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Oct. 21, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:50
20111021_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_10-20-11
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Time Text
It's the Jimmy Door show.
The show for tearing down our nation.
It's the show that makes Anderson come per se.
It's hard to talk to your TV.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Door.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's show.
I'm joined in studio from the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
A. Paul.
Jimmy.
And next to him from CinematicTitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's Frank Connif.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
And next to him, former writer for the Daily Show and hilarious comedian, it's Jim Earl.
Hi, Jim.
How are you, buddy?
Hello, Mr. Door.
Good to see you.
Thanks for coming.
We've got a great show lined up for you today.
You know, I woke up this morning with a clear memory of the entire GOP Las Vegas debate, and it made me really miss the days when I used to blackout drunk.
I miss those days about you, too.
You know, your debate is bad when you make Las Vegas ashamed.
Well, it's the perfect place to hear serial adulterer Newt Gingrich speak about faith and morality, I would say.
Okay, so we're going to talk about that.
We're going to have some clips from Herman Kane from that debate that we're going to talk about.
And we're also going to talk about Mitt Romney's prescription for the housing market mess.
Yes, he says all you need to do is kick more people out of their houses quicker.
We're going to get to that.
Mitt Romney.
And he really does represent the greatest leapford in robotics in the 21st century.
I think we all know that.
So we're going to talk about that coming up.
Plus, we have phone calls from Mitt Romney calls in.
Rick Perry, Herman Kane.
Bill O'Reilly drunk dialed me again.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
You got to stop that.
Wait till you hear it.
Plus a lot lot more that's coming up today on the Jimmy Door show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, so this week's Oh My God comes to us from Rick Santorum, ladies and gentlemen.
Rick Santorum, who I wish I had.
You could just say his name.
Yeah.
And we know there's an oh my God to follow.
So he was talking about what he sees is the problems in America and what he'd like to change when he is president of the United States.
Why does he stop by not getting kicked out of Congress?
Guy couldn't get re-elected.
The Congress thinks he's going to convince the lawyers.
You probably don't want to talk about this, but you know, this is really disgusting.
But you know what happens when you Google Santorum?
Yes.
You get all these articles about Rick Santorum.
Disgusting.
Rick Santorum, who loves his country so much, he's running for president to help sell a book later.
That's how much he loves his country.
So he was talking about what he'd like to do.
Now, it's kind of hard to hear.
The audio isn't perfect.
So concentrate on this.
And the word you're going to have the most hardened time hearing is contraception.
Okay.
He's talking about contraception.
There we go.
One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.
He just said the dangers of contraception.
That's what he wants.
As no other president will talk about is the danger of the dangers of contraception.
We can assume that he's not going to be talking about how rubbers break.
I don't think that's what he's going to tell you.
Is he going to get into the dangers of screening for breast cancer?
Oh, that is bad.
Yeah.
Hey, hang on.
There's more to this clip.
A whole sexual liberty idea.
And many from the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay.
I mean, you know, contraception's okay.
It's not okay.
Because it's a license to do things in the sexual, in the sexual realm that is counter to what how things are supposed to be.
Okay, no, if you couldn't make that out, what he said, he said this libertine view of sexuality and contraception is just a license to do things that are counter to what we're supposed to be doing.
And if you didn't hear what Jimmy said, Rick Santorum said, I'm a douche.
And I want to know where I can get this license.
I would love it.
I need some new paperwork to help me get more.
My license expired a long time ago.
I wish I could get him back.
I'd like to get a kind of the three-pack of Tro Chosen's ribbed.
You got a license?
No, I don't have a license for that.
Well, I'm sorry.
The dangers of contraceptives, what is he doing?
Jamming them into his forehead?
He doesn't know how to use them.
It's what I'm saying.
Admittedly, they were.
I was all for batting them at the height of Howie Mandel's career.
Above his head.
I was involved in a movement to ban surgical gloves at that point.
It's always nice, too, after somebody is far away from their sexual peak that they weigh in on what people who are ensnared at the height of hormone rage.
And who better to regulate your sexuality than a right-wing, closeted, homosexual Christian like you?
I think there's lots going on there.
Someone who hates sex that much is got to be, right?
I don't know.
Sarah, there's something wrong with him.
I know there's something wrong with him, but it's somebody who's certainly afraid of their own sexuality.
And usually that goes with someone denying something about themselves, right?
He's a good user in the mouth.
That's for sure.
Would help him.
Well, he's so hardcore about it that he uses contraception when he masturbates.
That's how.
Well, he doesn't have a license either.
And that's what's wrong about it.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, we are back.
That was the Oh My God segment.
It didn't make anybody's head fly off.
No, because it's Rick Secondary.
Rick Santorum.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Oh, my God would have been if he said something sensible.
Yeah, okay.
Well, then we have to switch up this segment.
Yeah.
But last week it got you.
You were going nuts last week.
So, okay, so that's a good thing.
You know what would be an oh my god is Glenn Beck, and I don't know if he said it this week, but he said that we need to end farm subsidies because it goes to big agra and not small farmers.
He said that?
Yes.
Why would he say that?
Wow, that's an oh my god.
I'll find that.
And then I'll, wow, that is something.
Okay, so now we're going to talk about John Stoss.
So you remember John Stossel.
He's the Fox News anchor and correspondent who pretends, hey, I'm just asking questions.
And wow, it turns out the answers to these questions always seem to confirm my right-wing libertarian agenda.
How did that happen?
Yeah, he's like the right-wing political equivalent of a stripper who smiles and makes eye contact a lot.
And then that's all surprised when you explain that you gave her all your money because you felt like you guys had really made a connection.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know your game now, Fantasia.
I know your game.
So here's John Stossel.
He went down to the Occupy Wall Street and well, just to see what was going on.
Just to see what was happening.
With no preconceived notions of who those people are and what they want.
So here's Bill O'Reilly and John Stossel.
Tonight, the Fox Business Anger went down to Occupy Wall Street protest, and he wanted to find out what the primary beef is.
Here's a sample.
Shame on you.
