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Oct. 29, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20111029_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_10-27-11
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It's the Jimmy Doer show.
The show for the kind of people that are.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk on your TV algae.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's show.
I am joined in studio to my left.
It's Hilarious Comedian and writer from Team Yasamura.
It's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How you doing?
And former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious comedian from JimEarl.com.
It's Jim Earl.
Hi, how are you, Jimmy?
I'm good, Jim.
I like to speak in very stilted ways with you sometimes.
That is fine with me.
Thank you very much for inviting me to this wonderful show today.
Thanks for coming today.
And next to him, another former writer for The Daily Show, hilarious comedian, it's Steve Rosenfield, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
Thanks for sitting in with us.
You know what?
I just want to say Rick Perry.
They say Rick Perry is pandering to the birthers, but I think he's honestly and sincerely as big of a moron as he claims to be.
And we're going to talk about that coming up.
American troops are returning home from Iraq.
Now, if we can only get the American economy to return home from Wall Street, wouldn't that be nice?
And so also coming up on today's show, we're going to talk about Pat Robertson in the Oh My God segment.
He says something kind of sane.
And then we're going to talk about the real reason why we went into the Iraq war.
Turns out it's exactly what you think it was.
We sit down with Colonel Wilkertson, former chief of staff to Colin Powell.
He tells us what it was all about.
Plus, we hear some descriptions of the Occupy Wall Street protesters from Barack Obama and Dick Morris.
Yes, that's right, Dick Morris.
Mm-hmm.
He's the former Clinton advisor.
He's the one who helped Bill Clinton turn into a Republican.
Oh, okay.
So he's going to describe the Occupy Wall Street protesters for us.
Plus, Barack Obama makes a false equivalency about them.
And let's see what else is coming up.
Oh, we have phone calls.
Phone calls from Herman Kane.
Oh, sure.
We have phone calls from, let's see who else is called.
Rip Torn calls in today.
Wow.
Rip Torn, the actor.
And James Gandalfini is going to get not Chatoni Soprano.
James Gandalfini calls in.
He's got a bone to pick with us.
Plus a lot lot more that's coming up on today's Jimmy Door show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, on today's Oh My God segment, fellas, what we're talking about is Pat Robertson.
You know, some people say Pat Robertson is a sleazeball who preys on the weakness of those seeking any kind of hope to cling to, whereas others see him as a paranoid pinhead with a deep distrust of democracy.
But not me.
I say he's more of a transparent hypocrite who perverts Jesus' words for personal and political gain, but that's neither here nor there.
Here's Pat Robertson just the other day giving advice to the GOP, to the Republicans running for the president.
Here he is talking about the he's he's kind of concerned about the tone of their rhetoric in this campaign for president.
You know, I believe it was Linden Johnson that said, don't these people realize that if they push me over to an extreme position that I'll lose the election and I'm the one who will be supporting what they want, but they're going to make it so I can't win.
Those people in the Republican primary have got to lay off this stuff.
They're forcing their leaders, the frontrunners, into positions that will mean they lose the general election.
Now, whether this did it to Kane, I don't know, but nevertheless, you know, you'll appeal to the narrow base and they'll applaud the daylights out of what you're saying.
And then you hit the general election and they say no way.
And then the Democrat, whoever it is, is going to just play these statements to the hills.
They've got to stop this.
It's just so counterproductive.
Okay.
Out of the mouths of morons.
Okay, Pat Robertson.
You know, when Pat Robertson thinks your rhetoric is getting a little too extreme, maybe it is time to rain in.
And you know how he knows it's too extreme?
Because it sounds like all of his campaign speeches from 1988.
And that's how he knows they're being too extreme.
Don't cater to the people who subscribe to my show.
They're crazy.
We can't let them see who we really are.
Hey, Lad, listen, don't listen.
Don't pander to us.
Don't think about me.
You've got my vote.
You got to go after the other people.
That's what he's saying.
And, you know, I don't know why he's so worried about the election, Pat Robertson.
I mean, if God can construct, if God can destroy America over gay marriage, can't he just hack into a few electronic voting machines too?
I mean, what's the big deal?
Should be able to, you know, pull that off, I would think.
He is God.
He is God.
So that would be the oh my God today.
That is definitely an oh my God.
Because everything he's saying is right, but it's Pat Robertson.
Yes.
How is that possible?
Well, it's what we've talked about in the last few weeks or last maybe even a few months when I'll say, wow, there wasn't an oh my god in that segment.
And someone will say, well, that's because it was Rick Santorum or Pat Robertson.
We're expecting them to say something crazy.
Well, here he is saying something reasonable and it kind of makes you, I wish I had.
I thought you were going to talk about Cornell Wilde and Naked Prey being chased by I'm so glad Steve got that because I have no idea what just happened.
He was making a joke about he thought I was going to say some obscure Cornell.
Right.
And someone who Cornell University.
That's the whole joke.
We don't know who he's talking about, right?
That's the whole joke, right?
The old movie star.
Wikipedia.
Jesus, I got to raise the little bar up here.
That's what our audience really wants to do when they're listening to our show is Wikipedia.
Cornell Wilde.
They've got to stop this.
It's just so counterproductive.
Well, if they want to lose, this is the game for losers.
They're a bunch of losers.
Funny that she'd mention that.
Pat Robertson is saying you're at that.
Come on, you guys.
That is mind-blowing.
I don't even know what to say to that.
He's a very practical person.
He knows that you can't reveal who you really are and get elected, especially his side.
Yes, he's saying, you guys, we've got a black guy in the lead.
What's going on?
I don't think that's really what it is.
The black guy is scaring the hell out of him.
Yes.
You've got to stop this.
He's a Negro.
Fortunately for Mitt Romney, nobody believes he's right wing.
So that'll work out for him.
Nobody believes he's anything.
He might as well endorsed.
John Romney.
Say it again.
He might as well endorsed.
Nobody believes Romney is anything except Mormon.
I don't even know if he's that, honestly God.
He might have flip-flopped on his magical underpants.
