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Oct. 6, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:04:46
GOML S5E06 - THE MURDER THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

After Descartes a Kant, it's PB Brittania, shorts with black socks, Tyler Cherry - the gay spokesman for the Interior, antifa Celtics, African child abuse rituals, and even more on Ryan Carson being stabbed by Brian Dowling.

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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
*thud* That's a fun band from Mexico called Descartes Acant.
That song was after Destruction.
No, the album's "After Destruction" and that was the title track after "Destruction," I think.
Sound kind of like Breeders.
They got a concept.
You don't see concepts anymore.
I haven't seen a look like that since Supernova in the early aughts.
It's South by Southwest.
Uh, kind of got a Breeders-y vibe.
You know, sometimes with foreign bands, they, uh, they're hit or miss.
That is a great jam, and I love the aesthetic.
Their other big hit from that album, though, doesn't really tickle my tootsies as much.
One, two.
I like that people are still being weird and organized, though.
So it's good to see.
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Major changes going on here with the format based on what I enjoy.
And I don't like calls anymore on the Thursday night shows.
These cops drive in from sometimes an hour away.
They're upstate.
They're in Manhattan.
They're in the Bronx.
I guess the Bronx guy doesn't travel far.
Well, he's in Yonkers.
It's a bit of a hike.
And then we have people calling in saying Rick Rubin didn't produce my record, correct?
And the Catholicism is gay because the Pope had a circus there and now we're getting into Ryan defending the Pope and Catholicism on a show called Cops and Robbers.
I even regret last night going through all the dead allies.
We were initially talking about that guy.
What's his name?
Ryan Carson?
The guy who got stabbed.
Yeah.
And then we listed, I should have done on this show, we listed all the different people who went somewhere to help someone and their naivete got them killed.
The Timothy Treadwells of the hood, if you will.
Remember that guy?
He went to go hang with the Grizzlies and assumed they'd all be friends and the Grizzlies ate him.
And we keep seeing that.
I listed last night, I listed about, I don't know, a dozen people who would, like Pippa Becka is my favorite one, where she hitchhiked across the Middle East to disprove the myth that it's sexist over there.
She was promptly dismembered, raped to death, and her torso was burned.
So that's funny.
So from now on the Thursday night shows just gonna be cops and a felon cops and robber Going over cop videos.
That's it.
We'll do super chats because the super chats are on topic, but the calls from now on Will be 1 p.m.
Which starts any second now?
this show is pre-taped this live show is pre-taped on Fridays and Then you know it'll air Friday evenings, so it's not really live We have two calls in line already.
Oh shit.
Okay, well that's gonna be a while before we get to them, but they can hear us talking right now, right?
Yeah.
So that's a new announcement.
I also want to make a formal announcement about Proud Boy UK.
Proud Boys UK was a thing.
It is no longer a thing.
Now it's Proud Boys Britannia.
That includes Portugal, Germany, Scotland, Wales, England, and Ireland.
This European version of the club is not about rallying.
They don't fight Antifa.
They have presently been part of zero skirmishes, despite what the police claim.
They meet privately and are focused on improving men's lives.
For some reason, the British government doesn't understand that and stops the Irish division every time they travel.
As the founder of the club and the world's leading expert on their behavior, I'd like to formally let the authorities know Proud Boys Britannia are not a politically active organization and deserve to travel freely anywhere they want to go.
That's kind of insidey.
I'm doing a book on the Proud Boys and I'm going to make it look like Vice Magazine because if you're doing a book on that club, you should get across how stupid and funny they are.
Like you know that speech Ben Stiller gives in Tropic Thunder where he talks about embracing retardation and how he had to really get into it and he was reluctant at first?
That's mostly what the club is about.
I've never heard anything of any importance at any meeting ever.
I heard a good one once they were there at this meeting and this guy was there everyone was doing cocaine the amount of cocaine this club does is mental and no one ever talks about that like mental amounts and like at most meetups there's just lines everywhere like you'll sit down there'll be a line there I can't do it anymore Makes my toes go numb and hurts my liver.
But anyway, this guy was like, he was gonna do a line and it didn't look like he was doing a line.
And the president of that particular chapter goes, do the line, fed.
And he goes, okay, okay, relax.
And then he actually does the line and he goes, there, now you're a fed on cocaine.
Because that's a myth that cops aren't allowed to do drugs.
They can just, if they say, oh, my life was in danger, Shoot up heroin, snort coke, if you're an undercover cop, I mean, or a fed.
Speaking of important political moments, we had something on Capitol Hill yesterday that I think I'd like to see a lot more of.
of uh representative go ahead trump's call to shut down the government he has not called me and i do not i do not support you wearing black socks with short pants - Oh shit!
Thing made it in there.
Oh yeah.
Wait, go back to that.
How would you, how could you do that?
Okay, so if you're being casual cameraman dude, you're not trying to be formal, right?
So you could go with Hawaiian shirt, Basically any kind of shorts, but I prefer Filson.
I prefer Pendleton.
They have really good ones.
But if you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you got to go plain on the pattern of the shorts.
But they should be relatively short shorts.
And then with the shoes, low-cut chucks with no socks at all.
Now, there have been men who foray into the no-seams version of socks.
That's a dangerous area to go, man.
It is a little bit more comfortable, I will concede that, but when you really break chucks in, they sort of become hey-dudes.
And they don't, your feet don't get all slimy in them.
Maybe it's those little holes on the side.
And just for the record, people have been asking me if hey dudes are acceptable.
The answer's fuck no.
Dude, they're one of the worst.
How much would you be, what's the minimum you'd be paid to wear them for an entire year?
I've tried wearing Verboten for a year?
Yes.
Oh my god, am I curing cancer?
Like three million dollars?
Is leukemia over when I'm done?
They make me angry when I see it.
My uncle wore them, and I was like, dude, we have to talk.
I'd be miserable for a year.
It would affect my family life.
I might end up getting divorced.
I'd be so sad.
Because of A-Dudes.
Yeah, because I'd be grumpy, and I'd be barking at her.
