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June 14, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
43:45
S6E02 - BYE! BYE! ROMAN EMPIRE

  We now think of Idiocracy five times a day. Tonight's show is a funeral for freedom as Alex Jones awaits his execution. We lighten the load with some zoomer sprinkles, retard Biden, gay for men, high heel shoes, and an in-depth look at all the incredible culture surrounding Pride Month.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
J'ai une mycose, voilà qu'elle se réveille, j'en ai marre.
Ça fait déjà un moment qu'elle est là, t'attends, je t'en prie.
Mycose, tu m'agrasses, j'ai peur.
Ça me démange, ça me prêche, ça fait marre.
Ça pique et ça gratte, pas au mon organe, génitale.
J'ai une mycose, ce n'est pas la première fois, c'est bizarre.
This is the FM, the song is called Mikos.
Welcome to Get Off My Lawn, Esti.
And come back to the free show.
It's...
It's...
It's not...
What's in front of again?
Fuck, I forgot.
I was gonna say it's not in front of a paywall, but it is in front of a paywall.
This is all free on Fridays.
And we're having an ad thing go down where people are fucking sick of the ads.
And then I start losing, I might lose subs.
I haven't lost any subs, so I could lose subs.
So they become quite expensive.
So now I'm just charging like thousands.
I'll hold on to PurpleWorks.
We'll say it's still sponsored by PurpleWorks Nutrition.
Oh, I brought the other thing home, which I'm on right now.
I'm on that drug, man.
Got a lot done at the gym today, thanks to PurpleWorks Nutrition.
Let's pull that up, right out of the gate.
Why the fuck not?
It's a wonderful pre-workout little powder you put in your water, and you rape yourself into going to the gym.
You get these tingles in your hands, or if you don't go to the gym, you are prickly.
For I don't know how long, I've never tried it.
We should try that, just sit down.
Lower third, Rye Guy.
Oh, it's coming.
Okay.
Promo code Gavin, 15% off, Purple Works Nutrition.
They sponsor this show.
We appreciate them very much.
Anyway, back to La Femme.
They're from the south of France, but not Nice and the Mediterranean side.
They're on the Atlantic side by Spain, sort of near where I visited Tommy Robinson on the Lam in this weird British colony of Spain that's got all chip shops and pubs and drunk hooligans.
You can imagine what a celebrity he is.
I'm going to be... He is there.
I'm going to be meeting up with him shortly.
I've got a project in the works.
But yeah, that song's called Mikos.
It's about a yeast infection.
J'ai un mikos.
The mikos is a yeast infection.
Voilà qui s'est réveillé.
J'en ai marre.
I'm fed up.
Oh, the she is the yeast infection.
Ça fait déjà un moment qu'elle est ta.
She's been here for a while now.
Go away.
Va-t'en, prie, m'écoche.
J'ai peur.
Ça me démange.
It's funny reading France French, because it's like, Ça me démange.
Ça me brûle.
Ça fait mal.
It's brutalizing me.
It hurts me.
But in Quebecois it'd be like, which translates to, this deranges me to the end, my tabernacle of the chalice.
I've been getting into foreign music too.
You've been what?
Getting into foreign music.
Getting into foreign music?
I can't hear you very well.
Is the speaker on?
How about now?
Yep.
Yep.
What kind of foreign music?
I believe this is from Georgia?
Like Georgian?
Like the Russian Muslims?
Yeah.
Yuck.
Yeah, but like what they... I don't like them as a people, but... She does a really good job.
And another female too, so... Yeah, that does look like garbage Euro shit.
She's just making English sounds?
It's easier than learning the language, I guess.
Throwing over furniture.
It's the return of the hour.
Wait, no wait.
You're kidding.
He didn't just say, but I think it is.
And that's what he said.
She's just making English sounds?
Yeah.
It's easier than learning the language, I guess.
I'm dressed all in black today for a funeral.
Today, freedom dies.
Alex Jones is in court awaiting his sentencing.
I mean, he's already guilty, of course.
I don't know why the cheap ass doesn't just pay the $2 billion fine.
I would.
So that's already decided.
He's guilty as charged, just like Trump, but we don't have the sentence.
And the sentence could be, sheriffs kick down your door tonight and take your What's it called?
Telecaster?
Tricaster.
Your Tricaster, your screens, your microphones.
His studio is fucking beautiful.
You've seen mine.
You saw mine at the beginning when we walk in, right?
There's the Maddie set, the cop set, the sit-down set, this set.
