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Feb. 23, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
50:42
S5E57 - CORN STARCH AND BLASPHEMY (FREE PART)

The God Wheel controls today's double episode and apparently the big guy wants us to discuss strange black habits and gays behaving badly.

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Time Text
I am waiting on the movie.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
Never comes.
And I can't feel my hands are feet.
Cause private public transport sucks.
And I am waiting on the bus.
Say this year never comes.
And I can't feel my hands or feet Cos private public transport sucks And I am waiting on the bus It says this year but never comes And I can't feel my hands or feet Cos private public transport sucks I am waiting on the bus It says this year never comes I can't feel my hands or feet Cos private public transport sucks I am waiting on the bus I am waiting on the bus I am waiting on the bus And I am waiting on the bus Waiting on the fucking bus Waiting on the
fucking bus Waiting on the fucking bus Waiting on the fucking bus *Ding* Great band.
Great guys.
From my hometown of Glasgow, Scotland, one of my many hometowns.
That is Soap Box.
And they are great.
Why was the camera in a different spot?
Why was it zoomed in a little?
How would that happen?
Like, no one goes over there.
moved it for some interview or you did maybe with Anthony or before that maybe it was...
No, it doesn't make any sense.
I remember we moved it for something or it got knocked.
Oh.
Today is the Friday free show.
We're in front of the paywall for about 45 minutes and we're behind the paywall for about 45 minutes.
It's a fun show that everyone loves.
But it has freeloaders and I feel weird around them.
The beauty of being behind a paywall is you're with your family.
And I don't even have to worry about anything going up on YouTube that I say this too controversial because YouTube has banned me.
So this is sort of, I feel naked.
You know that Louis C.K. bit about the banana where you saw a guy who peels a banana from the top to the bottom?
He's like, the banana feels so naked.
Everyone can see my bruise.
There's another soapbox song I included in the opening song notes that's really good.
Right, what are we doing then?
Right, you're usually ready, by the way.
Let's go.
The fucking bus never comes, by the way.
We are going home tonight!
We are going home tonight!
How we doing Glasgow?
We feeling alright?
The rain is lashing done.
This pain is last and done.
The rain is lashing down.
This pain is lasting though.
Anyway, they're worth checking out.
I should get right into the ad reads, though, because the clients like it when you mention them right out of the gate, right, Ryan?
Oh, they love it.
They're bananas about it.
They're bruised bananas.
Naked bananas about it.
Let me check here from the ad guy.
So don't read this part aloud.
Sorry, I got the date wrong.
Disregard 3-1 admail.
Email stressed out this week.
If you're able to track down the book from Big John, show the book.
This is the last ad for the coloring book.
And Jump Medic Purple Works are the same as always.
I'm going to try something controversial here, Ryan.
Oh.
I'm going to try to just wing it and not use the ad copy.
I feel like you could do that.
I trust it.
So this dude made a coloring book called Trump Tasticle.
It's AI, black and white pictures of Trump.
You can color in.
You can watercolor, very thick paper, one-sided.
So you could color it in and then give it as a gift to your friend.
You could even frame it.
The pages are removable.
Again, high-quality paper colored in with what we Canadians call pencil crayons.
I believe you call them colored pencils.
I do.
I would go with watercolor.
Why not?
Give that to your friend.
Or antagonize your liberal friends at the pub with signed copies of it.
I mean, you make the picture, you colour it, and then you sign it and you give it to the liberal at your local bar.
And he gets mad and he rips it up in a rage.
And you go, oh, man.
Now, we had a whole box of them, and Big John stole them and brought them to the bar to hand out to liberals.
That hurts.
But we have Trump here to discuss the brand.
We sure do, really.
We've looked into this book.
They call it a book, Gavin, because you could open it.
It's like a Codex.
They call it a Codex.
It came after these scripts.
What is it?
They call it the scrolls.
Have you heard about the scrolls?
You have to unravel them and you have to fold them up like a poster.
But we now have a book.
It's random access.
You could turn to any page you'd like.
And that's what we have.
And you could color all over the pages.
We call it pages of color.
We love the pages of color.
So check it out at Trumptasticle.com.
I'll turn off this heat.
I know you can, I sense you can hear it.
And you're all very sensitive, you guys.
Someone was chewing, sucking on a candy.
I had to shut it down.
Are you all on the fucking spectrum?
Like, calm down.
Do you listen to it with...
You're putting the podcast right inside of your brain.
We don't want to be inside you, you freak.
Yeah, calm down.
Listen to it in the background, you guys.
I don't know if this blue.
This is an ambitious move, a scarf.
That added something.
I liked it.
Really?
I don't like that it matches too closely with the Pocket square, but I mean, I don't know anything.
Well, I was just going for bombarding you with black and whites.
And this, I think, has a, what do you call it, a moire effect?
Yeah, it does.
That's for sure.
So, yeah, let's dive right into the show, unless you have something to add, Ryan.
I'm just testing out the different, the various moires of this A. If you get a jacket like this, like you have one made and you're in TV, you're stupid.
