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Aug. 22, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:35:11
S4E157 - SCARED GAY
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.
You're sitting in the drug, yes, if you want that job.
Suck on the picture of the freaking thing.
Hi, guys.
That was the Royal Vay.
And the song was topic.
Kind of reminiscent of the yeah, yeah, yeah, and maybe a little bit of Sleeter Kinney in there.
Very talented band.
Jazz drummer.
Classical pianist on guitar.
And another classically trained music student singing, playing bass, the female you heard there.
Cool album cover.
We got some naked broad with a plane crashing into her head.
You don't notice that at first, but then you do and you think, oh, she's very big.
Giant woman.
Every time I hear a good indie band like that, I go, I just tread lightly because I don't want to see their politics.
And I'm sure they would be furious to know that they were on the show here.
Well, the name, the Royal They?
Yeah, is that a pronoun thing?
Yakes.
I'm going to guess so.
But she said the real punks are ones with real jobs at the beginning of that song.
I guess we should be playing something more like Trumpel Stiltskin.
Is that more our speed?
Immediately terminate the Mexican people.
Nobody will be pushing us around.
I would build a great, great wall.
The good old days.
One of the early things I would do.
I was listening to the meat men this weekend.
Where the meat men used suck.
And boy, would they be canceled today.
Burn the little panties off of new bounds with a Bunsen burner.
Slim on that maturity, but Jesus, fuck, their tits are firmer.
Pick them up for Greece too, but by God, they've gone to driver's ed.
That's okay, because mom will dork me in that queen-size parent's bed.
I sin for a living.
Songs about how much it sucks to be a girl.
Songs about how crippled children suck.
The guy was a teacher.
Can you imagine?
Today?
Now, of course, that shit's normalized.
He'd probably get an award.
He'd be a pedophile teacher.
Yeah.
Lot to cover today, guys.
We're not going to even get close to it.
But I saw a movie called Top Gun this weekend.
Have you heard of the remake with Tom Cruise?
That's Top Gun.
It's about ramen noodles?
Yes.
Okay.
I was actually in Top Gun.
Excuse.
In Montreal in the 90s, early 90s.
I was a bike messenger, and our company was called Top Gun Esti.
And, you know, black people talk about how horrible it is to be in a racist society.
If you want to feel prejudice, be English in Montreal.
Be an English bike messenger who speaks French but not good enough.
And watch how few fucking gigs you get.
Watch the French couriers just do Old Montreal down the same area again and again, while the English guys have to go up Boulevard de Carie and Beaver Hall Hill and all these.
Montreal's a mountain, Mount Royal.
So we were always going up mountains.
We're going all the way to Atwater.
We're going all the way to fucking all down Saint-Catrinle.
Saint-Catrinle.
And we call him and I go, I forget what his name was, Louis or something.
Louie, you got anything for me, man?
I'm sitting here.
He goes, I got nothing, man.
I'm grapping my balls, Zesty.
He was always grapping his balls.
But I watched it hungover with my family and after a coffee, trying to get sober, or at least start the day.
Dude, skeeved out on coffee and caffeine, watching this movie is one of the worst decisions I ever made.
Really?
Do not go see this film.
Have you seen it?
No.
I wanted to go see it and I was like, I don't know if I'm really going to like it.
So I didn't see it.
It's way too stressful.
It's not fun.
Like, I was shaking after I had to go to the bar and get a drink.
And there's things like, all right, we don't know who the bad guys are.
They could be Russian, they could be Chinese, they could be Serbs, but someone in a snowy area has a uranium mine.
We got to blow up.
So, okay.
How are we going to do this?
Well, they have these, you know, heat-seeking missiles if you get in their radar.
Oh, so you got to go below the radars.
Yep.
But it's in a hole.
So we got to go up, down into the hole, blow it up, and then try to leave.
But the arc is so intense, you feel like, well, I think you got to go Mach 10, which apparently is impossible.
It's like 7,000 miles an hour.
And the G-force is more than any man has ever handled.
Yeah, those are the missiles that chase you.
So if I was in the room, I'd be like, sucks.
I guess we can't do it.
Anyway, anything else?
They all hang out at this bar.
And I kept just being like, if I have a role here, can I just work at the bar?
Like, guys, bacon cheeseburgers when you get back.
Pizza's on me.
Like, they're going through these caverns.
I mean, I guess it's because I'm old and I don't have my warrior DNA anymore.
But I was just like, don't do it.
Not going to do it.
Don't do it.
I wonder if, is this the same bar that they were in in The original?
Yes.
Nice.
Yeah, see, that's why I didn't see it partially too, because I want to see the original first.
You do need to see the first one first, right?
No.
Okay.
It gets a little corny at times.
There's a lot of, hey, tough guy.
What do you got?
What do you got?
I'm better than blah, blah, blah.
That kind of shit.
And everyone talks about how it's, you know, finally an all-American movie.
It's pretty fucking woke, dude.
Really?
Yeah.
Huh.
Like, the team, the elite team you just saw, that's Phoenix.
It's a chick, and it's like half black.
Is that really what fighter pilots look like?
I bet if look up America's top fighter pilots.
I bet there's not a lot of his Latinas.
I bet there's not a lot of Latinx.
Oh yeah, Val Kilmer's in it, and he can only talk with a keyboard because he has throat cancer and his character's dying.
And I said to my wife, I go, imagine being such a shitty actor that you have to use a keyboard.
They won't even let you talk.
And she goes, he has throat cancer in real life.
He can't talk.
Oh, I did not know that.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to be quiet.
But I would have given up 37 times in this movie.
At one point, they're out of flares and the bad guys chasing them and they're trying to come up with what to do.
Female fighter pilots from around the world.
Okay, let me see that.
Am I wrong?
We don't know what they do.
Yeah, we don't know what they do.
I just circled today.
I sat in one.
I said the word power roll.
I clean it.
I have the cleanest jet in all the forest.
I bring them sandwiches every single day.
Okay, so maybe there are some.
I don't know.
I guess there's some lesbians that made it up there.
But mostly it's just fucking.
But like at one point, I don't want to give anything away, but there's two guys that are stuck in the forest, and the bad guys are coming to kill them.
He's like, what are we going to do now?
And I'm like, I don't know, die.
You just die.
Eat pine needles.
Wait to die?
You're dead.
And they come up with a very crazy plan to get out of that situation I won't tell you about.
But I was just, I think it should be called Nope.
I'm sad Jordan Peele stole that name for this movie because it should be called Not Gonna Do It.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
I went to this awesome fucking place that had a top gun just this past weekend.
There was a play date for all the babies and all the parents.
My wife's mom.
You never do shots or Coke.
No, I don't.
This hat works.
I'm a testament to the efficiency of this hat.
Even when I don't wear it, it's still like it's a really beautiful spot in Tarrytown, and they have like, it's like a castle type of thing.
Is someone holding a gun to your head to promote this place?
You don't seem very natural right now.
Michelin Raided and Faggot Rated.
Zagot.
Sorry?
Zagot rated?
Yeah.
I would just comment.
They had Top Gun-themed bathrooms, so it's just a regular, like, nice restaurant.
You go in there and you just take the shit of your life.
You buckle in and you take a shit like this.
And then it's just shit flies out.
No, they have music that goes through the restaurant.
When you go in the bathroom, it's all the Top Gun theme song.
And then there's Top Gun memorabilia all over the place, signed and shit.
People love that fucking movie.
And you could tell this is before they came out with the new one.
It's just like they happen to be in their moment right now.
Well, yeah, obviously.
The new one is like a month old.
Yes.
It could have been really good.
Good detective work.
That needs a detective shitty, unless you were kidding.
I was not.
So I will cue it up.
Let's pull that out.
But I won't like it.
I've got some good news about censorship.
There's this disgusting racist, well, no, not racist, this disgusting sexist who was brainwashing young men into thinking horrible thoughts.
And he was finally banned from social media.
We can all breathe easy now.
And just so you know how fucking evil this guy is and how much he deserves to be banned, here's the kind of horrific garbage he was lying about to people.
I don't want to show it actually.
What if we do like a not safe for work?
Can we just bleep the entire monologue?
Like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
We could.
That's the only way I want to show it.
We can do a not safe for work.
Get the kids out of the room.
This is lies.
Okay.
Something, man.
When this corona thing was going on, I tried to fly.
I flew here from Romania on Wiz Air.
Because you can't get first-class flights into Europe.
It's all just low-cost carriers.
I'm flying WizAir.
I have a mask on.
Excuse me, sir, sir.
Put the mask over your nose.
Just fucking air stewardess.
This minimum wage, bitch.
So I put my mask on my nose.
