This past Wednesday, the Supreme Court considered gutting a key provision of the landmark 1965 Voting Rights Act.
The five conservative justices seem ready to rule that black people have already voted more than enough.
They sharply challenge the constitutionality of the Voting Rights Act, probably because it contains the words voting and rights.
This is, after all, a Supreme Court that considers corporations people, but treats actual people like they're made out of buildings.
The state of Alabama complained that the law is overly burdensome since racial discrimination no longer exists since look who's president.
Also, the law interferes with Alabama's long-standing efforts to keep a black man from becoming governor.
Justice Scalia stunned observers at one point when he called the Voting Rights Act the perpetuation of racial entitlement.
I think what Scalia really meant was he felt insulted as a white man.
Demoralized liberals were once again forced to look desperately to Justice Kennedy because he was the only one not wearing a hood.
But the court's hostility to progressive laws is no surprise.
Last year it came extremely close to repealing Obamacare.
But Chief Justice Roberts backed down at the last minute, probably because the health care law was too recent.
Whereas how many people today remember poll taxes or when blacks had to choose between voting and living?
Yes, those were ugly times, but you can't blame the justices for being nostalgic.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, T-Gali.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's episode.
I am joined in the studio across the glass from me, former writer for The Daily Show and the author of Morning Remembrance, funny obituaries of real dead people.
It's Ham Radio's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim, how are you?
Hey, how are you?
It's great being here with you today.
And it's an honor.
Okay, on to the next guy, right?
Okay, you know, I love you on Green Acres.
Next to him, former writer for The Daily Show, hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you tonight?
I'm doing great.
I'm doing great.
Across from him, it's the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina.
It's Steph Zembrano.
Hey, Steph, how are you?
Just want to remind our listeners, I am a Mexican.
Yes, I can vote.
Oh, maybe not for long.
And next to her, it's a hilarious comedian and Donald Trump Impressionist.
You've seen him on Community and Parks and Recreation.
It's Ben Zelovansky.
Hey, Ben.
Hi, Jimmy.
Oh, that's great to be here.
I love your understated hello.
I like it a lot.
This is how I talk now.
And we have no Frank Connoff today.
No Frank Connoff.
He was supposed to be on the phone, but show business called.
But guess what?
So let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes.
You know, the Pope, the Popeye, today was the day the Pope took off.
And, you know, now that the Pope is gone, the world seems just the tiniest bit less molesty.
So now he's going to be in the private sector.
He's going to be the private sector Pope.
And I say they do rip his little button.
He says now he's going to be shaming women and demonizing gays, not because he's Pope, but because it's what he loves.
It's pure now.
He's going to say private sector pope?
Private sector pope.
So now he's the holy CEO.
I like it.
Did you guys like wordplay?
I like it a lot.
I love puns and wordplays.
I did.
Alliteration.
So the Cardinals have a big job, right?
The Cardinals are going to be picking the Pope.
They got a big job.
They're going to pick a Pope with the courage and vision to lead the Catholic Church into the 15th century.
Did you know that Cardinal Keith O'Brien had to resign recently?
Yes, Cardinal Keith O'Brien had to resign due to inappropriate behavior, which in other words means behaving exactly like every other Catholic cardinal.
Mm-hmm.
Michelle Obama, did you guys see her?
She was on the Academy Awards, and she was on with Jimmy Fallon.
She looked good.
Yeah, I thought so.
You know, the Michelle Obama remote on the Oscars is the flame that will light a hundred outraged Fox News segments.
Anybody see Nicole Kidman when she was at the Oscars?
Did you see her?
Sure.
She got so much insincere applause, I thought I was watching a Leno taping.
I knew that would make Jim smile a little because it's tripping another comedian.
I respect Leno.
He treats his writers above board better than any of the other comedy talk show hosts.
Really?
Yes.
Seth McFarland, he hosted the Oscars.
And, you know, I got to say, he got a lot of criticism on Twitter.
And, you know, it was the kind of empty snarks that I normally associate with Seth McFarland.
I think I got to tighten that joke up.
Did you watch anybody watch the red carpet?
I watched a little bit of red.
I got to tell you, the Q ⁇ A's on the red carpet, it's like they're auditioning to be the Washington Press Corps.
That's how empty and shallow.
Without any follow-up?
Coming up on today's show, we're going to be talking about the Pope leaving and the press coverage of it, which, boy, there was more smoke blowing up the Pope's ass today than when they elect him.
Yes, there you go.
A lot of incense stuff is rearing.
Plus, we're going to talk about there's a guy who has got a plan on how to fix Medicare.
And of course, he gets ignored on this week with George Nuffalupagas.
We're going to talk about that.
Plus, Chris Hardball also, he's got a boner for cutting Medicare, and he's got a new reason why you're going to enjoy it.
Plus, the Democrats got out-gerrymandered in the 2010 election, and Rachel Maddow asks if they have a plan to fight against it.
We're going to talk about that.
Chris Christie didn't get invited to see PAC.
It's not a big tent party.
So we're going to talk about that.
Plus, Bob Woodward got his feelings hurt by the White House in an email.
He feels very threatened.
Plus, gun safety, and the Milwaukee police chief gives it to Lindsey Graham.
Not how you think.
Not how he likes it.
Plus, we got phone calls from Herman Kane.
Oh, wow.
Donald Trump calls in, and God talks to us.
That's all today on the Jimmy Dore show.
God, friend of the show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
So this week's, oh my God, it's going to be an extended version of the Oh My God.
I was watching, you know, I just think it's funny that people, I've always felt, even as when I was a young Catholic, that people asked, had to ask God for stuff.
It seems like you're bugging him.
And doesn't he already know what you need and if he's going to give it to you?
He's not sure.
So here's, I just don't understand any of that stuff.
So here's Pat Robertson, and he does this thing on his Show where people will, he pretends like he's in tune with people who are out in his audience, and he'll close his eyes really tight, like he's talking to the Lord, and then he'll convey your prayer to God, and then God will make it come true.
He does this a lot.
I like it, it's one of my favorite things.
So, he was doing it.
Guess what?
Somebody was praying for God is going to supply a million dollars.
Somebody is praying right now, right?
