All Episodes
Previous Next
Aug. 24, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:05
20130824_The_JImmy_Dore_Show_8-23-13
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Uh, wait.
This week, the National Archives and Records Administration released the last 340 hours of Richard Nixon's White House tapes, and they proved definitively he was a jerk.
Another 700 hours of unreleased Nixon tapes have been sealed for reasons of national security and because they're mostly just blues jams.
Of course, Nixon's famous downfall came because his paranoia was so out of control, he tapped his own phone.
Ruthlessly political, Nixon was obsessed with destroying Ted Kennedy.
Fortunately for him, so was Ted Kennedy.
Many of the newly released conversations were recorded during Watergate, which changed politics so completely that all future scandals must contain the word gate.
Nixon often sounds angry and vindictive on the tapes, but only if he was in a good mood.
His conversations from the spring of 1973 show a president so disparited he barely had the strength to blame the Jews.
For anyone who remembers those years, Nixon's impeachment is now considered the last time Congress did something right.
Following his resignation, lawmakers ushered in campaign finance reforms, but eventually ushered them right out again.
Of course, much has changed since Nixon's time.
Now the White House records everything we say.
As for his place in history, scholars generally agree that while Nixon was far from our greatest president, he does hold the record for most times using the phrase sons of bitches.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to T-Dogs.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined on the phone all the way from New York City in Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hello there.
All right.
Across the glass from me, hilarious comedian, former writer for the daily show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you, buddy?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you tonight?
I'm doing fantastical.
Doing fantastical.
And Cross, we have a special guest sitting in with us today, my old buddy from Chicago, hilarious comedian Ted Lyde is here.
Hey, Ted, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy, good to see you.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming.
Ted, you can't tell by his voice, is that African-American?
We're going to keep harping on that.
That's going to come into play later on.
That's going to come into play.
It's a problem with radio and podcasts.
Yes.
We have to keep pointing that out, but we'll point it out.
We're going to talk about the Stop and Frisk again this week.
And so I thought, you know, maybe instead of having four white guys sit around and talk about it, we actually have a black guy on who maybe might have some insight.
I don't know what kind, but I bet there'll be some.
Next to him, hilarious comedian, former writer for The Daily Show and the author of Morning Remembrance, hilarious obituaries of real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy, how's my driving?
Use his number here if you have any problems, okay?
All right, here we go.
Okay.
Politics.
All right, let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Hey, Maureen Dowd.
Maureen Dowd got in trouble this week for misquoting and being a jerk.
And the New York Times says that she's learned her lesson and won't engage in any more irresponsible journalism until her next column.
Am I right?
Am I right?
Come on, am I right?
You know, Maureen Dowd apologizing for a crappy column.
It's kind of like Justin Bieber apologizing for a shitty song.
Am I right?
Come on.
Am I right?
Am I right?
You're right.
Jimmy, you can't see it because I'm in New York, but I'm totally backing you up on that.
Oh, thank you for backing me up.
Ladies, take a breather.
I'm twerking.
I'm twerking in the middle of the day to that joke.
I like, do you invent that word twerking?
I like that.
That's a good word, Jim.
Twerking out.
Twerking?
Twerking.
Yes, you're going to twerk it out.
That's when you work something out on Twitter, right?
No, it's actually a butt dance that's prominent amongst the African-American community.
Yeah.
And now I'm officially offended.
Are you kidding me?
I'm offended that this white kid is doing this twerking.
And that you didn't know it's working.
Is that really what twerking is?
And I have no ass.
I don't know what a butt dance is.
I have no ass.
I just have a crease.
Oh.
It's a predominantly butt-motivated and isolated dance where you just take your butt.
Look at the bright side of just having a creep.
You can shit standing up.
That's right.
You don't have to worry.
You don't have to.
On a dare.
Like, if you're jogging, you don't have to slow down.
I've been stopped and twerked so many times on the streets.
It's outrageous.
And I demand action.
I recommend YouTube if you want to.
I want this petition.
If you really want to get to the bottom of it, twerk and go to YouTube there.
Plenty of it.
So I don't know.
I've been watching a little more TV.
I like watching Breaking Bad because I can't wait to see what's going to happen next.
And on the newsroom, I fall asleep waiting to see what happened last year.
At a boy.
You know, I signed a pledge today online to never use the kinds of phrases that hacky comedians use, right?
Who were the ad winters who came up with that petition?
I appreciate Jim Earl holding the laugh-in.
I've never seen him hold the laugh in harder than just now.
That was nice.
Hey, Michael Savage, they're going to replace Sean Hannity.
Did you hear about that?
He's Cumulus going to drop Sean Hannity.
Michael Savage says he'll replace him.
Isn't that like replacing Leopold with Loeb?
Good reference.
Leopold with Loeb.
Nice visual take there, too.
I like the way you held your facial expression.
Even on the radio, I love it.
I mug even on the radio.
You know what's great about that joke, Jimmy, is even if you had done it in 1933, it would have been dated.
Oh, really?
Okay.
Some time ago.
I get it.
So we're going to, what's coming up on today's show?
The Daily Caller wrote a column, covered the story of Barack Obama's family getting a new dog.
And how does it end?
It just might surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, we take a look at Stop and Frisk David Gregory on Press to Meet interviewed the New York City police chief.
Who, by the way, could that guy look more like a Nazi?
Have you seen?
What's his name, Ray?
What's his name?
Kelly?
Ray Kelly.
That guy, I got it.
The central casting, we need a Nazi-like looking hard ass.
If that guy doesn't have a swastika tattoo on his neck, I'll eat my long-form birth certificate.
He looks like Irwin Rommel.
Yeah, I don't know who that is.
