All Episodes
Previous Next
Jan. 20, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:27
20120120_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_1-19-12_2
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Jimmy Dore Todd Dalen.
Remember me?
Sarah's husband, Bristol's dad, Trigg's dad, or granddad.
Never really got that story straight.
Anyway, this came out in support of Newt Gingrich for president.
I hope this is an important endorsement.
We'll remind everybody of one thing.
I'm relevant.
I'm relevant.
Damn it.
I'm relevant.
Yeah, I know I haven't been in the news much lately, but come on.
I'm still interesting.
I really am.
I'm supporting Newt Gingrich, who is one of the And that's saying lots.
Look, I need to feel like I matter.
I've had some disappointing setbacks lately.
My proposed reality series, Todd Palin Goes Snowmobiling, was turned down by the networks.
They're pitching another show.
Todd Palin buys bait and then goes fishing.
But believe it or not, there are no takers for that one either.
The only show our family has been pitching that has generated any interest is Bristol Palin screws her way through Waffilla's phone book.
Kidding.
Hey, but I want my own show.
That's what I'm trying to say here.
I need my own show.
I mean, people watch crap like New Jersey Shore.
I mean, that Snooky Chick, she isn't qualified to be governor or vice president.
Nothing.
She's more qualified than my wife, but at this point, that show sucks, is what I'm trying to say.
We love doing Sarah Palin Alaska.
It was a joy for us to show the world how much we love our home state.
And the millions of dollars that we made from this show was a blessing for us to buy a house in Arizona so we can now live down there in the warmth and not have to live in that cold, boring jerk water state anymore.
What a relief.
Speaking of Arizona, the first anniversary of the shooting of Gabby Gifford has just passed.
So the Payless family has decided to honor this solemn occasion by offering a special certified Franklin mint coin with a gold-plated crosshair over the head of John F. Kennedy.
And it symbolizes the fact that any American, no matter what his or her background is, can grow up to be a lone gunman.
That is what the NRA is all about.
Freedom.
Anyways, Jimmy, there's your headline.
Todd Palin endorses Newt Gingrich.
Some people think that this implies that Sarah endorses Newt as well.
Actually, at this point, my wife thinks that all the Republican candidates make a good president, except for that John Huntsman guy, who's always speaking Chinese, which is some kind of Jew thing or something.
I don't know.
Anyways, at this point, what we want to do is an elected conservative who's going to make this country a peaceful, joyous paradise in God's image.
To say otherwise is pure blood libel.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
Wow.
The show for people that are downeration.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, Kevin.
And now, there's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of the Jimmy Door Show.
I am joined in studio to my left from Dinner in a Movie on TBS and the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin sporting a new haircut.
Hi, Paul.
Hello, Jimmy.
You got a new haircut, but you still got some gristle on your face, which makes you look tough and rugged.
Appreciate it.
Nice.
All right.
Next to him, former writer for The Daily Show, hilarious comedian Steve Rosenfield, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi, Steve.
How are you?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
Sincere.
By the way, what's that?
I shaved.
I'm appreciating.
I appreciate you shaving.
Yes.
I mean, I think, Frank, next to you, from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
Hey, Jimmy.
You shaved.
I do.
Now that I live across from Vivid Entertainment, I always shave.
He's clean.
Okay, if you know what Vivid Entertainment is, that's funny.
If you go to Wikipedia, if you go to, there's a lot of things happening on the web today.
I am re-recording today on SOPA Day, so a lot of the internet is dark today.
And, you know, I was against SOPA, but now that Rupert Murdoch supports it.
And, you know, if a man of, if an honest man of integrity like Rupert Murdoch supports SOPA, then maybe I should rethink my opposition.
Hmm.
Hey, big news.
Paula Dean has admitted that shit, Paula Dean, Southern Cook, she has admitted that she has developed adult onset diabetes and is now the spokesperson for diabetes.
Wow.
You're telling me that the lady who teaches us how to make donut burgers has diabetes?
The next thing you're going to tell me is Rip Torn is having liver problems.
Coincidence, perhaps.
Also, what's coming up?
We're going to check in with Paula Dean.
She calls in.
Also, we're going to check in with the latest of the racist Jamboree, aka the South Carolina Republican debate.
They actually had a black guy ask questions about sensitivity to minorities and gave a room full of white people the opportunity to boo him.
Okay.
Also, if you're upset, Andrew Sullivan wrote an article.
And if you are an Obama critic, it's because you're dumb.
Plus, we got phone calls from Chris Christie calls in to defend Paula Dean.
Morgan Freeman, Morgan Freeman, who got a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Globes, he calls in to talk about it.
Plus, Rick Perry calls in to talk about Buddy Romer.
Buddy Romer calls in to talk about the money in politics.
And then Rick Perry calls back in to talk us about, talk about the campaign.
That's all coming up today on the Jimmy Door show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
This week's edition of Oh My God, we're going to go to the state of Virginia, huh?
Always good.
Virginia is for lovers.
It's also for crazy religious nutbags, right?
I saw that bumper sticker once, and I was like, really?
Okay.
Virginia is for crazy religious nutbags.
So there's a guy named Bob Marshall, and he's running for the state senate there.
He's also a delegate from Virginia, and he's upset about abortions and Planned Parenthood, right?
He's upset about them.
And here's what he had to say about abortions and Planned Parenthood.
One-fourth of all abortions are done by Planned Parenthood in the United States.
Okay?
The number of children who were born subsequent to a first abortion who have handicaps has increased dramatically.
Why?
Because when you abort the firstborn of any, nature takes its vengeance on these subsequent children.
In the Old Testament, the firstborn of every being, animal, and man was dedicated to the Lord.
There's a special punishment Christians would suggest.
