All Episodes
Previous Next
Aug. 10, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:07
20130810_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_8-9-13
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Before we get to the show, I want to let everybody know I'm telling jokes August 8th through 11th in the Bay Area in California in Sunnyvale at Rooster T Feathers.
There's a link for tickets at jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore show.
This week, Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post.
Bezos acquired the newspaper for $250 million in cash, $10 million of which he'd been keeping in the front seat of his car to pay tolls.
Insiders say Bezos could have gotten the paper for a few million less, but he really wanted the two-day shipping.
Over the past couple of years, the Post lost $75 million.
But Bezos believes that with a meticulous business plan going forward, he could easily blow twice that.
Selling the paper was a painful decision for the Graham family, or as painful as any decision that gets you $250 million in cash.
Bezos is excited about the challenge of making the legendary paper available to a whole new generation that won't read it.
The Amazon Tycoon says he's proud of helping to keep a great newspaper in business, though his work won't really be complete until every store in America has closed.
Amazon currently employs 100,000 workers throughout the world, 79 or 80 of whom are happy.
The pay is low, the conditions are oppressive, and there are no benefits.
But on the bright side, eventually you get fired for not working fast enough.
It's been said Amazon workers have even been let go for bursting into tears on the job, which explains why when those Washington Post employees heard who bought their newspaper, they kept on smiling.
Their new boss reassured them that nothing would change, except their fate was now in the hands of a self-made billionaire who does whatever he wants.
Good job.
I want to have my back.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
the show for gut-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in the studio next to me, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina.
It's Steph Zamarondo.
Hey, Steph.
Hey, Jimmy.
Next to him, next to him, next to her, hilarious comedian, former writer for the Daily Show, it's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
Great to be here.
You sound excited.
Next to him, next to him, hilarious comedian, the curator of the fake gallery here in Los Angeles.
I'm Mel Rose and Heliotrope.
It's Paul Kozlowski.
Hi, Paul.
How are you?
I think I'm in the wrong studio.
I'm sorry.
Next to him, nice to meet you too.
Next to him, hilarious comedian from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hi, Robert.
Jimmy.
Hey, did you hear that there's some Radioact 300 tons of radioactive water leaking out of the Fukusima plant every day?
Yeah.
And we were worried.
Yeah, radioactive.
Radioactive water.
That's how you get Godzilla.
I'm sorry.
I think it's Godzira.
Godzira.
Okay, let's move on.
Let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Hey, did you know Obama says he claims he doesn't support torture?
Yet he guessed it on Leno.
You know, I'm guessing Jeff Bezos impulsively hit the buy with one click option and now he's stuck with the Washington Post.
Buyer's remorse.
You know, NBC could air 100 TV movies about Hillary Clean.
Here about the big controversy.
Rinse Priebus now says he's going to boycott NBC if they air it.
You know, that movie won't help Hillary half as much as a single airing of the 2016 GOP debate.
That's all I have.
It's Money in the Bank.
Republicans are so anti-healthcare that they wanted to cut funding for the new Doctor Who.
That's funny.
Dr. Who.
Hey, David, did you watch Meet the Press last Sunday was big news.
Crackpot hate monger Rick Ventorum went on and he said he might launch a pointless losing presidential run in 2016.
So that was big news on Sunday.
Also, court, you know, you know, court records just finally made public show that Lindsay Loan had agreed not to make her new movie.
It would have counted as community service.
Giving something back.
That's right.
What's coming up on today's show?
Joe Scarborough makes a false equivalency between MSNBC and Fox News.
Hey, hey, I think he just bought a TV.
Plus, we look at the NSA.
They're listening in on your telephone calls.
The answer just might surprise you, or will it?
Spoiler alert, they're listening.
Are they listening to your show?
They're not listening to the show, guys.
Isn't that something?
Unless we do the show over the phone.
Or if I email the show, then they'll hear it.
But they don't listen to the radio or podcasts.
They're not big on podcasts.
There's a lot of people working for the NSA.
You could get a lot of new viewership.
We should.
I know.
I'm not kidding.
Plus, we look into a horrible NSA expert that's being brought on all the TV stations, and we find out what he doesn't know.
Plus, guess we find out who owns Rachel Maddow's show and Dan Rather's show.
Plus, Newt Gingrich's take on Trayvon Martin, which we didn't get to last week, and Bob Fildner.
Ladies and gentlemen, San Diego Mayor, we're going to talk about him coming up.
That's today.
Plus a lot.
Oh, we got phone calls from Mitt Romney, Herman Kane, and Bill O'Reilly.
Plus a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
*music*
So, Bill O'Reilly, hey, listen, Bill.
First of all, good to talk to you.
Good to talk to you, Jimmy Dore.
Did you see that our conversation last week about racism and race baiting was picked up by the Huffington Post?
I saw that, or it was brought to my attention, I should say, but I expect nothing more from the paper of not record.
And by that, I mean I'll Huffington Post.
Yeah.
Now, Bill, what's your take on the, now you've been involved in sexual scandals yourself.
Hey, watch it, Dormouse.
You know what I mean with the loofah and what have you.
Wait, hey.
I know there's been a non-definite.
You're fucking with the wrong bull.
But I have covered a lot of sex scandals, so I speak from authority from that perspective.
Right.
So you had that problem.
And...
That's good.
Anything.
I don't know.
Do you want to weigh out the Anthony Ween scandal?
As long as you don't do that Jay Leno thing, I'll be happy to talk about it.
Okay, no problem.
Famous Wiener.
Here's a guy, Anthony Wiener.
He had it all, Jimmy.
He had it all.
And he threw it away by sending pictures of the channels to some schoolgirl or whatever it was.
I don't know.
Right.
He, yeah, he messed up his entire political career.
