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March 24, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:28:12
S4E232 - BUTT BOYS IN THE AISLE
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Time Text
Let's go live from New York.
It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
Fuck it, come on.
Yeah, come on.
Whoa.
Way up in the face, we're sitting close to the dog.
I can boil eight seconds, pull the gate when you're not.
Come on.
Yeah, come on.
Survivalin', we livin', fillin'hearts with a shitting grin.
Fried chicken, cat hair biscuits, summertime cold beers, we smoke brisket down home sexy, yeah, we know it.
Fresh pig, sweet corn, baby, we grow it.
Two shitties.
Covered in shit.
Woo!
Throw that beer can away.
Fuck it.
What you gonna do?
Shove it.
Add in the, add in the, add in the bush with my bush.
Master pool, chime in bush.
Like y'all full of outlaw.
Have you feeling up like my beans?
Oh, boy.
Wow.
Y'all full of outlaw.
He's got tobacco in the drone.
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Kick-ass by your father, hopefully.
That is...
I could draw it with a marker.
A wave of goose pimples right here.
What?
That's from some lesbian named Katie.
What's her name?
She's from Asheville, North Carolina.
Katie Noel.
What?
Katie Noel.
Katie Noel.
She is retarded.
She's Noel Good.
A lesbian, a rapper, and a country music star.
This thing went viral.
I don't know how many people actually like it and how many people think it's fucking hilarious.
I was...
Like, you get a call and it's, Katie's doing a video.
All right, well, I wish her nothing but the best.
She wants everyone to be in it, though.
I'm talking to my sister, Jen.
I don't have a sister.
Jen, you have your video.
Do your stuff.
Why are you calling me?
I'm 53 years old.
It would just mean a lot if you would come down and be part of it.
I don't want to be part.
It's cringe.
Fuck you.
Just show some support.
She's working really hard.
And you're like, oh, fuck.
Would you be in this video?
I probably would.
It's a weird thing because, like, it's not unethical.
What you're compromising your values.
It's your friends.
It's your sister's best friend.
So it's not like you're fucking achieving any kind of moral high ground by not being in her cringe video.
But at the same time, I don't like your music.
It sucks.
It's the death of country.
Yeah, country's slowly but surely been fucking getting rappy.
Sucks.
Sad.
I like some shitty country.
Like on our mix, Jason L. Dean.
I think he's pretty corny.
But I like it.
But that's gone beyond corny.
I know you don't like Jason L Dean that much.
You think he's corny, but it wasn't necessary to do what you did in Vegas that time.
That was fucking overboard, dude.
I lose my temper sometimes.
I understand.
I can't believe I got depitted on that fucking random cheat.
Fridays are free.
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I have not been to the gym in a week.
Started with St. Patrick's Day.
And Monday I'm going back.
Now, when you've taken a week off, When you've taken a week off, you don't feel inclined to go to the gym.
Pre-workout helps with that.
Oh, can you give me the printout?
Or do I have that here?
It helps you get off your ass.
It's cheating.
PurpleWorks is cheating.
It gives you a boost.
And I think you should cheat.
I'm all for cheating.
By the way, this isn't really Purple Works related, but another trick that I do to help myself get to the gym is I'm going to be an underachiever today.
I'm not going to do a full workout.
I'm going to, as we say in Canada, fuck the dog, and not do a good job.
Sell yourself short, folks.
Rip yourself off.
That at least gets you to the gym.
And then sometimes, even though you duped yourself, you end up actually sparring someone or doing some hard work.
Jim last night said I'm ripped.
Nice.
Not ripped, hard.
That's good.
Dense muscle, yes.
Yeah.
Because if you're not training for hypertrophy, your muscle is still growing.
It's just getting denser and denser, which is good.
Yeah.
This is the strongest I've been, I think, in my life.
I see pictures of me when I first moved to New York, and the Grover arms are just spaghetti sticks.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got a good frame on you, too, like good shoulders.
Gorgeous.
You were saying I have a gorgeous cock.
What was that?
I didn't say that.
That's what I heard.
On camera.
I did the opposite to you.
Well, you went.
Sorry.
That's what your Valentine to me said.
Valentine's are private.
They're like precious.
I just violated the Valentine-Valentine Confidentiality Act.
I worked out today with my bulletproof vest.
I asked if I could bring it in.
They said, sure.
I thought it was 20 pounds.
It's like 40 pounds.
So I was doing squats and push-ups with it.
Why?
Just to make it harder.
Because I was like finding myself, I don't need water in between rounds until like the fifth round.
And I was like, so I'm not.
Good fighters don't need water.
Bad fighters don't deserve it.
That's a weird thing to do.
People must have been.
I'd be uncomfortable if the guy next to me had a bulletproof vest on.
Good.
Be uncomfortable.
I'll be better than you.
And then they'll be like, ooh.
A lot of you already tried Purple Works and loved it.
They've been getting more sales than ever, and they'd like to thank all the baby monsters for hooking them up.
They even thank the baby monsters that say purple is a gay color.
Purple is the color of sexual frustration, is my opinion.
It's the color of sexual frustration.
Whoa.
But they argue that purple is actually a very regal color that signifies knowledge, wisdom, and royalty.
So don't get it twist.
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So keep an eye out if you're north of the border.
Don't forget to pick up one of their shakers as well.
You put a scoop in there.
Look, I'm not telling you how to live.
I find a full scoop a little too intense.
I have a pussy.
I'm not a big coffee drinker.
I'll have one coffee at like 8 a.m. and then I don't touch the shit forever after that.
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Isn't it supposed to be promo code Ryan Sucks?
Oh, no, that's John Medic.
Also in today's news, joining the Proud Boys can be a little intense.
People end up in prison.
We just had two guys get out for four years.
So you may not want to commit that much to your patriotism in saving the world.
Dude, this Megan Kelly face is bugging the shit out of me.
What do we do here?
We got to have him redesign this without that Megan face looming by my right elbow.
I don't like it.
It's very distracting.
In fact, that's why I put the purple works there to kind of hide it.
If you don't want to join the Prowl Boys, I understand.
But I do think you would be remiss if you were not to join the Butt Boys.
But boys, stand back and stand by.
Butt Boys are not just an idea.
They are an organization.
And their job is to stop people who cut in line, who butt in line.
I haven't thought too hard about the name, but I think Butt Boys is pretty reasonable.
There's no way that could be twisted into anything else but people thinking of you butting in line.
And yes, when you say butt in line, you tend to D your T's.
So it sounds like the Butt Boys butting in line, but it is butt.
Anyway, the place you want to focus on this the most is on planes.
When people are exiting planes.
If you're in row 14, I don't want to see any 15s in front of you, any 16s, any 17s.
And what you do when you get off the plane is you make a wall.
Try to get an aisle seat.
Butt boys always choose aisle seats.
That might be our t-shirts.
Butt boys choose aisle.
Seats?
I'll have to work on that slogan a little bit.
Butt Boys in the aisle.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Butt Boys in the aisle.
I like it.
Yeah.
But boys in the aisle.
In fact, that's the name of the show.
But boys in the aisle.
Right up the aisle.
Because it sucks when you're on a window seat and you see shit happening, you're like, then you got to say to the aisle person, hey, you got to get in there, dude.
Don't let it happen.
But when you're an aisle guy, you get out, you just build a fucking human wall.
And you can see the shithead butters behind you.
Like, what's going on up there?
None of your business what's going on up here.
If it's a handicapped person or an old lady, they'll wait for the plane to exit.
Otherwise, they have a right.
So you stand there and you say, go ahead, go ahead.
And some of them are too scared.
They're by the window seat and they're like, I don't want to get trampled.
You're not getting trampled.
Come on.
Get your stuff.
Get your stuff.
Get up.
Sometimes there'll even be a space forming, which a lot of people think is a sin.
Well, it's kind of a sin in that you didn't move fast enough, but fuck it.
Go ahead, space.
Go ahead.
And then once everyone is safely away from these two rows, right, left row.
All right, now we can move.
And this is a butt boy, newly recruited.
We're thinking of making him a lieutenant in the club.
He's doing an excellent job here.
Nothing gets my rocks off more than calling out all the scumbags that cut in the aisle of the airport on the airplane.
