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Oct. 14, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:35:16

GOML LIVE #169 - HERB TARLEK IS CART NARC (Part 1)

Our host realizes his head of sales is not his head of sales but a prankster who got inside the company and totally Andy Kaufman-ed them! Also, shit went down at Compound and we have the footage!

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	- - Tonight, ha, it's gonna be a big one.
	G-G-G-Gary's got his best shirt on, so we head down to Dave's for pre-drinks.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - - Live from New York, it's "Get Off My Lawn" with Gavin McInnes. - Mainly because Dave's girlfriend's dumped him.
	And Mickey's been diagnosed with Irritable Twat Syndrome.
	So we just need a bit of a release, yeah?
	Something to make us feel better, you know?
	So we start off in spoons.
	Let's have it.
	Music
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	This is Get Off My Lawn, live Thursday night.
	So we've got Matty O'Dell in the house!
	Wait, your mic's not on.
	His mic's not on?
	Plugged in?
	We should probably test that before we go live.
	Straight fae Glasgow, Matty O'Dell.
	Okay, the new?
	Aye.
	Is that you?
	It wasnae plugged in.
	So you're back fae the hospital, by the way there, big man.
	Aye.
	And, em, you had a steel umbrella put up your crotch, through your jugular vein, into your heart, after burning holes through various ventricles.
	And the new?
	You got a wee steel mesh like a colander.
	Aye son.
	And a wee corner.
	Yeah.
	Do we all have that same corner?
	Yeah.
	But yours was problematic.
	The left atrial appendage.
	So why don't they like your left atrial appendage?
	Because my heart sometimes doesn't function properly like a normal heart.
	So blood will stay there.
	It'll get stuck in there and then it'll start to coagulate and form blood clots.
	And is that why Rastafarians are so offended by your heart?
	Because it's got mad blood clot, you know.
	I got Matty's heart closing in on me with all them blood clot.
	Quit your crying.
	This episode is brought to you by BetDSI.com.
	The NFL is back and BetDSI is where I bet and make extra money right now.
	By the way, I'm getting all this shit about my Mets bet.
	People are like, ah well, the Mets fucked you over.
	Why?
	Because we didn't win the World Series?
	I didn't fuck Eva Mendes, but I fucked a lot of chicks, and I'm pretty happy with it.
	I won $809.
	I was wrong when I said $268.
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	Get a $50.
	Wait a minute.
	Bubba and Hank's gift card.
	you Dude.
	I'm getting mad.
	This is what I'm seeing.
	I'm getting mad.
	I'm calling him.
	What?
	They don't exist.
	And they went like 10 months without paying us.
	That doesn't mean you can't still get a gift card.
	What's his name again?
	It starts with a V. Yeah, but he might be on my phone.
	Yeah, here we go.
	Wait, do you want to?
	Okay.
	Bubba and Hanks?
	Like this guy.
	Hey, Mr. McInnes, how you doing, buddy?
	You're on the air.
	Hey man, what's going on with this?
	That DSI, they get a Bubba and Hanks gift card?
	I've got the reads.
	Live reads.
	10-13-2022.
	BetDSI live read ends with, use promo code GAVIN100 and get a $50 Bubba and Hanks card!
	Let me open up the document.
	We'll save you some time.
	We're looking at it.
	It's not the case.
	Yeah, dude.
	This is a pattern with you.
	Like, Gavin loves gold.
	You got that URL wrong.
	We had that twice.
	Remember that?
	Gavin likes gold.
	Yeah, turn off the show.
	Turn off the show.
	I get to hear my drops.
	Okay.
	Okay, what's going on?
	Bubba and Hanks?
	You're cool.
	Didn't they bilk us out of like five grand?
	Actually, yeah.
	He died in January and then Hank totally fucked us.
	But I... How the hell is that good?
	No offense, but it sounds like some fucking commie gobbledygook.
	What the fuck?
	Hold on one sec, dude.
	I got so many documents open, I'm not trying to fuck with you.
	Well, maybe he's gay.
	You ever thought of that?
	You got so many documents open.
	How hard is it to see the last... The subject, who was sent at 6.54 p.m.
	today, live reads, the subject is live reads, 10.13.2022.
	How can that be hard to find?
	I have it open.
	Hold on one moment, please.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Um... Everything wrong with that.
	See what I'm saying?
	Let me go to... Set items... You see what I'm dealing with with this guy, by the way?
	He's on mute, guys.
	I'm on mute.
	Fucking quiz!
	Like... It's... This is... Women want to be in the workforce.
	All you have to do is say, who generated the message?
	This is the workforce, ladies.
	I did not flub at all.
	This is what you want to be on.
	There was no fucking flub.
	I don't know how to...
	How did you type that?
	Who wrote this who wrote this read?
	Okay, how did you write get a $50 Bubba and Hanks gift card?
	- I didn't, that's the thing.
	They're not even a company, dude.
	Like they're gone.
	- Who wrote this read? - I write all the reads.
	- Okay.
	- Come on, man.
	- How did you write, get a $50 Bubba and Hank's gift card?
	- I will bet you, yeah, I don't know.
	- Shut up, Janet.
	- I didn't write that.
	It's a document that I sent via Microsoft Outlook.
	- There's no Bubba and Hanks in there. - I haven't done any Bubba and Hanks since Bub's died in January, dude. - So did you write, this episode is brought to you by betdsi.com?
	- Yes, absolutely.
	Well, it's not like Microsoft Outlook is magic or anything like that, but no, I absolutely did not copy and paste that, nor have I looked at above.
	Fuck, dude, I haven't looked at above.
	You know what?
	I think you work for like Antifa or something and you were sent to give me an aneurysm.
	Dude, what's your defense here?
	That you wrote all of it but a sentence jumped in magically?
	Dude, I did not fucking write that.
	Okay, what is in your sent messages?
	Is it the BET-DSI live read?
	It's DSI, Gold Co.
	and Shark TV.
	I'm not talking about that.
	Let's focus on this BET-DSI.
	Rock and roll, baby.
	What?
	I'm preparing myself to forgive you.
	Rock and roll?
	Hoochoo coo!
	He's so moved!
	So this episode is brought to you by betdsi.com, the NFL is back, blah blah blah blah blah.
	Betdsi.com, promo code GAVIN100, right?
	First two listeners to email confirmation that they signed up and deposited at betdsi.com with promo code GAVIN100.
	Get a, and then did you write something else?
	I can read the live read to you, I'm more than happy to.
	happy to.
	Read the last sentence of the live read of Betts.
	I just read it.
	I was in front of my computer.
	I saw that.
	Can I positive theory?
	I'll get the detective shitty bumper ready and everything, but I think this is an old sponsor of ours.
	They just came back, so you probably copy and pasted the last time they popped up because everything stays the same.
	The promo code is the same.
	And accidentally did you cut it?
	Possibly.
	I sent you two emails with the live reads, man.
	I'm not trying to fuck with you, Shut up, shut up, shut up.
	So you copy and pasted from an old version, is what happened?
	No!
	No, no, no.
	I copy and pasted the live read.
	I didn't say anything about fucking Bubba and Hanks, dude.
	Dude, you copy and pasted the live read from a time when we were working with Bubba and Hanks.
	Yeah, it's a mistake.
	It's fine.
	Alright, well, I'm fucking retarded and...
	Yeah, that's clear, but now I want you to understand why you're retarded.
	So, do you understand what happened at least?
	Yes, I certainly, uh, I certainly do.
	Shotbars, suspects down.
	But I don't, I have no idea how Bubba and Hanks wound up in there.
	Because you copy and pasted from an old live read with Bet DSI when we were working with Bubba and Hanks!
	How do you not get that?
	Everybody knows you never go full retard.
	Yes, I proofread everything.
	So you proofread it and what happened?
	Hold on, I'm coming.
	I don't know how you feed yourself and go to the bathroom.
	Do you have a woman roll you over and wash your body so you don't get bed sores?
	Do you know who Terry Shivo is?
	That is your ideal mate.
	Well, it is a very unfortunate situation.
	Like, there's certain people where they're gonna stay dumb forever because they don't- He just didn't want to own it!
	They don't- like, information doesn't go in.
	These are great jobs.
	Ryan is guilty of this too.
	I'll be like, dude, you forgot the thing!
	And he's like, no I didn't.
	It's really good to see.
	Well, it's there on your desk.
	Well, I don't know.
	I don't know how that happened.
	You forgot it!
	Yeah.
	No, I brought it, actually.
	Oh, so it jumped out of your car and got back to your desk?
	I don't know.
	Think about what you'd think about!
	I don't know, man.
	I didn't type up an exit.
	Yeah, we know you didn't type it.
	You cut and paste it.
	Well, I proofread it.
	It wasn't there?
	It wasn't there when you proofread it?
	Maybe Outlook does a thing to it.
	He's got a brain.
	And this brain is not uncommon, where you can just go I don't know.
	I'm outta here, bye.
	What do you want me to do?
	Is this live footage of his brain?
	I'm innocent.
	Live footage of his brain?
	Bye bye!
	Bye everybody!
	It's like this... I ordered this Italian food once when we lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and it didn't come and I called the guy and I was like, dude...
	We've been sitting here for an hour, what's going on?
	And he goes, hold on, let me check.
	This is the owner of the restaurant.
	And then he goes, yep, your order's not here.
	And I go, wait a minute, so it never came up?
	And he goes, dude, it's not here.
	And I go, okay, so are you saying that I never ordered my food?
	And he's like, well.
	And I go, so, I'm lying, I just called you up and I was like, hey, I ordered some food an hour ago.
	Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke.
	Are you calling me a liar?
	And he goes, look, buddy, either you're a liar or I'm a liar.
	And I know I'm not a liar.
	It doesn't say that.
