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Aug. 8, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:09:28

GOML LIVE #160 - AVOCADO TOAST (Part 1)

After trying to figure out why some dude in a giant costume would avoid black kids, we take a bunch of calls including some dude who accidentally got a chick pregnant but proudly declares he doesn't eat hipster food.

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	BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG Live from New York, it's "Get Off My Lawn" with Gavin McInnis!
	BANG BANG BANG BANG
	See, I have buns in there.
	Who is that guy, Ryan?
	Some gay fucking band.
	I hate seeing buttcheeks.
	That's so gay.
	Oh, you do not like the buttcheeks.
	Ryan, I own chaps.
	Well, I'm sure you wear stuff under the chaps.
	It's just it don't cost a dollar.
	Strutton.
	Who is that by, Ryan?
	Some gay fucking band.
	I hate seeing butt cheeks.
	That's so gay.
	Oh, you do not like the butt cheeks.
	Ryan, I own chaps.
	You own chaps?
	Well, I'm sure you wear stuff under the chaps.
	Sure.
	Unless it's hot.
	It's just, I like, it's so gross to see buttcheeks, guys buttcheeks, that's disgusting.
	That's gay.
	So what's the name of the band?
	Oh.
	Um, they're called the Humpasaurus.
	Oh yeah, Humpasaurus.
	Bunch of sexy guys.
	It's a little, uh, similar to Primus.
	Yeah, I can see that.
	When we were setting up the show, Ryan was playing like Cambried and Cobria.
	No, it was not Cobria.
	Fucking garbage.
	It was not Coheed.
	Guitar center teacher garbage shit.
	Not true.
	And then I put on, or someone, he puts on Rock the Casbah, but it comes on.
	I put it on.
	Yeah, but it's because of me you put it on.
	Yes.
	So I put it on.
	And I go, see, how can you not objectively see that this song is better than the Guitar Center shit you were playing?
	And he's like, I want to see what the new guys are up to.
	I want to see what the new guys, that's old stuff.
	Okay, that dumb song is new.
	That's funny and weird and interesting.
	Like your Guitar Center shit is fucking garbage.
	It's for people who teach guitar.
	I do teach guitar.
	And because you're Puerto Rican that means basura.
	You don't teach guitar.
	I've taught.
	To who?
	My daughter for one night?
	I've taught other people guitar.
	How many times?
	My friend Frank Howell, I taught him how to play La Bamba and Free Fallin.
	Play that shit you were playing before, just so everyone can see your terrible taste in music.
	Okay, warning, this is a banger.
	Let me guess, it's Slap.
	It's slap.
	This is the tag zone music.
	I work out to that.
	It's like emo Motley Crue.
	It's fucking, you should be embarrassed.
	It's tight.
	Welcome back, Matty Odell.
	Hey everybody, good to see you.
	I hate your taste in music.
	That's fine.
	It's not different.
	It doesn't shake me one little... It's not like when I see someone into polka music and I go, oh, I don't get that, or someone into rap and I'm like, I'm not a big rap guy, or country I respect, but your taste in music doesn't slap.
	Oh, it slaps.
	And you know how I react when you tell me my music doesn't slap?
	You play Melissa Etheridge again and say, that don't impress me much.
	That's Shania, How Dare You.
	I do this, I go, Is that a booger?
	Oh, so you do one of my jokes when I insult you?
	Okay, I got you.
	Maybe that's from yesterday.
	I don't remember eating that.
	You offered to teach me how to play the guitar.
	I could, and I will.
	Cover the New York Post, 10 people, 945 days, 485 crimes.
	Cover the New York Post, 10 people, 945 days, 485 crimes.
	Most are still free.
	It is a fucking war zone in this town, folks.
	An absolute shithole war zone.
	I saw the Daily Mail.
	I just sent you this.
	They found one of these guys.
	These career criminals.
	Me?
	New York City's most... Oh, not anymore, dude.
	You did like four crimes.
	that you got caught for.
	This guy has been arrested how many times?
	101 arrests. - Wow. - It's like Dalmatians. - For repeated raids on Target and other stores.
	Raids, you raided Target many times.
	And you see this guy, Harold Gooden, and you're like, he's a master thief.
	He's like in that new, speaking of 101 Dalmatians, that new Disney movie that's all a punky that my daughter watched and loved.
	The girl with the half black hair with Kirsten Dunst.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	No, no.
	That wouldn't pass me by.
	The new like Cruella de Vil thing.
	It's the history of Cruella de Vil.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it didn't pass you by.
	You watched it as an adult.
	You said new.
	That was two years ago.
	Yeah, well in the history of film it's considered pretty new.
	But you know those kind of bad guys, those kind of career criminals who like steal a locket?
	Do you see the numbers though?
	101 arrests, 15 convictions.
	Not a good ratio.
	No.
	See, when I see this guy, I don't think of like the old burglar like in Disney cartoons where they have the black thing around, they have the striped thing.
	This guy is an imbecile.
	Like, I don't think he's, uh... Hello?
	I don't think it goes up, Ryan.
	Oh, turn the whole thing up.
	I don't think this guy is like, ooh, I've got a new plan to invade Target this time, where we're gonna go through the back door.
	Like, you watch Better Call Saul, the new Better Call Saul, and he starts giving the security guard Cinnabons, and he notices that it takes him like 3.8 seconds to eat a Cinnabon, and he's not looking at the screens when he eats it, so then he plans an attack to rob all these stores based on 3.8 minutes.
	The guy hits his head and gets knocked out, and that fucks up the whole plan, but the point is, That there's some scheming going on.
	I don't think this is a schemer.
	No, that's the guy sitting on a milk crate in front of the bodega around the corner.
	Yeah, this is a lemur, not a schemer.
	This is a... look at the fucking art he likes.
	This is a retard.
	This is a guy who would make Ryan Rivera look like a super genius.
	He is a super genius.
	According to our sources, Ryan Katzu Rivera was caught on hidden camera being a secret genius and liking the coolest music that actually slaps.
	Speaking of genius, let's, uh, I want to give you guys a little brain teaser.
	Sure.
	Okay?
	I sent you a picture, Ryan, and I want all three of us to try to figure it out.
	Gotcha.
	Truth be told, I spent 20 minutes on this and I think I got it.
	So I'm cheating.
	And I think Maddie might come close.
	But I could, I could lock Ryan in a cell for three years.
	I would not like that.
	And I could be like, Ryan, you can get out the second you solve this mystery.
	What the fuck happened here?
	The second you solve it, you're out.
	I know what it is already.
	Okay.
	What happened?
	That's the fucking tracks that a fucking horseshoe crab makes.
	Okay.
	We're not, that's the step one.
	So what happened here?
	Go back to the picture.
	That's a horseshoe crab in the middle.
	Right.
	So it went in a circle?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Why is it where the circle meets the main track?
	There's no overlap.
	There's a disturbance there behind his tail.
	Yes, but where, where at the top there, where the loop meets itself, there's no disturbance.
	So it had to have started there.
	Or maybe he was there and another one walked around him.
	What do you think, Ryan?
	Hmm.
	I'm still, uh... Yeah, unfortunately, Matty nailed it, so Ryan can just sit here in the dust.
