All Episodes
Previous Next
Sept. 8, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:08:02
20110908_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_9-8-11
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
song about making mistakes.
Sometimes we all make mistakes.
Sometimes we catch the real tough breaks.
But here's a trick that I've been working on.
Just say oops and move on.
Ran out of gas now.
Or maybe you stepped on broken glass.
Or tweeted your boner to a college girl.
Just say oops and move on.
Or maybe you're a movie star and you end up at a bar.
Next thing you know, you're getting blackout drunk and saying stuff about Jews.
Don't you even sweat it.
Have a gin and tonic and just try to forget it because it's all good.
You know the press can be a bitch sometimes.
Just say oops and move on.
Sometimes there's nothing else to do.
Besides, there might be people chasing you because you sold them a bunch of worthless stocks for 20 billion bucks.
Just say oops.
There's supposed to be something here.
Here we go.
Or spilled 100 million gallons of oil and fucked up the world.
Don't you get morose.
Take a weekend yacht trip off the English coast because it's all good.
You know that life can be a bitch sometimes.
Just say oops and move on.
It's the Jimmy Door Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to your T-Dagging.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Door.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's show.
We are in Studio B in Pasadena, and I'm joined, as always, from CinematicTitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Connip.
Hi, Frank.
How are you?
Frank, you're fresh back from DragonCon.
DragonCon.
I met some Jimmy Door show fans there.
Oh, hello to all the people in Atlanta who listened to the show.
And Frank, you got a little color when you were there.
You look good.
Yeah, I got a nice powder blue polo happening.
I'm red from embarrassment.
Okay, Frank Connip, and also from the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hi, Paul.
James.
Now, are you still, are you still officially with the dinner in a movie?
Our final episode airs, final two episodes air Saturday night, this Saturday night.
Oh, for my two favorite movies, Jimmy.
Miss Congeniality 1 and Miss Congeniality 2.
Oh, those are fantastic.
I like when she falls.
She's so great.
She jerks.
Now, what is the meal you're going to be making?
We're not making anything.
We're showing clips from previous meals.
Yeah.
Just from the show before.
We're really lazy about putting clips together.
Miss Congeniality 2.
I like the addition of Hyman Raw.
I know who that is.
Still don't get the joke.
And next to us, former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious stand-up comedian, Steve Rosenfield.
How are you, Steve?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
Oh, fantastic.
You're sounding great.
Okay, well, you know, before we start everything, right?
Now, we remember last week there was the hurricane, there was the earthquake, and Michelle Bachman said this.
I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians.
We had an earthquake.
We had a hurricane.
He said, are you going to start listening to me?
Okay, so we know.
So the hurricane, the earthquake, Michelle Bachman said.
And then Patrick McCall.
But it seems to me the Washington Monument is a symbol of America's power.
It has been the symbol of our great nation.
We look at that monument and we say this is one nation under God.
Now there's a crack in it.
There's a crack in it and it's closed up.
Is that a sign from the Lord?
Okay, so the earthquake, the hurricane, signs from God.
But I don't know if you've noticed the biggest wildfires in the history of Texas are happening right now and at a great time because Governor Perry cut 75% of their firefighting budget this year.
Fantastic.
And so, but has anybody noticed Pat Robertson or Michelle Bachman?
Have they said anything about God causing the wildfires in Texas?
Gosh, they didn't?
They didn't?
I can't imagine why.
Could it be that Texas is a God-fearing state as opposed to New York?
To be clear, when bad things happen in red states, it's because God moves in mysterious ways.
But when bad things happen in blue states, it's because we need to deregulate business and God hates facts.
Okay.
All right.
So coming up, what's coming up on today's show?
Obama caved into the GOP smog standards, which means less restrictions on the toxic fumes that form when he shits on his own party.
Hey, Rick Perry's beating Michelle Bachman in the polls, which is so unfair, is it not?
It's so sexist how a dumb, crazy man automatically does better than a dumb, crazy woman.
Networks responded to criticism of the hurricane coverage last week.
Remember, people were like, hey, their coverage was overblown.
Well, the network, the big headline in New York Times, can overhyped alarmist news stories kill you?
Answer at 11.
Okay.
And Jerry Lewis no longer hosted the Labor Day telethon this past.
But Dick Cheney now is hosting a new telethon that seeks to find a cure for peace and justice.
The U.S. Post Office is in danger of closing.
They really are.
That's true.
They're going to close this winter.
So please, anybody in the sound of my voice, please email, text, or Fax Congress and urge them to keep that vital service open.
Well, what's coming up on today's show?
We're going to talk about there's a food strike might be happening in Los Angeles.
And ABC News sent a film crew down to talk to some regular people.
Because how can I know what the strike means unless I hear from people who are uninformed about it?
We also take a look at ABC News local coverage of the Iraq war.
The Iraq war is still happening.
Oh, I'm sure it's in depth.
It's even-handed.
Yes.
It's insightful.
And it leaves you informed.
And it leaves us informed.
So I can make good decisions.
Yes.
Sure.
So we're going to talk about that.
And if we have time, we're going to talk about how Dick Gregory at Press the Meet covered the 10 years since 9-11.
You know, 9-11, the anniversary is coming up to Sunday.
Did you say Dick Gregory?
It said Dick.
I mean David Gregory.
Okay.
What did I say?
Dick Gregory.
Dick Gregory.
And it's like, wow, all of a sudden a former comedian is covering the.
You know what?
I think that's a Freudian slip on my part.
Dick Gregory can't be on Meet the Press because he's with Chris Christie.
Go ahead.
Is he?
Oh, it's because he's trying to get him to lose weight?
Yeah.
All right.
Sometimes you have to do a little work for Frank's job.
Yeah.
And that's what makes them taste so good.
Have you bought the DVD, Frank Connoff's reference workout?
It's exhausting.
I haven't heard that many references since Frank Frank.
Choo-choo-kacapooka binky.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, now the Oh My God segment today, it's going to be a two-parter.
It's from our main man, Jim DeMint.
Now, Jim DeMint's a senator from South Carolina, one of the most conservative corporate tools, and he's considered the leader of the Tea Party in the Senate.
And every year without fail, Jim DeMint is the keynote speaker at the Total Douchebag Convention.
Does he make cream?
I think he, oh, DeMint and cream?
Cream DeMint.
Oh, cream.
God, how did you, how did you screw that up?
How did shame I'm not?
I'm going to have to cut that out.
You know, at the hotel where they have the convention, they always leave a Jim DeMint on the phone.
Hey, as long as we're going for DeMint joke.
Sure.
Now, some people call Jim DeMint a moron, but to be fair, that's only his political opponents or people that understand what he's saying.
Okay.
And a good number of people in South Carolina think that Jim DeMint just makes a lot of good sense, just like slavery and denying a woman's right to choose.
So here's Jim DeMint, and he's talking about why he knows there's an unemployment crisis in South Carolina.
You want to know why there's an unemployment crisis in South Carolina?