I'd be criticizing my wife, and the kids wouldn't want to be around me.
I think you're the one who taught me that shoes make the man.
I'm sure you didn't make that up, but you're like, really, shoes are kind of important.
I was on the platform at Metro North coming into the city the other day.
No, Wednesday.
And I was just like, I want to just say out loud to all the kids, because all the kids from Fordham, or was it the Bronx subway stop, I just wanted to yell out, I fucking hate your crocs.
I hate your flip flops.
I hate your hey dudes.
I hate your...
Ugg slippers.
Imagine being a 19 year old man or 20 year old.
You're at the peak of your viability.
You should be out slaying pussy.
And you're wearing sweatpants and Ugg slippers.
Like my mom is 80.
If she was wearing Ugg slippers at home alone, I'd be like, get your shit together, bitch.
Go to the left there.
Yeah, it's the ones right directly above me.
The black ones.
Oh.
Those!
Yeah, those are bad.
A 19-year-old straight white male wearing those at the subway stop in the Bronx.
Like some of these guys deserve to get knifed.
I'm sorry.
I have to admit that I like the men's Uggs Chukka.
Yeah, and I hate you.
No, I know what you mean, but this is good.
No, it is not.
I know what you mean by that.
No, it's not a subjective opinion.
I'm telling you a fact.
You wear Crocs, dude.
You're not even invited to this conversation.
I have- You're fired.
Great gibbets.
I have great gibbets.
Don't judge me by my Crocs.
Judge me by my gibbets.
Yeah.
I do.
I do judge you by your gibbets.
What's the verdict?
And you suck.
Painful.
Also in the news for what we're doing coming soon battle of the bands So for all you people who are not involved in we're not behind the paywall.
We're doing this thing hits per year Is it per year?
Yeah, so we look at a band like the Rolling Stones who are fucking amazing obviously they've had about 20 hits but And when we talk about a band's lifespan, we talk about when they started up until when they stopped being good.
So yes, the Stones are still around.
We're not counting that.
We're ending it, I think, undercover of the night.
So it ends up being like a hit a year.
The Replacements, on the other hand, many more hits per year.
Same with who is the other one we've done.
We've done three Replacements the who know we didn't get to the who yet Rolling Stones and Van Halen Van Halen more hits because Van Halen were only good with David Lee Roth And you can't count covers, but I was listening to on my cassette deck in my 2000 Jag XJR I was listening to back in black and Dude, I think every single song on that album is a hit.
It is, yeah.
And the more obscure ones that you'd never hear on the radio are like the best.
You know what would have really helped them if they didn't have Thunderstruck?
Because then I could have made their career much shorter, but they had a billion billion hits, then they kind of sucked for a while, and then they had Thunderstruck.
So that's bad.
Because it's going to hurt their per year number of hits.
But I think ACDC is going to be mental.
The Who I'm not optimistic about I love them, but then we had It's Hard, where there was just Eminence Front, which I'm not even sure I should include.
It sounds like a car commercial.
The new Ford excavator.
Do-doom-dum-ba-dum-dum.
Rack and Pinion Steering.
1.4% financing.
And then, Led Zeppelin.
I think they're gonna fucking blow everyone out of the water.
Led?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'm not even a huge Led Zeppelin fan, but they are... I could hate them!
They're fantastic.
And I'm not gonna, like, fool in the rain.
With all-new Rack and Pinion Steering.
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It does.
Yeah.
I think I've heard it in commercials.
And by the way, if you're a band, you can sell out after we're bored of you.
Don't, if you're the Who, like don't do car, don't sell Eminence Front to Cars in 1984, which I think is when that album came out, 83.
But now you can play Satisfaction, I don't care if I hear Satisfaction over a Cheez Whiz commercial.
Go, it's, you're over, it's awesome.
Cash in.
Let your grandkids get rich.
Jam!
If you listen to this song and imagine what it's like for a young black guy to hear this in public, it's pretty insane.
What a gay thing to imagine.
Well, I was in the gym with tons of blacks and this came on and I was like, I wonder what the fuck they're thinking about this song right now.
They're like, well?
I don't see you dancing.
Pretty cool, huh?
They had so many versions of The Who.
Wait, stop playing that.
We're free, so this is gonna get banned now.
Oh yeah, duh.
They were the mods.
They started out as an art experiment of these managers Lambert and Stamp, back when managers decided what you do, which is why Joe Strummer kicked McJones out of the class, because Bernie Rhodes told him to.
And then they kind of died.
And then they had, I think they had Jimi Hendrix, they opened for Jimi Hendrix or vice versa.
Yeah, they had Jimi Hendrix open for them, and then he took over and they opened for him, and then they were back.
So, the Who might suck, as far as hits per year.
Also coming up, some new t-shirts.
I heart Karens.
I used to hate Karens.
And now, I think we're all like, at least someone gives a shit about society.
And yeah, do you have the right to fish here?
And yeah, should you be swimming here?
Are you a resident?
Cleaning up society because we can't.
We're either too scared or we don't want to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail.
No one can, they, you can't arrest women for some reason.
So yeah, we love Karens.
And then beer.
Just beer.
That's funny.
I also want to, what do you think of this one?
Mega extremist.
Oh, is this your thinking posture?
Yes, I'm thinking.
Why do you do that?
It's good.
Applies pressure?
Does it help blood get to the brain?
Yeah, and so in ancient China, there's a secret.
Oh wait, there's my little, there we go.
There's a pressure point.
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You know what I realized lying in bed this morning?
I can remember my previous workouts perfectly.
Is that like an idiot savant?
Well, I don't know, because I think it's easy to remember something that your whole body was engaged in doing.
That's a dumb theory.
So curls, 15.
Then I went over to the bench, did 15 bench presses.
Then there were these things where you squat and you pull them in.
15 of those.
Then we walk over.
It's a minute on the bike.
Then I walk over and it is 15 of these.
I guess they're sort of like front flies.
And then it was 15 sissy squats with a kettlebell.
And then we start again.
I remembered all that.
Is that incredibly impressive?
I can... Are you blown away?
I'm not.