And if you appear on Fox News with a moire A, not only are you stupid, but everyone at the studio is dumb because they didn't realize that you have a pattern that's too dense.
How do you not fucking know that if you're in the industry?
They probably have extra blazers just in case, too, right?
Whereas if somebody wants to wear some offensive blazer or an ill-fitting one.
I don't know.
I don't think.
That would make sense.
If I had a studio, I'd be like, we got some extra blazers for you.
That's a moire.
Yeah, but they're going to look ridiculous.
I think you'd rather have a moire than a fucking oversized blazer.
She looked like David Byrne and Talking Heads, and you're trying to do a serious talk about the economy.
Are they going to get Trump's money?
Tisha James said she's going to freeze his assets.
And it's obviously so he can't run as president.
So you donate, you know, say you're super rich, you donate $10 million to him.
It goes to his debts.
It doesn't go to the campaign.
Dirty pool.
Shooting dirty pool, spewing dirty lies.
I talked to the fucking CBC yesterday for six and a half hours.
Yeah.
And it was a documentary.
I think the angle might be Hipster to Hitler, which is like the go-to thing if you're going to talk about the G-Dog.
So you spend the time saying that was in context and this isn't written and blah, blah, blah.
And that's not, I'm not racist and proud boys are multi.
And so you end up being unfunny when your pitch is, no, no, I'm a funny guy.
That's my thing.
And I happen to be on the right, but I'm not constantly harping on politics, as you can tell from the first 15 minutes of the show.
But when you come across, when you're constantly defending yourself, you're not being amusing.
So you can't be you.
Like if Norm McDonald spent an entire video explaining, or an entire interview explaining how he's not gay, you'd be like, this Norm McDonald guy is boring.
That guy was really nice.
He gave me a pair of gloves.
Yeah, that's not nice.
I thought that was very kind because I actually needed a pair of gloves.
He just got dumped and his girlfriend had given him gloves and he found them in his bag and thought, I don't want these.
I'm kicking myself.
I didn't recommend the song My Girlfriend's Dead by The Vandals.
You know that one?
No?
Because I once had a girlfriend and then one day she dumped me and everyone asked me where she was.
I don't want to talk about her.
Everyone else is asked about her.
So I tell them all my girlfriend's dead.
So he didn't kill her?
No, he just says she's dead because he's embarrassed.
That's a gay song.
It's pretty good.
I should have killed her.
You don't like the Vandals?
They're like punk.
Yeah.
I never really got to them.
Aren't they Californians?
I was a snub.
They might be the fat mic kind of.
People always say to me, if you ever got divorced, could you, do you think you could be friends with your wife's new husband or new boyfriend?
And I'm like, why would I be friends with two people at the bottom of the East River?
What am I going to do?
Put on a scuba suit?
Oh, he's a proud boy.
Oh, wow.
That's the different Vandals that I know of.
There have been more than one Vandals.
I know Vandals is like a fat guy.
Maybe there's Vandals and there's The Vandals.
This is The Vandals.
Well, that's dumb.
Didn't you Google the name before you came up with it?
Is this pre-Google?
Or even, fuck Google, ask a nerd.
True.
Fuck Google, ask a nerd.
That's a shirt.
Vandals.
Germanic people.
No, not them.
I'm going to have to add band.
Oh, I guess they were making music way back.
But who is that young-looking guy?
That can't be an old video.
It was 13 years ago.
I think it happened.
I think this came out way before 13 years ago, but it was uploaded.
No, I remember the Vandals from the 80s.
Here we go.
Early years, 1980 to 84.
And then 84, 89.
Punk Revival, 1990 to 2000.
So I guess they got a new singer or something?
That's weird.
Got a skinny guy.
You can't dump your old fat guy and get a young, skinny guy and still be the same band.
That's not acceptable.
I think they said that he died.
Well, he can't die.
My daddy will never die.
You hear me, God?
Is that from something or you made that up?
It's Strangers with Candy.
Where Stephen Colbert, back when he was funny, he says to Amy Sederis, I know what you're going through because her dad died.
And she goes, I know what you're going through.
It's hard.
And these are wounds that only time can heal.
And she goes, oh, did you lose your daddy too?
And he goes, what?
No, my daddy will never die.
Here it is.
But everybody has lost a father.
Have you lost your father?
Oh, don't even joke about that.
My daddy will never die.
Do you hear me, God?
Never.
That show was so alarmingly high quality.
So, as you know, a lot of the Catholics who watch this show are very offended by this segment.
They think it's blasphemous because I portray myself as God.
And when we spin the wheel, it's fate that decides what we're talking about, right?
So isn't that God?
So God is running the show.
I'm not big on blaspheming God as far as like a taboo.
I get the Jesus thing, the Lord's name in vain, but I'm happy to with this level of blasphemy is fine.
If you find that offensive, you can suck my dick.
Okay?
What the priest said, it wasn't some like...
He didn't say it was bad.
He just said it was, you know.
He can lick my hairy balls.
No, he cannot.
But here's the thing, Life of Chastity, and there's also...