Okay, so, and I'm going to guess that his mother's special punishment was giving birth to that guy.
Wow.
Sometimes nature doesn't really seeks a vengeance.
You know, there is a special specialness when somebody quotes not only the Bible, but they go Old Testament.
Oh, that's a certain kind of crazy.
Yeah.
Because, you know, the Old Testament is so full of compassion and sense.
Well, it's funny because when religious Christian, overly religious Christians, when you bring up the Old Testament and all the crazy stuff that's in it, they go, no, no, no.
Jesus came along and he erased all that.
It's the new gospel.
The new word is Jesus.
Unless they want to use the Old Testament to kind of discriminate against somebody, then it's God's word again.
Yeah.
Yeah, God was wrong before.
Jesus came, straightened it out.
But then sometimes God wasn't wrong, right?
Now, how do you, as a Jew, how do you feel about it?
What's your name, Steve?
I'm quoting the, what, the Bible?
What do you think?
Yeah, about people when they quote the Old Testament.
And isn't that supposed to be your book?
Yes.
Well, I haven't read all of it.
Really?
I didn't see the movie either.
Are you taking it two pages at a day?
How are you doing it?
I hope everything works out in that book.
I haven't read it.
Hollywood is a town that worships youth, so you're not going to read the Old Testament.
It's not in development anywhere around town.
I need a Young Testament.
I need like a 20-something test of it.
Do you have that?
Does Lou Wasserman still own the rights to the Old Testament?
He brought it to his grave with him.
Yes, indeed.
Look at the comedy we're getting out of this.
This is all nice, huh?
We're riffing.
This is improvisational.
I like it.
I think it's equally scary if it's the old or New Testament that they're quoting because they're saying that the law of the United States has anything to do with the biblical law.
So that's just nutted right there.
And while we're at it, then let's go ahead and make sure that Sharia Law can ever work its way in.
I love that.
I love that.
That irony is never lost on.
Well, I hope that this isn't the start of a trend of conservatives trying to insert religion into politics.
Because that would be really good.
Because that would be bad if that were to happen.
And then when it comes to those less fortunate having zero compassion.
Absolutely zero.
Well, because if you're poor, it's your own fault.
You know that.
It's because you're not a moral person or a good person.
As Mook Gingrich likes to say, you haven't learned how to get a job.
You have to learn how to get a job.
That's what it is.
Gingrich thinks that if black people just pick themselves up, they get huge speaking fees.
Oh, this is all good comedy, you guys.
This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so no, I probably shouldn't watch Chris Matthews anymore.
No.
I'm just going to say.
Nobody should.
I'm just going to say that right away.
I'm going to send it.
You know, you turn into MSNBC because you want to get some lefty point of view.
And what I'm basically getting is Joe Scarborough in 10 years.
It's basically what Chris Matthews is doing.
He brought on Andrew Sullivan, who wrote an article.
It was the cover story in Newsweek this week why Obama's critics are dumb.
I think that was the headline of the articles.
He brings them on.
Maybe you think Obama should have ramped down the war in Afghanistan a little faster.
Do you think that?
Maybe you think that?
I thought that.
Maybe you think he should cut the defense budget.
I thought that.
Maybe you guys think that.
Do you guys think?
Or maybe he shouldn't have signed that bill that chucks habeas corpus and lets them, the government now definitely put you in prison without a trial.
Maybe you do you feel that way?
I felt that way.
Well, if you feel that way, Chris Matthews and Andrew Sullivan, here's what they think of you.
The people who are unhappy with Barack Obama, this is what Andrew Sullivan have to say.
Well, I think it's partly because they invested into Obama a whole bunch of fantasies, that he was some kind of far-left radical who was going to transform the world.
He never was.
He never said he was going to be, and he hasn't been that.
And there's this sort of purism on the left that if you're not that, therefore we must stay home.
If I hear an okay, let me just back that up right there.
And he said, you know, there's just some fantasy.
So he's saying that the people who are unhappy with or criticizing Barack Obama is because we lived in a fantasy world when he was running.
And we pretended that he said that he was going to do all these things, you know, like not sign a health bill that didn't contain a public option, things like that, you know, reform people.
I don't think that the fantasy world that people who support, who criticize Obama live in is anything like the fantasy world of the people who supported Bush in the lead up to the war in Iraq, of which Andrew Sullivan was one of those people.
Yes, so he's, yes.
And he's saying that we were in a fantasy, we were in a fantasy world.
It's just not the kind of fantasy world that he likes.
There's other kinds of fantasy worlds that he's embraced throughout his career.
Obama created that fantasy, though.
Well, let me just, let's be honest.
In all those speeches that Barack Obama made in 2008, he never once promised that he wouldn't disappoint the fuck out of us.
Very true, Jimmy.
Right?
So you have to.
Yeah.
How can you be dumb for being disappointed that he promised they'd get rid of Guantanamo Bay and then he throws habeas corpus out?
How is that make you dumb for being disappointed in him or angry?
That is not only a 180 poll.
That is like a 180 squared.
You know what I mean?
I don't know what that is.
I don't do math.
I went to Catholic school.
But I'm going to play Andrew Sullivan, what he has to say here.
It's about 30 seconds.
I'll play without stopping so we can get fully, fully enraged.
Okay, here we go.
Well, I think it's partly because they invested into Obama a whole bunch of fantasies that he was some kind of far-left radical who was going to transform the world.
He never was.
He never said he was going to be, and he hasn't been that.
And there's this sort of purism on the left.
And if you're not that, therefore we must stay home.
If I hear another person in their 50s with a ponytail tell me they're not going to vote this year because they couldn't get a public option, I will scream.
Until they're in their 60s first.
And join the real world.
By the way, the flagellante class, as you just mentioned, are not limited to the people in their 50s.