This second, you're praying for a million dollars, and God said, I have heard your prayer.
I know your need, and I'm going to supply the need that you've requested.
And it's done in Jesus' name.
There you go.
In Jesus' name, in Jesus' name, God's going to leave you a bag in an unmarked attache case, unmarked bills.
No cops, you know, no cops.
Pat Robertson is such a fraud because I was praying for 900,000.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know what?
God doesn't care about the deficit.
He'll blow it up.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
He'll give you a million when you only need a million.
So, here I love when people call it, and people write in to Pat for advice.
Okay, so here we go.
Here we go.
This is Carrie who says, I buy a lot of clothes and other items at Goodwill and other secondhand shops.
Recently, my mom told me that I need to pray over the items, bind familiar spirits, and bless the items before I bring them into the house.
Is my mother correct?
Can demons attach themselves to material items?
I don't know.
Is voodoo real?
I think it is.
They make fun of these people make fun, they look down their nose at voodoo, these people.
Yeah, why not just a good wash?
How about try washing it?
Yeah, instead of praying over it with your hocus pocus, running over it with soap.
I don't know.
I bought some stuff at Goodwill before it smelled like it was haunted with candy crowly.
It's terrible.
You got to burn that.
Do an exorcism over the armpit areas of that horrible mumu.
I don't even know why I bought a moo to begin with.
What was wrong with you?
Why would you buy a mumu?
I don't know.
I do not know.
That's your first problem there, Jim.
I think you get yourself a nice tank or maybe a tankini.
This country is messed up.
Watch your mouth.
So, here's what Pat Robertson's answer back to this woman is: I heard a story in, I believe, the Philippines, a person who went to Thailand.
There was a witch who had prayed over a particular ring and asked for a spirit to come into it.
Well, this Philippine girl was so attached to this ring, she had to buy it.
She bought it, and all hell broke loose until she finally recognized what it was.
So, can demonic spirits attach themselves to inanimate?
I'd be the answer is yet, but I don't think every so it's waiting.
You know, I heard a story about a child's doll that was demonically possessed.
Uh-huh.
And then they made a sequel.
And he would run around the house.
I heard about a haunted videotape.
I think it's all true.
I think this is all true.
He heard about it.
This is what he said.
I heard a story about a witch in Thailand.
This is what he's telling on television.
He's saying this, a grown-up person.
I heard a story about a witch in Thailand, and they had some bad spirit here.
Let's listen a little bit more.
Philippine girl was so attached to this ring, she had to buy it.
She bought it, and all hell broke loose until she finally recognized what it was.
So, can demonic spirits attach themselves to inanimate?
I've the answer is yet.
Really?
A demonic spirit will attach itself to a sweater.
Sure.
I think it's hard enough for Pat Robertson to sell Christianity, much less his voodoo stuff.
This is all right.
You should focus on Christianity if you want to sell a wild story.
I feel like after Jurassic Park, Pat Robertson said, Is it possible to clone dinosaurs?
Yes.
I heard a story about a guy who said he loaned it.
This is directly related to that passage in the Bible where Jesus deliberately puts evil spirits into some innocent pigs and then kills them by drowning them.
Is this true story?
Yeah, that's true.
That's in the Bible.
I mean, it's true that it's in the Bible.
Yeah, okay.
So I think, you know, he's kind of, you know.
It's actually more directly related to the story in the Bible where Frodo and Sam take this.
That's your Bible, you nerd.
You big nerd.
It's a demonic ring.
You got to take it to Mount Doom and throw it in the.
He's got a little bit more to say.
Hold on.
But I don't think every sweater you get from Goodwill has demons in it.
Moths, maybe.
Kiddie moths, but some of them.
But some of them do.
Because it would be crazy if I thought all of them were demonic.
I'm not a loony tune.
They're looking at about one in five.
Yes.
Yes.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Okay, let's get back to the studio where I'm joined by a couple of writers, former writers from the Daily Show, Steve Rosenfield and Jim Earl, the host of Comedy Everything Else, Steph Samurano, on the phone from New York from Mystery Science Theaters 3000.
It's Frank Connolly.
And from Team Yasimura, it's Robert Yasimura and Ben Zelavanski.
You've seen them on Parks and Recreations and Community, and we're talking about the Pope leaving the Vatican.
If you're like me, you are watching the Pope leave the Pope Place, the Popedom, the Pope Atude, Pope Dome, the Pope Cave.
Yes.
And the Octopope cage.
The Pope to Gun.
So I just want to make fun of the way that people, first of all, I think it's all crazy.
I think it's all this watch at Hocus Pope.
I must have saw a million people bow down and kiss one guy's hand today.
Everywhere he went, people stopping him and kissing his hand and kissing his hand and kneeling in front of him.
I saw that today.
I saw that today, too, but that was in the West Village.
Those weren't hands.
They weren't kissing a hand either.
So here's, so here's, let's just listen to some of the dumber comments that I heard.
I was watching it on NBC today, and here's what they were saying.
How every single minute of your life as Pope is played out on the world.
Now, you can hear that.
They have the bells ringing in the background.
That's what that is.
So they're ringing this crap out of the bells.
Okay.
So they can't hear their own thoughts.
So they're all, yes, maybe that's it, Jim.
So they're all trying to talk about the Pope and how hard he has it, how hard of a job Pope is, poping, being Pope.
No pants.
Pop it ain't easy.
But it's necessary.
I know.
He doesn't have any pants, which is just hard one.
It's hard for a Pope out there.
Yes, but Pope it ain't easy.
So here we go.
So here's what every single minute of your life as pope is played out on the world stage.
You have the burden of all the sins of 1.2 billion Catholics around the world and what a heavy burden that is.
Yeah, you know how heavy imaginary things are?
I can't believe how heavy something that doesn't exist could be.
I like that his life is played out on the world stage.
I haven't seen this guy in months.
I know.
You can't even go to the beach.
Oh, sure, being a pope is a hard job.
But, you know, the harder job is having to be the guy that walks behind him all the time with the jizmop.
Wow.
Can we say jizmop?
I think so.
I think we can.
That's a bad job.
I would not take that job, even in a bad economy.
It's not dirty because it's holy jizz.
