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March 31, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:22:05

S4E235 - WHACK IT DRY

Don't sign old balls. Make your own museum. Don't butt in line. Spice your food. Don't pay reparations. Don't leave or come back to Detroit. Don't watch porn.

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	BANG BANG BANG BANG Live from New York, it's "Get Off My Lawn" with Gavin McInnis!
	BANG
	That was the Molochs.
	Hello.
	L.A.
	band from, well, from now.
	Been around since, I think, 2012 or so.
	Some Argentinian dude who was into hip-hop.
	And he went to, his parents are, I think, rich, right?
	If you're from Argentina and you keep going back and forth to L.A., you're rich.
	Then he went to India and decided to become a hippie.
	He got groovy out in India.
	And that's a groovy band.
	High quality stuff.
	Welcome to the Friday Show of Get Off My Lawn.
	This show is free, and that's why we have sponsors on it.
	It is everywhere.
	Tonight, we are playing in Los Angeles.
	Comedy show called The End Racism Tour.
	Me and Anthony Comey and Josh Denny and our own Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	Yes, hello.
	And that'll be, we can't, we'll announce it very soon.
	But we can only announce these things day of because lunatics try to attack us.
	Before we get started, the first product here is Purple Pre-Workout.
	Purple Works Nutrition Pre-Workout.
	It's my pre-workout.
	I use it every day.
	I noticed this morning.
	They want you to do a scoop.
	I don't do a scoop.
	It's too intense for a 53-year-old with a sensitivity to caffeine.
	But I do like half a tablespoon, swirl it up right there, half an hour before your workout.
	I start to get prickles in my hands, which Ryan says is the biotin, creatine?
	Beta-alanine.
	Beta-alanine.
	What the fuck is that?
	It's a tingly.
	And then you start doing your workout and it goes away.
	As you work out.
	In fact, I don't consider it a good workout unless I've done, unless the prickles are gone.
	And the thing about Purpleworks is a lot of these other brands, they show off by like saying, 500 grams of fucking vitamin C. Yeah, your body just pees that out.
	It can't process it.
	In fact, it's toxic to give yourself extra ingredients that your body can't break down.
	These guys only give you things that you can actually use.
	And it works.
	I told my wife to use it for her Peloton.
	I go, do it, it's cheating.
	It makes you feel like you had nine hours of sleep and did not have one drink yesterday.
	So today we did a minute on the bike, that's when the prickles started to go away, and then ten push-ups, and then a plank where you do this hip thing, this boogie hip, where you're like dipping your hips to the ground.
	Hip dip.
	You know that?
	No.
	I just think hip dip.
	Probably hip dip.
	Two 25-pound weights.
	You stand up on the box with both feet and then go like this.
	Yeah, curl and then back down.
	So 10 for each foot.
	Then this weird thing with the doohickey where you stretch out and you grab it and you go like that.
	Reverse lunge.
	So you're pulling in this weight for your lat.
	And you do on both sides, right?
	Yeah.
	But you can't go like this.
	You have to be a brick wall.
	So you stretch way out.
	And then brick wall.
	And then 15 of these.
	And then reverse lunges holding a medicine ball.
	And I think that's it.
	Three times.
	So that was fun.
	And you survived because of PurpleWorksNutrition.com.
	The great thing about cheating, too, is you're like, I don't really have to give it my all.
	This will give it my all.
	So you can be kind of lazy about your workout.
	And of course other fun things to do for a workout is to lie to yourself and say you're going to stop early even though you're not.
	Say you're not going to work very hard even though they make you work hard.
	There's no getting around it.
	But PurpleWorks Nutrition has formulated not to leave any nasty smells More strains in your shaker or cup?
	You should get the shaker too.
	It's awesome.
	There are no artificial dyes or ingredients.
	It's great for men and women.
	You don't have to cycle on and off it like many other pre-workouts.
	In the next week or so, Purpleworks will be shipping to Canada.
	I think that's actually now.
	This is an old ad.
	So keep an eye on that if you're north of the border.
	Get the shakers.
	You put in one scoop in there.
	Shake it up with some water.
	You'll be ready for a great workout.
	I like to do it half an hour before I start.
	Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter the promo code Gavin for 15% off.
	And look at the reflexes it gives you.
	I agree.
	Watch the reflexes it gives you.
	I mean, it's amazing.
	It's magical.
	It's like a Spiderman.
	We've got a lot of fun stuff to cover.
	Tuesday was a very depressing show because of the shooting.
	It was hard to be amusing, but I don't know what to think of Wednesday's show.
	I just don't know what to think of it.
	That's good to know.
	It was good.
	Yeah?
	Well the big story over at Opie and Anthony is that Anthony was at his restaurant and he saw a dude that looked like Opie.
	Right.
	He thought it was Opie.
	It did look exactly like Opie and he goes holy shit look who's at my restaurant.
	I fell for it.
	Anthony fell for it.
	Oh, he literally thought of it?
	Yeah, he wasn't joking.
	He didn't notice that it wasn't Opie until Opie got all uppity.
	Wait, what if he drove down, because Opie took a video of him in, what, Virginia or whatever, like he's got that second house?
	What if he drove down to be like, look, I can't be there from here.
	How could that be me?
	Maybe it was him.
	And he's lying.
	Detective Shitty strikes again with the terrible takes.
	What's the proof that it wasn't him?
	No, that's good.
	That's good.
	I like it.
	It's right on brand for you to have a terrible theory about what actually happened.
	But you know what, Chrissy Mayer, is it Meyer or Mayer or what?
	I don't care.
	She brought up a great point.
	She goes, dude, why didn't you get him?
	Right.
	That would've been funny.
	You get him to come on the show, say, hey, I used to do a show called Opie and Anthony, and you look exactly like the guy.
	It'd be funny if you came by the studio and said, Opie and Anthony are reuniting.
	I'll pay you a thousand bucks.
	Quick audition.
	Just say, brother man, brother man.
	Um, dude, remember that I, at Taco Bell, I met that kid that looked exactly like an off version of me?
	But it wasn't a Taco Bell I usually, Taco Bell I usually go to.
	But, I was like, that was before the marathon?
	And I was like, wouldn't it be funny, like, switch me out with a guy who has no idea what to do, but he looks like me?
	And you're like, yeah, you should've done that.
	I guess I should've.
	That's a great story!
	I know.
	But that would've been good.
	So, good theories, awesome stories.
	This is using doppelganger talk.
	Right.
	But he failed and I failed, so very similar guys.
	Yeah, very similar stories there.
	So we've got a bunch of silly stuff before we get serious.
	We've got a lot of racism and a lot of my pet Biden.
	I like to avoid racism on Fridays.
	That's a t-shirt, by the way.
	But I don't know, there's just too much juice.
	And the problem with avoiding that uncomfortable topic is that shit piles up.
	Sorry, we're a little tongue-tied here, tooth-tongue-tied, because I just had Domino's, and it's got a bad reputation, especially New Yorkers are very snobby.
	It's fucking good, man.
	It is.
	And I love the little corns, what do they put on the bottom?
	Cornmeal.
	Cornmeal?
	Yeah, I like that too.
	It gets air underneath?
	I took a bite and like a little bit went up my nose.
	I was like, that's a lot of cornmeal, baby.
	A little bit went in my care.
	Did you hear about the corn?
	Speaking of corn and pizza, Little Caesar's corn pizza?
	Corn crust?
	Are you pulling it up?
	I am.
	Look at this.
	I gotta say, it's great to have a small to your... Oh my god.
	Check it out.
	How do you eat it?
	Pizza?
	This is interesting to say the least.
	It looks like just a cheese pizza with corn.
	Why is it so stiff?
	It does look stiff.
	With butter!
	And why isn't the butter melting off?
	Is it margarine?
	What is that?
	Is that crust like shortbread?
	Why is it so stiff?
	It looks like almond bread or something.
	I'm not sure what the discussion was in the boardroom, but why this over the pretzel crust that people already like?
	Little Caesar's corn cob crust.