I thought he was Irish, but an Irish cop in New York, that's too far fetched.
Yeah, that's a little crazy.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, the N-word or cracker?
Which one's worse?
The answer won't surprise you one bit.
That's a question CNN asks.
Can I add one thing that we should talk about?
Yeah.
I read this.
DMX was arrested for the III time in MMXIII.
Okay, I don't know what.
Roman numerals.
I can't even follow that joke.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
My God.
You have a real, just obsession with the culture, don't you?
I love you.
Oh, that's all.
We're bringing the two races together.
Oh, okay.
Is that what we're talking about?
There are only two races, by the way.
I don't recognize any other races.
That wasn't an iClaudius reference.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Herman Kane, Reince Priebus, Bill O'Reilly, and we have a caller, a KPFK listener who was offended by our show last week, calls in to complain.
That's right.
That's coming up today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
Jimmy Dore Show.
This portion of the Jimmy Door show brought to you by Johnson's Johnsons.
Need a better Johnson that should have pleased the ladies?
Try on the Johnson's Johnsons for size.
Oh, yeah, that'll do the trick.
Johnson's Johnsons.
They'll stop laughing and pointing and start yelping for more.
So CNN actually did this.
I was watching CNN, and they were talking about the Trayvon Martin case themselves, and they were talking about the N because in the case, it was revealed that Trayvon Martin said there was a cracker following him, right?
Creepy ass cracker.
Creepy ass cracker.
Now, Ted, let me ask you: the term cracker, I never, as a white person, I never, I mean, it's hard for me as a white person to debate the word cracker because, you know, me, I've never been called a cracker.
It's never been used against me.
No one's ever said that to me.
I never even thought of it.
I've called, I thought cracker meant like a redneck.
That's what I thought.
So I've used the term redneck, and I always thought that was interchangeable with cracker.
So when that girl, I forget her name, was testifying in the Trayvon Martin case, the girl who was on the phone with Trayvon when he got killed.
They asked, so the judge, the lawyer asked, here's what the lawyer said.
Creepy ass cracker?
Yes.
So it was racial, but it was.
Trayvon Martin put race in this.
So the judge says it was racial, but it was racial because Trayvon Martin brought race into it.
Yeah, you know how he was black all over the place, made that guy follow him because he was black.
Anyway, it's just the weirdest thing.
And then he says it to this girl, and she said, no, that doesn't make it racist.
And so he goes on.
You don't think that's a racial comment?
No.
You don't think that creepy ass cracker is a racial comment?
No.
So now, now, Ted, now, does she, now, I'm going to ask you, so I don't know this.
I don't know.
I'm going to ask you.
Okay.
Now, I'm going to guess, you know, you're a black man.
You must have grown up black.
I was a Weebelow for a few years.
Okay.
So now, is she, now she's a 19-year-old black kid.
And is cracker just something that they use like redneck or is it not necessarily racist?
No, no.
Yeah, it's not.
I mean, it is and it's not.
It's so, it's like hunky.
There hasn't been an effective word to demoralize white people to the level of nigger ever.
And then there never will be.
Right.
Oh, Faye.
Right.
You know, you go to that Richard Pryor bit on Saturday Night Live.
Saturday Live, right?
When he said, when Chevy Chase said the N-word, it trumped it.
Right.
That was it.
And that showed that that trumped it because what Richard Pryor said back was dead white boy or dead white boy.
Yeah, dead honky.
Yeah.
Honky.
Honky honky.
Dead hunky.
Yeah.
He didn't have another word.
Yeah.
So, no, I mean, yes, it's racial, but it's also descriptive.
It's also him being, he's obviously being followed and he's trying to describe the person who's following him.
So CNN decides to have a panel to discuss this.
And the topic of the panel, the discussion was, literally, I'm going to just say, it said the N-word or cracker, which is worse.
Now, my knee-jerk to that, my knee-jerk to that is, I'm going to guess the one that's worse is the one you don't even feel comfortable spelling.
You won't even spell it, let alone say it.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah.
That would be.
Well, they had to do that as opposed to say, which is worse, the N-word or the C-word.
And in that case, the C-word went.
I've been called a lion-ass drunken motherfucking schistane reprobate.
Wow.
But you don't see your dad that often.
And that's if he likes you.
So here's the question.
Don Lemon, by the way, black guy, gay guy, CNN.
Oh, God.
He was hosting this panel.
And here was his question.
So they played that clip of her.
And this was right around when Paula Dean, when it all came out, Paula Dean, Trayvon Martin, Cracker.
So here's the question he asks.
Is there really a difference between witness Rachel Gentel and Paula Dean's racism denials?
Is there a difference?
This should be called questions that never need to be asked.
This should be the name of this segment.
Questions no one ever has to ask because the answers are so obvious.
But they ask them, right?
So then, so they bring on a guy to answer the question.
Don Lemon at CNN brings on this guy.
He's a smart guy about race stuff.
And here's what he says, why it's not the same thing.
The difference is a difference of about 47 years.
I think to expect a 19-year-old to know the history of a term like cracker, as opposed to a 66-year-old knowing the history of the N-word is just a ridiculous comparison, obviously.
Okay, so we answered the question, and a segment should be over, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong.
White people owned other human beings, black ones, as slaves.
Right.
And black people didn't, you know, in the same country.
So I don't understand what the fuck?
Right.
I mean, again, so this guy makes that point.
So he just made that point.
So then Don asks an even dumber question.
And did Martin bring race into it by using the term?
So he actually forwards that question that the lawyer asked, wasn't it Trayvon Martin who made this racial when he said cracker?
That's the question Don Lemon literally asked.
That's another question you don't have to ask.
So When Trayvon Martin was being followed because he was black, he turned it into a racial thing.