I've spent the month of August visiting a lot of businesses, manufacturing plants.
And what they want is less regulation.
They're actually afraid to hire people because of what they're afraid the government will do to them.
Yeah, because the government might screw.
If you start hiring people in this economy, the government comes in and screws.
And that's why people won't hire.
Like my brother's a small business owner, and he has people banging on his door to buy some stuff from him.
He's like, no way, I'm not hiring more people.
I'm just not going to do it.
He's got more people than he can service, and he doesn't care.
He's not hiring because he's afraid of what the government might do.
But that's not, that's not the whole story from Jim DeMint.
That's part of the puzzle.
That's what he said.
Well, he says the government, people are afraid to hire.
That's why there's not hiring.
But then a little while later in his interview, this is why people aren't being hired.
I've talked to a lot of businesses in South Carolina who can't get employees to come back to work because they're getting unemployment and they're getting food stamps and they say, call me when unemployment runs out.
Okay, now let me just say this about Jim DeMint.
You may not like everything he has to say, but you can't deny that he provides an excellent way for shit to get from one place to another.
That's so true.
So that's any that would be my oh my God.
And yet in the middle of a depression, Jim DeMint saying the reason why people aren't working, there's plenty of jobs out there.
Plenty of jobs.
Plenty of jobs.
People are lazy.
Don't want to go back to work.
They'd rather stay at home on unemployment, making that sweet one-third of what they used to make when they were paid.
Yeah, when they were working.
Yeah.
That's what they people, you know, I was trying to figure out how they figure out what you get paid for unemployment.
It's very hard to figure out.
You take a quarter of your work, right?
So what, so like the first three months of last year, if that was your highest earning quarter, you would then get paid every check 4% of whatever that total was.
I know it's kind of confusing why that, but it turns out most people get about a third of what they were making when they were employed.
So you could see why people would like, ah, if I go back to work, all I'm going to do is make two-thirds more money.
I'm going to have enough food.
Yeah, it's like it's like they're on a vacation, except they don't go to Disneyland.
They just stay at home and worry.
But also, going back to work is a great way to get unemployment again one day.
That's an investment.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You're right.
That's all the people.
That's how I think.
And even if there was some truth to that, then wouldn't the question be, should we look at the minimum wage and the fact that people can't support themselves on the minimum wage?
You mean that you can't, you can, in the words of Rick Perry, you can support a minimum family.
As long as their house isn't burning down.
Yeah.
Yeah, because he cut the fire department budget $75.
But the people whose houses are burning down are just so relieved that the government is not involved in helping them.
It gives them a sense of freedom.
They don't want some nanny state coming in saving their house from a fire.
No, they're going to do it.
They're going to pull themselves up by their own bucket straps and fill those buckets with water.
You know where the one place where Americans, I think, are at fault is the fact that we keep buying Chinese products instead of buying American.
And I think if we bought American more, there would be more jobs.
But so many of us want to go to Walmart or wherever and buy the absolute cheapest thing that we can and buy stuff that we don't need.
When can I buy a TV that's made in America?
Well, if we started buying stuff that was made here, then at least the ball would start rolling.
And I'm not saying it's going to happen overnight, but you can buy clothing that's made here.
So let me get this straight.
That's a place to start.
So corporate America starts to outsource jobs to people, to countries that have no worker protection.
So they're paid less.
Right.
A lot less, right?
So it's basically slave labor a lot of times.
Yet somehow people are supposed to, without the jobs, take their money that has been decreasing and then buy stuff that's no longer made here, and somehow that will...
That's what I'm saying.
Paul, I would.
If there was a place to go to buy a sneaker made in America or there are sneakers made in America, there are t-shirts made in America.
You have to look online.
You just have to do a little bit of work.
Really?
Yes.
There are t-shirts made in America.
Yep.
Wow.
That's amazing.
You looked online on your Toshiba computer.
I go on my Macintosh made by slaves in China.
And by the way, I'm all for globalization, right?
Because I don't want to pay full price for my iPhone.
Do you?
You want to pay what it's really worth?
Or do you want to have it made by slaves in China?
You don't have to see your meat.
I would pay more for it if I knew that the middle class wasn't going to be squeezed to the point of extinction.
Yeah, no, I'm with you, Paul.
I'm being a jerk to make a point.
But yeah, I agree with you.
So that's Jim DeMint, leader of the Tea Party in Congress, says that the reason why people aren't back to work, businesses are afraid to hire, and people are too lazy.
They don't want their jobs back because they have that sweet life on.
You know how sweet it is when you're on food stamps and unemployment.
You know the...
You know the ego rush you get when you're paying for food stamps at the groceries.
You've heard of a golden ticket?
It's the zinc ticket.
It's just like, that's right.
I am vacationing all summer.
Here's my food stamps.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh my God.
You know, the problem I think with this week's Oh my God was that you were you're expecting you are.
Yeah.
You're expecting Jim DeMint to say exactly that.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
It's still crazy, right?
Like it still doesn't make your eyes just as.
I don't like him.
That's my own reference.
Okay, Steve.
All right, let's go to our next topic for today.
Let me just say, when I was younger, I had a grandma who lived with our family for a time.
I still don't know why, why she lived with us.
I mean, she was, you know, she was doing pretty well with her rich Social Security and Medicare benefits.
She's doing great.
And when you live with somebody with somebody, you get to know their quirks, like among my Nana's many quirks, you know, racism, alcoholism.
She also liked to report the news to us, right?
By this, I mean she would read the USA Today, and then she would tell us what she could remember from her reading.
And by the way, if you think USA Today is a terrible newspaper, and it is, you should try hearing it interpreted from an alcoholic racist grandmother who's dependent on you.
Who was, yeah, by someone who was raised during the Depression, the original depression, not the current depression, which is in its 200th week at the box office, just talking.
It's like Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon of Economic Recovery.
Yeah, and the problem with my Nana was that she couldn't really remember the pertinent facts about the stories.
You know, like the person or the place or what any of it meant.
And to this day, I still feel that in the early 80s, Great Britain may have invaded the Peter Falk Island.
Well, I must say that Nana left us years ago, but her spirit seems to live on in the quality reporting I get in my local news.
So here's an ABC clip from last week, ABC local news here in Los Angeles, ABC, and they're talking about something that happened in Iraq.
Now, this is a 30-second report.
Let's listen to this.
A suicide bombing of a Sunni mosque in Baghdad killed 29 people today.
An Iraqi lawmaker is among the dead.
38 others were wounded.
Earlier today, a pair of bombs went off in the capital, killing two people and wounding five others.
The first blast was caused by a device that was hidden on a civilian's car in the southwestern part of the capital.
That explosion killed two and wounded a third person.
Then about 90 minutes later, a roadside bomb wounded four passersby in eastern Baghdad.
Okay, now, I don't know about you, but I listened to that.
I don't know.
I know that some people blew up some suicide bombs in the capital of Iraq.
