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April 14, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:15:27

S4E240 - HIMBOS AREN'T TOUGH

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Time	Text
	Young out there?
	All right, let's get this big moment.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Don't care how long you gone, how long you say, hey, good time treatment, bring you home one day, but someday baby, you ain't gonna trouble for me anymore.
	Goodbye girl, better get gross, get gone, had a great time, got me pretty good, had a good thing, but we got more than you gain, god damn damn, give it to you girl, you got game.
	Goodbye, girl, better get up.
	That was R.L. Burnside.
	What was that song?
	A Bothered Mind, or is that the album?
	A Bothered Mine.
	Oh, let's make sure there's a Bud Wise song.
	Someday, Baby.
	It's called.
	Someday Baby.
	Now, I'm a child of the 90s, in a sense.
	20s was in the 90s, my 20s.
	And I remember him.
	The hipster scene was obsessed with him.
	Maybe it's because it was an attainable blues, but he went on tour with the John Spencer Blues Explosion.
	They did an album together.
	It was critically acclaimed.
	Blues guys hated the album.
	And I don't know, I couldn't help but think there's a latent guilt there with white people, with Led Zeppelin, and they think Elvis ripped off the blues.
	And when they found a guy that didn't sound a little, I don't know, funky, esoteric, attainable, they got really excited and said, can we get together?
	Like he went on, he opened Fat Possum Records, I think, began because of him.
	And all these old punks were putting out his albums.
	But the love affair didn't last.
	And he went out on his own and died of, I don't know, like a throat infection or something.
	But he was a real deal dude who was around like in the 30s.
	I think he picked his own cotton.
	You can't get more authentic than that.
	He's like another Jesse Lee Peterson who could talk about the old days because he was there.
	I love drinking bud on the show because it's the only time I can drink bud because I know I'm hurting their reputation.
	It really sucks, though, to go to a bar and drink it.
	Actually, no one does.
	And I've noticed now at the bar, when you order a bud, people go, oh, look at you.
	It's like showing up in a dress.
	But the jury's still out on Bud Light.
	I don't know.
	You sound like climate change activists when you go, oh, they're hurting now.
	It's been a week, dude.
	Oh, you had a hot summer?
	Does that mean the earth is warming?
	Besides, the six-month trend is upward.
	This incident is a blip in their history.
	Look, I hate what that dumb bitch did.
	And I hate this whole woke thing, and I hate the whole...
	I'm literally scared of them.
	I'm not an Islamophobe.
	I'm not a homophobe.
	Actually, I'm an Islamophobe.
	I'm scared of radical Islam.
	I'm definitely not a homophobe.
	But trannies, yeah, I'm scared of them.
	They're nuts.
	That's been the pattern I've noticed.
	Like, think of, you know, speaking of the 90s, if you're at a bar and there was like four trannies in the corner, you're just like, I'm avoiding that.
	And it's not because you're scared they're going to touch your dick.
	No, because I remember those dudes.
	They would kick the shit out of people.
	Like, they've been in fights a few times.
	So if there's one person in the bar who can beat anyone up in the bar, it's the tranny.
	They were tough because they had to be.
	If you got to be trans and you got to be tough.
	And it's not because they were fag-bashed or anything.
	It's because they were doing drugs and they were in with weirdos and they were attracted to like bad boy gangsters who would then feel weird that they fucked a dude up the ass.
	Anyway, sorry, this is the free show, the Friday show.
	It's the sponsored show.
	We like to keep it clean and fun.
	I have to explain why I look like an Asian crybaby.
	We pre-recorded a Turtle Boy interview that we'll show at the end of the show today.
	And then right after we were done, which is about an hour ago, I walked back to my desk and Satan pissed in my eye.
	So I started itching it.
	Then fucking a bunch of demons start laying eggs in my other eye, my neck.
	I had the worst allergy attack I've ever had.
	Had.
	Have.
	I'm a having.
	I ran out the studio, ran down the street to CVS, got some nasal spray.
	It doesn't work.
	And I thought, okay, I'll wait a little bit because you can't do a show looking like someone just beat you up.
	Sometimes my mom put like sugar on a little rag and she puts it on my eye and then that works out pretty good.
	Oh, yeah?
	Yep.
	I can't see your face.
	Who are you?
	Oh, I'm Ryan's cousin.
	Oh.
	I look like I'm wearing racist novelty glasses.
	It does look very Asian.
	This is how it usually happens.
	It kills.
	Anyone who's slightly allergic to pollen knows what I'm talking about.
	It kills, then you itch like crazy, and then the pain goes away, and then you look like a freak.
	So people see you and they go, oh my God, are you okay?
	And you're like, yeah, yeah.
	If you're seeing anything, it's over.
	It's sort of like that herpes outbreak I had on my nose a couple weeks ago or last week.
	Your nose hurts like hell.
	It feels like third degree burns.
	Then the pain goes away and then the scabs form.
	So if you see someone in pain, they're not in pain anymore when it comes to those two things.
	Yes, the hardcore mix is out.
	I don't know.
	These re-releases of music seem to be flopping.
	My put out Eino Chinook on the internet, my old band from the late 80s.
	No one seems to give a shit.
	I thought they'd be flying off the shelves.
	Thank God I didn't spend 10 grand on vinyl.
	Holy crap, that would have been embarrassing.
	The views on YouTube are like 173.
	Okay.
	Well, a lot of people listen on Spotify usually, and it's hard to do.
	Is there a way to see how many people have listened to it?
	On Spotify, they really hold it tight.
	I was at a Puerto Ricans for Thanksgiving, and there was a dude there.
	He had a crazy Jerry Curl perm.
	He was wearing UG boots.
	He had his nails did, with color on them.
	Oh, that was Jerry.
	You know, Jerry?
	And he had a purse.
	And I said, I can't remember who I was talking about.
	I was like, and then there's that gay dude there, and they go, what gay dude?
	And they go, the dude with the purse, the Gucci purse?
	He's not gay.
	Okay.
	I guess Puerto Ricans carry, I don't mean like a fanny pack.
	I mean a purse, a handbag.
	Well, yeah, like, what if you have to carry groceries back home and shit?
	What kind of groceries?
	An orange and a carrot?
	No, but you have to hold your shit, too.
	Oh, I see.
	Come on, man.
	The other day, my mom was coming home from the grocery store, and the guys from the neighborhood offered to carry them for her.
	Nice.
	I think it was out of respect.
	Out of respect.
	We have a new sponsor this week's Sonoran.
	I hope I'm pronouncing it right.
	I thought it was Sonoran.
	Sonoran Defense Technologies.
	It's a laser engraving company and firearms dealer based in Arizona with a focus on the online community.
	While they specialize in Glock polymer laser stippling, custom Glock builds and other firearms engraving, they can also laser engrave many different products.
	Sonoran Defense has several easy-to-order laser stippling packages, but can also accommodate one-off custom designs upon request.
	I do believe they make a GOML magazine.
	Is it a magazine?
	Nothing more embarrassing than New Yorkers talking about guns.
	Yeah, there's too many semi-automatic AR-15s in the world.
	They should do background checks.
	Actually, I know you guys who know about guns hate us New Yorkers, but you should notice that we have the strictest gun laws imaginable, and we still have a murderer day.
	Au moin, which is French for at least.
	Here we go.
	Look at these things.
	Oh, those are cool.
	Too bad I will never be allowed to have one in this city.
	At least the taxes are low and fair and reasonable.
	Sonoran Defense also offers laser-marked AR-15 magazines.
	Oh, I got it right.
	They are.
	Remember with that shooting too?
	My wife, who's a woman, was like, what's going on with the guns?
	And I go, my understanding is it wasn't an AR-15 that did the shooting.
	Well, obviously it wasn't, you know what I mean?
	The shooter didn't use an AR-15, the tranny, but it was an AR-15 that took her down.
	But have you noticed, and I mentioned this yesterday, that when anyone talks about mass shootings and guns, they never want to know the details of the shooter.
	Like, they could have made the gun or they could have been stolen from the military.
	They never ask that.
	They just go, we need more laws, clearly.
	What if that gun was illegal?
	They never care.
	Isn't that weird?
	I think deep down, anti-gun people, they don't want more laws.
	They want guns gone.
	And our old pal John Lott, who we've interviewed a million times on the show, pointed out that he met Obama when they were both professors at Chicago University.
	And Obama said to him, Professor Obama said, I don't want anyone to have guns.
	Anyone.
	Military, police, nobody.
	He wants an America with zero guns.
	To which John responds, okay, how fast do you think we will be replacing the guns that just vanished?
	I'm guessing a nanosecond they start pointing back over the border.
	You magically go and erase them?
	What a dumb mentality.
	Anyway, sorry.
	So LaserMarked Era 50 magazine has many designs to choose from, as well as custom designs are now listed on the website for their social media followers, such as the Honkler, the Taytay, as seen on Garand Thumb on YouTube.
	Ooh.
	And you know him?
	Yeah, Garanthum?
	Hell yeah.
	And they even have two designs of yours truly, Gavin McInnis, which we just showed.
	They also do custom requests to put your own personalized images, text, or logos on mags for you.
	Other examples of laser-engraved products include hats with custom patches, slate or glass drink coasters, vinyl decals, Zippo lighters, flasks, water bottles, dog tags, ammo boxes, and more.
	Anything metallic and polymer should work.
	Great gift options for holidays, weddings, bachelor parties, birthdays, and any other occasion.
	Maybe I'll get coasters for Gavstaff.
	If you have a small business, a band, a restaurant, or anything where you're looking for merch, this is the place to go for any custom engravings on metals or polymers.
	They have an in-depth, frequently asked questions page on their website for any questions you might have about their products and services.
	So that's, I'm going to say this very slowly here.
	Sonar.
	No, Sonor, S-O-N-O-R, and spelled out, defense.com is their website.
	And enter promo code JokerFace.
	No, that D is for defense.
	So Sonaran.
	Oh, yes.
	Sorry.
	God, I'm dumb.
	Sorry.
	That's the allergies talking.
	I also have to say, I did do about three shots of Jameson because I thought it could be the pollen.
	It could be this.
	The Cubans downstairs, they gave me galapanos.
	And maybe the gelapanos are like, I don't know, dirty?
	It is a dirty, disgusting recipe.
	It's a cross-contamination.
	That's why I did the shots because I thought I've already done the nasal spray.
	Why don't I try to get some stuff down into the body that can burn bad things?
	It kind of looks like it's getting better, no lie.
	A little bit.
	Does it feel better?
	No cap?
	No cap.
	It's not hot fire, but it looks like it's chill.
	Thing out.
	So Sonoran Defense.
	It's Alec Baldwin.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Possibly Blinks.
	SonarinDefense.com is their website.
	Enter promo code JokerFace for 10% off.
	Everything except for firearms.
	I can hear the neighbors' cleaning crew coming in.
	I don't regret firing them.
	Yeah, no.
	They got you sick at their place, and now they're going to...
	What do you think?
	We haven't had a cleaner in here, in this studio, in, I'd say, six months.
	I have to admit, under my feet on my desk, it feels like sand, like a beach.
	It is so much fucking dirt.
	Your fag zone, by the way, is unbelievable.
	It's as bad as your apartment was.
	Because there's no wife in here.
	She's not here.
	Yeah.
	It's unbelievable.
	I almost took a picture of it the other day.
	Like, can you point the camera down to what's around your feet?
	I think I got to unconnect it, reconnect it.
	There's like Gatorade bottles full of piss and fucking gums.
	No, no, I threw those out.
	Bud Light and like a million.
	What are those things you chew?
	What are you chewing right now?
	Gum.
	I ate a lot of people.
	Don't chew gum on a show.
	It's the first time I had a lollipop in a while.
	I forgot there was gum, so I ate it.
	First time I've had a lollipop in a while, I forgot there was gum, so I ate it.
	That's like seven levels of annoying.
	I think my brain has an allergy.
	Yeah, you're allergic to knowledge.
	Hey, I chew.
	We got an important notice about the hardcore mix.
	I felt bad about not including Gorilla Biscuits.
	Anthony Civarelli did my back tattoo, Civ, the singer.
	But I'm sorry.
	I don't like the earnest hardcore.
	And listening in the car today to Never Go Back by Dag Nasty, it is the gayest, most cringe lyrics, because the music's cool, I've ever heard.
	He screams all the smiling faces.
	He's talking about going through a photo album and seeing his friends that he's not friends with anymore.
	And he's screaming all those smiling faces.
	What a twat.
	Sorry, Dave Smalley.
	You should be embarrassed.
	Anyway, I'm not saying Grilla Biscuits are like that, but are you sure you don't like Ernest music?
	All I needed was a friend.
	Gee, I'm glad it's raining.
	What is that?
	Ernest.
	Oh.
	Just a little addendum.
	Gangrene is from Boston.
	Chai Pig is dead.
	Dickie Barrett was an impact unit, but part of the OG Boston crew from Raleigh.
	Void was from Baltimore.
	Negative approach were 100% hardcore, despite me saying they were punk.
	And probably the biggest influence on New York hardcore with Blitz, Mike.
	And no one took Warzone seriously.
	All their fans were fleshy-shaved metalheads.
	That's good to know.
	Before we start the show, you got to see this clip.
	I texted it to you, Ryan.
	Take the most, most recent one because it's got a good Willem Dafoe ending.
	But Joe Biden is in Ireland right now crying about his son, which I guess is fine.
	I mean, I'd obviously, if anything, fuck, if my son stubbed his toe, I'd start bawling.
	But if I was president and everyone was watching the world, I think I might be like, I got to go poo and then like go cry in the porta potty.
	But anyway, this isn't that.
	This is him doing a spontaneous speech about, I don't know, it's like the king speech.
	I used to stutter and now I'm awesome.
	And then you're not going to believe how he ends this speech.
	Don't worry, it's short.
	Thank you for coming home to us.
	Thank you for coming home to us.
	And a how'd you do and a teller more do and a to it and to whom, Mrs. Zoom?
	And I invite you to take the floor.
	You know, I love Joe.
	He's at home everywhere because he's a lunatic dementia patient.
	So if he's in a black audience, he's like, what's up, motherfuckers?
	Y'all are crazy.
	Or he goes to a Jewish synagogue and he says, I'm more Jewish than most of you.
