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Aug. 3, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:35
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Hey, before we get to the show, if you're in the Bay Area in California, I'm going to be at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale, California.
It's August 8th through 11th.
That's 8th through 11th, Rooster T Feathers.
If you're in the San Francisco area, come check it out.
There's a link for tickets at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
See you there.
Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
This week, National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden was granted temporary asylum in Russia and was finally able to leave the airport.
Snowden had been stuck at the airport for five weeks with no travel documents, unable to buy a plane ticket, though that really is the best way to enjoy the bar.
Snowden will be staying at an undisclosed location, though experts predict no matter where he lives, very soon his mailbox will be stuffed with flyers and coupons.
He will have legal status in Russia for a year, and American officials are hoping the food alone will be punishment enough.
White House spokesman Jay Carney told reporters the U.S. is extremely disappointed in Russia, especially since relations between the two countries had been so good since Stalin died.
Snowden had repeatedly refused U.S. offers of a free flight back to the States, non-stop, first class, with little or no waterboarding.
Meanwhile, because of Snowden's revelations, public opinion has turned sharply against the NSA's wholesale collection of private citizens' phone records.
Though intelligence officials have yet to name one case in which the policy prevented any terrorism plots, they do know for a fact which Americans have ordered the most pizzas.
A change in NSA policy is almost certainly forthcoming, thanks to the unusually high level of outrage in Congress.
And as usual, when it comes to outrage, Congress makes sure everyone else in the world goes first.
As for Edward Snowden, many observers predict he'll blend easily into the Russian way of life, or else become a hopeless alcoholic, which is just about the same thing.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Wales.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joining the studio.
Next to me, the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina, it's Steph Zamarano.
Hi, Steph, where are you?
I'm great, Tim.
I'm a Mexican.
Yes.
Across the glass from me, former writer for the Daily Show.
You heard him at the top of the show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Hey, great, Jimmy.
It's great to be here.
Can't wait for this to be over.
No, no, no.
You're okay.
It's myself I hate.
Across from him, hilarious comedian from Team Dasamura is Robert Yasamura.
How are you, Robert?
What's not to like?
What is not to like?
Miso Sally.
On the phone, all the way across the country from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and cinematictitanic.com.
It's TV's Frank Frank Connoff.
Hey, Frank.
Hello there.
Yes.
I have decided not to laugh at that.
Okay.
Well, let's get to some jokes.
Frank's been vacationing for the last two weeks.
I've been staycationing.
Yeah, staycationing.
Believe me, I would love to.
I would love to go staycation with you in New York.
I've seen the pictures of your cats, Frank.
It's a very difficult life you're having.
It's a great life those cats are having for sure.
Let's get to some jokes before we get to the jokes.
Did you hear about Zimmerman got pulled over in Texas?
Yes.
He got let go after assuring the cop that the gun in the car, he got caught with a gun.
Did you know that?
Yeah.
So Zimmerman gets pulled over in Texas.
He has a gun on him.
The cop lets him go after Zimmerman assured him that the gun in the car was for killing innocent black kids and nothing else.
And nothing else.
Hey, Bradley Manning is awaiting his sentence.
Meanwhile, the war criminals and Wall Street bankers who tank the economy are awaiting lobster lunches in their summer homes.
Hey, Anthony Wiener's campaign manager quit.
Quit.
Did you hear that, Frank?
Yeah, I heard that he wants to branch out and help other narcissistic perverts achieve elective arms.
That's very big of him.
Oh, my God.
This is disgusting.
Oh, gross.
What?
What happened?
Oh, someone just texted me on Instagram of the media's coverage of the Anthony Wiener scandal.
Gross.
So disgusting.
That's very disgusting.
All right.
What's coming up on today's show?
We're going to check into the worst interview ever on Fox News.
And man, is that saying something?
Right?
That's like being the whitest guy in Norway.
You are achieving things.
So we're going to look into...
Yes, yes, that's right.
We're going to look into that.
Plus, Newt Gingrich has a funny take on the Trayvon Martin case.
Will it surprise you?
Yes, it will, or will it?
I bet it will.
Plus, Pat Robertson, we do a double dose of Pat Robertson.
He gives advice to women, and it's fantastic.
Plus, George Zimmerman back in the news with two interactions with the police in the last two weeks.
One of them bogus, one of them not.
We're going to check it out.
Plus, Jack Lou sits down with David Gregory to talk about the economy.
Jack Lou rhymes with Pooh.
Okay.
Plus, we're going to look at Anthony Weiner and David Axelrod throws his good friend Uma under the bus to San Diego mayor.
Plus, Tweety, you know, Chris Matthews is so mad at the way people do sex scandals today.
He wants us to go back to the old timeies.
And plus, and we're going to, and that's hilarious because he ends up looking like a jerk.
And we have some phone calls today.
Who do we have phone calls from?
Paula Dean, Chris Christie, Lauren Green.
We have phone calls from Paula Dean, Chris Christie.
Lauren Green, yes.
Lauren Greener talk about Bonance at all.
Oh, guess what?
We got phone calls today from Lauren Green, Chris Christie, Bill O'Reilly, and the Pope calls in.
That's right.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Hey, what up?
Did Jack Lou talk with Cravey Gregory about Barton Miller at all?
Jackson Jack Sue.
-Shyak Su.
-Shyak Su.
Music.
you This portion of the Jimmy Dore show brought to you by Johnson's Johnsons.
Need a better Johnson that is sure to please the ladies?
Try on the Johnson's Johnsons for size.
Oh, yeah, that'll do the trick.
Johnson's Johnsons.
They'll stop laughing and pointing and start yelping for more.
So I'm sure you all are familiar with this interview from Fox News that went viral.
It was an interview with the historian and religious scholar, Reza Aslan, Raza Aslan, Reza Aslan.
