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Jan. 13, 2012 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:40
20120113_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_1-12-12
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Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode.
I'm joined in studio from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert, how are you?
I'm great.
How are you?
I like the corduroy jacket looking nice.
Happy New Year.
First time I've seen you since the holidays.
Yeah, I've changed a lot.
I'm no longer Asian.
Oh, okay, but you're going with the Fu Manchu, which is nice.
Yes.
Okay.
When you're going to hand out the syllabus.
Oh, because he looks like he's dressed like a professor today.
That's Paul's joking.
Next to him, from Dinner in a Movie on TBS and the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hey, Paul.
Jimmy.
Good to see you.
And next to him from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic.com.
It's Frank Connop.
Hey, Frank, how are you?
Good.
How are you, Jimmy?
I'm doing good, Frank.
Can you do that with less sincerity?
I am genuinely concerned about how Jimmy's going.
Come on.
You look cheerful today, Frank.
Do I really?
Yeah, is it the sun?
It's always sunny.
It might be the sun, or it just might be a state of denial that I'm in at the moment.
Okay.
Well, I hope some of that rubs off on me.
I like to deny some stuff.
All right.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, you know, we had the Iowa primary, we had the New Hampshire primary, and now all the GOP candidates are going to go to South Carolina to fight over who can make life shitty for gays, women, minorities, and sick people.
Okay.
And what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to look at some of the reports from Iowa, which I had a funny report I want to talk about.
Rick Perry, he weighs in on what we should do in Iraq.
It's very smart.
We also talked to Ryrick Santorum doesn't want Iran to have a nuclear bomb.
It has something to do with Jesus.
Mitt Romney made a gaffe.
We talk about Mitt Romney's gaffe, right?
You know what that was.
Sure.
He likes to fight.
I don't think it was a gaffe.
I think he meant it.
And we're going to talk about that.
Plus, we got phone calls coming up today from Rick Perry.
He calls in twice.
Ron Paul calls in to clear up his racist record from his news class.
We also have Chris Christie.
He's going to let us know because he had some Occupy Wall Street people protest at a rally against him recently.
And Mitt Romney calls in to clear up his gaff that he made.
That's all coming up today on the Jimmy Dore show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, on today's Oh My God segment, well, we have a mini Oh My God right at the top.
Okay, so I was watching the Iowa coverage and I'm watching the Brian Williams news because Brian Williams is my favorite guy tonight to rip him and David Gregory.
And so I'm watching and they have this guy reporting from a caucus room.
You know, in Iowa, they do it differently.
Everybody, you don't just go in and vote.
You have to like get up to hang out for a while with everybody in a big room, right?
Usually a gymnasium or something.
So listen, let's just, so this guy is the reporter.
I know he came up with this line like over lunch that day and he was like, wait till, oh, you wait till I do my Brian Williams segment tonight.
Okay, ready?
Here we go.
See if you can pick up what I'm talking about.
One of the gentlemen setting the chairs, how many chairs they had for this room.
This is the cafeteria.
He said about 400 chairs.
Well, in this precinct alone, they could see as many as 800 to 1,000 people here.
So we might have a raucous caucus by the time it's all said and done here.
Oh, raucous caucus.
He couldn't wait.
Wow.
He straight-faced it.
He deadpanned it too.
We ought to have a raucous caucus.
I'm not saying that as a joke.
I'm being a real serious reporter.
Raucous caucus.
Oh, and it's now a two-man race.
So we've got a binary primary.
Look out coming up.
So it's going to be a tough election coming up.
It's going to be really hard.
So it's going to be an erection election, I think, coming up.
It's your amazing.
All right.
There, I got it out.
Okay, so we got them all a binary primary, sure amawam, an erection election.
It's a raucous caucus.
The most important thing for any journalist is to have a rhyming dictionary.
I think so.
Well, that's how you get noticed by Brian Williams.
He'll notice the rhymes.
Okay, so we move into the meat of this week's Oh My God segment.
And I don't know if you saw the, there was two debates back to back Saturday and Sunday, which they should just have a debate every day.
I love it.
I love it because they all say things.
So we're talking about Iraq, and, you know, George Bush set the timetable for us to leave Iraq.
Barack Obama is following it, even though he kind of wanted to stay longer.
And we all, I think everybody agrees that it's a failure, Iraq, that it didn't do what we did.
It gave more power to Iran.
But it's time to get out.
And, well, here's what Rick Perry said.
They asked him, what would you have done in Iraq?
And this is what he said.
I would send troops back into Iraq because I will tell you.
Yeah, he would send troops back into Iraq.
Why?
he's a genius.
That's why he would send...
They've been out for two weeks.
And you know, that comment deserved more attention than any of his other gaffes.
That's like, so what if he forgot the third thing?
Compared to that, like saying he would send troops back into Iraq is like the craziest, stupidest thing he's ever said.
And it didn't get any press.
No.
You don't think we should give Vietnam another shot?
I would send troops back into Vietnam.
I want to get the Suez crisis going again.
I think I would go.
Rick Perry, I would send troops back into the Gulf War I. That's what I would do somehow.
Send it back into Kuwait, finish that job.
Well, ultimately, what he really wants is to get the Civil War going.
What is it with Texans and fighting?
It's just in their blood.
It's just, I think, an appeal to ignorance.
You know, when you have that much land and that much rural territory in a state, it's just, it's always appealing to ignorance.
That's what they do when they go to Iowa.
They just try to appeal to the...
They're the clingers to the gun and religion, the clean.
They're the people that we're all afraid of.
Wow, we're always amazed they can tie their shoes and they can earn a living, yet they.
The people that I know in Iowa, and I'm talking about the people who went and saw me perform at the Spaghetti Works in 1988, they were very nice people.
We both did that same gig, Frank.
Look at the spaghetti works.
I do spaghetti.
How did the spaghetti work?
Do you do spaghetti work?
Yeah, now I feel left.
Not a good gig for me.
Yeah, Robert.
This is a good club not to be in.
Yeah, a lot of talkers at that show.
That's what I remember.
Talk about a shoram Quoram.
Okay.
So let me just listen to the rest of this.
I would send troops back into Iraq because I will tell you.
I think we start talking with the Iraqi individuals there.
The idea that we allow the.