	I don't see those anymore.
	Like, when I was a kid growing up, at the beach, there was horseshoe crabs everywhere.
	That's why it looks like tire tracks in the sand.
	Right.
	Here's what happened.
	You ready?
	The horseshoe crab you saw is dead.
	So go back to the picture.
	Tides coming in and out, in and out.
	A horseshoe crab is deposited where that braid meets the tracks.
	That's where it lands from scratch.
	The water washes out.
	The dead horseshoe crab is already there.
	It then goes ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka.
	Wait, the other way.
	Ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka tick That's what happened.
	That horseshoe crab you see has nothing to do with those horseshoe crab tracks.
	It's a red herring.
	That is your conjecture on Somalis.
	We have no proof.
	Now can you imagine how long Ryan would be in a cell trying to understand even the question?
	And this is why we should annex Puerto Rico.
	Just let it go.
	Why do we have Puerto Rico?
	It's only a commonwealth.
	It's like Guam.
	I know, but they get our welfare.
	Cut them loose.
	What have they brought us besides Ryan Rivera?
	And the only reason he has an IQ is because his penis injected a Puerto Rican with some Japanese sperm.
	There are some hot Puerto Rican chicks.
	Yes, I'm not going to deny that.
	And Cardi Rum.
	So that's the only reason we have Puerto Rico is for sexiness?
	And they're good boxers.
	Like who?
	It's questionable.
	Uh, I don't know.
	Koto?
	Is that one?
	Koko, the gorilla?
	Koto?
	Yeah.
	I got my glasses on.
	What about these?
	But you can't do these.
	What, what are those?
	The diving bell that Psylocke Fox and Max Mouse are using has snapped its chain.
	A rescue team can reach Skylock and Max within 20 minutes, but there are only 50 minutes of air left.
	What will Skylock do?
	Can he just open that and they can swim up?
	Let's see.
	Solution.
	He'll use the lug wrench to remove the sunken car's tires and release the air into the diving bell.
	Oh, that's weird.
	Yeah.
	Wait a minute.
	How do we know that the lug wrench will open that door?
	The sunken car's tires.
	Oh, release their air into the diving bell.
	Is that good air?
	Is that breathable air?
	Check this one out, but don't read the... Maybe in a pinch, I wouldn't want to take it right out of the fucking tire.
	No thanks.
	Two treasure hunters are trying to divide items they retrieved from an undersea shipwreck.
	How does Slylock Fox suggest the quarreling shipmates arrange their split so that way each feels equally satisfied?
	Well, that's easy.
	They break each and every item in two and they each take half.
	Hmm.
	Let's see.
	Anyway, we should get started.
	Well, let's see if you're right.
	Can you print out the sponsors tonight, Ryan?
	I think our ad sales guy is back.
	Yes.
	I don't know what's going on with her.
	Solution.
	Slylock suggests one partner divide the items into two piles and the other partner be given first choice.
	Yeah, that's how you split a cookie.
	That's like the problem with your retard kid ones is they're so simple that it's impossible to figure out how retarded they are.
	I see.
	Like everyone knows if you want to split something with someone the other guy cuts it and then the other guy chooses.
	That's from like kindergarten.
	But way to take my totally cool thing and make it kindergarten.
	Yeah, so we'd like to thank our sponsors tonight.
	I think we have some new ones.
	Ryan, are they behind you?
	Yeah, they're printing right now.
	Let's start with Nita Fashions.
	Haven't given them a shout out in a while.
	I usually wear a suit on the show and when I wear a suit, don't worry about printing out the others until I'm done this readout.
	Focus on pulling up Nita Fashions.
	The way it works is you contact them.
	Now, there's a million ways you can do this, obviously.
	But what I'm noticing is the pattern with our viewers, our subscribers, and that is they contact them on their Instagram page.
	They DM them.
	This is what the kids are up to today.
	And they say, hey, I'd like to meet you online.
	And so they meet online, and they set up a meeting where they get measured.
	And the guy's girlfriend, whatever...
	Does all the various basic chest measurements, inseam, all that stuff.
	The next thing you know, they have like a blueprint of your body.
	And then you can start going through swatches, suits.
	I sent them a suit I saw in an old timey picture and they made it.
	But once they have your blueprint, then they can make anything for you.
	A suit, a shirt, a cheap $50 shirt, a super thick, cool, high quality $250 shirt.
	Whatever you want.
	You can have one suit, you can have a hundred suits.
	Every time, almost every time you see me wearing a suit on the show, it's a Nina fashion suit.
	And I gotta say, it's one of the most comfortable experiences in the world to have a suit that is personally tailored to you.
	It feels amazing.
	What's going on with that second picture there with the black guy?
	That looks like a dress.
	Is he wearing a dress?
	He's obscured by a stump.
	Oh, you're banned from the internet.
	So I can't even click the picture.
	I thought you were gonna use mine.
	I can log in with yours?
	I don't care.
	Oh, I see.
	There's a stump in the way.
	That would be funny if they just made a nice dress.
	You know, one time I was getting fitted for Anita Fashions because they also, I didn't mention this, because the odds of it matching up with you are pretty low, but they also do these tours where they're in New York, Glasgow, fucking San Diego, San Jose, whatever.
	They're all over the world.
	And you go and get fitted for that.
	And then one time I was there and there was a woman there.
	And I was like, what, what are you doing here?
	Why do you guys always have to come to our things?
	And I said to the guys, I go, what's going on with her?
	And they go, oh, she wants like a custom skirt and stuff.
	And female clients are tough because they always want, you know, you to revamp it and they don't like the way it turns here and twists there.
	And I was like, it's like a woman showing up to a barbershop, which happens all the time.
	And you go, can we have, we don't want a lot of areas.
	We want barbershops, custom fittings with tailors, and dive bars.
	I think that's it.
	Yeah.
	I can live on that.
	That's all we ask.
	100%?
	It's like the gays.
	We gave them Israel.
	We gave them the West Village.
	And then we see the East Village.
	They're all holding hands.
	And I'm like, no problem with the gays.
	I moved into the city when I was 18 in 1988.
	I've never not been around gays.
	But we gave you a quadrant.
	We gave you a zone.
	Christopher Street.
	And then you go to Hell's Kitchen, and it's feather boas and leather pants and holding hands and you're like, wait, so now you have the Lower West Side, the Lower East Side, and the Upper, sort of the Upper East Side.
	Sort of the Southern Upper East Side.
	Like, guys, they just keep fucking spreading.
	And it's the same with women.
	Anyway, I'm not sure they'd like me shitting on broads in our, um, Need of Fashions segment.
	What if they would do a kilt?
	What?
	Would they make a kilt?
	I'm sure they can.
	Nice.
	Dude, I sent them a Jesse James suit and they made it.
	Sweet.
	So anyway, check out Need of Fashions.
	Make sure you drop our name for a discount.
	It's not really a specific thing, like 20% off.
	If you say Gavin, it's more of a vibe, but they'll give you a good deal.
	And then once they have your blueprint, And they can, if you get fat or skinny, they can incorporate that.
	You just resize yourself.
	But then you just, like, look at a swatch, you look at a shirt, you look at a suit, and then you just have them make it, and it arrives in the mail.
	It's fucking awesome.