Okay.
Because I can remember like the reps, the amount of rests in between, but I don't know.
I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah, you know what it is?
I think, uh, you know when you're half asleep, you think of something and you're like, that's fucking amazing, man.
You're a genius.
The epiphany hours?
Yeah, yeah.
And then, like, when I was completely fast asleep and I thought the funniest thing in the world is how many people want money, and then the answer is eight.
What's weird is I get that.
I thought, that's gonna be t-shirts, bumper stickers, we nailed it.
Dream me can imagine how that is hilarious.
Like it's the funniest thing in the world.
I've made up things just like that before.
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I was going to save this for the LGBTQ segment of the show, which we're not doing today.
Today by the way it's gonna be we'll do fun little silly things like what to wear if you're filming Congress people and then we'll take calls and we'll go behind the paywall maybe a call or two in and then we'll just take calls for the remaining hour.
So that's that's kind of a better vibe isn't it?
We hang with the... Friday hanging with the baby monsties.
That is cool.
Yeah.
It sort of gets you into the zone for the weekend.
For the weekend!
I just can't wait!
I don't know what the quality of the calls would be because most of the people would have to be unemployed.
Right.
Or they sneak away on their lunch break or whatever.
But also, I don't mind that.
I used to mind that.
But the problem with the Thursday calls is we have like a hundred.
Yeah.
And people wait for an hour and then they don't get on.
So supply and demand.
It's too much supply.
Too much demand.
Not enough cop topics.
There have been some good calls relating cops, relating to cops, but yeah.
Well, I had buddies texting me going, hey, I was on hold forever and I was going to tell you a great story about the dude from Biohazard because we talked to him last night.
What's his name?
Evan Seinfeld.
And then some other person had a great cop story about a cop impersonator they couldn't get through.
So I said, call back today.
See what I'm, you know what I could do?
I should do.
I'll let you know, I'll find out some way to tell you what the screeners say.
So if they say cop story, I'll text you that, I'll be like, these are your options if you want to pick one.
That's how you used to be able to do it at Compound Media, remember?
You could see what they were calling about.
Yeah.
So I think we should introduce that.
Maybe you could screen call, well, the problem with like last night's calls too is like, I always thought a solution to screening is iScreen.
So this guy comes on, he goes, I want to talk about Christianity.
You're like, thanks for calling.
Right.
And he's gone.
Oh, and that's funnier.
I see.
I see.
Yeah.
Another also in very important news.
I've reached a tipping point, folks.
Food sucks.
Now we're in the Bronx.
Food sucks around here, obviously.
But I don't know.
I'm still deeply hurt by the Chipotle.
Where we had to, I got through it as like a, I felt like I was a green beret and I had, you know, war paint on and I was under a tree.
We're going to go assassinate someone.
And I was just eating for calories.
So I wouldn't, you know, pass out.
Uh, and you know what I did yesterday?
I went home and I made a hamburger by myself on the grill at like four.
It was fucking amazing.
It is the, it's the making of the food that made it amazing.
Or it really was amazing.
It really tasted amazing.
It was not that fun cutting cheese.
Although John was doing it all last night.
So I think we're gonna have to start preparing our lunches.
Like moms.
I'm going to start making like, I'm going to go buy, I don't know, tangerines.
I've never bought tangerines in my life, but I'm going to start, start having a lunch box with like a thermos and maybe soup.
I don't know.
An apple?
An apple, a roast beef sandwich.
Like at 10 PM, where will you find me?
In the kitchen with some mustard.
I like that idea.
Trust me.
I've never had a sandwich that's 15 hours old.
Really?
Yes, I have.
Yeah, of course.
They're fine.
Little soggy.
I think they're better.
Yeah, especially on a hero where you like the the vinaigrette like goes into the bread.
You bring that to the beach.
It's still wrapped up in the wax paper.
Bring that to the beach.
Yep.
What beach?
Orchard Beach?
Oh, better beach.
Like Long Island.
Okay.
Bring it to that beach and it's good.
What a strange fantasy to want to put your sandwich near sand.
Well no, my best memory of a sandwich happened to be at a beach.
I got it from a deli and we waited.
You know how like when you get a sandwich and you're intending to eat it in the future and it's just so hard?
You're just like, we could just open the sandwiches now.
And you gotta wait.
You gotta wait.
Well you're like blacks.
You guys are not good at delayed gratification.
That's true.
Us white people, we could wait till the sandwich dies of old age.
That's sad.
Speaking of dying of old age, I was talking to someone who had a bypass, just like Anthony did, and they go, you gotta understand, this isn't like cancer, where you're worse and worse, and then you fight it with some chemo, and then you get kinda better, and then two years later it comes back, and then you die.
Unless you get more chemo, and then you might buy another two years.
It's like replacing an engine in a car.
So yeah, it sucks for the first week to recover, and then you're fucking rocking.
Givinger.
So I think Anthony's going to be on fire when he finally gets back.
I don't know if he's going to make it to these shows though.
Will he make it to Dallas?
Probably Dallas.
Nashville is next week.
That's hit or miss.
Somebody in the comments says he'll be resting at home until Christmas, but I don't know.
How the fuck do they know?
I don't know.
Last night, Matty, who's the heart expert of the world, said you'll be walking around in a week.
So they say he got his from his arms.
Ugh.
Isn't that cool that God gave you extra veins?
That is pretty cool.
It's like when you get an Ikea coffee table and there's like two or three screws, just in case.
Yeah.
You fuck up.
But yeah, put up that, while we're in front of the paywall, put up that sensor.tv slash tour.
You can see all the dates there.
Dallas is two fucking days.
So that's something.
I did not realize that.
Because it just says Friday, October 20th, but you plus one more event and that's the Saturday event.
Nashville, which I'm really looking forward to, is just Saturday night.
That's going to be epic.
Even if Anthony can't make it, I'm going to do like a comedy special.
With all my best shit, and I'll do probably an hour, maybe an hour and a half.
I got a lot of funny shit to talk about.
And the beauty of these tours is, every time you see comedy these days, they're careful about being racist, or sexist, or homophobic.