We start talking to the Iraqi individuals.
Just random individuals.
He is.
He's Miss Teen USA.
He is like a penis.
I know exactly.
I know exactly.
Yeah, you're doing that, that young lady who could and such.
Yes, yes.
Don't ask teenagers questions about world affairs.
Or Rick Perry.
Hey, Rick Perry, do you believe in opposite marriage?
Is that something you believe?
That's where that's.
Oh, that's right.
Opposite marriage.
I believe in opposite marriage.
Iranians to come back into Iraq and take over that country with all of the treasure, both in blood and money that we have spent in Iraq because this president wants to kowtow to his liberal leftist base and move out those men and women.
He could have kowtowing to the timeline laid down by those liberals, Dick Jenny and George Bush.
The liberal base who wants us out of Iraq, in other words, what, 80% of the country, 90% of the country?
Turns out 80% of the country is liberal, according to Ricky.
Liberal socialist radicals.
Kowtow.
Renegated that timeframe.
I think it is a huge error for us.
We're going to see Iran, in my opinion, move back in at literally the speed of light.
It is so nice to see, though, Rick Perry up and around after falling off the turnip truck.
Go ahead.
It's very reassuring, too.
It's always been reassuring when a Texas governor talks about Iraq.
It worked out so great for you.
Oh, sure.
Oh, that's right.
Texas governor certainly had their thumb on the pulse.
Yeah, I think that's the.
But let me just play that the end of his thing there again.
Opinion.
Move back in at literally the speed of light.
They're going to move back in.
Iran will move back in at literally.
Literally the speed of light.
Literally.
Literally the speed of light.
Literally.
Oh, my God.
That's what's the weird.
That's what's scary.
I didn't know that the Iranians could now travel at the speed of light.
Did you know that?
That means they can slow down time.
You know what?
It just came to me.
I just remembered that the speed of light is approximately, approximately 186, 186,282 miles per second.
A little bit faster than 5,000 feet.
Literally the speed of light.
They are moving back into Iraq at 186,000 miles per second.
Wow.
They should be in by now.
And he, you know, and the reason they're in a position to move at the speed of light into Iraq is because of the policies he supported that the Bush administration did, you know, removing Saddam Hussein.
Okay, so getting rid of the Baptist party certainly opened the door for Iranian influence in Iraq.
That's exactly what happened, right?
Just destabilizing the country.
I mean, just taking Saddam Hussein out, as terrible as he was, he was a stabilizing influence in the region.
And the moment that he wasn't the military dictator of Iraq, Iran immediately had a chance at influencing.
And so the exact opposite of what we wanted to have happen in Iraq happened.
Absolutely.
I say send the troops back in.
I send them send them back in there.
I say send them back in at the speed of sound just so you can hear a boom.
Okay, so here's our second.
Oh my God.
I was watching the coverage of the New Hampshire caucuses and primary.
And so New Hampshire, there was a lady who wanted to vote for Mitt Romney, and she had this to say afterwards.
She was talking to the Wall Street Journal.
I asked him if the Republicans would stop allowing the Democrats, the communist-style Marxist Democrats from writing all the legislation that is increasing state control of the individual.
And we're losing our liberty in the United States because of it.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you know, I was, I'm just going to say New Hampshire, there's a lot of long winners, lack of vitamin D. How else do you explain it?
That's how I would explain that.
I don't know.
It's like, you know, there's so many parts of this world where there really is no liberty that for people in America to complain that there is no liberty because there's a law that means they have to wear a seatbelt is just like the most ultimate brand of whining and just being not appreciating what you what you have.
It's just crazy.
If we were Marxists and communists, we'd at least have free health care.
Right.
Why did you get back to me when I don't have to worry about being bankrupt by a sickness?
So following this woman's logic, Paul, there must be some kind of unholy alliance between the communist Democrats and Obama, who is more like Hitler, right?
Isn't that?
Well, there's never been any president that's less of a socialist or communist than Obama.
I mean, if anyone is not a socialist and a communist, it's Obama.
They did, he is, they did a study.
I was listening to Left, Right, and Center, and I wanted to have this clip for today, but I forgot and just remembered now, as you said this, that they did a study recently.
And for the last three years, America has been instituting right-wing, centrist, right-wing policies.
That's how we've been governing.
Right.
And that's why when they go, oh, the professional left, no, it's like, when do we ever get to be governed by a liberal?
The closest thing we've had is with the Obama healthcare thing, him putting that thing in that says that you can't be denied coverage for pre-existing conditions, which takes place in, what, 2014 or something?
2014, it's supposed to kick in, that you can't be denied it.
That's the closest thing.
But also, but then they can charge you whatever they want, too.
So it's not a good system.
He didn't fix it.
It's not fixed.
I'm not saying he fixed it, but that people can say it is remotely social.
And to be fair, the Republicans didn't want to touch the issue at all.
They didn't want to touch it at all.
They wanted to leave this.
They would happily leave.
Matter of fact, they're going to try to repeal it.
Right.
Repeal it.
Their own plan.
Happily leave 40 million people uninsured.
They would be completely content with that.
Isn't it a form of socialism when everyone shares in being ill and not being able to get coverage?
Well, liberty.
Liberty, meaning the right to live longer than somebody that can't afford health care.
That's what she means by liberty, right?
They're taking away our liberties.
Let's just listen to how she says liberty, too.
Can we listen?
Individual, and we're losing our liberty.
You know, I just don't, I have a deep-seated fear for anybody who calls it liberty.
Yeah.
Liberty, L-I-B-A-D-E-E.
Liberty.
Liberty.
It's liberty.
But I will say, I really liked her when she starred in Hazel.
You know, who doesn't enjoy liberty?
Whoever lives with her and has to listen to that voice.
That is tyranny.
What's the infuriating, though, is that whoever the reporter is didn't say, so what liberties did you lose in the last three years?
Well, that's what I would like to hear the next question.
What liberties have you lost?
I would like to have that.
And you mean, because it's obvious just by listening to her talk that she has a working knowledge of what socialism, communism, and Marxism philosophy is.
She's a civics teacher.
Yeah, you could tell.
Because only communists would try to raise taxes on the rich to pay for health care for the rest of the year.
That's a tall total.
That's a huge liberty.