	That's true.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	If you don't vote for me, you ain't black, right?
	What other group?
	There's a few other groups where he just said, like, after Catholic Church.
	Oh, yeah, he said, in both instances, he said, I would go to the synagogue or I would go to the temple after Catholic Church.
	What?
	You mean like nobody?
	And then he also said he would go to black churches after.
	You just did a whole church day on Sunday, didn't you, Joe?
	To try to get the tithes from your church back?
	And then he, remember he went to that black church?
	I'm like, hey, hey, man, hallelujah now.
	And he's like, what the fuck's everyone doing?
	What's the clapping?
	I thought you were the black church guy, Joe.
	Anyway, he's in Ireland, and because he's tangentially Irish and allegedly Catholic, he was right at home.
	Dude, the guy could be right at home at a fucking biker rally.
	He could be right at home at a DRI mosh pit.
	He could be right at home at freak week.
	I don't think there's a place where Biden couldn't be right at home.
	When I was a child.
	And something, if you know anybody who stuttered, it's a very debilitating thing.
	If I told you to talk like that, people will smile.
	What you do, and I didn't think you were doing that.
	You do.
	And it's not stuttering.
	It's the retardation more that bothers us.
	Like when you say, come on, man, you know the thing.
	We have a line of t-shirts.
	And please, I'd like to take this moment to endorse the censored.tv store where you can get several shirts of his quotes.
	Actually, let's take a segue, Ryan, and treat this as another sponsor.
	Go to our shop.
	We should.
	And dig up.
	You know who else has eyes like these that are always crying?
	She's one of the hottest women in the world.
	Maria Bartinimanola Barton.
	Hey, guys, welcome back to Censored TV.
	We got deals, deals, deals, crazy deals.
	No one ever likes to do that.
	Show the Biden shirts.
	Biden.
	Yeah, you can buy them.
	Come on, man.
	You could buy them all right.
	You can buy them all.
	Nah, not buy them all, man.
	Come on.
	No, the Biden quote shirts, you absolute human piece of shit.
	Here we go.
	Obviously, I'm talking about his quotes.
	Now, what do they say again?
	Or is it listed there anywhere?
	There's the options.
	Those are just sites.
	Oh, yeah, here we go.
	So you just go to one of them and you just pick whatever one.
	For real?
	Click on that.
	I want to see the whole quote.
	You know the thing.
	Turd.
	When Trump does fall through or doesn't do, would follow through the exact opposite.
	Now, is that a stuttering problem?
	No.
	Go to the next one.
	What's this?
	Oh, this one, one of my favorites.
	I pledge allegiance to the United States of America, one nation indivisible under God.
	For real.
	That's a big theme with him.
	It's not a joke.
	Not a joke.
	I'm not kidding, man.
	You think I'm kidding?
	All men and women are created equal, endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, including life, liberty, etc.
	You know the thing.
	Anyway, there's plenty of those.
	And I like wearing those shirts because people see you, and I live in a liberal town, and they go, oh, cool, you like Biden.
	Which, God damn, in 2023, seeing a Biden bumper sticker, I'm not remotely mad.
	I don't have Biden derangement syndrome.
	I'm fascinated.
	I feel like Darwin in the Galapagos.
	Like, I want to collect the sample.
	I want to put them in a Petri dish and be like, so you still like the guy, huh?
	Wow.
	Like, I want to bring them over to the house and invite people over and go, I have a Biden supporter at the house.
	Ask me anything.
	Anyway, we're off on a million tangents here.
	Let's go back to the...
	I don't know if you know this, but you're not allowed to chew things on a television show.
	And if there's one thing that's worse than hearing someone chew, it's looking at the most hideous teeth in America.
	I'm just doing my Steve Buscemi impression.
	Do Puerto Ricans not know what dentists are?
	Puerto Ricans have fine teeth.
	I just don't.
	Japanese people have bad teeth.
	I know, but your Japanese side abandoned you at birth.
	So didn't your mother or your grandmother go...
	I know, but Ryan, we all have shitty teeth.
	Japanese people and British people have shitty teeth because they don't do dental care.
	Oh.
	Oh, yeah, no, my parents.
	You didn't even know that, dude.
	My parents listened to me.
	They were like, you have to get braces.
	I was like, I don't want them.
	They're going to hurt.
	And my teeth weren't bad then.
	Then my molars started growing into the wisdom teeth or whatever the fuck.
	And then crowded them all the fuck up.
	So you grew up with peers.
	Like, you grew up in Lord of the Flies.
	No, I was.
	So when you said, they go, you need braces.
	You go, I don't like braces.
	They went, okay.
	No, I think I was just very sturdy on it.
	I was like, I was very sturdy on it.
	Yeah, I was like, guys.
	Were you also very sturdy on learning a good vocabulary and having the language at your disposal?
	Sturdy.
	You're Joe Biden.
	I got to be sturdy with this, you guys.
	Putin.
	We got Ukraine.
	They're not sturdy, guys.
	That was his motto.
	Get sturdy.
	Get sturdy.
	Get in trouble.
	No malarkey.
	Get sturdy.
	All right, sorry.
	Let's get back to this.
	Get braces.
	JK.
	Dude, we've never shown this, by the way.
	Shown what?
	There's a new shirt on there.
	We've never fucked this shit.
	I had nothing to do with this.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Huh.
	Well, it's cool.
	I have that statue in my house.
	I want this.
	I have a sculpture that has that, and the plaque says, please be a fart.
	I think it's a cool shirt.
	But no one consulted me.
	Well, yeah.
	And maroon?
	I love.
	I was just thinking, nobody has a maroon shirt.
	Get yourself a maroon shirt.
	I don't know who made these.
	Or Navy.
	How they ended up on our site.
	I think we've been hacked.
	That looks awesome.
	We've been friendly hacks.
	Not all hacks are bad.
	Sometimes they add a cool shirt to your store.
	Get a nice maroon summer shirt.
	We've got the show notes there, coasters, mugs, stickers.
	Oh, man, look at my hair.
	I miss it.
	I look like just a regular dweeb.
	Yeah, that was your coolest hair.
	I can wear my pit vipers now, though.
	It's part of the look.
	Oh, let me put on my care vipers.
	Get back to the Biden thing.
	No one cares about your fucking sunglasses.
	By the way, people are mad at us.
	Sorry, I'm interrupting again.
	People are mad at us for mocking Maddie while he was puking yesterday.
	I wasn't mocking Maddie.
	I don't think you understand how guys work.
	Obviously, if he was puking from chemo, we wouldn't be laughing.
	But he had two teeth removed.
	The doctor gave him, the dentist gave him Percocet.
	He's not an opioid guy.
	No hypes, no pipes.
	So we knew he was going to be fine.
	And bring on the laughs.
	I'm going to send Ryan some puke videos.
	So you can see.
	Because I don't think people understand not just men, but like my generation of men.
	Your friend puking is the funniest thing in the world.
	It is.
	This could be a karmatic sort of allergic reaction you're having.
	All right, go.
	I'm sending it to you now.
	What are you doing?
	What do you mean?
	I'm waiting for it.
	No, it's going to take a day.
	I got to get all the shit.
	So show that while I'm getting this.
	I was a kid that was fixed.
	No one would laugh about it.
	And so one of the things that she'd look at me and say, Joey, remember.
	Remember who you are.
	Like, you're a Biden.
	Like, what the hell is a Biden?
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	I don't know what you mean.
	You know, anyway.
	What in the hell is he talking about?
	This guy's perfect.
	There's nothing, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
	There's nothing our nations can't achieve if we do it together.
	I really mean it.
	So thank you all.
	God bless you all.
	Let's go.
	Let's go late.
	Lick the world.
	Let's get it done.
	Lick, lick.
	What?
	Let's go.
	Let's go late.
	Lick the world.
	Let's get it done.
	Let's go late.
	Lick the world.
	Let's get it done.
	Let's go lick the world?
	What did you just say?
	I don't know what that is.
	Oh, he's stuttering.
	Oh, okay.
	Let me tell you what stuttering is.
	I'd like to buy a tru, tru, true, tru, truck.
	You'll notice it took me a while to say truck because I stutter.
	What was lick trying to get to?
	What was that leading to?
	And I checked out the White House website because I like seeing their transcriptions as they try to weasel around this.
	The way they transcribe it is, let's LA dash lick the world.
	So they're pretending it's a stuttering thing.
	Okay, what was the word meant to be?
	Love the world?
	Best case scenario.
	He means kick the world's ass.
	Lick.
	This is best case scenario, right?
	If you lick someone in a fight, or you got licked, right, in sports, it means you beat them.
	That's not good, Joe.
	Let's beat the world.
	Let's crush the world.
	He said there's nothing we can't do.
	Me and Ireland, us two nations.
	Okay, so are you suggesting, Joe, that Ireland and America destroy the earth?
	That's the best case.
	The worst case is that his pedophilia was coming out, and he wants all of us, I guess, elites and Biden supporters, to go licking people, kids mostly, smelling, let's smell and lick all the kids in the entire world.
	I think, this is just my personal opinion, I think that's what he really meant.
	You are so ignorant.
	So best case scenario, let's destroy the world.
	Worst case scenario, let's rape every kid in the world.
	Neither are fantastic.
	In fact, one would be hard-pressed to say what's worse?
	Destroying the entire world, ending it, or raping every single child in the world.
	That's a tough one.
	They're both about the same.
	Your ignorant take on this?
	Okay.
	Now, if you see here, in Gaelic, lick translates to feed.
	Lick.
	Never mind.
	Oh, okay.
	Sorry about that, Joke.
	Let's get to our second sponsor, Jump Medic.
	Oops.
	I just threw something asunder.
	Jump Medic is a fantastic company creating amazing first aid kits.
	Here's a JumpMedic Pro bag.
	Zoo.
	Look at that.
	Open up.
	Which I've shown many times before.
	It opens easily with a flat lay design.
	It contains a boatload of supplies, something like nine pounds of supplies, bandages, medications, medical instruments.
	It has everything.
	It even comes with a secondary go bag.
	Now, we don't often show the go bag.
	They're here.
	I don't know why I didn't show them before.
	We've got the go bags ready to rock.
	They come in red and black.
	Jump Medic has developed an exciting feature on their website.
	They've introduced a build-a-bag feature.
	Not unlike Build-A-Bear.
	I'm not talking about the secret group that meets in the summer to control the world.
	That would be the Builderberg group.
	Nor am I talking about Build-A-Bear.
	Oh, I'm sorry, ad guy.
	I just stole your joke.
	Where you can build a customizable lady bear, a teddy bear, sorry.
	This is closer to that.
	I'm talking about JumpMedic's Build a Bag feature.
	You can decide which bag you want.
	The bigger pro model, the smaller Go model.
	You don't have to get the big and the small.
	You can mix and match to your heart's content.
	Both are available in black or red.
	After you select your bag, simply go down the extensive list of supplies and enter the amount you want of each supply.
	Are you the type of fellow who is tough to bleed?
	Well, you can just bypass getting any bandages at all.
	Are you a broad who just can't help but fall into patches of poison oak after breaking a heel?
	Well, you can buy a bag and load it up with poison oak lotion.
	All terrible jokes aside, this is a very cool option to make the perfect customized first aid bag for you and your family.
	You know, I met this ad sales guy after we fired the other dude for allowing Nazis to ridicule us.
	And he introduced me to his girlfriend.
	And she was like 35 or maybe even 40 and had no intention of having kids.
	And he goes, what do you think?
	And I go, she's really cool, but you should dump her because she's old and she doesn't want kids.
	So it's a waste of your life.
	And he goes, hmm.
	And then later he called me.
	He's like, we ended up breaking up.
	You were right.
	What's with these dudes who fall in love with a 40-year-old when they're 25?
	Hey, dude.
	That's so dumb.
	They have chlorophyll antihistamine in there.
	Oh, God.
	I'm going to take that.
	And Benadryl.
	Yeah, maybe there's something in here for my allergy freakout.
	Chlorophyll antihistamine.
	The water, not helping.
	What's this?
	Hand sanitizer?
	Yep.
	I need something for an allergy breakout.
	Let's see what chlorophyll antihistamine does.
	I've told you all about their subscription service that runs year-round to get you resupplied at the low price of $99 a year.
	That's an extremely convenient way to stay stocked up on emergency supplies without ever having to think about it.
	The resupplies will show up at your door multiple times a year.
	The team at JumpMedic is responsive and helpful if you need contact.
	If you need to contact them before setting up a custom order, the reviews are great and everyone seems to be loving this product.
	Go to jumpmedic.com and enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
	You know what is going on with my eyes?
	They're so swollen right now that when I blink, the lids don't match up.
	Like an overbite or an underbite?
	Oh, so I blink and the swollen eye goes over the lip, and then when I pull back, I feel it go thop.
	Boog.
	Like you're docking?
	I'm docking.
	It's like a bad design.
	Yeah, what's up, doc?
	You know when you're parking and you accidentally park too far and that you scratch that median thing with the bottom of your bumper?
	That's what happens to me every time I blink.
	Dude, you should wear an eye patch.
	It's both eyes.
	I should wear two eye patches.
	That's true.
	Hey, blind people, if you're watching right now and you want to seem cool, wear two eye patches.
	It's badass.
	All right, let's start the show.
	No need for blank pages.
	What's this now?
	What is this?
	That's yesterday's notes.
	Something smells like duty.
	Wait, what's going on?
	My notes have been stolen, Ryan.
	No kidding.
	Am I stupid?
	I gave you a hundred notes.
	Maybe that's under the Jump Medic bag.
	The Jump Medic Pro.
	I figured it out.
	It's under the Jump Medic bag.
	This is a fun little piece of news that will go absolutely nowhere and would be on the front page of every newspaper from here to Timbuktu if it was Donald Trump Jr.
	Cringe Jean-Pierre got wasted and crashed into another car.
	I think it's the only thing she can do well is drunk drive.
	Following the incident, Jean-Pierre was taken into custody and accused of DUI.
	How dare they?
	I'm sure they just pulled that out of the racist hat.
	At the site of the collision, Jean-Pierre allegedly failed a field investigation test, which resulted in her arrest and following charges.
	What do you think her charges will be for that?