Everyone was freaking out about masks.
I had to fill in all these home office papers when I landed.
All this crap.
PCR test.
Blah, blah, blah.
Home office papers.
You got to start working on your Andrew Tate, right?
I've been working on it.
It is terrible.
It is a Valley Girl.
So.
Southern.
So the Tommy Robinson.
Oi.
Yeah, he's got a lot about, he's got some moments where he talks a little bit, you know, like British in there, but I, you know, it's tough.
I've literally.
Home security.
I had to fill out all these home security forms.
You know how you felt when the surfer who lived in London for two years, which I guess he basically is.
The Top Gun plan where they were like.
You're just like, no, you give up.
I just gave up.
I tried it all weekend.
I couldn't do it.
No, that's not sufficient.
The free market demands that Andrew Tate is on our show on a regular basis.
Doing his voice is like taking a Mach 7, which is impossible.
Going into the 2008.
Mach 10, I believe, is impossible.
All right.
Even a Mach 7 is fucking hard.
It's never wrong.
I'm not a female pilot.
Well, Mach 7 is three away from 10.
Wow.
Nice math.
Far away from Mach 1.
This guy's good.
Continue with your life.
Two months later, I flew on a private plane.
No mask.
No PCR test.
No home office paperwork.
My pilots weren't wearing masks.
When I landed at Bigen Hill Airport, the people who met me in the BMW, no one was wearing a mask.
Nobody had a mask on.
No one asked me to fill in shit.
Do you know why?
Because I was rich.
Corona doesn't exist for the rich people.
As soon as you pay 50 grand for a flight, now they don't trouble you then.
They trouble the shit muncher on the Wizair flight.
It's all a fucking scam.
All of it's a scam.
And this is how the whole world has always worked and always will work.
I mean, obviously lying.
Yes.
Right?
That can't be true.
Pilots probably did have masks on the private plane.
And I bet they had to fill up tons of forms.
And I bet Wizair didn't even ask for a mask.
Yeah, it was probably the opposite, right?
I mean, he's banned.
I feel like he must be saying misinformation.
Remember, this is all about misinformation.
So he must be lying.
If they banned him.
I don't know if I could really get behind playing this guy.
Like the History Channel, when they play Adolf Hitler's speeches, they don't play what he says because.
Let's hear some more bullshit from this fucking liar.
The people at the bottom just don't seem to get it.
They don't seem to wake up.
And they don't seem to wake up because the people in charge try very hard to keep them asleep.
If you had a whole bunch of people who were your slave, why would you tell them the truth about the world?
Why would you do that?
No.
When's the last time you went to school and learned how money works?
Or banks work or taxes or any of the things that they use to control you?
No.
They teach you about fucking photosynthesis.
They don't want you to know anything.
They don't want us to know anything.
They just want us sitting there going, okay, he's a panda and I stay in my house because of Corona.
Clap for the NHS.
Move like a performing seal.
Like an idiot.
And people are idiots.
So they control them.
And then they come to me and go, Tate, how'd you make all this money?
I opened my fucking eyes.
I looked around me.
I started to think.
Stop.
Things that people never seem to do.
Started.
Yeah, that's enough.
We got to stop this.
Disgusting.
He's officially banned from this show.
We will not be playing any more clips.
That's why I didn't do the impression.
And monkeypox is coming for your kids.
So make sure that you don't see it as just a gay disease because it's not.
Yeah.
And there's going to be more pandemics.
And one of the biggest problems with the environment is farmers, cow flatulates.
So I think it would be best.
And we don't have to do this in a fascistic way.
Just slowly incentivize farmers to give the government their land.
Okay?
This is all normal stuff.
Don't listen to the weirdos.
Despite guys like that being out there, there is hope.
Germany's coming out with that pass that if you're freshly vaccinated and you just got vaccinated in the past three months, it's green, and then it turns yellow if you need to get it, and then you have to wear a mask.
So they got it all figured out.
Great idea.
You know what I think we really need to do?
Microchip in the hand.
I saw a guy online.
He doesn't have car keys.
He just puts his hand on his Tesla and it's like, beep, beep.
Why not have a chip or maybe a mark here?
What about a sort of a barcode right on your neck?
You know, that's exactly what the slaves wanted, the slaves to do back in the slave trade.
They had, you know.
Way too British.
Terrible.
Just too.
Terrible.
Make every 11th word British.
Yeah, it really is like that, huh?
Damn it.
Also in news that I care about, you know the zombie bugs, right?
We've heard of this.
It's ants.
I've only mostly heard of ants that are actually dead or basically dead.
And then this fungi controls their brains.
Just like what Tate was talking about.
The media is the fungi controlling the poor's brains.
But I've never seen a bug completely eaten, hollowed out, gone.
Remember, we wish you'll eat bugs and going about his day.
Look at that.
He's gone.
There's nothing left.
So the fungi, this is a great analogy.
The fungi is driving him to more of his kind so they can spread and eat out that body.
I mean, is that a perfect analogy for what the elites are doing right now?
Can't ban me.
I'm already banned.
Also in Disgusting Critters News.
Ryan, I need an explanation for this.
What the fuck is going on?
Oh, I see.
Because it's Japanese, you think that I would know.
Okay, I don't know.
Now, there's a lot of odd sea creatures, and Japanese people will eat anything that swims.
And so I'm guessing we're seeing something like that.
I don't even want to barf.
It's so bizarre.
I'm not dry heaven.
Oh, it's a fish.
Okay.
Don't things have to have things?
Things.
I'm no biologist, but don't you need something going on?
Like, I heard a man of war isn't even really an animal.
It's more of a collection of shit.
There's like part of it is the brain.
It doesn't really talk to the tentacles, doesn't really talk to the stomach, but they all sort of hang out together and become a thing.
But at least that's a bunch of stuff.
There's eyes.
Okay, we got some eyes.
A little brain, like a sperm brain.
All right.
My nickname is a nice thing.
I don't see much of a spine.
No, it's a spineless creature.
Google Image the thing itself.
That is.
Just the word, not like for food.
What did you put in Google Image?
No re sore.
Just the word.
I'm kind of getting hungry.
Oh, there is a spine.
It's just translucent.
So you eat those, Ryan.
I would.
I had sushi this weekend.
It was delish.
Sushi is about the least gross seafood there are.
Remember Jim Gaffigan?
He goes, why is there fish?
Fish is already gross, and you're just not going to cook it?
He's like, why is fish?
I can't do Jim Gaffigan, but he's like, why is fish on the menu at a steakhouse?
He's like, yeah, I'll have the thing that's less good.
Why does he think fish are less good?
Also in news I care about, OJ seems to be fucked up the ass, finally.
And civil suits, correct me if I'm wrong, they tend not to have a jury.
That's not always the case, but it's limited.
Real trials always have juries.
I think juries are bad news.
Juries are like that zombie bug we just saw, where they watch the news or they don't want to be unpopular.
And with OJ, it was, It's a black guy.
He's cool and popular.
Everyone loves him, so he's innocent.
Rodney King, everyone was mad about the 10 seconds of video they saw.
So they go, We're going to riot if you condemn him.
So they went, Okay, he's fine.
They retried that case after the riots.
Sorry, okay, he's guilty.
And so with OJ, a jury today, oh, it was infantry.
A jury today found formal football grade OJ Simpson responsible for the deaths of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald J. Goldman and awarded compensary damages to Goldman's parents of $8.5 million.
I wonder how much he has.
He seems to play a lot of golf.
What does he say on his Instagram things?
Hello, OJ fans or something.
Hello, my fellow people.
Yeah.
Hello, my fellow innocent law-abiding citizens.
Another silly news item as we pour through them all.
This is the front of the newspaper, so it's just the silliness.
Alex Jones is suing Perry Caravello, much to Perry's chagrin.
Oh, he's got a little beard there.
Is that a first?
Yep.
Perry, I'm ready to sue your ass.
You better pay me $20 million or I will air this segment all day, every day.
It was your fault when I lost in court.
Bitch.
So that's from Alex Jones.
Who the fuck is Alex Jones?
I don't know you.
How in the fuck do you accuse me or even say it was my fault?
It was Perry's Cherovello's fault.
The reason why I lost in court.
Go fuck yourself.
He is scarier looking than it the clown.
I mean, would you let your children anywhere near that psychopath?
I mean, that is a psychopath right there.
I mean, look at him.
God.
Oh, I mean, it just, it cries out, danger, danger.
Alert, alert.
I am a scumbag.
I am filth.
I am your enemy.
I would literally not be able to finish my dinner if somebody walked over and talked to me that looked like these two guys.
And I'm sorry.