It is a big liberty.
Now I'm going to say liberty like that for the rest of my life.
Sure.
And also, don't forget Obamacare was penned by Dalton Trumbo.
Wow.
Somebody wrote, by the way, on the website over at JimmyDoorComedy.com that they enjoyed the jokes that they don't understand.
Dusseldorf and they named something health.
They're like, I like it when I don't get it.
I was like, okay, good.
That's a Dennis Miller fan.
I almost pulled an Ogden Nash reference out when you were doing the rhyming thing.
Oh, that would have been philosophical.
I would have liked it.
This has been, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
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Okay, and we're back on the Jimmy Door show.
You know, Rick Perry, we just got done talking about.
He's a genius and we love him.
Well, he might be dropping out.
We don't know.
He left me a phone call.
Is he going to drop out at the speed of light?
Literally.
Literally.
That's one of my favorite things when people misuse literally.
But here we go.
So he called me actually Wednesday morning, the morning after the New Hampshire primary, and this is what he said.
Jimmy, Rick Perrett here, president of Texas.
It's Wednesday morning, and I got to be honest.
By the time you hear this message, I might be out of the race.
I mean, I don't know.
I have no chance at all.
But I got all this fucking money, man.
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Stall running and give all this sweet cash to Mormon McMoney bags.
He probably spent it on liberal health care or golden calf offering to Brigham Young or that weird habit he has of betting $10,000 at a time.
So it might be over, my friend.
And man, I can't help but reflect on what a long, strange trip it's been.
I mean, there were two grown men named Rick in this election.
What are the odds of that?
Doesn't know there's that weird million-year-old Gollum guy, Rick Paul.
Hey, I want to be president so I cannot govern.
What the hell is that all about?
Did you know that that guy's a vagina doctor?
Seriously, he became a doctor to look at ladies' nether parts.
No wonder he ran for Congress because gross.
Remember that one time when I couldn't remember one of the pillars of my domestic policy?
That was crazy, man.
I might have been drunk that day.
I might have been secretly gay.
Who knows?
I got to be honest.
That was just the time that I got caught.
The whole race, I'd be talking, and it was like I was floating above myself, going, What the hell am I talking about?
I'm just making this up as I go along.
They're going to find me out eventually.
No.
It was like I couldn't stop.
Anyway, I'm probably going to do, you know, South Carolina, or as I like to call it, crazy land.
I mean, Huntsman may have a chance there because he speaks Chinese.
And then the South says that South Carolina is like the China of America because they grow rice and worship their ancestors.
But generally, I think I have a pretty good chance.
I mean, in a place where the governor just disappears to nail his girlfriend, you could get away with calling someone a raghead.
And most recently, a candidate for Congress turns out to be a stalker.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can win that state.
Mainly just so I can get the trophy.
They get trophies when you win a primary, right?
Sweet, because I got a place on my mantle right next to my coyote head.
Okay, well, keep it slazy, Jimbo.
Perry away.
Okay, that was Governor Rick Perry calling in yesterday.
I appreciate that he's still staying in touch.
He's like a nice guy.
Okay, so I was watching.
We're going to shift gears now, and I was watching one of the wrap-up shows on MSNBC.
And this might have been the Dylan Radigan show anyway.
They had on a roundtable, much like we have right here.
And they had the guy from Washington Post, Michael Gerson.
Do you know who he is?
I think I've seen him.
Michael Gerson, he's a columnist for the Washington Post.
And they were asking, what was your favorite thing that happened in 2011?
What was your favorite thing?
And, well, here's what Michael Gerson had to say.
Paul Ryan's courage.
Here's the guy that took on the central fiscal issue in American politics, which is long-term future entitlement commitments on health care, when even his own party didn't really want to take it on.
And that's now become really the orthodoxy within his party.
And people may well look back on Ryan as the only serious leader on these fiscal issues of this period of American history.
And when they look back on that, it's going to be from the Hoover towns they live in.
Yeah.
Yeah, again, again, once again, the only people that have courage are the people who are willing to cut Social Security and Medicare for the middle class and the working poor.
What is really disturbing about that is not just that that guy said it.
What he was expressing is a very common view in Washington among pundits like David Brooks and David Gregory and a lot of the people on mainstream journalism think that, and I think Time magazine made him one of their people of the year as like a hero of and it's it's outrageous.
You know, let me just say, so if you want to cut defense back to where it was, say, before 9-11, you're a left-wing crap, right?
But if you want, if you want to make old people the scapegoat for the economy and cut their social security and healthcare, then you're a serious person.
Brave, courageous.
Courageous, courageous, because you're willing to balance the budget on the backs of the elderly.
That makes you courageous.
You know, when will someone stand up and point out the obvious?
It takes zero courage to present a plan that does what your party has wanted to do for the last 40 years, which is dismantle Medicare.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up to big pharma and the insurance monopolies and your base.
So you don't get points for doing their bidding, which is exactly what Paul Ryan did last year.
And here is another guy on TV with a microphone and a column in a liberal newspaper who gladly pushes a false narrative about the biggest issue of our time.
The so-called liberal newspaper.
The so-called Washington Post, right?
Yes.
Pushing the who's going to pay for the wars and for Wall Street's cratering.
It's going to be the old people and people on Social Security and kids who want to go to school.
You know, he didn't get challenged on that.
And Dylan Radigan, I would expect, would be one of the few people that maybe would challenge him about that.
Dylan Radigan may be the only person on television in all of television news who speaks coherently about the economy.
Jim Kramer is never going to tell you the stuff that he tells.
Jim Cramer.
Well, no one that I know of in the mainstream media, Jim Kramer being an obvious example, gave the public any indication that any kind of financial crisis was in the works or that we were.
He did just the opposite.
Yes, he did the opposite or that we were in danger of if it just came out of the blue and no one had done any segments on it on any news shows before it happened.
Same thing with the Iraq war.
No one, very few predicted that it would, that the outcome would be bad.
Everybody just celebrated it.
Yes.
Because we all, because I think our memory was of the first Gulf War.
And we thought, oh, we're just going to roll in and it won't be a big deal.
But yes, you're right.
And we're going to talk about this about how after coming up.
And all these people, Jim Crane, they're all still on TV and they all are treated like experts.