And shame on you.
I'm here to stop Fox's corruption because you're all fing corrupt.
How am I corrupt?
Your whole station's corrupt.
You're a puppet.
You're now Pinocchio.
I mean, Stossel.
So that was John Stossel.
Went down to the Occupy Wall Street, got some video clips of three or four idiots yelling at him.
And he comes back to the studio.
He's because I'm a puppet.
Here's him and O'Reilly.
The guy with the beard, that's your uncle, isn't it?
Making jokes.
There are some people who are really inflamed.
I know.
What are they angry about?
They just are.
I don't know.
So here is John Stossel.
Investigative reporter.
Investigative business reporter.
I don't know.
For the Fox Business Channel.
We're about a month into this protest against Occupy Wall Street.
He has a show on the Fox Business Channel.
Doesn't understand what's wrong with our economy right now.
50 million people unemployed or underemployed.
The gap between rich and poor is the biggest in our country's history.
We're still bonusing bailed out bankrupt gamblers on Wall Street, dropping trillions on three completely useless wars, while laying off teachers, cops, and firemen by the thousands, all while cutting Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid.
But John Stossel doesn't know what they're upset about because they got beards.
They have beards.
The unfairness of the system is all around John Stossel.
He just doesn't know what the fuss is about.
This guy could be sitting in a metric ton of poop and be wondering where the smell is coming from.
I just don't.
I smell something.
I don't know what it is.
I have to say, O'Reilly's calling him Pinocchio is kind of apropos, not for the puppet, but for the lying.
Yes.
Well, it's ironic because later on, we're going to expose to you.
They go on to lie right now.
So here is, well, the fact is holds coverage of the Occupy Wall Street is a lie.
So those kids were right.
They were yelling at you guys are a fraud.
You guys are liars.
So here's a little bit more.
You went down there.
I was going to have to discuss capitalism and you came back and you don't know.
So see, he just wanted to have a good discussion about capitalism, but he can only come up with some idiots that are yelling at him.
Isn't it funny that the whole country has found articulate spokespeople for the Occupy Wall Street protests?
But Fox business guy, John Stofflo, can't find any.
Except if you listen closely to what he just said, he did say some of them wanted to talk.
Really, John?
But you chose to go with the people who were yelling at you instead.
So we can get some more of that fair and balanced perspective.
Right.
Yeah.
So there were some of the people.
Well, why don't you show those people, John?
No reason.
I think the guys who were yelling made a lot of sense.
They certainly did.
They really did, actually.
Yeah, you're a fraud.
You're a tool.
You're a puppet.
Concise.
To the point.
And you lie.
And I've seen you lie.
Boom.
That makes a lot of sense, but it makes them seem crazy.
Like, you're just yelling stuff at us for no.
How are we correct?
Especially after the incredible dignity that the Tea Party protesters show.
I could see why this would be never bringing race into the game.
Yeah.
So Stossel discredits the Occupy Wall Street movement because when he went down there, some people were jerks to him.
Really, Stossel?
Someone on the streets of New York City was kind of rude to you?
I'm shocked.
It's New York City.
You can't swing a dead jerk without hitting a live jerk, okay?
And guess what?
Being a total jerk doesn't mean that you can't also be on the right side of an argument, right?
I mean, the founding fathers were a bunch of syphilitic slave owners who had a ratio of one douchebag for every three founding fathers, right?
But when John Stossel finds an impolite jerk on the Occupy Wall Street crowd, well, it doesn't mean that that jerk is wrong, John, okay?
And if someone in the streets of New York being a jerk invalidates an entire political movement, then guess what else is a totally invalid political movement?
The New York subway and walking.
How about that?
Yeah, plus, if you walk around in 2011 with a mustache that makes you look like you're going to a disco in 1977, you're going to get yelled at.
He was the reporter guy in the village people.
Remember?
John Stossel, the reporter guy from the village people.
I love that.
I like him as a reporter because when I used to watch baseball in the 70s, I used to wonder what would it be like if Raleigh Fingers reported the news.
I don't get that one, but I love it.
I told him, I told him.
Raleigh Fingers had the biggest mustache.
Handlebar mustache you could ever hear.
Yeah, he was famous for it.
When you guys were watching Star Wars, we were watching.
Yes.
We were watching.
What is the mustache called where it goes to points up the curl?
It's a handlebar, I think.
Is that a handlebar?
It's called Excuse to Hit in Face.
He worked it, though.
It looked good on him.
Well, because he was good.
Yeah.
And he was handsome.
He looked like my kind of cross between Mark Spitz and that new senator from Senator Brown from Boston.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so here we go.
There's more to this clip.
Let me play a little bit more to this clip, right?
You don't know what?
Why they're angry about everything.
This just visceral hatred of Fox News and of me.
I mean, I'm a libertarian.
I should agree with these guys about some stuff.
I agree with you.
Banks shouldn't.
I bet ailed out.
So he just said, I agree with these people that the bank shouldn't be bailed out as Bill is talking over him.
He just says, I should agree with these people.
Well, then why didn't why are you acting like you don't know what they're angry about?
Well, in fairness to him, that would have been intimidating for any human being to go there and be yelled at and feel comfortable enough to want to interview people.
Don't you think?
But maybe he should examine why.
You don't think.
And maybe pull one person aside away from the din.
Well, he said he did.
He said, well, some of them wanted to talk.
Yeah, so why not grab one of those people?
Why not grab one of those people?
So when you're going to a protest that is against corporations rigging the economy that's against Wall Street rigging the economy, and you are the symbol of that in the media, and it says Fox News on your microphone, and you're surprised that these people are yelling.
And I'm sure he was taunting them in a way.
I don't know how that came about that those people started yelling at him.
He probably was just twirling his mustache.
He's probably twirling idlely whips.
He tried to interview the girl who was pepper sprayed right after she was pepper straight, but she was so angry and hysterical.
I'm just upset.
I don't know what he's just angry about.
I guess, I mean, I guess I agree with him about the bank thing, but what?
That's what he just said.
I mean, I guess I agree with him about the bank thing.
