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May 4, 2013 - Jimmy Dore Show
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, the Jimmy Dore Show.
This week at a press conference, President Obama restated his desire to close the prison at Guantanamo.
This has been a difficult issue for Obama because Republicans naturally suspect the detainees are all personal friends of his.
Conservatives naturally blame the president for what happened in Boston and for treating the suspect as if he were an American citizen, just because he is one.
Many of the Guantanamo detainees have now been held for over 10 years without a trial.
The reason there haven't been more trials is many of the prisoners didn't do anything, therefore they can't be found not guilty.
Of course, Obama doesn't want to let anybody go who might someday attack us.
He just wants to put them in prisons in the United States.
Unfortunately, that's impossible because those prisons are for people who broke the law.
But now more than 100 detainees, desperate for some resolution, are on a hunger strike.
Prison guards responded to this by having doctors force-feed the hunger strikers through tubes inserted in their noses, which is not as pleasant as it sounds.
The American Medical Association has complained that doctors should not ethically be force-feeding prisoners who refuse to eat.
But the government's position is we cannot let the detainees kill themselves until we get enough evidence to execute them.
Obama has said many times that Guantanamo hurts our image around the world.
But so does telling George W. Bush you think he's a great guy.
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
The show for people that are.
Comments may be on Terry Downer Nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk in your TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Norris.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in the studio across the glass from me, former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you today?
I'm doing fantastic.
And next to him, hilarious comedian.
You know him from Bob's Burgers on Fox Television.
And he's the host of The Tomorrow Show, which is every Saturday at midnight at the Steve Allen Theater here in Los Angeles.
And every week it's a brand new show with a variety of comedy, music, video, magic, and madness.
It's the Tomorrow Show.
It's just the host.
He's here with us, Ron Lynch.
Hey, Ron.
Hello.
How are you today?
Oh, great to have you here.
And on the phone, all the way from New York City and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
And now the John Fuglesang Show.
It's TV's Frank, Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hey, Boo-E-Boo-A-A.
Ding-sang, wah-la-la-la-ding-dang.
Okay.
So let's do some jokes before we get to the jokes.
The White House correspondence dinner happened, and David Gregory actually was there.
He asked the waiter about the soup, but not the entree.
Yeah, because he doesn't ask follow-up questions.
There you go.
No follow-up questions.
You know, people are giving the bomber, you know, the Boston bomber, her mother, the mother of one of the Boston bomber.
People are giving her a lot of grief.
Yeah, sure, her sons are terrorists, but at least she never wrote a mommy blog.
Give credit where it's due.
Hey, 10 years ago today, George W. Bush's mission accomplished.
That's the anniversary.
The anniversary was yesterday, actually.
Of the banner itself?
The banner?
Of the mission accomplished.
The mission accomplished.
The aircraft carrier.
The aircraft carrier.
Yeah, so the 10-year anniversary was yesterday.
Didn't fool anybody except the entire mainstream media.
Am I right?
Mission impossible.
Yeah, he strutted around that aircraft carrier in his military uniform, didn't he?
Yeah, like in his, it was kind of a flight suit.
Yeah, it was kind of a costume.
He had a cod piece and the whole deal.
Was he a made-up general?
Do they like give him plastic?
But you know, now they're referring to that day as asshole Halloween.
I don't know if you know that.
There's a keeper.
Hey, Ted Cruz says Obama uses gun victims as political props, whereas Ted Cruz uses them as real people he doesn't give a shit about.
Okay, we got a lot coming up on today's show.
We're going to talk about the Muslim hatred at Fox and Howard Kurtz's false equivalency about it.
We'll talk about Jason Collins came out as a gay guy.
George Bush's library opened.
Oh, my God.
We hear from Tony Blair.
We hear about the people who want to go to war in Syria.
We're going to talk about the Miranda rights and the Miranda warnings.
Plus, Dennis Miller weighs in on Barack Obama's performance at the White House correspondence dinner.
Plus, we got phone calls from God, Bill O'Reilly, Barack Obama, and Tuesdays with Moron.
That's today on the Jimmy Dore Show.
So we're going to start off with Howard Kurtz, but Frank has a little break.
We have breaking news.
Frank, can you come to the bottom?
What's the breakdown?
Yeah, well, it's, you know, it's not exactly breaking news, but it is to us.
Howard Kurtz has been fired from the Daily Beast, all because of his tweet about the gay basketball player.
What's his name again?
Jason Collins.
Yes.
He said that he never said in his Sports Illustrator article that he had a girlfriend for eight years that he was engaged to, except for the fact that he did say that.
Yes.
Yes, I saw that.
Howard Kurtz.
And Howard Kurtz was very disparaging of him, and for some reason, he was just really nasty about him, but he was very inaccurate.
And this one thing has brought Howard Kurtz down.
So, yes, he even wrote a column, Frank.
I don't know if it was a column, but maybe it was a blog.
He wrote about Jason Collins, and he comes clean, sort of, and he was kind of disparaging him because he was engaged to a woman, and he made a big deal out of it.
But the woman just found out, you know, when the woman found out that he was gay yesterday, like the rest of us.
And I was like, Howard, easy.
What are you doing?
I know.
And like, so what?
Like, it's a big deal.
And also, like, he was acting like it's a revelation that a closeted gay man had a girlfriend.
Right.
You know, you know, I mean, there are closeted gay men who have families and stuff.
So there's nothing weird about that.
It was just bizarre.
And he made some video Howard Kurtz did with some other woman where he talked about him playing for both teams, you know, just doing lame jokes from like a from a 1960 variety show or something.
You know, it's just kind of crazy.