	You're a liar.
	So I hang up and I'm just like, what?
	And then I go, wait a minute, I know all the specials.
	So I call him back, and I'm like, the specials tonight are Fettuccine Alfredo, and you have, uh, some, uh, Beef Gnocchi, and you have, and I named all the specials, and I go, how do I know the specials?
	If I hadn't called earlier?
	And then he pauses, and he goes, oh, okay.
	And then he sends a bottle of wine, and our fucking order!
	Three hours later!
	I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry!
	Just sit there and go, Look, I don't know what to tell you, dude.
	I didn't write Bub and Hanks.
	So I don't know what you get as far as gift cards go, but I promise you it has nothing to do with a dead state company that fucked us over for five grand.
	Okay?
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	You notice in the Christopher Columbus Day thing, I think it was last year, when the Antifa showed up to take down the statue, or at least, I don't know, throw shit on it, all the Italians were there from Philly, South Philly, and they were all like, they kept saying that to the Antifa guys.
	They're like, aren't you embarrassed?
	Really?
	I don't know if they got it from Maniscalco or it was just the local vernacular.
	It's just the local vernacular?
	It's a good question, because the guy was on a bicycle.
	Oh, that reminds me of my talk.
	Yeah, Pasobic was tweeting it out.
	So the panic about me going to Penn State, the real panic is, I deperson... Yeah, that's the guy!
	Nice timing, Ryan.
	Thanks.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	Oh, shit.
	I can give you my business card, sir, if that's a problem.
	- Aren't you embarrassed? - Aren't you embarrassed?
	You're embarrassed.
	You're an embarrassment.
	You're an embarrassment.
	So what do you think about how Christopher Columbus... So what do you think about how Christopher Columbus... They were fucking savages back then.
	This guy just hit me in the head.
	They weren't savages.
	Sir, can I have my bike back?
	Sir, let me have my bicycle.
	What kind of world are we in, where you go up to some old fucking Italians with your bicycle, and they have bats, and you're like, uh, sir, can you give me my business card?
	How did we end up here?
	Yeah, there's a compute.
	Like, if a fucking gang of bikers are wrong, and they're worshipping, I don't know, Hitler?
	There we go.
	Hello.
	The idea of like, yes, how do you feel about the fact that Hitler murdered six million Jews?
	Is that funny to you?
	No.
	Don't fucking go there.
	You're not gonna win that battle.
	What do you think they're gonna do?
	Go, touche.
	Yeah, well you got a point.
	You know what?
	Take it down!
	Take down that statue!
	That guy on the bicycle with the business card just nailed us.
	You turn around and walk away!
	He's fucking pathetic.
	You need to give up.
	Find something better else to do with your fucking time.
	Worry about a guy that came around get punched in the face.
	This would be the best thing for your life.
	Yeah, most guys have never been punched in the face, but Speaking of punch in the face.
	I'm doing this talk at Penn State.
	Everyone's freaking out the lefties are freaking out They're not freaking out about the other comedy tour.
	I don't quite know why I think it's cuz Penn State is a university and the fact that I'm talking there is legitimizing my existence and that's Their biggest nightmare, I think mostly because they'd like to be invited to Penn State and then the staff is freaking out because they know my speech is going to be about how incompetent they are and how you see them as professors because they have a briefcase and they're smart but I'm their age and I remember these guys from high school and they were the guys that were picked on and this is all revenge.
	You're living in a revenge cult where they get to be the boss and these people are morons.
	And that scares them because I'm threatening their trade.
	But one of the big takeaways is, when Gavin did a talk at the Metropolitan Club, there was violence.
	Well, yeah.
	There was violence because Antifa kept jumping people.
	And they go, two men went to jail.
	Yeah, because we live in a clown world.
	The guys who went to jail beat up dudes who jumped them.
	And they go, they attacked protesters.
	Yeah, I guess.
	If protesters jump you, and then you win the fight, are you attacking protesters?
	I don't know.
	I attacked this person.
	I shot him.
	What were they doing?
	Oh, it was a home invasion.
	They came into my house, so I blew them away with a shotgun.
	Okay.
	No one says you attacked a home invader.
	And that's what these people were.
	They were talk invaders.
	So yeah, there was violence.
	It was towards us.
	We had a mob attack us at NYU.
	They pepper sprayed me.
	They jumped.
	About fucking, I'm going to say 50 people jumped the 10 guys I was with.
	The 10 guys won.
	Ryan went to jail.
	Yep.
	I won separately.
	Two Antifa, 10 Antifa went to jail.
	Two Proud Boys went to jail.
	The rest just weren't charged, got away with it.
	And it was 10 against 50.
	Is that violence?
	Is that me bringing my violent thugs to attack protesters?
	The protesters aren't sitting there going, hey, we disagree.
	They're like fucking Nazi throwing bottles of piss.
	Minor detail you left out.
	And John and Max got fucking four years for a 17 second fight.
	For winning a 17 second fight that they did not start.
	Is that relevant?
	What's that?
	Say that again.
	Is it a comedy show or a speaking engagement?
	It's both.
	Both.
	It'll be comical.
	Yeah.
	Listen to the, uh, on the radio.
	Wait, we got that on the site there.
	Your radio spot.
	It's cool hearing you on the radio.
	That's fucking cool.
	Does that get broadcasted on stations and shit?
	I think they're syndicated in a few stations, but I think they're all Pennsylvania.
	I don't know.
	That's awesome.
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	I'm against melatonin for kids, by the way.
	I don't like these Aussie sleep things for kids.
	It's not healthy.
	But for adults, it's fucking awesome.
	Oh, the ollie vitamins, the chewables?
	Yeah, I don't like those ollies.
	That's not cool.
	And there have been studies that they're bad for kids.
	But, you know, we're adults.
	We get stressed out.
	We have to deal with people who promote dead, dead state companies that owe us five grand.
	I advertise dead people.
	What?
	I advertise dead people.
	It's a sixth sense.
	No, God bless them.
	But bad business.
	No, not God bless you moron.
	Well, you're such a woman sometimes.
	Life and death.
	I mean, you got to God bless that.
	Oh, you're God blessing the dead guy?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	I thought you were God blessing the moron who fucked up this first read.
	No, no, God not bless that guy.
	But yeah, we're stressed out.
	We're adults.
	We got a lot on our plate.
	Our buddy Matty just had a steel umbrella stuck in his fucking heart.
	We worry about our friends.
	You wake up At four with the horrors, with the terrors.
	The horrors.
	And when you take these, it's just fucking going to the movies all night long.
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	That's a good idea to start with.
	See which one you like best.
	They're good, too.
	Yeah, I know.
	I was just about to say they should make them less good.
	Oh, you've tried them?
	Oh, yeah.
	I have them right here.
	I have the rack outs on my nightstand.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, yeah.
	Interesting.
	You can't just eat one.
	It's easy to overdose.
	I did the mistake of taking two of the Delta 8's the first time.
	Not a good.
	No bueno.
	When I got up to take a piss in the middle of the night, I was holding on to the wall.
	I woke up in the morning, I was still like... Don't take two at once!
	No.
	Nibble.
	You know what I do with these things?
	I don't ever take a full gummy.
	I bite, I microdose.
	I take a little tiny bite.
	Then if it's not working, I might take another bite, but that would be like two hours later.
	How many guys did you know in high school, it was shrooms or acid or something, and they're like, didn't work on me.
	Didn't work.
	And you're like...
	Yeah, it's got to process through your liver when you eat it.
	Yeah, and then you see the guy like an hour later and he's like, Dude!
	We're gonna die!
	And you're like, what's going on?
	Did you have more?
	He goes, Yeah, I had three.
	What?
	I told you to wait!
	It wasn't working on me!
	Well, it sure is now!
	You fixed your problem.
	Bye-bye!
	Home to Mommy!
	Home to Mommy!
	She probably likes me.
	Home to a different galaxy, frankly, or in another way.
	No, but I always said, if people are bad tripping, sorry, you gotta go.
	You don't have to go home, but you've got to go upstairs to my sister's bedroom or something.
	You can go sit there.
	You've got to wait out your bummer fucking bad trip.
	Bad trips are contagious.
	Get the hell out of here brown people.
	Brown acid people.
	But the secret to a bad trip, by the way, I haven't done drugs in many years, but the secret to a bad trip is to go, I'm not dying, this is not stage four cancer, this is just a very, very heavy, shitty trip, and it will not last forever.
	People clean out the sewers, people are in war zones, six hours, I just gotta sit here.
	Imagine you're waiting for a bus, and there's no other way to get home, and the next bus is in six hours.
	You gotta sit at the bus station and have a shitty time.
	You'll make it.
	You'll make it.
	Somebody on Rogan said you have to be, it's like you're a warrior.
	You have to battle through it.
	And I was like, that really helped.
	Yeah, I don't know if you can save a bad trip.
	I don't know.
	I think I've saved one.
	I haven't tripped in a long time.
	No.
	I don't know if I did anything to save it or if it just kind of went away.
	I remember the biggest problem with bad trips was you read about that dude who did acid once and then he was on acid for the rest of his life and you're like, I'm one of those.
	He thought he was a glass of orange juice or something.
	You heard that one?
	Yeah.
	Well, I knew a dude who was a banana for a year and a half.
	Not a banana for a year and a half, but he was a lot of shit for a year and a half.
	But then I found out later he did like a sheet.
	He was a lot of shit for you.
	He did like 100 hits.
	This many tabs.
	Yeah, 100 hits and a bladder.
	So yeah, he was on the bus.
	He said, I interviewed him for Vice back when we were newsprint and he would like wake up and his face was melting.
	He had, his mom would like bring him soup.
	He would eat like once a day, a few spoonfuls, he lost like 80 pounds.
