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June 7, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
51:59
S5E99 - YOUR HOBBIES ARE STUPID (FREE PART)

  Anime is lame. So are video games. Your dog has been programmed to love you. It's a freak of nature. Biden thinks D-Day is gay but it's Johnny Rotten. Indian metal sucks. Be skeptical of rainbows.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
And some folks just won't let up, they keep out of me.
Other than my own world, this man's running down.
Just because I'm the one who doesn't mean I'm down.
And I'd rather just set fire and be left in love.
I'm a miserable failure, that's what I'm down.
Miserable failure, much too old.
Gotta see the beginning of this video.
Rewind.
Check out how cool this band is.
This poem is called Finding Oneself in a World Full of Selfies.
Wait, stop.
Go back to the beginning.
Crank it up.
You gotta hear this poetry.
This poem is called Finding Oneself in a World Full of Selfies.
I am lost and confused and I do not know who I am.
to where it turns into a mosh pit.
Someone just walked back up, and you'd buy for me.
Iron Reagan.
That's Miserable Failure.
I'm a Miserable Failure.
It's American Crossover Thrash Band from Richmond, Virginia, consisting of Municipal Waste Vocalist Tony Pereza.
That's a cute little guy singing.
Cannabis Corpse and Municipal Waste Bassist Phil Landfill Hall.
Former ANS guitarist Mark Bronzino, former Darkest Hour.
It's a super band.
It's a super group of an homage to 80s hardcore.
And their fucking merch rules.
I just bought one of their shirts.
Go to 1-4?
They just got impeccable taste.
You gotta see that whole video, too.
It's fucking awesome.
Look how cool their merch is.
Type in t-shirt.
Iron Reagan t-shirt.
Look how great their shit is.
Of course, there's gotta be some dead cops.
But that's the aesthetic.
And when you get into that kind of trash, they can be pretty right-wing, like, speak English or die from Troopers of Death.
That guy's pretty fucking out there.
I don't know why he's not canceled.
The dude from Anthrax was in SOD.
I guess because he's Jewish.
I just bought that.
I think it's Hillary.
They're doing 80s Hardcore, and they're doing it better than 80s Hardcore.
But not that 80s hardcore wasn't awesome.
Check out DRI.
Actually, no, jump to one, two.
This is their song, Fuck the Neighbors.
And again, their impeccable taste is present in their videos.
This video is awesome, even if you hate the music.
so funny Hey, neighbor.
Yard looks great.
Anyhow, is the party evening tonight or tomorrow or...
Just because it's my bed!
This song's called Fuck the Neighbors.
I'm about to make this place to live!
Fuck the neighbors!
Anyway, they got me...
And then I realized it's DRI, Dirty Rotten Imbeciles from Texas.
And then I haven't listened to that album.
What's it called?
Just Do It or something?
And then I put that on, and I was like, holy fuck, they're good.
No, no, 1-3.
1-3 is DRI.
Deal with it.
Listen to this fucking intro.
It is so timeless.
It is so timeless.
It is going to be worth it.
It is so timeless.
Wow.
Alright, that's enough of that.
There's this new, this Australian rapper named Mudrat out, and his music's really cool, and his politics are fucking gay.
And that begs the question: can politics ruin a band for you?
I mean, virtually all hardcore, thrash, metal is about how evil cops are and how all the pigs need to die.
Can you sit and listen to that?
Yeah.
I don't really know.
The Dead Milkmen are ruined for me.
And they were one of my favorite bands as a kid.
Protest the Hero, like their favorite band Propagandi.
They're AIDS.
But I love them.
I love them so much.
It's like goddess worship, and then...
Ugh, it's just all...
Hello?
What's up, Sensei?
What's up, gorgeous?
Good.
I'm on my way to your house.
Okay, I'm at work.
I'll get it later.
I'll leave it in the driveway with a key under the mat.
Thanks, man.
Got it.
Bye.
Love you.
They have one song, Defending Pit Bulls, because they're in Canada, you know, and there's like a lawn.
Propagandi are defending Pit Bulls?
No, Protest the Hero.
They love Propagandi.
But yeah, so they're defending Pit Bulls.
They love Star Trek.
They wrote, gave American History a scathing rewrite on Palippist.
Like, it's...
All of it's the worst.
The meaning of all the songs are...
They told the king to fuck off.
It's a civil war with the Brits.
The working-class Brits that were here declared war on the upper-class Brits back home, and they won.