	And Little Caesar's corn cob crust pizza?
	You know who that is?
	Holy shit!
	Is that Eric?
	Is it Tim Heidecker or Eric Warheimer?
	That's Eric Warheimer.
	Okay.
	Heidecker is, uh, yeah, just as bad.
	This guy I hated less.
	No, I never hated this guy.
	In fact, I hung out with him a bunch of times.
	I heard he was a pedo.
	He's a pervert.
	Pedo pervert.
	But I don't care about that.
	Hi, I'm John J. Pepp from Little Cizazz.
	My friends call me Pip.
	For years, fans have asked us for a unique pizza with a crust like no other.
	Something salty.
	Something buttery.
	Something cheesy.
	It's a special pizza we only do every once in a while.
	Why does he sound exactly like Brett Gelman?
	And gay.
	You've been tweeting and commenting and even leaving personal voicemails for me.
	I received 150 emails just last night.
	You've been begging and we listened.
	We listened real good.
	Introducing Corn Cob Crust from Little Caesars!
	I can't believe Tim and Eric has become real.
	This is a sketch.
	Here's some more good news.
	You'll get a two liter bottle of liquefied butter.
	Wow, that's wet.
	You'll be swimming in butter.
	This corn is American made!
	Do they get Vic Berger to do the editing or does someone else do this?
	They're probably just like... Grabbed his style.
	Yeah, I don't really get it.
	It's fake.
	What?
	I think it's fake.
	Oh, so that guy that we just saw in the car was fake?
	Yeah, I think so.
	I mean, because like that doesn't look like this.
	Yeah, I think this is fake.
	Because it's too stiff.
	Well, just go to Little Caesar.
	Why did you waste the entire show with a fake thing?
	It's part of the fun of the phenomenon.
	Like, is this real?
	Is it fake?
	If I just skip to the end, that takes all the fun out of it.
	Let me tell you how this mystery movie ends.
	I guess.
	So go to Little Caesar's home page.
	Here we go.
	I don't think you're allowed to falsely advertise.
	Use their logo.
	I guess you are, right?
	No, I think that's from Little Caesar's Pizza.
	It's a verified account.
	It's weird, too, because they have videos that aren't even, like, exciting that have, like, 5 million views.
	I guess that's because they plant those in other people's videos, but look at this.
	A couple months ago, they always get really good views.
	This one has 5.6 million views.
	Just a regular commercial.
	Why would someone watch a commercial on YouTube?
	I don't know.
	Unless these are the numbers for... Their friends?
	No, when they plant it inside of a video, you know?
	You know.
	Alright.
	Alright, dude, I can't tell if it's real or not.
	When we got back from spring training, I railed with a passion against adults who try to get their balls signed.
	I fucking hate these dudes.
	And baseball players hate these dudes, so they don't sign their balls.
	These guys go straight to eBay.
	Best case scenario, they're mentally ill weirdos who do keep the balls.
	Sorry, guy, you gotta grow up.
	This is for kids.
	Getting your ball signed is for kids.
	Worst case scenario, and the most likely scenario, is they take these balls, they get the signature, they go to eBay.
	So the pro baseball player who's making $10 million a year is like, why do I work part-time making you money?
	It's fun to do it for kids, not just because it's a nice thing, but it's economically viable because you get kids young.
	They're interested in the game.
	It's a good investment into the sport.
	It's why I go to spring training.
	I don't really care about the games, but I want my kids to get their balls signed.
	They're at baseballs.
	But look at this fucking clown who actually gets in a little bit of a conflict with that, I don't know, 11 year old in the Dodgers shit.
	Look at him.
	Yeah, Joe Gatto's really fell off since Impractical Jokers.
	Look, he puts his elbow up and the guy goes, fuck off, bitch.
	Move it.
	Look at him.
	He's got white hair and he's competing with kids.
	What a scumbag.
	He looks like there's something wrong there.
	What a douche.
	Also in old news, we were talking recently about how much I hate government-sanctioned museums and how they're just printouts of kinkos.
	So ever since then, readers have been sending us in Their own little handmade museums they've discovered.
	Little Dean Jail.
	This is a jail that's in the southwest of England and it has all kinds of offensive, shocking stuff.
	Freaks, the Iranian embassy siege, lots of Nazi shit, KKK artifacts.
	There's also a whole punk rock section and a mod section with Quadrophenia memorabilia.
	There's also tons of true crime and serial killers.
	Yes, sold.
	Let me see the mod museum.
	They got any there?
	Yeah, Northern Soul is mods.
	Northern Show.
	Keep the Faith.
	The Fist.
	I want to see the mod stuff.
	Okay, their website leaves a little to be desired.
	You've already raided this entry.
	Oh, what the fuck?
	Oh, that's... wow.
	Okay, we're back in 1509.
	This is like the first website ever made.
	Scootering!
	Okay, that's nice.
	Uh...
	Look up Little Dean Jail Mods.
	Maybe you have to go to the internet.
	Sometimes websites are so terrible that you have to leave them and rely on Google Images or YouTube.
	Quadrophenia the film, we are the mods.
	Dude, you spent so much time on your museum and look at your website.
	It's dark gray on black.
	Holy crap, what a pile of shit.
	Looks like a cool museum though.
	And those are the most interesting topics in the world.
	Punks, mods, murderers, the KKK, and Nazis.
	I'm not saying I like any of those things, but they're cool to look at.
	What's happening now?
	That's it.
	The Quadrophenia Collection.
	Now in permanent display.
	Right.
	I want to see pictures from that.
	You gotta go there.
	No, you gotta go to Google and leave Little Dean.
	Oh, bye, Little Dean.
	Yeah, we want what the people did.
	What the people found.
	Okay, so here we go.
	See?
	Now that's cool.
	What a great museum.
	Great!
	Great museum!
	Now I want to see the punks.
	Okay, let's see.
	Little Dean Museum, one word.
	That's not punk.
	That's funky.
	Let me see.
	No, no, that's from the movie Quadrophenia.
	I just saw them.
	There's a skinhead there.
	There's one.
	That's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
	I guess he was a punk.
	No, no.
	Go to the top there.
	Oh, so that's skinheads, I guess.
	Maybe they don't know what punks are.
	That's embarrassing.
	They know what punks are.
	We know what punks are.
	So I think the jury's still out on how cool that museum is because their website is such utter shit.
	Yeah, they just can't show me pictures.
	I can't interpret this area of the web.
	Sometimes these people just rely on Facebook.
	That's a very British boomer thing.
	That looks haunted.
	That's cool.
	There's the geyser.
	That's inappropriate.
	Wow, this is like... This has the vibe of, like, one of those dark rides at, like, a carnival that pops up and comes to your town.
	See, didn't I... I knew that the Facebook would have way more shit than anything else.
	You know what it reminds me of?
	This cool book of holligan, holligan?
	Fuck me.
	I love a holligan.
	A holligan is when a soccer hooligan dies and you just sort of see him projected in front of you going, you're right mate, don't muck about, I'll fucking kill you.
	I'm a top lad, top gear.
	Yeah, this book had sold out.
	I didn't know this, but apparently soccer hooligans, after they kicked the living shit out of someone, they would leave a little calling card.
	That would say, hey, just so you know, you've just seen the program now meet the stars of the ICF.
	Or you've been nominated and dealt with by the Chelsea Headhunters who use the SS Nazi logo.
	There's the Headhunters too.
	Oh, we kicked a kill over at our firm.
	I gotta say, a lot of these art books, you could have crammed a lot more in than two per four pages.
	Looks like a lazy scrapbook.
	Yeah, I'm not really impressed with the density there.
	I guess it's an L.A.
	company, so there must be that L.A.
	British soccer hooligan, the guy who argued with Tommy Robinson.
	See, that's a cool book!
	When we would do the Vice photo books, I would cram shit in.
	Sure, there'd be a couple two-page spreads, but there'd also be, like, tons of little guys.
	Speaking of little guys, Jump Medic comes in two size packs.
	This is the big size pack, and the fantastic thing about it here is, all you's got to do is grab it by the Jump Medic, Boom.