I'm not.
I'm already cancelled.
My set is replete with N-words.
And the F-A-G-G-O-T word, faggot.
But the audience is not.
Well there are some n-words who occasionally work there and I'll notice when I'm doing my set I see them go and that's wildly uncomfortable.
Speaking of faggots I yeah where is it yeah one four I know you look at this and you go, what is going on?
Like, what is this?
What's happening?
I'll tell you what's happening.
We wanted the workforce to get more diverse.
There weren't enough black people applying for the jobs.
So we changed the word minority to include women.
And women now run half of everything, especially in politics.
And what do they do?
They hire homos.
Why do they hire homos?
Because they like their outfits and they think it makes me mad.
You mad.
Ryan mad.
Dad's mad.
They're trying to make dads mad.
Their own dad.
Their husbands.
They're doing it out of spite.
So much of modern politics is just spite.
And they are, they are effectively, they're doing it.
I am mad.
But I'm not mad because I don't like homos.
I'm mad because you're throwing homos everywhere just to spite me.
It's like the Drag Queen Story Hour stuff we were talking about last week.
I'm not mad because drag queens are around.
Drag queens have always been around.
I'm mad because you're making kids vulnerable by choosing a disproportionately dangerous group when it comes to child sex, and you're putting them in front of kids just to fuck with me.
You understand?
You think I'm mad because I'm like, oh no, a drag queen!
Never heard of that before!
Oh no, Mrs. Doubtfire's here!
No, dude.
Et.
I'm mad that you're doing... What is his job?
The spokesperson for the Secretary of the Interior or some shit?
Meet the Queer Spokesperson for the Interior.
What does that even mean?
What's the U.S.
Department of the Interior?
Is he a queer person who is the spokesperson?
Or is he one of the many spokespeople and he handles the queer department?
The second one isn't as bad as the first one.
But why if the second one exists, why does it exist?
U.S.
Department of the Interior.
What the fuck is that?
They handle all the parks?
So he tells you about gays in the Grand Canyon?
Why don't you ask Islam what they want to do to gays in the Grand Canyon?
That should be his priority.
Anyway, get back to this guy.
Not only do they choose homosexuals, but they choose the most annoying ones.
And my heart goes out to the normal gays out there, gays against groomers, gays for Trump, cool gays.
You must be seeing this going, what the fuck are they doing to our brand?
Zoom in on the top two there.
Let's go down them one, two by two.
Well, let's not go down on one, please.
The top left picture, you look fucking retarded.
That dress, that top, is meant to accentuate bosoms.
Also, the sloping shoulders accentuate the fact that women have smaller shoulders than men.
You, on the other hand, have been gifted with linebacker shoulders that you should be very proud of, but that doesn't go with that dress.
It's the opposite of what the dress was designed for.
And then the jewelry is meant to accentuate a woman's clavicle.
You have a hairy clavicle.
And a mustache is something a woman can't grow.
You understand that attraction is really based on heterosexual traits and And women are attracted to things that they can't do.
And so men are attracted to long hair.
Women can grow hair longer than men.
They're attracted to high heel shoes because it elongates the leg and pushes out their asses and they have bigger asses than us.
Women don't grow mustaches like that so they like it when we have facial hair.
When you mix it you just look retarded.
Like those guys look in the top right.
Hold on.
They look comical.
Looks like Reno 911.
Yeah!
Like, does anyone think that's beautiful?
Let's take the gayness out of it.
Well, actually we can't.
Because if you take the gayness out of it, it's just hilarious.
It's just like two guys in the FDNY trying to make their buddies laugh.
See, that's why I wanted to bring this up.
Look at the left there.
That's a club thing.
Now, the club thing, the New York thing, I kind of, I'm not going to say like it, but I get that.
It's a parody of beauty.
It's like we're freaks.
The freaks come out at night.
We're in New York City.
It's four in the morning.
Our parents haven't spoken to us in 20 years.
We're like mutants.
We're aliens.
That I get.
That kind of belongs there.
Like we're fucking freaks.
Fuck you.
It's kind of punk rock.
It's kind of like glam New York dolls.
Like that makes sense.
That's cool.
Being like quaint at a wedding is idiotic.
And go to the bottom?
I thought they were both bottoms.
I think that's a problem in the gay community.
That looks like Brandon fucking man.
It's a Brandon Buckingham joke.
Even his glasses are annoying.
Who's Brandon Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac?
Remember the guy that did the Streeter stuff and he's better than Andrew who sucks and cucked out?
This dude.
Oy vey.
Okay, let's get to the murder that keeps on giving.
We've discussed this every show all week.
This political activist who likes to laugh at things like Rush Limbaugh dying.
Now we're Christians, we don't like to laugh at death.
But when you laugh at death, all bets are off.
So here he is Ryan Thornton Carson In that frame above he's about to get stabbed in the neck now I thought it looked like he got slit in the juggler and then stabbed in the face But reports say the stabbing was in the chest.
This is Timothy Treadwell.
This is dr. Doolittle thinking he can talk to the animals and When Rush Limbaugh dies tragically of horrific cancer this guy wants to say that he's laughing his ass off and And, hell yeah.
Hell, of course, spelt wrong because he's irreverent.
I wonder what their GoFundMe is up to.
It was up to about 70 grand last night.
It's probably plateaued.
The daughter, the daughter.
The girlfriend, of course, didn't help with the police, with the suspect, Brian something.
This is his previous account, Death Cab for Cohen.
Look I know I'm beating my own dead horse here but from seeing comrades there are certain red flags kiddos is a big one comrades is a doozy but let's have a conversation is a biggie but from seeing comrades throw things back at cops tonight leftists absolutely need to get into sports if for no other reason So they can throw something without hitting their comrades.
Terrible grammar.
Fucking, he's illiterate.
And she is, I fucking hate her guts.
I think she's an evil human being.
I think she's disgusting.
She's also very attractive.
I'm not blind.
And that is my type.
So who knows?
My wife dies in a car accident and I say, hell yeah, I may go courting her.
Uh, Hi, political organizer here.
