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Oct. 19, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:02:50

GOML LIVE #170 - TIM POOL IN JULY

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	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
	Bonjour tout le monde, bienvenue à...
	Get off my Lone Live.
	We're joined by State Trooper Dickman over there, and of course, the co-host Maddie O'Dell is back.
	What's going on, everybody?
	Good night, that was Ortiz, Antha, and Kinsey, some Parisian rap chicks, baby monster sent in.
	Seemed like a good idea at the time.
	Ooh, they're attractive.
	It'd be cool to marry a French chick because the sex would just always be hot and it would go on forever.
	But she's definitely going to cheat on you.
	That's something you got to think about.
	There's no fidelity in France.
	We have a very exciting show for you today because we have zero sponsors.
	We fired our ad guy last week for allowing one of our sponsors' websites to be taken over by one of our fans who made it into a racist site because he thought it was funny.
	And to be frank, it was.
	It was a good gag.
	But our ad guy is either in on the gag and fucking with us, which means you're fired, or he's so stupid that he didn't notice we were being fucked with, in which case you're fired.
	So he's actually fired twice.
	We've let him go twice in one firing.
	That's almost as many times as I've been fired.
	He's getting there.
	What a boob.
	I've never been fired twice in one day, though.
	That's fucking crazy.
	This is in the same firing.
	Yeah.
	And you know what?
	We'll go to our grave never knowing if this guy was just so bad that he's bad or this guy's a fucking genius that was a character for what, four years where he pretended to be the most annoying ad sales guy in the universe.
	We'll never know.
	The world may never know.
	Wow.
	I guess, you know what?
	We'll follow him.
	Please.
	His name is Vince, by the way.
	I'm not going to say his full name.
	We'll follow him.
	And if his next gig is like working with Nathan Fielder or something, we'll go, you fucker.
	But if his next job is ruining someone else's life with terrible ad sales.
	I had the ad guy go to Kevin McKunnis' show.
	That's my Nathan Fielder, by the way.
	That kind of sucks.
	Can I try to learn an impression on the show?
	Yeah, we don't learn in public, though.
	It's going to be an escape park.
	I think it'd be cool to show you the process.
	No, it's not.
	We don't want the process.
	I feel like I could do it.
	Just give me one second.
	With this guy.
	Leave them to your heirs.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So anyways, I was looking for some way to get out of the way.
	So anyways, I'm looking for luggage or something a warehouse to do my prank in, and then I realize I look like the tin man without makeup on.
	And that's pretty much how I do it.
	He's kind of got a bit of Kermi Jordan Peterson in him.
	Yeah, he's got it.
	That's a Canadian thing.
	Yeah, he's got a deeper Kirmer DeFrog voice.
	Yeah, he's a deep Kermy.
	Wait, what the?
	Is it a Canadian thing?
	What do you think?
	He's from Vancouver.
	Do you know Peterson is from Toronto?
	Canadians that have that voice?
	That's a scoop.
	So, yeah, this is the live show.
	It's sponsored by sponsors who don't exist anymore.
	I don't know what we're going to do about that.
	I don't really care.
	The income from sponsors was like $20,000 a year or something.
	It wasn't really a mark on the Richter scale.
	But what we do on this show is we have a super chat that appears here.
	$100, we definitely read it.
	Damn.
	Wait, what's going on?
	You go to the live show on a browser.
	This will not work on the app.
	And then you see this little beautiful blue button.
	Do it as Chinese Trump.
	Frankly, if you look at this beard of your screen, right?
	You could donate a button, right?
	A sub-cigarette red.
	And basically, you give the money, and we're going to read your beard for a beer for message, okay?
	Real rubbery messages, okay?
	Really lovely.
	Reary rubber messages.
	Could my teeth be more yellow?
	Yes.
	I look like I own a British pub because I'm in Britain.
	Is that light to the left of you on?
	Yeah, they're all on.
	Okay.
	So yeah, we do the super chats that appear there.
	We read letters and we also take calls.
	So it's three access points to the show.
	And we want to hear what you have to say, what your gripes are.
	If you have nothing to say, we have a million things to say.
	The reason we're doing the live show on Tuesday instead of Thursday is we have a show in Chicago on Thursday.
	Josh decided we should announce the venue.
	He had some gumption.
	He had some hubris.
	He caught his druthers, and he said it's going to be at, what was it, Balber House or something in Lombard?
	And the owner got bombarded with...
	He got lombarded with...
	And of course, his first reaction was, okay, it's canceled.
	Wait, holy schmokes.
	Which really, what are you holy schmoking?
	Lots of big boy donations.
	Yeah, 100, spawn 500?
	My lord.
	We're real close to 20,000.
	We love Max.
	We love John.
	So he capitulated like that.
	And I was talking to Alex Jones today.
	We'll put up the show on Friday.
	But I was just like, he's like, what are we going to do?
	How do we fight back?
	And it's like, that's like asking how we fight back against some bratty 13-year-old girl with blue hair.
	Like, we're not up against Chuck Zito here.
	We're not up against MS-13.
	These are not worthy Adversaries.
	All you have to do is pick up the phone, for example, and people go, you know, you're harboring a fascist.
	Go, and I know it's weird to hang up an iPhone like that, but that's what you have to do because it's not dramatic to go, ha.
	Like, stop capitulating.
	The drag queen story hours, you know how you shut them down?
	You don't need bomb scares.
	You don't need violence.
	You don't need screaming faggot.
	Just show up there and go, this is gay.
	And I don't want it to happen.
	Okay.
	That is huge.
	So it's an elephant up against a mouse, cowering and shaking.
	You know, I was watching a nature show with an elephant in it.
	And it was really sad.
	It had this thorn in its paw.
	And it was amazing because you could hear the thoughts of the animals in this nature show.
	And he had a thorn in his paw, and you could see he was in pain.
	And then there was a little mouse who showed up.
	And of course, elephants are scared of mice.
	So he sort of went, and the mouse was like, I can get rid of that for you.
	Just calm down.
	Stop freaking out.
	I can get rid of that for you.
	And the elephant is like, anything.
	I'll do anything to get this out.
	And the mouse goes, anything at all?
	And so the mouse scurries up and he whispers into the elephant's ear, I want to fuck your ass.
	And the elephant's like, okay, I guess.
	I mean, how does that even work?
	He goes, don't worry, you'll know.
	And so he pulls the thorn out and he goes, it's time.
	And the elephant's like, look, I'm so happy to get that thorn in my paw.
	You can go do whatever you want back there.
	I'm not sure how you think it's going to work, but go nuts.
	So the mouse scurries up his hind leg and he pushes his tail out of the way so he can get to the asshole.
	And then the fucking mouse just sinks his tiny, tiny, tiny little cock into the elephant's butthole, which is, I mean, he's just really going near the anolip.
	There's no real penetration going on.
	And he's holding onto the tail like this and he's going, oh yeah.
	And nearby, about a block away, which in the jungle is like seven trees, this monkey wakes up and he's like, oh, I love this jungle.
	I love my family, my wife.
	I'm so set up here.
	It's such a beautiful.
	What the fuck?
	He looks over and he sees a mouse fucking an elephant up the ass.
	And he goes, what the hell has happened in this jungle?
	This used to be prime real estate.
	And now we have mice fucking elephants up the ass right next to my kids, right in front of me.
	He goes, I've had enough of this shit.
	And he grabs a coconut and he just fucking whips it at the elephant.
	And it goes soaring through there and it goes boonk off the back of the elephant's head.
	And the elephant goes, and the mouse goes, that's right, take it, bitch.
	Oh, so lucky that is a lucky bird.
	Lucky bird.
	Speaking of unrelenting perverts destroying our society, every fucking day I tune in and there's more drag queens.
	We're going to do a big deep dive on it on Friday.
	But the boomers are in total denial.
	This whole thing is out of spite, by the way.
	Drag Queen Story Hour has nothing to do with drag queens or kids.
	It is something that makes me and you mad.
	So let's do it.
	Like if eating shit made us go, oh, gross, these liberals are eating shit.
	I'm going to barf.
	They'd be like, haha.
	Look, he's barfing.
	Yeah.
	That's what they're doing.
	Except instead of getting sick from eating feces, they're polluting their child's brains.
	Just despite us.
	I almost feel like we should be like, oh, calm down.
	We love drag queens.
	It's good.
	It's good.
	To make them stop?
	Like, they're holding their kids at ransom.
	They have a drag queen pointed to their kid's head.
	And they're like, yeah, you like that?
	Calm down.
	Calm down.
	Let the kid go.
	So this one is from Today, 11C.
	And it's a man, dressed as a woman, flashing his underpants and talking about how sweet his pussy is.
	Turn it up.
	Let's see the picture shift for me.
	Go back to the beginning.
	That's a good song.
	That's a good song.
	Getting tips, as trippers do.
	Squatting.
	A dance is mimicking intercourse.
	Look at that poor kid.
	What am I doing here?
	There's one same mother, and I think somebody in the comments are like a mother realizing what drag queen story hours.
	And they zoom in on this poor woman's face.
	This woman next to the fat woman right here.
	The second one.
	Look at her face as she slowly realizes she's made a mistake.
	She's like, okay, I suck.
	When is that going to end?
	I'm gross.
	Yeah, spike culture isn't really satisfying.
	Again, you're eating shit just to gross everyone out.
	I saw a good pedo thread, 1-3.
	This woman sees what's going on.
	She goes, I'm going to fucking really get into this.
	So I see an advert for a Drag Queen Story Are for Kids at a pub in Eugene, Oregon, named after Satan, okay, from one of the attendants of an 11-year-old dragon queen by the name of Vanellope.
	I think this is bad.
	Sendo friend, we both start digging because something seems very off.
	I guess we should blur the face, but I kind of want you to see how young this child is.
	So that is what?
	A six-year-old boy dressed up in makeup?
	Remember how we used to look at Rome horrified?
	Or even the Arabs in Afghanistan who would have the little, I forget what they're called, like buku boys, where they'd bring, onto American bases, they'd bring these nine-year-old boys and fuck them.
	And then the Marines would get in fights, and their spears would go, stop rocking the boat, dude.
	We're trying to win hearts and minds here.
	And these hearts and minds are pedophiles.
	Oh, Jesus.
	So she starts looking at the comments on the pub page.
	When the pub page, she was talking about the bars page, right?
	Not an abbreviation for public.
	Yeah, we can see the pub owners defending this Event as being normal and gaslighting anyone who thinks it's appropriate.
	It's very weird how many of you are sexualizing a child in makeup.
	Go back to that original picture.
	So if you are offended by this, you're a pervert.
	No, that's not how it goes.
	If I see a kid dressed up as a clown and I see it as sexual, then you have a point.
	This is how women dress to attract men.
	So she keeps digging.
	Keep going.
	Looking a bit closer at the pub, we see that it's a big Antifa bar where they have kink night.
	So it's a sexual location, right?
	This is not a library.
	Not that it's better when it's at a library.
	But they call the owner Queen Antifa.
	They used to have Antifa symbols everywhere.
	Okay, so we know Antifa tend to be mentally ill-depraved perverts, messheads, especially up in the Pacific Northwest.
	Keep going.
	We look at one single person that comments defending this, and his Twitter is all porn, and he has an OnlyFans.
	Also, his comment is just gross and very revealing.
	And let's click on that first picture.
	We're really starting the show off with a fun start where they sexualize kids so much more.
	Yeah, so beauty pageants, spelled wrong, sexualize kids so much more.
	There is some creepiness about beauty pageants, but it's not quite the same as a man flashing his panties saying, my pussy's good to little kids and then getting tips from them.
	And then the next pick.
	So that person is also a fan or hasn't only fans where she likes sucking smaller cocks.
	And it's a drag.
	Let's see the pick, Ryan.
	Oh, it's cropped?
	Okay.
	Cropped for her pleasure.
	It gets worse, guys.
	Keep going.
	We then discover who the mother of this child is.
	Oh, this is where it gets bizarre.
	So that's the mom.
	No body shame there.
	She's just a disgusting fat pig who likes dressing up her daughter like a whore.
	Okay.
	And this is the part that freaked me out.
	Vanellope's mother had plans for her daughter from infancy.
	The caption of this photo was born to be a queen, her as an infant being cradled by drag queens.
	And there she is, born to be a drag queen at birth.
	And here she is, like we're reaching satanic levels that make Alex Jones look like a pussy.
	It makes Alex Jones look like Chris Hayes.
	She even got her daughter her own Venmo account where she receives money from men after they have attended her drag shows.
	Oh my God, summer nights with Kenzian friends.
	Show.
	What the fuck does that mean?
	Show.
	Oh, they're saying what they donated for.
	I'm donating for that awesome show.
	Wow.
	Very disturbing.
	But I can't go to Penn State because I'm violent.
	It gets worse.
	She has a drag queen mother.
