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March 29, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
51:31
S5E72 - MR GOOD LUCK (FREE PART)

  After making fun of a guy who got raped, we listen to Ryan get pretty much everything wrong including: black people just stopped wearing glasses, a movie he hasn't seen is probably good, Shanin Blake is living her best life, Mr Good Luck is real, and Pilipinos aren't funny.

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Time Text
Bend over Gavin Newsom, take it like a man.
Gonna fuck your butthole deep, gonna make you my bitch.
To fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fuck.
Fuck you deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Fuck you deep boy, make you my boy toy.
Grab a big hard cock deep inside you, breathing you, fucking you, loving you.
Making you my bitch Gavin Newsom, making you my bitch.
Even though you're really Gordon Geddes, little rich, gonna make you my little bitch.
Spread those butt cheeks wide, this big hard cock inside you, it will slide.
Fuck you deep, Gavin, fucking you deep.
Big hard cock in you, fucking you deep.
You know, one of the problems of being named Gavin and having the same name as Gavin Newsom is when someone like this guy, Grant McDonald, I believe his name is, When he...
Does a diss track.
He's a homosexual from the East Coast of Canada.
And when he does a diss track describing sexually molesting Mr. Newsome, I hear suck my dick, Gavin.
Spread your butt cheeks, Gavin.
Gavin type things.
And it's confusing to me.
As you can see.
So just say Mr. Newsome next time you're doing a song like that.
You ever come across that problem, Ryan?
Yeah, that song, Shut Up, Ryan, You Don't Have a Dad.
Oh, yeah.
Two coincidences in one song.
Well, your face is featured in the video.
I think it is about you.
Three coincidences.
Shall we go to the mailbag?
Yes.
Okay, unless you want to add something.
Oh, yeah, I would love to add something.
All right, let's do that.
And what I'm adding is speech, so I'll be saying something.
What are you saying?
I want to jump the gun.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
I was reading the terms and services before I clicked.
Yeah, that's definitely about you.
I wasn't paying attention.
You're in the car with your dad.
I was talking though.
People have asked me about that.
What was that?
A road trip?
Was that him leaving?
No, that wouldn't be chronologically correct.
Because when he found out I was gay, it would have been earlier.
Right.
He found the gay gene.
Yes.
The gay-gen.
Gay-gen.
What was that?
You just driving around LA or something?
Yeah, I went out to visit him.
I don't know, maybe eight to ten times.
Didn't you go to visit him once and he was like, ah, I'm kind of busy?
Yeah, he had to go to Hawaii.
Did you not tell him you were coming?
I think it was kind of like the window of time to accept and they wouldn't have been able to go back and he's a big surf guy and then he only sees his kids, his other two kids, the less important ones.
He's got small windows of time so he had to jump on that and I understood.
I said, hey, You know.
So you already had a planned trip to visit him and he's like, oh sorry Ryan.
Mine was pretty last minute too.
So that's why I was like... I have to go to Hawaii to be with my other kids.
So something wrong with that.
Something was wrong with that.
So what did you do?
You just drove around L.A.
and went to like malls and stuff?
Yeah, I have friends out there.
Brittany Macar... I guess I won't say her full name.
Brittany Macaroni?
Too late.
Yes, Brittany Macaroni.
She invented a type of pasta.
I forgot what type.
I think it was... Penne.
Penne.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember.
And my buddy Brian, and we got a lot of friends out there.
We got like a little mini life out there, because I lived there for like two months.
I had a job, I had a bicycle, so it was pretty intense.
What was your job?
Riding a bicycle.
No, it was Lemonade, you know the story?
I know Lemonade, yeah.
No, not the drink.
Lemonade is a Southern California comfort food thing.
It's almost like Subway.
The way you line up and you pick what you want on the thing.
But it's very good food.
It's pretty expensive.
Lemonade.
Okay.
That's a great story.
And that was in... Here's a letter from a guy named Clem who wants us to know about a woman who is threatening to suck on some nuts.
That's gross.
I think she's joking.
Lemonade.
Oh, okay.
Looks nice.
Lots of nice foods.
Yeah, but nobody cares.
No one cares.
Okay, okay.
Let's get to the first letter here at the letters page.
Weird black creature threatens to suck nuts.
Which is not a threat.
It's, it's, it's flirting is what it is.
She's flirtatious.
That's how you bitch a boy up!
You come through real tough!
I suck your nuts, nigga!
I suck your nuts!
I suck your nuts!
Just having some fun.
And you know it!
I'm the truth!
I suck your nuts!
You scared, ain't you?