Well, that's my big problem, right?
Because, you know, we're going to, we have a thing at the end of the show.
We're going to, Ivan, can introduce a new segment called The Rant, right?
I'm stealing it from every other show I watch.
But that has got to be my pet peeve: how you can go on television, be wrong over and over and over, and it doesn't cost you nothing, doesn't even hurt your reputation.
I mean, people still talk to everybody who was wrong about the Iraq war.
Everybody who was wrong about the Iraq war.
All of Jim Kramer still has his job.
I'm talking about these financial reporters.
The people, everyone at CNBC still has their job.
And even someone like Chris Matthews, who's been wrong about a million things.
And by the way, none of them apologize.
None of them cop to it.
None of them take responsibility for it.
You know, Jim Kramer has never taken responsibility for his role in the insanity.
Right.
Not only his, but, you know, like people say, well, you can't blame Jim Kramer for the creating a.
Well, what you can blame him for is not blowing the whistle.
You can blame him for not saying, hey, this is screwed up.
Well, it's the, isn't it supposed to be the job of journalists to blow the whistle on the powerful and to be a watchdog for if they're going to do anything wrong?
Whereas what they do instead is celebrate them.
They become friends with them and they help push their agendas to the public through they're like their um their press agents.
And so and so so instead of debunking bad ideas, they they they forward them is what they're doing.
I think the worst thing is that the editorial decisions are made because I think a good editor-in-chief, a good producer, would look at Jim Kramer and go, this guy's not serious.
He's not a good, he doesn't have good economic understanding.
There hasn't been a good editor-in-chief since Perry White.
Who's Perry White?
Oh, he was that black singer?
He was great.
Oh, baby.
Spider-Man's.
No, no, Superman.
Super Planets editor.
Oh, okay.
I was thinking of Jonah Jameson.
Jonah Jameson.
But he wasn't a good person.
Oh, man.
She's sexy.
I watch all her movies.
Janet James.
Who are you talking about?
Jay Jonah Jameson, who was the editor of The Daily Bugle, which is the paper that Peter Parker takes photographs for when he's not being Spider-Man.
Oh, you know what?
There's a lot of references that I have.
And by the way, those are fictional papers, still better than today's real papers.
And we'll be back with the nerdcast in a moment.
Thank you.
That's why I didn't understand anything you guys were talking about, right?
You were talking about cartoons.
But actually, you know, I do like bringing up Perry White and the Daily Planet and Superman.
I do have maybe what might be a real point is that when I used to watch Superman as a kid, it was a big deal to the reporters, Jimmy Olson and Lois Lane, to get scoops.
Yes.
Go out and get stories.
Get scooped.
Oh, boy, what a scoop.
What a story.
And it seems like Washington journalists now have no sense of that.
They never break any news.
They never reveal anything.
And I think that the reporters who did go out and do investigative journalism have been thrown to the hinterland.
Right.
You know, and when was the last time something got scooped in a paper or on TV?
No, it's on the internet.
And if you, if you watch like MSNBC or any of these cable channels during the day, like you'll see like Luke Russert giving his report.
If you read any blog, if you read any news blogs that day, you've read everything that Luke Russert is saying.
He read the same blogs as you did.
And he's just repeating it.
He's just repeating it.
He doesn't have any new information.
I'm just like using him, but they're all like that.
I noticed that more about Luke Russert.
I think maybe because I pay more attention to him because I, you know, because I resent him so much, maybe.
Okay, well, we're up against the break.
Before we go to the break, let me just play this.
I would send troops back into Iraq.
Okay, so would we?
And I got a lot of heat when we were talking about Ron Paul a couple weeks ago.
The Ron Paul supporters, they have a great sense of humor.
And so I called Ron Paul to ask he can clear up what happened because we haven't gotten the right answer about his newsletter.
So here's what he had to say to me.
Okay, Dr. Paul, so you're doing really well.
You've got a third place finish in Iowa, second place finish in New Hampshire.
And people are saying it's bad.
Not bad.
Your message seems to be resonating.
But do you think that the, I have to ask you, and please, I'm doing it as respectful as possible.
Here we go.
Yeah, the newsletters now.
Here we go.
Those things, people are saying you haven't come up with a satisfactory response about the racist things that were printed in here newsletters.
I've been dealing with this for I've addressed this years ago when this came out.
I mean, this came out when I ran the press in 2008, and it's not important.
It's not, you know, I've said those were, I disavowed those comments and those newsletters.
They don't reflect my personal beliefs, but this stuff isn't important.
What's important is my message: a smaller government, of liberty, how we shouldn't be having all these adventurous wars and that black people are animals.
These are the things that are woke up.
Dr. Paul, did you just, what did you just say?
Nothing.
I'm talking about how we shouldn't have all these adventurous wars.
We shouldn't be saber-rattling with Iran.
And then Jews start all the wars anyway.
A different way.
We're conducting ourselves in Northborne.
Did you just say something about the Jews?
What did you say?
I think I might have said something about them starting all wars.
That's not important.
The point is we need to have a smaller government that is, you know, that is, you know, committed to liberty and personal freedom.
And Puerto Ricans can give you aid.
Okay, I'm seeing, you know, every it sounds like you're saying something crazy right at the end of whatever you tell me.
Okay, well, you're focusing on these things aren't important, is what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is what is important is liberty and smaller government and that Lithuanian smell like onions.
Dr. Paul, you keep saying these horrible racist things.
You said something about black.
I'm not saying these are no, these are these.
I'm talking about smaller government.
Okay, I kind of see what your problem is going to be going forward.
But thanks for taking time to talk with us.
It's always about a doggy movie.
Okay.
That was Dr. Paul talking to us.
And we're up against a break.
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Ron Paul was great this week.
And now back to the show.
Okay, welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joined in studio from Team Yasimura.
It's Robert Yasimura from Dinner in a Movie and the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin and from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic.com.
It's Frank Conniff.
And of course, I'm your host, Jimmy Door.
And what's coming up on today's show?
We were going to have Jim High Tower.
We're going to skip them because Paul Gilmartin is in a crouchy mood.
We're going to skip them.
Okay, so what's coming up?
We have a phone call from Rick Perry's coming up.
Mitt Romney's going to call in to explain his gaffe.