He's a trusted guy like that.
Well, I don't know.
Didn't you get in trouble for phone sex also?
v e But, you know, when I was on Inside Edition, I did a lot of stories about men who were in this compromising position, so I do know what it's all about.
But, so, I mean, you used the...
Anthony Wiener, what now?
No.
I'm just saying that, you know, Ellie Spitzer?
You can relate.
Who?
You.
Well, by the way, let me ask you a question.
How's your wife?
Okay.
Listen.
I'm no longer comfortable with this conversation.
What do you think about Joe Scarborough?
Joe Scarborough.
Now we're talking.
Calling out Sean Hannity for his race baiting.
You know what?
Joe Scarborough is an apostate of the Republican Party.
Nobody takes him seriously.
What does apostate mean?
He's a joke.
It means he's someone who left the Republican Party.
He's abandoned the party line, which he's done.
He calls himself nominally Republican, but he's not.
So you're saying...
Do you expect us to take him seriously?
Get out of here.
So you're saying he's making up stuff about what Sean Hannity's doing.
I would.
He's on MSNBC.
I assume everything he says is a lie.
All right.
So, I mean, Pat Buchanan used to be on MSNBC.
Well, he's not anymore.
Right.
Maybe he told the truth and they're like, get out of here, buckle.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
Go write speeches for Nixon's ghost.
But, Bill, I mean, you've learned how to maneuver through these kind of scandals like a genius.
Me personally?
Yeah.
No.
Bill, why quit making those.
Bill, it's obviously.
I'm sorry, a little airplane just took off.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Listen, if you don't want to talk about the sexual harassment problems that you've had with your ex-producer.
Making sounds isn't it.
Yeah, okay.
All right, Bill.
Well, listen.
This was a pleasure.
It's good to talk to you.
It's been a very constructive conversation.
Yes.
Thanks for calling in.
And we'll see you at the end of this Anthony Wiener-Wiener scandal.
Hey, you watch it.
Okay, you too.
You keep being you.
Okay.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
We've all been telling ourselves that the NSA isn't really spying on us, right?
In fact, they did a poll.
Pew did a poll, and they asked people, and this is pretty interesting.
They said, do courts provide adequate limits on what the NSA is collecting?
30% of the people polled said yes.
The courts do provide adequate limits.
I don't know where those people are living.
56 say no.
56% say no.
15% don't know.
So somewhere around 70% of the people either say that the courts don't protect us from the NSA or they're not sure.
Well, that's what happens when you have a secret program.
People don't have an opinion about it because they don't have the information.
It's secret.
That just means it's working.
So well done, NSA.
Well done.
Could you repeat the question?
The question was, do courts provide adequate limits on what the NSA is collecting?
See, right there, there's a lot of big words in that question.
I think 78% of America doesn't know what that question means.
Right.
I agree.
I think you're right.
Up until fairly recently, I would bet you a good money, 78% of the country didn't know what the NSA was.
Yes, I agree.
The NSA is one of the most secretive agencies.
Like a lot of people, very smart people, had no idea what the NSA was until fairly recently.
I wasn't that up on the NSA.
By the way, the FISA court has turned down something like three warrants in their whole hit since 70 years.
Yeah, it's a rubber stamp.
Yeah.
They just do it.
There's no adversarial process there at all.
And in fact, when the Pfizer court says, no, the stuff that you are doing now is unconstitutional, which they did do that.
The Pfizer court gave an 80-page report that says what you're doing now is illegal and unconstitutional.
Nobody gets prosecuted for that illegality.
You know why?
Why?
Because Judge Feist is an asshole.
So when they ask them, is the government...
22% said yes.
70% said no.
They think the government is using this data they're collecting for other things other than terror.
And 7% didn't know.
So that's almost 80% of the people either think the government is lying to us, collecting our data, and then using it for other things besides terror, or they're not sure.
Now, here's the next one.
Is the government also collecting what's being said on your phone calls and emails?
63% said yes.
Or an 18% said they didn't know.
So that means like 80% of the people think the government is listening in on their own phone calls and reading their own emails.
80% think they are, or they don't know if they're doing it.
That's 80%.
So now here's the big statistic, right?
This is why I'm setting this up.
They asked, well, of the overall NSA program, do you approve of it or do you disapprove?
50%, 50 to 44, approved of it.
Even though they think that the government is lying to them, listening in on their phone calls, reading their emails, using it for other purposes than they said they were using it for.
50% of America still thinks they're okay with it.
And my question is, imagine if we had to write the Constitution today, what a shitty Constitution we would get.
Because it turns out half the country, they say that the Al-Qaeda, the terrorists hate our freedom.
Turns out half the country isn't big on it either.
Yeah, but this is one of those instances where what people think doesn't matter.
This is an instance where it's really important.
We're a republic, that you hire much smarter people who understand policymaking, who understand constitutional issues, who can hash this out.
And one of the real problems that has happened in this country in the last 30 years is that they have pushed.
No, it's that they push reasonable people out.
They have consistently pushed them to the margin.
And they've moved in criminals.
They moved in lunatics.
Yes, criminals.
Yeah.
People who are doing criminal things, and they tell themselves it's okay.
It's not bad to break the Fourth Amendment, but if you're doing it for the right reasons.
You're acting like that's an informed opinion.
I don't think a lot of these congresspeople have informed opinions.
I don't think they're smart enough to understand that this is an incredibly complicated issue and that the concepts of liberty need to be weighed against concepts of security carefully and philosophically.
What they do is they just go, I'm scared.
The NSA wants power.
I'm going to give it to them.
That's all they do.
Or I think they just count the money that they get in the envelopes.
Maybe that's what they understand.
You know, I want to go back to the point where you said that 50% of people are like, ah, yeah, it's okay.