	Wow.
	He would sleep on a bare mattress with no sheets or anything and he'd get on the bus and like everything was an episode of Gumball, the cartoon.
	Jesus.
	Like the bus was made of fucking Balsa wood.
	People were bleeding to death on the bus.
	One of the guys was a fellow banana.
	And then he got better.
	It's quiet.
	Yeah, no, it's quiet.
	Then there was another dude.
	Did I ever tell you this story?
	It's a long one, but... I met my friend Rupert Bottenberg, I think was his name.
	He's a cartoonist in Montreal.
	And we go there and everyone's really uncomfortable and I'm... I'm fucking a bull in a china shop my entire life.
	And I walk up like, what's up?
	No!
	What's up, faggots?
	And there's this one guy like super tall.
	He's like 6'2".
	And he's grown out.
	Take a quarter right here and just grow that.
	Then he had it braided with beads on it.
	So he's got this weird, like, rat tail from the very top of his head, growing out to here, with beads on.
	And I'm like, dude, what the fuck is with your hair?
	I mean, rat tails are one thing, but you've got a beaded rat tail at the top of your head?
	Do you think he was a monk or something?
	What are you thinking?
	And he goes, oh yeah?
	Check this out.
	And then he starts going... And then it becomes like a propeller.
	On the top of his head.
	That's the point of it, I guess.
	And I go, dude, you seem like one of these fucking weirdos that took acid once, and then you were permanently on acid.
	And then everyone looks at me going, what the fuck?
	And I go, this is a bad vibe here.
	Everyone's so uncomfortable.
	I go piss.
	Aren't y'all always, the apartments all have stairs in them.
	I go, it's very long and skinny and tall, right?
	I go piss and there's a woman on the stairs who I guess is my age now.
	She's probably not younger.
	She may be like 40.
	He was 20.
	And I realized, holy fuck, he is that guy.
	Actually was explained to me later.
	The mom brought him there to hang out with his friends to see if it might sort of trigger some normalcy and get him to stop being a banana for a while.
	Wow.
	And so she's, I think she heard what I said in the living room, and she's mortified.
	She's just like... Anyway, not a great way to advertise shell shock CBD.
	None of that will happen with this.
	We're going on a very, very far tangent with a drug called LSD, where this guy probably did the equivalent of what we've done in our entire lives.
	Yeah, it might get the munchies.
	Oh, Jordan Peterson is here.
	That's about it.
	Maybe, you know, in the middle of your night, you'll be like watching cartoons or playing, you know, video games.
	You're like, oh boy, I'm hungry.
	So maybe that'll happen.
	But that's about it.
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	Go to Shell Shock CBD spelled like that.
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	Follow them on Instagram at shell shock wellness.
	Um, or go to Bubba and hanks.com for a free sample pack of shells.
	See, how did that happen?
	Because they were never together.
	Wouldn't surprise me in the least.
	Wait, so this guy who does our ad sales, I was like, just fire him, dude.
	He's got to go.
	Fucking Gavin loves gold like three times in a row.
	But let me just see.
	Because the guy that I know who hired him was like, don't worry, man.
	He's back on track.
	Well, he's a friend of mine.
	I mean, I've known him for years.
	Through us?
	Um, no.
	A little bit before that from Compound.
	Hey, man.
	Uh.
	Yeah, I'm doing the show, but I'm just hanging out, talking to people.
	Oh, shit.
	That was weird.
	Did you just get forwarded to a voicemail during a call?
	Uh, did he pay you the 5k?
	Because last time I asked him what the money he owed, he was like, yeah, yeah, he's mailing us a check.
	It's going to be here in like two weeks.
	What is he walking?
	Yeah, it's been.
	Oh, hi.
	It'll be here in a fortnight, son.
	Oh my God.
	Wait a minute.
	The next one is gold coat.
	That's Gavin loves gold, right?
	Let's see.
	No, no.
	Pull up Gavin Loves Gold.
	I proofread them.
	He's got that Chicago accent, which Howard Stern has been doing of late.
	What did you type in to get that?
	Gavin loves gold.
	He's got Gavin likes gold.
	Wait, I think that's the one that originally worked.
	I think they bought both.
	No, look up Gavin likes gold.
	It's one of the baby monsters who made a fake site.
	That's the one, right?
	Yeah, no.
	Oh boy.
	I gotta fucking...
	Oh, for fuck's sake, son!
	This is amazing.
	Amazing!
	amazing this is the third week in a row Hello?
	Dude, have you seen the Gold Co.
	copy?
	Yes, I sent you two emails, yes.
	What do you mean you sent me two emails?
	I email you every Thursday.
	Okay.
	So, go look at the Gold Co.
	copy.
	Alright.
	Hold on a moment, please.
	I got time.
	If I catch any of you fucks... Hey, there's Ryan.
	Turn off the show.
	Okay.
	It's feeding back.
	No problem.
	I also don't want him to hear me talking shit about him.
	What is the issue now, please?
	Please go to the Gold Co.
	Why are you talking like an air traffic controller?
	It's going to be a bumpy advertisement.
	I'm trying to be very polite.
	I'm celebrating five years of being open as a business today.
	Yeah, just.
	All right, so what do you want me to look at?
	In the Gold Co.? ?
	Yeah.
	Look at the URL.
	Congratulations.
	We bought both URLs.
	Oh, you did?
	Yeah.
	I made sure that just in case someone made an error, if it's likes or loves.
	Oh, that's smart.
	That's smart.
	Yeah.
	You're no dummy.
	So go to GavinLikesGold.com.
	Okay.
	Hold it please.
	Copy.
	Fuck.
	I got the bears on in the background, so if you hear some fucks and shit, that's awesome. - Yeah, that's my concern.
	That's my top concern is swears in the background.
	Not the most Nazi cartoon in the world.
	I was gonna say that does look a little Hitler propaganda-y.
	Yeah.
	Why did you do that?
	I sent him like 12 images of you.
	I did not create this image.
	That I can also back up.
	Buddy, they didn't make that website.
	This is someone fucking with us who bought the URL.
	That is an anti-semitic trope to make us look bad.
	And I gotta admit, it's pretty funny as a diss, but it is an effective fuck you to me.
	Yeah, but I'd never tell you to... Fuck you.
	That's not my MO, buddy.
	Like, we're... Effortless.
	I enjoy working with you and Tony and Ryan and... Does he not understand that he put the wrong URL?
	How do you not understand what's going on here?
	Someone else owns GavinLikesGold.
	Like, just think of... First of all, forget, like, the cartoon.
	Think of that as a swastika, okay?
	That's what it is.
	So someone has made a swastika site with one of our sponsors because we were stupid, you were stupid, and put Gavin likes gold instead of Gavin loves gold.
	So they thought, this is an opportunity for comedy.
	I'm going to buy Gavin likes gold and make it racist.
	Not because the guy's racist, because he's funny.
	But it's bad.
	The gentleman that owns the company is a really nice guy, man.
	Like, he would not, he's...
	How the fuck are you talking about?
	We got Gavin likes gold and Gavin loves gold.
	So I'll fix the graphic for you.
	That's not a problem.
	Not the graphic.
	He has no comprehension.
	So the graphic is just like an unfortunate mistake?
	You don't think it's like on purpose? - Gavin, we've done too much work together in the past.
	We've never sacrificed.
	And just, come on, man.
	I've had the privilege of growing up in a traditional...
	Come on, man.
	I'd never do that to you.
	Okay, now I'm convinced that you're a genius.
	Oh, thank you.
	Now I'm going from a frown to a smile, so I don't mind being insulted ever.
	No, you're pretty good.
	You're pretty good.
	Touche.
	You're fired.
	I felt worthless.
	By the way, you're fired.
	I felt ugly.
	I felt gay.
	But this was, if you're, if this was a prank, you did a fucking pretty good job.
	Anyway, goodbye.
	How did he try to turn around and play the victim there?
	It's gotta be a prank.
	This is next-level prank.
	Because we have received tens of thousands of dollars from him.
	So I'm at like 50-50.
	The guy is either so retarded I can't believe he knows how to wipe his own ass or He is like next-level Kaufman, outdid me a hundred times, and he got a job at a place and became so shitty that he, like, but the weird thing is, like, Shellshock, everything's fine.
	So that's part of it, I guess.
	Like, you let real shit go.
	Yeah, that's the setup.
	The setup's never funny.
	But then you, like, throw Bubba and Hanks in there, just little things.
	A great prank is, I can't remember who this was, some celebrity.
	It might have even been, and I'm sad to admit this, but George Clooney.
	I heard he was on a movie set, and he would take his co-star's shoes, Matt Damon or something, and he would buy the same shoes, but like half a size smaller every day.
	So Matt Damon was going nuts, because he's like, what the fuck is with my feet?
	They keep growing.
	That's the level of joke this is, if it's a joke.
	Where you get the Bob and Hank's gift card and then you say, no, no, no, we bought Gavin Likes Gold, it's cool.
	It's not a joke.
	Dude, it's an anti-Semitic trope, just as me.
	Look, if you don't like the graphic, I can change the graphic.
	Yeah, I don't like the graphic.
	Nobody likes the graphic but Nazis.
	GavinDislikesGraphic.com Okay, you don't want a swastika?
	Now I know.
	But he keeps sending the wrong one.
	What?
	What?
	It's Gavin Loves Gold.
	Right.
	And he keeps sending you on the read, Gavin Likes Gold.
	Yes.
	Homeboy's gonna like it.
	But he thinks that's fine because Gavin Loves Gold, which is this, and Gavin Likes Gold Uh, are both owned by us.
	Yes.
	But, and I don't know why he would do that.
	He saw, he sent them images, plenty of images.
	But don't, but don't, that's another, okay, there's two, uh, we'll call him dude.