- Scooch, Scooch, Scooch, Snacks. - 25 dollars. - Doors open under-- - 25 dollars. - No! - Is intended for the elderly-- - Five dollars in the show to see me suck some nuts.
I'm getting ready for Benjamin and I-- - Oh that's enough filth for one morning. - That's a lot of filth.
A lot of filth.
Very rude.
You know what, like, you know, bipolar is like, you're in a good mood, then an angry mood.
Black people seem to have that switch, like, it's pretty instantly.
It's like five seconds of happy, five seconds of Well, whenever I hear about microaggressions, like someone will say, oh, I'm Asian and they asked if I was good at math.
I'm like, have you been on public transit?
I mean, we get macroaggressions every five minutes.
Just yesterday, they pushed a guy onto the tracks, killed him.
Speaking of which, speaking of dangerous times and needing to protect yourself, there's a woman in New York who's famous for chaining herself to a pole when she gets to the subway platform so they can't push her off.
And then of course when the train shows up she quickly gets the combination right and gets on.
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But put some.
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Have a generator at your house that you can flick on when there's a power shortage.
Have a first aid kit, like Jump Medic, lying around.
And while you're getting all of these necessities, make sure that they're patriotic MAGA people.
Like our guys who do the Gavin emergency food supply.
I wanted to jump to some more on kids, if I may.
Ryan, why don't you play the interstitial for that particular thing?
I sure can and will, Gav.
That would be great.
I haven't done that in a while.
- Hello, fans!
I had a sex change operator.
Who wants to pound my band? - We're living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.
Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.
So do you know this hippie chick Shannon Blake?
S-H-A-N-I-N.
Probably a Jewish broad.
And she's famous for the ayahuasca video.
I am vibing all inside.
Smiley face.
I am vibing inside with my ayahuasca LSD.
Is it the voices or the mushrooms?
I don't know why.
Yeah.
They call her a trust fund kid and the story with her.
She was a normal Jewish broad.
I'm making up Jewish could be wrong and She got pregnant she decided to keep the baby her homeboy went to prison.
I don't think he was black and She started doing this stupid music and she kept her kid Excuse me and now she's like an OnlyFans whore and And it's sort of seen as a positive feminist thing.
I think she has a lot of young female fans, which is disturbing because she promotes pornography.
And when she brings her kid into it, she's sort of normalizing quote unquote sex work.
Dear single parents, when I was 18, I got pregnant with my daughter and her dad went to prison right after she was born.
So I was on my own.
Most of my family disowned me and told me that I just threw away my music career, blah, blah, blah.
She should have gotten an abortion.
I'm not saying that they wanted her to, I mean, After she was born, I tried working at Best Buy, Boys and Girls Club, plant stores.
My daughter was in daycare all day long.
I was so depressed.
I trusted my intuition over anyone's opinion.
I sold everything I owned, bought a minivan, and moved me and my daughter in backpacks to California to work on weed farms.
So, you know, it's a very mild version of turning to drugs and prostitution after your baby daddy goes off to prison.
But I think it's funny how our culture glorifies it.
When she's a seemingly alternative, like the left, thinks that's cool.
I think it's profoundly sad.
I don't blame her.
I will say.
Best Buy or prostitution and I make like 50 grand a month or something, my child's provided for.
It's fucking sad that those are her options.
Wait, what's this?
Oh, this is before she became gross?
Yep.
It's an attractive woman in there.
It's definitely her because the other songs are her looking like I guess like Shakira's final form.
Before what?
Before she turns into the earth.
Well go to one six, is that one six you just showed?
Nah.
Oh the last one?
Yes.
Yeah.
Then go to one seven.
Then there's a thread there too.
Oh that's her.
Unfathomably annoying boyfriend.
I mean, what's worse than that?
Satan himself?
Who would you rather have dinner with, him or Baphomet?
It'd be a tough call.
Assuming he doesn't get my soul and he can't burn me.
Like with... I'd just burn my face off and we can have a normal dinner.
I don't know.
I think it would be a coin toss.
I'd be scared about the devil tricking me.
Or maybe we'd get into some sort of banjo competition.
Oddly enough, he's got a Baphomet-type upside-down star thing.
Yeah, yeah.
See that?
By the way, Baphomet isn't the devil.
He was rumored to be worshipped by the Templars as a pagan god, but Satanists took it over because he looked badass.
Oh, I see.
We were Satanists once for the Christmas card, and I made the text all about differentiating between Baphomet and Satan.
I'd already forgotten the bullshit, they believe.
That when you see a situation like this, you should feel bad for the broad.
And be like, we, you and I drove this mom to prostitution.
And that's what it is.
What's 1-8?
Oh shit, she was like really normal.