He sees my little nuts sitting there in their squid pack, and he's just like, woof, can't do it.
Not going to Do it.
No, I believe it.
Chastity vow.
There's more to it than just chastity.
You know who wants to lick my balls really badly?
Nobody.
Not one person on earth.
I know.
Not even my wife.
I'm sure there's some weird fan out there that's like some dumb, crazy fag, I'm sure.
There's always exceptions.
You know what I thought of the other day?
You know whose balls gay guys want to lick really badly?
Everyone's balls.
Everyone's balls.
There's not one pair of gays.
Every single person's balls they want to lick.
You know the other thing?
Don't you think that when you see gays?
Like when we were in Palm Springs, my in-laws would get a chef to cook for everyone in the house.
Cool.
And they were always gay.
And this is kind of hard to explain, but there's something greasy about them.
You just think of all the cum and butt fucking.
Now, it might be that I'm seeing someone like my age and older, like 60, done up.
You know what I mean?
Like with a new haircut and thing and like shaved legs.
And sometimes like one of the guys had his eyebrows like tattooed.
So what I might be seeing is an old dude going for it.
And maybe that's the greasiness.
And if it was a straight guy who had like a nice shirt on and like his chest hairs trimmed and all that, I'd feel the same greasiness.
But man, maybe it's just homophobia.
But you look at them sometimes and you're like, you've done some things that would give me nightmares.
Like last night, probably.
Yeah.
Like earlier today.
Like in the bathroom with your assistant 10 minutes ago.
Yeah, I feel like they don't have any laws.
Like there's no rules.
No.
It could be on the counter.
It wasn't.
Like, could I poo on your leg?
Okay.
Yeah.
Why don't you throw poo in my?
I mean, so it sticks in my hair and then we'll go jogging.
Like whatever, whatever pops into their head.
But when you're dating a woman or married to them and you have a long-term girlfriend and you say weird things, they're like, no, we're not doing that.
Not that I'm dying to poo on people's legs, don't get me wrong.
That's a rumor.
So, sorry, I interrupted you a bunch of times.
No, it's alright.
It was just I thought of something gay that happened.
But you forgot?
No, I remembered it.
So there's a song by Natasha Beddingfield called These Words, and at the end of it.
These words are here when I close my eyes.
You know, for a second, I thought that you knew it, but that's not it.
That's not how it goes.
So, Ell, you're Puerto Rican, and not to interrupt your Spanish.
I mean, anything.
They're the only demographic that are like, hey, would you like to listen to Death Metal or Classical?
I don't care.
Okay.
That's true.
Or children's music.
Teletubbies?
Sure, yeah.
What about Sheila E?
Okay, same kind of vibe.
Okay, so Teletubbies, Sheila E, and Cannibal Corpse.
Same vibe?
Whatever.
So where gays are to sex, we are to music.
Music and dating.
Like a 19-year-old Puerto Rican woman will date a 71-year-old.
That's not true for me.
Yes, it is.
No, the job is.
I know you won't date a 71-year-old, but they don't care about age because the relationship's not going to last.
There's literally a salsa song called Age is Just a Number.
So yes, your theory checks out.
So what is this gay garbage your Recon culture has brought me?
I'm reeking up the place with this song because she's from England, but when she came out with this brand new song, I was like, I want to marry her.
Like, I have the hugest crush on her.
And then this part, this line right here, I responded to it when I was on my own.
And I was like drawing and I was like, yeah, that's okay, Natasha.
What a gay, self-centered story that is.
Who gives a fuck what you mumble to yourself?
I just thought it was embarrassing.
Like, I'm here to change the world with incredible news and talk about, you know, Trump being bankrupted out of the race for president.
And you're like, I mumbled once when I was drawing.
What are you even, half-wits?
But I meant it.
Hi, Alex.
I mumble when I draw, Alex.
It was sincere.
I remember being like, that is okay.
Oh, how adorable can you get?
I don't like that that happened.
Shut up.
Purple Works Nutrition Pre-Workout is not only great for the gym boxing.
Oh, yeah, we're not doing the actual reads.
Purple Works Nutrition.
I'm on it now.
I just got back from the gym.
I was hitting gloves with a younger African-American person of color and 53 years old.
I could see he was getting tired.
It's three-minute rounds.
I could see him like going, and I was just like, boink, bunk, bink, bunk, bink, bunk.
And going down and up and stepping in a circle.
He's probably like 29, and I would say we were on par together.
Also hit the wall bags, slip rope, some weird thing they just put up.
It's like a body bag, but it's duct taped to a pole, and then there's a pool noodle coming out, almost like a dick.
So you slip body shots underneath this thing.
Now, I didn't get to bed till 2 a.m. last night.
May have taken an edible.
Woke up not feeling like partying.
Purpleworks comes along.
The prickles break out.
It's a self-induced curse.
Hi, Purpleworks, this self-induced curse.
But you get the tingles in your hands and you got to go hit the gym to get rid of them.
And then you feel fucking great.
It gives you a second wind.
But that's not all they have, of course.
They have these coffees.