	There's two dudes here.
	There's the guy who's pranking us, who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
	That's so fucking funny.
	And I'm very impressed with you, by the way.
	I'd like to hire you again.
	You're now unfired.
	Stop pranking me, though.
	That's one of the criteria at your new job, is all pranks have to be away from here.
	Dude B is the stupidest person I've ever worked with in my life.
	- Pranking the company.
	So that's one dude, we'll call him a dude A.
	Dude B is the stupidest person I've ever worked with in my life.
	Now, dude B was told by my baby monster, don't worry man, I have Gavin likes gold.
	And by the way, that guy's funny too, if it is dude B. So he goes, he's like, okay, okay, look, the bears are on, but look, Gavin Loves Gold's the site, can you just redirect it there?
	And then I bet this dude goes, sure, just send me some graphics.
	And he's like, oh, OK.
	I guess that's for the splash page.
	So he sends the guy pictures of me.
	And then the guy is like, fuck you, I'm not doing those.
	And then he makes the fucking Nazi trope.
	But it still doesn't excuse it.
	Change it on the fucking paper from Gavin Lysakow to what it's supposed to be.
	Yes.
	That's the point.
	Sort of, yes.
	That's a good point.
	But if In all good faith, our guys own Gavin Likes Gold, then it doesn't matter.
	You don't have to fix the typo.
	Right.
	Because Gavin Likes Gold is going to have a fun graphic of me going, sorry, wrong one!
	And then direct you to Gavin Loves Gold.
	So...
	Yeah.
	You know, I googled this dude because the first time I met him, he was so annoying.
	I thought, this guy's a genius and he's a prankster.
	And I looked up his company and they had one client who was some real estate woman who, like, had fucking, what's the one with the hot air balloon?
	Is that Flow or Progressive?
	No.
	Oops.
	No, real estate shit for brains.
	Oh, Max, something Max.
	Yeah, whatever it was, right?
	It wasn't that.
	It's just something like that.
	And she was like, I had a great time working with these guys.
	They're really good.
	Century.
	Whatever.
	And that's different.
	That's not the hot air balloons.
	And I thought, okay, you have one client, huh?
	I would rather have, say this guy is dude B and he's just incompetent.
	I would rather just from my own wallet, promote, I don't know, brands I like, like Budweiser and Maker's Mark, and receive no money, then have to deal with this motherfuckers bullshit ever again.
	He's fired.
	He's 100% fired.
	No, this is... Why are you such a pussy?
	He's 100% fired.
	No, this is...
	Why are you such a pussy?
	Because there's so much fun here.
	Yeah, it's so much fun.
	Hey man.
	Did you get...
	Oh wait.
	You're on the air.
	Let me get you off the air.
	Did you get the check for 5,000 bucks?
	Okay.
	He is fired.
	He's either the greatest prankster in the world, and that's kudos to him, but we finally caught on five months in, or he's the most incompetent Cro-Magnon man ever born.
	Either way, we don't want him around.
	So I'm happy to pay out of my fucking salary the money we lose from not having sponsors, but I'm not working with this fucking clown ever again.
	I don't want to know he's alive.
	I don't... If he gets... If fucking a drone strikes his house, I don't want to hear about it.
	I don't fucking care.
	Agreed?
	Alright, bye.
	Mother Nature's hella pissed.
	He's like, agreed man, agreed.
	I can't tell you how many times my wife and I have been like, we gotta start smoking pot.
	New Year's resolution.
	Get back.
	I asked her brother, because he's a fucking raging pothead, I was like, how much pot do you smoke, bro?
	And he's like, I try to smoke once a day.
	And I'm like, it's not working out.
	I have my days where I fuck up and I don't smoke weed.
	But I try to get in once a day.
	Once a day.
	I wanna get back to it.
	I don't know, there's just... Weed?
	Yeah.
	I want to get back into weed.
	I thought about that too.
	Fall is the perfect season.
	I know a guy.
	Yeah.
	Fall is the perfect season for that.
	Yeah, the giggles.
	It's great for your marriage.
	The constant giggling.
	I could totally picture that.
	We just sit there, we watch a movie and now it's like exciting again.
	Yeah.
	Maybe I'll get in the weeds.
	Like laughing your fucking face off with your wife.
	That's the best marriage therapy anyone can have.
	So we've kind of done this Gold Co.
	read.
	This may be the last of our sponsors forever.
	But, um, my fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, or savings account, things are getting scary out there.
	The Biden administration has already printed more money.
	Of course you're fired for allowing for an anti-Semitic trope to be one of your sponsors' websites!
	Like, duh!
	If you're not fired for that!
	What the fuck if you're not fired for this what the fuck are you fired for?
	This is worse than sleeping in this is like as bad as it gets Like who said yep, that's good.
	Let's put this what you didn't check you didn't check He sent it as a read and then the read is fucking Shylock Jew of our clients Like, dude, you couldn't be a better saboteur.
	And by the way, if you're an ad sales dude, and people assume that you're a brilliant saboteur, you probably suck.
	You're probably really bad at your job.
	Wow!
	Well, but anyway, thank you, Gold Coat, for sponsoring the site.
	I'm sorry that you've had to suffer through this incompetence.
	I mean, this ad's free, by the way.
	I'm not charging you for this one.
	But the Biden administration has already printed more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
	National debt just hit a record $30 trillion, and inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.
	It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
	If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
	Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
	to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.
	Go to GavinLovesGold.com and they will give you up to $10,000 in free silver when you open an account.
	That's Gavin Loves Gold.
	I think you'll know if you got the right page.
	You might know the difference.
	If there's swastikas on the site, Probably not for you or 99.9% of the population.
	If there's a nice graphic with silver and that stuff and in God we trust, yeah, you're probably at the right fucking place.
	If there's one guy around that I could laugh at their incompetence, that makes me so happy to think about it.
	Oh my god, you're Steve Bannon compared to him.
	That's why I want him to stay so bad.
	Not only do I like the guy, it's entertaining.
	Sorry.
	You never know what you're gonna get.
	Sorry.
	Worst case scenario, things go smoothly.
	Dude, if that guy is like a Kartenark genius, Then I want to meet him.
	Let's make a list of all the things he said.
	The Bears are on the background.
	He's got the show playing.
	We could hear the echoing of the last drop we just dropped.
	I'm trying to keep my temper down because it is our five year anniversary today.
	You're right.
	This is a Scary Perry, Cartner fucking dude.
	Now, in my defense, I was not in charge of sponsorships.
	I gave that to someone else at the company.
	I was like, look, I'll do reads.
	You find it.
	I'm not a sales guy.
	I suck at that.
	He's like, don't worry, I got it.
	So the guy who I just called, dude, you're in trouble too.
	Cause you allowed for this unbelievable incompetence.
	Wait, how long has that fucking Shylock graphic been up?
	Couple of weeks.
	Before I was in the hospital, it was up.
	And it never changed on the read.
	It was always Gavin likes gold.
	So we're directed to that.
	Well, yeah, but we caught that and we would say Gavin loves gold.
	Right.
	And then I would get mad when I saw Gavin likes gold was still on the piece of paper.
	How you remember is I love gold from gold member.
	But even that became a little tricky.
	You shouldn't have to remember.
	It should just be the right URL.
	This is the problem with being a prankster.
	Like I love dishing it out.
	Not a big fan of taking it.
	I hate this fucking shit!
	I'm a hypocrite.
	I want to hit shit with my golf club.
	I don't want my shit hit with a golf club.
	I hate this fucking shit!
	With tears in your eyes?
	It was a joke!
	I was here, it's a joke!
	Dude, I just watched when Sal, no Vito, fell in love with that dude with the Johnny Cakes.
	I showed it to Anthony and he's like, this is the gayest thing that's ever been on TV, including Rent, Gay Porn.
	You haven't seen Dahmer.
	Dahmer is pretty gay.
	No, but have you seen the Johnny Cakes episode?
	Of course!
	Vito falls in love with this fucking guy who works at a diner with a handlebar mustache and then he sees a fire and the dude shows up on a Harley to fight the fire.
	He puts on the fire hat, he saves like a kid and Vito's just sitting there with a boner.
	Oh boy.
	It's so over-the-top gay.
	It's so over-the-top gay I couldn't even tell if it was Vito's fantasy or if this was really happening.
	Cuz you don't see a lot of firemen show up on fucking Harley's.
	I love you Johnny cakes Now we're gonna get sucked in bullets try not to It's clear First time here, try the Johnny Cakes.
	Next time I'm at a diner and someone says, first time here, try the Johnny Cakes, I'm gonna say, fuck you, faggot!
	Let me guess, you're Harleys outside?
	What, you looking at my cock, you fucking homo?
	Uh, no, we sell Johnny Cakes?
	So he's a fireman and works as a short order cook in a diner?
	Yeah, firemen make pretty good money.
	And we know you're not paying for a divorce, cause you're gay.
	Yeah, look at him pouring those eggs onto us.
	Like, even a straight guy wouldn't get that horny for any sort of shape of check.
	Oh, I'd have a boner right now.
	He looks like Terry Richardson.
	I'd have a boner for him.
	Terry.
	I just told a Terry joke to my kid this morning.
	Well, maybe he's gay.
	You ever thought of that?
	If you're American when you're outside of the bathroom, what are you when you're inside the bathroom?
	European.
	European.
	Wait, go back to the Harley scene.
	Do we pass it?
	Yeah, you did.
	The clapping was him rescuing the baby.
	There he is.
	He shows up with his gear on.
	Nice.
	Isn't it funny the difference that we are with women and gays?
	Like we want women in lingerie alone at home like they just go to the bath or something and they're just lying there being zombies and men and girls, I mean gays and girls are like I want him riding a motorcycle, saving lives.