Isn't that cool?
Like, shouldn't Antifa be pro-J6?
They stormed the Capitol.
I thought that's good.
It's an insurrection.
You're an anarchist.
You wear a guy Fox mask.
He tried to blow up Parliament.
Are we the baddies?
So anyway, this guy Mudrat, check out his, is it his Instagram?
You know, his Twitter.
Jumped to 1.6.
He's some sort of, I don't know what he is.
What is that?
What race is that?
Like, half Indian?
Maybe half Pakistani?
Something bad.
Syrian?
See, it's good, because all music from Australia is good.
I don't know why God made that rule, but he did.
They can't make bad music.
But you should punch your racist grandfather in the face?
No, thanks.
I think I'll buy him a beer.
They can get fucked.
Wearing the kafaya.
Yeah, I can't do it.
I like it, but I can't do it.
That's too in your face.
That's too much.
Racist boomers punch the cunts.
Fuck off, you cunt.
Then there's music that is so bad that you don't care what the politics is.
And again, I've been saying this all week.
My favorite thing about social media these days is we get to confirm that the West is the best and everything outside the Western world isn't different.
It's just shitty.
Everything in India sucks.
Especially their metal.
Don't hit, don't.
Don't these people have words in their languages?
Why are you showing me your ass?
Yeah, you're fired.
You're all fired.
And even sometimes you have immigrants who are here, who are like born here, like a guy who's Puerto Rican but Japanese, and even he will suck because he just has a touch of the East on him.
And I would say Japan is the most Western Eastern country ever.
Listen to Ryan trying to sing Queen.
Great jam.
Made in the West.
How do you think you got along without your work?
Took the very thing that I had and kicked me out of my own.
Are you happy?
Are you satisfied?
I got it already.
That's the best part.
Another one, bites, bite.
It's bites the dust, not the bus.
Why would you bite a bus?
You're saying bus.
It's dust.
Another one, bites the dust.
Music is subjective.
No, lyrics are not subjective.
Yes, they are.
The saying bites the dust means you hit your face on the ground so hard, your teeth go into the dirt.
You bite the dust.
You don't bite a bus.
I didn't know that.
Well, I thought, well, this is me singing Queen.
Oh.
Never mind.
What are you doing?
I had the everybody drop everybody, but it's not working.
Yeah, that's typical.
Here's Ryan describing Oreos in his inimitable way.
Well, what in the actual hell?
I don't even get your joke here.
What are you saying?
What's wrong with that?
I don't get your joke.
It's funny.
Oreo.
He cracked himself up.
Well, congratulations, by the way.
You thought you were done going on Joe Rogan's show.
Yeah, I am.
What are you talking about?
You crushed it the other day.
You absolutely crushed it.
I mean, you.
I don't know why you're talking about fighting.
That doesn't make any sense.
Who is that?
Is that a fighter?
Yeah, Tank Abbott.
He looks very different.
He looks ancient.
He looks like me.
He looks ancient.
Tank Abbott in his day was a fucking unit.
Wait, is that the guy with a mustache?
Yes.
No, not that guy.
That's Fry.
Don Fry, I think you're probably thinking about.
Oh.
But he's another guy.
He looks like Tom Sellek's superhero version guy.
Oh, he was black?
Oh, that guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is the mustache guy, Don Fry.
Yeah.
That's retarded.
You know what I did last night?
I was drunk, and the only reason I'm here is Purple Works Nutrition.
I just watched a montage of every fucking Mike Tyson fight ever.
Nice.
And I was laughing my face off.
Why?
It was just, it was funny how scary that must have been.
And how I was giggling.
It was funny.
Like his fucking body shots, he's always low.
He's always inside.
And his trademark signature move is a body shot, which must feel like being murdered.
And then as you're crying that you don't have any more ribs and you're going to be pissing for three weeks, this insane uppercut that makes you go gong, boom, boom.
On the same side.
He's so talented, it's funny.
And he's never phased.
No, it's like watching, honestly, like an animal.
Yeah.
It's like, no matter what you do or whatever, like showboating or whatever, it's just...
He's just coming towards you.
He just walks like this.
I'm going to come kill you now.
And it's just like watching a lion and a gazelle.
Like, you're dead.
Snake and a mouse.
You're dead.
It's got like a savant taste.
He's not doing anything but being that thing.
He's the perfect boxer.
Oh, like there he does it again.
I mean, fuck me.
