Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness Play my tentacles in the crucible just to see the world as
something beautiful for Gemel myself.
These London clouds are flying down and pop that was Dance, Gavin, Dance and their new hit single Die Another Day.
Dance, Gavin, Dance are named after me at a wedding where I was reluctant to get out on the dance floor.
And my wife came over and she said, are you going to dance?
And I said, no.
And my daughter said, dance, Gavin, dance.
And I proceeded to tear the roof off the place with some of the most intense dance moves that were passionate, acrobatic, hypnotizing.
And Linda, what do you think of them?
Did you think they were good dance moves?
You're cool.
Linda?
Oh, Linda's not here.
That's right.
We didn't invite her back.
That was harrowing.
I went to the bar after, and I felt like I had just ran a marathon.
You know those tough mudder things where you got to go up a thing and then go through mud and then go under some barbed wire.
I'm glad we did it.
It was fun.
But yeah, we've had a good fill of our new friend for now.
A lot of angry letters.
No one was undecided about Linda.
Half the letters are, fuck you, I'm canceling my subscription, you suck.
And the other half were, you're a genius.
This woman is a gift from God.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I hate you.
Just down the street from us, we had a crazy storm last night.
It was lakes everywhere.
Roads were closed off.
Took me like half an hour to get home.
And maybe about 10 blocks from here, a massive sinkhole appeared.
I think there was some sort of broken pipe or something.
And look at this hole it created.
Those people got to get the fuck out of there.
I've ever seen it.
Like, why would you...
Whatever car is in the way, get out of the way, and then those other cars better go.
Because if you go to the next one, you will see peace.
I told you.
So this office could be swallowed up at any moment.
We don't know.
How dare you disrespect me looking like the motherfucking Universal Studios riot earthquake?
Speaking of sprinkles, I discovered a very funny chick on TikTok.
Oh, good.
Who's insanely hot, but way too young for an old man.
Because I sent you that separately.
I got it, and I also have something special.
Oh, you created it.
This would be a sprinkles scenario?
Bumper.
Here we go.
Sprinkles bumper.
I hate it.
That's for every time we think there's.
I thought I was just going to say sprinkles scenario across the top, and then there'd be like diamond snow things.
Why would you think the word scenario would be in there?
Meanwhile, you just thought about it.
I don't think it's that obvious that the word scenario would be.
And I don't see sprinkles as the kinds on ice cream.
I see them as like fairy dust.
Okay, well, I can edit that.
But can't you have fairy dust land like on my desk?
Yeah, we'll do that.
Yeah, let's do that.
You can can that one.
Messages my mom has sent me recently.
This looks like a image file, like the coding for one.
I don't know how she managed to do that, but it was really long.
And I said LOL.
And she said, I'm just trying to shop.
So I'm like, you texted me.
This is at 2.45 in the morning.
She goes, what are you doing?
I never saw it before.
You never saw what?
I never saw it before.
I don't know.
Are you sure it's for me?
Love yo going to bed, having some cookies and milk.
This one just unannounced says cheese puffs.
How are you feeling today?
Better.
No temp, chills, sore throat.
A picture of a jack-o'-lantern, and then it just says goonies.
This is the pumpkin she made.
This says birth goofedoo, and then it's a poly pocket, polyville mega mall, and there's just a V at the bottom.
That's like Linda text messages.
Yeah, similar.
Wow.
There's another one from her, too.
She same thing.
My parents, I was sending my nephew a Roblox gift card to their email, and it was absolute chaos.
My dad said, okay, send the digital gift card.
I'm not sure why that's in quotations to my email.
I'll probably get it before you come on Christmas.
So when you get here, you'll help me print it out.
Now, two things there.
Number one, you would get it immediately.
It's an email.
And the second thing is, I said, you don't print it out.
It's digital.
You get it in your email.
My mom, who is petrified of things like this because she gets her identity stolen no less than five times a year, her response was, I'm afraid.
Then what?
So, my dad is now trying to protect her.
So, he says, Ellen, please block us.
Let me deal with this.
Please block us.
As if this is a cybersecurity issue.
Okay.
So, I explained to them what they were going to do, and I said, Why are you afraid?
And my mom's like, Well, you said digital, scared face.
Yeah, I don't really know what you're talking about.
So I'll wait for the email.
I'll also wait for you to get here.
So I said, You guys both need help.
You need help.
My dad's response was, I don't need help.
Thank you.
I just don't want all the confusion.
She's got good comic timing.
Speaking of good comic timing, I was happy to see Chelsea Handler's no longer in her romantic fling with Joe Coi.
