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Nov. 23, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
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The Jimmy Dore show starts right now.
Well, it's Thanksgiving again, and like many of you, I'm wondering what the hell happened to 2012.
This is the time of year we are reminded of who our friends really are, the ones who invite us over for dinner who know how to cook.
I'm thankful to my neighbors for leaving town, even for just a few days, making it nice and quiet around my way.
Actually, I can't complain about my neighbors because I hardly know them.
And I want to thank them for that, too.
Why does it always feel like nothing ever gets done between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day?
But enough about my career.
Here in Southern California, we should appreciate the good weather we take for granted because no matter where you live, the end of the year can be a real downer.
Fortunately, even in Los Angeles, it gets just cold enough to evoke memories of wherever it was we used to live where the weather sucked.
Finally, I'm extremely grateful that President Obama won re-election.
For one thing, it means I'll be able to get medical insurance just 13 months from now, which will be a big relief because going to a comprehensive community health center is more depressing than being sick.
And as for the Republicans who wanted to repeal Obamacare, I hope this ruins their Christmas.
Thank you.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
Up-minded, lowly-livered lofties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, Kevin.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined in studio across the glass from me, former writer for the Daily Show and hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Hi, Steve.
How are you?
Good.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jimmy.
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Are you thankful for anything?
Well, I already mentioned that in my rant a minute ago.
Oh, that's right.
You already said what you're doing.
That's right.
I know what you're thinking.
How'd you forget that so quickly?
I'm sorry.
I wasn't paying attention.
All right, across the table, it's from Comedy to Everything Else.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Zamorano.
Hi, Steph.
How are you?
Hola, Jimmy.
I'm doing great.
And I am thankful for my union.
Oh, Steph is thankful for her union.
And on the phone, all the way from New York City across the country, halfway across the globe from Manhattan.
It's from TV Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Freeze, Turkey.
Is that Paul Lynn?
Freeze turkey.
Freeze turkey.
You don't hear that very often.
Freeze turkey.
Hey, Frank, I wanted to ask you something.
Did you hear about what happened with Hostess?
Well, actually, it's funny you should mention that because I spent this past whole weekend going to every store in New York and buying and ordering every swinkie I could find.
And then when I got home, I saw on the TV that Hostess was going out of business.
I'm a large fan.
He's a large fan.
And, you know, Frank, if Hostess snacks cakes can't survive in a world that includes you, Chris Christie, and honey boo-boo, something is very wrong.
I agree.
Okay.
So what's coming up on today's show?
Well, what's better than Republicans losing the election?
It's Republicans losing the election and not understanding why.
And, you know, we've talked about it before the show, and we're going to talk about it again one more week.
It's Thanksgiving.
And what do we have to give thanks for?
That finally that right-wing bubble, that alternate reality that they've constructed came crashing down on them.
And it's fun to watch them try to figure out what the hell is wrong.
And that's what we're going to do today again.
We're going to talk about, we're going to talk with Glenn Beck.
We're going to talk with Bill O'Reilly.
We'll talk with Rush Limbaugh, Bobby Jindahl, and a lot of other people, Ted Cruz from Texas.
Everybody's got an opinion on what went wrong with the Republican Party and where they need to go.
And we're going to talk about that.
Plus, we have phone calls today from Rupert Murdoch calls in.
Chris Christie calls in.
Benjamin Netanyahu, Luke Russert, Tom Brokall, Jack Welch.
Everybody's called in to give us their special thanksgiving what they're thankful for.
So that's today, plus a lot, lot more on today's Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, this is cover the quick question, though, Jaisy.
It's Thanksgiving.
It's a time for all of us to sit down and talk about what we are thankful for.
I'm thankful for a lot of things.
Hang on, I'm thankful for all about it that we consume on Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for mashed potatoes and grave.
Turkey with stuffing and crazy.
Green bean casserole with a little bit of gravy.
Lasagna with cheese gravy.
It's a destiny delight.
My favorite, a bowl of gravy with some gravy.
And other stuff forget.
A punker pie.
A sweet potato pie.
A blueberry surprise.
With a graham cracker crust and gravy.
But most of all, I'm thankful for Pepto Bismo, the industrial great stomach bumps.
That's every Thanksgiving.
We give thanks for that Indian fuck named Squanto who let the pilgrims fucking eat gravy.
Yeah.
And I am also grateful that Barack Obama beat that fucking piece of shit, Mitt Romney, so I can be president 2016 with gravy for all.
God bless America and gravy, the United States of America.
Okay.
That was great.
All right, Governor.
Over to Chris Christie starting us off with some Thanksgiving wishes.
Okay.
Time for another installment of Oh my God.
Glenn Beck, I don't know if you know, he's off the TV, but he's on.
He's got a show called The Blaze, or he's on the Blaze or The Blazy, something with the Blaze.
And so here he is talking about his reaction.
Here's his reaction to the election.
Okay, here we go.
But it's suicide to sit back.
And not just for my company or your company, but for the country.
We don't have the luxury of time.
I've been telling You for a while, and I've all told my own staff.
If the president wins, I don't know how we survive.
We're all going to die.
I don't know if you know this, Frank.
We're all going to die.
President Obama got re-elected.
Wow.
How are we going to survive?
He's got more to say.
I don't know how we survive the regulation that is coming for my industry.
What happened?
All these.
Can you see in a million years, people will be walking around the ruins of the United States?
What happened to this great civilization?
Radio regulation.
The fairness doctrine.
It wiped them all out.
It was too fair.
Part of the regulation happened already.
I guess it's a regulation that it's possible to be even too crazy for Fox.
You're right.
That's part of the Gregory Lays that kicked in.