Turn him inside out.
He's turned out to be a Hindu or something.
Just like the ribbed condoms.
Hey, turn him inside out, those magical underpants.
You get all the fun.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, moving in.
All right, that was a fun Oh my God segment.
Pat Robertson, I love it when he speaks sane.
It makes it more fun.
Now, we're going to start, we're going to do this, I think, as a regular segment on the show.
We're going to bring you the Occupy Wall Street description of the week.
And this week, it's from Dick Morris.
You know, this is, this actually comes from the Lou Dobbs show on the Fox Business Channel.
And I know what you're thinking, what?
Lou Dobbs is on the Fox Business Channel.
And then you're also thinking, what?
There's a Fox Business Channel?
Yes, yes.
There's a Lou Dobbs?
Is that the more right-wing version of it, or is it just...
And who knew?
You mean besides the over two dozen regular viewers who knew?
I've heard estimates that almost half of the people working at Fox Business know about Lou Dobbs show.
So here he is talking with political strategist Dick Morris.
So let's remember Dick Morris, of course, the advisor who helped President Clinton make the difficult transition from Democrat to Republican.
He was also born Richard Morris and freely chooses the name Dick.
And here is a perfect example of why.
When you get a leftist movement like this going on that goes way over, it puts the president in a very, very difficult situation.
Just think of the flip side.
Think if you had a large Klan movement in the United States with the Republican president.
How?
Sure, sure.
Yes, that is completely on point.
That is exactly.
Just think if we had a large Klan movement with a Republican president, don't we always have a large Klan movement with a Republican president?
And Lou Dobbs is so transfixed on every word Dick Morris is saying, either that or Dobbs thinks Morris is a big model of Jack Daniels.
And first, yeah, sure, because demonstrating against corporate greed and corruption is the equivalent of racism.
Sure, that's the equivalent.
And second, what?
WTF?
I will say it.
What the F?
So apparently, the rich were bought over here in trust fund boats 400 years ago to slave in our nation's investment firm belt.
Oh, yeah, it's a tragic tale.
Separated from their Krugerands, torn apart from their families.
One brother forced to sell derivatives at Golden Sachs.
The other cheating senior citizens at Lehman's.
Heartbreaking.
And then after the war between the banks, the Occupy Wall Street movement forms, ushering in a series of repressive anti-Ponzi laws.
And for over 100 years, poor bankers all over the country live in mini apartheid, wondering where their next opportunity to siphon some retiree's pension fund will come from.
They must be terror-stricken.
And thirdly, Lou Dobbs has to start drinking again.
Hey, what is it about a man who's named Richard at birth who takes on the name Moniker Dick?
Isn't that a red flag right away?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, if they were born after 1950 and that's how they roll, it's like, wow, what did you miss out on?
His last name is Cheese, so he changed it for professional reasons.
Maybe his middle name is Cheese, right?
But if you're born Peter, nobody says, hey, call me Prick.
Seriously, it's okay.
The name fits, and there you go.
Okay, so any final comments on Dick Morris?
I think it's sort of desperate for him to say it's way over on the left.
I just saw a poll that a majority of Americans think the Wall Street cause is legitimate, and they do think the rich are undertaxed.
And so anytime anyone on Fox, whoever tries to say, oh, they're a left-wing movement, that's just whistling in the dark, I think.
Yeah.
What he's claiming is that the Occupy Wall Street movement is putting, is backing Obama into a corner, which I think is nonsense.
It's like, well, he's claiming that it's a political thing.
Yeah, oh, yeah, he's really got him into, you know, it's an excellent point, Dick Morris.
With thousands of potential voters demonstrating for higher taxes for the super rich, Obama's caught between a rock and a landslide.
Very good.
Right?
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, that's basically.
I mean, it's nonsense.
And now Obama will have to do everything he can to be reasonable with Wall Street, right?
So they can continue to hate his guts and donate their money to Romney.
Makes sense to me.
Which they already are.
Right.
They've already contributed at a much higher level to Romney.
And they've chosen him as well.
I've said this before.
It's just like when they were putting up ABC, wanted to have a comedy show after Nightline.
And the guy who represented Jon Stewart was the same manager who represented Jimmy Kimmel.
And do you think he cared which one won that?
No.
Just like Wall Street.
Barack Obama's their, they got him in their hip pocket.
I mean, and that is, if you want to talk about one thing that will unite Occupy Wall Street people, I think it's that is that all the public money is gone.
And all of elections are funded by corporations now because one, it requires that level of money.
Individual contributions cannot get it done.
And unions are out of the box.
You know, they're so weak right now that they can't.
I disagree that individual Barack Obama could do it.
I think anybody who spoke truth to power and said, you know, here's my 800 number, send me money.
I'm not taking.
If Barack Obama came out and said, I'm not taking any Wall Street money or corporate money, first of all, it would be a landslide election.
Second of all, don't you think, am I out of my mind on this?
That'd be a great gesture.
I thought that's what he tried in the first election.
And he ended up taking more Wall Street cash than anybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I think if he said, hey, I'm only taking money from individuals, very, very rich individuals.
I think he could win.
A million dollars.
But you can't.
But the thing is, is that that's the one thing that they can cap that the FEC has managed to cap is individual contributions.
That's the amazing thing is that FEC has capped individual contributions, but basically corporate money is unlimited.
Well, yes, we all know that's the Citizens United case.
Here's how Barack Obama, first of all, I want to remind people, if you missed any part of today's show, this show is always available as a podcast for free.
For free.
At iTunes, or you can go to JimmyDoorComedies.com.
You can download it for free there.
Jimmy, how you spell your last name?
Oh, D-O-R-E.
Thanks for asking.
Jimmy Door, D-R-E.
And you can download at Jimmy Doer Comedy.
You can comment on the episodes, watch the videos that we put together.
There's lots of stuff to do over there.
And I just want to remind everybody who I'm in studio with.
Steve Rosenfield, Jim Earl, Robert Yasimura, and I'm Jimmy Door.