	So I guess not her real mother.
	Woman named Kelsey Bourne.
	We found photos of Kelsey with Vanellope on an Insta account of Kelsey's and a Facebook page.
	Kelsey Bourne was arrested in August of 2020 on child porn charges while she was working as a teacher's assistant.
	So her godmother, basically, is a pedophile.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Not good.
	Terrible.
	Terrible.
	Keep going.
	Ryan and I were talking earlier about when we're talking about the worst stories in the world, like a toddler being killed and put in a suitcase, we call it cringe.
	Yeah.
	It's so cringe.
	Oh, this pedophile ring is so cringe.
	Kelsey Porn is jailed and awaiting trial on child porn charges.
	She's pictured with Vanellope.
	Look how satanic and evil that fucking person looks.
	Like, we used to think the evangelicals were nuts for saying Satan has infiltrated our schools and our churches and it's going to affect the children.
	We're like, okay, born again.
	Turns out they were right.
	Our first peacock was a success.
	Super crazy proud of our little queen Penelope, says a person in jail for child porn.
	The child has been exploded by so many adults, she's only 11 years old.
	They want to put her on display this Sunday at a satanic, not exaggerating, bar in Eugene.
	How do we let this kind of exploitation continue?
	Like, all you have to do is go to this event with this evidence.
	You can be a flyer.
	You don't have to hurt anyone.
	Don't do anything illegal.
	Just say, like the Proud Boys, they went to that fucking place in, where was that?
	Eugene?
	Was it Eugene?
	I think it was Washington.
	No, San Francisco.
	It was San Francisco.
	Oh, yeah, the public library.
	Yeah, Bay Area.
	And they said, the person you're having here, Panda Dolce, this is a video she made where she talks about sucking children's dicks or children sucking his dick.
	That's all they did.
	They waited outside.
	That's all they did.
	That's all you have to do.
	It's disgusting.
	We're not up against the fucking pagans here.
	We're not trying to take down bikers.
	Is that the end of that thread?
	Nope.
	The bar, her mother, her fans will continue to exploit it.
	This child, they are grooming this child.
	Just look at the people surrounding her, and you can imagine her future.
	What a fucking bummer way to start the show.
	But I'm not going to not report pedophilia because it's a downer.
	Took me a while of digging.
	Vanellope is a biological girl.
	Oh, so that, there's something even, Is that weirder than if it was a boy drag thing?
	We're splitting hairs here.
	I mean, the problem is drag queens are sexual.
	That's really the crux of the entire controversy.
	Drag queens are sexual.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Last night the mother's logged into Facebook.
	People removed the name craving from the daughter's name.
	Ew, craving?
	What the fuck?
	Wait, I don't see craving.
	Oh, I see.
	Vanilla.
	Peepy craving.
	The drag mom empower this girly waiting trial for child porn goes by the Instagram handle.
	Always craving kink.
	Okay, this is getting.
	I hadn't read that one.
	You got that?
	So the godmother, pornographer, fucking child porn addict pedophile has craving in her name, and the actual mother put craving in her daughter's name.
	Did you make a baby just to fuck or to hand out?
	Wow.
	So that is why we object.
	And the Proud Boys were facing hate crime charges for shutting down that particular one.
	And then the video of Pandey Dulce came out and the charges disappeared.
	Which I'll likely repeat on Friday because I banked the show today.
	Uh-huh.
	Try the Sioux.
	By the way, so pull up a map of Chicago and we can show generally where the place is.
	It's an hour and 20 minutes northwest of Chicago.
	Very white, very safe.
	It's not the south side.
	It's not what's a scary place in Chicago?
	Iglinton or something?
	Anyway, the old spot was, I think, around here, Lombard.
	And the new place is just up from there, McHenry.
	So if you got a hotel in Lombard, I apologize.
	Cancel it.
	Go up here to McHenry.
	And it's about this far.
	You got it?
	Okay.
	But the show must go on.
	The show will go on.
	All right, let's read a couple of Snapchats.
	Snapchats, super chats.
	That money's going to Max and John when they get out.
	I think Max and John are going to keep appealing their sentence even after they get out.
	And I think they should sue after that.
	They did everything the cops told them to, and they got four years.
	Their kids, John's kid, John's three-year-old's never seen John.
	What's the matter?
	You can't get to the top?
	Question for mostly the x-ray trooper.
	Is it illegal to prank call Nigeria or Pakistan?
	They can scam.
	They scam call us.
	I wanted to do a verse prank call show.
	They can't fly from Pakistan and arrest me, right?
	Why would a state trooper know that?
	His job is speeding.
	Question for the state trooper.
	If I'm in Pakistan and I speed, can I be fined by my original state, New York State?
	What do you think, Dick Man?
	Say it again.
	Can you prank call Pakistan and get charged for that?
	I can prank call anybody.
	Is it illegal?
	I don't know.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I think so.
	The jerky boys did it all the time.
	You met the jerky boys once, right?
	I did.
	Yeah.
	What was that story again?
	I'll try not to bore you.
	It was New Year's Eve.
	I was working at midnight, and a moving truck got stuck under a train trestle that was too low.
	And he, Johnny Brennan.
	I met Johnny Brennan, too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he lives up in Orange County there.
	Washingtonville-ish.
	Yep, yep, yep.
	He was at a party that was right outside where the truck got stuck under the train trestle.
	And I didn't know it was him.
	You know, I just hear this guy yelling.
	I'm aggravated, highly aggravated at the driver of the truck because it's clearly marked that he wouldn't fit under the truck.
	It's funny hearing you tell this story publicly because when you told me this story privately, you're like, I'm fucking losing it.
	I'm so pissed off of this guy.
	Steven, what the fuck are you thinking, you idiot?
	What?
	Are you retarded?
	What the fuck's the matter with you?
	Then when you talk about it, I'm slightly aggravated.
	I could use a chill pill at this moment.
	I made it clear to him that it was well posted, and he should have been paying attention.
	So he's on the porch of the house.
	The people from the party kind of spilled outside and were watching.
	We had a heavy-duty wrecker out there getting the truck out, and he's yelling things like, I'm sorry.
	I thought I could make it.
	Oh, he's doing the Jewish guy?
	Yeah, he was just yelling like he was the truck driver, and he's like, you know, I was laughing my ass.
	Then he eventually came down.
	I remember he had a planet Hollywood jacket on, and his voice was just so recognizable.
	So I asked one of the other guys, I'm like, who is that guy?
	That's Johnny Brennan.
	And he was the main guy, right?
	Yes.
	Yeah, he's the frank.
	How many jerky boys are there?
	Two.
	It's two.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I met him once.
	I used to live up there.
	Is it Davidson, ladies and gentlemen?
	If you're just listening to the audio, he's walked into the studio.
	The amount of stars that we have that just wander in and out of the studio is amazing.
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	That's my impression.
	I thought you lived in Staten Island, Pete.
	Oh, yeah, no, but I used to live up there, too.
	I used to live all over the place.
	I don't know.
	Whatever.
	But yeah, I met him and he gave me a ride to the train station.
	Real nice guy.
	I love how you're just such a chill dude.
	Like, you're just like water off a duck's back.
	I don't care.
	Yeah, that's awesome.
	You're such a good vibe.
	Um...
	Oh, we got more chat.
	You know what I want to do on this show, actually?
	We missed like a $500 chat.
	We might want to.
	Wait, it's not gone.
	No, I got to get it.
	So we didn't miss it.
	No, it didn't.
	Yeah, there was a couple hundred dollar ones, too.
	Yeah.
	I got a million final videos.
	I want to go through some of those.
	Because this show is too all over the place to really get deep on something.
	And we just bummed everyone out with, we found a child sex ring.
	It's not exactly party time central.
	On social media.
	On social media.
	That's the other thing, too.
	My metaphor with the elephant and the mouse.
	That's all you have to do.
	Like, they are the mice.
	They leave all their shit out there.
	They leave all their droppings all over the basement.
	They're very easy to spot.
	You just put a bit of cheese on a mousetrap.
	Snap.
	They're gone.
	You want to get rid of mice?
	Get rid of the food supply.
	It's not rocket science here, folks.
	But we're just like, no, the mice.
	The mice have shut us down.
	Anthony canceled his fucking plane ticket to Chicago.
	And I was like, dude, can you rebuy it?
	Because I would do this show in a parking lot.
	It has to go.
	The show must go on.
	We can't let them win.
	And then we found a new venue in like a couple hours.
	Hey, boys, this is one of the guys from the Blades movie that you dudes advertise on the show.
	Thank you again for that.
	That ruled him in the army.
	So I have all my questions answered by my chain of command.
	I just want to know how to help the boys out.
	Oh, and Vincent.
	And is Vincent still in charge of advertising?
	No, Vincent's gone forever.
	And I'm thrilled, by The way that he's fired.
	I'm sad.
	I'll happily just sponsor the show myself and use my own money.
	What are you doing with this?
	We have a much better system.
	These are the ones that aren't, it only shows the last five.
	Boys, watch the trailer for Gamora.
	You will thank me.
	We'll be better investing than rewarding Sopranos again.
	I guess he means re-watching.
	Land back.
	Okay, we've got to watch Gamora.
	All right, that was a 50.
	He has 100.
	Gavin's a dick.
	That's for the boys.
	That was last week.
	That hurts.
	This is a big one.
	$500.
	From now on, we're not reading any that insult me.
	Yes.
	Had a blast at the early Saturday show in Dallas.
	Fucking awesome.
	Got a lap dance from Gavin before his set.
	I don't remember that.
	Bald guy in the MAGA hat with the two big boys in the front row.
	Had the pleasure of meeting Ryan after the show.
	And yes, he is either that, that nice or very retarded.
	Love you.
	Okay.
	That's very nice.
	What else do we got here?
	That's it for those.
	Here's the trailer for Gamora.
	Okay.
	There's a place.
	I started re-watching the Batmans with my boy.
	My wife was away for 10 days.
	So, you know, you play foosball, you take them to the driving range.
	You build a Gundam?
	I build the robot with him.
	I took him to the batting cage.
	Taught him to two games.
	Okay, this already looks cool.
	Has it got subtitles?
	I think it might have been a good one.
	So is it?
	They look foreign, but it's in English American.
	Greed.
	You're not helping us have a problem with greed when you show piles of awesome uncut cocaine.
	This is a trouble with greed.
	Super awesome Coke.
	Have like someone dying for greed.
	Oh, it's a new series.
	Is it a subtitle thing?
	I can't really guess.
	It doesn't look like it.
	It didn't seem like it.
	I got some letter, actually.
	I might as well read it.
	Do you want to do the mailbag?
	Mailbag shit.
	Okey and dokie.
	Good TV discussion.
	prefer that to child rape.
	If you don't have a dad Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag Let me touch it.
	So Better call Saul.
	Unpopular opinion, he says.
	I disagree that Better Call Saul is in the same league as shows like The Sopranos are breaking bad.
	Ouch.
	I mean, obviously this is all subjective, but all I know is that I discovered Better Call Sol like two months ago, and I was so happy to go home and be like, ooh, I got another app.
	Because I had like 50 apps.
	And I wouldn't overeat.
	I'd do one up and then say, that's enough, Gav.
	That's enough.
	But it was such a relentless joy.
	And I remember the same thing with Sopranos.
	Back, it was in the early aughts.
	We had a VCR and it had the time on it.
	And I could see when this episode was going to end.
	I put a business card up against the time because I didn't want to know when it was going to end.
	Same kind of thing.
	Like, it's a treat.
	So if a show is a treat and you're petrified of an ending, it's pretty fucking good.
	Cinematography was beautiful.
	The plots were amazing.
	One can watch a random episode of The Sopranos and write a thesis on its themes, the brilliant dialogue, and layered storyline.
	True.
	David Chase said that the episode where he takes Meadow to college and he sees that guy that he's got a whack, he said that could have been a short film in and of itself.
	That's true, but I feel that same way about Better Call Saul.
	Better Call Saul was mildly entertaining, silly lawyer hijinks mixed with this sort of interesting storyline of being a prequel to Breaking Bad.
	I only watched two or three episodes of Breaking Bad.
	I got too stressed out.
	I suppose Better Call Saul had some unique and complex characters, accredited to Vince Gilligan's writing, but as a whole paled in comparison to the superior drama of the aforementioned shows.
	Last point, Brian Cranson and James Gandolfini brilliantly carried their roles, being tremendous dramatic actors, agreed, while Bob Odenkirk was frankly an embarrassment, not agreed, when attempting to perform in a serious dramatic role.
	He's a silly boy who was meant to perform in a comedic context where he shines moist.
	Moist.
	He is a total noob and cringe at drama.
	Oh, really?
	Was nobody cringe?
	So I disagree.
	Have you watched Better Call Saul, Maddie?
	No, not yet.
	Dude, it's fucking gold.
	His brother.