But we shouldn't let it distract us from all the other terrible things.
Because we're going to talk about a horrible thing that Howard Kurtz did to Jenk Uger last Sunday.
He hosts a show called Reliable Sources on CNN.
Right.
And so there's been a lot of...
It was on.
So Howard Kurtz, here, I'm reading from the Huffington Post.
It says, mysterious multi-platform media matcher Howard Kurtz has taken issue with the way the NBA player Jason Collins went about disclosing his coming out story.
Collins says Kurtz left out one detail.
That detail per Kurtz, he was engaged to be married to a woman.
Ah, yes.
He said he left out the detail that he dated women and that he even got engaged.
But that's not true.
He actually did say it in the, he said, when I was younger, I dated women.
I even got engaged.
I thought I needed to live a certain way.
I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her.
I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue.
So Howard Kurtz was upset that he didn't disclose that he dated women and got engaged, yet he did do that.
It was corrected to Howard Kurtz that Jason Collins actually did state that he was engaged to someone and he dated women in the Sports Illustrated story.
Then Kurtz changed his blog to read that Collins downplayed the detail instead of leaving it out.
He said he downplayed it.
And then here's Kurtz's tweet.
He dated Carolyn Moose for eight long years.
And when did she find out about his homosexuality?
A few days ago.
So Howard Kurtz is pissed off at Jason Collins for not that is weird.
Anyone was upset about like that, like anyone cared about that.
Isn't that the whole point of being in the closet that nobody knows you're gay?
That's the whole point.
Here's some more quotes from Howard Kurtz.
He goes, But Collins was hailed by the media and other public figures for having the courage to tell his story.
He mentioned the engagement to Sports Illustrated, but didn't dwell on it.
This is Howard Kurtz is upset he didn't dwell on it.
It was in print.
They should have put it in bold.
Howard Kurtz is dwelling on it.
Yes.
He goes on to say, I'm sure it wasn't easy becoming the first male athlete in a major sports league to come out as gay, but I have to assess a foul for the incomplete nature of the disclosure.
Did Collins think his longtime squeeze was just going to stay silent?
What is he even talking about?
I know.
It's like he's like one of the school marms from the Waltons or something.
You know, he's just like so.
It's a weird angle to latch on to, I think.
But he used two basketball terms, though.
He did use.
And yeah, he's making a whole, I think, and plus, there's the element in it of like he's a media critic, supposedly.
So he's criticizing the media for making a big deal about this when nobody seems to be emphasizing or focusing on the fact that, oh, it's so brave, but he never told his girlfriend until a little while ago.
Right.
Right.
So here's how he ends.
Here's the end of his column.
He goes, perhaps, Collins, in his next interview, as he tries to get another basketball team to pick him up, Collins can tell us the rest of the story.
This is Howard Kurtz.
This is the media watchdog, by the way, Howard Kurtz.
And it says, so here's the update on that story.
The Daily Beast has retracted that piece.
Why does it seem like he's just a crotchety old man?
He is.
Because he is.
He is.
But you know what?
Here's the thing that's really outrageous: Howard Kurtz got fired from the Daily Beast this afternoon, but he didn't tell his girlfriend about it.
He didn't disclose that in his tweet either.
That's just fine.
She just found out.
There you go.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, joining me on the phone right now is God.
We have another phone call from God.
God, thanks for joining us.
No problem, Jimmy.
I'm all seeing, all knowing, and in all places at all times.
So I was already here.
But yesterday was National Prayer Day, Jimmy, and I wanted to ask you how you spent it.
Well, you know, I just did what I always do.
I tried to tap into whatever force that happens to be out there in the universe and hope that it gives me some hope and strength as I try to get through the day.
Jimmy, that's just the kind of earnest, open-hearted approach to spirituality that's going to get you banished to hell for all eternity.
In the great cosmic scheme, there's only one Twitter account that's verified, and that's yours truly, me, the big enchilada himself, the G-Man, God.
Accept no substitutes, bitch.
Gee, God, you're a little touchy, aren't you?
Look, being the supreme being, the Holy Father, the creator of all things, it's what we in the business call a brand.
So I can't have every flaky new age cult moving in on my turf.
Hey, Oprah fans, you want to know what the secret is?
The secret is kiss my ass.
Take that, Oprah fans.
You've been gotten.
No, but seriously, in this technological age we live in, there's no better way to get your prayer to God than by sending it to my Twitter handle, sexy martyr, hashtag original sinner.
You really are into the internet these days, aren't you, God?
Yeah.
And yeah.
God made a mistake.
Yeah, and it's the one thing I didn't create.
Al Gore invented it.
Al Gore invented the internet.
Al Gore invented the internet.
Jokes are coming back.
Hey, I did that joke because I also invented hack comedy.
Anyway, there's a random.
Anyway, here's a random sampling of some of the National Prayer Day tweets I received.
Dear God, please help me.
There's also, God, I'm at the end of my rope.
Help me, please.
Another one, dear Lord, keep my children safe.
Here's another one.
God, I'm desperate.
Bestow your grace upon me.
And one more, God, grant me the serenity, et cetera, et cetera, blah, blah, blah.
You know, I have to say, I'm very disappointed.
There's not a single LOL in the entire bunch.
Well, God, maybe if you spent one moment lifting your finger to relieve the suffering of the human race, maybe people would be more in the mood to LOL, as you put it.
Jimmy, did you read Noah's Ark in the Bible?
I'm familiar with the story.
Right.
Anyway, you might remember that after the flood, God spoke onto Noah and said, quote, someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.
Actually, isn't that from Taxi Driver, God?
Silence.
