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Feb. 12, 2020 - Hodgetwins
04:37
Jussie Smollett Indicted On New Charges Related To Attack Police Called A Hoax

Jussie Smollett faces indictment on six disorderly conduct counts for his fabricated Nazi attack hoax near the 16th Street subway, a deception the host mocks as a mere "slap on the wrist" despite the racial tensions it ignited. While speculating that Smollett's legal team has shifted to a conservative prosecutor, the monologue accuses him of lying about the incident and harboring hatred for President Obama, warning that this bogus story risks escalating into a race war. Ultimately, the segment suggests the charges are insufficiently severe for such a calculated lie, framing the entire event as a performance rather than a genuine crime. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Take That Noose Off Your Neck 00:03:43
Hey Jesse man.
Hey, I know right now times is looking pretty bleak and sad.
You might be crying, but it ain't that bad, man.
I just want to make sure you don't Epstein yourself.
Life goes on, man.
Life goes on.
That's good advice.
Don't don't do it.
Hey, let me take a stab at it.
Don't do it, Justin.
Just.
Hey, Jesse.
Look here.
Take that noose off round your neck.
Don't do it, Jesse.
Hey, let me take a stab at it.
Get up off me.
All right, listen here, Jesse.
You damn Obama lover.
Look here, we all know this day was coming.
Yeah.
I know you were.
Well, he didn't know it's coming.
He thought he got away, man.
Well, he got an attorney.
I'm pretty sure that attorney's been keeping you in the loop.
Yeah.
And I'm pretty sure some time ago he called you up and said, Jussie, I got bad news for you.
Yeah.
They hired a special prosecutor for this damn case now.
Kim Fox?
Yeah.
The Obama lover?
She gone.
They got rid of your Obama loving friend.
Yeah.
And they got a...
They got a white man.
He doesn't look too liberal to me either.
So he looks like a conservative.
So, Justice, that pretty much means you're fucked.
So look, man.
Look.
This situation seems horrible, but don't look at it.
Yeah.
I'm going to talk in metaphors.
Don't look at it as the glass being empty, half empty.
Yeah.
Look at the glass.
It's being half full.
Yeah, don't be pessimistic.
Be optimistic.
Just every cloud has a silver lining.
Look, six counts of what is it?
Disorderly conduct, man.
That's a slap on the wrist.
That's a slap on the wrist.
That's a slap on the wrist, man.
Hardly any jail time, I'm sure.
Yeah.
You know, disorderly conduct is like two gay men inside that apartment having rough gay sex.
All that butt-ramming.
Oh, and they're annoying the neighbors, huh?
And they're annoying the neighbors.
All them damn blood-curdling screens.
Just look at it.
Just look at it as every cloud has a silver lining.
You get to go to jail.
You ain't going to be in that long.
And you're going to be surrounded by big buff black men.
Yeah, right?
I don't think this is punishment, really, man.
Yeah.
I mean, I wish I could get arrested and thrown in jail with a bunch of women.
Yeah.
How much fun I'm going to have with all them horny women?
Yeah, they ain't had no man in years.
And that did.
And then I'm going to...
Look at you, Jesse.
You going to the prison with the gay men, dick?
You light-skinned?
You a famous actor?
Got some good hair.
You got that good heart, man?
You gonna have all kinds of fun, Jesse?
Yeah, them men gonna tear you wide open.
Literally.
Yeah.
But you should like that, though, man.
So look.
You like attractive men, don't you?
Yeah, you just, because you gay.
Look, look.
Put this behind you, man.
Yeah, plead out, man.
Plead out.
Treat it like a little vacation, a little spa.
Yeah.
Just pretend you're going to the bunny ranch.
Bunny ranch for gay men.
You got, you got, you gonna have all kinds of men to choose from.
You gonna have your white supremacists, your black supremacists.
Look here, man.
Let's get serious.
You're gonna have all kinds of, you got, man, you got your pick of the little, Jesse.
Hey, let's get serious on this.
Damn serious.
Now, look, everybody know you lying, Jesse.
Even black people know you lying.
Yeah, that's saying something.
Because black people actually thought OJ was innocent.
Look, put this behind you.
Plead out.
I'm sure they willing to work with you, Jesse.
It ain't that bad.
Six counts of disorderly conduct.
Plead Out And Get Serious 00:00:53
That's nothing.
I mean, look at what you really did.
Yeah.
You actually reported a fake hate crime just because you hate the president of the United States.
It don't get no dumber than that, Justin.
He lets your hatred for our president, which I don't understand why you hate him that much, man.
Yeah, what he's did so much for this country, and you went out and committed a fake hate crime.
What has he done to you?
He ain't did nothing to you, Jesse.
You know what, Jesse?
I think you're racist.
You think?
Yeah, I was being facetious.
I ain't being facetious.
I'm being dead serious.
Why else would he do something like that?
Yeah, you are race.
You could have damped, you could have started a race war in this country.
Yeah.
Thank God your damn story was bogus from the jump.
Yeah.
Nazis jumping out of you in front of subway 16 below zero.
That don't even happen in Mississippi, Jesse.
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