Oh, I have a sprinkle submission.
Oh, okay.
That's why I think you would like this one.
You're interrupting the show as much as Linda.
While we're talking sprinkles, check this guy out.
It only costs $4.99.
I gave your fucking sister the turkey cupboard last night.
Don't forget it.
I put your sister's box in the rotisserie rivery last night.
I gave your fucking sister the cocktail sauce last night.
I fucking butted your sister's dying cookie last night.
That's how you do to your sister joke asshole.
That's how you do it, sister joke.
So I've hated Chelsea Handler for a long time.
It all started back when she had a Netflix show, maybe?
And she did a commercial about how awesome it is to be single, which is like the opposite of what I'm all about, right?
I'm all about putting a ring on it.
And she's like, no, you don't need love.
Love is a myth.
You just need, you know, female empowerment.
Be a woman.
I am woman.
Hear me roar.
And in the commercial, she says, I decided I wanted to have Thai tonight.
Did I have to consult my husband?
No.
And then she's eating Thai food, right?
And I'm like, no husband has ever said, no, you may not have Thai food tonight.
When a woman says, I'm going to order it instead of cooking, you go, okay.
Oh, geez.
I got to turn off my shit.
I've had PTSD from being interrupted by Linda so many times.
But at least it's important stuff.
And I just hated that because it was like, sex in the city got all these women to not put a ring on it or to not be looking for a ring.
And it turned them into perpetual sluts.
And then they end up 42 in New York City, which is an elephant's graveyard for ovaries.
And they are just a colostomy bag for some strangers.
Come.
And the tough thing about women is they're agreeable.
And you put them in a shitty situation.
They're like, I actually like this.
This is fun.
So if you gauge like women's happiness, it'll say, are women happier being single without kids?
You'll get a lot of yeses because that's what they do.
They're like, yes, this is half full.
I can sleep all weekend.
I can watch Netflix, whatever.
I love it.
And then you ask women, do you like having kids?
Yes, it's the most fulfilling thing I couldn't imagine.
They're not reliable when it comes to, you know, honest answers about their life situation.
And when their life sucks, they're constantly rewriting the script, which is what Chelsea would do.
And you don't need love.
You don't need a man.
And then she finally gets a man.
And I don't know what he was doing, fucking her.
We knew it wouldn't last.
But she has this fantastic loving relationship and realizes that you actually do need a man.
And that love is really important.
And she never says I was wrong.
But she just goes on and on about how awesome her new situation is.
And now that she's dumped, guess what?
That's awesome.
So she puts up this post where they're celebrating how awesome their love is and they've been together for a year.
It's a year anniversary.
Who the fuck brags about a year anniversary?
That's pathetic.
But the text came after the video after she's dumped.
So let's hear the video first.
Hey, guess what?
We're celebrating our one year anniversary.
We're going to be screwed together.
And we are...
Honey, what have you learned in the last year?
Being in a relationship with your lover?
That it's fun to be in love and always be in the moment.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you're the one who taught me to always be in the moment, honey.
Because you can't.
Look how old she is.
Are you okay?
Oh, shit.
Are you okay?
It's too many.
Oh, B. Move your hand.
Look how much fun they're having.
It's okay.
It's okay.
He's so bored.
Oh, my God.
In anticipation of celebrating our first year together, Joe and I recorded this video early.
So what, like a week ago?
But as many of you have noticed, it is with a heavy heart to announce that we have decided together that it is best for us to take a break from our relationship right now.
I know many of you are invested in our love.
I know I was.
I put all my life savings into their love.
And I wanted to express to you how much that meant to both of us, how much it still means.
Wait a minute.
Does it still mean a lot that I invested in your love if you guys are broken up?
Didn't I lose my investment?
And how much I now believe in love for each one of us.
This man blew my heart open with love.
A lot of love talk here, right?
And because of him, my life experience has changed forever.
Scroll down.
To be loved and adored by Joe Coy has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.
He renewed my faith in men, in love, in being 100% who I am.
She says love the way Kamala Harris does a talk and has to repeat that word.
I suspect these people are evil.
People in Hollywood, they're disgusting.
They have shitty lives and all they do is tell us how to live and what we're doing wrong.
And you're like, why don't you clean your own house first, Miss Glass House?
But I suspect that there's shit that goes on where, like, she was dating, I think she was dating, like, some guy at TBS before she got a show.
Then she was dating the guy who runs Chateau Marmont.
And I always suspect there's some sort of Machiavellian relationship.