The point is that when I finally cleanse this earth of all sinners, I will watch you drown in a whirlpool of your own vomit while I sit on the deck of a yacht sipping my ties with Chris Walkin and R.J. Wagner.
Jeez, God, You really are vindictive, aren't you?
Congratulations, Jimmy.
You're finally starting to get this whole religion thing.
So long, sucker.
All right.
Thanks for joining us.
God, ladies and gentlemen, that was God.
Now, let's get back to the studio.
I'm joined by TV's Frank Frank Conniff, Ron Lynch, the host of the Tomorrow Show at the Steve Allen Theater here in Hollywood, and from the former writer for the Daily Show, hilarious comedian Steve Rosenfield.
And we're talking about Howard Kurtz and his horrible false equivalencies.
So now we're going to talk a little bit more about Howard Kurtz because we talked about this last week on the show.
This is the way people at Fox were talking about Muslims because of the Boston thing.
Here's how they were talking about it.
We know there's one bottom line.
In the Muslim communities around the world, they do not like us.
This is a situation we all face in America.
The giant is real.
Radical Muslims are killing innocent people and threatening the world.
You know, we bring these people in, even though they're radical Muslims.
We have to figure they don't much like us.
We bring them in.
Let me just say this about the access that Muslims have in this country, whether they're American Muslims or whether they're here on a student visa.
It is enormous, the access that they have, and it is virtually all radical.
Senator, there are some who are getting very leery of all the Muslim students in America.
What are the theology?
I just love all the Muslim students.
All of a sudden, they're all radical.
Yeah, two guys just flip out and blow up a bomb that kills three people.
And all the Muslims still, what's going on?
We've been bugged.
Okay, he got some more.
In this world, justifies murdering innocent people.
The answer is only radical Islam allows terror murder.
That's the truth.
He's also very dangerous.
So now they're talking about, now this guy, Eric Bowling, is going to talk about the only Muslim congressman in the United States Congress.
Kind of been like the Muslim apologist in Congress for a long time.
He swore he raised his right hand and took the oath of office on the Quran.
If you remember in 2007, Keith Ellison did.
I think it's time for profiling, though, don't you?
Angel, I think it's time for profiling because.
Okay, so that's how they were talking.
It's kind of stunning, right, Ron?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As soon as he said Koran.
It's like, oh, so he goes, he's dangerous.
He raises her right hand because that's his religion, you idiot.
If he'd sworn on the Bible, it wouldn't have been legitimate because he's not a Christian.
He doesn't believe it.
So Howard Kurtz decided to tackle this.
And so this is a guy.
I'm so glad he got fired.
He's the worst guy in the media.
And he's the watchdog.
So he can't help but do the false equivalency.
So Jenk Uger was going on the show from the Young Turks.
And I saw him the night before.
He came up to the show at the improv last Saturday.
Sold out shows.
Thanks for coming, you guys.
It was fantastic to see you.
He could not work that in.
So I told him, I said, you're going on reliable sources.
Just remember this.
Both sides do it, Jenk.
Both sides do it.
Both sides do it.
So let's listen to how Howard Kurtz sets up the piece.
Ready?
Here's Howard Kurtz setting it up.
The coverage of the Boston bombing took a sharp turn this week as the narrative moved to the motivation of the Sarnea brothers and whether federal authorities had bungled the case.
There was some angry talk about Muslims as much of the media world picked sides, pointed fingers, and engaged in ideological sniping.
Bolts.
So he goes right away, both sides.
Really?
But when you say both sides, what do you mean?
So they immediately play a clip from the five on Fox.
This is Bob Beckle.
I want to rethink now and say, do we want to allow any more Muslim students into this country, take a period of time, two years, three years, four years, and just stop that from happening?
I think we also have to examine.
So now he shows Tom Brokaw.
So this is, apparently, this is his attempt to show the left is pointing fingers.
Right.
Oh, that radical lefty Tom Broca.
Radical lefty Tom Broka, who has who got a journalism award from the military.
That's how bad of a journalist he is.
He's beloved by the military.
Okay, so here's Tom Brokaw.
This is his idea of a lefty.
The use of drones that the United States is involved in.
And there are a lot of civilians who are innocently killed in a drone attack in Pakistan, in Afghanistan, and in Iraq.
So how exactly would you fight the war against terrorism, Tom?
You want to invade Pakistan?
I think that Krauthammer and O'Reilly going after the president and saying he's not being tough enough on Muslims smells a little bit like a precursor to is the president actually secretly a Muslim?
So that's Alex Wagner on MSNBC saying that Krautheimer and O'Reilly are coming very close again.
Isn't the president a Muslim?
Watch how Howard Kurtz spins that.
Watch how Howard Kurtz is.
So what explains the ugliness that erupted just a week after the marathon was marred by violence?
Joining us now in Los Angeles, Jank Uger, host of the Young Turks on Current TV and on the web.
In Seattle, Michael Medved, host of the syndicated Michael Medved radio show.
And here in Washington, Jane Hall, associate professor at American University's School of Communications.
Jank Uger has the tone on the airwaves about what happened in Boston and gotten too vitriolic.
So now Jenks tells it the way it is.
Here's the dope.
Straight to.
It has, but we know why.
I mean, let's be honest about who makes it vitriolic.
It's usually Fox News talking about Muslims, which is ironic because this is the same Bill O'Reilly who kept calling Dr. Tiller, Dr. Tiller, the baby killer, until Scott Roeder shot him.
So here's a fundamentalist that's a Christian, worried about fundamentalists who are Muslims and driving people to violence.
I understand.
Incredibly ironic.
So here comes the false equivalency.
Ready?
And the wind up.