Anyway, speaking of Purple Works nutrition.
You know about the fight, right?
It's postponed.
I don't know if anybody was.
He's got an ulcer or something?
But wait, before we get to Purple Works, we have to finish discussing Ryan.
You almost fucking gave Charlie a concussion.
This is how you deal with newborns?
Why the fuck are you sitting on a scooter like that?
It was comfortable.
Never sit on anything but a chair with a baby, you fucking moron.
I've practiced this with beard.
Look, he's fine.
He's crying.
He's crying because he's scared.
He's not crying because he's damaged.
Who lies on the back of a fucking scooter?
I was telling the truth on the back of a scooter, actually.
And then someone sent this in.
Apparently you were on stage with Pearl Jam?
Yeah.
The drummer likes you or something, and you were sitting on his bass drum.
I'm not a big fan of the band, but honestly.
I fucking hate Pearl Jam.
I don't hate them.
Jarmer.
Don't call me a tiger.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
What are you doing on this drum?
Like, what?
Are you trying to sound like an old black guy or somewhere my baby be?
Ech.
I fucking.
I fucking hate that.
And every time I...
Even the name Pearl Jam, is that cum?
The fuck are you talking about, you fucking losers?
I heard that was a myth.
Pearl Jam meaning.
Maddie tells me that's a myth.
It's not about cum.
Well, it better be a myth if you've got a tattooed on your leg.
You don't want jizz on your leg.
Came up with the name Pearl, and after that, the band later settled on Pearl Jam after attending a Neil Young concert, which extended his songs into improvisations.
Oh, Pearl.
Oh, that makes me jams.
Yuck.
That's actually worse than cunning.
He always hated grunge.
Remember my buddy Steve?
He goes, okay, you're punk, right?
Yes.
I'm grunge.
I dress grunge.
I play in a grunge band.
I'm grunge.
It's like, that doesn't work, dude.
No one's grunge.
You can't be grunge.
Anyway, you can be on Purple Works Nutrition, which I'm on right now.
And I would normally be in bed today after the drinking I did yesterday.
But I filled up a cup.
I dragged myself to the kitchen, put a little bit bigger than usual.
I still don't do a whole scoop.
But I put it in.
And all of a sudden, I was like a puppet.
And I had to go to the gym.
I had no choice.
I'm not going to sit here with the tingles in my hands.
I noticed on the motorcycle too, if someone almost hits you, you know when you get that boom-boom-boom, when you almost get in a car accident and your heart beats extra fast for a second?
That makes the tingles almost hurt.
Get to the gym, fucking hitting the pads, like Mike Tyson.
I was Mike Tyson.
He likes to, I think he likes to keep everything really close, you know, so I'm just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
And then Larry, black guys, for some reason, when you do pads with them, they like to hit you in the head.
Maybe he doesn't like me, I don't know.
But he goes, bam, and then bam, to hit me in.
I just go, and then back to the pads.
And he goes, and Larry Barnes, New York State Champion, goes, yeah.
He was hoo-hoo-hooing Purpleworks nutrition, which I take every day at the gym.
The coach, another coach, Ryan, said, you don't look as fat as you usually do.
I take that as a compliment.
And again, I blame Purpleworks.
So it's not just there when you're at your best.
It's there when you're at your worst.
Go to PurpleWorksNutrition.com.
Use the promo code Gavin for 15% off.
It keeps me alive.
And I would have been hit with two pads today.
So it literally saved my ass.
It didn't just get me to the gym.
protecting me while I was at the gym.
*music*
Okay, let's get back to the show.
Oh, wait, we're not done with Ryan.
No.
You had some hate crime?
What is this that you did?
Well.
You hate black people?
That's what they say, but it could have been a person.
This could destroy our company.
I don't want you going around beating up people of color.
it was a coincidence hey hey I was obviously attacked first.
Okay, mate.
But we don't know what's going on.
Beautiful.
What a great ass kicking that is.
Thank you.
You get him to the ground and you just kick him in the head.
Boom.
Done.
Don't even have to punch him.
This is a very diverse video.
Yeah.
That last one.
Don't do that.
You can kill someone.
My bad.
You would concussion.
I just got really excited.
Why?
Because honestly, I did not expect that to be that easy.
Well, you did have some luck.
The luck was that you got him to the ground.
You know what it is?
It's like if you take Purple Works and you do like 10 push-ups, then you're like, all right, you have to stop working out now.