Okay, boy.
Holy jizz.
Holy jizz, Batman.
So I just thought that was funny.
It's the body of Christ.
laughter laughter Okay.
So here we go.
So now they start to talk about the.
First of all, I just thought that this is so crazy to me.
Oh, the burden of all the sins of all the what is what is wrong with you people?
This is a news person.
This isn't my aunt, right?
It's a news person.
She's buying this crap.
There are actual job requirements to be your aunt, I think.
Yeah, yeah, there actually are.
Yes.
So here they're talking about since the last time we had a new pope, and they start to reminisce about it.
And here we go.
I've seen a change in the attitudes of cardinals to the problems in the church.
When we were here, so she says that she sees a change in the attitudes of the cardinals, right?
So I think she's speaking to the sexual scandal about that.
That's the change.
So here's what she says about the last time they were in Rome picking a pope.
In 2005, for the death of John Paul II, it was after we had been through three years of horrible revelations in the U.S. about clergy sex abuse.
And there was still great defensiveness here in the Vatican on that issue.
For a long time, they thought it was just an American problem that was fueled by the American media.
You've seen a great when she says that for a long time they thought it was just an American problem fueled by the American media.
They didn't think that.
They just said that.
They just said they thought that.
They knew she bought it.
And you totally bought it.
Yes, that's a real set.
Hard-nosed news reporter.
Oh, well, the Cardinals are all surprised by this.
How do you know?
They said so.
That's great.
So here's a little bit more to say.
Change in attitude, I think, from 2005 to 2013.
They know there are problems in the church.
They know they must be addressed, and you can't just blame it on the media anymore.
There haven't been shifts in the church's thinking ever in the course of 200 years, let alone 13.
Let's put it this way: 98%.
The whole point of the church is for there to never be any shifts in opinion.
Yes, the 98% of American women have you, Catholic women, have used birth control, and the church still says it's wrong.
So what does that tell you?
They're not changing.
It tells me those women are stupid for being Catholics.
At that point, the Catholic Church isn't the stupid one.
It's those women who are like, I'm going to keep going to this place that takes 10% of my money.
The Catholic Church is like, yeah, using birth control is definitely wrong.
Molesting kids, well, that's a gray area.
We go either way.
Okay, so now they're talking about The cardinals, all these cardinals get together.
Wait, don't you mean CeeLo and Christina Aguilera?
And those rotating chairs?
Aren't they the ones who picked the pope?
This is different.
This is different.
No.
I don't know.
I think you're Peter Piper picked a pick of picker popes.
Okay.
I like that alliteration.
So the bishops are worried about filling the pope's vacant seat.
Well, priests have been filling seats.
Policy bishops.
Poor little shit.
I'm not saying anything more.
That's it.
That's the end of that joke.
You fill it in.
You do the work.
I'm not your servant.
How do you expect people to get it?
So here's what they say about the, they need guidance.
They need guidance to help pick a pope.
And here's what this guy says.
So yeah, it's a big decision, and they're talking about it and thinking about it and praying about it.
And Catholics all over the world are also praying that the Holy Spirit really does give the Cardinals the guidance they need.
You know, so if all the Catholics around the world didn't pray to the Holy Spirit, he wouldn't give the Cardinals the guidance they need because does this guy ever have any initiative?
Yeah, what's with this Holy Spirit?
He's just a slacker waiting around for people to tell him what to do.
It just goes him.
Is he a dumb spirit?
Doesn't he not know what he's supposed to do?
This is your job.
You're supposed to come guide the cardinals on how to pick a pope.
So this whole thing is funny.
Again, more voodoo, hocus post.
Listen, the last time they didn't pray for guidance, they picked a Jew.
Whoops.
I think they picked Arthur Fonzarelli.
And that's when they really jumped the shark.
So somebody asked, so I just thought, I found that funny.
They have to pray to the Holy Spirit.
Yeah, but you, but.
Well, that's the idea.
You're supposed to pray about everything.
You're supposed to pray when you go to Goodwill to get the demon out of your turtleneck.
Everything.
You should ask any of those cardinals, like, what's a situation where you shouldn't pray?
Yes.
In the nighthouse, you pray after you eat.
Whoa.
Hello.
My wife's cooking.
Let's just be clear.
It's people like Pat Robinson who make Catholics look good.
What the Holy Spirit hears when it's in a room with any of these priests is them telling the Holy Spirit, if you ever tell anyone about.
So somebody wondered what the Pope was going to be doing now that he's a private pope.
What does Pope Emeritus do?
Do you suppose, Father?
Do you believe that this today is the last we will see of him or hear from him?
I suppose that I'm suspecting he'll be harboring pedophiles in the private sector.
So if they're going to have this much coverage for this kind of fan, why don't they just cover Dungeons and Dragons games?
I feel the same way that you do.
There's just as much reality involved in what they're talking about.
Well, what about the people who play Dungeons and Dragons?
They have all the sins of a million Dungeons and Dragons people hanging on their shoulders.
Right?
So here.
They do.
And the Holy Spirit couldn't get it past the Comic-Con this year.
That'd be great if a conclave was largely done through 12-sided dice.
And though he's been on the public stage, he has been a pope who has not wanted to draw a lot of attention to himself.
No.
Because he's doing a lousy job.
No, that's why he's pope.
You become pope because you want to remain anonymous.
And that's why he wears red shoes, too.
Because he doesn't want people to notice him.
He's one of those low-profile popes.
He is.
He drives around.
Yeah, yes.
Just so everybody knows that once he leaves being popey, he will no longer wear red shoes.
He's going with a brown leather.
Yes, he's from Mexico.
Did you know that?
He's a loafer?
I think it's a loafer.
I thought he has to wear sandals and socks if he's retired.
He is.
He literally is switching it up.
I love that.
He is switching it up.
He's not going to wear red shoes.
He's going to wear the brown.
This has been reported already.
Yes.
He's working on a screenplay.
So we're going to record that.
This curb script.
That now that he's not Pope anymore, he's going to broaden his interests and try to protect pedophiles from other religions.
Yes.
So I just like that he's very shy.
So then the reporters try to talk about how understated it.
Well, you'll hear it.