So take this and multiply it by, I'd say, four?
And then, I mean, look at his fucking desk.
It's, I've been to Fox.
Fox is obviously much bigger, but there's no soul to it.
There's no heart.
Same with CNN.
CNN is all just cubicles.
Plop, plop, plop, plop.
It's brutalist.
Um, but, hanging around his studio and everyone, you can tell everyone there is well paid, because they just seem happy.
So they're all unemployed now.
And I think the most telling thing about this whole trial is that they want his social media accounts.
They want to control them.
And the accusation is that they're trying to silence Alex and control what he says and control his voice.
And then they want his Twitter account.
So we're done arguing.
I did Harrison Smith's show.
So we'll put that on the site too.
It looks like they're packing up a little bit.
Turn it up.
I know that dude.
Can I have some of that shit?
That Alex Jones headdress?
it after we shot it and you were doing another interview and that was already up.
Keep going.
They did not like that at all, that we were able to put out our narrative.
Can I have some of that shit?
Of the version of what happened.
That Alex Jones headdress?
Yeah, start by lightning.
And they couldn't do that.
And so they killed ours.
I can't hear it.
Put theirs up and then they allowed ours to come back on later on in the day.
Total information management.
Yeah.
That's what they have to do.
You have those masks.
It says a lot of, yeah, we have hundreds of those.
It says a lot about a man when you talk to his employees, except for me, that's an exception.
Don't, don't talk to Ryan about me, but besides me, uh, you, you talk to a guy's employees and you really get a sense of who he is and they all love him.
Love him.
That's not true though.
Cause I always say nice things about you.
And people be like, dude, be honest.
What's it like working for Gav?
It's probably a pain in the ass.
Cause is that real?
Is he really mean to you?
And I'm like, yes, it's real, but also he's a nice guy.
Not at, not at work, not during work hours.
I'm not.
No.
Nor should anyone be.
It's a boss.
It's the role of a boss.
Uh, we were talking about what's this one too.
Oh, is that what I put in my notes?
No.
What's 1-2?
Oh, it's a really long interview with Tucker, so we're not going to sit here for an hour and 20 minutes, but Tucker has his back.
This is what I talk about with Harrison Smith is how few Republicans, how few right-wingers have his back and are willing to stick their necks out.
Again, that's another very telling thing.
You judge a man by his employees, and you judge a person by who's willing to stick their neck out when someone else's head is on the chopping block.
And all I can think of off the top of my dome is Charlie Kirk, who's as mainstream as you could possibly get.
I don't think he says the F word.
Charlie Kirk, stood up for him.
Tucker, not Fox News.
Not even Breitbart, I don't think.
Daily Wire, absolutely not.
Tim Poole's got his back.
Tim Poole does.
Yeah, Tim Poole had him on.
That's cool.
That's cool.
Poole.
But yeah, fuck all these right-wing pussies.
You know, the Proud Boys read a page from Death of the West from Buchanan, and the page includes this attack on Republicans' milk-toast right-wingers who don't have the balls to stand up for what they believe in.
We, and I said this on Harrison's show, we already hate the left and Antifa and all that, but that's like a given, you know what I mean?
I don't feel betrayed when Antifa pepper sprays me or throws a bottle of piss at my head.
I go, that's, yeah, that's the deal.
But when a Republican shies away from it and doesn't cover Max and John's trial, that truly pisses me off.
I'll eat your ass.
Imagine how good Alex Jones would be at eating your ass.
If you were a hot chick.
Right, right, right.
Not me or my ass.
Before I think about him doing that, I always picture I'm a chick, I'm a chick, I'm a chick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every time I masturbate at other men, I don't want to be gay, so I'm always like, I'm a hot chick, I'm a hot chick, I'm a hot chick, I'm a hot chick.
Which, it's Pride Month, so we have a huge feature this show about gay culture, because no one seems to understand what gay culture is, and they play that Norm Macdonald clip where the parents are proud that his son sucks dicks or something.
It's a lot more than that, folks.
And I'm learning, this is the beauty of Juneteenth, June Gay Month or whatever it is, I'm learning myself things I did not know about gay culture.
And I'm going to impart that to you shortly.
Gay, isn't it?
Uh, what else?
What else?
Gay stuff, Alex Jones stuff.
Gay Alex Jones stuff we did talk about, too.
Why don't we follow the chronology of the fucking notes, you dumb cunt?
Well, I'm- that's me just saying things.
Okay.
Because it might be in a different media source.