They're not just lying, anti-American scumbags that want to run us all on the ground because they're little men.
They're pieces of crap.
They think they're better than everybody.
Oh, go fuck.
It doesn't sound like Perry, actually.
Hell on earth.
He wants to run your life.
He wants to control every aspect of your life.
No, I don't want to let anybody.
He is a cowardly, degenerate sack of anti-human.
You cowardly, degenerate piece of dog shit.
Hey, stealing degenerate from...
Of course, Alex was talking about Brian Stettler, but Perry's too stupid to realize that.
Perry has the IQ of a frog.
And someone was emailing me saying, I'm addicted to the Perry Project.
And for those of you not familiar, that man has been the running butt of a joke for my entire adult life since the early 90s.
It's called the Perry Project.
A great summary is a free movie on YouTube called Windy City Heat, I highly recommend.
The problem with the Perry Project is it's infinite.
There's prank calls, there's letters, there's podcasts, there's vidcasts, and like baseball, there's no end to what you can discover.
So you get addicted.
I don't know how I broke the curse, but I did one day.
It got a little scary sometimes.
Like he did have a car accident, so you worry that he's mentally ill.
Or some people contacted his daughter.
He has a daughter somewhere who's deeply ashamed of him.
And that was getting a little kind of...
But the great thing about him is he deserves to be made fun of.
Like you don't want to be making fun of a retard, right?
But Perry Caravello is a fucking self-centered, evil, racist, sexist, homophobic.
And I don't throw those words around loosely.
If you were drowning and there was $100 floating next to you, he'd grab the $100 and walk away.
So you don't feel bad shitting on him.
He would sell his own mother for five bucks.
And I've seen him do shit like that.
I was a member of the Perry Project.
I was William Randolph Hearst.
And he stole $50 from me.
You know, out of all the patriots that love Trump out in the world, one of them to me stands out the most with his loud and aggressive demeanor, riding his skateboard.
He's got his own skateboard.
And singing ACDC like a champ.
We really want to thank Perry Caravana for loving Trump so much, being a great patriot, and being so funny.
He probably needs to clean his apartment and also probably needs to forget his evil and dark past in 1992.
We know what happened.
Lots of gay stuff.
Randy Callahan, of course.
We don't want to bring these things up, but we have to because we want him to get better.
And another way to make him better is to get that tattoo removed at his tattoo removal party 7722.
We're coming over.
We're going to make sure it's done right and it's done great.
And hopefully he's happy to see us because we love Perry.
Yeah, somebody bought a cameo and they've been tattoo removal.
Out of the question.
Out of the question.
President Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Tiffany Trump.
See, we're getting sucked back in again.
Just now you think you're out.
Apparently there's some tattoo party they're throwing at his house.
Yeah, it's still going.
God bless them.
I discovered a comedy team this weekend thanks to some baby monsters.
Very high quality.
Very sprinkles-y.
One of them is a gimp.
This is, wait, this is called how, zoom out for a sec because the title is very important.
How motorcyclists think people react when they drive by.
Let him rip.
Look at him ripping.
Get him out of here, you.
Where do you think he was going?
Someplace dangerous.
Yeah.
Like Michigan.
Fat Tuesday.
That's what I call it when one of those babies rolls by.
That was incredible.
Where was he going, man?
Oh, man.
Fucking outer space.
That's where he was going.
I know who those cops are going after.
They'll never catch him.
Yeah.
No.
Come on!
Come on!
Oh my god, go on my ball!
It just keeps going and going.
Yes, it was just.
It was unnecessary.
It was so the noise is like I'm losing my hearing.
It's incredible.
So check out the genuine jerks on your own time.
Damn.
Speaking of sprinkles.
Did you show Maddie that?
I don't think so.
Innocent people in the Middle East.
They're having dinner.
A bomb is dropped on their house and they're all killed.
What's the problem with this?
It's being done by white men.
I am Jeremy Kaufman, the Chief Diversity Officer at Halliburton and candidate for United States Senate.
It is time to diversify the murderous military-industrial complex.
We need to make the nukes gay.
That's why I'm running for office.
Like my fellow Democrats and Republicans, I will support every war.
I will support stealing billions of dollars from Americans to kill innocent people.
But we are going to make it so gay.
It will go down in the history books.
We will say never have so many genders and so many races killed innocent people.
Let's bomb Yemen.
But let's make sure a rainbow of skin colors are dropping those bombs.
These are going to be the gayest transist murders the United States has ever performed.
That's what I stand for as the Chief Diversity Officer at Halliburton.
And that's what I'll do once elected to the United States Senate.
I'm Jeremy Kaufman, and I'm gay for this message.
All right.
I want to introduce a new segment.
This is something we've never done before.
And I'd like someone to make an interstitial out there.
I guess they need music.
And this thing is called.
No, that's not very good.
Shit I don't care about.
Shit I don't care about shit I don't care about at all.
Nice.
That's nice.
So here's the number one news item that I couldn't give less of a fuck about and that is that Norwegians killed a walrus.
A famous walrus is killed and Norwegians are divided.
You see Freya was a 1,200 pound polarized Oslo.
No, sorry.
That's the name of the animal.
He was not a polarized Oslo.
He has polarized Oslo and he was a walrus that was very popular.
And it threatens to blight the image of a country more commonly associated with diplomatic good deeds than mob-like hits.
So we could look more into that if we gave a flying fuck about a walrus named, I don't know, what was his name?
Petrified Oslo, I believe.
Petrified Oslo.
Oh, they're playing at Mercury Lounge on Friday, if you want to go.
I thought they canceled.
Okay, cool.
Well, I'm down.
Some people thought they were going to cancel because of rain.
You don't cancel a show because it's raining.
It's indoors.
Mercury Lounge is indoors.
We should just double check and make sure Mercury Lounge exists.
I know they, for real, I know that they were renovating it.
Really?
Yeah, it was closed for a while, probably because of COVID.
It'd probably take me a year to look this up, so I'll just do it.
I got it.
Yeah, look, they're playing.
They got Sumanta Joy Pearlman.
Young in France.
Also, another news item I honestly could not possibly care less about, the Game of Thrones prequel came out, but so many people wanted to see it that HBO Max crashed, and they were unable to watch their stupid show about medieval black people and goblins and shit,
flying dragons.
So that sucks for them.
Another important news item that was all over most major newspapers, and I can't believe anyone would even bother typing this out.
But after J-Lo and Ben Affleck were married, she had to do something, I guess.
So he got on a plane.
Leaving on a private jet plane, Ben Affleck boards aircraft in Georgia with best mate Matt Damon, but without bride after that lavish second wedding celebration.
And I don't care.
So that was on the front page of the New York Post.
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
Go down a bit.
Like, they've got pictures of him.
Okay, there he is.
He always looked like that in every picture.
He's always hungover.
There he is, waiting to get on his plane.
No COVID mask, of course.
Weird shoes.
Here's another important news item.
The chick from the Partridge family was spotted wearing a pink tracksuit.
walking around outside.
Come on, get happy.
She's 88 now.
She's rarely seen outside, I guess.
She's probably got a lot of illnesses to worry about.
If you scroll down, you can see her wearing a pink tracksuit.
So that's something.
Now, I wonder how you could make this interesting.
Like, if she had devoted her life to never wearing pink, like her husband was killed wearing a pink jumpsuit, and it's a big deal that she finally had the courage.
Still don't care.
And final item that I don't give a flying fuck about is some cops beat up an asshole who was being a douche.
Three Arkansas cops brutally beat suspect after his arrest for threatening a gas station worker and then punching an officer.
They say striking, which kind of takes it down.
And then they realize they're being filmed.
All three are suspended by state.
Why?
Because the court of social media decided this was too much.
This means nothing to me.
Now, I will say, if he was black, there'd be a Molotov cocktail being thrown into every building in the world.
We used to do that to someone if they farted in our face.
Or if, like, some guy took the last beer.
Like, that's a hockey fight.
This shows the pussification of America when they see that and go, oh my Lord, you don't have to knee him.
Yeah, you do.
He punched a cop.
He won't fucking comply.
Yeah, I don't think he's put his hands behind his back yet.
I mean, I bet it is hard to put your hands behind your back if you're trying to defend from being hit, but I also don't care.
Don't fucking care.
The thing I care about the most is, like, why is that guy's uniform a little bluer than the other two?
Like, is he a different guy?
It's just the lighting on his vest.
See, that I'm interested about.
All right, let's start the show.
Yes.
And we do that with a roar.
The monster truck comes this way.
Start the show.
Beautiful, beautiful bird.
Bye-bye.
So true.
I feel like I've got to trim the fat.
I want to get these shows down to like an hour 20.