This is the Jimmy Door show.
We're talking about the Occupy Wall Street protests and how they're being described.
Dick Morris described them as the equivalent to a Klan on the right.
Sure, sure.
Because people protesting corporate greed.
Exact same thing as racists putting hoods on and wanting to kill people.
Here's how Barack Obama sees them.
What I've said is that I understand the frustrations that are being expressed in those protests.
In some ways, they're not that different from some of the protests that we saw coming from the Tea Party.
Oh, yeah, sure, sure.
They're exactly the same.
They're exactly the same.
The Occupy Wall Street.
They're just like the Tea Party, you know, except for the fact that they're informed on the issues and not being co-opted by the puppets of the very institutions they're protesting against.
They went to college.
They went to college.
Which is always a mistake.
Except for that stuff.
They're exactly alike.
You know, the Occupy Wall Street protesters and the Tea Party.
They're exactly alike, Steve, except Occupy Wall Street protesters, they vote correctly, and the Tea Party has not only been duped into voting against their own interests once again, but this time they're also protesting and organizing against their own interests, too.
So yeah, except for that, Barack Obama, except for those things, they're exactly alike, the left and the right.
It's as if he has to make that equivalency so that the Wall Street thing will be okay.
It's like the Tea Party is okay, so we have to make Wall Street okay.
Oh, I didn't realize the Tea Party was okay.
Oh, you think that's what he's trying to say?
So why weren't the cops breaking up the Tea Party?
Why weren't they didn't tear gas the Tea Party?
Per spray?
No.
No, even when they were interrupting elected congressmen trying to conduct a meeting, people were getting in their face.
Nobody got arrested.
Nobody got tasered.
Nobody got pepper sprayed.
Viva Oakland.
I don't know if that's the right phrase, Viva, but I use that as a paper towel.
But you're right.
It neuters the argument.
I mean, the thing is that Occupy Wall Street doesn't specifically stand for anything.
They've resisted that label, and I think rightly so.
But they're laying the responsibility for the economy at the feet of Wall Street, saying you guys left unregulated have created a really serious problem.
But if you neuter the argument by making it equivalent to the Tea Party, it's like, well, maybe it's just that maybe they don't need to be regulated.
Maybe they do.
And then it becomes like, oh, so you're saying nothing massive.
Well, it's like saying these dummies in the Tea Party were unhappy and these dummies on Wall Street aren't.
It's just dummy people who don't know anything or dumb who are just unhappy because they don't have a job or something.
Right.
Let's launch this clip.
Let's see what it is.
The left and the right.
I think people feel separated from their government.
They feel that their institutions aren't looking out for them.
And he's been doing everything to cement that feeling in the people.
Absolutely.
Brock.
And I'm not going to do anything to try to change that.
In fact, I'm not going to go down to Wall Street.
I'm not going to go march with the teachers in Ohio or Wisconsin or the Union.
I'm going to find his marching shoes is what happened.
Can't find them.
Can't find him.
Can't find him back in the closet somewhere.
All he's got is these clunky, uncomfortable shoes that he can't seem to walk around in.
Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know what the deal is.
Okay, so let's move on from that.
That's how we described the Occupy Wall Street.
And you know what who called me?
People were confused about Rick Herman Cain.
They're like, because he's very confused with his 999 tax plan.
So I had a very brief conversation with Herman over that.
Let's see what he had to say.
���� So Herman Kane, I want to talk to you about your tax.
$999.
Yeah, that's right.
Doesn't that actually put a 9% federal sales tax on everybody and raise 84% of Americans' taxes?
Oh, Jimmy, that was a joke.
I was just joking.
Oh, okay.
So you're not really going to put a 90% federal sales tax in then.
Well, yes, I am.
Well, then it's not.
Well, how then?
I thought you said you were joking.
Yeah, I am, Jimmy.
My tax plan is a joke.
That's what people don't understand.
Oh, okay.
Well, now that does actually.
You're taking me seriously as a candidate.
Oh.
And that's your problem.
Oh, okay.
So $999 is a joke.
$999 is a joke in your town.
See what I'm saying?
I see what you're saying.
That's the slogan.
Get up, get up, get up, get down.
$999 is a joke in your town.
That's my campaign slogan.
Okay.
All right, Herman.
Okay.
Holy shit.
Wow.
Okay, that was Herman Kane clarifying his stance, and then he did a little kind of a Richard Simmons sign-off at the end there.
Well, that clears everything up for me.
And he's the front runner, which is great.
Front runner, and I could not be happier.
I'm enjoying that.
He's 1-1-1.
Kane Body 2012, people.
Kane Bachman, 2012.
Please.
And if you'd like to, if you missed that call, you want to hear it again, go get the podcast of the show, Jimmy Dorch, over at iTunes.
Let's move on to our next clip, huh?
There's more clips happening.
So, you know, I like to watch MSNBC.
That's the liberal news network.
That isn't really liberal.
MSNBC, you know, it's the liberal news network owned by a defense contractor and a bank, General Electric.
So every morning, they like to kick off their programming day with three nonstop hours of right-wing talking points delivered to you by a group of familiar faces made up of conservatives, Wall Street insiders, and plagiarists.
Of course, I'm speaking of the morning joke.
Of course, yes.
And now you and I know that Barack Obama is a toady of Wall Street, right?
And has done everything they wanted, including not re-regulating them, keeping their guy, Timothy Geithner, running the financial show from the inside, along with Larry Summers.
So you and I know why Wall Street gives tons of money to Barack Obama, so he will do their bidding, right?
Well, guess what?
Here's an MFer.
This MFer is the managing editor of Forbes magazine, okay?
He was on the Morning Joe show.
And here's why he thinks they're all going nuts, right?
They were playing the clip about how Barack Obama gets all this Wall Street cash.
In fact, if you factor in all the money that the Democratic Party got from Wall Street, they actually got more money than the Republicans.
Isn't that interesting, right?
So Mitt Romney got more money than Barack Obama, but the Democrats got more money than the Republicans from Wall Street.