There's a lot of young bloggers out there in their 20s and 30s who are always whipping themselves that this isn't exactly the great transformation that was promised.
Well, I've just asked them to grow up a little and look at history and understand that it also, at this point in Reagan's time, it was not at all clear that he would be the transformative figure that he was supposed to be.
And the right remember people like Richard Vickery attacking him from the get-go.
I think it's a different era than the 80s.
And I think Obama is to this era what Reagan was to his, which is why I'm perfectly happy saying I've had Reagan in the 80s and back Obama now.
We need his correction.
We need his calm and we need his leadership.
His temperament alone is enough to keep him in the Oval Office in my opinion.
And who should the people with ponytails write their letters of anger at?
I'm just kidding.
A lot of good guys at ponytails.
A lot of them are on the far right, by the way.
They're the MIA guy.
Okay, so first of all, I've been upset with Barack Obama ever since he appointed Timothy Geithner and Larry Summers.
And I didn't know that all this time I had a ponytail.
Did you know that?
You know what's great is...
is your ponytail?
I'm trying to grow one, And you don't have a ponytail?
How could you not have a ponytail?
I do.
I just don't have it in a ponytail at this moment.
I keep them on the side of my head, actually.
Pigtails.
These are pigtails.
But Andrew Sullivan, though, who has who I would assume as a prominent spokesman for gay rights, prominent conservative, gay person who hates people being stereotyped, who hates gay people being stereotyped.
It's great that he's describing everyone who criticizes Obama in stereotypical terms, someone with a ponytail.
Well, I just think it's, first of All and Tavis Smiley and Cornell West, you've seen their ponytails, right?
How about Glenn Greenwald over at Salon?
Have you seen his ponytail, Glenn Greenwald?
What about Robert Reich and Bernie Sanders?
How about their ponytails?
That Bernie Sanders, he's got such a ponytail.
How about the tens of thousands of teachers who stood out in February weather in Wisconsin?
Well, their ponytails kept them warm.
Oh, but oh, it was their ponytails.
Oh, okay.
When are those teachers in Wisconsin?
When are they ever going to grow up?
They need to grow up.
No, there's nothing more adult than a Washington pundit who makes six figures a year and lives in a comfortable, insular world.
So if you criticize, so basically what Andrew Sullivan's saying is that if you disagree with him, you need to grow up.
Right.
And boy, what is there a more grown-up way to debate an argument than telling people who disagree with you they need to grow up?
I mean, to me, that's one of the most grown-up ways to conduct a debate that I've ever.
And that irony is lost not only on him, but on Newsweek.
It's lost on Chris Matthews.
It's lost on anybody else who makes that argument.
Oh, you're critical of Barack Obama, then you need to grow up.
That's all.
That's all.
You disagree with...
They would never say that, oh, you disagree with me on tax policy.
Why don't you grow up?
I think maybe it's something to do with that the liberal philosophy is considered a youthful philosophy, that as one grows older and one worries about their taxes being too high and worries about their property and everything, that you should let go of those childish things.
Maybe that has something to do with it.
That as we become more conservative, as we protect our money, we give up those things.
So if you were more grown up, you would know that grownups outsource jobs, do the bidding of Wall Street, and cut Medicare to balance the budget.
That's what grownups do.
Right, and also a lot of what he's describing as immature behavior and thought is not just liberals in ponytails.
It's a large portion of the American public who are not represented by the behavior of our leaders.
Occupy Wall Street, I guess he would tell.
He was one minute away from talking about how Occupy Wall Street people should take a bath, which I love it every time that's brought up.
That's so hilarious.
So if you don't want to live in a country where the government can lock you up without a trial indefinitely, then you know what, Frank?
You're a child.
If that upsets you that the government can now lock you up, that Barack Obama signed that up, that the government can now lock you up indefinitely without a trial, then that's a sure sign of your immaturity.
Not that you have a point, but that you need to grow the fuck up.
That's what Andrew Sullivan is saying.
I disagree with you, Andrew.
Grow up!
Okay.
Jimmy, I think if you look, get to the very bottom of this,
gonna find a conspiracy involving Chuck E. Cheese and super cuts I would also since he wrote this for Newsweek I like to quote a Simpsons joke when there was an episode where Lisa and Bart were staying at the Flanders house and Lisa said about the Flanders I hate these people they drink Pepsi instead of Coke and they read Newsweek instead of nothing so
So if I oppose Barack Obama's health care plan, which was the Heritage Foundation's plan and their answer to Hillary care from 16 years ago.
So the Barack Obama health care plan was actually the Republicans opposition plan to a Democratic health care plan from 16 years ago.
So if I'm if I oppose the Heritage Foundation's health care plan from 16 years ago, it's not because I have a point or some well-reasoned arguments.
It's because I'm a whiny child.
Hey, if if you are upset about firing teachers and ratcheting up the Afghan war, looks like you have some maturing to do.
Are you angry that the president has revealed himself to be a toady of Wall Street and the same people that designed our economic collapse?
He's tapped those same very people to put in charge of our economy.
Well, then you are obviously stuck in an arrested state of development.
That is obvious.
And are you for are you protesting that the president signed a law to repeal habeas corpus and allow the government to lock you up forever?
Then you're a child.
You are such a child that I could scream.
up already the economy is run in the interest of wall street got it not the workers not the people not for the common good but for millionaire bankers and that's how it works in the real world you goddamn infant the jimmy door show is available as a podcast for free on iTunes or for other ways to subscribe go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and while you're there you can listen to past episodes and you can comment on them too remember Jimmy
spells his last name D-O-R-E JimmyDoorcomedy.com okay now you know we talked about this earlier in the show but Paula Dean beloved American treasure southern cooking aficionado she's always cooks with a lot of butter and a lot of sugar and a lot of flour she's been teaching us how to make donut burgers for the last three years while concealing that she had diabetes I have actually a clip of her she was on the CBS morning show
You've lightened up.