They're okay with it.
I think if they would have framed the question, now your parents are reading your emails.
They're listening to your phone calls.
They're all over your Facebook page.
How would you feel?
I think people would go, oh, I don't like that at all.
I agree with you.
And so the thing is, guys like David Gregory, and we've played it on the show before, guys like David Gregory or people like Melissa Harris Perry will, the form of investigative journalism they do is they'll ask the guy at the government at the NSA, hey, are you guys listening in our phone calls?
They say no.
So they're not listening.
That's what David Gregory literally does.
He goes, I've talked to people in government and they say they're only getting metadata.
So what's the problem?
Well, I don't know, David.
Maybe you should ask somebody else outside of government what the hell they're doing.
It is a secret plan.
They're not going to tell you.
That's why it's secret.
That's why it's a secret, David.
So get this.
So I'm watching Rachel Maddow a couple days ago, and she brings on this guy from Reuters who did a little investigation about this NSA.
And he found out this.
And he found out this about what are they using the data for that they're collecting.
This is what it's being used for.
It's being used by local American cops for regular old crime, for stuff done by Americans that has nothing to do with wacky religious ideology or anything else.
What if the immense surveillance powers of the U.S. government that had some agent somewhere listening into this conversation with the threats to the U.S. embassies?
What if that same power has those same agents also listening in on your phone calls, finding out that maybe you're selling pot or something?
That would never happen.
David Gregory assured me he talked to the guy in the government who told him that wouldn't happen.
Well, let's see what Rachel found out.
Intriguingly, today in Reuters, about the fact that tips derived from NSA mass surveillance are being handed over to domestic American law enforcement through agencies like the DEA for things like regular old non-terrorist American crimes committed by Americans.
According to Reuters, a secretive DEA unit is funneling information from intelligence intercepts to authorities across the nation to help them launch criminal investigations of Americans.
Wortkins.
Sounds like a police state to me, Paul.
I have a solution.
Don't do anything wrong.
Do what you're told and don't do anything wrong.
Keep your head.
Is it that hard?
Keep your head down.
Shut up.
Right?
That's all the law.
So here she has a little bit more information for us.
It's all right.
They didn't handle it well.
Reuters also reporting that law enforcement officials are getting trained that once they get these tips from NSA surveillance and other people.
So what's happening is the NSA is listening in on your phone calls and reading your emails.
And then they get this information.
Hey, they go, oh, Jimmy Doerr is going to sell pot to his friend.
And that's illegal.
So what they do is they call the local law enforcement.
They go, hey, this guy, Jimmy Door, is going to buy pot and he's going to give it to his friend.
And he's going to meet him at this gas station.
So that's the information.
Go get him.
And then you got, and then, and then cover up that we gave you that information.
That's what she's going to tell us.
The police says they should cover up that the information that they got came from any of those surveillance programs.
They should instead pretend that they got the information through traditional legal law enforcement means.
They should launder the source of the information.
They're just really smart.
That's how they know.
And you know what?
They're putting a lot of snitches out of work.
I guess they are.
By the way, it's more.
It's more nefarious in the sense that they're not listening in on your phone calls.
What they're doing is that they have search algorithms.
So they're just listening to the chatter and they're waiting for key words to be said or key phrases in certain areas.
And like they're searching constantly.
So when they hear like certain words said, they're like, oh, let's listen to that.
They listen to it and they go, oh, these guys are doing a drug deal.
Yeah.
So what they're supposed to do is get rid of that information.
But what they're doing is they're taking that information and passing it on to local law enforcement, which is illegal.
It's illegal for them to get that information in the first place.
It's super illegal for them to pass it on to local law enforcement.
And it's super duper illegal for them to tell the local law enforcement to cover up where they got the information from.
So you should not say, do you want to buy some pot, Larry?
You should say something, do you want to buy some candy, Larry?
Problem solved.
Problem solved.
And remember, this is the United States.
We're not like China.
We have two political parties spying on us.
A lot different.
Seems fair to me.
A lot different.
I don't think anybody's going to do a god.
Are you kidding me?
Paul.
Tipping off the cops?
Tipping off the cops?
You don't think that's going to be disturbing?
We had people go on Sunday afternoon television shows in America and brag about ordering war crimes without any fear of retribution.
There is nothing.
We have people who the way they crashed our economy completely malfeasance inside of our banking system.
Nobody's going to jail.
Nobody's been investigated.
There's no hearings happening.
We have war crimes.
We had an illegal war.
We had the biggest criminal malfeasance inside of our economy we could ever have.
Nobody, there is a plutocracy in this country, and it's agreed that they won't prosecute each other.
And they freak out over Edward Snowden.
And they freak out.
And Bradley Manning.
Yes, that's right.
We got to get those two guys who are upsetting our Apple Court.
Well, and by the way, one of the people who's party to this is Eric Holder, who's the attorney general.
Yes.
He would be named in any criminal prosecution at this point.
The only way this is going to, anything's going to change here is if there's a civil prosecution, is if somebody files suit and says, you know what?
I got snared in this and I want some kind of recompense.
That is the only way this thing goes through the courts.
So let's just review, shall we?
Let's review.
We have illegally obtained information.
which because of its illegality cannot be used as evidence later, nor can the other evidence which may arise from this information be used.
Okay.
You're not supposed to be able to use that information or any other information you get based on that information.
And a massive 100% criminal conspiracy is taking place on the part of the CIA, the NSA, the FBI, DHS, etc.
Any other government organization that comes in contact with this information.
It is a criminal conspiracy, 100%, to subvert the Fourth Amendment.
And that is exactly what they're doing.
And it's no, Paul, you're not paranoid.
They really are out to get.
What about the Bureau of Weights and Measures?
Are they clean?