It's not bullying to hold elected officials accountable.
That's fair.
That being said, I would love to shove this little fucker, this little fucking nerd in the locker where he belongs.
Oh, okay.
Then Zach Beauchamp, I don't know who that is, but I would wager he's just a sane liberal.
Part of the 2% of sane liberals out there.
I'm sorry, but abolish the police seems like a poorly thought out idea that's gotten popular with shocking speed.
Very succinct.
Good grammar, I don't think you need that comma, but great point.
And then he goes, read a book bro.
So the guy's already fucking annoying.
And then we have...
What if this is the book you read?
The McDonald's War on Cops.
Dude, that book is so fucking good.
Don't open a Pandora's box by bringing up a whole new show.
I should do a whole show on that book.
The War on Cops.
You know, one of my favorite parts of that book is she goes to the hood and talks to people.
Zoom out, guy.
I feel like a fly.
And she hangs out with with dudes in the hood I mean she's not she doesn't embed herself with gangs, but she goes door-to-door in the sunlight and She comes across these black kids that are don't want anything to do with murder and death and gangs and they work at like Best Buy and GameStop and they get home before dark and they just stay inside they're in the basement playing video games and they live and And no one ever talks, no one ever pays attention to that group.
The black kids that don't want trouble and aren't gangstas.
Like the black kids who were trying to talk Trayvon Martin out of his tough gangsta path he was going on before he picked a fight with George Zimmerman.
That's an interesting demographic.
You want to talk about like blacks are afraid of cops.
They're probably afraid to like walk to the bodega at St.
Andrew Street in Brooklyn.
They didn't say they were afraid of cops.
White liberals in academia said they're afraid of cops.
And then rich mulattoes like Bill de Blasio's son said they're afraid of cops.
The ones that the regular black kids are afraid of are afraid of cops.
Well, you don't look very afraid of cops when you scream on GD To cops faces on gangster disciples and give them the finger and pour water on them.
You don't look that scared What is there another one there?
Third precinct is being destroyed.
This is really good.
Okay Is that all of them?
Yeah, they weren't around They weren't around when you were stabbed in the chest I guarantee you, if we could talk to his ghost, he would say, we don't know what that kid was going through, and I forgive him.
Please don't press charges.
Right.
What's 1-8 there?
There's more of this shit?
I'm telling you, it's the murder that keeps on giving.
Oh, this guy?
I don't think this is the same guy.
But, uh... Go up?
Are you sure you got all the pictures from the previous one?
From the slideshow?
Yeah.
Let me see, uh...
Yes.
Okay.
With all them slides.
He has a write-up though, and you know.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't need the write-up.
But I like this.
Oh, it's all the way up here.
Oh, wait.
Oh.
Well.
Oh, he's crying?
Yeah, that's kind of messed up.
Zoom in on that.
Yeah, those are tears, dude.
Holy shit.
That kind of puts things into perspective.
I didn't know he was going to be crying.
I will say that what happened with the guy who got stabbed, it is ironic and stuff, but in no way did I want to disparage him because I thought he'd be laughing or something.
I think we might have to stop the show.
Yeah, we can take a break.
You were my sister, we were born.
You were my sister, we were born.
I think Ryan and I would like to apologize.
We had no idea that he was that upset.
We now agree with Ryan Carson in that we don't think that guy should be punished.
We think he's suffered enough.
Poor bastard's bawling.
I haven't been this upset since I saw Rudy Fleming had a stomachache after he killed Nicole Dufresne and he was taken away.
Let me just look at the poor guy.
I'd like to make a formal apology to Brian and his ilk.
Oh my God.
Brian, I can only take so much.
He's crying there too?
Yep.
Leave this poor bastard alone.
He's suffered enough.
Look, he's got paint all over his pants.
He's probably an artist.
Or maybe he works a painting job.
Contracted stop and shop.
Maybe he works a painting job for the children's hospital for free.
And he does only the burn ward.
Maybe he was trying to paint the sidewalk with this lad's essence.
Wow.
Let him go.
Let him go?
How much suffering should he endure?
He's crying.
He feels bad.
I formally apologize to everyone out there for shitting on this guy.
I assumed he was like, whatever.
I know he's crying.
1-7 from the comments.
I don't think this is the same guy.
Imagine someone knocked you out on the subway.
This is one of the guys who was knocking out Asians.
How would you feel?
But no one did knock me out on the subway.
I understand.
But if someone did knock you out, how would that make you feel?
Oh, get it.
No one knocked me out on the subway.
We're going way beyond idiocracy here.
How would you feel if you didn't eat breakfast today?
Why am I in trouble?
Well, a knockout is bad.
And then the judge is like, you know knockouts are bad, right?
Have you ever been knocked out?
No one knocked me out!
Status confirmed.
All right, let's take some calls.
Do we have calls waiting?
We do, we have a bunch.
Oh, good.
I think we have 20.
See, that's what I meant about the supply and demand.
I'm gonna do a couple more stories.
This is a fucking loser.
You want me to learn?
Share?
Listen?
Understand?
Why?
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It was great hearing from you.
Alright, next call.
You kind of jumped the gun on that, bro.
Sorry.
I had three more stories, and then I was going to talk about Nita Fashions.
Which I'm wearing now.
Look how great this... It's like a superhero suit.
It's very thick wool, though, so I can only wear it in the colder months.
You know, our bill... Okay, I thought I had it.
I spent time crossing out all our addresses on our Con Ed bill, but whatever.
You don't need to see it.
Just trust me.
It's $1,900.
Let's just do the math on that, shall we?
1,900 divided by 30.
$1,900 divided by 30. $63 a day. $63.
I just want you to know that all of these lights are LED.
Touch them with your hand.
You will not burn your hand.
Just monitors.
They use up basically zero electricity.
Touch your computers, Ryan.
Touch the TriCaster.
I bet it's not even fucking warm.
No, it's cold to the touch.
So the lights are nothing.
The computers are nothing.
TV studios in 2023 don't take up any electricity.
Now, August was hot.
We used the HVAC.
Okay.