	For DUI, wherein one is jeopardizing one's life.
	What do you think she'll end up with, Ryan?
	Well, let's refer to another Biden appointee.
	I'm Binary Ex President.
	Sam Brinton, remember?
	Release Binnett.
	This is the next thing on the notes, you retard.
	Oh.
	So why don't you go back to my original question and do as you're told?
	Five days of community service, JK nothing.
	Not even.
	Yeah, five days of community service would blow my mind.
	Most of us lose our license for two years, year and a half.
	I was arrested for it when I was 16.
	I lost my license for two years.
	But yeah, she's going to lose her license for zero days, and she'll receive a $0 fine with zero community service.
	Obviously.
	That's the way it works.
	She must be innocent.
	And then thank you, Ryan, for spoiling the surprise.
	I really thought, I'm naive.
	I really thought something was going to happen to Sam Brinton.
	Brinton, even his name is annoying.
	He's one of the most irritating human people alive.
	Like, his fucking head puts you in a bad mood.
	And he looks worse than that now.
	He's got a mustache.
	Why?
	I'll pay for your hair transplant.
	I'll pay for your hat.
	Let's start with that.
	So imagine you're born with that bizarre alien egghead.
	You go bald.
	All right, that sucks.
	Whatever.
	Put a hat on.
	And then you decide to wear stolen African garb, and then you throw a mustache in the mix with some lipstick and cumbrella eyelashes.
	He's a master of irritation.
	So we all know the story with Sam, right?
	He's stolen more than one suitcase.
	And the women's clothes that he gets fit him and are right up his alley.
	Don't you think that's weird?
	If I stole 100 suitcases from JFK today, I'd have a lot of kids' clothes.
	I'd have a lot of basketball shorts.
	I'd have a lot of New York Jets sweatshirts.
	I wouldn't have an African fashion designer's Ghanaian fucking robes unless, of course, I was stalking that woman and that's what I like to wear.
	So I think this whole story is way bigger than I stole a suitcase.
	Because he tried to make it...
	You didn't have check luggage, Sam.
	I'm slurring my words now from those shots.
	He didn't check any luggage.
	So the accidental thing is bullshit.
	He did a silence of the lambs, spooky, scary.
	I want to subsume you.
	I want to wear your skin.
	I want to be you.
	I think Sam's a heterosexual.
	How about that?
	A lot of these tranny drag queens are not gay.
	And not the famous ones, but like when you see a guy who's super ugly on TikTok, yeah, he's getting a $3,000 fine.
	And he's wearing panties and stuff, and he says he's a lesbian.
	That's obviously the biggest giveaway.
	But they love women so much.
	Let me rephrase that.
	Their fetish for women is so intense that they want to put on their panties.
	They want to wear their tits to feel what tits are like.
	Like take the concept of sniffing used panties and multiply that by a million.
	And that's where you end up with these guys.
	Sam might be actually gay.
	I've kind of changed my mind on that already.
	But a large contingent of these cross-dressers are straight perverts that want to feel women's panties on their dicks.
	Sorry to make you barf.
	But Sam clearly doesn't want to be accepted as a woman.
	He has a fucking mustache.
	Ugh.
	So here's why I bring this up.
	What does KGP and SB have in common?
	They're both affirmative action hires.
	In both cases, they were hired, one for her race and her sexuality and her immigration status, right?
	She's an immigrant from Haiti.
	She's gay and she's black and she's female.
	She checks off four boxes.
	Sam checks off queer, right?
	Which is one.
	I guess just one.
	No, he's more than gay.
	Queer and non-binary, I guess.
	Well, that's one.
	That's one non-binary.
	Anyway, they check off boxes.
	And what scares me about this culture of checking off boxes is we're getting incompetent losers.
	And it reminds me of this article that was going around from a very controversial website.
	Just because it's controversial doesn't mean it's not true.
	VDARE.
	And it was this article, my prediction as an immigrant from Venezuela, as the country becomes less white and incompetent, non-whites gobble up key jobs.
	The U.S. will become an idiocracy and regularly experience nationwide infrastructure collapses and other failures.
	And he talks about Norfolk and the crash over there and how just before this unbelievable explosion of bullshit, Norfolk Southern Transportation had initiated a diversity initiative where they were going to focus on black and brown people, gays, women.
	In other words, they were abandoning meritocracy.
	And right after they did that, coincidentally, the shit hit the fan.
	Are we not noticing that's a thing?
	Like, I'm talking about the past six months.
	A car, a van crashing into a plane on the runway.
	There was that plane that dipped down almost into the sea and then landed fine.
	And there was no discussion with air traffic control.
	We had a letter from a guy who works in air traffic control saying all the new guys are totally incompetent.
	We've had how many explosions?
	Didn't we have an explosion yesterday that killed 18,000 cows?
	They somehow reconcile me with their stupidity.
	So, what are you saying, Gavin?
	Are you saying blacks are ruining America?
	We need to make everything white again.
	No.
	I am saying we need to get back to meritocracy.
	If Asian albinos were the best airplane pilots, I want them driving the planes.
	I don't give a shit how diverse my pilots are.
	If midgets made the greatest air traffic controllers, we would look at air traffic controllers and go, why are they all midgets?
	This needs to change.
	No, it doesn't need to change.
	I need the planes to land smoothly.
	Meritocracy.
	This is the origin of libertarianism and free market capitalism.
	May the best man win.
	What about woman?
	They're driving drunk and they're crashing.
	Anyway, here's another bizarre twist in the world of political correctness.
	And I'm not sure it's all about political correctness, but it is about abandoning meritocracy.
	There's a new show on Netflix called Beef that is really good.
	It's really well written.
	But the suspension of disbelief is pretty rough.
	And the main guy is Ryan Rivera.
	I'm just kidding.
	Oh, wait, stop.
	I started watching this, and she's wearing a wool hat with the brim flipped up.
	And I was like, that's the most annoying hat I've ever seen in my fucking life, especially in L.A. where it's never cold.
	And I talked to my wife, and I go, have you seen the show Beef?
	It's pretty good.
	And she goes, I got to be honest, I saw Ali Wong wearing this fucking hat.
	And I clicked off.
	Who's the stylist for Beef?
	She is costing people money.
	I know it's a she, of course, there was a she.
	In the good old days, it was male gays.
	G-A-Y-S, not G-A-Z-E.
	Like Jaws was a male homosexual who did a fantastic job.
	What are you giggling about?
	Dotum, Daddy, Dotum, Dotum, Dotum.
	No, look at the outfits in Jaws.
	Yeah, no, what's his name?
	Rod Shearer with his blue sweatshirt and his short shorts on the beach when that kid dies?
	The fucking blazer with the anchors on it that Anthony had made?
	The outfits, we're going to get to summer looks today.
	That's what I was just talking about on the left there.
	Oh, Richard Dreyfus looks amazing in his Canadian tuxedo with his denim on denim.
	Everyone looks fantastic in that movie, and it's a dead gay.
	It's a dead giveaway that it's a dead gay who's responsible.
	By the way, we'll get to summer looks in a second, but if you want a good summer look, you want to focus on Cassavetes.
	Is it David Cassavetes?
	Look at that.
	Is that the guy?
	No.
	I don't know.
	You want to focus on David Cassavetes in Rosemary's Baby.
	You want to focus on the Cutters, the working-class kids in the movie Breaking Away.
	I should have prepared this.
	And you want to focus on all the preppy outcasts in Animal House.
	So Breaking Away, Animal House, and Rosemary's Baby.
	Pull up any of those, and you'll see what a man should look like.
	Because I realized when it got hot now, I got to choose a look.
	And I got nervous.
	Oh, wait.
	Go to that middle.
	Go to that picture where he's on the, yeah.
	That's a good look.
	You know what's a very adventurous look, summer look?
	A brown t-shirt.
	Yeah.
	That's what I was saying about maroon.
	Ah, maroon.
	Maroon, baby.
	Brown is like, you know what?
	Brown is like the orphans in the movie The Warriors.
	Brown is like strangely forgotten.
	It is.
	Brown is unloved.
	And I think a loving family is very important.
	But fashion-wise, some of the best looks are abandoned kids, latchkey kids, and deadbeat dads.
	My summer look is very contingent on Hawaiian shirts, which is what alcoholics who abandon their families wear.
	So don't abandon your family, but get the look.
	Wait, I think maybe...
	These are the Broads all dressed up.
	Who was the Cassavetes in Rosemary's Baby?
	Was it John Cassavetes?
	It was John Cassavetes.
	I think John Cassavetes was the son of a director, so I always get them confused.
	Look at that.
	Look at those ensembles.
	I don't even know what that is.
	Was that an Angora cardigan?
	It's fuzzy.
	And he's got that baby blue suit that I had Nina Fashions make me.
	Ladies, if you're curious what you should be wearing, you may want to check out Terry Garr in the movie Oh God with her cute little overalls.
	Anyway, we're going to get to summer looks shortly.
	But I wanted...
	That was my generation's first major boner was Terry Garr and OGO.
	She's so quirky.
	Little red turtlenecks and overalls and short shorts.
	You click on the weirdest pictures.
	Like you just clicked on fucking Bob Denver when there was Terry Garr right next to them.
	No, no, I clicked on the it look.
	It said, did you mean Terry Gar with an eye?
	And I said yes.
	And I clicked on it.
	Look at that little tartan shirt with the red long sleeve underneath.
	She's a 10.
	Anyway, get back to beef.
	So go back to that trailer and look at that fucking hat.
	Reminds me of the time I interviewed Blues Legend.
	Was it Bo Diddley?
	No.
	Who's the other guy?
	He said, I go, would you ever want to go back to picking cotton?
	And he goes, fuck no.
	He goes, now they got the John D attractors.
	They got air conditioning In it.
	Back when I was doing a tractor in the fields, all I had was a fucking hat.
	Buddy guy.
	Okay, tell me what bothers you.
	Ryan, you're Asian-ish.
	Tell me what sort of just kind of bothers you about this.
	That guy, Stephen Yoon, right there, is down on his luck.
	He's a contractor who can't get any gigs, and his parents lost their motel.
	He's Korean.
	I think the movie's written by Koreans.
	So it's good.
	Styling is bad.
	Oh, he said, where you at?
	That I don't like.
	Where you at, bitch?
	He said, got you.
	Okay, no, that's relevant that he said, where you at?
	Because I'm looking at this guy in his working-class undershirt and his blue t-shirt, and I'm like, yeah.
	You are not a contractor down on this luck.
	It's called physiognomy.
	And I know it sounds like, uh, what's that stuff for you?
	Who the f ⁇ do you think you are, aren't they?
	Oh, fuck.
	It's been debunked.
	But back in the old days, they used to think your brain was debunked.
	Phrenology.
	I mean, there is a lot of truth to phrenology.
	We have parts of our brain that handle different things, but phrenology took it way too far.
	I used to laugh at physiognomy and the whole concept of gay face.
	I believe it now.
	Because I looked at this actor and I'm like, no, dude, you're not down on your luck.
	You're kicking ass and taking names.
	You can grow out your little Asian stubble.
	So I look up the actor.
	He's a neuroscientist whose dad was the leading architect in Korea when they moved to Canada and then California.
	Which you can see in his head.
	Wait, is this the show?
	Or a trailer?
	It says it's a trailer.
	It's playing out the entire first episode.
	This is quite a sizzle reel, guys.
	There's four videos.
	So let's see.
	There's probably an actual program.
	What was the first one you showed?
	Yeah.
	Okay, there's more.
	Then there's an interview, then there's a trailer.
	I want to see the first one you showed because I want you to see this hat.
	There, there, stop.
	Go back.
	Is that enough to put you in a bad mood for three days?
	That's a nice baby hat for a baby.
	Even as a baby, it's kind of annoying, but yeah.
	Yeah, it's a baby hat.
	She's wearing a baby wool hat.
	And that baby better be fucking cute if you're flipping up the front like that.
	That's your baby's hat.
	Remember when she was kicking out of the room and throwing the cup down?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's her hat.
	It literally is.
	What is in LA?
	I don't know.
	If someone had a swastika tattooed on their forehead and or had that hat on, I wouldn't be able to hold a normal conversation.
	I would be totally distracted.
	Anyway, it made me think about all these shows where, and I don't know, this is maybe not political correctness, but it's like hot correctness.
	That might be the name of the show today.
	Like, get a scumbag.
	Actually, my old pal David Cho, I made rich, is on that show.
	Guess what he plays?
	A super wealthy Korean dirtbag.
	Guess how good he is?
	A million.
	Because his face looks like that.
	David grew up doing graffiti, stealing, fucking throwing shit at walls, running through abandoned lots.
	Like he was a bad kid in LA in the 80s and 90s before I made him rich.
	And when he comes out, he's like, look at you, you sexy beast.
	Holy fuck, this guy is so fucking hot.
	He talks like Maggie Launclaus is pregnant.
	Yo, you have to, if you want to be successful, just like quit your fucking job.
	Like, it's not fucking hard, dude.
	He's amazing in it.
	But that's because he's doing himself.
	You can't get a neuroscientist son of an architect to play a loser.
	You son of an architect.
	I'm so sick of cuties.
	They ruin my shows.
	Like The Night Agent.
	I started watching that.
	The guy looks like Chuck E. Cheese.
	Look how cute he is.
	You know what I mean?
	A kid of Chuck E. Cheese.
	He's a child actor who's all grown up now.
	And he's like a super awesome FBI agent who beats the shit out of everyone and saves the day.
	Are they going to show the whole movie in the trailer again or the whole show?
	Nothing short of perfection.
	Are you scared of that, FBI agent?
	He's a rookie, but he's like the greatest rookie ever made.
	And he keeps saving the day and kicking ass and beating the living shit out of everyone.
	And you're like, dude, you're basically a chick.
	You ruined the show for me, cutie pants.
	Everyone says, like, all this forcing actors to be black and changing the characters to black.
	I can handle that.
	What was that Marvel thing on Netflix where you couldn't kill him with bullets?
	He was a black superhero?
	At least the guy's physiognomy looked like he was a roughneck.
	I can handle that.
	I'm cool with switching up races once in a while.
	But cuties?
	No.
	Those are the hard thing to watch in Nope, where like this black guy's a rancher.