	You get the time to watch all these shows.
	My kids go to bed at 9.
	10?
	9.
	I'm not tired until midnight.
	I got three hours to kill there.
	Yeah, that's our better call, Saul.
	So, how are we doing for Super Chats?
	I just got drunk, by the way.
	This show is going to nosedive soon.
	I used to think the worst part of the show was Gavin's shitty taste, opinions on music.
	That hurts.
	However, lately, Ryan's hair has really been bothering me and has surpassed Gavin's music taste as the worst element of the show.
	Dude, you're a father.
	Grow up and get a haircut.
	You look like a retarded teenager growing your hair out to be rebellious.
	Thank you.
	That's exactly what I'm screaming.
	Anyway, I still love the show.
	keep up the good work.
	Let's check in on Ryan's hair and see if it's just as...
	So when you're doing it.
	You're a proud boy?
	Yeah.
	I'm a proud Western chauvinist who refuses to apologize for creating the modern world.
	You know what I mean?
	If I say proud Western chauvinist, chauvinism is to be extremely patriotic about something and extremely passionate about it.
	So proud is covered in chauvinism.
	Let's take a little look at this article from BuzzFeed real quick.
	Hold on one second.
	You said real quick.
	Well, we're going to look at it quickly, but it could take forever to bring it up.
	But that's the point of the news.
	It might be a civil war.
	Who knows?
	All right.
	I want to get back to the Max and John Super Chats just to get those out of the way so we can relax.
	It's sort of like when you get to the airport, I just want to get to my gate, make sure it exists, and then we can fuck around and go buy a newspaper or go get a drink or something.
	Yeah, that's true.
	You want to get to your.
	Because sometimes your gate isn't at your gate.
	Sometimes you get there and it's a bus that goes down the fucking street.
	Uh-huh.
	Like a JFK, there's this one gate.
	I forget what it's called.
	It's like 83.
	So you go 82, 84.
	What the fuck?
	Oh, there's a little door there.
	And it goes to a bus.
	I'll only go like a one-minute walk away from my gate, no matter what.
	Yeah, I know I'm at that age now where I go like two hours early.
	I'm about an hour and a half kind of guy, but I'll probably get that old one day, too.
	Are you going to Chicago with me at the same time?
	I don't believe so.
	Why are you still talking like Tim Poole?
	Half Tim Pool, half you?
	Well, I mean, look at me.
	Chicken City.
	Crazy.
	Seriously.
	Civil War.
	It must suck to be Tim Poole in July, huh?
	Tim Pool in July?
	That's a good band name.
	Tim Pool in July.
	Are you writing it down?
	Yeah.
	Might be the title of the show.
	I don't mind wearing a hat in February or on a ski hill.
	You're going to see that.
	Any other moment?
	Year round, it starts getting itchy.
	You've got to go like that.
	Oh, my God.
	No, it does get very itchy.
	But, you know, I'm tough.
	Proud boy.
	Well, I guess if you're bald, too, it's just probably as warm as hair.
	I'm not bald.
	Okay.
	I said if.
	Okay.
	Well, I don't even like that.
	It's cringe.
	Okay.
	All right.
	What does your hair look like, Tim?
	Is it like long flowing red locks?
	What does it look like?
	I don't want to dox myself.
	I don't know if you saw that video, but the guy took my hat off and I said, dude, that's very dangerous because there are Antifa looking for me.
	And if they identify me, that's why I wear the hat.
	It's like a head mask.
	So when you're out in public, you're bald, Tim.
	Or whatever it is, not bald.
	Dreads, Tim.
	It could be whatever, you know?
	Use your imagination.
	But let's check out these super chats.
	Okay, changing the subject.
	If a man could suck his own dick, does that make him gay?
	Yes.
	Steve Brower, the owner of Brower House, is a pedo.
	Whoa!
	No way.
	This is the guy who canceled the show.
	I grew up in the area, and I have heard of three separate incidents that occurred in his old bar in Hillside, where he let 15 and 16-year-old girls drink in his bar and then fucked them.
	He knew their ages.
	One of them is my friend to this day.
	I'm actually really happy that the venue has changed.
	Fuck that guy.
	What?
	Wow.
	So this is obviously unverifiable.
	Well, it is verifiable, I guess, but in this short amount of time.
	So we don't know if this is true or not.
	It's just an allegation.
	Please don't sue me.
	But if that was true, hypothetically, that would explain his hatred of attention.
	Right?
	I don't want any heat.
	This is what, we'll talk about this later in the week.
	I've banked so many shows.
	I can't remember what I said and haven't said.
	But one of the theories with Kanye is he's controlled opposition and the Jews have put him out there to make anti-Semites look nuts.
	And I was saying, if I was a pedophile, I'm going to repeat this in another show, I wouldn't send people out to look crazy and accuse me.
	So they would stop people from accusing me.
	I'd just be like, let's not mention it at all.
	So I don't believe that theory.
	But yeah, I'm happy to hear that there's a potential that this guy's a shitbag because he fucking pussied out.
	We'll leave those.
	Is that it for the expensive ones?
	Go down a bit?
	That's it.
	Okay.
	Yep.
	I think we're ready to start taking calls soon.
	We could do that.
	And then we can go behind the paywall.
	It's your hat, man.
	I mean, it's your shirt.
	Not shirt or hat.
	It's your show.
	Okay.
	I'm not sure what happened there.
	I broke.
	Yeah, I don't want to get into this other stuff.
	I just want to do funny videos.
	Let's do fun vids.
	We could do a thanks for calling.
	Oh, wait, I want to show you something.
	Okay.
	Things that are bad in the world.
	White liberals worshiping black people like they're exotic animals.
	This is especially bad in Europe.
	Number two, black people overacting their faces off.
	I don't know why they do that.
	I guess they're trying to overact in TV so they can get a job in movie or something.
	I never quite got the whole blacking thing.
	And then three, singing with such passion that you cry.
	How about a video that combines all three of the worst things Western society has to offer in this video called 11A?
	And this is, oh, number four, I hate this new trend where someone shows a viral video and then they show themselves going, you're not creating content.
	Or there's this new thing, too, black people do where it'll have like someone on a bike hitting a brick wall and then they'll have the black guy go like, and then they'll show someone fall down a chimney and break their legs and then he'll go.
	Yeah.
	What are you doing?
	Or women just mouthing a TikTok?
	That's even better and that's pathetic too.
	So this guy's helping by sitting there and just showing his stupid fucking face.
	And then this song is gayer than AIDS.
	Stop.
	This is literally the gayest thing in the world.
	It's a little dramatic.
	Is it cringe?
	It's cringe.
	It's way beyond cringe.
	I'm already creating a story for the guy to make this okay.
	What's the story?
	He just got his hearing aid put in and he's never heard sounds before.
	Somebody pepper spray himself.
	That's better, yes.
	No, he's a European photographer.
	I looked him up.
	Not the guy on the right.
	The guy singing somebody died close to him.
	Like two minutes before they did this.
	Right now.
	Actually, they're dying in front of him.
	And his dad.
	And they're slowly slitting his dad's throat.
	And they said, You better sing a really beautiful song, or your dad's dead.
	He's like, If I am.
	Like, nah, that sucks.
	He's like, wait, wait, if I have a need.
	Sorry.
	And his dad's like, you couldn't have sung.
	You could hear the squall.
	His dad wanted him to do Louie Louie.
	Fine, little girl.
	She waits for me.
	We catch a ship across the sea.
	Now, if I have a need.
	I need you now.
	I like that descent, but no reason to cry.
	If I have a need.
	The African.
	I need you now.
	If I have a need.
	Look shake his head.
	Gay people are watching this jealous that something could be gayer than them.
	There's two guys fucking each other up the ass going, whoa, you guys really Tor is a new ass.
	What?
	Look at his nodding smile.
	Oh my God.
	I can't lie.
	That song is very insanely.
	That's very epic.
	Somebody said the song?
	No.
	But it says the power of the Holy Spirit, so I feel like it's a religious tune.
	That's okay.
	But what is this John Leibowitz guy adding to this?
	Okay, so Ryan is so gay.
	I like the song.
	He likes the black half of this video.
	Yeah.
	Listen to this.
	If I am.
	If I am.
	There's nothing to like.
	There's nothing there.
	That's good.
	Oh, that's going to be stuck in my head all day.
	That's powerful.
	What's the melody?
	What's the song?
	Oh, now she's crying.
	Yeah, I said they're taking turns crying.
	Your turn.
	She sings, he cries.
	When his dad is dead and decapitated, they bring in hers and she's like, oh, fuck.
	They killed him too.
	That white guy needs to die.
	No, he's terrible.
	And he doesn't even credit the song.
	He's basically a slave owner.
	And why did he put that up?
	John Paul.
	Heismans.
	The Heismans Trophy for the Protection.
	What's the point of you putting up that song?
	Nice selfie.
	Why are you including your face?
	Nice selfie with that.
	Here's some black people crying about a song.
	I thought it was cool.
	I'd like to see you looking at it.
	Photographers really are some of the worst people in the world.
	Agreed.
	We should start designing high-end cameras that just have a sort of long pin that goes.
	Wow.
	Yeah, so you go, if you really want to do a super zoom, then hit this red button.
	It would hurt them, though, wouldn't it?
	Kind of like no country for old man?
	Yeah, they'd be dead.
	The cattle figure.
	Yeah.
	Okay, good.
	We're making progress here.
	Ooh.
	I don't know if you're going to like this.
	Uh-oh.
	New Super Chat claims that Better Call Saul sucks.
	Oh, the guy who thinks that Better Call Saul sucks smells like Obama's anal beads.
	That's a hot take.
	You know what?
	And a gross take.
	This might be because I'm so un-racist, but I think Obama's anal beads are probably pretty clean.
	I feel like he'd be the kind of guy who would wash his anal beads.
	I've never not put my anal beads in the dishwasher.
	But the cups on the plates.
	I bet he soaks them.
	On the spoons.
	He soaks them in a solution that is part baking soda, vinegar.
	Vinegar.
	Yeah, it's all organic.
	No bleach.
	Vinegar, baking soda, and starch.
	Took us a long time to figure out what was causing Michelle's yeast infections.
	Turns out it was the soap.
	Okay, so we're done with, we're caught up with the super chats.
	That's so true.
	We've read a letter.
	We've got the calls initiated.
	Let's take a call, and then we'll go behind the paywall.
	But the thing is, you guys got to, you boys, excuse me, have to put on your mics.
	And let's put up the number, and I will also say it for the people in the back who are just.
	Dickman's mic is on.
	718-400-6959.
	Again, that's 718-400-6959.
	So what do we got here?
	We've got 347, and you're on the level.
	I'm at 69 in a long ass time.
	Get word.
	I remember 69 until I'd fall asleep.
	Yeah.
	Remember those days?
	You used to fall asleep with a beaver on your face.
	And she'd fall asleep like, beaver on your face.
	Marathon sex.
	Big disgrace.
	60 and 9 all over the place.
	347, you're on the line.
	Go ahead, call it.
	We got you, caller.
	Believe in yourself.
	Don't be scared.
	Say something or you're GAY.
	Say something or you're a black African gospel song crying while a European nods.
	That person got dropped.
	Jungle Asian is on the road.
	You're familiar with Jungle Asian.
	Hey, this is Jungle Asian.
	Hi, Jungle Asian.
	Most active commentary.
	First of all, my husband said I should apologize to you about the whole you not owning life.
	Apology accepted.
	Next.
	Oh, wait.
	You only get one thing.
	Okay, well, thanks for calling.
	I appreciate your apology.
	This isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
	Can I just call it a call?
	Yeah, thanks for calling.
	We're giving you the fade, ma'am.
	How do you wait?
	You listen to the show for so long.
	You know the rules.
	And this guy's going to do it too, by the way.
	615?
	I have 695.
	He has four things.
	That's my bet.
	Hello?
	Hey, hello.
	Uh-oh.
	Nothing much, man.
	I was going to talk to you about bar culture these days.
	Okay.
	I went to a bar the other day and just to pass the time.
	And there was probably like six or seven people at the bar.
	And they were all on their phones.
	Oh, man.
	You know what?
	I mean, I was trying to go there to like have a good conversation, have a beer, chill out.
	And everybody's glued to their phones.
	And even when you try to talk to somebody about something, they go, Yeah, that's crazy.
	And then go back to their phone.
	You know, it's like, it's like a hookah bar.
	Like, if you're at a hookah bar, which I would never go to, obviously, people probably talk, blah, blah, blah.
	And then there's a moment where you're just like, yeah.
	You have your little hookah hit, right?
	People are like that with their phones now.
	It'll be a bunch of Zoomers or millennials together, and they'll all be talking and stuff.
	They'll always have their phones out on the thing.
	And then there'll be a lull, and they'll all go.
	And then every single person at the table will be on their phones having a phone break.