Yes, that's the pretend question.
Now, Don Lemon will defend himself by saying, I don't agree with that question.
Well, it's a dumb question.
So here the guy answers that stupid question.
Did Trayvon Martin bring race into it?
The problem with that argument is that, first of all, it's comparing, you know, to be on point with this case.
It's like comparing Skittles and a handgun.
They simply don't have the same power.
So the word cracker and the N-word don't have the same power.
And that's what he's made.
So, so there you go.
This guy pretty much cleared it up.
Segment should be over.
Again, I'm thinking the segment should be over.
But then Don Lemon, Don Lemon wasn't so sure about this.
Wasn't so sure.
Don Lemon had to ask another question.
Is he right?
Is he right?
Yes, he's right.
Yes, of course he's right.
There's no comparison between the N-word and cracker.
But then they go on the streets.
He goes, is he right?
And he goes on the street and he writes down racial slurs on index cards and shows it to people.
Doesn't say the word, shows the index card to people.
Again, questions no one has to ask.
He has spic written down.
He has the N-word written down.
He has cracker written down on index cards.
And he shows.
It's a weird test that he's studying.
Are you trying to get into the KKK?
Why would you need these?
These are weird flashcards.
So he goes on the street and he shows these to people.
shows it to a black guy and here's the first They're both derogatory.
They're both racist.
So now he's holding up the index cards.
One says the N-word, one says cracker.
The black guy says they're both racist, but...
I guess it's a psychological thing.
If someone were to call me a hunker cracker, I don't think it would offend me as much as this word offends other people.
And from my experience, so that's a white person saying exactly what everyone knows.
No, cracker doesn't bother us like the N-word Chabot.
That doesn't have any effect on us.
And why should it?
And doesn't.
Doesn't.
Again, remember the time the black people sold and raped the crackers and couldn't do it.
Don Lennon.
Remember when they used to call him crackers as they lynched them?
Yeah.
Yes.
Remember those days?
So they're asking.
Don Lemon.
I just think of cheese when I think of crackers.
I just think of cheese.
Delicious cheese and crackers.
So here he keeps asking these questions.
You hear other people saying this word or this word as opposed to that word.
This still offends you more.
Yes.
Even if it's a black person calling a white person that with those words.
Even if it's a black person calling a white person cracker.
Yes.
Someone saying the N-word.
I'm being completely honest, yes.
Okay, so did you hit this point any harder?
So now we've got, we've had this answered a million times for us.
So now they figure the segment's over.
No, they go to a panel.
They have a panel come on to discuss this, which is worse, the N-word or cracker.
And they go to the panel.
And then, once again, somebody explains it to Don Lemon pretty clearly.
Again, we don't need it explained again, but somebody does it even better.
I have a lot of, I have trouble comparing those words, Don, because you can't compare the stories behind those words.
So let's take Cracker, for instance.
If anybody calls me a cracker, big deal, there's no power associated with it.
You call me a honky.
There's no privilege, no power associated with it.
Now, if generations of my people had been systematically, categorically discriminated against, and some of them lynched while mobs of people screamed, kill the honky, goodbye, cracker.
That would be different for me.
The narrative around the N-word carries so much evil attached to it that for many of us in the majority, we have a hard time connecting to the depth of the pain.
Oh, really?
So there, he just lays it out.
He just laid it out.
There's the history of the words and why they're one, what they have connected.
And then he says, but the majority, meaning white people in America, can't really understand the depth of the pain of this.
And when he says this, immediately a white lady on the panel, they had been talking about rap lyrics before and how she listens to rap music and stuff.
So after he makes that point, pretty poignant point, he goes on to, he ends his point by saying this.
That word has been used to demoralize, dehumanize, to paralyze, and sometimes kill groups of people.
And from what I know from my friends and family who are people of color around the country, when they hear that word, it cuts to the bone.
Wow.
And so how about a white person?
Can give me an example of how you don't get it.
This is what she said right after that.
After a quick break.
Right after.
To music, I think.
She goes, I'm still going to sing in my car.
After that guy made that eloquent, very heavy.
What's that supposed to mean?
Very heavy.
She's going to still sing the N-word.
And so they come.
Yeah, so do I. I listen to Rapper.
So he's trying to go to a commercial.
She screams, but I'm still going to.
So like, just the most inappropriate thing you could say at that moment, right?
Just the most, you know, even though, even though that might be true, what are you doing?
What do you say?
Yeah, but I'm still going to say N-word.
I'm still going to say.
So then they come back and Don Lemon says this to her.
You know, when you said that, you reminded me of the Chris Rock skit where he's talking about when he's with his white friends and the rap song is on.
And when he gets to the part for the N-word, they're like, and then they start whispering.
And he goes, I know in their car alone, when they're in their car alone or they're home alone, they're screaming it to the top of their lungs.
You're still going to sing along and say the word.
Why?
You think that's okay?
Well, my kids and I follow this great YouTuber who tells us to insert a W. So we say wigga when we sing.
But that's our way of doing it.
So she's one of those people who is so annoying.
She tries to be on every side of the goddamn issue.
So you want to appeal to the racist when you say, I'm still going to say it, but then you don't still say it because you know it's wrong.
So you don't actually say it.
You don't say the N-word.
You say wigger.
You say it with a W because you know there's something wrong.
You know what's even worse?
Don Lemon said skit instead of sketch.
Fuck.
I think it was a routine.
I don't think it was a sketch.
So then Don Lemon actually explains to us why people were upset with Paula Dean.
And I think he gives a pretty clear recitation of why people got upset with Paula Dean.
If you listen to people who support Paula Dean or who don't, their problem is really not with the N-word that she said a few years ago.