That's a good amount of time.
That's not.
That sounds like two hours, doesn't it?
Wait.
120 minutes is two hours.
An hour 20 is 80 minutes.
Holy shit, your retardation is rubbing off on me.
Thank you.
So.
What should we do here, guys?
I think we got a fucking...
We're going to go over the line.
Over the line, over the line.
Can you do this for me, Ryan?
Sure.
Can you do a War on Kids and an LGBTQ split screen?
Because these two have become the same thing.
Sure can.
It's just a matter of the background.
The background should be LGBT.
Yeah.
All right.
Here we go.
I thought warmly.
We are living in an ages of here where children are seen as human garbage.
Do you ever wonder what the people in the next room think about us?
No.
It would destroy me to even...
When I see them in the parking lot, they're very kind.
Yeah.
You know what I always thought would be awesome?
Is that they're just like, every time we finish the show, they just cheer.
Like, they're like, that was great, dude.
Well, I don't know.
Sometimes I'm offended by this show.
Like, imagine you walked by our studio and heard that Trump thing saying, I'm going to kill all the Mexican people.
You'd be like, that's a little rich.
Yeah, and then you said the good old days.
Did I say that?
You said simpler times or the good old days or something like that?
And don't forget that you played my clip too, where I talked about the COVID things.
And also, you know, terrible.
Surfer?
I don't know.
He's way too surfer.
Yeah.
Got to get aggressive.
Maybe it's your low T that's making it harder.
I definitely don't have low T, but I will tell you this.
It was funny when they did that interview with they had a vice news dude to the right of them.
Oh, Lord.
And it was, oh, no.
Wow.
I look like him.
Is there a class you can take?
Just listen to, just listen to like five hours of him.
I've been listening to him a lot.
I think he's kind of funny.
Like, I know people have a strong stance on him, either they love him or hate him.
I just think he's alright.
No, only idiots hate him.
The hate comes from a 10-year-old saying, women should be making sandwiches.
Should they not?
My broad made me a sandwich.
It was crazy.
Is that your car alarm?
No.
Weird shit's been going down recently.
Been getting talks about the police looking for me and stuff.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that thing you said.
Yeah, that is weird.
I've been getting kind of paranoid.
I think it's just trolls.
Yeah, well, trolls can be dangerous.
Truth.
Yeah, look what they did to that.
I don't even know if my car has an alarm.
Maybe they.
Yeah, it does.
Dude, it was so weird.
I was getting on a super early flight.
Like, I had to leave at five in the morning.
And I don't have my keys, but my door is open.
My window's open in my garage.
So I open the lock and I open the door.
Breeep, breep, breep, breep.
So I'm running around like a chicken with his head cut off.
Drag queen shit is still going strong.
Kids are involved still.
Like, how are we losing this war?
We are morally right.
They've been exposed.
They have a disproportionate number of pedophiles involved in their shit.
It's sexual.
Take the gay out of it.
So why is this a thing?
Why are they winning?
Why do they keep going?
Because so much of, it's sort of like sharps.
Skinheads against racial prejudice.
Their entire existence is a fuck you to Nazi skinheads.
That's an unfortunate analogy.
But you can't end sharps.
They have to constantly...
They're like Palestinians.
That's a better analogy.
They have to constantly be in a state of conflict or there's no reason for them to exist.
So this is a fuck you to us, to the American family.
plant store in Tucson held an all-ages adult drug show.
These two young girls planted in the front row are very clearly uncomfortable.
Kids deserve better.
Look at this shit.
It's scary, too.
Yeah.
Drag shows are fun for all ages.
Nope.
Be gay.
Malicious, gay faggotry.
You're always going to find it here.
Malicious faggotry, right?
Is that what he said?
Because that's what I'm saying.
Right from my mouth.
What?
Go to the very end there, Faggot.
First, I want to see the girls.
I want to see the girls in the front.
No, no, no, the little girls.
Yeah, there they are.
Look at them.
They look...
Oh my god.
Look at that.
The blonde girl's looking at the ground.
She's so uncomfortable.
You know what she looks like when they bring the kids to the scared straight and there's like a fucking convict yelling at them?
Yeah, that's what they're at.
Scared gay.
That's a winner.
That's the title of the scared gay.
Look at the rolls on that fucking caterpillar.
The one sitting down.
Oh, that's poor.
And you know what's weird too is that guy's like getting horny.
The guy dancing like that to the right.
So there's a guy getting horny in front of kids.
Say what you want about anything.
That is a fact.
Well, that's the secret to winning this argument is get gay out of it because that's their secret weapon.
That's why I always say proud boys, the worst thing you could say is faggot.
Be gay.
Malicious gay faggotry.
Why does it always skip right there?
Let's say Instagram story.
And when it goes from like one 15-second clip to the next.
Oh.
Malicious gay fagotry.
At least that's how I remember.
Well, I'm glad we're on the same page.
That's all the words are from my mouth.
And then this is another thing on the same subject, really very short section on the gays.
But why are kids and monkeypox a thing?
Hasn't there been about five cases, five deaths?
Probably a lot more cases, but five deaths.
First article written three days ago, second article 11 hours ago.
Sex between men, not skin contact is fueling monkeypox.
By the way, gays, I know you're pushing to make this a non-gay disease.
I wouldn't bother.
You tried that with AIDS.
All this money started going over to the suburbs, to the middle class, and you went, wait, we need that money back.
So don't make it about non-gays or you're going to lose money.
But then the next thing, we keep hearing about kids are going to get it.
Now, this is bad on all fronts.
Either they're lying and they just want us to be more scared so we'll spend more money at it, throw more money at it, or there's some contact with kids that we're not very happy about.
A little off topic here, but don't those pocks look like letters?
What is it trying to say?
Help?
God has also built that.
Well, maybe it is.
Zoom in a little bit on that.
It's Braille for Get Me Out of Here?
All right.
They look edited.
Let's jump over to feminism, and then we can do some good old-fashioned racism.
And loading, and we're back.
Okay, and let's...
Who here identifies as a feminist?
We are the storm, the very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
You said I was too pretty in a fight.
That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.
Just a reminder, all those chicks in that intro are the same chick.
Like, those are, when they morph.
That's obvious.
But that one is this one's drastic.
Yeah, that one is drastic.
She's putting a lot of weight.
Big in Brazil, too.
I think that's the origin of the meme is Brazilian girls.
Which sucks, because that's our man, Bolsonaro.
So I would be remiss if I didn't discuss She-Hulk.
Everyone's talking about it.
Big deal, because we are infantilized, and our culture is superhero culture.
And the same way that the poor would be watching Shakespeare, what, 300 years ago, 200 years ago, we now discuss superheroes like it's our literature.
And this clip is going around.
When I'm catcalled in the street, when incompetent men explain my own area of expertise to me, I do it pretty much every day because if I don't, I will get called emotional or difficult or might just literally get murdered.
So I'm an expert at controlling my anger because I do it infinitely more than you.
Here's the thing, Bruce.
I'm great at controlling my anger.
So wait a minute.
This is kind of funny because I don't know a lot about the Hulk, but wasn't he created that way because he was part of a nuclear explosion?
So that's stressful.
He also is on the run, right?
His whole life.
At least he was on the TV show we watched as kids.
So that sucks.
You're a nomad.
Catcalling?
Mansplaining?
And then she throws in literally murdered.
Murder is not a female thing, my dear.
Murder is a male thing.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with stats, but we are more likely to get murdered, more likely to get raped, more likely, if you include prison, more likely to die, more likely to commit suicide.
Ladies, you live longer because your lives are better.
Sorry.
Even a she-Hulk has to find her way into the work.
Look, he's Hulk explaining.
Fuck agree with Envia thought.
Why does he need glasses?
Doesn't he have superpowers?
He can jump to outer space.
But he can't read the letter B from too far away.
And does he do a lot of reading in Hulk form?
I think he does because now he's just permanent Hulk, I think.
He's found a way to maintain his Hulkism.
And he lives in Hawaii?
I suppose.
I guess because he can handle doing ice now.
So he is Hulk's planing.
I thought that was her pet peeve.
Oh, that's not good for the environment.
Oh, little punk.
Dick, move.
This isn't the kids' fucking movie.
Isn't that weird that they always have to squeeze in the word shit in all of these kids' movies?
Well, I think the majority of the people who go to these movies are adults.
That's true.
It's also meant for kids.
Well.
You know who I thought it was?
I thought it was this chick.
Remember our favorite thing that we've shown way too many times?
This girl that was also in the fatwa sex episode of Curbier Enthusiasm?
Her.
I thought that was She-Hulk.
Oh, no.
This is for Hillary.