So all those Alex Jones nut jobs, what they're doing is validating those guys because this stuff really is happening.
They are listening and reading and they're collecting everything you do.
Whether it's a Google search, whether it's on Facebook, Twitter, whether it's on your email or phone call.
This is big brother.
This is something people are dealing drugs.
This is something Orwell didn't even envision.
This is unbelievable what's happening.
And exactly what people were afraid of happening is happening.
They're using this data for stuff that has nothing to do with terrorism.
Of course they are.
Of course they are.
And what about the guy at the NSA who wants to get some dirt on the guy who's banging his wife?
What about the guy at the NSA wants to get some dirt on the guy who he wants to buy something from?
You know what I mean?
He wants to get blackmail.
There's blackmail all over the place in this.
And the low-level morons that are allowed to come in contact with this information.
People talk about Edward Snowden.
He wasn't a top-ranking official.
He was a very low-level guy, and he had access to all this stuff.
And that's what happens when you privatize your security.
And that's what happened.
After 9-11, the intelligence community used to be a very small community, and it was strictly in-house.
And after 9-11, the Republicans in the White House got a huge hard on, and they privatized and easily quadrupled the size of the intelligence community.
So you've got basically an entire suburb in Virginia that exists entirely made up of businesses that work for the NSA and the CIA collecting and analyzing data.
So like this is this is like, yeah, so this is like a bad episode of, what is that?
The SVU, Law and Order, SVU.
Sure.
This would be like if Briscoe and Logan illegally obtained some information and then told some other SVU detectives about it, but said it should sound like it came from an unnamed confidential informant.
Then Ice-T comes in and gives some big piece of information and everybody's like, how the fuck does that guy have an acting career?
No one knows.
Because seriously.
Now, wait a minute.
Even before all this technology came around, I just always assumed that somebody might be listening.
Really?
Yeah, and you just don't say anything.
It just seems like, you know.
But Everett, it's not just your phone calls.
It's not just your email.
I don't.
It's your Google searches.
They know your Google search.
They know what website is saying that could be.
You're lucky.
I do.
I search a lot of stuff.
I'm in trouble already.
Just for my wife.
And by the way, that's one of the most infuriating guilt by association things that they bring up.
Whenever somebody gets arrested, they'll say, well, we looked through his Google searches and he was looking for this and looking for that.
And it sounds very, very damning until you stop and you think about, wait a second, I searched for some crazy shit all the time.
Pressure cookers.
I was looking at some pressure cookers.
Right?
I wanted to make some Kinwa.
And by Kinwa, you mean Kinwa Gaboom.
Yes, Kinwa Gabooma.
The opinions expressed on the Jimmy Doer show aren't necessarily the opinions of KPFK.
Heck, they're probably not Jimmy's real opinions either.
He'll say anything to boost his listenership, whether he believes it or not.
And now back to the Jimmy Door show after this brief awkward pause.
Yikes.
Hey, you know, we got a call from Herman Kane this week.
So let's get to a little bit of that before we go to the break.
What do you think about Edward Snowden?
Oh!
Edward Snowden?
Oh, the leaker slash hero slash menace to society slash whistleblower.
Yes.
I don't even know.
Wikipedia doesn't know what to call him.
I certainly don't know what to call him.
I think he had no right to distribute that information that did not belong to him.
It belonged to the American people.
He didn't have the right to distribute that all around the world.
The wicked dicky licky dicky diggy licky leaks.
Do you disagree?
What is a person supposed to do when they find criminal malfeasance inside their government?
Everybody knows when you find criminal malfeasance inside the organization that you're a part of, you simply go to the next high level within that organization and they will take care of it.
Work for the Catholic Church, work for the Nixon administration.
It will work for whoever Edward Snowden was working for.
That's how we deal with stuff in the pizza business.
So are you going to run again in 2016?
That looks like it was going to be Rand Paul and Chris Christie so far.
Maybe Marco Rubio.
You know what?
They'll be in there, but so will Rick Fantorum.
Yeah, oh, definitely.
He's running.
Yeah.
New Gingrich is running.
So we're going to have the old school guys and the new school guys.
It'll be like a shitty comedy with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson.
We're going to haze the new dudes.
It's going to be the veterans versus the new dudes.
Yeah, there's going to be like locker room snacks and all sorts of things.
It's going to be going to be great.
I like Vince Bond and Owen Wilson comedies.
I do too, but they're getting long in the tooth.
They play the older guys fucking with the younger guys now.
I'm not saying it'd be going to be bad.
I'm not saying they're bad.
Hold on.
I'm not saying they're bad.
All right, Herman Wall.
I appreciate you talking with me.
Thanks for taking time out again.
All right.
And I just want to say this one thing.
What?
Speaker Q. I choose you.
All right.
There's more Herman Cain coming up the second half of the show.
Plus, Mitt Romney stops by to say hello.
And right now, I want to say thanks to everybody who uses our Amazon.com box.
It's a great way to help support the show that doesn't cost you anything and doesn't change the way you shop at Amazon.
The next time you want to buy something at Amazon, you swing by JimmyDoorComedy.com.
If You click on our Amazon.com box.
It takes you to Amazon.com.
And then when you buy something, they send us money to help support the show.
It really does work.
And thanks to everybody who's done that for us.
You're great people.
So the next time you want to buy something from Amazon.com and you want to help support the show, swing by our website, click on our box and help support this show.
The other great way to help support the show is to buy something from ProFlowers.
You're going to send flowers?
I've been telling you every week, women love flowers.
And for no reason is the best time to send somebody flowers.
Steph taught me years ago, every woman loves to get flowers.
So if you're going to send flowers, please go to proflowers.com and you click the microphone in the upper right-hand corner.
You type in our code.
