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Oct. 7, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:19:59
GOML LIVE #168 - SHARTLES (Part 1)

From now on, if you don't have the Sprinkles, you have the shartles. Also, Linewives VS. Bucket Bunnies, bar culture, weak men, Butt Boys, Ignoble Beard, and cops being punished just for trying to do their job.

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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
No glory is divided on the firing street.
No glory is divided on fire in the street.
They say building back better will make America great.
If that's a wave of the future, all I've got to say.
Stick your progress where the sun don't shine.
Keep your big mess away from me and mine.
If you leave us alone, well, we'd all be just fine.
Stick your progress where the sun don't shine.
That was John Rich of Big and Rich fame.
Telling the left, telling Joe Biden to take his progress and lube it up.
Make it aerodynamic and shove it up your fucking ass.
What do you think of that, Ryan?
Shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it up their candy ass.
Stick it up your buns.
Why don't you show the people at home what you're wearing?
Wawa West.
Why don't you go to camera three, the main entire studio camera and just come out here so people can see what I have to put up with on a daily basis.
I wouldn't say a daily basis.
So you've got a Hot Topic kilt.
No, no, no.
Come here.
You've got a Sporin from the dollar store.
You have a woman's sexy goth socks.
Air Jordans.
What are those?
Air Force One duck boots.
And then the only reasonable thing is what's around your neck?
And you're still wearing that.
Why?
You're not in Rome.
You're not at Comic Con.
When in Rome.
Can you imagine putting up with shit like that on a regular basis?
The shirts you're wearing were sent in by a fan.
Sorry, I hate that word.
Baby Monster.
Wawa West.
You may be confused at first, but if you think hard, you'll recall that that is Eric Adams, who is so stupid and such a 13-year-old kid.
That he doesn't know the term is Wild West.
So when he talks about New York City getting too dangerous, he goes, I don't want this to turn in.
He has the weirdest accent in the world.
He sounds like a baby.
We don't want New York City to turn into the Wild Wild West.
Because he thinks that's the phrase.
We've made fun of him for that recently.
You can find that on the World Wide Web, on the Wild Wild West.
The Wild Wild Web?
The Wild Wild Web.
Look at her!
Look at her!
You're not in the military you dumb cunt!
I think of baby food when I see him.
can obtain a carry license. - A carry license. - That the police commissioner who's joining me today's-- - I think of baby food when I see him.
- Our licensing division is aware of. - He can't read. - We were wrote together to limit The word work is spelled R-U-U-H-R-G.
Work together.
No, we will work together.
It's all one word.
Work together.
We will work together to limit the risk.
No, we will work together.
It's all one word.
We'll create once it is implemented.
And we cannot allow New York to become the wild, wild west.
I'm out for your help.
Looking damn good.
No, if I can say it myself.
Told me loveless is a madman.
Wild, wild west.
I'm trying to hear that.
I wonder if he ran that speech past some people there, and not one person goes, wait, Eric, Do you think that the Wild West is called the Wild Wild West?
Because of that shitty movie with Will Smith His you know his relationship with the English English language is loveless and Remember from the movie?
No.
The main bad guy.
Loveless is the bad guy in the Wild Wild West movie?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, well.
Being not a member of the Down syndrome community, I have not seen Wild Wild West the movie.
My wife suspects he has fetal alcohol syndrome.
Oh, I don't hate that idea.
Well, she's probably saying that because he carries around a picture of his wife in a Hennessy glass.
I mean, his mother in a Hennessy glass.
Although I have a new theory about that.
It's not a glass.
It's a halo above her head that's way too big.
And then the lines on the side of the glass are just like lines of like angelic lines.
No, I think I've seen that before.
That's like a typical thing.
I've actually seen other things like that.
Where you put your dead mom in a glass?
In a glass, yeah.
It's like some sort of weird fucking tribute thing.
I want to drink my mom?
My dead mom?
You can stir up her ashes in some sort of water.
No, that's a hundred percent glass.
Yeah, look.
It's got a stem and everything.
Yeah, I'm wrong.
I am wrong.
That is a fucking glass.
What?
Do they think that a glass is a fancy thing?
Is that like the equivalent of like a gold trophy or something?
What?
Why is your mom in a glass, Eric?
That'll be the only good thing when my mom dies, is I'm gonna put her in a glass like that and carry her around.
To make fun of her again.
Alright, we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
We haven't done any of the reads.
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You know, I was just reading that going, Gavin, you are nailing this read.
You haven't stuttered once.
And then I started stuttering.
That is weird.
Hubris.
Hubris.
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I was talking to a CBD guy today who said it's fucked because they have all this cash and they can't give it to banks because banks have dealt with drug dealers before and they go, we're not drug dealers.
Everything's legal.
So the Congress is trying to pass the Safe Banking Act.
Where, if you're not breaking the law in your state, then you can not be prosecuted and you get to function as a normal citizen.
And their argument is, our shit is illegal federally, but within the state, we're doing everything legally.
So why can't we do this?
They find banks, eventually.
Banks will always take your money.
In fact, I think the drug cartels saved us during the credit crisis.
Because the banks were doing badly, they didn't have any money, and they started taking drug dealers millions.
And it saved us, because all of a sudden we had cash.
So thank you, drug dealers.
What the fuck?!
It's a thing.
I don't understand it!
I think it's like a trashy hood thing.
But wine is a vice!
It's not good.
Like if maybe if you're a Somalier and you know, you live in the south of France, you could see a wine glass, but that's like a very specific industry thing.
As far as the other 99% of us, wine is beer, is whiskey, is pot.
It's a vice.
I don't understand this.
I think it's just like a really tacky thing from like maybe the eighties or the seventies.
I don't know.
I remember seeing those growing up though.
When my daughter was, when we lived in Brooklyn, one of my daughter's friends was named, oh shit.
It's a cheap, stupid, colored wine that's not even expensive.
Alizé?
Alizé.
Her name was Alizé.
And I was like, I get Hennessy or like Moet.
Moet?
But like, that's not expensive.
No.
And they used to rap, like rappers rapped about this and they were like, yo, we got some Alize.
And it's like cheap and shitty and it isn't strong.
So I'm like, so these are, this is what they're drinking.
I'm drinking this.
I'm 13.
It's a monster energy drink of a fruity wine.
And they mix it with Hennessy and it turns green.
They call it the Incredible Hulk.
Yep.
Good to know.
Ryan's always good for, um, some ghetto, um, Go back to it.
1-2, by the way.
Because that song that we just played, Progress, he's a fairly successful country singer, but he's not a god.
And he put that song out and it just fucking blew up.
He put a song out called Progress.
Within six hours of it being out, it was the number one most downloaded song of all formats.
Urban, rap, country, didn't matter.
To give you an idea of who was number two was Beyonce.
Number three was Lizzo.
Number four was Billie Eilish.
I mean, you're talking about artists that are 100 times bigger than I am, but there sits my song, Progress, for 12 days in a row.
Labels would have never allowed a song that says, stick your progress where the sun don't shine, to ever come out.
If I was still at a record label, And wrote that exact song that I knew was how I felt and I knew there's a big section of America that would love that song and probably make it a number one downloaded song.
You would never hear it.
I could have written it, but I would have to have the label's permission for that song to come out and they're not going to grant permission on that.
And then so I put it out by myself and the sucker sitting at number one.
So I put a song out called Progress.
