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March 29, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
51:30
S5E72 - MR GOOD LUCK (FREE PART)

  After making fun of a guy who got raped, we listen to Ryan get pretty much everything wrong including: black people just stopped wearing glasses, a movie he hasn't seen is probably good, Shanin Blake is living her best life, Mr Good Luck is real, and Pilipinos aren't funny.

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Time Text
And go to Avanu, take it like a man.
Gonna fuck your butto, gonna make you my bitch.
Fucking fucking, fuckin', fuckin', fuckin', fuckin'.
Fuck you, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep.
Oh, I'm from New York.
Get off my wand.
Kevin McGinnis.
Make you my boy, boy.
Make a big heart fucking star, you breathe in you.
Fucking you love and you.
Making you my bitch, Gavin.
You're making you my bitch.
Even though you're really Gordon Getty's little bitch, gonna make you my little bitch.
Spread those butt cheeks wide.
Get big heart cock and shot in his little slide.
Fucking you deep, Gavin.
Fucking you deep.
Big heart cock and ya.
Fucking you deep.
You know, one of the problems of being named Gavin and having the same name as Gavin Newsom is when someone like this guy, Grant McDonald, I believe his name is, when he does a diss track, he's a homosexual from the east coast of Canada.
And when he does a diss track describing sexually molesting Mr. Newsome, I hear suck my dick, Gavin, spread your butt cheeks, Gavin.
Other Gavin type things.
And it's confusing to me.
As you can see.
So just say Mr. Newsome next time you're doing a song like that.
Have you ever come across that problem, Ryan?
Yeah, that song, Shut Up, Ryan, You Don't Have a Dad.
Oh, yeah.
Two coincidences, and one song.
Well, your face is featured in the video.
I think it is about you.
Three coincidences.
Shall we go to the mailbag?
Yes.
Okay.
Unless you want to add something.
Oh, yeah.
I would love to add something.
All right, let's do that.
And what I'm adding is speech.
So I'll be saying something.
What are you saying?
I want to jump the gun.
Brian, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together's mail back.
Let me touch it.
I'm reading the terms and services before I close.
Yeah, that's definitely about you.
I wasn't paying attention.
You're in the car with your dad.
I was talking, though.
People have asked me about that.
What was that?
A road trip?
Was that him leaving?
No, that wouldn't be chronologically correct.
Because when he found out I was gay, it would have been earlier.
Right.
He found the gauging.
Yes.
The gauging.
Gaugen.
What was that?
You're just driving around L.A. or something?
I've went out to visit him, I don't know, maybe eight to ten times.
Didn't you go to visit him once and he was like, ah, I'm kind of busy.
Yeah, he had to go to Hawaii.
Did you not tell him you were coming?
I think it was kind of like the window of time to accept, and they wouldn't have been able to go back.
And he's a big surf guy, and then he only sees his kids, his other two kids, the less important ones.
He's got small windows of time, so he had to jump on that.
And I understood.
I said, hey, you know.
So you already had a planned trip to visit him.
And he's like, oh, sorry, Ryan.
Mine was pretty last minute, too.
So that's why I was.
I have to go to Hawaii to be with my other kids.
So something wrong with that.
Something was wrong with that.
So what did you do?
You just drove around LA and went to like malls and stuff?
Yeah, I have friends out there.
Brittany Macaroni.
I guess I won't say her full name.
Brittany Macaroni.
Too late.
Yes, Brittany Macaroni.
She invented a type of pasta.
I forgot what type.
I think it was Penne.
Yeah, I remember.
And my buddy Brian.
We got a lot of friends out there.
We got like a little mini life out there because I lived out there for like two months.
I had a job.
I had a bicycle.
So it was pretty intense.
What was your job?
Riding a bicycle.
No, it was lemonade.
You know the story?
I know lemonade.
Yeah.
No, not the drink.
Lemonade is a Southern California comfort food thing.
It's almost like Subway, the way you line up and you pick what you want on the thing.
But it's very good food.
It's pretty expensive.
Lemonade.
Okay.
That's a great story.
And that was in.
Here's a letter from a guy named Clem who wants us to know about a woman who is threatening to suck on some nuts.
It's gross.
I think she's joking.
Lemonade.
Oh, okay.
Looks nice.
Lots of nice foods.
Yeah, but nobody cares.
No one cares.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's get to the first letter here at the letters page.
Weird black creature threatens to suck nuts.
Which is not a threat.
It's flirting, is what it is.
She's flirtatious.
Check that you bitch a boy up.
You come through real tough.
I suck your nuts, nigga.
I suck your nuts!
I suck your nuts!
I suck your nuts.
This is having fun for fun.
And you know it.
I'm the truth.
I suck your nuts.
He scared at you.
Scared to get your nuts.