	And I'm sure they exist, but...
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	They're grizzled.
	What's the matter with being grizzled?
	Is it chicks?
	Women ruin everything?
	Ruining everything?
	Is it because women want to look at a cutie that I got to say?
	Is that why Justin Trudeau is the prime minister?
	Because women want to look at a cutie when they watch the news?
	You're ruining everything.
	And I don't think ladies like cuties.
	Their pussies get wetter for Tony Soprano than this baby.
	Wait, maybe they are testing, doing screen tests or audience tests with chicks who are on birth control.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	We all know that when women are on birth control, their body thinks they're in the third trimester of pregnancy, and those women, genetically, They want to be around a strong man that doesn't want to fuck them, aka their brother.
	So they're looking for like sexless sweethearts who are tough.
	Holy shit, dude.
	What?
	The dumbest guy on this show just had one of the most brilliant epiphanies.
	This could be third trimester pregnancy focus groups.
	Dude, they're fucking testing out these fucking women who were looking for fucking like pussies, dude.
	David Cho is here.
	Yeah.
	Hey, man.
	What's up?
	Dude, you're so good in beef.
	It made me sad that we don't hang out anymore.
	Thanks, man.
	But no offense, but the last two or three times we had dinner, all you talked about was how rich you were.
	And it was like kind of annoying.
	I know.
	Well, recently, I don't know if you saw this.
	I was on Joe Rogan's show and I was like fucking crying, dude.
	But I don't know if I actually did cry.
	I didn't re-watch it.
	But anyway, fucking, to humble myself from being so rich and shit is I just started eating out women with periods.
	I just like never stopped.
	That's great.
	I have one at three, so if you don't mind.
	All right.
	Yeah, let's hurry up.
	I'm going to head out.
	It's 7 p.m.
	So we better get try to get you under six hours late.
	And the same is true of Elvis.
	It was made by a gay, so it's over the top like, hey, you guys, it's fucking Elvis.
	I can handle that.
	I was on a flight to LA, so I can handle a lot of abuse.
	I'm bored out of my fucking mind, and the girl next to me was not interested in chatting, which is a case of uglyism.
	But I'm watching this movie going, this is Miley Cyrus.
	Yeah.
	This is a very cute young lady doing like whatever, what do they call it, drag when women dress up as men?
	Drag king?
	Male drag?
	I don't know what to call it, but that's Miley Cyrus.
	Look at that.
	And they try to age him and it's like, dude, you didn't age him.
	Only at the very last movie.
	Aging, check out All Quiet on the Western Front.
	That guy aged 30 years in one movie.
	And he has fucking heaps of mascara on in every shot.
	Tom Hanks is a bummer in that movie.
	So it's good.
	I mean, it's hard to make Elvis' life boring.
	But like, why is Miley in it?
	They changed into a fucking little boy.
	Yeah.
	Elvis is a masculine man.
	I think he's got Native American blood.
	He does kind of have that sort of like...
	They're like mulatto Indians.
	That guy with the yellow on the, well, whatever, my left.
	The Elvis guy.
	The one that's in the middle of the Elvis there looks like a man.
	He looks like he could have been an Apache that was ransacking your village.
	Looks like John Wayne's little brother.
	The other guy is a beautiful lady with high cheekbones, nice thin, hot lips.
	I don't see where you're getting at here.
	How is that not Miley Cyrus?
	Yeah.
	Well, Miley Cyrus looks like Justin Bieber, which looks like Elvis.
	Like it harkens back to all of those.
	They all look the fucking same.
	And when lesbians take testosterone to become dudes, they look like them too.
	Another movie, another show I was dying to enjoy, and I did keep my foot in the hot pants.
	What?
	Yeah, that's a saying.
	How long did you keep your feet in the hot pants?
	I've never heard of that.
	That's a saying.
	I believe you.
	Yeah.
	Like, if you saw a show for one episode, well, you didn't keep your feet in the hot pants for very long.
	Right.
	But yeah, I dipped my toe into Peaky Blinders.
	What?
	It's Between the Wars and East London.
	Perfect.
	Fish kiss.
	Fish kiss?
	No, it's called a chef's kiss.
	No, it's a fish kiss because you go.
	I was with you with the hot pants one.
	Yeah, maybe you're right.
	Love the concept.
	And then we have Mile High Cheekbones as the main guy.
	He was so distracting in Batman, too.
	Come on.
	I'm a psycho.
	It's actually one kilometer cheekbones.
	This happens in the UK.
	And when you see these psychos, like him when he's the two-face or whatever he was in Batman, you're just like, why are you a psycho?
	Why don't you just become a waiter and make $600 a night?
	You're a male model.
	Same with Steven Yoon in Beef.
	You're like, I need money.
	I'm a contractor.
	Go be a waiter in West Hollywood, dude.
	You'll make $500 a night.
	Psycho!
	I want to see the guy.
	Damn.
	Does he strike you as a murderer?
	This will be the end of it.
	Male model...
	Take a good look, Tom.
	You know who killed it and actually was good?
	And it borders on, is this guy too good looking for me to believe it?
	But Jimmy Dormady is very similar.
	It's a period piece.
	But he looks like he's from the whatever the song.
	That baby, that infant?
	You're so wrong.
	But he's supposed to be.
	That guy.
	Yeah, but he gets a little older.
	Brian, you are proving my point.
	That's the worst example of the opposite I could think of.
	This is what I'm saying.
	That guy looks like the Night Watch guy.
	Night Agent guy.
	He looks like another little cutie little child actor.
	When he's in the soldier garb, though, you're like, I believe it.
	No.
	He's got an old-looking face.
	The only argument you have there is when you see him as a soldier, you go, my God, they sent boys to die in those wars.
	You don't go, fuck, he's about us.
	Okay, most egregious example, of course, is prison break.
	Such a cool plot.
	A guy gets arrested, sent to jail, sent to prison, and his brother goes, I'm going to fucking get arrested too, and then I'm going to get you out.
	And you're like, fish kiss.
	Perfect.
	Can't wait.
	And then they show the hunk who I looked up.
	He's literally a gay male model.
	And you're like, those guys are not in prison.
	They don't look like that in prison.
	They look like Maddie Odell puking in a wastebasket.
	Looks like your brother might just be.
	That's the brother he's saving.
	That guy looks legit.
	A little bit.
	Definitely in the tough guy genre, but he's still A gorgeous hunk within the tough guys.
	So I just couldn't lose myself in this fucking show.
	And I wanted to, because as a dude, that's every man's favorite plot.
	My brother's in jail.
	I gotta get him out.
	Prison breaks, if they're plausible, of course, that's our favorite shit.
	Wait, this show's been...
	Now he's in Islamabad?
	Is this show still on?
	Because I'm talking about when I watched it, which was literally 10 years ago.
	They transferred me to Kandahar prison.
	Why?
	Okay.
	I'll get caught in Malaysia with hash and I'll get you out of there.
	But I gotta say, this is getting kind of annoying.
	So next prison is the last.
	Okay.
	I converted to Islam.
	We're gonna blow up wherever the World Trade Center is now.
	What's it called?
	The Freedom Tower?
	That's going down.
	And then you gotta break me out again.
	All right.
	Three more prisons and we're done.
	Anyway, you know who are plausible, tough guys?
	Chuck Norris.
	You know why?
	Because he was an enforcer for the mob.
	Charles Bronson.
	I believe Charles Bronson.
	His weird Slavic face.
	He used to break his legs by jumping onto trains all the time.
	Chuck Zito.
	Chuck Zito was annoyed that he had to be in movies because he was busy kicking the living shit out of dudes with the Hell's Angels.
	Chuck Zito, I believe.
	None of these people, I believe.
	I don't believe you.
	Anyway, I'm trying to get tougher, and I've been going to the gym every day, boxing.
	I've actually avoided sparring for a few weeks, but the thing about sparring is you don't feel like going to the gym, especially on a Friday.
	You did a live show Thursday night, and then you go, wait a minute, Friday's a sparring day.
	So not only am I going to go to the gym, but I'm going to get punched.
	Now I really don't want to go.
	Unless, of course, you get a pre-workout from Purpleworks.
	This is what I take every day.
	It makes you feel prickly.
	What is it, the shit that makes you prickly?
	Oh, it's probably just a lot of caffeine.
	There is caffeine in it.
	I take about half a scoop.
	Oh, by the way, I meant to mention with Jump Medic, they're shipping to Canada now.
	But the Purple Works Pink Lemonade Pre-Workout enhances your strength, energy, and focus to get you ready for even the most strenuous workouts.
	It's not just for working out at the gym, lifting weights, and cardio.
	It's also great for playing sports, basketball, football, soccer, mountain biking, hiking, and other strenuous activities.
	Purple Works is formulated for tissue repair.
	So it's also great for boxing and recovering after getting in the ring.
	Not to sound gay, but I've noticed since I've been taking this and doing a lot of weight training, I'll be at a bar, stuff talking to someone, and I'll feel my arm, and it's like I'm holding a hunk's arm.
	This is turning into a pretty gay episode, actually.
	A lot of hunk talk.
	And fish kisses.
	But it's nice to feel solid for once.
	Sure, sure.
	Going through that anal Chinook pictures that we put together, and then I'm going to release my next band, leather-ass butt fuck.
	I'm looking at my arms when I was 20.
	They're fucking sub-grover.
	Pieces of spaghetti.
	I look like Jewish propaganda.
	And now I'm obviously not anything substantial, but massive difference.
	And you just feel better.
	And I got to say, the kids were all at school.
	We had no one coming by.
	So I thought, I don't need to get dressed.
	So I went to the kitchen and I was making coffee and stuff and looking at the paper nude.
	And guess what happened?
	My wife suggested we fornicate.
	Damn.
	With penises and vaginas?
	You like getting laid?
	Well, then you love Purple Works.
	Yep, because your dick will be purple after all of the sex.
	The products are made in the good old USA, and unlike other pre-workout companies that sometimes operate in the wild, wild west, Purple Works Nutrition's Pink Lamonade Pre-Workout is manufactured in an FDA registered facility that is also GMP certified.
	Purple Works not only enhances today's workout, but bolsters tomorrow's as well.
	Each scoop contains vitamins to aid in and support immune health and tissue repair.
	There are no artificial dyes or sweeteners, no preservatives.
	It's an expertly crafted blend of high-quality creatine, caffeine, carnicin beta-alanine, which is what the sparkles are from, and more.
	Simply add 8 to 10 ounces of water in your shaker, which they also sell for a great low price.
	I use that.
	And you are ready to hit the gym and get your day started.
	My problem with the shaker is I want to take it half an hour before I work out, so I don't want to be milking it.
	I like to just do it in one slam.
	Shouldn't be un-advertising things while I'm reading about our sponsor's products.
	To the viewer who said that niacin causes the tingles in Purpleworks, there is no niacin in PurpleWorks.
	It does not cause the tingles.
	You're lying.
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	Check them out at PurpleWorksNutrition.com.
	Enter promo code GAVIN for 15% off.
	The promo code will work now and will continue to work in the future.
	If this ends up being the pre-workout you rely on, PurpleWorks is also now shipping to Canada.
	Look at this before and after.
	This is before Purple Works.
	That's unedited.
	A twinkish, nebbish freak.
	Your arms are not bad, though, in the first one.
	You can see the potential for growth.
	There's definition, but there's not the gigantism that Purple Works alone, without even exercising, gave me.
	It's not true, but you get the idea.
	Legally, I can say that.
	All right.
	I think we're all cut up with sponsors.
	We have Nita Fashions, of course.
	If you want to check in with them.
	We do.
	Could you pull up their schedule?
	Schedule?
	Of course.
	Nita Fashions makes this suit, all suits.
	I got to say, I got this suit like five years ago.
	I'm too ripped for it now.
	Like, if I was to go like this and really smash my fists together, the entire back would rip out.
	That's kind of a cool thing.
	You save that.
	If you're about to get into a tussle, just go.
	Yeah.
	Take away the Purple Works nutrition.
	But when they come to your town, there we go.
	So let's see.
	We are April 17th, or am I dumb?
	It's the 14th.
	The date today is...
	So they're in Texas.
	April, no, yep.
	April 17th, 18th, 19th.
	What's the date today?
	Again, 14th?
	14th?
	Okay, so it's the 14th, which means, yeah, you're not going to get them in Houston.
	That ship has sailed.
	I think the owner, Peter DeSwane, went to a wedding.
	So you got Dallas, April 17th, 18th, 19th.
	Chicago, 20 to the 23rd.
	Denver, 24-25.
	Los Angeles, 27 to 29th.
	San Francisco, April 30th to May 1st.
	And then the party's over.
	So contact them at their site, Nita Fashions.
	You can go to their Instagram page, and you can set up an appointment.
	I'm going to see if we could do a, yet again, we're on Zoom with the Daswanis, have my wife size me up and show you how easy of a process.
	Maybe we should both do it.
	How easy of a process it is to get sized up and then you don't even have to go in person.
	It's better if you do, though.
	Holy fuck.
	what is going on?
	I feel like it's finally like rounded a corner and the body's getting...
	Dude.
	You know what a Mexican would say when he looked at that eye?
	Well, I'd say, aye, aye, aye.
	That didn't do anything.
	I'm sorry for that one.
	I know when I'm wrong.
	I know when I should apologize.
	So people were asking about summer looks.
	It's tough.
	If you check out my book, Street Boners, which was do's and don'ts, but I couldn't get the name do's and don'ts off of ice.
	There's a whole middle segment about summer looks.
	I don't like socks with shorts, and I don't like shorts.
	I think that shorts are okay if it's over 85 degrees.
	I, of course, outlaw cargo shorts.
	Your shorts should be short shorts.
	And I like chucks, but I get that your feet get slimy if you don't wear socks.
	So there's two solutions for this.
	One is those weird no-see socks.
	The ankle socks that you can see, it's like I can see your underwear coming out of your pants.
	It's not a good look.
	So there's the no-see socks, which work great and they feel good.
	They're fucking embarrassing.
	So if you ever go to someone's house where they say, take off your shoes, now you're barefoot, by the way, which is lame, you gotta hide those.
	Think of those as a thong.
	Yeah, it's just as embarrassing as a thong.