	He needs props.
	Yeah, he has to do all this shit.
	We're like, our sexual desires are just like, don't do shit.
	Don't read a book.
	It's either a sexual fantasy or a Joe Tonelli story.
	Literally the same life.
	Oh my God, maybe he got this from this.
	He's like, you guys should try, we know if Joe ever says like, you guys ever tried Johnny Cakes?
	Oh Jesus.
	This is Vito's inner monologue.
	I'll eat your ass.
	Oh, he's sitting there tapping his hand.
	I looked up today, by the way, I looked up a bunch of shit that where corporations had had to pay a billion dollars because that was Alex Jones' fine for probably... 960 billion or something?
	Yeah, probably being incorrect about Sandy Hook.
	Probably calling bullshit on something that was probably not bullshit.
	What should the fine for that be?
	The fine for that should be zero dollars.
	You're setting a hell of a precedent here.
	How many times have we all been wrong about shit?
	It's now a billion dollar fine for being wrong?
	What?
	Joe Biden must be fucking fined a trillion dollars.
	I thought the chick from Game of Thrones, who was a Targaryen... Targaryen!
	It's Solo I think it's called, right?
	Who ran the dragons I saw her in that movie Han Solo And I was like That's the most beautiful woman That's ever been created Did you see her in I think it's called Han It's Solo I think it's called right Solo Maybe it's Solo What the fuck's her name Super gorgeous pants I don't know I believe that's her birthing.
	Solo?
	Well, if you go to BubbanHanks.com.
	Promo code NaziGold.
	Promo code Shylock.
	Gavin likes Shylock.
	You'll see who I'm talking about.
	No, look up.
	It's probably in the trailer for a solo.
	I'm looking it up here.
	Amelia Clark.
	Amelia Clark.
	So find the solo thing.
	She's as hot as that.
	I didn't mean to shout you out.
	Kimbra.
	Kimbra.
	She's as hot as Kimbra in that movie.
	I was like, OK, well, I'm killing my wife and I'm stalking her.
	I'm going to pretend that I'm I still own vice and I want to do a cover story I googled it.
	It says that you long gone.
	Yeah, that's a ruse It's a fucking joke.
	It's a joke my mouse died.
	So this is as good as a mouse died.
	Yeah It's not even clicking anymore What the fuck cuz it's out of batteries no, I would have told me a low battery I I'm just clicking around helplessly.
	All right.
	Well, this does not make for great television.
	Well, there she is.
	I can't remember the last time I watched Tucker and heard a guy going, uh, Tucker, my mouse broke.
	Martina Marcotta Light is now on the screen.
	Click on an all Emilia Clarke scenes on Solo.
	Get another mouse.
	Go get my mouse from my office.
	This is my other computer.
	OK, so find all Emilia Clarke scenes.
	Alright, I wish I was that guy in the vest.
	I can't really see what's going on.
	Is there a bone structure?
	I can't really see anything.
	It's a very dark movie.
	Literally.
	Maybe that's why I thought she was so hot in this.
	Can't see- what?
	Funny thing, we don't have 'em.
	Maybe that's why I thought she was so hot in this.
	I couldn't fucking see her.
	It's worth at least 800 credits, maybe more.
	There we go.
	That's a perfect ten, right?
	No.
	I gotta see the bod.
	You what?
	I gotta see her body.
	I think it's pretty reasonable.
	You can tell she's not a thug.
	Oh, yeah, definitely.
	What do you think about this?
	There can be eights that you feel a four-level attraction to.
	What?
	Oh, yeah.
	Lady Gaga.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Lady Gaga, Katy Perry.
	Both eights.
	My dick is, like, not interested.
	I feel a three for her.
	Really?
	Yes.
	Well, that's because you've seen the thing we're about to show, which we discussed many times.
	But I'm using it as an example.
	So I said, she's a 10.
	She's perfect.
	Kill your wife and kids on Christmas Day, just for the courtesy of kissing one of her butt cheeks.
	Nice.
	Then she did a song.
	With those shoes!
	She's got no bra.
	She looks like a friend's little sister.
	She's got no bra.
	A billion dollars now because of that?
	What's with her pants?
	I know.
	She looks dumpy there.
	She's got no bra.
	She looks like a friend's little sister.
	I hate how the Coldplay guy said it's racist if you do a Jamaican accent, but you can have the tonation. - Why is it racist to do a Jamaican accent?
	What?
	Why is it racist to do a Jamaican accent?
	It's not my rules.
	It's just a thing.
	She reminds me of my friend John's little sister who would come around when we're all high and just be weird.
	Ryan, that doesn't give anyone any context.
	That puts her in the four zone for me.
	She looks like a fucking hot 48 year old.
	Yeah, what's happening there?
	The very scary end.
	Blech.
	Call me Daenerys, Daenerys.
	Come Daenerys.
	Can I just watch kiddie porn instead?
	That would be an upgrade.
	So anyway, I was wrong about that woman's sex appeal.
	I have to pay $0.
	That's the way it should be.
	Alex, $964 million.
	And I saw, I was looking at things today.
	Count Dankula was coming up with the different things people had to pay that fine for.
	It's always a corporation that's massive.
	Right.
	A multi-billion dollar corporation and it's always for like a gas spill that killed 15,000 people or a pharmaceutical company lying about the drug and getting people hooked on Oxycontin or whatever.
	What's this?
	What are you showing Ryan?
	This is the, on the same level of the Emila Clarke song.
	This is her.
	Look at the little hand.
	That's not her.
	Looks like a dark crystal puppet.
	That's not the same girl.
	Look at the little hand.
	That's not her.
	Looks like a dark crystal puppet.
	That's not the same girl.
	No, but this is the same energy.
	This is Jewish rap.
	This is L.A.
	Jew rap.
	This is GavinLikesGold.com level.
	If you go to GavinLikesGold right now.
	Dude, I'll never know, by the way, I will never know if that guy was just a genius prankster.
	We have to have a vote to see if he comes back.
	Was he Kartnark?
	I saw a good Kartnark the other day.
	Uh-oh.
	He's still around that guy?
	He was on Rollerblades, and you could tell by the video that he was on Blades.
	And some black dude was going to murder him.
	And he's like, "Oh, this guy's getting real violent.
	This lazybones." In the video, I don't know if you can pull this up, but he has a new magnet that he sticks on cars.
	By the way, folks at home, if you don't know what I'm talking about, Cartnark is a gentleman who volunteers to go to various stores and antagonize people who don't put their cart away.
	Yeah, this is the one.
	And if they don't put their card away, he puts a magnet on their card that calls them a lazybones.
	But he has a new one for people who advocate for this behavior and he calls them lazybone allies.
	There's no reason to do this.
	He doesn't make a penny.
	He risks his life on a daily basis.
	Turn it up.
	Turn it up.
	You know what they call those magnets?
	Magnet cartas.
	I just made that up.
	So you left your cart blocking the handicaps.
	But the cart is fine.
	They got people to do it.
	Yeah, where are they?
	They're here right now.
	You know they are.
	You're coming right out, sir.
	Oh, I don't say because that's funny.
	I don't see them.
	Yeah, you know where the cars go, right?
	Shot that car return right behind you.
	I got a crush bone in my foot, too, OK?
	I got a first car in my foot too, okay?
	What's he saying?
	It's life and death for the carts!
	Sir?
	I like your chains, by the way.
	I like your chains, by the way?
	Yeah, did he make his voice more grating?
	He sounds like that dude, that hacker guy who pretends to be an old lady and catches Indian hackers and exposes them.
	You know that guy?
	He's got some filter on his computer that's like, I'm just trying to help out.
	That guy rules too.
	Get out your car and litter.
	You couldn't have taken the cart where it belongs?
	That guy just got out of jail for about 12 years for murder.
	He's like, I'm not going back.
	I can't.
	That people treat me like shit.
	- Just go on, man.
	Hey, hey, hey, man, you need to get these guys out your parking lot, man. - There you got one more for you. - You need to get these guys off your parking lot, man. - I got one more for you. - You need to get these guys off your parking lot, man. - Hey, man, hey, you need to get these guys out your parking lot with your friends, man. - Oh, he's trying to talk to the security.
	We need to talk to these fellas.
	He's leaving his cards in the handicapped.
	What's my problem gonna be?
	Oh, he's-- I get it.
	He's not on rollerblades, he's on a walker, and he's disguised himself as an old man.
	Wow.
	Yeah, that's why you see a cardigan when he puts his hand out.
	Wow.
	That's great.
	See, this is who our ad sales guy is.
	It might be the same dude.
	I've never seen Cartnark.
	Cartnark has been running our podcast sponsors.
	Has he ever gotten caught and beat up?
	No.
	He's been told to turn around and walk away.
	Gary Perry tried to beat him up and fell chasing him.
	He talks like Joe Biden.
	You're littering so much.
	You know what?
	I'm going to give you one of the big ones this time.
	Hey, dude, you put it on there again, and I'm going to slap the shit out there.
	I don't think you...
	Sorry, I got my walker in the way.
	You better take your ass off.
	Now, will you take your car back there?
	Dude, you better go.
	I'm telling you.
	Dude, you better go.
	I thought your foot had a broken bone.
	Yeah, I do.
	I got it.
	You sure are walking good for that broken bone?
	I got enough.
	I got enough.
	Hey.
	Hey.
	You better take your ass somewhere, man.
	He talks like Joe Biden.
	I got it.
	Look, I got it.
	Hey.
	Better take your ass somewhere.
	It's not a joke.
	It's not a joke, man.
	That's not hyperbole.
	Think about what you think.
	Made in America.
	I got two words.
	Made in America.
	I got hairy legs and a broken foot.
	Come on look there's two one word that sums up America Look You know the thing.
	We gotta.