Doors open on the bottom.
$25.
Look.
$5 a show to keep me sucked some nuts.
I'm getting ready to get some of that.
That's enough filth for one morning.
That's a lot of filth.
A lot of filth.
Very rude.
You know what?
Like, you know, bipolar is like, you're in a good mood, then an angry mood.
Black people seem to have that switch, like, it's pretty instantly.
It's like five seconds of happy, five seconds of, I'll suck them.
Well, whenever I hear about microaggressions, like someone will say, oh, I'm Asian and they asked if I was good at masks.
I'm like, have you been on public transit?
I mean, we get macroaggressions every five minutes.
Just yesterday, they pushed a guy onto the tracks, killed him.
Speaking of which, speaking of dangerous times and needing to protect yourself, there's a woman in New York who's famous for chaining herself to a pole when she gets to the subway platform.
So they can't push her off.
And then, of course, when the train shows up, she quickly gets the combination right and gets on.
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I wanted to jump to some more on kids, if I may.
Ryan, why don't you play the interstitial for that particular thing?
I sure can and will, Gav.
That would be great.
I haven't done that in a while.
Hello, Max!
I had a text page upgrade.
Who wants to pay out my bag?
We are living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.
Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.
So do you know this hippie chick, Shannon Blake?
S-H-A-N-I-N.
Probably a Jewish broad.
And she's famous for the ayahuasca video.
I am vibing all inside.
Smiley face.
I am vibing inside with my ayahuasca LSD.
Is it the voices or the mushrooms?
I don't know why.
Yeah.
They call her a Trust One kid.
And the story with her, she was a normal Jewish broad.
I'm making up Jewish.
Could be wrong.
And she got pregnant.
She decided to keep the baby.
Her homeboy went to prison.
I don't think he was black.
And she started doing this stupid music.
And she kept her kid.
Excuse me.
And now she's like an OnlyFans whore.
And it's sort of seen as a positive feminist thing.
I think she has a lot of young female fans, which is disturbing because she promotes pornography.
And when she brings her kid into it, she's sort of normalizing quote-unquote sex work.
Dear single parents, when I was 18, I got pregnant with my daughter and her dad went to prison right after she was born.
So I was on my own.
Most of my family disowned me and told me that I just threw away my music career, blah, blah, blah.
She should have gotten an abortion.
I'm not saying that.
They wanted her to.
I mean, after she was born, I tried working at Best Buy, Boys and Girls Club, plant stores.
My daughter was in daycare all day long.
I was so depressed.
I trusted my intuition over anyone's opinion.
I sold everything I owned, bought a minivan, and moved me and my daughter in backpacks to California to work on weed farms.
So, you know, it's a very mild version of turning to drugs and prostitution after your baby daddy goes off to prison.
But I think it's funny how our culture glorifies it when she's a seemingly alternative, like the left thinks that's cool.
I think it's profoundly sad.
I don't blame her, I will say.
Best Buy or Prostitution and I make like 50 grand a month or something.
My child's provided for.
It's fucking sad that those are her options.
Wait, what's this?
Oh, this is before she became gross?
Yep.
It's an attractive woman in there.
It's definitely her because the other songs are looking like, I guess like Shakira's final form.
Before what?
Before she turns into the earth.
Well, go to 1-6.
Is that 1-6 you just showed?
Nar.
Oh, the last one?
Yes.
Yeah.
And go to 1-7.
And there's a thread there, too.
Oh, that's her unfathomably annoying boyfriend.
I mean, what's worse than that?
Satan himself?
Who would you rather have dinner with?
Him or Baphomet?
It'd be a tough call.
Assuming he doesn't get my soul and he can't burn me, like with...
I don't know.
I think it would be a coin toss.
I'd be scared about the devil tricking me, or maybe we'd get into some sort of banjo competition.
Oddly enough, he's got a Baphomet type upside-down star thing.
Yeah.
By the way, Baphomet isn't the devil.
He was rumored to be worshipped by the Templars as a pagan god, but Satanists took it over because he looked badass.
Oh, I see.
We were Satanists once for the Christmas card, and I made the text all about differentiating between Baphomet and Satan.
I'd already forgotten the bullshit they believe.
But when you see a situation like this, you should feel bad for the broad.
And be like, we, you and I, drove this mom to prostitution.
And that's what it is.
What's 18?
Oh, she was like really normal.
I mean, comparatively.
Have you ever seen this?
No.
Who said it is?
This was five years ago.
In five years, she went from like a normal girl next door six to whatever she is now, like a Mars seven.
Well, I put my two senses in a different way, and you feel not scared pretty.
Okay, Loki, wanna take me to your room, but you don't know me anymore.
Feeling lucky tonight, or makes you think that I used to be a little bit more.
It's like folky, like Coco Rosie almost.