Ron Paul is going to explain his racist newsletter.
A lot of people call him.
In fact, right now we're going to listen to Rick Perry called me in again.
He called in twice, right, the morning after the New Hampshire primaries Wednesday morning, and here's what he had to say.
Jimmy, Rick Perry.
I've been thinking about all the times we've had on the campaign trail.
And God, I wish I had taken more pictures.
Like the one time we all did trust exercises.
No one wanted nude as a partner.
I don't want to ever forget that.
You know what's been a total blast these last few months?
Watching Ricky Sands.
That's what I'll call Rick Santorum.
Watching that guy trying not to say Jesus every five cents because you know it's just making him crazy.
Because look, dude, I love Mason Jesus as much as the next guy.
But Ricky Sands, he loves Jesus like Jesus had a swimmer's body in his bedroom.
He is really into Jesus, is what I'm saying.
Oh, man, you know who I miss?
Shelly Bachman.
Man, she was cute.
I might be kind of crazy to guarantee she's a alien in the sack.
I mean, she said the HPV vaccine caused retardation.
Only a chick who has multiple orgasms would say something that weird.
Am I right?
The boy, Herman Kane.
I'm telling you, man, he had a thing for her.
Whatever is the opposite of jungle fever, he had it for Shelly.
I think it's called being a black dude.
Once we were in the green room waiting for a debate, and Herman comes in naked as a jaybird.
And he's all like, oops, I just got out of the shower.
I didn't know you were here.
Hey, Michelle, you see anything you like?
It was crazy, man.
And she was all like flirty with Herman.
You know, I'm a happily married woman.
We all just lost it.
Oh, man.
Good times.
I should write a book.
That's what I should do.
Hey, I got ahead, Jimbo.
There's a trail near here named for an anti-Semitic slur.
And you know, I just got to take a walk on that.
Harry has left the building.
Okay, Rick Perry calling in twice, letting us know.
I hope we hope we don't.
Hope that's not the last we've heard of Rick Perry.
It seems like he has been having a good time.
Okay, so I'm watching the debates.
David Gregory is talking to Rick Santorum, the other Rick.
They're talking about contraception because, you know, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum.
So here is David Gregory asking Mr. Jesus is the answer to everything, and God says contraception is a sin.
And they're asking him about a nuclear Iran and why it's a bad idea.
And well, I'll just let you listen to why Rick Santorum says it's a bad idea for Iran to have a nuclear weapon.
They're a theocracy.
They're a theocracy that has deeply embedded beliefs that the afterlife is better than this life.
Okay, first of all, isn't that the Christian?
Him saying that that's kind of like Chris Christie saying that I'm against Iran because they eat too much mac and cheese.
Right?
Isn't that they're a theocracy at Chris Christmas?
These people are pigs.
It's not.
And Rick Santorum of all people, who's just to the right of the Holy Roman Empire.
You know, I could take this from Ron Paul, but coming from Rick Santorum.
Rick Santorum says he doesn't want him to have a nuclear weapon because they're a theocracy and with deeply embedded beliefs that the afterlife is better than this.
You mean afterlife is better?
You mean like heaven?
Like heaven.
And then, okay, he has more to say.
President Abdinejad has repeatedly said the principal virtue of the Islamic Republic of Iran is martyrdom.
Okay, and the cornerstone, the cornerstone of the religion is martyrdom, almost like they worship a person who sacrificed himself for a greater good.
Kind of like that, you mean?
You mean like that?
Seriously, this is like a logic problem that should be on a standardized test.
And if you don't see the problem with it, your school doesn't get federal funding.
I think that should be it.
Because seriously, what would be the point?
You can't see, this is unbelievable, right?
This is.
Oh, no, had we not gotten involved in the Shah.
Yeah.
You know, Iran would be a major war in 1953 overthrowing Mossadegh.
Right.
If we hadn't gotten involved in those issues, there's a good chance that Iran would be a huge ally.
I mean, they were already a world-class country in terms of they're very sophisticated.
You know, Tehran was a very modern city.
I mean, yeah, I was looking forward to honeymooning there.
But the fact that we've never apologized formally to them for our CIA overthrowing a democratically elected guy.
But because we want to keep doing that.
That's why you can't apologize there.
Exactly.
If you want to do that wherever we go.
Or in Chile, we've never apologized for assassinating Salvador Allende and installing Pinochet.
We've never apologized for that.
And the thing is, is these other countries know what happened.
Their populations know.
They know what happened.
Our population doesn't.
And so we just keep acting on these beliefs that they hate us because of our liberty and our friends.
And one of the big things that all the Republicans say in their criticism of Obama is he always apologizes for America.
Yeah, you know, so it's like politically, you can't even acknowledge that we did anything wrong or you're un-American.
So Rick Santorum had a few more things to say.
So when your principal virtue is to die for your Allah.
Okay, just let me stop you there, Rick.
FYI, Allah is another word for God.
Just so you don't think it's, you know, the guy who you go to see every Sunday who says homos are an abomination.
Yeah, that's the guy you're talking about.
Okay.
Then it's not a deterrent to have a nuclear threat if they would use a nuclear weapon.
It is in fact an encouragement for them to use their nuclear weapon.
And that's why there's a difference between the Soviet Union and China and others and Iran.
What about the Soviet Union and China, which are communist and therefore secular, are safer for us to deal with than a theocracy that his base would bring about in this country.
I want to say that as clearly as possible.
He's an idiot.
Yes.
Yes.
So here's Mr. The Mr. I want to bring a theocracy to America.
But I can see why theocracies are bad in other countries, but I can't see it impeding theocracy is really his problem.
Yes, right.
They were not Christian.
They don't have the same theocracy that he has.
He sees the problems.
He's a mirror image of what he's saying is dangerous.
An exact mirror image.
He wants to go to war because he disagrees with somebody's way of thinking.
Yes.
He perceives Rick Santorum.
So he wants to eliminate them.
The fact that he cannot see the broader logic, that one step of broader logic that an eight-year-old could make that we just made tells me that not only should he not be present, he shouldn't be allowed out in public.
Well, it's like if I could, if I could just listen inside Rick Santorum's head, this is what it sounds like inside Rick Santorum's.
Did I just say something?
I'm pretty sure I just talked in a circle.