	So if you're in a changing room and you wear a lace thong, like say, I'm just gonna take a shit, I'll be right back, then take off your thong there and put it in your pocket.
	Same with those things.
	The other solution, by the way, is baby powder.
	A few sprinkles of baby powder.
	The problem with that is, if you ever have to take your shoes off, you leave these ghost footprints everywhere.
	So basically, once you commit to those two solutions to the no-sock thing, don't let anyone know.
	I have noticed, though, old Chuck Taylors, when they've been like wet and muddy and then washed and wet, they get to a point where your feet don't stink in them.
	I don't know.
	They become cardboard or something and they're immune to it.
	But yeah, summer shoes include white Chuck Taylors, low-cut Chuck Taylors, Vans, maybe some Stan Smiths, maybe some Rod Lavers.
	There's not a lot of summer shoes that are acceptable.
	What's not acceptable is like these constant jogging shoes with the cargo shorts and the ankle socks and the fucking bent cap baseball hat.
	I just took a picture of some basic outfits.
	You know my look for the summer.
	It's Deadbeat Dad at the parking lot across from where my kid goes to school.
	Do you want to show those, Ryan?
	Oh, of course.
	So I got to fix.
	Now, hold on, stop, stop.
	I've been wearing these socks all day.
	I just took them off one second ago.
	That's what that weird pinch is on the leg.
	And I meant to get these jeans repaired.
	For some reason, the Chinese missed the front hole.
	I don't know why they did that.
	But nice beer belly, good Hawaiian shirt.
	Jimmy Buffett wears that shirt.
	You'll notice low-cut Chucks.
	Those are actually Todd Snyder re-releases of the classic look.
	He was trying to make them look more like the 1960s version.
	But this is a good, reliable look.
	And I don't wear shorts generally because when you go into an air-conditioned place, you all of a sudden are cold.
	You go to a movie, you go to a bar, you go pick someone up.
	Now it's cold in there.
	Your knees get cold.
	Your knees get cold.
	I hate that.
	So the only time I wear shorts is if I'm looking at one of my kids' baseball games and they're going to be outside for like three hours.
	Then you wear shorts, but wear shorts.
	That's the longest your shorts should be this summer, believe it or not.
	And Hawaiian shirts, the only trouble with them is when you have a lot of tattoos, especially a full sleeve, it's a lot to handle.
	But that's a good look.
	And then this is a, I don't know, dude, I've been trying to avoid this look.
	The white t-shirt, that's the Puerto Rican flag, by the way.
	And khakis with chucks.
	One thing about fashion you'll notice is when you do something that's not you, you feel uncomfortable.
	I wouldn't necessarily recommend this.
	It seems too cholo, really.
	A white t-shirt and khakis.
	Now, I have a Rolex, so it sort of, it takes, it waspifies the cholo.
	But I just feel most comfortable in this look on a Sunday I'm talking about.
	Obviously, suits are preferable for the workday.
	And then there's a combo, of course, of both of these, which is just, this is a great deadbeat look.
	White jeans Are great with the Hawaiian shirts, but like khakis and a Hawaiian shirt.
	So let's just, as quickly as possible, go through some great summer looks for you where you look like an adult and I like you more than a, I don't know.
	Fish kiss.
	Fishkish.
	Who cares?
	Who on everybody?
	I got Maddie's barf mic here from yesterday.
	Look at this.
	This barf in the garbage.
	Barfage.
	That'll be the, when we write a book about get off my lawn, that'll be the title.
	Barf in the garbage.
	So yeah, here's some summer looks.
	So this episode's going past the deadline here, but it's an important episode.
	It's our first real summer episode.
	Whoa, go back, dude.
	The Chuck Taylor is the greatest shoe ever made.
	It's the perfect shoe.
	It's the perfect summer shoe.
	High tops with khakis.
	No high tops with shorts.
	Low tops with shorts.
	Hunter S. Thompson is the classic Chuck Taylor king.
	Look at him.
	Look at pictures of him in the summer.
	He's perfect.
	He would have to wash his Chuck Taylors because he didn't know about no sea socks and baby powder.
	But like a brand new Chuck, the way the laces lay out, it's just art.
	Anyway, here's some fun summer looks.
	If you're flying in the summer, you want to wear a linen jacket, Nita Fashions, with a nice white dress shirt.
	You'll get pushed up to first class if there's any problems.
	The flight attendants just like you more.
	It's a much better vibe to travel with a blazer in the summer, but you want to keep it light, obviously, if it's hot out.
	Next.
	This is adventurous, right?
	We were doing a speech here.
	Allie, Laura, and Milo.
	I think all three of these people hate each other now.
	But obviously, if you're doing a show, wearing a white t-shirt with white jeans isn't crazy.
	But I think you could pull that off on a normal day out.
	You know, I was going through these like 10 years of photos.
	I have no idea who that is.
	But this was a fun look back in 2012, I think I was wearing this.
	An old surf shirt, stripes with white jeans.
	I'm probably wearing chucks.
	Maybe that's a human trafficking thing.
	Everyone's talking about this suit.
	They love it.
	It is Nita Fashions.
	I'm going to have to send Nita the code on it because a lot of people want to order it.
	It's very, very thin, too.
	It's great in the summer.
	I remember her.
	She's some Mexican Asian broad.
	This is a little off topic, but great summer bike.
	This is my bicycle.
	I stopped this buddy, this buddy, this guy Tim Barber, photographer in New York, because we had the exact same bike, basically.
	But nice old leather.
	Actually, it's right here.
	What's it, a Brooks?
	Nice leather Brooks seat, leather Brooks handlebars.
	I love this thing.
	And that's a good look, too.
	Jeans.
	Usually you want your top to be darker than your bottom, but jeans and a t-shirt are an exception.
	Not very adventurous here, but definitely not breaking any rules.
	And that's what I say to guys who aren't into fashion.
	Just get some basics.
	Levi's Chucks and Haynes' beefy tees.
	Now you're not hurting anyone, but you're not an asshole.
	This is one of the friends that doesn't like me anymore.
	I wish I could learn to never go back.
	I've got a Vans shirt on there with a sunset on it.
	That's my daughter when she was much younger.
	White jeans, white chucks.
	Next.
	White jeans and a black Brooks Brothers shirt or a navy blue Brooks Brothers.
	That's what's his name?
	Travis Millard?
	What are you doing?
	I'm not nuts about his look.
	Anyway, next.
	This is a pink shirt I got from Brooks Brothers, pink t-shirt.
	I'm on a pink phone.
	I can't remember where I got that.
	Now, white jeans, you should get like three pairs because they get dirty really fast.
	And they look weird when they're dirty, unless you're Andrew WK.
	So you rotate those pretty...
	You don't want to get your pants too thin in the summer, though, because your keys bulge and it looks bizarre.
	And also, when they get dirty, they get dirty where the keys are bulging.
	So you got these weird key lines on your pocket.
	Next.
	This is my son, my eldest boy, when he was, I don't know, seven.
	Zoom in on that.
	That's a great look.
	I wouldn't recommend vans if you're an adult, but if you're five, wearing a J. Crew Searsucker suit, Searsuckers are always a win-win.
	I'll be wearing these all summer.
	Not that one.
	It's too small for me.
	Next.
	I don't mind showing my kids when they're so young they don't have that face anymore.
	Go back to the America shirt.
	I got this at a vintage.
	What are you doing, dude?
	Making sure I didn't skip any here.
	Why are they so skippy?
	I don't know.
	Is this the next one?
	It's on my scroll wheel.
	That's why.
	I don't know.
	You look like Gary Oldman there.
	Okay, that's the next one.
	That's with a scythe my friend bought to take down the weeds in his field.
	But if you're going to go with...
	If you're going with Chuck Taylor's, you can't have a color after the age of 23.
	So the only vans you're allowed to wear are white, black, or the classic blue eras.
	That's what I would recommend.
	And these are like tan.
	I can't remember if these are white or not.
	And then an old Fred Perry.
	Those are hard to find these days.
	I have one.
	Next.
	This is a vintage shirt I got in Madison, Wisconsin.
	There's Maddie in Madison, Wisconsin.
	It's from the 60s.
	Every time I wear this shirt, it's short-sleeved.
	Some fucking 60-year-old would be like, love the shirt.
	I think 60-year-olds are worried that no one's patriotic anymore.
	But this is, I think, this may be my favorite shirt, guys.
	And these are, what are they called?
	American Optical?
	They're one of the rare, the few glasses companies that Are made in America these days now.
	Obviously, I'm not quite that short.
	That's some comedian back when comedians would come on my show.
	I forget his name, Italian dude.
	Mark something?
	Yeah.
	But this is, I'm kind of going Animal House here with the short-sleeved plaid dress shirt and then the tan khakis and of course Chucks.
	That picture's like 10 years old.
	Again, plaid, short-sleeved shirt, khakis, chucks.
	I have no idea who that is.
	No idea.
	Now, at a Mets game, you're going to spice it up.
	A bunch of cops got a box, and I was so excited there that I drank half a bottle of bourbon and slept through a third of the game.
	Not impressive.
	Here's our old pal, Dinesh.
	Now, I've made some mistakes here.
	That belt is retarded for white pants with a tan blazer.
	It should have been a preppy belt.
	It's like pink with stripes or something.
	The tie is way too dark for that outfit.
	I think, actually, Dinesh might beat me as far as lack of faux pas.
	The only thing I don't like about Dinesh is like he made the same belt mistake I made with too dark of a belt.
	And then the problem with a polo and a blazer is the collar tends to get lost underneath the blazer.
	So you want like a pretty stiff collar, which I think Dinesh is doing.
	I'm not bananas about the dark buttons.
	But the problem is your wrists.
	Well, first, his blazer is too long.
	It's too big for him.
	But when you, you don't, everyone wants to see a cuff come out of a blazer.
	And when you have a polo on, you have this weird bare wrist.
	Looks weird.
	Like bare grills.
	Gorgeous beach look.
	Like people always say to me, especially Australians, are like, could I, are you serious?
	You can't wear flip-flops at the beach?
	No.
	They call them sandals over there.
	No, you may not wear sandals ever.
	I wear these to the beach, right?
	I walk over the hot sand in those.
	I get to my spot.
	I take them off.
	And then I can walk to the water from where my shoes are.
	At the end of the day, I pick up my shoes.
	I walk.
	The sand's not hot anymore.
	And then I dry my feet off, wash them off, and put those back on.
	And now, by the way, I could go to a bar after the beach.
	I don't have to go change my shoes.
	Flip-flops should not exist.
	What about Crocs?
	No.
	Now, when you have a t-shirt and jeans on, as I said earlier, it's acceptable.
	You want to get the right height.
	This is too long.
	You shouldn't tuck your t-shirt in.
	But if you are going to tuck your t-shirt in, this is way too long to wear your t-shirt.
	And then this is too short.
	You want to find a happy medium between these.
	And by the way, I've noticed with some really old vans, just like the old Chucks, when they have been through the ringer a few times, they also don't stink.
	It's like they become jaded and can take the abuse of your moist toes.
	Great.
	July 4th look.
	Of course, on July 4th, all bets are off.
	That mustache looks ridiculous.
	Again, khakis can't go wrong.
	I find wearing a baseball hat when you have short hair makes you look like a cancer patient.
	It's nice to have some wings coming out on the side.
	Okay, I'm finally getting into the groove here with this show as my allergies get.
	I've been in fucking pain this entire show.
	Not as bad as Maddie puking into a waste paper basket, but I don't know.
	That's again, I don't know why these white t-shirts feel so comfortable.
	Oh, zoom out a bit.
	This is what's great about the Hawaiian shirts, if you can find one with, like, war planes on them.
	This is the quintessential...
	World War II planes with some palm trees on a dark Hawaiian shirt.
	This makes me want to abandon my kids.
	This look is fucking annoying.
	The military jacket when you're not in the military gets on my nerves.
	These like bit, what do you call them?
	Bit 8-bit glasses, a Shea Guevara hat.
	I hate how these guys are anti-war, yet they wear nothing but military garb.
	What does that mean?
	But again, white pants.
	Oh, this is a racetrack where they don't want you drinking, so they put a wristband around you, and then you can't go to the bar.
	Unless, of course, you fold your arm into your shirt and make it a stub.
	And then you don't have a wristband, right?
	So you must not be racing later.
	I'm talking about racing go-karts.
	I forget the name of the place.
	So I would hide my arm like that with a stub.
	My arm's folded into itself.
	My hand is right there.
	And then I'd go drink, party, and then I would unfurl it to go race the go-karts.
	These are the same jeans you saw at the beginning, by the way.
	Again, white pants and Hawaiian shirt, great way to go.
	This is in Seattle.
	Also, if you are alone and you're looking out the window, I recommend Haines tidy whiteies.
	And if you're wearing those, pull them up nice and high.
	It accentuates your buttocks.
	White jeans, can't go wrong.
	Matt's shirt.
	I know I say don't have shit on your shirt.
	You should have shit on your shirt if it's a censored.tv shirt or if it's like a place like Wyoming or if it's a sports team.
	But just not motorhead or motley crew or something.
	That's embarrassing.
	That's called a turtle.
	There's my girl Laura again with the tail.
	This is a linen suit.
	You can see the way it kind of bunches up like a paper bag at the bottom there.
	Pink shirt.
	I think this might be this actual shirt.
	And this looks white, but it's actually sort of an off-beige linen suit.
	That's a better look at the suit.
	This was in Florida in July, so I didn't want to be hot.
	And that's not usually a problem.
	You know what happened the other day?
	I was on my motorcycle with a van's backpack and like khakis and a white t-shirt, tattoos, and my helmet fully covers my face.
	So there are these pretty teenage girls or maybe 20-year-olds coming from Iona college.
	And they see me and they're like, hee hee hee hee.
	because they probably think they can't see my head, they probably think I'm one of them because I'm dressed like a fucking child.
	And then I want to take off the helmet.
	You know the way hot chicks take off their helmet and they go like that, and you're like, Holy shit, it's a hot chick.
	I wanted to do that, and they could see a turtle with AIDS and be like, what the fuck was I giggling about?
	Suspenders are hard to pull off, especially if you don't have shoulders.
	But it is a good look.
	This is, look, zoom in on this.