It's like, I can't.
I'm going to have to throw a kick in there or something.
I'm still roaring.
I have never seen someone talk like a fag and have their shit be more retarded than this guy.
And it actually made, it gave me homophobic thoughts looking at this guy's Instagram page.
Like, I literally said out loud to myself, are fags retarded?
I'd never thought of it before.
They've changed.
When I was a kid, gays were kind of cool.
Like Ryan McGinley, Jeremy Scott, Benjamin Cho, the early odd New York gays were cool guys.
You almost wanted to become a gay.
And then I see these guys and I go, does getting fucked in the ass like kill your brain cells?
Well, they're sexually retarded.
That's for sure.
Look at what garbage this guy is.
Click on the first video.
Breaking news.
So it's come out that J-Lo is rushing to get back to the studio after her canceled missing teeth.
J-Lo failed project after failed project.
I'm just being blunt here.
I'm neutral about the whole thing.
Re-release after re-release after remix and rushed release after rushed release.
Now she's rushing to get back into the studio, but what's she gonna record?
Girl, she needs to do exactly what she did with Jaruel.
That whole style or whatever.
I'm re-do something like that.
This generation's rising and she's just a piece of human garbage.
And crave authenticity.
I don't think it's even illegal to kill him.
You could just say it's part of my religion.
Like when they catch Hasids, you know, butchering chickens in some sort of Hasidic Jewish ritual or they have those halal killings where they slit a goat's throat and the police don't get involved.
Maybe you can kill someone this useless.
Just kidding.
Okay, what's he saying now?
This is like Keith from Righteous Gemstones.
It's a level of garbage that I'm not familiar with.
No, that guy's talented.
Actually, that's pretty good.
But when he speaks, it's kind of like...
Whoa.
I mean, some people just should have not been born.
Who are these comments?
What are they saying?
heart uh hands up emoji and another three emojis okay that's weird that that and he That's the shittiest person I've ever seen in my life.
In my life.
And he's obsessed with J-Lo.
Oh, look at this video.
Everybody has the term industry plant wrong.
Y'all are just kind of throwing it out there with no kind of context or anything.
Jennifer, speaking of homosexuals, I'm convinced that Johnny Rawnton is gay.
And I believe that he has sex with his bodyguard, Rambo, who he goes everywhere with and is his age, so not much of a bodyguard.
Hi, this is my 69-year-old bodyguard that I 69 on a regular basis.
It's just a guess, just a theory.
But Rambo has passed on.
So John Lydon's wife's dead, and his lover is dead.
So his penis is hanging up its hat.
He's retiring his penis.
But he's still making music.
And I love Johnny Rotten.
I love John Lydon.
I think he's a huge asset to the world.
He is punk.
Like that, he invented a type of singing where you don't want to be there and you hate your own song.
And that was the blueprint of punk right up until the 90s when California ruined it by trying to sing well with Green Day and Blink 182 and you got to keep them separated.
Offspring?
Offspring.
Like they ruined punk by sounding like they wanted to be there.
That's not the blueprint, dude.
You violated the Constitution.
So I love him, but I think he's gay.
And he just put out a song with Pill that is the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard.
It's worse than Indian metal.
It sounds like there was a band at a wedding and we all got drunk and everyone left and at four in the morning we're on the equipment.
Hey, hey.
Listen to how shitty this song is.
And Pill are great.
Not a Love Song is a great jam.
Okay, starting out okay.
Sounds like Jukebox Hero or something.
Fuck you.
It's like a parody of Pill.
Fuck off.
Fuck sex.
It's bollocks.
Sex is bollocks?
All sex is bollocks.
Well, it's easy for you to say all your lovers are dead.
Who is that?
Is that supposed to be Rambo?
On the left?
Oh, yeah.
He doesn't have instruments.
Yeah, that must be.
It's bollocks success.
It's bollocks.
Me baby bollocks.
This is the whole song.
It's like a song you would do for sound check.
Test, test, check, check, check, check.
Sex is bollocks.
We all need more.
Fuck off.
Enjoy mollocks.
Big pips.
Ya mollocks.
Big tits or bollocks.
Not gut.
Dogs, bollocks.
He's a really terrible graphic artist, too.
And he insists on selling his paintings and doing a lot of album covers, and they're so bad.
Speaking of which, I'm very excited about our new shirts.
Do you have that?
MAGA Extremist shirts were selling on the site.