	It's open and ready to rock.
	Look at this work of art.
	If you've been on Twitter lately, you've seen it's abundantly clear no one is ever safe.
	Everyone is attacking each other, and for the most ludicrous of reasons, if you visit Wendy's and take that last squirt of ketchup out of the dispenser, you better stand back and stand by!
	Because apparently in America now, that could be a death sentence.
	That's why we have First Aid Kit, which is the Jump Medic.
	Jump Medic is a great company, makes first aid kits and sells first aid supplies.
	The Jump Medic Pro, which is what we have here, is an incredibly durable first aid bag with a flat lay designed for ease of access.
	When you lay this kid out flat, there's no fumbling through mountains of supplies looking for what you need.
	It's all right there in front of you.
	But wait, there's more.
	With the Jump Medic Pro, you get two things.
	There's also the smaller, more portable bag.
	That's what I meant earlier when I said small things.
	What?
	The smaller bag is great for your car or if you're on the go.
	The Pro comes jam-packed with nine pounds of first aid equipment.
	Everything you would need in a first aid kit, all conveniently shipped to your door.
	The Pro bag comes with so many supplies that we don't have time to list them all.
	Wow.
	Shears, a stethoscope, bandages, goggles, gloves, medications, a blood pressure cuff, and tons more.
	Go look at this fucking guy.
	Go to their website, jumpmedic.com, and just take a look at everything included.
	It's perfect for everyone.
	Families, hunters, Proud Boys, cops, paramedics, you name it.
	It's always with a black guy, I'm gonna be honest with you.
	The Pro Kit can also be customized with supplies of your choosing.
	So they've got a variety of first aid supplies available.
	Whether you're buying to resupply your pro kit or just to stock up, they have bandage medication, trauma, and exposure refills available.
	And then that had to be repopulated.
	They now have a convenient refill subscription service for just $99.
	Jump Medic will keep you stocked up on supplies throughout the year.
	Every three months, you'll receive new refills for your first aid kits.
	Their next refill is going out in early April.
	So if you sign up today, you'll be getting your first refills in a few short weeks.
	Bitch, are you for real?
	If you are stocked up on supplies but you like the Jump Medic bags, they do sell just the empty bags.
	It's the same fantastic bag as the Jump Medic Pro, and it even includes the smaller bag.
	These bags were developed over two years by a paramedic with over a decade of experience on the ground.
	Go to jumpmedic.com and enter promo code RYANSUCKS for 10% off.
	Promo code GAVIN also works.
	You can also navigate to their site on our sponsors link on the side of the censored website.
	Plop.
	All right.
	Also in silly news today.
	The Butt Boys.
	If you don't subscribe to the show, you're not familiar with The Butt Boys.
	The Butt Boys is a very serious organization.
	We started here to prevent people butting in line.
	It is employed on planes, trains, not automobiles.
	Yeah, I guess automobiles as they pull in.
	Like, say you're waiting for gas.
	We have to stop butting.
	Yes.
	Make America wait again.
	Make America wait again.
	We should have a salute.
	It goes like this.
	We are living in a society and some people don't get the importance of this.
	These are the same people, by the way, who put their chairs back on an airplane.
	But once in a while you'll find a fellow butt boy out there and he will be bitching about butting and you go, thank the Lord.
	And I was shocked to see Brian Regan.
	Is that starting at the beginning?
	Oh yeah.
	Okay.
	It shouldn't.
	Oh no.
	I think it's like four minutes in.
	Oh.
	This must be an old clip because he has white hair now.
	How about these butt boys?
	I wish I had handled it differently.
	I wish right when he would have stepped in front.
	Oh.
	Giving away the juice.
	It's kind of hard not to know our place.
	The guy's got like a red mohawk and backgammon pieces in his earlobes.
	Wait, maybe it was the whole thing.
	Go back to the beginning?
	What does that add?
	He won't start a brawl at Disneyland, but he'll end it.
	Yeah, yeah, go back, go back.
	Sorry, folks.
	How close are you to the beginning right now?
	Now I'm at the dead beginning.
	Oh shit, I'm sorry.
	I don't think a parent has ever said.
	The kids are upstairs playing with all their old Happy Meal toys.
	No parent has ever said that.
	I don't think a McDonald's Happy Meal toy has ever made it to sundown.
	That's so true.
	Usually they break as you're taking them out of the cellophane.
	What is this?
	Oh, it's broken.
	Toss it in the trash receptacle.
	Even if you do get it to work, you never want to do it more than once.
	So what happens?
	You push this button, it shoots out four inches?
	Throw it in the trash.
	Somebody shut that toy factory down.
	Imagine being a loser who collects those things.
	I love being a daddy.
	I like taking my kids to Disneyland.
	I love Disneyland.
	The only thing I don't like about Disneyland is the other people.
	Have you seen them there?
	What the hell are they doing there?
	I hate when a whole group of like 20 all have the same shirt on.
	I think that's so they can identify each other.
	It's not acceptable.
	Why are you there in such a big group anyway?
	We were in line for a ride.
	The family that was behind us just got in front of us.
	The first time, I didn't even know what to do.
	I'm like, all right, clearly I don't have all the information here.
	They were behind us and now they're in front of us.
	How come I'm not saying something?
	See, you can choose not to be a butt boy, but you'll toss and turn all night hating yourself.
	I went for the next ride.
	I was on red alert.
	Spread out, kids!
	Swing your hips!
	Swing them!
	Swing them rope to rope!
	See, the next day he's saying he's not going to let it happen again.
	You have to really be careful at the switchback.
	Hug the post!
	Because if you don't hug the post, some worm family... Worm people are on the planet!
	Nice clean humor from Brian.
	It happened anyway.
	I'm doing our best to protect our place in line.
	First, it was the little kids in the family behind us.
	They just got up in front of my kids.
	So my heart starts going.
	I look back, thinking one of their parents will say, no, we're behind this family and have been for a half hour.
	That's what I was thinking should happen.
	But instead, the mom came up and said, what are you kids doing up here?
	They probably worked that out in advance.
	What are you doing up here?
	I look back at the dad.
	Maybe he's the voice of reason.
	He just squeezes up the other side and he says, well, I guess we're up here now.
	That's what you guess?
	That's the guess you take under the circumstances?
	So this time I had to say something.
	I'm like, listen, we're behind this guy that's in front of you.
	It's been a half an hour.
	It's kind of hard.
	Not to know our place, the guy's got like a red mohawk and backgammon pieces in his earlobes.
	It's been him and then us for a half an hour and now you guys are betwixt us.
	This is how you handle it, folks.
	Okay, go ahead, if it's that big a deal to you.
	It is.
	It's that big a deal to me.
	I want my family flying around on elephants before your family.
	Yeah.
	Might sound absurd to you, but I like the way it makes me feel inside.
	We're living in a society!
	Blame me as the jerk.
	I wish I had handled it differently.
	I wish right when he would have stepped in front of me that I would have just reached into the pockets of his cargo shorts and just pulled out his belongings and just hurled them.
	Good throw.
	Just as far as I could humanly hurl.
	And then just grabbed her purse and just whipped it into some distant flower bed.
	Watching Disney receipts slowly descend back down to earth.
	Thank you.
	And then when they looked at me weird, I'd go, Oh, I thought you wanted complete anarchy.
	Anyway, he's great.
	That's kind of long to play a clip, but so perfect.
	And yeah, it doesn't take a lot folks.
	As, as a baby monster pointed out to us, he just goes, Oh, we're cutting now.
	That's what we're doing.
	We're cutting now.
	Oh, okay.
	I didn't hear that.
	That's a great way to say it, too.
	I get a little too aggressive with my society shit.
	I don't know if it'll work with people of color, because I think shame needs to be a part of the mix.
	Well, there was this one woman.
	It was at our flight was canceled and there was a fucking five hour lineup, which, by the way, in the future.
	You can usually get a ticket for 300 bucks.
	I'm not lining up for five hours to save 300 bucks.
