Take That Noose Off Your Neck
00:03:43
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Hey Jesse man.
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Hey, I know right now times is looking pretty bleak and sad.
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You might be crying, but it ain't that bad, man.
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I just want to make sure you don't Epstein yourself.
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Life goes on, man.
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Life goes on.
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That's good advice.
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Don't don't do it.
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Hey, let me take a stab at it.
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Don't do it, Justin.
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Just.
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Hey, Jesse.
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Look here.
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Take that noose off round your neck.
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Don't do it, Jesse.
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Hey, let me take a stab at it.
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Get up off me.
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All right, listen here, Jesse.
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You damn Obama lover.
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Look here, we all know this day was coming.
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Yeah.
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I know you were.
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Well, he didn't know it's coming.
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He thought he got away, man.
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Well, he got an attorney.
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I'm pretty sure that attorney's been keeping you in the loop.
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Yeah.
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And I'm pretty sure some time ago he called you up and said, Jussie, I got bad news for you.
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Yeah.
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They hired a special prosecutor for this damn case now.
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Kim Fox?
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Yeah.
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The Obama lover?
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She gone.
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They got rid of your Obama loving friend.
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Yeah.
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And they got a...
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They got a white man.
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He doesn't look too liberal to me either.
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So he looks like a conservative.
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So, Justice, that pretty much means you're fucked.
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So look, man.
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Look.
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This situation seems horrible, but don't look at it.
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Yeah.
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I'm going to talk in metaphors.
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Don't look at it as the glass being empty, half empty.
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Yeah.
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Look at the glass.
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It's being half full.
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Yeah, don't be pessimistic.
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Be optimistic.
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Just every cloud has a silver lining.
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Look, six counts of what is it?
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Disorderly conduct, man.
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That's a slap on the wrist.
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That's a slap on the wrist.
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That's a slap on the wrist, man.
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Hardly any jail time, I'm sure.
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Yeah.
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You know, disorderly conduct is like two gay men inside that apartment having rough gay sex.
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All that butt-ramming.
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Oh, and they're annoying the neighbors, huh?
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And they're annoying the neighbors.
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All them damn blood-curdling screens.
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Just look at it.
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Just look at it as every cloud has a silver lining.
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You get to go to jail.
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You ain't going to be in that long.
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And you're going to be surrounded by big buff black men.
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Yeah, right?
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I don't think this is punishment, really, man.
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Yeah.
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I mean, I wish I could get arrested and thrown in jail with a bunch of women.
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Yeah.
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How much fun I'm going to have with all them horny women?
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Yeah, they ain't had no man in years.
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And that did.
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And then I'm going to...
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Look at you, Jesse.
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You going to the prison with the gay men, dick?
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You light-skinned?
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You a famous actor?
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Got some good hair.
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You got that good heart, man?
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You gonna have all kinds of fun, Jesse?
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Yeah, them men gonna tear you wide open.
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Literally.
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Yeah.
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But you should like that, though, man.
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So look.
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You like attractive men, don't you?
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Yeah, you just, because you gay.
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Look, look.
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Put this behind you, man.
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Yeah, plead out, man.
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Plead out.
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Treat it like a little vacation, a little spa.
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Yeah.
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Just pretend you're going to the bunny ranch.
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Bunny ranch for gay men.
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You got, you got, you gonna have all kinds of men to choose from.
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You gonna have your white supremacists, your black supremacists.
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Look here, man.
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Let's get serious.
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You're gonna have all kinds of, you got, man, you got your pick of the little, Jesse.
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Hey, let's get serious on this.
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Damn serious.
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Now, look, everybody know you lying, Jesse.
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Even black people know you lying.
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Yeah, that's saying something.
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Because black people actually thought OJ was innocent.
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Look, put this behind you.
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Plead out.
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I'm sure they willing to work with you, Jesse.
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It ain't that bad.
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Six counts of disorderly conduct.
Plead Out And Get Serious
00:00:53
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That's nothing.
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I mean, look at what you really did.
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Yeah.
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You actually reported a fake hate crime just because you hate the president of the United States.
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It don't get no dumber than that, Justin.
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He lets your hatred for our president, which I don't understand why you hate him that much, man.
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Yeah, what he's did so much for this country, and you went out and committed a fake hate crime.
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What has he done to you?
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He ain't did nothing to you, Jesse.
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You know what, Jesse?
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I think you're racist.
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You think?
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Yeah, I was being facetious.
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I ain't being facetious.
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I'm being dead serious.
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Why else would he do something like that?
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Yeah, you are race.
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You could have damped, you could have started a race war in this country.
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Yeah.
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Thank God your damn story was bogus from the jump.
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Yeah.
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Nazis jumping out of you in front of subway 16 below zero.
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That don't even happen in Mississippi, Jesse.