I hope they're up by the time you see this.
I stole the adolescence logo, and so it has a second meaning because the adolescents hate Trump.
And this is our favorite kind of tormenting.
Not yet.
Not yet.
But show the shirts.
They'll be up pretty soon.
That's kind of a thing we do.
Like, we like a band to punish them.
Like that Glaswegian punk band, Soapbox.
You went all over their social media and said, hey, Gavin McKinnon sent me, be nice.
So the adolescents, that's their logo.
So they're going to be mad about that.
And that's what we do.
In fact, go back to Mudrat.
You should go onto Mudrat's social media and be like, hey, man, proud of your boy.
Hey, man, the bird which is the bald eagle.
Please do that.
Let's drive him insane.
Hey, Gavin McKinnis sent me really good music, man.
I love it.
I love that we can drive someone insane by liking them.
What a cool weapon to have in your arsenal.
Bird flu is coming.
Have you heard these rumors of bird flu?
I guess you can change my background to COVID.
Oh, well, it's been a while.
Yeah, we haven't done.
They obviously have to bring something back for the election.
That's Biden's only hope is mail-in ballots and rigging.
The timing is amazing.
Because he's fucked.
Otherwise.
Everyone on the left hates him.
This guy's a great troll, very funny dude.
People constantly take him seriously.
The bullocks rocking out.
The bird flu, and we need an immediate global lockdown until 2026 in order to contain this deadly virus.
Today, a man in Mexico lost his life to bird flu.
And I don't want any more people to lose their lives to this virus.
And so, unfortunately, we will have to go back inside.
We will need to lock down.
We will need PPE.
We will need masks.
We will need to keep our distance from each other.
And most importantly, we're going to have to come up with a new vaccine for bird flu.
And yes, if you're not prepared to take that vaccine, then you should face the consequences because this time we've learned our lessons.
We've learned our lessons from COVID.
And we cannot allow that kind of destruction, that kind of disobedience.
I think it's become pretty mainstream to accept that the vaccine is not what they told us.
That's, come on, that's, that's, I would consider that moderate, even liberal, right?
We here on the right think the vaccine is evil and it kills people and leads to blood clots.
But I'm more interested in the mainstream because those are the guys who define the culture and the future in many ways.
And I think it's become mainstream to be dubious of the vaccine, right?
Like this bird flu thing's not going to take, right?
Right?
Yeah.
It's different.
It's not COVID.
That was then.
This is now.
I was reminded of the don't do your own research thing.
Like, how the fuck did that become a thing?
Check out 2.7.
There's a whole montage of them.
We were told not to do our own research, and that was like a trend.
Do any of your own research?
Doing your own research is associated with conspiracy theory circles.
This go-it-alone approach, doing your own research.
That can have serious consequences.
You should get prison time for even questioning the vaccine.
So we all stop saying I need to do my own research.
Pray, do your own research.
Four words.
Four little words that are heard in America.
Doing your own research.
Everybody has a supercomputer in their hand that empowers them to do their own research.
And that's the problem.
You must not do your own research.
I need to do my own research.
Understand what that means.
I'm doing my own research.
You can't do your own research unless you're a scientist.
I'm doing your own research.
Maybe you've told yourself you're playing it safe.
You just want to wait and see since this is a new vaccine.
No.
Roll the f up and get the vaccine.
Idiots who think that they.
What an incredible time.
So don't fall for it, obviously.
I noticed Brian Stelter when he showed his phone, it was a sunset.
Why aren't your kids your screensaver?
What's your screensaver?
You know, I don't actually use my kids as my screensaver because if I see pictures of them, I miss them.
And it distracts me from doing my work.
And so I tell my wife not to send me any pictures when I'm at work, but sometimes she does.
And then it makes me want to hold them and kiss them.
My wife sent me a picture of my 11-year-old today.
He is so gorgeous, he looks like a circus freak.
Like he looks like a weird male model genie, like who's the new Dalai Lama or something.
It's absurd.
Like some sort of messianic thing.
What's your screensaver?
It's Mother Mary holding baby Jesus.
So I do have babies on my screen.
It happens to be of our Lord and Savior.
No, for the record, you do not have your dog on your screensaver.
It has to be your kids.
Dog.
Preferably the whole family.
I said Lord.
That brings it to the competence crisis.
Let's jump over to that.
Oh, man.
It's nice.
I can't show mine.
I can't show my kids.
True dat.