And he wrote a book about Jesus.
And it talks about Jesus being a radical.
And it's a historical document.
And this guy's a well-respected historian.
So he went on.
He's a religious historian, and he also himself was a Christian for many years.
Yes, he was a Christian, and then be.
Oh, really?
And he reads like original Greek, and he's a very serious guy.
Yes, yes.
It's a very serious guy.
And he has a PhD in sociology of religion.
Well, he's going to tell you everything he has.
Let's just get right to it.
He's a Muslim.
He goes on.
Now, this woman's name is Lauren Green.
She's a host at Fox.
And here's her, let's enjoy her questions.
Well, this is an interesting book.
Now, I want to clarify, you're a Muslim, so why did you write a book about the founder of Christianity?
No, I don't think that that first question is horrible.
It's not a good question, but it's not horrible.
It's like, hey, let's give this guy an opportunity to explain who he is, how he got interested in Jesus, what's his background is.
And he says.
Well, to be clear, I am a scholar of religions with four degrees, including one in the New Testament and fluency in biblical Greek, who has been studying the origins of Christianity for two decades, who also just happens to be a Muslim.
So it's not that I'm just some Muslim writing about Jesus.
I am an expert with a PhD in the history of religions.
So he sounds a little defensive.
He knows what he's up against.
Well, that's it.
So he knows what's coming, and he knows that she didn't give any of his bona fides as she introduced him.
She just said he's a Muslim who wrote this book.
Can you believe that?
A Muslim who wrote a book about the Jesus, who, by the way, Muslims believe in.
He's a recognized part of their canon.
Yes.
So it would be totally normal for a Muslim to write about Jesus.
Yes, totally normal.
They believe that in Jesus' divinity.
They don't believe that he was the God, but they do believe in his divinity, and they also believe in virgin birth.
Right.
Yes.
I don't know.
This sounds very suspicious.
So they're whacked out too, is what you say.
Yes, they're just as crazy.
They're just as crazy as the Christians who believe that stuff.
That would have been great if his defense was, look, I am just as crazy as you've been.
Yes.
That should have been his defense.
So here he goes on.
But I haven't been obsessed with Jesus.
It still begs the question, why would you be interested in the founder of Christianity?
It still begs the question.
So he just gave all his bona fides, all his credentials.
She goes, well, it still begs the question.
That was the moment when the interview went in the direction that it went.
It's like you said, the first question was bad, but relatively innocent.
It was, yeah, it was like pretty run of the mill.
I think that's the moment when even after what he said, she didn't care what he said.
She didn't care.
Oh, no, and you can see it in her body language.
Like she barely is looking up.
He just told her everything she could possibly want to know about why he's interested in this.
She comes back with it, begs the question.
And let me say, no, it doesn't beg the question.
The question you think it was begging was already asked by you.
You already asked him that question.
Why would a Muslim want to write this book?
He gave you the answer that he's a historian and a scholar.
The Fox News, they hate street people and homeless people, so they don't even approve of begging the question.
You know, indeed, hey, you know, I see her point.
Why would a Muslim even be a religious scholar?
I mean, I thought Muslims drove cabs and sold rugs.
Am I right?
So he's obviously this Middle Eastern guy is acting like a well-educated Muslim scholar just to throw her off.
Actually, she was rushing through the interview because she just thought the meter was running.
Trying to get to the airport.
Yes, yes.
Here, let's keep going.
So she says it again.
Because it's my job as an academic.
I am a professor of religion, including the New Testament.
That's what I do for a living, actually.
He has to start enunciating things very slowly.
Immediately this happens.
Immediately.
Usually it's like a half a minute, a minute into it, even on Fox.
It's like right out of the gate.
They hate each other.
Yes.
It's like asking a Christian why they would write a book about, you know, Islam.
I mean, I'm not sure about that.
But honestly, I've been obsessed with Jesus for really 20 years.
I've been studying his life and his work and the origins of Christianity, both in an academic environment and in a personal level for about two decades.
And just to be clear, this is not some attack on Christianity.
My mother is a Christian.
My wife is a Christian.
My brother-in-law is an evangelical pastor.
Anyone who thinks that this book is an attack on Christianity has not read it yet.
But I wanna read you some quotes from some people who are criticizing you.
One from John Dickerson who has written, And what she's really doing here is revealing her own ignorance and incuriosity along with her steadfast determination to do the bidding of her race-baiting xenophobic corporate overlords, right?
I mean, how could somebody possibly be curious about a religion that they don't practice?
I mean, that's crazy.
That'd be like Christians wanting to know about Buddhism or Judaism or even worse, Islam.
And someone posted an earlier interview that she did with like a Christian who wrote a book about Islam.
Yes.
And she didn't question his credentials at all.
Didn't question it or no?
Didn't care.
Of course.
He's a good Christian.
He gets to write about anything he wants.
So here's her next question.
an op-ed piece on boxnews.com, and he says...
It's nice to know that she's able to read those comments, but unable to read his book.
It's not a historian's report on Jesus.
Is it an educated Muslim's opinion about Jesus?
He says its conclusions are long-held Islamic claims, namely that Jesus was a zealous prophet type who didn't claim to be God.
Well, that's actually not what Islam claims about Jesus.
My book about Jesus is So she then cites one of his critics, someone who wrote a blog on FoxNews.com.
Oh, hooray.
So you guys at Fox News say that this Muslim scholar is full of shit.
And to prove it, you had somebody from Fox News write something to that effect on FoxNews.com.
And then you quote it, so that proves it.
That's right.
Hey, I got you.
Hey, you're a bad scholar.
Why do you say that?
I wrote it down.
It must be true.
It's in print.
I wrote it down.
It's written down somewhere.
I'd like to read you questions from my Twitter feed.
I wrote it.
