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Dec. 21, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20131221_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_12-20-13
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
We asked Mel Gibson what his Christmas wish list was, and he left me a message.
Here it is.
Hey, what a long one for Christmas.
Well, first of all, I'd be locked in my chapel for 24 hours straight, celebrating the mass of Christ's birth.
Like the traditional Catholic I am.
And then I wish peace for the whole world and for everyone to remember the Christmas story of the slaughter of the innocents.
Where the Jewish King Herod ordered all the children murdered like a Jew.
We've forgotten about that.
It's the most important part of Christmas.
When I celebrate Christmas, that's why I celebrate the slaughter of the innocents because it's about how a Jew murdered children.
Mark, they do.
I'd also like a new wife with strong, sturdy haunches and strong bones so I can punch a teeth and let them fall out.
But built for beating and how a strong brisket walks with a womanly gait.
You know, a woman.
Anyway, all the best to you and yours.
All right.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lappies.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to T-Doggy.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined on the phone from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank Conniff.
Hey, Frank, how are you?
Hello there.
Yay.
Now, Frank, I got to let people know you do the Mystery Science Theater 3000.
You do a live version of that called Cinematic Titanic, which I have seen here in Los Angeles.
It is hilarious.
It was even better than I had thought it was going to be because you come out and you do stand-up in the front of the show, which is fantastic.
But you're going to be doing that show December 30th, the day before New Year's Eve in Philadelphia, correct?
New Year's Eve, Eve in Philly.
And people, all you need to do is go to cinematictitanic.com.
That's all you need to do.
Go to cinematictitanic.com, right?
That's all you got to do.
Okay, cross the glass for me, former writer for the Daily Show, hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
Looking to be here.
I like your haircut, Steve.
You're looking good.
Thank you.
Takes 10 years off your whatever.
Oh, so then I'm 32.
That's what I was going to say.
You look 32 with that.
It's nice.
I can.
Salt and pepper, huh?
Ballsy in L.A. to go salt and pepper.
I can't get work, but go on.
What do you call this, asshole?
What is this?
Pure work.
This is the work.
Come on.
This is the best breed.
You're right.
This is a great show.
Is there a better show, radio show in Los Angeles?
I'm proud to be part of this.
I was making a little joke.
I know, I know.
But this is the best radio show in all of Los Angeles.
You name a better one.
Did he get this?
Mark Levin's show based on his hair?
Yes, he did.
Because it's radio.
That makes sense.
It is radio.
Next to him, hilarious comedian, the host of comedy and everything else.
It's Steph Zamarano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
I'm doing great.
Jimmy, I found out that Comedy and Everything Else, we have over, I guess, 2.5 million downloads.
Really?
Yes.
Yes.
2.5 million.
I just looked at it yesterday.
I just looked at it yesterday.
I'm like, wow.
Yeah, and we haven't even put out an episode for a year, and we got an extra like 500,000 downloads.
Wow.
So anyways, we should stop doing this show.
Maybe we should start monetizing my comedy and everything else.
Maybe we should do that.
Okay, cross from her.
Hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
Felice Navitan.
Yes, December.
Tough, tough month for the Japanese in America.
Okay, we go.
Or great for the Japanese overseas.
Oh, really?
For a little while.
For a little while, sure.
It's like September 11th for the Al-Qaeda.
It's fun for a little while.
All right.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
You know, that the you hear what happened with the Duck Dynasty guys, right?
So this Duck Dynasty, I don't know if you know what it is.
It's the most popular cable show in the history of cable.
No.
I've never seen it.
Never seen it.
I don't know anybody who's ever seen it, but it is 15 million viewers.
It's the most popular cable show in the history.
I like Duck.
I like Duck.
But I don't watch Duck Dynasty.
But guess what?
So that Duck Dynasty guy, he made some really anti-gay remarks.
And it was really kind of...
He's not a fan of the anus.
He's not a fan of the anus.
He prefers the vagina over the anus, is what he said.
And that in and of itself not that controversial?
Not that controversial.
Why do you have to choose?
That's what I said.
Right.
It's not an either.
It's a false choice.
Was it regarding a duck, though?
I don't know.
So the duck dynasty guy, they suspended him.
They dispended him.
They suspended him from the TV show.
You know, otherwise, it would really tarnish the moral high ground that duck dynasty.
It's a high intellectual tone that they're trying to have.
Yeah, the moral high ground of reality TV.
It'll be really tough.
But you know what?
A lot of people, I don't think he should be silenced.
I don't think he should be.
I, for one, support this ignorant, bigoted, inbred redneck, homophobe asshole's freedom of speech.
I do support his freedom of speech.
He has the right to say what he thinks.
He certainly has the right to say it.
That's a lack therein.
Right.
Hey, by the way, Christmas carolers, I don't know if you've got...
Are they not?
I feel the same way.
Okay, so we got...
We're going to talk about Jeffrey Toobin and CNN's view of Edward Snowden.
Right.
Yes.
Turns out, because there was a court decision that revealed that everything Edward Snowden said was true and that what the United States has been doing has been completely unconstitutional.
Yeah, it turns out sometimes we need the judicial branch to remind us that there really is an amendment that comes between the third and the fifth one.
Tucked right in there.
We're going to look at that.
Plus, we're going to take a look at Sean Hannity takes another look at Obamacare.
Plus, we have, oh my God, and some, we're going to talk about Christmas, right?
We're going to talk about Christmas and the real origins of Christmas.
Will it surprise the answer?
What are the real origins of Christmas?
The answer just might surprise you, or will it?
Plus, we have phone calls.
Let me see who I have phone calls from.
Please forgive me, Chris.
I think it's Vince Fine.
I got It hold on today.
