Before we get to the God Wheel, we look for Christmas card volunteers, honest tourism, and the new “uneducated” criticism MAGA Extremists are getting. Then, God encourages us to mock feminists, examine incompetence, and have a good laugh at Joy Reid’s smoke detector.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Everybody they know, they gonna vote for Donald Trump, that's the way it goes. | |
| All over America, all over the USA. Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. | |
| Donald Trump is now the president of your country. | |
| Election is going on. | |
| Everyone can see. | |
| Donald Trump is now the president of your country. | |
| I want to make America great again. | |
| I want to lower the taxes. | |
| I want to bring all American business back from overseas back to the USA, baby. | |
| There we go. | |
| Ooh, yeah. | |
| Donald Trump is now the president of your country. | |
| Election is over. | |
| Everybody can see. | |
| Donald Trump is now the president of your country. | |
| Election is over. | |
| Everyone can see. | |
| Donald Trump is president of your country. | |
| Can we just recolonize the Caribbean, please? | |
| Hey, Jamaica, you tried. | |
| It didn't pan out. | |
| Fucking Kingston in 1950 was paradise. | |
| The only country that's half decent in that fucking entire area is, what is it, Bermuda? | |
| Barbados? | |
| Whatever the British one is? | |
| Destroy that! | |
| One more time? | |
| Destroy that! | |
| Well done. | |
| The sound effect and hitting that button that's two different buttons, it's very hard. | |
| Very hard. | |
| Every time Ryan fails, he wants to know how hard it is, the thing that he was asked to do. | |
| It's also the first time. | |
| I think there should be some forgiveness. | |
| Two excuses. | |
| Excuses, Rivera. | |
| Oh, I forgot my jewelry. | |
| What's your excuse? | |
| It's hard. | |
| It's hard to remember to wear rings. | |
| Yes. | |
| Speaking of excuses, I can't get over this. | |
| So last night, see if you can pull this up, Jamie. | |
| I said, you know what would be funny, you guys? | |
| When the drones are landing... | |
| Let's be as gobsmacked as them and not say anything. | |
| So, Maddie was there, okay? | |
| So, when the drones are landing, just go like, maybe you can make it sound like, oh, oh, oh, at the most. | |
| That's it the most. | |
| I'd prefer nothing. | |
| So we'll be silent for maybe a minute. | |
| And I introduce the whole thing. | |
| I go, guys, we're going to do our first comedy bit, okay? | |
| We've never done this before as a troupe. | |
| We are now a sketch comedy troupe. | |
| Cops and a felon doing comedy. | |
| Got it? | |
| And they're like, yeah, yeah. | |
| Calm down, McInnis. | |
| And I go, I have a weird feeling that someone is not getting this. | |
| But Maddie was there. | |
| Everyone was there. | |
| Everyone agrees. | |
| It comes time for the drone. | |
| Everyone nails it except... | |
| Me. | |
| The guy on meth. | |
| Oh. | |
| The guy on meth makes a mean lasagna. | |
| He doesn't participate. | |
| And when he's like that, by the way, have you noticed he can't answer a fucking question? | |
| He's like, fucking, a pound of meth is like a hundred bucks. | |
| And I go, I don't know if that's good or bad. | |
| And he goes, well, let me put it this way. | |
| When I was doing it in the early aughts, you know, you could buy two bags for eight bucks. | |
| And I'm like, is that more or less? | |
| And he goes, eight bucks! | |
| I'm like, you started with a pound. | |
| And I was sitting with him, I was like, dude, how much is a pound today versus how much is the exact same amount in 2005? | |
| And he's like, it depends! | |
| I almost said... | |
| I sound like I'm talking shit about Matty. | |
| I'm not. | |
| I love the guy. | |
| But it's almost like I had said, how would you have felt if you didn't have breakfast yesterday? | |
| It was infuriating. | |
| Okay, so let's go back. | |
| I hate explaining jokes, but this is just worth it. | |
| Because if you watch, you can see me go... | |
| Let's hope and watch with bated breath and make sure it works. | |
| They got the A-team right there. | |
| Shut up. | |
| Here we go. | |
| Yeah, can we have it land back into the dock? | |
| Yep. | |
| Now watch. | |
| Let's say that the drone has finished its mission. | |
| It's going to return back to home base. | |
| As you can see, the docks are opening up. | |
| It's going to land back into its cradle point. | |
| It's going to close and it's going to charge and it's going to get ready for the next mission. | |
| Going to land it? | |
| Please shut up, Matty. | |
| Everyone's nailing it. | |
| So I want to say that the laser's So wait a minute. | |
| John's a really good actor. | |
| Yeah, John's doing a great job. | |
| But you know what's funny about this? | |