Are you going to change the way you cook and the way you eat?
Well, here's the thing.
You know, I've always encouraged moderation.
Yes, she's always eating in moderation.
And if she's still hungry, then she eats everything else inside.
If you eat, but only then.
It seems to me that if you say, yes, I'll have the donut burger, please.
That's already moderation has already gone up.
Did she actually make a donut burger?
Yes.
Really?
I'm not making that up.
Yeah, she makes a donut burger.
Wow.
She'll take two beef patties and then stick two donuts around it and put probably some kind of a sauce on it.
I don't remember.
But, yeah, that's definitely Paula Deen.
Let's hear it.
Joe, you know, I share with you all these yummy, fattening recipes.
But I tell people in moderation, in moderation, you can have that little piece of pie.
Here's what I want to get across to people.
I've never seen her make a little piece of pie.
Ever.
I've never.
It's only slabs of pie.
You know, I would agree with her that anything is okay in moderation, but I don't ever.
And I haven't watched that much of her show, but I don't ever recall hearing her use the word moderation.
Never.
Here we go.
She's got a little bit more.
Now, I want them to first start by going to their doctor and asking to be tested for diabetes and then get on a program that works for you.
I'm amazed at the people out there that are aware that they are diabetic, but they're not taking their medicine.
They're not doing anything.
But besides the medicine, have you changed the way you eat?
I've always eaten in moderation.
Which is why you're overweight and have diabetes.
Of course you've always eaten in moderation.
That's why.
Wow.
She just won't let it.
anything about this woman before today but this is crazy here she got a little bit more to say you know people see me on TV two and three times a day and they see me cooking all these wonderfully southern fattening dishes that's only 30 days out of 365 and it's for entertainment and people have to be responsible you're saying you can't eat like that every day.
No, I never have.
I never have.
It's like I told Oprah a few years back.
I said, honey, I'm your cook, not your doctor.
Yeah, if I was your doctor, I'd tell you to stop watching phony entrepreneurs push sugar on TV shows.
But I'm not your doctor.
I'm that lady selling you donut burgers.
Saleswoman.
And you know, her cooking show is like pornography.
You're not supposed to try it at home, right?
Right, right.
There's an element of truth to that, though.
I watch a lot of stuff on the food network and have no intention of ever making it.
There's something soothing to me about watching people make rich foods.
Oh, really?
Yeah, absolutely.
Give me a thumbs up.
If I see like really good food being made, and I don't, I'm not a big food channel watcher.
I never watched the food channel, but if I did watch it and I saw all that great, I would definitely want to eat it.
You know, I mean, I always for like for one thing, like, I can't watch the movie Goodfellas without the scene when he's cutting the garlic in the prison.
They're making all that great.
I so crave Italian food, you know, anytime I watch it.
In prison.
In prison, yeah.
No, it's true.
I crave prison when I see that movie.
When they're doing that scene, it's like, I wish I was there in prison with them because that meal looks so good.
I do.
And whenever I cut garlic, I think, I wonder if I can get it thin enough so it liquefies like Paulie.
Right, right.
Well, guess, guess who called in?
Do I have to say?
Chris Christie?
Do I have to tell you, Paula Dean called in?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Hey, Jimmy, it's your favorite southern cooking lady, Paula Dane.
As you may have heard on news, I got diagnosed with a serious case of the sugars.
I've decided to change my lifestyle.
Are you going to eat that?
That cupcake?
I decided to change my lifestyle and my cooking so I exhibit a lifestyle of moderation.
Oh, give me that.
Oh!
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're going to see some serious changes on the Paula Dane show as I deal with the serious condition known as sugars.
So I, what's that, a dust bunny?
So catch me every Friday at 3 p.m. on the Southern Cooking Channel or whatever it is that you watch Paula Dean.
And remember, until next time, you ain't too you can't have no ding dang fad southern barbecue bird ding dang without chrome wow i got hungry listening to that phone call without hung i want to hear that's call again it made me laugh and then i'll show you how okay until
Next time, you can't have no ding-dang fried southern barbecue bird ding-a-ding without Chrome.
Okay, so I sat down with the former governor of Louisiana, Buddy Romer, who's running for the Republican nomination for president, but they won't let him on the debate stage because they don't want to hear what he has to say, which is basically let's get money out of politics.
When I talked to Buddy on the SOPA protest day, the SOPA, you know, that bill they were trying to pass that would give the government the right to shut down your website if they felt like it without a – anyway, so that was on that day.
And I went to Buddy Romer's website to get some information about him, but I couldn't because they were honoring the SOPA thing.
And I asked him about that, and, well, this is what – I said, why did you do that?
Why are you on board with SOPA?
And this is what he had to say.
You know, we are in sympathy with the Internet world, which is decrying the – what I call the two big corporation moves to regulate the Internet.
And it's done with good intentions, but we think it's not healthy.
We think that the Internet is a source of creativity and innovation and entrepreneurship.
And one of the few things working well in America – I mean, you know we need bank reform.
We need immigration reform.
We need budget reform.
We need tax reform.
We need energy reform.
We need all of these things.
But the Internet is working well, and the government could look at some ways to improve it.
But we feel that the two bills before Congress now really attack our liberties.
And in sympathy with that, our website is down for today.
So how would you – so the two bills we're talking about is the SOPA bill and the PIPA bill.
Right.
And that's – and you think that is a little bit too far-reaching for government's power on the Internet because it has the power to shut down a website if it thinks that it's doing – if it's using unlicensed material.