	These are greater days, isn't it?
	There's Joe Biggs, who's rotting in prison right now, and some Chinaman on a boat in Florida in the blistering heat.
	The Donzi.
	That's Paul Ray's boat.
	He's on house arrest, awaiting trial.
	Oh, really?
	He was a Jan 6 too?
	Yes.
	What a fucking joke.
	And there's Mindy, the chick that everybody made fun of in my Telegram, so I deleted it.
	This is why Joe's in jail for supporting Trump and being patriotic and enjoying life.
	That's his real crime.
	It's not going to the bathroom in the Capitol, in the urinal, in the men's bathroom, and then leaving when he was told.
	It's a great summer look, though.
	That's the shoe that started it all.
	Only with pants, guys, not with shorts.
	This is a fun look.
	We're getting off of a tangent now, I guess.
	This is a fun look if you want to show off your beeve and it's hot out.
	You wear some sexy leather boots.
	She was adopted.
	And when adopted people, when a slut puts a girl up for adoption because she's too slutty and the girl gets adopted by a nice middle-class family in Connecticut, the slut comes out.
	It's like the horror movie, The Beast Within.
	And that is the same chick that put her up for adoption.
	Isn't that funny?
	It's our genetics are who we are.
	Those are great boots, though.
	Again, that's the shirt I was wearing with the gun there.
	This is in Paris when I was arrested by the FBI.
	Great look.
	Great look.
	Here's a fun little gingham shirt to wear.
	You know, on a hot day, sometimes you can have long sleeves, especially gingham, with some white shorts and some chucks.
	Going on a boat in Marseille.
	White Fred Perry is always a safe bet.
	That's probably a little too white.
	This, by the way, is the origin of her husband said, yes, they're going to say that Joy is like the Statue of Liberty plus 100 meters.
	She divorced him soon after that joke.
	This is a great shirt I got from my dad.
	It's very thin mesh.
	When it's a total heat wave, this is a great shirt to wear.
	I said, Dad, that shirt's awesome.
	And he goes, really?
	And he just took it off and threw it to me.
	He literally gave me the shirt off his back.
	Another great look.
	We got the Vans Eras, old jeans, Mets shirt, camping, Corsi and Mackay.
	These are kind of, I'm not sure if these are allowed for anyone over 40.
	The Vans with the line.
	This is what the Tranny wore, by the way, at the last mass shooting.
	But that's a great nothing look for a Sunday after church.
	These, that's that reality show chick who was a poker wizard.
	These, the suspenders, no.
	Suspenders and a belt?
	No.
	But I love this shirt.
	It's not a Lonsdale, but it's one of those British skinhead shirts with the khakis and the chucks.
	Great stuff.
	Very 50s.
	You know, the early mod scene was actually emulating 50s preppies in America.
	And it's a really safe bet to stick with.
	Again, with the Hawaiian.
	I think we're getting the picture here.
	Let's sort of rip through these.
	Got it.
	That's in London.
	That's it for London.
	Oh, we're done.
	Good.
	Wait, and then we have one of, let's go all the way to the top.
	What do we have?
	You missed one at the beginning?
	I think it would be better for the show just to forget it, Ryan.
	Unless it's amazing.
	Oh, yeah.
	This is at a Proud Boys rally.
	This is hard to pull off.
	I think these guys may have overdone it with the accessories.
	But, you know, if it works, it works.
	That's really what all the summer look shit comes down to is what you feel the most comfortable in.
	Like, most of us would think this hat was a bit much, but Milo, it was the perfect amount.
	Alright, let's get back to work.
	Oh, man.
	Big show.
	Big show.
	Well, it's a big show.
	So I was talking about Turtle Boy last week and saying journalism is dead because no one researches anything.
	And I was reminded that not only is Turtle Boy one of the few remaining journalists in the world who actually does the work, but all the other fake journalists just rip him off.
	So it sucks that most journalists are lazy and they just go with what they saw on Twitter and don't actually call the people and do the research.
	But then when you have one of the five left in America who actually do the work, they all get ripped off or banned or fired or canceled.
	So after all that fluff, let's, if you can get Turtle Boy on the line, let's talk to him.
	Well, who am I kidding?
	We already interviewed him.
	You'll notice I don't have allergies in this clip.
	Let's talk to him about the death of journalism in America.
	Turtle Boy, are you there?
	I'm here.
	Great to see you.
	I'm a big fan.
	What I love about you is every time I think journalism is dead, there's like a handful, literally a handful, five guys who are out there making the calls, making the connections, you know, hitting the pavement.
	And I feel like it's a dead art, don't you think?
	Oh, it totally is.
	I mean, everything's corporate owned and all the media basically does is just Report what police give them, report what courts give them, and just pass it along.
	Like, nobody actually does investigative journalism.
	I think it's worse.
	I think there's one guy who does a story, he tweets it out, and then they just link it.
	Yes.
	Reportedly, and all they have to do is go back.
	No one, like, for example, there was a rumor that the FBI classified the Proud Boys as a hate group, an extremist, terrorist, white supremacist group.
	I've met one journalist who just contacted the FBI, and the FBI went, that's not true.
	And that was in everyone else, was this domino effect of the first lie being repeated by every other journalist.
	Yeah, because nobody wants to do any work.
	Nobody wants to get off their ass.
	Nobody wants to go down to the courthouse, you know, work on tips that they have.
	Nobody has sources anymore.
	Like, nobody has sources.
	And that's kind of what separates me from the rest is the best reporters have the best sources.
	They have people that are feeding them information because your reputation precedes you and they know that you are the person to get this out because you're going to tell the story most effectively.
	Yeah, like Eric Adams, for example, the New York Post.
	Sorry, Eric Adams, our mayor.
	The New York Post adored him from day one.
	Anyone who's met one cop in their life knows that Eric Adams was always seen as a joke.
	He was part of the 100 black officers.
	He was always suing and complaining about racism.
	No callers, no arrests, no nothing.
	And when I saw the New York Post fawning all over him, I thought, you don't have any reporters there anymore.
	No, because you can find all that stuff.
	They just don't want to.
	It's literally just more work.
	They are willing to do the work on anything that makes the right look bad.
	Like they will, like Matt Gates, they have a boner for that guy.
	Right.
	Or obviously Donald Trump and people like that.
	So they will do investigative journalism when it comes to the right.
	There's still gung-ho about that.
	And I guess that's why there's a demand for people like me and people like Glenn Greenwald and Matt Taibbi, because nobody does that to the left.
	And when you do, you get labeled as, you know, right-wing.
	But anybody who's followed Glenn and Matt's work over the years knows that that's laughable, obviously.
	Those guys that.
	They're just filling a void that no one else is filling.
	And so it's an opportunity.
	Why wouldn't you report that?
	It really is that small of a list.
	You, Matt Taibi, Glenn Greenwald.
	Who else is there?
	O'Keeffe.
	James O'Keefe.
	Yep.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	He does great work.
	I'm at four now, and I'm slowing down.
	What about Andy No?
	Would you say Andy No is one of these?
	I would not say Andy No at all, actually.
	What?
	Andy No is a grifter, and I know that firsthand because of my experience with him.
	In 2011, 2021, sorry.
	Andy, and I admire, and this is someone who deeply admired Andy.
	I followed him, and I seemed like he was an on-the-ground kind of guy.
	But really what he was doing, now that I look back at it, he was just running into traffic and complaining he got hit by a truck.
	That's basically what he does.
	He just runs into Antifa unarmed.
	He's five foot three and just gets the shit kicked out of him.
	I mean, it sucks.
	It's bad.
	Like, it shouldn't happen, obviously.
	Yeah, we're not justifying Antifa, but I feel similarly about Heather Heyer.
	Like, she went there in Lululemons and flip-flops to go kick Nazi ass.
	Yeah, and it's unfortunate, but, you know, what are you going to do?
	One of my favorite stories that he broke all by himself was this Michaela Miller story about this.
	What was that story again that he came up with on his own?
	He came up with it.
	So in the town of Hopkinton, Massachusetts, where the marathon starts, there was a girl named Michaela Miller.
	She was 16 years old in 2021.
	And very tragic story.
	She was suffering from some mental health issues.
	And her girlfriend broke up with her.
	And she didn't know how to handle it, you know, teen angst.
	And her mother was abusive, so she couldn't turn to her.
	She was in foster care and really wanted the girl back.
	And the girl just didn't, you know, was trying to end it.
	And so to get her attention, she faked or she tried, she attempted to commit suicide on FaceTime to the other ex-girlfriend.
	How did she do that?
	What was that method?
	A belt.
	So she told her.
	Not to spoil it, but that's what she ended up using.
	That's what she ended up using.
	Yep.
	And so the girl, the girlfriend, reports it to the guidance counselor and says, you know, I'm really worried about this.
	Can we do something?
	I later obtained those emails because Michaela Miller ends up killing herself by walking into the woods and immediately.
	No assets here, Ryan?
	Within a few days.
	Yeah, within a few days.
	A mob of BLM grifters led by a woman named Monica Cannon-Grant.
	Like if you research her, she's currently under federal indictment.
	She's being charged with 27 counts of BLM fraud.
	And I've been covering her for years as well.
	So Monica shows up in town, and I immediately know there's a grift going on here.
	There's a scam.
	And she's yelling lynching.
	She's yelling five white kids lynched this girl.
	And there it is.
	Yeah.
	So little Caitlin Anderson there was the ex-girlfriend and she basically could not go to her friend's funeral or any services because Monica Cannon Grant brought a mob to town, including Ben freaking Crump came to town.
	That's how you know things are bad.
	Bird wishes the bald eagle.
	That's our guy.
	Yeah, it really is.
	And so they were making these claims that these five white teenagers lynched Michael LaMiller.
	It was completely untrue.
	The DA's office investigated.
	They all have phones tracking them at different places hours before.
	Like, none of it adds up.
	And so, of course, it's nonsense, but facts don't matter to these people.
	And they just are, you know, they're just looking for a cause to get behind.
	But what they don't, what sucked was they hurt children.
	Like five innocent children were labeled as murdering lynchers.
	Yeah, it's the Duke LaCrosse thing all over again.
	Isn't it amazing, by the way, when a bullshit story like that starts, and they are always bullshit, white kids don't go around lynching blacks.
	Sorry.
	But isn't it amazing how the second there's a hint of that narrative, the media starts masturbating fanatically and tripping over themselves to report on this?
	Like, they want that to be true so badly.
	It's such a strange desire to have.
	They never outright say it.
	This is an example of how lazy they are.
	They never outright say it.
	They just say, people are saying.
	Right.
	And so that's just the lazy question.
	Questions about racism.
	Weird ugly head.
	Whereas a real reporter then looks into it.
	And that's what I did.
	I found the girl.
	I found her mother, who was not a very easy person to deal with.
	And I calmed her down.
	And we had a conversation.
	I got her on my show.
	They showed me the emails.
	And I'm like, now we have a story.
	Now we have the story.
	So when you say the mother, you mean the mother of one of these white kids who was accused of lynching the girl.
	That's correct.
	And the girl hanged herself in a very almost self-sadistic way, masochistic, I guess is the word.
	She had the belt very low and she just sort of sunk down and suffocated herself to death.
	Yeah.
	I mean, those are harder, obviously, because when you're hanging from the gallows, you drop.
	You're done.
	You already made your choice.
	It's like jumping off a bridge.
	Whereas you can pull back at any time the way she did it.
	And that requires like a dedication to it.
	And so you can imagine the mentality this girl was in.
	And I thought it was so horrific because we could be having a conversation right now about mental health with children and like what can be done to help it.
	The freaking girl wrote an email to school.
	They did nothing with it.
	We're always talking about mental health and blah, blah, blah.
	They're alerted to it.
	They do nothing.
	And what are we talking about?
	Racism.
	Racism.
	That becomes the topic.
	And so I write about it.
	And I have a pretty big audience in New England, but outside of New England, I'm not as well known.
	Andy is.
	So I want to get this to a larger conservative audience to get the word out about what's happening here in Hopkinton.
	So Andy, I send him a DM and he immediately takes an interest in the story.
	And him and I have a back and forth conversation that goes on for two months.
	And frequently during our conversation, I printed all the chat log or the text logs between us on the blog, which I normally wouldn't do.
	Pull that up, Jamie.
	Yeah.
	And during the conversation, he frequently asks me, like, he seems to be willing to do no work himself.
	He's asking me, can you get a hold of Megan Anderson?
	She's hard to deal with.
	Can you please get her on here?
	This is very hard for me.
	Can you do this?
	I do all the legwork in this story because I already done all the legwork in this story.
	And I'm just looking for this to reach a larger audience and for him to cite me.
	Like that, that would be nice, Andy.
	I know I'm not, I don't work for the New York Times.
	I don't work for the Washington Post, but I did do all the legwork.
	And I was once, like you probably once were, an independent person getting started, trying to make a name for themselves, trying to get their brand out there.
	And Andy writes his whole story two months later, and it gets published in Newsweek.
	I'm not cited.
	I'm not cited at all.
	Well, it gets worse.
	He said, if you go to the third link, Ryan, he said that these details were not previously reported.
	He said he broke the story.
	Yes, he did.
	That was his tweet.
	No, not previously reported.
	I reported that two months ago, Andy, and I asked him about that.
	I said, in the conversation, I said, Andy, how can you say that this is not previously reported when you know that I reported this two months ago?
	He's like, well, it was not published in any newspaper.
	It's like, and that just shows that he's part of the media inc now, that like, if you are not working for some sort of corporate-controlled media entity, you don't count and are unworthy of citation.
	Like, I don't have to recognize you because you don't work for NBC.
	I mean, Andy No has more respect for CNN and NBC than he ever will for someone like me because I work for myself.
	Meanwhile, you're one of, I can think of four, good reporters.
	What was the other time he did this, too?
	Was that the Dasha Kelly was a different story I remember getting stolen from you.
	But what was the other one?
	Brian, pull up the third link?
	No, fourth link.
	You said he does this a lot.
	So this wasn't, this is not, this is Greg Reed this time.
	So it's the same idea.
	This is conservative media.
	Andy Noah has stolen some small.
	Oh, this one.
	Yeah.
	So, I mean, this one, technically, I don't own this story, but it was weird because Andy followed me and I found this.