All right, he's got a little bit more to say.
I don't know how we're going to survive the pressure and the tactics because he has more flexibility now and they remember their enemies.
Unlike the Republicans who've forgotten everything.
Who've forgotten everything?
Everything water is under the bridge.
Bygones be bygones.
Don't worry about it.
Come on.
Colin Powell, Smolen Powell.
We love everybody.
Chris Christmas.
Obama is going to repress us all with his charming affability.
Here we go.
I don't know how we're going to survive because I won't compromise.
Won't make a deal with the devil.
Why did the people vote for the devil?
That's what I don't understand.
What's wrong with America?
Wow.
Inflation is coming.
The fiscal cliff is coming.
The dollar fell last night on the news.
Your taxes are going up.
Your health care costs are going up.
But Glenn, why don't you try scaring people for a change?
Buy gold.
My gold.
Oh, wait.
Wait till you hear what he tells you to buy.
He's going to tell you to buy something.
Oh, good.
And here it comes, right?
Your religion is going to come under attack.
Gas, coal, and energy is going to become more expensive.
Do you remember that list we put out a few months ago of do these things?
I will tell you, last week we purchased more farmland as a family.
May I recommend if you have a chance to buy farmland, you buy farmland.
I'm going to compost your show.
Frank, do you have an opportunity to purchase some farmland?
Because that's because the new depression is coming and owning farmland during the last depression working.
The Joe family and for the other Okeys.
Yes, sure.
Oh, it's the great.
The grapes of plenty.
I think that was a book written about the farmers back then, right?
Yeah.
So he just bought he, Glenn Beck bought some more farmland.
Because after he does his three-hour shift on his radio show every day, he goes home and farms.
He's going to plow the fields.
I can see it.
He goes home and farms.
Sow some seeds, sure.
Well, you remember that song about him, Old Nick Douchebag.
Bam.
Bam.
Okay, here, let's back it up a little.
There we go.
Last week, we purchased more farmland as a family.
As a family.
I recommend if you have.
How do you purchase something as a fan?
What does that mean?
As a family?
He's just saying stuff.
He's just saying the family, God, Jesus.
I didn't say family yet.
We'll put it in there.
We purchase something as a family.
As a cult.
I didn't know you were able to farm hate and fear.
He's sowing fear.
We know that.
Yeah.
Well, Monsanto has developed a hybrid hate crop.
Here we go.
Chance to buy farmland.
You buy farmland.
He's advising people to buy farms.
It's so lucrative.
It's worse than buying a restaurant.
It is a money pit.
Buy farmland.
Because it's coming.
Because Mel Gibson's going to come.
May I recommend if you have a chance to buy farmland, you buy farmland.
Buy farmland.
If you live in the East, may I recommend get the hell out of the East?
Too many Democrats.
Get the hell out of the East.
He's talking to Frank.
If you can get the hell out of the East, quit your job.
The restaurants are too good.
You know what I mean?
Just go just head west.
Just get out of the East.
Find stupider people.
He basically says that.
Here it comes.
Find a place where you are surrounded by like-minded people.
And the best way to find those people is you should probably...
And then wherever you end up, you're going to be surrounded by those people.
There you go.
Probably look at the maps on how counties voted and get away as far as you can from where huge densities of people who are like, I just need FEMA to help me.
Oh, my God.
They're just a bunch of takers.
Those lazy people who need FEMA.
Get away from people who needed FEMA after a hurricane.
When he says like-minded, like-minded people, doesn't he really mean light-skinned people?
That's what he doesn't mean like-minded exactly.
He means like-skinned people.
And he means no-minded people.
If you have no mind, find others like you.
Look where people voted in the counties.
He said the counties people voted for Barack Obama.
So that would be all the places people live.
That would be everywhere.
So if you look at the map of where people voted Democrat, it's all the places you want to be, like New York, right?
Like Chicago, like Miami, right?
Like Minnesota, like Minneapolis, like Atlanta, like Los Angeles, like San Francisco.
These are all places where people live.
Houston.
Houston voted for Barack Obama.
These Austin, Texas.
So all the places that people want to be because they're cool, he says get the hell out of there as fast as you can and buy a farm.
And make sure that farm isn't in the East.
Okay.
You find yourself walking down the street in a charming neighborhood.
Get the hell out of there.
Get the hell out of there.
You just start going west until you can smell, until you can taste cow sh.
Then that's when you plant your flag.
He's got a little more to say.
But get your kids away from the school that is indoctrinating them that socialism is okay.
Again, cities are bad where people are are bad.
The East is bad.
And education also evil.
That's the tool of the devil.
Education.
Make people suspect of education.
Make them weary of education.
Who you pole pot?
Are you kidding me?
So he's saying get away from socialism and collectivism and go live on a communal farm.
It sounds like that, right?
He's saying, go by, find like-minded people and start a commune because you can't stand these socialist policies.
Let's see if he's got anything else to say.
May I highly suggest you get grandfathered in to the Second Amendment?
What is that?
What does that mean?
I don't know what that means.
The first time I heard that.
Because they're coming for your guns.
That's what that meant, Barack Obama.
They've been trying to say he's been coming for your guns.
And That's like, oh, the second term.
That's when he's going to come for your guns.
Again, not one gun law passed by Barack Obama.
I haven't.
I don't even, you know, this is true.
I haven't heard the phrase grandfathered in since the scene in Godfather 2 when he was talking about Michael Cordille's gaming licenses.
God grandfathered in?
Yes.
I don't remember that scene.
I don't remember the Godfather.
I don't remember.
I remember the Godfather.
Godfather Part 2.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Let's try to end on a big joke.
Okay.