The gatekeepers are toast.
Yep.
Speaking of gatekeepers, I told Matty that he cannot be on the show tonight.
And I sent him, I said, you need to get your tits done.
Right.
So he's had a triple D breasts surgery installed.
Let's check in on him and see, cause it's gotta hurt.
No matter what operations hurt.
I mean, you cut the skin, you put in the silicone, you sew it up.
You've been cut.
I don't care how you slice it.
Your body knows that you've been severed.
You've been sliced and diced.
Just kidding, he had, well we talked about it last week, he had some weird camera go up his femoral artery and then pierce his heart and then burn it again?
Right?
It's the second time he's had a blowtorch inserted inside his heart.
What?
We are in the future.
Remember that show, V?
You're too young.
But when I was 13, there was a show called V. I've heard of V. Where these aliens come down.
They remade it in the, I don't know, 90s, 2000s?
These aliens come down and they just cure us of all our ailments using their fancy medicine.
And then we realize later, oh, it's because you're lizards and you want to eat us.
We're like farm animals to you.
Good plot.
Cool concept.
I have the action figure somewhere behind your desk right now, Ryan.
Um, thank God no one heard that.
Uh, but that's how I feel when I see what our doctors do today.
It's Martian shit.
Speaking of Martian shit.
Oh, oh, I think he's got to call us right back.
That's a good nickname for Maddie.
Martian shit.
It's a Martian shit.
Yo, Martian shit.
You know that a nickname is stuck when you're fucking a girl and she says it.
She's like, Oh fuck me.
Martian shit.
When we were in college, we were learning about early Caveman, there was Java Man, and there was Joe Man, like Neanderthal era, and we were like, our buddy John loves coffee, let's call him Joe Man.
So we called him Joe Man from then on, and he goes, I didn't like the name, and I knew it stuck when some chick I was fucking said, fuck me, Joe Man.
I was like, I'm fucking Joe Man now.
Joe Man!
Yeah, I had a nickname in the old restaurant I worked at.
It was Charlie.
And then it's just like the most serious situation could happen.
Like I'm getting yelled at and he's calling me Charlie.
Charlie, get the fuck down there.
You got fucking grills open and shit.
Take away the H. Take away the L. Take away the I. And you have the perfect nickname.
Chair?
We remove the H, retard.
Care.
Oh.
That was a hurtful subtraction of letters.
Where's Matty O?
I think he's calling me black.
What do you call him?
He said something like, I gotta call you right back.
Oh, a nurse probably came in to blow him.
Hey!
Sometimes the nurses will come in wearing lingerie.
Or if he did get tits, he's probably They'll have like white thigh-high stockings, like Benny Hill.
Why don't they do that?
Why don't they do that?
For real.
Why doesn't my wife do that?
Alright, so we'll get back to Maddie.
We've got we've got articles here.
We've got things to discuss.
I don't know.
It's kind of like I like doing that during the week when we can sit down and really get into shit and go off on a tangent.
Here we only have two hours.
We're taking calls.
We're reading letters.
Oh, I forgot to screen the letters.
And we're also putting up a super chat to raise money for Max and John, two men who are looking at, or just finishing up, four years, I'm gonna visit them this weekend, four years in prison for fighting Antifa for 17 seconds.
I saw those lawyers who threw the Molotov cocktail into a cop car are facing a year and a half.
This is, Terrorism.
Textbook terrorism.
And it's not some random car.
It's a fucking police van.
Not even just a cop car.
It's a police van.
They threw, and it worked.
The Molotov cocktail exploded.
They were also handing out Molotov cocktails to other Antifa rioters.
And their defense is, I was really stressed out, first of all.
And I'd been drinking.
I was drunk.
And I was drinking because of the stress.
So can we come down from a year and a half?
Bitch, take your year and a half and say thank you very much.
But no, not on the left, not on the radical left.
Speaking of take your year and a half, I've got some disturbing news to relay.
Noble Beard, I guess, is becoming Ignoble Beard.
1-9.
He's going to flip.
No.
On Joe Biggs and Ethan Nordin.
What?
He's going to snitch.
What is there to snitch?
That's the other thing.
The only thing worse than a snitch is a guy who's not snitching on anything.
So that's a different video, unfortunately.
Very annoying.
But go back.
I never knew his name till right now.
Jeremy Bertino, first Proud Boy leader to plead guilty to Seditious Conspiracy for Capitol Riot.
So to play devil's advocate and to defend him maybe he's looking at 25 years and I would hope that I could stand my ground if I was facing 25 years for something I didn't do and I'd say fuck you I'm not bending but who knows you got kids he has kids they threaten you with you know decades in prison maybe you just snap and go okay what what do you want it to be That we were trying to overthrow the US government?
Okay, yep, let's do it.
That was me.
And Ethan and Joe Biggs.
Don't take that fucking segment out of context.
Zoom in on it though.
No, what are you doing?
Obviously the first paragraph, penis face.
A North Carolina man pleaded guilty, blah, blah, blah, to plotting with other members of the far-right Proud Boys to violently stop the transfer of power.
Meanwhile, that allegation, right?
Is that so bad?
Say that was all true, and it is not true.
But so the crime here is delaying Joe Biden's inauguration by a couple hours.
Okay.
That's inconvenient.
Doesn't like the rain do that too?
Wouldn't a traffic jam also be equally guilty of such a horrific crime?
Making him the first member of the extremist group to plead guilty to a seditious conspiracy charge.
He's agreed to cooperate.
He wasn't even there!
No, he didn't want to go at all.
No, well that's the crazy thing.
If you look at 2-0, he's our pinned tweet at censored.tv on Twitter.
And it's me That's him.
That's Ignoble Beard.
This is me saying, don't go to that thing.
And he goes, we're not.
Well, we are officially not gone.
Good.
After this last After this last show, we are officially not going.
We have to take some time.
We have to regroup.
We love to support Trump.
We love to support the country.
We love to support the normies.
However, January 6th, With everything that's going on, we need to take a step back.
We need to reorganize.
We need to figure out the best strategy.
So yeah, so we're off the table.
It's one thing when people want you dead, right?
Like people want gangsters dead all the time.
But in this case, you also have the politicians and the justice system and the media also wanting you dead.
So when you get stabbed, it becomes four people were stabbed at a Proud Boys thing.
And when you stop a man from being killed, it's preferential treatment from the police.
And then they actually catch the perp and he's gone with a misdemeanor.
I mean, all of those factors together is a perfect storm for murder.
Ashley Babbitt was killed a week after I said that.
I warned you.
I warned you!
Let's look at some light news.
I was happy to see Gary Goleman.
He's a giant Jewish comedian.
My problem with comedians is they tell us how to live our lives and most of their lives suck.
They never have like a normal family with plenty of kids.
Gary, for example, has tried to take his own life many times.
I think he lives with his mother and he's on lots of medication.
But that being said, he's a fucking great comedian.
Drenched in sprinkles.
And I was happy to hear he's a butt boy.
And again, folks at home, a butt boy is someone who is a member of our anti-butting club, where you're not allowed to butt in line.
And it's especially important on planes.
If you're in row 23 and you let someone from row 24 get out before you, you're not a butt boy, you're a failure.
I just knew.
It was during the day, so she was wealthy, entitled, aggressive, pushy.
I even predicted the first two words of her sentence when she returned.
Because she came back armful of frozen foods.