Today I did it.
I've been doing it for like the last six or seven rides.
Today I come up with some kid.
I go, we cutting now?
He basically had a brick shit in his pants.
So I challenge everybody because you know they do it on every fucking plane.
I challenge if you're watching, call them out.
They shit their pants on the spot.
I'm here to make America and the whole world realize that this fucking problem needs to stop.
Nothing gets my great guy.
He might be the leader of the entire Butt Boys.
I've never done that.
Well, remember we did have that fight.
Remember that?
Yeah.
I was like, get back.
And the guy goes, don't fucking touch me.
Why he's a wigger.
He's like, why are you going to lay your hands on me?
The shirt said Brooklyn.
I think he had flip-flops.
He did have flip-flops, yeah.
And I go, get back.
Because I hadn't made the wall.
So he was in front of me.
And I go, what are you doing?
And he goes, relax or something like that.
And then he was a big guy.
Big wig.
Big wig.
He's a big wig in the wigger community.
And eventually I just said, I pushed him back.
And the next thing you know, we're in the parking lot with his fucking Armenian friends ready to roll.
You got to be willing to die for this.
I'm a butt boy.
I refuse to apologize for maintaining the fucking modern world.
Yeah.
Butt boys.
We cut now is a good line.
Another good line is it's called a society.
I've said this before.
I don't know why it's so effective.
Often the people doing the butting are African-American women in their 20s.
That's just a pattern I've personally noticed.
But maybe they're not familiar with the concept of someone mad about a society.
You know, we're living in a society.
I've noticed when I say it, they sort of go, oh shit.
I forgot.
I don't think they're going, he's right.
We are living in a society and we should adhere to some sort of general rules.
I don't think it's that.
I think it's like, this guy knows fancy words and weird concepts.
He might know voodoo.
He might be.
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
Did you see the Proud Boys were in a show, Party Down?
No.
And there's Nick Offerman plays me.
And I'm wearing, I was wearing this because of the country song.
But in this Party Down thing, there's the Rowdy Boys, they're called.
I think it's in the, if you look in the mail, you'll see, just look up Offerman in the mailbag.
So there's the Rowdy Boys, and they have emus as their logo, and they wear black and yellow.
And this is the me guy, and she's scared because I'm a Nazi, right?
So the chef grabs a knife to stab me because I go into the back there.
And I guess the writers see me as a sophisticated hipster.
So Nick wears, he's the leader of the rowdy boys.
He wears hunting gear.
Like I, I think what LA is saying here is that guys like me and Nick Fuentes and Richard Spencer are super fancy smooth talkers because we're so sophisticated.
Let me just tell you, if you think I'm sophisticated, you're retarded.
You have never read so much as a magazine in your life if you think I'm some sort of fancy pants academic.
I probably have 102 IQ.
Yes.
Oh.
I am.
I just wanted to offer my sincere compliments.
The food is sublime.
Biting into your reclaim piece of lamp.
I would like to bite into her reclaim.
Yeah, it's weird that that's your type too.
Opposite Offerman.
Tumbling pell-mell down the slope of the Yungfrau, bracingly whipped as I went by fresh spring stems of marigold, alpine garlic, wild marjoram?
It's the eiger, actually, but I...
Of course.
Can't believe you got that.
That's about the amount of compliments you'd pay to somebody in your entire lifetime, I think.
Yeah, that's what you say at a wedding to your wife.
Do you have the Rowdy Boys?
Do they appear anywhere?
I was talking to Proud Boys at the Max and John thing, and they said that the show was actually pretty fair.
And the Rowdy Boys did okay.
Really?
Unlike that episode of, was it Dissent?
What's that show called?
Oh, fucking.
Secession?
No, no, no.
There was a secession one, but there was also one Law and Order or something.
I forget what it was, but an Ann Coulter slash Lauren Southern woman gets raped.
The good wife or the good fight?
Something like that.
She gets raped.
They rape Ann Coulter slash Lauren Southern.
Let's say they both get raped.
And a proud boy is accused.
And the DA knows that the proud boy doesn't do it, but he proceeds anyway because these people are evil Nazis.
And at least we're getting one off the streets.
What?
And that was heroic.
That was like taking care of business.
Oh, shit.
Finally, we framed a fucking Nazi for rape.
I think she dies, by the way.
I think he rapes her to death.
So he's doing life.
LA, TV is written by people in L.A. Everyone in L.A. is retarded.
They sit in their rooms.
They don't even wear shoes.
They don't put on socks or anything.
They sit with their belly hanging over their pants and they type away on their PowerBooks, writing terrible, shitty shows based on their understanding of the outside world, which they've never seen.
They go from their house to their car, to the studio, to the car, to their house.
They don't go out.
They don't party.
They don't talk to people.
So they know MSNBC and CNN.
That's on in the background.
And they watch a bunch of Netflix.
That's why they're so woke.
They're dumb.
I was going to quit the play.
Right.
Oh, I gave him to the crew.
They loved him.
Oh, shit.
Them rowdy boys.
I don't see the similarity.
It is possible.
Look, they made black guys.
That's pretty good.
I'll take it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nazi bastards!
Dude, dude, actually, can you just...
And they're pussies.
That's good.
Wait a second.
He's not a protester.
Wait, come on.
They're not protesters.
They're Nazis pretending to be protesters.
I bumped into that guy inside.
This is all to get attention.
You socialist scum.
I got two seconds to get the fuck out of here.
Now that's a lofty theory.
Yeah, but that's a common thing that when Antifa behaves badly, they go, yeah, that was Brill Boys pretending to be.
That's who Molotov cocktailed the cops.
Okay, whatever helps you sleep at night.
Fuck you, you fascist bastard.
No, no.
Stop!
Who is this for?
This has cursing, but it's like it's meant for teenagers?
Who the fuck is this for?
Everyone wants.
This is surprisingly popular with blue-collar whites.
What?
Yeah.
Same with that show, The Superhero Show.
Yeah.
What's that called?
The boys?
The boys.
Same team!
We're not full greatness!
That's me at the NYU speech.
Parsonage looks fake on TV and movies, doesn't it?
Thank you.
The browdy boys rolled up and they're just slacking those protesters.
Is that a racist Asian mask?
That's really...
Why...
Just get an Asian actor.
You don't need to do that.
Stop it on this one blonde guy.
Those are our people.
What?
Fake protests?
Get on social media part of the visibility plan?
Classic false.
That's never the goal.
You should be banned on social media.
Sorry, LA.
You can't talk.
It's so weird that LA is Telling the American story, and they don't know anything about anything.
Have you ever debated someone in LA?
It always ends up with this: they're sort of deer in the headlights, and then they go, You should be on Bill Maher.
You should talk to Bill Maher.
They're not saying I'm great, I should be on Bill Maher, which I have been, by the way, back in politically incorrect days.
What they're saying is, we want to pair you up with our biggest guy.
Like, if you were the best fighter in the world, they go, you should fight Mike Tyson.
Bill Maher to them is like a dude with a brain that's this big.
He is their super genius, supercomputer.
And you're like, guess what?
Bill Maher is a retard.
He's only now sort of figuring out that leftist censorship and Soviet dictatorships in America are a bad look.
Oh, wow, Bill.
You know, it was awesome.
I was thinking about this yesterday, a similar thing where Ethan Klein was talking to Crowder and he was like, why don't you interview Sam Cedar?
As if he's afraid of Sam Cedar.
Or when David Cross was like, we need a big, bad lefty like Ron Perlman.
Yeah, he said David's bit was he wishes Ron Perlman would run for president.
And instead of debating Trump, he just runs over and beats the shit out of him.
And you're like, that's your tough guy?
Ron Perlman?
I love it.
From Beauty and the Beast?
Do you really think he's Hellboy?
What a loser.
I want Connor McGregor to beat a Biden.
All right, I have kind of a heady thing to jump into here.
Maybe we should start, before that, we should get to Jump Medic.
Jump Medic?
Here is the fancy Jump Medic to Go bag before we get heavy.
This would be like having a commercial.
We should have had it zipped up and prepared.
But it zips up very easy.
I've opened this bag about 50 times on the show, so shit's starting to fall out.
