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June 24, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20110624_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show_june_23_2011
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It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk when you're T-dagging.
So sit back.
Or sit up.
Or keep driving.
Now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to today's show.
studio as always from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000 It's Frank Conniff.
Hi Frank.
Hey Jimmy.
And from TBS's Dinner at a Movie and the Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
Hey, Paul.
Hello, Jimmy.
And from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How are you, Jimmy?
Well, what's coming up on today's show?
Barack Obama, the nicest Peace Prize winner to ever put out a hit on somebody and turn a blind eye on torture for political reasons, announced that he will begin drawing down troops in Afghanistan.
Starting next month, we will be able to remove 10,000 of our troops from Afghanistan by the end of this year.
And we will bring home a total of 33,000 troops by next summer.
And that will only leave twice the amount of soldiers in Afghanistan that were there when Obama became president.
So you got to nip these things in the bud before they get out of hand.
And the Miss USA pageant, aka a night of 50 Sarah Palins.
Yes, it turns out there is still a Miss USA pageant thanks to the new technology that allows us to beam broadcast back to the 1950s and into homes of men who haven't discovered pornography yet.
Here's a little taste of what it sounded like from Miss Alabama.
Evolution.
No, I do not believe in evolution.
I do not think it should be taught in schools.
And I would not encourage it.
Okay, you can't blame her.
She grew up in places where people don't have thumbs yet.
The video of their responses to the question, should evolution be taught in schools, were posted on the internet, and it set a record for the first time that YouTube had more dumb comments in the video than on it.
And we're also going to talk about Medicare.
We had a Pulitzer Prize nominated journalist show up to parrot right-wing talking points on Press the Meet.
We're going to get into that.
Also, on Oh My God segment, Jim Hightower calls us, lets us know.
And also Bill O'Reilly calls in a couple of times with a vintage call from Bill O'Reilly that's coming up on today's Jimmy Dorchett.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, now I'm going to recall back to last week's Oh My God, where we were speaking of Neil Bortz.
He's the mouth of the South.
He's the right-wing radio talk show host, Neil Borts.
Neil Bortz.
And remember, I've described him as he's the kind of guy who once got kicked out of an A-hole party.
And remember last week he said this.
We got too damn many urban thugs.
Yo.
Ruining the quality of life for everybody.
And I'll tell you what it's going to take.
You people, you need to have a gun.
You need to have training.
You need to know how to use that gun.
You need to get a permit to carry that gun.
And you do, in fact, need to carry that gun.
And we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta.
We need more dead thugs in this city.
Okay, now, Robert, you weren't here last week, so this is your oh my God moment.
So, but so, but he, he.
He literally just called for a race war.
Yes, he did.
Now he is.
Erase Police Action Act.
Yes.
But Robert, he did it on the radio, so it's legal.
It's legal on the radio.
So now, no, so he was, now I got that clip from the Ed Schultz show.
And he claims, well, here's what he had to say that he was misquoted.
Okay.
And on his TV show, he edited my comments to take out any references to self-defense.
Right.
Okay.
So Ed Schultz, his intention was to make it look like I was saying, get a gun and go out there and shoot urban thugs.
I'm pretty sure that's what he said.
I think he meant urban contemporary thugs.
So here we'll play.
Well, I think what he meant was make it look like self-defense.
That's what he edited.
That's what he said.
Make sure you get plausible deniability by just killing people.
I love that he said, you know, let's litter the landscape of Atlanta with dead thugs.
That's like the weirdest city beautification project I've ever heard of.
So here he is without the edit that he claims was in.
So here it is, the full without the editing.
You do in fact need to carry that gun.
And we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta.
We need to see the next guy that tries to carjack you shot dead right where he stands.
We need more dead thugs in this city.
And let their mamas, let their mamas say he was a good boy.
He just fell in with a good crowd and then lock her ass up.
Okay, so that was the part he thought would get a that would justify him.
That he wants their mothers locked up just for saying they love their sons.
And he was saying that the self-defense part came in because if you're getting carjacked, that's when you shoot them.
Only if you're getting that's that's his that's what he's leaning at.
And then so just to just to make sure you guys know that he wasn't a racist and that he was just talking about self-defense, here's what he had to say just the next day.
FBI crime statistics.
Take the time to crunch them yourselves.
The fact that blacks are seven times more likely than people of other races to commit murder, eight times more likely to use a knife in the commission of a crime.
Or how about this?
Okay, how about it?
Okay.
The single best indicator of violent crime in an area, a neighborhood, a section of town is the percentage of the people who live in that area of town are black or Hispanic.
If you're white, then you mention that.
You're a racist.
Okay.
Wow.
Yes, you are.
As a matter of fact.
You hit it right on the nose there.
You're certainly a race baiter.
I'll tell you that.
That's Neil Bortz just giving it the straight dope.
You can't take it, Gilmartin.
I see you're having a hard time with it.
You don't believe this?
I'm just thinking, is this...
Is this Niels Bohr, the famous physicist?
Yes, that's who this is.
One of the famous racists.
Yes, it's the famous racist.
You know, I'm really torn because I think sometimes there is a, I don't know, a knee-jerk reaction on the left to dismiss anything the right says without wondering, is there a grain of truth in it?
But boy, this guy, it's, it's he's got the, he's got the pedal to the metal.
He's got the pedal to the metal.
And it's like, well, he didn't just like say the statistic.
He's like, you know, go get guns and kill them.
They kill them when they're carjacking.
Right.
And litter the streets with their bodies.
You know, that's incendiary.
I don't think those statistics are true, first of all.
And second of all, you know how a left-wing person would take those statistics?
Oh, black and spank people are born into poverty.
Crime is higher because there's a high level of desperation.
And we don't accept that.
And we don't arrest white-collar criminals.
Yes.
Nobody at Goldman Sachs went to jail, Bank of America.
But that didn't harm America, Jimmy.
That's right.
All those, every mortgage in America written in the last five years is illegal, and nobody seems to give a crap about it.