Meaning she went downstairs to frozen foods.
A ten minute round trip.
The audacity.
Nay, the temerity.
She puts them into the carriage and I knew the first two words.
She says, yeah, no.
She was also Jewish, I assume.
And so I said, no, yeah.
What a man.
Hell yeah.
What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
What a mighty Odell man.
Oh, we got him?
Oh, I think we got ourselves some mats.
frozen foods come back with an armful and take your spot in line.
The best I can offer you at this point is back cutsees.
And that's incredibly generous.
What a man.
Hell yeah.
What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
What a Matty O'Dell man.
Well, we got him?
Oh, I think we got ourselves some Matts.
E. Matty O.
What's going on here, bud?
How'd your top surgery go?
Yeah, you know, it's good.
Double D's in here.
So you have, what is that battery pack on your chest?
It's a heart monitor.
It's connected to like, it's not even connected to my room.
It's like out in like a control center.
It's got every patient on the floor monitor.
Like people just sit there and stare up at the monitor to see who's going off.
That's amazing.
I saw you had your TV was on the ceiling cause you weren't allowed to move for five hours.
Yeah.
That's the worst part.
Whenever they go through your, uh, your arteries, you can't move your legs because it can't so shut.
They use this thing called like a Maverick.
I guess it's just like putty or something.
They put it over it.
So if you move your legs or anything, it has a chance to fall off and you'll bleed out and die.
And no one will know because the blood will just pool in the back of your legs and your back.
Ah, Yeah, so you're on your back, flat, staring at the ceiling for like five hours.
No good.
But at least they were smart enough to put TVs on the ceiling.
So you had a camera and a blowtorch sent up your femoral artery from your groin.
It went up to your heart, punctured the walls of your heart, and then burnt another piece of skin.
No, no, this one, the transeptal, they punched holes in, and they put this big mechanical, like metal mechanical device in.
Oh, the umbrella thing?
Yeah, yeah.
I thought you already got that.
No, no, no.
I have the mechanical device, like the heart monitor implant.
So you got the burning wall thing before, and now... Last September, I had the burning done.
And today you got the steel umbrella?
That was last September.
So how do you feel right now?
I'm still a little dopey.
Like I'm still like head fog, but um, I'm sore.
Like I got bloodstains on my, my gown.
That's a good name for your autobiography.
Bloodstains on my gown.
I was looking at my bed before and like, I don't know if you could see it.
It's like these like, like brownish marks.
I'm like, did I shit myself?
Is it a big hole they dig in your groin to put all that shit up there?
Yeah, let's get in there.
eyes and clucked on my butt or iodine.
Is it a big hole they dig in your groin to put all that shit up there?
I don't know.
I could get a little risque.
Yeah, let's get in there.
Cover up the old...
We got a little Maddie's balls there.
Welcome to Maddie's balls.
Ha ha ha.
Those are some good hangers, my friend.
Nice balls, dude.
Are those new?
They just had a tune-up in the oil change.
They shined the balls?
That's fucking sick.
So when do you get out of there?
Me?
I hate hospitals because, you know, I'm in New York City, so every hospital you still gotta wear these fucking things.
Wow.
I'm tired.
I didn't want you to sit in this bed and lay here with a man like, get the fuck out of here.
And do you get drugs?
Yeah.
They just, I just like Ryan tried to call me just before my nurse came in and they had to do my vitals and give me some medication and uh, uh, check my wound and stuff.
So, you know, it's mostly like wound care and cause I'm on blood thinners still obviously.
And I, uh, You know, it takes a while to stop the bleeding.
That's why it's all over my butt, my legs, and my gown, the bed.
So, I mean, if you can get a Xanax or some opioids and just watch Censored.TV for fucking two days, that'd be fun.
Yeah.
Catch up.
Catch up on the episodes I didn't see.
Yeah, the food sucks, you know.
Typical hospital fare garbage.
What about, do any of the nurses come by wearing sexy lingerie and high-heeled shoes?
Actually, my nurse today was pretty good.
Pretty good, huh?
She was bueno.
I would say a nice, thick, latino woman.
Long, dark hair.
Perfect.
Latinx.
Nice.
She was probably mid-thirties.
That's a great age.
That's when they really start getting good at it.
Getting good at it, if you will.
All right, man.
Well, we wish you nothing but the best.
Keep in touch, and let's celebrate when you get out.
Yeah, I'll hit you up.
I'll hit you up tomorrow, during the day, anyway.
All right, man.
I'll let you know what's going on.
I'll see you when I'm looking at you.
Thanks, everybody.
Two fingers, peace.
See you, Matty.
He's got a catchphrase.
My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, savings account, things are getting scary out there.
President Mr. Magoo has been printing money like he's in the movie Idiocracy or like we're in Zimbabwe.
He's the Mugabe of the West for, I don't know, a year and a half now.
Our money is about to be worth nothing.
The Biden administration has already printed more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
That sounds like a lie, doesn't it?
It's true.
The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion.
Inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982, before Reagan came in and saved the day.
Let's hope Trump or DeSantis comes in and saves the day in 2024.
It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver.
As I keep saying, don't put all your money in gold and silver, but why would you not put some in?
Why would you not hedge your bets just a little bit?
Just to have that on the back burner.
Change your mind?
Sell it!
You know, when Biden was elected, my dad took all of his money out of all of his investments.
And my brother and I made fun of him.
I think he lost something like $50,000 in, uh, what do they call it?
Actual gains or actual losses or some shit.
I'm not very good with finance.
And my dad has since saved a fortune by having just cash.
That was a brilliant move.
He's got a savings account, he probably makes 1% interest a year, and he's way ahead of the rest of us.
I think they say the average American is down 9% on their investments because of this shit.
Go to gavinlikesgold.com.
They built a URL just for this ad to monitor the success.
Do not go to gavinlikesgold.com.
What?
Go to gavinlovesgold.com lest you come across... Well, first go to gavinlikesgold.com because it's funny, but then go to gavinlovesgold.
This guy is sending the same mistake every week.
Well, no, it's the same read.
Go to Gavinlovesgold.com.
They'll give you up to $10,000 in free silver when you open an account.
That's Gavinlovesgold.com.
You don't need a funny passcode because once you're there, They know that you went through Gavinlovesgold.com and they know you came from us and of course if you don't go there then they won't advertise with us anymore and we'll go broke and be on the streets and there'll be no more show and everyone will die.
I love gold!
The taste of it, the smell of it, the texture.
I love gold so much that I even lost my genitalia in an unfortunate smelting accident.
Back when Mike Myers was funny.
Yeah.
By the way, another client we like to push here is Nita Fashions.
I just had my meeting with them.
It's a male spa, folks.
Are they still in the city?
Because I want to go.
No, you blew it.
Fuck.
So apparently 100% of our viewers talk to Nita Fashions via Instagram.
Okay.
I guess that's what the kids are up to.
I got the craziest shit.
First of all, I got four shirts that are as thick as cardboard.
I'm sick of these thin dress shirts.
I want thick, thick, thick ones.
Right?
And then I got a tweed hunting suit with like leather It's green tweed.
It's got the leather elbow patches.
An action back, it's called.
Slid up the back.
Oh, we did a little fun video.
I like how they're just proud supporters, too.
Like, that's not... Yeah, I go, guys, are you sure you want to sully your brand with me?
I'm toxic.
