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June 17, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
52:47
20110617_The_Jimmy_Dore_Show
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Yes, this is Christopher Hitchens.
I would be remiss for not to express a certain gratitude to Jimmy Dore for inviting me on his program, though I believe he does present an evil more pernicious than that of Mother Teresa.
All the celebrity voices on the Jimmy Dore Show are performed by other celebrities.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say...
It's hard to talk on your T-Bag.
So sit back or sit up or keep driving.
Now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore!
It's Jimmy Dore!
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's show.
I'm joining studio, as always, from cinematictitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Connoff.
Hey, Frank.
Hey, Jimmy.
And former writer for the Daily Show, it's hilarious comedian and writer Steve Rosenfield.
Hey, Steve, how are you?
Hey, Jimmy.
Good to be here.
And from TNTs?
No, let's not even mention that anymore.
But to TBS's Dinner and a movie.
It's going off the air September 10th.
From TBS's Dinner and a Movie.
So soon?
So soon, 16 years in.
And the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast, which I will be on that show.
Eventually, someday I'll be on that.
It's Paul Gilmartin, ladies and gentlemen.
Hello.
Hi, Paul.
How are you?
Okay, what's coming up on today's show?
Well, as we were going to air, this happened.
Announcing my resignation from Congress.
Yeah, my wife Berber.
No, was that really at the press conference, somebody said that?
Yes, there was a heckler at this press conference.
So Anthony Weiner has finally resigned, ladies and gentlemen.
And, you know, and we're going to discover who the true victim is today of the Anthony Weiner scandal.
And of course, it's the Jay Leno audience.
Yeah, Nameth Weena.
It really is.
It's Weena.
I was working on a jet, and we made it into a car.
Oh, yes, you're right.
What a surprise.
Hey, it's ween is his name.
It's his name.
We need the name.
Okay, and also, Barbara Walters, twice divorced TV personality who herself was getting it on with another woman's husband 30 years ago when she still felt horny.
She weighed in on the Anthony Wiener scanner just a few days ago.
I think what he has done is unfathomable.
I think the pictures are disgusting.
Okay, Barbara, he's not texting pictures of the Kardashians.
It's just his penis.
Okay, and John Huntsman, John Huntsman.
Is anybody listening to this broadcast?
No, it's only a few hangers on here.
Well, since we're in select company and there aren't a lot of people listening in, I intend to announce that I will be a candidate for the presidency a week from today.
Hey!
Okay, that's John Huntsman.
He announced that he will be announcing his candidacy next week.
And then the week after that, he will be announcing the answer to the question everyone is asking, who the hell is John Huntsman?
Also, Chris Christie, the fattest guy to ever tell a whole state to tighten its belt, he got caught taking a free $2,500 ride on a state helicopter.
He sat down with Piers Morgan in this week's CNN's weekly douche-off, and he was asked if he regretted it.
He regrets it.
No, I make no apologies.
He makes Noah Pa good.
You show that you lack normal shame.
Play the jerk card.
Does well with the bass.
We're going to talk about that coming up.
Plus, there was a Republican debate.
Sure, there wasn't one mention of the middle class or education, and they didn't even bring up the Afghanistan war for the first hour and 40 minutes, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a lot of substance about important stuff.
They even broke some new ground.
I would not be comfortable because you have peaceful Muslims, and then you have militant Muslims, those that are trying to kill us.
Okay, so it was they did break new ground the first time an African-American race-baited at a presidential forum.
Okay.
And Newt Gingrich also had this to say.
I just want to go out on a lump here.
I am in favor of saying to people, if you're not prepared to be loyal to the United States, you will not serve in my administration, period.
Wow, talk about sticking your neck out, asking for a loyalty oath at a Republican presidential debate.
File that under profile and courage.
Newt Gingrich, big on loyalty oaths.
Too bad he didn't give one to his staff before they all resigned.
Okay.
I'm going to stick my neck out here and say he's not really sticking his neck out.
What else is coming up today?
Jim Hightower is going to be here.
We have an oh my God segment.
We have phone calls from Governor Chris Christie.
Bill O'Reilly calls in and special Mitt Romney is going to give us our first phone call.
And that's coming up today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
Oh!
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, coming up on this week's Oh My God segment, Neil Bortz.
He's the kind of guy that would manage to get kicked out of an A-hole party.
He's pretty obnoxious.
He's the voice of the South.
He likes to call himself.
And I'm just going to play this.
It doesn't really need much setup.
He's a radio host in Atlanta.
And he had this to say recently.
We got too damn many urban thugs.
Yo.
Ruining the quality of life for everybody.
And I'll tell you what it's going to take.
You people, you need to have a gun.
You need to have training.
You need to know how to use that gun.
You need to get a permit to carry that gun.
And you do, in fact, need to carry that gun.
And we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta.
We need more dead thugs in this city.
Okay, so a white radio host known for race baiting goes on and says we need to get guns and shoot black thugs.
I don't see a problem with it.
Anybody?
He said gun a lot.
I noticed.
I didn't like the sound of that.
He did keep his employees.
Is that like even legal that he can say that?
That he can incite violence on the radio like that?
I bet he would win in a jury trial.
But no, it's not legal.
No, I don't think that's you can't do that.
But he didn't name names.
He didn't name names.
It's good that after what happened to Gabriella Giffords, that we all kind of learned our lesson and toned down the rhetoric a bit.
It's a totally different state.
Well, it really doesn't matter.
I wouldn't have understood what he was talking about if there hadn't been bass bumping in the background.