Anybody got anything?
Too late for that.
I think that's the end of what he's saying.
I think that's it.
Let's hear it all one.
You know what I'd like to do is I'd like to play it uninterrupted just so you can get the full flavor of the crazy.
Ready?
Okay.
So here we go.
Here's the full flavor of the crazy.
But it's suicide to sit back.
And not just for my company or your company, but for the country.
We don't have the luxury of time.
I've been telling you for a while, and I've all told my own staff: if the president wins, I don't know how we survive.
I don't know how we survive the regulation that is coming for my industry.
I don't know how we're going to survive the pressure and the tactics because he has more flexibility now and they remember their enemies.
I don't know how we're going to survive.
Remember you compromise.
Yeah, they'll remember you.
I won't make a deal with the devil.
I want you to understand this.
Inflation is coming.
So he's saying he's not going to make another deal with Roger Ailes.
That's what he's saying.
Of course, not he got fired.
Fiscal Cliff is coming.
The dollar fell last night on the news.
Your taxes are going up.
Your health care costs are going up.
Your religion is going to come under attack.
Gas, coal, and energy is going to become more expensive.
Do you remember that list we put out a few months ago of do these things?
All of Glenn's praying was for nothing.
I can tell you, last week we purchased more farmland as a family.
May I recommend if you have a chance to buy farmland?
If you live in the East, may I recommend get the hell out of the East?
Find a place where you are surrounded by like-minded people.
And the best way to find those people is planned maybe Waco, Texas.
When you see pitchforks and torches, you live there.
Welcome home.
You should probably look at the maps on how counties voted and get away as far as you can from where huge densities of people who are like, I just need FEMA to help me.
Jesus Christ.
Get your kids away from the school that is indoctrinating them that socialism is okay.
Does socialism even come up in school?
I don't remember.
Every day.
They can't.
The teachers don't have time to indoctrinate our kids into socialism.
They're too busy turning them gay.
So he's saying our only chance for survival is to behave like Eddie Albert in Green Ah.
With a suit and tie sitting on the tractor.
Ah, there we go.
If you remember, you know, when he had that farm, he was knee-deep in capital.
He met one of the greatest capitalists of all time, Mr. Haynes.
Mr. Haney.
He was always selling a bunch of crap.
Yes, exactly.
New York is where I'd rather be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
The Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes.
Or for other ways to subscribe, go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
And while you're there, you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too.
Remember, Jimmy spells his last name, D-O-R-E, jimmydorecomedy.com.
Thank you.
Beep.
Beep.
Bye.
Thank you.
This is Luke Rossert reporting on what I'm thankful for.
I think it's pretty obvious what I'm thankful for.
My dad died, and I got this sweet job doing the news, fuckers, hanging out at Capitol Hill with all these cool senators and congressmen and women as well.
Did you know that after the election, these congressmen, they don't leave right away and go home.
They like stick around like a couple of months, like in high school when you day after you take like your finals, which you still have to be around for like some classes and stuff before graduation or whatever.
Yeah, they call it like the wounded goose or whatever and they gotta stay.
But that's pretty cool.
They're way more willing to talk now for some reason than they usually are.
This is Luke Rossert reporting on what I'm thankful for for the Jimmy Door show.
So I said it at the top of the show, but what's even better than Republicans losing the election, Republicans losing the election and not understanding why, or what to do about it.
Here's Bill O'Reilly's idea of here.
He's going to tell you what the people who, what the coalition was that ended up voting for Barack Obama and putting him into office.
And so what Bill is really going to do here, he's going to take some lemons he got from Obama's victory and he's going to turn them into sour grapes.
Here we go.
Ready?
You see that a coalition of voters put the president back into the Oval Office.
That coalition was non-traditional, which means it.
Which means they weren't white.
This is what he, when he says non-traditional, he means not white.
Okay, so here we go.
Traditional, which means it veered away from things like traditional marriage, robust capitalism, and self-reliance.
Instead, each.
So he's saying the people who voted for Barack Obama were against traditional America.
So they were against robust capitalism, marriage, and self-reliance.
Constituency that voted for the president.
Whether it be single women, Hispanic Americans, African Americans, whatever.
And very specific reasons for doing so.
I had no idea I was part of a coalition.
Robust capitalism and self-reliance.
Instead, each constituency that voted for the president, whether it be single women, Hispanic Americans, African Americans, whatever, have very specific reasons for doing so.
Yes, and there are very specific reasons where they hated the Republicans' guts.
That would be the specific reason.
So what he's saying is that women, Latinos, and blacks said they were against marriage, robust capitalism, and self-reliance.
So he's saying Latinos, blacks, and women are a bunch of gay, lazy moochers who are on the government dole.
That sounds about right.
You left out right after that.
He added, boy, the way Glenn Miller played.
The hip parade.
Guys like us, we had it, babe.
Those were the days.
Those were the days.
So you're saying he sounds a little bit like Archie Bunker?
Is that what you're saying?
Archie Bunker, but not quite as tolerant.
Not as funny.
Yes.
And so that's, I guess that's Bill O'Reilly's, he's still trying to see if insulting and revealing his hate and disdain for them brings around Latinos, blacks, and women to the Republican Party.
That's a good way.
If you call them lazy moochers, maybe that's a good way.
Also, you know, there was a column by Paul Krugman the other day that pointed out that this traditional America, the conservatives talk about the 1950s, when the tax rate was incredibly high.
CEOs didn't make nearly what they made.
They made really good money, but they didn't make the exorbitant amounts they made now.
And unions were getting very strong back then.
Right.
So that's the traditional America that they're talking about.
Which they don't want, right?
Which they pretend wasn't the way it was.