Italian coffees, whether into the French press or the bench press, go to Purple Works Nutrition and pick those up.
There's a new recipe coming out, I think, for Purple Works.
I'm very happy with this.
But I'm kind of a caffeine pussy, I should warn you.
So I don't do an entire scoop with this.
I found out my son was in my cupboard in the kitchen and my teenage boy, and he had two scoops of raisins in a package of Kellogg's raisin brand.
I go, that's dumb, dude.
That's like a pot of coffee.
Dude, make sure he doesn't do any of those challenges because kids on TikTok are doing that.
What, as much pre-workout as they can?
Yeah, or snorting it or just dry eating it.
And then it's like 500 grams of milligrams of caffeine could potentially cause some heart problems.
I don't know if it's Purple Works Nutrition or just the fact that I've been working out five days a week, but when I look in the mirror in the morning, I'm not bananas about the gut, but like I think I have shoulders for the first time in my life.
I've finally lost the Grover effect.
Thanks to working out.
So that's PurpleWorksNutrition.com.
Enter promo code Gavin for 15% off.
Purple Works likes you more than a friend.
Way more than a friend.
All right, so I guess we're ready to dive into this, Rye Guy.
I don't want you to be nervous.
I know you're scared.
Oh, yeah.
Have you, you know this thing about cornstarch?
I know it's ancient Chinese, but black people eat cornstarch.
And I just, we got a letter actually recently.
Maybe I'll just cheat and jump ahead to it.
But it's the kind of thing that you think, well, that's just a thing people say.
Because one crazy woman, remember that woman who was, black woman who was eating a mattress?
It was like my crazy life or whatever.
And she was eating the foam from her mattress.
You know that show, right?
Where people eat weird stuff.
So you think it's that kind of thing.
But call me disconnected with the black world.
This is from a guy named Never Nothing.
And he goes, a few months back you showed a video of a black girl eating cornstarch.
I thought it had to be fake.
Me and my wife even tried a little detast to see what it was like.
It's fucking gross.
I assumed at that point that this girl was doing it for views until yesterday when I was at the playground with my kids and a young black girl walked up with a tub of cornstarch and a spoon.
Of course she was alone, barefoot, and wearing short sleeves and shorts in 30-degree weather.
I thought to myself, this can't be happening.
Maybe she's eating cereal out of it or something?
Nope.
She had the powder all down her shirt and face.
Another little girl at the playground asked what she was eating with a grossed out look on her face and the black girl said, my snack, it's good.
She clearly didn't understand that it's strange to eat a spoonful of ingredients.
At one point, she even choked on it, coughing out clouds of white powder.
She even rubbed her stomach as if to say, that's good stuff.
After she recovered from choking, what the fuck is going on here?
Is it because there's nothing else to eat in their house or are they just trying to be different?
Trying to be different?
I don't know.
But I saw recently on YouTube some guy and his wife dumping out like a two speakers worth, like old school 70s speakers, boom, on the table.
And they both start eating it.
Maybe I have it in my notes somewhere.
I like the theory that they're just trying to be different.
They're trying to mix it up.
Well, it's definitely different.
Oh my God, I don't know if I can handle this.
If you look at YouTube, you just put in cornstarch and you go down to shorts, there's like dozens of African-American people of color eating cornstarch.
Me and my wife were talking about this and I was like, is it like good and sweet?
And she's like, no, it's like flour or something.
It's just thickener.
It's like, you know what it is?
It's the texture that they might like.
But you get that texture in everything.
It's open races.
Yeah, I found it.
I found it.
Go into racism.
It's the second link on the Google Doc.
You know what I love about diversity?
You get to look into other cultures and see what they're up to.
You learn about them, and sometimes you're stunned.
Big pot.
This is what I was just talking about.
I could just hear it like squeaking.
This could be really smart.
If they do this in the park enough that the police are aware of them, they're like, oh, that's just cornstarch.
And then one day, one day they just say hello to my little friend.
I've noticed they've stopped eating the cornstarch and are now inhaling it in their nose using a straw.
By the way, folks at home, if you do cocaine, I don't think you should, but if you must, do not share straws.
Nostrils, most of your bacteria is here.
I knew these doctors who had this theory that people who don't drink coffee get sick more.
Because when you drink coffee, I've told you this before, right?
You have a hot coffee with caffeine, all that acidic caffeine.
You go like this, and the acidic, hot caffeine particles go up and kill all the bacteria in your nose.
So like if you go like this and then go like that to someone else, that's a really dangerous way to spread disease.
I'm not talking about AIDS, like a fucking cold or a flu or COVID.
So when you do a line and then you hand your spoon to someone, you're handing them every cold and flu you've ever had.
Don't do it.
Not gonna do it.
I don't think you should do lines.
I think all Coke should be bumps and it should be with your own key.
And you shouldn't do cocaine.
Right.
they say asm here I hate the sound.
don't know ASMR, so this is what they say.
Boy, we're all very different, aren't we?
Azmir.
Azmir.
Azmir, of course.
Maybe that's the Muslim producer who put the movie together.