I understand why you as a liberal would want to blame Fox News.
You just move when you have.
Because you saw the tape.
It's unbelievable.
So here, here we go.
Have something as we just played.
MSNBC's Alex Wagner saying that Charles Krautheimer and Bill O'Reilly are on the verge of calling President Obama a Muslim because of the criticism of the president's remarks.
Neither of those guys has gone anywhere near that garbage.
So it's not entirely just on one side.
They're on the verge.
So he says, So he, I have, that is, to me, that goes down as the ultimate false equivalency of all time.
Saying that Alex Wagner saying that what Bill O'Reilly was doing is coming very close to calling him president is both sides do it.
Somehow both sides are what?
She was pointing out how the other side is doing it.
And that's, again, what's wrong with this goddamn.
And I also like the shallowness of him saying, well, I can see as a liberal how you would criticize Fox without spending a minute analyzing what exactly it was that was said.
So you're hearing this hateful racist stuff coming.
And I don't care if it's coming from Fox, wherever it would be coming from, it's people targeting all Muslims and saying these racist things.
And then Howard Kurtz immediately says, well, I can see as a liberal, I mean, it was on Fox.
So I can see why you would criticize him, not caring at all about what was said.
Not caring about the substance of it at all.
Just, I'm going to dismiss your opinion, not because of that, your opinion is dismissible, but because I dismiss you as a person.
So I invited you on my show, and then I dismiss your opinion immediately.
That's what Howard Kurtz did.
Right, way to go.
I'm glad you lost your job, Howard.
I couldn't be happier.
Today is a great, I have to say, today is a great day since Howard Kurtz lost his job.
And there's rumors that he's going to lose the CNN show as well.
And let's just all hope that that happens.
See, Howard Kurtz, he criticized Jenk Uger's ability to be objective because he's a liberal, while Howard Kurtz is so objective, he's completely biased.
Funny how that works.
If Howard Kurtz blamed conservatives in the media, he would no longer be even-handedly caving into the idea that the media is too liberal, which is what Howard Kurtz does.
Yeah, I guess the Muslim bashing is evenly distributed on both sides because on the right, you'll have all of Fox News, and on the left, you have Bob Beckle.
And nobody's making any stuff up in that whole thing.
No, right, exactly.
It's all real and factual.
It's all real and fact.
You know, Howard.
And also, that's the thing if they say, you know, they'll say, you know, Bob Beckle said this, and he's a liberal.
You know, no, just because you labeled him a liberal, that doesn't mean he's a liberal.
What he says is not liberal.
I saw him on a segment on CNN where they were talking about Maureen Dowd's criticisms of Obama and going, and she's a liberal.
Well, no, if you read anything she's ever written, she's not a liberal.
Chris Matthews, none of them are liberals, but they have this label that automatically is attached to them no matter what they say.
Because the center has jerked so far to the right, anybody who says something sane once in a while is considered a liberal.
And that's pretty close to the truth.
Well, they can't use the words, I don't like them.
So instead, they just say they're liberal.
Yeah.
So let's listen.
There's a little bit.
Howard Kurtz goes on a little bit more.
Let's go.
Well.
So here's how Jenk responds to that.
I mean, it's a funny way of balancing things out, Howard.
I mean, on the one side, you have a guy who keeps saying Muslim terrorists, Muslim, terrorists, trying to equate the two.
On the other side, you have someone saying, hey, maybe that's not that wise, and maybe they're implying something here that they shouldn't be implying.
So I don't equate those two as equal.
Just to say that one side does something 1% or 10% maybe wrong doesn't justify the other side doing something 100% wrong.
And if Bill O'Reilly wants to keep going in that direction, hey, listen, you know that since 1995, 56% of the terrorist acts in the United States have been right-wing terrorists.
Let me jump for some of the things.
I want to bring Michael.
Let me bring in John.
So as soon as Jenk started to make an actual point with facts and figures, Howard Kurtz could not stop talking over him enough.
Oh, wait a minute.
Here's some actual facts.
Let's listen a little bit.
Let me take you back to this core question.
Why are some hosts and some pundits on the warpath, ideologically and otherwise, over this Boston tragedy?
I think that Fox is practically waging a campaign to link the words radical and Islam.
I don't think radical Islam is a religion.
I think what happens can be a perversion, from what I understand, of religion.
I don't think the media should shy away from looking at how these young men got radicalized, what he learned when he went back to Russia.
I don't think we should shy away, and I think sometimes we do.
But I think that there is a difference between endlessly linking this and saying, you know, they're helpfully having visuals that say radical Islam with these young men's pictures and talking about how they should have been shot in the boat and how the wife of one of the suspects should be imprisoned simply because she was wearing a headdress in the Muslim religion.
I think that is.
Everybody on Fox is saying that.
Many.
Howard Kurtz.
Not everybody on Fox is saying that.
Just a lot of people.
A lot of people are saying it, but not everybody.
Just the people who have shows.
Just the people who have shows and a microphone and a camera pointed at them.
That is his defense.
Many people on Fox are saying that.
Many people.
I'm sorry.
That's just not true.
Ann Coulter made a couple of really outrageous comments, which disturbed me as well.
But you are not hearing stuff like that other than from Ann Coulter.
So I just played it.
I just played for you guys all that stuff we heard on Fox News.
Right.
And here's Michael Medved lying, just completely lying, saying that it was just Ann Coulter said something.
Everybody else at Fox has been super duper.
He's something else.
Of course.
Okay.
And you know what?
I would point out that Ann Coulter is, you know, it's this very small part of Fox.
She's only on every night.
Okay.
You know, we had Bill Burr on the web series this week, and he was very fun.