And they go, no, Mr. Gavin, you've done very well.
We have so many baby monsters.
We have one a day.
Literally one a day.
Hey, everyone on Instagram.
Back in New York and we have one and only Mr. Gavin McInnes here.
Hello!
Every time you laugh we lose your eyes.
I know, I know.
We're going to drop the mask because, you know, we're safe when we're in your presence.
What do you get now?
Hong Kong, they randomly test people on the street.
And if you have COVID, you get a fine.
And if you're not wearing a mask, you get a fine.
And if you're outside on the street in Hong Kong, and you smoke a cigarette like this, you get a fine because you lowered your mask.
But it's not as bad as it was.
It used to be three weeks.
When those guys would go back to Hong Kong, they'd have to spend three weeks in quarantine.
But anyway, another thing I got was, I go, what's your thickest shit here?
And they go, well, Mr. Buddy, we've got a crazy suit that's like a, almost like a gray fur.
It's so hairy.
You asked for a Mugabe?
What?
Did you ask for a Mugabe suit?
Oh yeah, we'll play that.
And I go, I want that in a suit.
And they go, we can do a blazer.
It's crazy hot.
It's this thick.
You're nuts, man.
It's like a, you'll be a polar bear.
And I'm like, I want the pants.
You can only wear it in February outside.
And I go, I like the way you're talking, dude.
Okay, Peter.
Let me summarize.
You see this suit?
Uh-huh.
Let me get my list.
I want to show Mugabe.
Sure.
So, Mugabe always wears suits with his face on them.
Now, I know you don't have that in this thing, but if I was to get you this fabric, could you make a suit like this out of it?
Yes, definitely.
That's great, because I need to have this.
Now, I talked to some people that can do these prints.
I don't know if you can hear this.
How much would I need?
There are African Americans outside on their stupid quads and motorcycles tearing up the Bronx.
Fucking assholes.
Anyway, you can check that out.
So and when you when you contact them, make sure you mention me and you'll get a discount.
Speaking of cops, I sent you one of our own NYPD Bronx cop.
He was dealing with an EDP.
Mostly disturbed person with a knife.
The guy was flailing around like that.
Now you're not allowed to shoot people anymore if they have a knife.
So you have to approach them and try to calm them down and say, look man, please give me the knife.
I don't want to lose my pension.
So I'm not going to just shoot you.
I got to get close to you and endanger my own life.
So first show the article about this guy.
This is three blocks from here.
Bronx cop slashing nose trying to apprehend emotionally disturbed man.
A Bronx cop was slashing the nose as he tried to take an apparently emotionally disturbed man into custody early Thursday.
Maybe he wasn't emotionally disturbed.
The officer's partner tazed the unhinged man during the attack at the corner of West Fordham Road and Grand Avenue and Fordham Heights at about 7 20 a.m.
Officers were called to Andrews Avenue on a report of a man with a knife outside a grocery.
I've been to that exact grocery, by the way.
But when they got there, the man was gone.
The 52nd Precinct cops found the man about a block away and asked him to raise his hands when the man lunged with his blade, catching the officer's nose.
Again, we have defunded the police.
We have vilified the police.
They are petrified of being sued, killed, Losing their pensions.
Remember Derek Chauvin?
They had to have a whole armed security around his house.
So they don't want to shoot someone.
They'd rather get hurt.
So we have put cops' lives in jeopardy.
My son was asking me, he goes, I got to do an essay about racism.
And I go, why don't you talk about these rich Westchester elites who are petrified of blacks going to their kids' schools and the zoning affecting it?
It's the only racism I see.
And he goes, what about like unarmed blacks getting killed?
I go, OK, there's 60 million interactions with police every year in America.
There's about six cases of unarmed blacks being killed where you're like, Hmm, that one sounds pretty bad actually.
That's not a Trayvon, that's not a Mike Brown.
That guy seemed pretty innocent.
Okay, so let's say there's about half a dozen serious unjust cases of unarmed blacks being killed.
That's 6 out of 60 million.
That's not 1 in a million.
That's 1 in 10 million.
That's pretty good.
If the odds of me dying when I walk outside are 1 in 10 million, I've been living in a safe neighborhood.
So blacks are living in a safe country.
And then I told him, like, Breonna Taylor was living with a drug dealer and participating in that life.
She got killed in a shootout.
Sandra Bland was suicidal.
Freddie Roach was trying to hurt himself so he could sue the city.
Mike Brown didn't have his hands up.
Trayvon Martin was beating the shit out of George Zimmerman.
And George was about to lose consciousness, so he pulled his gun, lest it be pulled on him.
Anyway.
The real thing, I didn't bring this up with my son because it's too heavy of a red pill, but why does the media lie about these cases?
Why do they want Trayvon to be an innocent guy just going to get jujubes?
Black failure, white guilt.
They need a reason that blacks are doing badly in this country.
And if it's racism and evil racist cops, that makes them feel better.
And I don't need to feel better.
I'm not looking for any excuses.
I don't care.
Anyway, let's continue with this article about our boy down the street.
The blade caught the officer's nose.
It sounds like he nicked his nose a little bit.
A nose nick.
A little nose nick.
Just a little... probably it looks like a little piercing or something.
His partner then used his taser to incapacitate the attacker.
The cop was taken to St.
Barnabas Hospital, where it's believed the cop may need stitches to close the wound.
Now, often when they say may need stitches, I see it and I'm like, no, you could just get a band-aid.
You'll be fine.
Put some ice on it.
Crazy glue at the most.
Crazy glue.
Ice.
You don't need.
So let's have a look at his nose.
How bad can it be?
What happened?
Looks like a lot of glue.
Oh, his nose is gone.
OK.
All right.
So it's Tales from the Crypt.
Michael Jackson.
The nose is fucking not there anymore.
We probably should have said NSFW.
That's insane.
That's a cop living under the new NYPD rules.
That's kind of a cool tattoo.
But zoom in on that nose.
You may want to look away if you're eating Cheerios right now.
It's gone.
Like both his nostrils are on the other side.
He has zero nostrils.
That is a fucking sharp knife, by the way.
Holy crap.
Wait, the cartilage.
Yeah, the cartilage has been cut through too.
Anyway, cops are pussies, man.
Why didn't we... Couldn't you just move?
Go like that.
Why don't they just tase him?
Maybe that's why.
Well, they were too scared to even tase him.
And when I say scared, I mean of the fucking paperwork, vilification, end of your career.
You know why we abuse cops as a society?
Because we can.
That's why we abuse ex-cons.
Anyone that we can abuse gets tons of abuse.
It's the same reason you see blacks preying on old Asians.
It's nothing to do with race.
They just, they can.
If someone is below us and we can torture them, we do it.
We're not nice people.
Us.
Civilized society.
But wait, there was another cop thing.
There was another cop thing I wanted to...
Oh yeah, this is another perfect example of cops too scared to do their job.
This woman I think was mad about the capital gains tax.
So her problem was, You work hard, you build an LLC, and you want to capitalize on that.
Now, the money that the LLC made, you've already paid taxes on.
So when, as she's the owner of her company, I think they sell pumpkin cupcakes.
It's mostly for Halloween, October.
That's their rush season is October.
And her point to the police officer was, how is it that when I want to take money out of my own LLC, The capital gains is up to whatever it is now.
25-30%.
It used to be 12% in that particular community.
