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Aug. 19, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:00:57

GOML LIVE #162 - NO WACK PACK

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Time	Text
	Live from New York.
	It's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.
	That was Psychic TV starring Genesis P. Orange, one of the lifelong eccentrics of the modern world.
	I mean, this guy has been a weirdo since before you were born.
	And I respect that.
	He commits to the bit.
	It's interesting that this song goes, where were you?
	Talking about where were you?
	We were the originals.
	And Gen X, my favorite band, has a song called, Where Were You in 75 when There Were No Gigs?
	We were Jenman.
	Maybe Billy Idol got it from Genesis P. Orange.
	Hmm.
	Because Genesis P. Orange started Generation X. What happened was the Sex Pistols were the sex band, meaning the clothing store, Sex, Malcolm McLaren's shop.
	They not only had a clothing store, they had their own punk band, a rock band.
	So the guys of Boy of London, who Genesis Peorge helped create, go, we want a band.
	So Genesis goes, okay, what about Chelsea?
	Because your store's in Chelsea.
	And they go, great, let's get, who do you got?
	And they got Billie Idol, they got a bunch of guys, and then they changed their name to Generation X. Created a band that might be as good as the Sex Pistols.
	I don't know.
	Turn this up, these guys.
	They started to steal your glory.
	They never even told your story.
	This is all about Brian Jones.
	Genesis thinks that Brian Jones was murdered.
	Apparently he was trying to start a band with Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix.
	And that's too much rock.
	I don't know what...
	The problem with these conspiracy theorists is what's the motive?
	So Genesis is like too much rock.
	I actually don't know what he thinks the motive is, but.
	I sort of got into a rabbit hole with these guys because of this Nardwar interview that a baby monster sent.
	1-3.
	It's a really good interview.
	It's really funny.
	By the way, that guy's a fucking, whatever you think of him, you call him a decrepit tranny.
	He's got faked hits.
	He's a man.
	He was doing trance before anyone even thought of it.
	He got a bunch of plastic surgery to look like his wife, which has never been done.
	That's pretty impressive.
	The guy's 70.
	He looks better than my dad.
	Sorry.
	Sorry, Jimmy McInnes.
	But this lunatic mental patient must be doing something, right?
	Anyway, it's weird.
	Play some of that.
	It's funny hearing Nardwar's accent.
	Juxtables.
	You know, he reminds me of Givo Shea, my friend from Crass who doesn't love me anymore because I'm Trump.
	But they always have, like, all these old punks, all these old anarchists, all these old hippies, they have this whole thinking outside the box thing.
	Where you're like, do you want me to pass you the salt?
	Why pass anything?
	Why not throw me the salt?
	Everything has got to be weird.
	Of Psychic TV and many other projects.
	And Jen, who did you?
	Why speak into the microphone?
	Why not speak outside of the microphone?
	Good question, really.
	What is a question then?
	It's Edley O'Dowd.
	That's Edley O'Dowd.
	That's me.
	Welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
	Thank you.
	Right off the bat, Genesis, I have a gift for you.
	Brian, come back, you are forgiven.
	Bastard.
	Anyway, call me a bastard.
	You guys.
	You can look that up on your own.
	Silk City Hot Sauce is sponsoring the show.
	Guys, we are already sold out of the G-Sauce in two weeks.
	I got to say, we get a lot of product reviews.
	People seem happy with the things we promote.
	But nothing like this Silk City hot sauce.
	People are fucking tripping over themselves to ingest it.
	My limited 500 bottle rum with Silk City is gone, but we're announcing five new sauces in the next two weeks.
	We're going to have Sauce One, G-Spot.
	G-Spot is hot.
	That's the one we just sold.
	We're going to reproduce that.
	Sauce two, It Ain't Easy B ⁇ G.
	It's going to be a little sweeter.
	Great for chicken and brisket tacos.
	500 bottles.
	Sauce three, Ghost.
	Ghost is bad news, guys.
	Listeners can submit logo artwork for our ghost sauce made with ghost peppers.
	It's a very wild ride, very dangerous.
	The winner will receive a gift box from the Censor.tv team.
	This is our Halloween sauce.
	Get in the Halloween spirit and Make some artwork.
	Sauce four, of course, is Ryan getting his own sauce, which I call Ryan Jizz.
	I thought that would be a fun name for it.
	That would be cool.
	And just like that Kiss comic book.
	Remember that?
	They all put a little bit of their blood inside of the red ink.
	Right, you should put a bit of jizz in there.
	Just like you put a little tiny bit of jizz in your wife every year and a half.
	Just about.
	Maddie's getting his own sauce, 500 bottles.
	That's called Don't Joke About Maddie or He'll Kill You.
	Chime in with what flavors you want to taste.
	We're all open to suggestions.
	Guys, thanks for supporting.
	SilkCityHotSauce.com.
	Promo code Gavin gets you 15% off every order.
	That includes our signature sauces.
	I'm kind of surprised what a hit this was.
	Yeah.
	You know what Maddie's can be?
	Your throat here.
	You know, he's got that tattoo.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's a great idea.
	But it's in like hell.
	It's like your throat here.
	Yeah.
	It's going to hurt your throat.
	I'm not going to kill you, but it's going to hurt your throat.
	These are collector items.
	Let us know what sauce you like best.
	We'll make it more of it for you.
	Promo code Gavin, 15% off every order.
	Silkyhotsauce.com, promo code Gavin, gets you 15% off every order.
	Guys, I want to say, much to my chagrin, because I asked you to send me high-vis tees and you sent me fucking dozens.
	So now I'm looking at a thousand dollar bill.
	But we finally got our high-vis teas.
	They look sick.
	And you know what I love about wearing these?
	No one knows that I'm wearing my own shirt.
	Right.
	So there's the front.
	Here's the back.
	La fronta.
	G-O-M-L Lawn Care.
	Real phone number.
	You have a mouse on your head for some reason.
	I'm not sure why that is.
	Me and my wife were trying to figure that out.
	I was like, either it's because I have like a rat's nest on my head, some would say, or it's like a ratatouille thing where I could only be smart enough to mow a lawn if there was a rat controlling me in a Disney-esque fashion.
	That's way too ambitious.
	I know.
	Let me text the guy who made the shirt.
	I'm smart enough to think of that.
	No, because that's a retarded theory.
	Wait, okay.
	Well, here, let's call it.
	I'm trying to get this yellow match.
	That's really fucking hard.
	Here, this is what it actually looks like, guys.
	No, no, no.
	It doesn't look like that.
	That's the yellow.
	Just the orange.
	Hey, man, you're on the show.
	Don't say your name or your home address or your pin.
	Oh, yeah.
	What's up, guys?
	Hey, we got the shirts.
	We're fucking thrilled.
	They look beautiful.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	The orange ones, yeah.
	Why is there a mouse in Ryan's hair?
	So the, I, because, because you always make fun of him and how he watches cartoons.
	Uh-huh.
	So my thought process was their whole ratatouille thing.
	Yes.
	Like the one.
	Yeah, I knew it.
	He's controlling them, you know what I mean?
	Okay, so that was his theory, and I just told him that's fucking idiotic.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	It's still idiotic.
	Because that was my thought process, too, with his lawnmower.
	It's like a toy lawnmower.
	That's why it's all chunky and stuff like that.
	Oh.
	This is too stupid to mow a lawn.
	Well, so he needs a rat in his hair telling him not to do it.
	And his grass, you'll see it's pushed down.
	It's not cut.
	It's just like his grass is like anything kind of retarded.
	I was thinking of like, what's like the dumbest thing that somebody could do is like using a toy lawn more on real grass.
	I have a mouse that's controlling them.
	I have a flat tire as well.
	I don't know how one of those flat.
	You know, you Mexicans got a lot of balls making fun of the Japanese.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	We hate all races, especially Chinese and blacks.
	All right.
	Thanks.
	Based.
	That guy sucks, man.
	I hate him.
	What the fuck?
	He seems pretty cool to me.
	Oh, yeah.
	Racist is gross.
	Yes.
	We don't like that.
	Humiliated you.
	He tried.
	So we're going to find out what his phone number is and cancel his.
	He just called him.
	We're going to cancel his prescription.
	Okay.
	Well, that's okay.
	In other news, great news.
	The Turgid Tattletale, Brian Stettler has been fired for being annoying.
	Yes.
	That makes me feel good.
	You like to see your enemies fail.
	I got a bunch of clips on that.
	Maybe start with one of them.
	You know what I realized about my hair recently?
	It's cultural appropriation.
	I have a Jufro.
	I have a Scottish Jufro.
	I wear black woman's perm cream, and I get this gorgeous locks with this brilliant sheen.
	I'm appropriating black culture.
	I'm like Beyonce in reverse.
	But aren't they appropriating white culture by making their hair straight anyway?
	Well, white culture has always had brill cream.
	So they just have like the best brill cream in the universe.
	So let's show this.
	He's gone.
	Sorry, your ratings suck.
	Look at his fucking face.
	Look at this guy's face.
	Look at his face.
	What is that?
	What is that thing?
	That is the best argument for abortion I've ever seen.
	It's a weird beaver egg.
	He's a beaver egg.
	One time, back when I was on Twitter, I said, it's so weird to go through my feed and see this weird, disgusting little man saying his opinions, and he's in my hand.
	And then he banned me immediately.
	Look at him.
	It's Brian Stelter.
	There it is.
	Oh, my God.
	I mean, that is a horror movie cover.
	Seriously, he is scarier looking than it the clown.
	I mean, would you let your children anywhere near that psychopath?
	I mean, that is a psychopath right there.
	I mean, look at him.
	God.
	He goes on.
	Oh, I mean, it's just, it cries out, danger, danger.
	Alert, alert.
	I am a scumbag.
	I am filth.
	I am your enemy.
	So he treads like lightly now after this whole like defamation thing, but he comes really close to saying that basically he's like, you don't trust him around your kids.
	But he backed away from Dan.
	Don't trust him around my kids.
	Would you?
	Allegedly, I wouldn't.
	Would you let Daphne be babysat by Brian Stelter?
	Allegedly, I wouldn't even have her in the same room as Steltler, allegedly.
	Someone reminded me of this while talking about him, where he talked about how the pandemic got so bad he cried.
	He crawled into bed and cried.
	If I crawled into bed.
	Yeah, there it is.
	You got the right link.
	CNN's Brian Stelter crawled in bed and cried over coronavirus.
	Whose bed?
	Derek's?
	Yeah, your own bed?
	Imagine you crawled into bed and cried.
	You'd be like, did your mom die?
	No, worse.
	Oh, you're, you've, you've got prostate cancer?
	No, way worse.
	I have a pretty good imagination, but I'm kind of stumped right now.
	People are having to wear masks and stay at home due to a made-up pandemic.
	A pandemic.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, that's not your problem, you fucking turgid pussy.
	He's right, guys.
	Look at his red socks.
	This is what he will be remembered for this.
	Maybe I am a Yankees fan because I hate his red socks.
	Okay, I mean, frankly, freely, if you look at it.
	Okay.
	Very cool.
	We love it, Will.
	So that guy fucked up.
	And then Stelter showed this.
	Two minutes notice, talking with Wolf Blitzer about Trump's Twitter account being banned.
	Me, me, me.
	So much of this shit is megalomania, too.
	Very cool.
	We love it, Will.
	Not just leftist politics or CNN, but trans shit.
	Every time you really analyze the left, you get hit with this tsunami of self-indulgence and megalomania.
	By the way, men in red socks is like kinky.
	Very cool.
	You know what I mean?
	Like our socks should be black for suits.
	I've got a little secret.
	Gray.
	Wait, you have tons of red socks?
	You're wearing them now?
	No, that's like a little...
	Oh, I got a little secret.
	It's like a weird sexy thing.
	Like, if my wife wore red socks, I'd probably rape her in the hallway.
	Because I'd be so horny because it's kind of weird.
	You know?
	But a man wearing red socks, it's very sexual.