We've got phone calls from Vince Vaughn, Ron Paul, John Boehner, and Chris Christie.
Plus, a lot more.
That's today.
Oh, and Herman Kane.
That's today at the Jimmy Dore Show.
Beep.
Beep.
Jimmy, John Bader here, Speaker of the goddamn House of Fucking Representatives.
What do I want for Christmas?
A flip from Johnny Walker Blue and to get fired.
I went out of this fucking job in a 48-hour drunk.
Think that budget outburst wasn't planned?
Think again.
I don't scratch a hemorrhoid without a plan, man.
Fucking fire me.
Give it to Ryan.
That's our plan.
See if his droopy budroom eyes can sell this shit any better.
Man, have you seen that workout photo of that guy?
He's like an extra from the Let's Get Physical video.
Where go to that nostalgia boner?
That's another thing I'd like.
An erection not ruined by the tea party.
No, I tell you, man, I got a three-fourths job going.
Then I flash on Louie Gohmert and welcome to Flaccidus fan every time.
Whoever it is, I have to ask these days, Santa, Gift Rabbi Goldberg, or the Kwanzaa Delivery Platypus, whatever.
That's what I want.
Erections, scotch, and get me out of this job.
Go fuck yourself, America.
And Merry Jesus.
All right, Speaker Boehner, his Christmas wish.
Got it.
The Jimmy Doer show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Okay, so Chris Christie, I'm sure everybody by this time is familiar with the scandal of the bridge.
So if you're not, I'll give you a very thumbnail.
So Chris Christie is such a maniac that he wanted, so he wants to be president.
And because, you know, nobody's used that bathtub since Taft.
He's a large man.
So he wants to be president.
And he thought a good way to launch his presidential campaign was to win like by 70% in his race for governor.
And so what he did was he tried to get Democrats to support him, which a lot of Democrats in New Jersey went along with because, you know, a lot of Democrats are spineless.
I mean, they're known for being spineless and being undermining their own party and their own base.
And that's what they did, right?
And because Chris Christie's policies, by the way, I'll keep telling you, very unpopular.
His ideas are unpopular.
But it's popular.
He's very much like Reagan in that way.
Reagan's idea is unpopular, but he was a good seller.
So what he did was one of these Democratic mayors wouldn't endorse him, right?
So as a payback for this, a political payback, they closed down the bridge, right?
The George Washington bridge that goes from Fort Lee, New Jersey into New York.
And it's, by the way, busiest bridge in the country.
So.
Well, Jimmy, Jimmy, what you're saying has not been proven, but it's the only logical explanation for what happened.
Yeah, so what happened in September, two of Christie, like the first day of school, right?
Two of Christie's top appointees at the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey ordered the lanes on the bridge abruptly shut to traffic, which caused gridlock in Fort Lee, the city of Fort Lee, like gridlock.
Like hundreds of cars just parked on their streets in this little town, and nobody could get through.
What normally would take a half hour took four to five hours to have that's so kids were late for school.
This is what happened for four days.
And plus being stuck in Fort Lee is a particular yes.
Nobody wants that.
The only Democrats tried to retaliate by closing lanes at the Safeway supermarket.
So Christie, you know, so it turns out they said they were doing a traffic study.
They weren't doing a traffic study.
There's no emails or paper trail that confirmed that there was a traffic study.
So what happened was the two appointees involved in the lane closures had to resign because it's blatantly obvious what was going on, right?
So this was like, this is like stuff like Tony Soprano would do, right?
Oh, yeah, you don't want to endorse me.
I'm going to shut your town down.
Ah, right?
I'm going to burn down your place.
Right?
Trills.
So really, this is like good fellas, right?
It's like good fellas, right?
And so we all, so we all know what happened.
And Chris Christie was asked about it.
So he tried, this is, this was his response.
They asked him about it at this press conference.
And here's his response.
Here's his way to get out of this one, right?
I worked the cones, actually.
Unbeknownst to everybody, I was actually the guy out there.
I was in overalls and a hat, so I wasn't, but I actually was the guy working the cones out there.
You really are not serious with that question.
So that's his way to try to get flip about it.
That's that he had cones.
Ice cream cones.
I didn't believe the part about the overalls.
So they don't make them.
So here he is.
I mean, it's just, so he's, here's what my theory is.
And I said to Steph earlier today, what I think is going to, so he's going to keep doing things like this.
He fired the two people.
So when he runs for president and it comes up, he's going to go say, hey, you know, that's old news.
You know, that's old.
We've handled it.
The bridge is operating fine.
The two people who are responsible were, I had no knowledge that this was happening.
I'm running a entire state.
I didn't know about one bridge somewhere.
He's like, this is old news.
The people responsible resigned.
We took care of it.
What else do you want?
So that's what he's going to say.
And they're going to move on.
Right.
Because half the country is going to want to move on because they don't want Chris Christie to be, they want him to win.
So, and of course, the news media will shut up too because everybody will be mad at the news media for making a salient point about the unfitness of someone to a popular guy to be president, right?
So you got to shut up.
So I called Chris Christie and I asked him about this.
And here's what he had to say about it.
So on the phone with me, we have Governor Chris.
Hang on a second.
Hang on.
You always the guy out there with cones moving the cones.
What?
What the fuck?
That guy.
I think actually this story has legs.
I think so.
I think it's going to follow him.
Something just happened to my they're having hearings about it.
Yes.
Oh, they are.
So on the phone with me, we.
Okay, here we go.
Yeah, they are having congressional hearings.
Yeah, Rockefeller asked for it.
So on the phone with me, we have Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey.
Now, Covernor, you've come under a where's the how are you?
I'm doing very good.
Thank you for asking.
Now, you've come under a lot of fire lately because it's become national news that a political appointee of yours ordered the busiest bridge in the nation shut down for what looks like political payback for that mayor of that city not endorsing you.
Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
Like, I was the one out there putting down cones.
No, no, nobody thinks you were the one out there putting down cones, governor.
Well, good, because I wasn't.
But the order did come from your office, no?
Yeah, like I was the one with my construction hat raincoat.
Governor, nobody thinks you personally were out on that bridge that day.
Good, because I wasn't.
You would like, I'd be glad to illuminate that point for you once again by using a form of fantastic soliloquy.
It's preceded by how big of a raspberry do you need for me to get this point home.
Okay, no, no, thank you.
We got it.
But listen, the point is, and the thing that is bothering everybody is that the original reason for shutting down the bridge was said to be a traffic study, and that reason has fallen apart with no paper trail or emails suggesting that a traffic study was actually being done.
So that's why people keep asking you about it, Governor, and why you guys don't have a good explanation.
And why don't you guys have a good explanation for it?
Yeah, right.
Like I went out there with a flashlight and boots and put a cloth sign on the phone.
But Governor, nobody is saying you personally were on the bridge that night.
You just keep pretending that we are so you can dodge the question.
All right, Jimmy Doe.
I got my car and drove out to the bridge and took cones out of my throat.
So this is how you think you're going to get through this, Governor?
Bloviating, changing the subject, and bullying reporters?
Yeah, for the most part.
Works like a charm everywhere I go, especially Morning Joe.
So we know that.
So we know that there was no legitimate reason for the closure, right?
And the only one that we ever got was debunked.
And now two officials from your office have resigned over this.
So if there was no malfeasance, why did they resign?
You see what I'm saying?
Mistakes were made.
That's it.
Mistakes were made.
Mistakes were made.
You know, that is exactly what a mafia guy would say, right?
And your point is.
Okay, I guess I got my point.
Listen, well, Governor, thanks for helping us clear that up.
Before we go, I just want to know what are your Christmas wishes for this year.
Hickory Farms.
Oh, you want a gift box from Hickory Farms?
No, I want the entire Hickory Farms.
I want the deed to that property.
So I can live out the rest of my years in the ham paradise from Vernon, New Hampshire place.
I fantasize a lot about the actual Hickory Farms.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
I hope Santa.
I hope you were good.
And Santa gives you Hickory Farms.
Oh, me too.
I hope he does.
Okay, happy holidays.
Happy holidays to you, fucko.
All right.
That was Chris Christie.
Wow.
Yeah.
*musique*
So I got a phone call from Vince Vaughan is on the line with his Christmas wishes.
Vince, what is your Christmas?
What do you want for Christmas, Vince?
A what do I went for Christmas?
Oh, that's not on, right?
Yeah, that's weird.
Hang on.
A what do I went for Christmas?
Yeah, what do you want for Christmas?
Is that what you're asking?
What do I want for Christmas?
I'll be honest with you.
I'll tell you what I want for Christmas.
I want some sort of justification of why you're trying to constantly work me into your show.
Some reason.
I like you.
By a comedic actor, it's all political impressions.
It's a political comedy show.
It's jokes.
And then you have to do an impression of this guy who's not even related to anything you're talking about.
What do you want for Christmas, Chris?
That's what I want for Christmas, an explanation of why I have to figure out what the Vince Fawn hang on.
Everything is every goddamn thing.
But, Vince, just tell me what Chris.
It's enough of a stretch.
He got fucking ripped horn on here.
Oh, no, it's not.
Tell me what you want for Christmas, Vince.
I'd like nothing.
You know what?
I would like nothing.
I'll tell you what I want.
Also, I want nothing but Duck Dynasty paraphernalia and products because I want to support them now because the BC police are going after the duck guys because they had beards and that they were conservatives.
You can't be a conservative in this country anymore.
It's like illegal.
What?
Come on, Vince.
There's no free speech anymore.
Vince, this is not about this.
The duck guy says they gave some of our gays and now they've all been all being sent to prison.
Some sort of gulag.
That's what I heard.
Yeah, well, that's.
When should a duck guy not say anti-gay shit?
What the hell kind of country?
I thought this was the United States of America.
I look around.
I walked out the front door this morning.
It sure looks like the United States of America, but it can't be because the United States of America, a duck guy, is not going to go to jail for saying he ate faggots.
Okay, but Vince.
What's wrong with that?
This is religion.
I thought we had freedom of religion this couple.
We do have freedom of religion, Vince.
I'm sorry, I'm just summarizing every single asshole on Facebook today.
Well, listen, Vince, just thanks for taking time.
Happy holidays.
I really appreciate you taking Merry Christmas.
Yeah, I mean, happy.
I mean, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, whatever.
Happy holidays, buddy.
Get it straight.
Okay, well, everybody's happy.
Happy holidays to you, all right?
No, happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Okay, I'm going to hang up on him.
All right.
That was a big fault.
Thanks.
Thanks, Baud.
Oh, by the way, so you remember when we had Sean Hannity.
Oh, you know, we'll talk about it.
So you remember when Sean Hannity had on those people who said that they were getting screwed over by Obamacare?
And then, of course, that guy, Andy Stern from Salon, picked up the phone and called those people and found out that everything they were saying was a complete wrong fabrication, 100% untrue.
So the whole segment that Sean Hannity did was completely.
And the more shameful thing is that he never corrected them.
Right, never corrected them.
And then on CNN, David Fulkenflick on Reliable Sources interviewed the guy from Salon, Andy Stern, who exposed this lie.
And he made it like he was questioning Andy Stern.
He kept saying, well, couldn't it be said that it was true to them because they had you remember?
Do you remember that?
We went over that a million times?
Yes, yes.
So I got David Fulkenflick on the phone yesterday, and I played him clips of his questions.