But then I went, oh, that's who he's talking about.
And he said, yo.
Yo, okay, I got it.
I got all the dog whistles.
Well, he knew this much.
They don't use the word turkey anymore.
But how did you?
That's how current he is.
Yes.
But, Jimmy, how did you get his audition tape for the Fox Business?
I went to a race baiting seminar.
It's called Race Baiting Conservatively.
It's the counter to Laughing Liberal.
Liberally, we get together every Tuesday at Hamlick or Hamlet.
And okay, that's enough of that.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, that was, okay, we're not getting any audible, oh my gods, but it's in your heart, and I can hear it because it's disgusted.
That's so prevalent.
There was that guy just now, and then there was the guy on Fox Business.
Yes, we did him last week.
40, 40 ounces.
Yeah, and talked about his house or whatever.
And then there was that unbelievably racist ad that came out this week in the California, which is just so over the top.
I mean, it makes Birth of the Nation look liberal.
So it's like, it's almost, you know, I hate to say it, it's almost not an oh my God, because it's so, it's stuff like that comes out every day.
It seems like now, well, you're talking about that commercial.
I don't know how I was going to, I debated about whether to play it, but it was pretty obvious to me that the people who made that commercial, if you haven't, if you don't know what we're talking about, they made a commercial, this Republican committee made this pack, made this commercial.
How would you describe it, Frank?
The most racist thing ever made.
I mean, it's just they describe, I think they repeat, give us money, bitch, like these black guys with holding guns.
They try to tie this Democratic.
Because she had gang outreach at some point in her career.
Which they do a lot in a lot of, she was part of the city council in Los Angeles when they decided to do gang outreach where they would have former gang members mentor current gang members.
And it turns out to be a pretty successful program.
So what they decided to do was make a commercial showing a bunch of black guys with guns saying she gave us guns.
And they have a woman for whatever reason bent over in a bikini with her ass for the whole commercial.
She's a snow.
Very stylistically influenced by the Baby Got Back video, I thought.
I would love to see.
Go ahead.
But to me, it was obvious that the people who made that didn't have enough money to put it on real commercials, or nobody probably would have accepted it.
And they were planning on getting all the PR from the news stations, which they did, which is why I didn't want to run it.
It's just obviously they're just trying to make liberals go crazy.
Nobody's going to take them seriously.
Go ahead.
It would be nice to see some Goldman Sachs baiting.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Oh, wouldn't that be nice?
I mean, if you could categorize the damage done by the thugs that that guy was alluding to.
And yeah, there are certainly thugs in every inner city that degrade people's quality of life.
But I would say that Goldman Sachs has probably degraded people's quality of life more than all the thugs in the history of thuggery.
But pointing that up, though, is you're pointing upwards, and that's class warfare.
Yes.
Only when you direct your ire downward on the economics.
It's being patriotic.
Yes, then that's okay.
But let's talk about Chris Christie.
Chris Christie, the poster boy for self-reliance restraint.
His last screw-up involved taking his family when there was the biggest blizzard in decades in New Jersey.
He decided to take his family to Florida to Disneyland because, you know, when the going gets tough, the tough go to Disney World.
And so he did it again.
He took a helicopter ride to see his son's soccer game, and he didn't pay for it.
So as he's telling everybody else, you have to tighten your belt.
We have to cut your pensions.
We have to cut everything.
We had to get rid of teachers.
Everybody's got to take a haircut except him.
He gets to go to his kids' soccer.
Also, and you know, there's that scandal that Newt Gingrich had, the half a million dollars credit.
And Chris Christie says a million dollar line of credit at Cinnabon.
He's a large man, is the point I make.
So he sat down.
So he got caught.
And when he got caught, he decided to pay for the helicopter ride.
Not until he got caught, until people started to make a big deal out of it.
And so then, so Pierce Morgan and him sat down.
He should have just had mythbusters cover it as, can you believe this helicopter will lift off?
I was worried about that person.
Let's face it.
That's what we're getting at.
That's what we're getting at.
You know, Chris Christie actually going to call in a little bit later, I think.
Is he?
But I just sat by him.
No, I make no apologies.
You paid the money back.
Well, I paid the money back because I thought it was important to let the public know that I wasn't using this as a perk of office.
Really?
I love how Piers Morgan helps him out.
Yeah, you paid the money back, right?
He's like, well, I paid it back because I didn't want people to think I was using it as a perk.
Well, that's exactly what you did.
What you did.
I didn't want people.
So he goes on.
If the public perceives for a moment that I'm using that as a perk of office, that I want to take that away from them right away.
Yeah, so if I get caught using the helicopter for free, I'm going to pay for it as soon as I get caught because I don't want people to have that over me.
That's exactly what he said.
And Piers Morgan let him totally, I mean, the logic that he's using here, you could drive a truck through.
Well, he's continuing the great journalistic integrity that Larry King laid down before him.
And by the way, the logic that you could drive a truck through, he's hoping it's an ice cream.
He's large, I'm just saying.
He's a big man.
We can't ignore that.
So they ask him if he would do it again.
But I would not make a different decision if I had to do it again because it was important for me as a father to be there for my sons.
What would you do again?
Yeah, I probably would.
I probably would, but I'd pay for it.
Okay, then that means you wouldn't do it again.
Right.
The part that people got pissed off about wasn't that you took a helicopter ride.
It was that you took a helicopter ride at taxpayer expense.
Also, it's important to him to be at his son's baseball game, but it's not necessarily important to the taxpayers that he be there.
And that's who he was bringing in on that decision.