Like in the 50s, the top marginal tax rate was 90%.
The middle class was growing.
The middle class was becoming stronger.
Unions were becoming stronger.
Rich people were rich, but not to the point where it was where they were getting all of the wealth in the country.
That's the traditional America.
Yes, I'll tell you that.
Yes, but when he says traditional, he means white.
And that's exactly what Bill O'Reilly means.
And the fact that he gets a pass from people is just the fact that Chris Matthews still gives Bill O'Reilly a pass, like he is actually some kind of a moderate, is beyond me.
And let's just hope the Republicans take Bill O'Reilly's analysis seriously, seriously enough to blow a few more elections.
That's what I would say.
Well, it's the same thing that Romney said.
He's basically leading Romney's talking.
He's exactly saying what Romney.
Yes, exactly the same thing.
So how self-loathing do you have to be to go ahead and listen to all this vitriol and go, oh, you know what?
That is the party for me.
That's my party.
Well, it's like that when we played earlier a couple of weeks ago on the show, that undecided voters, right?
We had that woman who said, you know, I'm part of that 47% that Mitt talks about.
And she's still undecided.
And you're still undecided.
That's like a Jew.
Yeah, I'm a Jew.
You know, I'm part of that criminal class that Hitler talks about, but I'm not sure who I'm going to vote for.
I'm still up in the air.
She's still not sure who to vote for.
So the lesson that Bill O'Reilly has garnered from this election, it appears that the lesson is that he needs to work harder next time to suppress the vote.
If we can only keep those people from voting, everything will be good again.
They're all saying all these conservatives, him and culture, and all of them, and Mitt Romney, as Steve just pointed out, are saying that they lost because the moochers won.
Yes.
People who don't want to do anything, who just want to sit around all day, like Jose, military veterans, they just want stuff, and the lazy, good-for-nothing layabouts are ruling the country now.
In other words, black people and people of color.
I think it's funny that Romney said that 47% thing.
Then he got busted for it.
Then he immediately tried to take it back.
And now that he's lost and it doesn't matter, they're going back to the 47%.
They don't care anymore.
Right.
They're just pissed off.
Well, it seems like they're going.
Some of them don't care, like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly.
Right.
And that they don't care.
But then other people, we're going to get to later in the show that kind of are trying to care.
Are trying to walk away from it?
Yeah, so here's what Rush Limbaugh had to say about it.
Clarence Thomas.
No, so let's just put it this way.
Here's what he's responding to.
He's responding to the fact that they lost women by two to one.
So women voted.
Single women, though.
Single women voted for Barack Obama two to one.
Single women, right?
Hispanics voted for Barack Obama.
71% went for Barack Obama, right?
So he beat.
So that's a 40% spread.
And blacks, of course, went 95% for Barack Obama.
So these are the people that they're not able to scare into voting for them anymore because they scare people by making them afraid of blacks and Hispanics.
Excellent point.
Go ahead, Frank.
Mitt Romney won overwhelmingly in the white asshole block.
Swept.
Oh, yeah, he swept that place.
Okay, so here's, so here's what Rush Limbaugh, here's how he responds.
He responds to the loss of the election.
Clarence Thomas.
Herman Kane.
None of it counts.
Don't tell me the Republican Party doesn't have outreach.
We do.
Right.
They have Herman Kane and Clarence Thomas.
And they don't.
Clarence Thomas and Herman Kane don't prove there is a Republican outreach.
They're just two right-wing douchebags who happen to be black.
Coincidence, really.
No, but it does prove that the right-wing does have outreach to sexual predators.
I guess.
Yes, both of those guys.
Isn't that Clarence Thomas and Herman King?
Look at that.
Oh, okay.
He's got more to say.
Well, what are we supposed to do now?
We supposed to, in order to get the Hispanic or Latino vote, does that mean open the borders and embrace the illegals?
Is that what I want you to think about this?
So it's nice that he still refers to him as illegal.
Is that what we're supposed to do?
We're supposed to go out all the illegals in here.
Is that what you want?
He's got another idea.
If we're not getting the female vote, do we become pro-choice?
Do we start passing out birth control pills?
Is that what we have to do?
I just think it's funny with a prescription, I think.
It's like he's angry at the people who didn't vote for them, and his way to get them back is to try to shake.
So here's your birth control.
Now go fucking vote for us, you piece of shit.
Here's your bad attitude.
That's a terrible attitude.
Let the illegal.
Yeah, let the illegal in.
Let your illegal uncle in.
Now go vote Republican, you jerk.
That's what he's saying.
What are we supposed to do?
Are we supposed to not spend two weeks calling an intelligent young woman a slut on national radio?
Is this what we're supposed to do?
No, Rush, you stick to your principles.
Fight against women, blacks, and Hispanics, and sweep the Confederacy.
Hello.
This is Benjamin Mepujahu.
Phoebe!
It's American Thanksgiving.
Since we are the 51st states of America, we also celebrate Thanksgiving.
And I am thankful for many things, my friend.
I am thankful for the superior missile technology that allows us to defend the death of five Israelis by killing a few hundred Palestinians, including plenty of women and children.
I am so thankful that God gave Israel the superior missile technology that allowed us to kill 46 children.
What?
46 Palestinian children that will never grow up to be a terrorist.
That is definitely something to be thankful for.
Get angry about that, Los Angeles Jews.
This is the Jimmy Dore show.
We'll be back in one minute.
Hey, podcast listeners, happy Thanksgiving.
We had a promotion running.
You know, our normal thing to help support the show because this show is made possible by the generous support of guys like you, people like you, women like you, the listeners, the podcast listeners.
And the easiest way to do it is to use our Amazon.com link.