	Look, man.
	Come on, man.
	Look, there's two.
	I did everything I said I was going to run on.
	Please just take me out of here.
	I want to play golf.
	Please.
	I don't know why I fucking ran for president.
	Wouldn't that be awesome at a press conference?
	I don't know why the fuck I ran for president.
	You should do it.
	I'm really sorry.
	Right now.
	I don't like this.
	I have not understood one thing any of you have said.
	I didn't know one thing I signed.
	The speeches are just gobbledygook.
	They might as well be Chinese.
	I can barely get through them.
	I love golf.
	I love my place in Delaware.
	I really enjoy the show Matlock.
	I like modern shows too.
	I love this comedian Jim Carrey.
	Have you seen Cable Guy?
	Hilarious!
	Cable Guy!
	So, uh, without further to do, uh, I would like to say I am officially resigning as president.
	I haven't told anyone this, by the way.
	They think I'm doing a talk about climate change, but, uh, yeah, I knew they would try to talk me out of it and shoot more fucking Adderall up my ass.
	I don't like that drug, by the way.
	I, I'm a fucking chatty Kathy for an hour and then I'm in bed for three days.
	So I'm done.
	Um, I'm never doing this.
	I'm going to die soon, obviously.
	So I'm obviously never doing this again, but.
	I feel like I let a lot of people down.
	And I know I ruined my legacy.
	I was kind of known as a ballsy, tough guy who threw everyone in jail.
	I liked that legacy.
	Kamala had it too.
	We don't tolerate drugs and we'll throw blacks in jail.
	I don't want a racial jungle.
	I was kind of racist.
	And that was kind of cool.
	But this asshole, if you don't vote for me, you ain't black.
	That's, I'm floundering.
	So, anyway.
	I hate Trump, by the way.
	I hope he doesn't come back in, but that's not my fight to fight.
	DeSantis seems okay.
	That Tulsi Gabbard chick's okay.
	I guess, who do we have?
	I don't really care.
	That's the whole thing.
	I don't fucking care anymore.
	And if you want me to be brutally honest, I never cared.
	I liked being vice president.
	That seemed cool because it got Jill horny.
	But yeah, even vice president Obama made fun of me all the time.
	He treated me like a second class citizen.
	He's a fucking snob.
	I didn't like that guy.
	I'm not racist.
	I'm not going to call him an N. But I'm more likely to call him like a snob.
	He's like a snobby academic.
	So my job has been a joke, I would say, for the past 20 years.
	First 30 years I liked, and I wish I'd retired then.
	Anyway, I don't know why the fuck I'm president, and I probably already talked too long.
	And you'll notice I'm wearing a Let's Go Brandon shirt.
	That's kind of the point.
	Anyway, that's why he was stuttering that whole time.
	Because he was faking it.
	Now he's no stutters in this speech.
	Sorry, guys.
	We've had a lot of different presidents over the years.
	We've made a lot of mistakes.
	I don't know if we should have gone into World War Two, to be honest.
	Vietnam, obvious huge accident.
	Cuban Missile Crisis.
	We've had some flubs and I'm a human flub.
	Hopefully I can vindicate my legacy by being honest right now.
	This is the last time you're going to see me.
	I'm going home.
	The Clintons might kill me.
	I don't give a fuck.
	My son's dead.
	My other son's a complete useless drug addict fuckhead that ruined my legacy again.
	Made it even worse.
	So yeah.
	Anyway.
	Sorry.
	Buh-bye.
	Peace.
	I'd be like fair game Joe.
	Fair game.
	Well played.
	Well played, mate.
	Well played.
	Not bad, geez.
	Bring the country to the brink of World War III and nuclear war and bow out.
	Yeah, people are like, whoa, whoa, what about Ukraine?
	That's getting heavy.
	Sorry.
	It is?
	Yes.
	It's a tumultuous time in the world.
	We've passed a billion, a trillion, a $75 million, a billion... I thought he was Jacob Zuma.
	Right.
	And the energy problem, we're going to deal with the whole notion of global warming.
	We passed $368 billion worth of help, which, as the same bankers talk about, is going to bring a trillion, $700 billion off the sidelines of investment.
	You know what's scary?
	I understood that.
	We've passed $360 billion put aside for various projects.
	And as Wall Street agrees, that's going to take $750 billion, almost a trillion, off the sidelines and back into the economy.
	That I don't like.
	When I start speaking Joe, you know you're fucking losing it.
	Who are you?
	I'm like E.T.
	He's Elliot.
	We just touch fingers and I understand him.
	I understood that one too.
	- A trillion, $700 million, billion dollars. - Million, billion dollars. - I understood that one too.
	I'm embarrassed to admit.
	Okay, wow.
	Lots of blabbing.
	We had to deal with Cartnark.
	Firing Cartnark as our ad sales guy.
	I sent him tons of pictures.
	Yeah, that, that.
	I don't know why he chose that one.
	The bears in the background.
	That's a fucking giveaway.
	He says, dude, they're great guys.
	I know that guy.
	He likes you.
	Why would he do that?
	But then he tried to spin like he was like, you know, doing good work.
	I would never do that to you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He's like, why are you mad at me?
	Why are you yelling at me?
	Well, the easy part of this is whether he's a prankster or incompetent, that fucking, today's blunders are obviously grounds for firing.
	That's easy.
	So we're good there.
	But now I got to sort of sit, you know, when you, you know, when you fucking come to these conclusions, 6am, the sun is coming up, you're lying in bed and you go, Dude, he fuckin' blah, blah, blah.
	Like when Tony Soprano was sitting at the diner and he goes, Wait a minute, when he was dressed as Santa, Saul was wearing a wire.
	That's why he showed up already dressed as Santa.
	So he could have the wire on already.
	And that's why he freaked the fuck out when someone touched his costume.
	Cause they'd feel the wire and he goes, Hey!
	The fuck off the costume!
	Don't touch it!
	That's why he was being such a dick and that's why he went straight to talking about business when he sat down with me and that's why he threw the bottle of booze at the jukebox.
	I always name drop David Cross but he told me once that he was at a party and he was like dancing ska to a song and these two people come up to him and they're like, hey man, what's that dance you're doing?
	And he's like, oh, I'm skanking.
	And they go, how do you, that's a cool dance.
	How do you do that dance?
	He's like, oh, it's really just sort of jogging on the spot.
	And then you sort of have, and you go with the music and you sort of dance, you sort of jog on the spot.
	And it's like a ska thing.
	It's from Britain.
	It's from the ska, the specials, you know, like English beat and all that.
	And they go, oh, cool.
	That's amazing.
	And he said, he goes to bed that night and then he wakes up at like six in the morning and goes, Oh, they were making fun of me.
	He was just caught up in the moment dancing, feeling good.
	Yeah.
	Plus when you're wasted and you're all trustworthy.
	But like, I feel like I'm going to wake up at six in the morning and think of him going, yeah, the bears are out in the back.
	He's probably not even from Chicago.
	Sorry if you hear curse words.
	Sorry if you hear curse words.
	Like, come on, dude.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's trucking.
	Sorry if you're any cursing back there.
	Dude, if this is a prank, that comedian... I hope you have a good career, dude.
	Like, I hope you're Karnark levels in your career, because you're a fucking genius.
	You're like, um... What's his name on Stern?
	Stinky Shoes?
	Sour Shoes.
	Sour Shoes!
	You're Sour Shoes level of talent and I hope you're paying the bills but Sour Shoes is so talented that he's also nuts.
	I think he lives in his parents basement and just like does perfect imitations all day.
	So pretending to have this job is holding you back.
	It's a wasted long con that you just... No, it's great on your resume and whatever your next job is, you deserve it.
	It should be good.
	And this is, if you're a liberal, by the way, this is a good thing to put on your resume.
	I fucked over Gavin McCabe.
	I was his head of sales and I made one of his clients a Nazi site.
	Jesus Christ.
	Congratulations, dude.
	Good diss.
	All right.
	So you know how this goes.
	We go behind the paywall shortly.
	We usually go away.
	We used to do a half hour before the paywall, but this is fucking nuts.
	Now we're an hour and 15 minutes.
	We take calls.
	We have a super chat.
	The super chat is raising money for Max and John.
	We're up to almost 20 grand.
	We have not read one yet.
	We've not read one.
	They're easy to get through, though.
	We 100% guarantee we will read the $100 ones, but we will make the other ones appear.
	And how you do that?
	You're asking me?
	Well, I'll tell you.
	You go to the site, censored.tv on a browser, and you click the live banner, watch live, and you'll notice under the player of this very show, there's a little button here, blue button.
	You click donate to read a message on air, and then it will pop up in this fashion.
	Okay, so what's that?
	10 bucks or zero bucks?
	My eyes aren't great.
	If we go from the bottom up, because those are liable to disappear.
	Like if a new one comes in, the bottom most one will disappear.
	Okay, so what's the oldest one from today?
	Kug, $50.
	Okay.
	Gavin, could you please... Dude, this is the smallest for my shitty eyes.
	This is the smallest type ever.
	You should see my phone.
	I've seen your phone.
	Millennials laugh.
	Gavin, could you please expand on your ideas regarding Trump as being the first punk rock president?
	I've been saying this since the beginning and yet friends, Brian Eady, cannot seem to understand this.
	An outsider with a as much fuck you money as Trump.
	Dude, we got to make this type bigger.
	This is like I'm at the optometrist right now.
	Get set at the table does not come along to the come along too often.
	I believe.
	Yeah, that's spelled right.
	You don't have to.
	Oh, there you go.
	You don't have to blow the guy, but you should definitely respect his efforts.
	My apologies for any grammatical or punctual errors.
	I'm just a lowly Tennessee carpenter with a big dick.
	Sir, I don't think you have many errors there.