What is that?
Are you caught up with 1-8?
Yeah, there she is.
Totally normal, healthy girl.
We're living in a sick society.
This is a mom.
This daughter is exposed to what used to be a beautiful woman and is now.
I want you to get to the horror picture.
1-9, I think she's still healthy.
Yeah.
Maybe if you go, if you start with 1-7 and scroll up, you can see what she does now.
Oh.
Yeah, there we go.
So that's the first picture.
That's your mom.
You're eight, you live in a van, and that's your mom.
Sunshine 999.
I feel bad if I'm promoting her OnlyFans.
But yeah, nude outdoors.
So I guess like she says to her daughter, just go stay in the van.
I'm going to go do some nude selfies.
Fucking gross.
Speaking of nude selfies, I've been dying to get this to this.
This isn't really worn on kids, so it's a weak segue.
But I sent you these pictures separately, Ryan.
I think I texted them to you.
But this dude, he's deleted it now because everyone made fun of him.
This dude, he's a lawyer, and his name is A. Mando, I think, Schneider.
And he put out this post about his friend raping him.
Thanks.
As one does.
Like, I think, let's be honest, guys.
How many times have we been sharing a hotel with a buddy and we wake up and he's blowing us?
I mean, it was the opening song of the show.
It happens.
As common as a mint under your pillow and a Bible in the drawer.
Exactly.
And you think, should I shoot him now?
Should I kill his family?
Should I stab him?
What should I do to the guy who raped me?
Well, you got to come first.
Well, I'm kind of suspicious because methink he doth protesteth too much.
So he randomly posted this on Twitter.
So this share comes after much deliberation, after three days of being in shock.
Three days.
It took him three days to process the sexual assault that happened.
I thank my support system for being there and for encouraging me to share my experience.
I reposted this and said, hey guys, if you ever get raped, this is a good route to take.
And it's gone now.
But luckily, some dude took a picture of it.
He's been sending it to all his friends.
In short, as I shared with some of you on here already, I was sexually assaulted in my sleep last Saturday night.
Last Saturday night.
So we're a good five, six days away from the incident.
I refuse to be silent about it any longer.
Actually, you were silent about it for five days.
Nor will I allow it to die in the darkness as so many of these cases do.
However, in my experience, I also do not believe there is enough evidence to be able to successfully prosecute the person who committed the act on me.
Okay, so you're not going to the authorities and you're not beating the shit out of him.
Okay?
While I decipher what to do next, I thought it would be good to document what occurred.
Occured.
This is the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my life.
Yeah, that's nature telling you to stop doing what you're doing.
But I am okay and I refuse to let something like this define me.
Well, it defines you for me or take power away from me.
The intent of my post is the hope that people out there who need help and are going through similar things read it and hopefully it gives them the courage to speak out and take action.
I never thought something this extreme would happen to me, although it is not my first run-in with sexual predators.
Now, what's that about?
Maybe he's one of these super effeminate straits who gives off gay vibes.
Like he wears short shorts and he giggles a lot.
And the gay dude was like, let's just cut this shit.
Blow him.
And then when he wakes up, he won't stop me.
That's probably what happened.
Or his nose sound like this, like, no.
Or maybe he's one of those like Christian closeted dudes who is clearly gay and gives off all the gayness and he has gay face, but he's like mortified by like, what are you talking about?
Ill.
Like that guy who has the reality show with the blonde hair, the southern dude who got arrested recently.
You know who I'm talking about?
No.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got like three kids and he's always fucking talking about Jesus.
And I think he might even be a pastor.
Look him up.
Christian reality show closeted homo.
An insane amount of trust has been violated beyond repair.
Oh shit.
I will never be the same after this, but I'm trying to do my best to deal with it.
I'm very concerned he could be doing this to other people.
There we go.
So what are you going to do about it?
No, I don't think it's selling sunset.
No, terrible.
You fail.
He's a family man who seems gay, but isn't gay.
Christian family man, blonde hair.
Stuff like that.
Hopefully this post brings awareness and allows people to stand up for themselves and find their voice.
So this is what he wants you to do if you get raped.
Let's see what he does.
Let's hope we all do the same thing.
Would you call that rape if you wake up and some dude was jerking you out for blowing you or fucking you up the butt?
I don't really know what he means by sexual predators.
I personally would beat the guy within an inch of his life, maybe kill him.
Number two, If that wasn't possible for whatever reason, I would obviously call the cops that minute and have a bunch of swabs done.
And if that wasn't possible, I just would devote the rest of my life to finding him and tuning him up.
I'll tell you what I wouldn't do: write a letter.
Attached is my letter to the person who sexually assaulted me last weekend.
There's a lot more to the story, but hopefully this all serves some greater purpose.
Yes, it has served a great purpose.