Really?
Well, yes.
It's, uh... But I saw this.
This was cool.
We paint the Barnetts.
Well, before we get to anything else.
Both of them.
We attempted to adopt Natalia back in 2009.
We set up a private meeting, really, at a museum.
What's your point, Ryan?
I didn't know you were so mainstream.
You want to talk about woke?
Fuck that up worse.
I emailed you.
I said, make fun of me with this.
It appears in the notes and I have to like spoon feed you jokes.
I did make fun of you.
I said I'm happy that you're on national television.
Yeah, like an hour later.
That was terrible.
I'd like to let the clip play.
You just killed all the whole Gavin section of the show.
You just ruined.
No, I didn't.
Look, there's still this.
No.
It's gone.
We're not doing it anymore.
You wrecked it.
Too much pause.
Like, when we do these shows in the future, if you see notes that say shit on me, be prepared.
Be prepared.
Anyway, skipping an entire bit, let's move on to some sprinkles.
Let's play the sprinkles interstitial.
This is an interesting sprinkle because it's got a catch.
Sprinkle catch.
So few people are actually funny that when I see someone be funny, I'm shocked and happy.
And maybe it makes me laugh 'cause I'm just, you get that jolt.
And then within the funny community, there's an even tinier percentage of people who are very special and can come up with original concepts.
This concept is so fucking hilarious, I don't understand how they didn't crack up while they were doing it.
- That up, yo.
- Bro, you had the lighter, bro.
- Yo, I don't know where it went, bro.
- Yo, you had the lighter, grab the lighter.
- What the fuck?
- You boys got a lighter?
- No, we were actually just lost ours.
Yo, no fucking way!
Bro, what, who the fuck?
- Bark that up, yo.
- Bro, you had the lighter? - I wonder if the other guy's holding his legs, 'cause that's kinda risky to go like that It took me a while to figure out.
He's clearly just in the back seat.
But, you know, you've got to worry about hitting a pole or something, but also you've got to worry about falling forward.
So I guess some guy sits on your calves.
I mean, I hate to ruin it by getting into the strategy of it all, but...
That I can see.
That makes me miss being a teenager.
Because I could see doing that thousands of times a night.
So I'm enjoying it and laughing at that.
And then they do another one.
And it has a trope in it that I assume we all hate.
That white people are corny because they don't season their food.
Just to be clear, I forget the name of the chick that explained all this in TikTok.
We don't use garlic powder on our chicken because we crushed a garlic while preparing it.
We don't use all these powder forms of vegetables that are already there.
So yes, there's no seasoning.
Oh wow, you found that fast.
This is, every black person in the world should see this.
view as seasoning and seasoning only.
Let me pose you a question.
What does this come from?
Granulated garlic, what is that?
Garlic?
Onion powder, what does that come from?
Dehydrated onion?
Let's take a look at the spice rub.
Dehydrated garlic, onion, and bell pepper.
I sauteed those bell peppers along with my onion and garlic.
Hmm.
What is so funny to me is if I had just doused my chicken in this rub, in this rub alone, the seasoning police would be out of my comments.
They wouldn't even be in there.
But the second it's fresh garlic or fresh onion or fresh bell pepper, it's automatically not seasoning.
And let me just say one last thing.
If you're one of those people that loves to watch cooking competitions and a judge says something is under seasoned, they're talking about salt.
Under seasoning your food means there's not enough salt in it.
Salt ...is gonna bring out the flavor of onion, the flavor of garlic, the flavor of whatever random spice rub that you have.
And let me just say... Isn't it weird, like, the attractive level and then she's totally modest and even covered up?
Yeah.
Isn't it also weird, you see a woman like that say something smart and you first see her and you go like, that's a high sixes, low sevens.
And then she says all that in this articulate and you go, let's get married right now.
Right.
I hope my wife dies in a plane crash.
But I think young girls are the least woke generation ever.
That generation, what do they call them?
They're even younger than Zoomers, I believe.
They might be Alpha or Beta or whatever.
They're anti-woke because they see their sisters go, my life sucks.
I spent a quarter of a million dollars on speech pathology.
I go to a shitty job at IBM every day as a product manager doing nothing.
Doing the stupidest shit in the world.
Actually go to the Feminism Google Doc and look up product.
What the fuck is a product manager?
You just use the product and try it?
Are you like a toy tester?
And then they're trying to get out of debt.
They don't even take a chip off the interest.
And they're there from 22 to 28.