Like, you know how in the monarchy, they'd have the queen of Germany marry the queen, the king of England, and that would stop the warring tribes.
And they wouldn't even know each other, but they'd have someone from France marry someone from Spain, all to stop wars and bring the nobility together.
And I suspect that's what goes on.
Like, he's with her, right, for a year.
He puts up with fucking this old bag, dumps his super awesome Filipino wife, mother of his kid, stays with her during quarantine, his ex-wife that is, and then he gets his own movie.
Is it a show or a movie?
I don't know.
Let me see.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
No.
Okay, it's listed in the thing.
So I suspect there's some like, he used her for a year, got a movie deal through it, and then he's like, all right, I got my movie.
I don't need you anymore.
Bye-bye.
Go to the text.
Oh, no.
No, go back.
You blew my creativity open, my lust for working, being on the road.
You reminded me who I am, who I've always been, blah, blah, blah.
I've been more...
This is not an ending.
It's another beginning.
Yeah, see, that's always the glass full agreeable shit.
This is not an ending.
It's the beginning.
No, it's the end of your relationship, my dear.
And you're getting older and there's going to be less and less of these.
She just had Martha Stewart on her show and Martha Stewart was talking about how all the guys she could be paired up with are either married or dead.
And sometimes she just waits for the wife to die.
That's what Martha Stewart said.
This is the life of a spinster, my dear.
No grandchildren.
This is what Jordan Peterson talks about.
It's pretty lonely to be a 30-something woman in a big city.
40 starts to get real rough.
Late 40s, it is apocalyptic.
And that's where Chelsea has landed.
I'm not done reading the thing, dude.
So please continue root for both of us because you never know what life will bring.
And let's first start by all going to the theater on August 5th to buy tickets to Joe's new movie, Easter Sunday, Filipino Pride.
Yeah, it's a movie.
And it looks super corny.
But now you can go to the next link where they're so confident.
This is six, seven weeks ago.
They're so confident that they're going to be together forever that they're trying to pair other people up.
Hi, I'm Chelsea.
She's Jewish.
And you're Joe.
And I'm Filipino.
And he's not the only Filipino who has infiltrated our family.
My niece has been dating a Filipino man for five to six years.
They'll probably get married.
My brother is in the Philippines right now, about to marry his Filipino Beyoncé.
So the Hamlin family has been infiltrated by Filipinos, much in the same way the Kardashians have been infiltrated by black men.
So we have one more slot to fill, and that's for my older sister, Simone.
If you're Filipino between the ages of 50, I didn't know you could get older than Chelsea Hamlin.
70.
Not 70.
That's what he had to say is older.
She said older, he's like, yeah, 60, 70.
He's listing things that are older than her.
70, you look 30, so that's an advantage.
But we're not only looking for Filipinos.
You can be black Filipino.
You can be black Chinese Filipino.
My new boyfriend, the handlers will take you.
Handlers love Filipinos.
We want more Filipinos.
Linkle the Handlers with Filipinos.
When I was writing my book, all the publishers were obsessed with Chelsea Handler because she unloads books like a fucking fiend, or at least did.
I guess because she tells women how to be happy and they love that kind of shit.
And women buy more books than men.
I think women buy most of men's books.
When a man has a book, it's because a woman bought it for him.
So she's the king of publishing.
And she knows nothing.
She's a garbage person.
Here's Easter Sunday.
That's one.
I'm so...
I hate ethnic humor, too.
I'm so Filipino.
It's crazy.
I'm really busy.
I just tested for this pilot.
You're going to be a pilot?
A network pilot for like a TV show.
Ah, you're playing a pilot on the TV show.
No, a lawyer.
You could have been a lawyer if you only applied yourself.
Those Asian moms.
They have a great market, though, like him, Russell Peters.
Like, it's foreigners.
Yeah.
They have one guy in America.
They're like, oh, you should check him.
He's really big right now.
It's hack.
It's bad.
I can't be funny, so I'm just going to repeat all of our ethnic stereotypes, and then you can laugh about how your mother doesn't really get things.
Although, I guess we were just laughing with the white mom.
You got to follow your dream and become a beer spokesman.
That was my dream.
Let's get the party started, baby.
Yeah, because Asians love beer.
Joe Vanessa.
Yeah, Joe Valencia.
You still driving that same raggedy ass car?
What happened?
You just gave up, huh?
And it's your dad.
You know me and him used to be real.
Hear the funny music?
The funny woman's on the TV.
The night school notorious music.
Remember that movie we watched with her where she had the yellow makeup on?