So I talked to the super and he goes, Oh my God, I didn't know it was 63.
That hit me like a fucking knockout game.
I talked to the super and he goes, it's all your HVAC.
And I go, okay.
Well, it's off right now.
And Ryan and I are going to keep heating and AC off for the next 30 days.
Actually, our cycle starts on the 12th.
So starting October 12th to November 12th, we are not going to touch the HVAC.
Okay?
If we have to work in parkas, we work in parkas.
And I hereby guarantee you, it will go from 63 to like fuckin' 59.
It will not be a drastic change.
No.
At which point, we gotta do something, man.
I don't know what, man.
Start a fire.
We gotta fuckin' punch Con Ed in the face, man.
I'm gonna start a fire!
Because we're getting ripped off.
Um, and I'm happy to break the law.
If we can find an outlet, we'll get some extension cords and just steal electricity.
Or there, yeah, like leave the door cracked so that way any other heating from the hallway might come in.
Steal the air, it's next door.
Yeah, pump it in.
Dude, you know what we could do?
At night, we open our back door and we just have, oh no, then the fans would, no, we use their, We use their outlets for box fans and all night long their heat is pouring in here and then when we get in early, we gotta get in fucking early because they get in early, we take the box fans in and close the door, seal it up.
I like that idea.
Sorry guys.
Um, Nita Fashions.
That's where I get my suits from.
Sponsor the show for a million years.
It's the official sponsor of all Baby Monster's weddings.
There's no- I don't think there's been a Baby Monster that didn't have a Nita Fashions wedding.
But Gavin, they're in Hong Kong!
Well, they make the suits there and they ship them to you, but Gavin...
They can't measure me.
Well, you can contact them on their Instagram account, whatever, and they'll set up an appointment with you, and you get one of those Taylor, like Taylor Swift things, no, you get one of those Taylor measuring tapes, the floppy ones, get them on Amazon, whatever, and then you get measured.
It's a great way to meet a girl, too.
If you guys first start dating, she's measuring you, she's measuring your inseam, you jizz all over her.
No, don't do that.
Uh, but Gavin, I'd rather meet them in person.
You're a very high-maintenance dude.
But okay, we can do that too.
I'm meeting them here on their New York trip.
Go to their calendar.
You may have missed them.
Uh, if you were in, what, San Diego or something?
They just finished California.
And now they are in Denver, from the 4th to the 6th.
Seattle, Washington, from the 7th to the 8th.
They're in Houston, Texas, the 9th to the 11th.
They're in Dallas, Texas, the 12th to the 14th.
Austin, Texas, 15th.
Wait, when are they in New York?
I've missed this appointment so many times, I suck at appointments.
October 16th, New York, October 18th to the 23rd, Boston the 25th to the 27th, Chicago the 28th to the 31st, Washington D.C.
the fifth to the 27th, Chicago, the 28th to the 31st, Washington DC, the first to the third, and New Jersey, the fifth to the eighth.
Can't recommend it enough.
Even if you're not a suit guy, even if you're a blue-collar welder, you need something for weddings and funerals, have a tailored suit.
I tell everyone, I come home, I don't take my suit off and slip into fucking basketball shorts because I'm so uncomfortable.
I go to my kids' baseball games like this.
It feels great.
It's PJs.
I'm actually more uncomfortable in jeans and flannels sometimes than this.
This fits me absolutely perfectly.
Look at this.
Like it couldn't be better.
Look at the cuffs.
All right, last couple things before the calls.
Did you mention how they have your measurements and you can get whatever shirts you want?
Oh, good point.
Yeah, once they measure you, unless you get super fat or super skinny, you just go, hey, I like this.
You can have them send you textiles.
And you can be like, what about a suit in this?
They go, that's kind of crazy, buddy.
Like he had a jacket, this kind of like fuzzy jacket, like a peak, like a winter coat.
And I'm like, what about a suit in that?
And he goes, that's crazy, man.
You can't do that.
Maybe a blazer we could talk about, but pants, you want like fur pants for a suit?
Yes, I do.
Okay, done.
What about this picture of Jesse James from the 1800s?
No, that's corduroy.
I have that, basically it's a fur suit.
Well which one is it Cord or Roy So yeah And And, you know, you can get a cheap shirt for fifty bucks, or you can get a shirt, like this shirt is probably like a hundred and fifty bucks.
I don't know how much it is actually, but it's super fucking thick.
It's like canvas.
You could spend as little as a thousand, as much as like ten.
I wear it, like, pretty fucking often.
Like, if you do the math, if you get a $2,000 suit, you wear it 10 times, what, $200 is 200 times you wear it, a suit?
And you wear it 20 times, $100 for each time you wear the suit.
You go to church every Sunday, that happens quick.
No one wears a suit as little as 20 times, dude, unless it's made of paper.
I've had this suit for like, I don't know, six years.
I've probably worn it 500 times.
Anyway.
Almost Friday.
Oh yeah, these guys.
I meant to cover these guys earlier.
We've mentioned them before, but I think they're as funny as the birthday boys.
Definitely got the sprinkles.
We sort of over cover them.
We've already given them shout outs, whatever.
But this just makes me gay for men.
I love men.
and this dumb shit they do.
That's what you gotta do.
You know where it's going, so it's really about the delivery. - What do you care?
Guys?
It's all with an iPhone, right? .
Where's Liam?
He's looking down.
Someone get it, someone find it!
Liam, come on!
This trial is true.
You'll spend it all.
Yeah, you'll collapse.
And there's nothing in it.
And you'll ask yourself.
That's what you gotta do.
And I love that they didn't do the obvious ending of how they really react.
We get it.
We get it.
Check out that whole thing.
That's quality.
Well, how do you think they edit that?
Some dumb app you get with your phone?
They might have Premiere or even iMovie, I think would do that justice.
No, it's probably something you just sit on your phone with.
They don't even use computers.
I'm officially done with Glasgow Celtics.
So, the McInnises, my dad's side of the family, a lot of them are ashamed of their Irish heritage.
That's why they changed their name from McGinnis to McKinnis.