She wasn't expecting to come off as bad as she did because the night before this interview, she had an argument about this same thing with Alan Combs and totally kicked it off.
She's really reading from an op-ed piece at foxnews.com.
Well, by all means, what a great news source.
Sounds reasonable, right, to read from FoxNews.com.
Foxnews.com is the only website where the content is crazier than the comment section.
Okay.
Also, you know, I also was just thinking that it just occurred to me that one of the reasons that this interview stands out so much, and that's why I thought of Alan Combs, is because usually when you watch Fox, the people on the other side of what their beliefs are are usually not very articulate.
Yes.
They don't usually get people who are good at rebutting Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hennett.
He says, and this guy was just so articulate and so had so many facts and was so on the money with all this stuff that I think that's why this really stood out from all the fun because interviewers on Fox every day are just as dumb as this woman, but they don't, it's not as entertaining because they don't have as good guests as this guy.
Yes, they're not usually as articulate and could get to the point.
So here she goes on.
She has more to say.
Well, it's pretty clear that there are those who actually do not like the book, who are unhappy with its general arguments.
That's perfectly fine.
I'm more than willing to talk about the arguments of the book itself, but I do think it's perhaps a little bit strange that rather than debating the arguments of the book, we are debating the right of the scholar to actually write it.
Well, that's a good point.
Let's see how she reacts to it.
Taylor Kane just says, so your book is written with clear bias and you're trying to say it's academic.
That's like having a Democrat write a book about why Ray Britain.
So she just starts quoting someone else and does the exact same thing.
He's like, why are we debating my right to write a book?
And she goes right back to demand.
There's another reason that you shouldn't be writing this book.
There's another reason why you shouldn't.
She quotes someone I'd never even heard, some guy named Taylor Dane or Kayla.
Taylor Kane.
I think she was, I may be wrong, but I think she was just quoting what someone had just emailed her or something.
It sounds like it, right?
Let's listen.
Taylor Kane.
So your book is written with clear bias and you're trying to say it's academic.
That's like having a Democrat write a book about why Reagan wasn't a good Republican.
It just doesn't work.
Well, you say to that.
It would be like a Democrat with a PhD in Reagan who has been studying his life and history for two decades writing a book about Reagan.
But then why would a Democrat want to promote democracy by writing about a Republican?
That was the question that really made my job just hit the ground.
Why would a Democrat write a promote democracy, write it about because we're supposed to hate everyone who isn't in our same party?
That's how they operate at Fox News.
Wait a minute.
Why would a Democrat write a book about a Republic?
Because in her mind, they're supposed to hate each other and they're incapable of an honest scholarly examination.
Life is black and white, especially to the black person working for Fox News.
Muslim bad, Christian good.
That's like saying that anybody that writes a book about Reagan must be a Republican because it's got to be a hagiography, I think it's a good idea.
It's just like no one.
It's got to be completely praised.
There's no such thing as scholarly work.
There's only biased writing in PR material.
Yeah, everything's a PR thing.
There's no such thing as a scholarly work to her.
There's no such thing as peer review.
There's no such thing as any of that stuff.
To her, it's just like everyone has a bias, and why should we listen to anybody who's a Muslim?
If you're a historian and you're a Democrat and you're really interested in Richard Nixon or Ronald Reagan or Eisenhower or William Howard Taft or any Republican, you're not qualified to write about them.
You're not qualified to go to a library and research their lives and write a book about them because you're a Democrat.
I don't blame her for not understanding his intellectual curiosity because she's come this far without any herself.
After that question, she asked him, why would a Democrat want to write a book about?
I was half expecting her to ask him, "Hey, are you planning on flying this book into the World Trade Center?" Her next question I thought was going to be, hey, why would you want to write a book anyway when there's TV?
You could just look at it.
And she also almost asked, but when you come right down to it, isn't reading hard?
Yes.
One word after another after another.
I'm kind of surprised he didn't come back at her.
She was like, you're an Islam who wrote about Christ.
Why would you do that?
Why didn't he come back and go, you're a journalist who works for Fox.
Why would you do that?
Touche.
That makes much less sense.
But you know what, though?
One of the things that he did so well was the fact that he kept his cool.
Yes.
He was very respectful in his own way and just tried to calmly explain, as you would to a child, these concepts.
And, you know, I think, you know, I think it's good that he didn't, you know, I wouldn't have blamed him if he had started yelling at her, but I think it's good that he didn't.
I think it's great.
It's very good that he didn't.
Yes.
Well, here he tries to explain it to her again.
The fundamental problem here is that you're assuming that I have some sort of faith-based bias in this work that I write.
I write about Judaism.
I write about Hinduism.
I write about Christianity.
I write about Islam.
My job as a scholar of religions with a PhD in the subject is to write about religions and religions.
He's really the one.
Do you understand what I'm saying, little girl?
Religions.
That was our pletz plural.
She doesn't understand that religions is a plural.
You know, there's one religion that's Christianity, and then there's nothing else.
And then there's all its enemies.
Hey, hey, I don't care what Muslims write about their God.
Just don't be writing stuff about the God God.
A good one.
So he explains it to her again that he's a scholar of religions, plural, and here she comes right back.
You're pronouncing yourself as a scholar, and I've interviewed scholars who have written books on the resurrection on the real Jesus and who are looking at the same information that you're saying to say that your information is somehow different from theirs is really not being audible.
Well, first of all, she just revealed again, she hasn't read the book, and she won't admit that she hasn't read the book.
She hasn't even thumbed it.
Nothing.
She hasn't even read a synopsis of the book.
Nothing.
Ma'am, my information is not different from theirs at all.
I'm afraid that it sounds like you haven't actually read my book or seen what I've said about the resurrection or about Jesus or about his claims.
I think you might be surprised in what I say.
And there have been thousands.
Yeah, it would be the shocker there would have been had the Fox News host actually read the book, right?