That's Jimmy D. And then they're going to send us money when you send somebody flowers.
You're going to get a free vase too.
That's our deal.
And Flower Bouquet started $19.99 at Pro Flowers and they guarantee their flowers fresh for a week.
So if you're going to send somebody flowers, and hey, why not?
Please go to ProFlowers, click on the microphone, and type in Jimmy D. It'll help support the show.
And somebody's going to get some flowers.
ProFlowers is a great company that you can trust, guaranteeing their flowers fresh for a week.
Go to proflowers.com, click on the microphone, type in Jimmy D, get your free vase, and help support this show.
Now let's get back to the second half.
Now let's get back to the second half.
This interruption brought to you by an announcer who needs more attention.
Yes, listen to me for a change.
I feel invisible and overlooked.
Announcers who need more attention, a broadcasting tradition for over 40 years.
And now back to the Jimmy Door show.
As soon as I finish this sentence.
So the government says that the Al-Qaeda are all set to attack our consulates and our embassies, and there's a big threat coming.
So they shut down like 21 embassies.
They shut down the embassies in the Middle East, Asia, Northern Africa, because they have this big threat, which to me seems a little convenient for the government to have this big threat right when stuff looks bad for them because of their spying on the U.S. citizens against the Constitution and whatnot.
So a reporter, a reporter, there's an NSA spokesperson giving a briefing, a press conference, and the reporter asked this question.
Couldn't it be argued that suddenly we're hearing about this potential threat to U.S. interests and U.S. persons and property at a time when there's a lot of debate and a lot of criticism of this program as well as other NSA types of surveillance?
I can assure you that that in no way at all, period, 100% affects how we evaluate threat information coming in, specifically in terms of this threat.
Oh, well, ooh, I'm glad that's over.
I'm glad she gave us sure.
Nope, no way, negatory, never ever crossed my heart and hope to die.
Sure, we lied to you and we spied on you before and we were breaking the Fourth Amendment and we were lying to you in the first place to get this all started.
And we really want to kill the guy who told on us about lying to you and spying.
But guess what?
We're super duper honest now.
That's what she's saying.
And that's the problem is that no matter what they say now, they don't have a shred of credibility anymore.
So no matter what they do, no matter what.
So they've done it to themselves.
Now they're the boy who cried wolf.
And it's hard to believe anything.
So the NSA intercepted some Al-Qaeda chats and they say they're getting ready for the big attack.
So they shut down all the embassies.
To me, it seems a little fishy.
They get this big threat right when they're catching all the stuff.
So Lawrence O'Donnell asks, he brings on this terrorist expert is what this guy, let me get this guy's name.
So this guy's name is Evan Coleman and he's brought on as a terrorist expert.
And I've seen this guy plenty of other places and he's always introduced as a terrorist expert.
And I looked him up to find out what his bona fides are.
And it just says, oh, he was a terrorist expert at this institute.
He was a terrorist expert over there.
It's like, well, how do you get to be the terrorist?
What did he do?
Did he go work for the CIA for 10 years?
Was he nothing?
They don't say anything he's ever done.
They just say he's a terrorist.
All of a sudden, he went from his mom to being a terrorist expert.
There's nothing in between.
So, and it's, and the reason why I wanted to say, because it doesn't sound like this guy knows what he's talking about.
Well, here's what he says about our skepticism about what the government is telling us about the Al-Qaeda threat right now.
Here's what he's telling us.
Look, I think the reality is that anyone who has worked with the United States government knows for a fact the U.S. government is not nearly coordinated enough to pull off that kind of a grand sweeping conspiracy.
There are too many leaky sieves in the U.S. government, and Ed Snowden is the exact example of that.
It's not possible to arrange that kind of a conspiracy.
Yeah, to mount that kind of conspiracy.
I mean, this guy's right.
To mount that kind of conspiracy, you'd have to lie on the scale that the Bush administration did when they made up the stories about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction so they can invade.
Oh, wait, bad example.
Okay.
But like other than that, you know, other than that, you could never, these people who come on.
You just need one guy.
You just need one guy in Pakistan to make a call and say, you know, hey, let's go do a big, you know, make a big bomb and blow a bunch of stuff.
You just need one guy and then they just have to record it.
Yeah, we heard it.
Yeah, we heard it.
We got their thing.
Yeah.
And I'm just tired of the people like this who call themselves terrorist experts who come on TV and say, there's no way the government could ever pull off a lie like this on such a grand scale, except that they do it all the time.
They've been doing it all and they do it in broad daylight.
So nobody, they've lied about the Iraq war.
Everyone knows they lied about it.
They don't care.
Boom.
They lied about torture.
Nobody cares.
They're lying about the NSA program since it started.
And nobody cares.
They're just lying and lying and lying.
The guy who tells us that they're lying, they want to kill him.
They want to bring him back here and torture him.
And the one guy in the government, in the army, who told us they were lying, they did torture him for a year.
They tortured him for a year.
And no one cares.
No one said anything.
Did Brian Williams make a stink on his?
Nobody cares.
Right?
So I'm just tired.
They pulled off war crimes in the light of day and no one gave a shit, Evan.
So don't tell me this bull crap about how the government can't pull off massive lies because they do it all the time.
Right now, the big lie is we can't afford a Medicare and Social Security.
That Medicare and Social Security is bankrupting us.
That's a big lie.
And they're pulling it off.
The problem is that Evan is a terrorist expert, not a leak expert.
Yeah, he's not a leak.
He's a terrorist expert, which means nothing.
And so here he says this.
Yes.