	Could doesn't need to be capitalized, but I think we're doing well there.
	Yeah, Trump is an outsider.
	He is an asshole.
	He doesn't follow any of the rules.
	He's totally unpredictable.
	He has zero respect for the establishment.
	I mean, how many punk rock boxes do you have to check off?
	He's rich.
	That's probably not very punk per se, but Johnny Rotten's rich.
	I don't know.
	Did he get his money from stealing?
	Did he get his... Yes!
	He declared bankruptcy 50 times!
	Shut the fuck up.
	You go do real estate in New York and get back to me.
	And the way he made his money to going through the Bronx getting getting Rent from people in projects when they're not paying their rent.
	That's pretty fucking badass He's very like boy like sham 69 the business that kind of vibe But how people don't understand that I don't understand Like, if he said... I mean, I can understand not liking Balsanero.
	I fucking love Balsanero.
	But I guess I understand how he's an acquired taste.
	Trump isn't an acquired taste.
	He's cotton candy.
	Like, how do you not like sugar?
	Balsanero is spicy beef.
	That's weird.
	I get it.
	But anyway, that's all I can do to expand on that.
	Gavin, what's your opinion on the Polynesians?
	They're the furthest thing from white people, yet starting in 1000 BC, they travel the entire Pacific Ocean, colonizing Hawaii, New Zealand, Easter Island, using advanced... There's talk of them coming here 800 years before Christopher Columbus.
	In what?
	A hollowed out canoe?
	Using advanced scientific knowledge and ships, navigation and logistics.
	They even reached the Americas.
	There we go.
	Centuries before Columbus, so the Vikings.
	Jason Momoa.
	Just Jason Momoa.
	Momoa?
	Momoa.
	Are they the true master race and are you ashamed to be Scottish in comparison?
	Yes.
	You guys win.
	Polynesians, you fucking rock.
	So anyway, we leave the cheaper ones up there.
	You can read them on your own time.
	We also take calls on Thursdays, get in touch with the people.
	They tell us what we're doing wrong.
	They're usually wrong.
	And we also answer letters.
	Let's hit a thanks for calling bump.
	Okay.
	You are on the air.
	I'm here to have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	All right, next call.
	We are on the air.
	Okay, first letter.
	It's just confusing here Gavin and Ryan you dumb and then he uses a racial epithet for African Americans, which I don't advocate for The guy who made the Gavin likes gold site is the same dude who did the FOP metals fake page He went to one of your shows Yeah, I met him in Orlando.
	That's not what we're talking about, dude That's fun.
	We like that guy.
	He's very funny.
	I Yeah.
	If you go to fopmedals.com, not P-H-A-U.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That doesn't mean that our guy is not Andy Kaufman.
	Just because someone else is fucking with us.
	The question here is, is this guy the greatest fucking fuck with us of all?
	He used your art in his scheme.
	Yeah, that's... Which is funny, and bravo.
	God, the arrogance of young people drives me insane!
	Dude, you fucking idiot!
	The guy who made the fake sites, the guy who did another fake site!
	Yeah, I know.
	But this genius, who fucked with us for five months now, um... I don't even know if Bubba and Hanks exist.
	No, I did get meat from them.
	Fuck, was it fake meat?
	I ate it.
	I ate it.
	Was it good?
	It seemed pretty good.
	Was it real?
	Wasn't that awesome?
	He left his number so I figured we- He seemed a little fatty.
	I figure we can call him.
	Fats Flavor!
	He left his number.
	Who?
	The guy who just wrote that.
	Hello?
	It's Gene.
	Hey.
	Hey.
	Yeah.
	How's it going?
	It's good.
	Who, Ryan?
	This is Ryan, yeah.
	So the guy who made that... So you made GavinLikesGold.com.
	The guy who sent you a bunch of other pictures, I don't know why.
	We think he might be like a genius prankster sent in to drive me insane.
	Well, I don't know.
	I think it's fucking hilarious, man.
	So you think it's a different guy than that spot metal fella?
	No, no, no.
	Wait, who are you?
	I'm the guy who fucking gave you Joe Biggs' original address and shit, dude.
	Ryan, who is this?
	He's the guy who wrote the letter.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, I don't know why we're calling you.
	You left your number.
	I just figured.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah.
	What do you say?
	I don't know.
	I'm also a huge fan.
	And then I faded.
	We missed Lorraine and Jimmy.
	They spelled my mother's name right.
	That's unique.
	Why are they not on the show?
	Good point.
	Let's call mom and dad.
	Joe Biggs' lawyer, Max and John's lawyer, lawyers, lawyers, cases.
	Trying to get people freed.
	718-400-6959.
	Trying to help people get out of jail.
	You're on the line.
	Mom!
	718-400-6959.
	So you know how to call, you know how to super chat, you know how to email.
	Mailbag at censored.tv.
	These are the ways.
	Three ringy-dingys.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hey.
	Hello?
	Hi, Mom.
	Hi, Gabby.
	How's it going?
	Good, how are you?
	Good, good.
	We're kind of just out for the counting, you know?
	We're old, we're old.
	Yeah, I feel bad calling, and I feel even worse for why I'm calling.
	I was kind of checking in to see if you guys had died yet.
	Oh, I know.
	I'm sorry, honey.
	I'm working on it.
	I'm working on it.
	Yeah, don't do it.
	No rush.
	No rush.
	I feel terrible for even asking.
	I feel like the worst guy ever.
	That's... I'm sorry.
	That's okay.
	I think it's going with you.
	Pretty good.
	Pretty good.
	Uh, I got the kids alone this week.
	Uh, the wife is away.
	It's not that bad.
	The secret to being a good stay at home dad is you just don't drink.
	You don't go to the bar and you don't go to the gym.
	And it gives you like an extra three hours a day.
	So you're around.
	What do you mean knocked out by 11 in the morning?
	Knocked out by 11 in the morning. - What do you mean knocked out by 11 in the morning?
	He passes out drunk at 11 a.m.? - No, he just never wakes up.
	He sleeps all day at that age, you know?
	Yeah.
	We're not sure if he's got a pulse or not.
	we just kind of leave them there and then, you know, a few people think that we fit some food in them. - Mom, mom, mom.
	I actually got to focus on more important things right now.
	I'm sorry.
	Did you originally get attracted to dad because he reminded you of Steve McQueen?
	Well, he's pretty far from that.
	Well now, now he looks like a turtle with AIDS.
	But back in 1960.
	He was like a beautiful flower that you bought at its prime and then from that point on the petals all fall off.
	Just wilted away.
	Skinny old stem, you know?
	When did the petals fall off?
	Oh, probably after the second year we were married.
	Did you like, though, that he had a broken nose and he was a hard man in Glasgow and he was a bad boy?
	Yeah, I guess there was an element of that.
	It was sort of dangerous to know and dangerous to love.
	You know what I mean?
	Why was he dangerous to know and dangerous to love?
	Did he have a bad rep in the Gorbals?
	Yes, he did.
	In his mind.
	But then he let, when he got involved in any fights, he would let, shove a little Allen in, his older brother, who was smaller.
	And if he got beat up, he would say, oh, I recognize that guy's technique.
	I can beat him up.
	So then he would leap in.
	And meanwhile, poovy Allen's lying on his back on the floor with a bloody nose.
	I wouldn't say, I think he didn't play by what, Of rules.
	So he would use Alan as sort of like fodder to test out what the opponent's techniques were.
	Exactly.
	To test their mettle.
	Plus they were tired after beating up Alan.
	It's Queensbury rules.
	That's not right.
	Yeah, Glasgow's not known for its Queensbury rules.
	No.
	You get the heed.
	If you bend down, you just get the heed.
	Alright, Mom.
	Well, thanks for making the show better.
	Is Dad passed out?
	What's he doing?
	He's here.
	I'm right here.
	Oh.
	How you doing, Dad?
	I'm doing great.
	We're on this business of Steve McQueen.
	I used to... Lorraine used to put a pillowcase over my head, then paint a picture of Steve McQueen on it.
	And she's a great artist, so it probably looked believable.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's the only way we could have sex.
	we could have sex.
	But inevitably, the pillow's gonna shift a bit and it's gonna look like Steve McQueen broke his neck or something.
	Oh, that's exactly what happened.
	Do you remember that time, we won't say her name, but there was a family friend over at our house in Ottawa and she was complaining about her lack of intercourse and she said, in her hoser accent, she's like, I can't, I don't get why you two are still fucking together, still fucking for fuck's sakes.
	And she goes, I'm not getting fucked, my dildos running out of batteries.
	And then, Dad, you said, uh, well, the secret is I put a paper bag over my head.
	And Lorraine, um, just pretends I'm whoever comes to mind.
	And she was like, I'm fucking serious, Jim.
	This isn't a joke.
	Remember the time you were having diarrhea at a party, which you guys had every night, even though I had school the next day.
	You're listening to fucking Dire Straits and smoking shitty weed with your skin-tight jeans and brown nylons on.
	The Sultans of Swing blaring as I begged you all to go to sleep.
	And you had chronic diarrhea, as you're wont to do.
	And Diane, oops, I just said her name.
	Oh yeah.
	Duran came into the bathroom and sat on the bathtub as you were shitting.
	And she was like, Jim, you got to wake up because you got a great thing here with Lorraine.
	And you're not treating her with the fucking respect she deserves.
	And you're like, for fuck's sakes, I'm taking a shit woman.
	You remember that?
	Oh, yeah.
	She was never discreet.
	Didn't she leave one of our parties, one of our pool parties in a bikini and somehow hitchhike home, which was like half an hour away?
	Yes.
	That's the cracker.
	you The reason she wasn't getting laid is she had a grey crew cut.
	She looked like she was in the military.
	Grow your hair long, lady.