Competency crisis in the actual good one.
How incompetent can you be?
That isn't different.
It's a competency crisis.
It's a crisis of incompetence.
This country is falling apart.
Literally.
Some guy sent me, a fireman actually, sent me A video of a machine that pumps out what's it called now?
Here, I'm going to send it to you.
Copy and then paste to Ryan Rush.
I'll just do Ryan and the boys.
And I'll type ignore to the boys.
And it's this pump.
100-year-old motor powers, 100-year-old motor powers on.
This 750 HP motor pump pumps 135,000 gallons per minute of stormwater, preventing Memphis from flooding.
I don't see us making that again.
A pump that's going to last for 100 years?
Even the caption, 100-year-old.
So you're supposed to have a dash between 100 and year and old.
That's how you write.
And you don't capitalize year-old motor powers on.
So we can't even describe what we're seeing correctly.
Gallons per minute of stormwater.
And the commas wrong after stormwater.
We're two years away from that write-up saying, big spinny thing go vroom.
Yeah.
Soon we'll just be talking in patois.
But there's this one story that's been going around all week, and it's so meta because the story reporting and the events within the story is incompetent.
So here, go to 3-0.
Show the original first.
I think everyone's seen this, right?
The guy.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Have you seen this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mr. Harold?
Are you driving?
Ashley, I'm pulling into my doctor's office, actually.
So, just give me one second.
I'm parking right now.
Hey.
Why did you go driving when you have a court date?
You stationary?
I'm pulling in right now at this second.
Yes, I am.
All right.
What are we doing?
Your Honor, we are respectfully requesting an adjournment in this matter up possibly two to four weeks that the court would allow.
They're always adjourning things, aren't they?
Okay.
So maybe I don't understand something.
This is a driver with a license suspended?
That is correct, Your Honor.
And he was just driving and he didn't have a license.
That's a 65 IQ.
Maybe 70?
That's what the charge is, Your Honor.
Yes.
No, I'm looking at his record.
He doesn't have a license.
He's suspended and he's just driving.
That is correct your honor.
What's going through?
Like, if you could see into his brain right now, what would you see?
Just birds flying around?
No, birds are a little complex.
Just tumbleweeds?
Nothing.
You know, like those old screensavers of stars?
What if he has no brain at all, and this is just a miracle that he's alive?
He's defying biology.
One minute, Mr. Harris.
He's now greedy.
There's layers and layers to this.
Note how incompetent everyone is.
Like, there's silence.
Big, huge chunks of silence.
This is what's...
That's in his head right now.
I don't even know why he would do that.
So, defendant's bond is revoked in this matter.
Defendant is turning himself into the Washington County Jail by 6 p.m. today.
Failure to turn himself in will result in a bench warrant with no bond.
Yeah.
So it gets better.
First of all, the whole process took way too long, and our justice system is terrible.
We're seeing that with Trump, his 34 counts.
No one knows what the counts are.
No one knows what the crime is.
Election interference.
They're still trying to blame him for J6 and arrest him for that.
He's a fucking felon right now.
He can't buy a gun.
He can't vote.
So we already knew the justice system.
We knew the justice system was fucked way back when Max and John were arrested for a 17-second fight that had no victims.
But the story is a suspended license, right?
And he's driving a suspended license.
Then they go, oh, wait, no.
That's wrong.
Were you talking on the phone?
Nick Oakes.
I told him to call me back later.
I haven't heard from him in a long time, so I just want to make sure.
Oh.
So now go to 2.9.
It turns out the court was wrong.
He doesn't have a suspended license.
He's never had a fucking license ever, anywhere.
Oh.
So everyone is retarded in this story.
Everyone.
The judge, the clerks, the lawyers, this buffoon.
And you have enough PRM.
Let me make it very clear based upon what the court.
What the fuck are you wearing?
This is a thing with old black people where they want to think outside the box.
It's kind of like why they choose Islam because they think Christianity is too white and they're not a bitch.
I ain't your bitch.
I'm worshiping no white Jesus.
So they chose a retarded version of Muslims, Islam, called the Nation of Islam, which involves an outer space scientist named Yacoub who created white people in a lab just to torment black people.
So an even shittier religion than Islam.
They made it worse somehow.
And then they also don't like Collars and lapels and stuff because that's the white man's suit.
So they'll go to Africa and get these collarless shirts that look like t-shirts.
That looks terrible.
You're a judge and you have some Formula One Mugabe jersey on.