And she goes, that's my net.
That's my nut.
And you're preventing me from making a living.
And his point was, lady, I don't make the laws.
But yeah, capital gains tax is what it is today, and you have to follow that law.
And she lost it, and she said, I want to talk to your supervisor.
And he said, my supervisor is back at the station.
We can't go there.
And she said, well, I'm going there.
And that's when she commandeered his vehicle.
This is 2-9, Ryan.
So it helps to know the context behind this dispute.
She was also very warm.
She was airing out her buttocks.
And her breasts were sweaty during the heated debate in Chicago where capital gains taxes through the roof.
Look, he can't shoot her, he can't tase her, he can't punch her in the face.
So what does he do?
Just please stop!
Emotionally disturbed person.
Please!
Just be nor- Oh, no.
Look, he almost died of political correctness.
And she's off to the station to discuss tax law with his chief lieutenant.
I wonder if anybody else in her path is safe as well.
You know, it's totally legit to shoot someone when they're driving away in a car like that, because the car is a weapon now.
I talked to a cop once, I said, is it ever acceptable to shoot someone in the back running away?
And he goes, yeah, yeah.
If they've been violent before and they have a weapon or a knife or it's conceivable that they're about to go do more damage, like they're headed to a fair or something with a gun, you got to shoot them in the back.
Shoot'em all, kill'em all!
Alright, uh, we should go behind the paywall.
I like to try to keep this to half an hour, but it always goes to an hour.
Let's pull up the Super Chat.
Oh, yeah!
And show how much money we've raised for Max and John.
They're gonna have a nice little ten grand each, at least.
They don't get out until March, I believe.
I can't bring them anything, by the way.
We should bring them cigarettes, avocados, all kinds of produce, all kinds of shit.
And this time I said, what are we allowed to bring?
And they said, absolutely nothing.
Because people were dipping it in LSD.
I'm like, LSD?
It's been around since the seventies.
You just caught onto the LSD thing now?
So, no.
Which is fine with me.
It saves me a lot of money.
Cigarettes are expensive.
If you check out my email with the subject Gavin Indian Joker Face Painting, you can see how life imitates art.
I have a feeling that I've already seen this and it sucked so bad I didn't even put a purple flag on it.
All hail Zorf.
Gavin, will you be replacing Ryan with a shemale Tesla robot?
Yes.
Big fucking tits.
$5 is spelled wrong on purpose.
Ryan, open my video I just emailed you with a five minute video I made that puts full display how the FDA drifted from basic immunology.
Well, that doesn't sound... Oh, that's really good.
Oh, I see.
He's pulling up some classic painting that looks like me doing Indian Joker face.
Okay.
Um, sure.
That sounds like a really boring video, but you donated 50 bucks to these guys.
So I guess we'll start it and then people can see the title and they can look it up on their own time.
Look it up on your own damn time!
Speaking of looking up shit on your own damn time, I started watching Atheism is Unstoppable, which is pretty amazing how a Christian company has an atheist on the roster.
That's pretty darn open-minded, is it not?
We think atheists are going to hell, but we're happy to have him.
He did a great video about this idiotic Muslim who murdered a Korean girl and they lost in court, they appealed it, lost in court, they went to the Supreme Court.
No!
You clearly murdered her.
Then it became a podcast on NPR and now he's free to go.
And I'm watching it, feeling prejudiced, and I go, you know, I used to think big government and big business together were the worst thing in the world, but it looks like with this thing, big Muslim and big Jew getting together, it's even worse.
Because it was his family friend who's clearly linked up to big Arab money, and then she goes to NPR and HBO, and the Jews there are like, yeah, let's run with it.
And now he's free to go.
And what I love about this series, it's only part one that he's put out yet, is Devin goes, this is not about Saeed or the Korean girl or HBO or anything.
It's about the fact that we have a justice system and we've pushed it aside and let podcasters decide who must go free.
And it's always a certain person that they choose.
Like, Kim Kardashian's Innocence Project is an absolute travesty.
She's working on men who murdered children, murdered families.
She's a fucking psycho.
And it's always blacks with her.
And then you have that guy, what's his name, Halstead?
Asian dude that Michelle Malcolm was working with.
Daniel Hotzclaw.
H-O-T-Z-C-L-A-W.
This guy's this Asian cop.
This black woman said, he made me suck him off to avoid a plane, a parking ticket or a traffic citation.
And he's like no dude we wear like Spanx with the thing and velcro and then the weight belt thing you know how like cops can be real gearheads and he has that thing that stops you from getting a hernia and then he's got his vest with his shit like the way I always described it when this was a big uh subject was say that was his girlfriend and she's like I just can I blow you during work he'd be like Hold on.
No.
It's gonna take me like four minutes to get to my dick.
So no.
And the jury of course hates cops.
They were all black.
They ran with it.
They weren't all black but they were predominantly black and they ran with it.
He's in jail right now.
And I checked up on the case recently and the family is suing him.
He's in prison for a crime he didn't do and the family is suing him.
Because he's a cop.
And none of these wrongfully accused charities would ever go near the case.
It has to be a black dude for some weird reason.
You're not going to pull up any Hotzklaw?
I'm looking at this.
Why did that not occur to you?
Riggs Wong?
I just spelled his last name, genius.
I thought it was Halstead.
Hotsclaw.
I spelled it.
What were you doing, jerking off in your kilt?
I would never do that.
Hotsclaw.
Daniel Hotsclaw.
Got him.
I like, too, that Devin doesn't script his shit.
Convicted of rape, sentenced to 263 years in prison!
Daniel Holtzclaw case.
It was a day for singing.
A day for justice.
Oh you don't say!
The bird which is the bald eagle was there to throw away the key.
How fucking amazing is that?
It's ironic they're all singing about freedom too.
Freedom to make up a rape story.
Look at her hat.
You see that hat?
Who's raping that?
She's wearing a fox furry hat as someone is sentenced to 263 years in prison.
What's a horn?
Oh, I think I watched this guy's confession thing.
hat as someone is sentenced to 263 years in prison and i appreciate it from the bottom of my heart daniel holds call it's a haunt facing a possible oh i think i watched this guy's uh confession thing not a confession his interrogation - More than four hours as patients. - More thin. - Even with the filing of the money, You threw a man in jail.
Forever.
and does not inhibit him giving a sentencing which should have happened two hours ago.
- In the end though, Judge Henderson stuck with the jury, sentencing Daniel Holtzglaw to 263 years to be served consecutively, celebrated by victims.
- You absolute animal retard.
You threw a man in jail forever.
For what? - These women didn't think that either, but we did and you see what happened.
Yeah, way to go, guys.
Save the day!
So let's pull up that thing that the $50 dude made us look at.
All right, $50 dude.
He's forcing us at gunpoint.
Evolution of Fauci, natural immunity versus vaccine-induced immunity.
Dude, I'm trying to entertain people here.
Maybe you mean just, like, watch it.
If she really has the flu, if she really has the flu, she definitely doesn't need a flu vaccine.
Why is an Italian speaking with a Jewish accent?
If she really has the flu, oy vey, what are you going to do?
Vaccination is getting infected yourself.
I think we get the gist, but sir.
We get it.
If you say watch it, we'll watch it in our own time and we promise.
Yeah, but zoom out so others can watch it.
It's a, it's a link he sent me.
He paid good money.
Wait, he sent that link and no one else can see it?