Here we go.
So, although the Catholic Church is one that does pomp and circumstance extraordinarily well, we are seeing something very simple here.
The helicopter lands.
The 9,000 people greet him.
Just 44 hectare guarding the state, surrounded by miles and miles of gardens.
The team of virgins will jump into the volcano.
Boy, I was afraid you guys wouldn't spot the comedy in what you said.
You guys got it immediately.
You know what, though?
It is low profile because if he wanted to make a big deal out of it, it wouldn't be like a hovercraft or a jetpack.
No, he's just like, that's a lot more flashy.
It did go better this time.
Last time the helicopter fell on Vic Mara.
Too soon.
All right, let's listen.
She had a little bit more to say.
Let's play it from the start.
I'll say what she has to say.
So, although the Catholic Church is one that does pomp and circumstance extraordinarily well, we are seeing something very simple here.
The helicopter lands.
You see the car that is pulling up.
That's three black Mercedes are pulling up to pick him up.
Only three?
Yeah, hang on.
But there will only be a small group of people who are planning to meet him at the helipad at Castel Gondolfo.
Well, I want you to hear the end of that again.
There's only a small group of people meeting him.
Where are they meeting him?
To meet him at the helipad at Castel Gondolfo.
At a castle.
They're going.
This is the understated ceremony.
He's taking a private helicopter to the helipad and the 4,400-acre estate that is also a castle.
And then when he gets up, so there's more to this.
Hang on, there's more.
Casino Royale.
I mean, it's unbelievable.
Here we go.
And going through these formal ceremonies, but not in any way opulent.
Not in any way opulent.
No, they're at a helipad at a castle.
They've got three Mercedes full of people out kneeling now, kissing his hand.
They're kissing his hand.
Everybody's standing in line, waiting to kneel in front of this guy and kiss his hand.
But in no way is any of this opulent.
And I'm sure he's not wearing any jewelry.
I'm sure the Pope's not wearing jewelry, right?
He's the biggest herpes.
Oh, I know.
I don't know if he has jewelry, but I'm sure he has a shitload of paralegal.
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
I just did a herpes reference at the very same time you made that joke.
That's amazing.
That is amazing.
Was he carrying a carton of some of his stuff from his desk the way the rest of us would?
He had a big box.
He was escorted out by a cop.
One of those old nerf basketball hoops.
You had a milk crate and ozagot.
They don't say anything straightforwardly.
She says the Catholic Church is really great at pomp and circumstance.
Yeah, we know that it's gay.
You know, he took a lot of office supplies with him with like the whole big thing of pulpit notepads.
Pop at notepads.
Jim, you know what that is?
What's that?
That's punny.
Mmm.
*Mario's music*
Hey, joining me on the phone today is God.
God, welcome to the show.
Thanks, Jimmy.
First-time listener, long-time Messiah.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, has anybody ever told you, God, that you sound exactly like Frank Coniff?
No.
Well, you do.
You sound exactly like him.
Well, I don't actually have a voice.
I'm really just pure energy.
So I have to commandeer voices that already exist.
And Conniff is the easiest impression for me to do.
I never thought of it.
Like, so you're doing an impression of Frank Coniff?
Yeah.
And I do a mean Steve Rosenfeld, too.
You want to hear it?
Sure.
How's this, Jimmy?
What do you think?
Wow.
It's like Steve is right here next to me.
That's right.
I thought Steve Rosenfeld would go a little something like that.
I nailed it.
What could I say?
But he's a little too jewy for my taste.
So I'm going to stick with Conniff.
Okay.
All right.
Well, listen, God, I wanted to ask you what your thoughts were on the Pope resigning.
Who?
The Pope.
Oh, the Pope.
That act.
Screw him.
Screw him.
You don't like the Pope?
No.
Why not?
Well, for one thing, I find the whole protecting evil boy molesting scumbags from prosecution thing a little off-putting.
All right, understandable.
The Pope, the Cardinals, the Bishops, and all their henchmen have created a marketing nightmare that I don't think the church can ever recover from.
That sounds, that's a bummer.
Hey, I don't care about the church.
All anyone has to do to have me in their life is love thy neighbor.
That's it.
Really?
Those weirdos?
Yes.
Those weirdos who walk around in medieval robes and tell science fiction stories to gullible rubes on Sunday mornings have nothing to do with me.
But wait, some are saying that the way to help the church is to pray to the Holy Ghost.
Look, everybody claims they love the Holy Ghost.
And well, they should, because the Holy Ghost is one of the friendliest ghosts you'll ever meet.
Whenever the friendly ghost shows up anywhere, people always say the same thing.
A ghost!
You know, you know, God, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but the Holy Ghost you're describing sounds a lot like Casper the friendly ghost.
Well, that's your interpretation.
Personally, when it comes to cartoons based on Harvey comic book characters, I prefer baby Yui.
Okay, well, listen.
Anyway, God, I really appreciate you taking time out.
I know you're busy.
Thanks for joining us today.
Hey, thank you, Jimmy.
And thank you for the downright priestly life you're living.
I don't know what you mean by that.
Well, you do have a podcast, right?
Right.
Which means you're taking a vow of poverty.
Ah, thanks for rubbing it in, God.
I appreciate it.
So long, sucker.
And hey, God, are you still there?
Yeah.
Hey, why don't you suck my cock?
I'm God.
I'm not a halter boy.
I'm not a halter boy.
Wow, I really, big thanks.
I really appreciate God taking time out from his busy schedule this week of making sure the Pope's helicopter didn't crash on its way over to his castle, over to the helipad at the castle.
So big thanks to that.
It was Frank Connoff who wrote that sketch also.
Okay, and hello, podcast listeners.
It's Jimmy Door time.
And I want to let you know that, hey, I'm going to be in John Boehner's district this weekend or, you know, March 7th through 10th.
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What a big help that is to the show.
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But right now, let's get back to the second half of this week's Jimmy Dore Show.
Hi, and welcome back to the second half of this week's Jibby Door show.
I'm joined in the studio by two former writers for the Daily Show: it's Steve Rosenfield and Jim Earl.