I don't know why.
I don't know who did it.
I don't know what they're trying to accomplish.
I don't know what happened as a result of that.
You know, I find it a special curiosity when a news report is so uninformative that you were better off not hearing it in the first place.
I knew more than when it started.
Yes.
Yeah, it made it sound like there were four separate incidents, and I still don't know how many people were killed in any of them.
It's very confusing.
Who did it?
And what did they want?
Was it the vegans?
I bet it was the vegans.
But in their defense, that station's coverage of the red carpet at the video music awards was very thorough.
Nobody had better red carpet.
I caught just a glimpse of that online.
Their VMAs, what you're talking about?
Yeah, yeah.
Nobody does the red carpet better than that.
So they are real journalists, but they do.
Yes, they got it.
The story just has to have a melody.
You know, let me just say, compared to the people at my local ABC News affiliate, my Nana was a hardened news woman with a press card and a fedora and a story always burning in her heart.
And for my U.S. A to A news, I always look forward to your Nana lying outside my hotel door in the morning.
All across the country.
That's right.
You know, the thing that's most insidious about the lack of information in this report is it's the subtle message that it doesn't matter.
You know, we don't need to give you details on this bombing.
I mean, it's Iraq, and they're all animals over there.
Who knows what these crazy terror monkeys want anyway?
Probably the same old meaningless gobbledygook that would lead someone to sacrifice their own life for a cause.
What could that be?
Who cares about that?
It's just another incident in that stupid war we started 10 years ago.
Remember when those bombs used to go off?
Well, it's more of that.
It's more of that.
It's more of that for no reason.
We still don't know why we're there in the first place or why we're staying.
No one.
10 years after, nobody's explained why we're there, what we're doing there still.
We're still talking about it, which is much more convenient.
We have stuff.
We're not even talking about it.
If you play the game Civilization, have you guys ever played the game Civilization?
No.
It's the most absorbing, incredible video game that you can play.
It's a strategy game.
And I won't go into lengths about how you play it, but you learn through the acquisition of resources and starting wars.
You begin to learn why people do the things that they do.
And if you've played Civilization enough and you look at the map of the Middle East, if you were playing the game Civilization, you would say, I have to own Iraq.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Because just because geographically and in terms of resources, everything runs through it.
Really?
If you don't own it, you are at the whim of other people around it.
So you would think that Iraq would be actually – If you think of the Middle East as the Hollywood Squares, it's the center square.
Really?
So Iraq is the Paul Lind of the Jewish News.
It is.
Political.
It's the gay, witty country.
And they were damn good in the saddle.
But let me get it.
So the whole Iraq war was Iraq to block.
That's right.
Let me get to that.
That's my take on it.
Getting back to this local ABC news coverage of the latest bombing in Iraq.
I think that I wish I had access to their local news because wouldn't it be weird if it would be kind of the cruelest of ironies if the Baghdad local news gave a really in-depth report of LA's gang problem?
Well, what happens in the barrio?
I think the most infuriating thing about the news is the same thing that drove me crazy about Nana.
Okay, now I just have enough news, and then I have to go searching for the actual details.
That's kind of, it's like, oh, they gave me like a template.
And it's like your doctor gives you a third of a dose of insulin and going like, all right, now get the rest.
You need it.
I looked at your x-ray.
I'm just going to tell you it's not good.
Yeah, yeah.
I was going to have a good day.
I'm not going to tell you what's wrong, why it's wrong, what we could do to fix it, or how we got here, but I'm going to tell you I saw it.
Well, is it the job of the news to tell us what we need to do to fix it?
I would say no, but they should certainly give us the more facts so that we know that there's a – Yeah, but I don't think it's the job of the anchor to do that.
No, but it certainly is the job, I think, of the news organization to give you an editorial session.
I think.
I think it'd be biased if somebody had an answer because any answer they had, you know, which I don't agree with because there should be an answer.
But any answer, well, that's a gift wing factor.
They give you answers all the time on like how, you know, how to have a healthier body or what kind of workout you should take.
You know, I mean, they're always providing answers for trivial lifestyle things on every newscast.
I mean, it's an integral part of their show.
Yeah, it's like, hey, can Toe save your diet?
You know, stuff like that.
How to lose weight quick and how to look good.
Get ready for your summer body.
You know, all that stuff.
Better not vote for Perry.
I mean, somebody should say that.
Well, I remember in Chicago, Jimmy, I'm sure you remember this.
They used to do editorials at the end of their newscast.
Yes, what's the matter with doing that?
Paul, I remember Fay He Flynn.
Yeah.
Walter Jacobson, they were good.
They were informative.
And they would do.
But they would couch it in terms of this is an editorial.
This is an editorial.
What we need to do is This.
Yes, they would never do that anymore because they would.
Well, they're their own shows now, the editorials, but they're spun so far to the right.
Well, cable news is a constant crappy editorial.
Yes.
Like several people giving uninformed and worrying about not upsetting people.
Right.
Well, I think that's why the local news got rid of their editorial, too, and the national news.
I mean, they used to.
Eric Severide on the CBS used to tell you what the news meant.
You do a little commentary at the end.
Howard K. Smith.
Howard K. Smith, yeah.
Bob Schieffer does it sometimes on Face to Nation.
On Face to Nation, he'll do it.
Yeah, you're right.
But it's very, yeah, it's few and far between.
They got rid of it.
And the reason why they stopped informing you is because it might hurt their profits.
The reason why they stopped editorials is because they might lose a viewer or two who disagreed with them and they can't have that.
So now it's just, it's all the, it's not the news.
Now it's, you know, like the Today show is like, you know, and culture, you may disagree with her, but you got to admit, she has some provocative opinions.
I mean, I've got to say, it's entertainment as news.
Yes.
Yeah.
Love her or hater.
Yeah.
She is.
She'll be interesting for sure.
You know, and then they have people like her on their show who purposely misinform people, don't have any facts about anything, and they don't have that minimum standard.
And if you're coming on this show to hawk a book, the book should be factual, you know, if it's a work of nonfiction, and they don't even have that minimum standard anymore.
But then, but, but here's the most insidious part, Frank, is that someone like Ann Coulter, her first line of attack would be to say that the people who are attacking her are liars.
And they're right.
So it's like, now you just look like you're throwing shit at them.
But if no, but if you go into Ann Coulter's books, and she's just one example, but if you go into her books and you go through her footnotes, you can trace because she claims her books are heavily footnoted, and you can trace the source of the so-called facts that she claims to put.
And it's always really shaky.
It's always like some right-wing website.
Right.
You know, and it's all, and that's her source for what she's presenting as facts.
So if you go in and do that, you like Matt Lauer, his researchers could do that, and he could sit there and present to her, you know, a case by he could totally challenge her with the facts, but that is something that never happens on those shows.
You know what?
We're up against the clock, but Herman Kane, you know, he's been having, he's been telling people we don't need to rewrite the Constitution, we need to reread it, and then he misquotes it.