	Well, so you know those movies, the Wild, Wild West movies?
	Yeah.
	Where you would go in to the saloon and you would have to give the person your gun.
	I think it should be that way with phones.
	When you walk into the bar, you give everybody your phone and you have to sit there and you can't look at Facebook.
	You can't do all this bullshit.
	You have to look up at the TV for a little bit.
	And even that is annoying.
	Like these fucking TVs, five, six TVs in every bar.
	And you're talking to someone and they're designed to get your eye.
	So I'm talking to someone and then whenever there's a tiny break in the conversation, I'm looking at a State Farm commercial.
	I'm not watching the game.
	It's not like the Mets just scored a fucking grand slam and I should be looking up.
	I'm looking at State Farm.
	I'm looking at Liberty Life Insurance.
	I'm looking at a fucking news show where they don't have closed captions.
	So I'm just looking at an anchor just going blah, blah, blah.
	But my eyes are drawn up there.
	Get rid of it all.
	Well, but also that's kind of a talking point, too.
	Like you can be like, look at how gay this fucking commercial is.
	Why are all commercials gay now?
	Why are they retarded?
	Yeah, it's better than someone's saying it's funny.
	What I've been doing to people on their phones is they'll pull it out as I'm talking to them.
	And I'll just go, all right, I'm not talking to you until you put your phone away.
	All right.
	Well, hey, thanks for calling, man.
	Thanks for calling.
	Hey, Ryan, do you have that website that has all my sketches?
	Was it Rumble?
	It's bookmarked on my other computer.
	We were looking for it the other day, and you found it, I think.
	Brumble, Rumble?
	It's definitely Rumble.
	It's not Brumble.
	But we'll look at it.
	You sent it to me.
	Look at things you have sent me.
	It's not that much.
	It's pretty much a one-way street with you and I. Brumble, like the app?
	No, the YouTube replacement.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Because I found the drinking in the bars thing there.
	I thought it was gone forever.
	Gone forever.
	I'll dig it up if you can.
	I got it.
	Okay.
	I got two links here.
	They both have different things to them, you see.
	One of them has all my...
	Gavin McInnis Archives on Rumble.
	Oh, maybe that's not it.
	So it's got How to Piss in Public, which we were looking for desperately at one point.
	Oh, good.
	How to Fly.
	Oh, that's.
	Is that high res?
	Let's see.
	It looks pretty res jump in the middle.
	480.
	No, 720.
	Pretty good.
	Pretty good.
	We should put that on our site.
	I think we could rip these.
	Yeah, that'd be a great idea.
	Tip six.
	Pretend you're asleep and walk your knees together.
	My dad taught me that one.
	We could use that because we're flying out.
	A million in the morning.
	But yeah, how to drink in bars.
	That's what I was looking for.
	The Metropolitan Club, the less salacious one that didn't get anybody.
	I put that up on Getter.
	So you'd know if you follow me on social media.
	I do, but I don't open those apps.
	Billionaires can't tell your people.
	Open those apps?
	What does that mean?
	I don't social media, really.
	I tweet.
	I don't social media, really.
	I tweet.
	Go back to how to drink in bars.
	That's a good one.
	They're drinking bars.
	Oh, it's super low red.
	It's only $480.
	And here's your water.
	Thank you.
	Oh, hell no.
	What were you having?
	A smoothie?
	But it was a blackberry margarita.
	What are you doing?
	You know how long those take to make, you asshole?
	How long do those take to make?
	Uh, I don't know, like five minutes?
	You know how much time you waste with that bullshit?
	This is bullshit.
	Those are all interns, by the way.
	Tip one, know your drink.
	Keep it simple.
	Tip two, don't order water.
	Drinks are water.
	That's why they're called drinks.
	Oh, no, no, no, no.
	Tip three.
	By the way, stop.
	You know what I got the Blackberry margarita from?
	I told you the story, right?
	We're at JFK.
	We're trying to get shit-faced because we have coach seats, and you can upgrade to first class if you get so wasted that coach feels like first class.
	So we're trying to throw makers in our body.
	And these two guys in front of us go, yeah, we'll get large water, which I don't know what that is, and two blackberry margaritas, frozen.
	So the guy's like, making them.
	I'm like, can we just get two double makers, neat, whatever?
	Just pour, just go bloop, bloop.
	Stop making the blackberry margarita.
	And just go bloop, bloop with us.
	And he goes, hang on, sir, hang on.
	And they poured, they got their blackberry margaritas.
	And then I look over and there's a woman in a skirt drinking a fucking Stella out of a Stella cup.
	Like, you know, those fancy kind of cups.
	The Stella in?
	The goblet in.
	Yeah, kind of a goblet.
	And I'm like, a woman is drinking a fucking beer.
	And you faggots just ruined our flight, our six-hour flight.
	Wow.
	With your blackberry margaritas.
	Now, here's a fun tip.
	If you want to criticize people, Be a foreigner.
	Like I saw this guy, I used to do this to cab drivers, you know, in the city where they're always like, oh, botio cho, but I'd just be like, I'm sorry, are you gay?
	I wouldn't do a packy accent to a packy, but maybe like someone would go, I'm sorry, are you gay?
	And they go, no, I'm not gay.
	What do you talk about?
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Actually, you don't need an accent.
	In my culture, the people who talk on the phone for like hours are gays and 13-year-old girls.
	So I just thought you were one of those.
	I don't mean any offense by it.
	I'm talking to my friend about a business plan for starting a company.
	Oh, big misunderstanding.
	Okay, so you're starting.
	Wouldn't it make more sense if you're going to start a company to have like a sit-down meeting with like a lawyer where you're going to register it as an LLC or something and not just gossip on the phone for three hours?
	Make them real mad.
	Or you go up to, I saw this kid at the driving range on the weekend and he was, he was FaceTiming some chick going, hey, I got you something at Earl Postal today.
	There's this new accent that suburban white kids in New York have.
	That's like, you know that guy who's like, if the girl did that, like, I would just basically die.
	It's like a surfer thing.
	I think my eldest boy is starting to say it.
	And so he's like, yeah, I got you something at Earl Postal.
	Dude, I would so take that over if your kid had a wigger voice.
	You're lucky, dude.
	They're both.
	You know how many wiggers are out there?
	But I didn't do this because I couldn't be bothered and I chickened out, I guess.
	But I could have come over and been like, hello, excuse me.
	So young men here, when they golf, when they go to the driving range, they'll speak to a lady for like 20 minutes.
	Is that common here?
	And now you're not aggressive.
	You're just curious.
	So I had a tartan blazer on when these guys ordered the blackberry margaritas.
	And so I could go over them and go, excuse me, I'm new here.
	I'm just curious.
	Is this normal in men ordering a blackberry margarita?
	And like, well, yeah, it's kind of a tradition we have.
	They were not gay, by the way.
	I wish they weren't gay.
	I spend half my day walking around New York going, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.
	Because the alternative that they're just shitty heterosexuals is very hard to deal with.
	And I said, oh, I, okay.
	And they go, yeah, it's kind of a tradition we have.
	Every time we come to JFK, we have blackberry margaritas.
	And now I'm mad that they're not embarrassed of themselves.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	So I said, there's a, I couldn't help but notice there's a woman right next.
	She has fairly petite wee lassie.
	And she's having a beer.
	Stella.
	So women drink beer here and men have blackberry margaritas.
	Is that the deal?
	And I'm hoping that, I was hoping they'd be like, yeah, we are faggots.
	Well, no such luck.
	And no.
	They go, yeah, not normal.
	Now I'm mad that I'm not making them uncomfortable with my character.
	So then I lost it and I just go, do you get a fucking speech hunter?
	Well, there's a word for that in the English language.
	Walked away.
	Beta.
	Bena!
	So if you want to confront people and insult them, be a curious foreigner.
	Take this.
	Learning about this country.
	This sounds like a queer on television.
	I was just wondering if this was probably a queer.
	Probably a queer.
	Yeah, like you can go.
	Excuse me, I'm new here.
	So in this country, you have grown men who ride scooters.
	And do you push?
	No, it's battery-powered.
	We charge it overnight.
	Okay, so this is children's toy that you have automated and you ride children's toy.
	Are men riding tricycles also in this?
	No, we don't ride trikes.
	Well, there are trikes.
	There is motorcycles that have three wheels.
	But no, it's just a scooters.
	You get through traffic really fast.
	It's really handy.
	Oh, okay.
	So if it is handy for traffic, you will use children's toy to commute.
	And there is no shame in this.
	Interesting.
	In my country, we would stab you.
	You know, sort of like this.
	That's really committing to the bit.
	Definitely a country filibatus.
	Mayer.
	All right, let's look at some fun videos.
	Oh, sorry, let's go back to that.
	Okay, all you're doing is delaying the tips for this guy by about a week.
	And tip four, men don't order wine, all right?
	We're not at a fine Italian dinner.
	Okay, uh, can I see your beer list, please?
	Beer list?
	What are you gonna do?
	Get a pumpkin ale or a chocolate stout?
	It's rotten barley and oats, okay?
	We're here to drink rotten fruits and vegetables, not some fancy fruity snack, okay?
	Order a normal beer like everybody else, you fuckwad!
	He ended up doing that HBO show rattle, so I'm like, huh.
	That's crazy, man.
	He had a great shit.
	You have a full head of hair.
	Proud, boys, for life.
	And see, it gets my eye twitchy when I don't wear the bean.
	Now, this is, this sucks.
	Shit.
	What's going on with the Matrix?
	I take my two fingers and I press it down.
	I'm going like really tiny.
	Like, guys, guys, guys, this does not work.
	Three people in a row does not work.
	Look, you're going, oh, and then we went over there and it was super awesome.
	And this poor bastard is craning his neck.
	What?
	What happened?
	Then you switch over to him.
	You go, oh, I was talking about this awesome story.
	Now you're going, what?
	What happened?
	What happened?
	These are all interns that I would abuse on a daily basis.
	So I feel totally comfortable strangling them.
	Triangle.
	When there's three guys, two guys sit, one guy stands.
	Now we create a triangle here.
	This works for a conversation.
	And don't give me your eye-rolling shit, okay?
	You checked your email all day.
	You can stand for a second.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Hold on.
	You know why this works?
	This is all true.
	I'm not joking here.
	This is why Kirby Enthusiasm is a good show.
	He's not joking.
	These are all facts.
	If you come from the heart.
	Number seven, if the game isn't on, there's no TV.
	Paul, what are you Doing?
	Are you showing the bartender pictures of your kids?
	Jesus Christ, no one cares about your fucking kids, okay?
	Now, the kids' thing is when you travel and you're at like a hotel in Cleveland and you go, I might as well go downstairs, I'm sick of watching movies.
	And then it's all other dads like you on business trips, and they're always showing.
	And they talk about what kids their what college their kids going to.
	Like I give a flying fuck.
	If your kid's at Rikers, I might be kind of interested.
	Otherwise, your kid's going to Penn State and he's taking speech pathology.
	That's nice.
	In other words, speech pathology exists and there's a student at it.
	Okay, I figured as much.
	Thanks for the tip.
	Why the fuck do I give a fuck?
	And then the previous thing about the TV only being on with the game, I wish all those TVs at our local, Maddie, were not...
	Sometimes with Artie, he'll put on, Arnie, sorry, he'll put on a car show.
	Yeah.
	And that's nice.
	They're pretty cars to look at.
	I like the way they roll them out.
	Yeah, the Barrett Jackson and all that.
	Yeah, and they're all shiny and stuff.
	And Roadkill, those are good shows and stuff.
	But it's so much of it is sports show talking heads with no subtitles.
	You're just watching.
	Or those even worse sports shows where they're sitting in their t-shirts and they're like this and they're not cutting to any video.
	It's just guys talking like this.
	And you're like, why am I looking at someone with a microphone for a nose?
	Exactly.
	Like, just turn it off.
	And they're all.
	That's the outcome of 24 hours TV.
	And they're all talking like they're buddies that you're not a buddy.
	They're like, I bet Jim would probably do that.
	You're like, what the fuck does that?
	Do you watch sports shows?
	I've seen them, yeah.
	My buddy used to watch Skip Bayless and what the fuck's his name?
	The black guy.
	Fucking.
	He looks like a duck.
	Yeah, the one you ever heard is Michael's K. Michael Kay.
	Michael Kay, yeah, the Michael Kay show.
	With Ricky.
	With their dumb backgrounds where there's like a picture of their wife or like Rage Against a Machine CD and then like a book and a fucking bobblehead.
	Ugh.
	No, I was just seeing if you could charge my phone.
	That's tip number nine.
	If you don't come to the bar with a charged phone, okay, then you don't get to use your phone.
	It's no fucking internet cafe.
	Are we clear?
	Shut up!
	Tip number 10.
	No more women laughing.
	My God, you sound like fucking hyenas.