Then they meet a guy after their slut days doing OnlyFans to pay the bills.
Then they can't have babies, and they fucked up.
Ah, that sucks.
Shit.
Well, it was one of those... A day in the life of a product manager at IBM.
And she just, she has a latte in the morning, and then she works on some graphics, and then she meets an intern, and then they go for a walk, and... An absolute fucking waste of time.
It wasn't that, but.
But there happens to be coffee and sitting, she's working at home.
Product manager, shut up.
If you killed every woman's job overnight, the economy would explode up.
And there'd be, you know, 5% of the jobs would be, ah shit, we lost a good oncologist.
I'll take that hit.
Anyway, here's the second version of that.
Well, I should say another version of the same joke.
Sorry, go ahead.
I'm fucking starving, yo.
Like, I can eat anything.
Real shit, yo.
I need me some Mickey D's right now.
Yo, you're always trying to spend money.
What the fuck?
You boys got the munchies!
Yeah!
That's what I'm talking about!
Thank you!
Who the fuck was that?
Yo, there's no way!
Yo, what the fuck?
Are they trying not to say the N word?
Yo!
This no way!
Wait, what?
It's plain ass chicken.
What the fuck?
Is it even fucking cooked all the way?
I don't know.
That looks kind of weird.
Who the...
Take this fucking thing.
What the fuck?
Who the fuck are you?
Hey, did my partner back there give you some dry ass chicken?
Yeah!
I got some seasoning.
I got some seasoning.
Yeah!
Hey, I hate white people, man.
They can't season their food.
Real shit.
I fucking agree.
I fucking agree.
Yo!
These guys are fucking awesome!
Okay.
They're clearly doing a parody of that notion that white people don't season their food.
But he said dry-ass chicken.
Those dry powders aren't going to moisten the chicken, you fucking nigger.
God, my throat is so dry.
Do you have any sand?
I'm so parched.
Like when I was in China and I was communicating with a guy on the bus, and I was going, ah, oh, sui jiao.
I just know sui jiao is thirsty.
So sui jiao, sui jiao.
Oh, sui jiao.
There's no AC in the fucking bus because it's China.
And then we finally make it to a stop where people can piss in the woods.
That's not a real stop.
And there's a stand there that sells steaming hot corn on the cob.
And he's like, oh!
Nah, I was thinking more Gatorade.
Freezing cold orange Gatorade with huge ice cubes in it.
Corn is not exactly, it's not that far from sand.
So... Also an incredibly important news.
New Streeter has dropped.
I used to think about the Roman Empire four times a day.
Now I think about idiocracy four times a day.
Bye, Roman Empire!
That's a good name for today's show.
Bye, Roman Empire.
I miss the days.
I long for the days where I used to think about the Roman Empire.
Way too esoteric of a metaphor.
Idiocracy is perfect.
The fucking Crocs.
The ubiquitous Crocs.
That's another good name.
I cannot get away from them.
I want to bring a huge mirror with me when I go outside, especially here in the Bronx, and just go, do you see what?
Those are your shoes.
This is a mirror.
I didn't photoshop this.
That's what you're walking around in.
These kids being all serious.
Even white rich kids.
It's everywhere.
They're going to some soccer game and they show up in their Crocs and then change into their fucking cleats.
I mean, I guess there's logic there, but... I saw a guy the other day.
He was wearing flip-flops with no sea socks.
What?
I'm getting genuinely mad just talking about it.
But check this out.
An homage to Flukas.
Is it a wooden spoon?
That looks pretty fuckin' wood to me.
Oh yeah, it's like a salad fork.
Dimes are in three dollars.
Dimes are in three dollars?
Yeah.
Eighteen?
Eighteen dimes, there you go.
How'd you do that?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So there's six times in one dollar.
Stop.
Facts.
Yes.
You know where he's getting that from?
30.
Why?
60 minutes in an hour.
Oh my goodness.
Six times three is 18.
He's forgetting that a dollar is not 60 minutes.
That's what it comes down to.
Dude, you're like an hour late!
I mean, a dollar late, I just ruined the joke.
Fuck.
Comedy is so unforgiving.
Wait, a dime is 10 cents?
A dime is 10 cents?
There's 18!
There's 18!
Oh, 18?
Alright.
You're making me think that's wrong.
Yeah, my bad.
My bad.
How many dimes are in one dollar?
That's a lot of math.
Yeah, it is a lot of math.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Last question.
How long is a quarter of an hour?
25 minutes?
There you go.
Thank you so much for your time.