	It's very unusually sexual.
	What are you doing, Ryan?
	You sound like you're taking off some socks and throwing them away.
	Is that Brian Stettler?
	It's supposed to be.
	You sound like a chick.
	No, this is how Brian Stettler talks.
	Listen.
	This was me live on CNN with just two minutes' notice talking with Wolf Blitzer about Trump's Twitter account being banned.
	You remind me of publicity.
	Let's follow his career according to Carpe Donctum from day one.
	It's been quite a trajectory.
	Go!
	Make it bigger.
	My brain!
	I'm going into my brain!
	Ludicrous speed!
	Go!
	Here's something crazy.
	I'm not an atheist.
	I'm a Catholic.
	I believe in God.
	I think it's inarguable, but I'm happy to argue it.
	But I saw Sam Harris.
	I read his book, The End of Faith.
	Really good book.
	Fascinating read.
	He's a great writer.
	I like that he dared to attack Islam more than any other religion.
	But I can hang out with atheists.
	I would say our number two most watched videos on censored.tv are atheism is unstoppable.
	No problem with that.
	It's a different angle.
	He's got a lot of intelligent shit to say about pop culture.
	So yeah, come on board.
	We disagree about God.
	Who fucking cares?
	Who cares if your co-workers disagree?
	Sam Harris, I think atheism is unstoppable.
	AIU is a big fan of Sam Harris.
	Sam Harris said this today, and I'm just like, you're smart, but you're a fucking retard.
	I mean, Hunter Biden, at that point, Hunter Biden literally could have had the corpses of children in his basement.
	I would not have cared, right?
	There's nothing.
	First of all, it's Hunter Biden, right?
	It's not Joe Biden, but even if Joe Biden, whatever scope of Joe Biden's corruption is, like, if we could just go down that rabbit hole endlessly and understand that he's getting kickbacks from Hunter Biden's deals in Ukraine or wherever else,
	right?
	Or China.
	It is infinitesimal compared to the corruption we know Trump is involved in.
	It's like a firefly to the sun, right?
	I mean, like, there's just, it doesn't even stack up against Trump University.
	Trump University as a story.
	Trump University is the same as bounce you.
	It's the same as if we did censored you.
	We would set up a course.
	Hey, we'll have like Devin, me, Anthony do a thing, teach you how to, I don't know, analyze media or some bullshit.
	And we give you a degree at the end.
	We'd all put in like 30 hours of work and eventually it's a totally rational, plausible business plan.
	My brother was actually trying to make us do this, make us do this, help us do this.
	Lots of people do this.
	They have these courses, right?
	No one for a second with an IQ over 80 thinks that it's a literal university.
	When you go to Trump You, you get, it's a crash course in how to do real estate.
	It's a very helpful, silly little course.
	No one thinks you have a PhD in it.
	It's not fraudulent, you fucking moron.
	How is a guy this smart such a fucking idiot?
	Trump you, really?
	Fuck you.
	How about that?
	You have a PhD and fuck you.
	You like that?
	Yes.
	Is worse than anything that could be in Hunter Biden's laptop.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	Hold on.
	Wow.
	So Hunter Biden was setting up deals with the Chinese and with Ukraine.
	And he was using his vice president father as the big guy to help facilitate these deals.
	Not just the mining thing in Ukraine, but major hedge funds, along with, I think it was John Kerry's son, where they are getting multi-million dollar kickbacks.
	Quid pro quo, total corruption.
	When Biden found out they were investigating it, this is Vice President Biden, he bragged about it on air and said, by the time I land my plane on my six-hour flight, this investigator is going to be fired.
	So these guys are involved in using Obama and Vice President Biden to facilitate major global deals, millions and millions of dollars.
	Yes, the crack cocaine shit is bad.
	All that shit is bad.
	But also, the crack cocaine shit is also bad because it can be used by our enemies to bribe you to facilitate other deals where we're going to show fucking Hunter Biden's dick in some 16-year-old.
	So it's not just random crack use we're concerned about.
	No one's cared about that for a long time.
	We're worried about how it affects the most powerful administration in the world, the most powerful country in the world.
	It's not irrelevant, Sam.
	What's the matter with you?
	I fucking hate this guy now.
	And I think I remember I got a warning sign a long time ago where he, a good red flag is shitting on proud boys.
	If they say the proud boys are violent or racist or something, you know you're dealing with someone who's not necessarily an idiot, but who is not really involved in what they're saying.
	They'll throw people into the bus without doing any research.
	Basically.
	You sound like someone made you say that.
	Like when I shit on Sam Harris at 8.25, make sure you say the script I sent you.
	And I almost forgot to, so I rushed it out.
	I don't want to get fired.
	And then they will throw you under the bus no matter what happens.
	Yeah.
	Keep going with this fucker.
	This fucking fucking piece of shit.
	Goddamn fucking piece of shit.
	Now that doesn't answer the people who say it's still completely unfair.
	How much longer is this?
	Looked at the laptop.
	It's been a minute, 20 in a timely way and to have shut down the New York Post's Twitter account.
	That's just a conspiracy.
	That's a left-wing conspiracy to deny the presidency to Donald Trump.
	Absolutely it was.
	Absolutely.
	But I think it was warranted.
	And again, it's a coin toss as to whether or not that particular piece of the pressure.
	I'm really sorry.
	I was the one that said we should move on, but you've just said something I really struggled with there, which is the kids in the basement?
	No, no.
	Fuck the kids in the basement.
	I'm interested in democracy.
	You're saying you are content with a left-wing conspiracy to prevent somebody being democratically re-elected as president.
	Well, no, I'm content.
	But the thing is, it's just not left-wing, right?
	So Liz Cheney is not left-wing, right?
	Liz Cheney is doing everything in her power.
	It's a conspiracy to prevent somebody from democratically re-elected.
	No, but there's nothing.
	Conspiracy.
	It was a conspiracy out in the open.
	But it doesn't matter what part's conspiracy.
	You missed the part where he said, oh, Gavin McKinnison is loser balls that are ugly.
	What?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, I thought I watched that video before.
	Oh, you did?
	No one's ever insulted my balls before.
	I think I'll rewind it a little bit.
	In the open, but it doesn't matter if it was a, it doesn't matter what part's conspiracy, what part's out in the open.
	I mean, I think it's like...
	He's still talking about your balls.
	Which ball is out in the open?
	When you wear short shorts, one of them might be out in the open.
	Like that?
	Yeah, no, it's fucked up.
	I don't like the guy.
	Now I hate him twice as many.
	One for each ball.
	Yes.
	What should we do about this phenomenon?
	He said one's wrinkly, one's smooth.
	What is a wrinkly ball?
	Is that true?
	I don't know.
	I don't think I've felt my balls in like years.
	Normal grape, feeling a normal grape.
	Gotcha.
	Grape isn't a great size either.
	He mentioned that too.
	Big grape.
	The biggest grape ever.
	Big grape, feeling a normal, big grape.
	There's definitely zero texture to these things as far as what I can feel.
	Okay.
	It seems like he's, I don't know, he's got his facts all over the place.
	If there was an asteroid hurtling toward him.
	He's talking about your ass.
	Anyway, but these are some of the comments that Pesobic retweeted about him.
	Oh, wait, no, that's not it.
	Here we go.
	Elon Musk wants Republicans to be nice, and Sam Harris wants to lock up his opponents.
	See the problem?
	Here's another one.
	Anyone notice these supposed atheists, intellectuals always use children as their examples?
	Yeah, that's a big thing.
	And he did.
	He literally did.
	By the way, when anyone uses your children in an analogy or in an argument, they're a fucking idiot, evil person.
	What if your daughter was raped?
	How do you feel now?
	Well, I feel irrational and angry, and I want to kill everyone.
	Okay, now I want to argue with you.
	You wouldn't have cared if Hunter Biden literally had corpses of children in his basement.
	That's not a great quote there, Sam.
	I wouldn't have cared.
	I would be pretty carry.
	You can care about that.
	We caught John Wayne Gacy.
	He had a bunch of kids under his deck.
	Yeah, do you not care about him?
	What do you think?
	What a fucking.
	Next subject before we start the show.
	This guy, David Weissman, came up while I was looking at that tweet, and that guy's so fucking weird, man.
	David Weiss?
	He's one of the weirdest people I know.
	No?
	David Weissman.
	Okay.
	Look at his picture.
	Army vet, former Republican, fucking badass, murderer, guy who fucking throws people over tanks.
	My dick fucks chicks.
	I don't even know about it.
	I'm asleep and I wake up and some chick is slapping me.
	I'm like, what the fuck's the problem?
	And I find out my anaconda went out partying and fucked tons of chicks.
	And my cock has like a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses on.
	Like Sanjay and Craig, that cartoon with the snake.
	And I'm like, dude, what the fuck did you do?
	All these chicks are pissed off at me.
	Sorry, man, I got to get late.
	And you're a pussy and a fag.
	Fag?
	I fucked Eva Mendez all day.
	Yeah, that's one chick.
	Fuck you.
	You know what?
	Fuck you, dick.
	Pull up Sanjay and Craig.
	So that's what you think when you see that picture.
	You go, Jesus Christ.
	That guy has constant fights with his dick over the various women they fuck together separately, blah, blah, blah.
	I had him on my show a million years ago.
	But that's his dick.
	Okay.
	Oh, I don't like that Sanjay is or Craig is voiced by that annoying nerd, Chris Hardwell Hardwick, whatever.
	Oh, yeah.
	Where'd he go?
	Oh, he does the, he does, like, talking Saul.
	Oh, he does that.
	Okay.
	Yeah, better call Saul.
	Which, you watch a fictional show, you don't want to see it explained.
	Yeah, that's what you should be doing with your friends afterwards.
	With the producer and the director and stuff?
	By the way, I get all these emails.
	People are like, so do you think the ending was good or do you think it was awesome?
	And I'm like, wait, that was the end?
	Oh.
	I didn't know.
	I'm all excited for next Tuesday.
	Oh.
	It's over, dude.
	It didn't feel endy?
	No, every episode of Better Call Saul felt endy.
	Wow.
	And I don't want to do any spoilers.
	Spoiler alert.
	But this woman figures out that he's Saul Goodman, so he runs out of her house.
	And you're like, okay, can't wait till next week.
	Oh, but you see, they can't really do a crazy amount with him because.
	Because?
	Because.
	Is working bronx affecting your accent?
	That's an affectation that I like to put on.
	Because I like to put that on.
	But yeah, so they can't really do much with the character because in Breaking Bad, he's still got to be alive, you know?
	That's not a big restriction.
	Yeah, but you can't kill him all.
	You have to live.
	Pretty good.
	That's about it.
	You see, Gavin, out here in America, where speakers go, boom, boom.
	You got your little red Dixie cup.
	You got your Daisy Dukes hacked all the way up to your butt.
	You can do whatever you want.
	It's America.
	What's that got to do with Better Call Saul?
	Better Call Saul is a show made here in America.
	A grassroots enterprise made by American.
	American Gauls.
	Basically every show made in America, except that show about extras.
	Not Squid Game.
	Squid Game, yeah.
	Squid Games made.
	It's a French show about a CAA acting agency.
	That's one other show.
	I think like 99.9% of shows anyone talks about are made in America, including the top shows in the Congo.
	Like I have a cheap box and I go to Jamaican shows and I look at Jamaican Cartoon Network.
	It's just American shows.
	So what are you talking about?
	And who are you, by the way?
	Luke Brian.
	The like Nazi hunter who has a Nazi family?
	No, no.
	I'm a country music star.
	Oh, Brian.
	Luke Brian.
	Speaking of names that are similar, David Weissman's a weird guy that you don't like.
	You ever hear about David Weiss?
	The flat earther?
	He wants to interview you and have a whole special about flat earth.
	I want to talk to a flat earther.
	I think people would love to see that.
	No, would they?
	Absolutely.
	Here's the only way I should do it.
	I'll get a guy who's an expert.