Pretty interesting, don't you think?
So here's, but here's what the managing editor of Forbes thinks that they're giving all their money to Barack Obama.
What about the other side of that?
We hear anecdotally, Andy, that Wall Street's fed up with Barack Obama.
They're tired of being vilified every day by him, and yet they're still giving him all their money.
There's a simple answer to this story, and that is keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
And, you know, you want to give money so you have entree if he wins.
And, you know, you don't want to be alienating him.
And it's true.
And they're people who got, like, if you have an excess $100,000 to give to presidential candidates sitting in your pocket, which a lot of these people do, you're, you know, give $60,000 to the incumbent, and you don't know how the Republican thing's shaking out yet.
So take that aside.
Yeah, it's a hedge side.
It's an offspring.
it's a big hedge, though.
I mean, it is before, but it is curious.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what else is curious?
So he's saying, he's saying the reason why Wall Street gives Barack Obama their money is because Barack Obama, are you ready for this?
Is their enemy.
That's what he's saying.
Wow, that is curious.
I got to tell you, you know what's even more curious?
How did the dumbest guy in the building get asked his opinion on national television?
Because Barack Obama is the enemy of Wall Street.
This is the managing editor of Forbes magazine.
And it turns out you don't have to know anything to be the managing editor of Forbes magazine.
You don't even have to know which politicians or what policies favor the financial sector over the people or why Wall Street gives money to the president.
You don't even know.
You don't need to know any of that, right?
All you need to know is the booking guy over at MSNBC, apparently.
You just need to have his phone number.
And then, and you can be on that show and still be managing editor of Forbes magazine.
Is Forbes magazine still a serious thing?
I just assumed that was something that like guys who lived in trailers but really wanted to be rich one day read.
I thought people who actually are rich don't read it.
Well, someone's reading it.
I don't think people who live in trailers have a lot of magazine subscriptions, but maybe they do.
They do.
I don't know if Forbes would be the one.
I think Forbes is not usually laying next to gun and ammo or popular mechanics, but maybe it is.
Maybe you're right.
I don't know.
I hear your theory.
But I think this is proof that there really is two Americas.
Because here's a room full of people that don't know that Barack Obama is a toady of Wall Street.
Now, that might not be a spit-in-your-coffee kind of occurrence.
But if that room full of people who don't know Barack Obama is a toady of Wall Street, if that room is a newsroom and those people are charged with informing us, then you understand where there are people camped out in Zagati Park right now, right?
Oh, yeah.
So that would be.
The strange thing is, I think that the media is creating a story that says that Obama is going up against Wall Street because what I read suggests that they're mad at him because he's trying to regulate them and that bill with the Dodd Dodd-Frank-Frank bill.
However weak it might be, but the line is that they don't like Obama.
So maybe that's a cover story.
I think it's totally a cover story.
But the fact that it gets repeated instead of debunked on a news show is that's the problem.
He's repeating that BS line.
You know what?
Before we get to the half hour, I got Rip Torn called me.
Oh, Rip Torn.
Jimmy Door, this is Rip Torn.
Hey, Sweeney.
You're looking good these days.
Look at you, buddy.
An award-winning comedy special.
A Mudfiles show in Los Angeles.
A podcast.
And your very own program on KPFK.
That's how you do it, son.
You go out and show the world your hard dick.
Everyone get a good look until they know what they're dealing with.
You're the tops, Chief.
I've always said it.
But a word of advice for your show.
Easy on the politics.
I'm not saying get rid of it altogether, but just that little fluff on the side.
Entertainment news.
It's what the people want, Jim Jam.
After all, you don't live in Washington, D.C. You live in Hollywood, C.A. Surrounded by a constellation of the brightest stars in the fucking world.
Not 10 miles from where you sit, Lindsay Lohan brought cupcakes to a board because she was late for her court-ordered probation work.
But what are we talking about on the Jimmy Door show today?
Bless Steagle or some bullhonky that don't give a rat's ass about.
The real crime out there has nothing to do with unions or banks or pensions.
It's that famous people now get in trouble for stuff they do when they're drunk.
How did we get here?
It didn't used to be that way.
One time in 1965, Larry Storch and I spent all day drinking at the bar at the Roosevelt Hotel, decided to hijack a liquor truck with thought of shotguns, drove it through the front lobby of the funeral home, and somehow ended up at Norman Mailer's house, where we drunk him and his wife and sodomize lived with Laudart.
And you know what happened to us?
Another goddamn thing.
No jail, no probation, no court-ordered rehab.
Just the respect and accolades of our theaters.
The way it should be.
But nowadays, I can't even down a fifth of shivas and weave my link into oncoming traffic without getting busted by the fuzz and subjected to some Nuremberg trial.
Let alone act like I used to in restaurants, i.e., throw salad plates at Chinamen while getting a hand job under the table from the lovely and talented Miss Mary Lou Henner.
It's undust Jimmy.
We need a spokesperson for the revolution.
You're just the man for the job.
Think about it, baby Skittles.
Call me back.
Okay, that was Rip Torn, and this is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
*Music*
Hey, how are you enjoying this music?
Huh?
This is not the normal.
I like to play like a little salsa or something.
But this music makes the show sound important, doesn't it?
Sounds very important when this music is playing.
Okay.
Right now, you know what time of the show it is.
It's when I come and say thanks to my podcast listeners for downloading this show and listening to it as a podcast or however you listen to it.
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It doesn't matter.
The point is, you're listening, you're enjoying the show.
And the reason I'm talking to you now is to let you know this show is made possible by the generous donations of our listeners and some not so generous donations.
We like those too.
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Couldn't do without you.
We need equipment.
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There's a lot of things that go into making this show happen.
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You're on the ground floor of this show.
How does that make you feel?
You're on the ground floor.
This show is just, it's in its infancy.
This show is just getting ready for bigger and better things.
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See you over at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Don't forget to comment on the episodes while you're there.
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Look at that.
Okay, so now back to the show.