And the reality is, is that we know right now that the same Al-Qaeda networks where Al-Qaeda leaders gather to release their material in the chat and whatnot we know right now that the reports that the u.s has intercepted these communications are being posted on there as of this moment what did he just say okay so this is exactly that's exactly it that's exactly the response i wanted you to have so i listened to that clip had to be 20 times to try to figure out what he's saying and so what he is saying is that what we're talking about you know the fact that the united states
government closed all the embassies because they picked up this threat He's saying that he knows for a fact that the Al-Qaeda knows about that.
You mean the Al-Qaeda might have access to a television?
You mean that we've been reporting for a week here in the United States?
They're in caves, Jimmy.
They may not necessarily have it.
They might know somebody with the television.
They might know somebody.
Yeah, we all know for a fact that Al-Qaeda is well aware of CBS.
Time Warner cut off their cables.
Oh, CBS.
CBS.
Yeah, they're not going to have CBS.
Yes.
I think Al-Qaeda does have Time Warner.
So that's what he's saying.
I'm going to listen to it one more time.
Yes.
And the reality is that we know right now that the same Al-Qaeda networks where Al-Qaeda leaders gather to release their material and the chat and whatnot.
So he's saying these, he's saying computer networks, like internet networks where the top al-Qaeda chiefs come to talk and exchange information.
He says, we know right now that the reports that the U.S. has intercepted these communications are being posted on there as of this moment.
And now the Al-Qaeda chat room.
Have you been there?
No, I haven't been there.
Oh, man.
There are a lot of people, though, who just want to go Cam to Cam.
It gets a little awkward.
Okay.
So, and then he says this.
So Al-Qaeda is very much aware of exactly what we know, and they know that we know, that they know what we know.
The question is, of course, what they do with it.
But the question isn't what they do with it.
The question is, do they know what they do with it?
And if we know what they do with it, what they do with it.
Not only do I question whether he's a terrorism expert, I really question whether he's an English-speaking expert.
Al-Qaeda knows that we know that they know that we know, but they may or may not know what we don't know, and we may or may not know what they don't know.
What I'm trying to say is you'll know it all worked out when nothing happens.
You'll know we were right.
And there's no explosion.
You'll know the NSA's program worked when nothing happens.
This portion of the Jimmy Door show brought to you by Johnson's Johnsons.
Need a better Johnson that is sure to please the ladies?
Try on a Johnson's Johnson for size.
Oh, yeah, that'll do the trick.
Johnson's Johnsons.
They'll stop laughing and pointing and start yelping for more.
So I have to set this up.
Mitt Romney last week quoted in, he was doing an interview, quoted that they asked him about the 47% thing.
He denied he ever said it.
Sorry again.
Denied he ever said it.
No, no, no, that wasn't what I said.
What I said was this, and people misquoted me.
I have a question.
What was he being interviewed?
And he's non-relevant news.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, for non-relevant news.
A new thing on the web.
So hey, we got to call him up.
We want to talk to him.
Hello?
Is this real?
Is this a prank?
Hi, Mitt.
How are you doing?
It's the Jimmy from the Jimmy Door show.
Oh, hey, it's been a long time.
How are you, Jimmy?
Things are going well.
Things are going real.
We got featured on the Huffington Post.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
Listen, I wanted to ask you a few questions.
You know, you made the news a couple of days ago.
Aren't you going to ask me how I'm doing?
Well, yeah, I did already.
How are you doing?
Yeah.
Aren't you going to ask me what I've been up to?
What have you been up to, buddy?
Oh, hey, I've been working at a zoo.
What?
Yeah, it's pretty great.
What kind of a zoo where?
Oh, the Cincinnati Zoo.
Why would you take that job?
Hey, you know what?
The president thing didn't work out, so you got to sort of make adjustments.
You know, I've always loved animals, and this is a great way for me to learn about animals and ecology at the same time.
Okay, somehow I just find out what kind of a job are you doing at the zoo?
A little bit of this and a little bit of that.
A little bit of learning and a little bit of cleaning up.
Really?
So did you have to apply for this job or do you just did they offer?
I just sort of told them I was interested working there and someone I knew found me a position.
Okay, so what you do, okay.
Assistant director of herpetology.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I've always liked lizards.
Yeah, I bet.
Sure.
Yeah, they don't give a shit about anyone.
No, they're cold-blooded.
Literally.
Exactly.
Literally cold-blooded.
Dad, that's true.
Not even a figure of sense.
Very literally cold-blooded.
Yes, their blood temperature rises and falls with the external temperature.
Yeah.
Oh, you know, you know that already.
I had to work there for two months before I had that figure.
So, Mitt, I want to ask you, you recently.
You're going to caught that whole first part, aren't you?
I don't know.
You recently were asked about the, you mean about the zoo?
Go on.
So you were recently asked about the 47% thing.
And, you know, you said that.
Right, yes.
47% of the people in America will never take responsibility for you'll never convince them.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I was asked about that.
Yeah, and you said you didn't say that.
I never said that.
You admit, we have it on tape.
No, you don't.
Yes, we admit, we have it on tape.
That was part of the machinations of left-wing politics while I was running, but, you know, as it's come out in the wash, everybody knows I never said that.
No, Mitt, we saw it on the TV.
We saw it on news.
We saw you say it.
Oh, no.
I never said anything like that at all.
No?
No.
Never.
But there's a tape of you saying it.
No, there's not.
Of course there is.
We saw it on the news.
Oh, no.
What you saw was some sort of hologram.
All these things could be faked with light and mirrors and smoke.
Probably some asshole impressionist did my voice.
No, it was you.
That's why.
Did you sue the guy?
You should sue the guy then.
Oh, I did.
Oh, really?
Did you win?
Yes.
How much money did you win?
$20 billion.
Well, it's principal.
That's not a real number.
I'm not good at lying, am I?
No.
Ah, I'm out of practice.
I'm out of practice.
It's the election shit.
God damn it.