I mean, comparatively.
Have you ever seen this?
No.
Who's the idiot who went to prison?
This was five years ago.
In five years she went from like a normal girl next door six to whatever she is now.
Like a Mars seven.
So it's like folky, like Coco Rose-y almost.
So it's like folky, like Coco Rosie almost.
Are you caught up with 1-8?
Yeah, there she is.
Totally normal, healthy girl.
We're living in a sick society.
This is a mom.
This daughter's exposed to what used to be a beautiful woman and is now... I want you to get to the whore picture.
1-9, I think she's still healthy.
Yeah.
Maybe if you start with 1-7 and scroll up, you can see what she does now.
Oh yeah, there we go.
So that's the first picture.
That's your mom.
You're eight, you live in a van, and that's your mom.
Sunshine 999.
And I feel bad if I'm promoting her OnlyFans.
But yeah, nude, outdoor.
So, I guess like she says to her daughter, just go stay in the van.
I'm gonna go do some nude selfies.
Fucking gross.
Uh...
Speaking of nude selfies, I've been dying to get this to this.
This isn't really worn on kids, so it's a weak segue.
But I sent you these pictures separately, Ryan.
I think I texted them to you.
But this dude, he's deleted it now because everyone made fun of him.
This dude, he's a lawyer, and his name is A. Mando, I think, Schneider?
And he put out this post about his friend raping him.
Yikes.
As one does.
Like, I think, let's be honest, guys.
How many times have we been sharing a hotel room with a buddy and we wake up and he's blowing us?
I mean, it was the opening song of the show.
It happens.
It happens.
Common as a mint under your pillow and a Bible in the drawer.
Exactly!
And you think, should I shoot him now?
Should I kill his family?
Should I stab him?
What should I do to the guy who raped me?
Well, you gotta come first.
Well, I'm kind of suspicious, because me think he doth protesteth too much.
So he randomly posted this on Twitter.
So, this share comes after much deliberation, after three days of being in shock.
Three days!
It took him three days to process the sexual assault that happened.
I thank my support system for being there and for encouraging me to share my experience.
I reposted this and said, Hey guys, if you ever get raped, this is a good route to take.
Um, and it's gone now.
But luckily some dude took a picture of it and he's been sending it to all his friends.
In short, as I shared with some of you on here already, I was sexually assaulted in my sleep last Saturday night, last Saturday night.
So we're a good five, six days away from the incident.
I refuse to be silent about it any longer.
Actually, you were silent about it for five days.
Nor will I allow it to die in the darkness as so many of these cases do.
However, in my experience, I also do not believe there is enough evidence to be able to successfully prosecute the person who committed the act on me.
Okay, so you're not going to the authorities and you're not beating the shit out of him.
Okay.
While I decipher what to do next, I thought it would be good to document what occurred.
Occurred.
This is the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my life.
Yeah, that's nature telling you to stop doing what you're doing.
But I am okay and I refuse to let something like this define me.
Well it defines you for me or take power away from me.
The intent of my post is the hope that people out there who need help and are going through similar things read it and hopefully it gives them the courage to speak out and take action.
I never thought something this extreme would happen to me although it is not my first run in with sexual predators.
Now what's that about?
Maybe he's one of these super effeminate straights who gives off gay vibes, like he wears short shorts and he giggles a lot.
And the gay dude was like, let's just cut the shit.
I'll blow him.
And then when he wakes up, he won't stop me.
That's probably what happened.
Or his nose sound like this, like, no.
Or maybe he's one of those like Christian closeted dudes who is clearly gay and gives off all the gayness and he has gay face, but he's like mortified by like, what are you talking about?
Ill.
Like that guy who has the reality show with the blonde hair, the Southern dude who got arrested recently.
You know who I'm talking about?
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got like three kids and he's always fucking talking about Jesus.
And I think he might even be a pastor.
Hmm.
Look him up.
Christian reality show Closeted homo An insane amount of trust has been violated beyond repair.
Oh shit.
I will never be the same after this But I'm trying to do my best to deal with it.
I'm very concerned you could be doing this to other people So what are you gonna do about it?
No, I don't think it's selling sunset.
No terrible you fail He's a family man who seems gay but isn't gay.
Christian family man, blonde hair, stuff like that.
Hopefully this post brings awareness and allows people to stand up for themselves and find their voice.
So this is what he wants you to do if you get raped.
Let's see what he does.
Let's hope we all do the same thing.
Would you call that rape?
If you wake up and some dude was jerking you off or blowing you?
Or fucking you off the butt?
I don't really know what he means by sexual predators.
I personally would beat the guy within an inch of his life, maybe kill him.