They love to quote the Declaration of Independence and thinking it's the Constitution.
Well, he's heard us made fun of him on the show.
He left me a voicemail.
Really?
Jimmy Dore, this is Herman Kane.
I hope you are satisfied with my interpretation of the Constitution.
Because as I have pointed out in the past, all these people making laws don't seem to care about the Constitution.
We need to reread the Constitution and know what it says.
We know that it says life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And that if this government turns out to be a tyranny, feel free to ignore the laws and that abortion is illegal.
But don't stop there.
Keep reading.
It also says that government of the people, for the people, and by the people shall not perish from the earth as long as we beat our swords into plowshares.
But don't stop there.
Keep reading.
It also says that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.
Live long and prosper.
That's the part of the Constitution where Spock died.
That was sad.
But it's okay.
He comes back to life in Article 3.
If you have the time, read it all the way through to the end where it says signed Jesus.
But remember, the Constitution is not some mussy old piece of paper that was written down long ago.
The Constitution is the word we use for all the things that we as a society make us happy to believe is actually true.
The Constitution was made because the founding fathers wanted a smaller government.
The government before that was too big.
But over time, the federal government has been growing too big again and interfering with business.
Job-killing government regulation has been getting out of control ever since 1863 when the president issued a decree that radically redefined labor and property.
This decree called the Emancipation Proclamation virtually destroyed thousands of small family-owned businesses throughout the South.
That was the wrong thing to do.
And it's just gotten worse.
Jimmy, we need to simplify our government.
The health care bill was over 200,000 pages.
And like I said, if I were president, I would limit every piece of legislation to a three-page bill.
That's my slogan.
Three-page bill.
But I wouldn't stop there.
There are over 500 people in the Congress and Senate combined.
As the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, I know that 500 people can't even agree on toppings or Finn versus Big Fruit.
When I am president, I will limit the number of Congress to 50 people that I hand select and make take an oath to prove they are not Muslim.
That's what my favorite founding father, Oliver Cromwell, would have done.
Three-page bill.
And all these national parks the federal government owns.
Do you realize how much tax revenue we could offset if we simply sold that land to developers and oil companies?
Three-page bill.
Mount Rushmore has four old-ass precedents on it.
We have to spend millions of tax dollars picking all their giant noses every year.
We need to get rid of at least one of them.
I see the guy in the glasses that no one knows.
Three-faced hill.
My name is Herman Kane, and I am fucking crazy.
Give me a call back on my psychedelic shoehorn.
I said, give me a call back on my psychedelic shoehorn.
Okay, that was Herman Kane letting us know.
Okay, and this is the Jimmy Doer show on Pacifica.
Hey, if you're in the Seattle area, anyone who's in the Seattle area, I'll be up there this weekend telling jokes at a comedy club called Laughs in Kirkland, right outside of Seattle.
There's a link at the website.
Go there.
See you there this weekend.
And if you love this show, like I know you do, I know you want to make sure it keeps coming to you every week.
Well, you know what?
Our show is made possible by the generous donations of our listeners.
That's right.
And some not-so-generous donations.
We like those too.
How do I, Jimmy, how do I support the show?
How do I make sure that Herman Kane, Bill O'Reilly, Tuesdays with Moron, oh my God, segment, how do I make sure all this keeps coming to me?
You go over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on donate, you become a great person, and then we're going to send you something nice in the mail as a thank you.
Send you a DVD, we send you, and guess what?
We have figured out how to add extra content.
Our good friend Jay Tomlinson over at Best to the Left filled me in on what to do.
We got a tech guy working on it, and we know how to make extra content available because when the mics go turn off, when this show's over, we don't stop talking.
We keep talking.
And I say, we share that with the people who donate to our show, which we will be doing.
I'm so excited.
Okay.
And if times are tight and you can't make a donation, if you swing by iTunes and leave a nice review of the show, it really does help.
It really does.
Okay, now back to the show.
Okay, and we're back on the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joining studio from CinematicTitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Coniff from TBS's Dinner and a Movie and the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin and former writer for the Daily Show and hilarious stand-up comedian Steve Rosenfield.
How are you, Steve?
Good, Jimmy.
How are you?
Okay, what's coming up on the second half of the show?
Well, I want to get to, we're going to, Bill O'Reilly is going to call in.
Barack Obama has a phone call coming up.
Yes, we're going to talk about what 9-11 really meant to some to Doris Kearns Goodwin on the Press the Meet from last Sunday.
It's going to break your heart.
But right now, I wanted to talk about Bill O'Reilly.
You know, last summer, Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly came to believe that his wife was romantically involved with another man.
And not just any man, but a police detective in the Long Island community they call home.
So O'Reilly did what any concerned husband would do.
He pulled strings to get the police department's internal affairs unit to investigate one of their own for messing with the wrong man's lady.
This is all true.
So Bill O'Wiley's wife leaves him, buys a home in her own name, registers to vote in that, where she moved to, and Bill finds out she's been sleeping with this cop from, I think it's the Nassau County, Right.
Yes.
So she bought it.
She bought her house, transferred her voter registration to the new address, while Bill O'Reilly keeps his registration current at the old address.
And as per usual, the Fox did not comment on the situation.
And since that, we've learned it's like the Bridges of Madison County meets cop cop land.
This is according to the gawker.
This is all from Gawker, right?
When confronted with the potentially disloyal spouse, O'Reilly reacted by, not unlike his boss, Roger Ailes, treating his local police department like a private security force and trying to damage one cop's career for the sin of crossing Bill O'Reilly.
Richard Harrison is a 23-year veteran from the Nassau County Police Department, who as of last summer had been a detective in the elite internal affairs unit for 12 years.
His job was to catch crooked cops and corruption.
But at some point during the summer, his commanding officer, Inspector Neil Delargy, called him into his office with a highly unorthodox assignment.
He was to launch an investigation into a fellow officer based not on what he had done, but on who he was dating.
Okay, so we guess you got the backstory, okay?
So that, and Bill O'Reilly drunk dialed me.
Oh, did he, really?
I drunk.
I mean, he sounds hammered if you listen to him.
Here, let's hear what he has to say.
Hey, Timmy, it's me, Bill O'Reilly.
Now, Bill O'Reilly, Australian cricket player, who's in the Australian Cricket Hall of Fame.
I ready to accurately deliver the ball two-fingered grip at close to media base as well as throw like breaks, gooeys and top spinners with no discernible change in his action.
Not that Bill O'Reilly.
I'm the other Bill O'Reilly with P. There were only two of us.
I've had it with all the mix-ups.
That's it.
Call his mic.
Get off my show, damn it.
Yeah, he was obviously drunk, right?
He didn't even leave a full message.
It's a tough time for Bill, right?
Yeah.
And I wonder how often he gets confused with the Australian football guy.
I never even heard of him.
The other Bill O'Reilly.
They're the only two Bill O'Reillys on Wikipedia, apparently.