	So when this asshole says, like, the great lakes are actually flat, and if you look at them, you don't see a curve.
	And I don't have to sit there and go, I've looked that up and that's that.
	I can have the smart guy go, yeah, dude, it's the refraction of the sun.
	It still would be fun to just see how much he can get away with saying.
	Here's a funny thing.
	When the callers call in, see how much of them will actually say that they're 100% sure that the earth is not flat.
	For every caller, we'll ask them that and we'll see what's what.
	How crazy are your viewers?
	Girl, you make my speakers go boom boom.
	Yay!
	Lucky.
	Can't wait to have you down south, Gavo.
	Can't wait to go down south.
	Salute.
	Salute.
	Very French thing to say.
	So that's David Weissman on Twitter, right?
	Badass.
	Let's go back to that.
	So he looks like he will just like your throat here.
	He'll murder you for saying the wrong thing.
	And this is a great example of the way people on social media portray themselves and the way they are.
	Let's look at who David Weissman is in person.
	Okay.
	Let's see that badass murderer fucking vigilante.
	Tennessee Holler, Facebook Live.
	We're tnholler.com at the tn holler on Twitter and Facebook.
	Thank you to everybody who supports us and helps amplify the messages.
	Chip in a few bucks.
	That's how we survive.
	Today we have a very special guest, David Weissman.
	He has a really interesting story to tell, one that I find to be really important.
	David, how are you today?
	Thank you for having me on.
	What the fuck is that?
	Yeah, you don't know this guy?
	Oh my lord.
	Hi, thanks for having me on.
	That's not an exaggeration.
	Hey, you guys.
	David, how are you today?
	I'm good.
	Thank you for having me.
	Having me.
	I feel bad.
	I appreciate you coming on.
	I really appreciate Trump's support.
	I listen to Henry and now I hate it.
	How many of you guys can I come aboard?
	Yeah, I was in the military for 10 years.
	Trans and years.
	Are we sure that did an IUD blow up his nose?
	I was in the military for trans and years.
	If that's like a result of action, then I feel bad.
	I remember when I had him on my old show, I was like, oh, this guy's a badass Israeli fucking cool right-winger.
	And then he's like, hi, I'm happy to be here.
	And I went, oh, shit.
	This is another NPR voice.
	This is another Ira Glass.
	It's a low-T voice.
	Sorry, Jews.
	You tend to have low-T guys in your stable.
	Provided security for the chaplain.
	I was in Afghanistan 20.
	He was grown up.
	I was always Republican, conservative, religious values, things like that.
	He's like a stern whack.
	This guy, Justin Canu, just canoe what the fuck is going on, and it's not good.
	Justin, I've been in your shoes.
	I've been in your shoes, Canoes.
	Religious values, what were some of the issues that you cared about deeply and still probably do?
	They changed a little bit.
	I was against abortion.
	I mean, James Key at the time, I didn't know much about it.
	But I'm leaning in the hole.
	That was a sin thing.
	When did you start to become a Trump fan?
	What was it about him that you appreciated?
	It was actually in a general election, supporting 10 years.
	Boring!
	Megalomania.
	Tons of jump cuts he had to make, too.
	Megalomania.
	Wow.
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	I've been taking gummies at bed.
	Their gummies are sick.
	I can't lie.
	The dreams are pretty nuts, man.
	Pretty, pretty wild ride.
	My daughter had a sleepover the other day, and one of her friends sleepwalks.
	That's fun.
	And I could have shot her in the head because I heard someone walk around my master bedroom bathroom.
	But thanks to the gummies, this sleepover girl lived.
	And I could hear like walking.
	And I knew she was friendly fire because my dog wasn't barking.
	Oh, yeah.
	If like when the garbage man comes to pick up the fucking recycling, the dog goes nuts.
	So if you're within 100 yards of our house, my dog goes insane.
	And it makes me mad sometimes, but I appreciate it.
	It's doing its job.
	But he was silent as a mouse, which means I trust her.
	So I was like, okay, the dog's not barking.
	No one broke into the house.
	And then I can hear her in my master bedroom.
	And I hear like a plastic cup go, ting, tingling, ting, ting, like fall on its side.
	And I'm nude.
	So I guess I got to put on underwear.
	And I don't want to see her.
	Like, I don't want to see a 16-year-old girl being like, hello, what?
	And then you see you go, okay, well, lock your bedroom door.
	Yeah.
	I'd rather take the hit.
	I don't want her going into my son's room that's next to my daughter's room or my other son's room.
	So I'm like, come on in, sleepwalker.
	And I know she sleepwalks.
	I've heard of this before.
	That's hilarious.
	So I was stoned out of my mind.
	And it actually helped the situation because I had a higher IQ.
	And I was like the Terminator, like, assessing the situation.
	I knew what the cup was, and I knew how long she'd been in there for.
	And then I heard her like leave the master bedroom and wander out in the hallway and go back into my daughter's room.
	Sleepwalking, that's fascinating.
	I've always kind of jealous that I didn't sleepwalk.
	I know.
	It is kind of FOMO.
	Like you'd think that would be cool.
	That sounds so cool.
	That is scary.
	Although, if you really want to sleepwalk, just black out drunk.
	Who is it?
	Yeah, but yeah.
	But you know, that has consequences because you wake up and you feel like shit if you get that drunk.
	But this is like you're just sober.
	I told you a story about my friend Jamie McCabe, right?
	I don't know.
	We were tree planting, and tree planting, you're mostly living in a tent.
	But occasionally, if the demographics and the geographics align, you end up in a motel.
	And being in a shitty motel in rural Canada, in North Bay, or Etobicoke, or not even Etobicoke, that's way too south.
	But like Cobalt, Ontario, for example, speaking of our shits, Royan Naranda in Quebec, any sort of northern Ontario place.
	Being in a motel is heaven on earth.
	It's a bed.
	There's no bugs.
	It's climate controlled.
	Like the shittiest motel in the world is heaven when you're a tree planter.
	So I heard Jamie sleepwalks.
	And so he tells me, he's like, dude, I got to warn you tonight.
	I sleepwalk.
	So I was on a cot.
	They were sharing a queen bed.
	And me and this was all three foremen.
	We were foreman telling people how to plant trees.
	And he goes, yeah, I should warn you.
	I sleepwalk.
	I'm like, okay.
	I don't give a fuck.
	And he goes, if I approach you, just explain the logical fallacy with what I'm saying, and I'll fall back asleep.
	Wow.
	I'm like, okay, thanks for the homework assignment.
	And he goes, for example, again, TMI.
	For example, when I was much younger, I told my brother, I ran downstairs and I screamed at him.
	I go, there's a stampede of married women chasing me.
	And my brother goes, okay, this is pre-internet, of course.
	How do they meet?
	What's their motive?
	Do they talk on the phone?
	Why are they chasing you?
	What's in it for them?
	Aren't they going to get arrested?
	And after I laid all that down, my brother laid all that down.
	I went, oh, and I went to bed.
	This is Jamie talking.
	So I'm like, okay, got it.
	Don't care.
	Cremation of care.
	But okay.
	So that night, at about three in the morning, he comes over To my cot and he sits next to me.
	He's like, Hey, I'm like, What?
	What's outing?
	Hello?
	And he goes, Let me explain something to you.
	Okay, what are we going to fight?
	Should I get my shiv?
	He goes, I have two posters in my room.
	I have a Maurice, the Rocket Richard poster above my bed.
	It's right there.
	And then I have a BMW poster.
	It just says BMW.
	It's the logo of BMW.
	And that's at the other end of my bed.
	And then I have my chest of drawers and everything else.
	That's a fact.
	You can call my parents.
	You can look that up.
	It's indisputable.
	And I'm like, okay, got it.
	Thanks.
	He's like.
	And then he goes to bed.
	So the next morning, I go, thanks for the heads up about the posters in your room, Jamie.
	And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
	And I told him what I just told you.
	And he goes, I don't have any posters in my room.
	Whoa.
	I got a bunch of stupid like frame things my mom put up.
	I didn't really decorate my room.
	I'm not into rooms.
	So his sleepwalking self was like, someone's threatening me.
	They're threatening my existence.
	So I have to go and cover my tracks.
	It's almost like multiple personalities.
	That is wild.
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	All right, so we should probably go behind the paywall soon, but we should probably start taking calls, opening up the chats, all that shit.
	I should say, Maddie's gone.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	He was saying he can call in or video in.
	We don't want him.
	We fired him.
	Oh.
	He tried to molest Ryan.
	Now, I'm not saying that.
	He grabbed Ryan's ass.
	And that's a deal breaker here at the show.
	And I people are not sexual objects.
	Thank you.
	And what I didn't do, I didn't bend down when he wasn't looking at it.
	I'll tell you what Ryan did.
	He started crying.
	Yes, I did.
	And then I walked in.
	I go, what's going on here?
	And Maddie goes, I'm just joking.
	I'm just joking around.
	And Ryan was, his mascara was streaming.
	I don't have mascara.
	You had mascara on that?
	No, I didn't.
	He was crying his eyes.
	The way I reported the story to Fire Maddie was that.
	And Fire Maddie is a government institution at this point.
	It's 612.
	You call 612.
	And anytime Maddie gets a job, you doll 612 and you're like, Maddie did this.
	It's like a 911 or a 411, but he has his own government call line.
	Fire Maddie is also the name of the hot sauce that we're coming out with.
	Actually, it is now.
	Yes.
	Literally.
	No, he's on a road trip doing some shit.
	But I also tried to get Sylvia and Linda.
	Linda was not having it.
	Hey, Linda, I'm coming by to pick you up.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, I have to talk to some people that I can arrange that.
	Do you need that right now?
	Like, she hates committing to things.
	I go, Linda, I'll just pick you up.
	Where are you?
	I'll drive.
	I'm in my car.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, that's actually, I don't think I can do that immediately.
	I go, I'll give you $100 to come on the show.
	You just sit there.
	Yeah, I actually was not prepared to work tonight.
	So this woman calls me 100 times a day.
	She sends me an emoji an hour.
	Okay, that math doesn't add up, but you know what I'm saying.
	And then we have Sylvia.
	Dude, I was talking to a cop in New Rochelle, where she used to live.
	And he goes, yeah, she was a fucking nightmare.
	Did I tell you this yet?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	About the black and the N-word?
	Okay, wait, no.
	Did we talk about this?
	No.
	He goes, yeah, that husband she wants to reunite with, Jose, he's a fucking nightmare, total racist psycho.
	He hates niggers.
	Yes, I think I do remember this.
	Did we talk about this on the show?
	Yeah, yeah.
	So I talked to her.
	I go, is that true?
	And she goes, that's not true at all.
	No, I said he hates the cop said he hates blacks.
	And then Sylvia goes, no, he hated niggers because a nigger killed his son.
	He loves blacks.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	There's a difference.
	The cop also said he's like, dude, we get calls from her all day, every day, which is now my calls.
	I get them.
	And he goes, the black teens would always be at her house like 24 hours a day.
	There'd be like seven black teenagers there.
	Siete Negro teenagers?
	Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
	Okay, combine that with her saying, I was a call girl, with her saying, I'm an American slut.
	I'm not Italian or Jewish.
	I'm an American slut.
	Combine that with her saying to me once, my biggest regret was my addiction to cock.
	What, you love sucking dick?
	Oh, no, I'm Jewish.
	I don't suck dicks.
	But just my love of cock, it ruined all seven of my marriages.
	I think guys would go to her house and they would fuck her for 10 bucks.
	And there'd be 10 in a day and she'd make 100 bucks.
	That is my theory of my friend, Sylvia.
	Anyway, so she calls me yesterday.
	She's like, why didn't you call back?
	I'm like, I'm putting my kid to bed.
	What's going on now?
	I don't know.
	Call me later.
	And then 10 minutes later, she texts me, I'm dying.
	Okay, that's bad.
	So I call her back.
	No answer.
	I text her back, obviously.