My grandfather was a bookie.
No one would trust an Irishman.
McKinnis sounds much more Scottish than McGinnis.
And my dad's family was very poor, and some of them like to like pretend they're fancy.
I think that's even my dad, he would deny it, but he has that accent.
He's like, how are you my boy?
Absolutely A1.
So my cousins and I support Celtics, just to piss them off.
Because if you're not Irish, you're not Catholic, you support the Rangers.
And they're pro-Britain, they're pro-UK, they're pro-England, and they're seen as a little more posh than the trashy Irish Celtics.
So, I don't know anything about soccer, but I would just support Celtics just to piss off my aunts.
And I do it with my cousins.
But this is the end.
Bye-bye!
Home to mommy.
Wasn't hard to say goodbye to you.
But fuck you, Glasgow Celtics.
I was pretty annoyed when you supported Palestine, but I chalked it up to naivete.
But supporting Antifa?
Could you be less Scottish, please?
You fucking scumbag.
Retard Neds.
Bye bye Celtics.
I'm also done with South African Rugby.
Which was easy to quit because I never watched it before.
But I love following William Fetzer.
Classic South African.
Someone is watching South African Rugby and they don't know the culture.
So go down to Jared Wright.
And, no, no, not that far down, just his tweet first.
I was today years old when I found out that Lukanyo Am does not have full length middle finger on his left hand.
Can't believe I missed that.
And then we see a bunch of pictures and you go, huh, I wonder what he went through, that poor boy.
Maybe he was some sort of horrific accident.
No, he was following, his parents were following classic African tradition, which is, if you pan up, And I highly recommend this, by the way, if your children went to bed.
Iniquity is a sosa sacrificial practice.
A goat is sacrificed, okay?
The hand of a child is placed in dung, the finger is cut off, and the severed finger is plastered into the wall behind the door of the house.
It is believed a child that sows the bed will stop.
After this ritual.
Yes, it will definitely stop.
If there's one thing I can agree with juju men, it's that removing a child's finger will stop him from soiling the bed.
Probably won't even go to bed after that, for fuck's sakes.
Is there not a lot of infections that go on when you cut someone's shit-covered finger off?
I don't recommend this.
I recommend getting plastic sheets and changing the bed regularly.
And please don't confuse the Xhosa with the Hoisan tribe.
Completely different.
Yeah, totally different.
Much more civilized.
The Hoisan tribe is way different.
I read somewhere if African tribes look Asian, then they were the ones who were abducted by the slave traders.
Like they were the victims of most of these tribal warfare.
Most of this tribal warfare.
They look like CGI.
They look like CHI.
NK's.
That's not funny, I take that back.
Alright, so, Ryan jumped the gun with the calls.
Let's take two calls and then go behind the paywalls.
Okay, first we have 949 on the line.
Hey!
Whoa, ouch.
Yes?
Hello.
What's up, bro?
What's up?
Yeah, fuck Celtic.
My friend Cameron Harper played for Celtic one game and after the one game he got so much emotional abuse because he had a poor performance that now he plays in the MLS in America for the New York Red Bulls.
I remember he spoke for like 2-3 hours about just the terrible abuse he got.
Wait, wait, slow down.
First of all, your phone is crackling like it's from 1980.
Are you calling us on a Fisher-Price phone?
Do you hear me better now?
No, it's really cracky.
Doesn't make us look good.
Thanks a lot.
What about now?
Oh, that's 100% better.
What did you do?
He's a pro soccer player.
Speakerphone.
No, you went off speaker onto normal?
Yeah, I went off my earphone to speaker, which you wouldn't think would work, but it worked.
I'm, I'm very depressed.
I'm 22.
Um, I started getting into the Bible and man, I, uh, there are so many things that fucking weird me out.
I'm starting off with the old Testament and I came across this passage where basically God, um, mauled like four, like 50 kids for making fun of this bald guy.
And, uh, these two bears mauled the 50 kids.
And another thing in the Old Testament that freaked me out was God basically saying to Abraham that, um, to prove his loyalty to him, to cut his son's dick off in the middle of the desert.
And, uh, and then he's like, psych, I'm just kidding.
I just wanted to see how loyal you were.
It doesn't sit right with me.
I just like, there are so many things.
I've always connected with Jesus.
I've been bullied my whole life.
I have severe anxiety.
I grew up with a single borderline mom.
Got abused by my stepdad.
Sexually abused?
What was that?
Sexually abused?
No, not sexually abused physically and emotionally.
Thankfully, I never got a Tootsie Roll in the ass.
But yeah, my mom likes black guys.
So, uh, Yeah, man, I just, like, I'm really struggling with a lot of verses I'm coming across, and it seems like God can be very wrathful, which makes sense, because to be God, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows.
There has to be, but, man, the manipulating of him telling him to cut his son's dick off and kill him, and then I don't know.
I think some of it really is confusing to me.
I don't know if you've ever came across it.
Was it literally castration or was it circumcision?
Wasn't it circumcision, not like castration?
Castration is the balls, Ryan.
Ryan's contention is that he only wanted him to circumcise his son.
Well, he left us.
All right, thanks for calling.
Oh, he's there.
I'm here, I'm here, bro.
Oh, Ryan here.
Ryan, why don't you show yourself?
You're the religious guy.
You're the religious expert.
Wait, didn't he, was it cut off his penis or circumcised him?
And either way, like see… Yeah, circumcised.
Circumcised.
That's really different.
Fucking cut off his foreskin.
So that's one of the old things that Jews still do, like the circumcision and stuff like that, but the new covenant with Jesus, like you said, I don't know, I don't want to claim that I know, but it seems like God had had this relationship with people and it was kind of complex and he was kind of always reacting to what we would do with our free will, because we had free will.
We still do.
But when he became man, God became man, that is Jesus Christ, maybe there was some sort of like, I don't know, after that point he threw away a lot of the old sort of wrathful things and he, I don't know, you know what I mean?
Maybe something changed.
You don't want to say that maybe he learned something, you can't kind of, can't assume to know God, but it's a mystery, but it does seem like things have changed for the better after the new covenant, after Jesus Christ.