Night School.
Night School.
Kevin Hartz Night School.
And every time she's doing a joke, the music was sweating like...
Yeah, I could have been your mama.
But clearly I'm not.
Yeah.
I've literally never seen this many Filipinos in the same place before.
We're sending gifts to our family in the Philippines.
I'm sending this brand new hairdryer.
If it makes your hair look like that, I more than send it.
How dare you?
How dare you?
We should put them both in the box and ship it.
My mom.
Then they got the license music.
Hell yeah.
And they don't even know why.
Did you really have to wear the same dress as my mom?
Oh, I can't help it if I wear it better.
This is war.
Oops.
Looks like my wife.
We're counting on you to fix it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're all we got.
So let's get the party started, baby.
This is weak.
I have douche chills.
I feel weak.
I have goose pimples in the back of my head.
Oh, they just went down my arm.
Filipino, Filipino.
Your cousin Eugene owes me a lot of money.
Can you lend it to me?
No!
Does he have a death wish?
Deluxe is legit crazy.
I once saw him shoot somebody in the dick.
What?
Right in the actual hole.
In the hole.
Oh, finally a joke.
Where is my money?
Here are my APM cards.
My pin number is 1217.
Who also is mine?
Oh, Art Mystery.
My goose, my.
My goose.
Why do you all have the same pin number?
It's Manny Papio's birthday.
Oh, right.
The guy who couldn't beat Mayweather.
Just got more chills.
Can we go get coffee?
You can go ahead and email me.
I'm drowning in goose pimples.
They're taking over my head like waves.
I hate when the trailer shows the cringest of all the moments.
And she's like, why even watch the movie?
Yeah, why don't you show some of the good parts?
Yeah.
Maybe it's some sort of money laundering thing and they don't want you to go.
It has to lose money as some sort of tax write-off.
Yeah, he's betting he's shorting his movie.
Yeah, like the producers.
Remember that Nazi play?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, his face in that video is so telling.
He can't even hide.
It's sad.
I feel bad for her.
Well, he's made the decision to dump her.
And she's like, hey, honey, we should do a one-year anniversary video.
And he's like, I either say no, and you know what I'm about to do, and then I got to dump you right now, and I'm too hungover because I tried to drink beer and I forgot I don't have the proper enzymes because I'm Asian.
Or I'll just do the fucking video.
Maybe I'll do a hand joke and then it'll be like, well, it'll just be satire.
I'll hide behind my joke.
You didn't chip her tooth.
Wait, is that a spit strap or is that like a braces thing?
I don't know.
I think that's a bracelet for her.
You saw Whitney Cummings' thing, right?
How cringe that was?
No?
Oh.
It's quick, but it's bad.
She stages like a thing.
Right now's a really crucial time to come out in person.
I thought of all the things I'd get assaulted by in Newark.
It would be a human being.
Yeah.
Keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth.
That's.
Wow.
I'm drenched in the douche chill.
Yeah, it's not good.
Comedy is over.
It's ruined.
Chelsea Handler, Joe Coy, fucking Whitney Cummings, you all suck.
And you've taken one of our favorite things, watching stand-up, and turned it into a fucking cringe fest of diversity and politics and abortion and Trump and white women.
I tapped out of the Bill Burr special too.
I was like, yeah, man.
Oh, you're a pussy.
You watched the whole thing?
Watched the entire thing.
How was it?
I took notes.
Was it good?
What?
Oh, I thought you were talking about friends who kill.
No, I haven't run the new Bill Burr.
The Red Rocks one.
You know, he had a point that he almost made a good point.
He was like, he's like, all the white liberal women, which he says a lot, they're like, if it was slave, if it was the period of time where there were slaves happening, they would be doing the same thing where they'd be like, yeah, come into my shop, but don't touch anything, whatever.
But I think the real good point is that he's been saying that for 100 years now.
Yeah.
But all the people that are going along with the COVID stuff, the BLM stuff, just going along with whatever's populated.
Yeah, they would be Bill Burr?
Yeah.
They would be the slave owner, slaveholders ever, because that's what's going on.
That's the mood of the country.
Alkart.
2% of Americans are in the city.
Wasn't it one?
Somebody just told me that.
No, the way they get the number up is they say, well, the kid, if the dad owns a slave, then the whole family does.
And the kid.
But you don't say that.
My daughter doesn't have a motorcycle.
I do.
Oh, right, right, right.
It's one slave owner, thank you.
That's wild.
And it was, yeah, I think it was 2.4%.
They're all in the South.