But he called back again.
Let's hear what he had.
did call back again, so I hope it's...
I'm sorry about that.
Let's just agree that you wear a line and leave it there, okay?
Okay.
Yeah, sure, sure.
I've had a few.
And by a few, I mean, shut up.
I'm parking here.
This is my message.
So you'll just have to five down, listen.
Speaking of never listening.
You may have heard about my wife being unwhore.
I just want to tell you right now that I respect the Nassau County Police Department.
So much so that I feel necessary to blow a whistle, hard boys, and blow.
Who, by the way, getting blown by my wife.
There go.
My wife is unwhore.
Follow me.
All right.
Oh.
Hey.
Call his mic.
Get off my show.
Damn it.
I call it here.
Fogging Man in Blue.
Man in Black.
A-li-a-a-a-a.
Ugh.
Wow.
Wow.
He sounds like he's really down in the mouth.
He's going through some stuff.
He really...
He really...
Yes, he is going through some stuff.
He's definitely going through.
You know what?
It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Absolutely.
Right?
His wife should be investigated for marrying him in the first place.
His wife should be.
You know what?
He actually, do you want to?
He called me again.
Should we wait?
Should we hold off on these?
I think we should hear him.
Yes.
Let's hear it.
He called me right again.
Door.
O'Reilly here.
B.O. The Bill.
Sir.
Hey, what's wrong with the answering machine?
What is 97?
Look, you were way over the top just now.
I am not even joking, Rob.
That's why I had to call you off.
I call you off, all right?
You follow me?
No, you don't.
Nobody cheats to this marriage except me.
Okay.
Okay.
My wife, sure.
Sure.
My wife refuses to orgasm.
Sure, I bribe the police commissioner to investigate a cop.
Just reporting his addition inside.
My wife.
Hey, did I just attempt to joke?
I'm a comedian like Jimmy Door.
I hate puns.
I'm way out of line.
Come on, Mike.
Oh, my goodness.
I hope he's not driving.
He is really going through some things.
I will.
You know, when a guy's wife leaves him and starts sleeping with a cop.
I was on the fence about whether to play this or not, but he did Bill O'Reilly calling me in one last time.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
Bill O'Reilly complaining about his wife.
What going on?
Come on, go on.
Oh, hey, Jimmy, this is all wild.
I think we got cut off there.
Look, I think it's obvious you don't know the first damn thing about the fans coming from terrorists.
If you did, you'd understand why I made the police commissioner harass a guy who's making me look improving me look impotent.
Impotent.
Which I am not, by the way.
Impentant.
Impotent.
Impotent.
Impotent before God.
You went out of line.
Oh, mother Mary and Jesus.
Anyway, I gotta go.
Remember this, Jimmy.
Two words of advice.
Billy Joel's a hoodlum.
And you're the vibrator.
God is Mike.
God is Mike.
For the love of Mary and Mother, Jesus, God is Mike.
These are the end of days.
God is Mike.
Jimmy Dore will be hanging upside down gets me.
All right, see you, buddy.
Okay, that's it.
That's the last call we have from Bill O'Reilly.
And let's move on to our next story for today, shall we, fellas?
What is the next story?
Oh, we teased it at the beginning of the show.
Ralph's, here in Los Angeles, we have about 15 different food stores, but they're owned by the same two companies, right?
So one company owns Ralph's, which is the most, I think, prevalent food store in the Southland, as we like to call it.
Ralph, they're called Ralph's, which is a funny name for a food store, right?
Yeah.
I've thought of that before.
I'm going to get some food.
Ralphs.
I'm going to Ralph's.
And I'm going to get his bowl soup over at Pukes.
And then we're going to go for a nightcap over at Upchuck's.
So Ralph's is the place.
And Ralph's is screwing over their employees again.
Now, Ralph's, let's remember that they made, I think they're owned, but they might even be owned by a hedge fund at this point, but they made $3 billion profit last year.
So that food organization.
Even though I always used my Ralph's club card and got discounts at any time and they still made that kind of thing.
You're sticking it to them, and they're still making the big money.
Okay.
So they're trying to screw over their employees again.
They want them to pay an extra, about an extra $1,100 more a year out of their paychecks for their health care, which they had already previously negotiated, but now the company wants to screw them out of it.
So an $1,100 more a year might not seem like a lot.
And it's really nothing if you think about it.
And you own a chain of supermarkets.
So the union's threatening a strike.
And the company says they're willing to negotiate in good faith for as long as it takes the union to cave.
Sounds about right.
Don't they, for their health, instead of a health plan, shouldn't they just not eat at Ralph's?
Instead of a...
In Lou, they do have some healthy stuff at Ralph's.
So ABC, the local ABC News, they took a camera down to Ralph's to ask uninformed people about how they feel about the whole thing.
And let's listen to what some of the customers have to say.
Everybody's got to give right now.
And I can't even tell.
I don't even want to say on air how much I pay for my health care.
Everybody's got to give right now is what that lady says.
Everybody's got to give right now.
There's one more lady.
Let's hear both this later.
There's another lady who has something to say.
The strike is not right.
We have enough program in California.
And this had more program.
Yeah, that's right.
The strike is not right.
We have enough.
Did they talk to anyone that supported the strike?
They did talk to two people, but I don't have that.
I don't have those clips.
So they had two people who were like that against the strike, and then two people who said they should be before the strike.
And let me just ask the question, why will the Republicans always manage to have a minimum of 50% in America?
Why?
Because these ladies are the quintessential voters.
I don't get to have affordable health coverage in the wealthiest country in the world.
And instead of seeing the injustice in that and supporting people who are trying to turn that around in this country, she goes, I'm going to see the injustice in other people getting better health coverage than me.
That's the real injustice.
So if I don't get it, they can't get it.
What's great about this country to her is being able to buy hot pockets.
Right?
Yeah, I think that's one of the things when you pride your nation.
And listen, I'm not bashing our country.
I love our country.
Get out.
Is that what you're telling me?
Why not bashing?
Just me.
When competition and being number one is so completely ingrained into everything in our society, it can't help but come back and bite you in the ass in certain places.
And I think people, a lot of times, instead of rooting for your fellow man, you want to make sure that you're doing better than them.
And so naturally, you're going to get things like this where this woman doesn't want somebody else having affordable health care coverage.
And it's kind of almost like Paul, like it's like thinly veiled racism in a sense.
It certainly is classism.
It's classism.
It's classism and where, because this lady, because like, you know, she's going to go, wait a minute, I'm white and I work in an office.
And here are people who work at a grocery store and they have better health benefits than me.
That can't be.
So if I've got it bad, everyone who I perceive myself as being lower than me in the economic world has to have it worse than me.
And not that, oh, wait a minute.
If you work at a grocery store, you can have health benefits.
Well, I should have health benefits.
I work in an office.
Like, it doesn't work that way for her brain.
It goes the opposite way.
And I wonder, is that just natural human instinct to be that way?