	Wow, it's amazing how fast the first half hour goes.
	We're almost done.
	Did you see that chick, the pot chick, who brought the vape pens?
	People think she's a dude now.
	Brittany Grenier, gender speculated after old Instagram image showing her to be a man goes viral.
	On sentencing day, she got her boots smoked.
	That might be cool if you get sentenced to a Russian prison.
	Well, she doesn't like America.
	Yes.
	Well, she got nine years.
	Yeah.
	He got nine years, it looks like.
	Look at this guy.
	Did you hear his voice?
	No.
	They've pled guilty to my charges.
	I understand everything that's being said against me, the charges that are against me, and that is why I pled guilty.
	But I had no intent to break any Russian laws.
	I never meant to hurt anybody.
	I never meant to put in jeopardy the Russian population.
	I never meant to break any laws here.
	I made an honest mistake.
	That's like the guy that trains us.
	your ruling that it doesn't end my life here.
	That's like the guy that trains us.
	Ryan.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	Similar.
	Similar vibes.
	I feel really bad for that guy.
	Girl.
	Why?
	I don't know.
	It feels like nine years seems a little tough in a Russian prison.
	Nine years is pretty nuts.
	That's fucked up.
	Playing on her basketball team just in America, she was making a quarter of a million dollars a year.
	She's in the one percent.
	But then she started petitioning that she's not going to stand for the national anthem.
	I get that.
	I get that.
	But do you want your political opponents to go to jail for ten years?
	No.
	She's like everything I dislike.
	I hate her guts, don't get me wrong.
	I hate his guts.
	Let's go back to that tit pic.
	Is there any evidence of surgery?
	Is there a scar under that tit?
	I don't think there was.
	What?
	Sir.
	Jury.
	He puts the sir in surgery.
	And he got convicted by a jury, so sir first jury.
	I hate you tonight.
	But zoom in on that tit.
	It's a guy tit.
	Yeah, there's zero scarring there.
	That's a dude's tit.
	That may be photoshopped though.
	It's kind of blurry and like the... Yeah, get closer.
	But you would have to have her Right where her solar plexus is, it's kind of fuzzy.
	It is a little blurry.
	But she'd be completely shirtless on Instagram?
	I believe nine years is extremely harsh for what she'd had.
	Right, but you know why they're doing nine years, so they can argue that we need the Death Merchant back.
	I wouldn't be surprised, Biden is such a pussy, I wouldn't be surprised if not only do they get the Death Merchant back, The guy who was charged with trying to murder Americans, but they also get back another... He's only got 10 more years to deal on his sentence.
	That guy.
	He got 25 years.
	Can you believe that?
	They'll give people life for drugs, for selling drugs in America, but this guy's supplying everyone all over the world.
	You convict him in Manhattan and you give him 25 years.
	Yeah.
	Makes sense.
	That's why they gave nine years, because this other guy has ten years left.
	It's symbolic.
	What?
	Yeah, it's like, you give him ten years, then I'm gonna give her ten years.
	I don't think symbolic is the word.
	It's, they're trying to do a straight trade.
	Tip for that.
	So it's, yeah, it's ten versus ten.
	Symbolic.
	Just showcasing, you know, what I can do.
	That is not a woman.
	Yeah, no.
	The first time I saw that video, I was like, that's a guy.
	Kinda like... That's the body of a guy!
	Like you know a female's body.
	Yeah.
	Must be great though when you're a lesbian and you meet a chick and she has a penis.
	And you're like, this is awesome.
	I hate dudes.
	I hate strap-ons.
	They're hard to find.
	You gotta wash them.
	Does she have an Adam's apple there?
	Go back like three seconds, Ryan.
	Watch her talk.
	Oh yeah.
	Come see what I can do.
	Come see what I can do.
	I'm really good at basketball.
	So empowering seeing a woman play basketball.
	So-- Second reading of the day.
	The comments.
	Seems like a nice young fella.
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	Shell Shock CBD, new sponsor here.
	Nice!
	We've got the Rack Out gummies!
	Those put you to sleep.
	Had one of those the other night.
	Oh yeah?
	That's a military term, Rack Out.
	Rack Out.
	What does Rack Out mean?
	I'm about to commence Rack Ops.
	You gonna sleep?
	THC free?
	As you read, they call you Rack.
	Oh, I see.
	I noticed too, when you take gummies to sleep, your dreams are fascinating.
	Like, bring the popcorn to bed, you're about to go on a wild ride, boys!
	I took one the other night to go to sleep.
	And were your dreams crazy?
	Yeah, they were really vivid.
	But I slept well, I think I only got up once.
	You gonna try one?
	I'm not going to try one now that I'm doing a show.
	Good point.
	You can try one.
	I tried one.
	It's THC free.
	So it's not going to mess me up.
	But they have Delta 8 and Delta 9.
	That I'm assuming will F you up.
	Okay, so that goes back to the end of the ad read.
	Shellshockedcbd.com.
	Welcome aboard.
	Forward slash Gavin.
	Dude, I almost went to our local today.
	Oh yeah?
	Guess what was going on?
	At the local?
	Yes.
	A. Joe Tonelli is back.
	Speaking his dumb shit.
	Really?
	Seriously?
	Seriously?
	Come on, Gavin.
	Really?
	Really?
	He's back as a patron or an employee?
	A patron.
	I mean, yeah, yeah, patron.
	Talking to Abigail, who it looks like she's going to the Academy Awards in the Caribbean and is a drag queen.
	She's hard on the eyes.
	First of all, she's hideous, but she dresses like a fucking weirdo drag queen.
	Five inch stiletto heels, red leather short shorts.
	Her hair's in a bun with jewelry on the bun.
	And I don't have a problem with any of that.
	I'm ugly.
	I'm fine.
	But the fucking perfume hits the ceiling fans and we're all dying.
	Relia Bill was literally in tears.
	His eyes were watering.
	He stumbled out of there.
	So she's sitting down talking to Joe Tonelli in her weird super formal gear.
	Like what?
	Why are you dressed like a drag queen at the Academy Awards?
	It's a dive bar.
	You're 40 minutes from Yonkers.
	She takes an Uber.
	Why'd you take an Uber?
	She's got money like that.
	And if she's a Fed, why did they send the worst person in the world?
	As I said the other day, the only two senses she doesn't violate are taste and touch.
	So she needs to shit on a piece of sandpaper and rub it on my tongue, and then she will have hit all five senses in a bad way.
	Yeah.
	Can we not do this, please?
	So, uh... Can we not do this?
	And then it gets worse.
	And then there's the Puerto Rican, or whatever he is, the Italian Jew, Puerto Rican Jew.
	Yeah.
	Who plays all that weird yacht rock.
	I'm going back to Florida!
	And then sings his head off.
	He's gotta be on coke, that guy.
	He's on something.
	He's non-stop.
	And I didn't go in.
	I just heard from James that that's what's going on.
	I'm like, three strikes, you're out.
	I'm not going there.
	Yeah, I would've passed.
	That would've been a hard no.
	Can't do it.
	Not gonna do it.
	Would've been a hard no.
	To which and to whom, Mrs. Zoom?
	Man.
	Uh, let's... We don't often cover actual news.
	During this shit?