Plus, from Team Yasimura, it's hilarious comedian Robert Yasimura and the host of Comedy and Everything Else, our resident Latina Steph Zamarano is here with us.
Plus, we have Ben Zelovansky.
You might have seen his work on the NBC series Community or Parks and Recreation.
And guess what?
On the phone, we have the one and only hilarious comedian.
You know him from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's TB's Frank, Frank Conniff.
And right now, we're going to start talking about, we're back in the studio talking about the way the mainstream media gets everything wrong about Medicare.
And coming up on the second half, we got phone calls from Donald Trump and Herman King's going to call in later on.
Right now, let's get back to the studio.
Okay, so I was watching this week with George Knuffalupagus, and you know, we've heard a lot of it's amazing how the tide of we have to cut Medicare, we have to cut Medicare.
Now, the truth is, we've said it on this show a million times that the problem with Medicare isn't Medicare, and that the problem with Medicare is the problem with healthcare.
Our healthcare in America is twice as expensive as it is in the rest of the world, and that's because it's run privately for profit.
People do healthcare for profit in America.
The health corporations, big pharma, health insurance, they've bought our government.
And now they have an oligopi, a monopoly, pretty much, right?
They can do whatever they want.
And we just have a middleman in the middle of our healthcare system for no reason.
That some people say is what drives our costs up by as much as 30%.
Okay.
So there's this guy named Stephen Brill, who's a conservative, by the way, who wrote, I've got to say, one of probably the best article on healthcare ever.
It's in Time magazine from last week.
So here he is, Stephen Brill.
He's a conservative.
He's not allergic to facts and accurate information.
And he wrote that article and he detailed everything that's wrong with our healthcare system and why we have to pay too much.
And well, here he is on Sunday on this week's George Snuffalupagus.
And let's just listen to a little bit.
Medicare, as I point out in the article, is very efficient at most things.
It buys healthcare really efficiently, which is a great irony because it's supposed to be the big government bureaucracy.
Where Medicare is not efficient is where Congress, because of lobbyists, have handcuffed Medicare.
Medicare can't negotiate what it pays for any kind of drugs.
It can't negotiate what it pays for wheelchairs or diabetes testing equipment.
And if Congress took those handcuffs off of Medicare, you could get about half of the spending cuts that we're sitting around here talking about.
Hey, I say thanks.
Hey, thanks a lot, Dudley Dewright, but that's never going to happen.
So let's get back to how many people's benefits we can cut, okay?
Because that's never going to happen.
Next.
George Knuffalupagus, he doesn't know if what this guy's saying is true or not, apparently because he didn't know this guy was going to come on the show.
Apparently, he didn't know that that guy who wrote this article, who said all this stuff in the article, was going to come on his show, even though it's his show, and say this stuff.
So he turns to this guy, Steve Ratner, who's from the White House.
He's an American financer who served as a lead auto advisor at the Carzar.
He was the Car Czar.
He also spent two decades as an investment banker at Lehman Brothers, Morgan Stanley.
That's very bad.
Very bad.
So you're basically 99%.
Yes.
So he, and he's a big, we got to cut Medicare.
There's just no other way around it.
And here's what he says to what that guy just said.
True.
You could get a fair amount.
And look, if Medicare were simply able to get the same prices for prescription drugs that Medicaid gets, you know, we save $120 billion over 10 years.
So he just said that if Medicare was allowed to negotiate like Medicaid is, they would save $120 billion over 10 years.
That's a lot of money.
Am I wrong about that?
That's a lot of money.
Hang on.
So let's hear what else Steve Ratner has to say.
But there's a fundamental point here, Stephen.
I thought your piece was great, and I think your points are right, but I also don't want people to be confused.
Yeah, he doesn't want people to be confused.
By, you know, facts.
And by confused, he means realize that we're about to get screwed over.
I don't want people to be confused.
I want them to be wholly ignorant.
Yes.
Yeah.
So here he's got a little bit more.
Don't be confused.
I don't believe that we can cut our way, change the pricing, do all the things you're talking about, and still save Medicare.
The average person who is at Medicare retirement age has paid in something like.
So here's this guy who is now the leading expert on what's wrong with our healthcare system, right?
The guy who wrote the article in Time magazine.
And here's this guy who's, I don't know, an equity financer, this guy, Steve.
And he's telling, yeah, you're wrong.
You're wrong.
You don't know what you're talking about.
We still can't.
That's not going to save Medicare.
You don't know what you're talking about.
That's Steve Ratton.
He wants to make sure that the truth doesn't get in the way of any of his BS, right?
So hang on.
But there's a fundamental point here, Stephen.
I thought your piece was great, and I think your points are right, but I also don't want people to be confused.
I don't believe that we can cut our way, change the pricing, do all the things you're talking about, and still save Medicare.
The average person who is at Medicare retirement age has paid in something like $122,000 into the system.
They will get back $387,000 of benefits.
That's three times.
You're not going to reduce that to $387 by hospital cuts and this and that.
We have to still have fundamental Medicare reforms to make those up.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, maybe Medicare has been handcuffed, and maybe that's why it costs so much.
But I didn't come on the show to have my goddamn mind changed.
I'll tell you that.
That's not what I'm doing.
I don't care about all your facts that debunk everything I think.
And you know what?
We can save a lot of money if we let people die.
Yes.
What is his, so we have to cut the health care.
He even said, you're right.
Your points are right.
So let me just make this point.
But let me screw that.
Well, you know, he's saying we pay in one and we get three back.
Yeah.
So what?
You know, First of all.
So what?
This is a good thing.
I wonder if you put a dollar into a savings account and then when you turn 65, you took it out, would there be more than $3 in there?
Oh.
Do things.
Wait, does the value of things increase over time?
Does the government have the ability to invest money to issue?
Very well put, Ben.
I didn't even think about that.
Yes.
It's not like you're putting in a dollar today and taking out three tomorrow.
So they act like people when they go on Medicare who's paid into Medicare their whole life.
And when they get sick now and they're a senior citizen, they go, well, they're getting more benefits than they actually paid for.
Someone else is paying for that.
If we're only paying in a third, if we're getting back two-thirds of what we're paying in, where's those two-thirds coming from?
