| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Getting Fat in Sausage Suit
00:04:10
|
|
| Isn't it nice that we have our music back? | |
| We've been liberated from Ryan's taste in Dumb and Dumber and ACDC and just really half-assed choices, I think was the issue here last week. | |
| Well, the Japanese math rock took some thinking. | |
| But it sucked. | |
| This suit has turned into a little sausage. | |
| I'm fucking getting fat. | |
| Going to the gym every day and getting fatter and fatter. | |
| Maybe it's because I put it on right after lunch. | |
| And getting fat at it. | |
| I'm pleasantly puzzled. | |
| And being good at it, if you will. | |
| I went to a Kentucky Derby party on the weekend. | |
| And some cop dude who works in the Bronx said, you want to go to Kelly's? | |
| It's this bar in the Bronx. | |
| And I said, no, I'm here. | |
| And I showed him a picture of where I was. | |
| And he goes, that's around where they found that kid and the Chinese girl burnt to death by the up the hill gang. | |
| It's weird because it's called the Bronx Pell Mansion. | |
| And you're in hell. | |
| There I am. | |
| The Pell family. | |
| I guess that's what they named Pelham after it's where it's, Yeah, there was a dude there who was in a dress. | |
| Kentucky Derby. | |
| It was very civilized. | |
| There was some crap there. | |
| There was a silent auction, and I'm just looking at all the silent auction stuff, and I'm just like, I would hate to own any of this shit. | |
| Like, why is my head touching the top thing here? | |
| Shouldn't that just be a permanent setting? | |
| Why do you have to reset it for every show? | |
| You keep moving. | |
| No, I don't. | |
| Well, I don't keep moving this. | |
| So I keep changing my height? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| Whether you slouch or you sit up, probably because you're sausaged. | |
| Maybe you're sitting different. | |
| Here's one of the things. | |
| And these are all adults. | |
| Like, I was not really the oldest guy there. | |
| It was like 40s, 50s kind of people. | |
| It's a frame. | |
| I have it on my phone, but whatever. | |
| It's a framed picture of all the different James Bonds, and it says the name is Bond. | |
| James Bond. | |
| I'll get it for you later. | |
| Actually, I've got to get it now. | |
| Could I look it up? | |
| No. | |
| Wrong spelling. | |
| There's just, when you get to my age, you just want to get rid of all your shit. | |
| There's so much crap floating around. | |
| And the idea of getting more crap in my life, like there's all these bags of, like, it's a spa bag, and there's face creams and a little notebook. | |
| And you're like, get that out of here, a blow dryer. | |
| Then there's a basket of bourbons from a local liquor store. | |
| And you go, it's $260 for like four things of bourbon. | |
| Imagine wanting this. | |
| It's signed by all the James Bonds. | |
| Sean Connery's dead. | |
| It must be old. | |
| Where do you put that? | |
| In your man cave? | |
| That's embarrassing. | |
| Ugh. | |
| And the whole conceit is that he's an MI5-whatever guy. | |
| MI6. | |
| When there's a bunch of them, you're admitting that it's actors. | |
| You kind of ruin the fantasy. | |
| Ugh. | |
| Anyway, Klinger from MASH was there. | |
| I sent you the picture. | |
| And I said, honey, please let me go over there and say, Jamie Farr, is that you? | |
| Is this Klinger from MASH? | |
| She wouldn't let me, though. | |