	But let's just for fun, we were talking about this with Kumi on Wednesday, have a look at some of these mascots ignoring kids.
	Because it seems like bullshit to me that a racist would work at Chuck E. Cheese or Sesame Place and be like, look, I like being a giant furry guy, but I'll tell you what, when these goddamn little piccolinis and these negrets come up to me, I ain't touching them for shit.
	Even though I got giant fur hands and I wouldn't really be touching him.
	I don't want him around me.
	I ain't no furry pedo.
	Fuck that.
	Get them the fuck away.
	Why are they even allowed at Sesame Place?
	I want an all white Sesame Place.
	So obviously we know what's going on here.
	No one believes that for a second.
	Not even the parents.
	But they see a lawsuit.
	So they go, I don't know.
	Who knows how much money I get.
	This could be 14 million dollars.
	Do you know how many grits that is?
	That's a lot of money.
	You can get rich with shrimp then.
	What's this black?
	Okay, so stop.
	Stop.
	So I took my kids on a Disney cruise when my daughter was that age.
	You got to line up for a fuck ton of time to talk to these women.
	And then you see them and they move on.
	And when it's time for them to go, they get ushered away.
	It looks like this black chick showed up at the 11th hour demanding that she get a pic.
	But we'll see.
	They have a tight skedge.
	They got a very tight skedge.
	Can't see it.
	Yep.
	Can't see it.
	They got a normal name.
	How's it spelled though?
	P X 4 3 dash umlaut at symbol.
	Guys on the left there look a little old to be getting autographs.
	Well, you gotta be careful who you mock with these things.
	Cause you can be dealing with a special needs dude.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	So you're like, ha, you fucking fag loser.
	And then he's like, I don't agree with you.
	And you're like, oh no, what have I done?
	He might be special.
	Go to the back.
	Okay, got a picture.
	You waited in line.
	There y'all go.
	Wait, what about us?
	Yeah, she's done her shift.
	Believe it or not, you showed up late.
	She walked off when she saw y'all.
	Just like the Elmo.
	Just like the Elmo.
	Excuse me, ma'am.
	You waved at everybody except for them.
	What is with that accent?
	Ain't this what the Sesame- Excuse me, sir, just walking with the princess.
	Sesame?
	She waved at everybody except for them.
	Sesame?
	We don't understand you, ma'am.
	Is there a way we can scroll back and hear that bizarre new language?
	I cannot.
	Y'all see this?
	Yeah, the Elmo walked past all the black kids.
	Oh great, and show that in your children.
	Meanwhile, she's hanging out with black kids she bumped into.
	Elmo did not walk past any children.
	That was my friend Telly.
	That was who, sorry Elmo?
	My friend Telly.
	He's a different color.
	Telly.
	Telly.
	And is Telly a boy or a girl?
	Telly's a boy.
	But you can be whatever you wanna be.
	But was Telly a racist boy?
	Oh, so now it's coming out.
	So there is some truth to these stories.
	A lot of these guys are racist.
	One time he took Elmo aside and he said, Elmo, look over there in the Sesame Park.
	There's one, two, three.
	Never.
	He said that to Elmo.
	Oh my god, okay.
	So I was coming at this in a very cynical sort of a, this is bullshit, this is lawsuit stuff.
	But we just spoke to a member of the Sesame Place family, a guy named Elmo, who speaks out of below his mouth, he speaks out of a hole in his chin.
	Yeah.
	And his contention is that, yeah, some of them are pretty bad.
	So you sure it was Telly?
	No.
	Yeah, it's the pink one in the top.
	Telly looks like he had the end card.
	Telly's got a very big nose.
	Telly can see it!
	Telly's Jewish, clearly.
	That looks... That looks like a Hasidic Jew.
	He's saying oy vey in that picture.
	Oy vey!
	What?
	With the little kids?
	I can't even see them!
	So what?
	I ate some shrimp.
	I'm a little bit... I'm still angry about Crown Heights and what was going on with the... I should've stayed home!
	They call themselves the Black Hebrew Israelites!
	I don't agree!
	Oh yeah, that's... Alright, let's do 3-5.
	do three five this might be the same one this is the OG This is what started the whole thing.
	Meh, I didn't get what I want, so it's race.
	Meh.
	Remember that fun game I taught you?
	Pretend you're black for a day, and pretend that everything you see is a slight, and you will be shocked at how many things can be interpreted as anti-you because of your race.
	Cabs will go by.
	People will move their chair when you sit down.
	There's a whole myriad of things that have nothing to do with you or your race that you can interpret as that if you have this myopic obsession with everything being about you and your race.
	Wait, this is a new one.
	I don't think I've seen this one.
	What is this?
	This trend?
	You don't like me enough.
	He wasn't putting his hand up.
	Yeah.
	I mean, they're dancing around that black girl.
	By the way, the black girl's not participating.
	Not every single one of them.
	Wait, let me watch that again.
	Oh, cool.
	I'm allowed to.
	Like, one walks off, but I don't see where the slight is.
	Yeah, let's see the slight.
	I love you little white girl.
	That kid's spinning around.
	You can see the kid's hand in the shadow.
	Yeah.
	Doing a high-five.
	The black kid in the blue is doing his own thang.
	Right.
	Are they saying that you walk by the girl in the orange dress?
	Like that's who was slighted?
	Or... I don't even understand their argument with that one.
	But that's... find me the telly one.
	Does that not work because you're kicked off Instagram?
	These guys are effectively hurting our show by killing my producer's accounts.
	Yeah, I tried to make another account too, so that way I have it for the show and I can't.
	They know it's me.
	Well, here, Matty can set you up.
	Alright, cool.
	And then maybe you can go to the next one.
	Ignorance child.
	Well, that was Legoland, so you got the Legoland one.
	I did not understand the Legoland one.
	Do you know the password?
	Oh, this one, okay.
	I think this is the...
	That's not Telly.
	That's, um, Zoey.
	Ugh, it's so embarrassing that you know these names.
	I was a kid and I went to the- they had Zoey when I was a kid.
	Yeah?
	But how do you remember that?
	It just came to me.
	I mean, when you're a kid, there's five things.
	There's Spider-Man, Elmo, and Zoey.
	No.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's fucking awesome.
	How do you remember it?
	Well, I don't remember the name of everyone there.
	I remember the name of the venue.
	But they're not international.
	So look at this guy just excited to get a fucking paycheck.
	Thanks man.
	So the only question I have is how much of this shit do you believe?
	Go back to that black father.
	Is that a thing?
	Yo, it's so hard for us.
	You know, the year is 1938, and when we go to a park, a lot of these mascots are like, how the fuck did you get in?
	And the kids reach out.
	The kids don't know that they live in a racist society.
	So they reach out with their hands up like, hello, Big Bird.
	And Big Bird goes, fuck, we never should.
	One time, Big Bird said, we should have picked our own cotton.
	And my little baby daughter, she came up to me.
	She said, what does that mean, Daddy?
	And I didn't have the heart to tell her that we used to be slaves in them lands.
	Slaves!
	Okay, what's going on here?
	Trying to log in.
	It's not letting me log in now.
	Try the one underneath it.
	There's two of them.
	I'll do that in a second.