And I'll air it next week, right?
But because I have to edit it and I didn't have time.
We talked for an hour.
Who did you talk to?
David Fulkenflick.
Oh, wow.
So he was a respondent for CNN and NPR.
NPR.
And he wrote a book called Murdoch World.
And, of course, you know, whatever, what always happens.
It's been an expensive interview.
Every time I say Fulkenflick, I have to put a tolerance.
All I'm just saying is that it was kind of a letdown because as soon as he got on the phone, he was a nice guy and he was reasonable and he had an answer for every question I had that was kind of, you know, you go, okay.
So his basic position was that he was challenging Andy Stern like he was because there wasn't someone there from Fox News to also like plead their case, right?
So there wasn't someone, but there wasn't a case to be made.
So he felt like if he pressed Andy Stern to explain his, you know, the story, like I'm going to have Andy explain the story.
I'm not going to do it.
He's the reporter.
He did the story.
So he goes, if I kind of push against him a little bit, and he can, that makes the listeners or the viewers, if they get convinced, that it's like more solid, convincing if he has a little adversarial.
That was his position.
Which I think would be fine if all journalists were consistently like that.
Oh, well, that's not a bad.
Maybe if I'd have thought to say that, that would have been better.
But I didn't think to say anything really, especially smart.
I didn't corner him.
Didn't you find him to be really of course?
You liked him?
Yeah, so very likable.
That's why I don't want to, I don't ever want to meet Chris Matthews because I'll probably like him.
Oh, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
You never know.
You never know.
I didn't think there was a chance I would like this guy after that interview.
Have you met David Folk and Flick's wife, Catherine Kunzel, bitch?
I think you're making that up.
So back to Sean Hannity.
That's where this is all leading.
Back to Sean Hannity.
So they had a healthcare town hall for Sean Hannity where he brings in a crowd of people to talk about Obamacare, right?
And so nine out of the ten people in his audience don't know a goddamn thing about what they're talking about, but they certainly are angry.
And so that's the kind of audience he likes, right?
But he also brought on some people who weren't stupid, right?
He brought on some people who weren't completely ignorant.
Somebody named Christian Dorsey from the Economic Policy Institute was able to point out that Sean Hannity's anti-Obamacare meme was BS, right?
That it's kind of the very popular.
And he just kept, Hannity just keeps repeating over and over, Obama lied.
Obama lied.
If you like your plan, you could keep it.
Like they just can't shut up about that, right?
Right, right.
Right.
All of a sudden, they care about people that don't have health insurance.
All of a sudden, they care about people who are being dropped from their health insurance.
Before then, they couldn't give a crap about you.
But since they can kind of hang in on President Obama, all of a sudden they want to stick up for people losing their health insurance.
Never did it before.
Never said anything about it before.
Right.
And they certainly won't go out on the limb for unemployment either.
So he, yes, correct.
So he, so this guy Dorsey interrupts Sean Hannity and to tell him that, hey, you know, there's a lot of the Obamacare that people like.
For instance, I'll just give you a couple of, I'll give you a couple of percent.
80% of Republicans, 80% of Republicans like the idea of health insurance marketplaces, also known as quote-unquote exchanges.
Right?
So 80%, that's wildly popular, right?
57% of Republicans, Republicans like the idea of the government helping to pay the cost of premiums via insurance subsidies.
57% of Republicans.
That's more.
Okay.
54% of Republicans like the employer mandate.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
So 70%.
It's hard to believe.
It is hard to believe.
78% of Republicans support the ban on denying insurance to people with pre-existing conditions.
78% of Republicans support that.
Jimmy, can I point out one reason maybe why a lot of Republicans support it?
Because it's a Republican plan.
That's exactly right.
Okay, we're going to pick back up on that segment after the break.
But before we get to the break, you know, I was listening to that Vince Vaughan call earlier and I got nostalgic because I went back and I listened to when Vince called in last year this time and I was laughing and I was like, you know what?
I want to play it on the show again.
So here it is.
And then we're going to jump to the break.
Okay, here's Vince Vaughn's call from last year.
Jimmy Dore, it's Vaughn, my friend, my champ, Jimmy.
How are you?
Look, buddy, I said I'd keep you up with my new venture with Glenn Beck, founder of the Blaze TV.
By the way, you can't just say Blaze TV.
You got to see the Blaze TV.
Or Mr. Beck punches you in the throat and steals your shoes.
For real, he does that.
Anyway, I told you I would let you know how we're progressing finding the nine most awesome libertarian filmmakers of the country.
I got to tell you, Jim, I am pretty sure I have made a warbler mistake.
First of all, the Blaze TV, well, it turns out it's not the thing.
Turns out the Blaze TV makes current TV look like ESPN.
I'm sorry.
It's the truth.
We've got offices where we do prayer breakfast every morning.
That's it, man.
And not even so much with the breakfast part.
And my friend, you called it on the Glenn Beck is clinically insane thing.
Not too many details, but woke up the other night and the dude squatting over my chest, full soon died just staring at me.
Before I could even say what the fuck, he's like, shh, don't ruin it.
You're so beautiful when you sleep.
And he transformed me.
Yeah, it turns out that's just the thing he does.
It's odd, but that's part of his pathology.
You'll be walking along at the Blaze TV and you'll see some Republican intern asleep in the hall with a dart sticking out of his neck and Beck's bitch written in Sharpie across the dude's face.
I don't care for Jimmy Dore.
Oh, did you know that the Glenn man is a Mormon man?
Because I fucking did not know that.
And it turns out the Mormons are not cool with my relentless alcoholism and womanizing.
I mean, I walked into Glenn's office the other day.
He's just standing there wearing nothing but that magical undergarment thing and it's glistening with sweat.