Or a book, right?
Ever.
So he tries, he tries one more time.
I think it's unfair to just simply assume because of my particular faith background that there is some agenda on this book.
That would be like saying that a Christian who writes about Muhammad is by definition not able to do so because he has some bias against it.
And frankly, every book is a lot of people.
But I believe that you've been on several programs and never disclosed that you were a Muslim.
And I think that's an interesting format.
The second page of my book, the second page of my book says I'm a Muslim.
Every single interview I have ever done on TV or on print says I'm a Muslim.
You may not be familiar with me, but I'm actually quite a prominent Muslim thinker in the United States.
I've written a number of books about Islam.
It's just simply incorrect to say that media isn't saying that I'm a Muslim.
I would actually encourage you to actually try to find media that doesn't mention my biography, which, by the way, again, is on the second page of the book.
So he just schooled her again.
He just slowly explained it to her again.
And do you think it sunk in?
No, he tried.
No, it didn't.
She got her ass totally handed to her.
He even challenges her to find an interview where his faith is not mentioned.
And of course, she acknowledges nothing, doesn't acknowledge anything, and then closes with this.
Here's how she closes.
All right, Reza, I want to thank you very much for coming on.
The book is called Zealot, The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth.
I want to thank you for coming on us for a debate.
Thank you.
Smith, that's it.
That's it.
That's the wrap-up.
Doesn't mention that she's been wrong the whole time, quoting hacks and crazies, and even threw in a completely fabricated slur against him without acknowledging its speciousness by claiming that he was hiding his Muslimism or his Muslimness, you know, with his secret name, Reza Asla.
Yes.
Yes.
I had a Mexican Baptist.
You know, I just want to say that, you know, before people think that we're just criticizing this reporter on Fox because she's a woman.
Like if it's a gender thing, we're just holding her accountable for being horrible at her job.
Yes.
And representing journalism in such an embarrassing way.
Like on most interviews, when you're talking about a book, you usually are going to read an excerpt.
Yes.
There was no excerpt.
No.
Did she even decide to open the book?
No.
No.
You're right.
They didn't quote anything from the book.
Usually they go, well, you wrote this.
Yes.
I want to ask you a question about that thing you wrote.
They didn't do any of that.
Also, you know, one thing that should be noted, too, is that, you know, not only was she bad, but in terms of the people behind the scenes, this was like a horribly, the segment produced thing that went into this was completely incompetent as well.
You know, a lot of times on news shows, it's the job of the staff to cover the host's ass, you know, and to give them a lot of information and to give them stuff to say so they don't get into these things.
So that was that was like a bad job all around.
I disagree, Frank.
I think that they did exactly what they intended to do.
I think that the whole agenda here had nothing to do with what his response was.
It was the whole agenda was for her to ask those questions and discredit him.
The questions were to speak to the base.
The answers were.
I'm just saying, like, I, you know, on a level of interpreting it, not just in terms of Fox, but in terms of professionalism in the news business, in the TV news business, it was incompetent all around.
But it wasn't news.
You know, I also would say.
Louis Fox, though, which I think is an explanation.
If I were going to have a debate about my book, I would want Lauren to debate my book.
And I'll tell you why, because it's already increased the sales of Reza's book.
Yeah, number one at Amazon.com.
This was like Reza's breakout break.
Yes.
This is like David Renner on the tonight show.
This is like, this is one of those things, Frank, where there's no such thing as bad press.
Exactly.
It's, you know, it's the nature of the internet now that stuff like this is what makes people.
Okay, right now we have on the phone with us the host, Fox News host, who just got done interviewing Reza Aslan.
Reza Aslan, Lauren, how are you?
Thanks for coming on the show.
So you're doing a radio show, but you're a nightclub comedian.
So why would you be doing a radio show anyway?
Well, I'm doing a radio show because, you know, I've, as a touring comedian for 20 years, I've done hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands, of morning radio shows.
And I've learned how to do comedy with people I barely know.
And I've also did my own podcast.
We were on the forefront of that.
Todd Glass and Steph Zamarano and I were pioneers in comedy podcasts, over a million downloads on that.
So it's not like I just stepped off the bus and as a comedian started doing a radio show.
I was ready to take this on.
Yeah, but you're a comedian.
Yeah.
Doing a radio show.
Yeah, I'll just, it's okay.
I'm doing a radio show because it's okay for a comedian to do a radio show.
It's just like if a comedian became a radio show host or a radio show host became a comedianist.
There's no big deal about that.
But why would a radio show host want to promote a nightclub performer?
Okay, you literally aren't making any sense.
Not making any sense.
It's not just me, but other comedians have also come out against you.
Oh, really?
Mark Price has said that you are not.
Who said this?
Who said this?
Mark Price has said that you are.
He's nothing more than a drunk occupying a radio studio.
Okay, well, I don't know why would I know why Mark Price would say that about me.
Mark Price wrote that today on IhateJimmyDork.com.
Honestly, that was the sentiment of most of the commenters over that show.
So that's what you do.
You just go to a website that hates me and you start quoting people.
That doesn't sound that does.
But by the way, that guy, he's not even a real comedian.
Kyle Cease has written that he was amazed that a comedian would try to pass himself off as a radio show host.
Okay, Kyle Ceased and Mark Price, they're not even real comedians.
So I don't even know what you're saying.
You're not making any sense.
I'm not passing myself off as anything.
I am a radio show host.
I don't have any problems with you being a radio host.
I just think you should tell people that you are a comedian when you do it.
People know I'm a comedian.
I plug my dates on the show.
What are you talking?
I plug my dates all the time.
I tell people.
I mean, I talk about my Comedy Central special.
What are you talking about?
Well, Jimmy, glad to have the debate.
Thanks, Marx.
We didn't have a debate, and you're on my show.