Number two, if that wasn't possible for whatever reason, I would obviously call the cops that minute and have a bunch of swabs done.
And if that wasn't possible, I just would devote the rest of my life to finding him and tuning him up.
Tell you what I wouldn't do, write a letter.
Attached is my letter to the person who sexually assaulted me last weekend.
There's a lot more to the story, but hopefully this all serves some greater purpose.
Yes, it has served a great purpose.
It's a great laugh that we're having at your expense, rape victim.
Once the letter is received, I hope to close this chapter of my life as quickly as possible.
Pretty good deal for the rapist.
Hey, what happened?
Oh, I raped that dude I used to be friends with?
Oh shit, is he gonna kill you or put you in prison?
He just sent me some junk mail.
I just threw it out.
And that's it?
Yeah, he says he wants to close that chapter.
Sounds like he enjoyed it.
Sounds like he enjoyed whatever you did.
Thank you all.
I'm glad I now have this network to be able to deal with this kind of stuff in a constructive manner.
This isn't it, is it?
Yeah, that's him.
What's Todd and Julie, what's their show called?
Are you not familiar with this guy?
I have seen him, yeah, yeah.
Chrisley Knows Best.
Yeah, just put that into YouTube and you've never seen a bigger queer.
Queer?
Is there a queer?
So, um, he's deleted this and someone on X contacted me and they're like, I fucking have it.
Unfortunately, I don't have the letter.
And I was like, well, we're a perfect couple because I have the letter.
I just don't have the post.
No, that's not it.
I want to see them act, not news about them.
Joey Failure.
Okay, that's boring.
Just find a clip from the show, you tard.
Aching all over.
I feel like I'm dying.
You're not dying.
You are a hypochondriac.
You're gonna give yourself a heart attack with all this stress.
You think that that could happen?
Little stick.
That's gay.
His bed is gay.
His sheets are gay.
It burns.
That hand gesture and mouth thing is- That's a gay thing.
Isn't great.
He's getting an IV.
He's got the flu.
There's nothing wrong with him.
Oh great.
What's his- What'd they do to his son?
It's contagious.
I haven't used a needle in yet.
What did you just say?
I had to numb you.
Oh my God!
Could you give me a little jar of that for the... Oh my God!
Oh God!
Now I know Southerners are a little more effusive and uh... What's the word?
They gesticulate more?
But I think they ejaculate more on their friends.
This is a huge friggin' needle!
Are you f***ing Nurse Ratchet?
Be still!
Are you Nurse Ratchet?
So anyway... Is this as funny to you as it is to me or am I just a mean person?
Both.
Uh...
This letter is like too long for us to read on the show, but this is what he sent to his rapist.
You'll notice that he covers his rapist's name.
God forbid you offend your rapist.
So dear Roy, I'm gonna guess, you asked for an explanation via text message on Sunday evening.
Therefore, I am providing you with one in this letter.
Although I do not think you deserve an explanation because I feel that you should already be fully aware of what you did!
I am providing you with a response with the ultimate goal of instructing you not to communicate with me or my family from this point forward.
I'm upset, disappointed, and have been in shock for the last three days as it relates to what happened Sunday night, Saturday night.
To respond directly to your text, yes, you did do something that deeply offended me.
Dude, he loved it.
He's covering his tracks.
You violated my trust and disrespected me and my family, and I find it inconceivable to believe that you would state to trust that your actions were unintentional.
I think what happened was, these guys had a gay sesh on the DL, and then he threatened to blackmail them.
And this guy's tenacious, so he goes, I'm gonna write a huge letter about how you raped me, and it took this long to process.
So when you dox me and make it public, I'll be like, what?
No, that's the guy that raped me.
I have proof.
Because to take days and days to send a letter that says, I am upset.
Yeah, I'd imagine you're pretty upset.
To reiterate, I woke up in a hotel bed on Saturday night, Sunday morning to you being in bed with me uninvited and sexually assaulting me in my sleep.
You had rented a hotel room with two queen beds for us to stay in and we went to bed separate.
Yeah, this sounds like someone is planting evidence on themselves.
Why are you telling him that you got a hotel room with two separate beds?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I had to travel a whole bed to go rape you.
That was me.
To be clear, I did not ask for you to come to- Oh yeah, that's what is going on here, man.
He's building the alibi?
Yes.
This is to kill any blackmail.
It goes on and on and on.
You know I have a wife, who you've spent considerable time with if you speak of her often blah blah blah.
I wish you would get into what exactly did he do?
Because, I mean, there's degrees of terribleness when it comes to buddy rape, right?
I move to the other bed.