Of course.
A quarter is 25 cents, so a quarter of an hour is 25 minutes.
Easy.
Yeah.
Keep going, though.
It's 15 minutes, actually.
Oh, okay.
15 minutes?
Yeah.
How could 15 be 25?
Did I not get anything right?
No.
Okay.
What was the last thing she said?
Did I get anything right?
And he said no.
And she just laughed and walked away.
Can you name me three countries outside of North America?
South America.
There you go.
Europe.
Europe.
And Asia.
And Asia, there you go.
Those are all continents, though.
Oh, gosh.
How long is a- I like that he's being honest about the answers.
Yeah, well he can't steal the other guy's yes thing.
Right, well he kind of did it first, but you know.
So a dollar is 60 minutes and a country is just a place.
This is what I'm noticing with the degradation of education and just knowledge in general.
Things are just the vibe.
Like if you are an enthusiastic patriot and probably racist, you're just a proud boy.
It's become an adjective.
Fascist, Nazi, Proud Boy, MAGA Republican.
It's just all in the same soup.
The actual definition of something doesn't matter.
What's a country?
What's an area?
Upstairs is a country.
The bottom of the hill is a country.
There's two projects in the South Bronx, two rival gangs.
There's a project that's up a hill.
There's a project at the bottom of the hill.
Guess what the two gangs are called?
The up-the-hill and down-the-hill gang?
The up-the-hill gang versus the down-the-hill gang.
Ever heard?
Like, whatever happened to gangsters, disciples, and all that shit?
What about a gang that's against gangs?
Like, the anti-gang gang?
Well, they were around for an hour and a half.
Yeah, it didn't last one meeting.
I'm gonna do what this guy does, but, like, the opposite, and I'm gonna just have- go up to people and ask them to ask me things to stump me.
Yeah.
That's the only way to kind of make it original.
What is the surface area of 3x plus y cubed spun about the z-axis?
Did you say the zed, right?
Yeah.
48.
No, it's an equation.
3x plus y cubed, so then you extend that across the z-axis and imagine spinning it so it looks like a crazy vase.
And then what's the surface area of that vase?
Of that spin?
No, like say, how much sticker would you need to cover that vase?
Okay, I'm gonna need to do some parabolic work, obviously.
Calculus, you mean calculus.
That too?
Okay.
Quarter of an hour.
30 minutes.
30 minutes, sorry.
That's even dumber than 25 minutes.
Who knew you could get a worse answer than 25 minutes?
It's because it's wrong.
It's 15.
Oh, that does make sense.
A quarter, yeah.
Yeah, they split.
How many dimes are in $3?
I could watch those forever.
I'm kind of addicted.
You like them because they make you feel good.
I don't watch them often, but now I kind of want to go in a rabbit hole.
I'm looking at the floor here in the studio.
You can show people that by showing the picture that I sent you, or they can see it.
I don't know, can you see it there?
Not really.
Show the picture that I just texted you.
Yesterday, for all you freeloaders out there, we do a show called Cops and Robbers.
And that's where Matty was standing.
So we started talking about pepper spray.
And Big John goes, Bronx cop, he's like, I got a big thing of pepper spray OC in my car.
And Matty said, I've been pepper sprayed dozens of times.
I can handle it.
And we go, handle it now, handle it now.
And we kept pushing him and pushing him.
And you could tell he didn't want to do it.
He's like, we'll do it later.
We'll do it after the show.
We'll do it at the end of the show.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, we'll do it now.
We'll do it outside.
It'll fuck up in here.
I go, I don't care.
But I did say to John, look, this is just for a little quick joke.
Don't go, just a little, the littlest like, you can do and then we'll all cough and he'll go, ah, and then we'll wash his eyes and that'll be it.
Can you pull up what John did?
Sure can.
He blanketed fucking Matty.
Blanketed him with OC spray.
Which I guess is pepper spray, right?
Yeah.
It's not bear spray.
It's not as intense as that.
Minimum!
Minimum!
It's like six feet.
No, that's fine.
It was great where he was.
It should be like literally less than half a second.
You're actually better closer to him if you don't want to, if you just want to give a short shot.
Like literally right two feet from him.
Yeah, get closer.
It's a pinpoint.
You'll be fine.
What if you die, bro?
You have a heart condition, sir.
That was more than two seconds, I don't know I think it was I think it was like one and a half and you saw the floor He it was from head to toe.
Well, there was a movement like it wasn't just like one spray.