I'm like, hey, Becks, Becky, Becky, my friend, what are you doing?
And looks at me straight in the eye and it's all, I'm praying for you, Brother Vincent.
That's not even my full name.
I've not had a solid bowel movement since that happened, my friend.
Two weeks.
And I got to corporate my bunghole the whole time just to keep him leaking out fecal terror.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Look, Jimmy, I said it, call, and I'm out of my word.
And that's the news from like, well, begone, my little Irish friend.
Okay.
So I'll call next week.
But if I don't, I just want you to know there's a good chance I'm dead and Glenn Beck did it.
And I want you to avenge me.
And I love you, Jimmy.
I'm not going to lie, Jimmy.
I love you so much.
I wish I was queer so I could face fuck you.
You.
Picture Vaughn.
Facial.
Bye.
Okay, that was Vince Vaughan.
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
And now we're going to have to take a break.
And when we come back, we're going to get back to the, is Obamacare wildly popular with even Republicans?
Sean Hannity finds out.
Okay, we'll be right back in one minute.
This is the Jimmy Door show on Pacifica.
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Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
We got a lot coming up in the second half.
We got phone calls from Herman Kane, Ron Paul, and even more.
The Christmas wish list.
Plus, we're going to get back to the...
It's TV's Frank Frank Conniff in the studio with me, the host of Common Everything Else, Steph Zamorano, former writer for the Daily Show, Steve Rosenfield, and hilarious comedian, Robert Yasimura.
And we left you with the news of how popular Obamacare is with even Republicans.
All the things inside of it that is popular with Republicans.
And Frank pointed out before the break, it's because it's their plan.
That's why Obamacare, the stuff inside of it, is popular with them.
Anyway, Sean Hannity has on a mini-town hall in his studio, and somebody's going to pop up and start to actually tell the truth about Obamacare and how popular it actually is.
And, well, like all good Fox News hosts, he talks over that person.
And, well, you know what?
Let's just get back to the studio right now.
By the way, this is the heads up on this was Bob Sescha from the Huffington Post.
He wrote a column that kind of clued me into all this stuff.
So he says this is an eye-opener.
Did you know 29% of Republicans think Obamacare doesn't go far enough?
Wow.
I'm not surprised.
29% of Republicans.
The document at the Heritage Foundation's website that lays out basically Obamacare is entitled Assuring Affordable Health Care for All Americans.
It was drafted in 1989 by a guy named Stuart Butler.
In that document, he proposed the idea of the individual mandate, which is the thing that they're all going crazy about, and it's their idea.
And it's something that Newt Gingrich was signing off on as recent as two years ago on NBC.
When he was running for president, he was saying, yes, I'm for the mandate.
Of course, he had to backtrack immediately after he said that on Meet the Press.
The only flaw that they can find with this plan is that a black man supports it.
Yes.
Yes.
In fact, Bob Dole, Newt Gingrich, Orrin Hatch, Chuck Grassley, Richard Luger, Alan Simpson, they all proposed a countermeasure to Hillary Clinton's health care proposal, right?
This is Clinton Care.
So they came out with this, and in it, it contained an individual mandate and government subsidies.
So here we go.
So this guy, Dorsey, Christian Dorsey from the Economic Policy Institute, is in the middle of this quote-unquote town hall on Sean Hannity, and he starts to correct them.
And like all Fox News anchors, Hannity speaks the entire time that Dorsey is also speaking in order to make sure the guy doesn't make a point anybody can hear.
So let's watch how that plays.
It rolls out.
Here we go.
Tell me why when we've been lied to and that the main promises aren't being kept, why when the American people sit back to the classic bait and switch, why should they accept that lie from their government?
Yes, why should they accept that lie from their government, Sean?
Because your lies about Obamacare are every bit as good as Obama's lies are.
I'd say they're better.
I'd say they're better than Obamacare.
You can match them live or lie.
They're liarier.
Okay, so here we go.
He keeps going, right?
I reject that assertion that it's a lie.
So here's this guy, Dorsey.
He goes, I reject that assertion.
It's a lie.
But then he tries to get out some points while Sean talks over him and the rest of the crowd screams at him.
Ready?
Here we go.
But to address your questions, by addressing your question specifically.
You know what?
We pay less.
The fact, the essential facts are the things that are wildly popular about the Affordable Care Act, pre-existing conditions, staying on your parents' plan until you're 26.
If I could have a minute, folks.
So they just keep saying, as soon as he says something, they just keep screaming over him.
And it's all true what he's saying, by the way.
You can stay on your parents that people love the exchanges.
Here we go.
I just read you.
I just read you stats about Republicans liking Obamacare.
So here we go.
They're popularly, wildly popular.
Wilds are things that Republicans do not embrace.
The things that Republicans are talking about now.
Can I finish?
The insurance exchanges, the high-deductible plans.
Those are all Republican ideas that Democrats included in the Republican air audience.
I got to go.
Beat the company.
As you hear, Sean.
I got to go.
I got to go.
As soon as he said something, as soon as he said something that completely undermines Sean Hannity's BSA.
I got to go.
I got to go.
Got to wrap.
I got to go.
We got to go to the sponsor.
If my crowd isn't going to keep talking over you, I'm going to go.
Okay, but he doesn't go.
Hey, ask this audience.
Who here at the end?
So he goes, I got to go.
Let me ask this audience.
By the way, I don't have to go because I'm just going to talk over you.
I'm going to stop you from making those very cogent points that completely undermine my stupid argument.
And he goes on to another thing.
He goes, let me ask the audience.
Who thinks this is wildly popular?
So he goes, who thinks this is wildly popular?
Oh, they all have a good laugh.
And let me just give a couple.
Let me give you a little bit of information.