It's a great laugh that we're having at your expense, rape victim.
Once the letter is received, I hope to close this chapter of my life as quickly as possible.
Pretty good deal for the rapist.
Hey, what happened?
Oh, I raped that dude I used to be friends with.
Oh, shit.
Is he going to kill you or put you in prison?
He just sent me some junk mail.
I just threw it out.
And that's it?
Yeah, he says he wants to close that chapter.
Sounds like he enjoyed it.
Sounds like he enjoyed whatever you did.
Thank you all.
I'm glad I now have this network to be able to deal with this kind of stuff in a constructive manner.
This isn't it, is it?
Yeah, that's him.
Oh, okay.
Todd and Julie, what's their show called?
Are you not familiar with this guy?
I have seen him, yeah, yeah.
Chrisly knows best.
Yeah, just put that into YouTube, and you've never seen a bigger queer.
Queer.
Is it a queer?
So he's deleted this, and someone on X contacted me and they're like, I fucking have it.
Unfortunately, I don't have the letter.
And I was like, well, we're a perfect couple because I have the letter.
I just don't have the post.
He had only been with his wife and me.
No, that's not it.
I want to see them act, not news about them.
Showy failures.
Saying that he's not gay.
Hey, that's boring.
Just find a clip from the show.
Hard.
Aching all over.
I feel like I'm dying.
You're not dying.
You are a hypochondriac.
You're going to give yourself a heart attack with all this stress.
You think that that could happen?
We'll stick.
That's gay.
His bed is gay.
His sheets are gay.
burns.
That hand gesture and mouth thing is He's getting an IV.
He's got the flu.
There's nothing wrong with him.
Oh, great.
What they do to his soup.
He's contagious.
I mean, he's stuck a needle in you.
What did you just stick?
I hadn't known you.
Oh my god.
Could you give me a little jar of that for the...
Oh, Duck.
I know Southerners are a little more effusive and what's the word?
They gesticulate more?
But I think they ejaculate more on their friends.
This is a huge freaking needle.
Are you fucking Nurse Ratchet?
Be still.
Are you Nurse Ratchet?
So anyway, is this as funny to you as it is to me, or am I just a mean person?
Both.
This letter is like too long for us to read on the show, but this is what he sent to his rapist.
You'll notice that he covers his rapist's name.
God forbid you offend your rapist.
So dear Roy, I'm going to guess.
You asked for an explanation via text message on Sunday evening.
Therefore, I am providing you with one in this letter.
Although I do not think you deserve an explanation because I feel that you should already be fully aware of what you did.
I am providing you with a response with the ultimate goal of instructing you not to communicate with me or my family from this point forward.
I'm upset, disappointed, and have been in shock for the last three days as it relates to what happened Sunday night, Saturday night.
To respond directly to your text, yes, you did do something that deeply offended me.
Dude, he loved it.
He's covering his tracks.
You violated my trust and disrespected me and my family, and I find it inconceivable to believe that you would state to trust that your actions were unintentional.
I think what happened was these guys had a gay sesh on the DL, and then he threatened to blackmail them.
And this guy's tenacious.
So he goes, I'm going to write a huge letter about how you raped me.
And it took this long to process.
So when you dox me and make it public, I'll be like, what?
No, that's the guy that raped me.
I have proof.
Because to take days and days to send a letter that says, I am upset.
Yeah, I'd imagine you're pretty upset.
To reiterate, I woke up in a hotel bed on Saturday night, Sunday morning, to you being in bed with me uninvited and sexually assaulting me in my sleep.
You had rented a hotel room with two queen beds for us to stay in, and we went to bed separate.
Yeah, this sounds like someone is planting evidence on themselves.
Why are you telling him that you got a hotel room with two separate beds?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I had to travel a whole bed to go rape you.
That was me.
To be clear, I did not ask for you to come to...
He's building the alibi?
Yes.
This is to kill any black male.
It goes on and on and on.
You know I have a wife who you've spent considerable time with.
If you speak of her often, blah, blah, blah.
I wish you would get into what exactly did he do?
Because, I mean, there's degrees of terribleness when it comes to buddy rape, right?
I moved to the other bed without...
Upon waking me up in the middle of the night after being stirred by you, I moved to the other bed, the bed you had previously been in, without saying anything to you.
I was in shock and couldn't really process what was happening.
I went back to sleep in disbelief that this event had occurred.
In the morning, I left not because of a work emergency, but because I had to get out of the situation and away from you as quickly as possible.
Anyway, we got both on the screen, right?
Have we shown both?
I feel like this is getting.
Yeah, we have this response.
If I haven't talked to you since 2023, take that as a fucking sign that you don't exist to me anymore.
Damn, you fucking bug.
You got sprayed with the raid.
Bye.
See you next burp.