	No answer.
	I'm in like just shorts, nothing else.
	I'm like, thank you.
	And I go, I guess I got to like drive down there.
	So I call my buddy Mike, who lives in her building or next to her building.
	And he's like, yo, I just went down there.
	He's got a giant pit bull.
	I just went down there.
	No answer, dude.
	Looks bad.
	So I go, oh, fuck, bro.
	So I get in the car and I start driving.
	And I'm like, what if she's blue when I get there?
	I don't mean down.
	Right.
	And I don't mean pornographic.
	Do I got to like...
	Got her?
	Do I got to CPR her?
	If she's dead, I just made out with a dead woman.
	Yeah.
	That's up there with sucking a dick, is it not?
	Yeah, necrophilia is worse than...
	You ever suck a dude's dick?
	Like, say you're at a party.
	You're talking to some straight men.
	You ever suck a dude's dick?
	I did.
	In college, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.
	Okay, that's gross.
	Do you ever make out with a dead woman?
	I did.
	Oh, I didn't make out.
	It was CPR.
	That's as gross.
	Isn't it?
	In the eyes of the Lord, it might be worse.
	No, fuck the Lord.
	No offense, God.
	But as far as like your nightmares, like you're lying in bed, you know when you get the terrors when you drink too much and it's like four in the morning and you're thinking about terrible stuff?
	What's more in your head?
	The time you blew a dude in college or the time your lips run a dead woman's mouth?
	Now, in the interim from this event to now, I talked to a guy who's like a lifeguard expert.
	He trains lifeguards.
	He's like, yeah, CPR is bullshit.
	He goes, they're all bullshit, actually.
	The only thing that matters is the all-clear kajunk.
	And I go, what about the, uh, huh, huh, huh?
	Staying alive, staying alive, huh?
	Huh?
	He goes, that's like an iron lung.
	So what you're doing is the heart's dead.
	You're pumping the blood.
	You're faking the heart into pumping the blood.
	Yeah.
	Like an iron lung.
	You're not keeping, you're not helping her live, per se.
	You're just pumping, you're fake pumping the blood.
	He goes, CPR, unless they're drowning and you're trying to get them to barf and like breathe, 95% of what you breathe out is carbon dioxide.
	So you're only breathing a little bit of oxygen into them.
	So CPR is gay.
	He goes, do that until EMT gets there and then they spark it and she might be saved.
	But he goes, you're also banking on the fact that she died like one second before you got there.
	He's like, think of drowning.
	If you showed up two minutes after someone was lying at the bottom of the pool, are you helping?
	Hey, I brought her back.
	Her brain's only been dead for two entire minutes.
	So anyway, that's going through my head.
	And I go in the hallway and there's Mike with his fucking gigantic pit bull that has like a full body brace.
	It's so strong.
	And I'm like, what's going on?
	And he goes, oh, she's in that door?
	Oh, I got the wrong door.
	Thanks.
	Thank you.
	So then I get to her door and I hear, I don't know if she's going to like him or not because they've been dating for dating.
	She's got like the bachelor on 11.
	It's shaking the door.
	So I go, well, she's clearly alive.
	So I open the door.
	This is shaking, screaming.
	And I go, can you turn it down?
	So she's like, what?
	Oh, her blind chihuahua is going, and Mike's pit bull is like spitting out phlegm onto the floor.
	I'm like, dude, your pit bull's about to eat that blind chihuahua.
	You should just get out of here.
	And then her with her cockeyed fucking doctor from Futurama Face is like, Gavin, what are you doing here?
	I go, Syl, you said you're dying.
	And she goes, I am.
	To see what happens on the bachelor.
	I go, well, we're all dying, technically.
	Babies are dying the day they're born.
	But I had assumed when you texted me and said you're dying and then didn't answer any other texts that you were dying within the next 10 minutes.
	If you're dying within the next year or two, no need to send me an emergency text.
	I'll be at your funeral.
	So then she calls me tonight.
	I knew Maddie wasn't going to be here.
	He's on his road trip, but I thought it would be cool if we could get, hey ladies, play the interstitial.
	Oh, okay.
	We could have Sylvia and Linda on the couch.
	Wouldn't that be awesome?
	Because they're both.
	Ladies!
	And he's a retard.
	He's a reaper.
	Is this in a foreign country, Israel?
	He's a reaper?
	Yeah, he's a reaper.
	We could have had that.
	I thought that would be great.
	So I was calling them incessantly, and that's how I got Linda being like, I hear you're calling me a lot.
	I can't work tonight.
	Work.
	Work?
	And Sylvia goes, last night I told you I was dying.
	You show up.
	You didn't even offer me a glass of water or nothing.
	First of all, it's your apartment.
	You go get your own fucking water.
	You're watching reality TV.
	You're fine.
	You're not even lying in bed.
	You're sitting on your bed.
	So it would have been weird if I was like, hi, oh, you're alive.
	Can I get you a glass of water?
	Anyway.
	I'm on a pile of shit.
	So we didn't get our ladies tonight.
	Let's start to think about wrapping it up as far as the freeloaders go.
	And let's, I guess, open the mail.
	It's Thanks for Calling In the Mailbag.
	So let's do the Thanks for Calling Interstitial.
	I just like that song.
	It's a beautiful song.
	You don't get to hit it as much.
	Reminds me of Nora's.
	You are on air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, share, personal, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great to hear me from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	Bye-bye.
	Home to mommy.
	That's true.
	Back to mommy's basement.
	She probably likes me.
	Let's start taking calls.
	Put the number down there, Ryan.
	And then at the same time, we can start looking at letters we've received to the show.
	We receive about correctly.
	I would say 50 to 100 a day.
	And so now we're going to ask people if they're 100% sure that the Earth is not flat.
	And I think we'll be kind of surprised.
	I don't really want to talk about that.
	We won't talk about it.
	We won't get into it.
	We'll just see.
	Oh, it's retarded.
	Why did you come up with that plan?
	Because we brought up David D. Do you think the Earth is flat?
	I'm not sold on that.
	I like listening to videos about it.
	I like to ask that, Ryan.
	I'm not saying the Earth is flat.
	No, I don't.
	I'm not certain of anything.
	You're not certain the Earth is a sphere.
	Correct.
	I don't believe shit from nobody.
	Do you believe what I work with here, folks?
	Yeah.
	I don't believe shit.
	No wonder he has a rat on his head mowing the lawn with a broken toy lawnmower.
	Dear Gavin, Ryguy, and Maddie, unfortunately, Maddie's not here.
	In this video at 8, Jeremy, who you'll recognize shortly, talks about how he read this business book called The One Thing, which talks about how you need to find the one thing you can do to make everything else in your life easier.
	I would say being honest.
	That would be my one thing.
	If any of you guess what the one thing Jeremy decided on is, I'll give you $100.
	He eventually gives the answer at $9.20, going on a separate tangent.
	Okay.
	So let's click on that.
	You're a fan of this guy, right?
	I'm trying to get Maddie on here.
	Let's see.
	I'm in mailbag.
	And this is called Genesis Briar Porridge Back.
	What are you talking about?
	This is called Jeremy Fragrance Back.
	Oh, yeah, Jeremy Fragrance.
	Not that similar.
	Not so similar.
	Nine minutes in.
	How are we doing?
	Okay, long pause.
	Not great for TV.
	Here we go.
	Okay, buffering, loading.
	We have a 56k modem.
	But you know what?
	I said at some point, fuck it.
	I will read this stuff.
	And the first business book I read was The One Thing.
	Meaning the message of this book is, what is the one thing you can do to make everything else easier?
	And I read tons and tons of other business books, which I think suck, because I don't want to know how to manipulate people.
	I don't want to know that people give me more attention when I repeat their name always at the end of the sentence.
	Like, aha, is that right, Steve?
	So we make a good deal for you, Steve.
	This is how we do it for you, Steve.
	And I said, this is fucked up manipulation shit.
	This is like the snake that manipulated Ifa in the Bible.
	We don't do that shit.
	And however, I got very successful, like most human beings, when you use certain techniques to not trick people, but to me...
	And I'm very, very, very aggressive with my own self and the honesty.
	I feel ashamed if I use techniques.
	And women should be ashamed.
	And men should be ashamed if they use techniques.
	All right.
	Let's keep it cool.
	Let's continue what's going on.
	Wait a minute.
	Hold on a sec.
	We've been making fun of this guy for a very long time.
	It's clear.
	Unless he is conceding that despite his instincts, he does use techniques.
	That was pretty great.
	Like, that was awesome to say, I don't want to repeat their name.
	I've always hated, and I feel the same way.
	I've always hated all those sales tactics.
	And you can see them when they happen.
	When I interview people, they'll say my name.
	Well, I'm glad you asked that, Gavin.
	They always do it on Tucker, too.
	Thanks for asking, Tucker.
	Tucker, what we're doing here, stop saying the guy's name.
	It's such an obvious ploy.
	But I was worried he would concede that he does use those techniques.
	But using techniques is for facts.
	Don't do it.
	Right, Ryan?
	Yes.
	Uh-oh.
	There's a Mets game going on.
	I think we're losing.
	Can you check in on that?
	What are you doing right now?
	So go to 920 and see what he admitted was his thingamadoodle.
	Okay.
	Okay, it's 2-2 with the Braves right now.
	The one thing that I decided to do, I'm not going to wear underwear.
	How does this stupid thing happen?
	Well, long story.
	First of all, I had stuff doing in the gay community where I didn't wear underwear because it was convenient and sexual shit.
	And I had sex with a woman in New York City and I showered, but I didn't want to put on the same underwear after I showered.
	So I just, on my suit, put on no underwear.
	And I said, you know what?
	That's actually funny.
	On my suit, I put on no underwear.
	No, you don't put on no underwear.
	But you're going to get a little drop.
	No matter how you shake your peg, the last weed drop runs down your leg.
	No, that I'm not wearing underwear.
	Therefore, I'm totally calm in this situation because they have no idea what's going on.
	So I'm literally cool.
	You could say I'm a whore, I'm an asshole, I'm a rapist.
	You could point a gun to me.
	I said, yeah, alright, this guy is a bit aggressive.
	You keep it totally cool because it's like the saying, think that people in front of you are naked.
	Or...
	Okay, shut up.
	We've had enough of this.
	Fucking...
	Shut up, retard.
	What a moron.
	He's a himbo.
	Can we take some calls?
	Are there any calls there?
	Yes.
	I got Maddie on my phone, but not on the computer here.
	Okay, put your phone up to the thing.
	Here we go.
	In three, two, one.
	Maddie, why did you abandon us?
	Because I wanted to come see this beautiful sunset in Indiana.
	Is it worth it?
	Do you regret your move?
	No.
	I mean, you know, I get my throttle therapy out there on the road.
	Dude, that sunset looks fake.
	What's going on?
	The sunset, it looks fake.
	Oh, you got the blur on.
	I want to let you know that I got the email from HR and I have to go to sensitivity training now because I grabbed Rock Pass.
	Yeah, I'm glad we could do that through formal procedures and not have to discuss it with each other face to face.
	I just hope I don't have to draw pictures.
	Dude, is that a real fucking sunset?
	It looks fake.
	No, it's real.
	It looks like fake clouds and Arby's, a shell station, and a Burger King, and some kind of diner.
	And what would you say was the average velocity of your trip so far?
	Yeah, that's the real sunset.
	It's beautiful.
	What was your average velocity this drive?
	I got on the road at 5.07 this morning, and I was in Indianapolis at 5 o'clock.
	So it was 12 hours total, but I stopped for lunch.
	So that was probably like 40 minutes.
	And then gas stops every 125 miles.
	But I put in 660 miles today.
	And how fast are you going?
	90?
	My top speed today was 114.
	And the average was like 78, 79.
	Well, I'm just going to assume that's the bike.
	Because if I was on my bike that fast, I'd be bald.
	We have a saying, if you're not doing 90, you ain't moving.
	All right, man.