Well, what they're suggesting is that we it's it's a Ponzi scheme at this point where we're paying for them.
Is that what they're saying?
Yeah, and to a degree it's true, but it's true largely because Congress screwed up.
So here, so here's my problem with this whole section, what just happened, right?
So they get this expert on who just wrote the seminal article on healthcare and what's wrong with it in Time magazine.
He lays out the big problem.
It's the big money lobbyists that have gotten lawmakers to actually pass laws that don't allow Medicare to negotiate for stuff that has to pay for, like drugs, hospital stay, wheelchairs.
They can't re-you know what?
Excuse me, but wouldn't allowing them to make those negotiations, wouldn't that solve or be a path to solving what the other guy was talking about, which is how you pay in 100 grand and 300 grand that wouldn't that like isn't it common sense to think that that would be a way to deal with that unfortunately there's just no way to know there's just no way to know there's no such thing as math and so it just can't be determined so
Can I just ask one thing?
It just kind of sounds like this, and you guys seem very smart, that we should just kill dead old people.
Yes.
If you get rid of Medicare and old people just show up at the emergency room, who pays for that?
Nobody.
Nobody had to get old.
If we killed old people, we could save a lot of money and make the world a lot less smelly.
Right?
And we could use all those empty larks and make amusement parks and bumper cars out of them.
Yeah.
So, Frank, think about that for a minute, right?
So this guy lays out the problem.
He says the problem is that we're paying way more for our health care because lobbyists have controlled our government, and now Medicare isn't allowed to negotiate.
And if they were, for instance, just on pharmaceuticals, it would save $120 billion over 10 years.
By the way, the other guy said it would be even more than that, right?
Yes, it did.
And so the point gets made, and what doesn't happen is what was really interesting to me.
What didn't happen is that they didn't all start screaming at the top of their lungs about how horrible this is and vowing to make sure this kind of gross crony capitalism that rips off the taxpayers at the expense of corporations has got to stop.
Nobody said that.
Nobody got upset, not even for a second.
Well, they're pulling the classic right-wing maneuver of if your suggestion doesn't completely solve a problem, you've got to throw it out.
Yes.
Like, listen, yeah, that would save $120 billion, but we need $130 billion.
So that doesn't work.
So sorry.
Adios.
What else you got?
I know what we have.
We have faith.
And by the way, not for nothing, but if Medicare could negotiate, it means prices across the board would go down.
Yes.
It means it would have the same cost control effect that the post office has on shipping.
Yes.
So we wouldn't have to kill old people.
Right.
But we could.
What's crazy about that is that nobody even disputed what he said, really.
They all said, yeah, that's happening.
And they accepted it.
And then they quickly got back to the idea that we have to cut health care services for the elderly, no matter how much corruption you get rid of, because we just can't afford health care for our old people.
We just can't do it in America.
All right.
So there's more.
So the fact-based guy, he comes back with some facts, and he seems to blow a mountain-sized hole.
in the argument of people who want to cut Medicare and let's listen to it.
Well, if you put Medicare in the context of the larger health care system, and this is something that everybody at this table is going to think that I should go to a mental hospital when I get finished saying this, the government and all of us would actually save money if you lowered, I said lowered the age for Medicare.
So he's saying, since Medicare is a more efficient health care delivery system, that if everybody, if we lowered the age of Medicare and let more people on it, we would actually save money as a country.
That's what he's saying.
That was the moment that the other guy took out a gun and shot him.
These are two amazing points this guy just made.
Let's hear how it gets.
If the Medicare age were 60 instead of 65, the economy and the taxpayers would actually save money.
And George, please don't look at me like that.
No, you're potentially right.
And part of the argument.
You're potentially right.
This is what Steve, again, the equity capital guy says you're potentially right.
But this will never happen.
No, you're potentially right.
And part of the argument about Medicare age to 67 is you're taking people out of the Medicare system.
Right.
Yes, yes.
If you lower the Medicare age to 60, you'd save a ton of money.
But hey, this isn't Europe, so save your breath.
Okay?
Not going to happen.
So this guy makes a lot of sense.
This guy, Stephen Brill, if you lower, and I'm going to miss that guy.
I'm going to really kill him.
When they kill him.
Yes.
They're not going to be here.
So if we lowered the Medicare age, we'd save billions, which would only make us lower the age again.
And where does that lead us, right?
Pretty soon everyone will have reasonably priced health care.
Lock that guy up.
Lock that guy up.
It is funny that he said, you're going to put me in a mental hospital because the one sensible guy with the facts, nobody accepts that reality.
Nobody accepts it.
Yeah, he has to acknowledge that what he's saying is going to seem crazy to everybody.
Yes, very heretical.
Heredital, yes.
Yes.
They would put him in a mental hospital if he had health care.
Sounds like he just wants a handout.
They're going to send him to county.
I mean, that's pretty amazing.
So here's a guy saying all this stuff, and no one else is agreeing with him.
It's like silence.
No one has ever said anything remotely like that on a Sunday talk show.
I mean, if you just want to hear people every week talking about how we have to cut Medicare, we have to cut Social Security.
It's a constant refrain on every Sunday talk show every week.
And the only relief from it is when the commercials come and they have nothing but ads for defense contractors.
And you never hear them talk about cutting military spending ever.
Right.
Well, you know, in defense of the network, some of those commercials are, in fact, for pharmaceuticals.
They're not.
A lot of them.
They're not all for defense contracts.
You know, if you get rid of, If you don't get rid of Medicare, then all the commercials are going to be.
So, this guy has already made the point of why our health care is too expensive because Medicare is not allowed to negotiate, which could be fixed like that, and nobody's screaming about it.
Plus, he says, hey, if we just lowered the AIDS for Medicare, we'd help our economy and save everybody a bundle of money.
They keep ignoring him.
Yes, I'm saying.
Yeah, this parallels the gun industry, the arms industry, lobbying Congress so that Congress cannot spend money keeping track on how many gun deaths there are.
Yes.
Yes, they did that.
They didn't pass a law saying you couldn't track that.
And the ATF couldn't give the info to anybody and stuff like that.
Yes, this is exactly like.
So let's say he so he tries to push back more, this smart guy with the facts.