Is that pretty much the basic – So there's a – our justice system is pretty good.
Mm-hmm.
Best in the world.
Mm-hmm.
We don't need Internet provisions.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, where does this end?
So this is big – so to me, this is big government regulation.
Why is this being supported by the Republicans?
It's a very good question.
I don't know.
Okay, so there's more Buddy Romer coming up in the second half of the show.
And that's actually Buddy Romer, by the way, the government.
That's not Mike McRae.
But guess what?
Rick Perry found out we were having Buddy Romer on the show, and he called in.
Yeah, you – okay, Buddy Romer, I respect you as a politician and as a Republican and as another white Southern dude.
But you want to get money out of politics, man.
It's just not – you might as well – you might as well try to get rid out of blood.
Okay.
I mean, dude.
It ain't going to happen, man.
Okay.
It's just – no, I'm not trying to be disrespectful at all.
I mean, I respect Buddy Romer.
But, I mean, he's going to be – he's going to literally be a Romer around the political landscape.
Like a guy wandering.
He's going to roam around.
But he's not going to be anyone's buddy.
That's why his name is so ironic.
He's going to be nobody's buddy roaming around.
And his name is Buddy Romer.
pretty weird man Okay.
Today's show is available as a podcast for free at iTunes or at my website, jimmydoorcomedy.com.
You spell my last name, D-O-R-E.
Right now, we're up against a break, and this is the Jimmy Door Show on Pacifica.
Hello, podcast listeners.
How are you enjoying this?
This week's show is extra power-packed, is it not?
I'm feeling like it is extra power-packed.
It gets even better.
Coming up on the second half of the show, we got some more real buddy Romer.
He's intense, that guy.
He talks slow, Jimmy.
He makes you feel like you're right there with him.
Anyway, so, but right now, you know what time it is.
This is the time of the show when I come and let you know that this show, as fantastic as it is, is made possible by you, the listener.
That's you.
And you know how you do that?
You know how you can help support the show?
You go to JimmyDoorComedies.com.
You click on donate, you become a great person.
And then we send you something nice in the mail.
Right?
That's what happens.
So, and then if you can't afford money right now to help support the show, you know, a great way to do that is support the show.
You go to iTunes, you leave a nice review, you give us a nice rating, and you leave a nice review.
Now let's get back to the show.
Music.
Thank you.
Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and CinematicTitanic.com.
It's Frank Conniff, former writer for The Daily Show with Steve Rosenfield.
And from the Mental is Happy Hour podcast, it's Paul Gilmart.
Okay, I hate to do this to you, but we're going to go to Chris Matthews twice today on this show.
We're going to go two clips from Chris Matthews.
So now, Chris Matthews likes to invite all different voices on his show, which here he is.
He's welcoming race baiter and gay bigot Tony Perkins to his show.
And let's just see how does he do it?
What does he say to him?
Tony Old Pal, thanks for joining us.
I hope you didn't get in trouble for me calling you old pal, but you do come on the show quite regularly.
Okay, he was afraid that Tony Perkins was going to get in trouble because Chris Matthews, a journalist on MSNBC, refers to him as old pal.
And so he knows that Tony Perkins has a lot of crazy, religious, nutbag, bigoted fans of his.
If you don't know who Tony Perkins is, he's the one who paid $180,000 to David Duke for his mailing list.
Okay, so that's who Tony Perkins is.
And should Chris Matthews ever have Tony Perkins on his show?
Yes.
He should have him on, but he should have him on to and remind people that Tony is a gay bigot and a racist, right?
You can't just have him on and not mention it.
As a reasonable voice in the political discourse is the way that Chris Matthews is presenting himself.
Yes.
Tony Perkins, you know, he should be given a forum, but it should be, you know, today we're going to discuss crazy religious nutbags.
And here's one of the most...
He says that here's my old pal.
He presents him as a guy with a reasonable take on.
He's just a guy I disagree with.
That's all.
And so he's bringing him on as an expert.
He's bringing him on for his expertise and how the evangelicals are going to be voting.
But what he's doing by doing that is legitimizing Tony Perkins as a legitimate political talking head.
He even calls him his old pal.
And so, you know, that's like saying, hey, we're going to find out what the homicidal maniacs think of today.
Hey, Charlie Manson, my old pal.
It's good to have you.
I hope you didn't get in trouble with your boys back in Cell Block C by me calling you old pal.
I hope that doesn't bother you.
Well, it's not far off what you're saying because Chris Matthews' very first show after the Butch, the Bush mission accomplished moment, his guest was G. Gordon Liddy.
Really?
And their discussion was about how everyone who's criticizing Bush is now a fool.
Is a fool.
Yes.
So his thing was, hey, we're at war.
It's a very important thing.
I think I'll have a convicted felon come on.
He's the most important person I could have on.
And I also really knew, I really knew that Chris Matthews was a muck-raking journalist when an open mic caught him saying to Tom DeLay, hey, buddy, I owe you one.
Really?
Yes.
You know, for those of you who don't remember, Tony Perkins is not the star of the black hole.
That's Anthony Perkins.
He's the secretly gay actor.
No, Tony, the Tony Perkins who was on Chris Matthew is the Tony Perkins that has more of a reputation as a psycho.
Yes, Anthony Perkins is the secretly gay actor.
This is Tony Perkins, the secretly gay president of the Family Research Council, a conservative think tank.
And in this case, think means think in the way to justify institutional homophobia and bring about gay apartheid.
But yeah, that's a weird coinky dink, don't you think?
Yes.
This Tony Perkins is frequently on shows like Hardball.
Not because he actually knows shit about dick, he doesn't, but because his opinion is so completely whacked out and irrational that he can serve as a contrary viewpoint to anyone who's for the separation of church and state and isn't for the chemical castration of every gay person ever.