	No one's saying women shouldn't be allowed in barns, but for fuck's sakes, we're here to relax.
	Did that feel good?
	Yeah.
	That seems like it feels good.
	That is a 0% joke.
	I know.
	Just bottled up hatred and animosity.
	Especially if you want to hear women rip your ears a new ass, go to fucking Glasgow, Scotland.
	Oh, my God.
	The banshees, the screaming fucking banshees.
	You pray to God to be deaf.
	I would love to just be at a Glasgow bar.
	Like, no, they don't even understand what they're talking about.
	That's a problem with most of these chicks.
	that it's so loud that I pray to God to become deaf and it worked.
	There.
	Now that's a bar.
	Who are the chicks?
	They weren't interns.
	We had to pay them.
	Most of these extras will do it for $100 a day.
	Hey, what did you make these for?
	Vans.
	Oh.
	The budget for them was usually about $20,000 to $30,000.
	And we didn't have much left over.
	Maybe five or six.
	Maybe eight on a good day.
	They take about three days, two days.
	That took a day.
	They were ads?
	They were commercials, yeah.
	We put them on our site and on YouTube and stuff, and they go viral.
	But people will say, you should do more sketches.
	I'm like, I'm not spending 25 grand and getting all those extras and renting a venue and spending, you know, two days for a four-minute bit.
	Four-minute bit.
	Four-minute bit.
	Speaking of four-minute bit, what we don't have is a four-minute bit from 720, who's on the low.
	What's going on, Kwala?
	Hi, 720.
	How's it going, boys?
	Daddy.
	How's it going?
	Hi, Rob.
	So, I have a pretty good cop story for you guys.
	My dad's a cop.
	And recently, he had a guy who got fucked up.
	Wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	Sorry to interrupt you.
	Please don't tell us your dad is one of these female cops because they fucking suck at police work.
	Oh, no.
	No.
	Thank goodness.
	Thank goodness he's not.
	No, he's one of the old school cops who, you know, they grew up.
	And, you know, if guys got out of line, they wouldn't.
	Wait a minute.
	Didn't all cops grow up?
	Well, no, no, no.
	They would tune him up.
	I thought you said grow up.
	What city are we talking here?
	We're in Denver.
	Denver.
	I just read a book about a Denver cop, the green chameleon or something.
	The blue chameleon?
	The blue chameleon, yeah.
	That was Denver.
	That was the guy.
	Do you know about this dude in Denver who caught someone who shot him in 1970?
	He just caught him 50 years later.
	The story's two years old.
	Okay, so Denver, what years?
	So he worked in Denver, I think he started in 94, but he works in a smaller municipality now.
	The city of Angels.
	That's not Denver.
	What's that?
	Denver's known as the City of Eggs.
	Omelets, egg sandwiches.
	Anyway, sorry to interrupt you.
	That's kind of the bit, but let's drop that bit.
	Go ahead, call her.
	So his buddy, he's an older guy.
	You know, they grew up taking care of business.
	You know, they weren't afraid to get physical with people who are mouthing off to them.
	Somehow, he got in an argument with a black lady.
	She, at one point, you know, they're going back and forth to each other.
	She turns around and spits on him, and it gets in his mouth.
	He loses it a little bit.
	He grabs her by the back of the head, shoves her head into the wall, and starts getting real physical with her.
	You know, she's.
	I love these censored versions of these cop stories.
	He isn't thrilled about having spit in his mouth, so he gets a little physical with her.
	He's very grumpy at the time.
	So his hand is on her hair.
	He accidentally tears off her weave, and then he's so mad right now that he proceeds to flip her off and then stomps on her weave in front of her.
	They asked him to resign after this, but it's just an insane...
	I was like, how far can you push someone before they react to you?
	I'm just amazed at it.
	Dude, the deliverance, the delivery of that story was absolutely terrible.
	It was damn terrible.
	You should be ashamed of yourself.
	Here's how you should do that.
	First of all, don't start saying I have a great cop story.
	We hang out with cops.
	Our cop stories are like, I was picking up pieces of bodies at a guy jumped in front of the train, and then my partner picked up the head, and they go, it really is about as heavy as a bowling ball.
	And then he threw it at me.
	That's like a good cop story.
	This is not what you should have said.
	You should have said, hey, man, you know, you guys talk about cops.
	My dad was a cop.
	And, you know, it was PC even back then in the 90s.
	Like, some crazy black woman was screaming at him.
	She spat in his mouth.
	He lost it.
	Okay.
	He slammed her head against the wall.
	And then he kept going.
	He ripped her weave out.
	He stomped on it.
	He gave her the finger.
	They wanted him to resign.
	Not so much for the violence, but for the stamping on the weave and the finger.
	Can you believe that shit?
	Yep.
	Gotcha.
	No, no, it makes sense.
	That's how you tell that story.
	So in the future, tell that story much more briefly.
	And also, never start a story with, I have a really great story.
	Now we're thinking of like Star Wars.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	I have a great story about a watch.
	Okay.
	I'll be damned.
	Let the gooks take this man's family heirloom.
	What?
	Pulp fiction, dude.
	Come on.
	You kept the watch up as he was.
	I just watched that the other day.
	No fucking way.
	For the first time?
	For four years.
	No, I was trying to.
	Again, the wife was away, so you get tired by the end of the day and you start like, hey, you want to watch a movie, boys?
	Does it hold up for you?
	No, it sucks shit.
	I knew you would be a hater.
	It's written by a fucking nerd.
	Hater.
	So much of Quentin Tarantino's stuff is just nerd fantasies.
	Even that stupid Nazi movie where the Nazis are getting their dicks cut off and shoved up.
	Inglorious bastards with noisy bastards.
	It's all nerd revenge fantasies.
	Do you like that I use an E in bastards, or does that annoy you?
	That annoys me.
	I knew it.
	Kind of annoys me, to be honest.
	It annoys everyone in the world.
	You're not Nostradamus.
	Ryan, you still got the call open.
	Yeah, no, this is a new guy.
	Oh.
	Jake from State Farm.
	Yo.
	Yo.
	Yo, what's up, guys?
	Hey, man.
	Hi, Jake.
	What's up, Doc?
	Nothing much, man.
	living life down here.
	I got...
	Okay, here.
	This is the thing.
	I have like 70 things.
	That's not going to work.
	You only get one.
	You get one thing.
	Be very careful, sir.
	And I'm just messing up.
	Take all my best.
	My one thing is.
	What?
	Your best thing, please.
	Yes.
	Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Top of the thing.
	It is this.
	I got big decisions coming up, right?
	And I just need a little bit of like oomph.
	I know you always talk about like, you know, just live life, jump in, get it.
	Get drunk.
	Get drunk and then make the decision.
	Seriously, though, because it takes the fear out of it and you see what you really want.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I know.
	I just say you think too much, you know?
	Yeah.
	That's it.
	All right.
	So what's the decision?
	Just moving.
	Moving states.
	Well, you're moving too.
	Why are you moving?
	And what's the question here?
	God, this started out so funny.
	It's not really a question.
	I'm just talking to talk.
	What state are you in, and why are you leaving?
	Yeah, we're going to salvage this, sir.
	Let's see if we can.
	I'm leaving.
	This is like one of those car shows where they're in a junkyard and they have to make this fucking car work.
	Give me two CCs of Instagram.
	Okay, we're going to need a transmission, an engine, four wheels, and a roof.
	Hit them with the shots.
	There we go.
	That'll get it done.
	I'm not losing.
	So what's the predicament here?
	You're on borrowed time, my friend.
	What's that?
	Where you going?
	Yeah, where are you going?
	No, I'm just, I got a stale job, you know, family problems, all that kind of thing.
	And I'm thinking about, you know, moving up somewhere.
	Wait, what if family problems?
	Are you married with kids or just your mommy and daddy or me?
	No, no, no, I'm young.
	I'm young.
	How old are you?
	23.
	Okay, so you're still at home at 23.
	Yes, exactly.
	And I'm just thinking, like, you know, I need to get out, you know, start something.
	Where are you exactly?
	I'm in Florida.
	You want to move out of Florida?
	Yeah, well, that's another thing, too, man.
	Like, I moved down here and I never really liked it.
	And I think I've just been living, you know, just living the parents' life.
	Yeah, we're bored of this call.
	Goodbye.
	Thank you for calling.
	That's a good show.
	You know, I'm going to do a big just go for it, dude.
	Yeah, go for it.
	Do a big point on.
	I was going to say stay in Florida.
	Life decisions.
	Definitely stay in Florida for free.
	He's moving to Florida.
	It's too hot.
	It's too hot now.
	That was terrible.
	I'm sorry.
	We got Dan on the line.
	Wait, wait, hold on a sec.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Decisions.
	I'm going to do a whole green screen on this.
	One thing I've learned is, and men are great at this and women are terrible at this.
	You work with what you have.
	It's like the serenity prayer.
	You know?
	How does that go again?
	Lord, give me the strength to do what I need.
	Change what I can change.
	I can, and then the strength to know the difference.
	It was written by an American guy.
	I think in the 1800s.
	Fully up?
	Yeah, you got to click on it.
	There's a couple versions.
	And you've got to donate to their woke charity.
	God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
	Yeah, thanks for showing us that.
	We saw the word change.
	That's good.
	But, like, say you're packing to go somewhere, right?
	Don't start with your bag.
	I call this La Live Rouge.
	In French, when they say the red book, they don't say the red book.
	They say the book red.
	I'm giving this away now, but anyway.
	So the problem with the red book is you go the, then you go red.
	Now there's a big pile of red.
	And then you go book, and you got to cram all that red into a book.
	That's a lot of work, and it's extraneous.
	You should have just started with the book, and then poured in just the red you need.
	And I remember Derek Beckles used to be my best pal, a Negro from Canada, and very funny dude.
	And I would say to him, Derek, writing is just talking, but you write it down.
	So if you want to write a good article, just write a letter to your brother.
	I know you have a brother and you get along with him.
	And then just take out the inside jokes.
	Boom.
	You have a great article.
	That's how you write.
	You should do interviews for us.
	They're so easy.
	You just talk to the dude and then you write it down and you're just done.
	It's a transcription of a conversation.
	So he interviews some guy for like an hour.
	He transcribes it.
	It's like 20,000 words.
	I go, bro, we need 600.
	So then he spends the entire week culling 20,000 words down to 600.
	He was going the red book.
	You got to start with what you have.
	Okay, what do I got here?
	I got a beer, a pen, and some paper, and I need to make a boat.
	This boat's going to suck.
	Let's start with that.
	It's going to be a paper boat, and this is going to be useless.
	Don't get your hopes up with the boat.
	That's how you solve a problem.
	And when you're packing for something, you go, all right, four days, four pairs of underwear, four pairs of socks, maybe a shirt or two, maybe a pair of pants, it's going to be hot, blah, blah, blah.
	Then you make that a pile on the bed.
	Now you go get your bag.
	And you, maybe it's a backpack.
	Maybe it's a big bag.
	You don't start with the bag.
	You don't start with the book and fill in the red.
	So when you have a problem like, where am I going to?
	And you live in Florida, you're like, okay, what do I want?
	What's my job going to be?
	What are my parameters?
	What am I looking for?
	Do I want excitement?
	Do I want nature?
	If I want nature, I go to Montana.
	If I want excitement, maybe New Orleans.
	And then you slowly work backwards from there.
	Every time I talk to people on the phone about a problem, I always go, let's start at the end.
	And the end is like, and this happens with Proud Boys a lot.
	Look, the end is it doesn't matter if he's right and you're wrong.
	The real thing is he wants to kill you.
	So you can either fight him or get out of town.
	It doesn't matter who's justified, who's not justified.
	The point is that he doesn't want to negotiate and he fucking hates your guts.
	You know, you start with the basic tools of the problem.
	And don't worry about the other shit.
	People are always like, yeah, well, the whole reason we got into this thing in the first place is That ship is sailed.
	That's not a tool.
	There's three tools here.
	These pages, this pen, this beer.
	We can talk about why they got here till the cows come home.
	That's irrelevant.
	What are the tools?
	And I've noticed this with women.
	Last year, we went to some baseball tournament and I banked a bunch of shows.
	So I had a whole week off.
	All the other dads had to go back to their jobs, but I had taken a week off.
	So I was with chicks for three days at this big house we rented for the baseball tournament.
	And they would talk about problems and I would get involved.
	I told you this before.
	I'd get involved and I'd be like, okay, look, it's very basic here.
	He's not paying child support.
	How much money does he have?
	How much money can you expect?
	Okay, well, you can either criminally charge him for not doing child support, but can you get blood from a stone?
	And I would just tell them the basics of the problem.
	I'd solve their problems.
	And I realized they don't want that.
	No.
	They want to kvetch.
	They want drama.
	They want the drama.
	They want to complain.
	They want the smoke.