No one cares about it.
Well, and those stats aren't kept.
It's not like the Upper East Side keeps stats on who's living at the Waldorf and God.
But arrested.
You can't separate economics from skin color and tried it.
Or institutional racism.
How about a legacy of how many years of slavery and then how many years before they even, I mean, it was only a generation or two ago that people of color even got a right to vote in America.
I mean, well, but he, I think he also pointed out, though, that the enslavery, that statistically the overwhelming number of people who broke the law by running away from being slaves were black.
That's right.
It decimated the cotton industry.
It really is.
What about reparations for that?
For the plantation owners.
You know what it would really be conflicting is if he had followed it up, like, I have a carrot and stick approach.
Shoot them, but also let's make sure that their schools are really well funded.
And shoot them, but let them barely live.
Well, this approach to it is like the Iraq war.
It's like it's self-defense, but it's preemptive.
You know, go out and shoot them before they do anything.
Yeah, shoot on to others.
If you have that shoot on the streets, that's right.
If you see a black guy admiring your car, it's okay to shoot him.
Yeah, well, because it shows intent.
Yes.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, and that was the, oh, my God, it was a good one.
It's a good one this week.
It was very, oh, my God, yes.
I want to thank Neil Borts for being a jackass.
I really do.
And a media conglomerate for being irresponsible enough for putting him on the airwaves.
Really, that's the.
Because anybody can be a racist, but how many people can put a racist on the airwaves reaching thousands of people?
I have a feeling Roger Ailes is saying we may have a replacement for Glenn Beck.
I think you're right.
Okay, let's go down to our Medicare story, shall we?
So here we go again with the breakdown of the fourth estate.
And it hits on multiple levels here.
Here we are once again talking about one of the most beloved social programs in our nation's history, Medicare.
You know, the program that provides health care for every single person over 65 years old, not one person excluded.
And it does it in a more efficient and less costly way than private insurance.
Yeah, it's less costly.
So of course we can't afford it.
I mean, what do you think?
We got money coming out of our ears like Canada, Germany, France, England, and the rest of the civilized world.
We can't afford health care for our people.
Let's just accept that.
You think I'm kidding?
Let's listen to Ruth Marcus.
She's a Washington Post reporter who was a guest on Press the Meet recently.
And let's just listen to the framing of the question from our good friend and corporate tool, David Gregory.
So Ruth Marcus, what wins here?
Bold leadership on Medicare and the argument that the Democrats won't do something courageous?
Or the Democrats who say, hey, those guys want to take away my Medicare?
So what is going to win the day in the Medicare debate?
David Gregory wants to know: is it the Democrats doing something courageous?
And by courageous, he means cutting health care for senior citizens.
That takes real courage.
Standing up for conventional wisdom takes a lot of courage.
Yep, takes a lot of balls to parrot exactly what every other millionaire on every other Sunday talk show has been saying.
The easy move, I guess, is to be the lone wolf who actually stands up for Medicare.
Hey, look at that guy taking the easy way and trying to break up the health insurance monopolies and end big pharma's grip on our legislators to bring down the cost of health care.
Oh, what a lazy ass.
Why is he taking the easy way?
So what is going to win the day here?
Which argument will win?
The Republicans' argument that the Democrats aren't courageous and grown up enough to cut your Medicare?
Or the Democrats' argument that the Republicans have been wanting to do away with Medicare ever since it was started?
I regret to inform you that I think it's the latter.
You regret to inform me that it's the latter?
That's what you regret, Ruth?
You don't regret that you are part of an Alice in Wonderland-like system in which well-spun lies tend to win over actual facts?
You don't regret allowing yourself to become a mouthpiece for the Republican meshed system instead of actually upholding your obligation to society as a journalist?
Really?
We've gone from, I regret that I have but one life to give for my country to I regret to inform you that Democrats will make political gains by sticking up for Medicare because people really don't want to lose their Medicare.
It just seems to me people used to be a lot better at regretting things.
And I think when you were asking Senator McConnell if Medicare was the new third rail of American politics, I think the question was wrong in a sense because it's the old third rail of American politics.
This play has been run time after time.
If you go back and look at the quotes from President Clinton back when he needed to win reelection, they sound a lot like the quotes from Democrats today about don't let those Republicans take away your Medicare.
Ruth, do you know why Bill Clinton said that?
It was because the Republicans were trying to now get ready, Ruth.
Here it comes.
The Republicans were trying to end Medicare.
Yes, the Speaker of the House at the time said he wanted to see Medicare wither on the vine.
So that's why you keep hearing this, quote, old play, as you put it.
It's because the same old pricks are trying to end Medicare, Ruth.
The same old play here, Ruth, is that the Republicans scared people about Medicare in the first place by telling them it was socialism and it would end freedom as we knew it.
And now they are scaring them into thinking the richest country in the world can't afford health care for its seniors.
But don't let that get in the way of pretending that Democrats defending Medicare is just political theater.
And according to Ruth, who, by the way, has been nominated for a Pulitzer.
So according to Ruth, what's the difference between when Bill Clinton saved Medicare to when the Democrats are doing it now?
The difference is that the debt is bigger, the deficit is bigger, the gap is bigger, and the situation is more dire.
But I think that sadly, the lesson of New York 26 is Mediscare work.
Did you catch that?
Mediscare.
Ooh, I get it.
You took the word Medicare, then changed it with a word that rhymes, thereby trivializing an actual issue that affects all Americans.
That's very clever.
Now I get why you're up for a Pulitzer.
Because you, madam, are a punster.
The difference is that the debt is bigger, the deficit is bigger, the gap is bigger, and the situation is more dire.
But I think that sadly, the lesson of New York 26 is Mediscare work.
But she's right.
The deficit is much bigger now, and the circumstances are much more dire.
So there's only one choice, right?
We're going to balance the budget on the backs of senior citizens and their healthcare.
Because a reporter for the Washington Post knows full well that there is no way in the world that America can afford to give its own citizens health care.