Do we dare indulge ourselves?
It's been a while.
I'm gorgeous.
Enjoy my beauty.
I know what waves are, thanks.
I'm also gorgeous, but I'm black.
Enjoy our beauty.
I'm a girl next door gorgeous, but I'm still breathtaking.
Indulge in me.
I'm a fag, but I can play too.
I'll use comedy to entertain you, because I know I'm not easy in the eyes as much as these.
I'm kind of mousy and I'm retarded.
I used to be called meathead.
I'm some random Jew.
And we're all shitheads.
I Botox my face into an insect shape.
We're gay, and we're here, and we don't know anything but platitudes.
I've still got a lot of fight left in me.
Oh my god.
Imagine just quizzing these people on math.
What's 8 times 7 plus 13 minus 2 times 7?
Okay, that's enough.
Also, in the news, I'm reluctant to get into because it's a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, I don't like that it's brainwashing our children to be woke.
On the other hand, I don't like that I'm hearing about this from adults who are probably watching it and reading it.
Especially, I'm sorry, but black people.
I went into a comic store.
I was like half an hour early to meet someone in the city right by Times Square.
There's that huge comic store that's upstairs.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It's on like 39th and 40th and 7th Ave.
It's upstairs.
Sometimes I like to go in there to see if there's a new like Dan Clowes, Peter Bag, graphic novel thing.
Of course, there isn't.
It's all fucking superheroes and monsters and Pokemon and anime.
But I go in there.
There's about 15 people there.
All black.
12 men, 3 women.
All adults.
Like over 30.
Over 30, but maybe over 35.
And I was like, is this a black library I'm in?
I know this sounds very racist.
I'm just telling you what these guys saw.
Take it up with my peepers.
I'm not saying that they're retarded.
But I'm saying I understand.
So similarly, there's this black female handicapped woman who is doing...
There's now the Spider-Verse.
And I think what Spider-Man's Marvel, right?
I think what Marvel slash Disney is doing is just like, let's have a Gavin Spider-Man.
Let's have a racist Spider-Man.
Let's have a black one, a gay one.
I need more people buying Spider-Man.
I think that's their business plan.
But in their, because it can't just be equality, but in their passionate quest for inclusivity, they've included a gimp.
Okay, this takes a little while to see.
You've got to sort of relax your eyes.
But her web slingers are her crutches.
And her wheelchair is tied to her back.
That's a wheelchair behind her.
She's got to carry around, what, 60 pounds?
And those legs you see, they're just string.
They're spaghetti legs.
They have no muscles.
Now, I saw some cartoonist, this was sent to me by Baby Monsters, of course.
I saw some cartoonist doing like a YouTube commentary on this.
And he's like, people in wheelchairs don't want to be in wheelchairs.
They want a fantasy.
Now, one thing you could do is you have the person in the wheelchair, but when they do the Shazam thing, all of a sudden they're a superhero.
That's a good fantasy for someone in the wheelchair.
But to bring your chair with you.
Yeah, and then people know that you're one of the gimps of the world.
Yeah, oh, that makes it a lot easier for the bad guy to track you down, too.
We've narrowed it down quite a bit here.
So who are you helping?
I guess they're just trying to sell comic books, but it's making for garbage.
Not that I should be sitting here defending superhero culture.
Okay, this is something I've been meaning to get to for a while.
I have never heard of this girl before.
Her name's Liz Brunig.
She claims to be Christian, and her obsession is the death penalty.
To quote Jim Carrey, I don't care about the death penalty.
I know I'm told that it's the state murdering people, and if we let them get away with it now, it's going to get worse, and soon it'll be you and me.
Yeah, I sort of see that argument.
But every time I've looked into it, the guy they're killing's real bad.
Libs be like, there's this ADIQ criminal named John Jonathan Jones who murdered a family of four during a home invasion and they missed a vein and stuck him with a needle during his lethal injection.
This is a human rights travesty.
So this, the story he's mocking is this guy, He got dumped by this beautiful young black lady.
He stalked her for years, terrorized her, then went in and blew her head off.
This was in the 90s.
They finally got around to killing him.
And Liz's take?
Well, the injection didn't work right.
And it took him three hours to die.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Home to Satan.
He probably likes me.
Do you have the article there?
Maybe it's on my getter.
Yeah, go to 3-7.
No, that's the second one.
And I should have put 3-7 first.
3-7 coming up.
So that's the one I'm talking about now.
Her article is called Dead to Rights.
And I was sitting at my bar, and I look up because we have this lib old lady there now.
And she's always bitching about Trump and stuff.
And I'm like, I haven't said this, but I'm thinking, lady, you're at a barbershop now.
You're at a garage.
You're in a man zone.
So most men, blue-collar men, like Trump.
You're in a blue-collar man bar.
Maybe don't have CNN all.
Don't make the bartender put on CNN because now we see shit like this and we get annoyed.
But click on it.
It appeared inmate suffered a long death.
So that's Liz Brunig in the corner.
Of course, she lives in Yuppie Stanford, Connecticut, with her husband and kid.
They always have one kid, an only child, because they waited so long to have kids.
And Jim Acosta was very concerned that this poor man suffered a long death.
This is like the Central Park V. No attention to the victim whatsoever.
The female victim of the Central Park V goes around the country doing lectures about what it's like to rebuild your brain from scratch when you get it smashed in.
Or even the 9-11 truthers.
They're never very comfortable around the families who lost people there.
But the more egregious case, which she was also all over, is 3.6.
So this guy fucking rapes his two-year-old daughter, and then when he's done raping her, which I'm sure is murder at that point, right?
I don't want to get too graphic, but when you violate a body that small, I'm sure you destroy it internally.
So then he just takes her and smashes her head against the side of a piece of furniture until she's just bloodied in brain.
So she's destroyed on the inside and the out.
So he leaves the bloody pulp on the floor.
And Liz Brunig's concern is that it took too long to kill him.
And I'm realizing the reason she has more empathy for the monster than the baby is she sees blacks the way a lot of liberals see blacks, which is as jaguars, as these beautiful,
dangerous creatures, as these simian gods, these perfect specimens.
Of course they're savages.
Don't let them near a baby.
But when you're killing a rabid gorilla, you have to do it ethically.
Don't kill Harambe is what she's saying.
So I'm justifying or at least trying to figure out her disconnect here.
She separated her humanity.
And the only way you can separate your humanity like that is if you don't see the thing you're talking about as human.
So she's talking about some wild hippo that killed one of its young.
Not a person.
I see it as a person.
That's why I'm disgusted by him and I want him to die.
If I saw a hippo eat its young, I'd be like, ugh, gross.
And I might even be mad.
If you like chopped a hippo's leg off for eating its young and it slowly bled to death, I'd be like, hey, I know it's a fucked in the head hippo, but that's kind of gross.
Whereas when it's a human being, you have a very different view.
We can zombify our enemies now.
Egg.
Oh, good.
She actually looks kind of prettier there.
Her eyes became more symmetrical.
She's a ghoul.
You're a fucking ghoul, Liz.
All right, let's get to the racism we've been waiting for.
Truth to power.
Truth to power.
I'm a black female.
What other different...
What else could I have done to piss you off?
Black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
It's one of the most satisfying sounds in the world is a hi-hat being hit and then squeezed down.
It's a boxing sound, too.
Dude, today's workout was fucking stupid.
It was a little stoops.
And I know it's...
You should...
I like my arms to hurt the next day.
A little bit?
No, a lot.
I can still use them fine.
When they overdo a leg day, you're walking downstairs like someone is tickling your asshole.
You're just like, your whole day's garbage.
I haven't gotten sore in a while, but I feel like I might.
When I brought my...
When I brought my youngest boy there, he could barely walk the next day.
No, shit.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Are you following me?
I'm not being a pussy.
I'm saying you got to distribute the workout evenly.
All those jumping jacks and those squats and the leg lifts.
It was a lot.
It's like, say you did 12 rounds of just a jab.
Is that a good workout?
No.
Your left arm would be dead and the rest of your body didn't get worked out.
We kind of did do that, too, with that one round of just the circling the bag.
That's good.
I like one round of just jabs because by the end of the round, you're doing jabs with a Blob of an arm.
Yeah.
And that's what you're doing in the ring towards the end of a round.
You have to learn to fight with spaghetti.
You have to learn to fight with Spider-Man's legs because that's 80% of your fight after the first round.
This is a fight.
Oh, black bed, blam balam.
So I thought this was interesting.
This is Canadian news here.
Heritage Canada?
The CBC.
Okay, so the government has all this money to fight racism in Canada.
You know how many racists there are in Canada?
Or.
Zero.