But when it's done correctly, nothing falls out because you got it all prepared, right?
So Velco's at the top here.
You wear this on your vest when you're going to a doohickey, hunting, fishing, a riot.
And then, uh-oh, someone's in trouble.
Slam the bag down on the ground.
Flop.
Grab it at the top here.
It all unzips and folds out like that.
Well, you can't really see it now.
Ryan, kill the bottom part.
Isn't that awesome?
Now, I'll let you feast on that with your eyes as I explain.
If you've been to Twitter lately, you've seen that it's abundantly clear no one is ever safe.
Everyone is attacking each other and for the most ludicrous of reasons.
We just saw the rowdy boys attack the party down crew.
If you visit Wendy's and you take the last squirt of ketchup out of the dispenser, you better stand black and stand by because apparently in America now, that could be a death sentence.
That's why we have the first aid kit, which is the Jump Medic.
JumpMedic is a fantastic company that makes first aid kits and sells first aid supplies.
The JumpMedic Pro, that's what you see here, is an incredibly durable first aid bag with flat lay design for ease of access.
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But wait, there's more.
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There's also the smaller, more portable bag.
The smaller bag is great for your car or if you're on the go.
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The Pro bag comes with so many supplies that we don't have time to list them all.
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Go to their website, jumpmedic.com, and just take a look at everything included.
It's perfect for anyone.
Families, hunters, rowdy boys, cops, paramedics, you name it.
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They have a variety of first aid supplies available, whether you're buying to resupply your ProKit or to just stock up.
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They now have a convenient refill subscription service for $99.
JumpMedic will keep you stocked up on supplies throughout the year.
Please, ad copy guy, tell me that you put the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number just to drive me insane.
Please, God.
It's like sometimes you see someone dressed so effeminately, you walk by them and you're like, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.
Because if you're a straight man, society is falling apart.
But wait a second, Gav.
What if I'm going on a small excursion?
Then I don't really, really need a really, really big bag bag.
Well, you get the smaller one.
Oh.
For $99, JumpMedic will keep you stocked up on supplies throughout the year.
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Their next refill is going out in early April.
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If you're stocked up on supplies, but you like the JumpMedic bags, they do sell just the empty bags.
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Promo code Gavin also works if you don't hate Ryan, which I can't even imagine.
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Hey, my daughter's babysitting your kid today.
Yes.
This evening.
And it made me think, did you take any of the baby first aid courses?
My wife did, and then she told me about some chest compression sort of things, but no, I probably should know something.
Yeah, you should take that class.
It's just one day.
And they show you the Heimlick.
The Heimlich for a baby is kind of weird.
You hold it here, and you sort of go bang, bang on the back.
You obviously can't do this thing.
Oh, wait, I do remember that.
That I remember, yeah.
And I remember if they're choking on something, they kind of scoop it.
Yep, there's the scoop.
And if you can't scoop, you got to do the back slam.
And you do it hard, like you hurt them.
Right.
Oofed.
I learned not to pat their back when they're coughing or choking on something.
It feels natural to pat their back when they're like coughing and choking on something, kind of.
Not choking, just like coughing, you know what I mean?
It's counterintuitive, but I'm not supposed to do that.
Well, I said to my daughter, I'm like, the number one rule is just don't let her out of your sight.
You don't have to worry about her choking on something if you weren't ignoring her.
No, totally.
Have you noticed, I see that too.
You see on TikTok or something or social media, you see some kid, and the camera shows the room is just covered in like black paint and it goes all the way to the kitchen.
And then they show the kid, and he's covered in black paint, and they just destroyed the house basically.
You're like, How was he out of your sight for that long?
Yeah, what?
Well, it's a good thing.
I mean, that's why I think women make the best babysitters.
They have a natural instinct to care for kids.
Well, when they're that age, if you have shit to do, you got to put them in a cage.
Like, that must have taken an hour.
Your baby was out of your sight for an hour?
Where were you?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I just scrubbed him.
You were scrubbing him?
Yeah.
Oh, Ethan.
What were you doing?
Watching a movie?
It's sort of like when you see those people of pit, those people, those pictures of pit bulls where they have the baby sleeping on the pit bull and they go, does this look dangerous?
First of all, yes, it does.
And secondly, your kid's not supposed to just crash on the floor.
You have nap time.
If you see a picture of a kid sleeping and he's not in his crib, you fucked up.
It's true.
A kid just crashed on the couch?
That's not good.
That means you fucked up.
You just fucked up.
They have allotted baby times.
Okay, I want to get heavy for a sec.
Here, are you ready for this?
Yes.
I believe that God leaves calling cards.
Go on.
He leaves them in things like mathematics.
For example, in mathematics.
I talk about this in a million in the morning.
If I don't look very, I'm big compared to this, right?
Compared to an elephant, I'm small.
If the elephant is five times the size of the elephant you just thought of, well, now I'm even smaller, right?
If the elephant gets infinitely big, I'm infinitely small.
You know what infinitely small is?
Zero.
That means because the universe is expanding infinitely, we are, relative to the universe, getting infinitely smaller.
That means we don't exist.
We mathematically are the same as zero.
Infinitely small equals zero.
Yet here we are.
That's God saying, see, there's a little trick there.
There's a hole in the math.
And I think we see this in special abilities.
I believe that when someone is abnormally gifted, that's the little window that God, he can't just like be George Burns and oh God and come down with a cigar and say, I'm here.
But he leaves you little things.
And there's this bodybuilder that got hit in the head.
And now in 2002, Jason Padgett, a bodybuilder, was brutally assaulted at a nightclub.
He was being a bitch.
After the incident, something remarkable happened to his brain.
Padgett suddenly developed a talent for abstract geometrical draftsmanship.
What the fuck?
Go down.
It went from deadlifts to headlifts.
Am I right?
Before Padgett's injury, he had no interest or aptitude for geometry or mathematics.
What was the cause of his sudden obsession with shapes?
Doctors discovered that he sustained bilateral damage to his brain.
The injuries were more severe in his right hemisphere.
Isn't it funny that he has a meathead haircut from back when he was dumb?
And it has geometry in it, though.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you saying zero interest?
Keep going.
The damage done to his right hemisphere forced his left hemisphere into compensating by going into overdrive.
This part of the brain, as Ian McGillChrist writes, prefers narrow focus rule following and is engaged by parts or fragments.
Even the fact that our brains are allotted to different concepts is a message from the big guy.
Keep going.
It's weird that we use our brain to think about it.
Everything in Padgett's world, from trees to clouds to water, started to develop an explicit abstract structure.
Living, embodied forms suddenly became something new and beautiful, but essentially numerical and inanimate, like an equation translating.
As he said.
As he said.
I thought there was more to the nature of the universe than equations.
Can you move it over a little bit?
I can, and I will.
This direction?
Now it's too small.
That's why I said move it over as opposed to shrink it.
I thought there was more to the nature of the universe than equations.
I thought perhaps the universe spoke in its own form of math.
And that math was geometry.
Equations were symbolic, numbers were symbolic, but to me, geometry was real.
That reminds me of the smartest man in the world.
He was autistic as a kid, but his mom had him play with Cheerios and do math equations with him.
And now he's the smartest man, most brilliant mathematician in the world.
He can do pi to like a million decimal places.
It takes him all day.
And they've had math students sit there verifying that he's getting it right.
He says he sees numbers as shapes when he does these complex equations.
The surface area of 3x plus y cubed spun about the z-axis is just a bunch of blobs in his head.
And that's how he gets to the answer.
He learned Icelandic, which apparently is the hardest language in the world, in a day.
Anyway, Paget saw shapes and angles everywhere in nature, from the geometry of a rainbow to the fractals in water spiraling down a drain.
Paget drew a picture of water spiraling down a drain entitled Black Hole, showcasing the pattern of lines he saw overlaid in the water.
Spooky.
What can Padgett's story tell us about consciousness?
James saw the entire universe as a seamless flow.
Its members interdigitate with their next neighbors in manifold directions, and there are no clean cuts between them anywhere.
Matter plus energy are connected at every level.
Whoa, dude.
You know that fucking meathead you beat up at the club?
He just solved the universe and talked to God.
He just beat the dumb out of him.