	Well, have fun.
	And if you're going to fornicate, use a condo.
	Wait, what?
	I don't know.
	Are you going to be around next week?
	No, I'm.
	Well, we'll see.
	All right.
	Yeah, I'll see you when I get back.
	I'll be back Tuesday.
	All right, buddy.
	More than a friend.
	What kind of shirt are you wearing right there?
	Oh, look at that.
	Yeah, I'm out in Indiana, in Indianapolis.
	What happens in Vegas?
	What happened in Vegas?
	Righteous.
	I'm putting it out there.
	I'm asking people.
	And we got one of these shirts for you, too, when you come back.
	Oh, a new shirt?
	Yeah, well, look, we got the high-viz.
	They came in.
	Nice.
	What was that?
	All right, well, I'm going to go grab some roast beef sandwiches from Army's because it's holding junk food around.
	And I'm going to go finish watching the show.
	I'll see you guys on Tuesday.
	Love you guys to be set for the baby monsters.
	Anybody that's in Indianapolis, Indiana, or Arkansas, let me know.
	Peace.
	Did you see that thing that Jordan Peterson said?
	No.
	It's in the mailbag where he's like, don't let the baby monsters under the carpet.
	Oh, yeah.
	Clean your room.
	And if you let the baby monsters dominate, it's going to be a problem.
	Up yours, woke leftists.
	We'll see who cancels what you're doing.
	We'll see who's the baby monster.
	Don't hide baby monsters under the carpet.
	They will flourish.
	You're right.
	They will grow large in the dark.
	Then, when you least expect it, they will jump out and devour you.
	What the fuck, man?
	Come on.
	Like, is that just a quinky dink?
	I've never heard anyone in the world use the term baby monster.
	Same sees.
	Leah Romini is so fucking hot.
	I'd army crawl five miles through explosive momentskin diarrhea just to get a whiff.
	I might meet her next month.
	No.
	I know one of her childhood friends.
	What the fuck?
	I have two questions for her.
	One, why was the writing on King of Queens so high caliber?
	It's a stupid mainstream American comedy show.
	It was written like beyond Monty Python levels of brilliance.
	The second question, does it start with can I squeeze?
	Second question is, so you're surrounded with like tough, cool chicks from the Bronx.
	That's where you grew up.
	Puerto Ricans and Italians and everything.
	People around this studio now.
	When you would talk about full clarity and you're achieving this level, they must have sort of been going, yeah, okay, best of luck.
	Like, it must have been fucking awkward.
	And then when you came out of the Scientology closet and went, what the fuck was I doing?
	They must have been going, yeah, thank God.
	That shit you were talking about was embarrassing.
	A lot of like Puerto Ricans and stuff like that, they do tarot cards and crystals and shit.
	So they might be like, oh, that's bugged out.
	I believe it.
	Clarity?
	We got a four six.
	You know what we should do tomorrow?
	We should do 10 things about Puerto Ricans.
	Oh.
	Just break it down.
	The 10 most substantial things we've learned or I've learned.
	You can interject because you're more involved being Puerto Rican yourself about Puerto Ricans.
	Nice.
	Whipa.
	What does that mean?
	I don't know.
	It's like, hey, let's go.
	Do I hear someone on the lawn clinking around?
	The Puerto Rican, let's fucking 463.
	You're on the lee.
	Hello?
	Oh, you got it.
	Is your mic on?
	Yeah, it is.
	Yeah, it's on.
	I just talked to Maddie.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, wait, wait, that was just through my phone, though.
	To be fair.
	Hello?
	If you're gay, say nothing.
	He has been on the line for like a minute, so he might not know that we're talking to him right now.
	Hello?
	I'll put him on mute.
	Are you there?
	Speak, sir.
	Or forever hold your piss.
	All right, he's in trouble.
	I'll hang up on him.
	We don't have time for this.
	We got Kevin.
	Hey, how's it going?
	Oh, hi, Kevin.
	You sound like a chick.
	Yeah, you do.
	Guys, if I'm on the line, you gotta answer me.
	We're answering you.
	Can you hear me?
	Can you hear me?
	Can you hear me?
	Check, check, check.
	I hear our other people's feet.
	Ryan, she can't hear me.
	Come on, Deb.
	Hello!
	Hello!
	I don't know if that helps.
	I'm just gonna hold on, hold on.
	I'm gonna start over this call.
	Hello!
	Kevin, you don't need to do that anymore.
	Hello!
	That's not...
	See, wait for me to connect and then you could scream hello.
	Hello?
	Okay.
	My question.
	Why the fuck can I see the moon during the day?
	Okay.
	Why can she see the moon during the day?
	Flat earther.
	Incoming.
	Why can you see the moon during the day?
	Like, this is the problem with arguing with you people.
	So it's not possible that I could be sitting on the earth and have an angle wherein I could see the moon?
	We don't know.
	Hello?
	She said, oh, she like she tapped out after that.
	Oh, that's just like her slam dunk.
	463?
	Yeah, 463.
	You're on the lee.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah, the lines are all acting weird, but I'm from Indianapolis.
	Cool.
	What's your thing?
	I want to say that whitest kids you know, I'm sorry, I'm at work right now.
	It's weird.
	The whitest kids you know definitely influenced life.
	Okay, that's a good...
	Thanks for calling.
	That's a good point.
	A lot of guys, now that I talked about doing the 10 funniest shows of all time, I'm getting a lot of people pushing whitest kids you know.
	Yeah.
	Not feeling it.
	They were impactful for that generation.
	Sure.
	Great.
	Maybe I'm too old.
	I know one of the guys.
	I hung out with those dudes.
	Yeah.
	And they sent us a bunch of 40s and a VHS tape in 2001, I'd say.
	Advice.
	So I was into those dudes before anybody.
	I don't know.
	Dude, that Tartos.
	The sketches seem quite good, but I'm talking about the best in the world.
	You're up against Monty Python.
	And I know Jordan Peele, you're like, well, fuck it.
	Those guys are just as funny.
	But yeah, for better or for worse, Jordan Peele had a billion dollars for every sketch.
	They were all perfect.
	Anyway.
	Tartost is the funniest thing I've ever seen.
	Oh, thank you.
	I mean, I've never seen anything like it.
	Well, it's about an invisible dog.
	And might I say, there's your title.
	Oh, excuse me.
	What is this?
	This is Tartost.
	Oh, thank you.
	What am I?
	What the?
	Hey, buddy.
	What the hell, man?
	What?
	What do you mean, what?
	What the hell is this?
	It's tartast.
	I just said that.
	This is not edible.
	No.
	It's tar on toast.
	Oh, did you eat it?
	Yeah.
	I ate it.
	You served it to me.
	Whoa, I served it to you?
	Yeah.
	Is that like street tar?
	Yeah, it's like street tar.
	Why did you eat it?
	Because you told me to.
	What is wrong with you, man?
	You asked me what this was.
	I said it was tar toast.
	And then you put it in your generation.
	Tar toast.
	And the other thing they keep pushing on is always sunny, which I'm like, no.
	Yeah, I can't get into always sunny.
	And I know it's funny.
	It's just like horny.
	The fact that I know it's funny kind of ruins it for me.
	Yeah.
	Is that gay?
	I don't know.
	859, you're on the line.
	It's like Kirby enthusiasm.
	You can imagine it being true.
	Sunny is like so obviously fake.
	It's just a silly world.
	Yeah.
	It's like crack.
	We get it.
	Crack is wild.
	Yeah.
	Yes, sir.
	Hello?
	Hey, Gavin.
	I just want to say thank you for inspiring me to have my first kid.
	Me and my old lady, we just had our first son.
	And when he was born, he actually didn't have any eyelids.
	And we were really freaked out about it.
	But we had a great doctor, a great surgeon.
	They actually took care of his eyelids when they did his circumcision.
	And he's a little cockeyed now, but he's doing great.
	Thank you, Time Machine Man, for the oldest joke that's ever been said on this show.
	Congratulations.
	That sucks.
	Did you actually have a kid?
	By the way, speaking of kids, the woman who did our tats, this one, this one, and this one, and this one, just had her baby.
	We're showing the pic.
	Showing the pic.
	Congratulations.
	Lauren Dowdy's got a little gal.
	Look at her.
	A little munchkin, a little blob, a little shrumpy little kid just lying on you.
	You went through a pretty harrowing experience.
	It's all over now.
	Nine months of waiting for this experience.
	Then you go through tough mutter.
	You're basically passing gallstones while being punched in the head.
	The worst sparring.
	You're sparring Mike Tyson, basically.
	Go back, dude.
	Then you finally finish it.
	And the reward is a little tiny human.
	I don't mean to get old Joe Biden on your ass, but you got a little human being there lying on you.
	And it's not any human being.
	It's a human being you just made.
	Now, as a dad, you see that and you go, that's fucking awesome.
	Holy shit, I'm so lucky.
	I can't believe all this worked out.
	What was I waiting so long for?
	You touch them.
	You touch the baby.
	You touch your wife.
	And it's amazing.
	It's inexplicably wonderful, but it's from afar, in a sense.
	What she's experiencing is men will never know.
	And this is what I hate about the whole trans movement.
	What Lauren is experiencing right now is so beyond her husband, me, the doctors, like it's another universe.
	Her and her daughter right now are in outer space.
	They're time traveling.
	They're in another dimension.
	They're experiencing, I might even tear up just talking about it.
	They're experiencing shit that is more intense than we could ever fathom.
	And it's an honor just to be in the room with them.
	You're like, you're watching someone time travel and go into another dimension and experience this outer space shit, this magical shit.
	They're basically at one with God.
	And we're just like, I'm happy I'm here.
	But what you must be going through is something else.
	And hey, Trannys.
	Hey, Parker Malloy.
	Hey, Caitlin Chenner.
	Hey, you pathetic phonies.
	Who's the one in Vancouver who always fights journalists?
	Jessica Yaneve.
	You're not part of this, my friend.
	Sorry.
	What you're experiencing is a pale imitation of the reality of womanhood.
	No, that doesn't mean you're a trans-exclusionary radical feminist.
	It means that this picture should prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that you can never accrue womanhood.
	Anyway, let's go behind the paywall now.
	Goodbye, Cheapskates.
	I really think you should sign up for censored.tv.
	No one pays for it besides you.
	True.
	So when you see this shit, you're getting my honest opinion and our honest opinions of what's going on in the news.
	But Bill Gates didn't pay for us to talk about climate change.
	So it's pretty rare in this day and age you can see cultural commentary that is totally unbiased.
	And I'm often wrong.
	People will mail in and go, that wasn't true.
	That thing you saw was a meme, blah, blah, blah.
	We correct those things too.
	We're all learning together.
	This is not an agenda, which is remarkably rare.
	All journalists and mainstream media are political activists now.
	They work at a PR firm.
	And we've seen that with the death of the internet and how they're burning books on it on a daily basis.
	Anyway, we're going to keep taking calls.
	We're going to keep doing the live chats.
	We're going to talk to you people.
	But I only want to talk to the people that are willing to pay a beer and a half a month to see this show.
	The rest of you can go fuck yourselves.
	So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	We'll be back in 20 seconds.
	Brian Catsu Rivera says, did you hear what the news is saying about the bird which is the bald eagle?
	The bird witch is the bald eagle.
	It sounds cool when you say the bird witch is the bald eagle.
	The bird witch is the bald eagle.
	What are you talking about?
	The bird witch is the bald eagle.
	I had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the one of them.
	I don't like the butt chick.
	I come really, really hard.
	I just chugged that disgusting.
	Remember that peanut butter whiskey we had at the studio?
	What was it called?
	I fucking forgot.
	Lamb.
	The logo is a lamb.
	It's like a peanut whacker.
	So this color is, I keep getting all these free boobs because I control people's overtime.
	So I gotta come by.
	It's the studio that he works at the Broadcast present here.
	He brings it to me and I'm like, Angel's Envy.
	Thanks to the wow, that's really generous.