But Bill O'Reilly called in.
He had something to say about it.
Jimmy DeWar.
Looks like you had Bill Burr on your little Webisolda series.
Bill Burr, he's a good guy.
He plays it straight down the middle, just like me.
One of the best comics of the country.
The real barnstormer, if you understand.
He's like Louis Shecafe in the working class.
He seems like a guy like me, Irish Catholic, a level-headed thinker, a person who's not going to be swayed by your hippie-dippy liberal bullshit.
So when you talk about these Muslims being mirandized, he's not going to fall for your shit.
We don't need to Mirandize Muslims.
We don't need to do that in this country.
It's the Miranda rights, not the Al Miranda rights.
What are you going to say?
You have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to a lawyer.
And you have the right to have about 18 fewer consonants in your name than you already do.
It's America.
We don't give that right to everybody.
Hey, we went through a period of oppression, my people, the Irish.
We went through a time where we had no rights in this country.
And you know what?
We enjoyed it.
We made horrible, horrible folk music about it that's still played today.
We're running out of good music in this country.
It's because we're running out of oppressed peoples.
We got to start finding news.
That's what we're doing.
We're finding whatever the hell these people are.
We're oppressing them so we get some good tunes.
And then there's, what else is going on?
There's a gay guy in the NBA.
So what?
So what?
There's probably plenty of gay guys in the NBA.
I bet you two, you comics, you're going to do all your jokes.
Probably going to recycle all of those magic Johnson jokes from 1992 because you guys are so original.
Oh, I guess his Johnson was a little too magical.
I guess it literally wasn't magic at that point.
There's a gay guy in the NBA.
Who cares?
Who cares?
I don't see gay.
I don't see straight.
We are Republicans.
We don't see sexual orientation.
We don't see race.
We don't see shit.
Seriously, we can't see anything.
You got to get out of our way.
All right.
Well, you guys have fun back slapping around and telling liberal lies on YouTube.
Because that's where you are right now.
Like you and 80,000 kittens.
Good luck getting your message across.
That may not be great, but at least I have to put thumbnails, some girl's tits on my TV show to get people to watch it.
Big fan, Bill.
Actually, just kidding around.
goodness, Dottie.
Dottie.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
you How about that, Bill Orally, huh?
Hey, how about me?
I just recorded this whole message, and then I realized it wasn't recording.
So here, this is the second time.
How's it sound?
How's it sounding?
I got a little practice in me.
Hey, listen, now is the time when I let you know that this show is made possible by the generous support of you guys.
And there's a couple of ways to do that.
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And big thanks to everybody who's, as they say, taken advantage of the Amazon.com box.
We really appreciate it.
It really helps support the show.
And the reason why I like to push that because it doesn't cost anybody.
It doesn't cost you any money.
You know, all you do is you click on that box.
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It's just that easy.
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Just become a donator, right?
It's $5 a month.
That's easy.
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And then we do extra show.
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Okay, that's how it goes.
It's easy, super duper.
Hey, if you haven't gotten your passcode, by the way, send me an email at my old-timey email, JimmyDoor at Earthlink.net, and I'll send you your passcode, okay?
So no sweat.
So thanks for your support.
Let's get back.
Second half.
A lot of good stuff coming.
Tuesdays with moron coming up in the second half.
We got a Barack Obama and some other stuff.
A lot of good, funny stuff.
Okay, here we go.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Doors show.
We got a lot coming up on the second half.
Phone calls from Bill O'Reilly, God, and Tuesdays with Moron.
And I'm joined in the studio by former writer for the Daily Show, Steve Rosenfield, hilarious comedian and host of the Tomorrow Show at the Steve Allen Theater Saturday nights in Hollywood at midnight.
Steve Allen Theater, the Tomorrow Show.
Plus, on the phone all the way from New York, it's TV's Frank, Frank Connor from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Hey, did you hear Chris Christie opened a gym?
No, I'm sorry.
George Bush opened a library.
I had those backwards.
All right.
So George Bush's library opened.
We talked about it a little bit last week, but they have a thing now.
Well, it's the newest U.S. presidential museum, and it recounts George Bush's eight tumultuous years in office, but it also gives visitors a chance to decide whether they would make the same key decisions that George Bush did.
They have the central exhibit at the museum is called Decision Points Theater.
This is true.
I'm not making this up.
It's not called, hey, you try to do it.
That's what it should have been called.
So it's called Decision Points Theater, and it gives visitors a chance to watch footage of breaking news from the Bush era, listen to actors posing as officials and military leaders offering advice, and then you have to make your own interactive choice on the key crisis that Bush faced, right?
So that starts off with a video from Andy Card, which was Bush's chief of staff.
And he said, this is the opportunity for President Bush to say, come and try to experience some of that which I had to go through.
And I made some impossibly difficult decisions.
Yeah, I remember those impossibly difficult decisions, like when he decided not to read Bin Laden set to strike inside the United States.
Remember when he decided not to read that briefing?
I remember thinking, man, that's a tough call.
That was a tough call.
And then remember when he decided to sit in the classroom for 10 minutes after he was told of the attacks?
I remember thinking, man, glad I didn't have to decide between jumping to action in a time of national crisis or finishing a children's book.
That was tough calls.
And then when he decided not to go after Osama bin Laden and instead divert our attention by starting an illegal war in a country that posed no threat to us, I remember thinking, man, that is a difficult decision.
Because it's such a bad one.
Such a bad one.
Very difficult.
These are all bad decisions.
It's bad.
So inside, so they actually let Rachel Maddow's camera crew go inside the Bush Museum and put a camera up in this Decisions Point theater.
So they're talking about the Iraq war.