Did you show the other one?
You know, I have a wife and all that.
Yeah, the white one and then the one above that.
Okay, let's just do that.
The last paragraph: I will not discuss this incident further with you.
That's how you tell a rapist.
Word on the street, you heard the opening song about Fallatio.
If any of you out there rape me after one letter, I will not talk about it again.
That's right.
I will not discuss this incident further with you.
I do not want any future contact from you, nor should you contact my family.
Blah, blah, blah is fully aware of what has occurred as well as several others.
You and I's relationship is over.
From this point forward, you will not be part of me or my family's life.
Do not contact me or my family.
There's nothing you can say or do that will change how I feel.
I'd also advise that if you are exhibiting these patterns of behavior with other people, you should cease them immediately.
Yeah, this is so crystal clear to me now.
It is not okay, never was, and never will be.
Again, I'm extremely disappointed, but I'm moving on with my life.
You should do the same and take great caution with how you carry yourself in the future.
I mean, wow.
Wow.
Wow.
*laughter*
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Last night, my wife wanted to party, and I thought, these don't come around that often, so let's do it.
And we partied, and that meant I didn't go to the gym today, so I'm not on Purple Works.
We watched the Bob Marley movie.
Nah, it was okay.
Did they have the licensed music?
Yes.
Nice.
Which you must have to ask Chris Blackwell for.
And guess what?
Chris Blackwell comes out as quite the mensch in the movie.
He's a very, very awesome guy in the film that he okayed the music for.
So that wasn't surprising.
But it just was very mediocre.
Like, it might as well have been about, I don't know, a vampire weekend.
Like, a pretty popular band that did okay.
I mean, at one point he's playing in front of 120,000 people, and it's just stuffed into a montage of, and then he went on tour and did a bunch of shows.
Like, he was as big as you could get in the late 70s.
And they really didn't make it very exciting.
It's a pretty dull film.
That's a pretty good impression.
The accents were great.
Safety, you need to stop.
Think about the CIA hit thing where they gave him cancer or something?
Does that come into play?
No, he does have toe cancer and he was too stupid to have his toe removed.
But they just show him getting assassinated.
They don't get into it.
It was clearly the civil war going on in Jamaica with the two parties.
And they wanted him to choose a side.
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Remember, we met him there.
Damn, Jimmy.
This is some serious gourmet shit.
How do you feel about that letter, Rygai?
Let's look that guy up.
I've never seen a more embarrassing self-own in my life.
And so it's Adam S.C.H. Esquire.
He's a lawyer.
I don't want him to sue me, but my personal theory is that you were way too nice to the guy who raped you.
And I think you had it coming, and I think you didn't see it as the kind of a big deal or the same level of bigness that us straights would have.
I woke up once and was receiving Fallatio, actually twice now.
One was a girlfriend, but one was a chick I was not into at all.
So I've been raped.
I've been raped.
I've been raped.
What does he, wait, go back up?
Diaries of a seven-year attorney, states, blah, blah, blah.
Happiness and moral duty.
So I don't know what that picture is.
But has he moved on from his raping?
Eight months since I've opened my solo firm, don't care, boring.
What else has he got there?
Old lady died.
Another good one for you if you want to be remote.
So is he dropping the whole rape thing?
It's okay to share.
Overall, it's best for you.
Blah, blah, blah.
And let every since message hit a thousand times harder.
Being the strong one is exhausting.
Pretending we're okay, denying pain.
Look, you don't have to not suffer if you get sexually assaulted, but don't write letters to your rapist.
Wouldn't that be funny if we found a video of him and he's like, hey, you guys, still getting on with that fucking rape.
I'm sitting.
All right.
Wait.
Oh, sweetie.
You're looking for attention.
You're not here.
Most men Would have beat the crap out of that guy.
To play the victim, you have won.
Somehow you managed to get attention for your narcissistic behavior.
Congratulate.
Congratulations.
You are wrong.
Let me repeat that.
You are wrong.
Because your homosexuality.
It's hysterical.
You definitely invited it, and you're most likely acting out because of your homosexuality.
You're wrong.
That's even better.
She nailed it.
No.
This person.
Oh, that's me.
No.
Yes.
I was trying to find the sopranos where he's like, he's a fag.
Yes.
But this is the only thing I could find.
I was hoping at least baby monsters would recognize it.
Oh, man.
Hey, guys, if your buddy tries to rape you, be sure to write him a strongly worded letter.
And then what did he go?
What does he say?
This person has been blocked.
But here is what you will deal with when you make a post like mine.
Yes, I agree.
You have to make a choice of locking up or to keep going.
This morning, I made the choice to keep going, not just on Twitter, but to move forward with my life, you guys.
We are stronger together, and we do not allow others to control our lives, our stories, or our truths.