	So this was a story in a 13-year-old kid in Denver went missing and Amber Alert was put out and they found the guy in Nebraska with the boy.
	And it was horrific.
	Then I found his Twitter account and no one, I'm like, it was the most horrific Twitter account you've ever seen and no other media alley reported on it.
	And he's been posting on this Twitter account this in like butt plugs, you name it on there.
	He had been grooming this kid and he had targeting him for months.
	And so I put it out there.
	I do a story on it.
	I know Andy follows me on Twitter.
	So he sees it.
	And then Andy puts it out a story, you know, a couple hours later.
	Now, Andy could have found that organically on his own, I suppose.
	That's not the pattern.
	Good reporters can notice patterns.
	Yeah, it's just like, you know, and when I write a story, I like to cite someone, you know, because it helps build SEO.
	It's just a form of camaraderie.
	You build relationships that way.
	Andy seems to just want to be the first to report all the time and get all the credit for it.
	Well, it seems to be working so far.
	I mean, the problem with Clown World these days is scammers succeed.
	Like this Bud Light catastrophe, there's a one in three chance it actually does well and gets young people interested in Bud Light.
	Eric Adams lied, cheated, sued.
	He's the mayor of New York City.
	These fucking loser scumbags like Andy No end up succeeding by fucking people over.
	It's a tale as old as time.
	It's like they forgot their roots.
	Like they forgot where they came from.
	They're just ruthless.
	And I'm sorry.
	Turtle Boy is not going to do anything about to say, but my experience has been gays can be a little more ruthless than straights.
	You know, they've had to hustle to survive.
	They're like the ratzo rizzo of the sexual preference world.
	And if they're not scamming and scheming, someone's going to drop a rock on their head.
	So they have this like do or die mentality that other people are.
	Because Glenn Greenwald's gay.
	Yeah, Glenn Greenwald's an exception to that.
	But okay, here's another one that has nothing to do with homosexuality.
	There was a woman, you broke this story and it got stolen from you.
	There was a woman who was claiming her five kids are going to be evicted, and she did this Really sad video, and your instincts sussed out.
	That's not the mom.
	Yeah, well, it just seemed like it made no sense because it was in August of 2021.
	She said, I lost my job at the casino, and that didn't make any sense because the casinos have been open for a long time by that point, so there's no reason she should have lost her job.
	Yeah, they're probably desperate for staff.
	Good instincts.
	Turns out she was fired from her job at the casino.
	And to make matters worse, so I put the first blog out where I'm like, nothing adds up about the story.
	And, you know, the blog gets a lot of attention.
	And next thing I know, I have a woman in my DMs from Nevada who's telling me those, I got a bombshell here.
	Those are my kids.
	Those aren't those kids on CNN with her that she's raised.
	And by the way, Erin, whatever her name is from CNN, shared her GoFundMe and they made $250,000 off it.
	So the real mom contact you?
	Contacted me because I put out the first story about it.
	Set up.
	And it led to the sources come to you.
	That's what I mean by sources.
	So the woman comes to me and she's like, can you tell my story?
	I have her on my show.
	I interview her.
	She's crying.
	This woman works like 50 hours a week cleaning toilets in the casinos and is raising these kids.
	She's a good mom.
	And these kids, this woman, Daisha Kelly, is dating her baby daddy, basically.
	And so he gets to see him like once every two weeks.
	And so she prints him on CNN.
	Oh, so that makes her pretend it's her kids.
	Yeah, in order to raise money for herself.
	And CNN bought it hook, line, and sinker.
	So I'm like, this story's wild.
	It's not even her kids.
	They're pimping her out.
	They legislate the eviction moratorium was extended because of propaganda like this.
	Like this is powerful propaganda.
	And that goes back to what I was saying, too, about this need for it to be true.
	Like if I want the Mets to be the greatest team in the world, I'm going to take one tiny glimmer of random propaganda where someone say the Mets are definitely going to the World Series this year.
	And I'll just be like, it's been confirmed.
	Mets making it to the World Series because I want that to be true.
	So it's that implicit bias, that need to live in a racist America that makes them run with these dumb rumors.
	Yeah, they need to find anecdotes.
	They need anecdotes because that's what sells.
	And they don't care if they're true.
	They don't care if they're researching it.
	But I do.
	And I looked into this because it just didn't smell right.
	And as it turns out, it was much worse.
	Like, I just assumed she was lying about losing her job.
	Turns out she was lying about the kids, too.
	So where did that 250 grand go?
	So luckily, I got her in touch with my attorney, Mark Rendaza, and he was a- great guy.
	Love him to death.
	Good pal.
	And the real mother ended up getting three quarters of that.
	Okay, that's fairly good news.
	Yeah.
	She still got like, what, 60K going to some lying hustler?
	Yeah, I mean, she got something out of it, but it was just, you know, the courts work.
	It's like, basically, she was, I don't know how the courts work.
	Mark wouldn't take a deal if he didn't think it was like some of his clients.
	So I'm like, this is gold.
	I'm like, this is Tucker Carlson would love this.
	So I contact his producer, Greg Ree, on Twitter, and I send him the story.
	I'm like, you got to see this.
	And he's like, he couldn't believe it.
	And he's like, this is gold.
	And next, within a couple hours, I'm like, you know, if you do it, can you please cite me?
	He agrees.
	A couple hours later, Fox News has a story up about it.
	And it's because it's Shame CNN.
	It's gold for Fox News.
	I'm not mentioned.
	I'm not cited anywhere.
	So I contact Greg, and I'm like, hey, is there a mistake here?
	He's like, oh, we'll fix that right away.
	We'll fix that.
	I'm sure you will.
	Yeah.
	He ends up blocking me.
	And so it's just like, it's like, are you kidding?
	Like, what is the harm here?
	Like, what is the harm here?
	Well, he also, didn't he say we don't have time?
	It's a nanosecond to go, as Turtle Boy reported.
	It's a choice.
	Like, it's a conscious choice because their bosses at Fox News are basically like, we are not in the business of citing something called Turtle Boy.
	We are in the business of citing CNN and the Washington Post and all these other places we claim to hate.
	But we're going to basically work with them and cite them.
	They have like an agreement.
	They're really great.
	I know you as Turtle Boy.
	What's your real name again?
	Aiden Carney.
	Aiden McCarney.
	Aiden, Aiden.
	Aiden, Aiden.
	So you just go, as citizen reporter Aiden McCarney pointed out, boom.
	Less than one second to say.
	Not hard at all.
	A little link helps.
	Thanks, Andy.
	And I would posit that James O'Keefe has made the word citizen reporter destigma.
	Like, you can say that now, and no one rolls their eyes.
	Yeah, but in a sense, he's not taken seriously by a lot of people.
	I take him seriously.
	You take him seriously.
	We're getting there.
	We're getting there.
	We're on the cusp.
	All right, I got to go.
	We're out of time.
	This went twice as long as I expected because it's fascinating and I think it's indicative of a much bigger problem.
	I hope you don't get discouraged by all these cocksuckers ripping you off.
	No, I won't.
	I'm going to keep going.
	It's going to keep happening, but I'm just going to keep doing what I do.
	Right, because the bigger priority there is getting the truth out.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	All right, man.
	Let's check in with you again soon.
	Sounds good.
	Thanks for having me.
	Cheers.
	Cheers.
	How long is an allergic freakout?
	This started at...
	This started three hours ago.
	And it's just...
	You could use the jump medical.
	You know, if you're on heroin and you're dying and someone jabs you with Narcan, boom.
	Fucking boom.
	Where's the Narcan of allergies?
	Yeah, and that thing saves lives.
	Like, you can't, I don't want my life saved.
	Just make my eye good.
	It's still watering from the same fucking red eye that I had before.
	So, Ryan, when I'm talking to someone like that, I want you to pull up shit more.
	They don't need to see the two talking heads.
	Can't you make us small in the corner here and then be showing all the stuff he's talking about?
	I showed some of the stuff.
	Turtle Boy and I are not as sexy as the guy from Prison Break, so I don't think people need to see our faces going, that's true.
	Well, we got this.
	Oh, so this is the chick.
	These are not her kids.
	This is the girlfriend of the baby daddy who made originally a quarter mil, but eventually 60 grand, pretending that she was being evicted for no reason.
	Why is this resolution so crap?
	Is this the best you can do?
	Yes.
	Are you sure?
	It was in the links.
	It should be in that last link, Ryan.
	As the Twitter video.
	Oh, okay.
	Did you just dig that up yourself?
	Yeah, I don't know if they showed the full thing.
	Well, I've already provided it, actually, so yeah.
	This is what I wanted you to play while we were talking.
	Thank you.
	I'm sorry.
	Did you catch this part, though?
	I was just saying that GoFundMe is now at 90.
	This lasts for three minutes of her reacting to her GoFundMe going to $92,000.
	The one that was at $89,000 a minute ago?
	Yes.
	Is she?
	Yes, $97,000.
	This is crazy.
	I'm sorry, this is crazy.
	Oh, my God.
	She just said this at $97,000 right now.
	But you're not our mother, and we're not getting a victim.
	Thank you guys so much.
	Oh, my God.
	You and your family are worth it.
	You and your family are worth it.
	You're worth it.
	You are worth having your needs met.
	Look, now they hear 89,000.
	They start hamming it up.
	Don't show your panties on TV.
	Just not having a clue just yesterday.
	This is crazy to me.
	This is crazy.
	Community.
	Can we see some of your actual tears, please?
	Oh, my God.
	Look at CNN.
	They could not care less about the truth.
	Thank you guys so much.
	Thank you guys so much.
	I'm not crying.
	I'm sorry.
	Thank you.
	Come on.
	All right.
	They let this happen for not even kidding, like two more minutes.
	As individual people, somebody's got to say bye here.
	For all of us to play such a small.
	Bye.
	This is the whole Oprah thing, right?
	You say, like, how did that make you feel when your mother died?
	You get them to cry, and then you just keep milking it.
	It's like milking cows.
	I want to talk about the mailbag, Ryan.
	What do you think of that?
	Well, I mean, I see this video here of an old friend in more ways than one that is with you at a bar.
	Could we maybe show that?
	What are you talking about?
	Look at this.
	Oh, that was the missing picture?
	Yeah, another great Hawaiian shirt.
	It's a vid.
	Do we want to say hi to her?
	Sure, what's she got to say?
	Hey, Stiggs, I just wanted you to know that the NRPD are a bunch of fucking shitbags, right?
	Yeah, they are.
	They are.
	They really are.
	Horrible assholes.
	They are.
	They truly are.
	Worst cops maybe in the world.
	Out of any division.
	I told them they could never make it in Manhattan or the Bronx.
	Yeah.
	They're total assholes.
	They're NYPD rejects.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And they're punks.
	That was me sending a video to a new Rochelle police officer who Sylvia wanted to know was a piece of shit, despite the fact that the new Rochelle Police Department was at her house on an almost daily basis as her Puerto Rican husband used her as a punching bag.
	Wow.
	And then that pissed her off because he eventually got a restraining, or no, the state instituted a restraining order against him so they couldn't be together.
	And she's like, what the fuck are you doing?
	I can't be with my husband anymore.
	Well, he beat the shit out of you 32 times.
	So that's kind of why we're here.
	To me, that sounds like a bunch of G. Baby boo.
	This first letter refers to my old pal, Sarah Silverman.
	Is this going to be another people saying Gavin lost his mind, now he's a Nazi who used to be cool?
	Dog episodes recently came across a few of those calls where people are, men specifically, are mad about your feminism.
	Yeah, men are, dude, you know what?
	Men invented feminism.
	Men sat there and said to women, you should vote.
	You should be able to vote.
	They're like, what?
	Really?
	Yeah, yeah, get out there.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I've got so much to do here.
	No, you want to vote.
	All right.
	I guess, yeah, I want to vote.
	Men and lesbians started feminism is my new theory I just made up right now.
	I remember seeing this old Western where this woman gets up in the courtroom and she's like, you got another thing coming, smartmouth.
	And she starts dominating the court and, I don't know, defending whoever needs to defend.
	She wasn't a lawyer.
	She just came from the gallows and started, and she was, and the judge was like, order, order, who is this lady?
	And she was like kicking ass and taking names.
	And everyone's like, what the fuck?
	She's too amazing.
	And I realized this was written by a man.
	Like, look up any feminist anthem.
	I am Woman, Hear Me Roar, Redneck Woman.
	All of these songs about being a fucking kick-ass gal.
	They're all written by men.
	Men love kick-ass women.
	I'm not a huge fan, but it's a male construct.
	I can't see your face because you're behind the camera.
	It's doing the lip thing that she always does.
	Oh, yeah, that's the problem with her, with this show, I should say, where people call and like, hi, I have a brain tumor, and then she's listening with her headphones, and she's like, hmm.
	Yikes.
	Traits that they're just unhappy about, and it's your feminism moving on.
	And I've kind of thought about why is it that somebody would potentially be getting angry about something that doesn't affect them.
	You know, I have an old friend who became a kind of well-known anti-feminist.
	And when I've talked to him, and he was so mad at me that I was happy being alone, that I was happy being single.
	He was so annoyed that his kids had to watch Wreck-It Ralph, where my character is a princess, but doesn't matter.
	Oh shit, I haven't seen this before.
	She's talking about me, yeah.
	This is the problem with broads and Sarah, too.
	They're so agreeable.
	God designed them that way.
	So they become, what's his name?
	Jamanti Spindamini in Life is Beautiful, where he's at the Holocaust.
	And he's like, hey, kids, like their job is to look at the bright side.
	And it's very effective.
	The man looks at the bad side and he's like, I got to go fucking kill a woolly mammoth or we all die.
	Fuck.
	And then the woman is like, hey, at least we have rabbits here and we can get some small game.
	Yay.
	Come on, kids.
	And it's a great dichotomy.
	But I said to her, I go, Jimmy Kimmel should have married you.
	You should have had kids.
	Her sister is this Israeli living in Israel with like 132 kids living in heaven.
	And I was like, what the fuck happened with you?
	And she's like, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
	And the problem with this subject is you look it up and it's all like, single women that have 43 are having the best time of their lives.
	Yeah, I know, because you asked them and they said, I love this.
	They don't love this.