I was so good there for a long time.
I really had coaches and all these people.
They told me how to lie.
I just, I've lost my touch, Jimmy.
Yeah, I know.
You get into a rhythm and then you get it.
Yeah, I got really good at it.
Yeah.
Right.
You want to take another stab at it?
What do you have to say about Benghazi?
Oh, that was, yeah, the president, the president himself blew up Benghazi.
Yeah, there you go.
Now you're coming.
Oh, how was that?
Yeah, it was very good.
What about the IRS scandal?
Oh, that's the worst thing since the Holocaust.
Worse than Nixon.
Oh, well, I wouldn't say it's as bad as Nixon, but definitely the worst thing since the Holocaust.
Okay.
Okay.
Am I ranking those things inappropriately?
I know.
I'm not sure.
You know what?
There's a lot more to that Mitt Romney phone call.
And how do you get it?
You get the premium content.
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you click on premium, you make your $5 donation, and it gets you access to all the phone calls and all the extra content we give away every week.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and help support the show.
So I'm watching the Anderson Cooper, and they're doing a big thing about Trayvon Martin.
And they have on Newt Gingrich, right?
And so they asked Newt, so they're talking about the criminal justice system.
And Mark Garagos comes on, Mark Aragos, famous lawyer, and he comes on and says that race has everything to do.
90%.
He goes, I can tell you the outcome of a trial just by the race of the people involved.
And they were like, you're crazy.
He goes, I'm telling you right now, this is not, I've been doing this for 30 years.
I'm one of the top lawyers.
I'm telling you right now, the race.
And so they go, well, what do you think, Newt Gingrich?
What's your take on this?
Now, Newt Gingrich, let's remember, Newt Gingrich could not stop calling Barack Obama the food stamp president, told Wadden Williams that he didn't know what work was about.
He wanted poor kids to become janitors at their schools.
Here's what he had to say about Trayvon Martin.
I think race has an enormous impact on decision after decision.
I think you almost have to be blind to America to not realize that we still have very, very deep elements that go all the way back to slavery and segregation, and they go all the way back to fundamental differences in neighborhoods and in cultures.
And I think it would be very healthy for the country and for the Congress to reevaluate both the criminal justice part up through court, but also to reevaluate the whole way we've dealt with prison and the way in which we've basically created graduate schools for criminality and locking people up in ways that are increasing their inability to function in society.
I think a lot of people are like, wow, who are you?
A lot of people in this audience are, and that's probably an unfair thought.
No, isn't that an unfair thought?
No, it's not an unfair thought.
This is the biggest race beta alive.
So I'm thinking this must be some kind of a stunt.
That's what I'm thinking, right?
Clearly, he's using his intellect to talk sense.
It means Gingrich has given up running for president.
That's over.
And what I'm saying is that I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Like, when's he going to say something crazy?
I kept thinking, sure, he keeps making sense, but just so that the sting will be all the worse when the turn comes.
But remember, this is Gingrich, baby.
Sometimes he slow plays the crazy, right?
It's entirely possible he'll just appear on Anderson Cooper's show next week, just his disembodied giant head appearing out of nowhere, and he'll start talking about going to the moon or how the media is behind school shootings.
That's the Newt Gingrich I know.
And you know what this tells me?
Is that all his, he knows what he's doing.
He does know better.
When he calls Barack Obama the food stamp president and tells Juan Williams to get a job, he does know better.
When he tells poor kids to get jobs as janitors in their school, he knows better.
And he's doing it anyways because he hasn't, he's so empty of a human being that he doesn't care at all.
It's all a show.
Just like Bill O'Reilly knows better and Sean Handley.
Well, he doesn't.
But Bill O'Reilly knows better.
He went to Harvard.
This guy knows better.
Limbaugh knows better.
No, Limbaugh does know better.
They know better.
And they do it anyway.
That's the kind of people these people are.
I think it's just.
There's no difference between these guys and those 700 club type preacher guys that get all the money.
There's no difference.
There's Benny Hill.
There's no fucks.
He's just cynical.
You're right.
And you can't be too cynical about these guys.
You can't.
They're doing business.
This is a job.
And I think Gingrich was running for president when he was saying those things about janitors and everything.
You are correct.
Well, Ging Gingrich is the most Machiavellian of all of them.
Because Hannity and O'Reilly, you can tell they've been in their own bubble where they're encouraged to say crazy things every day.
And now they genuinely are crazy.
Yeah.
Like they genuinely start to believe their own nonsense.
But this is a disturbing incident because you're looking at it like, oh, you've never stopped knowing.
No, you're right.
Like he's always been very clear about what right and wrong and what is actually happening and what he's doing and what he chooses to, what message he chooses to put out there.
And who he chooses to cater to.
He's very clear, wide-eyed and clear-minded when he does the things he does.
And it's weird.
It's like one minute he's shamelessly race baiting.
The next minute he's making sense.
That's the kind of crazy you get when you book Gingrich.
And, you know, I was, I bet he left that show and went and was nice to his wife.
That's how crazy he seemed that night.
The opinions expressed in the Jimmy Doer show are those of Jimmy and his panel of losers and do not necessarily reflect those of KPFK.
Any reuse of these opinions will result in getting laughed out of wherever the hell you repeat them because they couldn't stand up to the scrutiny of a bus filled with simpletons.
And now back to the Jimmy Door show.
Already in progress.
As soon as I get done talking, which would be right about now.
Yeah.
So Bob Filler is the mayor of San Diego, and we all know what's happened.
He's, I think the 11th woman came out and talked about his sexual harassment today.
And he's not quitting.
He's not quitting.
He's hanging on.
And he gave us a press conference, and here's what he said.
The behavior I have engaged in over many years is wrong.