The bank thing, the Occupy Wall Street.
So you're on board with their Wall Street part of their Occupy Wall Street protest.
Are you, John Stossel?
Okay, there's more to this clip.
Here we go.
Okay, look.
So you don't know what their beef is, and Douglas.
They have 100 beefs.
He doesn't know what their beef is, even though he's with them on the bank thing, which is what their beef is.
Okay.
And that's true.
They all have their own little beefs.
Doug Schoen took a poll.
You know, he's a former Klan, wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal.
So now he's about to, this guy, Doug Schoen, he goes, a former Clinton guy.
Yes.
You know, when Clinton was bringing in people like Dick Morris into his, so when Clinton decided to go extreme right wing, he brings in this guy, Doug Schoen, who's a right-wing operative who does this poll and then completely, well, here.
Well, here's the stats.
You guys all should read that article, Doug's article today.
He says just 15% of these people are unemployed.
85% have jobs.
Okay.
So it's not about I can't get a job.
Most of them do have jobs.
Then he says that most of them are radical leftists.
They hate capitalism, want to burn the system down.
That's the commonality here.
They want forced redistribution of wealth.
I'm not arguing with that.
I think that's what it is, right?
Okay.
So the problem with that is that all those figures were completely false.
He completely fucked.
Okay.
So this guy, Doug Schoen, does this poll of the Occupy Wall Street people.
He says that, oh, they want to end capitalism.
Okay, so but then people reviewed his work and they said the answer and the answers of his work and they said that Schoen misrepresented the results of his study.
When asked what frustrates you the most about political process in the United States, 30% said influence of corporate slash money slash special interests.
And 21% said partisanship.
And only 3% of the respondents said our democratic capitalistic system.
But Bill O'Reilly and Doug Schoen says that they're anti-capitalist.
They want to blow up.
They said the majority of them.
Nope.
His own study said 6% want to get rid of capitalists.
And then only 3% said that.
And only 6% said they want to get rid of income inequality.
And when asked, what would you like to see Occupy Wall Street movement achieve?
35% of them said influence the Democratic Party the way the Tea Party has influenced the GOP.
And 11% said break the two-party duopoly.
Only 4% said radical redistribution of wealth.
But you would never know that listening to Bill O'Reilly, it would seem like the opposite happened.
Well, we've had a radical redistribution of wealth in this country.
And it's all gone to the top 1%.
Yes, exactly.
When people say, oh, you're for a redistribution of wealth.
It's been happening for a long time now.
Yes, they took it.
We wanted to de-radicalize that redistribution of wealth and make it more traditionally American, where there's a middle class and people on the lower stratospheres of society can have something to aspire to.
That's the least, that's the least radical version of that.
I'm with you.
Yeah, I mean, you know, a lot of people have made this point before, David Feldman being one of them, that this Occupy Wall Street protest, these aren't anarchists.
This is about law and order.
These are people who want law and order.
They want the law to go in and investigate and arrest these people.
It's a Wall Street that has the anarchy that is just letting people run wild and steal and loot and do whatever they want.
Yes.
In certain quadrants, law and order is anarchy.
It's just completely upturning of their whole way of life.
Is it an oversimplification to say that the reason why none of these people are prosecuting each other is because they all went to the same Ivy League school?
That's not an oversimplification because it just seems, first of all, it's not an oversimplification.
No.
A lot of those people know, like Doug Schoen, I mean, this guy right here.
So he's been since he was in high school.
When he was in high school, he canvassed the upper west side of Manhattan for Dick Morris.
So these guys all know each other.
But I'm talking like a Barack Obama and Tim Geithner.
And did you see Inside Job?
I did.
And what did it say?
It said a lot of things, but it didn't come right out and say that it's because these guys are all buddy banks.
I think it's a contributing factor.
I think it's certainly a contributing factor.
The money is the biggest factor, how much money is involved.
Just like with drugs.
I mean, you get enough.
It's like, you know, Woody Allen made that movie, Take the Money and Run.
What was it called?
Was it Take the Money and Run?
And it was about how everyone has their price.
You know, even a cop who's writing you a traffic ticket.
You go, I'll bribe him with $20.
What are you crazy?
Well, when he gets up to a million, the guy takes it.
You know, it's like, oh, so everyone has a price, and that's what the drug war has shown us.
Everybody has a price.
And that's what Wall Street is showing us.
Those guys are criminals.
Timothy Geithner is a criminal.
He's protecting criminals.
And so is Barack Obama.
So if there's enough money involved, it's just like when the mafia goes and meets with the Pope.
They have enough money, right?
Bringing economic justice to America can be problematic if it's going to lead to a really awkward moment in the country club locker room when you run into a person who might be affected by that.
And actually, Frank, in all seriousness, that is another problem with the reporting of the news is a lot of these people sit on boards of corporations together and they don't want to have to see that person next week knowing that the company that they are on the board of had an expose on that person's company yes right that's right that's the problem with the media too and their coverage of these people is they all are in the same economic right so they all live in a very small community so
And they all like each other.
And the reporters don't want to be muckrakers and bring them down.
They want to be very affable and have a nice discussion with them at a Washington cocktail party.
And in some ways it's understandable because if you have a comedian on your show, let's say you're talking about a comedian that you hate comes up in the conversation.
Hey, I'm right here.
I'm sitting right here.
Oftentimes that comedian will say, well, that person's a friend of mine.
I don't really want to talk about it.
It's understandable that these people would do that, but they have to understand that the consequences of their actions— That they have responsibility to the society.
You are given—the freedom of the press is protected in the First Amendment, and that's a responsibility now.
You really actually do have a position where you have responsibility.
And they don't—of course, they couldn't kill us.
Journalists should not socialize with the people that they cover.
But I think in Washington, D.C. and in New York, they do it all the time.
Well, we shouldn't have military running for political office either.
That's the same conflict of interest.
I'm with you on that.
I think we always need to have a civilian control of the military.
But Curtis LeMay would have been a good president.
Come on.
Kurt.
You probably mean Kurt.