So they have to, anyone who's remotely patriotic, they're racist.
Proud boys, they're domestic terrorists.
No mention of the black ones.
No mention of the huge coalition Proud Boys used to have with the Jewish Defense League until the JDL stabbed them in the back.
Anyway, that's the lawyer.
Consultant's lawyer says tweet was directed at Jewish white supremacists and not Jewish people in general.
What the fuck does that mean?
Jewish white supremacists.
Do you mean Jewish Nazis?
So this is a trick they do where they call Jews Jewish white supremacists and they think they can get away with it.
By the way, they're not showing the guy.
This is the guy who's in charge of the guy.
Go down, let's see his photo caption.
So Housing, Diversity, and Inclusion Minister, Ahmed Hussein, it's all fucking affirmative action up there in Canada, just like New York City, all garbage hires, totally unqualified people.
And he asked Canadian Heritage to look closely at the situation in response to what he called unacceptable behavior by Laith Marouf, a senior consultant involved in a government-funded project to combat racism.
So when you have all of this stop racism, diversity and stuff, what you really have is not a war on hate, not a war on supremacy, but a war on white people.
So you end up attracting racists who hate white people, and you end up with a lot of Muslims who hate Jews.
And I get a lot of shit from the Nazis for not hating Jews.
But what I think people don't understand is black people, especially poor blacks, are anti-Semitic, but it's nothing to do with the Torah or the Holocaust or the media control or the banks or any of that more generic shit you see from like,
you know, white Nazis.
They hate them because they hate whites and they see Jews as elite whites.
So hatred of Jews is inexorably linked to a hatred of whites.
Hence the term and the acceptance of the term Jewish white supremacists.
And in this quest to fight racists, you end up just attracting people who hate whites because they don't have a problem with Muslim racists or black racists or if there are any Asian racists.
So you attract people like this fucking loser, 3-9.
Look at him.
First of all, he has hair almost as bad as the worst hair in politics, Jamie Masick.
Raskin?
Raskin.
Jamie Raskin.
I don't know how I remember that.
Well, we have a, what's his name?
Trey Wilder?
Trey Gooder?
The guy with the white hair?
We've got a pretty bad one, too.
But yeah, Jamie Raskin.
Oh, Trey Gowdy?
Trey Gowdy.
How the fuck do I know that...
I know, you're finally learning something.
This is weird.
Trey Gowdy has the second worst hair in politics, but Jamie Raskin is the leader of the pack.
Oh, geez, dude.
And the thing about Trey Gowdy is every time you fucking check in on him, he's got a new do.
Yeah, those are a lot of do's.
More like a lot of don't.
Anyway, sorry.
So I'd say second worst hair in politics if he's in politics.
Click on those tweets he put out.
Fuck Vietnam veterans.
May they all die.
I wish there was more than 60,000.
USEN dirtbags?
USEN dirtbags?
At the Vietnam, wishing it was much bigger with the names of a few million dead corpses.
So not 60,000, but several million he wants.
Why'd you go there, dude?
At the Lincoln Memorial, tell him what I think of his shitty colony.
He looks like the guy from Javier Bardem.
Yeah, he's really enjoying the fruits of Western labor while shitting on it.
No country for that hair.
I have a motto, life is too short for shoes with laces, gay, or for entertaining Jewish white supremacists with anything but a bullet to the head.
Wow.
You know those loudmouthed bags of human feces, aka the Jewish white supremacists?
This is just an excuse to say, Jews, when we liberate Palestine and they have to go back to where they came from, they will return to being low-voiced bitches of their, spelled wrong, Christian secular white supremacist masters.
That's a new take.
I've never heard that take before in my life.
And I've heard a lot of takes.
Also in the news, oat milk is too white.
Did you know that?
I didn't.
They're now against the color, or I should say lack thereof.
That's a common joke we used to do.
Like we would pretend if we had a black waitress and she's like, how would you like your coffee?
And we'd go, black.
Like she'd go, wow, thanks.
No cream at all?
Zero thanks.
You could make it blacker and bitter.
Yeah, or remember Ivanka Trump got in shit for having a white dog?
Yeah.
What?
Don't Nazis like black Doberman pinchers and German shepherds and stuff?
I never heard of a white dog being racist until the left got in control of the narrative.
Racist.
So go back to the oat milk.
Why oat milk is too white.
And look at that cuck who's working to make, he's a white male and he's working to make oat Milk less white.
Could you have lower IQs?
The black and queer-owned business is flipping the script on health food through a new plant-based creamer that baristas cannot get enough of, according to them.
Ghost Town Oats.
You guys did it.
Finally.
I guess he's there because he's gay.
Do gays not like whites?
What?
These people are also fucking retarded.
Can you imagine talking to that big fat guy about Trump?
Yeah, well, you know, the thing about Trump that makes him promise.
I am surprised.
No one is surprised about Trump's white supremacy.
You know, it's always been there.
We saw it with the Tea Party.
We saw it.
It was always under the surface.
And all Trump was a vindication of we've been saying for generations, which is America is racist through and through.
Slavery never changed.
They didn't abolish slavery.
I'm a slave right now.
I'm a slave talking to you.
Plymouth Rock fell on us.
I feel like he loves comic books.
No, the problem with Robin as a solo is they keep linking back to Batman.
I mean, I don't think there's one Robin comic that doesn't have a reference to Batman.
Robin, you your own nigga.
Own it.
Own it.
Tell you what, I want to see a black Robin.
Black female Robin.
But then people going to say, oh, they're going to put a G at the end, Robin, because he's a criminal.
Raceless ass, motherfuckers.
I wouldn't be sprat.
Don't put a pension.
Don't let Trump near any DC comic books.
Anyway, that's starting to sound racist.
So go down a little bit.
Let's just read it like a second of this idiocy.
I bet you, by the way, the header says we're going to explain why it's too white.
I bet you they don't.
Health foods exclusivity, blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
So now the industry is too white?
Go down.
Whose fault is that, by the way?
Are black people lining up to get involved in vegan health prep?
And we're like, sorry, boy.
We don't like Negroes around our fucking vegan foods.
When we're making impossible burgers, it's whites only.
I like my oat milk white.
Stuck at home.
Brain child of the pandemic.
Yeah, what a brain child.
Keep going down.
What's the guy's name?
They wanted to reach customers.
Keep going.
Alternative, blah, blah, blah, blah.
No substance.
He continued in reference to how the lemon lime soda was historically heavily marketed to African-American.
But unlike Sprite, oat milk carries nutritional benefits.
Yeah, so people don't market healthy food to black people, not because black people don't want it, but because we want them to be sick.
So are you making yourself look like a fucking idiot?
Because you're fat.
So I'm talking about the fat guy upstairs.
I don't mean God.
I mean the guy at the top of this article.
God's not fat.
He's a perfect body.
That means racists made you fat.
You should be embarrassed of that.
Keep going down?
Yeah, anyway.
Wait, go up a bit.
So they never explained why it's racist that goat milk, I mean, oat milk is white.
Yeah, shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
All right.
Another item on how so much of racism is just being racist towards whites.
The UK Army says no more whites.
British RAF recruiting head resigns to protest paws on hiring white men to appease diversity goals.
This is like that joke we had at the beginning of the show where he wants to make Ward gay.
I found him.
That's a great idea.
This bitch shaking the table.
What, that's him?
I was trying to see if I could hear him talk.
Oh, wait, he's gay?
Yes.
Is this too white?
Okay, no.
Wait, didn't he just say that shit food is marketed to the hood and there he is having some spiked lemonade?
Just good.
Boy, he is really gay.
Lots of beards.
You can tell how gay someone is by their memes.
Yeah, it's all black women just having another one.
Oh, she's pretty.
Who's that?
I hope she's still thriving.
That's for sure.
I'm Mr. Sterling's right-hand arm.
Man.
I'm Mr. Sterling, everything.
I'm his confidante.
Ron Sterling's broad.
His silly rabbit.
His what?
His silly rabbit.
Tricks are freaking.
I just did a spit take.
I haven't had one of those in years.
His silly rabbit.
Thank you.
Is that what he calls you?
No.
No, yes, no.
Anyway, this is garbage run.
UC Berkeley wants you to know that white people are evil and you can't have them as guests.
Because they're all Klansmen, boss hog types.
This is 5-0.
This set needs to be blown up nice and big.
The band's white guests from common areas.
Zoom in.
House members, blah, blah, blah.
Make sure your guests understand our house values and uphold the theme of the house as you are responsible for their behavior.
Many people of color moved here to avoid white violence and presence.
So respect their decision of avoidance if you bring white guests.
So I guess you can bring a white guest, but treat them like E.T., where you've got to put a blanket around them and sort of shuffle them around.