I mean, that's expensive.
What do you crazy liberals think that we're as rich as Norway, New Zealand, Japan, Germany, Belgium, the United Kingdom, Kuwait, Sweden, Bahrain, the Netherlands, Austria, the United Arab Emirates, Finland, Slovenia, Denmark, Luxembourg, France, Australia, Ireland, Italy?
No, we're not as rich as those countries.
They've got money up their ass.
That's why they can afford health care.
But she is right.
The debt is bigger.
The deficit is bigger.
And let me think: what happened since Bill Clinton was president?
Well, there were those eight years of a Republican president, six of which occurred with a Republican Congress.
No, that's not it.
There were correction are not one, but two of the longest wars in American history.
But that can't be it.
Think.
Think.
I know.
Old people.
It must be all the old people.
And to a lesser degree, the teachers.
I should have known.
It's always the old people and the teachers.
Music.
Okay, that was another great report by me.
That was a great report.
Oh, thank you very much.
Isn't that nice?
Paul Gilmartin, thank you.
Do you have a rafter here where I can hang myself from?
To me, that was some great impotent rage.
That was some really good.
It started with the rage of David Gregory, the way he phrased the question of like, are the Democrats going to show courage by destroying Medicare?
And then it just accelerated from there.
I wouldn't rule out the Republicans' talking point being trying to convince Americans that they're not old.
Well, I don't understand how they're winning the day.
I guess I do.
It all comes down to people like David Gregory, the fact that the people who want to do all these horrible things, you know, roll back Medicare, Social Security, give tax cuts to millionaires, turn us into pretty much a banana republic with two Americas, like what John Edward used to say.
They also own the media, which is why these arguments keep winning the day because they keep getting repeated over and over and over.
And when all the guests are millionaires, they don't have to worry about affording health insurance.
Of course, it's not an important topic.
Where is the media, Ruth Marcus, and David Gregory showing any of this kind of scrutiny towards us going into these wars that cost us all this money?
None at all.
Just cheerleading on their part.
But now they're being very analytical about Medicare and how dangerous it is.
Oh, he can't afford it.
We can't afford it.
In fact, I should have brought in a clip that he just from this, he also went on to say he was talking to Dick Durbin, and he was like, but Senator, Medicare just isn't sustainable.
Jimmy, I can't afford to stop cancer from ravaging my body.
There is a small country 4,000 miles away that has citizens that want to harm me.
Yeah, exactly.
That is exactly.
So it's, yeah, it's what you're saying, what Frank's saying, we never have this kind of scrutiny on a war.
Nobody ever says, David Gregory doesn't say, we just can't keep, we just can't stay in Afghanistan.
He'll never say that.
No, no.
Ever.
And also, David Gregory has publicly said that the media's coverage of the Iraq war was very good.
Yes, he said it's not his job to stand up and call someone a liar when they're lying in government.
Someone in government, when they're lying, it's not his job.
It's his job to cover if someone else calls him a liar.
That's what he claims his job is.
I just want to remind people that the Jimmy Door show is available as a podcast.
If you missed any part of today's show, you can go to jimmydoorcomedy.com and subscribe for free.
And you can go to iTunes.
Okay.
So, and you can get it for free at iTunes.
Also, I just want to make, we have to switch.
We only have a limited amount of time today, as usual.
We have an hour.
And we're going to talk in the next half hour coming up after the break.
We're going to talk about the Miss USA pageant and their answer to the question, should we teach evolution in public schools?
And I think we're all going to enjoy the answers to that.
It really is going to be fantastic.
And so here I want to go back because this kind of dovetails with something we already talked about on the show.
Bill O'Reilly, you remember Bill O'Reilly said that he knew there was a God because, well, here's what he said.
Tide goes in, tide goes out.
Never a miscommunication.
You can't explain that.
You can explain why the tide goes in.
Tide goes in, Todd goes in.
The water, the tide comes in, and it goes out, Mr. Silverman.
Maybe it's a man on top of Mount Olympus, who's making the tides go in.
No, no, but you can't explain.
And a myth of the same religion.
You can't explain.
Okay, so then it was explained to him that you can explain the tides going in and the tides going out.
It's gravitational pull.
The gravitational pull.
It has to do with the moon.
It's all kind of stuff that, you know, I don't care.
So, but I know that there's scientists who know why, what happens.
And so then he did this to answer when he was told that you can explain that.
The whole thing he bases his whole life on, that thing you can't explain this thing.
Well, it turns out you can explain it.
And he said this.
What do you mean when you refer to the ties when you ask about the existence of God?
Science explains the ties.
The moon's gravity pulls on the ocean.
Okay, how'd the moon get there?
How did the moon get there?
Look, you pinheads who attacked me for this, you guys are just desperate.
How'd the moon get there?
How'd the sun get there?
How'd it get there?
Can you explain that to me?
How come we have that?
And Mars doesn't have it.
Venus doesn't have it.
How come?
How come?
Why not?
I don't know.
How'd it get here?
How did that little Moeba get here?
Call out there.
How to do it?
Come on.
You have order in this universe.
Okay, that's we don't have to play the whole thing.
Come on, come on.
Whatever your argument on science involves, come on.
You know, I've probably said this before, but I don't know why the thought that there is something out there and science have to be mutually exclusive.
I reject that idea because I believe in both.
Do you believe that there is a higher power somewhere in the universe?
I don't know if it's a conscious attitude to you.
I think it's Mercedes.
But the thing is, is that that is all based on faith.
You know, the idea of a higher power, which I also agree with, but it's a faith that I have.
It can't be taught as a scientific thing.
Right.
That there's a God behind everything that happens.
You can believe that, but you can't teach it in a school because there's nothing scientific.
It's a personal choice.
Right.
And it can't be taught to negate science.
Right.
Which is what.
And that's the biggest mistake.
It does a disservice to both.
So Bill O'Reilly actually called in about that.
Do you remember what he had to say?