So the idea that it was the thing and we all had slaves is fucking retarded.
He's so uneducated.
He talks about the smallpox blankets, smallpox blankets, like it was a thing.
It's a historical fact, he says.
No, it's not, Bill.
Now I'm mad.
Yeah.
There's nothing to cleanse the palate either.
Comedy makes me mad.
Let's start the show.
Yeah.
Nothing to it but to do it.
It comes from here and it goes that way.
Let's start the show.
Beautiful, beautiful birds.
Bye-bye.
Let's get right into LGBTQ.
We haven't done it in a bit.
That's so true.
And it's always fun.
Why are you ugly?
I felt ugly.
I felt gay.
And then we fell in love.
And then they eat their poop.
And we have a very good relationship.
I don't like the buttons.
You don't want to see a closed-up picture of my haters because you hate gaming.
You ugly.
That intro could just be a pube shorter.
A little less dancing in a box with Ricky Ricardo, whatever the fucking game.
Ricky Rebel.
Ricky Rebel.
Drag Queens are still indoctrinating kids.
It's not healthy.
Again, imagine these were strippers.
That's all you have to say to these librarians, by the way.
And again, if you're going to one of these things to protest it, please, please don't say faggot.
You play into their hands.
Their whole spiel, and it's a pile of horseshit, is that homophobia is rampant and kids are getting bullied for being gay.
When you say faggot, you vindicate that.
And then they go, see, look at all the hate.
It's not a erase the gayness from it.
The gayness might be a part of why it bothers you.
Keep that to yourself.
You have to focus on sexuality.
Don't start talking to our kids about sex at all.
No sexual.
There's no such thing as a polyamorous kid.
Bisexual means you like to fuck men and you like to fuck women.
Kids don't like to fuck anyone.
So they can't have a sexual preference.
And the crux of your position when you go to these things has to be, if these were women, I would be objecting.
If these were strippers, I'd be mad.
I don't like stripper-like money, any of this sex culture around kids.
It's sexual.
The fact that it's homosexual is secondary.
What's the clip?
Like, come on.
What?
Like, what if kindergarten teachers were dressed like this?
It's scary, too, by the way.
Remember how freaked out you were by certain things?
Like, I got my kid when he was, my eldest boy, when he was like four, I got him a little Batman.
This is back when Bane was big, you know?
And the eyes were really, really tiny, and he threw it out.
Because the eyes freaked him out.
They were too small.
And then there was another guy.
Oh, yeah.
My youngest boy, we got him a little mouse with cheese on his head from Madison, Wisconsin.
They're into cheese.
And he would call him Mousy Cheeso.
And then I found him in the garbage one day.
What?
And I was like, what the fuck?
You killed Mousy Cheeso?
Because a stuffed animal dies when it's disposed of.
I don't know if you know that.
Oh, yeah.
That's their grave.
And he goes, yeah, his eyes moved.
It felt like his eyes moved.
I don't know if they really moved, but I thought I saw him go like...
He's out.
So that's how sensitive kids are.
Clowns, you know, clowns freak them out.
You ever see someone dress up or you see some are scared of Santa?
So those faces, which scare me, and I'm 52, are disturbing.
But here's something I've been meaning to read to you for a while.
So I said I couldn't find any data on adopting gay kids.
Is it good or bad?
I looked up all of these horrific stories about kids that are starved to death and beaten and abused and all that, and there didn't seem to be a pattern.
The gays seemed to be like 2% of the parents that were doing horrible things, and that's about what they represent in the population.
But someone sent in this 2016 study called Invisible Victims, Delayed Onset Depression Among Adults with Same-Sex Parents, that shows 85 to 90% of children raised by homosexuals report abuse.
The well-documented tendency toward greater levels of intimate violence in same-sex partners appears also to be present in parental relationships.
Prevalence was notably high.
90% of the same-sex parented children reported parental abuse at wave 3.
I don't know what that means.
Dropping only to 85% at wave 4.
Prior studies have not documented this abuse, most likely because almost all have been based on parental reports, which minimize abuse self-reporting.
And none have ever asked directly about parental abuse.
In the only prior study based on retrospective reports, children with lesbian mothers, including those temporarily in a lesbian relationship, reported a substantially higher rate of sexual abuse at 23% than did those with consistently heterosexual parents.
So that's not good.
And yeah, there's something, maybe there's the bond you have when you make a child from scratch is different.
I'll never forget reading Dan Savage's book about his kid, DJ, and how he felt nothing when he was born and had no bond with him whatsoever.