Let's hear some important music.
Oh, that's it.
Oh, there's something important happening on this show, fucks.
That's what that music says.
Okay, back to the show.
Here it comes.
Okay, welcome back to the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joined in Studio B from Pasadena by former writer for The Daily Show.
It's Steve Rosenfield.
Next to him, another former writer for The Daily Show from JimEarl.com.
It's Jim Earl.
Hey, Jim.
Hey, how you doing?
And next to him from Team Yasabura, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
Former daily writer.
We got a lot coming.
Former daily writer.
Right now, we have a lot of stuff coming up on the second half of today's show, right?
James Gandalfini calls in to complain about us.
He's got a good point.
Where do you get the money for these people?
That's my question.
You know what?
It's the public radio.
They really, they pony up.
They don't pay us any money, but they'll pay for other things like us to get James Candolfini, things like that.
That's good news.
Plus, they'll pay for the guy who turns the lights on and off, but not the guy who writes the show.
It's weird.
It's public radio.
Who gets it?
But what else is coming up on this part of the show?
We're going to have a phone call from Herman Kane calls in, lets us know.
Okay, so there's a lot more coming up.
Plus, Jim Hightower sits down with us.
Want to hear from Jim Hightower?
Here it comes.
Who's the most befuddled Wall Streeter of all?
The richest guy on the street.
In assessing the spreading Wall Street protest against the greed of today's financial elite, John Paulson turns out to be as confused as a goat on AstroTurf.
Oh, he gets it that the people's anger is directed at hedge fund profiteers like him, but he claims they are simply confused on the virtue of accumulated wealth.
While he raked in nearly $5 billion in personal pay last year, the largest single haul in Wall Street history.
Gaining his bonanza from rigged Wall Street casino games, he asserts that the amassing of wealth itself serves the public good.
It's unfair, Paulson scolds, that protesters demonstrated in front of his 28,000 square foot, $15 million mansion on New York's Upper East Side, targeting him as an exemplar of plutocratic excess.
Taxes from billionaires like him, he says, are providing huge benefits to everyone in our city.
Besides, he points out that he's not merely a billionaire, he's a job creator, as Republican leaders prefer to call corporate chieftains these days.
Paulson brags that his hedge fund, quote, has created over 100 high-paying jobs in New York City since its formation.
Wow, 100 jobs in a city of over 8 million people.
Thanks, John.
Our economy wouldn't be the same without you.
When it comes down to it, all that Paulson's clique really wants is a little love, a small show of gratitude for all that the richest 1% is doing for us 99% of Americans by making themselves ever richer.
In a plaintive press release, he recently wrote that, quote, instead of vilifying our most successful businesses, we should be supporting them and encouraging them.
This is Jim Hightower saying, isn't it sad to hear John cry?
But then he does have $15 billion in net worth to dry those tears.
Hightowers commentary is brought to you by the Hightower Lowdown.
From Wall Street to Washington, this monthly newsletter reveals who's doing what to whom and why.
Check it out.
Hightowerlowdown.org.
Okay, that was Jim Hightower.
Jim is available on this show.
You can hear him most every week on the Jimmy Dore show.
We love Jim Hightower and his flashy shirts.
I don't know if you've ever seen him live.
He likes to wear a flashy shirt.
And we were talking before the break about the, we were listening to the Morning Joe show, and they had the managing editor of Forbes magazine on, and he was trying to figure out why Wall Street gives all their money to Barack Obama.
And here's what he thought.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Keep your friends close and your enemies.
So he's saying that Barack Obama is an enemy of Wall Street, and that's why they're giving him all their money.
Okay.
And he said it's very curious.
It's very curious.
You know what's even more curious?
Who the hell's watching these people and why?
You know, like, I know why I'm watching Morning Joe.
I'm watching for the research because I know that inside of five seconds, I'm going to have the perfect clip exemplifying the sad joke that has become our fourth estate.
That's why I'm watching.
But why are the other 10 people watching?
What do they get out of it?
That's my question.
Do you ever watch Morning Joe, Jim?
Yeah, I watch it because I can furiously masturbate to it.
I don't understand.
It makes him furious.
Seriously, Jimmy, I don't understand what you're puzzled about.
I'm just puzzled.
I'm puzzled by it.
You know, it's funny.
It's like, oh, yeah, MSNBC and Fox dudes.
I was like, you know, you turn on MSNBC in the morning and you get three straight hours of right-wing talking points given to you by conservative Republicans, conservative Democrats, Wall Street insiders, plagiarists, and then an embattered wife.
That's that show.
Is it not?
Do you ever watch it, Robert?
I've watched about 10 seconds of it and I wanted to kill myself.
It's so infuriating to watch.
And the thing is that they go under the cover of darkness because they don't talk about right-wing values issues.
They just sort of come up with these libertarian nonsense.
So that's why they don't seem as bad, but they're terrible.
Okay.
Is that an apology for the whole nighttime programming?
Because the nighttime program is liberal.
Well, we got to put this conservative crap in here because we don't want people to think that we really are liberals.
Well, you know, they used to, you know, who had that job before, Joe Scarborough had it, was Dennis Miller?
No.
I was serious for a second.
I know for a second, your face said you were serious.
CNBC.
He was on CNBC, though.
It was that radio guy, Don Imos.
Don Imos.
Who was a righty?
Oh, well, when they say right, I don't know if he's a righty.
I think he's just dumb.
Like, Dom Imus is just kind of dumb.
Like, whatever knee-jerk position you could have on an issue, he'll have it.
He's not a deep thinker.
This place's a DJ.
Yeah, I mean, he's, yeah, right.
I love his hat.
I love his voice.
I love his tones.
I love how he sounds.
Do I just have his hat?
He's got it.
Boy, he's got that.
Oh, God.
I hate Don Imos so much.
And one lung, I think, is why I talk about it.
I lived in New York when Don Imis was huge, and then Howard Stern came in and destroyed him.
Yes.
And we were all like, thank God.
Oh, I loved watching that.