Or is that because of the country we live in?
I think it's both.
I think that it's the, right now you have the plutocracy that runs this country putting out a, you know, their value system that they are blanketing the country with is that if you don't have what you need, it's your fault.
You're lazy.
You're irresponsible.
We've heard Bill O'Reilly and Lou Docs.
Everyone say that.
Right.
So if there's something wrong with you, if you don't have a job, it's because you're lazy, right?
You don't they want to be on unemployment.
And if you don't have your health care, it's your own fault.
You don't have a good enough job.
I had a cop in Los Angeles tell me that if you don't have health care, maybe you should get a better job.
I go, what about all those people who work at Walmart?
The biggest retailer in America doesn't provide health coverage to most of the people who work for them.
What are they supposed to do?
And he's like, well, they're not smart enough to get a better job.
That's what they deserve.
That's what they deserve.
Wow.
So there is a certain amount of.
So it doesn't matter if you're not working and you're on unemployment, you're a bum.
And if you have a job at Walmart, you still don't deserve anything.
Right, yes.
Because you're still not morally as good as someone else because you didn't go to school and get enough schooling.
And we justify the war in Iraq because it's going to make Americans safer.
And yet, when we are actually literally unsafe because of our health, we won't spend the money to make us self.
We will pour billions into the possibility that we'll be unsafe, but we won't pour a dime into making sure that we are literally safe.
When it is imminent, you're making the point that a lot of soldiers have come back from America have made the point that, you know, there was no Iraqi who ever tried to kick an American out of their house.
There wasn't an Iraqi who tried to deny someone health coverage.
Those came from people inside of America.
It's Americans who deny Americans who are kicking people out of their own houses.
It was Bank of America.
It's not an Iraqi.
It was Blue Cross who was denying people coverage for their illness.
It wasn't an Iraqi.
Goldman Sachs has hurt this country more than al-Qaeda could ever dream of hurting.
And if our country had any sense of taking action, all the people at Ralph's would rush over to Gelson's and beat the crap out of those people.
Yeah.
And how about the lady who says there's enough problems and we already have enough problems?
Like as if a strike isn't an attempt to solve a problem.
Right, right.
Like that's just another problem.
Yeah.
And I not having health care is not a problem, apparently.
Yeah, and apparently that's not a problem.
It's not a problem.
It's not being able to pay.
Everyone has to give right now.
And that lady saying everyone has to give right now.
It's like, do you realize that the cost of health insurance doesn't go back down after a while?
It's not like we have to pay a little bit more for a few months or even a few years.
It stays that way for everybody.
It's never going to go back down.
And the fact that she views this as a temporary sacrifice should have told that reporter that she was too stupid to give an opinion.
But as with most local news, it seems to be your main qualification for a man on the street comment is that you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
But she was upset because her health care was too expensive.
That's what she said.
I don't want to tell you.
So why should these sons of bitches get a better deal than the exact opposite of what she should be saying?
It's like, yeah, we're all getting screwed now, so I'm going to stand with these people.
Yeah, and that's that competitive thing that is tearing our country apart.
It's turning worker against worker.
Yeah, right?
Also, I've noticed the trend in some of these supermarkets and in drugstores like Dwayne Reed or whatever is now they're not even having people working at the checkout counter anymore.
It's like there's a lot of like self-checkout.
Self-checkout.
I always steal.
I always steal.
I'm like, I'll show you.
You think you're saving money?
You're going to cut somebody's job.
You don't really, do you?
All the time.
Do you really?
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Yes.
You think that that's a good that they so they think that I'm going to go check my own bags for the same goddamn price as it was when someone does check my bags.
I can't agree with that.
I know that's totally immoral.
It is immoral.
Yeah.
But I'm doing the right thing.
I said that I disagree.
Is it stealing?
You actually admit that on the radio?
Should I not admit that on the radio?
I don't know.
I think if you go to a self, if you go to a like a like to a base.
So if somebody leaves their keys in their car, you can take their car?
No, no.
That would be wrong.
Just because they're not a corporation.
I'm not saying what I'm doing is right.
I'm saying that I'm doing it and I'm going to keep doing it even if it's impulse by the counter.
That's your picket sign to them.
It is.
That is my picket sign to that.
That's your Molotov cocktail.
And the way to keep getting away with it is to announce it on the radio.
Don't you, you don't ever steal when you go through one of those self-checks?
You just don't go.
Please place your thing in the car.
It's in the car.
You know what?
I'm taking it.
I'm just taking it.
Which stores are these?
Because I haven't been to any of these.
A lot of Krogers in the Midwest.
Smart and Easy or whatever it's called.
Smart and finals.
Very easy.
Yeah.
I go to smart.
Smart and not so smart.
Honestly, hey, they must factor in.
Also, over on Wilshire, Shoplifter Haven.
Please steal from us.
That's over on mission.
I think they got to come.
You want to take somebody's job away, and you don't think that I need that personal service?
And there should be less money.
Why don't you shop at some place that doesn't have that instead of stealing from the place that does?
Because I like to get involved.
I like to take a look at the business.
There's three places, though, that have had no one at the register, and then something goes wrong, and there's no one there to help you.
Yes.
There's no one to talk to.
And you don't just take it?
No.
Oh, you had to think about it.
You have taken it.
You thought about it, Frank.
You are a liar.
I think about a lot of things, but I don't, you know, I don't follow through on it.
I think you're lying.
I think you've stolen from those, and you definitely would if you had the chance, Steve.
You just haven't seen them.
I haven't been there, but I'm going and I'm stealing something.
The only thing I've stolen lately was when I was on the road and I did your porn pit.
No remorse at all.
That's okay.
You can take that.
That's all right.
You know what?
Barack Obama caved in again to nobody.
He's caving in.
So the EPA standards, his own EPA wanted to raise standards for air quality, right?
Because the standards we have right now have been called by this EPA criminal, right?
So they were going to...
So she knows the importance of this, right?
This would help a lot of people.
So Barack Obama decided to cave in to no one, right?
Because he could have just done it.
He could have just implemented these new standards.
And he decided to not implement the new standards.
And it's like, well, why is he caving in?
And it's just muscle memory now.
It's just the way it's instinct.
It's the way it's the way the goals are.
Well, I think he believes their BS line that it's going to cost jobs.
I don't think he believes that.
I think he's smart enough to know that it's.
Then why would he do it?
I think he's thinking about the election next year.
And I don't think it's correct thinking on his part, but I think he's thinking that he's that that'll be a talking point against him.
If that he's does he realize that when we're all homeless, we're going to need a clean pond to drink from.
Well, my whole thing is like, don't you, yes, don't you realize that if you he's always worried about the political perception of how the independency, that's why he's trying to seem reasonable.
And I'm trying to seem that I'm the compromiser and I'm the guy.
I'm not the guy responsible for gridlock.
And he's always trying to appeal to the independents.
And I just think this is more of that.