But I'm not going to say that kids who are adopted are less loved than kids who are biological.
I don't believe that.
But I don't know, man.
It's possible gays don't have the same parental genes that we have, the same kind of bond.
They're built different.
They know they're different, right?
Isn't that what they're so proud of?
Speaking of different, look at this insane narcissist.
And he's, oh, they love this.
He's doing this shit because he loves his weird nails.
But sometimes it's a tattoo.
So today was full of little happy gender euphoria moments.
I got called Mr. Micah a lot today.
Well, completely femme.
And that was really heartwarming that the kids just got it.
But my favorite reaction, and it sums me up so well, I feel like, is I was in a new classroom and I took off my mask to blow my nose.
And I just hear a kid loudly whisper, oh, she's a boy.
And I was like, yeah, you got it, kid.
You totally got it.
Okay.
Yikes.
Is that a girl who took so much testosterone she grew a beard?
I can't tell.
Or is it a fat guy in a dress?
It's a fat guy in a dress.
I can tell.
Touching your face means you need reassurance or the person has something on their mind?
Probably the former.
Touching the face is usually an adapter.
That's something we do to make us feel more comfortable in a situation.
They need to feel comfortable.
Yep.
Okay.
We're going to show you your tattoos.
I thought this was interesting, 2-0.
This guy comes out.
His friend says, I know.
Everyone does.
You act faggy.
And so he files a report.
I talked to my RAs about her, and now I'm filing a Title IX complaint against her so she can get kicked out.
They made her leave yesterday night.
Because it's homophobic to notice.
It's homophobic not to notice, and it's homophobic to notice.
Her dad suspected I was trans because of the Adams apple, and she said she suspected because of the voice and face.
Her mom said, probably not because of my hips and chest.
This still sucks because I thought I was passing very well.
But also, now I'm wondering: can everyone tell?
Most people on Tinder don't know.
But now I'm remembering this guy who said, I had a feeling after I told him.
My doctors and friends all say I pass.
This is still jarring.
Next one.
I'm going to read the whole thing.
Literally, fuck the people heckling me for this and heckling me for deleting it.
Suck my fat, transfeminine dick.
I decided to put the post back up after all.
I filed a Title IX complaint against my roommate for her transphobia.
She doesn't live with me anymore.
She's getting moved to a different dorm.
See, the way we're so easily bullied, is it because we're all scared of being sued?
Is that why the school just complies?
I miss the good old days, the 80s, where you'd call a boss and you'd tattletale and the boss would go.
So I kind of had that at CRTV where back when I was on Twitter, I saw a female pilot and she had an enormous ass and she was getting into the pilot seat of the plane I was on.
And I was like, I just saw a pilot with an enormous ass.
A big fat woman is driving this plane.
If I don't make it, I want you to know that I had a good run and I love you all or something like that.
And they reported it to Casey Katz.
And they said, he's talking about women's asses on a plane.
And Casey went, what, are they a protected class now too?
Can't make fun of fat asses?
Of course, he capitulated much later when he got more nagging and tattling.
But yeah, just say no.
If some tranny comes up to the head of the dean, I think it's called, it was called the master, the guy who runs all the deans, I mean all the dorms, but they changed that because it's too much like slavery.
I shouldn't have done that either.
But if someone comes up to you with a complaint like that, you just go, work it out.
And then, oh, we talked about this already.
Yeah, we did.
The trans birthing question, where they both think it's a win.
Okay, let's go to a green screen.
We shall.
And we should.
Come on, everybody!
I love this picture.
This is a six-ton killer whale called Tilikum.
Tilikum?
I don't know how we pronounce it.
Looking at his trainers.
Now, four trainers have been killed in captivity, and this guy killed three of them.
He killed 75% of 100% of the trainers who have been killed at SeaWorld or various other sea places.
The other guy was in Spain, and that was Quito.
Quito.
So he's got a droopy fin.
He's hard to miss.
And orcas are, they're also called killer whales.
They're also called blackfish.
There was a big documentary about the hell that these things go through called blackfish, which is another name for orcas and killer whales.
They're not whales, actually.
They're more like dolphins.
And I think the film's understanding is, their theory is that these things are kept in these boxes overnight, and it's like a sensory deprivation tank, and it makes them insane.
The reason they're kept in these cement boxes is because activists were kept trying to free them.
There was one millionaire who offered a million dollars for them to free this guy.
But this guy's worth $15 million to people.
And his sperm is worth a lot more.
They were hoping to breed him when he started.
But he kept killing.
So they got rid of him.