I don't.
I'd like to hear what it says.
Door, O'Reilly.
Apparently you tinheads still haven't gotten the message.
Still clinging to that ridiculous science theory that the moon is the result of some big explosion.
You got to be a real coop to believe that.
At some point, you're going to have to accept the truth that anything I don't have first-hand knowledge of has to be the work of God.
The moon?
That's God.
The sun?
Also God.
Where does all the snow go when winter's over?
God takes it.
Why is there always one sock missing when you do laundry?
Because of God.
Why haven't more of the lame brains and your audience bought themselves premium memberships to billo riley.com?
Only God knows.
For just $49.95 a year, they get exclusive photos of yours, truly.
Weekly backstage webcast.
And for a limited time only, I will personally record the outgoing voicemail message.
I'll do it live.
So just to sum up.
Moon, sun, snow, socks.
That's all God.
BillO'Reilly.com.
Okay, and that was Bill O'Reilly.
And the reason why we're playing this today is because the whole second half of our show, we're going to play little Jim Hightower, but the whole second half of our show is going to be us playing clips of the Miss USA pageant answering the question, should evolution be taught in schools?
And I think we're all going to enjoy it.
And before we go to the break, I wanted to play one more clip getting back to Ruth Marcus and healthcare.
So the reason why that crazy argument that we can't afford, like, we can't afford healthcare in America.
We just can't afford it.
That's what they're basically saying.
And nobody ever goes, are you saying we can't afford healthcare in America?
You're really saying that?
Of course we can afford it.
Yeah, the crack addict can't afford rent.
You know.
Yeah, okay, but we have to afford our healthcare.
What do you mean we can't afford health care?
Of course we can afford it.
Okay.
So.
Well, we can't afford it if we keep giving money to the military industrial complex.
Well, we're so rich we can even afford that.
We just need to actually have revenue to pay for stuff.
You can't get rid of all your money and then go, hey, we're broke.
Yeah, I know.
You just got rid of all our money.
You have to get our money back that we were getting.
Like, just go back to the Clinton era tax rates, and it'll solve a lot of problems.
The wars in the last 10 years cost a trillion dollars, and the tax cuts cost a trillion dollars.
So that's $2 trillion right there.
I think that's we could have healthcare.
No, I agree.
Are you saying a trillion is a lot of money?
I'm saying it's with a T. But I think the perfect example of how screwed up this is is General Electric, General Electric, who make MRI machines and also make jet engines and also make nuclear triggers.
They're getting money coming and going, and they didn't pay.
Not only did they not pay taxes last year, they got a rebate.
They also make the tonight show with Jay Lennon.
His name is Weening.
His name is Winnie.
Why would you say that when they bring good things to light?
It's true.
Well, his name is Weena.
His name is Weena.
That's his name.
His name is Wiener.
You guys, it's right in the, I was there working on my car, and Mavis came and said, yeah, you guys need a newspaper.
He's writing the newspaper.
It's his name.
So here's Rick Santorum.
Google him.
Google Rick Santorum.
It's fun.
So here's how crazy it's gotten about.
They were talking about D-Day, and here's what he had to say.
D-Day the character from Animal House?
No.
Oh, okay.
D-Day.
He's a Republican, by the way.
D-Day, the thing that happened for us to start winning World War II.
Here is what Rick Santorum says.
Do you know why we went into D-Day?
Why we did that?
Why we went into why we went to Normandy.
Yes, went to Normandy.
Here's what.
Here's what Rick Santorum.
On this day, D-Day, June 6th, in 1944, almost 60,000 average Americans had the courage to go out and charge those beaches on Normandy.
Those Americans risked everything so they could make that decision on their health care plan.
Oh, my God.
That's right.
Oh, my God.
Why doesn't he mention?
Why doesn't he mention that when they came home, they sponged off America on the GI Bill?
They did.
Okay, we got to go.
We're at a break.
This is the Jimmy Dore Show on Pacifica.
Music by Ben Thede.
Hey, everybody, it's Moron.
How you doing?
Some people have been asking what happened to me.
How come I'm not calling in?
Well, it's because a tornado ripped out our freaking phone lines.
And Eric Cantor's being a prick, and he's not giving our city any relief.
So what I want to do is buy a cell phone so I could call in to the show and still ask Jim some questions.
But Jim said all his money for the show is tied up and getting a new board.
Anyway, my thing is I'm asking you to go to JimmyDoorComedy.com and click on donate.
And Jim says you become a great person.
But what I say is if you do that, maybe Jim will give me some money so I can get a cell phone and then I can call in and we could be like old times before this horrible tornado thing happened.
So I'm asking you because I miss you and if you miss me, all you do is go to jimmydoorcomedy.com, you click on donate, and then we'll be able to talk again.
And if you subscribe at the yearly membership of $55, Steph says she's going to send you a CD of Jimmy's comedy, and it's hilarious.
It is.
And he's not even telling me to say that.
And some of you may be wondering if your telephone got ripped out.
How are you calling in now?
Well, I'm two towns over in a Sunoco gas station, and I'm using the payphone, and it's gross.
So go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, you click on donate, and everybody gets back together again.
Okay?
See you then.
Bye.
Music by Ben Thede Hi, welcome back to the Jimmy Doer show.
Sitting in studio with me from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conniff from TBS's Dinner to Movie and the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast.
It's Paul Gilmartin.
And from Team Yasamura, it's Robert Yasamura.
And I'm Jimmy Dore.
And coming up on this second half of the show, Jim Hightower stops by.
He's got a good Jim Hightower today.
And we're going to spend the rest of the half hour going over the answers that the Miss USA contestants gave to the question: Should evolution be taught in public schools?
Yes, I don't want to build it up too much, but I think it's going to be fun.
I think we're going to enjoy ourselves.
And also, Bill O'Reilly calls in because he had something to say about the Miss USA contest.
But right now, here's Jim Hightower.
David Koch, the right-wing multi-billionaire, likes to pose as a class act.