Can you kick my head in?
Consciousness does not appear to itself chopped up in bits.
Such words as chain or train do not describe it.
It fits as it presents itself in the first instance.
It is nothing jointed.
It flows.
A river or a stream are the metaphors by which it is most naturally described.
In talking of it hereafter, let us call it the stream of thought, of consciousness, or of subjective life.
Source of the Expression stream of consciousness.
William James.
Fascinating.
Another example here is this bitch.
God leaves us messages in these abnormally high IQs.
You think the most fascinating part of it is?
It's about mere symmetry, it's about gravity, but ultimately it speaks to an organization underlying everything.
The palindromic code that's embedded, if you move the prime gaps, which are all of the numbers between primes, onto a radius, these arches connect prime numbers.
And if you move the negative space, basically, onto a radius and you circle those radii, the toric geometry arises organically within primes and composite quantities.
Okay, so what would you say the point if we just take the overarching view of what we're looking at?
It's gravity.
So we're describing how gravity works from a number perspective.
Yes.
And it's embedded into the structure of space-time scalably.
So these same geometries can be found within atoms or between galaxies, depending on the magnitude you're looking at.
What do you think is wild?
She's either full of shit or I'm retarded.
I'm edging towards the latter.
Yeah, that's just like watching the Mets throw a fastball at 100 miles an hour.
I'm just like, you guys seem to know what you're doing.
Keep on doing it.
That's just more proof that science is just the breakdown of God's miracles.
Yes.
And the harder you work at it, the more you discover about his...
The fact that we can turn sound into a shape just by laying out, what is it, magnetic powder or just powder?
Ferrofluid?
What?
You never heard of that?
Ferro-liquid?
All we have is a metal plate, and we sprinkle on some sand.
What you see here is completely formless.
In other words, there's no pattern at all.
Then we take a violin bow and we're going to play the plate with the violin bow.
You see a beautiful star appears on the plate.
Now, that pattern that forms is basically the sound made visible.
And it's kind of magic.
And now watch what happens when we make this plate vibrate from And he was having a fight with his wife at the time.
Abort the baby.
It's going to be the next Hitler.
You're gay.
Was it you are?
You are.
It just turns into a huge cock.
You like this, fag.
That's a large cock, isn't it?
It just says fag and has an arrow.
And he tries to move it.
Anyway, he moves it, it follows him.
It doesn't always work.
Sometimes it's wrong.
This is that Pharaoh flip.
There's a magnet under it.
It's able to make these really weird spikes.
Then, if the magnet's pulled, it turns into Nate Ober's nightmares.
And this honestly kind of blows my mind every time I see it.
What I also think is interesting, though, is what happens.
I didn't understand that.
Here's a much simpler one for us dummies who don't understand the nuance of Swedish truffles.
This kid, Jude Kofi.
Now, I think it's some African immigrants from Kenya.
No, Ghana.
And this kid is special.
He's autistic.
He's weird.
And it's weird because they seem like maybe a lower middle class family.
But because they're black, they must be poor.
What?
African immigrants make more than whites in America, by the way.
But this guy, this white dude, sees this miracle.
He sees it as a sign of divine intervention.
And I agree with him.
I do think that God gave this boy this talent.
And I think music is a great way to see God's miracle.
Like, when you think of how few people can do 10 hits, Tim Armstrong, Taylor Swift, Elton John, Bruce, there's like a dozen that have had, let's say, more than three number one hits.
That's a miracle.
But anyway, this story, which bear with it because it's done in that sort of reading a kid a book voice that these women news shows do.
But I was watching and I was like, why didn't the dad just buy the fucking piano?
Anyway.
To 11-year-old Jude Kofi of Aurora, Colorado, this surprise was music.
215 grand.
Obviously.
It's just one girl.
But it's a nice house.
The dad could have done a payment plan.
$300 a month?
$200 a month?
Small packages.
Get it together.
Jude's father, Isaiah.
So one day it just shows up at the house?
Yes.
All for free.
Who does that?
The answer in a daily.
Who does that to someone who makes a hundred grand a year?
Yes.
I am the top facilitator at the local hospital.
First, the reason.
About a year and a half ago, Jude's dad heard a noise coming from the basement.
There was an old keyboard down there, but no one knew how to play it.
Certainly not his autistic son, Jude.
Or so he thought.
Isaiah then got Jude a larger keyboard to see what more he could do.
And boy, could he do.
Not bad.
The kids would have to do that.
No one taught him any of this.
You can't play with that.
That you're as good as you are.
It's a miracle.
You think it's a miracle?
It is.
That's what I prefer.
Bill Maggie.
Is he special?
He's beyond special.
His Mozart level is coming from somewhere beyond.
Bill is a piano tuner.
He saw a local newspaper.
Bill is a mark.
Heard him play.
Bill is what we call in the sucker business.
A fool and his money that gets soon parted.
How they're raising four children.
We call him a con man's dream.
We call him a rich African's best day.
Wait, go back a little bit.
Heard him play, learned how his Bill is a piano tuner.
He saw a local news story about Jude.
Heard him play, learned how his parents immigrated from Ghana, how they're raising four children, and sending money back to Ghana.
Stop.
Sending money back to Ghana.
Yeah, well, that's typical, yeah.
No, do not do that.
Yep.
They do it.
Keep our money in our country.
Nope.
Tourism is a fantastic economy to have because you don't do shit.
People come to your place, your island, with their money, and then they leave it there.
And what did you do?
You let them use your sun and your beach.
It's fucking awesome.
It's the easiest way to make money.
The opposite of that is people coming to your country, generating income, and then taking it away.
It's like clear-cutting.
You keep harvesting the trees, you never replenish the nutrients, and you're slowly stripping away the nutrients.
The quality of the product gets worse and worse and worse because it's inhale, inhale without exhaling.
So don't do that, immigrants.
And white people, if you do see that, don't reward them with a $15,000 grand piano.
That'd be funny if they sent it to Ghana.
How much to send this gift to my mother?
Can we fill it full of dry fish fast?
My mother owns a hotel, a Marriott, back in Ghana.
They would love this in the lobby.
Oh, so she's rich.
Well, it's not a hilton.
That's one of the kind of hidden things about immigration, too, is illegal immigrants come here, take the jobs, all the stuff we know, and then also send the money out.
Billions.
I did the math once, and I worked up.
We've got 30 million illegals.
They're setting back their entire...
They don't see their kids for eight years.
They're in bunks.
So one room, and that's why they have so many fires because they have these multi-pronged plugs and heating plates on the floor.
One room will have like 10 Mexicans in it, and they're sending all of their money back.
And then the villages back in Mexico, they'll have like a sub-zero fridge in this shitty little town, and there'll be no men in the entire town.
So it's a really weird distribution of assets because we take the fathers out of Mexico and then give the moms a fancy fridge and a new stove, and the kids don't have a dad.
It's a fucking dumb mess.
It hurts both countries.
Not just Mexico either.
Like Peru, Ecuador, Salvador, they go to Mexico so they could do the typical Mexican journey, but it's a lot of countries that same with the nannies too.
Barbara Ehrenreich writes about this in Global Woman.
We take all their nannies away, so we're taking all their moms away.
So just like these fuckers are sending the money to Ghana, we are taking the love out of the Philippines.
They're exporting love.
And these nannies, they fall in love with the kids.
They're babysitting.
It's out of sight, out of mind.
They fall out of love with their children back in the Philippines.
That's sick and depraved.
And the Ghanese abuse of the color blue.
It's pretty bad, too.
A lot of blue.
What resources are left over to help this special little soul?
Plenty.
Yours.
Your fucking money.
Your little soul, Bill.
Yeah.
Using an inheritance from his father, Bill bought the piano.
Hey, Bill, you know that family's fucking rich, right?
This wasn't really my plan when I left you 100% of my money.
He's not fucking poor.
There's a dark part of it where he comes over with a canister of coffee.
He's like, he sits down.
They're like, what are you doing, Yibil?
He's like, play.
Go and play.
He just wants them to be his personal piano slave.
Okay.
Terrible.
I can't believe you're doing it.
$15,000.
He has promised to tune it once a month.
Wait, how much?
$15,000.