My biggest gripe with Occupy Wall Street protesters is, you know, they want their movement to influence the Democrats, just like a Tea Party has influenced the Republican Party.
I don't have that much time or money to buy all those turduckens.
There's a little bit more to this clip.
Let's see what it is.
I think it is.
And I don't think that's too different from what most, sadly, what most Americans want.
No.
The polls show most people say tax the rich more.
Well, that's a different thing.
Taxing the rich is different from taking your stuff by force.
31% of these people say they would use— It's a different thing from the thing I made up in my own head.
Yes.
He and Glenn Beck, I think, must watch the same apocalyptic movies.
movie violence to take your stuff third of them i mean that's creepy.
But let's not do too much heavy breathing here.
In 1920, the anti-capitalist protesters in the same place set off a bomb in front of J.P. Manner and killed 30 people.
I love how they refer to them as anti-capitalist protesters.
They're not anti-capitalist.
They're anti-rigged economies.
Anti-monopoly protests.
That's what's anti-monopoly.
They're not duopoly.
They're very pro-capitalist.
They're very pro-capitalists.
That's the group has been peaceful so far.
But here's it.
You're a little younger than me or a little older.
What?
Older, sadly.
You're all you look younger.
Right.
Well, you've had all that surgery.
Anyway.
First of all, I just think that's a funny thing for Bill O'Reilly to be saying to him.
You know, don't you think that you've had a lot of surgery?
Are you older than me?
Oh, you don't look so good.
You know, well, it would have been funny if Stassel followed up with, yeah, I'm older, but because you look like Bill.
What have you been doing?
Living on a strict diet of hate, hookers, and scotch?
Because you are one sad, worked-over-looking old man.
That's what I kind of opened himself up for that.
Okay.
Where Stassel had said, I just always exfoliate with Alufa.
Okay.
Oh, baby.
Remember the Woodstock Vietnam thing?
All right.
Were you one of those guys?
Send yourself away.
I didn't go to Woodstock, but I have a lot of people who are.
Were you an anti-war guy?
Yes.
You were.
Okay.
I was.
Stassel was an anti-war guy in the 60s with the long hair.
Isn't that something?
Anti-him going to war.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He only didn't go to Woodstock because the Jeff Beck group canceled.
I don't know why that's funny.
Don't know why that's clear.
I was over in England studying at the time, and I was kind of like looking at it.
I knew that Johnson was not handling himself well.
But there was a commonality there.
There was an okay, we don't like the war, and we want to get out of there.
And they actually won.
The protesters actually won because public opinion turned against Johnson and Vietnam until 1976.
And the war immediately ended eight years later.
I was in England studying.
He was at the time, studying how to run.
How to not say.
Yeah.
Okay, get me drafted over here.
Has he ever heard of Cambodia?
Has he ever heard of Laos?
I love how he says, and those protesters won, but it was wound down.
Was that the best thing?
It was afraid.
Yes, you were afraid with Vietnam.
Well, yeah.
But millions of people were killed in Cambodia and Vietnam because of our leaving there.
And that should always be.
Because of our leaving there.
Because of our leaving there.
We should have stayed there.
Nobody died when we were carpet bombing.
No, we should have stayed there past 1974.
Well, if the, you know, Iraq in Afghanistan has proved one thing, it's that the Vietnam War was not long enough for these people.
It ended after, what, 10 years or something, and there were seven years.
And that to me is at the heart of this sickness is their belief that we are responsible for protecting everybody around the world from their dictatorships.
Forget the fact that a lot of these dictatorships are hardened by our foreign policy, the Pinochets.
Yes.
It says a little bit more.
And the sacrifice of our soldiers was never properly honored.
But here, these people, they're not winning and they're not going to win.
They're loons.
Last word.
He's talking about Occupy Wall Street people.
He said they're not winning and they're not going to win.
They already are winning.
People are already talking about stuff.
People are already more aware of what's happening.
I would just agree with you.
They're not winning.
They haven't gotten nothing other than getting attention.
Attention is going to get jobs.
They're winning in a sense that their agenda to get the conversation started is still too possible.
It's still too possibility that they're moving the conversation away from just talking about the deficit.
Yes.
Talking about getting four months and months and months.
That's all they were talking about.
They were talking about the deficit.
Nobody was talking about jobs.
I think it's as great.
You know what?
Mitt Romney called me.
Jimmy Dore, it's Mitt Romney.
Did you catch the debate the other night in Las Vegas?
I was pretty great, if I do say so myself.
You know, I'm ahead in all the polls in Nevada.
And when you go to Vegas, you can see why.
It's become a very family-friendly city.
Even my friends Donnie and Marie Osmond perform there regularly.
They are my favorite entertainers.
And not just because they're Mormons.
They're a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.
In other words, they're musical flip-floppers.
So, of course, I love them.
And since I'll say and do anything and betray any long-standing belief to get elected, I feel right at home in a state where prostitution is legal.
But, Jimmy, I. Hey, Mitt Romney, it's me, Rick Perry.
You didn't win that debate, buddy.
I did.
Okay, excuse me, Rick.
You had your turn making Jimmy Doer phone call.
Now it's my turn.
And what are you calling him for?
To pitch him, Romney Care, which is the exact same thing as Obamacare.
That's right.
Romney Care is apples, and Obamacare is oranges.
It's apples and oranges.
Herman Cain, what are you doing here?
This is my Jimmy Doerr phone call.
Well, I know the Jimmy Doer show is on in the middle of the afternoon, so a lot of unemployed folks are listening.
So I just want to say, serves you right.
It's your own damn fault for being so lazy you would allow yourselves to live in a country where Wall Street is hoarding billions of dollars in profits and not creating any jobs.
You have no one to blame but yourselves, losers.
Herman, my brother, I like what you're saying.
And if I may, I like to quote one of my favorite lines of yours: the rent is too damn high.
I didn't say that.
I am not.
The rent is too damn high, guy.
I'm the 999 guy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I got my colored catchphrases mixed up sometimes.
But I got it straight now, and that is great.