The next time you want to buy something, this is the Christmas season.
And how do you do that, Jimmy?
It doesn't cost you anything, folks.
How do you do it?
You go over to my website, jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You click on the Amazon.com box.
That takes you to Amazon.com.
And then when you buy something there, they send us some money.
It's just that easy.
And you don't have to come to my website every time.
You just go there one time.
You click on the Amazon.com box.
Once you get to Amazon.com, you bookmark that page and you use that the next time you go.
And that really helps out the show.
But we also have a promotion running this week.
It's from Pro Flowers.
That's right.
Pro Flowers.
And I'm going to let you know how to take advantage of that at the end of the show, okay?
But so right now, let's get back to the second half of the Jimmy Dore show.
We got time.
We got a lot of stuff coming up.
Welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I am joined in studio by former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian.
It's Steve Rosenfield and the host of Comedy and Everything Else, the popular comedy podcast.
It's our resident Latina, Steph Semerado.
And on the phone, it's TV's Frank from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Frank Coniff.
And right now, what are we talking about in the second half?
Well, we're talking about the Republican freak out and the reaction to the election.
We've been doing this now for two weeks, maybe three.
I don't know, whenever the election was.
I'm enjoying it, okay?
I don't get to enjoy it.
It's great.
This is fun times.
These are good times.
It's fun to watch the crazies try to figure out what to do instead of watching the incompetents figure out what to do.
It's fun to watch the crazies, okay, because the Democrats are the incompetence.
Except this time, for somehow they got it done.
They had a better ground game.
Okay, so I'm watching Chris Hardball, and he had on a tea partier.
His name is Matt Kibbe.
He's actually from Freedom Works, and he calls himself a Tea Partier.
And they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the Republican Party, why they lost, where they should go, what's happening.
So Chris Hardball says, hey, you guys lost the Hispanics.
You lost the blacks.
How are you going to overcome this deficit now, especially since the country's turning less white and more dark?
And what are you going to do with your outreach to minorities?
And this is what the teabagger says back.
No, I think our movement's colorblind.
And the irony of what we've done is we've repopulated the Republican Party with men and women, black, brown, white.
That doesn't really matter because we judge people on issues.
So I don't know if you heard what he just said, Frank, but what he said was we've repopulated the Republican Party.
And did you hear who he said they repopulated it with?
Repopulated the Republican Party with men and women, black, brown, white.
That doesn't really matter because we just.
It doesn't really matter because it's all pretend.
Because we didn't really do that.
Because you didn't really do that at all.
You didn't do that.
You judge people on issues.
But where do you think Ted Cruz came from?
Where do you think Marco Rubio came from?
It wasn't from the establishment women's party.
It was us.
And we don't judge people based on the color of their skin.
Oh, because so now they have Mark Rubio and Ted Cruz, our Hispanic Republican senators.
So that there goes to prove their tea partiers, and that goes to prove they have outreach, the Hispanics, because they got those two crazy right-wing Hispanic guys that come on board with them.
Well, they re, you know, I'll say this for them.
They repopulated Obama posters with Hitler mustache.
Yeah.
I love that.
We've repopulated.
No, because you got two Hispanic guys to go pull to go tout your stupid ideology doesn't mean that you guys have outreach to Hispanics.
That's not what that means.
Yeah, two people just kind of not really a big outreach.
Yeah, it's like, hey, we got it.
You had Herman Kane, too.
Guess what?
Didn't work.
Didn't help.
Yeah.
And so they're making the, he's making the case.
Again, he says, and I don't have this clip, but he went on to say that what's wrong is that you need people to, conservatives, to run on conservative principles and they'll win.
And that was what's wrong with Mitt Romney is he didn't run.
And they made the point, no, well, what about all the Murdoch?
He ran, he lost.
What about Joe Walsh?
He ran.
All these guys, Todd Aiken, all these really conservative people got their ass handed to them and they lost.
They lost seats in the Senate.
They lost seats in the House.
Alan West is gone.
Exactly.
Alan West is gone.
Good pull.
That's right, Frank.
So then they started to talk about, well, what's wrong with the party?
Is they're the party of stupid, and they're the party of anti-science.
And it comes around to climate change.
And here's what our friend, the Tea Partier, has to say.
Okay, global warming is very important.
What is it that we think that a bunch of politicians in Washington, D.C. who can't even balance the budget, what are they going to do about global warming?
Seriously.
Oh, so first of all, let me just stop him right there.
And he says the government can't even balance the budget.
So that shows that they're in, if they could balance the budget, at least they're competent.
And he says, but they can't even balance the budget.
How are they going to fix climate change?
Well, ironically, the guy who's spearheading this tribe to try to fix global warming or climate change is Al Gore, who was also the last guy who balanced the budget.
Right.
Isn't that ironic?
And of course, that slides right by Chris Hardball, but he goes on.
It's a political failure.
There's such a thing as the limits to what government can do.
If you really think that the climate is changing, do you really think the government can redesign the entire global economy, not just in the United States, but an entire world, in a more rational way?
I think you're expecting too much from politics.
Okay, so now, so what he's doing there.
The common sense solution is that we should all just die soon.
Yes.
Yes.
Because we're going to go to heaven anyway if we're a Christian.
Exactly, Frank.
He's this after I bought my farm.
Yeah.
Should I buy the farm first?
Buy the farm.
And then we don't pay attention to global warming.
So yes, exactly, Frank.
What he's saying is he's not denying that there's climate change anymore.
He's not doing that.
He's not trying to deny science because he's on a panel of two guys who aren't idiots.
But so what he's going to do is say, yeah, I believe there's.