Like, what the fuck are you wearing, dude?
What's the matter with it?
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Anyway, go ahead.
He has never had a Michigan license.
Ever.
And has never had a license in the other 49 states and Commonwealths that form up this great union.
He has never had a license.
But how do we go forward?
And that's why I'm here.
To sort of minimize.
You okay?
He's got shit cramps.
Maybe clean dry.
Clear.
Part of the reason I'm also doing this is because I think he was warning when he's hearing it.
Secondly, this has been out there for nine years.
Well, I did not know about it, Your Honor.
Okay.
There was not a doubt in my mind that that's true.
You hear people giggling.
So you're not going to be handed on the Alan Park for me.
Dude, this is a crisis.
Nothing works.
Starting today, I am officially never making fun of Africa ever again.
We are not better than the third world.
We are just as useless as fucking Bangladesh.
And our president is the worst politician in world history.
I mean, wasn't there little Lord Fauntleroy?
He was like, he was 12.
And then there was some Roman emperor, I think, who made his ministry of foreign affairs a horse.
So maybe those guys could hold a candle to Joe.
But no one you've ever heard of.
You've never seen a president like this.
Let's check in on my pet Biden.
Biden.
Biden.
A monster of the president.
He's big and loose.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
We just had the anniversary of D-Day, one of the most unimaginably horrific days in any war.
I have trouble watching it on Saving Private Ryan.
I would imagine being present that day would be far worse than seeing it on a movie.
But even, show that scene, man.
I saw some interview with a guy who's like 101.
This was 80 years ago.
Joe Biden was one.
We weren't born.
But there are some guys who are like 107 and 93, I think.
And they were there.
They just talk about, you look over and you see some guy.
He's just sitting up and he's looking at you and he's holding his guts.
His guts are falling out.
You hear people screaming for their mommy and daddy.
You hear people going, why the fuck am I here?
Like delirious.
They're in a dream.
It's a nightmare.
I think 4,000 died that day.
About half of them were Americans.
What are we doing over there, fucking Europe?
Let Hitler and Stalin have their little fight.
They can kill each other.
We don't need to lose 9-11 levels of people.
So it's a very important day.
It's the same death toll as 9-11.
And no one even jokes about it.
Well, I did a joke about it actually on Twitter, but it's a very, it's as sacred as it gets, right?
There's like 1776, you know, there's the Civil War.
That was $620,000.
There's sort of like five things.
The American Revolution, the Civil War, D-Day, 9-11.
There's five doozies.
And this is one of them.
And Joe Biden treated it like Drag Queen Story Hour.
He couldn't have given less of a shit.
And I don't know if that was malicious or just retarded.
Jump ahead.
The bullet scenes.
*Tchung* TOized it out!
*BOOM* *gunshot* *thud*
So, like, worse than a horror movie.
I would rather face Satan.
Just all your friends getting slaughtered right next to you.
Thousands and thousands.
4,000 Allied troops, 2,500 Americans, 500 less than 9-11.
And they compared January 6th to 9-11.
Fuck you.
That's not in the top five.
But let's check in on Joe.
So it's something that's near and dear to everyone's heart, especially the 80th anniversary.
That's a big one.
You only get those every 10 years.
A big round number like 80.
Next biggie will be 90, then 100.
And check out Genius here.
I'm just going to turn around.
And then Macron's wife is like, is there a flag behind us?
Should I?
And now they don't want to make him look bad.
So they go, I guess I'll turn around.
That was him earlier, and this is live now.
And then he goes to sit down right after he gets there.
Now, a lot of people add farts to Biden videos, and they're almost never true.
But you don't have to add farts to this clip.
He gets there.
What the fuck is this again?
This is the guy who looks at his watch at memorials.
Dude, and he lies about his own family's involvement in wars.
Bo Biden died of a brain tumor.
People that were in that particular war, I think it was Iraq, they actually, for whatever reason, have less, are less likely to have brain tumors than the average citizen.
But he claims he was exposed to some tar pits down there and it gave him a brain tumor.
No, we looked into it, and less per capita Iraq vets have brain tumors than people walking down the street.
So, no.
And then he says his uncle was eaten by cannibals.
Is this when he goes to sit down, like, immediately?
All right, I'm done.
That's it.
And Jill's like, no, no, no.
Distinguished guests, please welcome the Honorable Lloyd J. Austin III.
Can I fucking sit down yet?
Jesus.