He's thrown around several million bucks, for example, to get a wing of Manhattan's Lincoln Center named for him and to buy a seat on the board of WGBH, Boston's prestigious public television station.
These purchases make nice wallpaper for him, but they can't cover up the ugliness at the core of Koch's heart.
He's poured a fortune and his very soul into the creation of dozens of political attack groups and corporate fronts to advance his self-serving plutocratic vision of America.
Far from a class act, the Koch operation is as crass as they come.
One of the crudest arms of his vast and secretive political network is called Americans for Prosperity.
It runs all sorts of astroturf campaigns to knock down the prosperity of working families and lift up the power and prosperity of corporate elites, like the Coches.
AFP's Michigan branch recently showed what it's made of in a campaign to kill funding for a new international bridge between Detroit and Canada.
Building this bridge would create jobs and ease traffic snarls, but it would compete with a corporate-owned toll bridge, and the Kokes virulently oppose all things public.
To stir up public opposition, AFP went into a hard-hit Detroit neighborhood and plastered people's homes with official-looking flyers that declared in bold type, eviction notice.
The bogus flyers told homeowners that the state transportation agency was prepared to seize their homes to make way for the new bridge.
It was meant to startle people, said AFP's clueless and classless state director, who was perversely proud of the panic his lie had caused in this distressed community.
This is Jim Hightower saying, Such sensitivity is what has made the Koch name a cuss word all across America.
Okay, thanks, Jim.
Jim Hightower's here every week.
We love Jim Hightower, and we like to say lovingly that he's here to bum us out in a folksy voice because he brings us the truth.
The truth hurts a lot of times.
Okay.
I think evolution should be taught, but I also think that maybe the biblical stuff should be taught as well.
I think it's great to get both sides of the story.
I'm personally a Christian, so I believe the Bible's version, but we should have evolution taught in schools as well as a belief in faith.
Those are some of this year's Miss USA contestants answering the question: should evolution be taught in public schools?
It's kind of like the adult version of Bill Cosby's Kids Say the Darndest Things.
I just got done watching the whole video online, which was very hard to hear over Gloria Steinem's weeping.
My first question is: which Southern ministry sponsors the Miss USA contest?
Half of them responded like it was some kind of a trick question.
It's tough because everybody has their different beliefs.
Gosh, I don't know.
That's a very difficult question.
You know, it's just, oh, God, that's kind of a tough one.
That is such a tough one.
It is tough.
Should they teach science in science class or not?
Gonna have to think that one over.
I honestly don't think you can ever have too much knowledge on any subject.
That's my personal view.
Why don't I believe her?
Why do I believe there's a big bucket of ignorance coming at me right now?
But I do feel that evolution shouldn't be taught in school just because of so many different views on it.
So many different definitions.
Like, how do you teach a child the true meaning of evolution when so many different cultures have their different beliefs and scientists have their different theories?
It's just not a good subject that I feel everyone will agree on in classrooms.
So I just personally don't think it's a good topic for school subjects at all.
You know, she's right, too.
I mean, school's no place to be imparting knowledge.
It's just going to piss somebody off.
I believe that evolution should be mentioned in school.
The thing is, it's all about what you believe in, and it shouldn't be pushed on you, but again, you should be knowledged about it.
Yes, I agree.
They should be knowledged about it.
I mean, if you're going to knowledge someone about it, you first have to make sure they've been thoroughly thoughted about it and are also smarted enough to handle it.
I think it's necessary that evolution is taught in schools because it is part of our history and the belief system that the West has held for a long amount of time.
Yeah, you know, it's been around for a long time, so it should be taught in history class.
However, personally, I don't believe in evolution.
I believe that each one of us were created for a purpose by God, and that just gives my life so much more direction and meaning.
I believe God created you for a reason, too.
Mostly to drive up Viagra sales and make smart girls feel unpopular.
But most of the answers to the evolution question sounded a lot like this answer from Miss Montana.
I think that it should definitely be presented as an option.
And I think that both sides should be presented and that the students should be able to make their own choices.
Yeah, see, we got to tell both sides of the story: the scientific side and the bullshit side.
If students don't know what's fact or fiction, it builds character.
Take World War II, for instance.
Some people believed it was Hitler's fault, and some people think it was the Jews' fault.
I say let the kids figure it out.
And now, here's Miss Colorado.
Should we teach evolution in public schools?
I think that we should definitely open up to offering different ways to teach students about everything, different thought processes, different ideas, because it's important to let students just decide their own ideas on what they want to believe in.
Sure, it's important to let the students decide what they believe in.
Like, I believe that God makes babies and delivers them from a stork, and that Abraham Lincoln was our founding father, And that angels make planes fly by carrying them on their backs.
That's what I believe.
And it's important to let the students decide what they believe.
Just like, you know, like it's American Idol.
Is it scientific fact or isn't it?
I don't know.
You call in and vote.
Let them decide about grammar and history and algebra and everything.
E equals MC squared?
Not in my Bible.
It doesn't.
E equals whatever the fuck God says it equals.
I took evolution in college and I really enjoyed it because it helped me gain perspective.
And I just believe that everyone should have equal opportunity in education.
So if it is available, it could be available as an elective, I think.
Oh, you're so close.
You didn't take evolution in school.
You took elocution in school.
That's elocution.
Say it with me.
I took elocution, not evolution.
Okay, there you go.
I think little bits and pieces of evolution should be taught in schools because it is a theory.
And after all, we all need to know about different theories so that we can figure out what we want to believe is true.
Okay, a couple of thoughts here.
First of all, the theory of evolution, it's not a theory like a regular dumb person thinks.
It's a scientific theory, which means it's a conclusion based on empirical evidence that cannot be disproven.
So that means it's accepted fact.
Okay, not the same thing as a theory.
And when something's a fact, you don't get to believe in it or not believe in it.
Oh, yeah, like the theory of gravity.
I don't believe in that, which is why I have to scrap myself down to the earth all the time.