I think you're going to get azmir if you inhale more of that shit.
That sounded like a pun.
No, no, asthma's a real...
Oh.
Look at it.
Okay, enough of that.
Azmir.
I'm not sure Purpleworks wants that associated with their ad.
Cleaning myself off?
Water break.
Well, it's thickening, right?
So maybe it's good to lose weight because your body thinks you're stuffed and you ain't.
I love you, I love you.
Was that the I Love You, I Love You, I Love You song?
Yeah.
So gay that you know that.
Did you.
Would this be a good time to touch on that other email that shows the differences between the uses of cornstarch?
Sure.
So somebody noticed that this is what some people might do with cornstarch.
There's a chariot.
They made some amazing sculpture with just cornstarch.
We can't see it, though.
You crop the best part.
What?
Dummy.
Amazing.
Yeah.
The top.
Oh, yeah.
The show is like two of the shitty horses at the front and ignore the skull demon at the back.
Okay.
I think we're ready to begin the show.
Begin the contrast.
All right.
Seems very racist what you're doing and I don't approve.
It's an email.
We're going to start it.
Are you ready?
Yep.
You can, I think, tell what the subjects are.
They're pretty self-explanatory.
Well, maybe you should do the Godwheel thing first.
Oh, yeah, okay.
The Godwheel.
Now, we could also do the new audio with the Godwheel graphic.
Okay.
It's up to you.
Let's do the new audio.
Oops.
Sounds great.
Doesn't sound like anything yet.
It's loading.
Looks like it's caught in the gears of the machine.
I thought we had the internet guy come here and make it.
It is time.
It's time for the Godwheel.
Yeah, delete that previous one.
Forever.
It's garbage.
It needs to die.
Okay.
Maybe this could be this.
What do you got?
What do you want us to talk about today?
Racism.
Okay, cue the intro.
Oh, we do bumpers.
Okay.
Yeah.
I want the folks at home to know what we do every day.
I always thought we were Sans Bumper.
But here we go.
Bumping it up.
I'm a black female.
What other difference?
Black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
That was crazy!
I have a dream.
Oh, Black Betty, bam, bam.
Oh, Black Betty, bam, bam.
Black Betty had a child.
Bam.
Okay, let's check out this woman who, I talked about this with Kumia on Wednesday.
This woman had her five-year-old daughter helping her wax the vaginas of naked ladies.
This could be in War on Kids too if we wanted.
And look at the picture they use.
Beautician mom arrested after posting, go back, shocking photos of her five-year-old daughter waxing naked women.
So not only is she inappropriate, but it's sexual assault of a child.
And by posting it, we're adding sexual exploitation and kiddie porn.
And that is the picture that they use.
And what is the reality?
There she is.
That's who did it.
Not the lady in the picture.
But as I said on Wednesday, I was thinking about this.
I can't handle the truth.
And, you know, I said on Wednesday, if you had Down syndrome, you were watching commercials and they were all about how your IQ is so low you couldn't be executed and your lifespan usually ends around 40 and you're like 35 you'd go I just wanted to watch the game and eat some popcorn and drink a beer this isn't depressing so they don't do that Down syndrome people don't watch that similarly I'm at the point now where I if I'm totally honest I want to see a
white burglar and black victims on a security ad on TV because that's not the truth.
And I don't want to deal with the truth after a hard day's work.
I want to pretend that crime is equally distributed everywhere.
It's more relaxing.
Next in racism, this is Puerto Ricans.
Oh, boy.
This is your people.
Wait, what do you got there?
That's one of the pictures.
I can't make it out.
It looks like a Muppet.
Those are socks above the child's.
Oh, and then the child is right in the vag?
Yeah.
Whoa.
Don't go there.
Those exact coordinates.
Avoid.
What a...
What a fucking...
What a fucking...
All right.
When I saw this, I was like, John Leibowitz, John Stewart needs to see this.
As a New Yorker, this is boring to me.
I'm well aware of this.
I'm well aware of the Dominican trick.
That's Dominican, dude.
Oh, really?
Hell yeah.
Okay.
The Dominican trick where they go to the grocery store with the food stamps.
They fill up a blue bin that's literally the size of a barrel.
It is a blue barrel.
Think of it as like a keg.
No, much bigger than a keg.
Sorry.
It comes up to your waist.
Big blue bin.
Barrel-shaped bin.
They fill it up.
They ship it to the Dominican Republic with my money.
And then a bodega down there uses it as their inventory and sells it at full price.
So I, as an overtaxed New Yorker, am paying for Dominican bodegas.
And I said that on Fox News once and got in big shit for this lie until I just showed like the New York Post article about it.
The grocery stores around the studio here in the South Bronx, they sell the blue bin there.
It's all over the East Village too.
The blue bin is at the grocery store.
They're like, why go to the post office?
We'll handle it.
So they label it all up and ship it down.
So these scam artists, like when Jon Stewart talks about welfare and food stamps, he has this pie in the sky like, I'm just a little down on my luck.
Could you cut me a break, buddy?
And it's just scam artists.
What's that?
Comparing Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico.