And it'll have, you can make three decisions.
One is lead an international force.
That's the decision.
Lead an international force.
The other one is get another UN resolution.
And the third choice is do nothing.
So those are your choices.
Those aren't false choices, aren't they?
First of all, lead an international coalition.
I like that.
It was like you, Poland, Latfia, and Tony Blair.
And I think that was it.
And oh, we had Australia, too.
Okay.
So here's what George Bush.
So here's what they're saying.
Across the street, there's an International House of Pancakes that gives you a better sense of history.
Better choices.
So here's what George Bush says at the library.
You read?
This is actually happening at the library.
So here's the thing.
The stakes were too high to trust the dictator's word against the weight of evidence and the consensus of the world.
Saddam posed too big a risk to ignore.
He had used weapons of mass destruction in the past, showed every sign of continuing to pursue such weapons and supported international terrorist organizations.
The world was made safer by his removal.
With his departure, 25 million Iraqis had the chance to live in freedom and build a free society.
The new democracy in Iraq can be a valuable ally in the heart of the Middle East and a beacon of hope to reformers around the world.
Wow, so that's George Bush.
It was a big success over there.
Now, 25 million Iraqis are free.
They have liberty.
Iraq is now an ally of the United States.
None of that's true, by the way.
None of that.
They're not an ally.
That region has just stabilized.
Completely.
So here's the chief of staff to Colin Powell, Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson.
Here's what he has to say how Iraq is doing today.
Ready?
Today, and let me just say, Iraq is a mess today.
It is an absolute mess.
You've got the Saudis funding the Sunnis in a resurgence of the Civil War.
You've got Maliki in the back pocket of Iran.
So what we have, as George Bush doesn't tell you in his library, is an ally of Iran in Iraq now.
You got the Kurds about to establish their own state in the north and Iraqis who know anything about their country predicting it'll break up in the next four to five years.
So that's what George Bush did for Iraq.
Okay, so, but it was great that we got four presidents to come and blow smoke up his ass last week.
It was great.
It was great that Barack Obama stood there and told us what a great guy he was a week after the bipartisan commission said he was a war criminal.
Well, it was the thing is, is when they were all those presidents were talking about how great George W. Bush was, it was the only time that they were bigger liars than George Bush.
Yes, you're exactly right.
No, I forget where I was going.
They're in a club, though.
Isn't it proper to act that way?
I think he was going to buy them dinner, so they were trying to be nice to him.
At the International Hustle Panche.
And so there's never a reckoning.
You know, there's never going to be a reckoning unless he goes outside the country.
Then I guess they'll arrest him.
You know what?
Millions of, well, not millions, but thousands of innocent people died because of his inept decision-making.
And his punishment is that he gets to paint puppies now.
Yes, that is his punishment.
So it's the same old, same old to the point where here's Tony Blair.
He was being asked by David Gregory what he thinks of George Bush was a very tough question.
And here's his response.
Here's his response.
You saw President Bush up close as a man during very difficult times for any leader.
Talk about your relationship, what it was like to sit there today in this moment of finality, even for a former president, the dedication of his library.
Wow, tough question.
Yeah, wow.
Tell us what you think.
Was that on ESPN?
Because they were through softball.
Yeah.
What does he like as a man, which has nothing to do with, you know, what kind of aftershaved and food did he like?
Yeah.
You know that guy that you started an illegal war with?
Tell me about him.
But as a man, tell me about him as a man.
Here's what Tony Blair has to say.
Well, I thought it was a great advertisement for America today, by the way.
I mean, you have five presidents, including President Obama, and all behaving with a sort of graciousness and civility towards each other.
I thought it was fantastic.
And President Obama actually put his finger on it when he said, it's impossible to know George Bush and not like him.
Yes, yes, it is impossible to know George Bush and not like him.
But if you know what he did and you still like him, you're Donald Rumsfeld.
That's the only answer to that.
Okay.
And he has to.
That's why not knowing George Bush is a much better thing.
Much better.
I would prefer that.
You know that he's a dick.
You know what, though?
You leave that library thinking he was a great man.
He was a great man, right?
Well, here's Tony Blair's got a little bit more to say.
Let's listen.
Often people say to me back home, they say, come on, you didn't like him, really, did you?
And I say, you can totally disagree with them, but as a human being, he is someone of immense character and genuine integrity.
So, you know, you can say, you know, people have different views about decisions, but there's very few people who know him, who don't like him and respect him as a person.
He would have been great on the city council somewhere.
Like a mayor of a small town would have been good.
I like how they pretend again, Tony Blair pretending.
It was just a difference of opinion.
I was against war crimes.
He was for them.
I was against them.
I was against lying to my own people in my own country about starting an illegal war for nefarious purposes.
He was for it.
You can disagree about that stuff.
I think we do we have Tony.
Is Tony on the line?
We got Tony.
Tony, you know what, Tony?
I think I could find a way to scrape up a little hate inside me for George Bush.
I think you're wrong about that.
Yeah, that would be impossible.
No, no, there's literally no way.
No, no, I could.
I could, I could, I could.
It cannot be done.
No, I can scrape up some hatred for George Bush, Tony.
He's a horrible person.
I don't know what.
No, I tried with all of my might to do it, and I failed utterly.
To not like him?
That's the thing.
If Kids met everyone in the United States, he would have been the most popular president ever.
If he would have met every person in the United States?
100%.
But of course, there's logistical problems with that proposition.
Yes.
I mean, one cannot simply go out and meet 300 million people.
He's smart.
But if that were possible, he would be beloved.
You know, I don't know about that.
You're saying if people just met him, they would like.