Hide them.
Don't put a white blanket on them with holes on it.
That's going to make things much worse.
You know, if you're E.T. in that situation, your bike getting stolen.
This one is going around.
5-1, this Pakistani gentleman, East Indian.
Like, I love these guys, these Salmon Rushdie-looking motherfuckers who think that they're ostracized.
Indians make way more money in the West, in Britain, in America, than whites do.
They're much more successful academically.
They make more money.
They are healthier.
Their lives are way better.
But because they're brown and some redneck in the middle of Appalachia doesn't like them, they basically consider themselves black and they're anti-white.
So he wrote a book called The Last White Man, where he said it could be good.
He's getting a lot of backfire, so now he's changing it to be like, it's just a fantasy novel where I take this strange position that a world free of white people will be good.
First of all, you're going to go, buddy.
You're white.
This is what they don't get.
Indians are white.
Turn it up.
It's in many places.
And so I think that it's very dangerous to be pessimistic about this stuff.
I think we have to kind of find our way to an optimistic viewpoint.
And that's going to be a kind of critical optimism.
So that's what we're trying to do.
Okay, so expand on that.
We don't have much time, but how do you get to that optimistic point?
Because what you're saying is like you've taken the words right out of my head.
So these things, if you aren't optimistic, you wind up being nostalgic.
If you're nostalgic, but a bunch of garbage rhetoric.
So he's saying, I'm just trying to be optimistic.
I know it would be terrible if all the whites were gone, but let's pretend it'll be cool.
This Indian woman is a little less friendly.
She says, well, her bio is very interesting.
Here's what her bio says.
I always accepted myself to be white.
I was always treated like a white person.
I always felt fine.
But then I realized there's currency in promoting my weird last name.
And so now I just pretend I'm as black as fucking Tarana Burke.
And I bitch about white people all the time because it makes me money.
This is how you say that.
For 40 years, she wasted her precious time aspiring to be white and accepted by dominant white society, a futile task for anyone not born with white skin.
Several years ago, Sayara began the painful process of dismantling her own internalized oppression.
Sayara is a lawyer by training, a former congressional candidate, a published novelist, and an entrepreneur.
And her book is, if you scroll down, blow that up, nice and low-res.
Everything you already know about your own racism and how to do better.
Do better, white women.
Do better.
Boy, white women, you started all this shit, and you really made a mess of it.
This is what you got to watch out with the radical left.
They always cannibalize you.
It's like getting a rescue pit.
You bring them home and you go, there, I helped you, and they bite your face off.
Here is a guy in Ireland talking about the browning of Ireland and how it's a great thing.
So this is a conspiracy theory, by the way, if you think that they want to brownify white culture.
And then when they're asked about it, they say, yeah, it's true, and I think it's great.
It's a new island.
It is, though.
It is the new island.
It's a new island of new different diversities, multicultural people, Filipinos, Spanish, Africans, mixed people.
I met the girl the other day and I was like, where are you from?
She goes, my man is from China and my dad is from Africa.
I'm like, whoa!
Ireland is unique now.
We're mixed.
Because I can imagine in 10 years' time, there's going to be Barack Obamas walking around Beyoncés and different, different mixture of America.
The whites are going extinct here now, so we're taking over.
It's a new Ireland.
It's funny, too.
If we said it's a conspiracy theory, if they said it's fun.
But I want to warn you, people of color, that it's kind of a fool's errand.
You're trying to dilute a gene pool that is six times your size, right?
And in Ireland, it's much more.
So if I was black, I would be a black nationalist, I think, because you're losing your race.
This idea of the Browning of America is a complete myth.
And I've talked about this a hundred times.
I talked about Elton John's kids who look Asian and then their kids will not.
Look at Juan Williams' son.
Juan Williams' son is half black.
He looks like me with curly hair.
Look at my kids.
They look slightly Asian because they're American Indian.
Just statistically, the odds are they're not going to marry an Indian, so they're probably going to marry a white.
My grandkids will definitely look 100% white.
I'm not saying that's good or bad.
I'm saying if you think that you are muddying the white race by marrying us solely for racial purposes, you're wrong.
And you're the one who's going to lose your race.
Just provide one more example of that, 5-4.
You could be me.
Just one hour.
No, no, sorry.
That's the wrong one.
Do 53.
Two generations and the melanin gone from that bloodline.
And look how dark he was.
So he's dark, marries a normal white woman, has a light-skinned kid that's kind of black.
You could say he's black.
And look at his kid.
This is what happens, you morons.
So if you want to fuck us because you love us, that's fine.
If there's some sort of racial agenda, you're going to lose.
Sorry.
It's a strange thing to want to be victorious about.
But that's the way it's going to go.
All right, let's jump to the mailbag.
The Mizille.
Oh, we have a special treat for you today.
That's correct.
It's a classical music mailbag.
And so with that.
So see if you can sync it up.
It's probably way too long.
My deal froze.
Your deal froze?
Yeah.
That's not good.
It doesn't make for a very flowing show.
A deal.
All right, it's back.
Oh, deal.
What the fuck?
Trudette.
Okay.
And here.
Ego.
We could have just played it in normal speed, then we could have danced around.
We could have danced, sure.
I should warn you, I forgot my computer again.
You're McPewy.
Good news is I spent a lot of time this weekend working on the company and shows and stuff like that.
And I also read 100% of the mail, which took hours.
So the purple flags are very, very picky.
Because I was lying there and I was like, I have a problem.
We get too much mail.
And then I thought, no, no, you just become much pickier.
Like the NBA has a lot of people who want to play basketball for them.
So they only choose the top 0.01%.
That's what I should do with the mail.
By the way, speaking of being picky, my job all day, so even when I'm not at work, I'm thinking, what would be a good bit?
What would be a good thing?
And so I start dreaming ideas for concepts.
And then I go, your brain doesn't work when you're asleep.
So it's like drunk driving or something.
Like I crash.
And then sometimes I remember them.
And this was my genius revelation last night.
Okay.
It's a treatment for COVID.
And it's called yellow seahorse paste.
Okay.
And it's, the logo looks like Yves Saint-Laurent.
But the L is a P. And it's yellow because it's Asian.
I guess seahorse is underwater somehow?
And then the paste is because of horse paste.
And I'm lying there asleep like, genius.
You really nailed it this time, Gav.
Wait till I tell the baby monsters this hilarious COVID treatment called yellow seahorse paste.
Out of the park, buddy.
Out of the park.
That's a bizarre one, but I'll stand behind that.
I don't know why it's a seahorse.
Underwater?
I don't know.
Remember this.
Then I had a more, a less asleep one where I said, is Canada more European or American?
That one I'll stand by awake.
That's a good question.
And then lastly, I know dreams are fascinating.
Never talk about your dreams, your kids, or your mom.
I had this really vivid dream about going back to college.
Have you ever had these?
And in this one, I always get my classes wrong and I have my schedule all screwed up and I'm in the wrong class.
And at the end of every class, I'm nude.
And I got to get all my clothes back on and find something to wear.
I remember wearing like a Hawaiian shirt and a sweater and being like, this isn't a bad combo.
And my parents are very determined that I keep going to college, even though I'm 52.
And I'm like, I can't.
And I just eventually, by the end of the day, I'm like, I'm dropping out.
I'm not doing this anymore.
And my parents are like, absolutely not.
You are staying in school.
I go, no, no.
I don't belong there.
I hate it.
I'm not doing this.
And then you wake up and you're like, I'm not in college.
I don't have to drop out.
I already did.
I did eventually finish college, but it was haphazard.
Which Yves St. Laurent logo?
By the way, look at all this.
Oh, yeah, that's a common thing.
I think it has more to do with computers than the death of design, but they're both a factor.
And legibility when it's small and reproduction.
There's all kinds of reasons for that.
Burberry, getting, you know, reproduced cheaply and being hard to read.
You don't have to worry about reproducing that second logo.
No, but Yves St. Laurent has one that's just YSL.
Anyway, it's ridiculous.
It's like the one, the brilliant revelation I had when I was asleep that said, funniest joke in the world.
How many people want money?
Eight.
Eight.
Yes.
I remember the punches.
Because it's way more than that.
Yeah.
Eight.
I'm going to make bumper stickers and t-shirts.
This is it.
All right, so you're going to have to introduce the letters, Ryan.
Sure.
Okay, first one.
Ryan's incapable of making decisions.
Dear genius in Rytard, it was literally like having an AIDS attack.
I don't know if that's a thing.
Listening to Ryan try to decide whether he's better or worse than the similar low-T mimics on Friday's Epp.