I don't know.
I think that's just, I think we should leave that up to the government.
I don't think, I'm not sure.
I think a lot of people would have an issue if evolution was taught in school.
I think we should just move that out of it.
Evolution should be taught in schools only because it's a great subject to touch base on.
This video should be entitled, On the Fence About Being a Misogynist?
Press play.
Evolution is kind of a touchy subject.
I took a class called Biological Anthropology, though, and I taught the history of evolution.
And it's very scientific.
So I would think both should be taught in schools because you should probably know the whole story.
Why do I feel like she got an F in her biological anthropology class?
What shocked me the most about this was that I was shocked at all.
Really?
Women with a value system that lead them into beauty pageantry have a completely backward view on social issues?
Truly shocking.
I can't believe that people who have been rewarded their whole lives for their physical attributes might not have anything intelligent to say.
Seriously.
I was so shocked, I almost stopped masturbating.
Okay.
Okay.
You know, I used to think that the biggest victims were – I used to think that laboratory animals were the biggest victims of makeup.
Paul Gilmore.
In their defense, isn't the Miss USA pageant proof that evolution doesn't exist?
In their defense, because they don't seem they've evolved one bit since 1952.
Do they?
1921, actually.
Oh, that was Miss America.
So Miss USA pageant started when one of the Miss America winners refused to be photographed in a bikini.
So the sponsor of the Miss America decided to do their own thing, and that's when Miss USA got started.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I know a little bit of history of the pageants.
The pageantry.
Sure.
And actually, you were studying your masturbation history.
It came up.
Yes.
And pardon the pun.
You know, speaking of the pageantries, though, I do know this kind of, it's just weird to see.
It's like, wow, look, John Benet Ramsey's all grown up, you know, and this is what would have happened.
And people still, they haven't solved that crime.
But I do know my friend Ted Hardwick used to travel in the child pageant circles, and he found out the word is on the street, what happened to John Bernay Ramsey was that she was a little bit of a bitch and her mouth got her in trouble.
So, wow.
Yeah.
So that's what they say.
God, four-year-olds.
Oh, yeah.
So anyway, so you want to hear some of the, should we, did you have something to say, Robert?
Yeah, what I find interesting, like the theme that runs through this is that they're like, well, it depends what you believe.
And it so much exemplifies what's going on in the United States and has been for like the last 30 years of like, forget the facts.
What do you believe?
And it's like, well, that's the whole basis of the Republican Party right now because they're like, they desperately want you to ignore facts and go with what you believe.
Well, how can you be shocked by what beauty pageant contestants are saying when in the last presidential election at one of the Republican debates, they asked, who believes in evolution?
And only like two people on the of republic running for president of the United States, only two people on the podium raised their hand.
Right.
Yeah, that was pretty, that was pretty shocking.
It's like, but you have to remember that in a Republican primary, that they're really only playing to maybe 20% of the country.
Right.
Because those, you know, the highly motivated person votes in the Republican primary, and those are usually the wackadoos.
I just, what I find really infuriating about this is that there is a, there's sort of a feeling of less than among uneducated people.
They, they are made, they feel uncomfortable around educated people.
And what the Republican Party has done is exploited that.
I mean, really exploited that of like, yeah, you know, those guys who made you feel a little uncomfortable because they knew a couple of 50 cent words?
Let's get them.
Yeah, the elitists, the elitists with their science and learning and knowledge.
You know, and science, scientists.
And fire in the wheel.
Yeah.
And by the way, that's always been my thing because rolling around town all warm.
You know, if you don't want to believe in science, fine, but you don't get its benefits.
And my example has always been this.
They use evolution consistently in the creating of pharmaceuticals, especially in antibiotics, because you can see the evolution of bacteria.
So my feeling is if you don't want to believe in evolution, fine.
You don't get a moxicillin.
Okay.
You don't like, good luck with your whooping cough because you're not getting it.
And you don't get any young ladies, no Valtrex.
Okay, just keep that in mind.
So, Paul, you don't, you're looking at me like, what's Valtrex, Jimmy?
I was just thinking about my herpes.
Yeah, okay.
So I had a person say to me, hey, I emptied out my den and then I closed the door.
And when I came back six months later, nothing had evolved.
Why is that?
Like, I don't know, maybe because you're dumb and that's not how it works.
And man, why don't you come back to that room in a million years and tell me what it looks like?
Because there's stuff happening that you can't see, you know, to the naked eye.
There's life forms that you can't see with your naked eye that are happening all over the place.
Could a Darwinian explain that to me?
Like, oh, smug.
Akama, nothing grew.
Oh, boy.
Anyway, so let's play, let's play some of these.
You want to play some of these?
Okay.
I don't know if I do.
There's nothing.
It's making me sad.
We got 14 minutes to kill.
Let's play it.
By the way, there's nothing funnier to me than someone acting stupid but smug about it.
Like I was at 7-Eleven the other day, and some guy was acting like really entitled while he was buying lotto tickets.
And I was like, you don't get to do that.
How do you act entitled while you're buying lotto tickets?
He was just kind of being a little bit like, hey, how about you give that to me, like to the guy behind the counter?
Like, let's move it along.
Oh, okay.
You know, one movie that I always loved since I was a little kid, and I'm sure you guys have probably all seen it, is Inherit the Wind with Frederick March and Smither Tracy.
You know, the first time I saw that movie was like in 1966 or something when I was 10.
And it was about this would seem like a far past period in our American history of when we were so people were so intolerant and ignorant that they wouldn't allow evolution to be taught in schools.
And now here we are all this time later and we've got, and that's not a distant time at all anymore.
Isn't it exciting, though, that we're coming up on the 100-year anniversary of it and we haven't progressed?
Isn't that kind of cool though?
So we could have a parade.
The scopes trial is some people on a big float.
And by the way, what year was Inherit the Wind?
It was black.
That was made in like 1960 and it was a Broadway play before that.
So it just is weird to me to think.