I mean, what the fuck was I saying?
We should be stronger with Pakistan or we should engage them more.
And I think I just referred to Obama killing Osama bin Laden and drone striking the shit out of the Taliban hideouts.
And then I said he was weak.
That doesn't even make any sense.
Stupid, Rick.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Okay.
I doubt if Rick has that much self-awakening.
I don't think he has that much.
Okay, let's go ahead and shift gears right now.
We're going to talk about what I wanted to talk about since I started the show.
Mitt Romney's been having a hard time.
Newt Gingrich has been giving him a hard time about what kind of a capitalist he is.
Here's what Newt King Richards is.
I'm very much for exactly what the governor just described: create a business, grow jobs, provide leadership.
I'm not nearly as enamored of a Wall Street model where you can flip companies, you can go in and have leverage buyouts, you can basically take out all the money leaving behind the workers.
Is that a main model?
Well, I think you have to look at the film.
You have to look at the New York Times coverage of one particular company, and you have to ask yourself some questions.
The governor has every right to defend that.
But I think it's a legitimate part of the debate to say, okay, on balance, were people better off or were people worse off for this particular style of investment?
Back in December, you said that Governor Romney made money at Bain by, quote, bankrupting companies and laying off employees.
That was, I think, the New York Times story two days ago.
They took one specific company.
They walked through in detail.
They showed what they bought it for, how much they took out of it, and the 1,700 people they left unemployed.
Now, that's just the New York Times story, but that's their story.
Okay, so I mean, I hear what Newt is saying.
I'm with him.
You know, Newt always describes himself as a historian.
I didn't know that it was Howard Zinn.
You know, the gloves are off when Republican candidates are quoting the New York Times against each other.
That is bare knuckles.
And when you're calling someone not the right kind of capitalist, right?
I mean, it's unfortunate, though, that this has to come from a guy that used his government influence to fatten his wallet while helping banks torpedo the economy and people's 401ks and pension funds while making themselves.
But that's just bad.
So it's a bad, you know, the messenger isn't the right guy to be carrying this message, which is weird.
But so Mitt Romney, he got that criticism, and then he responded the next day by, because he wanted to show people that he's not that kind of crazy capitalist.
So he responded the next day.
It also means that if you don't like what they do, you can fire them.
I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.
Okay.
So now, Paul's got, and even if they did provide me a good service, I'll fire him anyway.
That's what I happen to do for a living.
Fire people.
Have you noticed when Mitt Romney says those things, and they've seen those clips, and there's also the clip when he says he's been worried about getting laid off.
The audience reaction is like your worst nightmare is a stand-up comic where you're saying something you think is supposed to have an impact and nothing.
He's just this embarrassed.
And then he's trying to move on to the next thing.
I like that he said that he likes firing people.
Now, Paul, you see, it's being, I have to take his side in this one because I think people are taking it out of context and spinning it.
If he said, I like firing people, yes, you would have a point.
He said, I like being able to fire people who provide a service to me.
No.
Which, which is his way of saying, is I like having some power to hold people accountable to make sure they do a good job.
Yes.
That's what he's saying.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I agree with you.
I will say that if it's wrong, you know, you're right that it's wrong to take what he said out of context.
But since he and his campaign minions put out a film of taking something Obama said completely out of context and never.
That doesn't make it right.
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Right.
And also since he has fired so many, it just was an elegant way of him to express that.
Let me say.
Blown away.
No, Paul is correct.
Well, because it is being distorted what he said.
He was saying that he that.
But he's also running for president and he knows what that kind of microscope he's under.
That's saying what he said was smart.
To me, that would be the equivalent of Ron Paul saying, you know, I should have looked over my newsletters.
I should have been more niggardly in the way I. That would have been like him saying that.
It's like, you know, you shouldn't say that word, Ron, because you're under the racist.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Well, and also most of the segments I've seen on TV where most of the time, most of the segments I've seen, they show him saying the whole clip.
Right.
They say what this is what he meant.
And then they talk about how just it was stupid of him to bring up firing people.
So I don't think it's really being distorted.
It's it is being blown out of proportion, just like everything is blown out of proportion.
I think it's being blown out of proportion because the bank because everybody knows that the bank capital thing is going to be the first on the Democrats list.
So and maybe the last in terms of attacking Romney over and over again.
And I think reasonably so.
You know, he is the embodiment of what caused the financial meltdown.
And I really think that he really does.
Like, like, it seems like he didn't have to pretend to enjoy that.
Like that seemed the one genuine thing he said this whole campaign personality finally.
Yeah.
I like firing people, folks.
I do.
And it's like, oh, he didn't.
I connect with that.
I see you really mean it.
Do you think he did well in New Hampshire because of the granite and his personality?
So here he is the next day.
So then people are like, hey, you got to watch it.
Did you see what you said?
So this is the next day he tries to correct that gaffe.
Ready?
I don't think he feels it.
So he's talking about he's trying to show how Barack Obama isn't a regular person.
This is the next day.
I don't think he feels it.
He experiences it the way so many of you do.
And I do by virtue of having lived in the in the real world.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
I forgot that the guy who was raised by a single mom and worked his way through college doesn't know what it's like to be in the middle class.
But you know who does?
The son of the governor of Michigan who was born into wealth and privilege and is the richest guy in the room, if not the state.
Yeah, that would be the guy who gets it.
right so he and then he has this to say i know what it's like to worry whether you're going to get fired there were a couple of times i wondered whether i was going to get a pink slit yeah And then I remembered, wait a minute, I own the company.
Why was I worrying about that?
Why was I?
I'm not.
The only thing I fired someone just because I could.
And I know you can't see the video, but the only thing he has in common with those people he's talking to is that he's also not wearing a tie.
That'd be the only thing that he has.
Well, he called in.
He wanted to try and clear up his, you know, this gaff.
And so here's what he had to say.
Hi, Mitt.
It's Jimmy Dore from the Jimmy Door show.
Thanks for taking time.
Oh, hey, Jimmy Door.
Hi, Mitt Robins.
Good to talk to you.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
I understand you had a little problem with the gaffe again.
Oh, oh, that's just a bunch of nonsense.
I said something about having the ability to fire people and how I liked having that ability.
And then people took that all out of context.
Oh, is this my coffee?