	Especially when by the time I get to the end of the line, all those flights are booked.
	They use them all up.
	So you're waiting for nothing.
	You're waiting to go on a flight tomorrow.
	I'd rather just buy a new one on Orbitz.
	Let's go over there.
	We'll go get some nachos while we wait.
	Don't wait in that hell line.
	You're worth more than that.
	But, um, yeah, this black chick, she just went to the front and sat on the floor in front and I go, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that.
	And then she moved behind me and I said to the Asian dudes, I hope you're not going to let that fly because it was out of my hands.
	Once you're behind me, I lose 78% of my authority as a butt boy.
	I can't be helping people that are fucking 50 people behind me.
	Yeah, there it is.
	And she goes, I got kids.
	I gotta get home.
	I got kids.
	I go, lady, we all got kids.
	And you know what happened to her?
	She stood her ground by sitting on the floor.
	And then she just eventually gave up and ran away.
	That'll do.
	Fighting over cutting in line.
	Oh, good.
	There's some African-American butt boys.
	And gals.
	Butt gals.
	For their food at a local pizza parlor.
	Y'all can't see me.
	So not only do you get to butt, but you get to demand no one can complain?
	Y'all can't see me.
	So not only do you get to butt, but you get to demand no one can complain?
	Take my butt.
	What is he covered in blood?
	Is he?
	Why is he all of a sudden a cadaver?
	A maimed cadaver?
	I mean, the video quality is bad, but the playback quality is unforgivable.
	Boyfriend beats white guy to a pulp.
	Go back up to the other criteria.
	I missed something.
	Black woman enters restaurant, starts cussing out white guy for complaining, and then brings in boyfriend and spits in manager's face.
	See, this doesn't sound like people are behaving very well.
	No.
	What is going on with your internet there, Chief?
	Let's see there.
	I don't know.
	That's pathetic.
	And it's your computer.
	This is not, this is the free show.
	We're advertising our incompetence to the entire world.
	Eight billion people are looking at this lack of competence.
	I don't think, I don't think it's that many people, man.
	You thought I was bald.
	You thought I was bald.
	I'm not saying 100% of the world is watching, but we have the potential for 100% of the country to be watching.
	So we're giving up on that video?
	Yeah, man.
	Do you have too many tabs open?
	Isn't that your belief?
	I just closed a bunch of them.
	Now it is playing, but from the beginning.
	And I feel like if I move it, it'll... That's fine.
	Don't move it.
	I just said that's fine.
	Okay.
	Holy fuck, you're a challenge.
	Don't touch anything.
	That's a real pussy move to get on your phone.
	Just be like, hey, hey, there's a line.
	There's a line.
	Lady, there's a line here.
	That's a real pussy move, to get on your phone.
	Just be like, hey, hey, there's a line.
	There's a line.
	Lady, there's a line here.
	We're all waiting, sweetheart.
	Then she overhears a man on his cell phone complaining about her.
	This is a different city than New York, that's for sure.
	Hmm.
	Dude.
	What's your browser?
	You're making us all look bad.
	Could just be that viddy.
	I don't know.
	But it has an embedded spin on it?
	I don't know.
	No, well that's silly.
	But everything else is working quite good.
	Alright, let's jump to races.
	This is working fine, you can skip all day.
	Something's up.
	Well, I have to see that video.
	Could be racism.
	But speaking of racism, let's jump to some racism.
	We don't usually do this.
	It's frowned upon.
	I'm a black female.
	What other difference, what else could I have done to piss you off?
	A black woman?
	This is really inconvenient.
	- Stop breaking! - I have a dream.
	- Oh, Black Betty, bam, bam, whoa, Black Betty, bam, bam, Black Betty had a child, bam, bam, the damn thing gone wild. - Again, we don't usually cover racism on the Friday shows, but we haven't covered it all week. but we haven't covered it all week.
	Matty's texting me from prison.
	Allow dominoes to also use your locat- No.
	No.
	I hate how you want to order food these days you got to get the app and then they own you.
	Or you buy a shirt and then you get an email from the shirt company twice a day for the rest of your life.
	It's unpleasant.
	Here was this is ancient Chinese secret, but it's worth noting.
	This, this went viral many moons ago, but we got to show it on the show.
	See, this show isn't just breaking news.
	It's also an archive, a library of memes and events.
	So in like 50 years, I want this to be a time capsule.
	That means that if I don't get to something when it's breaking, I got to squeeze it in later, even though you've already seen it.
	So this is a black person said to this white woman, please season your chicken.
	And she is confronting the age old stereotype that whites don't know how to season.
	on this app.
	If in your brain you only view seasoning as things like garlic powder, onion powder, or maybe something like rosemary, if this is what you view as seasoning and seasoning only, let me pose you a question.
	What does this come from?
	Granulated garlic.
	What is that?
	Garlic?
	Onion powder.
	What does that come from?
	Dehydrated onion?
	Let's take a look at the spice rub.
	Dehydrated garlic, onion, and bell pepper.
	I sauteed those bell peppers along with my onion and garlic.
	Hmm.
	What is so funny to me is if I had just doused my chicken in this rub, in this rub alone, the seasoning police would be out of my comments.
	They wouldn't even be in there.
	But the second it's fresh garlic or fresh onion or fresh bell pepper, it's automatically not seasoning.
	And let me just say one last thing.
	If you're one of those people that loves to watch cooking competitions and a judge says something is under seasoned, they're talking about salt.
	Under seasoning your food means there's not enough salt in it.
	Salt.
	is gonna bring out the flavor of onion, the flavor of garlic, the flavor of whatever random spice rub that you have.
	And let me just say that if your food tastes a little off, it's not because you need to add more powder.
	It's most of the time because you need to add more salt or some sort of acid like lemon juice or vinegar.
	Okay?
	You know what that is by the way?
	That's a woman doing what they're good at.
	Like she's in her zone.
	They say write about what you know.
	This is someone talking about what they know.
	She's in the fucking zone, boys.
	And yeah, I don't hang out in the hood, so I don't get the seasoning thing a lot, but it is sort of the go-to criticism of white people, that they don't season the food.
	Here's a clip of a black dude who wants percentage of the GDP.
	This is something we were trying to find a couple weeks ago and it had been erased.
	But uh, the amount of money this man is talking about is gonna put us all in the poor house.
	She's in the poor house now.
	Blackie inventions return to us permanently, and if you want to use it, you must pay us a percentage.
	The cell phone, we invented that.
	You did not invent the cell phone.
	You did not invent the internet.
	You didn't even invent peanut butter.
	There's a great walk, don't run viral thing on YouTube recently.
	It's got like fucking 30 million views.
	But the guy from the Babylon Bee, he just goes through all of the black inventions that you keep hearing about.
	And 99% of the time, it's a patent on a potential improvement.
	So like the mailbox.
	The way we use a mailbox today was patented by this white guy who runs a steel company and that's the same mailbox.
	But there was a black dude way down the line who invented something similar where you put in the letter and it's weatherproof because you got to go like that and no rain can get in.
	Yeah, this video.
	Oh no, that's a different one.
	Yeah, that's a different one, but I guess he's done it more than once, or more than one black inventions.
	So they'll take someone who patented something, like that black dude who patented a filament for the light bulb that no one ever used, and that goes from trying to get an invention to be part of a very popular, previously made invention, to, I made the whole thing, and no one else did anything.
	No, dude, you tried to climb aboard the phone, and you failed.
	Sorry.
	Okay, just imagine his world though.
	So let's say black people own the cell phones.
	This was a black invention, right?
	The internet, which we've been trying to use.
	Maybe I should blame black people all morning.
	What do I give you?
	Like a percentage of my income?
	The gross of this podcast?
	And who?
	Like all black people, I guess.
	Him.
	I know he's at the top of the list.
	There's an argument for that?
	That's not even how inventions work.
	Like if a guy invents something and he's white, not all white people get a chunk of what he gets.
	black people we had hundreds of thousands of acres of land stolen from us we need to put together a research there's an argument for that that's not even how inventions work like if a guy invents something and he's white not all white people get a chunk of what he gets right yeah that's going to They were promised 40 acres and a mule after slavery.