I like in my mind it was made in 1911.
As a kid, as a kid, I saw that movie and I understood it.
Like, oh, I get, I get the.
But it's just weird to me to think that grown-ups were watching that movie and thinking that Spencer Tracy was wrong.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like, oh, this guy's an idiot.
What is he doing?
No, they're all wrong.
Darren from Bewitched is wrong.
And William Jenny's Bryan is the only guy here speaking the truth.
The guy who's been exploited to be a liar.
I mean, well, you know what?
Exposed, not exploited, exposed.
Sorry.
Speaking of evolution and spirituality, I think one of the cool things that's happening right now is a lot of people are leaving organized religion because they find it constraining, because they find it narrow-minded.
And they're realizing that you can be spiritual without being religious.
And that itself is evolving.
And I think that is the biggest leap in the last 50 years on this planet has been the evolution of a non-denominational spirituality.
And I think that's going to actually move us forward in the world.
That's made for some really uncomfortable conversations with crystal people, with people wearing crystals around their neck.
And they make it so boring and so precious.
And that, to me, is as bad as organized religion.
Well, that's why you shouldn't talk to crystal people.
Talk to crystal meth people.
Oh, yeah.
It's a fast conversation.
Not hard to get them to talk.
But religion, though.
I talk to crystal light people because you believe in you.
I got my manganese, magnesium, my copper in my zinc.
I got Maya deck because I want more for me.
But the thing is, religion, though, is very much, you know, obviously it's used as a power base, and it's used as a way for people to maintain their power.
Spirituality doesn't do that as well.
When you say, okay, if you believe in this, if you believe in that, you know, then that doesn't centralize power the way Christianity does.
And a lot of religion is about hierarchy, political, political power.
Yeah, and I think anytime a hierarchy enters into something, it kills the spirituality of it, or at least it is a pitfall.
I think that's a deeper conversation about subjectivity versus objectivity.
And that would be one of the major arguments.
I don't want to get into this.
You're making me feel like a pageant.
Let me desperate right now.
I'm sitting in the studio with Frank Conniff, Paul Gilmartin, and Robert Yasimura.
We're discussing the Miss USA pageant.
All the contestants, the USA pageant, which is also referred to as the Night of 50 Sarah Palins.
They were asked, each one of them was asked if they believe evolution should be taught in public schools.
And we're playing some of their answers.
Pretty much all of them said no, and then the ones who didn't, who said yes, it should be taught, had the most specious reasoning for it.
Let's listen.
Let's play a little.
I think it's good to provide our students with both sides of the story and let them choose for themselves.
I know that some people obviously believe in evolution, some people believe in creation.
I think that teaching both of those and letting the students decide whether it be on their faith or their personal beliefs, I think that's the best choice.
I think evolution personally, I never was taught evolution in school.
It was never a focal point in our studies.
But, you know, every school is different.
And if that's something that they think that they need to teach their children, then that's, you know, to each his own.
And so I can't argue with that.
No, she can't argue with this.
Are you sure this isn't the Miss Homeschooled pageant?
You want to hear Miss Kentucky?
Here's Miss Kentucky.
No.
I honestly don't think you can ever have too much knowledge on any subject.
That's my personal view.
But I do feel that evolution shouldn't be taught in schools.
Different views on it.
So many different definitions.
Like, how do you teach a child the true meaning of evolution when so many different cultures have their different beliefs and scientists have their different theories?
It's just.
Scientists don't have different theories.
Scientists have one theory.
She's talking about the true meaning of it.
Like it's like it's a Christmas cartoon.
The true meaning of Christmas.
Well, you don't understand the true meaning of evolution.
It's not a fact.
It's within our hearts.
We have to find it.
I love the way she makes it sound like evolution is on the same par as creation myths from around the world.
Yes.
Right.
And here's Miss Nevada.
I think evolution definitely should be taught in schools.
I think there's different ways to view evolution.
But as everyone can probably agree upon, everything evolves.
We evolve as communities that build ourselves from scratch.
And Nevada's a good example of that, that we've evolved from a very small community to something much, much bigger and much more successful.
So I think evolution can be taught in many different ways.
It doesn't necessarily have to be about people and how people have evolved, but it can also be about communities as well.
Yeah, that's what they meant when they said, should we teach our communities?
Do you think we should teach that towns can get bigger?
Yeah, that's not dangerous.
This is how evolution works.
The mob comes in and infuses the area with cash.
And then evolving happens.
And then evolving starts in their communities.
And if somebody don't evolve fast enough, they go out in the desert and they don't come back.
They start decomposing, evolving.
They get selected out.
That's natural selection.
So her creation myth involves Bugsy Siegel.
Yeah, that's right.
Here's another one.
I feel that evolution should be taught in schools only because it's a great subject to touch base on.
That's the only reason.
I love it.
Is it evolution or match.com?
How awful is it that before she even finishes her third word, you go, oh, yeah, that voice definitely doesn't believe in evolution.
You just hear the lack of reading and I've been so pretty my whole life.
Oh, let's go look at some more.
I find it shocking that there isn't a single atheist in the pageant circuit.
I find that shocking.
They're actually, well, we have Miss Vermont and Miss California actually kind of here.
Here's, I think, one of my favorite things.
Please give us one.
You know what?
I think, why not?
Because I think it just gives Young the youth right now in America?
Why not keep their options open?
You don't necessarily have to agree with it, but I'm not opposed to it.
The youth of today.
Why not?
Keep their options.
Why not?
That's my favorite.
There's a couple of them said that.
Why not?
Sure, we can teach actual science.
Why not?
It's only school.
Why not?
Keep their options open, you know.
I think it's important to teach young people kind of every version of everything and a little bit of everything so they can form their own opinions.
I think that's really important.
It's really important.
She has the hometown country buffet approach to.
Yeah, you know, there's some actually factual stuff over there.
There's some false stuff over there.
There's some demonstrably false stuff over there.
It should all be put on a rotating wheel and ladled out.