And also, he went to the baseball game and then left after 40 minutes to go meet with campaign donors.
Yes, that's how he came out.
Yeah, he took the he's not running for president, but he still had to go meet with a bunch of Iowa.
They were people from Iowa that were going to meet with him.
So he had to leave his kids soccer.
He left the gay soccer game.
He left the game early, and then he's probably going to have to make the taxpayers pay for his kids' therapy.
Or they paid for his hot dogs, too.
Is his child to blame for not playing a compelling game of soccer?
That's what I would say.
Why is the kid get off scot-free?
You know, I just like how he hides behind being a father time and time, as if he's playing.
Most other people just hide behind Chris Christie.
He's huge.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I'm such a good father.
I'd be willing to take a helicopter ride at taxpayers' expense.
That's how good I would father.
I'm not going to get a helicopter with Chris Christie.
That's just me.
Yeah, he's totally willing to take the perk until someone finds out about it.
And then, you know, he's going to act indignant, defiant, while agreeing to totally change his behavior and start paying for stuff instead of charging it to the taxpayer.
I mean, he's doing the opposite of what he's presenting to do.
And of course, he does this with Piers Morgan.
Right.
And like Paul said, continuing the journalistic traditions set down by Larry gave me a lot of things.
Towards the end, I think the only thing that was keeping Larry King's head from sinking into his shoulders was his ear hair was caught in his suspenders.
That is very funny.
All right, I have to.
I really want to go back and I didn't want to talk about this today, but it happened right before we came into the studio.
We record here on Thursdays in Los Angeles in the Hollywood studios.
I don't even know if this is Hollywood.
And this is North Hollywood.
Okay, Hollywood North.
We're over on Universal Cities.
Room of Ventura Boulevard turns into Koanga, which isn't confusing when you try to tell people how to get here at all.
It's the part where Coanga turns into Ventura Bill.
What?
What?
I don't know.
What's going on?
All right, so Anthony Weiner.
So let's just listen.
He did resign today, so let's play a little bit of it.
So today I'm announcing my resignation from Congress.
Yay!
My wife perverts!
So my colleagues can get back to work.
Sounds like a pervert, that guy.
My neighbors can choose a new representative.
And most importantly, that my wife and I can continue to heal from the damage I have caused.
So he's getting heckled pretty heavily, right?
So there's somebody obviously there from Howard Stern, and they're yelling.
First, he yelled, hey, goodbye, pervert.
Goodbye, bye perfect.
Bye bye, perfect.
Which I loved when Ann Margaret was.
And then they start yelling, Will you fully erect?
And the photo, the people demand to know.
And it keeps going on.
And then other reporters start to yell at him because they can't hear Wiener because this guy's yelling right next to them.
So then it gets into like a yelling yell.
But Weiner doesn't stop.
He just keeps going.
Throw him out.
He's not a widow.
Throw him out.
To repeat, most importantly, Karen.
Okay, so then that was it.
So then he goes on to repeat.
Most importantly, I want to apologize.
He takes full responsibility.
And the reason I think he's making this public, because most people would just submit their letter of resignation, but he did it publicly.
And it's my theory that he's going to run again in the next special election.
I hope he does.
He doesn't want to be a distraction, but if he wins again, that's it.
No, he doesn't have to answer another question about it.
He goes, hey, everybody knew about this.
My constituents voted on it, and they voted me back in.
Case is closed.
And it is closed.
Okay, but then, so this, so they cut from his speech as soon as he got done resigning publicly.
They go back to the newsroom.
Tamarin Hall says this.
Congressman Anthony Weiner attempting to have some sense of pride and dignity while he announces at least the end for now of his career.
We could hear the heckling in the background, the disgusting things, quite honestly, that were being yelled at this man.
Mark, this is why maybe he had to end this at this point.
The things that people were yelling, we don't know who they are, if they're affiliated with shock jocks or what, Karen.
But this is the kind of thing that would follow this man and his wife, Huma, for the next few weeks.
Okay, so she's saying this is why he had to resign because there was going to be hecklers at the time.
If that was the case, we would have all resigned as comedians years ago.
This is what there's going to be shocks.
We are all perverts anyway.
That's nothing compared to a Friday at the Funnybone in St. Louis.
That's why she thinks that he has to resign because people who work for shock jocks are going to be yelling stuff at him.
That's why they should.
Well, as his constituents want him to stay, yeah, but Howard Stern is going to be a jerk.
And so we have to get it.
Yeah, and you know what?
And before this all happened, he was making a big deal of the fact that Clarence Thomas should recuse himself because he has a conflict of interest with health care cases coming before.
So it's really a great thing that everybody stopped talking about that.
That you literally have not heard that in the news at all.
Right.
That we've talked about his penis all these weeks.
And it's just the press at its best.
To me, that was unbelievable that she said there's a that's a news anchor saying that.
How out of touch could you be?
Yes, the people who should be controlling the.
Is she pretty?
And she is very pretty.
She wouldn't be a news anchor.
What do you care?
She's nice to look at.
She makes you feel better about yourself, and then problems aren't as bad.
Easy on the eyes, hard on the soul.
Yeah.
But so now I get to Barbara.
Well, of course, that's who should control the debate.
We should have people who work for shock jocks should decide when somebody should do that.
Well, Anthony and Open played a big part in this whole thing.
Yes, they did.
Absolutely.
That photo is it.
They're like, I guess, the Huntley and Brinkley of the modern age.
Sure.
And didn't you say how you can tell that Breitbart is a true journalist, Frank?
How can you tell?