He has promised to tune it once a month for the rest of his life.
Very nice.
And he's even paying for Jude to get professional lessons.
We're family now.
Somebody to just love your son like that by making sure that his future is secured, we are super thankful.
It has enabled us to send almost $30,000 back to Ghana because we don't have to worry about our piano costs.
Caring for other children as your own.
The defining note of humanity.
Black people are not necessarily poor, liberals.
It's just like Joe Biden going, poor kids are just as smart as white kids.
Let's do some LGBTQ.
Oh, wait, before we do that, though, Nita Fashions, I usually wear a suit on the show, but I had to dress country for that opening song.
Nita Fashions is in your town.
Let me just get the dates up here on the old WhatsApp.
That's how I communicate with them.
So you go to their site, you go to their Instagram.
Most of you guys, for whatever reason, they're happy to talk to you any way possible, but you all seem to want to DM them on Instagram.
And you can also do fittings that way through video chat.
But I much prefer going there and picking out various fabrics.
I describe it as a male equivalent of going to the spa.
You know, we don't really like getting our nails done or getting a massage.
I hate that shit.
But we do like looking at fabrics and discussing where the buttons should be and what the lining should be of our custom suit or our shirts, nice thick white shirts.
I used to cheap out and get the $50 ones where you can see your nipples through them.
But now I get like the $100 ones.
And it's just so awesome having a really thick white cotton shirt custom made to fit you perfectly.
The way you could think of it as worth it is if you buy a $100 shirt and you wear it 10 times, it's a $10, you're renting it for $10 a wear and you're going to wear it for a long, long time.
So it's basically free.
All right, Ryan, you're really getting involved in today's show.
I have a lot to say.
Real peppy.
Did you have a coffee before you...
Ah, that might be it.
So the dates, they're going to be in Your town, New York, March 28th to April 2nd.
They're going to be in Boston, April 3rd to April 5th.
And I'm not saying the hotels and everything because when you contact them, they'll tell you where to meet them and everything.
And it is on their site too.
And then Washington, D.C., April 6th to 8th.
Oh, wait, there's more.
Houston, Texas, April 10th to 12th.
Dallas, Texas, April 17th to 19.
Chicago, April 20 to 23.
Denver, Colorado, April 24, 25.
LA, April 27th, 29.
San Francisco, April 30th to May 2nd.
Okay?
Check it out.
Get suited up.
Nothing better than tailored clothes.
All right.
Now we can get into LGBTQ.
Why are you weak?
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
And then we fell in love.
And then they eat their poop.
And we have a very good relationship.
I don't like the fucking.
You don't want to see a closed-up picture of my haters.
You hate damage.
You ugly.
Homophobal.
Okay, now I'm mad at myself for not making that God's calling card thing a green screen.
And yeah, sorry, we spent so much time talking about those Africans being middle class that I forgot to focus on.
I honestly think that God just went bloop to that guy to remind us all that he's there.
Not the kid, the guy upstairs.
Anyway.
Don't go trans, you will die.
Why are we anti-trans?
Because we checked out their suicide rate.
If vegans were killing themselves at, what, a 42% rate, I'd say eat fucking meat.
Veganism is dangerous.
If shaving your head had a brutal suicide rate, we'd be encouraging people to avoid the clippers.
We'd also say kids should definitely not shave their head.
No way, not till you're 18.
If there was a suicide rate.
So this kid, hold on, I'm not done.
And Matt Walsh was being interrogated because there's a new bill to deny kids this right.
And it's weird hearing the left promote this idea of young girls removing their tits, what's even there, or the chemical castration or all this sick shit.
When adults do sick shit, we just go, oh, fuck.
Really?
When kids do it, we freak out.
That's why you're not allowed to get a tattoo if you're under 18.
Should 14-year-olds be able to get tattoo-affirming tattoos?
Identity-affirming tattoos.
What if a kid thinks of himself as a skinhead?
Can he get the classic 1970s, 80s skinhead made in England across his forehead with the cross?
What about like a neck tattoo of a spider web?
He's a skinhead.
And even then, that's a bad analogy because being a skinhead doesn't have a high suicide rate.
So that doesn't even work.
And you can get tattoos removed.
When you remove your tits, they're toast.
They're gone.
You'll never breastfeed.
So it seems pretty reasonable to say, but yet the left is, they paint themselves into a corner and then end up fighting these bizarre battles where they're promoting maiming.
And then part of the rigmarole is after you identify as a girl, whether you cut your dick off or not, you have to talk about how much happier you are and how you're definitely not going to commit suicide.
In fact, it's often their last words.
And here we have some guy at United Airlines, is that it?
Talking about, and they're making it a commercial for the airline because it's part of the woke left, talking about how great it is to be fucking trans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was so much pain behind that sweet boy's eyes.
I don't know what to post about my trans.
The reason they commit suicide, by the way, is they tend to be depressed.
I think I would be depressed if I was gay.
And a part of it is you're weird.
You're unusual.
It's literally not normal when you look at the definition of normal.
Now, I don't persecute homosexuals.
I don't even give a shit.
I see it as a vegetarian lion.
You're a lion that doesn't eat meat.
You've got big giant fangs.
You're the king of the jungle and you don't eat meat.
Would you hate a vegetarian lion?
No.
You'd feel bad for it.
You go, that kind of sucks.
And a vegetarian lion would probably be bummed.
He'd probably see all the other lions eating meat and he'll just be there having his cucumber going, what is with me?
Why do I have this trait?
So they tend to be suicidal.
They're weird.
So they go, maybe I'm not depressed.
Maybe the problem is that, and the reason I don't feel right in my body is because I'm actually a woman.
I'm a woman with a penis.
So then they go through this bullshit.
I hope he doesn't have any surgeries, but they go through this crap.
And then they go, fuck, I'm still depressed.
It wasn't the chick thing.
And that's when they kill themselves.
So this is not a solution.
It is a placebo, and placebos don't work.
I used to be so embarrassed about being trans, and all I wanted was to blend in and be cis.
But times have changed, and I've started looking back at the bigger picture and understanding I do have a story to tell.
This story comes after a huge pep talk from one of my biggest motivators, love.
This is a story that I know is so important for me to continue sharing.
Not for me, but for those out there who are still fighting social norms.
The boundaries set upon them, fighting themselves.
Gay, lesbian, bi, trans, pan, whatever, and whoever you identify.
Commercial ended up advertising something totally different.
My life changed for the better when I came to United as a flight attendant.
With the support from the company, with the business resource group for LGBTQ plus employees and all of my loving coworkers, I was able to break free from the chains that held me.
And to this day, I'm living confidently as my true self.
A dead person.
I was able to glow up and let go of the past.
So here's all the pain that Kyle went through so that Kaylee lived today.
Kaylee's dead.
In a way.
There was two suicides.
There's one of Kyle and then one of Betty or whoever.
First, he killed Kyle, then he killed Kaylee.
He's a mass murderer.
And what's the thing on?
I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger.
Oh, wait.
Thank you for concerned of supporting a love of her.
We're going to miss her so much.
Please understand that me leaving is not a reflection of you, the result of my inability to turn myself for the better.
To Ashley, blah, blah, blah.
I'm sorry.
Please remember me for the good memories we've shared and never for my downfall.
I'll see you on the other side.
We're in hell.
No, thank you.
I'm sorry to mock someone's death.
That's not very Christian.
Right.
You know, we kept telling you all this.
We kept saying it's not a solution.
What are you doing?
No, this isn't right.
No, you look absurd.
This is a ridiculous act you're all doing.
And it has dire consequences.
So, hey, fly with love.
You just killed someone.
Well, you killed two people in a way.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
Isn't it ironic that their whole message is we need to do this to prevent suicide?
And it actually leads to more suicide.
This is what Matt Walsh was saying in that fucking dumb interrogation he had to do for the bill being passed to prevent kids getting maimed.
He said, we didn't used to accept trans people, and the suicide rate was not much.
Child suicide rate.
Since we've started accepting trans young people, the suicide rate has skyrocketed.
So we're the ones trying to prevent suicide.
Check the numbers.
Check the data.
As a little side note, by the way, John last night told me about this story, and I looked it up.