Yes.
By the way, if her thesis is correct, I want to teach Satanism in school.
That's my, like, if we're going to teach a little bit of everything.
She teaches a little bit of everything.
Yeah.
Okay, let's hear something.
Every theory of how we came to be here should get a shout out in the education.
Evolution definitely should be presented.
No, evolution.
Should be presented along the way.
Evolution in the house.
I think evolution should absolutely be taught in schools.
I think we should explore all philosophies.
So evolution should be taught and other theories should be taught as well.
And then children should be taught as much as possible so that they can decide on their own what they think is the truth.
Shout out.
Galapagos, Wessey!
Here's another why not.
Here's another.
Sure, why not?
Evolution should be taught in schools.
I think it's good that people hear both sides of, I guess, the story, so to speak.
And you know what?
And she did have the nicest boobs.
So she's, yeah, she was hot.
She did.
She was very, very, very hot.
Okay.
And here's my favorite fence straddler.
I think evolution is part of basic science and it should be taught.
But I also don't think that teachers or anyone should step on the toes of biblical values either.
Just the irony is you're watching them evolve and that they're trying to survive this pageant.
Yes.
Right.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Okay, let's see.
There's got to be.
Here's Miss California.
Okay, ready?
Makes me proud.
Well, I was taught evolution in my high school growing up, and I do believe in it.
I mean, I'm a huge science geek, so I like to believe in like the Big Bang theory and the evolution of humans, you know, throughout, you know, time.
Okay, so that is that the smartest one we got?
Her and Miss Vermont.
She said, I like to believe, they still use that terminology.
I like to believe.
It's either you acknowledge the accepted scientific fact of evolution or you don't acknowledge the accepted scientific fact of evolution.
It's nothing to do with belief.
Do you think some of these contestants are like just maybe they do believe in evolution, but they're just trying to give the right answer.
That's what I think.
That's what I think.
They won't get them eliminated from the pageant.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, you're watching.
That's why she's a fenced straddler.
This might be my favorite.
It's kind of, you have to see the video of her.
Her face contorts and she bends over.
And here.
Wow, say that slower.
Here we go.
You know, it's just.
Oh, God.
That's kind of a tough one.
Really?
Yeah.
I love her.
I love Miss Louisiana's my favorite.
That's Miss Louisiana.
She's the one person who sort of cops to like, I probably shouldn't be answering this.
I'm not qualified.
But I'm going to go ahead.
Yeah, sure.
Why not?
Okay.
Like, I love her the most.
Bill O'Reilly called in.
He had something to say about this.
Jimmy Door, it's Bill O'Reilly.
Look, I know you're making fun of the Miss USA pageant.
I just want to say, knock it off.
You know what USA stands for?
It stands for my country, right or wrong.
Jimmy, you're a left-wing liberal food cake, so I guess you won't understand this.
But any decent, God-fearing American male who sees the contestants on this USA pageant is going to look deep into his patriotic soul and say, boy, I'd like to hit that.
Now, Jimmy, I know you're a godless progressive loon, so it probably bugs you that many of these Miss USA contestants have said that they don't believe in evolution.
Well, tell me something.
How does your precious science explain what would happen if I saw one of these ladies naked?
Have you ever contemplated the theological implications of being alone in a room with a naked Miss Alabama?
Because I have.
So how would you explain it?
Girl gets nude, Bill gets off.
There's never been any miscommunication.
You can't explain it.
You can't explain it, smart guy.
And can the fact that cleaning supplies and Middle Eastern food enhance my sexual pleasure be explained to the biology class?
No.
It can only be explained by the good Lord up above.
And he's not allowed to speak publicly about my how-to port settlements.
But I'll tell you something, Jimmy.
I find it very refreshing that unlike most beauty pageant contestants, these gals are talking about something besides world peace.
They're talking about God and religion, which doesn't have a damn thing to do with world peace.
These ladies were just little toddlers when Fox News first went on the air.
They've grown up with us, and we've taught them to believe in faith and religion and not let their minds get clouded up by facts and information.
Jimmy, do not underestimate these gals.
A pretty blonde who doesn't believe in evolution has a very good chance of becoming a Fox News anchor woman herself one day.
Why, our own Megan Kelly was once crowned Miss Misspelled Name 1998 after claiming that Noah's art was not only real, but powered by a crude Bronze Age outboard motor.
My boss, Roger Ailes, is a great believer in the inherent blondness of journalism, but he feels that any young woman who isn't willing to be blonde is never going to win a Peabody Award.
Not even the imaginary Peabody Award that I won.
But as for me, I'm a little more broad-minded.
I spent a fair amount of time at Thailand whorehouses, and I only encountered one blonde woman there.
And I only found out that she was blonde when I looked at the area around her penis, which is called the pubis, by the way.
Word of the day.
Pubis.
But my point is, if I did the hiring at Fox, you'd see way more diversity.
Black, white, yellow, orange, green, midgets, Eskimos.
Fuck it.
It would look like the It's a Small World After All village at Disney World if everyone in it was shivering and crying.
You ask anybody, when I sexually harass women in the workplace, I never show any discrimination whatsoever.
Well, I gotta go, Jimmy.
I need to return to the Mr. Greatest Newsman of all time badge that I continue to win every friggin' day.
So long, Jims.
Okay, and that's our show.
Went by quickly today.
Today's show was written by Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasimura, Frank Conniff, and Mike McRae.
And I want to thank my guests who are in studio today, Frank Conniff, Paul Gilmartin, Robert Yasimura.
I want to thank my producer, Ale Lexa, for getting it done, board operator D'Angelo Jones.
And I want to thank you for listening most of all.
And I want to thank everybody who made the trip over to JimmyDoorComedy.com, clicked on donate, became a great person.
We're trying to get Melt Moore on a cell phone so he can call in.
Tough tornado season this year.
And a big thanks to Steph Samurano, who makes this show possible.
And until next week, be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Steve Rosenfield.
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