So that's what you bring Tony Perkins on.
He'll give you that.
Old Pal.
Old Pal.
Old Pell.
Is Chris Matthews just one of those guys who doesn't judge their friends at all?
Is that who he is?
Yes, that is what he is.
Listen, I have friends that are black.
I also have white power friends.
And I'm in a lot of clicks.
I mean, sure, I consider Tony Perkins a pal, and I'd like to play golf with the man.
That doesn't mean I'd invite him to hang out with me and the boys at the bathhouse.
It could also be that just by talking to Chris Matthews three times, you are automatically his pal.
And on his Christmas card list, his Christmas card list every year is a photo of Chris yelling at his family, and they're all wearing sweaters.
Or he doesn't have a lot of friends, and he's reaching out.
I don't know.
Or could it be a deeper problem that modern journalists now mingle with their subjects until they are part of their same peer group?
A situation which the media is now afraid of asking the hard questions, speaking truth to power because they might lose access?
Nah.
Nah, I don't think so.
Okay, you know what?
Chris Christie actually called in to defend to defend Paula Dean.
Yeah, he had something to say about it.
Jimmy Dahl is coming up.
Hey, why are all these people racking on Paula Dean?
Just because she's been encouraging people to eat more fatty foods, though, and all the while she has type 2 diabetes.
What the hell's wrong with that?
I was diagnosed with type 2 about 300 hours ago.
Know what I did?
I started exercising.
That's right.
I started exercising my doggy and writing the stuff my Facebook sugar respect.
Please allow me to pick up.
And it made sense for me to eat like I played 24-7 because my waist size is 247.
Yep, I'm a large man.
Okay.
So Paula Dean is a type 2 face.
And hypocrisy went straight to her thighs.
Big deal.
Shouldn't we be focusing on the American tragedy that's happening as we speak?
The financial meltdown of our nation's twinkie industry.
You know what this means?
It means that American obesity is going to be outsourced overseas.
Already a lot of fan asses are expanding in China and India, instead of here in the United States.
And the gladular growth of those countries will soon expand to the rest of the wise.
It's called the Domino's Pizza Effect.
By the way, Jimmy, did you see me get interviewed by Oprah the other night?
Yeah, yeah, I thought it was kind of fruity to go on a show, especially for someone like me who never eats fruit.
Well, my lovely wife got on the program with me.
And we thought Oprah some cute anecdotes about our relationship.
Did you know that my wife and I had sex eight or nine times before we even met?
I'm a large man.
And as always happens on Oprah's show, they talked about the secret.
Well, my secret is that I have an intimate factory in my basement.
But Oprah Show is very female-centric, so she asked me what a woman I most admire is.
I said, Severale.
Makes sense because I'm a large man.
Oh, one other thing, Jimmy.
I'm sick of all the straps talking about my family Romney.
You know, a lot of people thought I was going to endorse to Gingrich.
Well, with his being such a fat fucker, his own life.
But I don't approve of married men who cheat on their wives or the other way around either.
There were rumors that I was having a fling with a married woman because all the time I spent with Mrs. Butterway.
But all I did was squeeze her.
That's as far as it went.
But, Jimmy, I first sat down with Matt Romney in a restaurant.
He correctly answered the question I most frequently asked by dining companions.
Are you going to finish that?
He said, No, let me have the rest of us all grow on potatoes.
And I knew that this was the man I wanted to be on there.
And all this criticism on May Romney is a lot of crap.
He likes to fire people, so I like to fire up a bunch of T-bone steaks on a barbecue grow.
It's a great way to start the day.
He thinks corporations are people.
Well, I'm a person, and I've got more square footage of most corporations.
He won't release his tax returns.
Hey, I won't release smack returns.
Hey, I'm large.
And I really admire Governor Robbie's restraint.
I mean, the man is worth a quarter of a billion dollars, yet he spends hardly any of it on food.
Hell, I hate to admit this, but if I had that much money to spend on gross service, I would probably end up really letting myself go.
Anyway, Jimmy, I have to go see my doctor, Dr. Vinny Bombat.
He says if I eat one more pastry, he's going to have to amputate my legs.
The same way my policies cut working-class people up at the knee.
Anyway, later, Jimmy.
Okay, Governor Chris Christie, letting us know.
He's a large man.
He is a lot.
He likes to eat.
He has an appetite.
He certainly does have an appetite.
All right, let's move on.
We got to talk about the Republican debate.
Let's just jump right in with Newt Gingrich.
Here's the Newt Gingrich.
I was always wondering how Juan Williams, how comfortable he was working over at Fox and giving the news to the white people over there.
And here, well, here he asked Newt Gingrich a question.
Speaker Gingrich, you recently said black Americans should demand jobs, not food stamps.
You also said poor kids lack a strong work ethic and propose having them work as janitors in their schools.
Can't you see that this is viewed at a minimum as insulting to all Americans, but particularly to black Americans?
No, I don't see that.
No, no, he doesn't see that.
No, he doesn't see that.
No, no, doesn't see it at all.
And listen to the ovation he gets.
Some of those people were cheering so hard they blew out their own torch.
I haven't heard cheers like that since the Nuremberg row.
My daughter, Jackie, who's sitting back there, Jackie Cushman, reminded me that her first job was at First Baptist Church in Carrollton, Georgia, doing janitorial work at 13th.
And she liked earning the money.
She liked learning that if you worked, you got paid.
She liked being in charge of her own money.
and she thought it was a good start.
I had a young man and...
Parents were going through a painful divorce.
See, Senny shifts the topic to my daughter was a janitor.
Yeah, okay.
Your daughter was a janitor at a church.