That's boring.
What's a big deal anyway?
And then he just leaves.
He just gets up and leaves.
So Macron is like, I don't...
This day is very sacred to the French, too.
There's American flags all over Normandy.
So the French are very thankful about this day and very respectful.
I'm gone, I'm out of here.
So then Macron has to run over and shake hands.
Biden's like, fuck this, I'm gone.
What do they call those families when your son dies in war?
He's a man.
According to him, he's a Gold Star family member.
And he's like, fuck this.
I gotta go.
Probably shit his pants.
Goldstar survivors.
Here's Jill talking about wiping his ass and how much she hates it.
It's really annoying her.
Always shits his diaper before dinner.
Always.
I'm getting tired of wiping his ass.
Joe does a number two, and it goes up his back and gets everywhere and then runs down his leg.
I was the babysitter when Joe met me, but I didn't think I'd be his babysitter at this point in my life.
I knew Joe would be a shitty president.
Just not this shitty.
Joe always shits his diaper before dinner, always.
There you go.
I'm getting tired of wiping his ass.
Joe does a number two.
I'm going to do an imitation of Biden here.
You know this guy, right?
He's your competition for the Trump shit.
I suppose.
Oh, this is my buddy.
This is Jason Scoop.
Your buddy?
What do you mean your buddy?
We literally talk to each other often.
We just texted yesterday.
I've known him for years.
Compound Media guy.
He's the guy with the Trump tattoo, right?
Yes, and the Kanye West tattoo.
Americans.
I'm Joe President, Biden of the United States of America.
Look.
Look.
I'm not kidding.
Hey, jury in New York City.
Jury of your peers.
A jury of queer, a jury of your...
Look.
Former Pr former former President Trump.
Convict found the 3490 counts.
Let me tell you something.
My former boss, Jabrock Berdlama.
Jabrock Berdlama, God love him.
We made Jilly and I, my wife, my daughter, my son died in Iraq.
Look, my wife would, my former boss, Jabrock Berdlama, we'd have over, he'd say, hi in the silverware.
My son is a wreck.
He's joking.
My son's got serious.
Excuse me.
My son.
They found cocaine in a white house.
He's got the walk down, too.
It's hard to do.
Yes.
He shits himself.
Yeah, the best way to do Biden's walk is to just shit your pants.
I've been on his, he's got a good show, the Donald J. Trump podcast.
Yeah.
I've been Mexican Trump on there to Santos.
I did it all.
I did it all, and I did it on a level.
I did it on a level.
Burned by Biden in a shock testimony.
Hallie says Hunter hooked her on crack.
This fucking scumbag fucked his brother's widow right after he died, and then they did crack.
They're throwing Hunter to the wolves, so they can justify throwing Trump to the wolves, and they can pretend to be balanced.
Thing is, Hunter's guilty.
Joe is guilty.
Trump is not.
That's a mistake I think a lot of righties make.
They go, we don't put our political opponents in prison.
Yeah, we do.
We want Hillary in prison.
The thing is, they're guilty.
We're not.
Sounds one-sided, doesn't it?
It is.
They're racist.
We're not.
They're destroying the country.
We're not.
They riot.
We don't.
We meandered, and you threw us in jail for decades.
Okay, let's get behind the paywall.
But before we go, Nita Fashions, I'm actually not wearing a Nita Fashions suit right now.
This is not Nita Fashions, but this shirt is.
And if you look at my pinned tweet on Twitter, we're doing a meet and greet in New Jersey, June 15th, and I think June 27th, New York, Jersey.
You can contact them.
200 bucks.
You get a shirt.
Now, we don't have a big bucket of shirts.
You get fitted, your whole body.
And then they make you a shirt to your specifications.
I got kind of a Tucker Carlson collar on this shirt.
But you can have whatever you want.
Button down that shows buttons or doesn't show buttons.
Thin, thick, any quality.
And then now they have your measurements.
So you could get a suit if you want.
So we're doing that in New York City, New Jersey.
You also get a little bald eagle pin so you get into events forever.
So it ends up being a pretty good deal for $200.
You make it back in a matter of shows.
But let's show their tour, because they're not just doing New York and New Jersey.
They're also in...
You see they're in Atlanta.
They're in D.C., they're in Charlotte, North Carolina, a couple hours from Anthony Cumia's house.
And then obviously New York and New Jersey.
All right.
Ryan, why don't you, I don't know how we end this.
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