	They didn't get 40 acres and a mule.
	So there was what?
	4 million slaves?
	40 acres times 4 million?
	There's something.
	They were promised 40 acres and a mule after slavery.
	They didn't get 40 acres and a mule.
	So there was what, 4 million slaves?
	40 acres times 4 million?
	There's something.
	We get a 25% cut permanently.
	Every time America makes a dollar, we get 25 cents of that dollar as part of the reparations payment.
	You get 25% of the GDP?
	Wow.
	And 60% of us make up 10 states.
	All 10 of the states are seaboarding states.
	We shall automatically control the port.
	Psychological damages.
	Every time you see a black man with a white woman, that's psychological damage.
	Every time you see a black woman with a blind wig on her head, that's psychological damage.
	Every time you see a little black boy or girl playing with a white doll instead of a black doll, that's psychological damage.
	Would you relax, sir?
	So, we got a big bill coming.
	I heard a better solution to all this than just 25% of the GDP.
	This is a black academic who owns a bookstore.
	He was doing a talk, I guess, to local politicians.
	And he has a much cheaper solution.
	Camu Cambon.
	The system is not stopping.
	And then finally, I want to say that we need one idea.
	And we're not thinking about a solution to the problem.
	We're dealing with all these other things, but these are diversions from the solution to the problem.
	So true.
	And we have to start to think about a solution to the problem so that these young brothers and sisters who are here now, who are 15, 16, and 17, are not here 25 years later talking about the same problem.
	Right.
	What's the solution?
	How do I know that the white people know that we are going to come up with a solution to the problem?
	I know it because they have retina scans, they have what they call racial profiling, DNA banks, and they're monitoring our people to try to prevent the one person from coming up with the one idea.
	And the one idea is how we are going to exterminate white people.
	Because that, in my estimation, is the only conclusion I have come to.
	I didn't hear a gasp in there.
	I guess they just miked him really closely.
	So we're monitoring him and everyone around him to make sure they don't think of this.
	So you just thought of it loud.
	Shouldn't you, like, be running after this?
	You just set off a million retina alarms.
	A million drones are just circling out the building right now.
	He fucking figured it out.
	We're dead.
	Exterminate!
	Exterminate!
	Exterminate white people off of the face of the planet to solve this problem.
	Now I don't care whether you clap or not, but I'm saying to you that we need to solve this problem because they are going to kill us.
	And I will leave on that.
	So we have to just set up our own system and stop playing.
	He's doing a pretty good job if you check the local crime stats.
	Seems that the problem is being solved on a daily basis.
	Much to caucastic chagrin.
	Yeah we laugh but he's taking it pretty seriously.
	He's taking out the trash on a daily basis.
	1-9, you can see that this is not such an absurd.
	Now this is an email called, Can You Imagine If The Races Were Reverse?
	It's a website called The Root, which only black people read.
	And every article is about how much white people suck.
	You can see why I avoid this subject.
	Whiteness is a pandemic.
	Whiteness is a public health crisis, it shortens life expectancies, it pollutes the air.
	Whiteness pollutes the air.
	It constricts equilibrium.
	You'll notice that you'll see when blacks or other races walk near a white person, they sort of go, what the?
	They'll go careening into a black invented mailbox.
	It devastates forests, it melts ice caps, it sparks and funds wars, it flattens dialects.
	It infects, no, infests consciousness and it kills people.
	White supremacy is a virus that, like other viruses, will not die until there are no bodies left for it to infect.
	Which means the only way to stop it is to locate it, isolate it, extract it, and kill it.
	Let the bodies hit the floor.
	But they don't like cultural appropriation.
	So I guess, yeah, they can't exist.
	It's not even like they could just stop being white.
	Y'all people?
	Uh, why don't we jump to some blacks behaving badly?
	Okay.
	I'm already regretting putting this on the Friday show.
	This'll be a short... Why don't you, uh, can you get back to your video with the butter?
	I'm determined to see that.
	Maybe now that it's had some room to breathe, maybe the computer just needed some oxygen.
	Don't touch anything!
	Don't even breathe.
	- I wanted to breathe.
	- It's maroon for life.
	- Don't touch anything.
	- Okay. - Don't even breathe.
	- No volume.
	- Yeah, don't worry about the volume.
	It's that stupid narrator.
	As you can see, the person in line with the chops... So he calls on the phone.
	Oh, no, we're going back to the beginning.
	We've all seen this before, though.
	This is nothing new.
	He goes, some bitch just bought it in line.
	Total pussy move.
	So she goes, how dare you... It's not a prank.
	Oh, you know what I could do?
	Let me try to download it.
	Why does some videos do that and some don't?
	Some do, and yeah, like you said, some don't.
	You said some.
	Here, what about this?
	Everybody's going to jump on us, by the way.
	Yes, we know that they wash their chicken.
	And we also know that in the onion powder and garlic powder, there is salt in them.
	That's why, you know, they think that it's good.
	But have you ever cooked your food in a dishwasher?
	I'm familiar with that.
	I know people who do.
	No, you don't.
	Yeah, I do.
	Are you serious?
	Yeah.
	There's whole recipe books.
	On cooking in the dishwasher?
	Yeah.
	It's like a sous vide?
	Yeah, it's a common thing that I think we've even covered on the show.
	But she turns off the lights in between the commercials.
	Yeah, but Brian, she's a freak, A. B, we've already covered her.
	She's from the cheapskate episode.
	How about washing your collard greens in the bathtub with soap?
	And now your collard greens, I don't think you prepare it this way.
	How do you prepare your collard greens?
	Well, I saw a bunch of viral videos about black people, um, washing their chicken with dish soap, like blue dish soap.
	Yeah.
	Which, ugh.
	What?
	What's the problem with that?
	It's not bleach?
	Um, all the bugs and mud.
	Why do you call her Tramp?
	That's kind of weird.
	Look at our last seat cleaner.
	Thank you, mama, for putting in that work, child.
	Thanksgiving's gonna be out there. - Why you call her Trap?
	That's kind of weird.
	Doesn't that mean she's a hoe?
	Here are some charitable people in New York City This was just sent to me today.
	I set up a little... I'm in the Knights of Columbus.
	Charity is a big thing.
	I love these guys and I love that they do this turkey drive.
	They say they're very careful on making sure the families who get the turkeys deserve it.
	I think the guy in charge is a principal at a local school and you got to be from this neighborhood, but...
	Besides that really kind of diligent monitoring, a lot of charity just seems like white people trying to feel better about themselves.
	Like, is it really going to a hungry person who's really hungry?
	Okay, maybe.
	She just took one thing.
	Strangers actually put down their own groceries to help people in need.
	All right.
	So it's cool so far.
	Alright, you're in a wheelchair.
	Blue jeans.
	Remember his blue jeans.
	You grab some bread.
	I can live with that.
	That dude looks like he definitely needs it.
	And look, he just takes a thing.
	Hey man, thanks.
	I just took your thing.
	That's a different wheelchair.
	So I'm gonna let it go.
	Right?
	Or are those the same blue jeans and it's just a different... ...lighting?
	And then these two come.
	Turn it up!
	Yeah, free.
	It's all free.
	Yeah, I don't know how much milk I can take.
	I'm gonna have kids.
	Seven Luckily those that the food are actually bombs Wow.
	Yeah.
	If that was bad.
	That was behaving badly.
	That's the segment.
	And then 2-1.
	We have these ladies who have decided 80% of the way through.
	See how it's in red there?
	That is missing.
	I marked it.
	Oh shit.
	It sucks.
	Now how do I look for that?
	Would I?
	Oh, I think we've come across this problem before.
	God, we're not advertising our brand very well.
	Alright, last one then before we leave this uncomfortable subject for everyone.
	That chick who I believe grew up white.
	I can't remember.
	Janelle Simmons or something.
	She was the one who got fired from ESPN for bitching about how racist everyone is all the time.