Um, yeah, it is a Google Drive link.
Wait, so this weirdo... Here's a link to Google if that didn't work.
Yeah, so these are all, this is all like a private, uh, Google thing.
You might've made the video, fuck.
Okay, well that's gay and stupid.
Some guy named Danny Robinson sent me probably a hundred DND Vin Diesel emails.
Nice.
With an old footage of Vin Diesel.
Don't show it.
Okay.
Vin Diesel playing D&D.
So we're punishing you by reading your name and refusing to play your stupid video, which is already an ancient Chinese secret.
So fuck you.
You fucking shithead.
By the way, speaking of the next email is about Jordan Peterson.
I think Jordan Peterson stole the clean your room thing from me.
Really?
Yeah.
Because I stole it from this dude Kennedy who wrote a book called Knockout that I edited.
And his thing was he went from like $500 in debt, $500,000 in debt, to being a millionaire.
And it was about getting in shape, working hard.
He's not particularly smart.
He was doing like real estate and stuff.
It's not like he's a genius.
And he turned his whole life around, saved his marriage, and it was all just by like buckling down and working hard.
And he wrote a book about it, I believe called Knockout.
And one of his first steps was to clean your room.
And this is like 20, I don't know, 13? - Here's some that are, like so many came in that these got pushed down We never read them $25.
My wife was that from last week from today actually, but They got pushed down by the newest five.
We only see the newest five on the other one So my wife might wants me to cancel my subscription.
Fuck her.
Okay my exit life Of course we have here robot dick.
Oh Starship Technologies HR manager, Portland U grad, hates and openly discriminated against straight white Christian men.
PSTJ is a bastard.
Robot dick.
Yeah.
The book, pull this up.
Pull this up, Jamie.
It's called Knockout, a manual for success.
My million dollar shift.
I'm kind of disappointed, Mike Kennedy, that you didn't actually get punched in the face for your book cover.
It's not that painful.
That guy introduced the clean your room thing.
He's in your room!
That's 2013 when that book came out, so he's probably working on it 2011.
Eleven?
ELEVEN!
Um, sorry, let's go back to those unread thingamadoodles.
Thing diddly bobbers.
Let's take a call, too.
I think we're ready for a call.
Forgot to mention Mattie's looking special on the network after blah blah blah.
Retarded cop.
I remember that from last week.
I'm pretty sure we read that one.
Oh, here, what about this?
Think I'll factor in what is Larry David out of 10.
That's a good one.
So, looks wise, Larry David is a 3?
A 2?
That's fair.
But he's worth a billion dollars.
And I'm not saying I want to fuck him, but women do.
I'm going to change my shirt actually, I'm sick of this.
Whoever sent us these shirts, smokes.
Smells like a bonfire to me.
No, it smells like cigarettes.
I actually like the smell because cigarettes smell like freedom.
I just got this at the Mets game where we beat the Nationals for no reason.
It's not part of the wild card.
We're never going to be the top of the league.
So it has zero bearing on the World Series.
Look at this cool shirt.
Sick.
Mets.
NYPD.
My knuckle's still broken.
Did you see the, uh... Did you see the fuckin'... Fuckin'... The Mets subway trains?
They ducked them all out and all Mets shit?
It was kinda cool.
No, I didn't see that.
It was fuckin' cool.
My son bought this shirt, and I thought, that's cool, so I went downstairs and I bought it.
And he goes, you bought the same shirt as me?
I go, yeah.
I copied you.
It's called copying.
Remember that was big in grade school?
They copied me!
Now at 52, I'm a proud copier.
I'm a fucking Xerox machine, bitch.
So let's do the intro to the thank you for calling.
We'll take a call, then we'll go behind the pay wall.
Oh, that looks great.
Very Mets.
Yes, good point, Ryan.
Look at that.
They took it over.
They said, this is our town now.
I think the World Series is totally possible.
Mr. and Mrs. Met.
As my son said, rarely do the top two teams make it to the World Series.
It's rarely that predictable.
By the way, we haven't talked about you.
And you're buggin' Comic-Con today!
I went to Comic-Con today, fun time, lots of- Let's show your stupid, ugly, chink face.
Okay, well, regular face, that is, yes, chinky.
I agree.
I got some videos, B-roll.
B-roll?
It was just a lot of, like, nerdy shopping stuff.
You don't say.
Comic-Con was nerdy?
That's basically what it was.
I thought it'd be cool, tough guys.
No, it was not that like here's some here's a guy with a turtle dressed as a ninja turtle He's got little katanas taped on his back So animal abuse Good thing animals are Inferior yeah, it's okay to a lot of cosplay a lot of people dressing up.
That's why I wore my kilt I thought it'd be a fun kind of thing.
There's like a guy that I called a Mountie He was very upset by that he was a marine actually that is a toys for tots outfit.
He's a gunny sergeant He might be based Okay Let's see no go go back.
Why I don't know that last couple like I want to see them fuck I Let me see.
I didn't even catch that.
What goes on with them?
Oh, those two?
No, no, not those two.
Not the Waddle Crew?
No.
Those two.
Her.
Her and him.
Like, what do they do?
I want to know about their lives.
Is that your brother?
They watch anime, they play video games, they just sit and read comic books.
Is your brother cheating on his fiance?
His wife?
Fuck.
Does kind of look like my brother.
My brother doesn't have retarded tattoos.
Ugh.
Ryan, why are you with the lowest human life forms?
I like the events.
They put on a really big, you know, high-budget event.
I love the branding.
Like what?
Well, it's just, you know, they got all these cool displays and stuff, and it's just an exciting thing for New York City.
I think your fucking baby is going, what the fuck are we doing here?
So, like, what cool displays?
Can we see one?
Uh, yeah.
Let me just do these in order so I don't lose track.
Okay.
Here, what do we got here?
Wow.
Yeah, it's just a big, big-ass, high-budget event.
I like shit like that.
And then they got out-of-shape cosplayers with skin-tight uniforms, out of breath from sitting on a thing.
Look at that!
I mean, they really go all out for this.
No, they don't!
It's just a bunch of flags and panels, and the Jacob Javits Center is already there.
What have they done?
They stuck an inflatable dragon in the sky?
Wow.
Um, I thought it was kind of cool.
Nope.
The boat show was fucking cool.
And the food there?
Oh, the food.
So expensive.
Nice.
Wasn't good.
Great story.
Thank you, sir.
Nice bounty outfit.
Oh, it's a Marine!
I'm sorry.
That was the exchange.
Yep.
It lived up to my expectations.
Yeah, no, I'm not saying that it was the most exciting thing ever, but there was a little bit of drama.
This guy was running around saying like, this guy stole my fucking stool!
And then there's this... and I couldn't tell if it was a bit or not.
The guy's really upset he was screaming for security and because this guy who has no teeth and punched him Stole his he's taken a hit of an asthma inhaler stole his Stool is that him sitting on it right there?
Yeah, so those are your peers by the way mentally ill people who complain about chairs I like events, you know, and this is a nice event.
I've been there once before.
I was, you know, working with Compound Media at the time and I was like, you know, I saw all these people dressed up like, you know, comic book people.
How much did it cost?
I was just standing outside and somebody sold me their badge for like five bucks.
So I went in and it was a good time.
I wore my MAGA hat the whole time.
Nobody gave me any guff because these are all nerds.
They don't know any better.
It was fun.