Their problem is with her seemingly not understanding the cultural references and what is wrong with what she did and wanting to us, seemingly by coming on television, to feel sorry for the position that she's in and not to feel sorry for her.
And people are feeling sorry for her actually because she's so ignorant about what she's not understanding about.
It's also.
Okay, so now I say this, Ted.
Yeah.
So if that's why people are upset with Paula Deen, because she doesn't even understand the ignorance that she possesses, right?
That's what people are.
She doesn't understand how insensitive she is culturally.
Yeah.
Why does Donald Trump still have a television show on NBC?
I don't know.
I don't know.
And the fact that he, Arsenio Hall was the big winner last year, which just blew me away.
The fact that, and I love Arsenio, but the fact that he would even go on that show and compete and participate after all the horrible, just derogatory, disrespectful things that he said.
And it was great on The Apprentice, too, to see Penn Jillette, who is normally a blowhard bully, groveling before Donald Trump to win the contest.
Yeah.
Wow, I didn't see it.
I can't watch that show.
Neither can I. It's just gross.
I think it's gross that Donald Trump has a television show in America.
My family and I have sworn off anything.
If he even comes on the news or the Tonight Show or whatever, it's an automatically turn the TV off.
He's just the worst kind of race baiter.
And yet everyone's upset at Paula Deen, but Donald Trump gets a complete pass.
I could give a s*** to Donald Trump.
I could give Paula Deen.
I think that she's an old white woman who's raising the South.
Right.
And so, you know, well, no, I mean, f*** her.
She knew, there was no ignorance of what she was doing.
She knew exactly what she was doing.
I'm not saying that there was ignorance.
I'm saying that if you pull a frog out of a swamp, it is what it is.
Yes.
You know, it has no, it has no, it has no motives for being what the f*** it is.
You know, just the vilification that she got in the context of what Jimmy was just saying, of the fact that all these people, like Matt Lauer, who felt so morally superior to her, and meanwhile he's on a network that has a TV show with Donald Trump, and he will never, ever, ever say anything about that.
Never.
No, or, by the way, how about the fact that CNN just gave a job to Newt Gingrich, one of the biggest race baiters I've ever seen in this country?
Newt Gingrich, whose campaign for president was overtly racist, now has a show every night on CNN.
Every night.
Every night.
So here, let me, so Don Lemon ends by this.
Here's what he has to say about, so Don Lemon says this about Paula Deen, right?
Now, Don Lemon is, he has that disease that a lot of liberals have.
They have a deep-seated need to be liked and thought of as reasonable by people who hate them.
That's essential to being on CNN.
It's essential.
So here he is, so here's what he says about Paula Deen.
I'm saying my personal opinion on CNN as an anchor.
I don't think Paula Deen should be fired.
I think that it should be, the marketplace should decide.
If you don't like Paula Deen, then you shouldn't buy her products.
I don't think anyone should be fired.
First of all, Don, the marketplace did decide.
And then this guy makes that point and listen to Don come back.
He decided.
Right.
Yeah, but the marketplace, no, no, not true.
I was going to go to break.
That's not true.
That's not true.
The marketplace did not decide.
Her bosses decided.
Corporate America decided.
People bought her books.
Because they thought it was bad business, Don.
She's number one.
Yeah, but they thought it was bad business.
But it's not bad business.
So that's Don Lemon not understanding what the marketplace is.
The government didn't come in and fire Paula Deen.
The marketplace did.
Oh, no, her boss fired her.
Yeah, her boss, who works at her private marketplace company in a marketplace, fired her because he thought it was bad for business to keep her on inside his marketplace.
Right.
That's what happened.
It wasn't the government came in and fired her.
Nobody made the corporation.
That's called the marketplace.
No, even Don Lemon looks at the corporations as the government.
Yeah, and he's trying to imply that to let all of her products collect cobwebs on the shelves.
That is the marketplace speaking.
If once her stuff completely stopped selling, then she must have failed.
But no, it's the other thing.
It's the fact that your boss is saying, we don't need this kind of crap.
So Don Lemon, there's lots of different ways that capitalism works, Don.
One of the ways capitalism works is that you didn't get your job because of the marketplace.
You got your job because somebody at CNN hired you.
The same guy who's going to eventually fire you.
Hired you.
And that's how the marketplace works.
You f***.
So we got a phone call from, we got a complaint last week.
And I just thought I'd play it on the show.
We get a lot of complaints.
I don't play them all.
So here's one of them.
Um, hello.
Yes.
Um, I would...
Okay.
Here we go.
Is he from China?
I don't think so.
I would like to call and complain about something I heard on last week's show.
We're in a so-called comedian named Jim Earl.
Did a quote-unquote comedy bit that was unbelievably offensive.
I literally could not believe what I was hearing.
What Mr. Earl, who's very surname, by the way, evokes a northern European aristocracy.
And it ended up oppressing most of the world.
I don't think that's a coincidence.
What Mr. Earl made this shtick about was a phony eulogizing of the inventor of cryogenics.
And he did not fail to use that opportunity to make jokes.
Sorry, quote-unquote jokes.
At the expense of the elderly.
But not just the elderly.
The subset of the elderly that's most vulnerable, which is those about to die.
The more of them.
That is perhaps the most unprotected class in our society.
And the fact that he's making jokes about that is shameful.
Not to mention the fact he didn't even bring up the topic of the socioeconomic divide that's pervasive in the cryogenic industry.
In that African Americans and other socioeconomic groups cannot afford cryogenics.
It's extremely offensive.
So all sorts of white privileged people are being frozen and stored for the future.
It's basically sort of this future holocaust that's happening.
And Mr. Earl doesn't even address that.