	They're miserable.
	Talk to them later on.
	But yes, this is all true.
	He was just so put out by any progress reflected in life or artists.
	Progress?
	Why do you give a fuck?
	Because my kids, now I'm arguing with her.
	My kids are watching the movie.
	You're giving them propaganda.
	So, like, this didn't happen, but say my daughter was like, I love that princess.
	Who's doing that voice?
	This is awesome.
	Oh, it's a chick who's just fucked a bunch of dudes and never had any kids.
	Okay, that's my princess.
	I want to be like that.
	Like, you're a bad role model.
	That affects me.
	I want my daughter to be happily married with kids.
	You know?
	Like, live your life the way you want and I will do this thing.
	Isn't that fair?
	This is another problem.
	When you have a family and you have kids, you have skin in the game.
	It's ironic that her sister's in Israel, because she's got some real fucking skin in the game.
	That wall comes down, everyone dies.
	They're getting fucking bombed on a regular basis.
	And I don't mean drunk, but to a lesser extent, here in America, we are being bombed.
	And our culture is at stake.
	We've got girls, this is probably before this was going on, but young lesbians getting their tits cut off.
	And by the way, another reason I was so fucking mad at her is she was shrugging and being like, oh, whatever.
	People disagree.
	Oh, someone's mad at you.
	I'm like, Sarah, my house is vandalized.
	My car was vandalized.
	Regular basis, people Zeke Heil outside my home.
	They want to hold a vigil after the synagogue shooting.
	My children are totally ostracized.
	You know, eating lunch alone.
	My fucking wife's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
	Like, they terrorize my family.
	So don't roll your eyes.
	If it was like, people hate my comedy, I would understand you trivializing my rage.
	But it's an entire familial attack.
	So don't trivialize it or I'll get pissed off.
	Freedom, but the truth is it really does not bother me at all.
	That's true.
	I mean, I'm sorry if it ruffles their feathers or they're uncomfortable with knowing that I exist in the world, but it's just not my problem.
	You know, for some reason, it just really, it does not bother me.
	It doesn't bother you because you have no stake in the game.
	He or any of these people think of me, to be honest, is none of my business.
	That's my line.
	What people say behind my back is none of my business is my line, Sarah.
	But, you know, I don't want to hurt her.
	I obviously am frustrated because I was close to her for a while.
	And I wish, because I know she's a good person and a loving person and obviously a very funny person.
	So look at the way she fucking treats her dogs.
	Like she worships them.
	So I wish she had been a mom.
	I wish she had stayed in a loving relationship.
	I wish Kimmel would have proposed.
	She's way hotter than the fucking chick he ended up with.
	So it's not like, fuck you, bitch.
	You're not married.
	It's like, oh, shit.
	I wish you were married.
	We want what's best for everybody.
	That's what people don't get about the right.
	They think we sit there going, fuck you.
	I wish you could kill you.
	We go like, ah, that sucks.
	Like the kids getting their tits cut off.
	We're not like, fuck you, bitch.
	I'm glad.
	We're like, oh, no, what have you done?
	At least wait.
	When we see a 40-year-old in a wig with lipstick on a dude, we go, when we see them doing it to an eight-year-old, we go, that's dangerous.
	What are you doing?
	The 40-year-old drag queen never made us mad.
	In fact, we would go to Cafe Cleopat in Montreal and laugh our heads off at them.
	It was a major part of comedy.
	Anyway, keep going with that.
	You know, the thought that me living my own life affects their happiness feels so bizarre, you know, but that's ego shit.
	You know, and I hope that they figure that stuff out for themselves so they can experience some happiness in this life.
	But again, really not my business and certainly not my problem.
	Click on the link in my bio to subscribe or they just don't get it.
	It's ironic because she's like, why do you give a shit about all this stuff?
	Why do you think it hurts you?
	I don't.
	I think it hurts you.
	And I think this mentality of, you know, cutting dicks off and rejecting traditionalism hurts society.
	For example, next letter, perfect timing.
	I didn't set this up.
	Mr. Beast trans.
	Dude, this is enough to make you sick.
	Mr. Beast, right-hand man, Chris Tyson, had a beautiful wife who he recently divorced to start hormone therapy.
	If you scroll through his Instagram, you can see him changing over the last four months.
	His poor kid will be ruined.
	This guy is a newborn.
	And this is not my concept.
	It's a baby monster who wrote in, but he said, yeah, what he's doing is he's absolving himself of his responsibility.
	So it is overwhelming when you first have a baby.
	You don't get any sleep and you're like, fuck, this is, I can't be a Sarah Silverman now and just like, do a comedy, sleep in, smoke some weed, have a special, do nothing for four months.
	No one cares.
	I got to fucking be awake and on and shaping and making sure we got health care and there's a roof over our heads and I got to make sure that we're not in a dangerous neighborhood.
	And you're constantly thinking: are the pipes turned off for the winter?
	Are they turned on for the summer?
	Did we get new air filters for the air conditioning?
	Is that all checked out?
	Is the fuse box up to date?
	That can be overwhelming if you're a pussy.
	If you're a man, you go, all right, boys, time to roll up our sleeves and get real.
	That's what I wrote about in my book, Death of Cool.
	It's no joke anymore.
	I'm just like, that was just a silly joke.
	A fun, awesome silly joke.
	It's like the movie Animal House.
	It was a ridiculous, wasted fuckfest of idiocy that I'm glad I did, by the way.
	I'm not saying don't sow your wild oats.
	But after I had kids, I went, oh shit, now this is life.
	So this guy got overwhelmed by that, and he divorced his wife with a newborn and is now a lady with no responsibilities who can do podcasts.
	Look at this fucking clown.
	And what bothers me about it, too, is there's no stigma.
	Well, what do you care?
	I don't know.
	I care about the daughter he just abandoned.
	Like, is it petty of me to care about a child that's been abandoned by some idiot who thinks he's a woman now?
	Again, a random 40-year-old putting on lipstick and wearing a wig.
	No one gives a shit.
	Literally no one.
	A guy, young man with a newborn.
	What the fuck are you doing?
	Oh, here we go.
	Mr. Beast is just getting his whole fucking franchise or whatever.
	He's holding a hostage.
	I saw his.
	Oh, I never even thought of that.
	He's fucking over his boss.
	And he does not look happy, if you could tell.
	Chris didn't think about his wife, his young son, his friends from the channel or the brand.
	Seems to be a recurring theme.
	What a wildly selfish thing to do.
	He should do what it's really.
	Can't you just say, honey, becoming a dad is overwhelming?
	He's my fucking friend.
	That's spelled wrong.
	And things are fine.
	All this transphobia is starting to piss me off.
	Meanwhile, they were all about transphobia like last year, making jokes about identifying as an attack helicopter.
	Right?
	Yep.
	What an absolute moron.
	He should act like an actual chick and be like, I need to take time away from this to work on myself.
	And then that would be good.
	But say you are a pervert and you want to wear women's tights.
	He's a pedo, too.
	Can't you quote?
	Uh-oh.
	Yeah, and then he said some other shit about Lolly, which is like age play stuff that they pulled from 2016.
	No.
	Maybe it is goodies.
	I don't know if I trust this guy, though.
	Someone wants to start, says we should start naming our dicks.
	He's going to go first.
	His dick is now called Dylan Mulvaney, as in a vein, spelled vein.
	That's not good because you could only see it in writing.
	Mine's going to be Dick Mulvaney, V-A-I-N, and it's going to look in the mirror all the time.
	My nickname for my dick is Python Eats Guatemalan grandma while she was washing dishes by the river.
	Click link to watch full video.
	My dick's going to be clickbait.
	It's going to be dickbait.
	My dick is called Jumbo Jet Spontaneously Has Piss shoot out of the top of it.
	My dick's going to be named Shingshou.
	And it'll be Squinty.
	My dick's going to be called Godzilla Introduces New Character.
	I wish my dick was claymation.
	You know, it moved all jaggedy.
	My dick is going to be called City Field Rolls Up Entire Field into One Gigantic Fucking Burrito.
	They get worse as they go on.
	I'm watching last night's show.
	I'm five and a half months pregnant, you sick fucks.
	Poor Maddie, leave him alone.
	25-18, and I've retched eight times.
	I feel this pain.
	For those of you not subscribed, last night Maddie was puking his guts out and we were making fun of him.
	Ryan, I sent you some videos, texted you them, of how dudes react to barf.
	Maybe women don't understand.
	Obviously, real barf concerns us, but we don't hold your hair back when you're barfing if you're a dude.
	We rape you because it's funny.
	That's going to be funny.
	Oh, that's a different video, but that's good too.
	The most embarrassing trip to the vet possible.
	Wow.
	Don't walk him away, we're good.
	Knock them away, we're good.
	He probably liked the smell, too.
	He's like, oh, someone left some fish.
	But that's not what I wanted you to show.
	What's the other one?
	Yeah, this is how men react to another man in duress.
	I've got that many videos, they're all the other side.
	I've got a dress.
	Yeah.
	Shall we go to a pub around you?
	I've got that.
	That's funny.
	If an alien landed here and they said, what is men?
	I would show them that video.
	That's correct.
	Hey, Gavin, I was simply trying to tell people about your endorsement of Bud Light, and I was placed in Facebook jail.
	That's interesting.
	So people have been telling me, I don't drink Bud privately, but I always make sure that when I'm photographed, I'm wearing a Bud Light shirt.
	I've got Budweiser there.
	Bud is our beer.
	It's behind Ryan.
	If you turn to Ryan, you'll see it's next to his best friend, Printy.
	I don't agree with any of his statements.
	And people said, that's not going to work.
	Fuck you.
	Be a man.
	Boycott it.
	Okay.
	If it's not working, then why is it that when someone says Gavin McInnes says Bud Light rocks, he's told by Facebook that that doesn't follow our community standards.
	So you can't do things like create, invite, post, and comment in groups.
	Hey, they didn't use an Oxford comma there.
	Bad grammar, Facebook.
	So Facebook doesn't allow me to say I love Bud Light.
	Doesn't that mean it's working?
	Wait, what is he saying here?
	Reminder that Bud Light is now endorsed by Gavin McInnes and the Proud Boys.
	They don't seem to mind his other comments, like throw a grenade in there and we're going to blow up Moscow.
	They just came out with Bush and Hydra Bush just came out with a thing.
	We're not gay after all?
	You're not gay after all.
	Really?
	Didn't think of that?
	This guy, the former Marine Lieutenant, who was like a guys, listen.
	Never wanted to be.
	Yeah, well, this goes back to the beginning of the show with this alarming incompetence.
	Like, stop hiring people based on things that don't include meritocracy.
	You hired some random broad because you thought you had to get your numbers up and you didn't check to see how woke she was.
	And she did that.
	Dude, that is crazy how cringe, like, that first image is.
	You don't go to bars.
	I go to bars.
	Every bar, it's a major topic of discussion.
	In fact, there's one not far from here.
	It's crazy.
	This gay dude ran a bar and he had all the LGBT shit there.
	And they loved him, and he was an awesome guy, and he'd have a fundraiser and all that shit.
	Then he voted for Trump.
	A gay voted for Trump.
	So they dumped his ass.
	And then his bar was abandoned and dying.
	The local police said, we'll make that our bar.
	And now it's a cop bar.
	And it's packed.
	And he's killing.
	I can actually show you what he said here.
	He sent a notice out to some friends and said, it's coming up.
	We're no longer carrying Anheuser-Busch.
	The ones that are here will stay here, but when they're gone, they're gone.
	We're removing Bud, Bud Light, Kona.
	I don't know what Kona is.
	Stella, Corona, Michelobaltra.
	We are introducing Coors Banquet in Bottles and Kegs, which I hear is exactly like Bud.
	I hear it's great.
	I don't think I've tried it.
	Miller High Life.
	I don't like Miller Light.
	I might like Miller High Life in Bottles and Kegs.
	And Yingling in kegs.
	Which is fantastic.
	I love Yangling.
	And it's America-made.
	Anyway, if you're a pariah, make sure you're photographed with this, but don't drink it.
	Let's get to the final vid.
	What a long-ass episode.
	Yes, of course, the final vid.
	The video that we, I believe, Gavin, if I'm not wrong, we end the show on.
	Yes.
	And pontificate until we have...
	We showed you some vomit earlier.
	But real men don't puke.
	Real men can sort of monitor what they're doing.
	They can tell how high they are, how drunk they are, whether they've had too many Percocets.
	If Maddie was tougher, then when the dentist said, you got to take these, he would have went, no, man, I'll just suffer the pain.
	Thanks.
	I got an M ⁇ M blast.
	That's my favorite.
	I got an M ⁇ M blast.
	These are my favorite.
	Oh, these are my favorites.
	This is my favorite.
	Not this is my favorite.
	And why is there a jump cut there?
	You don't like the pause?
	No.
	All right.
	Anyway, this is how real men drink beer, and they don't fucking pussy around about it.
	He's got three, what, Carlsbergs, British guy?
	This is what you should looked up to as a man.
	Maddie?
	Three-pollen.
	You buy them.
	I drink them.
	Here we go.
	Three pints, no problem.
	I was always jealous of those guys who could just slam a pint.
	Like, it hurts my mouth after half a pint.
	Burps normal.
	Burps happen.
	I don't know why we need this fucking reaction idiocy in the bottom left.
	Okay.
	One burp per beer.
	Perfectly reasonable.
	And then you slam the third one and you're good to go.
	Boom.
	Then you get a good buzz after...
	Fuck me now!
	Eww!
	You challenged me.
	Why is Barf so funny?
	I don't know.
	Hey, trans men, if you're becoming a man, like you're taking the hormones to become male, you better be ready to laugh at Barf because that's basically all we do.
	Have a great weekend, guys.
	I'll see you on Monday.
	Try to stay off those screens.
	If you got kids, spend a maximum amount of time with them.
	I've always said, I stole this from Michelle Malkin, pretend you're in a time machine.
	You got empty nest syndrome.
	You're 16 alone and you miss when your kids were young.
	Well, you just got in a time machine and woof, you were zapped back to April of 2023.
	And now you get to hang out with them.
	Most importantly, enjoy yourself.
	Be yourself.
	If that makes things uncomfortable at work, then get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.

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