But I you keep saying it's fun.
It was awesome.
I have no evidence.
I have nothing well for instance me and hollowed We went to go see Dragon Ball Z the movie a couple weeks ago, and then they have this Great little set like diorama set up for them Wow, so it's like you get to see these things that you know oh my god.
That must have been awesome Shenron dragon Shenron dragon so my buddy went there You know I convinced him to go he's all about that stuff He got a Gundam wing and I bought him an extra Gundam wing about 50 bucks for his birthday He was so happy about it, and I got a what's a Gundam wing well.
I'll show you it's a Japanese robot that you build it's like a model kit You're a grown man We like to get swept away in like little, you know, there's a cultural happening, you know, like, look how many people are there.
It's sold out.
And it's, it's a huge event.
This is what people are into.
You sit there and you glue pieces or is it even glue or do you just click them together like Lego?
There's different sets.
The one I got is entry level.
I'm not going to get into it.
I'm just going to like, it was 14 bucks.
I was like, yeah, why not?
And I got, like, think this guy.
So you snap them together.
Snap them together.
That is pathetic.
That's for nine-year-olds.
But there's also gluey ones, too.
Gluey cuddies.
That's for 11-year-olds.
I'll go up to 11.
Eleven.
This guy's got a guitar.
So, you know, these are cool.
Holy shit.
I like participating in things, you know?
Well, let's try to cleanse the palate with some fucking phone calls, because I'm disturbed.
So play the thing you are on the air This is a fucking loser Hey, why does everyone get two things you have one thing thank you for calling it's great All right next call Next call All right, so let's put the The number up there.
Yeah, if you're listening, it's 718-400-6959.
That number again is 718-400-69.
That's funny.
That's a sexual position.
Yeah, when the girl's upside down or whatever.
You put your peepee in her face.
Yeah, you eat her out when you're getting a beej.
Long time no see, Jennifer Tennis on the line.
Oh.
Hey guys!
Hey!
How are you?
Good.
Good, how are you?
I'm good.
This is for Ryan.
Oh.
Oh, well excuse me.
Ryan, so the best part of the show is of course your impressions.
Thank you.
Frankly, thank you very much.
I'm Trump.
Go ahead.
Well, it's funny you say that because I was going to say I love the face thing.
To go along with it.
Except for Trump.
Do you think you could do some of Trump without?
Because your Trump impression, the best part is the emoting in your face.
Frankly, that's a great point.
And we're gonna look into it.
We're gonna look into it in a big way.
No, I get that.
All right.
Totally makes sense.
Thanks.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
All right.
Bye.
Uh, this is from a chick.
It's called, I live in this shit hole.
Shit hole's one word, my dear.
Hi Gavin, rye rye, we just moved to the area a few months ago for work.
First week in our house, it was broken into.
Each of my kids' schools send at least two alerts a day about terroristic threats or stabbings.
Basically, we got the message that no amount of money is worth this shit.
Working on getting the fuck out.
Nursery intruder says die as he chokes, shakes newborn.
I read this story today.
He attacked several newborns in IQ.
If I catch any of you fuckers alone, I'm going to fucking kill you.
Okay.
Let's hear the news piece.
THIS VIOLENT N- ...are being revealed after an assault on infants last night at Odessa Regional Medical Center.
An 18-year-old is behind bars tonight after police say he attacked two newborns and tried to strangle them.
Thank you for joining us tonight.
Can I have a firearm, please?
And I'm Carson Bush-Jost.
ABCB2's Mike Loney breaks down what we know so far in tonight's big story.
18-year-old Marcus McCowan Jr. is is facing several charges today after an assault on two newborns, a mother and hospital staff at the ORMC Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
Around 6.30 Monday night, OPD officers arrived at the ORMC after receiving a call about multiple assaults.
During their investigation, a nurse told police that McCowan Jr.
was at the hospital- Police have a motive.
This is why the media lies.
girlfriend had gone into labor.
Police were told that McCowan Jr. grabbed the nurse and was seen running around the labor and delivery area.
Next, McCowan Jr. reportedly charged...
This is why the media lies.
The first thing I do, I'm gonna get my hands around your throat.
The media lies about cops shooting black people because they see stories like that and their brain just cannot process it.
So they go, blacks are being hunted by police and they're like going crazy from the stress and it's systemic racism and it's brutal and it's harsh and it's a living hell.
So So, um, that's why you hear about stories like that.
Nope.
Uh, all right, let's take another call and then we'll get behind the paywall.
Ooh.
Can't believe how boring your Comic Con stories were.
It was just a nice fun time, you know?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, Gavin.
Uhuru.
Uhuru.
Hey!
So this is for both Ryan and Gavin.
I know you guys are both war movie veterans.
And so I ask, if you were both 18 again and younger had to join one of the branches of the military, which would it be?
And why would it be the Coast Guard?
I don't know.
Uh, I'm a pussy.
So I'd want to see the least combat possible.
Is that the Navy?
Like I said, why?
Why?
That's why I said the Coast Guard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't, I don't want like the, I, I will never recover from seeing the beginning of Saving Private Ryan Stone.
I don't want bullets going past my head.
Choo!
Ching!
Shk! Shk! Shk! Shk!
Thanks for calling.
Mine would be Army, because my grandfather was in the Army.
And I would join Marines, but I just don't like the taste of crayons.
Am I right?
Hoorah!
And, um, about face?
I think you could be a real asset to... What the fuck's going on with the back of your neck?
Wait, lean your head forward.
Oh, it's just hair.
Okay.
I thought you had monkey pox.
The good thing about you being in the army is we could send you to the front lines because your life doesn't matter.
That's not true.
I would go into the front lines because of my skills, dedication, loyalty, and leadership.
Yeah, I'm not saying the other guys are... their lives don't matter.
I'm just saying it would be very unique because you'd be the one guy where if you get shot in the head, it's not a big deal.
And I don't think anyone would notice if you got shot in the head.
They would.
They would cry, but they'd have to... I'd say... No, you might be able to still function as you do now.
I would be like this.
You went to Comic-Con and thought it was awesome.
I'd be like this.
I'd be like...
You might end up smarter if you got shot in the head.
Don't worry about me.
Go.
Get the fuck out of here.
Might be able to kickstart you.
I can still do my 15 count manual arms.
I don't know what that means.
It's from drill.
Not color guard shit either.
I'm talking about exhibition drill.
Sounds like you'd be really good at Stolen Valor.
Alright.
Alright!
2-10, we're on the line.
Go ahead, 2-10.
Yo!
Yo!
Hey, so I got a question for Gav.
What do you think about, I was watching an old episode, I can't remember if it was on this one or, it might have been Joe Rogan, but y'all talked about cell memory?
Yeah, that's a trippy thing.
Do you think that is prevalent in humans too?
Like slavery?
Like do you think that No, that's one of those nurture arguments you hear.
I'll answer your question though, thanks for calling.
Yeah, there is some evidence that there is cell memory and they talk about these people who get eyes donated after they lose their eyes, so they're seeing.
And every time, they keep having this nightmare about Jesus killing them.
And then they talk to the people who gave them their eyes, and they go, oh yeah, the guy that we got those eyes from, he got shot by this hippie who had a big beard and long hair.
I know it sounds crazy, but look it up.
It was on like 60 minutes.
I know they're not reputable, but like this wasn't on some weird blog somewhere.