That is so gay.
Imagine a straight guy talking about...
We are strong.
Is that the issue?
You tell me, what is the issue?
He's a fag.
Again, terrible editing.
Yeah.
Just give me the actual drop.
I want to see his face when he goes, he's a fat.
You show me the back of his head?
Why am I seeing, what's her name, Muffy's face?
I literally picked Melfie.
I literally pictured in my head before we got this clip, like, he's a fag.
And it's like a circusy sort of exciting.
It's exactly like, now you just can't leave.
Right.
In, put it, Bronx Tale.
It's our favorite line in every movie.
We imagine he goes, clink.
Look at me, look at me.
Now you just can't leave.
But it's like, clink, now you just can't leave.
It sucks.
What are some other good ones that could have been completely rude?
Like, you're a bum, Rocky.
You're looking at like a very difficult situation.
Totty Shepano never says.
Oh, right.
He says delicate or something.
Or in Rushmore, when Bill Murray goes up to that little kid and says, what are you drawing?
And my wife and I always go, it's a jellyfish.
And then I see the movie and the girl's like, oh, it's a jellyfish.
I go, what?
I thought you went, it's a jellyfish.
That's a jellyfish.
This one hits hard.
Oh, I know you don't know what a jellybean is.
Yeah, that one is more over the top than how you remembered it.
Oh, I know you don't know what a drillabine is.
Last night my wife ran up to me when we were parting and she goes, do you want to do shots?
Do you know what that's from?
No.
The little boy with the red hair?
Do you want to talk about?
From Mad TV?
It's one of the most famous memes on earth.
It's a little boy.
He's maybe two, maybe three, and he sh runs into the kitchen.
That's him.
What did you think about the cry?
No, no, no.
The other guy that you had up.
That's dude.
What?
He wants Taco Bell.
Are you going to go get it?
Yep.
Taco Bell.
What?
That man is now Oliver Anthony.
Do you want Taco Bell?
I like what she goes, she goes, how are you going to get it?
And he realizes, I don't even know how anyone gets Taco Bell.
He bluffs.
I know it's a thing we all want, and then it arrives, but I actually have no idea how it goes from wanting Taco Bell to it being in the kitchen.
Are you going to go get it?
Yep.
Yep.
And then we just agreed to.
I don't know what's involved.
Do I have to learn how to fly?
Yes.
We're all over the map today, folks.
We're in a rush to get this recorded.
I got to go see the Mets.
I was supposed to see them on Thursday, but it got rained out.
I drove into the city to get some new glasses from my MAGA optometrist.
And fucking Thursday had a fundraiser for Biden.
So Bill Clinton was in town.
Obama was in town.
Joe Biden was in town.
And that means the traffic is insane.
Insane.
Million fucking cars for each president.
Each living president.
So one and a half.
Because Biden's half dead.
Well, there was a black guy in the optometrist, and I really appreciate that this dude helps me out, and he gives me discounts, so I don't want to fuck up his business and out him as mega.
But the black guy was like, we got all three presidents, man, including Barack.
And I was like, yeah, because we like him.
Is that where we're going with this?
We like Barack Obama.
You know what I just realized?
What?
Black guys don't wear glasses.
There are some that do.
But a lot of them don't.
And I wonder.
Wait.
Starting today, you have to get on that brain juice that Joe Rogan pushes.
Wait.
This is something.
Yeah.
You know what it is?
It's the oldest story in the book.
In fact, it's an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where B.J. Smooth starts wearing glasses.
And because black guys don't wear glasses, doors keep opening up for him.
He has all these opportunities he wouldn't normally have.
Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
Have you noticed that black people say axe instead of ask?
Is that something you've also noticed?
No, the glasses thing, I think maybe some of them need glasses.
They don't know it.
Yes, everyone needs glasses at a certain age, but you only need them when you read.
Right?
Otherwise, you can pretty much put up with blurs.
Are you saying they don't read?
That's racist.
You know, I have a buddy that I was with the other day, a teacher in the Bronx.
And that guy who didn't have to deal with the myths and the symbols because they were ensconced in them in the system, I have a $100 bet going that those are not real prescription glasses.
Really?
the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them um But yes, my buddy was a teacher in the Bronx.
He was a gym teacher in the South Bronx, a white guy.
He's like, I'm hungry.
I've been here for a few days.
Let me go get an egg sandwich.
He wasn't far from the studio.
And, you know, the bodegas, in the morning, they have 100 egg sandwiches.
I don't know if it's unique to New York.
Do you guys have this for your egg sandwich?
It's scrambled eggs, American cheese.
I tell them cheddar, but sometimes they don't listen.
Bacon, and then ketchup, mayonnaise, salt, and pepper on a roll.
Am I missing anything?
I thought it was just bacon, egg, and cheese, salt, pepper, ketchup.