You know what?
That's not as warm as I like it, actually.
You're fired.
You're fired.
Anyway, Jimmy, it wasn't a big deal.
Let's take it out of context.
Did you just fire someone?
Oh, someone brought me coffee.
My coffee boy brought me coffee, and it wasn't to my liking.
So, yes, I fired him.
It sounded like you enjoyed doing it.
Oh, yeah, I did.
Oh, it felt good.
Oh, actually, hold on.
We're dead.
I'll stop here.
All right.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
Here we.
Yeah, it looks like.
Okay, we're about 30 seconds later than we were told we were going to be.
Fire this driver.
Driver?
Driver.
Don't fire him.
In the hat.
Yes, yes.
Turn all the way around.
Look at me in the eye.
Are you fired?
You're fired.
Okay.
You can't be fired.
I'm done.
You go to hell and get out.
I'll get it.
Get out of here.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
So anyway, what was I saying?
So, Mitt, you're just you seem like you're firing people left and right today.
Well, you got to do it.
And I've got to admit, it feels good.
Feels good to fire the people?
It gives me a stiffy.
Your mommy and daddy explained to you what the stiffy is, Jimmy?
Yes, yes.
My mommy, I'm 46.
My mommy and daddy explained to me what the stiffy is.
You're probably old enough.
My parents waited until I was 35.
I fired them.
Can you fire your parents?
Yes, as stiffy explainers, they were fired.
Okay.
So anyway, yes.
So we're on the campaign trail and we're busting our humps to get from place to place.
And, you know, it's got to be a well-oiled machine.
I hear you.
And if people don't do their job, they're fired.
Oh, here, here, let's do a firing live.
My assistant is helping me put on my overcoat here.
Okay, there's one arm.
Switch the other arm.
Oh, hey, what's that?
Is this sleeve all folded up?
So it's hard for me to get my arm through it while you hold it.
Don't do it, Mitt.
You're fired.
Get out of here, fuckface.
Come on, Mitt.
Now see what happens.
Is my next assistant will make sure that they know that beeswax is to help me put on my overcoat and have all the sleeves perfectly stretched out.
So when I put my hand through them, it slides through the Italian silk of the airlining flawlessly.
I can't have my sleeves all folded up.
It sounds like you're going to have a hard time turning this gaffe around.
I don't see why you would say that.
I really don't think you're getting it, Mitt.
And I just don't, I think you need some better advice.
Oh, is that how you feel?
Well, how about this?
You're fired, Jimmy.
You can't fire.
I'm firing you from this phone call.
Mitt, you can't fire me from a fire.
And so are all the fellas in your studio.
You can't.
What are you doing?
I'm talking to you, Conniff.
Okay, Mitt.
It's been a pleasure.
See you later.
Zyphany Doo Dazy Day.
I fire chumps like every day.
Wow.
By the way, if Mitt Romney wants better quality of service, he could try paying people better.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know if you've been to Staples, the company he founded, but there are a lot of people walking around there for not very good salaries who don't treat you real well.
And I think it's because they're not being respected that Mitt Romney founded Staples.
That's his.
That's one of his big things that he boasts about.
also the one business he started that's doing well is the Pink Slip Factory.
Fantastic.
Frank, I liked the fact that apparently somebody was bringing him coffee in a moving car.
In a moving car.
In a moving car.
I like that he made the guy look him in the eye.
Look at me in the eye.
You're fired.
All right.
That feels good.
So Governor Christie is out there stumping for Mitt Romney.
He's at rallies.
He got heckled by some Occupy Wall Street people, and here's how he handled it.
And Washington, D.C. is doing nothing but posturing and bickering and solving nothing for the people who wind up needing, needing to get this done.
Really?
So they're chanting, Christie kills jobs, Christie kills jobs.
And he goes, Really?
Oh, it's just the funniest thing ever.
You know, some may go down tonight, but it ain't going to be jobs, sweetheart.
So that was his, and he caught a little heat because at the top, I guess they might have been yelling, jobs go down with history with Christie.
And he went, they're not the only, that's not what's going down tonight, sweetheart.
So people are like, hey, is that sex?
But I didn't know, but so I called him up and I wanted to see what, you know, is that what you meant?
So here's our conversation.
So Governor Christie, I understand you're having some Occupy Wall Street protesters.
They're showing up at your events.
Yeah, we got a real problem today.
Some of these goons occupied my pants.
What?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, when I wasn't wearing them, they mistook them for a sausage tent.
And what happened?
And then when I went to go put them on, they got squeezed in there.
Now they got to protest inside of my fat folds.
Is that why your pants looked extra tight?
I was watching the other day.
They looked extra tight.
Nah, that's just because of the giant amount of fat on my body.
Oh, okay.
But having human beings wrapped around my legs doesn't help, I guess.
That's going to make you look a little bulky.
And some people were saying that your retort to the Occupy Wall Street protester was sexist in nature.
Did you say something of a sexual nature?
What happened?
Nah, nah.
What?
I just told the bitch to blow me.
Governor, Governor.
That's not sexual.
Hey, get out of that's how we talk to Jersey.
That's horrible.
Say, hey, go down on me, bitch.
That's just not, you know, that's a culture.
That's your cult.
That sounds horrible.
What are you talking about?
That's not sexual.
Yes, it is sexual.
If you're a sexual, I'm a bottle of wine.
Go to date it with the tablecloth.
Okay, Governor.
Thank you for your time and good luck with your pants because it looks like you're going to need a bigger size pretty soon.
You better believe it.
Okay, that was Chris Christ.
A lot of people occupying his pants.
I don't know.
Did you hear the really dismissive thing he said about the Occupy movement?
Let me eat cake.
So right now, I'm introducing a new segment to the Jimmy Door show.
We're going to do a little, everybody gets to say something that's on their mind.
And we'll start with Paul.
We'll come back around.
We'll end with Robert.
Go ahead, Paul.
I wasn't really sure what I was going to talk about.
And then the subject of entitlement came up.
And that seems to be behind the platform Of just about every Republican candidate as they complain about the population and their sense of entitlement.
Look at the people in the Republican race.
First of all, you've got Mitt Romney, who, as far as I know, inherited.
Didn't he inherit into wealth?
He was born into wealth and became much wealthier.