It was like a get He got the shoulder, then got the face, then... Yeah, that's an up and down!
People go, why didn't you show the recovery outside?
Well, we were... So, me and Tim were running and getting water and dish soap, and he was covered in dish soap, and we... He must have gone, drenched his entire head... 20 times.
20 times.
We're all coughing, by the way, while he's doing his weird mystical... Yeah, you're gone.
And we're running to get him water and soap.
But I didn't show it live because I don't want to show where the studio is.
But you can blur as much as you can and show some of that shit.
Show some of the clips I sent you.
Got it.
So the problem was, he never opened his eyes once.
His eyes never experienced an ounce of discomfort because he never opened them until the very, very, very end.
Until 20 of those.
But here's the problem.
It's draining into his armpits and then down into his crotch.
His penis wasn't in pain, I guess because the water goes around it, but it drips off his bag.
His bag was on fire!
The bag!
The bag!
There's the bird which is the bald eagle tattoo.
The bag is on fire!
Did you blur that previously or are you blurring it now?
Uh, previously.
He's got nice tits.
Yeah, great tits.
There's him, um... But show us, go back, show us, uh, when it first hit.
Because we were all, we all watched it happen, went, ha ha ha, knowing that it's, it's on its way home.
It's on its way home.
You notice how Tim was saying "Oh, oh" before he even started?
Because that's kind of like one of those things where you're like, start.
OK, stop.
Yeah.
Before anybody even gets a chance to do it.
Oh, oh.
All right, that's enough!
That was a lot.
Dude, he said one second.
We're all going to be coughing.
We're asking John if he was OK after the show.
He's like, yeah, I'm all right.
But show me coughing and you coughing.
Oh, yeah, it's a whole deal.
I knew the coughing was going to happen.
Oh, that's you.
Stig's coughing immediately.
Oh, no.
Everybody's just gone.
We started switching cameras and nobody's where they are.
That looks terrible.
Is it okay?
Are you okay?
Who's coughing?
Why is he leaving?
I don't- I didn't get it yet.
It took a while to get to you.
Yes, but then when it happened it was like unreal.
I was like, oh it's everywhere now.
And what do I always scream about on this show?
Pepper spray.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Tazing puts the guy out for a nanosecond and then he's 100% back and he's had a little espresso of adrenaline.
Say someone won't get out of their car and you think they might be reaching for something.
Now the whole car's toast, and he can't see to shoot you.
And he's getting out of his car, alright.
Psst, psst.
This is a little spicy secret.
Psst.
Got something to tell ya.
Spicy secret.
So, alright.
I've been meaning to get to this.
I want to talk about...
Pride Month and how important it is to respect homosexuals and the massive myriad of culture that is covered in June.
This is why it can't be a day.
Veterans, meh.
Yes, we appreciate you.
But you do also get Memorial Day.
So that's two days.
And July 4th is kind of yours.
And no offense to our vets, but you don't have the same kind of vastness Like, what is a military veteran's food?
Right.
You know, what do they do?
I guess they have that paratrooper song.
Yeah, maybe you could do more than a day.
But you definitely couldn't fill a month with the culture.
They're gay animals?
There's no penguins in the military.
Black gay, white gay, Asian gay, penguin gay.
So let's segue to a green screen on the wonderful culture that is gay.
Hey guys.
Hey guys!
Hey guys!
This is a straight guy.
I'm a straight guy, as you can tell.
You have straight dar.
This is how straight guys talk.
Hey guys!
Hey guys!
And this is how gay guys talk.
Hey guys!
It's a different octave.
That's just the beginning of gay culture.
I think a lot of people don't understand why this is a whole month.
They go, what is gay culture?
Well, it's a lot.
It's a lot.
There's Western culture, there's Middle Eastern culture, there's African culture, and there's gay culture.
So I'm not an expert on this.
I'm kind of new to gay culture.
I sort of eschewed it because of my own bigotry and hatefulness.
So I did a bunch of research and I've learned that there's a lot to gays.
There's a lot to gay culture.
There's also a lot of misconceptions about gay culture.
A lot of people think that if, you know, the guys are going out and you go, no I just feel like being with my wife tonight.
People think that's gay.
A lot of people think that their little brother's gay.
They call him a gay fag.
Many say holding hands is gay or I've even heard people say gay when a guy has a jeep with the headlights that look like they're frowning and you get that piece of plastic so it looks like the jeep's...
Those are all bastardizations of the word.
The truth is gays have a rich history of culture and architecture and tradition that few really know about.