Or Herman, as you would put it, it's Donald Mike.
Hey, guys, can I have control of my phone call back, please?
No, you're always acting like you're the big shot frontrunner and the only adult in the room.
Yeah, you treat the rest of us candidates like a bunch of petulant kids.
So screw you.
You're not my real father.
Okay, you know what?
That does it.
You're both getting a timeout.
Sorry, Jimmy.
Since my GOP rivals can't learn to behave, I'm going to have to put an end to this phone call.
We just can't have anything nice.
Okay, that's Mitt Romney, and this is the Jimmy Doer show on Pacific.
Hi, podcast listeners, you glorious sons of bitches.
Thanks for downloading the show.
I hope you're enjoying it.
Wasn't that a fun call?
We've got a couple more coming up on the second half of Bill O'Reilly drunk tiles me.
You're going to enjoy it.
But right now, if you're looking for a fun and inexpensive way to help support this show, and I know you are, here's a great way.
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And how much do they cost?
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Get out of here, Jimmy.
I'm not going to get out of here.
That's right.
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That's the point.
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How do you do it, Jimmy?
How do we help out the show?
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Until then, enjoy the second half of the show.
I think you're going to enjoy Drunk Bill O'Reilly.
And my conversation with the mitster, Mitt Romney.
Who has a name like Mitt anyway?
Okay, back to the show.
In these times of nationwide job insecurity, with five applicants lined up for every job opening, CEOs warn workers that they had better perform or else.
Or else they will be unceremoniously booted out the door.
But what happens when the bosses themselves fail to perform?
Well, they too are shown the door.
But rather than getting a swift kick in the tush, they're being given little golden kisses to soothe the pain of their failures.
Actually, the kisses are not so little.
For example, when Burger King's board ousted its CEO in April for years of underperforming, his care package included a $20 million severance.
That was on top of $29 million more in pension, deferred bonuses, and stock payments.
Likewise, Massey Energy, the reckless mining giant that killed 29 coal miners last year and now faces charges of deliberately disregarding safety rules, handed its chief $34 million as a fond farewell for his ugly performance when he departed in June.
Then there's Hewlett-Packard, which supposedly is in the business of making computers, but seems to specialize in making outlandish payments to fail CEOs.
In 2007, Carly Fiorina was sent packing with a $21 million severance.
Her successor got $12 million to leave last year.
And his successor, Leo Apotheker, has now departed too.
Apothecars pay for failure, total $13.2 million, including, get this, a $2.4 million bonus.
Plus, HP is paying to relocate Leo to Europe and to cover the $300,000 loss he took on the sale of his house.
This is Jim Hightower saying shareholders are getting miffed at seeing so much of their money going out the door in these gilded goodbyes.
For more information, go to AFLCIO.org forward slash corporate watch forward slash capital.
Hightowers commentary is brought to you by the Hightower Lowdown.
From Wall Street to Washington, this monthly newsletter reveals who's doing what to whom and why.
Check it out.
Hightowerlowdown.org.
Hi, everybody, and welcome back to the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio from the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Next to him from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic.com, it's Frank Connoff.
Next to him, former writer for the Daily Show and hilarious stand-up comedian.
It's Jim Earl.
I'm on the internet.
Oh, yes.
You are on the internet.
Let's let everybody know where people can find you guys.
Jim Earl, you're at JimEarl.com.
Yeah, but you don't have to say that.
Frank is over at cinematictitanic.com.
I'm in Washington, D.C., next Thursday night.
Oh, really?
Cinematic Titanic.
Oh, thanks.
Jimmy, I've got three sites people can visit.
My personal site.
Paul Gilmore.
That's a good idea to break them up, by the way.
That's to make it as hard as possible.
Each one has a different point of view.
I'm schizophrenic.
The other one is my Republican satirical character, AskARepublican.com.
Okay.
And then the podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast is Mental Pod.
Oh, Mental Pod.
And you interview other people about their mental illnesses.
But it's fun.
And it's mostly comedians and celebrities.
Mostly artists, but a lot of lay people.
Watch your mouth.
A lot of normal run-of-the-mill folk, too.
Okay, we don't like to have that talk around it.
Right.
So that's Paul Gilmore.
What's the third one?
There's Mental Pod, Ask a Republican.
And then Paul Gilmartin.com.
And what happens over there?
Clips of my Comedy Central special.
I tell you, what doesn't happen over there?
Visitor.
Listen, we're all in the show business.
We're all one or two unlucky breaks away from having our own podcast.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Okay, so what are we going to talk about coming up?
We're going to talk about the reactions to the Occupy Wall Street, how people are still categorizing them today.
We looked at Fox News last week.
This week we're going to look at CNN, how they're categorizing them.
And then Herman Kane, with his big breakout at the Republican debate, and Mitt Romney's prescription for the housing.
Plus, we're going to sit down with Mitt Romney and Bill O'Reilly drunk dials us, right?
But right now, let's talk about how CNN was describing the Occupy Wall Street people.
I was watching the Anderson Cooper program, and he had on.
So he sat down with Dana Lausch, right?
She was on the show.
And she had a couple of observations.
They were saying that the Occupy Wall Street people are really attacking greed, that they're anti-greed.
Well, she had cis to say about that.
I disagree with the notion that this is anti-greed.
Any movement that protests for a living wage, regardless of whether or not you're employed, is the epitome of greed.
What?
Any movement that protests for a living wage, whether or not you're employed, is the epitome of greed.
No, I don't think she knows what any of those words mean.
That doesn't even make any sense.
That doesn't even.
That doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make sense at all.
Like, and Anderson Cooper just lets her go.
He doesn't go, wait, wait, can I ask you?
Can you just make sense when you talk?
That would help this show.
It sounds like what she's saying is people that are on unemployment are greedy.
That's what I think she's trying to say.
Sounds like it.
Yeah, if you're unemployed.
It's not the Wall Street people that are greedy.
No, it's the people on the bottom who want to.
And to be honest, I don't think even a lot of the protesters are against greed.