Because he went on the Opie and Anthony show.
That's how you can tell he's a real journalist.
Okay, so Barbara Walters has chimed in.
This is from actually last week.
Now, I'm going to play this, but at the end, I don't have this part of the clip, but she actually told Anthony Weiner not to resign.
But she starts off by saying this.
Now, let's remember.
Twice divorced, had an affair with someone else's husband, repeatedly having sex with him for a moment.
I don't know if this spares on anything.
Close personal friend of Roy Cohn.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
She is.
Absolutely.
She was.
Yes.
In his lifetime.
Very close friend of Roy Cohn.
Okay.
Oh, really?
Roy Cohn, for those of you who don't know, might be the only person that anyone ever thought to themselves, that guy deserved AIDS.
Wow, that's pretty.
Wow, that's pretty.
I agree.
I agree that may be the harshest joke.
Okay.
You know what, Chris, before we get to the Barbara Walters clip, Governor Chris Christie called me the other day and he had to say, you know what?
I noticed that he kind of sounds like a lot of guys from New Jersey, even the famous guy from New Jersey.
I don't know if you could tell, but here it is.
Hey, Jimmy Door.
This is Cover Chris Christie of New Jersey.
A little birdie told me that you were busting Spugatso for taking a helicopter to a sunken game.
Let me explain something to you.
Well, you're going to let the governor of New Jersey.
You are allowed to serve them out of perks.
Just because I take advantage of these perks does not be that better than anyone else.
I'm talking about certain specific perks, like a helicopter.
I could take you to soccer games.
I know.
Certain people want me to apologize for it.
Let me tell you something.
I'm not in the business of apologizing to anybody about anything.
Do you understand me?
I don't apologize.
I don't go and say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm not the governor of Dale.
I'm the governor of Canta, New Jersey.
I'm none of that business.
I'm in the business of busting unions and balancing the budget on the backs of the working class and eating funnel cakes.
That's my business.
Eating funnel cakes.
And can always inspire you.
And yeah.
I'll say whatever I find on the beach and stick out of my face.
How about that, Jimmy Doe?
And I'll take my helicopter leave my helicopter.
How about that?
I'll stick to helicopter in my fat damn bug owned space.
I need all of it.
Let me tell you something else about helicopters, Jimmy Doll.
Those blades are really sharp that spin around.
Be a shame if somebody said that call up in there.
I don't think they can sew that pass together.
Now listen to me.
I don't want to hear any more about you busting my balls.
I'm going to come over there to pass a day at California and give you your summer bin Laden treatment.
And by that, I mean I'm going to eat you.
Goodbye.
Okay, Governor.
How is Governor General?
He's a funny governor.
He is a funny governor.
I got to tell you.
All right, you know, before we get to the bottom of the half hour, I want to let everybody know Friday and Saturday, this Friday and Saturday in Burbank, California, I'm going to be telling jokes at the Flappers Comedy Club.
You can go to flapperscomedy.com or my website, and there's a link there.
And I'd love to see you there tonight, Friday and Saturday, and 8 and 10, both shows.
And we're going to have guests, people's surprise guests up, and my friends coming out and telling jokes.
I'll be there with Paul Morrissey.
Frank will stop by and tell a joke or two.
Will you stop by, Frank, maybe?
Robert, yeah, so Murray will stop by, and we're all going to have a good time, right?
Let's not push it.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
Let's not jump to the conclusion.
Do we have any time left in this segment?
We got one minute.
So we have one minute to talk about.
When we come back, I wanted to talk about, well, I'll just play it right now.
This is Barbara Walters, and this is her weighing in on the scandal.
And I can't tell you why, but it really ticked me off.
Here we go.
I think what he has done is unfathomable.
I think the pictures are disgusting.
But I think he has hit rock bottom.
And this may be what he needed so that he changes his life.
I mean, let me just say, yes, sure.
I'm Barbara Walters.
I'm a self-admitted adulterer who repeatedly spread my legs for another woman's husband, pleasured him and myself by rubbing our sex organs on each other, exchanging all kinds of bodily fluids with another woman's husband.
Did I mention that part?
But sending a picture of yourself naked to someone who you're flirting with online, that certainly is unfathomable and beyond the pale.
I mean, you know, back in our day, a married man and a single woman met in a midtown hotel and screwed like decent human beings.
And she still had to see the disgusting thing, too, when she was in person with a guy.
Well, that's the thing that blows me away.
She's like a disgusting picture.
It was a picture of a guy, of a guy.
So again, confirming my theory that men are disgusting to everyone, including women.
They are.
Men are disgusting.
I don't know how gay guys do it because I know men are disgusting to other men, but they just do it somehow.
Women do it.
They're disgusted by men, too.
They do it somehow.
It gets in their head.
But all right, so Ali's looking at me.
All right, this is we're up against a break, and this is the Jimmy Door show on Pacifica.
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And now back to the show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the second half of the Jimmy Door Show.
I'm joined in studio from Mystery Science 3000.
It's Frank Conniff.
From The Daily Show, it's Steve Rosenfield.
And from TBS's Diddy Red Movie, it's Paul Gilmartin.
What's coming up on the second half?
Well, Jim Hightower is going to stop by.
And plus, we're going to cover the Republican debate that happened on Monday night.
And we've got a couple of phone calls coming up.
But right now, let's listen to Jim Hightower.
If some predator was stalking fourth graders in your community, there'd be a mighty uproar to make the predator get away and stay away from your schools.
But what if the stalker is the coal industry, dressed in an academic outfit and a gambit to brainwash fourth grade school kids?