	The only time we do a new segment on the live show, it's the fucking shitshow.
	- Frasier says those groups are exercising their Second Amendment rights. - Black Panthers. - We don't know what we're walking into tomorrow in such a rural area, but we do know that we have a group of individuals who will ensure our safety. - Educator and broadcaster, Will Mega, who's quoted in the Flyers, is not involved in organizing who's quoted in the Flyers, is not involved in organizing the shutdown.
	He's asked the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission to investigate Sesame Place.
	While he supports an economic boycott, he's urging people to leave the guns at home.
	I think our children have been traumatized.
	Leave the guns at home?
	Don't kill... What's her name, Ryan?
	Zoe.
	Don't kill Zoe.
	I understand you're mad, but don't shoot the person in the suit.
	Please, let's have a moment of peace.
	Clearly, we talked about this before, what happened here is she high-fived the tall person and then went, shit, I wasn't supposed to do that because of COVID.
	I'm not supposed to high-five people.
	It was a reflex when the other person put their hand up.
	So then when the other two girls do it, she's like, sorry, I can't do high-fives.
	It's a thing.
	I might be able to hug you.
	But I can't do high fives.
	That's a metaphor!
	Shoot him in the pocket!
	children home and shoot Sesame Place in the pocket. - Brainy Goldner, CBS 3. - That's a metaphor.
	Shoot 'em in the pocket. - Uh. - Not a good choice of words, but. - Go to Chuck E. Cheese.
	So don't shoot, don't shoot that mascot in the head.
	Shoot him in the crotch.
	To the right of their pelvis.
	Another mascot is accused of racism.
	Mom rushes to claim costume worker at New York's Chuck E. Cheese.
	New Jersey Chuck E. Cheese.
	Have you ever been to a Chuck E. Cheese around the Bronx and shit?
	Never.
	It's all Mexicans and Muslims.
	It's not that black.
	And Muslims with, like, the burqa thing, the whole deal.
	The hijab?
	The hijab.
	Burqa?
	Well, it's crazy.
	You know how they say new immigrants come to an area like the Lower East Side and then they work hard and they slowly move out to the suburbs?
	New immigrants come to Chuck E. Cheese and slowly work their way out.
	So what did this Chuck E. Cheese guy do wrong?
	This mouse.
	Yeah.
	That should be, uh...
	3-7, yeah.
	Alright, so what do you do here?
	Kids jumping up and down.
	Huh.
	What happened?
	Am I blind?
	Maybe you are allowed to, I don't know.
	Huh, what happened?
	Am I blind?
	Maybe you are allowed to, I don't know.
	Yeah, ma, hey!
	Saw that, right?
	Yeah!
	Look, right here.
	White girl gets a hug.
	Black girl, ick.
	She gets a hug.
	Maybe they've had problems with the parents.
	Be like, what the fuck you doing hugging my baby, pervert ass motherfucker?
	Probably.
	Yeah.
	Also, I don't know what he can see.
	I know.
	Those big fucking heads, they got that mesh inside.
	Yeah.
	He feels a hug and he's like, that seems like a hug.
	Okay.
	Hi, how are you?
	But here, like, think of the allegation.
	How's it going?
	Yo, you work at Chuck E. Cheese?
	Yeah.
	Been a lot of them black kids running around.
	Dude, it fucking sucks!
	Tell you what though, I hug the white kids, I try to make my time, but I will never go through one of them negroes.
	I will never touch him, I swear to God.
	You swear on your life, Cletus!
	That... I do, I swear to God, I don't touch him!
	Ick!
	I would never ever... Why would a racist take that job?
	You dummies.
	And then, so, this is blowing up, and everyone's petrified of getting sued.
	So now we have Toy Story, Disney, Pixar, cucking through the roof, petrified of getting caught.
	And Ryan, you should be petrified of this not loading because you didn't figure out how to handle getting banned yet.
	You know what?
	Stop.
	Stop.
	Go back to the beginning of this because this is gloating.
	Woody is making sure Jesse doesn't get canceled next and then a laughing emoji.
	So what I'm getting from Grindface, my favorite hood account, is we knew it wasn't racist.
	We was just fucking with you.
	We wanted to freak y'alls out.
	It's the new Puerto Rican lottery.
	So now they're laughing and gloating that they changed the dynamic.
	And this is what I always said about white people's fear of racism.
	They shoot at white people's feet and white people start dancing.
	And it's embarrassing.
	Just say, you know what, the mascot was obviously not trying to fucking avoid anyone.
	The mascot works with kids.
	In 2022, they're not going to be deciding which kids they don't want to touch.
	And it certainly won't be based on race.
	So that's a ridiculous allegation and we're ignoring it.
	Instead, what do they do?
	They issue statements and apologies and they tell their staff.
	If you see any black kids, trip over yourself to go hug them, or we're all dead!
	See, it's so quick.
	Like, a couple months ago, they were all behind Disney, and Disney was behind all the LGBT, all these people.
	Now at their turn... Yeah, it doesn't pay off.
	Capitulation doesn't pay off.
	Just ignore these assholes.
	Because they don't even believe it.
	The parents complaining about racism in these scenarios, don't believe it for one second.
	They just want a paycheck.
	And they don't believe it because it's not true, and they can tell what's true.
	So let's see Woody here fucking cuck his face off, trying not to be part of this mythical trend. - She ain't trying.
	He keep calling me crime.
	Dance how you kill me.
	I understood the assignment. - Jesse! - I understood the assignment.
	Jessie!
	Don't worry, I'll get her.
	I'll get her.
	Don't worry.
	I know you're black.
	Don't worry.
	Here, let me run over here.
	Jessie, please, please.
	And then she runs over.
	I don't want to get in shit!
	I don't want to get fired!
	I love you!
	I love you!
	Okay, you're great.
	What was Ryan's joke?
	Well, that's the music that should be playing.
	Oh.
	Because it's the sad Toy Story music.
	I don't get your joke.
	Again.
	Well, it's just like, I don't know, it feels like strange things are happening to me.
	He's on a roll.
	Top of the world, living hot.
	He's riding my pocket.
	He's on a roll.
	You're like a senior citizen.
	You're like Shecky Green.
	That's funny.
	Or Foster Brooks or Jackie the Jokeman but without the jokes.
	Jackie Morton.
	Or without the man.
	That would have been funny.
	And not being Jewish.
	So you're like Jackie the Jokeman if 100% of everything about him was removed.
	Is Jackie Jewish?
	You're like Jackie the Jokeman after a nuclear war.
	Are you sure Jackie's Jewish?
	Jackie Martling?
	Yeah.
	Martling?
	Who knows?
	No, Jackie Martling's different than Jackie.
	I've hung out with him.
	We've filmed shit with him.
	I don't know if he's Jewish, my sir.
	He's gotta be.
	Martling.
	He makes lots of jokes and he has a big nose.
	True.
	Case closed.
	That's how it works.
	Last sponsor, we're gonna go behind the paywall relatively soon.
	Did I forget my fucking computer again?
	Oh, for fuck's sake, son.
	Oh.
	My.
	God.
	That's three shows in a row.
	By the way, tomorrow's show is pre-taped.
	I'm going out of town.