I go, go to 2-3.
I go, dude, it's the CEO that hanged himself at United Airlines.
And he did this like a year ago.
And he goes, no, that's a different suicide.
Their CEO hanged himself from an uprooted tree.
It's so weird, people.
I'll never get suicide.
Like my in-law, my mother-in-law was just telling me about her neighbor who he was like 79 and he was not healthy and he killed himself.
And I didn't say this, but I was just thinking in my head, just go to the bar.
As long as you can take your walker and go to a dive bar and just sit there, you don't have to die.
Yeah, we need to let them win at sports to prevent suicide.
Women's cycling champ quits after loss to trans writer.
Another trans winner days later in New York race.
Look at this.
We'll kill ourselves if you don't let us destroy women in sports.
Tiffany Thomas is part of it.
It was a great day to play bikes with friends.
I can't wait for more days like this.
She also quit.
But John was like, the way to handle this is you encourage the guy.
You say, dude, that was an awesome race.
You rock.
He really fell into his own in the second half of the fucking race.
He's one of the best cyclists.
So this is what Hannah Ahrensman says.
I've decided to end my cycling career at my last race at the recent UCI Cycle Cross National Championships in the Elite Women's category.
I came in fourth place, flanked on either side by male riders, awarded third and fifth places.
My sister and family sobbed as they watched a man finish in front of me, having witnessed several physical interactions with him throughout the race.
Like, they're still aggressive males.
So it's not like they're biking going, I might make it.
They're fucking out to kill.
Wait, go to the last picture.
I love that picture, though.
Yeah, I did it.
You're not a woman.
You're a dude with long hair.
Bending over backwards.
Oh.
Hey, dude.
You rock.
I understand Def Leppard are going on another final tour.
Are you sure?
This is the mess.
And then you have Drew Barrymore praying to Dylan Mulvaney like he's some sort of saint.
Yeah, when you can't show your hair or wear any girly stuff, it really shows that that's just a dude.
Just a dude whipping down.
Look at that.
Just a dude with fake tits and long hair.
He's got beautiful tits.
I was reminded recently that 17 years ago, this was all a joke.
And it was in Mad Magazine.
The slippery soap is going to be so farcical.
It was presented as humor in 2006.
How accidentally accurate are these she males?
Where will we be in 17 years from?
Declining standards of the U.S. Army.
Former standard, no gaze.
Current standard, don't ask, don't tell.
It's gone way beyond that.
Future standard, if you're breathing, you're in.
This is not a joke.
This is a documentary with a cool cartoon.
Height, old days, you had to be taller than 5'10.
Current standard, you have to be taller than 5'6.
Future standard, taller than wide.
Also true.
Remember those videos of those fat girls in boot camp?
Gender, former center men only.
Current center, men and women only.
Future standard, the 182nd fighting she-males forming now.
Yeah.
Wow.
That guy with the pink helmet looks like Millennial Matt.
Doesn't he?
I think he calls himself Mustache Man now.
He was in that movie, what's it called?
The Dividers.
I finally finished the whole thing.
I regret my negative review.
It wasn't negative.
I just said it's kind of weird to do a whole movie about such a small thing.
But it is actually even more fascinating how after they moved it to a field in Tennessee, they start using planes, weather patterns, intersecting flights, because they see two planes go like this, which I guess is rare.
And the stars.
They start using the assignment of the stars.
And eventually they narrow it down to like two square miles.
And then some guy says, I'm just going to drive around honking my horn in this rural Tennessee.
Wow.
Tell me if you hear it.
And they're like, we're here.
We hear it.
We hear it.
It's getting louder.
And they found it.
They took it down and they put up a Pepe frog and a MAGA hat.
And Shila Buff proceeded to lose his fucking mind, which is always fun to watch.
And then Andy No was discussed recently on Tucker's show where he said, Yeah, I looked into it.
They are dying of suicide.
No one's killing them, though.
There's no genocide.
And the few that are dead were all killed by black gangsta thugs who, for some reason, Trannies are attracted to.
Andy Noah has run the numbers about these claims of violence and genocide against the trans community.
And here's what he found, having done actual research into it.
Quote, there is no genocide of trans people in the U.S. or anywhere in the West.
In fact, there's been an explosion of trans-identifying people, which research suggests is a social contagion spread by social media fads and youth peer pressure.
The few dozen trans people tragically killed in America each year are usually murdered by black men in the course of prostitution activities.
So we believe that that is factually true.
None of that ever gets mentioned, of course, least of all on nationality.
No one else, no one looks into it.
What are the exact details of the murder?
Did he fuck a tranny in the butt?
And give him a reach around and then feel so disgusted with himself for being gay that he killed him?
Or were the details of the penis not made clear during the initial transaction?
And then when he gets down to it, he notices a dick and goes, what the fuck, man?
I ain't no fag.
And then kills him.
That's what I call transaction.
Thank you, Andy.
They had that rally at the Brooklyn Art Museum during COVID, and de Blasio was totally for it, even though it was 100,000 people together with no mask.
It's okay.
The virus doesn't spread if you're doing radical leftist politics.
Remember, we were talking about how cool it would be to have a sign and just be like, it would be mugshots of everyone who killed a tranny.
And it'd be like, stop trans murder.
And it would just all be black dudes.
This is a memorial of all the people killed by cops?
No.
Nope.
That's over there.
It's three pictures.
The trans murder squad.
Actually, Milo, when he had a show on this network, he brought in some tranny chick and she showed what I just described.
She just went through all the faces.
It took fucking forever.
It was a montage of like 50 black dudes.
Wait a minute.
If it went on forever, then there is a genocide.
No, not really.
We're talking 100% of the dead trannies were murdered by black thugs because they were prostitutes.
And also, by the way, even within the prostitution world, they're like doing meth.
And these are not escorts in Vegas.
This is like the scummiest, most dangerous, radical, fringe prostitutes, alleyways.
So you're already in a demographic that's very violent.
Like if I was selling fucking newspapers to thugs in the most dangerous part of Baltimore at five in the morning, the odds of me dying are also pretty high just because of where I am.
Did you hear about the all-trans DC movie that they're coming out with, Gavin?
No.
It's called The Suicide Squad.
That's terrible, that.
That's terrible.
That's suicide.
They don't really care about suicide.
The people promoting this, they just don't like us.
And they know that we don't like that.
So they go, okay, more that.
The fact that it leads to death and it fucks up kids' lives, they don't fucking care.
They just want to make you uncomfortable because they don't like us.
This is all it is.
It's not even, it's not racism.
It's bigotry in the sense that they hate the West.
They hate themselves.
They hate their fathers.
They hate you.
They hate me.
And so they just keep throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks.
And when we go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's leading to death.
And like, oh, so now you're mad.
Well, yeah.
Hey, those are kids.
Oh, look.
He's all spicy.
Wow.
Look at you go, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
And you're like, okay, then you stand in front of the shit.
Stop it.
Go throw shit at yourself over there.
You could throw all the shit you want.
Just leave kids out of it and stop murdering people.
Sorry, I have such high standards, but I don't think murder is good, and I don't think children should be violated.
And then finally, in clown world, remember that clown Alok?
Yes.
Who talks, this is the fucker who said, yeah, you're so worried about trannies in bathrooms molesting your kids.
A lot of these young girls are not the princesses you make them out to be, implying that our daughters are sluts.
And when these trannies go into the bathroom, sometimes they're getting their cocks grabbed by our slutty daughters.
What?
What?
And instead of being ostracized by what is essentially promoting pedophilia and calling our children whores, he's teaching a class.
UPenn.
That's the dummies that hired Biden to be president.
He never even showed up once and talks about when he taught there.
UPenn hires non-binary trans feminine fashion model as LGBTQ scholar with anonymous $2 million gift.
Can you believe that?
I mean, talk about clown world when it's not even a metaphor anymore.
He's a fucking clown.
Like if you went to Pakistan and we were watching the Hindu circus, he'd come out and you'd be like, yay, I hope he rides a bear.
Can you imagine the class?
Imagine having a degree in what he's teaching?
What's happening there?
What?
What's happening in your mouth?
I can't imagine.