I didn't come on your show.
I didn't come on your show.
I say thank God for Lauren Green, huh?
And making it easy on comedians.
Thank you very much.
And I want to say that is all the podcast listeners.
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Use our code JimmyD at proflowers.com.
Okay.
Now let's get back to the second half of the show.
Guess who called me?
I got a phone call from Villow.
Bore, Spill O'Reilly.
So from what I can gather, you and your little Libtard friend.
That's the new thing we call you, by the way.
I love Libtard.
Hilarious.
You have these kids come up with stuff that good because it combines liberal and retarded.
See?
It also lets you know that we're not going to be bullied by this whole calling people pards as bad PC bullcrap.
And you know who started Libtard?
The people.
It came out on Twitter, caught fire.
And ideas like that, they come up from the grassroots and up to the big pundits like me, a mere servant of the people.
Conservatives are the true populists, Jimmy.
Uh-huh.
Granted, we may not support the mechanisms that would provide a living wage for most American families and work to suppress the vote in minority communities, but we'll sure as shit use a juvenile insult from one of Dana Lash's retweets.
Boy, that Dana Lash.
Even I think she's a punt.
Anyway.
Anyway, Jimmy, your little Libard friends are up in arms about my rant about how blacks are killers.
You just can't stop talking about it.
Here's what I'm talking about.
Why did he say that?
Why isn't he in trouble?
Well, I got news for you, Dum-Dum.
Ratings are up on the O'Reilly factor, especially among the coveted fringe demographic.
For the longest time, Roger Ailes was always giving me an earbanging about how I didn't do enough to court the fringes on my show.
They loved Hannity and Glenn Beck and the seven psychos who replaced Glenn Beck, but only saw me as sort of this semi-reasonable sellout who actually had a college degree, which is very suspicious to their narrowly set eyes.
I realized that this was a problem and that I had to fix it.
So to that end, I go on the air with my comrade in harms, Bernie Goldberg, unabashedly talk about how black teens are vicious killers, and boom.
Guess what, Dormouse?
I'm top of the heap over here at Quox.
We're in the lead.
And I'm on Cloud 9.
Roger Ailes just personally came down here and tossed out celebratory hamsteaks to my whole staff.
So regrets, apologies, you're out of your mind.
I'm doubling down, Paco.
Not only will I be front-loading all my shows from here on out with black killer stories, I'm going back and revising all my recent best-selling books, killing Lincoln, killing Kennedy, and killing Jesus, to make it so a black guy killed each one of them.
May not be quote-unquote historically accurate, but fuck it.
Your second editions are going to sell like hotcakes.
It's going to be great.
I got Lincoln getting killed by a disgruntled ex-slave who was furious that he actually had to earn a living all of a sudden to pay for his own three squares a day instead of mooching off a rich businessman.
Kennedy was killed by a Black Panther.
Sure.
And the Jesus one was tough because they didn't have blacks back then, of course.
So I invented a time-traveling nation of Islam guy from the future named Quasar X. I don't know.
Sci-fi isn't really my thing, but, you know, I think it works out.
Megan Kelly helped me out with it.
She writes her own gen in the holograms fan fiction, actually.
But she does it in this like Christopher Nolan Dark Night kind of way, which, you know, it's kind of cool and it's like, you know, it could like really happen.
Anyway, Jimmy, fuck you and your whole family.
And I'll fuck you later.
Bill O'Reilly.
Bill O'Reilly.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're sitting here with a very talented artist.
And would you call yourself an animator?
How do you refer to yourself, Jim Rugg?
A cartoonist.
A cartoonist.
Okay.
I didn't know if that was insulting to call somebody a cartoonist.
You know, I get upset when people call me a comic.
I'm a comedian.
I'm not a comic.
So if you know anything, of course, you're familiar with the logo for Steph and my podcast called Common Everything Else.
Jim Rugg did that one.
It was beautiful.
He also did the logo for Left, Right, and Ridiculous.
If you've seen that, it's lovely.
It's amazing.
And he's done lots of other things.
He has, what do you call a comic book novel?
What do they call graphic novels?
Graphic novels.
That's what they're called.
And you have graphic novels, right?
The Aphrodisiac is one of them, correct?
Yes, Aphrodisiac, Street Angel, The Guild, The Plain Janes.
I've done a few.
Okay.
And I became aware of your work because you contacted me.
That's how I became aware, right?
You were a listener to my other show, and that's how we got to know each other.
Now you have a big show coming up this Friday.
And Tommy, tell us where it's at.
It's at I Am 8-Bit in Echo Park.
What's it called?
I Am 8-bit is the name of the gallery.
Oh, okay.
It refers to 8-bit video games.
8-bit.
Oh, I thought you were saying I am 8-bit.
That's what I thought for a second.
Hold your laughter, Steve.
The point is, that was funny.
Yeah.
So I am 8-bit, and it's in Silver Lake.
Next to Silver Lake.
It's an Echo Park.
Oh, Echo Park.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes, we're looking for houses over there right now, actually, anyway.
I'm looking to move out of Pasadena.
That's right.
So tomorrow night, so 8-bit.
It's in Silver Lake.
And tell us about the show.
It is just drawings of mine.
You know, a lot of them are humor-based.
They come from comic books, illustration.
You know, comic books are popular now.
So a lot of my childhood, what I thought was wasting time, turns out to now be useful.
Oh, so you were, as a kid, you were always drawing cartoons and stuff.
Did you get in trouble for it?
Yeah, it was not encouraged.
Parents, teachers, nobody seemed to think it was a good idea.
Really?
And here you are.
The man got his got his.
I saw your first show, your last show.
Last year, Steph and I went to it.
I was blown away.
It was fantastic.
We even bought some stuff.
Yes.
Right?
It was great.
You're an amazing talent.
And I do like the sense of humor in you.