So wait, this guy, oh, get this.
Upon waking me up in the middle of the night after being stirred by you, I moved to the other bed, the bed you had previously been in, without saying anything to you.
I was in shock and couldn't really process what was happening.
I went back to sleep in disbelief that this event had occurred.
In the morning I left, not because of a work emergency, but because I had to get out of the situation and away from you as quickly as possible.
Anyway, we got both on the screen, right?
Have we shown both?
I feel like this is good.
We have this response.
If I haven't talked to you since 2023, take that as a fucking sign that you don't exist to me anymore!
Damn, you fucking bug!
You got sprayed with the raid!
Bye!
See you never!
Did you show the other one, you know, I have a wife and all that?
Yeah, the white one and then the The one above that.
The long one.
The last paragraph.
I will not discuss this incident further with you.
That's how you tell a rapist.
Word on the street.
You heard the opening song about fellatio.
If any of you out there raped me, after one letter, I will not talk about it again.
That's right.
I will not discuss this incident further with you.
I do not want any future contact from you, nor should you contact my family.
Blah blah blah is fully aware of what has occurred as well as several others.
You and I's relationship is over from this point forward.
You will not be part of me or my family's life.
Do not contact me or my family.
Nothing you can say or do that will change how I feel.
I'd also advise that if you're exhibiting these patterns of behavior with other people, you should cease them immediately.
Yeah, this is so crystal clear to me now.
It is not okay, never was, and never will be.
Again, I'm extremely disappointed, but I'm moving on with my life.
You should do the same and take great caution with how you carry yourself in the future.
I mean, wow.
Purple works.
Last night my wife wanted to party and I thought these don't come around that often so let's do it and we partied and that meant I didn't go to the gym today so I'm not on Purple Works.
We watched the Bob Marley movie.
It was okay.
Did they have the licensed music?
Yes.
Nice.
Which you must have to ask Chris Blackwell for.
And guess what?
Chris Blackwell comes out as quite the mensch in the movie.
He's a very, very awesome guy in the film that he okayed the music for.
So that wasn't surprising.
But it just was very mediocre.
Like it might as well have been about, I don't know, Vampire Weekend.
Like a pretty popular band that did okay.
I mean at one point he's playing in front of 120,000 people and it's just stuffed into a montage and then he went on tour and did a bunch of shows and like he was as big as you could get in the late 70s and they really didn't make it very exciting.
It's a pretty dull film.
That's a pretty good impression.
The accents were great.
Yeah.
They go with the CIA hit thing where they gave him cancer or something?
Does that come into play?
No, he does have toe cancer and he was too stupid to have his toe removed.
But they just show him getting assassinated, they don't get into it.
It was clearly the civil war going on in Jamaica with the two parties and they wanted him to choose a side.
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Remember we met him?
I need him in the gym.
- Damn, Jimmy, this some serious gourmet shit. - How do you feel about that letter, Ry Guy?
Let's look that guy up.
I've never seen a more embarrassing self own in my life.
And so it's Adam SCH Esquire.
He's a lawyer, I don't want him to sue me, but my personal theory is that you were way too nice to the guy who raped you.
And I think you had it coming, and I think you didn't see it as kind of a big deal, or the same level of bigness that us straights would have.
I woke up once and was receiving fellatio, actually twice now.
One was a girlfriend, but one was a chick I was not into at all.
So I've been raped.
I've been raped?
I've been raped.
What does he, wait, go back up.
Diaries of a seven year attorney, states, blah, blah, blah, happiness and moral duty.
So I don't know what that picture is, but as he moved on from his raping, Eight months since I've opened my solo firm.
Don't care.
Boring.
No.
What else has he got there?
Old lady died.
Another good one for you if you want to be remote.
So is he dropping the whole rape thing?
It's okay to share, or we're always best for you, blah blah blah.
And let a recent message hit a thousand times harder.
Being the strong one is exhausting.
Pretending we're okay, denying pain.
Like, you don't have to not suffer if you get sexually assaulted, but don't write letters to your rapist.
Wouldn't that be funny if we found a video of him and he's like, hey you guys!
Still getting on with that fucking rape.
I'm seething!
All right.
Wait.
Oh sweetie, you're looking for attention.
You're no hero.
Most men would have beat the crap out of that guy to play the victim.
You have won.
Somehow you managed to get attention for your narcissistic behavior.
Congratulate.
Congratulations.
You are wrong.
Let me repeat that.
You are wrong.
Because you're homosexuality.
It's hysterical.
You definitely invited it and you're most likely acting out because of your homosexuality.
You're wrong.
That's even better of a response.
She nailed it.
No.
This person.