So what he says is that, yeah, sure, there's a big problem called climate change.
But, you know, I think it's best handled by ignoring it.
That's what he's saying.
Since we can't balance the budget, we probably can't fix this.
So my advice is to ignore it and let's try to work on other problems.
This is What he's saying.
Hey, your house is on fire.
Yeah, but I have a leaky faucet I'm going to get to.
He's like, you know, he's the justification for every kid who's like, oh, I can't get a job.
I'm just going to smoke pot and watch TV.
What's the point?
That is that guy.
That is that guy.
Well, it's cheaper to do nothing.
So that's where they're into that.
That's really his that he said that with such indignation.
He was so sure.
He was so sure.
You really think that a government that can't balance a budget is going to be able to...
Here, there's such a thing as the limits to what government can do.
If you really think that the climate is changing, do you really think the government can redesign the entire global economy, not just in the United States, but an entire world in a more rational way?
No.
So if we can't do that, I guess we shouldn't try anything.
I guess we shouldn't try to up the mileage on our cars.
We shouldn't try to switch from oil to clean energy, like wind, solar, and water, hydro.
We shouldn't try to do any of those things.
We shouldn't try to find new solutions to our no, we should just keep digging for oil and keep polluting the atmosphere because we can't re-engineer every economy and everywhere.
If you can't re-engineer every economy in every country, then we shouldn't do anything.
You know what?
He, you know, guys like him, though, I hate to say it, they are winning in a way because let's not forget that climate change was not discussed in the presidential debates.
Romney and Obama argued for a long time over who would drill for more oil.
Yes.
That was discussed, but not climate change.
Right.
And that's a failure of our political process.
That's the failure of two parties that are owned by the same industries.
And that's a failure of our media, our fourth estate, that is also owned by the same people who don't want to talk about climate change.
Right, because no one asked them about it.
Right.
Right.
And so here's how Chris Matthews ends this segment with the Tea Party.
He's got Ed Rendell, the former governor of Pennsylvania, and this guy, Matt Kibbe, from the Freedom Works.
And here's how he ends the interview.
Ed Rendell, thank you, Governor.
And thank you, Matt Kibby, for putting up with the truth for at least 10 minutes.
Coming up.
So at least Chris Matthews got it a good dick.
Thanks for putting up with the truth for 10 minutes.
This is Tom Broca with a special Thanksgiving message.
I am grateful for the greatest generation without whom I would be just another corporate tool with a speech impediment instead of what I am today, a hugely successful, filthy-rich corporate tool that idly stands by and watches horrible things happen to America.
I've stood by while political hacks slide our nation into illegal and disastrous wires.
I've been completely mom as a criminal banking sector extracted trillions in wealth out of the middle class, stuffed their pockets with ill-gotten gains, and then drove the economy over a cliff without so much as a peep out of me.
And yet here I am, the most celebrated newsman of any generation.
So for that, I am truly thankful.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of saps.
Okay, so now let's move on to Bobby Jindal.
Here's what Bobby Jindal says.
Well, Chris, a couple of things.
One, I think we can still be true to our principles.
I'm pro-life.
I follow the teachings of my church and my faith.
But at the same time, I think we can be respectful of those that disagree with us.
Okay, so he's saying what the question is, how do you get back to a winning majority?
How do you get Hispanics?
How do you get blacks?
How do you get gays?
How do you get women to vote Republican?
And here's his ideas.
It's a couple of things.
One, I think we can still be true to our principles.
I'm pro-life.
I follow the teachings of my church and my faith.
But at the same time, I think we can be respectful of those that disagree with us.
We don't need to demonize those that disagree with us.
We need to respect the fact that others have come to different conclusions based on their own sincerely held beliefs and have a civil debate.
We don't need to demonize or so what I like about what he's saying is we don't have to change anything except the way we talk to people.
We don't have to change our stance on abortion, the economy, taxes, gay marriage.
All we just have to do is be nicer about it.
So, hey, lady who just got impregnated by a rapist, you're going to have to carry that to term, pretty please.
Thank you for the dulcet tones.
I feel better about it.
Hey, gays, you're not allowed to have the same rights as the rest of us.
Here's a cookie.
This is his advice.
This is really what Bobby Jindal is saying.
We don't have to change.
We just have to be nicer.
We have to quit.
Here, he has more to say.
Don't need to be saying stupid things.
Look, we had candidates in Indiana and Missouri that said offensive things that not only hurt themselves and lost us two Senate seats, but also hurt the Republican Party across the board.
So I think we can be true to our principles.
We don't need to pander or change our principles, but at the same time, we can be respectful.
You mentioned something.
Look, when a majority of voters in this election think the Democratic Party is more likely to cut taxes of the middle class than the Republican Party, that shows that we've got a problem not only with single women and middle-class voters, but voters across the country.
That means we've got a serious problem about making sure that voters understand what we as a party stand for, the principles we're pursuing.
And once we get back on track, showing we are the party fighting for the middle class, that helps us with female voters, Hispanic voters, and every voter out there.
See, now, what's wrong with his assessment there is he's saying that once people find out what we're really about.
No, that's what happened.
We already know that.
People found out what you were really about, Bobby, and they got a good belly full.
Mitt Romney had that exact same argument during the election, which was, hey, I don't have to talk about reproductive rights or contraception for women or a person because if you give them economic opportunity, then they won't care about that stuff.
If you can make them comfortable in a world that's full of injustice towards them, they'll be happy.
They won't care because they're getting good stuff out of the economy.
That's exactly the same thing that Romney was saying.
That's exactly right, Frank.
And I watched Morning Joe for three months, watched Morning Joe and all those jackfaces on there try to tell Mika that women vote on more than just abortion.