Maybe that's what it is, what I like so much about it.
Right?
And how long is the event going to go on?
Is it tomorrow and then your exhibit continues?
It'll be open through August 18th.
Now, when people find out you're a cartoonist, what are some of the questions you hate that they ask you?
That's a great question.
Wow.
Very few people have any questions for me.
Really?
Most of them tell me about all the comic books they had when they were a kid and how they'd be worth a fortune if they had them now.
Oh, they wouldn't be.
They wouldn't be.
Now, as a kid, the only thing I read was Tufts, Cracked and Mad Magazine.
That was it.
I wasn't into cartoon books, right?
But I like that.
And I didn't like Spy versus Spy very much.
I don't know why that was.
But I liked everything else in Cracked and Mad Magazine.
You should revisit Spy vs.
Spy.
I feel like that would be more up your alley now.
Oh, yeah, maybe.
Very political.
Oh, is it?
I didn't know.
I don't know.
I was a kid.
Maybe that's why I didn't like it.
I didn't get it.
It's not really that political.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm giving them too much credit.
It works well in the war on terror age that we're in.
Oh, okay.
Yes, it certainly does.
Now, is there any kind of message behind any of your work ever?
Do you ever try to get something out there that you have that's bothering you?
Or is all of it like that?
I think it's all that way.
I have no messages.
I have no beliefs.
Okay.
You're very nihilistic, I suppose.
Yeah, I don't believe that for a minute.
So now, one of my friends recently read my latest comic, and it was about a cat, you know, cat and mice chasing each other around and told me he cried.
And it was, I thought it was funny.
It was supposed to be funny.
And he said that, you know, he has children and he cried.
Wow.
Wow.
Look at that.
To get an emotional research.
So it's not working quite.
But it's as long as you get a reach.
So you're friends with John Vader?
Very nice, Frank.
Very nice.
What do you want people to take away from when they come see your show?
I hope they enjoy themselves.
I hope it's amusing.
You know, it's irreverent humor, and hopefully it's just a fun night out.
It is.
It was a fun night.
I saw other comedians there when we were there last time, and we enjoyed it.
It made our sex life better for a couple of weeks.
It sure did.
Thanks, Jim.
I tell you, it was much more successful than we expected, so it improved my sex life as well.
Oh, fantastic.
Oh, really?
So it was a big hit last time?
It's why I bring my wife to it.
Oh, because then she can get a little respect for you going.
Oh, that really helps in the bedroom.
I know that for sure.
Yeah.
I like her to know who she's married to.
Oh, very nice.
All right.
So we're all going to head over there.
It's Friday night, the big showing.
Tell us the name of the studio again.
I am 8-bit.
I am 8-bit on Sunset and Echo Park.
8 o'clock.
Has it started?
It'll be open at 8.
I'm not sure the hour.
7 to 11?
Great.
Or 8 to 11.
Oh, okay.
So you're really up on this then?
You've really been promoting it hard.
Yeah, I'll be there by 8.
Jimmy, what's your show?
I don't know.
Tomorrow or Saturday, I'm not sure.
8 or 10.
I don't know where it is.
All right, we're going to be there definitely.
We look forward to it.
It's always a thrill.
You know, it's good to see your work.
You're a great artist.
Well, thank you very much.
Thanks for coming in and talking to us.
On the phone right now, we have Paula Dean.
You know, Paul has been, I've been saying on this show for a while that she caught a raw deal, especially after what all the people at Fox have been doing, as far as their racism goes.
But Paula Dean, we got her on the phone.
And hi, Paula.
How are you feeling today?
How are you doing, baby?
Oh, I'm doing just fine, Jimmy.
In spite of it all.
A country girl will survive.
Okay, here you go.
Hang on.
Hang on a second.
Hang on.
So, wow, even after all you've been through.
Oh, oh, what?
You mean the public shaming and exforiation?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Oh, what?
You mean the abandonment of all my sponsors?
Yeah, yeah, that too.
I'm talking about that, too.
Oh, what?
You mean the utter collapse of my cooking empire?
Yeah, right, right.
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, you mean the complete evaporation of my physical fully changed?
Yeah, that's pretty rough, right?
That's pretty rough, right?
Oh, what?
You mean how I was exiled to the island of Elba?
What?
Oh, what?
You mean how I'm confined to a tiny prison cottage guarded by Halberdiers?
What?
What?
Oh, you mean how I have to cook for myself, but how my jailers provide me with the worst ingredients like a greenio rooster?
Well, don't you worry, Jimmy.
I'll take that old clucker and marinate him in butter for a day until the fats have denatured his proteins, and I fry him up in a pot with butter.
I call it cocka dean.
Well, you know, I got to say, you sound very chipper considering all this.
Well, Jimmy, I know that I deserve this.
No doubt about it.
20 years ago, I said nay, and I need to pay for that.
Well, you know, it's not just that, it's not just how you treated your employees, right?
It's how you invoke, it's how you invoke the antebellum south as a golden age in your 21st century catering events, specifically in portraying African Americans as slave-like servants, right?
So that's really what this is about.
You know what I mean?
Oh, I know, Jimmy.
I've been just horrible, and I need to pay.
I know it's just awful how I portray blacks, putting them in tuxedos and so on.
Well, I hope you mean that, Paul.
To be honest, I'm detecting a disingenuous tone in your voice here.
That's what I'm thinking.
Oh, lands, no, Jimmy.
I mean every word I say, pumpkin butter.
I just have one little question.
Oh, question for me.
Go ahead.
Shoot, Paul.
I'm ready.
You know that old boy, Bill O'Reilly?
Uh-huh.
On the Fox News.
Oh, sure.
I know Bill O'Reilly on the Fox News.
Sure.
Well, the other day, this old boy, he went on a TV program and talked about how blacks were murderers and killers, and why people were right to be afraid of them.