With the fact that, you know, underprivileged minorities could conceivably be frozen and
thawed out and cured of their diseases like home by homeopathy just like everyone else who does get frozen and he didn't address any of that and it was extremely irresponsible and thoughtless and i have contacted salon.com about this hopefully they'll be in contact with you and i am a devoted listener to the jimmy door
show.
And I don't think it's unreasonable for me to expect to have some input into the content.
Well, there's a lot of, there's numerous other things that I wanted to talk about, but I don't, I have, I have to go feed my sugar gliders.
Okay.
I'm very angry.
Hello, podcast listeners.
It's me, Jimmy.
I hope you're enjoying the show.
This is the part of the show when I let you know that this show is made possible by the generous support of our listeners.
That's you, people.
Yes, that's right.
For you who like the show, love the show, or even hate the show.
If you like to support the show, we love you.
There's three easy ways you could help support the show.
I'll tell you about the easiest way.
Use our Amazon.com box the next time you buy something from Amazon.
That's it.
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on the Amazon box.
It takes you to Amazon.
And when you buy something, they send us money.
It's just that easy.
It doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon, but it really does help support the show.
And thanks to everybody who thinks of us when they shop at Amazon and uses our Amazon box.
Thank you very much.
The other way you can help support the show is when you send flowers, if you use ProFlowers, which is a great company, you just go to proflowers.com, you click on the microphone in the upper right-hand corner, you type in Jimmy D, that's our passcode.
That's going to get you a free vase.
Plus, they're going to send us some money.
It's just that easy.
Yes.
And why would you send flowers in August, Jimmy?
Because as I have been trying to tell everyone, the best time to send a woman flowers or anyone flowers that you're interested in is when there's no reason.
That's when they go crazy.
Makes sense, right?
So what do you have to do?
You go to proflowers.com.
You click on the microphone in the upper right-hand corner.
You type in Jimmy D. They send you a free vase and they send us some money.
So thanks for doing that.
Thanks for using the Amazon box.
And ProFlowers is a great company, guaranteed fresh for a week.
They're flowers.
They always get top marks from J.D. Power and Associates as the number one satisfied customers, florists on the internet.
So that, so take care of us by taking care of each other and sending flowers.
Proflowers.com.
Okay, let's get back to the second half of the show.
Promotional consideration provided to new jerk off.
Bothered by a jerk who won't leave you alone.
Spray a load of jerk-off right in his face.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Reince Priebus called me.
All right.
Reince Priebus.
Reince Priebus.
Hey, Jimmy, this is Reince Priebus calling.
Chairman of the RNC.
I realize that yours is a comedy show, so you're probably going to make fun of my name like all the other shows.
Yeah, I would like to.
Anyway.
But you should know that Reince Priebus is a family name, and it's also a magic spell.
If you say it three times in a row, a tiny Joseph A. Bank retail store will appear in your butler's pantry.
But, Jimmy, I didn't call to talk to you about my absolutely bananas name.
I called to talk to you about the Republican Party.
You liberals love counting us out.
But my friend, I assure you, we are a Phoenix rising.
And they say there's a civil war in our party between the libertarian wing and the traditional wing.
But you know who won the actual Civil War?
Republicans.
That's right.
Abraham Lincoln was our greatest hero and role model.
Well, except for the libertarian wing.
They think he was a war criminal.
But hey, Jimmy, we're the party of the Big Tenth.
We welcome with open arms into our ranks this gaggle of neo-Confederate white supremacist revisionists who think that the very founding ideals of the GOP were fascist in nature.
Jimmy, I don't call that an identity crisis of almost laughable magnitude.
I call that diversity of opinion.
And that's what makes our party so strong.
Maybe you Democrats could take a note from us on that instead of requiring absolute obedience to the Obama tri-nation.
And you wouldn't have to resort to making movies and mini-series about Hillary Clinton on broadcast television.
That's insane, Jimmy.
That's like if a few years before Rudy Giuliani ran for president, there was a cable TV movie about his heroic handling of 9-11 starring James Woods.
Oh, wait, that's exactly what happened.
Never mind.
But we Republicans also have something you don't, Jimmy.
Rage.
Now, I know you personally have rage issues, Jimmy, but I need the Democrats as a party.
The past two presidential elections were stolen from us.
And our valiant efforts to resist the schemes of this usurper to save our country, Jim, were excoriated, mocked, derided by the likes of you and Chris Matthews and Joan Walsh.
Do you know what it's like, Jimmy, to be constantly called obstructionist, being misogynist, accused of racism by a bunch of fucking blacks?
It boils our middle-aged white guy blood, Jimmy.
It has made us a white, hot political machine bent on destruction and domination.
Jimmy, the Republican Party is now driven by rage and spite, morally unaccountable, and devoid of a sense of humor.
For a party that marginalizes women, we are collectively very much like a woman.
And hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
And who's in charge of this juggernaut?
Me.
The kid from Wisconsin, who they say would never amount to anything, would come home every day from middle school, covered in towel welts from the locker room, who's had two separate match.com profiles shut down by the administrator.
Me, Reince Priebus.
Reince Priebus.
Reince Priebus.
Boom!
Savings off the rack.
That was Reince Priebus.
I don't know if you guys know that, but know this, but that was a spot on Reince Priebus.
I can't remember his voice.
That was, I know, that's what I was saying.
I'm saying, like, you guys are not appreciating how much he is nailing Reince Priebus right now.
The Jimmy Dorr show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them, too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
So we all know about Stop and Frisk, and police chief Ray Kelly and Mayor Bloomberg are taking a lot of heat in New York City for their stop and frisk policies, which they say they're only targeting criminals.
And is it their fault that so many black and Hispanics live in New York City?
It's not their fault, right?