That was my favorite part of the Howard Stern movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, his destruction of.
So here's Barack.
Let's move on.
Here's Barack Obama.
And this was right after he had described Occupy Wall Street to people as being the equivalent of the Tea Partiers.
Thank you, Barack, for that.
And he had this to say about the upcoming election.
I guarantee it's going to be a close election because...
Because why, Barack Obama?
It's going to be a close election because...
That's probably.
Because you stood for nothing.
Because you stood for nothing.
Because you've kissed Wall Street's ass for the last three years and still the 1% is backing Romney.
Still, he's got more to say.
Here we go.
It's going to be a close election.
The fact is, is that the economy is not where it wants to be.
And even though I believe that all the choices we've made have been the right ones.
Yeah, and you know who agrees with that?
That the choices you made were the right ones.
CEOs of banks.
Those would be the people who agree with you.
The people who didn't have to have capital requirements stuck back on them.
Yo, they are happy as clans.
Yes, no capital requirements for banks.
I mean, think about that.
After the banks just crashed, you think at the least there would be capital requirements for the banks.
Nope.
No capital requirements.
They can crash again.
We're still going through difficult circumstances.
And that means people who may be sympathetic to my point of view still kind of feel like, ah, yeah, but it hasn't gotten done yet.
Yeah.
Oh, I think it's finished.
It's done, baby.
Oh, yeah.
It's all over.
I'm really unclear as to what his point of view is.
Who is sympathetic with his point of view?
The people who are sympathetic with his point of view are CEOs and people who trade in credit default swamps.
Yeah, you know, it's going to be a close election because, you know, I mean, I didn't do any of the things I said I was going to do, but my advisors told me not to do them because I'd lose the support of the people who were never going to vote for me in the first place.
So that is strategy.
It's a very good strategy.
It only took him three years to figure out there really is a red America and a blue America.
That's all.
That's all.
Guess who's winning?
And you know what, though?
It's going to be a tough election, but hopefully he's going to keep Timothy Geithner on staff to get him through this tough patch.
That's how he stays.
Hopefully he stays.
Fingers crossed, right?
I mean, why do you think it's going to be a close election?
Do you think it's going to be a close election, Jim?
I think if this is going to be a squeaker only because the Republicans can't get their act together, this is their election to win, and they're screwing it up.
Oh, they can't wait to screw it up.
Are you kidding me?
They can't wait to, you know, they can't help themselves but talk about abortion.
They can't help themselves but talk about the gays and gay marriage.
They can't help but do all the stupid things.
But then again, I mean, and Pat Robertson told them.
And Pat Robertson said, listen, if you try to get me to vote for you, you're going to lose everyone else.
Okay, no, Herman Kane's been running into some problems trying to explain his position on abortion.
See, because he's a Republican and he has to be against abortion, and he has to be, meaning it's illegal.
He has to be saying, like, if you commit an abortion, you go to jail.
All right.
So, but here's so he's been having a hard time.
Here he is with John Stossel trying to explain himself.
Yes.
You're against it.
I'm pro-life from conception.
Yes.
Any cases where it should be legal?
I don't think government should make that decision.
I don't believe that government should make that decision.
People should be free to abort.
I support life from conception.
No, people shouldn't be just free to abort because if we don't protect the sanctity of life from conception, we will also start to play God relative to life at the end of life.
So I'm confused on what your position is.
My position is I'm pro-life, period.
If a woman is raped, she should not be allowed to end the pregnancy.
That's her choice.
That is not the government's choice.
I support life from conception.
So abortion should be legal.
No, abortion should not be legal.
I believe in the sanctity of life.
It's the same as your opinion.
I'm not getting it.
I'm not understanding.
If it's her choice, that means it's legal.
No.
I believe, I don't believe a woman should have an abortion.
Does that help to clear it up?
No, that doesn't help.
Even if she is raped or is she the victim of incest because there are other options, we must protect the sanctity of life, and I have always believed that.
Who are these people clapping?
Okay, so they don't even know what they're clapping yet because he's all up.
He's saying, I never saw a guy.
Not only is he flip-flopping, he's saying two different things at the same time.
So do you think yes is yes?
No.
No, I know.
No, I do.
No.
Unless it is what it is.
Unless it is one half.
I cannot believe this guy.
Does this help clear it up?
Yes means yes sometimes.
No.
Does that help clear it up for you?
Yes.
Well, no.
So here's Herman Kane called me and to try to clear this stuff up.
So I actually sat down.
I had a little phone call with him.
Oh.
music Hey, Herman Kane, how are you, buddy?
Well, Jimmy, once again, I find myself in a position where I am forced to clarify comments that I made, which shouldn't need clarifying.
Like, what are you talking about?
Well, my stance on abortion, for example.
My stance on abortion is clear as cold, Jimmy.
You're a pro-life conservative, right?
Yes.
And like all pro-life conservatives, I believe the choice to have an abortion should be up to the woman and that abortion should be illegal under all and any circumstances.
Well, so you're saying that she should.
What's confusing about that?
Well, it sounds like...
No, it's actually confusing.
It sounds like you're saying that she should be able to make the choice to get an abortion, but that choice should be illegal.
Well, that's what I just said.
Yeah, that's.
How are you confused by that?
Okay.
All right, let's move on.
How about what's your what?
Did you say you wanted to put up a fence?
My immigration policy is very self-explanatory.
I believe that we should build up a giant electrified fence along the border surrounded by a moat, but only after we have relocated the entire population of Mexico up to Canada.
That way we can protect the Hawaiians.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Now, what is there not to understand about that, Jimmy?
Well, I don't.
I don't understand why you don't understand.
To protect the Hawaiian, you're going to move.
You can't move a whole country to another country.
I don't feel I need to clarify that anymore.
Let's move on.
Let's do a basic one.
Evolution.
Well, that's a good question.
I do not believe in evolution.
I'm a Christian.
I believe that God created the earth as it is 6,000 years ago after it had evolved to that point over millions of years through a process of natural selection.