Unbeknownst to most Americans, grade schoolers are being targeted by the American Coal Foundation with a propaganda package stealthily titled The United States of Energy.
It's not mentioned in the materials, but Big Cole paid big bucks to Scholastic Inc.
to develop the shamelessly distorted promotion of the dirtiest fuel on earth.
The package fills little minds with the joys of having 600 friendly coal-fueled utilities generating electricity 24 hours a day.
Not a peep is made about the toxic waste, air and water pollution, mine explosions, black lung deaths, mountaintop destruction, greenhouse gas emissions, political corruption, and other decidedly unfriendly aspects of what industry propagandists simply tout as black gold.
This educational package has been distributed to 150,000 fourth grade teachers, potentially putting its perverted view into the heads of more than a million children.
Of course, the coal giants could not have entered so many schools on their own, so they bought access to our kids through Scholastic, a $2 billion a year corporation that places its materials in 90% of U.S. classrooms.
Indeed, Scholastic's in-school marketing division brags of its ability to, quote, promote client objectives by targeting teachers and students with classroom packages that, quote, make a difference by influencing attitudes and behavior.
This is Jim Hightower saying, how sweet.
To help stop this kind of predatory marketing, contact the campaign for a commercial-free childhood, commercialfreechildhood.org.
Okay, thanks, Jim.
Jim Hightower, by the way, who I did the event of Citizens United?
No.
Public Citizen, Citizen United Market.
You seemed to have benefit for Citizens United.
No, I did.
That would be weird if I did.
Yeah, I wonder why they booed when I said I was in favor of teachers.
That's weird for you guys.
So that went off great, by the way.
That was a great.
We had a great time.
Jim Hightower was really nice to meet him.
He wears a shirt that looks like a flattened disco ball, if you've never met him.
I just want to remind everybody that Mitt Romney is a classic politician and that he wants everybody to like him.
Here he was the last time he was running for president, and he was with a group of black kids, and he was taking some photos with him.
And I hope you can hear what he said to them.
Here, let's listen.
Come on.
Who's got your camera, though?
Who's got the camera?
And put them on the roof of the car.
Strapped them on.
Yes, he did.
So he, did you hear him?
Who let the dogs out?
And it's just, could there be anything?
There's like 12 black kids surrounding him, and he's trying to hug them.
And he's in a shirt and tie.
And he's, who loved the dog?
Oh, boy.
His, whenever he attempts a joke, it's so bad.
It's so bad.
He's a drive turkey.
Yeah, I mean, it's so awful that they want to hire him to write for Leno.
I mean, that's how bad it is.
His name is Weena.
It is.
It's really Weena.
That's his name.
That's his name, Weena.
The guy's name is Weena, you guys.
His name is.
Perfect.
His name is Weena.
The guy's name is, that's his name.
It's Weena.
Okay.
Did you guys know his name is Weena?
Oh, my God.
Shut up.
Okay, so let's.
So before we get to the Republican debate, Herman Kane is a leading figure.
He's the Godfather Pizza CEO, and he's an African-American, and he's running for president on the Republican.
He's trying to get the Republican nominee, and here he is sitting down with Glenn Beck.
Glenn Beck had a good question to ask him.
So wait a minute.
Are you saying that it is that Muslims have to prove there has to be some loyalty proof to the Constitution of the United States of America?
Well, would you do that to a Catholic or would you do that to a Mormon?
No, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
No, no.
See, and I don't think Herman Kaine has thought this issue all the way through, but the downside is if he would have thought it all the way through, the Tea Party would have hated him for it.
So it's a lose-lose for him.
Catholic people don't have to do because the Vatican is a state of America, right?
Well, you know what's weird?
It's like these guys seem to love the Constitution, but Article 6 says that there shall be no religious test.
Right.
And so you go, but if you're of a certain religion, I'm going to, first of all, they like to mention the Constitution.
They don't like to defend what it actually stands for.
No, they like to say they like the Constitution.
They like the word the Constitution.
Yeah, that's the only word they've read in it.
They like the idea.
I mean, but it is tough for Herman Kane.
He's running for the Republican nomination.
And there's only either there's two things you can do if you're running for the Republican nomination for president.
You could either be stupid or pretend to be stupid.
And I think he's doing both.
I think they look at the Constitution the way a lot of people look at Maya Angelou.
They know that she says stuff that's really important.
They're just not really interested in hearing what that is.
You know, if there's going to be a loyalty test for Muslims, I think maybe an IQ test for Republicans.
That's what I'm guessing.
So then he went on to the debate, and he said this.
He goes, they said, you said you're uncomfortable appointing Muslims in your administration, and he said this.
I would not be comfortable because you have peaceful Muslims and then you have militant Muslims, those that are trying to kill us.
Yeah, see, like there's, and that's not racist, what he just said.
You know, it's like there's good blacks and then there's the bad blacks, right?
There's good Jews and then there's the bad.
There's nothing racist.
Because a few Christians have killed people.
Should that apply to Christians too?
Not the Christians.
I would just love to see a graph that you could pull out that shows the number of people that our country has bombed and killed compared to the number of Muslims that have killed Americans.
I would just love for him to see that representation and defend what he just said.
And what you're saying is that once presented with the accurate facts and information, that he would change his opinion.
Yes.
It's a cinch.
And you know that.
If we could only get to him.
If we could only get him the accurate information.
Maybe we could let him see it in an analogy of different toppings on pizzas.
He would understand it.
Well, it's well, so let's, so then Newt Gingrich went on to say this.