	And, uh, I talked about Alex Jones on it, but after we recorded it, Alex Jones was fined four million dollars for denying Sandy Hook happened.
	So you can now be punished financially because of what you believe.
	You can be punished financially for what you believe.
	You can be punished financially for doubting something that happened.
	How many 9-11 truthers are there?
	How many people, how many Turks deny Armenian genocide?
	The Turks killed a million Armenians.
	Okay, how is that Alex Jones' problem?
	it including Shank Ugar however you say that stupid chink name Jesus he doesn't get fined for me yeah but people didn't harass anyone for denying the Armenian genocide okay how is that Alex Jones's problem yeah you can't control other people and their actions I just sat here right now and denied that mascots at kids things were racist.
	I'm denying something happened.
	If people were to harass the parents of these kids, do I gotta pay them four million dollars?
	You openly denied the hugger cost?
	Finally a good joke!
	Zing!
	Jesus!
	I feel like naked and afraid and I just found a grub.
	Only took 45 minutes.
	- 35 minutes.
	- Oh, Jesus.
	- I had friends, I had lots of friends.
	Now all my friends are gone.
	And I'm doing the best I can to carry on. - You know why all your friends are gone, Ryan?
	Because they're perceptive.
	Yeah.
	They saw the writing on the wall.
	That was one of my favorite Joe Tonelli jokes.
	Where, uh, remember he was getting pussy for some weird little blip in time?
	Yeah, he was on a hot streak there for a few weeks.
	It was literally three weeks.
	And we've known him for years.
	Really?
	And then he was getting laid.
	All of a sudden.
	What?
	I think they found out he shits himself and he got cancelled on all the social media apps, but whatever.
	And I go, what about that chick, Karen, that was around?
	What happened to her?
	No comment.
	And he goes, oh, didn't work out.
	Didn't work out.
	And I go, oh, so she dumped you.
	Well, you know, neither was, you know.
	And I go, uh, negative.
	No.
	It must be really painful, Joe, to be dumped by someone who's clearly so perceptive.
	And then I go to piss, and as I'm pissing I'm like, that was a good one, G-Dog.
	And then I come back out and he goes, I told you about my daughter?
	What?
	Yeah, she slit her wrist.
	She's in the bath.
	She got in the bath, slit her wrist, took a Xanax.
	She's in the hospital now, Arizona Hospital.
	So, you mock him, you enjoy it, and then he needs to get back into the credibility books, so he invents a dead relative, or dying relative.
	And someone offered to buy a plane ticket to go right to Arizona right there on the spot, but it's credit card on the bar, I believe, right?
	Well, that was for the grandson.
	Oh.
	Who's on a respirator, who doesn't exist.
	He doesn't have a daughter, by the way.
	No, I know.
	Or a granddaughter.
	Can we not do this, please?
	Okay, sorry.
	Can we not do this?
	Last sponsor, Silky City Hot Sauce, the G-Sauce.
	I've been sort of saving this.
	It's an exciting announcement.
	I have my own hot sauce, the G-Sauce.
	We've sold over 150 bottles so far, and there are only 500 bottles to grab.
	So... I'm gonna have to buy one.
	That is basically a third have already been sold.
	We're 33 bottles away from a third.
	And Silk City Hot Sauce is... This is my own brand.
	Don't buy these other ones!
	Only buy the G-Sauce.
	Is it advertised?
	There we go.
	The G-Sauce.
	What are they going for, for a bottle?
	What?
	What are they going for, for a bottle?
	Ten bucks.
	Pull it up.
	Reasonable.
	Get a three pack for, what is that, 22?
	Shit.
	27.
	G-Sauce is made by Silk City Hot Sauce.
	Silkcityhotsauce.com.
	Spelled exactly as you think it would.
	Limited Edition G-Sauce is the signature hot sauce of GOML, featuring a blend of smoked Morita and habanero peppers, fresh melons, garlic, scallion, and sweet roasted red peppers.
	It's not brutal.
	The stuff does not rip your face off.
	It's got a nice little sweet tang to it.
	I recommend it for tacos, burritos.
	I recommend it for ramen.
	It is a fun thing to have it with.
	It's sold... Wait, what?
	Sorry, what?
	Ryan, wanted to interrupt, what?
	No, it was me.
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	Silkcityhotsauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.
	Maybe a certain guy with a cooking show.
	Can I propose something?
	I'm going to buy a couple of three-packs.
	You don't have to buy them.
	I'm going to ask you to sign them and we can auction them off and donate the money to Max and John.
	That's a great idea.
	I love it.
	Let's do it.
	And Miami Mike must be watching because he just hit me up on the phone and says I want a three pack.
	Okay.
	I'll get a case sent down.
	We'll do some freebies.
	Without further to do, let's hit the mailbag and start taking calls.
	And we're not going to cut off the free part yet.
	I don't think the free part should be the first half hour anymore.
	There's too much to get to.
	So let's do the thanks for calling interstitial, and then we can start taking calls.
	And then we'll also do the mailbag interstitial, and then we'll start taking mail.
	You are on the air.
	I'm here to have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye!
	All right, next call.
	Bye-bye!
	I've been saying that nonstop about everything.
	Yep.
	It's great.
	Hey, there's a Ferentimor lizard that's going extinct in Japan.
	Bye-bye!
	Home to Mommy!
	That's right.
	So my grandmother's done with her vacation.
	She's heading back home.
	Bye-bye!
	Bye-bye.
	So are you guys out of here?
	Are you leaving?
	Looks like you already paid your check.
	Bye-bye!
	I'm out of here.
	Bye.
	Home to Mommy.
	She probably likes you.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye, everybody.
	It's insane.
	He's a Sesame Street character.
	I hope he isn't mean to black kids.
	That was right out of Sesame Place.
	Amazing.
	Wow.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	Talking about Big Bird, obviously.
	Enough.
	Please.
	Um, so yeah, now the phone lines are open.
	We'll let those accumulate.
	We also have the super chat where we take money for Max and John.
	There should be a column though, Ryan, don't you think?
	Like other super chats.
	We can, Maddie and I can be split to a third of what we are.
	Yeah.
	And then there can be a, just a column that's going up rather than you having to frame each one and put them up and it covers our face.
	That's, that's half assed and shitty.
	That's annoying.
	Isn't that how like those twitch things work?
	Yeah it should be like the twitch shit.
	It's all on the right.
	It should be twitchy.
	I've never really been on that so I don't know.
	Do you ever play video games?
	No.
	I haven't played video games since ColecoVision and television and the original Atari.
	Yeah.
	When did you last play video games Ryan?
	Um... Last night.
	No.
	Certainly not.
	Um... I don't remember.
	Last it was... I think Hitman.
	I played the demo for this game Hitman.
	It's like you're a sneaky guy and you have to kill... You're a sneaky guy.
	How long ago?
	It was like, uh, it only let you play like 30 minutes.
	By the way, he's furiously working on his bangs, and the camera's not even on him.
	Yeah, they look odd today.
	But, the question was, how long ago?
	I understand.
	I'm just telling you, while this question goes, he's at a hair salon.
	Before we moved.
	So, two weeks ago?
	Something like that.
	Are you ready to showcase your new bangs you just fluffed?
	No, they're not ready yet.