	Here she is talking about Detroit and saying black people suck because they left and then now black people are coming back which sucks because now black people are coming back.
	Detroit is the blackest city in the country.
	Detroit, like many urban centers, was the casualty of white flight.
	By the way, the whites left because the industry died, and the industry died because of MLK and his Marxist union promotion.
	He overdid it with the unions, made car manufacturing in Detroit unaffordable, and destroyed countless lives.
	So that was you.
	Detroit is the blackest city in the country.
	Detroit, like many urban centers, was the casualty of white flight.
	The race riots that happened in 1967, the white people fled the city of Detroit in droves.
	Suddenly you have like two, three hundred thousand white people just leave, then it's taking the tax Isn't that what you want?
	It changes the dynamic of city services, of policies, schools, all of that.
	Detroit fell on some very challenging economic times.
	Detroit used to be one of the richest cities in the world, and now it's one of the poorest.
	White people who cross 8 Mile, they're all living in the suburbs, leaving the city behind to die.
	It becomes a very great racial divide.
	But wait a minute, I was just told that not only do we have to leave, we have to die.
	Now she's like, these people left, and it created a very challenging dynamic.
	You mean like Haiti after they killed all the white people?
	Yeah, our thing is that now it's reverse migration.
	It's that a lot of white people are moving back to Detroit.
	Okay, good.
	So you're happy now.
	They're trying to birth some new industries in downtown Detroit.
	When the cool industries come, the people who put their sweat equity into the city when it wasn't cool, they get pushed out.
	And they all of a sudden want to appeal to a different type of Detroiter.
	Which is not a black Detroiter.
	Well, so what do we do?
	Tell me what to do.
	Just nothing.
	I will do anything, including blow my own head off.
	Tell me what to do, Jameel.
	That's a good start.
	Don't leave, don't come.
	Okay, fine.
	Alright, have you got that video downloaded yet?
	Uh, here's the wrinkle.
	It doesn't even download.
	What?
	Look, it just stops.
	- It's cursed.
	Okay, we gotta hire hackers to play that video.
	I mean, it was on TruTV and everything.
	I looked on YouTube for it.
	Let me see.
	Forget it.
	We're quitting.
	But let's jump to My Pet Biden.
	We're running out of time.
	Running out of time.
	My pen. Biden.
	On him I can depend.
	My pen. Biden.
	President.
	Sleepy.
	Biden.
	Wait, what?
	That doesn't rhyme.
	Before we get started, I always wear Nita Fashions.
	This is one of the few blazers I am wearing on this show that isn't Nita Fashions.
	And they are going to be here in New York.
	They're on tour right now.
	And they're going to be in your town very soon.
	So they leave New York tomorrow, April 2nd.
	They've been here for six days.
	Have you been yet?
	What?
	Have you been yet?
	Should we go?
	Let's go today.
	Okay.
	I want to get a suit.
	You said I can get a suit.
	Yeah, I'm also not your daddy.
	And we've been reading these ads for weeks.
	You've had plenty of time to figure your shit out.
	I thought we'd go together.
	Why?
	Because.
	You know them.
	If I just show up at their thing, that's not gonna be weird.
	Shut up.
	Anyway, if you're watching this show and you're wondering, you can show up without me.
	It's perfectly reasonable.
	So they leave tomorrow, April 2nd.
	And then in Boston, they're there, what are we now?
	April 1st is Saturday?
	Yes.
	And then April 2nd is their last day.
	So Monday, April 3rd, they're in Boston until the 5th, right?
	Then DC, they're there the 6th to the 8th.
	And then it goes Houston, April 10th to the 12th.
	Dallas, April 17th to 19th.
	Chicago, April 20th to 23rd.
	Denver, April 24 and 25.
	LACA, 27th to the 29th San Francisco April 30th to May 1st And then they're back to Hong Kong to make the various outfits you chose when you went in there and had a personal fitting Contact them on their website needafashions.com or you can go on their Instagram DM them They will set up a time to come meet you.
	They'll tell you the hotel they're at you go there you go sample some fabrics and You get a cheap shirt or an expensive shirt, depending on what your budget can allow, and then you get home and you wait.
	And a few days later, boom.
	A custom suit arrives.
	FedEx.
	You gotta steam it.
	It's wrinkled a little bit by the time it gets to you.
	And then you have a perfect suit on that fits you like pee-pee jam-jams.
	Don't steam a suit.
	Causes puckering.
	Yeah.
	Alright, so to get back to the show, We had a horrific shooting on Monday.
	Unimaginable horrors.
	Six people killed.
	Three kids.
	By a deranged trans person.
	I saw one of the excuses was, her Christian parents never accepted her.
	Yeah.
	I don't know if you were ever a metalhead, but your parents don't accept you either.
	I don't know if you were ever punk, or goth, or like, you murdered people because your parents didn't accept you?
	Very few parents totally accept their kids.
	I think the parents of jocks are happy, but besides that they're always like, what the fuck's the matter with you?
	My entire crew in high school were rejected by their parents to the point of getting kicked out of the house.
	Sometimes they'd stay with us for a while.
	We kind of had a couple adopted kids that were just my friends whose parents were shitheads who kicked them out.
	So that's a super lame excuse.
	But I saw this clip when it came out and I hadn't heard of the shooting yet.
	So I thought this was fake.
	I thought they took A Biden blunder and stuck it after the Nashville shooting to make him look bad?
	Me too.
	But I don't think that's the case, boys and girls.
	This is after the shooting.
	This is how he behaves when there's just been a bunch of people massacred.
	My name is Joe Biden.
	I'm Dr. Joe Biden's husband.
	And I ate Chitty's ice cream.
	Chocolate chip.
	Chocolate chip?
	I like chocolate chip.
	I came down because I heard there was chocolate chip ice cream.
	Is that why you came down?
	By the way, I have a whole refrigerator full upstairs.
	You think I'm kidding?
	I'm not.
	Ben, how are you, pal?
	Hey.
	One of the best guys in the United States Congress.
	Ben Cardin.
	Hi, Joe.
	Joe, those children were just murdered.
	Folks, welcome to the White House.
	What?
	It's a delight to have you all here.
	And who are those good-looking kids back there?
	Are your kids all four of them?
	Can I sniff them?
	Well, stand up, guys.
	I see bodies.
	Nice bods.
	John, we'll jump back in here, considering the moment.
	There's a school shooting that just happened, left three children dead, three adults dead, shooters dead, and we were told he would be addressing this off the top.
	Dude, he's so inappropriate that news stations go, uh, can we switch back here?
	I didn't know this was going to be going on.
	We're going to interrupt the President.
	Like, we're going to get in trouble.
	We're going to be called disrespectful for showing the President of the United States.
	It's rude.
	It trivializes murder to show the President talk.
	But what's up with the audience laughing, too?
	It sounds canned.
	It sounds can't it sounds canned it does right It could conceivably be I hope I My name is Joe Biden.
	I'm Dr. Joe Biden's husband.
	Yeah, I think that that might be added in post.
	But his ridiculous speech is definitely after the thing.
	Go to the next link I sent on that.
	Just so I know I'm not crazy.
	Biden jokes about only being known for chocolate chip ice cream and Ray-Bans before calling on Congress to pass assault weapon ban after Nashville shooting.
	See that you could be sort of playing with the days there.
	But he addressed the school shooting in Nashville at a woman's business event.
	His press secretary asked how many more children have to be murdered before the Republicans in Congress will step up and pass the assault weapon ban.
	Jill said our children deserve better.
	I mean, if he did this chocolate chip thing, A week ago?
	Then you look at that headline and it still makes sense, right?
	Go back.
	He did joke about chocolate chip ice cream before calling on Congress to pass assault weapon ban after Nashville shooting, right?
	You could be playing with weeks here, but if you go into the article, uh, He began joking about how his sister Valerie is smarter than, and talking about his love of chocolate chip ice cream.
	I came down, you know it's pretty dull when you've been hurting, you know Ben I've been doing, so we just saw him address Ben.
	I've been doing this whole career and it seems just sick.