Oh, that's me.
No.
Yes.
I was trying to find the sopranos where he's like, he's a fag.
Yes.
But this is the only thing I could find.
I was hoping at least baby monsters would recognize it.
Oh man.
Hey guys, if your buddy tries to rape you, be sure to write him a strongly worded letter.
And then what did he go?
What does he say?
This person has been blocked, but here is what you will deal with.
When you make a post like mine.
Yes, I agree.
You have to make a choice of locking up or to keep going.
This morning, I made the choice to keep going, not just on Twitter, but to move forward with my life, you guys.
We are stronger together, and we do not allow others to control our lives, our stories, or our truths.
That is so gay.
Imagine a straight guy talking about, yeah, just trying to stop other people for, you know, defining my truths.
We are strong.
Is that the issue?
You tell me, what is the issue?
He's a fag!
Again, terrible editing.
Yeah.
Just give me the actual drop.
I wanna see his face when he goes, he's a fag.
You show me the back of his head?
Yeah.
Why am I seeing, what's her name, Mufi's face?
I literally, Melfi, I literally pictured in my head before we got this clip, like, he's a fag.
He's a fag.
And it's like a circus-y sort of exciting.
Yeah.
Weird.
It's exactly like, now yous can't leave.
Right.
In Bronx Tale.
It's our favorite line in every movie.
We imagine he goes, click.
Look at me, look at me.
Now you just can't leave.
But it's like, click, now you just can't leave.
It sucks.
What are some other good ones that could have been completely, like, you're a bum, Rocky.
You're looking at, like, up close.
Well, in a very difficult situation, Tony Soprano never says.
Oh, right.
He says delicate or something.
Or in Rushmore, when Bill Murray goes up to that little kid and says, what are you drawing?
And my wife and I always go, it's a jellyfish.
And then I see the movie and the girl's like, oh, it's a jellyfish.
I go, what?
I thought you went, it's a jellyfish.
It's a jellyfish.
This one hits hard.
Oh, I know you don't know what Adrela-bine is.
Adrela-bine?
Yeah, that one is more over the top than how you remembered it.
Oh, I know you don't know what Adrela-bine is.
Last night my wife ran up to me when we were partying and she goes, do you want to do shots?
Do you know what that's from?
No.
The little boy with the red hair?
From Mad TV?
Ugh.
It's one of the most famous memes on Earth.
It's a little boy.
He's maybe two.
Maybe three.
And he runs into the kitchen.
That's him.
No.
The other guy that you had up.
That kid.
What?
Are you gonna go get it?
Yeah.
What?
That man is now Oliver Anthony.
Do you want Taco Bell?
Taco Bell!
She goes, how are you going to get it?
And he realizes, I don't even know how anyone gets Taco Bell.
He bluffs.
I know it's a thing we all want and then it arrives, but I actually have no idea how it goes from wanting Taco Bell to it being in the kitchen.
Are you going to go get it?
Yeah.
Yep.
And then what the fuck did I disagree to?
I don't know what's involved.
Do I have to learn how to fly?
Yes.
We're all over the map today, folks.
We're in a rush to get this recorded.
I got to go see the Mets.
I was supposed to see them on Thursday, but it got rained out.
I drove into the city to get some new glasses from my mega optometrist.
And fucking Thursday had a fundraiser for Biden.
So Bill Clinton was in town.
Obama was in town.
Joe Biden was in town.
And that means that the traffic is insane.
Insane!
Million fucking cars for each president.
Each living president.
So one and a half.
Because Biden's half dead.
Well there was a black guy.
And the optometrist, and I don't, I really appreciate that this dude helps me out and he gives me discounts so I don't want to fuck up his business and out him as MAGA.
But the black guy was like, we got all three presidents, man!
Including Barack!
And I was like, yeah, because we like him.
Is that where we're going with this?
We like Barack Obama?
You know what I just realized?
What?
Black guys don't wear glasses.
There are some that do.
But a lot of them don't.
And I wonder, wait.
Starting today, you have to get on that brain juice that Joe Rogan pushes.
Wait.
This is something.
Yeah.
You know what it is?
Have you ever seen like hood ends?
It's the oldest story in the book.
In fact, it's an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where BJ Smoove starts wearing glasses.
And because black guys don't wear glasses, doors keep opening up for him.
He has all these opportunities he wouldn't normally have.
Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols.
Have you noticed that black people say axe instead of ask?
Is that something you've also noticed?
No, the glasses thing.
I think maybe some of them need glasses.
They don't know it.
Yes, everyone needs glasses at a certain age, but you only need them when you read.
Right?
Otherwise you can pretty much put up with blurs.