	Well, let's see.
	I'd rather not.
	No, do it.
	They're not ready.
	This is the Kill Ryan episode.
	Fucking show your fucking face.
	Happy.
	You have hurt me today.
	Because I'm not.
	You are herpes.
	I have Ryan's.
	Uh...
	So yeah, let's get the Super Chat set up.
	We don't have to read the $5 ones.
	We read the $100 ones for sure.
	You left them out of the Hot Young Conservatives for some reason.
	Morgan Zegers and Brett Cooper.
	Female Ben Shapiro.
	Oh, I remember Brett Cooper.
	Yeah, she's... She's attractive.
	Morgan Zegers I don't really remember.
	She's the one with the funny nose.
	Not sure.
	I gotta say, I fucked up by sleeping on Amanda Milius and Ashton Witte, but I didn't miss a lot of them.
	She's very nice.
	She's a beautiful young lady.
	I don't feel like I'm a loser for not having her in the hottest chicks in the new right.
	And Bette Cooper, I feel the same way.
	Wonderful gal.
	Solid seven.
	I had to do the ten most scorching hot new right chicks.
	Was Tommy Lahearn on there?
	No, because what has she done for me lately?
	It had to be modern.
	I did mention Tommy.
	We had a whole, like, Gilfs and Milfs section.
	And that's why Amanda Milius got let off, because she's slightly older.
	She's not a mom, but I was like, does she really fit in with, like, the Isabellas and the Gina Carbone and all these other young girls?
	But she's definitely, I mean, if I had to choose a wife, I'd probably start with Amanda Milius.
	Who's that one on Gutfield?
	Kat?
	Or something with the glasses?
	Kat Timpf.
	Yeah, I'm not... Something about her.
	I'm not feeling it at all.
	No?
	I could dig that.
	The glasses seem fake.
	I don't know.
	I know her well.
	You have that image in your head of girls with glasses.
	Yeah.
	I've never been sexually attracted to her in any way, shape or form.
	I don't know why.
	Maybe because when I met her, she had a boyfriend and I was hoping that they would get back together.
	I mean, sorry, they would get married and stuff.
	So I came at her as like the dating guy.
	Not that I would have fucked her if she wasn't doing that.
	She looks better with dark hair.
	Yeah, I know.
	And this is just one guy.
	I'm sure there's a hundred dudes jerking off right now, freaking out.
	I'm not saying that I'm correct.
	To us?
	I'm just saying, yeah.
	I'm just saying that, uh, this is my personal opinion.
	Yeah?
	Mic's on, fellas.
	We got calls, and we've got calls in a really big way.
	We got 206 here on the Licks.
	Go ahead, 206.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Uhuru.
	Uhuru.
	Hey, so, comedically, who is funnier?
	Nick Mullen or Sam Hyde?
	Thanks for calling.
	Sam Hyde.
	Gavin, have you ever discussed with him or considered giving Tommy Robinson a show?
	Dude, are you fucking retarded?
	How many of these messages are we gonna get?
	You think Tommy Robinson is clamoring to get a show on my network and I'm like, meh, I don't know, no.
	Obviously, I would eat a mile of shit just to get to his ass.
	Same with Sam Hyde, same with anyone.
	And, you know, Like I was talking earlier about some fantasy where we made this super network that had Daily Wire and Compound and The Blaze and all this shit.
	Everyone has that fantasy.
	It's not possible.
	You'd have to pay like Ben Shapiro a billion dollars to make this super network.
	And even then it would fall apart and fragment.
	I might be able to get Alex Stein, maybe, but that's just because he's a fan of mine.
	But this whole idea of, like, you should get the Rolling Stones to play your birthday party.
	Thanks for the tip.
	That would be cool.
	Hitler was a jerk as a Norm Macdonald bit.
	I believe he was talking about a, um, mass murderer.
	And I came out with Hitler was a jerk in 2008.
	In fact, it was a street carnage shirt.
	So, yeah.
	I can prove I came out with that before him.
	Hundred dollar super chats get read.
	Can you please explain in detail the method slash technique for making a boy?
	My buddy's about to have his fourth girl and desperately needs your help.
	Chris.
	Okay.
	Let's do it.
	Doggy style.
	We had a leg day at the gym the other day and my legs aren't what they used to be.
	So, and my knee hurts from being thrown from that Jeep.
	Look, it's all bruised up too.
	Look at that.
	It looks like it hurts.
	It's not bad now.
	You want a little cheese with that wine?
	I've never heard that one before.
	Quit your greeting, son!
	So this is normal doggy style, right?
	And you go in a normal amount.
	And it's good because it doesn't feel too great.
	So you can usually last longer than you want.
	The problem with the plunge is it feels too good because you're going soup to nuts, balls to nuts, pubes to nuts, balls to nuts.
	You're going balls deep to nuts.
	So it goes way too deep to last, right?
	If you're doing this, You're going like, vroom, it's going right up into her throat.
	Now that's bad for lasting, but it's great for sperm, because sperm has to be dropped off right at the front door.
	So you fuck her in standing doggy, you do the deep plunges, and then when you jizz, you hold it there until, like, the pubes are meshed together and your fucking nuts are, like, up her ass.
	And then... Then when you're done, You fill her up with the jizz.
	And you hold it there, deep, deep, deep as you can.
	And then you don't pull out.
	You fall forward onto her like a collapsing lawn chair.
	And then you still hold it there.
	So you jizzed, you're still squatting.
	1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000.
	1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, then you fall down with her.
	You're both collapsed lawn furniture.
	And then still, it's 1,000, 2,000.
	1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000, 5, 1,000, 6, 1,000, 7, 1,000, 8, 1,000, 10, 1,000, 11, 12, 13. 15 seconds.
	Now you can pull out and lie on your back.
	Does she have to go in a corner and do a handstand for like 30 minutes?
	No, you already took care of all that.
	Alright.
	The boys are at the front door.
	My next kid, I'm gonna try that.
	Alright, should we take a call?
	Yep.
	Sure.
	631, you're on the run.
	Go ahead there, Long Island.
	What do you say to this?
	Frank Rizzo, how's it going?
	Frank Rizzo?
	What's up, Frank Rizzo?
	Frank Rizzo, open your fucking ears, jackass!
	Man, oh man!
	Okay, we're ready.
	What do you got?
	Do you recognize the voice?
	Yeah, Frank Rizzo.
	Yeah, you were the mayor of Philadelphia for a while?
	Ah, get the fuck out of here.
	We're gonna race cars for 18 years, alright?
	Can you drive a truck?
	What's that?
	Shut the fuck up.
	Can you drive a truck?
	Let me get to my question here.
	The whole Chuck E. Cheese thing.
	You ever think about the possibility that the person works there?
	Possibly to work in the cahoots?
	You ever think about that?
	It's all a scandal.
	I set everybody up just to make a bunch of million dollars, alright?
	I like the way you think, sir.
	You can't figure it out for yourself.
	That's a good angle I never thought of.
	But the problem with that is, if the guy in the suit is black, that's gonna come out.
	And doesn't that kill their case?
	Yeah, no shit!
	Who else works at Chuck E. Cheese but the black people?
	Come on!
	Okay, so why would Chuck E. Cheese settle if the alleged racist is a black man?