Let's take a moment and indulge ourselves in a culture that needs a whole month to fit in your mouth.
I got some help with this to be totally honest.
So there's gonna be points where I just read from it.
But yeah, all those earlier things when you're like, gay, that's a misconception.
That's nothing to do with gay culture.
This And for the record this is a tiny drop, a white pearl drop of what gay culture is all about.
This is a mere sampling, a microcosm if you will.
So first let's just look at, and this is kind of random, gay boats.
The traditional gay boat is also called the canal boat or the narrow boat.
So these are mostly used in fag countries like England.
Anyone can use them though.
Fag hags.
You'll see a lot of women on these boats because being on them is basically glamping.
Ryan, play the shit in the background.
So women love this because it's fun to go on a little trip and have a little mini house that scooches around that fag country.
They were They started because gays initially before they had gay parts of town like they do and we'll get to that gays weren't allowed to own land or be even beyond land so they built these boats so they could live on the water they would they would travel through different gay countries gay areas and then they would jump out and have sex or talk to friends and then jump back in the boat it's weird seeing women on these boats but
If it wasn't for gays you would not have these boats and it's it's funny because a lot of these stories of gay culture now that gays are accepted they're still sort of doing the things that they did when they were ostracized because that's become their culture.
Everyone was confused why there's so many Jewish oligarchs in Russia.
I think there's like seven or eight oligarchs that ran the economy and that's because before communism fell Jews weren't allowed to do business, so they made their own black market.
When the economy collapsed in the Soviet Union, that black market was the only market.
So the Jews ended up taking over.
So what you build out of oppression or ostracization ends up becoming an integral part of who you are and you kind of don't want to go back, like in China.
They, during the opium famine, they were so hungry, they started eating cats and rats and dogs and turtles, and they have a saying in China, if it moves, it's food.
And they continue that tradition today, despite the fact that they have access to actual food.
Which brings us to gay cuisine.
Many think of the Cobb salad as the only gay food there is, but there's a myriad of incredible gay inventions.
These are all gay inventions.
Gay cultural foods.
The biggest one is from another fag country called France, and that was the souffle.
And souffle, the name itself is gay.
It's past tense of to blow, so to have blown.
Obviously a sexual reference.
And it's considered the hardest thing there is to make.
So, people think of gays as dumb, airheads, sort of like the equivalent of a female blonde, but they're actually smarter than us, and that appears in their culture, and it even appears in their food.
This was created in the early 18th century and it looks very scrumptious.
Who turns an egg into something so yummy?
You think of egg as a breakfast food.
But this eggy dish, go to the end because it's... I don't like seeing how the cake is made.
It's like seeing your girlfriend dress up in lingerie.
You want to just walk in the bedroom and it's ready to rock.
Look how yummy that looks.
And you got to get the right bounce to it.
You and I, straight people, can't make these.
And what do they do with soufflés?
Do they hog them?
No, they share them.
Same with the gay boats.
You can ride them, women.
They also are happy to share their architecture.
Now this is... I had no idea about this.
Gays' votes existed so societies had to come up with solutions regarding where to put them.
You can't have them everywhere because that's gross.
So in the early 1800s it was decided every city will have a gay area.
Here in New York, it's the West Village, Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen, and the East Village, large parts of the Upper East Side and the Upper West Side.
In all these locations, every single gay there is is forced to live in a very tiny area the size of a postage stamp.
So by necessity, they're crammed into these tiny areas because people don't want them around, so they build vertically.
And look at the ornate gay structure here that the homosexuals have come up with.
They have that penchant for accoutrements and little serifs, you know, little extra garnishes.
Little extra flourishments that they put on.
Very floral finishings that are really fun to see that us, we guys, we don't do.
We do like, this is a building, ta ta ta!
And they're like, this is a super tall building and look, boop-a-loop-a-boo!
And it becomes a real asset to a city when you see gay architecture.
Because you realize that what we're doing is kind of, what do they call that, barbaric?
What's that kind of Soviet?
Brutalist, yeah.
They make our most ornate buildings look brutalist.
So I don't think a lot of our cities would be the same without gay architecture.
And then you go, okay, Gavin, everyone has boats and food and architecture.
We're talking about a culture here.
We want to celebrate this for a whole month.
What's their culture?
Well that's a good question.
They have gay sports like volleyball and archery which was invented by Oscar Wilde.
And disco is a gay music and it's redheaded stepchild synth pop.
Remember that band Bronski Beat?