Are you saying they don't read?
That's racist.
You know, I have a, I have a buddy that I was with the other day, a teacher in the Bronx.
And, uh, and that guy who didn't have to deal with the myths and the symbols cause they were ensconced in them in the system.
I have a hundred dollar bet going that those are not real prescription glasses.
Really?
The myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
Um, But yes, my buddy was a teacher in the Bronx.
He was a gym teacher in the South Bronx.
White guy.
He's like, I'm hungry.
I've been here for a few days.
Let me go get an egg sandwich.
He wasn't far from the studio.
And you know the bodegas, in the morning they have a hundred egg sandwiches.
I don't know if it's unique to New York.
Do you guys have this for your egg sandwich?
It's scrambled eggs, American cheese.
I tell them cheddar, but sometimes I don't listen.
Bacon.
And then ketchup, mayonnaise, salt and pepper on a roll.
Am I missing anything?
I thought it was just bacon, egg, and cheese, salt, pepper, ketchup.
No mayonnaise.
Oh yeah, you're right, I'm wrong.
No mayonnaise.
So he goes, and other people are going past him.
And he goes, hey man, can I get a bacon, egg, and cheese?
And they're like, the Puerto Rican guy looks over at him.
He's the only white guy in the bodega.
And he goes, we don't got no eggs.
All right, I guess I'm out of luck.
And him and his wife teach in the Bronx, and they're way upstate.
Not way upstate, but like Rye, north of Rye, right?
So about 50 minutes by train to get to the city.
I go, why don't you just teach out there?
They go, because we're white.
So white people, the only jobs they can get are in the Bronx, and then blacks and browns, mostly browns, are teaching up in, you know, all over Westchester, Mamaroneck, Rye, all those, you know, white neighborhoods.
And so there's a commute in the morning as the white people leave their white neighborhoods and go to the Bronx and then the brown people Leave the Bronx and come up to the white suburbs It's some weird sort of like penance that white people have to serve.
They're being punished for I don't know what Having grades that are too high Speaking of grades that are too high This is a fantastic fucking, go to, jump to 1-2.
Talk about sprinkles.
This took me a couple runs.
Let's see if dummy, dummy Rivera can get it.
That's not my name.
So I just got this shirt, and if I charge it with this blacklight, look, it glows in the dark.
Yo!
Dude, that's awesome, man!
So sweet.
Oh, we're getting a blacklight, that's so cool.
Do you have any more of those?
I kind of want one.
Yeah.
Can I get one of those?
You know what?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, me too actually.
Oh yeah?
You wanna come with me?
Sure!
Of course I get it.
Yeah, it took me, I didn't see it the first time.
We've all been caught with that.
Well, the problem is too, the crumb on his face is like this much.
It's overwhelming.
It should have just been a few lines or something.
Looks like Idris Elba's beard.
But I guess he washed it off and it's still, the trace is there.
That tells a story.
Ah, funny stuff.
Is this guy even gay?
Face is spotless.
Well, he's a receiver.
I think he's just an opportunist.
Can't fight the fever, receiver.
I saw you were in a Virgin Airlines commercial.
Not that I know, unless I have to sue somebody and my likeness was used.
No.
Hey babe, do you want to go to a show tonight?
Don't worry, it's included.
You're saying that's not you?
Don't worry.
He's got a great smile.
No, that is not me.
I thought you- I thought they did the veneer in post.
He does wear rings, though.
There's a lot of similarity.
The same facial hair setup.
I must admit.
And he does both things to his hair.
He does the kickback and then also does the annoying everybody in the world down with the beanie.
Yeah.
So I admit.
That's how infuriating you look to other people, by the way.
I understand.
Oh, so that's weird.
That's crazy.
Let's see if I can compare here.
Compa- yeah.
Ech.
It looks like a bunch of pubes spilling out of some underwear.
Well, they say it's a Rorschach test, so if you see pubes, that's what's on your brain.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
But, uh, keep playing it?
Richard?
Richard?
First time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
The fuck?
Terrible delivery of your lines there.
First time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
First time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
Why are you so bad at acting?
But go back and play that again.
Because it reminds me, when I used to do commercials, we would cheap out on the extras and the actors a little bit.
And sometimes, you know, actors you'd recognize, they'd want some serious dough.
And if it wasn't in the budget, we'd just put a word out to Craigslist, whatever.
And we'd get these people, and they'd be attractive, and they'd have their lines memorized.
And I'd go, good.
And then they'd talk, and I'd go, wait a minute.
What's your accent?
And they'd go, what accent?
Oh, no, you have an accent.
And they go, no, I don't.
They try to overdo it then.