Became much wealthier.
But the two that just really reek of entitlement to me are two guys that lost their reelection for senator and for congressman and have decided that they now need to run for president.
That makes no sense to me.
Newt Gingrich lost his seat in the House.
Rick Santorum couldn't get reelected as a senator, but they somehow think that they can be president now.
It catches the balls.
It just blows my mind.
Okay, Paul's rant at the end of the show.
Upset at people running for president who can't even win reelection in their own district.
Over to you, Frank Conniff.
My pet peeve in my rant is people who claim to be Three Stooges fans and love Curly, of course, which is understandable.
And then they disparage Shemp.
Shemp is really awesome.
And I hate it when people who claim that they like the Three Stooges, then they say bad things about Shemp.
And that makes me think that they really don't know what they're talking about in the first place.
All right, Frank, really laying it down.
Thank you very much.
Can I interject?
Sure.
I think Shemp's bangs interfere with the punchline sometimes.
Thank you.
You're thinking of Mo as the one with the bangs.
No, Shemp has the worst bangs.
Shemp had the worst bangs.
I disagree totally.
Can we just discuss this for another hour?
Go ahead, Robert.
Oh, my rant is easily this.
I think that to all the independents who think that Ron Paul is all that, I think you should realize that his philosophy, if his philosophies were enacted in this country, we would still have slavery.
We would not have gotten the Louisiana purchase.
We would not have clean drinking water.
We would not have the national park system.
We would not have Social Security.
We would not have Medicare.
Paved roads.
We would not have saved Europe in World War II.
And by the way, very recently, we would still have Jim Crow laws because it would be left to the communities to figure it out for themselves.
And so if you think that Ron Paul is a genius because he's consistent in his beliefs and you're an independent-minded young person, go to hell.
Okay.
That was Robert Yassabura.
All those things, those like paved roads, wouldn't we be able to have those things if we had slaves?
Oh, point.
Oh, you can take your rant back now.
Tony Blankly, the conservative former press secretary for Newt Gingrich, columnist in the Washington Post, a commentator on television, talking head on left, right, and ridiculous.
So he passed, and of course, people are saying lots of nice things about him.
In fact, this is from the Washington Post, Washington Times.
It was a paper he wrote for.
This is a guy named Eric Gullab wrote: one of the things that is killing the GOP is an inability to get the message out.
It is not that the policies are wrong.
We are right.
The liberals are dead wrong, and yet the left is simply better at marketing.
No matter how good the product is, without marketing, sales will die.
We need to get the message out to the people past a hostile media.
And Tony was great at that.
So I guess you can compliment someone and just completely misstate reality.
You could just completely, one of the things that's their inability to get their message out.
Are you kidding me?
Barack Obama is carrying your message.
Your message of deficit reduction, your message of cutting Social Security and Medicare to balance the budget.
Your message has been carried, okay?
And then that whole thing about no matter how good the product is, we need to get the message out to the people past the hostile media.
The corporate media that just is a stenographer for you forever, you got the Iraq war.
You deregulated banks.
You've cut Social Security.
You ended the federal government's responsibility for welfare to people.
It's okay.
So let me just say, so Tony Blankley died.
And everybody's saying nice things about him.
But the thing that gets me about Tony Blankley is that he wasn't a great thinker.
In fact, every idea he ever had was horrible.
Yet he is elevated to the status of a level-headed statesman.
That's presumably because he didn't raise his voice and yell when he was advocating for union busting or even more bank deregulation or apologizing for war crimes and race baiters.
To me, Tony Blankly is a symbol of what's really wrong with America.
If you toe the corporate line and never utter an accurate word about the banks, you can have a celebrated career as a professional thinker on a TV talking head.
You'll never be held accountable for advocating for policies that hurt the country, the middle class, workers, minorities, gays.
You will never be called on the carpet for knowingly pushing misinformation, never be punished for being wrong, never penalized for being demonstrably wrong, and never even questioned about being jaw-droppingly wrong about everything.
And people will say nice things about Tony Blankley.
They will talk about how he was a gentleman, how he was a cheerful face at parties, and how he was a good dad and husband.
But no one will say the things that really defined Tony Blankly.
No one will say that, sure, he was a nice guy in person, but he sure did advocate for the wealthy and powerful, which was contributed and contributed to the creating of our economy and the destruction of our middle class.
No one's going to say that at his funeral.
There's going to say lots of nice things to him.
And just as he never had to answer for his horrible wrongness while alive, you can bet no one will dare speak the truth about Tony Blankley in death either.
No one will mention that at the end of the day, and at the beginning too, Tony Blankly was a man unable to speak truth unless it already lined up with his partisan position.
Tony Blankly was a real-life hack who was a professional spinner, who didn't spin to help the poor, the worker, or the little guy.
No, he was paid to spin on behalf of the rich and the powerful and on behalf of corporations.
And sometimes, lots of times, most of times, he would say things that I knew he didn't believe, that I knew he knew was the opposite of the truth.
And that is what it was really like to know Tony Blankley.
Never being able to believe anything he said and never taking his advice on policy because he was wrong on everything.
but he never yelled.
Okay, that's my rant.
Did you enjoy it?
Hey, if you're in the Washington, D.C., Baltimore area, I'm going to be there at Magoobi's Comedy Club January 26, 2728.
There's a link at the website, see in Baltimore.
Today's show was written by Robert Yasabura, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Steve Rosenfield, and Steph Samurano.
The voices were performed by Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
And we want to take time to thank the two gentlemen who donate their time and talent to help make this show happen.
Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films always takes the phone calls we do and the funny bits and he puts video to them and they're up on my YouTube page And they're up at our Facebook page and at the website.
It's a great job.
He does an amazing job.
Frank Pulaski at Dreamtime Films and a gentleman who makes sure our computer works over here at the Jimmy Door show.
It's Sean James.
If you have a problem with your Macintosh, he can fix it for you with no problem.
You just email him at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And he spells Sean S-H-A-U-N.
Well, that's how I spell it.
Okay.
And also, thanks to Doug Stewart, who takes care of our web hosting stuff.
He makes sure our webpage looks nice and everything gets put up there on time.
Dougstewart at dougstewart.org.
We appreciate all the hard work.
Okay, that's it.
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