So you're saying you're better than them.
Average income for Dominicans, 9,000.
Average for Puerto Rico, 24,000.
68 on the scale of 100 of corruption.
We're down to 37, which is moderate.
It's moderate corruption, I'll admit.
Pretty corrupt, but yeah.
And then the populations, they have way more people too.
Way more corrupt, worse than Puerto Rico.
Well, at least they're not Haiti.
Public assistance where I receive cash every two weeks at food stamps every month, you heard?
I'm on public assistance where I can walk in any New York deli and order whatever hot food I want.
Let me get three chopped cheese and two bacon-nagga cheese today, bro.
I'm on public assistance, so if I fall behind in my rent, not a big deal.
I get a one-shot deal from the government.
I'm on public assistance where if I have to pay for my fare, I have the option to go half price on them.
You're not too nice, dude.
I'm on public assistance where if I need some extra cash, I just go to my local occupation.
Yo, you could do 100 today, bro?
Yeah, I got you.
Ah, wait right here, bro.
I appreciate you.
I'm on public assistance, so when it's time to withdraw my cash, I come to Chase to avoid an ATM fee.
I'm on public assistance, so when time's getting high, we just have some more kids just to up our income.
it's twins i'm on public assistance She goes, and it's twins.
You got me.
Yeah, I've told you this story a hundred times, but we're driving upstate and we're in Harlem.
And there's a point where if you're going west, you go under this massive project.
And we're driving under it.
And my daughter was like three or four.
And she goes, what's that?
I go, oh, it's public assistance housing.
What do they call it?
Section 8.
Rent stabilized.
And she goes, what's that?
Oh, it's cheaper.
Because some people can't afford to live in the city.
So the government pays their rent so they can be in the city.
And she goes, why?
And I know this is a cliche to talk about your precocious child, but I'd never thought of that.
Why the fuck do you have the right?
What gives you the rat, as they say in Below Deck, to be in the city?
No.
My commute's an hour.
Why is your commute zero?
And you don't even fucking work.
Your own welfare.
So they have these penthouse apartments overlooking the East River for free.
Why?
I think it comes from the old aristocrats, like when the Brooklyn Bridge was built, and it was so their help could be nearby.
Like in Westchester near me, there's a church that was built just for the Irish servants so they could go there.
And that's what it comes down to.
But then they're not the Irish servants anymore.
They're the fourth generation welfare Puerto Ricans and Dominicans.
So it's a fucking third world mess, isn't it?
All right.
I like to keep things funny, but these subjects are so serious today.
But I guess that's God saying, stop fucking around.
He's Scottish, by the way.
This one is now, it's an email, fear of a black Indian planet.
Right?
Yep.
And what's that?
I noticed this when my wife worked at the American Indian Museum.
She'd have an event and there'd just be tons of black people there.
And I guess they're like, yeah, I want to be this.
So blacks in New Orleans, culturally appropriate Indians, all they want was zero criticism, literally using the words Indians and tribes, and they're called the Mardi Gras Indians.
Well, that parade has got to be seen to be believed.
Like, they wear blackface and they're called the Zulus.
Have you ever seen that?
The only thing that's not textbook blackface is one eye is white, the lips are white, but then one eye isn't.
Mixing it up.
And then he said, now the NFL hired one of them to create next year's Super Bowl logo, giving further legitimacy to the We Was Indigenous fiction.
And then we see the link there, and it says, for the first time ever, the NFL collaborated with local artists in the creation of a Super Bowl logo.
The artist who created our new logo, Taj Williams, is the queen of her black masking Indian tribe in New Orleans.
That's not a thing.
This is textbook cultural appropriation.
I'm doing beautiful beadwork just like my tribe.
You just invented a tribe.
Oh my God, that's fucking gross.
Maybe when black people say you're doing cultural appropriation, they're talking about culturally appropriating.
They're like, that's what we do.
We take the culture stuff.
That logo's super shitty, corny, Liberace garbage.
It looks terrible.
It does look bad.
And by the way, the bead work is cultural appropriation.
When Indians do it, they didn't have fucking beads.
They got that from us.
They occasionally found some hollow shells and might make a necklace.
But as far as the intricate beadwork, where do you think they got the beads?
Leverpo.
Northern England.
The factories there.
We gave them the beads.
So beads and horses, cultural appropriation.
Speaking of racism, Beyoncé has a new hair care line.
As my friend Sebastian said long ago, when he saw her on TV advertising blonde shampoo, he goes, that's not her hair and she can't get it wet.
So do you see her fucking ridiculous Roger Rabbit look on the Super Bowl?
She looked like the whitest woman that has ever witten.
And now she's telling blondes how to make their hair like hers, which is, which was, yeah, there it is in the right.
Her hair was forcibly removed from an Indian 10-year-old.
Wait, where'd you go?
I said the top right, right there.
Oh, top right.
Yeah, the left is, there you go.
Her deeply personal hair journey?
You mean spending hundreds of thousands of dollars having dyed Indian woman, Indian girl's hair weaved into your own?
Another psoriasis.
Jesus.