First, you'd have to learn a bunch of fake words like hegemony and discourse and our existence, the way they talk, why everyone is out to get them and deny that, why we all want them to die, why we need to protect trans children.
Let me make a prediction here.
The class is going great, and then he starts talking about minor attracted people, and they shut him down.
Guaranteed.
We've seen this happen a million times.
I'm not being very adventurous with this prediction, but we've seen these academics, they start saying, Don't hurt gays, and you're like, Yeah, okay, that's reasonable.
And then they go, gays are a woman, and the gender doesn't exist.
And you're like, man, I think it exists, but okay.
And then they inevitably end up with, you know, kids are sexual beings, and we have to let them grow and explore.
And you're like, all right, we're done.
You're out of here.
I'm against child rape.
Remember that academic?
She was a professor.
She said he was a he.
And he wrote a whole book and did a whole seminar on maps and was finally shut down.
That's where a lock is going to end up.
I have a friend who designs clothing for fat people because she's fat.
And we were good friends.
I've known her since I was in college.
And then she dumped me not too long ago for being, I don't know, incendiary.
And I was like, okay, so just to be clear, a lock was one of her models.
And I go, just to be clear, you're never speaking to me again because I like Trump, but one of the people promoting your fashion line is also promoting sex with children.
And that's fine.
Nice priorities, Alexandra Waldman.
All right, I think we're ready for the old mailbag.
Let's get Scrotals.
That's a very good point.
And the reason why I think the mailbag is important is...
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Fridays are weird because I feel like it's a new audience.
So I want to show sort of a good template of what we talk about.
But when you're trying to do that and make the most typical show possible, it's not a typical show.
Because a typical show has silly ranting and chatting.
And when you take that away, take it away, take it away, take it away now.
You have a different show.
Here's something.
Gavin, Michelle Obama admitted to never being pregnant.
They used a surrogate both times.
I think I read it in Oprah magazine.
Please don't judge me.
Huh.
Okay.
That changes a lot of stuff.
Someone's made a t-shirt from last night's show, and it has a Brian quote on it.
And the quote is, I wasn't trying to party.
I was trying to celebrate my friend getting out of prison.
There's a difference.
I got to say, I feel so different since Max and John got out because I felt, oh no, I wasn't responsible for that, but they got in the fight at my talk.
And Tifa jumped them because of a club I started.
Now, Antifa was obviously wrong, so I'm not going to say that it's my fault.
But, you know, when someone gets in a fight at your talk and then goes to jail for four years, you feel inexorably linked to it, we'll say.
Now, with January 6th, I feel terrible for those guys, but I did beg them not to go.
So that feels much more distant.
I'm still going to fight for them, and we gave Nick Oakes a show, Letters from Prison.
I still talk to the lawyers all the time.
Which is free.
You could share it, and you should.
Try to raise money for them.
Oh, yeah.
Is Nick Oaks show-free?
It is, yeah.
Okay.
They're really good.
Yeah, they're really interesting, too.
I forgot how well-informed he is about the very nature of politics and votes and structuring society.
We really have put our best men in jail and canceled our greatest minds while at the same time promoting our stupidest, shittiest people.
A lock is a retard.
Joe Biden cannot speak English, and he's the leader of the left.
Let's do a little fashion show real quick.
There's a war on meritocracy in this country, and it'll be the death of America.
And as I keep saying, a war on meritocracy is a war on America.
America was built on meritocracy.
Who's that?
Just a little fashion show highlighting beautiful women.
Okay.
Same, same.
This is all the same.
They're all nines.
I kind of want to take his class.
Oh, my God.
If we got somebody in there.
Yeah, if you go to University of Penn State, which there are a lot of friendlies there.
They had you talk there.
No, that's a different college.
Fuck, well, whatever.
UPenn is not Penn State.
I'm sure one of our baby monsters goes there.
Yeah, please take that class.
And please try to get an A. I bet the way you do it is, and this is true of most college, you hear keywords.
They all have their word they love, like hegemony.
And then you make sure you put their favorite words in your essay.
And then they read it and go, this guy's got it.
This guy's looking for some advice.
We should probably send this to Gina and Mike.
They haven't put out a show in a while.
I saw a show Mike did by himself saying, I'm really embarrassed, or this is really hard for me to admit, but I work at a fucking grocery store now to pay the bills.
So we'll send this to them.
Hope they do it.
But he goes, I'm a 26-year-old man living in Halifax.
I just broke up with my girlfriend in 10 months.
Starting over is daunting as hell.
I'm a musician with a fairly successful actor in Canada in the UK, but the money is nothing.
I still work part-time jobs when I'm not gigging.
I want to have kids by the time I'm 30 or 31, but convincing girl within four years seems daunting.
I don't know.
Most girls my age around here are not looking to have kids.
Here's my advice.
Stop trying to get married and have kids within four years.
That's desperation.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy your hobbies, have passion for what's around you, and the rest will follow suit.
Girls are not into a dude who wants to have a baby now.
I mean, they want someone where that's going to happen, but he's got his own shit Going on, as Gary Coleman would say.
You need to be focused on that, and the rest will fall into place.
It's not attractive to be, I would like to have babies with you within four years.
Can we have five?
We're not Amish, we're not part of the sun-moon thing.
Although I like them now.
Remember, we made fun of them, the moonies, and then we met baby monsters who were moonies, and they're like, Yeah, I had an arranged marriage.
It worked out great, and we love guns, and we're madly in love.
Okay, sorry.
And we worship Christ, and we bring our AR-15s to church.
All right, you win, I lose.
But that's not our culture generally.
And get a real job.
Being in a band is a dead end.
Learn to produce music, be a sound engineer or something.
Because 26 touring in a rock band, we're coming to the end of the line, buddy.
You're not the stones.
29?
Being 32 on the road in a band, that's getting embarrassing.
40?
Well, you might as well be in a rap battle in Canada talking about posters of Gavin McInnes.
We could be in a lock band.
This guy is sending us a pic, Better Vid of Smoke Show.
And he's sending us this picture of this girl who's really into 80s stuff and how beautiful she is.
She's a perfect 10.
That chin is a little duty.
She's got some Slavic features, which is appealing.
A nice wide face that can be hot.
High cheekbones.
But this isn't a 10 to me.
This is like a 6.9, 6.6, even.
But the reason I like this kind of stuff is girls are always like unattainable, body image, and they only like hot chicks.
I get these emails all the time where someone says a perfect 10.
And it's never a 10 to me.
So the point is, ladies, it's not like everyone is looking for Emily Radajowski.
Our 10, one man's 10 is another man's six.
So if you're not fat, you have long hair, and you wear heels three times a week, some dude is going to be obsessed with you.
You've got like big, fat, drooping tits.
Some guy's going to be the, those are my exact tits.
Other guy's going to be like, I'm more of a small tits guy.
There's so few deal breakers.
There's remarkably thinning hair.
That's a deal breaker.
And there's tits where there's zero meat in them at all.
They've been emptied and they're just flapjacks.
That's a deal breaker.
That's two.
Even fatness, other guys are into.
It's more about like a symmetrical face.
That's really where the key of beauty is.
Good.
So that's, I don't know if I'm coming across the way I want to, but that's kind of an empowering thing, that video, that chick.
Because I'm looking at her going, all right, well, I hope someone's happy one day.
And he's looking at her like, this is a fucking goddess.
Go to her page.
She's really authentic, too, with her 80s shit.
When I look at this, I was like, I am so lucky to have been a teenager in the 80s.
It was the hottest time for women.
Huge hair.
They were always dressed up.
Well, what's she saying in the interview?
Is that just a picture?
It's like a bit.
Out of time.
Out of reach.
So she's got an 80s radio show.
A lot of shitty music during that time.
You know, the best example of that is Matthew Wilder, Nobody's Gonna Break My Stride.
So gay, and he wasn't even gay.
Look in the, it might be in the notes in the Evergreen notes.
What is it called?
It's in the opening song, Nobody's Gonna Break My Stride.
Oh shit, I killed it.
Why did I do that?
He's not there.
Well, just look up Matthew Wilder, Break My Stride.
The videos for it.
You're just like, holy shit, he's not gay?
People liked this song.
It's like a weird.
He was like a 70s folk musician.