I think they're against a system that is broken that continues to have loopholes that can be exploited that manipulate the economy and where average people pay the consequences.
That's exactly what people are saying.
I'm against greed.
I hope the protesters are against greed, too, because greed is not a good thing.
I'm with you.
I would disagree.
I would disagree.
I think greed can be a good motivator, but greed needs to be checked legally.
Well, I don't think the seven deadly sins, okay, Paul?
I don't think wanting to make a profit and greed are the same thing.
I don't think wanting to make a living and making a profit are greed.
I think greed is another level of that.
It's when your desire to make a profit and earn a living becomes now deleterious to those around you and the society you're working in.
I think that's the difference between greed and wanting to make a profit, right?
When you agree?
Yeah.
I think having billions of dollars in your company's fun and not investing it and just wanting to hoard it and hold on to it.
That's to me is manipulating the book so that you get a bonus before you bail on the company, knowing that you've just screwed it in the short term and you don't really care about it in the long term.
So here's she has more to say about Occupy Wall Street.
Here she goes.
And we also have to fight against progressives and progressive agenda, where you have the Occupy Wall Street.
They have the endorsement of the president.
They have the blessing of Nancy Pelosi.
They're also endorsed by the Nazi Party of the United States.
They're also endorsed by communists.
These are things that we did not see with the Tea Party movement.
Okay, that's happening on that's happening on CNN on a nightly basis.
That's the kind of thing because Glad Anderson Cooper was really challenging what she was saying.
Oh, he held her feet to the fire.
He sat there and said nothing about it.
Which cellular service did he use to phone in his job there?
He's king of the non-follow-up questions.
Am I greedy because I want to be the only person that gets to slap her?
That's the epitome of greed, Paul.
That's the epitome.
Yeah, so now they're Nazis and they're communists, and that happens on CNN because CNN wants to compete with Fox.
So what they do is they bring a couple of Fox people over on every one of their shows now, and they act like that's the other side of the, that's just another point of view.
Instead of saying, hey, we're going to try to get rid of all the BS and we're going to streamline the truth to you.
No, we're inviting in more people to obfuscate what's actually happening.
We're going to invite people on that we know are going to spread falsehoods on our shows because that's serving a demographic.
That's not serving the news.
It's not serving the truth.
It's serving a demographic.
And that's what's advertising.
And that's greed.
And that sells advertising.
Yes.
And that's greed right there.
They could make a lot of money actually reporting the news, but they can make more money if they bring someone on who makes up stuff and then says it on there.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And okay, so that was our today.
Every week, we're going to have a person describing the Occupy Wall Street, and that's how CNN's doing it.
Last week, you know, we heard that.
Wasn't the Nazis, they were kind of more Occupy Poland, weren't they, than Occupy Wall Street?
Hey, you know what?
Bill O'Bill O'Reilly drunk dialed me.
Really?
Yeah, Bill O'Reilly did.
And let me see if I can find it.
I got it right here.
I got it right here.
Timmy, the big old here.
William Anan calling him a honey Fitzpatrick Gilligan dolomite Seamus O'Reilly.
That's my name.
No spin there.
Okay, sure.
I'll admit it.
I've had a few.
And by a few, I mean, I am not your bitch.
Wow, you know, when he gets drunk, he just gets a whole different bill.
He's overly defensive.
He seems to throw around the slurs towards women a lot more freely when he's drunk.
And he's got a lot of anger.
It comes out.
You really get to see it, right?
It comes out so bad, it's almost as if it's his regular TV show.
It's like it's like his regular TV show, except he's slurring.
That's how bad it is.
It's like his regular TV show, but he's not muddling facts.
Yeah.
Oh, you're right.
He's just straight shooting it.
Oh, he called again.
He called me a couple of times.
Let's see what else he had to say.
Hey, Timmy.
Timmy.
Okay.
No, listen to me.
Listen.
Listen.
I apologize for yelling you.
Well, you way out of wine.
All right.
Starzel and his mustache came on an old spin zone with some upsetting statisticals.
He reminds me of my uncle, by the way.
No, not because he's gay.
He reminds me of my uncle because his mustache always tickles my Bill O'Reilly's going through some stuff, I guess.
He is.
He's going through a painful divorce is what I think.
Yeah, yeah.
His wife is sleeping with a cop, now Nassau County cop, and that's got to hurt.
It's got to hurt.
He actually did call me.
I wonder if he takes comfort in the knowledge that that cop is being paid by Jamie Dimon of Chase to beat back Occupy Wall Street protesters.
And they're also, yes, and Bill O'Reilly also made a big donation to the Nassau County cops, too.
So, yeah, sometimes money doesn't work in your favor.
He called me a third time drunk.
What?
I'm not kidding.
Don't answer the phone, you arugula-munching recovery hippie.
For the love of St. Patrick from Hill of Slain, County Neath, west of Donegal.
I know you're home.
I can see you through your bathroom window.
Don't let them take my stuff.
Wow.
He's worried about people taking his stuff.
He really is worried about people taking his stuff.
That's why they're against the Occupy Wall Streeters, right?
Absolutely.
They're afraid of them taking their stuff.
Don't take my stuff.
It's all about selfish greed.
Yeah, by force, they're going to take this stuff.
We've heard Bill's fears already.
Knives in the streets, says Glenn Beck.
They're going to slit your throat in the street with their knives, and they're coming and kill you in the night.
To kill you in the night.
Because killing you in the day isn't enough.
Glenn Beck, they got to kill you at night.
Did anybody see the Iraq war veteran, the 6'7 black guy who was wearing his jacket, his army jacket with the medals, and he was yelling at the police on Wall Street?
Did anybody see that video?
It was really nice.
He was like, he was screaming at them at the top of their lungs, at the top of his lungs, and he was saying, this isn't a war zone.
What are you guys?
Why do you have your helmets on your sticks?
You don't need these people aren't armed.
He goes, you think you're tough?
You want to fight somebody?
Go over to Iraq.
You want to fight somebody?
These are American citizens.
I just spent 14 months in Iraq protecting them.