Women vote on the economy and their families, and they vote on this and that.
All these other things that they were telling that women vote on.
Hey, you know what?
We made the point on this show before that women vote on a lot of things and being able to control their own reproductive health is probably number one because that is part of their economy.
Nothing affects a household's economy like the birth of a kid.
And also, women and men, too, if you were voting on the economy, a lot of them voted for Barack Obama because they were voting on the economy.
Yes, they're pretending.
The voting solutions to the economic problems were utterly ridiculous.
And they're the ones that caused all the economic problems.
So women, yes, they can vote on reproductive rights, And they can vote on the economy, and that's why they voted for Obama.
Yes, exactly.
And again, they don't need to change.
Even the guys who are trying to be sensible here, Frank, are saying that they don't need to change.
I don't know.
After listening to Bobby, I'm thinking to myself, oh, if I could just vote again.
So here is Mike Murphy, and he was on Meet the Press.
Mike Murphy is a Republican political operative, right?
Strategist.
And he had this to say about what was the biggest problem for the Republicans.
Fashionable now to beat up Romney.
And he made an unfortunate comment after the election.
But the biggest problem that Romney had was the Republican primary.
That's what's driving the Republican brand right now to a disaster.
And we've got to get kind of a party view of America that's not right out of Rush Limbaugh's dream journal.
You got to like this guy.
Yeah.
So that was Mike Murphy, and that's what he had to say about what their problem is.
They need to get a.
So here, now here is Steve Schmidt.
Now, Steve Schmidt.
Steve Schmidt, famous for being part of the team that picked Sarah Palin to be the played by Woody Harrelson.
Steve Schmidt picked Sarah Paine.
McCain should have had his campaign run by Woody Harrelson.
Would have worked better.
Would have worked a lot.
He probably would have got elected.
They would have made the weed legal, and they would have swept.
So here is Steve Schmidt.
Here's what he has to say.
We would have been much better off running against the real President Obama as opposed to the sinister pretend president Obama.
So again, it's like, where's all this sensible talk before the election?
Why doesn't anybody say this stuff before the election?
Hey, not allowed to tell the truth.
It's like, hey, why are we trying to make a caricature out of Barack Obama when we can beat him on the merits?
That's what he's saying.
He's saying, let's go ahead and try to win this on the merits.
Like, hey, conservatism is better than liberalism, and here's why.
But they wouldn't do that.
And the guy who's saying this is literally the man in this world most responsible for making Sarah Palin famous.
Yes, this is the guy.
Yeah.
How ironic, right?
That all of a sudden now he's got religion, right?
So he's got more to say.
And the total lack of credibility with some of this stuff, I think, is just absolutely repellent to the middle of the electorate.
And then when you look at the so he's talking about the lack of credibility with the way they with the campaign that was run by the Republicans, not only Mitt Romney, but everybody, to paint Barack Obama as this crazy foreign socialist Kenyan who wants to bring the UN in here and kill everybody.
Demographics.
Who is Rush Limbaugh talking to?
He is talking to a demographic that's white, 65 plus in rural.
That's not what the country looks like anymore.
So you have these talk radio hosts making millions and millions and millions of dollars a year, driving a message of complete and total ludicrous nonsense into the electorate.
A lot of it poisonous.
Wow, complete and ludicrous nonsense into the American electorate, a lot of it poisonous.
So here's a guy who was in charge of the last Republicans camp presidential campaign saying that what's happening in the Republican Party, unmask, not a few people out there, unmask, is that they're doing crazy stuff that is poisonous.
And now he's saying it.
Why didn't he say that a couple of months ago when they could have used his advice?
This is what I'm saying.
Exactly.
Even four years ago.
Yes, right?
So exactly.
Where was he four years?
Right.
So here's Rush Limbaugh's response to that.
All these consultants, do you realize they get rich no matter who wins or loses?
So do you.
Hey, guess who else gets rich no matter who wins or loses Rush Limbaugh.
Little known secret.
They get rich no matter who wins or loses.
Okay, that's his retort to those guys saying we have to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh.
His retort is, those guys are just like me.
I'm doing this for nothing.
I do this for the people.
Pro bono work.
Isn't he painting himself now as the outsider?
Rush Limbaugh.
Like even his own party, you know, he's beyond this party now.
He's speaking the truth to the people.
He keeps losing.
You know, there was a time when he started, Reagan was president, and then Bush was president.
And the first Bush, it's like he was considered influential because it seemed like his attitudes were seeping into who was getting elected, but that seems like that's a part of the past now.
Yeah, well, it's when they were able to win that, you know, it was still close enough to Reagan, and we were still in good economic times.
But as soon as we hit bad economic times, their economic message is a loser, right?
Because the evidence...
But the reruns are still on.
That's a great way to put it, Frank.
That's a great way to put it.
Wow, nice job.
Thank you.
I know a lot about canceled TV.
View of the Republican Party that is not right out of my dream journal.
Okay, so here's him responding to Murphy.
You got to get a view of the Republican Party that is not right out of my dream journal.
What, folks, did I or any of you have to do with the Republican primary?
Did not Murphy get the candidate he wanted?
You know, he has a point.
He has a point there.
He says, he says, what are you talking about?
I didn't have anything to do with the Republican primary, which was that was them.
That's the Republicans.
And then, didn't Mike Murphy get the candidate?
He got the most moderate guy out of the bunch, the less crazy, and they lost anyway.
This is what Rush is saying.
So he has an argument to make, but they didn't.
Go ahead.
I just don't want to think about Rush Limbaugh's dream journal.
None of us do.
Women from Thailand covered in cheers.