	They're not looking for solutions, but men are like, say, have stage four cancer.
	That's the same as all this.
	Okay, there's chemo.
	What are my options with chemo?
	What are the odds I'm going to beat it?
	The odds are three out of four.
	Probably should get chemo.
	The odds are 99% you're not going to beat it.
	Don't get the chemo.
	Die gracefully.
	That's it.
	You can cry about it that you got stage four cancer.
	Okay.
	Cry like a bitch.
	You still have stage four cancer?
	Are you farther ahead?
	I had fart cancer and I get rid of it every day.
	You had fart cancer?
	I had it about two minutes ago and then I let one rip.
	I think you're confusing fart cancer with just farts.
	No, there's cancer in them farts, boy.
	That's maybe the title of the show, too.
	Maybe kobold.
	There's cancer in them farts.
	You sound like the gold hunters.
	They're cancer hunters.
	They go through farts.
	These hillbillies with turned-up cowboy hats.
	So we haven't said goodbye to the freebie boys.
	We have.
	I mean, I feel like with no sponsors, it's the Wild, Wild West, as Eric Adams would say.
	Oh, shit, Eric Adams.
	Oh, fuck.
	Project Very Tas just dropped a bomb tonight two hours ago.
	One of his assistants was talking to a member of Project Veritas, and the assistant noticed, this is an Eric Adams assistant, that Eric has no idea what the fuck he's doing.
	Surprise, surprise.
	And New York City is broke.
	And the whole sending illegals thing here, according to the secret behind the scenes Adams administration, was an absolute smashing success.
	New York does not have the resources to handle these immigrants.
	They were totally humiliated by the experiment.
	And Governor Abbott, is it who sent them up here?
	Was totally correct to do that because he showed what he has to go through with these people and how no one else could handle what he has to deal with.
	Close that lower third on the video.
	I have to play it.
	I think what Abbott was doing has proven effective.
	Like It's flooded our systems.
	I think the objects of this are bad for Biden and they're bad for the mayor.
	And I don't know that Eric Adams is capable enough to navigate it.
	As nearly 20,000 migrants have been bussed to the Big Apple on orders of Texas Governor Greg Abbott, our undercover journalist at Project Veritas sought to find out what really is going on inside the New York City mayoral office of Eric Adams.
	Isn't it a coincidence that Veritas has been slaying like never before and they've totally gained mainstream acceptance?
	I would say within the past six months, you hear people cite Veritas like AP or even better, not even cite them.
	So they'll say Eric Adams A deems Eric Adams incompetent and you'll click on the link and you'll see it's Veritas, but it's just news now.
	That's huge.
	It used to be this radical right-wing group says this happened, but they edit videos, blah, blah, blah.
	Now it's just this happened.
	And if you want to check our source, well, it's Veritas.
	So they become AP.
	And right when that happened, they go to court and a judge says you're not allowed to misrepresent yourself during an investigation.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	What a coinky dink.
	Right when they become legitimate, the authorities and law enforcement, or sorry, the justice system seeks to delegitimize them.
	What a quinky dink.
	Steve Bannon, when he gets at his most effective, is now in court.
	Roger Stone, most effective, now in court.
	Proud Boys, most effective, going to jail.
	You know when you're being persecuted that you're over the target.
	Oh, there's more to come.
	I was with them earlier.
	Yeah, that's the great thing about Very Tess, too.
	It's always a nothing burger at the beginning.
	Yeah.
	Oh, Eric Adams is incompetent?
	Yeah, we know.
	Yeah, I was with Bowling Balls and our buddy.
	Yeah.
	You know, yeah.
	I want the only thing that could really fry Eric Adams, I think what should fry Eric Adams is corruption and incompetence.
	Unfortunately, that's not salacious enough for the modern society.
	He needs to be fucking someone underage.
	Even if he's, I think he's gay, by the way.
	I think he fucks dudes.
	But that's not juicy enough.
	It has to be underage dudes.
	Or they have to have been raped, I'm afraid.
	Up yours, woke moralists.
	We'll see who cancels who.
	There you go.
	That's a low-T thread if I've ever seen it.
	Meet Chris Boff, one of Adam's advanced team staffers.
	Watch him say what he really thinks about his boss, the mayor of New York City, and how he is handling or mishandling the chaos of the migrant crisis.
	He was TiBlasio's assistant, too.
	Which makes me very nervous as someone who is paid by the city.
	We're anticipating like a $10 billion budget deficit by 2026 right now.
	There was free money from the government for the last two years because of COVID.
	All of that's gone.
	And then our revenues just aren't in a place to support.
	I thought Eric's budget was $100.
	Oh, yeah, $110 billion.
	$110 billion.
	Dude, can we just stop and look at that?
	$110 billion.
	Wow.
	On a planet with 7 billion people on it.
	That is everyone in the entire world giving Eric Adams $14.
	Oh, didn't DeBlasio give his wife like $800 million?
	Yeah.
	For some project that never went anywhere?
	No, dude.
	How much was Thrive?
	$800 million or something.
	Thrive or something like that?
	Thrive.
	Oh, Thrive.
	van.
	That's what it was.
	What was the budget for Such a boomer.
	What was the budget for New York City's Thrive?
	Annual of $225 million.
	Yeah, okay.
	So it's an annual $225, but it approached a billion.
	Oh, I said it.
	Approached a billion.
	Yeah, that's nothing.
	I did $850 million.
	That's nothing.
	Eric Adams wants $100 billion.
	He wants 100 Thrives.
	Yeah, that's scary.
	So there's a baby in East Timor right now.
	Where, way.
	With little beads on its head.
	$14.
	And a little blanket that's dyed different colors.
	And there's a monk holding it.
	And Eric Adams is there going, yo, this ain't the Wild, Wild West.
	I'm going to need $14.92 from you and you.
	And you.
	And they're like, what?
	No.
	I hate New York City and I barely even know where it is.
	Look, sorry, I don't make the rules.
	Yeah.
	It's $100 billion.
	$110 billion.
	What?
	Like, $14 is a lot of money to everyone in the world.
	You go to fucking a random Russian homeless person.
	Yeah, that's you too.
	$14.
	That's crazy.
	For New York.
	I mean, what's justification?
	It's just insane.
	What is $100 billion divided by $7 million?
	$7 billion.
	What?
	Oh, New York City.
	Yeah.
	So every New Yorker gets $14,000.
	So every New Yorker gets $1,000 a month, just free.
	It's turning out to be like the wild, wild west.
	But I'll tell you what, you guys are going to be dreaming of Jeannie to turn what could have been the Jetsons into the Flintstones.
	Does Andy Dufrane get $14,000?
	Well, I'd like to say that.
	Nicole Dufran?
	Andy Dufran.
	I'd like to say that Andy got $14 million.
	Wait, who's Andy Dufrane?
	Are you kidding me, boy?
	You better lean on me.
	Oh, the Shaw Shank Redemption.
	I'm from Shaw Shank Redemption.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Okay.
	Cookie crisps.
	Cookie crisps.
	Let's get back to the very testing.
	I think that's the annual city budget right now.
	Can you just raise the taxes?
	The mayor doesn't want to.
	Is he just eating plain noodles?
	That's the big scoop right there for me.
	When you go to a restaurant, order something you can't make at home.
	That's why I always get mussels because I can't really make mussels.
	A good cheeseburger is hard to make at home, too.
	You got to get the bread, all that shit.
	It's a pain in the ass.
	But if there's one thing you can make at home, it's just noodles with what?
	Butter?
	And what's the coaster on top of the thing mean?
	What does that mean?
	Where you put the coaster on top of your wine glass?
	Oh, that's when you go away.
	When you go pee.
	He's not peeing.
	Yeah, maybe she forgot to take it off.
	I mean, that is an option.
	Maybe that's another level of undercover.
	I'm not here right now.
	I'm away from the table.
	Like, reduce services.
	What do you mean?
	Like, just not give people enough stuff.
	Like, what?
	I don't know.
	Fix Department for the Aging Immigrants.
	Like, we're housing immigrants right now from Texas.
	It would be very easy to be like, nope, not anymore.
	How much money are we spending on that?
	Juicy.
	Juicy.
	Not juicy enough for my taste, but this is phase one in it.
	All right, I guess we're going behind the paywall now.
	It seems weird because the previous notion was sponsors paid for the free part.
	And then we go behind and we hang out with our bros.
	You mean like Nita Fashions?
	Oh, yeah.
	Nita Fashions is paying for this segment here.
	Nita Fashions at what's the URL?
	NitaFashions.com.
	NitaFashions.com, N-I-T-AFashions.com.
	I was introduced to Nita Fashions when I worked at Fox News, and a guy was going there to meet the tailors at the hotel.
	And I go, I don't understand.
	You meet a tailor at a hotel?
	Why don't you just go to the tailor?
	Oh, the tailor's in Hong Kong.
	Oh, so you give money to China?
	Well, not really.
	And if you want custom shirts and suits here in America, they're like seven grand for a suit.
	Oh, that's not, I'm not buying a car to put on my body.
	And he goes, Hong Kong, the prices are reasonable.
	You get a shirt for 50 bucks to, I don't know, 200 bucks.
	You get a suit from 700 bucks to like 3,000 bucks.
	It's up to you how much money you spend.
	And you go there.
	They build, like Prince had a bust, and he had people designing him clothes every day, and they'd fit it on the bust, and then you just come home, and there'd be like a new outfit.
	That's like Nina Fashions.
	They measure your neck, your inseam, your waist, your back, everything.
	And then they have a template of you.
	And then when you choose these fabrics and shit, they make them.
	And the next thing you know, you're wearing pajamas, but it's a three-piece suit.
	That's where I met them.
	That's the New York Hotel.
	And I go, this sounds amazing.
	He goes, yeah, dude, it's for cheap rich guys.
	This is how rich people stay rich.
	They save money.
	So you go there and they measure you up, or you can do it on a Zoom.
	Contact them on Instagram and do it through Zoom.
	And then they get your template.
	And by the way, if there's anything wrong with your suit or your shirt or anything you buy, you FedEx it to them and then they fix it and send it back.
	They understand that being on the other end of the world is a little bit inconvenient.
	So they'll fix anything that goes wrong.
	And I have, every time you see me wear a suit on the show, I should say 99% of the time, it's an eat a fashion suit.
	You choose the lining, you choose the shape of the pockets, you choose the buttons.
	It's the male equivalent to a spa.
	And you are pampered as such.
	Men don't want spas.
	I don't want to sit in a mudbath.
	I don't want to be in a hot sauna.
	I don't want to fucking massage.
	I don't want some stranger touching my toes.
	But I do want to sit there and discuss fabrics that would be comfortable for me.
	All right.
	Thank you, Nita Fashions, for sponsoring the show.
	Our only sponsor left since we fired our ad guy.
	I'm going to go pee now, and we'll be right back.
	Although, if you're not a subscriber, you will not be seeing us come back.
	And again, folks, relentless entertainment here, $10 a month, $100 a year.
	You get two months free if you go for the whole year.
	And there's never a dull moment.
	You never know what's going to happen.
	I could get arrested.
	We could have a 10-day marathon.
	You never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
	It's exciting news in a comical way.
	And it's a lot of fun.
	So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	musique
	musique
	Hold on, I'm coming.
	in the bini in the bini-nging.
	music Alright then, what?
	music
	Somehow reconcile me with their stupidity.
	Okay, kill him!
	When I say "hanta, you're money" I'm gonna do 1000 grams rather than a bisou to your friend.
	Everybody knows you never go full retard.
	Shot fired, suspects down.
	What are your thoughts on the bird, which is the bald eagle?
	I think it's really great.
	Come on, man.
	I'm a good one, I'm just a 6666, oh!
	I don't tear up for sad things.
	I tear up for happy things.
	It's a joke.
	Drums
	Oh!
	Do you ever go through a bender?
	I don't have this now, but I remember going through some benders where they have a weird pain like here.
	I think, is that your kidneys?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Where are they?
	Right here at the back?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Just below your, like, your...
	Between your hip and your rib cage.
	Actually, that does hurt a little bit.
	This caller's been waiting for a hot minute.
	Okay, what's up, caller?
	403.
	You're on the lead.
	Hello.
	What's going on here, Born?
	Hello.
	Hi.
	Why are you gay?
	I got a quick question for you, huh?
	Can I just interrupt you?
	Can I interrupt you, sir?
	Can I interrupt you, sir?
	Oh, yeah, go for it.
	That African was actually kind of asking a pretty intense and cool question.
	Why are you gay?
	Like, outside of the hilarity of it all, that is a good jumping off point for an intellectual discussion about homosexuality.
	Who says I'm gay?
	She ruined it, of course, because she's a retard, but he's a smart guy.
	Could you close it a little louder, please?
	Being a.
	All right.
	All right, anyways.
	I got a quick question.
	Have you ever tried DMT before?