No mayonnaise.
Oh, yeah.
You're right.
I'm wrong.
No mayonnaise.
So he goes, and other people are going past him.
And he goes, hey, man, can I get a bacon, egg, and cheese?
And they're like, the Puerto Rican guy looks over at him.
He's the only white guy in the bodega.
And he goes, we don't got no eggs.
All right, I guess I'm out of luck.
And him and his wife teach in the Bronx, and they're way upstate.
Not way upstate, but like Rye, north of Rye, right?
So about 50 minutes by train to get to the city.
I go, why don't you just teach out there?
And they go, because we're white.
So white people, the only jobs I can get are in the Bronx.
And then blacks and browns, mostly browns, are teaching up in, you know, all over Westchester, Mamaranek, Rye, all those, you know, white neighborhoods.
And so there's a commute in the morning as the white people leave their white neighborhoods and go to the Bronx.
And then the brown people leave the Bronx and come up to the white suburbs.
It's some weird sort of like penance that white people have to serve.
They're being punished for, I don't know what, having grades that are too high.
Speaking of grades that are too high, this is a fantastic fucking, jump to one, two.
Talk about sprinkles.
This took me a couple runs.
Let's see if Dummy Rivera can get it.
That's not my name.
So I just got this shirt, and if I charge it with this black light, look, it glows in the dark.
Dude, that is awesome, man.
That's so sweet.
We're getting the black lights.
Oh, so cool.
Do you have any more of those?
I kind of want one.
Yeah.
Can I get one of those?
You know what?
I gotta go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, me too, actually.
Oh, yeah, you want to come with me?
Sure.
Yeah.
Myself, there's a lot of calm lights.
Well, it'll just be like 25 minutes.
Yep, no, okay.
Yeah, you got it.
Either of you guys want to come?
No, no.
Turn the black light off.
Turn it off.
Check this out.
So I just got it.
Of course, I get it.
Yeah, it took me.
I didn't see it the first time.
We've all been caught with that.
Well, the problem is, too, the calm on his face is like this big.
It's overwhelming.
It should have just been a few lines or something.
Looks like Idra Elbert.
But I guess we washed it off and it's still the face is there.
That tells a story.
Ah, funny stuff.
Is this guy even gay?
Face is spotless.
Well, he's a receiver.
I think he's just an opportunist.
Fever, receiver.
I saw you weren't at a Virgin Airlines commercial.
Not that I know, unless I have to sue somebody and my likeness was used.
No.
Hey, babe.
You want to go to a show tonight?
Don't worry.
It's included.
You're saying that's not you?
Don't worry.
He's got a great smile.
No, that is not me.
I thought they did the veneer in post.
He does wear rings, though.
There's a lot of similarity.
The same facial hair setup.
I must admit.
And he does both things to his hair.
He does the kickback and then also does the annoying everybody in the world down with the beanie.
Yeah.
That's how infuriating you look to other people, by the way.
I understand.
Oh, so that's weird.
That's crazy.
Let's see if I can compare here.
Compel hell.
It looks like a bunch of pubes spilling out of some underwear.
Well, they say it's a Rorschach test.
So if you see pubes, that's what's on your brain.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
But keep playing it.
Richard?
Wait, is it?
Richard?
First time, don't worry.
You'll get the hang of it.
What fuck?
Okay, terrible delivery of your lines there.
First time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
It's first time, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.
Why are you so bad at acting?
But go back and play that again.
Because it reminds me when I used to do commercials, we would cheap out on the extras and the actors a little bit.
And sometimes, you know, actors you'd recognize, they'd want some serious dough.
And if it wasn't in the budget, we just put a word out to Craigslist, whatever.
And we get these people and they'd be attractive and they'd have their lines memorized.
And I go, good.
And then they talk and I go, wait a minute, what's your accent?
And they go, what accent?
Oh, no, you have an accent.
And they go, no, I don't.
They try to overdo it then.
And I go, look, we're selling, whatever it was, cell phone plans.
If you have a Danish accent, you're narrowing the audience here.
Now it's only like Europeans who are visiting America that are going to pay attention to this ad.
You should have told us that you're not an English speaker.
I am an English speaker.
I'm totally happy to work on your commercials, man.
I think that's what happened to these people.
Listen to her.
Connie, give me a hand here, getting something to eat and like something simple, like a choppy or maybe Jummy Doja and then a pint of, I don't know.
You know, McKinley's lager or Caledonian eighty.
I'm not aware of any meetings about thing without Nahat Majani Georgia and Joani Chip Bachi.
Did you know this existed, so?
Of course.
Oh, that's my old ad agency.
Six.
Look how much money we spent on the shelving.
that's enough.
I don't want to watch me.
But listen to her voice.
Hey, babe.