He's like, look, I'm like, you know, the best way for him to appear reasonable is to implement Republican policies.
And that's what he Does over and over and over again.
And it ain't working.
You know, it's like, Brock, don't you realize that instead of just trying to appear reasonable or appear willing to compromise, if you actually gave people jobs, you wouldn't have to worry about how you appeared if people had jobs?
I'm trying to appear reasonable to very unreasonable people.
Yes.
It's a waste of time.
It is.
Well, he actually, Barack actually called in about this.
Jim Ador, you're President Barack Obama.
Now, I know you're upset because you think I cave to Republicans on small standards.
Well, what a lot of you progressives are forgetting is that I quit smoking.
So in terms of polluting the environment, it all leaves out, don't you think?
Okay.
You probably think I'm grasping with straws.
However, it's not true.
Especially since it's now going to be so much small, I won't be able to see the straws, and it will be almost impossible to grasp them.
He's a little drunk, too.
I'm sorry, man.
My logic has become so tortured that Dick Cheney would sign off on him.
But he probably won't praise me.
Lately, he's been pretty harsh on black Republicans like Colin Powell, Condy Rice, and myself.
Jimmy, when you become president of the United States, you pretty quickly discover what you're good at.
And I discovered the thing I'm best at is caving in on the things that I'm supposed to believe in.
You have to play to your strengths, right?
Well, it turns out my strength is being weak.
Like, how about how I handle that debt ceiling debate?
Last time I saw a cave in that man, they had to pull 35 Chilean miners out.
Jimmy, you probably feel that I betrayed my base.
Not true.
You see, my base is Democrats who don't mind that I betrayed my base.
And I will never betray them by not betraying the people I promise I've never betrayed.
But I'm also trying to build on that base by appealing to the group I covered the most.
Republicans who hate my frigging gun.
If I could just get them on my side, I wouldn't have to worry about the group I covered the least.
People who voted for me and are desperately hoping I do something that will make them believe in me again.
Why would I want to appeal to the people who liked and supported me in the first place?
Why?
What I really want are the people who blindly follow the dogma of their leader, you know, independent voters.
So why would I support keeping Bush era small standards that my own EPA chief said are not legally defensible?
There's a very simple answer to that, Jimmy Dork.
I'm going to propose forming a group of super congressmen to provide that answer.
After it's been through committee and I've had a chance to study it, I will give you my answer.
Unless, of course, Republicans say I shouldn't give the answer, and then I will instantly cave and not give it to you.
Well, I know this is all convoluted, Jimmy.
It's very complicated, but I hope you still support me, even though I sort of deep down hope you don't support me.
It's very complicated.
Boom!
Rock out.
Okay, Barack Obama letting us know how he feels.
And, you know, I don't know if you remember, but early in the spring, I got invited to the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, better known as the Portland Comedy Festival.
And I was invited to do a show there called Laughter Against the Machine by a bunch of progressive-minded, hilarious people.
W. Kamal Bell is one of the people in charge of this show called Laughter Against the Machine, which is exactly what it sounds like.
You know, it's people who do stand-up comedy but like to talk about things.
Anyway, it was a great show.
I was glad to be a part of it.
And now they're touring with the laughter against the machine.
And they have a Kickstarter campaign because they're also doing a documentary film about their tour, the Laughter Against the Machine tour.
And I was lucky enough to sit down with my good friend W. Kamal Bell.
And he tells us he happened to be over in England during the riots, and he's got something to say about it.
You were in the UK during the riots.
Yeah, I luckily got to, I really had to work hard to plan my ticket to arrive in the UK during the riots, but luckily Hotwire did not fail me.
I was there.
I was there to do the Edinburgh French Festival where I was doing my solo show, the W. Kamal Bell Curve, ending racism in about an hour, which was very apropos, since they were going through racism.
But their major cities were burning down.
Yes.
Yeah, so I was there.
So I started to go there.
So it was funny.
The first few days I was there, they get real up their butts about Americans.
And I was doing my social show about any racism.
Like, we don't understand this racism that you have in the States.
Cut to two days later.
Woo!
Ah, televisions.
They were sort of like, oh, let's warm up how to end racism.
Suddenly, I feel warm behind me.
And so it's really weird to be in the UK because they sort of have, they sort of think of racism in a whole different way.
Like you, like, like white people in the UK get really tense if you call them white.
Like they really, like, they really clamp up.
Like, they will get, I find that white people in the UK respond to the word white the way black people respond to the word nigger, quite frankly.
Really?
Yeah, they're like, why would you call me that?
How could you say that, sir?
How dare you?
How could you dare you call me white?
My mother didn't raise a white person.
That's yeah, because they are like, you hear this all the time.
I'm not white.
I'm Scottish.
Well, he's.
And you're like, you can be both.
You're very talented.
You can be both.
Well, you know, come on.
I mean, maybe you don't know the history, but the term white was used by the Africans when they kept down the white man for years.
I didn't realize it.
You know, I should have Wikipedia that before I got there.
Yes, that's what it was, you know, for because, you know, the history of the white man being oppressed by the black man.
And that's, it was all about that they were white skin.
If you're white skin, you're not good enough.
You're not.
Yeah.
Oh, this is all coming back to me.
So it probably brings up all those bad feelings.
Yeah, it brings up a lot of bad feelings.
They get very like tense about like, I don't know why you would say that about me.
That's funny.
They actually had a guy on an internet guy on the TV.
This guy's David Starkey.
He's one of their like prominent UK historians, basically equivalent of our like, you know, like the dude who makes all the documentaries here.
His name I can't remember right now.
But anyway, he's like one of their prominent historians.
Ken Burns.
Ken Burns.
He's like their Ken Burns.
He was on TV and said the problem with the riots, what is going on, is that in the UK, the whites have become black.
Really?
Yeah, he said this on television.
And it wasn't the, it was on the BBC.
So not like Fox News or something on television.
And he said, because the white, because blacks have brought a violent culture and violent music and hip-hop and a Jamaican patois, and that has turned the white youths into black.
Really?
Wow.
And I said, I was like, does he not know the history of the UK?
Because there was some violence before black people showed up.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the sun was afraid it was going to get its ass kicked.
I'm not going down there.
They're kicking everybody's ass.
So he's so, yeah.
I mean, so he's saying that that kind of doesn't make sense to me that he's saying.
No, I think it's because you're using logic, Jimmy.
And I've always been frustrated with you about that.
Try not to use logic when you understand racism.
You know, he was, and that's what I talked about.
I was like, he's he's basically that's a racist, it actually insults white people because he's basically saying that white youth, if you put on a hip-hop record, they become zombies for black people.
You know, well, they're saying that so when white people are acting in negative ways, they're acting black.
Yes, yes.
Despite the fact that because of black culture, violence and black culture, despite the fact that the UK is the home of skinheads and the birthplace of punk rock music.
Despite those two things, we have the corner of the market on black on violence.
Well, what?
How does it then?
How did he explain the 30 years of terrorism in Ireland?