	No.
	No.
	Mushrooms, acid, GHB, MDMA, obviously, lots of psychotic.
	No, it's nothing even close to MDMA or acid or shrimp.
	It's closer to shrimps than anything else.
	Yeah, I've never tried it.
	Yeah, you should.
	It's like I tried it this past month, and it's like a 15-minute high.
	Like, I'm sober, sober, sorry, completely afterwards.
	Yeah, yeah, I've had it before.
	Oh, you were drunk, and then you did DMT, and now you don't drink?
	No, no, no, no, no, I never said that.
	This past month, I tried DMT, and it was like a sort of life-changing experience.
	I don't really want to go into it, but I don't know.
	It lasted for like 15 minutes.
	It's like super intense.
	You fall asleep, and you see a bunch of shit, and it's like super cool.
	I don't know.
	Maybe you'd want to try it.
	Yeah, I'm into it.
	It's really, you know, people laugh at drugs, and I, you know, as you get older and you have more problems, you don't want a bad trip because there's too much going on with taxes.
	You laugh at me for recommending it.
	And kids, but it's not inconsequential what happens to you on these drugs.
	Like, those experiences are real, and they stick with you.
	I sort of compare it to how, I don't know, tribes back in the day used to dabble in DMT and ayahuasca and shrooms and whatnot.
	Yeah, they still do.
	My wife's got peyote at the house.
	In the brain back in the day.
	Yeah.
	Over years of them using it.
	I don't know.
	I read a great book, and thanks for calling, by the way.
	I read this great book called Free Radicals, and it was about successful, a lot of billionaires, a lot of scientists who blame ACID for their success.
	Steve Jobs, the godfather of DNA.
	I forget his name, James Watson, I think.
	And they go, I don't know, man.
	Like, if you're drunk and you're slurring your words, a good trick is to go and stretch your cheeks with air till they hurt.
	And you'll notice you're like a little more, a little less like, I don't know, officer.
	Have you had any drinks?
	You do some stretches.
	You're like, I don't know, officer, I've had, I think I had a couple beers this afternoon.
	Certainly not before driving.
	And LSD is the same way.
	It stretches your brain and it expands the parameters.
	So I honestly believe that LSD makes you more capable of thinking outside the box.
	And that's what this book says.
	Pull it up.
	Free radicals.
	It's a good book, as my dad would say.
	A good book.
	Me and my brother used to always tease him.
	What's a book, dad?
	By Michael Brooks.
	A book by Michael Brooks.
	I've done the ayahuasca.
	It was very intense.
	And there's a lot that you could bring back to your life from...
	And you're like, oh, when I get back to life, I'm going to do this and do that.
	Yeah, when I'm alive again.
	It's like a death.
	It really is.
	Very nice.
	Salvia.
	Did you ever try salvia?
	Yeah, that's trash.
	So bad.
	It makes you feel like you're a wet pair of jeans with pockets full.
	Not comfortable.
	Here's an important email we just got.
	Big fucking tips.
	10 out of 10 smoke show.
	Come on, Gavin.
	You haven't shown this amazing 10 yet.
	I want to know what you guys think about her.
	To me, this is peak 10.
	Okay, let's check her out.
	And that is a...
	Wait, show the picture that he sent in the email.
	Simpler.
	This is why I want to sit Anthony down and have a two-hour debate about 1 to 10.
	His thing is a 10 is perfection.
	So there can only be 1 in your entire lifetime, which I don't get.
	Like, what if you die when you're 8?
	Do we got to go from 0 to 8?
	Why is that not a 10?
	Like, that's a 10.
	And I'm not even a tit guy.
	I don't need those.
	That's like buying me a Maserati.
	I'd probably leave it in the driveway most of the time.
	But I'm not kicking them out of bed for eating crackers.
	Awesome.
	I'll learn to get into tits with that.
	I wonder if she has an ass.
	Because usually they spend a lot of their ass.
	I wish she got decent hips.
	A lot of them, they spend their ass money on tits.
	That's another title of the show.
	She has super amazing butt cheeks.
	I don't know if you could show that on.
	I mean, wow.
	You know what would happen with that, though?
	Your friends would be weird.
	Yeah.
	Like, it would be like dating a burn victim in reverse.
	There'd be this tension all the time.
	Like, you have a dinner party.
	You'd have to make her wear a burqa, basically.
	Like, what if she's at your party serving hors d'oeuvres?
	Hi, guys.
	Thanks for coming.
	Who wants nachos?
	Can I fuck you?
	Danny, what the fuck, man?
	Sorry, dude.
	I didn't even know I was saying it.
	I just, my boner started talking.
	Just came out.
	And then the woman in your community, not that I'd give a fuck if I was fucking at 10, they start resenting her.
	Oh, yeah.
	Especially with boomers, because with our generation, a threesome is not as plausible.
	But back in the key days with the key sharing, they thought this woman's going to rip apart my marriage.
	And they'd be right back then.
	Upside down pineapples.
	Dude, the only way that she could not be the stupidest woman alive with a body that perfect is if she grew up in like Romania under gypsy rule or her brother is severely retarded.
	If her brother like bites his lip till it bleeds and they have to put special mouth guards in and then he grabs a fork and scrapes it across his face, then she's cool.
	Otherwise, no.
	I bet she's dumb.
	So stupid.
	She's so stupid.
	I'd never be her friend.
	We got about seven calls on the line.
	We got a couple of super chats that we haven't checked out in a while, so I'm going to put those on screen.
	What a fucking looker.
	Holy shit.
	This guy's on topic.
	My three perfect tens are Elizabeth Hurley, Selma Hayek, and Margo Robbie.
	What are Gavs, Matt, and Rise?
	Three tens.
	Aren't they all ancient Chinese secrets by now?
	Margot Robbie, I guess, is young, but the other two are like...
	80 years old.
	Like, who was the first one?
	Elizabeth Hurley?
	Yeah.
	How old is she, dude?
	Probably like 42.
	How old is Elizabeth Hurley?
	Oh, my God.
	She's got to be 57.
	57, you fag.
	Whoa.
	You want to fuck your mom.
	You want to fuck your mom.
	Elizabeth Hurley?
	Dude, you want to fuck a 5.
	I'm 52.
	Yeah.
	She's older than anyone in this room.
	How old is what's her name?
	The one who's married to Michael Douglas.
	Selma Hack?
	No, Catherine Zeta Jones.
	How old is Catherine Zeta Jones?
	53.
	Lucy Lou is like 54.
	Yeah.
	My favorites are obviously Ava Devine.
	I love Eva Mendez.
	I love Beatrice Dahl in a Time Machine when she did Betty Blue.
	I love Tia Carrera back in Wayne's World days.
	Oh, yeah.
	I just say that because my wife looks like her and it makes her feel good.
	I like the French-Canadian Jew in the movie Snow Day.
	Oh, the main chick?
	Claire?
	Yeah.
	Raquel Welch, Bridget Bardeau.
	I mean, obvious shit.
	I like hot chicks.
	What about you, Dick Man?
	Yeah, everybody you mentioned, but you made fun of the guy for liking Elizabeth Hurley, and you mentioned Sophia Loren.
	Well, he didn't give the caveat of a time machine.
	Oh.
	You got to say time machine and then say the name.
	That's the rule.
	I just invented right now.
	I like Liz Hurley, too.
	They say Time Machine Liz Hurley.
	Okay, Time Machine.
	You got to say the whole thing.
	You got to say Time Machine Liz Hurley.
	Say Time Machine Liz Hurley.
	Because people could clip that, and they'll be like, you must fuck Gilfs.
	Time Machine, Liz Hurley.
	There we go.
	Is that so hard?
	Matty, who are your top?
	I don't know who that is.
	That sounds like French brown.
	I got a faithful.
	For some reason, I love.
	I mean, they're older.
	I mean, I don't know how old Ann Hathaway is.
	We're about to find the fuck out.
	How old is Ann Hathaway?
	39.
	Say Time Machine.
	Jessica Beale.
	Say Time Machine, Ann Hathaway.
	Time Machine, Ann Hathaway.
	Time Machine, Jessica Beale.
	Jessica Beale is a number.
	Yes.
	Holy fuck is she brutal.
	What's the wine?
	Jessica Alba.
	Oh, yeah, that's what I was thinking of, actually.
	I might say Jessica Alba.
	Yeah, Jessica Alba.
	She is shocking.
	I mean, but they all got to be in the same 39-40 range.
	Yeah, but Jessica Alba does not age.
	How old is Jessica Alba?
	41.
	Yeah.
	I'll take her.
	Yeah.
	You know who I really like is the King of Queens chick.
	Oh, yeah.
	Scientology.
	Yeah, Leah Remy.
	Leah Remy.
	Remy.
	She's got a mouth like a truck driver, though.
	Yeah.
	I can't tell if that's good or bad.
	She's like, I love it when you fuck me with me.
	I wouldn't kick around a pen eating crackers.
	I'll tell you that much.
	Can you be crying, actually?
	I don't really like the...
	I'm not a trucker fucker.
	Trucker fucker.
	Although, we're all old and ugly, and it doesn't matter who we love because we don't have a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting them.
	Which is why we stay loyal to our wives because the women in my league are fucking ugly.
	Back in the day, I would have said Sarah Michelle Geller.
	Lovely is big.
	Yeah.
	Puffy the vampire slayer.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	She's aged pretty good, I think.
	Yeah, yeah, she is.
	Something about her.
	Let's take some calls.
	How are we doing with the super chats, by the way?
	I hate when those pile up.
	They're coming right up, dear.
	So that's the tens.
	This one's $50 from Hands.
	Okay, we've got to read that.
	Read Gonzalez versus Schaefer.
	Reference 1-2753 on the latest Simpcast.
	And then the Super Chat at 233.17, plus some random tweets between now and then.
	Do you think that in a situation like this, it is beneficial for Elijah to remain quiet about what happened, never apologizing or blah, blah, blah, and continue to try and build and maintain a following?
	Or is the correct move to come out and be like, hey, I messed up big time.
	I grabbed a colleague's sexy boobs.
	Elijah is one of my favorite guys to listen to, and I feel like he's being faggoty about this.
	What would Gavin do?
	Thanks for calling.
	Elijah is tied to legal NDAs with what happened to him at the Blaze.
	So I don't think it's up to him to explain exactly what happened.
	Did he touch boobs?
	Did he not touch boobs?
	Was it a jokey way?
	I don't even get the concept, though.
	Like, you're in a movie thing.
	He hasn't told me what happened, by the way.
	But if you're trying to seduce a woman, you start with your hand on the leg, and then maybe you might go like, but you don't, if you're being genuinely sexual, you don't, you're not, no, no one ever goes like, hi.
	I think you're really beautiful.
	Thanks.
	I kind of noticed you too.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	That's never happened.
	Grabbing the tit is number 37 on the fucklist.
	Like, you seduce her, you take her home, you fuck her.
	As you're fucking her, you might grab a tit if she's into that.
	It's true.
	No one just grabs tits like, hi, I think, are you feeling?
	Okay.
	So I'm guessing, and again, I don't know, that it was maybe like at the movie theater and he was drunk and he maybe went like, hack, hack.
	But wasn't that a scene in Animal House tune in Tokyo?
	Yeah.
	It's rude.
	But anyway, the answer to your question is, nose to the grindstone, just keep on giving her.
	Don't even fucking look up.
	Don't explain it.
	Don't, unless you, you know, you can't legally, so who cares?
	But don't take a break.
	What I said to him, I said, I don't want to get into the semantics of what happened.
	I don't fucking care, to be honest.
	Unless you rape someone, I'm not really interested in what happened.
	But I said, don't take two months off.
	Don't find yourself.
	Don't go to Europe.
	Just keep grinding.
	That's the moral of the story.
	Never give in.
	Okay, so the $10 ones, people can see.
	I don't have to read them.
	And we got calls.
	Still, we got seven calls on the line.
	Yeah, but go down.
	Make sure we don't have.
	No, we don't.
	I'm looking at it.
	The last one was the Better Call Saul Anal Beads.
	Better Call Saul Anal Beads.
	Obama's Anal Beads.
	This is Dylan, I think.
	506.
	You're on the licks.
	What's up, dudes?
	What's going on, Andrew?
	Finally.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Did you ever hear of, or you ever interact with Harlan Williams?
	That guy's cool.
	Who's that again?
	Harlan Williams.
	He's got next.
	Did you ever check him out?
	What are your thoughts?
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	Canadian, comic, funny guy.
	Canadian.
	He was the cop that pulled over Jim Carrey's character in Dumb and Dumb.
	If you don't know who he is, check him out.
	That's all I'm going to say.
	Okay, I'll check him out.
	Yeah, he's Canadian.
	He's funny.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	What are you talking about?
	Yeah, he looks familiar.
	Harlan Williams.
	Hey there, Buckaroo.