I don't really agree with you on that.
Yes, and he would do that American sort of Texan backslapping thing like, oh, Faggerty Magoo.
And everyone would sort of fall about themselves laughing.
And I've never understood that.
He is very likable.
He should simply meet everyone in person.
Yeah, but he...
Yeah.
I don't think that that would work.
I don't think that just because he's going to meet people, that they would like him.
In fact, I have a pretty good feeling it would backfire Tony.
I think he's okay.
If George W. Bush simply walked through the halls at MSNBC, giving them nicknames and laughing in the back, that building would collapse like it's in a fight club.
There'd just be no purpose for it anymore.
It would just fall to the ground.
Yeah, I don't, just because George Bush is good.
So he's going to go into MSNBC and he's going to walk the halls and he's going to make people like him just because of his physical presence.
How does he do it?
Tell me what he does, Tony, to get people to like him on MSNBC.
They'd all get their own nicknames.
Rachel Mattow would be Dykey.
And she'd be actively after that oddly.
And Lawrence O'Donnell would be baby dry drunk.
He's all in that to face.
And everyone would be fine with it.
Baby dry drunk for Lawrence O'Brien.
I don't think Rachel Mattow would cotton to that nickname, I'll be honest.
Oh, Rachel would, oh, she'd fall about herself with being nicknamed by George W. Bush.
I really don't think it would work.
He called me lying shitter.
And at first, I was a god, but there's a way he said it.
And I was immediately emotionally cleaved to this man.
Yeah, well, you know, Tony, I got to disagree with you there.
I think you're just making that up to cover your ass because you did such horrible things together.
I appreciate that.
Okay.
He is a great chat.
So, you know, George Bush was a war criminal.
You're a war criminal.
And I thank you for being on the show.
Okay?
Go fuck yourself.
Okay.
The Jimmy Dora show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them, too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
So, guess what's happening again?
So, the whole reason for that BS thing at the George Bush library that they're doing it again.
They want it because Barack Obama said he drew the red line.
And if Syria uses chemical weapons, that's the red line.
He drew a red line.
Well, they use chemical weapons, you idiot.
By the way, America used chemical weapons in Iraq.
He drew the line vertically, though.
That's the problem.
You got to draw it horizontally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's not that brave.
We use phosphorus in Fallujah, right?
There's now the highest rates of birth defects in Fallujah because we used phosphorus to kill people there.
And so we've used chemical weapons.
We've tortured people.
We've done everything we said that Saddam Hussein was doing, and they're still using that as a rationale.
But guess what?
A lot of people want to go into Syria, and here we go.
So this is William Crystal, and here's what he says.
This is not a president who wants to start another war.
Wow, that's a bad thing.
He looks at it as a bad thing.
This is a president who doesn't want to start another war.
I think it's totally irresponsible for America.
It's irresponsible to not want to start a war.
That's what they do.
They start wars.
No one wants to start wars, but you've got to do what you've got to do.
Be prepared with an international force to go in and secure these stocks of chemical and perhaps biological weapons.
The chemical weapons, enough to kill millions of people, are going to be compromised and fall in the wrong hands.
And the next bomb it goes off in America may not have nails and glass in it.
Hey, just Bill Crystal, who was the biggest cheerleader for the Iraq war and, you know, was basically kind of the author of it in many ways, as the Project for the New Century that he and the other neocons.
And for him to say that, it's just they just don't care at Fox.
They just do not care.
They just do not care.
Yes, the Republicans support the Syrian people not getting shot.
Though in this country, getting shot is the price we pay for liberty.
So just look at all the liberty they're having in Syria.
That's what I say.
It's a lot of liberty.
Here's Lindsey Graham.
He's got one more thing to say about Syria.
If we keep this hands-off approach to Syria, this indecisive action towards Syria, kind of not knowing what we're going to do next, we're going to have a war with Iran because Iran's going to take our inaction in Syria as meaning we're not serious about their nuclear weapons program.
Yeah, because those two wars we just had didn't scare the hell out of Iran at all.
They're like waiting to see what we do with Syria.
Because we just invaded the country next door to them and killed everybody.
But we would never...
So Lindsey Graham says we can have our war now or you can have it later.
But either way, you're having a war, Aho.
We're going to have a war.
Choose your enemy.
Graham.
Are going to be compromised and fall in the wrong hands.
And the next bomb it goes off in America may not have nails and glass in it.
Oh, what does that remind me of?
We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom clout.
Oh, remember that?
And remember this from George?
Does it make any sense for the world to wait to confront him as he grows even stronger?
No, it doesn't.
We should go in right away.
So these guys are doing this again.
This is unbelievable.
And Barack Obama actually called me to talk about it.
He's got a little something to say about it.
Jimmy, it's Barry.
Oh, man.
I should not offend that thing about chemical weapons being a game changer.
Game changer?
What the hell is that?
A sports term?
Was I trying to sound tough or something?
I'm a nerd, man.
A game changer to me is rolling an eight on a 12-sided die while fighting a fork.
I should have just played dumb.
Like they'd asked me about Syria, and I'd be like, what?
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Now I got people like McCain on my ass.
What is that old man's deal?
He wants to go to war with fucking everybody like he's fucking Rambo.
Like he's going to wrap his weird meat hands around a flamethrower and just go shithouse.
Hey, get back in your tiger cage, Whitey.
Because guess what?
I do not want to be the guy who got in a proxy war with Iran and Russia in one move, okay?
Have you ever met Vlad Putin?
Holy shit, what a black job.
For lunch every day, he locks himself in a closet with a live maternal badger.
And his assistants aren't allowed to open the door until he's eating the badger.