They didn't tell them to move here.
Yeah, all those law-abiding citizens just happen to look exactly like criminals.
It's not their fault.
So Ray Kelly goes on meet the press with David Gregory.
David Gregory comes at him right away with a good question.
Ready?
Here we go.
You have a debate who's going to be the next mayor of New York City.
If a program like Stop and Frisk is abandoned, will people die?
Bam!
Right there you go.
David Gregg.
David Gregory.
You know, I hope those rumors about David Gregory being replaced aren't true because who's going to come up with shittier questions than that?
You can't replace him.
Luke Ruthford is waiting in the wave.
So that's his first question.
David Gregg, are people going to die?
Hey, could you, I think at that moment, even if you could see if you look really closely, even Ray Kelly was like stunned at how loaded that question was.
Maybe David Gregory's trying to trap Kelly to making ridiculous responses by asking ridiculous questions.
He actually answers that question.
Well, I think no question about it, violent crime will go up.
Okay.
He had to take a pause.
Like, did you really just ask me that question?
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, so if we start treating that way, we've said this on the show before.
If New York police start treating blacks and Hispanics the same way whites, the same way they treat whites, the blacks and Hispanics are going to start murdering everyone.
I mean, isn't that, that's what he's saying, right?
Yeah, if you exercise basically the same principles that you use at a Supermax prison on the streets of New York City and target, you know, the blacks and Hispanics, then yes, crime is going to go down because you're using a tactic that is unconstitutional.
It's a police state, yes.
That's the thing about liberty and freedom.
It's a little messy sometimes, right, Ted?
But if you get rid of that, I mean, look at Singapore.
I mean, all you have to do is get rid of freedom and liberty, and you'll have a clean street.
Yeah, but not the guns.
Don't get rid of the guns.
Just get rid of, just frisk the people who might have a gun.
And it turned out, Frank, what made the judge conclude that this was way more racist than anything, not only all the statistics, but the one statistic was more white people have guns on them than blacks or Hispanics when they stop per capita.
So the percentage of whites carrying guns is higher than that of blacks or Hispanics, yet they still keep stopping blacks or Hispanics eight to one over white people.
So that couldn't be more racist policies.
Anyway, what are we going to say, Frank?
Well, I was going to say that when the Gestapo was patrolling the streets of Germany, it had a very low crime rate.
Very low.
Hey, you say what you want, but in the Third Reich, you could leave your wallet on a bar top and you come back the next day.
If there wasn't any Jews around, it would still be there, right?
Am I wrong about this?
This is the Third Reich.
So the statistics that are interesting is that they've stopped and frisked 5 million black men in New York City since 2004 when they started this.
Bloomberg started ramping this up.
If they stop and frisk one more, they get a free one.
That actually turns out, Frank, to be more black men that actually live in New York City that they frisk.
So a couple of those guys are getting frisked more than once, I'm thinking.
Exactly.
And that, to me, is like the most just overwhelming.
The fact that it occurs is one thing.
But the fact that you might be someone who stopped literally three times in the course of a month is just enough to make you do violence.
I would buy a lottery ticket.
But you know what, though?
They stop and frisk them, and then they go home, and then they come out of their house the next day, and they don't learn their lesson.
They're still black.
You can't teach them anything.
Maybe they've been just hiring some, they've been hiring out-of-state friskies.
Shipping them in from Jersey.
Yeah.
So the statistics that are relevant are nine out of the ten people stopped by police are innocent of any crime, right?
There's no crime date.
There's no further police.
They don't even have pot in their pocket.
Nothing.
In fact, most of the people that they do find are doing criminal activity, they have pot on them.
That's the criminal activity that they catch.
So almost all of the people are innocent.
And it turns out that 88% of the people they're stopping happen to be non-whites.
88% are non-white.
Okay, so, and they're doing nothing at all.
So that prompts David Gregory to ask the obvious question.
Of people not doing anything wrong, does that not say to you as the commissioner of the police, we're doing too much of this?
No.
No.
Where would you get that?
I say, come on, David.
Once you start harassing blacks and Hispanics, it's impossible to stop.
They're like pistachio nuts.
Try to frisk one.
Try.
You can't do it.
You talk about just impenetrable to facts and accurate information.
Ray Kelly just sitting there.
Hey, so nine out of the ten people you're stopping are innocent.
Doesn't that mean you should ramp it down?
Nope.
Keep doing it.
In fact, we should ramp it up.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, he doesn't want to ramp it down because it's those friskings that are keeping those people crime free.
Yes, that's what it is.
That's what it, literally what he's saying, Jim.
You're saying it as a joke.
The threat of it.
Yes, I'm saying it as a joke.
He says it with a straight face.
80% of those people haven't done any crime because we're frisking them.
Yeah, that's what he's saying.
Didn't the Gestapo stop Jews back once upon a time in history just randomly stop them and check them for papers?
That's the papers, please.
So yeah, this is basically the same practice.
Yes.
Everybody knows it was the ass not to Gestapo.
I'm sorry.
I thought they were the same.
Go ahead, Frank.
I was just going to say that these are the kind of things along with not torturing people that at one point in this country were considered that this is America.
That's why we don't do those kind of things.
That's like all gone by the wayside.
Yeah.
No doubt about it, Frank.
We're no longer America.
Well, it all kind of started with the drug war in the 80s when we started to give away our relief.
Because apparently liberty and freedom get in the way of safety and security.
I think the opposite.
I think that liberty and freedom makes us stronger and makes us more secure.
And also, if you're having a drug war, it's really good to go after black guys on the street with weed as opposed to Wall Street bankers hopped up on Coke.
Right.
This has been going on since the beginning of American history.
You mean stop and frisk black guys?