	It's fucking rye whiskey.
	I thought Angel's Envy was just bourbon.
	Look, it made me fart.
	I want to shit myself.
	Hello, you've got a base.
	It's called Angel's Envy Rye Whiskey Cured in Rum Casks.
	Come on now, dog.
	It tastes exactly like that butternut squash fucking peanut butter whiskey.
	Remember at the old studio?
	It sat there for two years, untouched.
	Yep.
	I just took a swig of this shit.
	It's exact same fucking garbage.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	Dude, SoCo made me so sick.
	Remember SoCo and Captain Morgan?
	You probably never, when those came out, they were big in the in my, I don't know if they came out, but like when we were drinking.
	Wait, is this Joe Biden?
	When we were drinking, man, we were drinking in high school.
	It would be, somebody got a big thing of Southern Comfort.
	It's like, man, it's so sweet.
	Oh.
	I don't mind Southern Comfort.
	Dude, that had to have been shit.
	No, it's fine.
	Are you kidding?
	I heard bubbles.
	I have a fluffy anus.
	I don't know what that means, but I doubt it.
	I'm smelling cobalt right now, by the way.
	I'm at a power plant.
	Well, that brings me back to my power plant days.
	We got Ray on the leg.
	619, you're on the line.
	619, what's up, guys?
	What's up, dude?
	Hey, yeah, I'll be quick here.
	Just wondering if there's a little bit of advice.
	I'm going to be running into a pretty large sum of money.
	Hey, can I just stop you here?
	Can I just stop you?
	Sure, you're like, just a little bit of advice.
	I'm going to make it quick here.
	You don't need any of that.
	Just dive right into it.
	I'm about to be rich.
	Should I blah, blah, blah.
	Yeah, let's try it from the stop.
	All right, from the start.
	619?
	Dive right in.
	Hey, caller, what's going on?
	619, you're on the line.
	I'm about to get a boatload of money, and I don't really, you know, I'm a cheap at-heart kind of guy.
	Well, sir, sir, sir.
	What are you talking about?
	Looking forward to having my first kit soon.
	Obviously, I'm going to be getting a house and, you know, all that shit.
	How much are we talking here?
	It's going to be seven, seven figures, at least.
	1.2 million?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, at least.
	Okay.
	Here's what you do, my friend.
	I've been in this boat a few times now.
	You allot some celebration money, like say 40 grand, right?
	It's going to be a fun vacation.
	You go to Paris.
	I don't know.
	No holds part.
	Excuse me.
	Hold on a sec.
	Deadload.
	And you enjoy yourself.
	You should enjoy yourself.
	You won the lottery.
	I don't know if your uncle died, whatever.
	You got a bunch of money.
	So a lot, some celebration money.
	The celebration money should be 5% or less of what you got.
	The rest goes away.
	It goes away to investments, to really conservative, boring investments.
	You get a good investment firm like Alliance Bernstein, and you give them the money, and you say, invest this like I'm the least adventurous person in the world.
	Invest this like I'm fucking 82.
	I don't want anything mirror.
	I don't want cryptocurrency.
	I don't want you to invest in graffiti or anything.
	So you give it to a, unless you're one of these nerds that is obsessed with investing and you can watch your stocks every two seconds, which you don't sound like you are.
	So you give it to a very, like the Walmart Costco of brokerage firms, right?
	Take the 40 out for yourself.
	By the way, get yourself a Jew to handle all your day-to-day accounting.
	I mean, look at him.
	He's pimping.
	And give the rest of the money to the brokerage firm.
	Don't check on it much.
	Okay.
	And so don't go crazy.
	Like, say you have 1.2.
	Don't think of yourself as having 1.2.
	Because if this shit hits the fan, 1.2 is not that much for the rest of your life.
	So don't think of it as existing.
	That's what I was, you know, I was wondering, yeah, if you were like an investments guy or should I go for my fucking dream, which, you know, real estate isn't that big.
	I want to open like a little sports bar or something, but I don't know the full ins and outs of it.
	And, you know, so I'm going, I could do that, but, you know, if it just flops, you know, in a couple of days.
	I want you to open a sports bar with someone else's money.
	If you really want to open a sports bar, that's something we can do at a snail's pace.
	You can work in a sports bar for a while.
	The way people blow their money and sports stars do this with car washes all the time is they go to the end of the equation, right?
	And they're like, I own a fucking chain of muffin stands.
	And they went under.
	The way you build a chain of muffin stands is you start selling muffins.
	You know, I've always wanted to own a bar, and I think I might one day, but I might hate it.
	Like, the problem with owning a bar is you're now the captive audience, and if there's four duds sitting at the bar, you have to talk to them.
	So you might hate it, and you've got to give yourself that out.
	The best way to spend money is to spend other people's money.
	If it's a good investment, they won't be mad.
	And if it's a bad investment, then they lose money and you don't.
	So my biggest piece of advice would be don't think of yourself as having $1.2 million.
	You don't.
	You have a nest egg that you put away and you have, you just won $40,000.
	So go on a fun trip.
	And when you're ready to buy some property, buy some property.
	But baby steps.
	Like, you need a year not to spend more than the 40 bonus I'm giving you because you've got to get your head straight.
	Right, right.
	Cool.
	Anyway, it's a good problem to have, buddy.
	Congratulations.
	Thanks for calling.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Love you.
	Congratulations.
	I said thanks for calling first.
	I don't know.
	It's kind of like if there was a replay, that would help.
	Let's do it.
	It was close.
	Let's do it.
	Can we do it?
	Oh, yeah, let's see.
	Hold on.
	The umps.
	Are you checking the tape?
	Yeah, no, he got it.
	Did I give you that hat?
	Yes.
	You gave it to me in the weirdest way ever.
	You pushed it out of my vagina?
	That would be the weirdest way ever, no?
	The second weirdest way ever, where you're just like, I got a hat and you just threw it at me?
	That's how men give gays.
	I got you a hat from fucking blah, blah, blah.
	No, that's gay.
	Men give presents like this.
	They got this hat.
	He wants his fucking gay hat.
	My kid doesn't want it.
	You can have it.
	Yeah, that's how I got it.
	541, you're on the lawn.
	Stop saying that.
	It was Neil.
	On the lawn?
	I know.
	It's annoying.
	You're on the line.
	Jeez.
	Reheart.
	Jeez.
	Fucking irritating.
	How about the other day when he asked me to get him a cough cough, meaning coffee?
	That was off the air.
	That was in confidence.
	Thanks for calling me back, guys.
	I'm glad you get a chance to talk to me.
	Okay.
	What do you got?
	And that wasn't annoying?
	Fuck you guys.
	No, that was funny.
	That was gay.
	That's called funny.
	No, it wasn't.
	I'm not laughing.
	I'm laughing.
	No, you're not.
	Yes, I am.
	I'm looking at you.
	I'm laughing in my pubes.
	Anyway, what's going on, guy?
	Guy, my name's Derek.
	I was just calling for some dating advice.
	I recently have been talking to a lady in Colorado.
	I live in Oregon, and I don't know that she would be interested in dating me.
	It's kind of a long-distance situation.
	But, you know, I have a kid.
	She doesn't have a kid.
	And I'm in a wheelchair.
	So I didn't know what kind of thoughts she would have about a situation like that.
	Why are you divorced?
	How does someone in a wheelchair get dumped?
	Well, I don't know.
	My ex-wife's a piece of shit.
	She left me.
	How old is the kid?
	15.
	Okay, that's pretty late.
	Do your legs work?
	No.
	Does your penis work?
	Yes.
	So where does everything stop working?
	I mean, like, it's partial.
	Like, anything from the neck down is pretty much partially works.
	Like, I'm considered a quadriplegic, but, you know, like, some things work.
	I can feel my complete body.
	Everything on my body I can feel, but I can't, like, move everything on my body.
	So she could suck your toes or something and be like, thanks.
	No, I mean, I have sex.
	I've had sex plenty of times.
	I've had plenty of girlfriends since my ex-wife.
	It's funny how you guys keep getting pussy like Crip Daddy.
	I know so many healthy, six-foot-tall men.
	They're like, I can't find a date.
	And then I find Crip Daddy, who's basically a crumpled-up shrimp.
	And he's like, yeah, I gotta go.
	Yeah, like Crip, he's like way worse off than I am.
	And I definitely, like, whatever.
	I can get around like by myself and take care of myself 100%.
	But, I mean, I can't change a light bulb in the ceiling, obviously.
	But everything other than that.
	Well, my advice would be, as a cripple, take whatever you can get.
	Yes.
	Lie, cheat, steal, whatever it takes to stay alive.
	If it was his cave days, you'd have a giant rock on your head right now.
	So I shouldn't offer myself.
	I should keep trying?
	Yes.
	Well, yeah.
	If this girl shows any interest, say yes.
	Could you call her for me?
	Yes.
	What's her number?
	Well, don't say her number on the air.
	Can you send it to Ryan?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	He can call her for me.
	Yeah.
	No, not Ryan, you.
	Ryan's a retardant.
	I can still call her.
	Send Ryan the number.
	I will call her right now.
	Or email it to mailbag at censor.tv.
	There you go.
	Okay.
	Not so retarded now.
	No, you're not.
	No, you had a moderately normal inclination.
	Yep.
	I'm too lazy to be Japanese due to the Puerto Rican nature of myself.
	Oh, dude.
	We got to do a Puerto Rican guide tomorrow.
	Okay.
	I'd rather not.
	All signs are pointing towards it.
	I don't see how we cannot.
	And we should cover 10 things I've learned about Puerto Ricans.
	And you should get heavily involved, especially when it comes to the weird thing with the S, which I can't really explain.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	Well, I'll save it for then.
	But yeah, there is an S thing.
	John Laguziano is like, yeah.
	Phil.
	956.
	You're on the line.
	I wanted to take control of this platform as a way to come out as a proud member of the Rad Zone and a pro-FroBro of Ryan Catsu Rivera.
	I like the way this guy's thinking, man.
	Come here.
	Come on.
	And I was hoping if it wasn't too much troll, if I could just get a detailed description of his penis.
	Sounds like we got a fag on the line, boys.
	Rad zone.
	Sounds like we got a homo coming in this show, boys.
	It's a lot thicker than it is long.
	He's got chode, man.
	I got like 26 other things I wanted to bring up, too.
	Okay, well, that's it for you.
	Thanks for calling.
	Why don't you show your dick right now, Ryan?
	I'm not going to do that.
	Why not?
	Because I've got a child in this world and I've got dignity all of a sudden.
	Sorry, ladies.
	So your child's going to go, yeah, I used to love my dad, but on his vidcast.
	And another thing is my wife, man.
	My wife married me.
	That's her penis, man.
	That's not my penis.
	We got to share everybody's penis.
	We got to know what she was.
	Are you the mumbling guy from King of the Hill?
	Man, I don't know, man.
	America's about more than just sniffing kids' heads.
	Nothing sniffing kids' heads.
	The pool's got chlorine in it, man.
	You got to take a dip.
	You merged two characters.
	Yes.
	Did that guy send you the number now?
	I want to call her.
	Let's see.
	What's the S thing somebody asked?
	Isn't it weird how you give someone an opportunity like that?
	Well, give him a quadriblegic amount of time to do it.
	I don't know if it boops, but 541, you're on the road.
	My wife, man.
	My wife married me.
	Hey, that's the show.
	Hey, we can hear this.
	You know what's funny?
	You hear the show in the background, you're like, that sounds like a funny show.
	That sounds like that show, yeah.
	What's up, guys?
	What's up, guy?
	What up, nigga?
	Hey, I want to go.
	What's up, nigga?
	Oh, shit.
	I want to say thank you, Kevin, for making foreskins great again.
	Giving me a lot of confidence.
	God's plan.
	With having a foreskin, and I just wanted to say, from all of us foreskin havers, that I appreciate it.
	You know what?
	I just learned about a foreskin like a year ago.
	You don't need lube.