Did you know, according to an NBC News Wall Street Journal poll, that the Tea Party had an approval rating of 26%.
26%.
The congressional Republicans had an approval rating of 32%.
In the same poll, Ted Cruz, who led the effort to defund Obamacare, has an approval rating of 14%.
Speaker Boehner's approval rating is slightly better at 17%.
Comparatively speaking, the dreaded ACA has an approval rating of 46% in two different polls taken at the lowest point in the rollout fiasco.
So at the biggest point, the lowest point of the rollout, right, when people were hating it and the website, even then, Obamacare had a 46% approval rating.
It's not 51, Jimmy, so it's a total failure.
Right.
Yes.
So in other words, Obamacare is significantly more popular than the Speaker of the House, the Congressional Republicans, Ted Cruz, and the Tea Party.
Yeah, but Obamacare doesn't exist in a gerrymander district.
So that's the problem.
Yes, that is the problem.
The only aspect of Obamacare that Republican voters dislike is the individual mandate.
But I'm sure they would have felt differently had Republicans admitted that it was their idea.
And it used to, because that was their pick, that was everybody's got to pull their own weight.
That's that whole thing about giving individual responsibility, and now they want to get rid of it because, of course, a black guy.
And by the way, Nixon, in 1974, his comprehensive health insurance plan proposed it mandatory for businesses to provide health insurance for full-time employees.
So what he's trying to bust his balls by saying, hey, the wildly popular, it's twice as popular as the House Republicans.
Just so you know that.
Okay, so here we go.
It's not yet.
It will, but it will be.
It will be.
Yeah.
10 years, you'll be taking credit for it.
Sean Louis.
Wildly popular.
Wildly full of people.
No limit on lifetime suspenders.
So now here, guess who's there, right?
So Alan Combs is there.
So Alan Combs is there.
And he starts to say some stuff that's also positive about it.
And Sean, wow, just a lot, Jim.
Wildly full of things.
No limit on lifetime expenditures.
No limit on yearly expenditures.
I'm saying your parents planned a 26.
No punishment for existing.
I'll keep going.
Come on up next.
He goes, I'll keep going.
Sean just turns to the camera.
Coming up next.
Puppies.
Yes.
As always, when it comes to healthcare, Frank Hannity defends death and disease over someone getting to see a doctor.
And he's going to get to the bottom of this.
And I mean rock bottom.
Even Sean Henry is so deluded, even his commercial breaks are make-believe.
Yeah.
Yes.
And what a revelation, too, that the vast majority of Sean Hannity's hand-picked Fox News audience doesn't like Obamacare, even though they don't know what's in it, and they like the things that go on.
It's like saying in an alternative comedy club, well, do you people like James Cook?
You know, and of course everybody would say no.
But meanwhile, he's very popular.
Right, yes.
I would disagree.
I think it's closer to saying, do you guys like Henny Youngman?
And they'll say no.
And then you read off Henny Youngman's jokes and everybody's like, those are really good jokes.
Yeah, right.
You know what I mean?
Well, it's nice that Hannity thinks Americans were cruelly tricked into believing Obamacare was going to improve their lives, even though they've never liked it and still don't.
Even though Alan Combs, he's great by himself, but you can't help but wish he and Hannity were still making magic together, just like in May, right?
Is there anything we can do to get those two bad guys back together?
Oh, it's like they black.
It's like Simon and Garfunkel.
When Alan Combs applied for Obamacare, he listed always losing arguments as a preexistent.
And by the way, this past summer, $500 million in rebate checks were mailed to 8 million customers from their health insurance providers due to the Obamacare law mandating that the companies spend no more than 20% of each premium dollar on profit or overhead, technically known as the medical loss ratio.
So in cases where rebate checks were mailed out, insurance companies exceeded the 20% and were forced to reimburse their own customers.
So that happened.
8 million customers got checks that totaled $500 million because of this law.
So people are getting covered.
People are getting rebate checks.
Why don't those people ever go on TV?
It's a popular law.
I don't know.
I think John McCain was right after hearing all this evidence.
I think I'd rather have a healthcare savings account.
Yes, I'd rather have a healthcare savings account.
So people don't know the origin of Christmas, but I do because I'm smart.
and I looked it up so here I did Google it.
Did you know that, first of all, Christmas became celebrated on December 25th?
You know, it's actually a pagan holiday.
It was called Satumalia.
Satumano, if I'm pronouncing that correctly.
That's still my favorite kind of weed.
Is that Satumalia?
Satumala, it was the ancient Roman seven-day festival of Saturn, which began on December 17th.
And it was a celebration marked by unrestrained, that's very key here, unrestrained revelry and often licentiousness.
Licentiousness.
Licentiousness.
That's called positive.
Good, yes.
And then it says, and then it's a semicolon and it says an orgy.
Okay, so that's so that's the fact.
So that's how Christmas started.
It certainly would be very happy holidays.
It was a sex festival.
Even during the Victorian era, it had a naughtiness to it.
Yes.
Yes, it did.
That's why they banned it in Massachusetts for a number of years.
They were pilgrims because it was considered.
The Puritans did not like Christmas.
They thought Christmas was dirty.
It was dirty.
It was known as the one time of year fat guys could get laid.
Well, actually, one of the traditions of Christmas in England was that the wealthy and their servants would trade places.
And so you could order, if you're a servant, you could order around your master for the pinky.
So here are some of the, here are some of the festival's observations, observance in the time of the Greek poet Lucian, right?
He said, in addition to human sacrifice, which they would have on this festival, they also had widespread intoxication, going from house to house while singing naked, which was how Carolers got started.
This is true.
They would go to house to house singing naked while drunk, and then they would rape, and then they would have other sexual licentiousness.
Licentiousness, right?