So hang on.
All these consultants.
Do you realize?
Oh, hang on.
Where's the one?
But the Republican primary.
What was wrong with the Republican pro as far as he's concerned?
There were too many conservatives in it saying too many stupid things.
We need to get rid of conservatism is what he's saying.
We know Schmidt knows how to lose.
And we know that Murphy knows how to lose.
And so it's quite natural to blame somebody else.
Obama got away with it.
Obama blamed Bush, and he got away with it.
People bought it.
So now these guys want to blame me.
Okay.
There you go.
That's Rush Limbaugh, ladies and gentlemen.
And now our final.
Sorry, but what is his point is that if Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum or Herman Kane or Michelle Bachman of any of these truly conservative people had won the primary somehow, they would be president right now.
That's the really sad thing.
And this is the absolute truth.
Mitt Romney was the cream of the crop.
He didn't have to try so hard.
It was Romney's big mistake was going way over the right when he should have been moderate because he had the most money anyway.
And here's final, here's Ted Cruz.
Now, Ted Cruz is a Tea Party or Hispanic from Texas who is the new senator, right, from Texas.
And I predict he's a one-term senator, by the way.
People are saying he's the future of the party.
He's going to be president.
I predict they're going to boot this guy.
He's the Allen West of Texas.
And he's out.
And believe me, he's going to say so many stupid things.
And his policies are horrible, too.
So here we go.
Well, just as long as he believes in science.
So here's Ted Cruz.
Inevitably, there are these Mandarins in politics who give the voice.
Don't show any contrast.
Don't rock the boat.
So by the third debate, I'm pretty certain Mitt Romney actually French-kissed Barack Obama.
So that's Ted Cruz saying that, Brett, that their candidate wasn't conservative enough, that he was too moderate.
But guess that he wasn't different enough than Obama.
But guess what?
Mitt Romney was different enough from Obama to make most people not want to vote for him.
Pretty different from Obama, I think.
Because he lost.
Yeah.
So Ted Cruz is his advice is to become even more extreme.
And that's how you win the presidency with 25% of the vote.
That's a mathematical problem.
If you can just win with 25%, everything's going to be fine.
Okay, so Ted Cruz is basically saying what voters across the country, when they rejected Mitt Romney, what they were saying is, hey, he isn't wacko enough for us.
That's what they were saying.
They're like, hey, some screwballs.
We need him a little.
Can't he say something stupid about rape?
What?
That word.
What?
Joining us today is Media Mogul Rupert Murdoch, who's come on our show to address the recent controversy that he encountered on Twitter.
Hey, thanks for joining us, Mr. Murdoch.
Thanks for having me, Jimmy.
I'm always appreciative when the Jewish-controlled American media allows me to have a fight.
Mr. Murdoch, I'm not Jewish.
I was raised Catholic.
Oh, so in other words, you're a self-hating Jew.
Well, that's my favorite kind.
Okay, let's just talk about the criticism you're receiving for what some people perceive as remarks that are insensitive towards Jews.
Jimmy, this whole thing is a minor incident that has been blown wild at the portion.
Kind of like the Holocaust.
That is so offensive.
The Holocaust is historical fact, okay?
It's the ultimate Jewish nightmare, Mr. Murdoch.
Yeah, and speaking of nightmares, I hope everybody will tune in to kitchen nightmares on Fox this fall.
In fact, if you're having a problem figuring out what to watch, the entire Fox primetime lineup is your final solution.
Mr. Murdoch, don't you see how these kinds of statements they're abhorrent, not just to Jews, but to decent people everywhere?
Decent people have no problem with the things I say.
I know this for a fact because I eavesdrop on all their phone conversations.
Mr. Murdoch, I'm sorry, but you're really coming off as a bigot.
That's an outrageous charge.
The truth is, I have a great deal of respect for people of all races, colors, and creeds.
For instance, more black people are represented on Fox News than any other cable news channel.
Really?
How so?
Also, I'm married to a chink.
Murdoch, how do you feature black people on Fox News?
Well, of all the news outlets, we've shown the most footage of Jeremiah Wright, the Acorn staff, and those two Black Panthers that were at a polling place on Election Day four years ago.
And when it comes to ethnic groups that we think should get the hell out of the country, we devote hours of screen time to Hispanics and totally give short shift to white people.
And let's not forget that Fox News presents women in their ideal form, blonde, sexy, and without a single thought in their pretty little heads.
They look like prostate.
So you're saying you are so racist and sexist that it completely overshadows your anti-Semitism?
I'm not saying that at all.
I'm the least anti-Semitic person you will ever meet.
And Jimmy, I have to say, I really regret coming on this show.
And not just because you're a rude little twit, but also because I was negotiating my fee.
I foolishly allowed your producer to jew me down.
Okay, okay.
Rupert Murdoch, thanks for joining us, buddy.
Lick the shit out of my outback, you wanker.
Okay.
The voice of Rupert Murdoch, performed by the inimitable Mike McRae at mikemcray.com.
Hey, I'd like to also let you know that this Sunday in Los Angeles, I'm going to be doing the Uncabaret show, the legendary Uncabaret storytelling show.
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Go to my Facebook page or my Twitter for a link for the Uncabaret this Sunday.
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Happy Thanksgiving, and we'll see you next week.
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I want to let you know today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Steph Samurano, Frank Conniff, and Mark Van Landewitt.
All right, I got it right this week.
And all the voices performed by Mike McRae this week.
And hey, that's it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for your support for the show.
Until next week, this is Jimmy E. Doris.
Hey, don't go to Walmart, by the way.
I don't know if we got to it this week, but please don't.
I'm staying away.
You stay away too, huh?
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