	It's heartbreaking, a family's worth nightmare, Biden continued.
	You see that?
	So it's all the same speech.
	He just thought he'd started out light.
	Dude, on the Tuesday show, this is a comedy show, a goofball show, where Ryan comes up with terrible ideas and we call him Detective Shitty, and then we show him as a detective with shit smeared on his face.
	So this is not Forbes.
	This is not the Wall Street Journal's international section.
	And even we, by the way, that was a cue to show Detective Shitty, you fucking Detective Shitty.
	And even we, on that day on Tuesday, couldn't joke around and had to get to it.
	No chocolate chip jokes.
	No Ray-Ban jokes.
	Hey, Detective Shitty, where's the Detective Shitty thing?
	I'm still trying to confirm if this is true or not.
	What?
	I ask you to play something and you go on a little research trip?
	And we just did confirm it.
	Yeah, but not the laughter.
	I want to see the raw.
	Oh, the laughter, yeah.
	Oh, that's easier said than done.
	I looked on their White House YouTube channel, but there's no clip, such clip.
	Yeah, I don't think they're going to keep that around.
	Here he is saying that he's got China on his mind.
	This is 2-3.
	I applaud China for stepping up, excuse me, I applaud Canada.
	You can tell what I'm thinking.
	So today, I applaud China for stepping up.
	You can tell what I'm thinking.
	I really want to be applauding Canada.
	I mean, China.
	Here we are totally denying the corruption of Hunter Biden.
	Wait a minute, I think we already showed this.
	2-4, the Hunter Biden thing.
	So that's the montage where he says, I've never discussed business with my son Hunter.
	And then we see a bunch of examples of him discussing business, doing business with various people with Hunter.
	And then I thought this was just a good juxtaposition.
	Here's Trump back in the Manchester terrorist days.
	Was it Ariana Grande concert in Manchester?
	Remember this?
	This is what a president sounds like when he has his shit together.
	I'd like to begin by offering my prayers to the people of Manchester.
	You have other audio open, Ryan?
	No, it's part of it.
	I extend my deepest condolences to those so terribly injured in this terrorist attack, and to the many killed, and the families, so many families, of the victims.
	We stand in absolute solidarity With the people of the United Kingdom.
	So many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives murdered by evil losers in life.
	Losers.
	I hate when they call them cowards.
	Losers is perfect.
	I won't call them monsters because they would like that term.
	Oh wait, go back, I missed that.
	I don't call them what?
	Because they would like that term?
	Monsters.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I won't call them monsters.
	Because they would like that term.
	They would think that's a great name.
	I will call them, from now on, losers.
	Because that's what they are.
	They're losers.
	And we'll have more of them.
	But they're losers.
	Just remember that.
	Great stuff.
	An actual president.
	An actual person.
	A living president.
	That's what Trump was.
	And then lastly, poor kids are just as smart as white kids.
	Versus, I may be white but I'm not dumb.
	I may be a white boy but I'm not stupid.
	Who's putting this fucking canned laughter in everybody?
	Is it Benny Johnson?
	Benny, stop that.
	Is that a Benny Johnson clip?
	I bet.
	No, but they get it from Benny Johnson.
	That's what he does, he puts these laughs.
	Benny, just play the clip.
	I know where the power is!
	You think I'm joking?
	I learned a long time ago about the- And the other thing we should do is we should challenge these students.
	We should challenge students in these schools to have advanced placement programs in these schools.
	We have this notion that somehow if you're poor, you cannot do it.
	Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.
	Wealthy kids.
	Black kids.
	He does that thing that Michael Richards did after The N-Word, where he's like, fat kid, white kid, see, it's words.
	Ooh, words.
	Oh, words.
	Oh, no.
	All right, well, let's wrap up the show here with some letters, unless, Ryan, you have anything important you want to tell us.
	I do.
	Once upon a time... Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Let's have it all started.
	Jon Stewart lie, FYI, the Jon Stewart green screen.
	So this was a long time ago, we did a green screen on Jon Stewart and he was attacking some dude saying, the number one killer of kids in America is guns.
	So you're all worried about Drag Queen Story Hour, yet guns are killing our kids.
	And the politician he was talking to pussied out and didn't confront that.
	He didn't point out that the kids he's talking about are old.
	He also didn't talk about how the guns that are killing these kids are some gangster's gun he left on the couch.
	And also drive-bys.
	Not legal guns, not rifles.
	Some hunting rifles some dad had in the basement.
	And he also forgot to mention that kids don't really die in America.
	The numbers are a fraction of a tenth of a percent.
	And that's cancer, and car accidents, and swimming pools, and guns.
	Even cancer, kids tend to bounce back.
	So it's a very misleading stat, and it's an easy way to fuck with someone.
	And John did it.
	But anyway, this writer, Baby Monster, writes in to say, no, it's even worse than you thought.
	It is very important to know that the data for this stat was done for the age range of 0 to 19 years.
	to 19 years.
	85% of the gun-related deaths were within the 15 to 19-year-old age range.
	It seems very odd that the CDC only has stats for 0 to 14 years or 0 to 19 years, Legally, a child is aged 0-17 years?
	Why is there no mortality statistic for the whole demographic of children 0-17 years?
	Stats of children as a demographic is relevant and should be available.
	Adults Adults aged 18 to 19 are not and have never been regarded as children.
	It's very hard to find stats for the mortality rate and leading cause of death 0 to 17 years.
	And also when you say children, you don't think of 17.
	You don't think of some 17 year old gangbanger.
	You think of toddlers.
	Which is another trick Jon Stewart does.
	Well I guess we'll be hearing more of these tricks if Howard Stern gets his wish and Jon Stewart becomes President of the United States because, as Howard put it, your country needs you.
	The notion that gun violence is the leading cause of mortality for children seems to be an intentional and deceitful lie that is being pushed and most people who hear this lie probably do not realize this.
	What do you think?
	That guy's name is Sharni, which I'm not familiar with that name.
	Are you?
	No.
	This is kind of, I've alluded to this in the past, but I might as well get it out of the way.
	Hey, Gavin Rye, gay.
	In a recent episode, you discussed women in the workforce and shoehorning of women into STEM.
	I work in development and manufacturing of biotherapeutics, mainly cancer therapies.
	I started my career in my hometown of Madison, Wisconsin.
	Where even though lefty politics run rampant, meritocracy and science was still alive.
	I recently moved out west to the Seattle area for more career opportunities.
	In my naivete, spelled wrong, I figured there was no way the lefty politics could have penetrated science.
	Holy fucking shitballs was I wrong.
	After accepting a position at a very successful company just out of the startup phase, I quickly realized what I was in for.
	Being the only man in my group, the woman felt very comfortable sharing their hatred of men and anything masculine.
	This is all women in lab coats and petri dishes bitching about us, by the way.
	They constantly talked about all the classic feminist points of men are dopes, men screwed this up, if we didn't have so many men, blah blah blah, in a job where efficiency and scientific thought is critical.
	They simply can't keep up.
	I get more done in a day here than most of them do all week.
	They come in late, love taking up time with bullshit meetings, take long lunches, and sit around at their desks dishing about TV shows.
	Then they complain about how they have so much to do.
	But that's all they do, complain.
	When something goes wrong, they turn to me or other men in the group and ask why this didn't get done, why didn't this get ordered, etc.
	The scientific method is dead.
	They have an experiment that doesn't work, they retest and expect a different result.
	These are people with doctorate and master's degrees with the scientific capacity of a 10-year-old.
	This older divorce broad, for example, is the worst offender.
	She can't even use Microsoft Excel.
	I see her clicking around like a fucking chimpanzee trying to get a cookie.
	I'm coaching these people with advanced degrees on how to develop the quality control test for shit that's going into people.
	They are so inept, they can't even figure out if something doesn't work.
	You need to try to do it a different way until you find the solution.
	They do the same thing over and over, get the same results, and then they get so frustrated they give up.
	For fuck's sake!
	No wonder the biotech industry moves so goddamn slow.