	Jesus, she was... Her shoulders, she looked like a linebacker.
	Jesus.
	Well, maybe she was a transgender male.
	Maybe.
	She was a pioneer.
	Oh, she'll be older age now.
	Yeah, like Stefan Nee.
	Did you see that Toronto guy?
	He's like seven feet tall.
	He dumped his wife and his six kids to become a six-year-old girl.
	Oh, God.
	What about the guy with the boobs?
	Yeah, I like the theory that he's tricking everyone, and he was getting in shit for being, like, too, you know, right-wing.
	So he said, all right, let's play this game.
	And he wore those ridiculous tits to fuck with them and they can't fire him.
	I'm 50% sure that this is a brilliant prank.
	I heard that yesterday.
	Yeah.
	That it was, it was a gag.
	So he can take his case to the Human Rights Commission.
	Yeah, I love it.
	Problem is, we looked up those tits online.
	It's like a latex almost vest.
	It's almost 500 bucks.
	It must be so hot.
	All the sweat that must be pouring out of him.
	Oh my god, the rashes you must have.
	Your armpits are growing mold.
	It must be.
	What a commitment to the bit though.
	Very impressive.
	He probably cut some holes in it.
	Alright guys, so I gotta go, but I assume the will is in order.
	God forbid anything should happen to you.
	I assume that the finances will be pretty easy to... Well, honey, you know, we prefer you, brother.
	So it's a 60-40 split?
	So you're, I mean... It's hanging by a thread.
	You're not out of the will, but as Florine said, you're hanging by a thread.
	Are we talking $65.35?
	$90.10?
	What are we, $95.50?
	I don't want to go into the details of it, but let me tell you, you'd better start treating us right.
	I'm not sure what's worse, having to treat you right for the money or just not getting the money.
	Well, all you have to do is sign up that you'll wipe my ass.
	Keep your fucking money!
	Goodbye!
	Big Jim.
	Fuck that.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	So we've got 17 calls on the MF line.
	All right, so let's take one call and then we'll go goodbye.
	All right.
	518, you're on the line.
	518, what's going on?
	Welcome to Censored WXBR FM.
	In Cincinnati.
	Alright man, so I can tell Gavin how artistic you are, how good you are at putting together a show.
	So I want to say that up front.
	What's up, dog?
	All right, man.
	So I can tell Gavin how artistic you are, how good you are at putting together a show.
	Okay?
	So I want to say that up front.
	Thank you.
	But the big complaint I have is every episode you talk about transgender people and how fucking disgusting their surgeries are, them getting deformed and it's nasty, and I can't handle it anymore.
	It's fucking disgusting.
	It makes you want to gag every time you start talking about it.
	Okay, so no more talk of the sex change and the cheese blintz dick.
	Oh, oh!
	What about what Maddie went through with the weird camera soldering iron that went up his femoral artery into his heart?
	Yeah, less of that.
	Less of that.
	More, you know, talking shit about the hood and all that kind of stuff.
	But all these trans people that are that disgusting?
	Oh, you gotta tone it down a bit.
	Okay, but what about talking about Drag Queen Story Hour and they just had another one and there was kids there?
	Do I have to drop that?
	No, I think it needs to be talked about.
	Of course.
	I think it absolutely needs to be talked about.
	It's important.
	But to the level of detail and... All right.
	Yeah, we already covered it.
	Okay.
	No more fucking gross sex change talk.
	You can go back and watch us do it again.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Good tip.
	Good tip.
	Love you.
	Love you.
	Good tip.
	Speaking of tip, don't they cut the tip of the penis off and they turn that into the clitoris?
	Yeah, we have actually a photo of that.
	The head of the cock lying in a cold little tub.
	I love the shit they put in the thing, like when they're doing a boob job, they cut the nipples off and they put them on these bowls of ice.
	They just sit there, these little pepperonis.
	You know, when my daughter was born, her nipples were unbelievably small and the same color as her skin.
	And my mother-in-law came to visit.
	I like her.
	She doesn't like me.
	And I was like, let's call her Julie.
	And I was like, Julie, where are my daughter's nipples?
	And she's like, what?
	I don't, I don't.
	And I go, you took my daughter's nipple?
	That seems weird.
	Were you going to sell them in the black market?
	And she's like, I don't, I never touched.
	Did she not find that funny at all?
	And she's funny.
	Indians are funny.
	Ho-Chunks are funny.
	So I didn't get why she didn't get it.
	And then, um.
	And it turns out she did steal the nipples.
	So before she left from her first visit, and she was a great, great mother-in-law, great, great grandma, tended to the kid a lot.
	I took two pepperonis from the fridge, I put them in a sandwich bag, and I put them in her luggage, like in one of the zip things on the carry-on.
	How does she not like you?
	And she's like, OK, well, we're gone.
	I was like, OK.
	I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but do you mind if I looked in your bag for one second?
	And she's like, what?
	And I go, I kind of have a hunch that something's in there that belongs to us.
	And she's like, how?
	Are you out of your mind?
	It's like, okay, well, I'll look like a real dummy then if there's nothing there.
	And she's like, and then she didn't even say yes or no.
	She was just sort of flabbergasted.
	And then I unzipped the first little pocket and I pulled out the sandwich bag and I pulled out the two pepperonis and I was like, what the fuck are these?
	And she was like, I don't, I don't know.
	And I go, these are Sophie's nipples.
	You've had these the whole time?
	And she's like, I didn't put those there.
	Just like our buddy with fucking.
	Is she still not?
	I didn't put that sentence there.
	It just.
	You're kidding.
	Showed up.
	Yeah.
	I, I'm looking, look, I got the bears on in the background.
	There's going to be some fucks and shits.
	That one is hard to reconcile.
	As if he doesn't know the show.
	Microsoft did it.
	Yeah.
	As if I'm going to be like, hey, why are there some fucks and shits?
	Yeah.
	All right, let's take another call and then we'll go behind the paywall.
	All right, dawg.
	Nate587, make it good.
	What's going on, Nate?
	What's going on, A?
	All right there, A. So I agree with Gavin on like 90% of things, right?
	I get that a lot.
	There's always that 10% that I disagree with.
	I thought it'd be interesting to have a conversation about one of those things.
	Okay, hoser.
	Okay, abortion, right?
	I'm personally against abortion, but I'm not against against women doing it.
	However, what about capital gains tax?
	The course correct this kind of fucking thought culture that we have now.
	It would be best if in parallel, men could abort at the same rate as women, for instance, First trimester, you could choose to abort the baby or the man could choose to financially abort the baby.
	And I think it would self-correct the market.
	Capitalist solution.
	So men don't have to pay for the baby if you didn't get an abortion?
	Well, he has the same option, right?
	So if she goes, well, no, I'm going to baby trap this guy.
	And the guy goes, fuck you.
	It was a one night stand.
	He told me you're on birth control.
	Yeah, but dude, you're not talking about actual cases that you've experienced.
	You're talking about a concept.
	You're being an academic here.
	You know that in real life if you talk to people who do this, First of all, there's billions and zillions of cases we've all heard of with our friends where she goes, you know what?
	Don't worry about it.
	I'm going to keep the baby.
	It's not your problem.
	So the financial thing is not a big deal.
	And when it is a big deal and she's like, you're going to pay for this, motherfucker.
	He never pays for it.
	I can't tell you how many even middle class, upper middle class divorce couples I know where he doesn't pay the child support.
	He's like fucking six months behind.
	Oh, he's going to get arrested, whatever.
	It's not really.
	Women are not keeping their babies to fuck over dudes.
	They get money from the government, the dudes don't pay.
	If you're such a miscreant, if you're such a lowlife that you want to use your dude and make him pay, then he tends to not pay.
	I don't know, he skips down, he gets in shit.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	That's fucking Canadians being pontificators.
	We see that a lot.
	Anyway, um...
	We're going behind the paywall now.
	We only have 20 minutes left.
	We usually leave you like an hour and a half ago, but...
	Goodbye to the freeloaders.
	I understand you're cheap.
	It's $10 a month to go to censored.tv.
	Unlimited content.
	More content than you should watch.
	If you watch every single one of our shows, you have a problem.
	When we started this network, it was only like me doing four hours, five hours a week, five one-hour shows.
	Now it's like Three or four hours, five hours of content a day.
	So if you watch all of this, you got to get a life.
	It is what's going on in the world with a funny take, super positive vibes.
	We cry when we look at little kids.
	It's pro family.
	It's pro fun.
	And, uh, I think you would be remiss not to at least try it for a month.
	But, um, if you're not, Then you're getting cut off right now.
	Come see our shows.
	We got a show in Chicago coming up on the 20th.
	I'm going to be at Penn State, much to the left's histrionic chagrin, on the 24th.
	Just doing normal.
	They're going to film it.
	I might put it up here, the Penn State one.
	And you're just going to see a normal guy saying normal shit like this while people are outside screaming, Nazi!
	Uh, and for all you subscribers, I'll see you fucking tomorrow.
	Fuck.
	No subscribers.
	We'll see her right away.
	Well, yeah.
	Okay.
	So subscribers, I'll see you in 12 seconds, but, um, uh, I'll also see you tomorrow.
	And, uh, for all you other people, I'll see you next week.
	And until then get fired, get in trouble, be brave and never stop fighting.
	We're all a bit skint at the moment, so to keep things lively, I'll stick to the next round.
	Get in trouble, be brave and never stop fighting!
	Violent protests over a speaker on campus here.
	Fuck you, Normie.
	He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.
	He's the co-founder of Vice.
	Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs.
	Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
	- What's that, who's that? - Sirius XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
	- You got big fucking tits.
	- Crazy shit, man, crazy shit. - I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck.
	You shouldn't do it.
	They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
	This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.

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