I don't think he was choosing to explain that.
I think he thought that was like, that was just a soccer game that got out of hand.
I think is what he's saying.
I mean, that was that.
I think that was before even the Sugar Hill gang.
Exactly.
Which is a historic marker when you can mark violence and culture.
You look at when did the Sugar Hill gang come out.
Yeah.
No, he's basically just like one of those classic.
I mean, it's funny over there.
They were like, well, his career is over.
And I'm like, no, I'm sure Fox News will hire him.
I mean, he's just one of those dudes who's like, I say what I want to say and I use the facts I want to support.
And then if you don't understand it, you're non-patriotic or a racist.
Hey, hey, Mel Gibson's making movies.
I know exactly.
No, no, believe me, if somebody can make a buck, he's going to get a job.
No, don't worry about it.
If somebody can make money off of him, which they people can, they're going to.
So, no, come on, you're hilarious.
You've got this great tour.
The thing is, I want people to know you have a Kickstarter campaign, right?
So, all the progressives out there who like comedy, if you like comedy and fun things and you're progressive, then this is the show for you and it's coming to your town.
Now, you have a Kickstarter campaign.
Maybe you could tell people about that.
Yeah, we have a Kickstarter campaign that we have like less than 48 hours left in our Kickstarter.
And we've been very fortunate in that we just recently just met the goal, but we're still trying to get the word out because we put up a very bare bones budget because we just weren't really aiming that high.
And so now every dollar we make over the budget is like a dollar means we can eat on the tour basically because we put all the money into like the equipment and the filmmakers and plane tickets.
But it'd be great to be able to not have to split tacos for the whole tour.
So you're doing, so you're doing a comedy tour, and you're also, and it's called the Laughs Against the Machine.
Also doing it and making it a documentary.
Yeah, we have filmmakers who are coming with us because the whole idea behind the tour is that we sort of want to, you know, we do these shows in pretty safe places, like the Bay Area, where it's our home base.
We did it in Portland and, you know, we've done it in Seattle.
And so the idea is that we're taking this tour to some of the places in America, not necessarily red states because it's being advertised like that, but really hot political hotspots.
So right now we're going to like seven different cities that are that have historically been hotspots or currently are hotspots.
Like we're going to, we're opening in Phoenix, Arizona on this Saturday, the 10th.
You know, yeah, and we're actually going to go out the next day with these people from Culture Strike, which are these artists and people working to help the immigration problem there.
We're going to go out and get a lot of good footage with them.
We're actually going to cross the Mexico border, which this is my first time in Mexico.
So, you know, with a documentary film crew, my wife is not excited about that.
But so yeah, like, you know, but so we're actually going to go out.
The whole idea behind the tour is we're going to go, then we're going to go to like Chicago because they have a very historic, a lot of political strife there.
Then we're going to Madison, Wisconsin, and we're going to, because of the recall elections and the union thing.
And also then we're going to, where else are we going?
Oh, Dearborn, Michigan, which is the highest concentration of Muslims in the country.
Right.
Right outside of Detroit.
And we're going to New Orleans and D.C. in November.
And we're going to end up in Oakland, where it's our home base in Hokel.
Oakland never runs out of political strife and social upheaval.
Right.
So, and so you need people to go to your kick.
Now, how can they get to your Kickstarter so they can help you?
Well, they can either go to kickstarter.com and search Laughter Against the Machine, or they can go to latmcomedy.com and all the information is there.
And like I said, we only have a few hours left to donate.
A dollar really helps.
And we're not trying to be, you know, I keep saying, just can I borrow $5, you know, because if you borrow $5, nobody ever expects you to pay it back.
So can I borrow $5 from all of your listeners, Jimmy?
I'd really appreciate it.
Okay.
I'd like to borrow five bucks from them.
Yeah.
And so, like I said, we have those seven cities and we're promoting the Kickstarter, but also the tour.
If you are in those cities or you know people in those cities, please help us spread the word.
Right.
So you heard, yes, you heard all the cities.
Go out.
If you're in those cities or you know people in those cities, tell them to go see the show.
It's a great show.
I was a part of it in Portland.
It's hilarious.
And what a better way, right?
And especially if you're, you know, you never know, it's always a mixed bag when you go to a comedy club.
Well, you know what you're getting at this show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we really work hard to make the show topical and we really push ourselves to write new materials.
So the idea is that we'll go out and do some things and try to talk about them on stage and really sort of use it as a space to sort of create new things.
And, you know, and we're going to end the show in Oakland.
And we're going to do some special guests.
I would love it if I don't know if you're going to be interested in coming to the Oakland Bay Area, but love it to have you up there and do one of those shows because we're including lots of special.
Oh, sure.
When is that?
It's November.
It's Monday and Tuesday, November 14th and 15th.
All right.
Well, I will try to make out, I'll write it down.
Yes.
Noted.
Noted, Kamal.
Clearly, the noter noted it down.
I don't believe you're writing it down, but clearly the noter is noting it down.
All right.
So if you love, if you like progressive comedy and you want to help them out, you can go to kickstarter.com and you type in laughter against the machine and you can give them a buck or give them 10 or whatever you feel like giving them.
It's a great cause.
It's a great show.
And if it's coming to your town, go see them.
And what's your website, Kamal?
It's L-A-T-MComedy.com, L-A-T-M comedy.
L-A-T-M, which stands for Laughter Against Missionary.
Laughter Against the Machine.
Yeah.
L-A-T-M comedy.
Search URLs and got that one.
Yes.
All right, buddy.
Well, listen, it was great talking to you.
Good luck with the show.
And I'll see you in November.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Okay, our thanks to Kamal Bell.
Go see him if he's in your town.
And today's show was written.
Did you know that?
A lot of today's show was written, had to be written.
Who was it written by?
Well, how about Mike McRae, who also does the Wonderful Voices?
Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, wrote the Bill O'Reilly phone calls this week, huh?
Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura.
These are the people.
Steph Samurano writing for the show.
So we have lots of talented people writing for the show, and I want to thank them.
Today's show is produced by Ali Lexa.
And if you haven't seen the wonderful work by Frank Pulaski, Frank Pulaski takes the bits, some of the phone calls from the show, some of the oh my God segments, and he puts them to video and he puts them up on the web.
And if you haven't seen them, you should go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and there's a lot of them there.
Or you go to Dreamy Time Films, Dreamy Time Films on the YouTube.
And you can also see it on my Facebook Page.
He always posts it up there.
He really is a video genius.
What he does, it's really great.
And he does it for the show because he loves the show.
So, if you're looking for a fantastic video editor, it's Frank Pulaski at Dreamy Time Films.
And I just want to thank my guests, Frank Conniff, Paul Gilmartin, Steve Rosenfield, and W. Kamal Bell for being on the show.
Okay, I'll see everybody up in Seattle this weekend, September 8, 9, and 10 at Laughs and Kirkland in Seattle.
▲
Export Selection