	All right, seems funny.
	He's a funny guy.
	No chin.
	Oh, good.
	Canadian, so.
	Fellow Canadian with no chin, like Tom Green and me.
	She's got a real squirrely way of talking there, pup.
	I dropped a needle on his ass.
	And I'm driving around, I'm going down an old lumber road, an old dirt lumber road.
	Is that the thing?
	Canadians have no chins?
	I've been long having thoughts in my head about, you know, oatmeal and psoriasis and things like that.
	And I'm driving along, and all of a sudden, I see this big mound of grass, and I slam on the brakes.
	I'm like, but it wasn't like a screeching tire sound because I was on gravel.
	I just told you that, gang.
	It was more like a.
	So I stopped my three-quarter ton pickup truck.
	Hey.
	And I look on the top of this grassy knoll and there's a full-grown moose.
	There's a moose standing on a grassy knoll.
	And I'm thinking, okay, there's a moose.
	Here's me.
	I'm going to see how close I can get to the moose, right?
	So he's pulling the grass.
	He's like, then he's chewing.
	He's like.
	You know, it's like watching a fat family from Ohio go through a lasagna bar at Golden Corral, right?
	And I'm thinking if I imitate these sounds, I'll get close to the moose.
	So I start pulling the grass.
	I'm like, pull, chew.
	Wait, I thought he's in a car.
	Closer.
	You should have told us he got out of the car.
	I'm about 20 feet from this full-grown moose, and I'm thinking, wait a minute, what's my end game here?
	Do I want to get up to this moose and scratch it behind the ears?
	Do I want to rub its hump?
	Do I want to play with that hairy nut bag that dangles under its chin and, you know, just fiddle with its throat?
	Yeah, in a second.
	Before I could think anymore, the moose was like, who's this freaky, big-eared, chinless freak standing on my grassy knoll?
	And he charged right at me.
	Charged me.
	And at the last second, just before he's about to hit me, there was a dead tree hanging over the grassy knoll.
	He hit it.
	The tree shattered, and he got spooked and went the other way.
	Now the upside is, I peed my pants, I watered the grass.
	So there you go.
	Now, let's smash cut to Rwanda.
	Hello.
	It was good, except for the peed your pants.
	Go to 60F, by the way.
	I remember reading about this dude who said, I'm going to domesticate deers.
	That's my plan.
	I'm going to capture one, placate it, make it domicile, make it mine, and then slowly feed it until it's chubby.
	And then I'm going to kill it just like Kobe beef, and I'll have the greatest deer meat in the world.
	So he sets up a thing.
	He noticed they were going to his pig feeders.
	So he sets up a lasso and he ties it to the pig feeder.
	And when he sees the deer there, he manages to get close enough to go, oomph, get it over the neck.
	And it works.
	He catches the deer.
	The deer then goes fucking hysterical.
	Starts ripping his feeder to shreds, ripping out the wood and everything.
	And he's like, I got to fucking cut this thing loose.
	So he's got his knife and he's sawing at the thing as the thing is like, everything is destroyed.
	They're strong.
	And he finally cuts it loose and he's like, oh, God, thank God.
	It'll now run away.
	No, the deer is like, you, motherfucker.
	The deer starts coming at him.
	So he was running back to his house.
	The deer is going, smashing him in his back with its hooves and biting him on the shoulders.
	He was in bed for four days like he fought a fucking street gang.
	He was incapacitated for four days because he fucked with a deer.
	A deer will kick your ass.
	Go to 60F.
	Oh, there's plenty of videos like that.
	On my bucket list is to punch a deer in the face.
	I'm not going to die without punching a deer in the face.
	In fact, when I lived upstate, I used to carry feed in my car because I was trying to get one over.
	What?
	What, Maddie?
	What is this lady?
	What video was that?
	We're about to watch.
	Oh, my God!
	Back up.
	One baby, Jerry.
	Baby.
	Baby, Jerry.
	Let your stupid dog die.
	You ain't got a gun?
	Now all the dogs are out.
	I can't do it!
	It's locked!
	We're mule.
	He wants a mule.
	Wait, what's he want to do?
	Get in the car?
	I guess he wants the dogs.
	Oh, my God.
	Wait, is that the whole thing?
	One baby, Chair.
	Is it already looped?
	God, it's the last thing I do.
	I'm going to get my hands around your throat.
	That's not the guy who threw the rope around his neck.
	No, no, no.
	Oh.
	No, that story's an old story.
	Oh.
	I read it about it in a cooking magazine, actually.
	But a deer will fucking kick your ass.
	Speaking of funny videos, look at 56F.
	This guy could have been cut in half.
	And he decided, not today, Grim Reaper.
	Not today.
	Whoa, whoa.
	Holy shit.
	Doesn't that look like a machine for cutting humans?
	Look how many levels of I'll cut your ass there are.
	One, two, two, three.
	Three, four, five.
	What the five levels of human chopping.
	He avoided them all.
	It's slices.
	Good instincts, dude.
	Good instincts, look at that.
	Quintuple guillotine.
	That would have sucked.
	You want to see something horrific?
	Hell yeah.
	Probably shouldn't.
	NSFW warning.
	What is it?
	NSFW?
	Oh, fuck.
	This is the worst car accident I've ever seen in my life.
	All right.
	All righty then.
	NSFW, please look away.
	If you have children in the room, please get them out of here.
	This is an accident so horrific that an angel fell from heaven and died.
	Is there blood?
	No, no, it's black and white.
	It's hard to see, but where do you see where this body comes from at the end?
	I've watched this a hundred times.
	Ejected out of the moon roof.
	Oh, yeah, that's what happened, right?
	I think putting music to this is wrong.
	Let's cut the music down there.
	The moon roof?
	Why do they call it a moon roof?
	It's bigger?
	Because it's pretty big.
	You go bing-bang straight to the moon, and then you land on the concrete.
	Look at that.
	She must.
	It looks like a woman.
	Yeah, it does look like a woman.
	She must have been no seatbelt.
	She must have been like 20 feet in the air.
	Yeah.
	That sucks.
	That's terrible.
	You must have seen some gross stuff as a state trooper.
	Yep.
	Do you ever see someone decapitated?
	Yep.
	Jeez.
	How long on the job?
	Wait a minute.
	How are you decapitated bad?
	No, bad stuff.
	That was a good one.
	Oh, okay.
	Children of the world.
	It's not like there's good news and some bad news.
	Your dad was decapitated, but it's not bad.
	My worst day on the job.
	You saw a decapitation on your first day.
	It wasn't a decapitation, but it was a fatal accident.
	Don't you guys call it a decap?
	Pretty gruesome.
	What do you mean, like a D, it's a decap?
	Yeah, you got to abbreviate stuff, right?
	Yeah, we got a serious decap here, guys.
	We got a 512 and a decap.
	We just say fatality.
	Oh, okay.
	So what did you see on your first day?
	It's hard to explain.
	He was coming around at like a sweeping turn.
	It was an omnibus.
	You know what an omnibus?
	Like a 15-passenger stand front?
	I do now.
	He was in a Honda Cord.
	He went off.
	It's hard to explain.
	And his head went into the corner of the omnibus through the roof of the car, obviously.
	And his brains came out of his temple.
	Oh, my God.
	And I honestly thought, like, I was a New York City cop before I was a state trooper.
	And I'm like, is this going to be every day?
	Because I don't know if I can handle this.
	Wow.
	And have you kept in touch with him?
	Do you guys still talk?
	Dead guy?
	Yeah.
	Oh, he's dead.
	He's dead.
	Okay, because sometimes they can push the brains back in.
	I don't know about that.
	It stings, though.
	You know, I had to make the notification.
	They're bad at math, obviously.
	I had to make the notification to the guy's father.
	I was on FTO.
	I was on field training.
	This is so cringe.
	And I'm walking up.
	We're walking up to the father, and my field training officer says, He recognizes him as the super in his building.
	And he says, Hey, Tim.
	And I say, oh, thank God.
	I don't have to do this.
	And we walk up to him, and he just looks at me and goes, go ahead.
	Oh, my God.
	You know, it's like part of your training to make a notification.
	Whoa.
	So what'd you say?
	You know the guy, shouldn't you do it?
	I didn't say that to him, but that's what I was thinking.
	But what'd you say?
	I said, is your son so-and-so?
	And he said, yeah.
	Sorry to inform you, but he was killed in a motor vehicle accident this morning.
	Oh, my God.
	Did the guy cry like a little bitch?
	Yep.
	That's so cringe.
	I can't believe I just said that.
	I know, I know.
	It's fucking literally.
	I put myself there.
	It was a bad moment.
	And I'm sorry you had to actually.
	Now, you were with the bomb unit.
	Yeah, at the end of my career.
	Is that a nickname?
	Eight years.
	Because you were debombed?
	I was.
	Or was it an actual bomb?
	And you said something to me once.
	You said, I don't know if this is a secret, but we'll find out.
	This is live.
	that you once fucked a dead woman who...
	No, just kidding.
	You said to me once that no dog has ever...
	Has found a bomb.
	On a search.
	You know, you do like, you know, we do like dignitary protection details.
	We go out on bomb sweeps.
	In the continental United States, a police public safety bomb dog has never found a device.
	Has a dog ever found fluffing out in a man's underwears?
	Okay, so wait.
	So has a dog...
	I'm going to say no.
	I used to use that statistic for principals of schools who want to dismiss the school because they had a bomb threat.
	I tell them, you know, you shouldn't do that because you're just rewarding the people who called in the bomb threat.
	You're doing exactly what they want you to do.
	I say, you know, it's most likely not a bomb.
	They don't want to take a test or whatever reason.
	But if it was a bomb, a dog is of no help.
	No, they can find them if they're there.
	That's the statistic is there's just no bomb.
	You know, not that there's no bombs.
	Oh, so it's not that bad.
	It's always a cautionary, you're searching for a bomb, but they haven't alerted on live bombs.
	So it's not that the dogs suck at their job.
	It's that bombs are so incredibly rare.
	We've never had this perfect storm of a dog available and a real bomb there.
	Yes.
	I don't know of any case that a dog has actually alerted on a bomb in the continental United States.
	Okay, because I know in Israel.
	In war zones in Iraq and military, they've dogs are very effective at catching terrorist bombs.
	The dogs are very effective.
	I can tell when we're training, I can tell just when I walk into a room if there's a hit in the room.
	Because we have blank rooms and during training, I can tell by the way the dog's acting that there's a hit in the room.
	He puts his head up.
	He's very excited.
	As soon as you walk in the room, he can smell it.
	He just has to locate.
	When you left your job, did you bring your dog?
	Yep.
	Are you guys best friends?
	Sure.
	I still work him, actually.
	I have another job that I want.
	Once in a while, I work with a private security company.
	And you use that dog?
	Yep.
	He'll be 10 next month.
	He's getting a little old, but he's still useful.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Now, you talked about opening up a dog care place.
	Do you still want to do that?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	I'm having trouble finding a local.
	What about the shit smell?
	Pick up the shit.
	You're going to come home smelling like dog shit.
	A buddy of mine did it, and he's doing very well with it.
	And he's got shit nowhere, and he's charging $30 a day for doggy dance.
	Yeah, that's true.
	That's what I think.
	$30 a day for dry cleaning?
	Now, you probably hear this all the time.
	Probably a very common question.
	But do you have any gong-sniffing dogs to locate big metal pans that Chinese people hit when they're excited?
	No.
	Okay.
	Of course, Denzel has to make it racist.
	Morgan Freeman.
	Morgan Freeman, sorry.
	I always confuse those guys.
	I gotta remember the guy who has weird skin tags all over his face.
	Denzel's a Mount Vernon boy.
	He's from Mount Vernon?
	Yeah, he grew up in Mount Vernon.
	He was a garbage man in Mount Vernon.
	No fucking way.
	Yeah.
	Now he did not know that.
	Now he all Hollywood and shit.
	Hell yeah.
	I was in jail with one of his best partners growing up, Roy Rogers.
	That's his buddy's name.
	Wow.
	I love his burgers.
	Wow.
	So he's from poverty.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	King Kong ain't got shit on him.
	He should be on that mural in Mount Vernon with Larry Burns.
	I'm surprised he isn't.
	I guess it's all sports stars.
	Yeah, because it's a football.
	That field just opened.
	That stadium just opened?
	That's the Memorial Field, yeah.
	It's open.
	Yeah.
	How long was it shut for?
	Years.
	Dude, like 10 years.
	Yeah, a long time.
	Mount Vernon is an impoverished black neighborhood here in New York, north of the Bronx in Westchester.
	I guess north of Yonkers.
	It's east of Yonkers.
	East of Yonkers.
	Larry Barnes is from Mount Vernon.
	Barnes.
	The Weather Underground was stationed in Mount Vernon.
	It's a fucking dive.
	Super dangerous.

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