Yeah.
But they've ramped up.
They're racial profiling and torture and everything else has happened.
But they've wrapped it.
but I agree with you, Jim, but I think what's happening now is that in New York City, which is supposed to be this liberal bastion, is now actually ramping it up even worse.
And bragging about the policy.
It's a policy.
Not only do we do it, but hey, it's what we do.
They're not embarrassed of it.
They're just saying that.
It's just like Bill O'Reilly when Barack Obama gave the speech about, hey, black people are always profiled as criminals.
Even I was before I was a senator.
People locked their doors and women clutch their purses in the elevators.
And so he gives this speech and then Bill O'Reilly goes, he just decides to quit doing dog whistle.
And Bill O'Reilly and Bernie Madoff just sit there and go, of course we're afraid of black people.
You're all murderers.
You're all criminals.
And they just sit there and they just, they literally said that.
Say it outright.
So that's what's going on.
When I see Mayor Bloomberg and I see this guy, Ray Kelly, these two white guys sitting there saying that this is okay.
It's just like, you guys have no shame.
You're just blatant race.
So it's okay to be racist if you're a mayor.
But Paula Dean had to quit.
This is what I don't understand.
Paula Dean had to quit because she said the N-word.
These guys are bragging about harassing blacks and Mexicans as a policy.
They're bragging about it.
It takes a federal judge to step in on these guys and say this is over-the-top racist.
And these guys still keep going.
Nope.
No, it's not.
We're just going to do it.
Since Ted is an African-American, can I ask Ted?
Sure.
I'd like to ask Ted something specifically having to do with stop and frisk.
Okay.
Ted, would you mind putting your hands against the wall?
Spread your legs, please.
I'm feeling unsafe.
We're looking for pot.
It's pots in the car.
We're looking for pot.
So here he goes on.
Nine out of ten people stopped and frisk completely innocent.
What does Ray Kelly say to that?
No, it doesn't mean that people are not doing anything wrong.
If you look at the statue, it says reasonable suspicion.
So let's listen to what he said.
So David Gregory says nine out of ten people stopped and frisked are innocent of any crime.
Maybe we should ramp this back.
And he's like, this because they're innocent of crime doesn't mean they're innocent of crime.
That's what he's saying.
Well, here we go.
No, it doesn't mean that people are not doing anything wrong.
If you look at the statue, it says reasonable suspicion that individuals may be about to commit are committing or have committed a crime.
Yeah, that's reasonable suspicion.
It means anybody you wouldn't want to see dating your sister, you go ahead and you stop at Frisk then.
I think that's what he's saying.
Anybody, at any point, anyway, they might commit a crime in the future because now you're a psychic.
I got Kreskin is running the New York City Police Department.
Isn't that amazing?
It's in the law that reasonable suspicion is if a person looks like Clarence Williams III.
The Mod Squad.
Oh, I got you.
Okay.
You know.
That link?
Yes, Link.
Link.
I'm cool, Link.
You know, so, sure, sure.
Sure, we stop.
Nine out of the ten people we stop at Frisk aren't doing anything wrong, but that's just part of their diabolical plan to pose as law-abiding citizens while their friends and relatives go on a crime spree.
Let me ask you this.
Does this occur just in like Manhattan or where is this occurring?
New York City limits.
Just too?
Yes.
Even in the burrows.
I'm sure it happens in Brooklyn and the Bronx.
Yes.
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
Yes.
I bet you doesn't happen to Spanish Harlem.
Betcheon pull that there.
I'm guessing the cops do whatever they want wherever they want to do it.
You know, there's twice as many cops in New York City than there are in Los Angeles.
Really?
Yes, twice as many.
I've been to Spanish Harlem.
That'd be an all-day job, Friskin, those motherfuckers.
Hey.
Hey.
They stopped and frisk in Spanish.
Oh, my God.
I can only say that.
Have you ever been to remedial Spanish Harlem?
I've taken Spanish Harlem as a second Harlem.
Oh, my God.
You can frisk.
You can frisk with anyone you want.
But don't forget which racist is taking you home.
And in his arms, you're going to be.
I don't know if we have a copyright.
You inspired him.
Hell.
So, darling, save the last stop and frisk for me.
All right.
So that's pretty broad.
The statute.
He says that somebody can commit crime.
They might be committing crime.
They might look like they might commit crime.
They might have previously committed a crime.
They might commit a crime in the future.
And so that's pretty spark.
Ray Kelly.
Can you give me an example of what you're talking about?
One of the classic examples that we use is somebody going down the street trying door handles.
Yeah, yeah.
And if it's a black guy going down the street trying door handles, that's a criminal who's up to no good.
But if it's a white guy, he's probably just a neighborhood watch captain and he's making sure everybody's doors are locked.
That's all he's doing, right?
Checking for hoodies in the car.
What's even worse is they arrest people for trying out door handles at Home Depot.
That's absurd.
You see, Frank, a criminal goes down the street checking every door handle to see if it's unlocked.
So the police go down the street checking every black guy under 30, and that's called thinking like criminals do.
That's what that is, Frank.
What's even worse is when they stop somebody adjusting their handlebar mustache.
That actually happens in the West Village.
West Village a lot.
So here, how about another example, Ray Kelly?
Can you give me another example of that?
Or a group of young men that the bodega owner fears going to strong-arm rob them when they when they leave their store.
So yeah, the bodegas.
Now, bodegas, I had to look that up.
I'm like, because I always thought a bodega was an Italian, some kind of a thing.
That's a grocery store.
Yeah, that's a Spanish grocery store often called bodegas.
No name 7-Eleven.
So I learned a little something from our police chief racist, right?
So here's what he says about it, though.
They're still not innocent because...