There is nothing controversial about that point of view.
Well, I don't, that seems contradictory, Herman.
Like, I don't.
What do you not understand?
I believe God created the world 6,000 years ago after it had evolved.
Over millions of years.
Okay, Herman, let's move back.
So now, Herman Kane, your position on climate change, people have said has been a little confusing.
Can you clarify your position on climate change?
Do you think go ahead?
Jimmy, I accept that climate change is occurring, but there's no evidence proving that man is contributing to it.
In fact, I don't even think it's happening at all.
Herman, it's a hoax, Jimmy.
But you just said at first that, hey, listen, Herman, thanks for taking time.
My pleasure.
Please allow me to clear up anything else that may be confusing that I have said, but I don't see why it should be confusing because I didn't say them.
Okay, this has been Clearing Things Up with Herman Kane and Jimmy Doerr.
Thanks, Herman.
I appreciate it.
Bye-bye.
Herman Kane clearing things up for us.
I appreciate it.
Thanks, Herman.
And if you'd like to hear, if you've missed any part of today's show and you'd like to hear it again, you can always get a podcast of the Jimmy Doer show for free where at iTunes, or you can go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You can listen to the shows there.
You can download them for free.
You can comment on past episodes or watch some of the funny videos we have at the site.
Lots of them.
And that's JimmyDoorComedy.com.
How's my last name spelled, Robert?
D-O-R-E.
That's right.
Jimmy D-O-R-E-O.
I got to get everyone's mics back up.
Okay.
Here we go.
D-O-R-E.
Jimmy Door.
So here's how you start or expand a business.
You develop a business plan, then you borrow money either from a bank or from a pub or from the public in the form of stocks or bonds.
And here's how you start the Iraq war.
Sketch out a plan on a napkin, then issue as many federal bonds as you've got paper to print them on, then lose the napkin.
And as any good business owner knows, on a fairly regular basis, it's fairly important to sit down and check your profit and loss reports.
Did you cover your expenses?
Can you pay back your creditors?
Have you built value in your business?
And in the case of the Iraq war, well, let's just say if the war was a dry cleaner several years ago, you would have burned it down for the insurance money.
Okay.
You'd have fled the country under the alias Francisco Adela.
I've never owned a dry cleaner's.
So now that our business in Iraq is concluding.
First of all, I didn't think that was that unfunny.
No, the dry cleaner joke was funny.
I thought that was, I thought there was a lot of laughy-laffies in there.
I appreciate you guys being lost in thought and something else.
It would be unfair of me to laugh because Robert wrote this part and you guys are sitting there on your hands.
It's really kind of hurting his feelings.
Sorry.
It's not hurting myself.
I was laughing on the inside.
Some are hurting my hands.
Okay, so now that our business in Iraq is concluding, what did the American people get for over $2 trillion of debt?
Right now, we're pretty sure there's 200 billion barrels of oil there, maybe 300 billion.
Monica himself plans to be at 13 million barrels per day production capacity in seven years.
Oh, it's the oil, the sweet effing oil.
Oh, well, then it's totally worth it.
Just in terms of share market value, that might be better than a 10 to 1 profit.
Sure, you want to account for 4 or 5,000 dead American soldiers and over 100,000 dead Iraqis, but still, I mean, we are really way ahead on this one.
Am I wrong?
I mean, it's like, that's like cocaine level profits.
And I bet all those a-holes wouldn't have chanted no blood for oil if they'd have known just how much oil we'd get per unit of blood.
Right?
Am I right?
Come on.
And by the way, the man speaking, the guy you just heard talking, that's Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson.
Who's that?
He's the former chief of staff to the Secretary of State, Colin Powell.
Okay, let's go back to his description of what we're getting for our money.
He's already signing 20-year contracts with the Chinese and Malaysians covering such companies as ExxonMobil, Chevron, Total, Elf, Royal Dutch Shell, and others.
And if these projections, and I'm sure they will be, are anything like what the geologists are telling us, this is going to be the new Saudi Arabia.
Wow.
A new Saudi Arabia underneath Iraq.
Holy cow.
I mean, that relationship has been nothing but easy.
A new Saudi Arabia is like saying a new Disneyland where women are allowed to drive and most of the 9-11 hijackers are recruited.
Yeah, a new Saudi Arabia.
So if we got anything out of this, it was the opening up of this new Saudi Arabia for the world's oil markets.
Oh, well, that's excellent then.
So the oil companies will pay off America and Britain's war debt and compensate the families of all those killed in Iraq, right?
Oh, they're not?
Well, I guess that's just too bad.
I thought that would have made a nice thing to do for them, though, don't you think?
And I've said all along the reason Dick Cheney wanted this war was it had nothing to do with WMD or al-Qaeda or freedom and democracy, and it had everything to do with oil.
Huh.
Excuse me, but I think you meant President George W. Bush just then when you said Dick Cheney, you didn't.
You mean Dick Cheney was the principal architect of the Iraq war?
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
I mean, this doesn't fit the facts that we've heard before.
We didn't elect the heart patient to be president, did we?
So that Halliburton thing kind of ties up to the other thing.
Oh, the Halliburton that he had.
So he, uh, Halliburton gave him a check for $35 million when he became vice president.
Did you know that?
I did not know that.
That was his.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks for being with us because the job doesn't pay that much.
It's actually a good thing.
So he had to get rid of any kind of conflict conflict.
So they just gave him the 35 mil.
Upfront.
He got the upfront money.
Upfront money to go be president would look shady.
Yeah.
So to sum up, next time some hippie asks you what you got for eight years, over $2 trillion and thousands of lives in Iraq, you say oil, baby, magical oil.
What did you think?
Your flower bus runs on hopes and dreams?
No, it runs on the magic of light, sweet food.
Sweet.
Now you can go hide in Canada, you pussy.
So it used to be a time when if you said that the Iraq war was for oil, you were considered some crazy hippie who was kicking a hacky sack around.
You're some conspiracy theory.
And let me just say this.