It's a pretty mainstream concept where you give organs to someone and they retain some sort of bizarre memory.
So I'm open to that possibility.
I don't know how true it is, but I could believe the eye story.
I'm not sure either way.
I'm not a scientist, but to stretch that out to fucking slavery.
There's nothing in there that would say that like, oh my parents or their parents are like in a pass down thing.
You're talking about a person's memories from their life.
And those eyeballs are like an hour old.
They're not 400 years old.
I saw some article that said blacks don't swim because of slavery and they saw the other slaves get thrown off the boat and they're still traumatized by that.
That's why they're scared of water.
I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
Dude, if he was my friend, I would be happy as a clam because I would be laughing all day.
I guess he wouldn't like the friendship because I'd be laughing at him, not with him, but like.
And I think I know why.
Like I got this, I got a fancy credit card because I have the shitty debit card.
And I was like, I got a nice wallet.
Why is my, I got to get a nice credit card.
So I went to my bank's website and I was like, I want like a black one.
So they sent me a fancy credit card.
Whatever.
Is it metal?
No, I can't.
I'm not good enough for those.
But uh, when I got the package, I laughed out loud.
Why?
It was this big, fancy, long rectangle with like a thing around it that you had to unfurl.
Like an elastic band thingamadoodle.
Then you open it up and there's like seven pamphlets and some gold paper.
And then the actual card came on this cardstock where you had to pop it out through almost like a rubbery kind of a cunt.
Shut the fuck up.
Nothing wrong with that.
No, there is something wrong with that.
You weren't listening.
And it reminds me of what we're talking about.
But anyway, yeah, there's no way slavery is still there.
And the other problem, every time someone comes up with a theory like, oh, it was slavery, you have to explain now the non-slave blacks.
Like, why doesn't anyone swim in South Africa?
Why doesn't anyone swim in any coastal country in Africa?
And being good at it, if you will.
We will.
This guy wants to know, female sprinkles and a 10.
Oh, female sprinkles.
Okay.
Let's see.
Devin, in that same video, no, sorry, in another, in another AIU video, he talks about what female comedian is going to replace Trevor Noah.
And he's like, Nikki Glaser trying to be sexy and also funny is gross.
I agree.
It is a weird sell.
I'm sure she's a nice person.
I know her, or I knew her, but when a woman's wearing like stilettos and a beautiful gown and then doing comedy, it's like, this is not, no.
Coming all night long, but then he pulls out and it's just hard.
It's been a while since he's seen a hole that big.
That's pretty funny.
I don't know about Sprinkles, but... Wait, is she doing the joke, though?
Someone else wrote that joke.
Yeah, it's her reacting to it.
You could put a fucking... Yeah, that's... Dude.
An infant there.
You're a retarded.
You just showed a woman reacting to a hilarious male joke that someone worked really hard on, wrote, recorded, added the background noise.
Let's see.
Maybe she got more.
Okay, her flying to sneak into a Delta Sky Club.
Ting drinking is very bad.
Yo, I got a fake ID though.
Sir, you are a fucking idiot.
You wasted our fucking time.
Sir, you suck.
You suck.
I'm usually not very mean to people, but you're a bad person.
No.
No, not my first time.
What is your idea of comedy?
It's just garbage TikTok shit.
That guy's... What do you think, man?
Sprinkles?
You know what?
We should probably just go with purple flags at this point.
We got a 410 on the line.
410. You're on the line.
We hear you.
Yes, sir.
Hello.
Is this Matt?
Oh, hello?
4-1-0.
What do you think he's doing now?
I don't know.
I think he was, he was listening to the show and he's picking his nose.
And then he felt like a blood booger.
And then he saw blood and went, oh, what the fuck?
And he's like, did I?
And then he went, he's in the bathroom right now, like going.
Did I rip a hole in my?
Hello?
Are you back from the bathroom?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what was the nosebleed about?
Did you pick your nose too hard?
Or is your nails long and you scratched the inside of your nose?
Yeah.
What nosebleed?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Okay, you can lie about it.
Alright, anyway, the viewers want to know when you're going to open the show with a fish song, Gavin.
Is this Matt?
Yeah.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
Our buddy Matt was wearing a fish shirt in Dallas and I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you doing?
See, I'm going with him to the fish concert in New York City.
And then his argument was, what about Godspeed, you black emperor?
They're just noise.
It's garbage, too.
I had to walk out of the show.
No.
Godspeed You Black Emperor aren't pretending to do songs.
They have a soundscape.
It's almost like sound art.
It's like a new form of classical music.
It's an experience.
These fuckers are just noodling away on guitars like a hundred studio musicians with no leader.
Ugh.
It's like a bunch of guitar teachers at Guitar Center all got together to bore you to death.
It's like a long clinic.
Yeah.
They sound like they're testing out the instruments for the band that's about to come on.
Yeah, this is like the soundcheck crew, but they're getting way too comfortable.
Is that a midget?
Or it's at a wedding, and there's a lot of musicians at the wedding, and your dad was in a band in the 70s, and then everyone leaves, but there's some stragglers, because we got the place for the whole night.
And then the stragglers start getting up on the stage.
The lights are off.
And they just start jamming out, they do Louie Louie and stuff.
Oh shit.
Matty O says, fuck Fish, the drummer or bassist is a pedo.
Oh.
Another reason to hate them.
Maybe he's been catfished before?
Oh shit, we forgot to go behind the paywall.
Yeah.
Alright, so that's enough free shit for you, you greedy mooches.
And if you're a Fish fan, don't subscribe to the network.
We don't want your money.
Buy tickets to the fucking show.
Yes, Chicago.
It's in a nice part of Chicago.
Chicago might bomb.
The ticket sales are not going well.
People are afraid of Chicago because they don't know it's in a safe part.
We haven't announced it as broadly as we should.
Oh, we should announce the venue.
Not the venue itself, but it's in west, it's in the west suburb area of Chicago.
Obviously we're not going to the south side of Chicago, guys.
Guys.
Hello.
It's chill.
Hello, it's a bass.
But um, That's a huge thing.
Josh was like, dude, I'm worried about the ticket sales in Chicago.
Every place has sold out so far, but not Chicago.
And I was sort of like, I understand you want to make money and stuff, but I'm doing this for the experience, and I kind of would like to experience a terrible bomb.
Like it would be kind of cool to come out and there's like 30 seats sold.
And just people like, you suck!
Wow.
We already have the packed thing, so if we're putting it in a movie, we already got all the cool shots of lots of people.
How about some shots of no people?
That's funny.
Anyway, so we're going to go behind the paywall now and do all kinds of fun stuff that the freeloaders are not allowed to see.
Plus, it's much more controversial behind the paywall.
It's naughty behind the paywall.
So we're going to go put on our lingerie and do rude business.
We wish you would subscribe.
It's $10 a month.
Unlimited data.
I don't think that you could possibly watch all the shows we provide.
I can't.
Nope.
And I don't even watch my own show, obviously.
So yeah, please subscribe to Censored.TV.
Please buy tickets to the show in Chicago and New York.
They're both coming up very soon.
And get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
You can have back your freedoms if you do.
Get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Violent protests over a speaker on campus here.
Fuck you, Normie.
He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.
He's the co-founder of Vice.
Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs.
Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
You got big fucking tits!
I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck.
You shouldn't do it.
They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.
No more filthy ****.
You ****.
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