	Well, they're all brothers.
	I mean, come on, what the fuck are we talking about here?
	Yeah, I don't think they would out them as black.
	They wouldn't be like... Or... Well, they would out them as black if they're looking at paying $14 million.
	I guess the lawyer would have to ask what color they are.
	Yeah, it's all divided amongst the whole neighborhood.
	I mean, it's pretty easy to recognize, huh?
	Yeah, sorry Frank, your story just fell apart.
	I mean, what do you think you could possibly get from that?
	A million bucks.
	What are the damages?
	A million bucks.
	Really?
	Sure.
	Here's the problem with all lawsuits.
	It goes to the jury.
	The jury hates you.
	They love fighting racism and they overcompensate.
	Like, um, fucking, uh, uh, Alex Jones.
	Alex Jones was wrong about Sandy Hook.
	Okay, take me to wrong jail.
	But the jury hates him.
	We'll talk about this on tomorrow's show.
	I have a feeling.
	And there's so much vitriol from the left towards Alex Jones.
	I think it's because he's successful and right-wing and that really pisses them off.
	And they can't hurt him because he's been cancelled and barred and New York City cockroach.
	Can't kill him.
	on coming and it drives them nuts.
	New York City cockroach, can't kill him. - Yeah, why can't I destroy Alex Jones?
	So now that he's got this thing, they're like, their whole thing is like, you'll have fun in jail, of course the raping in jail.
	Hey Trump don't bend over for the soap.
	Yeah but you don't you would never go to jail for a civil suit.
	Well what they think is that he'll incriminate himself by committing perjury in the civil suit and then they'll have a new trial.
	Right for my defense I changed my mind.
	I no longer have that thought.
	Ryan, don't skip over this question again.
	Is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina, or are you abandoning him just like his father did?
	Oh, I thought you were talking about me.
	Well, this is hard because, once again, the baby monsters have some sort of grammar deficiency.
	Ryan, comma, don't skip over this question again, semi-colon.
	Gavin, is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina?
	Like, obviously he doesn't mean Ryan.
	So you start out the question with Ryan, and then you change the subject with a couple of dashes.
	Fuck you!
	And yes, Ryan would be coming with me.
	What else is he gonna do?
	Join the military?
	I'm drawing the damn... Wait, what is it?
	Military school with the goddamn Finkelstein shit, kid.
	Remember that from Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke?
	Nope.
	Whaaat?
	Can't say that anymore.
	I haven't seen Up in Smoke since 1979.
	Oh, for Frick's Pete.
	Uh, I don't think Matty's coming though, is he?
	I have no ties to New York now.
	Really?
	Oh shit, party!
	What about your whole heart shit?
	I travel for doctors.
	They got doctors on there.
	South Carolina's not far.
	Wow.
	Cheaper to live.
	I always assumed you had this.
	I've been planning for the last couple of years because believe it or not, it's a big month this month.
	The 30th of August, I'll be five years diagnosed with my heart condition.
	74% of the people that get my condition are dead by now.
	So I'm ahead of the game.
	This is all gravy.
	Yeah, it's all gravy now.
	So, like I said, my son, when I was younger, my son, I wanted to get for him to graduate high school and stuff like that.
	Be around.
	But now he's 27.
	He's going to Florida or Rhode Island.
	I was thinking about Virginia because I got family there.
	My older brother and I have friends there.
	But, I don't care.
	Meet Virginia.
	Is your son gonna hook up with that chick that he was dating?
	Yeah, they're still going together.
	It's funny, they were at my house last night.
	He went to Vegas today.
	I was kind of mad at him.
	He goes, yeah, I just got back from the city.
	I had to get a suit made.
	I go, you got a custom suit made?
	He goes, yeah.
	I go, why didn't you tell me?
	Yeah, we could have done it with Gina Fashion.
	Right!
	He's in a wedding party.
	Dude, you have a custom shipment in New York.
	It's like five grand.
	Well, it wasn't that much.
	He went on the cheap side.
	He's Scottish.
	Right.
	He's a true Scotsman.
	He squeaks when he walks.
	But he's left for Vegas today.
	He comes over to borrow money.
	Well, I told him it's his birthday money.
	He goes, yeah, I got a Ford GT500 reserved and a Lamborghini Huracan when I get there.
	To rent?
	Yeah, to drive while he's out there.
	I didn't even know you could rent those.
	Yeah.
	It's probably something ridiculous like $2,000 a day, 50 cents a mile.
	Yeah.
	My son's not too bright, but he loves cars.
	But yeah, he was pissed off.
	I was like, you should have fucking told me you needed a custom suit.
	I said, there's a sponsor on the show.
	I would have told you to go to Nita Fashions.
	But it's too late now.
	Have you ever ridden in a Lamborghini?
	I've been in them.
	The guy we started the garden stores with, he had a Huracan.
	They're a nightmare.
	They're terrible.
	You're basically lying on the ground.
	You could probably drive under most cars.
	And every bump is a pain in the ass, literally.
	It's very unpleasant.
	Not a car to have in New York.
	No.
	Maybe out in the desert.
	Yeah, maybe in the Bonneville Salt Flats or in Dubai.
	That's what I told him.
	Don't kill yourself in the cars that you rent.
	Let's do an email.
	Oh wait, let's end this.
	So we've talked to people on the phone.
	We've shown the thingamadoodles.
	You probably get the idea with the mailbag, right?
	Let's do one mailbag and then we'll say goodbye.
	Should we mention the shows?
	Yep.
	We just did the, we put the lower third down there.
	Oh, you put the bumper up?
	Yep.
	I think some people need to hear that.
	Tinyurl.com, censored live.
	We've got a New York date now in November.
	We've got Vegas coming up September 10th.
	We've got Dallas, what's that, September 23rd or 24th.
	Lots of exciting shit coming up with these comedy shows.
	Don't be scared, be there.
	So let's do one call and then we'll, I mean, sorry, one letter, Ryan.
	Make sure it's purple.
	We've got one letter all set up.
	It's just a picture.
	Kick Proud Boys out of your neighborhood.
	It's funny because that was obviously a reinterpretation of like a Nazi thing.
	Yep.
	But it's a really good drawing.
	Well done.
	And it's it's funny because that was probably made like during the punk years.
	Yeah.
	To as a fuck you to Nazis, which is like my culture and Proud Boys are my culture.
	So you took my culture and turned it in on itself.
	Fuck you.
	And get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	and never stop fighting.
	I'm a loving strutting.
	Guess what?
	I'm a loving strutting.
	I like your strutting.
	Do you wanna go strutting or strutting?
	You like my strutting?
	Then let's go strutting.
	I like your strutting.
	Do you wanna go strutting or strutting?
	You like my strutting?
	Be brave and never stop fighting.
	Violent protests over a speaker on campus here Fuck you, Normie.
	He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.
	He's the co-founder of Vice.
	Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs.
	Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
	Sirius XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
	You got big fucking tits.
	Crazy shit, man.
	Crazy shit.
	I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck.
	You shouldn't do it.
	They take anything you say, and then fucking twist it around.
	This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.
	Wow.
	No more.
	Filthy.
	You can't.
	They think we want to tell those kind of jokes.

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