Did y'all see that?
Yes, yes, Paul.
In fact, we talked about it on the show.
We saw that.
Did you think that was bad?
Of course.
That was horrible, of course.
How bad?
he should be exiled to a remote island in the Mediterranean or like nothing should happen to him and he should keep his own TV.
Um, I don't know.
Okay, I think I see what you're.
The second one is what happened.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, I know the second one is what happened.
Because it's just, it's just, it's just so strange.
Don't you think?
Yeah, yeah.
There must be some reason why I'm in trouble and he's not.
But for the life of me, I just can't figure it out.
Oh, okay.
Yes, yes, Paula.
I see what you're.
I admit that it's BS, that Bill O'Reilly has faced no real consequences for calling blacks crazed murderers, but you know, that that doesn't mean that.
Oh, thank God, Jimmy.
I got you on my side.
Yeah.
I can't say it a minute more here.
I can't live like this.
They ration my butter.
They tell me I can only use 12 sticks a day.
What about my Jillian Michaels all of a sudden?
I can't even properly grease my lemon veskers with 20 sticks of butter.
And all the cable channels here in some fancy paint language I can't understand.
And the marker lounger won't fit my butt.
I feel like I'm in the house with some butter.
You gotta get me out of here, Jimmy.
Can you get me home?
I'm the good old Nixie.
Land of unregulated butter usage and real TV channels like G-A-C-N-C-N-N.
I want my money back, goddammit.
No, Paul, I can't.
I can't help you, buddy.
Please.
I'll fry you and step up some rhubarb printers.
Paula, I don't think you understand.
Just because another famous person said something perhaps more racist than what you said, that doesn't mean that you're going to be welcomed back with open arms by any means.
I mean, just pointing at someone else and saying, hey, look, hey, look, they're racist too.
You know, that doesn't really absolve you of anything.
Well, fuck you then, Jimmy Door.
I thought I could count on you to get me out of trouble, but I guess you Yankees all stick together like butter and butter rappers.
I see how it is.
I see now.
That's what it's about.
Yeah, well.
When a Yankee says it, it's okay somehow.
But God forbid a southern girl says N and thinks it was great when black said no rats and we owned them as channel.
Yeah, I see.
I see.
Okay, then.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, listen, Paul, I appreciate you taking time to talk to us.
I do think that you did get railroaded.
I do feel badly for you.
You know, you did say some bad things, and you still kind of carry yourself in a weird way, but I do feel for you.
I really do.
I know, and I never said anything like that.
Like what they said on Fox.
I just think they should be serving.
See, that's horrible, too.
See, you're both horrible.
Bill O'Reilly's horrible, and it turns out you're horrible, too.
And it's not really helping.
You're not helping yourself by saying this stuff.
Can you come rescue me?
No, I can't.
I can't.
I wish I could come.
You know, there's nothing I'd like more than to come rescue you and get you back to the land of butter.
But I can't do that.
But listen, thanks for taking, thanks for taking time out, Paul.
I appreciate it.
I know you got railroaded.
I'll preach your case out there, but thanks for coming on.
Well, that's something, I suppose.
Can you mail me some butter?
No, I can't mail you some butter.
Thank you.
I will.
Bless your heart.
Bless your heart.
Okay, I'll mail you some butter.
Okay, Paula, take care, sweetheart.
Thank you, sweet.
Bye.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
So this week's Oh My God segment, Pat Robertson, you know, he takes questions from his audience.
People write in.
I'll never get over this.
People write in and ask him advice on their life.
So here's what he has to say.
So if somebody calls in and asks, ask this question.
Okay, this is from Marlena who says, my mom is dying from a lung disease.
She watched your show the other morning.
When I arrived, she told me that you said the Bible says cremation is wrong.
Well, here's the problem.
Mom does not have money, nor do I, so cremation is our only option.
Believe me, it breaks my heart to know she would rather be buried.
And of course, that would be our first choice.
Yet it would cost thousands of dollars we don't have.
Now my mom believes that it would be wrong as a Christian to be cremated.
I love my mom a lot, but wouldn't it also be wrong to go into major debt for years to give her a burial?
What do I tell her?
Wow.
So there you go.
That's a kind of a dilemma, right?
You're broke.
Your mom's dying.
Pat Robertson tells you if you have her cremated, that it's a sin.
What are you going to do?
I don't know what Pat's about to say, but I'm sure it's going to be deeply compassionate.
All right.
Okay, fire up the compassion meter.
And here we go.
I'm sure that somewhere along the way, you can find some mortician who would give you a discount burial.
Like, if you can't scrape up a couple thousand bucks, there's something wrong with you.
Oh, my God.
What are landfills for, anyway?
If you can scrape up a...
Go ahead, Frank.
What did he say?
He said if you...
I didn't hear...
I'll play it again.
Okay.
I'm sure that somewhere along the way, you can find some mortician who would give you a discount burial.
If you can't scrape up a couple thousand bucks, there's something wrong with you.
If you can't scrape up.
Isn't that what Jesus told the beggar?
Yes.
If you can't scrape up a couple thousand bucks, there's something wrong with you.
But that's one of the lines from the boiler room that.
I think that's Leviticus.
Or is that Deuteronomy?
That's something that one of the money changers actually said to Jesus.
Yes.
No doubt.
After hearing that, there is no doubt in my mind that Jesus thinks Pat Robertson is a total asshole.
So he's saying that.
The opposite of what any teachings of Jesus would.
Yes, the exact opposite.
I love that.
If you're poor, there's something wrong with you.
You're like nuts.
They're like nuts if you're poor.
Isn't that the message that Jesus said?
Jesus said, the meek shall inherit the earth, but first there's something wrong with them.
Well, if they don't inherit the earth, there's something wrong.