And now I come home and you guys are going to fight them.
You're not going to fight them.
There's no honor in this.
And then you just see them all slink away.
Like, nobody's going to get in this guy.
He's got his medals on his chest and he's screaming at them in their face.
This isn't a war zone.
To be fair to the cops, he just released a bunch of exotic animals on the streets.
So I think he went way over the top on that one.
He did.
He went a little over the top.
Bill O'Reilly called me a 404.
What?
You think I'm kidding?
Jimmy.
Here we go.
We'll do it live.
We'll do it live.
This thing sucks.
Timothy.
Radical leftists want to burn everything down.
That's the commonality here.
They want forced to redistribution of wealth.
How about some forced restribution of soap first?
Follow me.
Got that one from PGO Roar.
You want to woke him up.
I like his fresh perspective.
He's senior citizens, war vets, and teachers.
They're a bunch of dirty hippies and smooth-skinned yippies who refuse to bathe with me.
We've been going without braz, brawlers, ego, dostley, subsequently, as per your request.
And in conclusion, Brad says you'd all be swabbed down with my loofah.
You got the last word, Jimmy.
But first, and poll.
I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living in Chuck Dodd's beard and Stossel's mustache.
You're in the zone, so please stop spinning.
Seriously, I'm going to throw up.
I'll do it live.
Well, he's going through some stuff.
He really is.
He's having some, you know, and he's tripping out.
He's got a lot of problems on the inside.
You know, I want to remind people that if you missed any part of today's show and you'd like to hear those phone calls again, there's a version of the show, the good version of the show, can always be found as a podcast for free at iTunes.
That's right.
You go to iTunes, you type in Jimmy Door.
How's my last name spelled?
D-O-R-E.
That's right, D-O-R-E.
Or you can go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and you can listen to the show there for free, download it for free, and you can comment on the episodes.
Isn't that nice?
I like when people comment on the episodes.
And you can email me there too, and I'll email you back.
So I don't have to just get accosted in the street.
No, you don't have to just get accosted.
No, not at all.
No.
All right.
So let's move on.
Herman Kane was at the Republican National Debate, or as I liked.
It was more of a douche-off than a debate.
There's nothing like a room full of Christians all vying to show who has less compassion for the poor.
Well, speaking of that, here's Herman Kane.
You said, quote, don't blame.
A couple of two weeks ago, you said, don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the big banks.
If you don't have a job, you're not rich, blame yourself.
That was two weeks ago.
The movement has grown.
Do you still say that?
Yes, I do still say that.
And here's why.
Yeah, see, isn't that just another one of our precious freedoms?
Which one is that, Jimmy?
It's the freedom to laugh and cheer when somebody else's life turns to.
Right?
That's what they're.
And I believe that Republicans do understand the idea of compassion.
And Stevie Wonder understands the difference between purple and fuchsia.
The jeering tea partiers are simply holding on to our basic founding principles of life, liberty, and their pursuit of not giving a crap about anybody else.
That's all they're doing.
In every Republican debate, at one point, the audience has just cheered the most horrific things.
That any decent person would not, at least not cheer and take glee in people who don't have jobs or people who are sick and no healthcare or people being put to death by the state.
Gay soldiers.
Gay soldiers.
They've cheered or booed every something horrible.
How legally are they allowed to have that many torches in a room?
These are the same people who were gathering around baby Jessica going, woohoo!
Yeah, yeah.
You know, it's sure it seems cruel, you guys, but let's keep in mind that many of those people who've lost their jobs or homes or health care are total strangers.
So just keep that.
That's why it makes it a little easier to cheer.
And I understand how they feel.
I mean, if all Americans had health care, that's just going to keep more Democrats alive.
All right.
Let's remember that.
Okay.
All right.
So that was Herman Kane.
And that was how he responded.
He's made me hate pizza.
He has.
He has.
Yeah, I get it.
So here's now.
Here's Michelle Bachman of all people providing a counterpoint to that position.
You ready?
And listen to this.
And there are women right now all across this country and moms across this country whose husbands, through no fault of their own, are losing their job and they can't keep that house.
And there are women who are losing that house.
President Obama has failed you on this issue of housing and foreclosures.
I will not fail you on this issue.
Okay, so it's really, what are you going to do, Michelle?
Well, let me just say, but the point here I'd like to make is that how she's actually saying something decent and compassionate about people who have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.
And you could hear a pin drop in that place.
Where was the cheering?
Where's the cheering?
Where's the cheering?
People who have lost their jobs for no fault of their own because our economy crashed.
Well, then she blames Obama.
Yeah, Obama does.
I should share some blame, but there's a lot of other people to blame for this.
The only thing worse than they're cheering Herman Kane was later that night when they cheered Louis Anderson at his show.
You always got to bring it back to Louis Anderson, don't you?
Okay, right now I want to cut to a conversation I had with Mitt Romney.
He called me and I was actually home, so I picked up.
And the question we lead off with is what the hell were those people cheering about at the GOP debate when Herman Cain was talking about if you're unemployed, it's your own damn fault.
I just think there's frustration on both sides.
I think people get worked up and they let out a hoot and a holler every now and again.
But why would they cheer that?
Oh, yeah, I know.
People went to the bejesus on that one.
Yeah, I mean, it's like they did that with the help.
You're not recording.
You're not recording this right now, are you?
No, no.
Oh, what do you expect?
They're Republican primary voters.
They're a bunch of animals, just savages.
And these are the people who are behind a guy who's a pizza company.
I mean, give me a break.
Godfather's Pizza.
Who's ever heard of that?
I can't believe I have to count out to them like that.
But hey, that's part of the process.
What did you think of Rick Santorum?
Oh, that moron.
Oh, my God.
He's giving you a hard time, right?
And he's like super.
Yeah, he's like, yeah, he's super Christian.
You know, when his family came to Ellis Island, I obviously changed the name.
I wish they just would have sent him back because that guy's a thorn in my side that I don't need right now.
I have to deal with this hillbilly, Rick Perry, and I have to deal with this new money idiot, Herman Kane.