Another one of these Jada Pinkett Smiths.
You know, they pull it back for so much, they rip it out, and then they complain alopecia, right?
Oh, yeah.
What's psoriasis?
Psoriasis is like a skin thing.
Oh, that's like dry, flaky skin, yeah.
This is a trend.
I don't want to fuck her anymore.
Going back to Michael Jackson, where he said he had a skin condition.
That's why I'm like white now.
Because I have a skin condition.
And then she's like, I have a skin condition.
Jada Pinkett Smith is like, I got a skin condition.
Just do your hair white.
Sam.
Just be black and be proud.
You got your natural.
All right.
30.
She looks like one of the genners there.
All right, so we got to quit now.
We have to stop talking about important news like Beyoncé's hair.
This is another annoying thing with the CBC.
They're like, when did you become a Nazi?
And they had theories like you hit your head when you got knocked out boxing.
Or your marriage fell apart and you're mad at the world.
I'm like, I'm not divorced.
Say you have psoriasis and alopecia.
Or your in-laws support you.
You're just like this pathetic podcaster that makes no money and your in-laws pay for everything.
I've always thought, like, I haven't dipped into my savings ever, but like the cost of living up in Westchester with three kids, it's like a thousand bucks a day.
It's fucking insane.
So if someone else was paying my bills, they would start to get pissed pretty quick.
Pretty annoyed.
So we're going to, oh, we got to finish the advertisers.
Sorry, what am I talking about, bro?
Crazy talk, man.
That's fucking psychotic talk.
Well, I can still lace it through the final vid and everything.
Jump medic.
And we're gonna try to read outside the box with this one.
We're not following the ad copy.
We'll see if our ad guy gets pissed.
So, you go to the gym, what's there?
If you go by the bathrooms in the back, there's a first aid kit.
Go to a restaurant, there's a first aid kit.
In your RV, you have a first aid kit.
Every home should have a first aid kit, right?
That's established.
We agree on that.
You have to have a first aid kit.
Sorry, my nose is so fucking itchy.
It's got to be a hair.
I think my whiskers turn up and then tickle the inside of my nose.
So we've established you need a first aid kit.
Okay, why not work with someone who's a baby, a fellow baby monster?
This guy is EMT.
He's designed his own bag.
There's this, there's the hard shell one, the super fancy one.
And you go, oh, the hard shell one, $149, that's too expensive.
Oh, okay, so you're not serious about having a first aid kit.
What's your budget?
Oh, like $50.
Okay, we have that bag at JumpMedic.
We have the most bare-bones kit that you would take for a road trip on your motorcycle.
And then we have the hard shell supercase that you would use if you're fixing your survival shelter.
And everything in between.
So logically, there's no reason not to go to jumpmedic.com and use the code RyanSucks for 10% off because you know you need a first aid kit and you might as well get it from someone who's one of us.
And third, the price ranges go from almost nothing to super fancy pants.
So they have every kind of first aid kit you can have.
I don't see the logic, the hole in the logic here.
Do you?
Jumpmedic.com, promo code RyanSucks, 10% off.
You're defying logic.
If you don't buy one there.
All right.
I was going to get to the mailbag.
Oh, good thing you interrupted the song, the show, sorry, to crowbar that in.
They asked for it.
You don't have any cute little things you mumbled when you were drawing?
No.
Well, tell us about them, because I was going to get to the letters page unless you had more to add.
Oh, well, another thing is during the commercials of Comedy Central, they would have different entertainers say, hey, you're watching Comedy Central.
And the one that Brendan Fraser did, he said, Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it, please.
What did you think of the Cops and Robbers show last night?
I thought it was good.
Why?
Well, I think that it had a good pace.
There was a lot of videos.
It was kind of like quick.
We stuck to the material, but there was plenty of commentary to be had on each and every one.
And then there was like that really funny one that we went in a long time with.
What the heck was that?
Oh, yeah, the car crash guy where he slipped through the...
It was exhilarating and funny where the guy stole the cop car.
And then it was sad because it was tragic because he died.
He died.
Well, the way he died was they had one of those long strips that has the spikes on it that pops your tires.
Is what they did right?
I don't know.
Like, on the one hand, I'm one of these no-tolerance guys.
It's like someone steals your bicycle in your garage, blow their head off with a 30 out 6.
But on the other hand, like, I feel they would have got that guy.
He's in a cruiser, so you're going to find him.
But then, on the other hand, you want to send a message to other perps that you shouldn't steal a squad car.
Pre-lunch, I'm sure before lunch, I'm like, fucking kill him.
I want him to die.
Post-lunch, eh, we can work it out.
He could have killed many other people in a high-speed pursuit.
That's the thing.
Yeah, but they don't.
How often do you see those little spiky things come out?
Not often.
I think they did the right thing because they limited the amount of damage that could have happened.
Like, if they went on the chase and the track.
If you want into limiting damage, I mean, a man died.
That's true.
Someone sent us this thing.
You were right.
And it's Brett Isinellis of American Psycho describing his boyfriend, who I met.
And the guy wasn't a fan of me.