What he's saying is like, you can scrape up a couple of thousand dollars.
Don't if you're not, if you can't, you're just not trying.
Yes.
It's like what?
He's saying, if you don't have a couple of thousand dollars, there's something wrong with if you're poor, there's something wrong with you.
You're not trying.
There's something wrong with you.
Yes.
It's hard to feel sorry for these people that write to Pat Roberts.
It is.
You know what?
Absolutely.
It is.
It is.
I hadn't thought about that.
And you know what?
Lady with lung cancer.
Fuck you.
The only thing worse being poor is poor and stupid.
Yes.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
So, hey, guess who I'm on?
Guess who's on the phone with me?
I'm talking to the new Pope.
It's Pope, you know, what's his name?
Francis Bergoglio.
Hello.
Hey, that's fine.
Hello.
Hello, Mr. Pope.
I read about your comments where you said you're not going to judge gay people.
And I was just wondering what brought you to that conclusion exactly.
If somebody wants to put me on the guest list of a disco party slam, or am I to condemn them?
Wait a minute.
So, what has been the response to what's been the response to your statement?
Well, I've been denounced by the Knights of Columbus, the American Family Association, and the Catholic League.
In fact, I've been excommunicated.
You've been ex-communicated.
Oh, first of all, I think it's adorable that you call yourself.
Your name for the Pope is that you call yourself Papa.
That's adorable.
Yeah, okay.
And second of all, I'm pleased that you seem like a more progressive Pope than we're used to.
You really are.
You see, I am progressive.
I don't like to judge people.
That is unless they pray to the wrong God, then you're going to hell to burn an everlasting flame.
Okay, so you don't judge people unless they pray to the wrong God.
I see.
Yes.
But if...
So, so, so it's so it just the wrong God thing is the bad thing.
But if you are a mass murder and rapist who gets absolution, you're going right up to heaven.
That doesn't make any sense that a mass murderer could go to heaven.
Excuse me, my soccer fiery just came in.
Oh, your secretary.
It's a guy, I bet.
Have you been in an accident?
You can hardly walk.
He says he doesn't want.
I don't know why I'm talking in English either.
He says he wants to sit down.
Oh, he doesn't want to sit down.
I get it.
Hello?
Yes.
Hello.
Yes.
I get it.
Hello, Jimmy Door.
Yes.
I didn't know.
That reminds me.
You made some provocative statement comments about the Vatican having a gay lobby.
Do you remember making those statements?
The Vatican has a guy lobby, a guy hallway, a guy in toilet, a gay ceilings of your favorite place.
No, I haven't visited.
I have not.
The car dolls in the back rooms, they're all busy canonizing each other.
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
The Cardinals are busy canonizing each other.
I get it.
I get it.
So now, getting back to your recent statements, I see many religious people point to the passage in the Bible that condemns homosexuality.
It's such a kiss.
It's such a joke.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
So now getting back to your recent statements, getting back to your recent statements, I see many religious people point to the passage in the Bible that actually condemns homosexual homosexuality.
Oh, no.
That stuff in the Bible should not be taken literally.
Have you actually read the Bible?
No, I haven't.
You'd have to be a nutcase to believe anything and not really okay to hear the rest of that Pope call.
And we also have Chris Christie and a lot more in the premium content.
You got to get the premium content.
And it's cheap.
It's two cents a day.
It's nothing.
It's $5 a month.
How do you do that?
You go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and you click on the premium tab and it'll take your $5 donation and then we'll send you a passcode.
It's just that simple.
And hey, if you've donated and you haven't gotten your passcode right away, send me an email at my old timey email, jimmydoor at earthlink.net, and I'll send you all the information and I'll send you your passcode, okay?
So do that.
And by the way, it's come up a couple of times, more than a couple of times, which is why I'm taking time out to mention it now.
Sometimes people go to the website and they say, hey, it looks like your website hasn't been updated in a few months.
That's just the problem with WordPress and your browser.
They're not talking to each other correctly.
So if that happens, switch your browser.
Safari seems to have problems with WordPress.
Try Firefox.
That works really well or Chrome.
So just try switching your browser.
And just know that the website is always up to date, okay?
But become a premium member and treat yourself right.
You deserve to have all the extra content, all the comedy.
And the Chris Christie, what does the Chris Christie call sound like this week, Jimmy?
You know, people seem to like your personality.
Isn't that weird?
I'm just a straight shoulder.
A regular guy who gets a stomach staper while cutting school budget so they can't afford staples.
You know, if it's any consolation, you'll always be a fat fuck to me.
I appreciate that, Jimmy Doll.
So there you have the Chris Christie phone call.
Treat yourself right.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and click on the premium tab.
Donate $5, and we'll send you the passcode, right?
You become a recurring member.
It's just $5 a month.
It's not a big deal.
Okay, take care.
All right, that's it for this week.
I want to let you know all the voices performed this week were performed by Mike McRae.
He did The Pope, Bill O'Reilly, Paula Dean, and Steph Zamarano performed Lauren Green for us.
Okay.
Woof.
And this show was written by Mark Van Landewitt, Steve Rosenfield, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Robert Yasamura, and Steph Zamorano.
A shout out to the guy who makes this show run smoothly, our tech helper who donates his time and his talent to make sure our Macintosh computers Work.
And if yours doesn't work, he'll fix it for you right over the internet.
His name is Sean James.
You send him an email at machelp at seanjames.com or you can give him a phone call at 347-695-0601.
And if you missed that number, rewind it and listen to it again.
All right, that's it for this week.
Until next week, hey, I'll see you up in San Jose too, right?
You know what I'm saying?
Come see me at the Rooster T Feathers.
Are you in the Bay Area?
I'm going to be up there next weekend, August 8th through the 11th, up at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale.
There's a link for tickets at the website.
Come on, I'll see you in the Bay Area.
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