Well, he died of old age, actually, in 2017.
I think SeaWorld has decided they're going to continue, but they're not going to do the tricks and anything with trainers.
They're just going to have them swim around and make it an educational thing about killer whales.
I don't care either way.
So killer whale has never killed a human in the wild, but they've killed four in captivity.
But since way back into the 60s, they have been destroying them.
Go to 2004.
The first link?
No, the second link.
Yeah.
These things weighed like three to six tons.
That's like 6,000 to 12,000 pounds.
Look at him.
He keeps smushing them.
Imagine a fucking six-ton creature constantly smushing you as you try to get the fuck out of there.
So though there's only been four deaths, there's been dozens and dozens of attacks like this where the guy just loses his shit.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Shit.
Can't we have like a rope?
He might even just be playing.
This might be roughhousing.
I mean, a killer whale could easily just bite his head off.
Drag him to the bottom.
The majestic music in the background.
Just friends.
And people in the audience know what to do.
That's the other thing.
Almost all of these deaths were in public.
Only one of them was missed by the public.
But luckily, we're not going to be showing footage of it.
So let's do the first one.
Kelty Byrne in 1991.
This was up in Canada.
Victoria, BC.
You got the card for that?
Did you show it when I wasn't looking?
Bam.
And this is our guy.
That's the guy you just saw.
Tilly Kum.
So she was dragged into the water and pushed and thrown around the pool.
Oh, this is a scary one for her.
She was trying to escape, and every time she got free, that's her there, every time she got free from Tilly Kum, the other orcas would block her path.
And they just kept ramming the shit out Of her, dragging her down, carving her up, biting her.
And whenever they tried to get the body, the killer whales would attack whoever came.
So it was several hours these girls were there.
She keeps smiling in a nervous smile, and she's talking about the death of this.
It was it like an amusement park that was kind of on its last legs and everything was a bit gray.
Yeah.
It was like a swimming pool.
Yeah.
You know, like three whales in a swimming pool.
Yep.
And you just come up and touch the water.
Is that Linda?
I think there was some till.
There was three whales, swimming pools, six swimmers.
There's a lot of restaurants.
You could eat there, you know.
Okay, let's go to number two, 1999, when I moved to New York.
Tillycum killed Daniel Dukes.
Now, this one is fucking weird.
This was some hippie dude.
I think he was mentally ill at Pothead.
And he was like, yo, man, I'm going to break into SeaWorld and I'm just going to chill out with the killer whales.
We're going to be bros and I'm going to have this beautiful experience.
No, he went in there and Tilly Coomb just goes, what the fuck are you doing on my turf?
These are the guys in Blackfish talking about it.
He rips his clothes off.
He tears off his clothes so the guy's naked there.
And they know that because the clothes are all ripped to shreds at the bottom of the tank, the pool.
Then you know what he does?
He bit his dick off.
He bit the human dick off and ate it.
I always, remember my theory that that's how we became carnivores?
Because we were like monkeys and monkeys like to eat your genitals and there was some alpha fighting and he bit off some genitals and then he got stronger because he had all that protein and then the next thing you know we're fucking cooking up dicks.
And here's the spookiest part about this poor bastard.
After he killed him, he's got no balls.
He's bleeding.
Tilly Cum put the dead naked cadaver on his back and was sort of gliding around the pool, showing it off like, I killed a hippie, I killed a hippie, I ate his dick,
what you gonna do?
Isn't it weird that we kept this guy around?
Like, I thought if dogs kill someone, they're killed instantly, right?
Why did we keep this guy around?
Was it like this?
So that was 99.
Then Tillikum didn't kill again until 2020.
But in the interim, in 2009, we had...
Oh, here's footage of Tillikum with the guy in his back.
That's one of the trainers.
That's what he was doing.
So we got a break for nine years, ten years, until over in Spain.
By the way, the first one was in Victoria, B.C. The hippie was in SeaWorld, Orlando, and so was the last one.
But the third one was this guy named Alexis Martinez, and it was a guy named Quito.
And Alexis was one of the most popular and well-accomplished trainers in the business.
There he is, riding the guy, having a gay old time.
Oh, look, he's got a droopy fin, too.
I wonder if that was him working with Tilly Coomb.
I mean, it was pretty amazing what these guys would do.
The orca would go like 20 feet out of the water with the guy on his nose.
And then some days he just goes, actually, I don't do this anymore.
So what Keto did to this poor bastard is he rammed him in the chest with his snout and it crushed his ribs and destroyed all his organs.
And then he dragged him to the bottom of the pool and drowned him.