	I don't want to sound like I'm just shitting on all women.
	I love women.
	But I love them when they fill the roles they're good at.
	Like talking about spice.
	There are great women here who work very hard and are very intelligent but majority of these broads should not be involved in this work or any work besides being a mom.
	- Who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?
	- Oh, that's not-- - In the sense that-- - This is kind of gross.
	Thank you.
	Dennis Prager defends porn?
	Come on.
	I like porn.
	Now pornographic films have been around for a long time.
	It's not the best Prager impression.
	Yes, yes.
	Here it is.
	Starts at one minute.
	See if I could glean an impression out of this.
	What's your stance on man with two suit colors on one suit?
	What's the man with stepmother walks in on stepson?
	What's the matter with girl stuck in washing machine and gets buttfucked?
	What's the matter with Ava Devine gets anally raped to death?
	What's up with, you know, meth-addled, you know, sex addicts just pursuing both addictions simultaneously while you beat off like a little stranger into a sock?
	What's your take on super gag puke fest?
	Bloody.
	What's your take on a bloody anus?
	Are they smoking weed in there?
	Damn, it's smoky up in that.
	It's a weird backdrop.
	I guess they're dead?
	Adultery.
	For people that are overly lusty, they go to the outermost ring of hell, I believe.
	What's the stance on pornography?
	Yeah, they're blown around in a tornado for all eternity, I think.
	So, pornography...
	When I'm asked this question... Just to put you on the spot, by the way.
	You did indeed.
	Okay, so my answer, when it's raised on my radio show, I have a male-female hour, and I'm very open about sexual subjects.
	I always ask, if a wife calls me and says, my husband looks at pornography, like I found on his computer, I have one question.
	How is your life of intimacy with your husband?
	Is it good?
	In other words, is the pornography?
	No, it's never good.
	It's never enough if you have a bunch of kids.
	Yeah.
	So there's zero times when the wife will go, we have sex once a day, but he also looks at porn occasionally.
	And if he didn't, he'd be fucking chicks to get up to his requisite two jizz loads a day.
	Not a thing.
	Your husband's buying McDonald's after dinner.
	You need to start cooking.
	Yeah, you need a better meal.
	Lew of you or in addition to you?
	It's always in Lew.
	Dummy.
	Is this where Judeo-Christian values splits into Judeo and Christian values?
	This is not a religious answer.
	Yes it is.
	You can't covet.
	I'm not giving a religious answer, I'm giving what I think is a moral and realistic answer.
	Men want variety.
	You know what he's saying right now, by the way?
	I love beating off.
	You know, my wife was in a thing where it's like a group Zoom chat or whatever, and some people came in and they kept spamming, what do you think about cock and ball torture?
	Just like over and over again.
	I don't know what that means.
	It's like a thing.
	I think that the right does that.
	I don't even think it was lefties memeing him.
	I think it was like righties.
	Oh, she was on a PragerZoom.
	Yeah.
	You left that minor detail out.
	No, it wasn't a PragerZoom.
	It was like a Zoom with him in it.
	That's a PragerZoom.
	Okay, sure.
	Any Zoom that PragerZoom is a PragerZoom.
	Yeah, if it's civilians and one celebrity.
	It was for a college.
	It was a college Zoom.
	Unimportant.
	Cock and ball torture, this guy.
	They said to him, you know.
	If pornography is a substitute for one's wife, it's awful.
	If it's a substitute for adultery, it's not awful.
	See, that's a really bad, logical place to go.
	If it's a substitute for adultery.
	That implies that pornography reduces rape.
	That's the same kind of mentality where you have in Europe where they want to give pedophiles these very realistic toddler dolls to fuck.
	Where Michael Knoll points out that doesn't quell the bad habit, if you want to call it that.
	It encourages the bad habit.
	It rewards the bad bad habit.
	It practices the bad habit.
	They get They start to get good at it, if you will.
	So, no.
	You can't fuck up, blow up toddlers.
	And being good at it, if you will.
	You can't watch meth heads fuck each other because you told your wife you'd cheat on her if she doesn't let you.
	Weird take from old prags.
	And I think if you're watching porn, that means you're like beating off consistently.
	Cause like, do you even need porn to beat off?
	Like if you haven't beat off in a long time, I don't think, I think of like a, a sexual thought is like, Pretty potent.
	You sounded like Hank Hill there.
	Do you need porn to beat off?
	If I think about a woman's nipple, I start getting hard, Bobby.
	For real, I feel like I could whack off dry with nothing.
	Whack off dry!
	That doesn't sound like Frank Hill or whatever.
	Frank Hill.
	Frank Hill, you got it.
	All right, let's end it with this.
	The best Tony Soprano impression ever.
	Ryan could take some notes, this gentleman says.
	I could always take notes and I could always learn to be better.
	Yes, sir.
	So true.
	So true.
	Very humble, of course, really.
	Did you just say whack it dry?
	I think I might have to make that the title of this episode.
	Hey, Christopher Cabee, some of Janice's hippie friends, they're coming to town on this fucking mystery machine trying to bust our business.
	I need you to dress up as a monster and fucking scare about a jersey.
	That is perfect.
	It was good.
	I like the breathing he's got there.
	Yeah, he does have a good breathing.
	Now I forgot how to do mine.
	For fuck's sake.
	I'm gonna beat the fuck out of Super Mario.
	I'm gonna beat the fuck out of Super Mario's.
	Yeah, I haven't... I gotta practice.
	Yeah, you're out.
	You gotta breathe.
	There's a lot of breathing.
	But you gotta stay close to the fucking mic.
	Alright, let's get to the final vid.
	Otherwise... The last video.
	I think I'm going to get...
	I forgot I didn't need to get interrupted for that one.
	I was doing a mailbag go.
	Yeah, I figured.
	One for one.
	So we're playing LA tonight.
	Big fun comedy show.
	Two shows.
	Two sold out shows at a secret location southwest of Los Angeles.
	We'll be back on Monday with a normal show.
	Don't worry, we never leave you wanting for more.
	Maybe we'll hang out with Ye when we're out there.
	Oh, we'll be chilling with Ye and Fuentes, of course, as is our want.
	Can you fuckin' play the commercial?
	Just briefly?
	Yeah, I can play it at the end if you want, or now?
	I've been playing it at the end of the show.
	Oh, you've been playing it?
	Okay, we'll put it at the end of the show.
	This is not very cool of me to...
	to appreciate and enjoy but this is a young man who seems to have bitten off more than he can chew at Lowe's and the box that he's holding appears to be pinching his arm in a way that's causing him extreme possible arm breaking pain and hearing his tone Reminds me that I'm not a nice guy.
	I'm an evil person because I thoroughly enjoyed this.
	What does he got there?
	Like an air conditioner for the very warehouse he's in?
	It's heavy.
	Easy now.
	A chair?
	Easy now.
	A chair?
	Keep coming down, man.
	You got it.
	There's no room for him outside of the box.
	There you go.
	You can't be scared.
	Just roll with it.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	Ow.
	Hell yeah.
	He's doing good.
	You're good.
	He didn't mean to go down.
	He meant to go up.
	Or duck.
	That's really anime type.
	Help!
	Help!
	He can't!
	He can't!
	Help!
	Is it patio furniture?
	I'm begging you.
	I can't breathe.
	Is it patio furniture?
	I'm begging you.
	I can't breathe.
	I can't.
	I can't.
	The machine's not moving.
	We in the way.
	I don't know how to work the machine.
	You need to go down.
	That guy narrating is not very nice.
	Sounds like SNFU Cannibal Cafe, the intro.
	Hee hee hee hee.
	Or is that dead?
	Give it.
	Go grab the ladder.
	laughter That was funny.
	See you Monday, folks.
	Have a fun weekend.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.
	Yeah.
	Who taught you to hate the color of your skin to such extent that you bleach to get like the white man?
	And there was a fat kid, I think his name was Piggy, in the Bass Street Kids.
	After years of bigotry, transphobia, and ableism, the boys are getting the band back together for the And Racism Tour.

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