It's weird because what Herman Kaine is saying essentially is, I'll break it down.
He's saying there is a good form of racism and a bad form of racism.
And the good form of racism is the kind we practice towards Muslims.
And the bad kind is the kind that they practice against everyone else.
Yes.
That's okay.
So I'm glad I clear that.
So then Newt Gingrich went on to really stick his neck out.
I just want to go out on a limb here.
I am in favor of saying to people, if you're not prepared to be loyal to the United States, you will not serve in my administration.
Period.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
That was the, oh, my God.
I forgot.
I didn't know that he said, I'm going to go out on a limb here before he said it.
Was he saying that sarcastically?
I don't know.
But he continued.
We did this, did this in dealing with the Nazis, and we did this in dealing with the communists.
And it was controversial both times.
And both times we discovered after all, you had a staff court.
There are some genuinely bad people who would like to infiltrate our country, and we have got to have the guts to stand up and say no.
Not that he's like retrograde at all, but I get, you know, I think if he's elected, we can be assured Dalton Trumbull will not be hired to write a screenplay.
Well, that's a good reference.
No, Frank.
Not a lot of people know that reference, but that's good.
He was a blacklisted writer, right?
McCarthy.
So he's coming out.
He's pro-McCarthy.
He's saying McCarthy had it right.
Yeah.
And the fact that we later found out after McCarthy that there actually were some communists who were trying to infiltrate our government, people go, see, that justifies McCarthy.
No, that doesn't.
That doesn't justify McCarthy.
Just because there might be some Muslims somewhere right now plotting to bomb a plane in America, that doesn't make what Herman Kaine did okay, and it doesn't make what Peter King's doing okay in Congress.
Just because there is a threat doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.
I love how these right-wing guys always want smaller government, and yet they were for a bureaucracy determining people's patriotism.
Keep the government out of our backs.
Oh, but you have to sign this loyalty.
Right.
Right.
So you're saying that.
Ron Reagan, who they all hold up as the benchmark of smaller government, turned in people's names for the worst form of bureaucracy ever, the House on American Activities Committee.
House on Un-American Activities.
Un-American.
Yes.
We should videotape this show.
I'm going to start videotaping it.
But Reagan's main motivation behind that was that he didn't get hired to be the lead of the Francis the Talking Mule movement.
He was bitter.
And by the way, Anut Gingrich talking about loyalty.
Really?
You know, this is a guy that left his, divorced his first wife, started having an affair with her while she had cancer.
Was that her second one?
The first one of his wives.
His first wife was the one with cancer, I believe.
At least he ended up leaving a second wife for his current.
Yes.
And he would probably say that he recused himself from the marriage so that she could focus in on her cancer.
So here is, can I just play, here's Herman Kane.
I just have two quick examples of what we talked about.
Is that how they don't know what the Constitution, what's in the Constitution, and here he is.
We need to reread the Constitution and enforce the Constitution.
So he says we need to reread the Constitution and enforce it.
And people go nuts.
In this case, read the Constitution.
In this case, read.
So here he is.
Then a second later, he quotes the Constitution, but it turns out it's not the Constitution.
There's a little section in there that talks about life living in the pursuit of happiness.
No, not in the Constitution.
Wrong one.
That's the Declaration of Independence.
Sorry, got it wrong.
So here's John Boehner.
This is my copy of the Constitution.
And I'm going to stand here with our founding fathers who wrote in the preamble.
We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Okay.
I can't believe he is holding the Constitution while being wrapped in the flag.
That's amazing that he can do that.
And misquoting it.
Yes.
Again, that's not in the Constitution.
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution mixed up, just like a lot of people got Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 902.
Hey, by the way, mistake in both cases.
By the way, Bill O'Reilly called me.
He had something to say about Herman Kaine.
Jimmy Dwar, Bill O'Reilly.
Hey, did you watch that debate?
You know what?
I've got to hand it to CNN.
It was very classy of them to broadcast a lineup on that New Hampshire stage that consisted entirely of former Fox News commentators and future Fox News commentators.
And hats off to CNN moderator John King.
I don't know if he wants to work over here at Fox one day, but if he was trying to prove to my boss, Roger Ailes, that he could spend two hours lobbying softballs of conservatives, well, he succeeded spectacularly well.
A bang-up job.
But the guy that impressed me the most of all was Herman Kane.
It was refreshing to see a colored guy as well put together as him for a change.
You didn't hear him yelling, hey, get me an M Fing ICMF person.
He was poised and respectable like an actual person.
But what was really great about Herman Kane was that he transcended race.
It showed the world that it doesn't matter the color of your skin.
Anyone can have vicious prejudice against Muslims.
That is an important message to be sending to the young people of today.
Any person, white, black, brown, yellow, or green, can engage in religious intolerance.
That is a beautiful, idealistic thought, Jimmy Dore.
I'm telling you, Herman Kane is a class act all the way.
I would be proud to call him a friend or have him show for me around town any day of the week.
I will say, however, that I've never tried Mr. Kane's pizza.
And I don't think I'd be particularly partial to it.
He is the CEO of Godfather's Pizza, which sounds Italian, but since Mr. Kane runs it, I can only assume that his pizza is topped with collard greens, chitlins, fried chicken, and all that crazy kind of soul food that his people love so much.
Not putting it down, just saying it's not for me.
But in fact, I myself have kind of an unusual taste when it comes to pizza toppings.
You know what I dig on my pizza?
Falafels.
I like to remove the falafel from the crust and then squish them all over one of my lovely young segment producers.