Medicare age to 67 is you're taking people out of the Medicare system.
Right.
And you're.
What you'd be doing is you'd be putting the most efficient player, which is Medicare.
Medicare spends 80 or 90 cents to process a claim, and the health insurance companies spend $18 or $20 or $25 to process a claim.
All health insurance companies.
Well, that's pretty stunning.
That statistic.
Yeah, it is.
But, you know, a couple of cents versus $18.
Do we know which is more or less?
Could you imagine if it was reversed?
Could you imagine if private health care insurance companies charge 80 cents to process a claim and Medicare charged $18?
Imagine if it was reversed.
How up.
Well, you don't have to imagine that because the way it's portrayed in the media, that is the reverse.
That is how it's portrayed.
Every article you read in every paper on every TV show, it's that Medicare is crazy out-of-control costs.
And if only we could just let private people take care of it, all of our health costs would come down.
If you lowered the age, you would put more people into the bucket of much more efficient health care.
And the worst part about it is that the reforms that we have now with the president's plan are actually going to raise the cost because all the people who are 60 or 62 or 63 who can't afford the the premiums that they're going to have now are going to be subsidized by the tax.
Well, that becomes an argument.
So he's saying that the people who are 62, 63, 60 who can't afford the private health insurance, they're going to get subsidized by the government anyway.
So why not put everybody on Medicare and it's going to save everybody money?
So it sounds obvious that this is the right thing to do and that should be the end of the discussion, right?
And we should all start working on a plan to expand Medicare for everybody.
It's obvious that that's what we need to do.
Uh-oh, wait a minute.
That's not what's going to happen.
That is one argument.
Here's an argument against that.
So it's George Wills.
So get your buckets to fill full of BS, ladies and gentlemen, that it's not fact-based.
It's just coming from his gut.
He's very much like George W. And here we go.
All the big numbers, billions and trillions, 12 cents is the most important number.
12 cents is the portion of every health care dollar paid by the person receiving health care.
Okay, that's a completely made-up number.
That's not true.
Someone else is paying the rest.
It was 47.
I like how he says someone else is paying the rest.
What about all the people that pay out of pocket?
They don't pay 12 cents.
They pay a dollar of every dollar.
It's not-That's not a true stat.
No, somebody else is paying the rest of that dollar.
That's not a true stat, Steve.
He's making that up.
It's incorrect.
As usual, George Will has his own set of numbers that don't correlate with true with reality.
That fit into his own reality.
Right.
Jack Kennedy was president.
Now, let me ask the five of you a question.
Okay, so here comes the big question.
Ready?
You go to the doctor and he or she says, I want to give you the following test.
How many of you five say, how much is that going to cost?
Say, give me two.
Yes, that's the problem with health care and health insurance.
is that the people who are getting the health care never have to worry about how much it costs.
That's except for the 50 million people who don't have health care attached to their jobs or don't have jobs or got laid off and lost their health care.
Other than that, we're spoiled rotten in America.
Oh, and what about the insurance company who won't approve it and make you go round and round for a test that your doctor told you that you need?
So here is George Will Roberts saying that the problem, He's identified the culprit.
though this guy just pointed out what the real problem is with our health care system he George Will has pointed out that the culprit is the sick person in the emergency room who won't do any comparison shopping after his appendix bursts in the middle of a gallbladder attack.
Yeah, after that, he probably smacked his head on the windshield.
That's when he's supposed to start doing some comparison shopping for CAT scans.
Go on, Yelp.
Yeah, why don't you?
Well, you know what?
I have to, after hearing George Will, I'm sorry, I have to go check and see if my insurance covers projectile vomiting.
So George Will is saying, he's pretending that the problem is that we have insurance pay our bills.
That's the problem.
Because we have insurance.
That's the problem.
And so we don't care about the costs and we don't shop around.
And so the price for health care is higher because we have insurance.
That's George Will's big theory.
We don't have to pay any deductible, nothing like that.
It's all just totally zero.
His remedy for our twice as expensive as the rest of the world health care system is for sick people to stop shopping around for treatment once they become sick.
This is George Will's brilliant idea.
And somewhere, like as if somewhere out there, there's a hospital that charges reasonable rates, just not the one near your house.
But that's what Will is saying, though, that's very, like, very Paul Ryan-esque, right?
It wasn't that what they, in the campaign, was what they were saying, is that we want to give, you know, you don't want Medicare or Medicaid because we're going to give you a chance to shop around, you know, when you're sick.
Yes, and old.
To go out and shop around for a really good bargain in health care.
And you're much going to prefer that, especially when you're desperately ill.
Hey, I'm dizzy and I'm blacking out and I'm not getting enough blood to my brain.
You know what I'll do when I'm dizzy is I'll shop around for cheap CAT scans.
That's what I'll do while I'm passing out.
I'm no fool.
I want a good price.
That's right.
I'm not an idiot.
I just, you know, when I get really sick, I love bargain hunting.
What's the joy of it?
Yes.
I love clipping coupons and going to the CAT scan and getting the best deal I can.
I always go on Craigslist for my leprosy needs.
You know, there's a lot more to that discussion.
A lot more craziness was said about Medicare on This Week with George Snuffleupagus that we didn't have time to get to in today's radio show.
If you'd like to hear the rest of our commentary and our jokes about it and the ridiculous stuff that continues to be said about Medicare on ABC Sunday morning programs, you can get the premium content, which is available this week.
week over at jimmy doorcomedy.com and it's going to be under the protected post when you see a post that says protected you click on it you type in the passcode protected and that's how you're going to be able to get premium content going forward right and so that's the passcode i'm letting everybody know about it who's got a podcast podcast subscription?
The passcode for this week again will be protected.
And then we're going to be making some private passcodes, giving it to all our $5 donators and $10 donators.
You're going to get the passcode going forward.
The way it's going to work is you go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You see that post.
You can download the extra premium content right there, or you can listen to it right there.
It's up to you.
And $5 a month gets you the extra audio every week.
What's in the extra audio this week, Jimmy?
We've got a morning remembrance, a funny obituary of a real dead person by Jim Earl in the premium content, a Donald Trump phone call that's not to be missed.