And then they would consume human-shaped biscuits, still produced in some English and most German bakeries during the Christmas.
And then after that, things got weird.
And so in the fourth century, in the fourth century, Christianity co-opted this festival of Satumalia in hoping to get pagans to become Christians, right?
So they decided to start celebrating this.
And Christian leaders succeeded in converting to Christianity large numbers of pagans by promising them that they could still celebrate Satumalia as Christians.
So that's how they got these pagans to become Christians.
The problem was that there was nothing intrinsically Christian about Satamalia.
So to remedy this, the Christian leaders named Satamalia's concluding day, September 25th, to be Jesus' birthday.
They just made it up.
Right.
It's generally believed that Jesus was born probably in the spring, actually.
Uh-huh.
That makes a little more sense.
Jesus hated it because nothing is worse than when your birthday is on the same day as Christmas.
You don't get as many presents.
So the earliest Christmas holidays were celebrated by drinking, sexual indulgence, singing naked in the streets.
So that's how we get ripped off.
That's how Christmas got started.
But even in Northern Europe, where it was the solstice festival, again, it was a lot of drinking and stuff because it's the end of that food.
You know, it's everybody basically like having the last of the harvest food and hunkering down for the next couple of months.
So here's this thing about what happened in Massachusetts.
So the Reverend, this guy's name is Increase Mather.
That's his name, Increase is his first name.
The Reverend Increase Mather of Boston observed in 1687 that the yearly Christians who first observed the Nativity on December 25th did not do so thinking that Christ was born in that month, but because the heathens Satomalia Festival was at the time kept in Rome, and they were willing to have those pagan holidays metamorphosized into Christian ones.
Because of its known pagan origin, Christmas was banned by the Puritans, and its observance was illegal in Massachusetts between 1659 and 1681.
However, Christmas was still celebrated by most Christians.
Some of the most depraved customs of Satomalia's carnival were intentionally revived by the Catholic Church in 1466 when Pope Paul II, for the amusement of his Roman citizens, forced Jews to race naked through the streets of the city.
An eyewitness account reports, quote, before they were to run, the Jews were richly fed so as to make the race more difficult for them and at the same time more amusing for the spectators.
They ran amid Rome's taunting shrieks and pearls of laughter while the Holy Father stood upon a richly ornamented balcony and laughed heartily.
Good times.
But then they changed it, though.
They fed them afterwards and they told them at the end of their run there was a Chinese restaurant.
So it all worked out.
That made them run very fast.
So then in the 18th and 19th centuries, rabbis of the ghetto in Rome were forced to wear clownish outfits and marched through the city streets to the jeers of the crowd, pelted by a variety of missiles.
I'm guessing just stuff thrown at people.
And when the Jewish community of Rome sent a petition in 1836 to Pope Gregory the 16th begging him to stop the annual Satomalia abuse of the Jewish community, he responded by saying, quote, it is not opportune to make any innovations.
So on December 25th, 1881, Christian leaders whipped the Polish masses into anti-Semitic frenzies that led to riots across the country.
And in Warsaw, 12 Jews were brutally murdered.
Huge numbers were maimed, and many Jewish women were raped.
Two million rubles worth of property were destroyed.
That's all in the name of Christmas.
So that's how Christmas got started.
This is in the 18th century.
Is there anything you can't do?
So this is in the 18th and 19th century.
So that's the origin of Christmas, Megan Kelly.
Okay, just so you know.
It was a big orgy.
Santa Claus was still white, right?
And Santa Claus.
Okay, so you want to know how Santa Claus got started?
So Saint Nicholas was born in Parara, Turkey in 270 and later became the bishop of Myra.
He died in the year 345 on December 6th.
He was only named a saint in the 19th century, even though he died in 346.
So Nick...
Yes.
No kidding.
So Nicholas was among the most senior bishops who convened the Council of Nicaea in 325 and created the New Testament.
The text they produced portrayed Jews as the children of the devil who sentenced Jesus to death.
So this is Saint Nicholas.
So in 1087, a group of sailors who idolized Saint Nicholas moved his bones from Turkey to a sanctuary in Italy.
There, Nicholas supplanted a female boon-giving deity called the Grandmother or Pasqua Epiphania, who used to fill the children's stocking with their gifts.
So they got rid of her and they just started to give all these traits to this guy, St. Nick.
Because he couldn't say her name.
Couldn't say her name.
The grandmother was ousted from her shrine at Bari, which became the center of Nicholas's cult.
Members of his group gave each other gifts during a pageant they conducted annually on the anniversary of Nicholas's death on December 6th.
The Nicholas cult spread north until it was adopted by the Germans and the Celtic pagans.
These groups worship a pantheon led by Woden, their chief god and the father of Thor.
So this is how...
So Woodin, so this guy, so Wudin or Waden.
It's Odin.
You don't pronounce the W?
Odin?
Okay, so Odin had a long white beard and rode a horse through the heavens one evening each autumn.
When St. Nicholas merged with Odin, he shed the Mediterranean appearance, meaning grew a beard, mounted a flying horse, rescheduled his flight from autumn to December, and donned heavy winter clothing.
So in a bid for pagan adherence in Northern Europe, the Catholic Church adopted the Nicholas cult and taught that he did distribute gifts on December 25th instead of December 6th.
So this is how Santa Claus got started.
So in 1809, the novelist Washington Irving, who's most famous for the legend of Sleepy Hollow, wrote a satire of Dutch culture entitled Knickerbocker History.
The satire refers to several times to be the white-bearded flying horse writing St. Nicholas used in his Dutch name, Santa Claus.
So this in 1809 is how Santa Claus really got started.
So he wrote this thing, and then Dr. Clement Moore, a professor at Union Seminary, read the Knickerbocker history, and in 1822, he published a poem based on the character Santa Claus, Twas the Night Before Christmas.