Then after I've made a big mess all over her body, I like to grab a woofer and then slowly rub it all up and down her soft, supple skin.
Oh yeah, baby, the fact that begins right now in my pants.
Oh, geez.
What is it about discuffing falafels and loofahs over the phone that gets me so excited?
Anyway, Jimmy, I gotta go.
We're working on a big story about the disgrace of Anthony Weiner.
We just can't have perverts like him in the public eye.
So long, Jimmy.
Okay, and we're back in the studio.
And I want to let everybody know again, this Friday and Saturday, that's tomorrow, Friday, and then the next day is Saturday.
You know how the calendar works.
I'm going to be at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank right here at flapperscomedy.com.
You go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, click on a link.
I'll see you there.
I will be there with all the fellas telling jokes.
I don't know if David Feldman's going to show up at 11.30 for the 8 o'clock show, and that'll be fun.
So it's going to be fun.
We'll have surprise special guests.
Last week, Maria Bamford stopped by.
Oh, you never know who's going to stop in.
So that's this Friday and Saturday.
Right now, let's get back to a little bit more of the show.
Okay, so when we left before the promo, we were talking about the Republican debate.
We were talking about Newt Gingrich.
And I want to just, it all kind of seems to be dovetailing back together.
Like, so did you guys see how many, did you see the Frankie saw the Republican debate first?
I did.
I did.
And what was your overall take?
I thought it was interesting.
They didn't mention education.
They didn't mention the middle class.
And they didn't bring up the Afghanistan war until an hour and 40 in.
I think it's amazing how what you have to say and do to be a viable Republican candidate is just what it's sunk to is amazing.
You have to decide.
Yes, is it even a joke to say that they make Richard Nixon look moderate?
They make Ronald Reagan look moderate.
It's like it's some crazy club now, and no one can say anything outside of it's a race to the right.
You know, when Newt Gingrich came out and said what everyone knew to be true, that this plan to end Medicare was radical right-wing social engineering when he said that.
And they were like, you're done.
You can't say that.
You can't say the obvious truth.
Just like when Ron Paul used to say, we need to get out of Iraq.
People would boo him.
And now it seems like everyone's coming.
But that is the one thing that has changed at the Republican debate.
Paul, you wanted to say something about that?
I just think eventually they're just going to replace clay pigeons with hippies and just have a shooting contest.
Whoever shoots the most gives up the ghost.
Okay, very, very good.
And I don't think in that feel, in that state of mind, you can get like a really strong candidate.
I think that's part of the reason why, I mean, Obama would be in trouble next year, I think, because of the economy.
I think he could be defeated.
But if they had a good candidate, but there's no Obama of the Republicans, no Bill Clinton or even a Ronald Reagan anymore of the Republicans that can emerge as a strong candidate because what they have to say to win the nomination cancels that out.
The guy they should nominate is Huntsman, but they probably won't nominate.
But he's like a moderate, but he won't get it because Iowa, South Carolina, they'll just, you know.
Yeah, which is smart.
Mitt Romney called me the other day.
Hello, Jimmy, Jimmy Dore.
Please allow me to introduce myself to your listeners in case they didn't see the debate in New Hampshire because Sarah Palin was outside the auditorium flashing her tits or something.
My name is Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, husband to a lovely wife, father of five, grandfather of many, uncle of some.
I believe in America.
I shop at Brooks Brothers.
I'm a Sagittarius, and I hang slightly to the left.
And I want to be your next president.
Who let the dogs out?
Who?
Who?
You did, America, when you elected Barack Obama to be president of the United States.
Obama is the worst president we've ever had.
He's ruined America.
Just look around at the horror scape of mushroom clouds and burning crops that surround us.
Not only has he destroyed our country, he even had the audacity to go around the world apologizing for America's existence.
I would never do that.
And I've traveled internationally.
When I was 19, I went on a Mormon missionary trip to Europe, where I tried to convert Europeans to a religion where caffeine and alcohol are forbidden.
Instead of apologizing for America, I got beat up by a French rugby team.
I think that makes much more sense, don't you?
That's a true story.
Are you down with OPP?
Yeah, you know me.
Or maybe you don't.
I was the CEO of a successful corporation.
I was governor of Massachusetts.
And as a devout Mormon, it is part of our belief system that my wife and I will become God and goddess of our own planet in the afterlife.
So as you can see, I have unparalleled executive experience, both terrestrial and celestial.
All I want to do is a zoom-a-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom.
Just shake your rump.
Okay, that was another rap jingle.
That's right.
My wife and I are vaguely yet happily aware of hip-hop culture.
We're not quite the squares you would imagine.
We also enjoy American Idol.
Food that tastes good yet isn't too indulgent.
Jefferson Starship, not airplane.
That was too drug-oriented.
Kevin James movies.
No need for dirty comedy.
Family restaurants with crazy antique stuff hanging all over the walls.
And strapping dogs to the top of my car and zooming down the road.
So that's who I am, and that's what I'm about.
And to my fellow Republican candidates running for president, move, bitch.
Get out the way.
Okay, Jimmy.
Give me a call back on my creepy Mormon underwear now with 4G service.
These nuts.
Okay, that was Mitt Romney.
Yeah, I know.
I like him now.
Me too.
He really likes food.
He seems more like me, that he likes the things that I like.
We do the things together.
I wanted to play.
Now, let's remember in this wake of the Anthony Wiener scandal, all the people who haven't resigned.
Well, starting off with John Ensen.
Last year, I had an affair.
I violated the vows of my marriage.