| If Matty wasn't listening to me when I said let's pretend to be stupefied by the drone, if he wasn't listening, then why aren't you talking? | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| If he's not playing the character, then he's being a fucking character. | |
| There's a half measure. | |
| Yeah, I was like, let's look like stupid idiots. | |
| He didn't listen to that and then acted like a stupid idiot. | |
| With the actual drone, it will safely land back into his drone station. | |
| And this is what's happening throughout those five precincts that we said earlier today. | |
| The 6-7, the 7-5, the 7-1, the 4-8 precinct, and now Central Park Precinct has officially come online. | |
| Look at that. | |
| Touchdown. | |
| There's no Elon Musk, but... | |
| I was saying they better get it right. | |
| So there Ryan is killing Matty's mic and putting his own face there. | |
| I hadn't killed the mic at this point, but I did switch to my face to maybe show him. | |
| He's like, where did I go? | |
| And then he looks at me and he says, oh, I get it. | |
| We're being dazed. | |
| Or else what? | |
| Yeah, there we go. | |
| Go back. | |
| Watch me. | |
| Or else what? | |
| Oh, it's crazy. | |
| Let it get that photo. | |
| Going inside. | |
| - Yep, and he just wants his photo op. - Disappointed. | |
| Disappointed. | |
| But like a smiley disappointment. | |
| Look at that. | |
| Touchdown. | |
| Anyway, fantastic lasagna. | |
| Looking forward to that. | |
| MSLK did a great job. | |
| Let me just get this one face. | |
| Where's my phone? | |
| Does anyone have my phone? | |
| Leave my fucking phone here. | |
| How maddy is that? | |
| Where's my fucking phone? | |
| Like, do I have to hold your face and go, here's the bit. | |
| We're not going to say anything during the drone segment. | |
| Got it? | |
| Yes, I got it. | |
| You know, some weird shit is going on with cops in New York. | |
| That's enough of that. | |
| They're getting work to the bone. | |
| My theory is, competence crisis, they had this huge push for multicultural rookies, and they also annihilated the top brass, right? | |
| During COVID, they did this with the FDNY, too. | |
| They said, if you don't have the vaccine, you're out. | |
| They didn't really care about the vaccine. | |
| They wanted a clean house so they could chocolate-ify the administration. | |
| And they did a great job, if that's what you're into. | |
| So it's all affirmative action hires, and the machine is not running. | |
| And at the same time, you said cops suck, fuck the police, defund the police. | |
| So no one's applying but total fucking fat losers. | |
| Zeros, and little tiny Latinas with big fat bubble butts. | |
| And they're not working. | |
| So you have a detective who's on a job like he found out who shot JFK. Major deal. | |
| A fucking girl's murdered. | |
| And he's near the case. | |
| Oh, we need you for the Puerto Rican Day parade. | |
| So he has to dust off his old uniform. | |
| What? | |
| And then just stand there by a porta potty. | |
| For 18 hours of overtime. | |
| And they're burning out these detectives. | |
| The only detectives that are left are guys who genuinely want to put rapists and pedophiles and murderers in jail. | |
| Those guys are being sent to bullshit footposts. | |
| And they're working 60 hours a week. | |
| And now they're trying to cap overtime, too. | |
| So, dude, the fucking NYPD is about to snap. | |
| It's like Scotty's in the back room going, the engine's got to hold it, Captain. | |
| I don't watch that fucking show. | |
| And then we have all these Dems realizing that they're about to be kicked out on their ass, so they're trying to maximize, just like cops maximize their overtime on their last year, these fucking politicians are trying to maximize their money grabs before the second coming. | |
| Before... | |
| Second coming of Christ, I guess is what I just said. | |
| Before... | |
| Go to 2-7. | |
| This is what Hochul, the governor of New York, is trying to avoid and what they're all doing for the next two months. | |
| Two-seven? | |
| Oh, there's two two-sevens. | |
| My bad. | |
| This. | |
| You're fired! | |
| And in case your ears are fucked, get the fuck out! | |
| That's how Compound Media sees me sitting down with them and saying it's not working anymore. | |
| I was really trying to be nice. | |
| Just be honest. | |
| Purple Works Nutrition. | |
| Today's a free episode. | |
| Welcome aboard. | |
| Freeloaders, we're happy to have you once a week for a brief amount of time. | |
| The problem with being a freeloader is you don't know when I'm going to drop the guillotine. | |
| You don't know when you're going to become beheaded. | |
| At any moment now, I could just say we're going behind the paywall. | |
| It must be hell. | |
| If you were to spend whatever it is now, $12 a month, You could have unlimited, fantastic content, and you know what's going on. | |
| You stay informed. | |
| But in order to provide it for you for free, we have to go with Purple Works Nutrition, which I am not on today. | |