Then the 80s came, they said, the folk shit's done.
You got to get gay now.
He's like, no problem.
Oh, yeah.
I thought this was Robin Williams for the longest time.
Can't break my stride.
Never gonna bring me down.
Didn't want no one to hold you.
What does that mean?
And you said, nothing gonna bring me down.
You know what the 80s is?
It's a giant commercial for the dangers of cocaine.
If you do too much Coke, you will dress like this, you will dance like this, and you will like this song.
Don't do drugs, kids.
Oh, he's got one of those, the Chapman stick, I think it's called.
Soul Train or something.
It's even gayer than that.
It's funny how gay shit doesn't give you douche chills the way that lesbian country song does.
Although she's gay.
Yeah, their bottom one there.
That one.
Yeah.
I went for the gayest looking one possible.
Oh my God.
He's a little AIDS man.
What's the proof he's not gay?
That he's got kids?
I know.
He's not.
Huh.
I got to keep on moving.
This is a good argument for homophobia.
He's like a little gay guy.
Is there an interview?
Come on.
Making songs is good.
I like songs.
Why did I kill that?
Um...
Thank you.
Celebrity mailbag Printy.
Quite frankly, I believe Printy should be eligible for a celebrity mailbag app.
I'd like to know what Printy thinks about PCMag.com's picks for the best printers in 2023.
Would he kick them out of bed?
Would he kick any of them out of bed for jamming papers?
Not a chance.
I mean, I've seen it.
I've seen it all.
If you've seen it, it prints.
I've seen it.
Holy shit, the top printer is my home printer.
The HP Office Jet Pro 910.
All-in-one printer.
Back in the day, even hotter.
The newer models aren't even as good.
You should have seen them back in the day in their prime.
What are you?
You're a Canon?
I think you're number two, bro.
Thanks.
I mean, it's not your exact model, but the Canon Maxify GX5020 is number two on the list.
And it looks like you.
It looks like a newer version of you.
What are you saying?
Oh, we all look the same.
No, I'm just kidding.
All right.
Next letter.
Oh, here's the interview.
Can we see that thing somewhere?
Not the guy.
Chapman stick.
This is Lloyd Mossetti.
Thank you, Lloyd.
I got a great shot of you, but is that...
What is that?
Well, it's a bass and a guitar.
Both?
Yes, and he plays like the piano.
And you play it like the piano.
Are you a guitarist or a piano player?
Bassist.
A bassist.
See, I ask a dumb question.
I get myself in trouble.
Excuse me, the last gentleman.
This is Mr. Joe Tarano.
Joe, nice to have you.
Great shot of Matthew Wilder there, camera guy.
Yeah, lots of dimes and nickels and quarters, but he doesn't seem gay.
I know.
But the movements are like, how do you move like that as a straight guy without feeling like yeek?
I've been out here for five years.
Remember how Blue Orsa Cult used to dress?
And they're straight.
Look at this.
Let's hear them talk.
Oh.
Do you ever get discouraged?
All the time, sure.
Yeah, it's an last time anyone's ever going to hear of you.
Your stride will be broken.
You have one song.
You will not keep on moving.
You ever think you're just going to be a one-hit wonder, and people will look at you and talk about whether you're gay or not?
Do you have a single word of advice for everybody out there who wants to do what you do and thinks that maybe it's easy?
Give up.
Yeah, just don't let anybody break your stride.
keep clubbing it out there.
You know, I think Thank you.
Listen to that, though.
It doesn't matter what you want to do.
If you hang in there, you...
But it's true.
But it's true.
Funny traffic interaction vid.
Okay, that seems like a good thing to end on.
Oh, this is white people in Montana.
This is Road Rage from Caucasians in one of the greatest states in the Union.
I fucking love Montana.
It's illegal to split lanes in Montana.
They legalized it today.
It's illegal in Montana.
They legalized it today in Montana.
Really?
Yeah.
Legalize what?
Splitting lanes.
It's legal for me to do this now.
Okay.
Pretty neat, huh?
Be careful.
Not exactly white people behaving badly, is it?
Hey!
You can't do that.
Yeah, I can't today.
Okay, have fun out there.
Watch yourself.
That's my bad.
Gotta keep up on the laws.
I got busted for that once in the East Village and the cops.
Like, you mind telling me why you're splitting lanes?
I hate that you mind telling me shit.
Because I want to get there faster.
That's why I have a motorcycle, dude.
What do you want me to say to that question?
What do you want me to say to that question?
Well, that was fucking scary.
Ah, dear.
Oh, dear.
I'm uninjured.
I'm uninjured.
Let me...
Sorry.
No anger, let's just...
Let's just take this calmly.
Do you think that was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
That's fine.
See, Count of McGregor's accident.
Some guy hit him when he was on his bike?
No, mate.
It's fine, mate.
It's fine, man.
It's fine.
Motorcycle?
No, regular bicycle.
Bicycle.
Do you think this is sprinkles?
Can I suggest the sprinkles?
Okay, we'll see.
What do you think of this?
Sucks.
Okay, it hasn't started.
Wait, it's me.
I think it's awesome.
Okay, well.
This is me and the rowdy boys.
No, no.
Okay, here we are.
This is how you get free boots from McDonald's throat.
Is that Drew from Compound?
No.
Hey, you.
I think you've got something that belongs to me.
Ended over.
Nice.
I'll see you around.
Oh.
I Oh, God.
I think we may be experiencing a generational gap.
You people have been deeply damaged by Adult Swim and Sam Hyde.
And I don't understand you anymore.
A lot of people have been damaged by Sam Hyde.
Let's get into the final video, folks.
We're home.
We're home.
You know, earlier with that letter, I said, don't worry about being married.
Just focus on your passions and everything else will fall into place.
But then I also told him not to focus on his passion, if his passion is being in a band until you're old, because that's dumb.
But when I say get married, it's sort of like when I say get fired.
I obviously don't want you just to go up to the boss and call him the n-word and kick him with the balls until you get fired.
What I mean is be yourself, be true to yourself, even if that means trouble at work.
If you support Trump and that's taboo at work, you don't have to go in with a MAGA hat, but if it comes up, be like, yeah, I'm a fan.
I think it's good for the country.
You can't not be you.
And if you think you're a woman, that's not you.
That's why they kill themselves.
But with the marriage thing, I don't mean like go up to girls and wing, will you marry me?
Anyone want kids?
Let's do this.
That's obviously as absurd as the boss scenario.
But you're dating a girl.
She's the one.
You've been with her for fucking years.
Put a ring on it.
Stop wasting time.
You don't want to be getting married when your parents are so fucking old, they don't recognize you.
And this is a very touching moment, but it's sullied by the takeaway that she seems to have waited a long fucking time because he has no idea who she is.
I'm someone very special, okay?
I'm a friend.
Come on, okay?
Yeah.
This is going to be great, okay?
This is a very, very special surprise.
Okay?
Alright, be careful right here.
It's a big step.
Alright?
There you go.
Okay?
Big feet.
Yep, yep.
I just want you to come right here with me, okay?
Big day.
It's a very, big, special day, okay?
Can you stay right here for a second, please?
Okay.
Okay.
Yes.
There we go.
Paints made him laugh.
Yeah.
Okay, look, I have this special surprise for you right here.
Okay?
Right like this.
Yeah, like this.
You know, paints?
We used to do this, you know, paints?
Yeah, you like this?
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, that looks good.
That looks good.
Alright.
Julia.
Look so pretty.
It's today, Julie.
It's today.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my baby.
It looks so pretty.
I'm coming here.
It's so beautiful.
So stop wasting time because it'll all be over soon.
Enjoy yourself while you still can.
get fired get in trouble be brave and never stop fighting Add in the bush with my bushmaster pull time and bush light.
Y'all full of outlaw, have you feeling alright?
Scuffs on my beans, wearing these jeans.
Roll tide, yo, balls, dance safe things.
Smoking, drinking, fightin', riding, races, trackers, running straight.
Suck the balance here by the side of the stamp your day with a fish and bitin'.
Dropin' water, shaking bobbers.
I get these looks from my mama, get gas from my father.
Come on, we live in.
Feel it hard with the chicken.
From tickets, and mischief.
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