He was sort of like, oh, great.
Who's next?
Richard Spencer's going to come over for lunch?
He made a comment like that.
And I thought, you don't like me?
That can't be based on merit or being perceptive.
You must be having some problems.
And I was right.
What happened on part last week in West Hollywood affected a lot of people.
For a long time, I was simply blind, not grasping it.
Drug addiction has affected my family.
My sister died last August at 53.
My father's struggles with alcoholism led to his death at 50.
Holy shit.
And my partner of 14 years has been in its increasing grip for the last decade.
See if you can look them up, him and his partner.
He was arrested and is now in lockdown in a psych ward, still days later unaware of where he is or why he's there.
What drug do you think that is?
I'm wondering if people are getting crazy addicted to Adderall and it's the same level of tweaker that we had with the speed addicts in San Francisco in the 60s and 70s.
There's a thin line between loving someone and enabling them if you don't realize fully until it smacks you in the face.
Blah, blah, blah.
I kicked Todd out of the condo.
We shared and demanded he place himself in a recovery facility for three and a half months, which he did grudgingly, forced by me because he had no other options left.
But recovering addicts have told me that they had to make the decision to get help.
Being forced by others never worked.
Yeah, that makes sense.
He's a funny little guy.
Looks like a.
Oh, that looks totally different than the guy we just saw.
Young Anthony Kumia.
Put a hat on that guy?
That does not.
That does not.
Todd has always been someone I thought was eccentric and erratic, but functioning.
Due to our age difference, we lived semi-separate lives.
Anyway, that's some juicy gossip.
Guy who doesn't like me is in a psych ward.
Grady Sonellis is an awesome guy.
Friendly Geordies went against the government.
Oh, that's that YouTuber we were talking about who had his house firebombed, and we didn't have a lot of information about it.
Hey guys, a bit of contacts with the Friendly Geordies guy's house burning down.
He went against Dan Andrews.
This is in Australia.
The Victoria State Premier Governor, who is a staunch, lefty authoritarian that ruled with an iron fist over the state during the COVID hoax.
I reckon it's related to his house burning down.
Melbourne, Victoria is the lefty hellhole of Australia.
Think Portland.
Probably done by the Antifa of Australia or perhaps even the Australian state intelligence regime.
Yeah, what a juicy.
Him and Turtle Boy are like the juiciest gossip these days as far as journalists getting attacked and prevented from doing their jobs.
All right, we're out of time for the free show.
I try to do this timing perfectly.
It never seems to work out.
So now we're going to go to the final video.
Now, Ryan, you're going to have to go to the dock final video.
Yeah.
In order to do this, you might as well start the rap thing, though.
All right.
Ah!
Right inside,'cause he doesn't have a tad.
His daddy ran away when he found that he was gay.
But Darren's on the way, and the show was pretty tight.
So we remember the show with the final video.
Okay, for some reason I wrote at the end of this.
I'm constantly at work.
So if I wake up at four in the morning, I look at Twitter and social media and the news and I find an article and send it to myself.
So sometimes I'm half asleep.
And I guess I didn't timecode this because I'm stupid and was exhausted.
But the very last video here, I can find the timecode now.
It is so brutal.
So Ryan, it's at 204.
Make sure it takes as much of the screen as it can.
This fucking idiot, I think he's British.
I couldn't find the news story associated with this.
He climbs up a fucking power tower right next to the transformer, and he notices that if you put your hand near the coils or whatever, you can sense the electricity and that feels cool.
And then he wants to experience that feeling more.
So he keeps pushing it.
This is the eating cornstarch for white people.
Yeah.
So make, wait, I don't want you to crop the bottom because the bottom is very important.
The top is less important than the bottom.
In fact, you could zoom in a bit.
And you got the audio too?
Yes.
This is amazing.
I can feel that shit right now.
Turn it up.
Oh, my God.
My hair is standing up.
Dude, what the fuck?
What?
That's him.
Oh, oh, my God.
Someone's dizzy?
Woo!
Dude, that is some...
That looked fake for a nanosecond.
What do you think?
I think it's real.
Oh, my goodness.
He's not a pussy, I guess.
That's the good part.
We're shocking.
All right, so that's the end of our free thing.
Nita Fashions is back on tour.
If you go there, I'm going to...
And that would be in March.
Yeah, so they're in Australia now.
They're in USA March 16th, March 18th.
You can find them on Instagram, set up an appointment, or meet them in person, Boston.
So New Jersey, Boston, New York, D.C., Miami, and then a bunch of Florida.
So check out their schedule, book an appointment with them.
It's fun.
And until next Friday, you freeloaders, you're wasting, I don't know what you're doing.
This is endless, hilarious content.
We don't miss any news stories.
So you get bombarded with important information.
And you get to laugh and relax and realize you're not alone in Clown World.
My show is the tip of the iceberg.
There's new shit every single day.
And we don't just barf shit out.
Like we have well-prepared things.
Like our aviation special on Tuesday, where we meticulously went through all the latest disasters in the sky and why they're there.
Until next time, folks, get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
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