But you don't run around telling white people to turn their schools into child labor camps and their white kids to become janitors, do you?
You only say it to black people.
You don't say white people needed to demand paychecks and not food stamps.
You don't say that about white people.
And tonight, he is saying it directly to a black guy, Juan Williams, who took $3 million to hang out with these people and make them seem less racist.
Doesn't seem to be working.
That's really what Juan Williams' job is at Fox News.
So they can all say, look, camouflage.
It's called the token.
Inoculates the others.
Yeah, look, we got a...
So here, and then so here, here's what Newt really meant.
What I tried to say, and I think it's fascinating because Joe Klein reminded me that this started with an article he wrote 20 years ago.
New York City pays their janitors an absurd amount of money because of the union.
You could take one janitor and hire 30-some kids to work in the school for the price of one janitor, and those 30 kids would be a lot less likely to drop out.
They would actually have money in their pocket.
They'd learn to show up for work.
They could do light janitorial duty.
They could work in the cafeteria.
They could work in the front office.
They could work in the library.
They'd be getting money, which is a good thing if you're poor.
Only the elites despise earning money.
Okay, so Newt Gingrich takes a look at New York City and decides that the guy who's being grossly overpaid is the janitor.
Not the Wall Street banker.
He's the janitor.
And what does he consider an absurd amount of money that the janitor is making?
And is $60,000 an absurd amount of money to make for one speech?
Right.
$60,000 for one speech.
A janitor in New York City makes $56,000.
If you are a journeyman janitor at a school, you make $56,000, but you're also considered management, right?
A janitor just isn't a janitor, he's also considered management.
So you want these kids to be managers?
A starting janitor makes $32,000 a year in New York City.
So I guess we could take those $32,000 and then, you know, so we'll ruin that job and then spread that $30,000 around 30 other kids, you know, spread it around to a bunch of people for a greater good, kind of like the worst kind of socialism I ever heard in my life, right?
That's his, that's his, and he's, and no one will articulate that to him.
So you're, see, so you're, your program to bring jobs to the inner city is to take all the already good-paying Blue-collar jobs that we have there and give them to children, right?
So, you know, that's what the industrialists used to do in the 1800s.
They would use child labor to force down wages, and that's exactly what he's recommending here right now.
These guys who are making, they make a good living as a janitor.
Anybody who's a janitor should be scraping by.
That's what he's really saying.
Why are these people being able to have a good life?
Well, he's saying that anything that goes into the economy that gives a person a decent wage, that that's a waste of resources, and that it should be for people who don't qualify for a wage, like children.
Any blue-collar wage?
Go ahead.
You shouldn't pay a guy that sweeps up crap.
What kind of job is that?
What are you going to pay for doing that?
Yeah, you should pay somebody who gambles on whether or not a stock is going to go up or down and is really good at manipulating it by hiring people that know algorithms.
When I heard him say all that, I could have used a janitor with that sawdust to clean up all the puke that was going on.
See, if any blue-collar worker in a poor neighborhood knows that there are about 30 kids just waiting to take his job for a 30th price that he's getting, that's what conservatives call the twofer, right?
You get a great way to suppress wages and you get to decimate the middle class.
And when a black guy articulates just how words of a powerful person in the dominant culture can belittle someone who's in the minority, well, let's watch what happened who are asking if your comments are not intended to belittle the poor and racial minorities.
You saw some of this reaction during your visit to a black church in South Carolina.
Get him.
You saw some of this during your visit to a black church in South Carolina where a woman asked you why you refer to President Obama as the food stamp president.
It sounds as if you are seeking to belittle people.
See, that's right.
When a black man articulates how the words of a powerful person who's in the dominant culture can belittle someone in the minority, what happens?
A room full of white people boo him.
Sounds as if you are seeking to belittle people.
Well, Juan Williams must have that same feeling that McClain Stevenson did on the first day of the Hello Larry set.
And he says that black people ought to demand paychecks and not food stamps, meaning black people are on food stamps.
And if that's not what you meant, then why don't you ever say that white people need to demand paychecks for themselves and not food stamps?
Here's an uncomfortable fact for you, Newt.
86% of recipients on food stamps are white.
Okay.
But that's different.
Now, let's listen to some more of our conversation that I had with Governor Romer of Louisiana, who's running for the Republican nominee for president.
And his big message is: let's get money out of politics.
And we're going to rejoin the conversation when he was talking about the SOPA SOPA legislation that was proposed and how he was against it.
Here's Buddy Romer.
I'm 68.
I'm a granddaddy.
I don't know everything.
I haven't done everything.
There's a lot I don't know.
But I'm a Methodist boy.
I trust my faith.
And I'm an American.
And I trust my freedom.
And I am very suspicious of any party or any government that would take my freedom away for my own good.
Well, by God, I'll be the judge of that, not the government.
So, how you know, our country, both parties, Democrat and Republican, have been sliding towards an authoritarian government right now.
The government can detain you indefinitely without giving you a trial, which seems to go against everything our government stands for.
So this is kind of like this kind of bipartisan creep of this authoritarian power.
And why do you think Americans are laying down for it so much?
Yeah, it's a good question.
I mean, why do you think 99% of Americans don't give a dime to a person running for president?
Any person?
They let the big companies finance it now.
It's like we're spectators.
It's like this is some video game.
And gee, I wonder who will win this week.
Well, I'll tell you who's losing.
We have a million and a half fewer jobs than we did 13 years ago.
And we have 47 million more Americans.
We've lost 72% of all of our manufacturing jobs.
You cannot find made in America.
There were a 1 billion cell phone.
I've had people tell me, you know, I'm an economist.
I'm a business person.
I've had people try to tell me, well, you know, we don't manufacture things anymore because we don't need manufacturing.
Really?