It was definitely simple, yet he literally cannot make a decision.
Why can't you choose without the influence of others?
It was like he was Kim Wexler at the end of BCS and couldn't decide whether or not she could use a miracle whip for a potato salad.
Motherfucker, just make a decision.
Have the courage to stand by your convictions.
Maybe he's controlled by a rat.
Well, I think there's a lot of nuance in impressions.
That was all.
That hurt, though, right?
No.
The last episode of Better Call Saul is so good that I feel bad for David Chase.
Have I talked about this already?
Thanks to Baby Monsters.
I thought the last episode was him running out the door.
Right.
Nope.
Way better than that.
So you were behind one?
I was behind one.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, because that's such a perfect fucking ending.
I'm not going to ruin it for anybody.
But that show's better than Sopranos, better than Breaking Bad, better than The Wire.
Now, have you seen Fargo?
I think you were.
Better than Fargo.
Fargo the show.
You've seen it?
I've seen a lot of it.
It's good.
Well, I'll watch it then.
It's got a new TV.
55-inch.
Oh, I just got a care.
Zero-inch.
What up, Gavin and Fagin?
Going back to the Friday's episode of the clown-ass haircuts those people got, you guys are going to get a kick from this account, which is primarily Muslim.
These guys all look like cartoon princes.
Oh, yeah, click on that.
This is how they get their haircut in Islam.
And this has got to be inbreeding, right?
What the fuck?
Remember, you probably know this.
I remember when my daughter was like four, there was a show on Nickelodeon where it was a girl.
She was chased by this guy, and it was all musical, and they were all dancing all the time.
Lazy Town.
Lazy Town.
Pull up Lazy Town.
No problem.
You must be so excited.
We're finally in your wheelhouse.
No, I remember my little cousin.
This was like his show.
I was always so grossed out by it.
It's weird.
He was trying to encourage her to watch like Adventure Time or something.
No, I like this show.
It feels like Swedish or something.
Yeah, yeah.
It really hurts your eyes.
The guy is the worst.
Robbie Rotten?
This guy.
Oh, Spartacus.
His boots?
It's got such European vibes.
It does.
But the set.
Oh, that's fake, I guess.
Yeah, it's green screen clearly, right?
And the weird puppets.
Let's go to Robbie Gary.
Robbie Rotten.
Wait, I want to see the...
This is all nightmare fuel.
There he is.
Oh, that's who I was thinking of.
Yeah.
Don't do it, little girl.
No.
It will only cause trouble.
Imagine doing that as a job.
Trouble!
Yeah, they have like plastic hair.
I could not go to work if that was my job.
Like, I'd kill myself.
Here's more of him.
He's cringe.
Cringe factory.
Anyway, get back to the Muslims who are just as bad.
He only wants to eat candy.
Keep going.
There's a ton of them.
Look at that guy.
This one?
What are you doing?
What happens when it rains?
What have you done?
I guess it doesn't rain in Saudi Arabia.
Do you think you're gorgeous?
That's it.
Ew, they wax the top part rather than shave it.
What the fuck is going on?
What's with the Indians in dying their beard red?
Is that like a thing?
That's an Indian thing.
India.
Hindus do that.
They think it makes them look young.
I don't know why.
Look at that retarded.
This is inbreeding.
I'm sorry.
This is inbreeding.
Maybe they have too much time on their hand?
What's with the little dip there?
The barber shop that Incest built.
No, the name for cousins fucking each other is much more complicated.
Miscegenation?
I always get mixed up with race mixing and cousin fucking.
It's almost the same word.
Miscagenation and then misjanzication.
What are you going to pluck your whole mustache off?
Can't you just shave it, dude?
Wait, I've done this as a joke.
Jay Johnson used to talk about getting your mustache wet.
Consangenuity.
Consangenuity.
Stan Bouldna.
Consangenuity.
Look at their eyebrows.
What the?
Wow.
These are getting men could get more ridiculous than women.
You've just been outdone, ladies, for gayness.
Is this guy's name Gene?
Because this one is wilder.
What the fuck have you done?
I mean, I'm sorry.
These people are incompatible with the Western world.
I'll take your Urdus.
I'll take your Sikhs.
I'll take lots of Browns.
Not Islam.
Sorry.
No, no.
You're out.
All right, next let.
Okay, let number Trey.
Kevin McKinnon, 2015.
Quote, Trannies are just mentally ill-gays.
Trans and retards, 2015.
That lost me my ad agency.
True.
Had to reboot my entire career.
And that's why we're here, though.
That's the good news.
I wrote an article that said transphobia is perfectly natural, wherein I described them as mentally ill-gays.
Makes sense to me.
And what happened?
Well, they want to prosecute people who criticize them.
So if they can get listed as a disability, now you're criticizing someone who's blind or deaf or handicapped.
That's a disability.
Now it's a hate crime.
You know, like mental illness.
So now you have trans people celebrating that they are declared mentally ill, which 10 years ago, you got put on the chopping block for even implying.
Help me out here.
You got the links?
That's wicked, crazy.
So they say trans from 2015, that's trans people.
Well, show the pics.
Show the tweets.
Show the links.
Trans people must be afforded all accommodations.
Medical interventions cannot be unduly targeted.
And then look who's saying that.
They're like, haha, they made themselves disabled.
Maybe zoom out a bit.
Massive win.
And then if you check other tweets, it's them going, haha, you dummies made yourselves disabled.
All right, this doesn't go very well when I don't have my computer.
Let's see.
Okay, so now we got this other one.
Dear Gavin, can you please order Ryan to spit out his chewing gum while working on a live microphone?
I know as a writer, you have a legitimate hatred for poor grammar and dollar signs after the number.
Similarly, as a sound mixer, I abore the sound of mastication.
You're not chewing that gum today, aren't you?
No, I'm not.
That's my mastic gum, and I will not chew it during the show.
All right, next.
It's Detroit, so I guarantee it was designed by an inept diversity hire, conceived by an ineptitude.
Oh, this one was funny.
Yeah, this probably should have gone under racism.
Second pit spit take of the show.
The edges don't even look very safe.
Like, what is that?
A thin blanket?
The steel is smashing into the side?
Yeah.
Look at that.
Not one person has a good sail.
Like, not one person doesn't smash into it.
100% of the people who go down it get rocked.
This is actually designed by a spine and MRI center.
It lasted four hours.
Four hours later.
Damn.
Oh my god, I think this is the same slide.
Of course it is.
Retard?
And what do you hit there, like hard rubber?
Where the friction instantly rolls you?
Hot black rubber.
Another possible show title.
Alright, let's do a couple more.
Let's see here.
Okay.
This one's just a link.
Oh, Europe Will Not Survive.
Yeah, that's kind of a.
This is why you should take a mixed martial art or any kind of combat sport.
It should be in your repertoire.
It should be ready.
Or at the very least, your muscle memory should be there.
Look, they get him.
Look at this.
He's blocking.
I think there's a resurgence of anti-Semitism because at this point in time, Europe has not yet learned how to be multicultural.
And I think we're going to be part of the throes of that transformation, which must take place.
Europe is not going to be the same.
Look at that.
He's throwing them around.
Fists up.
Society is going to be a lot of people who are in the last century.
Jews are going to be at the center of that.
It's a huge transformation.
I saw CNN had a big thing about the rise of hate and anti-Semitism in America.
You know they didn't discuss blacks attacking Hasids or Muslims attacking synagogues.
They made it all about fucking Mazu Primacy.
All right, let's get to the final vid.
Tried to keep this show short, too.
Didn't work.
Okay, start with the...
Whoa, you're a rock and roll, dude.
Just chilling?
Just rock and chilling.
Thanks.
You know, you always say I'm a rock and roll guy, and I always poo-poo it.
Well, consider me unpoo-pooed.
Thank you.
Consider me constipated.
I also like the octagons?
Yes.
The hexagons.
The little floaters.
I call them the floaters.
Speaking of octagons, go to 6-1 first, the second one first.
Remember this from a couple years ago?
Tyson Fury just starts licking up Deontay Wilder's blood.
Do you remember that?
Yep.
And I remember Larry Barnes going, no, no, no.
He's just like, he's trying to get air into his system.
And I'm like, no, he's in animal mode and he's tasting the blood.
It was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen in boxing until this weekend where Luke Rockhold in a face-to-face combat decides to cover his opponent with blood.
This is pure animal savage primordial cave shit.
Look at this.
Turn it up.
I mean, it's a good technique.
They always stop fights because his wounds are so open he can't see with the blood in his eyes.
How about my blood in your eyes?
Hopefully it'll coagulate there and you won't get a good kick in.
Anyway, folks, it's always good to fight.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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