Plus, we're going to talk about Chris Hardballs falling down on the job again about Medicare and doing a horrible disservice to the truth and accurate information.
Plus, we talk about Bob Woodward's wine fest over being threatened by the White House.
Bob Woodward turns out kind of a hack.
Also, we're going to finish up all our Medicare talk from what happened on this week with George Nuffalopagus.
The craziest statements have yet to be heard, and you're going to hear them on the premium content this week over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Herman Kane just got hired at Fox News.
And I got to tell you, I've never heard him this cocky.
I've never, I mean, he's cocky to begin with, but now that he's got that sweet spot over at Fox News and he's getting the money, well, he left me a message, and you tell me what you guys think.
Oh, Jimmy Door, Herman Kane.
Yeah.
Herman Fox News Kane.
And all the ladies go, what?
Who's that sex fine?
I am on the Fox News like once a week or so now, spreading my good wishes and sage-like insights to all the good people out there.
Shucky Ducky.
You can just get on the Wikipedia and right there below, corporate CEO, radio host, motivational speaker, and Ninja Lock Philanderer.
You can just add Fox News contributor because Papa Harmon has arrived in the manor house and he's getting a seat at the table with all the white folks.
I'm naked while I'm making this call.
Yeah, does that make you more excited?
You kids out there want a gig like this?
I'll tell you what you do.
Stay in school, work hard, and then pretend to run for president.
Someday you two could have a guy point of camera at you to say whatever you go damn want.
You can say crazy shit.
And the man going to make it rain Honda is no matter what.
Last week, I made it sound like Martin Luther King would have loved Fox News.
Crazy?
Yes.
Hondi's?
Yeah.
Hundies.
All you people are ignorant.
Pokemon song.
Out.
Was that?
I didn't hear the beep.
Is he all right, Jimmy Door?
I gotta go.
Oh, but hey, did you miss me?
Oh, you know I missed you.
I missed you.
I used to call you all the time, and we would have phone conversations together.
We never talk anymore.
I'm going to come visit you.
I'm going to come see you and Steph and see how you're doing.
We're going to have a lot of fun when I get there.
We can go walk around the park.
Maybe the three of us go down to the pier.
Yeah, me, Steph, and Herman Kane.
They're going to go down to the pier.
Watch the sunset.
That'll be fun, huh?
Be Stephanie Herman Cain.
Yeah, you.
Steph and Herman Kane.
What's weird about that?
That does sound a little weird.
We'll all walk down to the pier in Pasadena.
There's no pier in Pasadena.
That sounds like a nice time.
All right.
You guys be good.
You guys take care.
He misses me.
I miss you, motherfucker.
He misses me.
Isn't that nice?
He misses me.
All right.
That's it.
That was Herman Kane.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay, that's the inimitable Mike McRae doing Herman Kane for us.
God bless Herman Kane.
Okay.
I'm glad he's so glad he's on Fox News.
Okay.
Hey, I want to let you know that if you don't have, I'm making the premium content available to everybody again this week, two weeks in a row.
And here's what's going to be on the premium content this week.
Well, Jim Earl reads us a fake obituary.
Who's it of?
Paul Sawyer, NASCAR pioneer.
Paul Sawyer, a beloved pioneer of NASCAR racing, died this month after realizing he dedicated most of his adult life to the most boring sport on earth.
So we've got that to look forward to this week's premium content.
Plus, we're going to break down Chris Matthews' breaking down of his journalistic integrity.
And he's just spouting right-wing talking points.
He's putting no thought into this Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security debate whatsoever.
Plus, we take a look at the gun herrings that were happening in the Senate.
And guess who gave it to Lindsey Graham, the police chief from Milwaukee?
We talk about that.
Plus, you get the rest of the Medicare debate that we're that, or debate, if that's what you call it, that was happening on the George Snuffalopagus show.
And plus, we're going to have some Trump dump.
Trump stops by.
He's got a new segment.
I'm going to predict celebrity participants for The Apprentice in the year 2033.
Okay, we're going to look into the future.
Now, this week, my prediction is that Taylor Lautner will be on the show.
Once the hunky star of the Twilight Films, now a major D at Jerry's Deli and a fixture in the West Hollywood Rough Trade Underground.
And when at last he is chewed up and spit out by the male escort community, he'll finally be desperate enough to work with me.
Okay, so we have that to look forward to at this week's premium content.
And how do you get that?
You just go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You're going to see a post that says protected.
You type in the password protected.
And then you're going to get the content.
You can listen to it right there or download it and listen to it however you want to listen to it.
Okay.
And then going forward, it's going to be our $5 donators.
We'll have access to all the extra audio.
We got about 30 minutes or so, even more this week of extra content.
And going forward, we have, so it'll be $5 for the audio.
And then $10 a month donators are going to be getting the video of the podcast and the premium content.
Okay.
So that's what's going to be happening going forward.
We're all excited about it.
Lots of people are taking advantage of it.
That makes us feel good.
And right now, I want to let everybody know I'm going to be in John Boehner's district, March 7th through 10 at the Go Bananas in Cincinnati.
So check it out.
There's a link at the website for tickets.
Come see us in John Boehner's District this weekend or next weekend, March 7th through 10.
Okay.
And a big shout out to Lewis Vandenberg and everybody at the University of California, Riverside.
Thanks for hosting Left, Right, and Ridiculous.
Last Wednesday, the 27th, we were there.
It was a great time.
I was there with Gene Pompa and Dwayne Perkins and Robert Yasamura.
We did the big Left, Right, and Ridiculous.
It was a big success.
And thanks for everybody, to everybody who made it out to that show, sold-out show.
What a great time.
Okay, we'll see you next year at UC Riverside.
Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Robert Yasamura, Steve Rosenfield, Frank Conniff, Jim Earle, Ben Zelovansky, and Steph Samurano.
And of course, Mike McRae performing the voice of Herman Kane can be reached at mikemcray.com.
And a shout out to the gentleman who helps make this podcast possible, Sean James, who's our Mac Pro expert.
You got a Macintosh and it's not working right.
He can fix it for you right over the internet.
You don't even have to leave your house.
It's Sean James.
You send him an email at MacHelp at SeanJames.com and he'll take care of you.