	I used to pull back my foreskin and go to put it in a lady.
	No, you put your foreskin forward.
	You put the foreskin together at her pussy lips, right?
	And then you go into the pussy.
	Oh, usually by that time, you're already pretty stiff and that thing's already pulled back.
	No, no, no, no.
	Don't do that.
	I don't care.
	Then pull it forward again.
	Put the foreskin over your boner and put it up against her pussy lips.
	And then this, this, the head never touches the world.
	Similarly, if you want to fuck a chick up the ass, you can do the exact same thing.
	Like, there's no need For lube, it's almost like a space capsule where, like, I go into the chamber and I never see the outside world because there's an intermediary stage with the foreskin.
	Yeah, avoid that old poop shoot if at all possible.
	Maybe we're getting it advanced.
	I don't want you to get monkeypox, but if you fucking check, she could be dry as a fucking bone.
	Bane.
	And you just put the foreskin up against the lips and I moved with a girl for shit.
	Wait, what?
	Two years?
	She had blown my bink, and she didn't know for like two years that I wasn't cut.
	And then I guess one night she came home from work and try to give me a blowjob while I was sleeping on the couch.
	And she found out after like two years, and she was all kind of like, I had no idea.
	So you sound southern.
	Why are you uncircumcised?
	I never brought it up.
	My mom's kind of a hippie when she grew up.
	She had me pretty young.
	Yeah.
	I live in Oregon, actually, kind of like I think one of the previous callers.
	Southern Oregon, not like those fags up in Portland down here in southern Oregon.
	We actually got some nuts.
	This is Trump country.
	All right, buddy.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	This is great info.
	You know, we had, I was talking to a guy the other night whose uncle was a Jesuit, like a priest who goes around the world trying to convert people to Catholicism or Christianity, whatever.
	And I go, yeah, he was in Japan.
	He was in South Korea for like seven years.
	I go, there's plenty of places that need saving in America.
	It's called the south side of Chicago.
	It's called Baltimore.
	Like, why didn't he choose that?
	And he goes, it's not up to you.
	You don't choose it.
	The diocese, whatever the fuck it is, says, you're on your way to the Congo now.
	And they decide.
	But why wouldn't you fix your house?
	Why would you go get on a plane and go fix your neighbor's house when your house is falling apart?
	Stay here.
	I'm a nationalist.
	If you want to spread Christianity, God bless you, literally.
	But like spread it in the slums of America.
	Why the fuck are you in a butt-fucked, shitty, retarded country like Korea?
	Like they're obsessed with plastic surgery.
	It's another universe.
	You're basically in outer space.
	If you're in Asia, Tokyo is on Mars, right?
	It's on Mars.
	That video we saw, well, you didn't see it, but we showed it, the picture from it.
	And it's the worst thing that's happened to me this year.
	And I watched a Chinese child drown, an eight-year-old boy drown in a pool in China.
	I wish I had not seen it.
	I would do anything to remove it from my brain.
	But people were walking by him.
	People watched him die the same way you might watch a millipede die.
	And they just didn't give a fuck.
	And I'm like, you're different.
	You don't need Christianity.
	I'm not spreading it there.
	I might get there when North America is at 100% and Europe is at 100%.
	Okay.
	Maybe we can go start with like North Africa.
	Maybe some Eastern European countries, maybe?
	But like, he spent seven years in South Korea?
	Gross.
	By the way, we've had no live chats.
	What's with the super chats?
	Ryan, those should just be a column up the side.
	I'm not a dude, don't you think?
	That would have been exposed when I checked into a Russia prison.
	I have three chromosomes.
	Many of us with this condition are born with our dicks and look like chicks.
	First of all, I have a bad feeling that's not Brittany Grenier.
	Secondly, you are a dude, dude.
	And your DNA is about to be exposed.
	I think it's possible that Russia planted this shit on you because they wanted this news story.
	You know what?
	If your country is at war with the, as far as landmass goes, the largest country in the world, maybe don't play basketball there.
	Say, I'm taking a timeout.
	Would you rather your nose whistle every time you breathe or be constantly clearing your throat?
	It's a good one, actually.
	One of the top 10 creepiest things that ever happened to me was I was about 16 years old, lying with a girl that I had just booned.
	And I liked her very much.
	And every time I breathed, my nose would make a whistle.
	Every time you broke.
	Every time I broathed, my nose would make a whistle.
	And made me feel very embarrassed.
	Next call.
	Okay.
	We have...
	No sign from the GIMP, by the way.
	Maybe he was lying.
	Mikey.
	Mikey!
	Come on, man.
	Mike!
	That guy fucking gave it.
	Mike!
	I'm fucking sweating my balls off!
	Just go somewhere else.
	Just fucking leave.
	Mike!
	He's fucking sleeping.
	He's asleep.
	$10 is a fucking deal, man.
	Just come back fucking later.
	He's sleeping.
	Come on, Mike!
	Just shut the fuck up and leave.
	Mike!
	Mike!
	Shut the fuck up and leave.
	He literally does that.
	The charge thing.
	He just leaves.
	He's up to leave.
	Alright, guys.
	Holy shit.
	Just fall down the stairs?
	Get up.
	You clumsy.
	Back on the phone.
	Pat Dixon needs to go on studio.
	Pray for Joshua Cash.
	MDE.
	World Peace should be in the top 10 comedies.
	Oh, true.
	Good night, faggot.
	Good call.
	That hurts.
	Well, the faggot part.
	I got to admit, you know what's weird?
	I never thought of that.
	MDE?
	Yeah.
	Well, yeah, because the story became, they got fucked over.
	So the content is like almost in a different realm.
	That's unusual.
	It's like the fact that they got fucked over by Josh Libenstein, whatever the fuck his name was.
	Jode Bernstein.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, the other guy.
	When I go into my files and I look under funny shows, it's not there.
	Yeah.
	When I go in my files under people who've been fucked over by cancel culture, it's at the front.
	Right.
	So this is intense.
	They've erased the...
	Because they erased the jovial nature of the show.
	They erased all the funniness that that show brought the world.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	That is fucking funny.
	That's weird.
	They made them into a political pariah, which they were not going for.
	Sam Hyde was just trying to be funny, and he did an incredible job.
	He did a great job.
	But Jewbag took that funniness from my brain, removed it, and put it in a new political file.
	Which is a kind of a victory for him.
	Because he's clearly mad that Sam is funny.
	And he wants some sort of revenge.
	Dude.
	How you doing, Nasquita?
	Listen up and listen good.
	Since the beginning of recorded history, the white man's been coming up with technologies, cultures, civilizations worth keeping, worth saving, worth giving a damn about.
	Thank you, white man, for inventing the computer, the microwave, computer, medicine, electricity, sanitation, theory of evolution, the radio, the pencil, Western law,
	cotton candy, freedom of speech, the sewing machine, discover our DNA, the atom, discover us the cell, the camera, Christless, and Wu Was Kane.
	It's working.
	Thank you, white people.
	Thank you for creating a society where people don't shit in the street or beat their kids all day.
	And thank you for letting us use your pristine, clean emergency rooms.
	And thank you for all the free money.
	Wow.
	Oh, and by the way, did you know I'm 1-8 Hoppy Indian?
	I don't give a fuck about that.
	They skipped the Asian, which is the funny part.
	It's like, yeah, you're good.
	Yeah, you're fine.
	Excuse me, Mr. Yoohoo.
	Hi, hi.
	thanks for giving women the vote.
	What happened to your boulder, goy?
	I don't know.
	I wasn't looking.
	Next thing I knew, boulder's gone.
	I guess I'm a stupid goy.
	You're white.
	You're white.
	You're white.
	That's an insult to Jews.
	You're white.
	You're white.
	I say that to my neighbors that terrorize my children and my wife.
	I go, you know that you're all rich white people who terrorized a Native American family, right?
	Yeah.
	Like when this shows up in court and I sue you, it's going to appear in the court documents as all white neighborhood.
	And you can say, well, we're half Jewish, whatever.
	All white neighborhood ostracizes Native American family.
	Why'd you do that?
	Brandon?
	At least give us a break.
	Brandon, you work in ESG at one of the top investment firms in the world.
	What are they called again?
	I forget what they're called.
	But your job.
	like, oh, no, you're good.
	Just for the white people.
	Yeah.
	Then he gets mad.
	Yeah.
	I said that joke in my music group and it got a little quiet with some of my more.
	Yeah, Italians get rid of him with that.
	I love that joke.
	I told you that a million years ago with Tommy Bags.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Back in my cool gym.
	Yeah.
	He's like, fuck, it's hot in here, right?
	And they go, dude, imagine you were white.
	I'm fucking boiling alive here.
	Oh, my God.
	You're lucky.
	They hate it.
	Dude, he would sweat so much.
	He's called Tommy Bags because he has bags of money because he replenishes ATM machines.
	He should be called Aquaman.
	The fucking, you need to literally mop the heavy bag underneath him because it's so drenched.
	And I've sparred with him, and he's, like all good fighters, he knows not to kill me.
	So he takes it easy.
	And if I do like a good combination, he's like, all right, he'll say good, and then he'll give me a few wallops.
	But I've gotten his fucking spit, his not spit, his sweat in my eyeball.
	I've felt one of his globules go into my actual eyeball, and I've blinked.
	So if he has AIDS, I got AIDS.
	I don't know if that's how AIDS works, but that is disgusting.
	Instead of a step jab, he does like a slip jab.
	I sweat a lot too during the boxing, too.
	Did you notice?
	Fucking gross.
	It's like a lot.
	No, nothing.
	You know what would be cool, dude?
	What's up?
	At our new shitty gym with the fucking bullshit.
	We're not in a real gym, just so you know.
	We're at an abandoned Mad Max aerobicized gym.
	But it would be cool on the Friday night fights if I could bring in the guys from my old gym.
	We're all still friends.
	We got our female on the line.
	Oh, hello?
	From our crippled buddy.
	Oh, are you the crippled chick?
	KB.
	Yes?
	So you're considering dating a severely crippled man?
	Yes, I am.
	So you're mentally handicapped.
	That's good.
	Are you far away from him?
	Yes, I am.
	I live a few states away.
	And how old are you?
	35.
	So you don't have any interests or hopes for kids of your own, I guess?
	No, not really.
	It's not really happening.
	What happened?
	Why did you snooze so long?
	You lost?
	I don't know, really.
	Do you watch this show?
	Are you familiar with Get Off My Lawn?
	I am.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	So why are you interested in a man whose body does not work?
	I don't know.
	He's a nice guy.
	His heart still works, doesn't it?
	Yeah.
	My advice would be dump his crippled ass.
	Sorry.
	Nothing's happening there.
	Take the handles and push forward.
	Dump for him.
	Sorry.
	I don't even think he'd be mad.
	Like, if you went behind him and you were near a ditch and you were just like, sorry, he'd be like, oh, I get it.
	Like, at least you could take a refugee, some Syrian four with a weird beard with no mustache, and he'd at least be able to take you out for ice cream.
	True.
	You have low, like, if you date a GIMP, you have low self-esteem.
	I'm sorry.
	But on the real, though, if you did get with him, you know.
	But on the real, we're about to get on the real, yo.
	I just laughed so hard.
	You got fucking...
	We're about to get some Bronx advice.
	Yo, I'm going to tell you nigga from Co-op City.
	Yo, on some real shit.
	You thought you were like, it's too late for kids.
	You get with this dude, you inherit a kid.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Y'all got to go through that baby diaper shit.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You got a kid who can play basketball with you.
	Yeah, I hope this guy doesn't cancel his subscription, but if you're in a wheelchair, you're not dateable.
	Sorry.
	Honestly, what?
	She was going to say.
	All right.
	Wait, what were you going to say?
	No, I'm going to dump him.
	I'm going to get rid of him.
	Yeah, just dump him.
	Get an ugly guy.
	At least ugly guys are mobile.
	True.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	By the way, I'd like to fuck you next time I'm in town.