My failure to respect women and the intimidating contact I engage in at times is inexcusable.
And in a few moments, I'm going to ask you to excuse it anyway.
There goes nothing.
Look, he keeps talking about his I am responsible for my conduct.
And I must take responsibility for my conduct by taking action so that such conduct does not ever happen again.
He acts like his conduct is another person, right?
He acts like it's not a part of him.
It's like my conduct.
Hey, listen, let me tell you something.
I'm as disgusted with my conduct as you are.
I sat down and had a talking to with my conduct.
I walked in my office the other day.
My conduct is finger-banging somebody.
Now, I'm like, conduct, we talked about this.
I don't know what I'm going to do about this conduct, but I'll tell you what, I'm going to give it a stern talking to.
If I have to, I'll fire my conduct.
He really has, it's like he's repeating what's been explained to him.
Yes.
Like by his mom, like, I'm not, my understanding is That my conduct is.
I mean, it's really.
Yeah, like he's repeating it back.
Yes, my conduct was bad.
It is inappropriate.
Unacceptable conduct.
I'm saying exactly what I need to say to try to save my job.
And people are like, why isn't he quitting?
My only thing is, I think he overextended himself financially, and he needs a paycheck.
And right now, he can't get a job in the private sector because he's such a creep.
He'd be good in a counseling place where he hugging people for a long time.
He could be a good greeter.
Yeah.
Good wrestling coach.
Good, great wrestling coach.
Are you kidding me?
Listen to Herman Kane.
So on the phone, we have Herman Kane.
Hi, Herman.
How are you doing, buddy?
Good.
How you doing, Jimmy?
I'm doing great, buddy.
How's your wife doing?
She's doing very good.
What's she wearing?
She's wearing those fishnut stockings with a crotchless.
Okay, you got to knock it off right now.
Yeah, you went too far for me.
Some of the people can do that.
I know, Herman.
I wanted to ask you about, you know, there's been a lot of you had to drop off.
I thought you even asked me what I was wearing.
Oh, what are you wearing?
Not a goddamn thing.
Don't you remember 2012?
We had time.
Three-page bill.
So.
Go on.
So, Herman, I just want to get your take on the sex.
I'm sorry.
I'm so excited about Agents of Shield.
I don't know what that is.
What is Agents of Shield?
Oh, it's the new network television program based on the Marvel Universe.
Oh, really?
Oh, oh.
Yeah, with Nick Fury and the Agents of Shield.
Don't you follow Avengers and superhero movies?
No, I do not, but it's nice to see you have such elevated taste in entertainment.
Oh, now you're being condescending.
What?
Yeah, well, yes, I'm being a little condescending.
So, Herman, what do you think about this Anthony Wiener and his Wiener scandal?
Well, he did it all wrong.
How so?
Well, he admitted to it, then he apologized.
Oh, right.
You need to deny.
You need to say, I didn't do nothing.
But you actually had to end up with.
That's someone else's dick.
I was hacked.
He had it right in the beginning.
Somebody hacked me.
That's what I would have done.
Uh-huh.
What would you do?
You do the same thing.
I email my dick to all sorts of motherfuckers.
Yeah, but what I'm saying is that you had to drop out.
You eventually got forced to drop out.
But look how far I went before I did have to drop out.
I know, but Anthony.
That's what it's about.
Not about actually reaching the goals.
How about how famous you can get before you're forced to drop out from a sex scandal?
Well, I mean, Anthony Wiener's winning then because he's getting pretty famous off this.
I know.
He's playing it like a master, like I said.
Yeah.
No, you didn't say that.
The old mayor of New York, what's his name?
Juby Doobie Doobie?
Yeah, Rudolph.
Rudolph Giugliani.
Yeah, him.
He had all sorts of piccadillos going on while he was in Gracie Mansion.
Yes.
And he was a 12-termer.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
New York can handle some piccadillos.
I think the half of the New York Philharmonic is Piccadillos.
I think it was the nature of these, the fact that, you know, it seems so brazen, so self-destructive, so crazy.
He said, no, when it comes, he's in the technological vanguard of cheating on your wife.
You know, it's like he has an accident.
It's all the old people who can't figure out how to use email are the ones who are upset about him.
Get with the time.
Get on Twitter.
You ever send a picture?
Who moved my cheese?
You read that book?
No.
Who moved my cheese?
The same concept.
The world is changing.
You need to change with it.
This is, you know, who moved my dick pic.
Have you done that?
Oh, Jimmy, I've done Polaroid, 35mm.
Oh, yeah.
I went to one of those tourist shops that got an old-timey old West picture of a front dick for black and white with a cowboy hat on it.
I mailed that to somebody.
Yes, I have.
Hey, don't forget there's a lot more to that Herman Kane phone call and the Mitt Romney phone call, and it's all available in the premium content, which you can get for the price of a cup of coffee that costs $5.
You just go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You click on premium, you make your donation, you get access to all the premium content, and you can hear the rest of the Herman Kane call.
It only gets funnier.
It only gets funnier.
All right.
Hey, the voices today, by the way, you know, they're all provided by MikeMcRae at MikeMcRae.com.
So go check him out.
Also, today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Paul Kozlowski, Mark Van Landuitt, Step Samurano, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yassimer, and Frank Connett, whose new podcast, South by South Satan, is available at frankconnet.com.
Want to take a moment to give a shout out to Sean James, who fixed my computer again this week.
The hell's wrong with Macintoshes?
They go down more than you think.
They're not supposed to, but it goes down.
He saved my ass, and he can save your ass the next time your computer is not working.
You just send him an email at machelp at seanjames.com or you give him a phone call.
347-695-0601.
Okay, thanks again to everybody who helps support the show in whichever way you do.
And I'll see you on the premium content.
▲
Export Selection