No, the New Testament and the rebirth of God and Jesus Christ, it was basically the complete opposite of God in the Old Testament.
I started, the only reason I believe in Christianity is my grandpa was a pastor, and he is the most kind, honest man I know.
I've always struggled with it.
When I would go to Bible camp and go on retreats, we'd go out to the desert and meditate, and I was associated with like... I remember looking at kids who were talking about finding God.
Your phone changed again.
Oh, I thought that was someone behind him.
Going, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?
You're talking about God.
I thought he was like making a call from work.
All right.
We get it.
Thanks for calling.
Thanks for calling.
That's enough.
Kind of got two things in there.
He snuck in two things.
I wanted to know what the abuse was from the guy.
I guess because he sucked and Glaswegians are so fucking violent that they were threatening to kill him.
That's true of all European soccer.
They'll murder a manager for having a bad year.
What do we do with Buck Showalter at the Mets?
We go, sad to see you go.
You sucked.
And it was a bad year.
Who's next?
One more call before we go behind the paywall.
267.
267, you're in heaven.
Hello, I'm calling to see if you have any advice on how to I have a threesome with my wife and her friend.
Okay.
Um, her friend?
Right.
So she knows the person?
Yeah.
I mean, it's her best friend.
I mean, I'm, I'm assuming that's the most likely person.
Uh, have they shown any interest?
Well, I mean, they come over and drink all the time.
And, uh, I mean, uh, you know, all women are kind of, lesbian, like, I mean, they kind of all like, like kids and making out occasionally, you know? - Yeah, it sounds like you could sabotage your marriage pretty badly, bro.
- Right, well, that's what I'm calling to ask about.
I mean, is that like a big mistake? - Yeah, the only time I would ever consider it is if they were very openly sexual and that was their culture and they weren't upset about, you know, like the way French people are.
And then you might go along with it, but for you to initiate a threesome with your wife and her friend is fucking marriage dynamite, and not in a good way.
You'll totally blow it.
I mean, if you want it to go down, I don't think it's a sin, by the way,
I would definitely be present when they're drunk and just cross your fingers but do not lead it in any direction and even if it starts going down be like okay I guess we're doing that like do not take charge in that that's that's the one area that a man should not be taking charge in is a threesome and then if it blows up later you go wasn't my idea I didn't even want to do it
So it has to be her idea and otherwise I'm just not having a threesome for the rest of my life.
Well, I didn't say that.
Here's a way you could do it.
So you know a chick who's like a total slut and such a slut that she won't like feel anything, you know, like almost a prostitute.
So you and your wife go somewhere and you get super wasted.
So the next morning she's still kind of drunk.
And then you get up and you go, I'm going to go get coffee and stuff.
But guess what?
I got you a surprise.
And she's like, what?
She's all hungover.
What did you get?
What?
I got you a massage.
I got the spa.
It's like this, it's this meet and greet spa thing that they do.
And she's like, Oh, okay.
It'll cure your hangover.
So then you get this chick to come in.
She's wearing OR scrubs and like Crocs and no makeup.
Right?
And then she, she gives your wife a half hour massage while you're gone.
And then you come back with the coffees.
Your wife's been totally massaged top to bottom.
Then you come in and you go, oh, great.
Glad you're still here.
I had a couple of questions like, what's the best way to do the shoulders?
And then she's like, well, you want to do there?
You want to get the deep tissue?
The woman has no idea what she's doing.
She's doing a massage.
And then you start going, what about down here?
Then you start doing the inner thigh.
And then if your wife is like, oh, you could keep pursuing.
This is just something I came up.
I never did it, but it's something I thought would be fucking awesome.
And if you're, if, if you go like, what about here?
And if your wife starts moaning, you could start ramping it up, right?
Slowly, but surely.
Um, but if she goes, what the fuck are you doing?
Then you go, sorry, sorry.
And then the chick leaves and I don't know, pay her 500 bucks or something.
But that's the only way you're gonna get a threesome as an adult.
And even then, I mean, that's been, that scenario's been my dream for 25 years.
Yeah, it seems like you had fleshed that out.
It hasn't panned out.
It's worth a try.
Yeah, you gotta find the slut first.
Alright, thanks for calling.
There's so much I wanted from that other guy, too.
I was gonna tell him to take up a combat sport.
Oh, the depressed guy.
Yeah, still listening.
I'm sure.
Oh, okay.
Hey, buddy, if you're still listening, take up a combat sport.
That's even more valuable than the Bible at the age of 22.
at 22.
And yeah, get out there.
Don't be depressed.
Just stop it.
Literally, I'm not even kidding.
Yeah, you know what Conor McGregor says about depression and any kind of anxiety?
He goes, your brain's your bitch.
You tell your brain what to do, it doesn't tell you what to do.
Yeah, and move your body.
You gotta move your body.
If you're sedentary, my God.
Once you get in shape, I tell you, when I was a bike messenger for five years, and a tree planter, and both of those jobs, I did them simultaneously, are incredibly Um, physically demanding and very solitary.
When you're planting trees, you're alone in the woods for 10 hours a day, six days a week.
And you, you get introspective, you start getting these songs in your head that were, that you liked when you were like 12.
It's like you, you have a full soul enema.
And, and then when you're on the bike, it sucks too.
I'm in Montreal in the winter.
And you're going through your life and what you like and dislike and you're thinking, I enjoy doing this.
I want to pursue that more.
And also, I don't want to do this anymore.
I fucking hate this.
And your body and your brain are sort of, you have this cohesion when you're in good shape.
And you figure out what you want to do with your life.
It gives you direction.
So there's nothing like getting in good shape for giving you direction.
Which is why the globalists hate it.
Which is why they want you to be a fat pig.
Which is why they fight against nofap and no wanks.
And it's why liquor stores were open during the pandemic but the gyms were shut.
They don't want you to get in good shape.
Because when you're in good shape you're like a one-man militia.
You're independent and you don't want to take shit from anyone.
So don't take shit from anyone.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Stick around, Baby Monsters.
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