You want to go to a show tonight?
You want to go to a show tonight?
Is your tongue afraid of the top of your mouth?
What the hell is that?
Hey, babe, you want to go to a show tonight?
You're Israeli?
That face is making us like, what?
What do you want to say?
What am I on a cruise with?
I feel like I'm in the movie Thing, and I'm Kurt Russell.
Hey, babe, are you wanting going to the disco and we'll do some rock and roll dancing later on, my friend?
Okay, the Nita Fashions thing, which we are doing tonight.
Yes.
The other one, with the really cool guy that gave you the gifts.
Yes.
It took me a while to realize he had an accent.
Really?
Yes.
He's Scottish, so he has a strong accent.
Hey, babe, what are you doing today?
Are you going to have a party with me, man?
Hey, babe.
You want to go to a show tonight?
You want to go to a show tonight?
That almost sounds deaf.
So now it's like you're virgin.
So as an outsider, I'm watching this commercial and I'm like, well, it's not for me.
I guess the first stop is in Tel Aviv.
And then they go by Utrecht and over to fucking Schlafentigut unt Heimensisus.
Like, too bad.
I wish they would come to the New York port and I could get on their cruise ship.
Don't worry.
It's included.
Don't worry.
It's totally included, you guys.
Pearl necklace, interesting choice.
Don't worry.
It's included.
Don't worry.
It's included.
Don't worry.
It's included.
Don't worry.
Richard?
Wait, is he included?
And what does he say?
Richard?
The director, by the way, must have cut all her lines.
Yeah, and he's not in the room with them, obviously.
I remember we were doing one commercial, and this chick was like, hey, do you want to get Thai food?
And I'm like, it's not a typhoon, it's Thai food.
Hey, do you want to get Thai food?
It's pouring with freezing cold rain, ice rain outside.
And she's like, okay.
We get the umbrellas out of the way.
Take 36.
Hey, do you want to get some Thai food?
And I thought she was trying to drive me insane.
Wait, I don't miss directing commercials.
He sounds like Justin Long.
Wait, is he included?
That sounds exactly like Justin Long.
We did commercials with Justin Long.
I knew it.
Is he included?
First time, don't worry.
You'll get the hang of it.
Second time watching that, he didn't do too bad.
Earlier, I said you should have a first aid kit at your house and your RV, wherever.
So you're getting one.
This is the top of the line.
Actually, there's a better one than this that's in like a bubble case, super tough case.
So that's top of the line.
This is number two.
And then you can keep going down to just like a little portable one.
Like Maddie always carries a first aid kit when he's on his motorcycle because he takes blood thinners and he don't want to die.
JumpMedic is a great small business created by a paramedic with years of on-the-ground emergency experience.
JumpMedic has a variety of fantastic first aid kits.
I've shown you the JumpMedic Pro with its unique flat lay design, but wait until you hear this.
JumpMedic is now offering a hard shell, that's what I was talking about earlier, waterproof first aid kit, which includes a mini portable bag as well.
The hard shell JumpMedic first aid kit comes fully stocked with all kinds of life-saving supplies for the low price of $149, and the ad sales guy has put the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number to make me insane.
The moral of the story being don't tell people what your weaknesses are, rape victims, because they will mock you.
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If you're the type of fella or gal to go down to the river to catch some fish, go in a boat, or even just go under the Queensboro Bridge to try to make a few bucks, this JumpMedic card showcase is for you.
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That means they are practically giving it away.
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The Build-A-Bag is a great product service that they offer, which is completely customizable way to stock up on your first aid supplies.
If you don't have a first aid kit, or even if you do, check out jumpmetic.com.
Free shipping in the USA.
Enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
That code works for everything except the sale items.
And with that, we're going to go behind the paywall and deny you all any more free content.
Kind of a weird ep today.
We're pounding it out.
You know what I would like to take away from this episode?
I would like everyone to go talk to this guy at Adam Sch Esquire.
And just ask him, like, how's it going with the incident?
Did that guy apologize?
You know, don't attack him or call him gay.
That's fucking lame.
But just be like, hey, any updates on the incident?
Did he apologize?
Try to get some dialogue going and see what he has to say.
Oh, I would kill to see video of how he talks and his mannerisms and see if they're like, or whatever that show is we just watched.
What was that?
Charlie is in control?
Chris Lee's always right?
Chris Lee's always right?
Chris Lee's always right.
Anyway.
Chris Lee knows best.
And if you want, we have free content then every Friday.
We also are going to be putting free content on Twitter, XGavin McInnes.
It's called censored.tv on X, exclusive to X. Some free teasers there.
But yeah, I don't know what you're waiting for if you're not subscribed.
I'm actually kind of mad at you, so I'm going to say goodbye now.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
Bend over, Gavin Newsome.
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