And I go, look, we're selling whatever it was, cell phone plans.
If you have a Danish accent, you're narrowing the audience here.
Now it's only like Europeans who are visiting America that are going to pay attention to this ad.
You should have told us that you're not an English speaker.
I am an English speaker.
I'm totally happy to work on your commercials, man.
I think that's what happened to these people.
Listen to her.
Of course.
Oh.
That's my old ad agency.
Look how much money we spent on the shelving.
That's enough.
I don't want to watch me.
But listen to her voice.
You want to go to show tonight?
Is your tongue afraid of the top of your mouth?
What the hell?
Hey babes, you want to go to show tonight?
What is he, Israeli?
That face he's making is like, what the fuck did you just say?
What am I on a cruise with?
I feel like I'm in the movie Thing and I'm Kurt Russell.
Hey babe, are you want to go into the disco and we'll do some rock and roll dancing later on, my friend?
Okay, the Anita Fashions thing, which we're doing tonight.
Yes.
The other one with the really cool guy that gave you the gifts.
Yes.
It took me a while to realize he had an accent.
Really?
Yes.
Well, he's Scottish, so he has a strong accent.
Hey, babe, what are you doing today?
Are you going to have a party with me, man?
Hey, babe, do you want to go to a show tonight?
You want to go to a show tonight?
That almost sounds deaf.
So now it's like you're a virgin.
So as an outsider, I'm watching this commercial and I'm like, well, it's not for me.
I guess the first stop is in Tel Aviv and then they go by Utrecht and over to fucking Schlafen-Tigut and Heimen-Zesus.
Like, too bad.
I wish they would come to the New York port and I could get on their cruise ship.
Don't worry, it's included.
Don't worry, it's totally included, you guys.
Pearl necklace, interesting choice.
Don't worry, it's included.
Don't worry.
Richard?
Wait, is he included?
And what does he say?
Richard?
That's the director, by the way, must have cut all her lines.
Yeah, and he's not in the room with them.
Obviously, that's... I remember we were doing one commercial and this chick was like, hey, do you want to get Thai food?
And I'm like, it's not a typhoon.
It's Thai food.
Hey, do you want to get Thai food?
It's pouring with freezing cold rain, ice rain outside.
And she's like, OK.
We get the umbrellas out of the way.
Take 36.
Hey, do you want to get some Thai food?
And I thought she was trying to drive me insane.
Boy, I don't miss directing commercials.
He sounds like Justin Long.
Wait, is he included?
That sounds exactly like Justin Long.
We did commercials with Justin Long.
I knew it.
Is he included?
First time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
Second time watching that he didn't do too bad.
Earlier I said you should have a first aid kit at your house, in your RV, wherever.
So you're getting one.
This is the top of the line.
Actually, there's a better one than this that's in, like, a bubble case.
Super tough case.
So that's top of the line.
This is number two.
And then you can keep going down to just, like, a little portable one.
Like, Matty always carries a first aid kit when he's on his motorcycle, because he takes blood thinners, and he don't want them to die!
JumpMedic is a great small business created by a paramedic with years of on-the-ground emergency experience.
JumpMedic has a variety of fantastic first aid kits.
I've shown you the JumpMedic Pro with its unique flat lay design, but wait until you hear this.
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The hard shell JumpMedic first aid kit comes fully stocked with all kinds of life-saving supplies for the low price of $149, and the ad sales guy has put the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number to make me insane.
Moral of the story being, don't tell people what your weaknesses are.
Rape victims.
Because they will mock you.
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Enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
That code works for everything except the sale items.
And with that, we're going to go behind the paywall and deny you all any more free content.
Kind of a weird ep today.
We're, uh... We're panning out.
You know what I would like to take away from this episode?
I would like everyone to go talk to this guy.
at Adam Sch Esquire and just ask him, like, how's it going with the incident?
Did that guy apologize?
You know, don't attack him or call him gay.
That's fucking lame.
But just be like, hey, any updates on the incident?
Did he apologize?
Try to get some dialogue going.
Let's see what he has to say.
Oh, I would kill to see video of how he talks and his mannerisms and see if they're like, or whatever that show is we just watched.
What was that?
Charlie is in Control?
Chrisley's always right?
Chrisley's always right?
Chrisley knows best.
And if you want, we have free content then every Friday.
We also are going to be putting free content on Twitter, X Gavin McInnes.
It's called censored.tv on X, exclusive to X. Some free teasers there.
But yeah, I don't know what you're waiting for if you're not subscribed.
I'm actually kind of mad at you, so I'm going to say goodbye now.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Hand over Gavin Newsom, take it like a man.
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