Yeah, he violated the vows of his marriage.
And then he tried to bribe his way out of it, used campaigns.
It's a lot more worse than that.
It's a lot worse than that.
More worse?
I almost said more worse.
Here's the more worse.
It's a lot more.
Here's the guy from South Carolina.
My marriage.
The bottom line is this.
I've been on Facebook from Allah.
Did not resign.
Did not resign.
I am not gay.
I never have been gay.
That's my favorite.
Who's that giggle?
I never have been gay.
I am not gay.
Not gay.
Over here.
Glory holes are for us all.
I want to again offer my deep, sincere apologies to all those I have let down and disappointed.
And that's David Vitter.
That made him so nervous, he wet his diaper.
David Vitter still in the set.
David Vitter still didn't have to.
Broke the law, unlike Anthony Weiner and cheating on the side.
Actually, had said Anthony Weiner, again, the headline could be, Congressman remains faithful to his wife, must resign in shame.
He did nothing.
I would disagree with you.
I think he should resign because I think it just shows terrible judgment and it shows that he has a type of problem that makes him vulnerable to making mistakes in his office.
I agree.
I think, though, you're all correct.
If the person who was going to replace him was flawless and was better than him, I would say okay.
But I think almost every person in Congress is just as screwed up.
I think there's a difference between immorality in your personal life and doing something publicly that shows really bad judgment.
And what he did was publicly showing public bad judgment.
And that's different.
I'm trying to disagree with you as hard as I can here, Paul, but you're making some good points.
You're right.
Yes, it was public.
You're right.
You're right.
That is the thing.
It wasn't totally public.
It was semi-public.
I don't know if you text a picture of yourself.
He accidentally Twitter tweeted that one picture, and that's what started this whole thing.
So he was kind of doing it semi-private.
It was semi-private with me.
So he should resign for not knowing technology better.
That's the point we're getting to.
If you don't know Twitter, step down.
Okay, Governor Chris Christie called me in again.
Oh, wow.
The government's still, they are very shy about admitting how they kill some of the Laden.
That's why they didn't release the pictures.
I was sent over there as part of a crack team of a bunch of fat politicians.
Caught up a Sama bin Laden in his bunker and pulled him limb from limb and ate his body and then I out into the Indian Ocean.
Okay, you want to know the real reason why I took the helicopter?
Because it's hilarious.
Get a sense of humor, will you?
I mean, I'm slashing budget subcontinent titlevitch.
A busting union slash it benches and I'm taking a helicopter there game.
What's more funny than a guy, a fat guy in a helicopter?
I mean, those blades, they were crying.
They were crying like the guy at the end of saving Private Ryan trying to get me out of that place.
I'm a big piece of shit for the fellows.
I take a helicopter everywhere.
Trust me.
I'm a half a sandwich from having to take a Harriet jet to anywhere I want to go.
So be happy it's just a helicopter.
I care about three things.
America.
People not having jobs.
And snickerdoodle.
Cover Chris Christie, call it in.
I guess his main problem with his opponents is they disrespected the bing.
Soprano's reference.
Oh, see, I didn't watch enough.
Oh, don't disrespect the bing.
I got it.
Okay, Frank.
You know, I got to stay up with you.
It says, whew, you really put me to it.
How much time we have left, Mr. Raldi?
We have two minutes left.
Yeah, any final comments from anybody on any of this stuff?
Anybody want to say anything?
I'll just say about Barbara Walters liked Weiner's dick last week, but now she's disgusted by it.
But she said on the view, well, it's an impressive penis.
She did say that?
She did say that she was impressed with it.
So she's a hypocrite for saying that.
It's disgusting.
Yes.
Well, that's why I don't get one.
Disgusting photos.
She actually on her special listed it as one of 2011's most intriguing penises.
All right, before we get to the end of the show, let's just go ahead and thank everybody who helped put the show together.
I want to thank my guests, Frank Conniff, Steve Rosenfield, Paul Gilmartin.
I want to thank the people who helped write the show.
Frank Conniff, Steve Rosenfield, Robert Yasamura, Steph Zamarano, Mike McRae, doing the voices and help writing that stuff.
And I want to thank my producer, Ali Lexa.
I want to thank you guys for listening.
Now we have a minute.
Okay, so we got all.
You get a Muslim producing this show?
Yeah, it all makes sense now.
I don't think so.
But is he loyal to the United States of America?
Well, I only asked half of him because he's only half.
The other half is.
This is Pacific above.
He's half German.
So, wow, that's like public radio.
Loyalty to America will get him fired.
All right, there you go.
Write it down.
Okay, so that so I want to remind everybody this Friday and Saturday this weekend.
I'll see you at Flappers Comedy in Burbank.
Stop by JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You can click on a link.
And Paul, you have the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast happening?
Yeah, yeah, just redesigned the website.
It's very exciting.
No, Paul, are you ever going to drop the episode that we did?
Or are you trying to space it out?
No, I'm trying to space it out.
I got a lot of white male comedians.
You make me start to question myself.
Like, oh, maybe I wasn't interested.
Maybe I wasn't crazy enough on Paul's.
That would be a compliment.
If you do an episode of my podcast and it never airs, it means that you might be sane.
Oh, okay.
But I can assure you, you are not.
I'm not sane.
I can assure you.
Okay, and Frank, the cinematictitanic.com.
And Cartoon Dump is going to be at the Steve Allen Monday, June 27th.
Okay.
All right.
And we'll.
All right.
We'll let everybody know again next Thursday about that.
Okay, that's it for this week.
Thanks for listening.
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