So that happened in 1822.
1823 was the first parody of the night.
So then the Bavarian illustrator Thomas Nash almost completed the modern picture of Santa Claus.
From 1862 to 1886, based on that poem, Nass drew more than 2,000 cartoon images of Santa for Harper's Weekly.
Before Nass, St. Nicholas had been pictured as everything from a stern-looking bishop to a gnome-like figure in a frock.
But Nass also gave Santa a home at the North Pole, his workshop filled with elves, and his list of good and bad children of the world.
All Santa was missing was the red outfit.
So that came from this illustrator, Thomas Nass, in 1862.
He made up pretty much Santa, right?
Wow.
He should be getting, his family should be getting royalties.
As Robert mentioned last week, in 1931, the Coca-Cola Corporation contracted the Swedish commercial artist, Haddon Sundblom, to create a Coca-Cola drinking Santa.
And this guy, this artist Sundblom, modeled his Santa on his friend Lou Prentence, chosen for his cheerful, chubby face.
The corporation insisted that Santa's fur-trimmed suit be bright Coca-Cola red.
And Santa Claus was born, a blend of Christian crusader, pagan God, and a Coca-Cola commercial idol.
So when Santa has a red coat, it's because of Coca-Cola.
It has nothing to do with anything.
This completely invented thing, Santa Claus.
I actually, the subtler thing that's interesting about this is when people are always like, Santa, this is, do you understand that the idea of Santa Claus is cultish?
It's the worst form of idolatry that is condemned in the New Testament and the Old Testament.
Yes.
Like it's at the point that there was a cult of St. Nicholas.
It was very common.
There were cults all the time at that point in the ancient world.
And that's exactly what Christianity and Judaism were fighting against were these weird splinter cults.
Yes.
And so for them to say, well, Santa Claus is part of the, is this sacred part of the canon?
No, it couldn't be further.
It's actually seditious to the canon.
So I agree.
Yes.
So again, as a lot of things in life, what's come to be accepted as a truism in modern or in mainstream culture, the exact opposite would be true, especially when things are surrounding religion.
You know, they say on the first day God created man or and grad, or they say God created man in his own likeness and image.
When we all know anybody who's thinking rational and not completely devoted to fantasy knows that the reverse happened, that God didn't invent man in his own likeness and image.
Man created God in his own likeness and image.
And that's why God has a beard and looks like Santa.
So am I supposed to give Coca-Cola to my friends this Christmas?
So the exact opposite.
I love Coca-Cola.
You like Mexican Coca-Cola, friends.
Are you trying to tell me that there's no Santa Claus?
I'm trying to tell you.
There's no Santa Claus.
All right.
That's it.
That's all our show.
We're all done.
What do you guys say, Frank?
Go ahead.
I don't know if the consensus is, but this is an absolutely true story.
When I was a kid and I believed in Santa Claus, this friend of mine, I guess I was five years old, said he told me there was no Santa Claus.
And he said, Frank, when you get older and as you're going off to college, your parents are going to tell you there's no Santa Claus.
Keep going after.
Beep.
There we go.
What would I like for Christmas?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I did probably should have been.
This is Ron Paul here.
You know, what I want for Christmas.
Well, I'm sure I don't know.
More freedom.
That'd be nice.
More freedom for everyone to, you know, from all of these taxes and regulations.
I mean, wouldn't that be a great Christmas if you could say, oh, no taxes.
I have all the tax money to go get a prostitute and buy an unregistered hand again.
I mean, that would be pleasant, wouldn't it?
I suppose I'd also like to also ignore all the foreigners who are, you know, foreign with their problems and stuff.
You know, I mean, everyone's all excited about how well AIDS relief has worked overseas.
But I just think it's a terrible thing.
If we had left the whole thing alone by now, countries like Rwanda, you know, they'd have developed sophisticated medical and economic infrastructures with nothing more than chicken bones and gumption.
And speaking of Africa, you know, I guess what I really like for Christmas is a nice minstrel show.
I miss those.
Those were so much fun.
When I was a kid, Old Man 50 and Cooter McGillicottis would pretend to be colored and sing and dance.
Oh, it is great.
Son.
What happened to those?
That's what I want from Santa, a minstrel show.
Maybe get that Miley Cyrus girl, slap some shoe polish on it and have her sing the jig of the Arkansas Darkies.
I think we're going to pay for that one.
Anyway, I can't buy.
Okay, those are Ron Paul's Christmas wish.
Very nice.
Okay, that's our show for this week right before Christmas, huh?
Look at us putting together a whole show.
And guess what?
What's coming up on the premium content this week?
We've got a Herman Kane.
Cashed out.
Herman Kane's going to give us his Christmas wish list.
And there's a lot more stuff.
So how do you get the premium content, Jimmy?
I tell you every week, all you got to do, you swing over to JimmyDorkComedy.com, you click on premium, and then you make your $5 donation.
And it's only $5 a month to be a premium member.
That's not much.
And whoever, I forgot who gave me the heads up for Sam Cedar's technical guy.
I did contact him.
And Kyle is going to be setting up our thing for us.
What do you call it?
Our app so that we can do all this stuff through the app so you don't have to do it through the website.
But okay, so that's that's how you do it.
Get that.
Today's show.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Coniff, Mike McRae, Steph Samurano, Mark Van Landu, Robert Gesembura, and Steve Rosenfield.
And the voices today performed all have been performed by the inimitable Mike McRae.
And a big said thanks also to Sean James, who donates his time and talent to help make our computers run.
You can get a hold of Sean.
He can fix your computer, your Macintosh right over the internet.
Send him an email at machelp at seanjames.com.
Also, okay, also, that's it, I guess.
That's it for this week.
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