Knock my dinner, John?
Just to get the Ayatollahs to let you run for president, you have to be the craziest motherfucker in any room.
Like the guy who eats glass and denies the Holocaust and eats an Arby's.
Man, I need this shit like a hole in the head filled with shit.
Jimmy, we got to get together, man.
Drink some beers, maybe shoot some guns.
Let me know your sketch, Brozov.
Okay.
Now I say, Baracko, bye-bye.
Okay.
What a regular guy.
That was a present, huh?
He dressed you.
Yeah, he does.
He opens up to me.
It's like the curtain comes back.
I get to hear his inner thoughts.
Yeah.
It's really nice.
Guess who's on the phone?
We got it's time for Tuesdays with moron.
And moron's on the phone.
Hey, Moron, how are you, buddy?
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
It's moron.
This is three weeks in a row, buddy.
What's on your mind?
What do you want to talk about?
Jim, guess what?
Guess where I went?
Where'd you go, buddy?
We went down to the me and Therese.
Yeah?
We got into minivans and we went down to the George W. Bush Library, the new library there.
Wow, how was that?
Well, I'll be honest, I was afraid that since it's a library's, that there was going to be nothing but books.
And, you know, I hate books.
Yeah, I know you hate books.
But it wasn't nothing like that.
It's great.
They even have interactive exhibits.
Did you take advantage of any of them?
Take advantage.
You mean sexually?
No, no.
I mean, it's a figure of speech, Moron.
I mean, did you get a chance to use any of the interactive exhibits?
That's what I mean.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I did.
I learned a lot.
But like, what?
What'd you learn?
Wells, for instance, says, did you know that Saddam said that he had used chemical weapons in the past and that he was going to use them again?
Did you know that?
Well, yeah, I knew that he used chemical weapons on the Kurds and that everybody knew that.
That's not new news.
Is that what you learned at the library?
Did you also know that George W. Bush had no choice but to lead an international coalition into Iraq to bring liberty and justice for all?
Amen.
Am I right?
I learned that.
Yeah, but I don't think you're right about that.
That's not how it...
Yeah, no, you know what, Morris?
He's a war criminal who ordered torture, and he's not a good guy.
He's a horrible guy and started illegal wars.
Oh, yeah.
Then why did Obama say all that night stuff about him at the opening of the library?
Even Obama said he was a great guy, Jim.
So sounds like you just have sour grapes.
You know, well, it turns out that, oh, I'm not a fan of Obama.
He's a great politician, but his actions are very unprincipled, Moron.
So I'll say that to you.
Wow, you're tough to please, Jim.
I say I agree with Obama's, and you rip me.
I don't get it.
I disagree with Obama's.
I'm wrong.
I agree with Obama's.
I'm wrong.
You're tough to please.
You're like a regular Randy Creditco over here.
I'm all hot and sweaty.
Terese, what's the manner?
I took a nap and I'm all sweaty.
Oh, here, I got you something.
What is it?
It's a chillo.
What?
It's the amazing new pillow pack that transforms your pillow into a chillo.
What's it do?
It's a chillo pack.
It keeps your head cool and dry.
And the secret is Suve Soft Technology.
It's the water-cooled memory foam that keeps you cool for hours.
Do you want me to let you go, Moron?
Chillo cradles you in a memory foam cooling comfort.
Yeah, but how does it work?
The chillo cooling pad continuously circulates water to absorb and release body hate.
Should I let you go?
Once activated, the chillo cooling pad will stay cooler than your body temperature, providing cooling, soothing comfort.
We share more.
No batteries or electricity required, Terese.
I hate batteries.
It's hypoallergenic, non-toxic, late-text-free.
It's got everything.
Who's it for?
It's great for you if you're suffering from a hot flash or night sweats, headaches, fevers, muscle aches, even sore, tired feet.
I'm going to let you go, Moron.
I think.
And you probably won't get those lines on you, so your face won't look like a wicker basket anymore.
I don't look like a wicker.
You know what the lies are.
And if you do look like it, then you look like it.
You look like it.
I'm just saying, wouldn't you say it?
Jim, I gotta go.
She's yelling.
Okay, Moron.
Okay, Moran.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
All right.
That was another Tuesdays with Moron.
He's a moron, but he's also an inventor.
Well, he likes to buy.
He buys all those things.
Oh, yeah.
I wish he invented.
That would be good.
Hey, Frank, did you hear that the Pope is moving back?
The ex-Pope is moving back into the Vatican with the old Pope.
Did you hear about that?
Sounds like a TV show, right?
Can two pot-its share a Vatican without driving each other crazy?
We'll find out on The God Couple.
Coming up this week on the premium content, we're going to go over Barack Obama's routine at the White House Correspondence Dinner.
And then Dennis Miller critiques it, and we critique his critique.
That's right.
Holy shit.
He does it on the Bill O'Reilly show because he's a rebel.
And then we talk about the Miranda warnings.
Should the terrorists have Miranda warnings?
Should citizens have them?
Plus, what else we talk about?
Oh, Jason Collins, we tackle that.
There's a lot of stuff to be heard in the premium content this week.
This show, this week, though, was written.
That's right.
It was written by Mike McRae, Frank Coniff, Mark Van Landuet, Robert Yesamura, Steve Rosenfield, and Steph Zemerano.
The voice of Bill O'Reilly and Barack Obama.
And Tony Blair, performed by the one and only Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
And to everybody, my guest, Ron Lynch, Ron Lynch, who can be found every Saturday night at midnight at the Steve Allen Theater here in Hollywood doing the Tomorrow Show, a hilarious fun show, not to be missed.
Okay.
Okay, thanks for listening.
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