They've got a great song.
I think it's called Small Town.
Like we can't even sing like them.
Run away, run away, run away.
Oh, I almost got it.
Maybe I'm part gay.
My dad was gay, so I'm half gay.
He looks like a little baby.
That's Jimmy Somerville.
I think synth-pop is a gay music.
That's the music they made.
I don't think straight people can do it.
It just makes you dance.
This is about a small-town boy just outside of Glasgow who goes swimming.
He's sexually attracted to a guy.
He thinks the guy is giving him vibes, but the guy was just like, what's up?
Yo, Ray Paul.
Yeah.
Cheers.
Uh, so he goes to touch the boy's foreskin.
They have foreskins in Glasgow.
And it doesn't go well for him.
He gets beat up.
So his dad tells him to move to London, and he gives him, like, ten pounds.
Which is about thirteen dollars on a good day.
Probably twelve bucks and twenty-five cents.
Scottish people can't swim, so I don't know why they chose this as the theme of the thing, but... Turn around, baby.
Close your eyes.
And a letter.
Okay, fast forward this.
I know we're off on a total tangent here because we're talking about gay culture.
This is just one song in a whole myriad of gay music.
But I like when his dad gives him money to go to London.
Oh, so here they are getting beaten up by kind of mod rockers.
The mods and the rockers stopped fighting in the beach and they united and became mockers.
Cry baby, cry boy, cry!
Well... Don't get gay!
I think is what the lesson here is.
Just kidding.
We're doing gay culture here.
Okay, so keep going.
You gotta find the part where he gives him money to leave.
Oh yeah, so he's leaving now.
I think that's it.
Stop!
Get back to that.
Freeze that.
Stop!
Wait, go back?
What is that?
Is that 10 pounds?
Or 20 pounds?
10 pounds?!
Dad, I'm moving to London.
One of the most expensive cities in the world.
Thanks for the chips.
I can maybe buy on the train on the way there.
Maybe!
Anyway, sorry, that was a break.
We may have to edit that out.
No, one of the most interesting gay traditions is a thing they do called the Gay Ribbon Dance.
It was invented by some gay guy in the early 1600s and they call it the GRD.
It involves some gay dude yelling and singing and being queer while gays and lesbians dance around him like a bunch of faggots.
Let's hear him.
That's the main gay.
And he stands by the tree.
And then gay children, gay adults, lesbian children, lesbian adults.
That guy's not gay.
What's he called?
The Equalizer.
Now, you know their penchant for fashion?
I didn't even get into fashion here.
But they incorporate their love of ribbons and fabrics into this, the Gay Ribbon Dance, where they sort of intertwangle themselves.
And you go here, and I'll go outside, and it forms a weave.
And when they're done, they have a giant tree dress.
This is something straight people couldn't even think of in a thousand years, like a souffle, meaning blowjob in the past tense.
I never would have thought of that.
Go forward a bit so we can see what the gay ribbons do when you move them around.
No, that's too far.
Just show the gay ribbon dance.
Okay, so in this particular clip, it looks pretty similar towards the end, but you should see it.
It's an intricate basket weave of fantastic... Well, you can see right above me there what it looks like when they're done.
It's amazing.
So, tip of the iceberg, this is why we spend a month celebrating homosexuality.
It's cuisine, it's music, it's tradition, it's architecture, it's boats, it's culture.
And it certainly isn't just a couple of guys fucking each other in the ass.
And people thought it was just about sex.
Yes.
Remember that Ricky Gervais bit?
No.
You don't know if you're in a trough till you're coming down from the peak.
And you don't know that you're at the peak until you come out of a trough.
You know who said that?
Dolly Parton.
And people say she's just a pair of tits.
And people say that Gay Pride Month is just about sex.
Wrong.
There's a lot to being gay.
Anyway, I want to get behind the paywall now.
Thank you very much to Purple Works Nutrition.
That's not a good way to sell a brand.
No.
Well, you're not ... Are you on Purple Works?
Yes.
I stated clearly earlier that I was on Purple Works.
I would like to get into this, the meander in chief, but I'm going to do it behind the paywall.
We're going to make fun of our retarded geriatric president, who is the laughingstock Of the entire world.
Anyway, see you next week, freeloaders.
And please, stop denying yourself this beacon of hope in a sea of clown world.
You need this lighthouse to keep you sane.
It's a weeb of sanity and a world gone mad.
So, I say see you next Friday.
No, see you Monday.
See you tomorrow.
See you tonight.
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