So there's the chief of staff to this United States Secretary of State saying that we went to Iraq for oil.
Dick Cheney and George Bush sent us to Iraq for oil.
They started a war, which they know would kill thousands of American soldiers for oil.
They started a war, lied to the American people to start a war that would kill thousands of American soldiers, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, all for oil.
And they lied to do it.
And you're going to Try and tell me that those guys would also blow up two buildings in New York?
I don't think so.
I don't think they would do that.
You've got to be crazy to think that they would also blow up two buildings in New York.
That is crazy talk.
That'd be like treason.
Yeah, that would be crazy.
They started a war that they didn't need to start.
That'd be like a treason thing.
And it's funny that they don't do treason because they're the president.
Why would the thing that would be bad?
By that, so see, I've never been on 9-11 conspiracy.
And actually, in this.
Do you think we started that war for oil?
Oh, yeah.
No, no.
Oh, so we started a war for the first time.
We wouldn't blow up two buildings for oil.
They messed up the Iraq war so badly.
Yeah.
I find it hard to believe they pulled off 9-11 that well.
Yeah, that takes a lot of competence.
I don't think these people have that much.
I'm not saying that they did.
I'm saying that people who say that they did aren't crazy.
I'm saying it's not crazy to think that they did.
I'm not saying it's crazy to think that we should have an investigation that everybody on the investigative team doesn't disavow the investigation as soon as it's published, which is what happened with the 9-11 investigation.
Everybody disavowed it.
First of all, they didn't even start an investigation until years after.
Okay, we all know the story.
Now, James Gandalfini has called, he's been upset that we've been using his voice on.
Well, here's what he had to say.
I'm making some herbal essence to see.
Maybe that'll calm me down.
Why are you upset?
Why am I upset?
Yeah.
Because every time you've got Chris Christie, you call her, you make him sound like me.
That's an obvious joke.
I don't make anybody.
That's just what he sounds like when he's recorded.
No, it is.
He doesn't sound anything like me.
No, it's something about my machine, I think, at home.
I still use a machine.
I have every fuzzy.
I have feelings silly, though.
You have feelings?
I don't know how to say that.
I don't understand how.
So you're upset.
I thought you would be honored that we decided to use you as the voice of New Jersey.
And that's not the voice of New Jersey, Chris Christie.
Why aren't you honored?
Because you're making fun of me.
You're making fun of jersey people.
It's offensive.
It's a very sensitive picture you have on your show.
You're supposed to have a progressive radio show.
Yeah.
You don't make fun of me.
Well, it is progressive, but how is that making fun of you doing a dead-on impression of you?
But you're not doing it a pleasure to be a daughter the president of Chris Christie.
No, we're doing a big fat bastard.
Yes.
We're doing an impression.
He's a large man.
He is a large man, but he's doing you as we're pretending that he sounds like you.
It's not like we're pretending Chris Christie sounds like no one knows.
You know what I mean?
Oh, wait a minute.
You're claiming that when Chris Christie calls in, he's doing he's purposely doing an impression of James Gandalfini.
Yes, you.
Oh, that's a little too meta for me.
He's doing it.
What is it?
The UCB all of a sudden talking about it.
No, he's actually doing James Godolfini doing Tony Soprano.
You can't even pronounce my name.
Well, I just said it, James Gandalfini.
What did I?
You said, I don't know.
I'm too sensitive.
My heart hurts from all this.
But he's so that's.
People think I'm a great big bully.
I'm a tough guy.
In real life, I'm not.
I'm a very porcelain sold.
No, I've heard some stories about you.
You're not.
Anyway, so, but thanks, James, for calling in.
And I'm sorry.
Yeah, don't call me Tony either.
I don't really care for that.
I'm sorry you're so upset about that.
We'll knock it off.
You know, enough with the pressure.
But you sound like he's not even running for president.
You're still trying to have a lot of show all the time.
But you know what?
You don't really sound like that.
But I mean, James, you don't really sound like this.
You're actually sounding like Tony Soprano right now.
Well, yeah, that's what are you talking about?
Yeah.
I play Tony Soprano.
That's what I sound like.
I can't, but...
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I'm sorry, it's just Wait, what was it?
I'm sorry, it's just Okay, that was Tony Soprano calling in.
Let us know.
No, no, no, no, no.
That was James Gandalfini calling in and let us know he's upset.
Oh, man, I'm confused.
It's really hard to follow this.
It's really meta.
Yeah, I know.
I need an improv class just to delve close to come in there and explain to me how this is working.
Okay, well, that is the debt of today's show.
Thanks for listening.
I want to thank everybody who helps write the show.
Robert Yasimura or Jim Earl, Steve Rosenfield, Frank Conniff, and Mike McRae.
And I also want Mike McRae does almost all of the voices on today's show, and he's amazing.
You can catch him at mikemcray.com.
Jim Earl over at JimEarl.com, correct?
Yes.
Robert Yasimura, Twittering at Team Yasamura.
Is that correct?
Correct.
And Steve Rosenfield, you are not Twitter.
I'm just hanging out at home.
You're just hanging out.
Okay, he's waiting for the show to go national, which it has already.
Okay.
And I want to say thanks to Frank Pulaski, who is Frank Pulaski.
He's the guy who takes some of the clips from our show, some of the funny phone calls and some of the sketches we do, and he puts video to them.
And he does an amazing job.
It's Frank Pulaski from DreamyTimeFilms.com.
He does great video editing, and he donates that to his skill and to the show, and we certainly appreciate it.
Also, I want to say thanks to Sean James, another guy who donates his talents and skills to the show.
He can be found.
He does all our computer work for us, and he's really a genius.
He takes care of, if you've got a Macintosh, he can be found at MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
And how do you spell Sean?
S-H-A-U-N James.com.
Okay.
Hey, I'll see everybody in the Playboy Club in Las Vegas coming up November 10th, 11th, and 12th.
Okay, that's inside the Palms Hotel.
See you over there 10th, 11th, and 12th of November.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for all the dates and for a podcast of the show.
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