 139 to 1.
Yes.
I think the trend still holds.
Well, you know, I wanted to show from earlier in the day they had on Howard Feynman.
And this is speaking to your point right now, Ben.
Here's Howard Feynman's big statement of the day, right?
He had a big prediction.
So Eric Cantor, first incumbent to get knocked off.
It surprises everybody.
And now watch this prediction.
This is going to be an election where people are going to lose who you never expected to lose.
And I think it's going to happen in both parties.
It's shaping up to me as that kind of election because of the sort of free-cutting anger that's out there.
And it's going to affect both parties.
It may help somebody like Alice in London.
Because, you know, what happened last night.
Now I'm going to make a prediction based on that thing I didn't see coming and I didn't predict.
I didn't predict that.
At all.
Nobody predicted.
But guess what?
I'm going to make even a bolder prediction.
It's going to be crazy this year.
And there's no way to ever fact-check that.
And he's wrong.
You know, here's, I'm going to pull a Joe Scarborough and I'm going to talk about how smart I am.
Okay.
You know, when that nonsense McLaughlin group show was in its prime, and we've talked about this before, guys, but like Jack German was that columnist.
He was the fat, bald guy.
Yeah.
And his thing always was, I don't know what it means.
It means that happened.
Like, that's it.
Like, don't try to read and ask him who's going to win.
And he'd be like, I don't know.
It's in eight months.
Yeah.
Right.
And it was great.
And I thought then that's great.
And now that has exploded to where that doesn't exist in any way that Howard Feynman, who is unquestionably an incredibly bright, accomplished guy, can't go on MSNBC the day after Eric Cantor loses and say, all I know, all we can glean from this is that Eric Cantor lost in a stunning upset.
The Little Sisters of the Poor just beat Duke in basketball.
Yes.
You know, the new Washington generals beat the Globetrotters.
It happens one out every 4,000 times, and we were all alive to see it.
And a punk like Eric Canter, who we all hate, lost.
So let's just rejoice in that satisfaction of what a bad week Eric Cantor just had.
And that's all it is.
And we don't know more.
Joining us now on the phone is MSNBC correspondent Luke Russer.
Luke, thanks for joining us, buddy.
Jimmy, I'm scared, man.
I'm so freaking scared.
Luke, are you all right?
What's the matter?
I'm freaking out, dude.
You've got to talk me down.
I'm really, really frightened.
Luke, did you take too many drugs or something?
Wait, Jimmy.
I'm not some hippie, like, redowed OD in the Cadbury bar in a Denver hotel room.
I'm a responsible D.C. media person.
The only thing that gives me a buzz is conventional wisdom.
Then why are you acting so strange?
Because the world of conventional wisdom fell apart, man.
This whole Eric Cantor thing is shaking me to the very foundation of my beating.
Yeah, his losing the primary was pretty shocking, huh?
Shocking?
That's putting it mildly.
The conventional wisdom said he would easily win his primary.
Conventional wisdom said it, Jimmy.
The conventional wisdom was wrong.
He was wrong.
What am I supposed to do now?
Luke, come on, buddy.
Pull yourself together.
Game over, man.
Game over.
McCable knew it's plunder.
If I can't depend on conventional wisdom, what am I supposed to do?
Luke, I think you're overreacting just a little bit to this.
I'm too young for this shit.
This is not what I signed up for.
Nobody told me the job would take me to such a dark place.
Luke, it's Just an election.
These things happen.
There's no need to.
Shut up.
My real father.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Luke, you're losing your grip on reality, buddy.
You think?
Really?
Yes.
Oh, it's so nice of you to say that, Jimmy.
Here, I was thinking that I might not have what it takes to be an inside the Belway journalist anymore.
And then you tell me that I've lost my grip on reality.
I guess there is hope for me in this profession after all.
Thank you, my friend.
And Luke, don't forget, several years ago, Tom Foley, also a congressional leader, lost his house seat in an election upset.
That result also went against conventional wisdom, but the world didn't end.
Gosh, you're right, Jimmy.
And my dad, Tim Russert, helped Bush and Cheney sell their policies, and the world didn't end then either.
Even though those policies were designed to do exactly that.
You're right.
And also, Tom Foley lost his seat and he was a Democrat.
And Eric Cantor lost his seat and he's a Republican.
And you know what that means?
You know what I'm thinking?
Both sides do it.
Exactly.
You're right, man.
Both sides do it.
Both sides do it.
It is so soothing to say both sides do it.
Three words just low means such a comforty super.
They're like a snug security blanket made from roofies.
Both sides do it.
Luke, it sounds like you're drifting off, buddy.
Jimmy?
Yeah.
Would you tuck me in?
All right, this is getting a little weird, Luke.
9019.
Both sides do it.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
Music.
you Music.
you Why is everyone surprised that George Will is on the wrong side of rape?
When has George Will been on the right side of anything?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know he won a Pulitzer Prize, and that is supposed to give him street cred.
But why does this freak show of a man even have a platform to pontificate his views?
I don't know if he comes from a privileged background, but do people in the world really respect this man's point of view because he looks professorial with his thick head of weird hair?
When George Will posted his column last Friday, being so sure that victims of rape were just crying wolf, oh, and we should stop demonizing young men who have healthy sexual appetites and are anatomically designed not to compute the word no.
George Will attempts to further explain to the female population that, ladies, you really need to stop pretending you are a victim when in fact your slutty ways are interfering with young men's lives.
George Will is 107 years old and his viewpoints are horrible.
But even worse, he reflects what many people believe.
Women are problematic, manipulative, slutty nymphs.
So we have that going for us.
We have that going for us.
Hey, guess what?
We got an extra long show today this week.
An hour and three minutes so far and going because I'm still talking.
And what's coming up in the premium content?
We got drunk Bill O'Reilly in the premium content.
Plus, we're going to talk about Rick Perry and his equating homosexuality with alcoholism and doing it while wearing very thick reading glasses.
So he looked really smart.
He looks like Superman, doesn't he?
And anyway, so that's coming up.
How do you get the premium content, Jimmy?
All you do is go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium and you pay $5 and you get the access and all that stuff.
And it's only $5 a month.
And if you pay for the whole year up front, you save yourself $5.
Isn't that a nice deal?
So thanks to everybody who donates and supports the show.
Would not get done without you.
Now, everybody, please go pre-order my book.
Your country's just not that into you.
It is available for pre-order.
You can get the electronic books, the e-books, and you read it that way.
And then you could get the hard copy.
Okay, so that's in those links for all that stuff over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
All the voices today performed by the one and only Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
And big thanks to Mark Thompson for doing the NPR voiceover.
And big thanks to Ron Lynch for doing the introduction.
Okay.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mark Van Landu at TV's Frank, Frank Conniff, Robert Yasimura, Steph Zamorano.
Okay, that's it for this week.
See you in San Francisco and Vegas this summer.
▲
Export Selection