	Oh, no.
	Les Ryan Moore Sylvia.
	Sylvia spelled wrong.
	S-Y.
	You think Sylvia would know how to spell her own name?
	Sylvia.
	I mean, the fuck?
	She fucking...
	We haven't plugged the live show.
	Guys, we are.
	I like how I drive down there in what I consider my pajamas.
	And I sorry, my mind just went blank.
	You're just thinking of you in pajamas?
	No, I assume at the show, Dallas tickets.
	I think we had too many gigs.
	We opened up Dallas into four gigs.
	We're having trouble selling all four gigs.
	I think it's the confusion, right?
	Yeah, we oversold it.
	So we were like, oh, we need to open up like three more days or two more days.
	So it went from one show to four shows.
	And now I'm worried it's going to be like empty on one of the days.
	The thing, it's a little confusing how to buy them on there.
	Oh, let's see if we could walk.
	I'm doing Glenn Beck the day of that show.
	Maybe that'll help.
	But I did have, you know, when you have the terrors at night?
	My two tears were I'm bald and Dallas is going to be a flop.
	So here, guys, if you go to, you know, what is it called?
	Tanurl.com slash censored live.
	You go to the Dallas part of that.
	Friday, Saturday, select a date.
	That's where you can obviously select a date.
	And it tells you there's two shows on each day.
	And so it's a little confusing.
	We're losing to the fucking Braves right now.
	But then when you get there, you can see that there's different times.
	Shit.
	Fuck.
	There's different times.
	And you know what?
	For the later shows, I'm thinking maybe you'll get a kind of a wilder, sloppier show.
	We got some drinks in us by this time.
	So you might see a really wild-ass show.
	If you want to play it a little safe and see, like, oh, I have like a nice show.
	No, that's bullshit.
	Shut up.
	It's going to be intense.
	Shit up.
	The last ones, I think.
	Now, the early ones, still going to be a lot of fun, too.
	Yeah.
	You were in your pajamas, you went over to Sil's house.
	Oh, yeah.
	Sorry.
	So I went over to Silva's.
	That's what we're doing.
	Sorry.
	So I run down to her house to save her life, and I'm thinking about whether I have to French kiss her or not.
	And then she's like, what, you couldn't get me a glass of water?
	Yeah.
	No wonder the cops said she's a pain in the ass.
	Hey, Gab, I bet you can't say the letter E, but make your mouth an O shape 2.
	E. E. E. Rye, can you do a Crowder or Ethan Klein impression?
	I could probably do a Crowder.
	Ethan Klein, I probably can't do because he's too swarthy, and I can't even start to do an Ethan Klein impression.
	No, I can say, like, Crowder talks so fast, he must be on Coke.
	I think people don't understand how Coke works.
	It's just like three coffees.
	Please leave your message for Soviet Auditing.
	Senabria.
	Damn, that's a government.
	I miss Gary.
	I don't.
	I know you don't.
	You miss Gary?
	You don't miss Gary.
	Yes, I do.
	I have a picture of him right here.
	I have that picture that he showed us of him when he was young right there.
	Yeah, you never look at it.
	You don't care about it.
	I do look at it.
	You know less about you than I know about you.
	You feel nothing for Gary.
	That's not true.
	Yes, it is.
	No, it's not.
	You think about Gary once a week for a nanosecond.
	Yes.
	I appreciate Ryan representing the best state in America.
	Have you guys ever spent any time out here in Montana?
	Yes.
	I told you when I got that hat at the barbecue place in whenever it was, the woman goes, I go, I fucking love it here.
	It's beautiful.
	And she goes, yeah, well, don't tell your friends.
	The reason I'm not moving there is it doesn't seem that conducive to young men playing baseball.
	It seems a little too spread out.
	But as soon as all my kids go to fucking college, I'm there, dude.
	Excuse me.
	It's awesome.
	Ew, gross.
	Sorry.
	That weird burp was...
	I did apologize.
	It sounded like a thing at a fair breaking.
	I heard you shit yourself.
	I didn't shit myself.
	It sounded like it bubbles.
	Okay, that doesn't mean I shit myself.
	Well, it was a foam fart.
	What?
	It was a foam fart.
	No, you made a gross burp that made everyone uncomfortable.
	My fart was just a normal fart that you decided was a shark.
	A normal fart that comes out of your butt is grosser than a burp that comes out of my mouth.
	That's not true.
	Yes, it is.
	That's a lie.
	I'll Google it.
	The media tells you that.
	Alexa, who's right?
	Me or Gavin?
	You are.
	Thank you.
	I was sitting talking to someone about our business with Sensor, and I was like, if this happens, we should try to get this thing going on.
	And this person shouldn't work there, and this person should work there.
	And I look over at my Alexa in my home.
	It's like, can't they hide that?
	Just like taking in all the info.
	Wow.
	And I was just like, ew.
	I pulled out the plug.
	Yeah, dude.
	Why have that?
	What's this shit?
	So this is based on the bigotry of low expectations.
	Check out this new home improvement show that Netflix just released, Instant Dream Home.
	I'm up late watching garbage while I work.
	Take a guess who the team leader, quote-unquote, is.
	If you guessed the incompetent black heifer, you'd be right.
	She's basically there.
	I don't know.
	Here she is.
	Here she is.
	Hold on.
	Stop the presses.
	Hello?
	Okay.
	Gavin?
	He's just called.
	He's calling you?
	You're on the show.
	He should be doing the show.
	Gavin?
	Yeah.
	You got to tell me.
	Aren't you doing the show tonight?
	I'm doing the show right now.
	You're on the air.
	Oh, nice to talk to you.
	Hello.
	Oh, Sylvia said you just called.
	You're trying to get Sylvia?
	This is Amy.
	Yeah, I just wanted to say, like, why couldn't she come on the show tonight?
	Is she under the weather?
	I don't think I guess.
	Well, she claims she's sick and dying, and she couldn't make it.
	Come on, now, dying.
	But sick and dying, like, we're all dying.
	I mean, when is she going to die?
	Like, in an hour or in a month?
	I hope not.
	Once it's a month.
	And they told me today.
	Actually.
	I have business something in my house.
	Actually, she's probably got some hot gentleman caller that we don't know about.
	And when I leave the apartment, he's going to show up here in a G-string and do a Chippendale dance for her.
	That might be why she didn't come tonight.
	Will he be white or black?
	What race will this gentleman caller be?
	Oh, she says he's Asian, so...
	He's not only bringing her some mugo guy can, but he's bringing her the cream of some young, some young guy.
	I'm trying to use ESCO!
	I guess that's why she popped out of the show in reality.
	Well, that's a good excuse.
	Yeah, I think she just has a list of boy toys that have been shot up by my level age.
	Okay, she's got a list of boy toys, so I guess that's why she's trying to kick me out early.
	Okay.
	Well, if there's gonna be, if there's gonna be Hunky Chinks giving Cream of Sun Young Guy, that is a good excuse, and I forgive her.
	That's totally forgivable.
	You're the best, Gavin.
	You're the man.
	Thank you for forgiving her.
	She means well.
	All right.
	Stop talking about death, for God's sake.
	Okay, bye.
	My son's on a cover.
	I want to move down south, but there's something about New Yorkers that...
	No, of course.
	I don't know, man.
	Like, That's just that's some random chick.
	I don't know her.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's just such quality.
	Did you know that I never did?
	Cream of some young guy.
	And he's a retard.
	He's a reta?
	Is this in a foreign country, Israel?
	I had to look down when she looks down afterwards.
	Yeah, they're gold.
	All right, damn.
	We're down to the why here.
	Yeah, we've got 12 callitos.
	We've got five minutes left.
	12 callitos.
	I don't know if we can get them all in one some dumb shot, but let's see.
	Dan, tipping.
	All right.
	Yep.
	Your turn, Belgo.
	Who is this?
	Say your thing and fuck off, please.
	All right, so my question is, how much do you usually tip and why is it more than zero dollars?
	Because I want further service.
	I want to ingratiate myself with the bartender, the barmaid.
	I'm usually at a place I go to a lot.
	And I also think charity is bullshit.
	I mean, the Knights of Columbus, the Catholic Church pushes this charity.
	And these charities only have to declare, what, 10 to 20% of what you give them goes to it.
	When you give someone a gigantic tip, not only are you saying, please give me free booze in the future, you're saying, I appreciate you.
	It's a great way to donate to people who are actually working hard.
	So today, there's times, and I often, I'm known as a big tipper in bars, at my bars.
	So I'll usually get like $10 on $20 worth of booze.
	So I tip $20, and I'm giving 100% tip to say, thanks for the favor, but also I'm giving money to the people who deserve it.
	Now, as far as traveling goes, that argument doesn't really hold water, but you don't travel that much.
	So tip fucking big.
	You're giving money to people who are working.
	Well, at least you admit it's charity.
	Yeah.
	What do you miss the pick?
	What are you anti-tip?
	You sound very white for a black dude.
	You're culturally appropriating, sir.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Exclaim.
	They don't work for me, so they don't work for me, so I don't want to fucking...
	No, he's white.
	I want to buy a bike, but I've never ridden one.
	Never drove a stick shift either.
	Was a good starter bike other than the Vespa.
	Vespa is for faggots that Tony got screwed on by Johnny.
	It's like, just get it like a...
	Like, the thing about motorcycles is it's not like 100 CCs is different from 1,000 CCs.
	It's not like it's a puppy versus a tiger.
	As far as your day-to-day goes, it's the same sort of journey.
	In fact, I would argue that a 1,200cc bike is actually easier to navigate.
	It's not going to overheat.
	It's going to get the job done.
	I mean, so I would just, let's say 750 cc's.
	I don't fucking know.
	But a motorcycle is a motorcycle.
	Get a 50 cc moped for scooting around town.
	I heard that out.
	But never get, never, a man cannot ride a moped where you sit in it like a secretary with your knees together.
	Not acceptable.
	Never.
	And if you're on motorcycles with your friends and yours breaks down and he goes, just hop on the back of mine and we'll take you to the garage.
	No, you got to walk.
	A man can never be on a scooter and a man can never be on the back of a motorcycle.
	No.
	When I was looking at bikes, I was told, I was like, oh, I want something easy, like a 650 or something like that, or 400.
	And they were like, you're going to want the 1,200 because you're going to get experience and you're going to wish you had that extra power.
	And I was like, yeah, it's just more power.
	You don't have to use it.
	But you're in a conundrum on the highway and you want to go speed up.
	It's not like 50.
	Yeah, it's not like a gun.
	Like, I get it with the gun.
	The kickback on a 22 is and the kickback on a 30-odd 6 hurts your shoulder.
	I get that.
	But these are all the same bullets.
	There's just more speed or something.
	Yeah, more capacity.
	More oomph.
	That can get you to get one minute left.
	Like the sharper the knife, the safer it is, too.
	Exactly.
	That's a good analogy for once in your life.
	Thank you, God.
	Oh, I'm God.
	No, no, no.
	I thank God for talking about that.
	That's very flattering.
	I didn't know that I'm God to Ryan.
	You should worship the actual God in me like I do worship God.
	Stop worshiping me.
	Look up.
	Look north for your worship.
	I did look up north.
	Don't worship your worship.
	The camera wasn't on me, but I looked up and I said, thanks, God.
	40 hours a week.
	And then he went through you.
	Don't get involved in this guy.
	Get involved in that guy.
	That's the guy you shot.
	No, I didn't.
	That is the main thing.
	You asked him?
	Up north.
	He shot it through you.
	Look straight up.
	I didn't create the universe.
	All the good things that happen in the world are life.
	I talked to contractors and had them build the studio.
	The guy you're worshiping.
	The big guy through the entire universe, everything around us, the entire universe.
	I am gay.
	Oops, I just.
	Last call.
	860.
	You're on the Lero.
	So you talk about.
	Thanks for calling, guys.
	Great show.
	Fun Thursday night.
	I think we all had a good time.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.

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