We buy manufacturing goods now.
Hell, they're just made somewhere else.
Yes.
There were one.
Let me say it again without hiccuping.
There were 1 billion cell phones.
That's high-tech manufactured in the world last year.
1 billion.
None of them were made in America.
None of them.
So can I just kind of give a suggestion that the problem with our lack of manufacturing in America is the same problem with why you're not included in the debates.
It's because our fourth estate is now owned wholly by corporations.
Absolutely.
And they create the, you know, they set the framework for our debates in this country.
I'm a messy.
I'm messy.
You know that about me.
I mean, I poke my finger and ask questions.
Right.
How else would a guy run against Edwin Edwards, the most corrupt governor in America, and whip him?
Right.
I ask questions.
And I think it's time for somebody to ask questions in Washington, D.C. I don't have a chance to be president as a Republican.
They won't let me in the debate.
They've had 20 national debates.
I'm zero for 20.
I'm the only guy running who's been a congressman and a governor.
You think that would earn a little place on the stage?
Maybe just one debate.
Let's see how old Romer does.
He's old.
You know, he's a business guy.
He's not a professional politician.
He thinks we need immigration reform, and he's very specific about how to do it.
He thinks we need tax reform, and he's very specific about how to do it.
He thinks we need fair trade, and he's very specific about how to do it.
Oh, let's see how he does.
Maybe he'll be funny.
I haven't even gotten a phone call.
So how do you reconcile the fact that you are still a member of a party that with open arms welcomes Michelle Bachman, Herman Kane, and Rick Perry to a debate, but shuts you out?
Yeah, when I was ahead of all three of them in the last poll in New Hampshire, you hear me that all three of them.
I mean, so I don't know.
It's a good question.
It shows you how hard-headed I am.
It's my strength and my weakness.
You know, when I became a Republican 21 years ago, I believed in our party.
I believed in a two-party system.
I believe that change and flexibility and swiftness and focus and friendliness were the keys to the 21st century.
And I just don't want to give up on it.
But I'm telling you, the evidence mounts that it's a stack deck and a set up deal.
And that they're just alike.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama, Democrat and Republican, are just alike.
They're addicted to corporate money.
What do you say to people who tell you, if you're, if when you say that about Barack Obama, Andrew Sullivan would say to you, grow up.
What do you say to people who tell you to grow up, buddy, when you're dissatisfied with your political representation?
I'll never do it.
I'll never do it.
I'm a rebel soldier in the American Revolution.
Our thanks to Governor Romer for sitting down and talking with us.
We're going to even have some more with Governor Romer next week.
So look out for that right now.
Guess who it is?
It's Rick Berry, Governor Rick Berry calls in to look back on the campaign trail.
Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
This is Governor Rick Berrick, Texas.
As is obvious to everyone, my campaign is in its death throes right now.
And that's when all the really crazy stuff comes out.
That's why I said that stuff about the country of Turkey and how they're all Islamic terrorists when the truth of the matter is they're a very secular nation that's part of NATO and our ally.
I'm just going to say they're crazy Muslims.
But you know what?
That doesn't mean they're not a threat.
My campaign, we know for a fact that Turkey for a long time has been trying to obtain enriched tryptophan in order to make a sleep bomb.
That's dangerous.
That's not good.
So anyway, that's, you know, that's the crazy shit we're trying to talk about these days.
You know, obviously, you know, I'm edging out of the race and it ain't going to work out well.
But, you know, it was hard.
Jimmy, the campaign wasn't all good times.
Like there was a time Tim Polenti left.
It was like all of a sudden he was gone.
We all drove to the airport to say goodbye, but he had already left.
It was like that episode of MASH where Wayne Rogers left the show, but Hawkeye was too late to say goodbye.
But then B.J. Honeycode came on the show and everything was fine.
Or there was a time that Shelly Bachman came to me and said, I don't think Herman can read.
So I went to Herman's room and I handed him an Archie comic and I was like, Herman, read this out loud to me because it's really funny.
And he was all like, I can't right now.
I don't have my glasses.
And I was like, your glasses are on your face.
He was like, well, maybe I don't want to read that because it's stupid.
Okay.
And I was like, Herman, can you read?
And he was like, of course I can read.
I just don't feel like it right now.
I can read.
And then he got really quiet.
And finally he said, Rick, I can't read.
And he started sobbing.
And I held his giant head.
He cried like a baby with a giant head.
And I said, there there, it's going to be all right.
And he was like, I'm Army Kane.
I'm an adult illiterate American.
I'm just saying, sir, you know, we laughed on the campaign, but we also cried.
Well, I'm in a hotel right now, so I'm going to do what I always do: get drunk off the minibar and shoot the TV with my 357 magnet.
So as I always say, don't be a homo.
Remember the Alamo.
Peace out.
If you're in the Baltimore, Washington, D.C. area, I'm going to be at Magoobi's Comedy Club in Baltimore, January 26, 2728.
There's a link at my website, jimmydoorcomedy.com.
And if you missed any part of today's show, it's always available as a podcast for free at iTunes or at my website, jimmydorkomedy.com.
And you spell my last name, D-O-R-E.
Today's show was written by Mike McRae, Robert Yasamura, Steve Rosenfield, Frank Conniff, Steph Samurano.
Today's show is produced by me.
And a special shout out to a couple of people who help the show by lending their talents to it is Sean James, who's a Mac genius.
If you have any problems with your Macintosh, you contact him at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And you spell Sean S-H-A-U-N.
Another fellow, Frank Pulaski, who takes some of the bits we do on the show and puts video to him.
It's quite amazing.
He's at Dreamtime Films.
It's Frank Pulaski.
Thanks, fellas.
Okay, that's it for this week.
▲
Export Selection