| I didn't take it. | |
| Hey, pull up that beta alanine thing you did with J.D. Vance, because I thought I was the only one who experienced this. | |
| What are those called? | |
| Those things that feel like ants in your skin? | |
| Oh, that's the beta-alanine, but they're just the prickles. | |
| I call them the prickles. | |
| Beta-alanine? | |
| So when you take this, you have like 10, 20 minutes to get to the gym, and you better hurry up because you get these tingles, these little ants in your skin. | |
| And when you start working out, the ants turn into power. | |
| But if you don't work out, you're sitting at your desk with ants in your pants. | |
| When I took my pre-workout a little too early in the beta alanine answer eating me alive You know, it's a trip If you almost get into a car accident on this shit. | |
| I'm not advertising it very well. | |
| I don't know if Purple Works is happy about this cell. | |
| But if you just miss someone... | |
| They flare up in your whole body. | |
| Yeah, and you get this... | |
| Because your heart is pumping extra blood. | |
| So you get this... | |
| Like you become a goose bump. | |
| It feels... | |
| It's like someone hit the anthill at the base of your spine and you just go... | |
| But yeah, it's a great way to rape yourself into going to the gym. | |
| I take the new shit, that purple stuff. | |
| What's it called? | |
| Invictus. | |
| That's my shit. | |
| I like it better than the previous stuff. | |
| I don't know why. | |
| It just tastes better. | |
| It goes down better. | |
| And you can control the dose. | |
| They say a scoop. | |
| That's a lot. | |
| If you don't want to feel too fucking wired, then just do like a teaspoon. | |
| But over the weeks, you'll get to figure out what your ideal dose is. | |
| And you also, like, I'm hungover. | |
| I didn't sleep much last night. | |
| I'm going to give myself a little extra boost. | |
| This eye looks wrinkly with this lighting, Ryan. | |
| I don't look this bad, usually. | |
| And I look fine here. | |
| You know what? | |
| That's a reflection. | |
| And I go here, and I have bags under my eyes. | |
| And then I go here, and they're gone. | |
| I'm seeing a reflection from the desk in one of your glasses. | |
| Both of them, actually. | |
| And it looks like a wrinkle, but that's a reflection that I'm seeing. | |
| You see that? | |
| It doesn't move. | |
| It's like two stripes that are war paint. | |
| Now they're gone. | |
| And then, what? | |
| There they are. | |
| No, that's not true. | |
| That's your third mistake today. | |
| But it might not be the desk in front of you. | |
| No, not it. | |
| So yeah, Purple Works Nutrition used promo code GAVIN for 15% off. | |
| Is it free shipping? | |
| I feel like it might be free shipping. | |
| I don't remember. | |
| But anyway, this isn't something where I'm being paid to say shit. | |
| This is something I actually use. | |
| Just like Nita Fashions, they made me this suit because I liked what the guy wore in court in Animal House. | |
| And I said, can you make this for me? | |
| And they said, certainly, sir. | |
| And now I have the Animal House suit, which I wore to interview Ye, which nobody gets. | |
| I have to explain it to people, I guess, because that movie is from 1979 or some shit. | |
| But not only do they provide you with incredibly high quality, you can also throw them a curveball and say, I want a Jesse James suit or something like that. | |
| So these are both things that I actually use and genuinely care about. | |
| All right. | |
| Also, in important news, I need your help, folks. | |
| My Christmas card theme this year is pretty ambitious. | |
| We have a different theme every year. | |
| We've been under the Witness Protection Program. | |
| We have been Satan worshippers. | |
| We have been... | |
| I don't think we've been nudists yet. | |
| Oh, last year we were working class chavs from the slums of East London from Croydon. | |
| And my wife was a dog groomer and my sons were boxers. | |
| And my daughter was finally not pregnant and smoking a cigarette or something. | |
| And then we had, when my youngest was born, the other two were neglected in the background. | |
| They're all filthy eating from a spam can. | |
| Anyway, this year it is sister wives. | |
| I have several wives. | |
| It's not going to be sexual. | |
| It's going to be very religious. | |
| Whoever does that, I guess that's the Mormons. | |
| So we're going to be Mormons. | |
| So modest little, you know, handkerchief, long skirt, and just smiling. | |
| I'll dress in a weird sweater or some shit. | |
| But I don't know any chicks. | |
| So, please, if you're within the Westchester area, I'll pay you $100. | |
| I'll pay for your transportation. | |
| I don't want you to be too hot. | |
| No offense. | |
| Like, if it's this incredibly sexy 21-year-old girl with perfect tits, now the joke is like a sex thing. |