That's not the appropriate word.
Yeah, so even though nine out of the ten people stopped are innocent, that's not the appropriate word.
The appropriate word is probably a minority pre-criminal.
I think that's what we should call them.
They just haven't committed the crime yet.
But they're goddamn as black as they come.
They're going to do something.
It's a crook in waiting.
He says the word, you shouldn't use the word innocent.
That's not the word.
Actually, in the eyes of the law, that is the word.
Yeah, that is the word.
until proven guilty.
That's always been the...
I can put anybody up against the wall.
All right?
Not innocent until proven guilty as much as suspicious until proven black.
Yes.
Guys, we got to remember 9-11 changed everything.
But racism is over, right?
We elected a black guy president, so racism is completely over.
And I say the thing about Ray Kelly is the nicest thing you could say about Ray Kelly here is that at least he's not using the Edward, the N-word this very second.
I thought racism was over when Robert Colt teamed up with that black guy on that show, I spy.
I spy.
I thought it was 10 speed and brown shoe.
I'm a little more curved.
Ben Vereen.
I don't know.
Tom Pepper.
Yeah.
Yeah, Ben Verina.
Jeff Cobb, 10 Speed and Brownshoe.
And the second Get Smart, where he teamed up with a funny black guy.
Partners.
I've never wanted to beat the ******* out of three white guys so bad in my life.
I swear to God.
I got a phone call.
Or this is O'Reilly.
Hey, Bill.
How's the race baiting going?
How are you doing?
Not bad, Jimbo.
Our Nielsen ratings are up among people who still take part in Nielsen ratings.
Okay, Bill.
So what's new?
What's been going on, buddy?
Well, everybody's complaining about the Stop and Frisk program.
I'm sick of black people playing the victim.
If New York police stop you and cops a feel on your wife, ignore it.
I'm tired of the whole victimization industry.
You mean the cops?
How's that?
Well, you're saying the police are a victimizing industry?
No, no, no, no, no.
I mean grievance hustlers who complain about laws that allow cops to violate people's constitutional rights.
It's those people who are the real problem.
Okay, okay, I got you now.
I got you.
You see, black people are wrong.
There's no race problems in this country.
All the country's problems are because of blacks.
Okay, well, Bill, I think you definitely know what old people want to hear, old white people want to hear.
You really do.
You serve it up well.
I'm the best at it, Jimbo.
The demagoguing white people's fear of blacks is getting boring.
I want to move on to other minorities, like the Orientals, maybe.
I'll bring back the yellow peril.
Hey, are there still opium dens?
Check your yellow pages, I think, for something like that, Bill.
Good one.
That's not why I called.
Well, why did you call, Bill?
That's what I want.
Well, a little bird, he told me that you are writing a book.
Yes, we got a book deal.
Yes, we're writing a book.
Just a word of warning, Dor.
There better not be anything about me in it.
Well, we'll see, Bill, but I can't make any promises.
You know me, right?
Murdoch keeps an army of lawyers to take care of pests like yourself.
Yeah, I don't think I'll have anything to fear.
I think I'll be okay.
Working for Fox News is like becoming a Scientologist.
Shepherd Smith is our John Travolta, if you know that.
Okay.
Okay, I get you.
I get you.
Okay, Dor.
I have to get back to my online gambling.
Okay, thanks for checking in, Bill.
Talk to you later, you toilet-licking race hustler.
All right, that was Bill O'Reilly calling in.
Okay, let me let you know what's coming up in the premium content this week.
We got a call from Herman Kane.
So I had Herman Kane.
I had Herman and Kane on the phone over the weekend, and I forgot what we talked about.
We talk about Herman.
Last week, we talked about Anthony Weiner.
But yeah, we didn't get to talk about Elliot Spitzer.
Yeah.
Okay, what do you want?
Elliot Spitz, we didn't talk about him.
Him's the more instructive case.
How so?
Are you recording this, sir?
I am.
It always happens this country.
Some shit goes down and we have the wrong conversation.
Oh, so we never talked about why he cheated out of his life?
Yeah, yeah, no.
What do you do?
It could have led to a conversation.
What do you do when your wife goes frigid?
What do you do?
Okay, there's actually about six, seven more minutes of that phone call from Herman Kane.
And of course, it's hilarious because it's Herman Kane.
Okay, and how do you get that?
How do I hear that, Jimmy?
All you have to do is become a premium donor.
It's $5 a month, the price of a cup of coffee that costs $5.
You swing by JimmyDoorComedies.com.
You click on premium.
You make your donation.
We send you a passcode.
It's just that easy.
And hey, if you haven't gotten your passcode and you've signed up, send me an email at my old-timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and I'll shoot you your passcode right away.
Thanks to everybody who's become a premium member already and enjoyed all the premium content that is available, which it is now approaching a shit ton of content.
That's the technical term.
Shit ton of content.
All right, so I'm glad thanks everybody who's already taken advantage and become a premium member.
Again, $5 a month.
Get on it.
Okay, that's it for this week.
This week's show, that's right.
This week's show was written by Mike McRae, Mark Van Landuet, Robert Yasamura, Steve Rosenfield, Jim Earl, and Steph Zamarano.
Special thanks to our guest, Ted Lyde, for sitting in.
Appreciate it.
Also, want to say thanks to the guy who makes my computer run.
It's Sean James, and he can help fix your Mac.
If your Mac has problems, send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
Or you can just give him a phone call.
347-695-0601.
I'm going to be doing a set tonight and tomorrow at the big Chicago Comedy Fest that's happening at the fake gallery at Melrose and Heliotrope.
There's a link for tickets at my Facebook page.
Check it out.
Okay.
That's it for this week.
▲
Export Selection