I have to deal with this caterwalling wench, Michelle Bachman.
I have to deal with who else is there?
Ron Paul.
Who the hell is this button?
Where did he come from?
That's all I have to say about him.
And then who else is it?
Oh, yes.
The Republican Party vampire, Newt Gingrich.
Yes.
I got to tell you, Mitt, you know, everybody knows you're going to be the nominee.
It's just.
Yeah, we all know it.
Let's all stop doing this little stupid square dance we're all doing and just give me the nomination.
You know, I'm with you, buddy.
I mean, these other people are just on stage.
You know what I mean?
What is this about?
This is ridiculous.
You know, I would say six of the other eight people are on stage just trying to sell a book.
Oh, can they write books?
I think it's their ghostwriters who'll be writing the books.
You know what I mean, right?
They're not serious like you.
I mean, it's they're all a bunch of idiots.
It's a pack of wildebeests who have somehow broken in to the American political process, which is designed for people like me.
Good-looking, well-built, well-born, white people.
Who are these people?
They're idiots.
They don't know what they're dealing with.
So, Mitt, listen, I watched a debate and I've heard what you said about your plan to fix the housing market.
Well, what is your plan again?
Right, of course.
What is your plan for the mortgages?
So, what is your plan to fix the housing?
Well, the business cycle needs to complete itself with the mortgages and the mortgage foreclosures.
So, we need to let more people get thrown out of their homes in order for us to reach bottom, and then we can build up from there.
That's how capitalism works.
Well, that's so your plan to fix the housing market is to throw people out of their houses at a faster rate.
Absolutely, yes.
And that way, good things can happen.
We can have a correction of a business cycle.
Well, that means kicking people out of their houses, Mitt.
Now, what happens to those people?
Well, what will probably happen is those people who are being kicked out, they can leave their house for a little while, maybe go on a vacation somewhere.
And then a rich person, I'm sorry, a wealthy job creator will purchase that house and then become a landlord and then rent it back to the people that originally owned it.
And also, maybe to another family to help split the rent.
That sounds like a nice deal, doesn't it?
So, now your solution, Mitt, is for people to rent houses with other families?
Who doesn't like bunk beds?
I call the top.
I'm always on top.
My dad was rich and powerful, so somehow so am I. Just to make it clear, and sum up, we kick the poor to the street, job creators buy it and rent it back to them.
That way, the working-class person loses their house, but the bank and its investors don't lose a penny, and the people are back in their houses with new friends.
Everybody wins.
Everybody wins.
It doesn't look like anybody wins.
I mean, the people don't win.
What about the people whose credit has been ruined by fraudulent banking practices, Mitt?
Well, that's a good thing.
They don't need credit anymore because they're renters, not buyers or owners.
But what about the people being kicked out of their houses?
Why not try and help the homeowners retain their homes, Mitt?
Well, yeah, no, come on now.
You want the government to bail out Wall Street and the working class?
Come on, what are you?
Some sort of ass, you know, I noticed you said that you hired a landscaping company to employ illegals.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
But look, Jimmy, I fired them.
I went right up to the boss fella and said, come on, guys.
I'm a little down on my luck here.
Can you help a brother out?
I'm trying to run for office here for Pete's sake.
Jimmy crickets.
And what did you want him to do with the workers?
Well, just get rid of them.
Get rid of them, Mitt?
You mean, like, fire them?
They're poor immigrant workers barely scraping by.
You want to kick them to the street because you're running for office?
I don't care what they do to them.
Have them line up and dig a ditch and shoot them into it.
Just get rid of them.
Daddy's running for office over here.
Come on.
Mitt, that sounds insensitive, buddy.
I mean, how do you expect to win the Hispanic vote talking like that?
Well, mostly through passing regressive voting laws and disenfranchising them.
So you're planning to win the Hispanic voters to disenfranchise them?
Well, yes.
If they can't vote at all, then they can't vote against me.
It's called virtual campaigning, Jimmy.
And thanks to Republican majorities in most state legislatures across the country, we're going to be able to disenfranchise not only Hispanics, but blacks, Browns, Yellows, all the yucky colors.
But lots of Hispanics are actually legal and are able to vote.
What are you going to do about them?
Oh, I've got a bang-up plan for that.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll win them over by dressing up like a huge taco and dancing around.
They'll love that.
Then I'll throw beans at them.
Oh, they'll go bananas.
Hey, who wants banana splits?
My treat.
Come on.
Take that train over to Romneytown.
Okay.
But be sure to have your papers when you arrive at the depot.
Mitt.
I'm trying to run for office here.
I get all sorts of illegals coming into Romneytown.
Who likes model trains?
I do.
I've got a whole thing in my basement.
Oh, you should see it.
It's Christmas time in that village.
*Music*
Okay, that was our thanks to Mitt Romney for sitting down with us.
That's the voice of Mitt Romney, Mike McRae, the hilarious Mike McRae.
Check him out over at MikeMcRae.com.
And while you're there, I mean, check out where he's played around the country.
He tours all the time and he's hilarious.
And I also wanted to take time out right now to let everybody know about a couple of people who helped make this show possible.
Sean James is a great, if you need help on Mac, your Mac stuff.
Sean James is your man.
He donates his help to the Show, which is a big help to the show, by the way.
So, Sean James and he can be reached at MacHelp, MacHelp at SeanJames.com.
How do you spell Sean?
S-H-A-U-N, SeanJames.com.
And a big shout out to Frank Pulaski, who also donates his time and skill to the show.
He takes all this comedy sketches we do on the show and he puts video to them.
And he posts us on his YouTube page, our YouTube page, Facebook.
That's Frank Pulaski over at Dreamy Time Films.
Big thanks to Frank.
And I want to thank all my writers, the people who helped write today's show: Jim Earl, Frank Conniff, Mike McRae, Steph Zamorano, and Robert Yasamura.
And I want to thank my guests, Frank Conniff, Paul Gilmartin, and Jim Earl for sitting in.
And a special thanks to Steve Rosenfield for his help with this week's show.
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