So did he drown or did he die of damaged organs and bite marks too?
He bit the shit out of him.
Yes, he died of all those things.
And then the last death we have is Dawn Branchot, French name.
This one was rough.
So she's wearing little rubber boots and she's feeding them and stuff.
And she was walking back, leaving the area.
She slips on the edge of the pool and goes right into the water.
Our buddy here, Tilly Coomb, sees it happening, starts charging her, and just as she is pushing up out of the water, he bites into her feet and rips her down and drowns her.
And it's never just like a casual going down thing.
They drag you down.
They let you come back up.
They drag you down.
I think that this is the actual incident.
And she had screamed, I don't want to die.
Those were her last words.
Holy shit.
Isn't that fucking insane?
Okay, let's stop showing that.
Anyway, the good news is that Tilly Coomb is dead now, and you're safe.
Let's do some racism.
Yeah.
To cleanse the palate.
I'm a black female.
What other different what else could I have done to piss you off?
Black woman?
This is really inconvenient.
Oh, there's some great shit going on.
This isn't really racism related, but there's some bar called the Honky Tonk.
And they had a...
It's a biker bar.
One of my favorite things in the world is Antifa going after Bikers, because they think they're invincible, right?
And the Honky Tonk wanted to have a heroes thing to celebrate vets.
And Antifa decided, no, you're not doing that.
So these bikers show up and they say, Yeah, we are doing that.
And they get in a fight with them.
Lots of bear spray.
I wasn't actually very impressed with the bikers.
They could have done a lot more ass kissing, kicking, sorry.
And so now Antifa are doxing bikers and trying to get them fired.
Yes, please.
So Andy No points out, though some Antifa members in Portland have been warning their comrades about making a vendetta against motorcycle clubs, others have welcomed the feud and are discussing ways to arm up for quote-unquote battle.
Oh, that's an old one.
Find the honky-tonk one.
And then Bernard of PDX, Portland, says, it's not for everyone, obviously, but for those of us who are comfortable going into actual battle, we need to organize so that we can offer some solid opposition to groups like motorcycle clubs who are comfortable shooting first and need little reason.
You're 100% correct.
They aren't like Proud Boys.
Oh, I guess I should have made this the Proud Boys.
Yeah.
They're a little more violent than the Proud Boys.
This is in the news.
Some poor bastard, some rabbi got his ass kicked.
Shit beaten out of him by black dudes in Crown Heights.
And they're very careful not to say black guys.
They say thugs and stuff.
But I hate how this gets intellectualized.
And they talk about the Crown Heights riots of 91.
And this article says, in 1991, a three-day riot broke out after a car veered onto the sidewalk and fatally struck seven-year-old Gavin Cato.
A lot of Gavins in today's app.
The suspect behind the wheel of the car was Jewish and Cato was black.
Reports indicated that the driver was transported from the scene before Cato, and rumors grew about what transpired at the scene of the accident.
And then there was a massive riot.
And of course, this is when New York was basically at its worst, 92, when we had this retard.
Like basically Eric Adams and Bill de Blasio.
In fact, it was Bill de Blasio's mentor, David Dinkins.
And so he did nothing, nothing at all.
He let them riot.
So it was just like a mostly peaceful riot where lots of people died.
I think another black dude was stabbed at it.
Al Sharpton came down and helped fan the flames.
It was a nightmare.
But to assume that the anti-Semitism they're seeing here is somehow linked to that 1992 thing gives them way too much credit.
They're just racists.
They hate Jews and they see, no, they hate whites and they see Jews as the apex whites.
They don't want whites in their neighborhood and they're also they like to beat up Jews because these Hasids tend not to fight back.
So it's a white I get to kick the living shit out of and I don't get arrested and he's not an Irish boxer and he's not a fucking armed redneck.
He's an unarmed, wealthy white person I can hurt.
It's just that simple.
And the rabbis could have worked for BLM.
They could have all these charities.
I've seen them do it too.
They have like a pro-BLM rally.
Rabbis and BLM coming together and it really just means please kill me last.
But again, you're intellectualizing street hoodlums.
This is who you're intellectualizing.
Let's show some blacks behaving badly.
Do we have a bumper for that?
We just have the background.
Oh, well, let's put some blacks behaving badly background.
Oh, great.
What is it, just BBB?
What the?
Their tits are flying all over the place.
Why aren't there more nice restaurants in the hood?
It's a food desert.
This is why, dummies.
It's a behavior desert.
Like, this is why there's no Starbucks.
If you go to Harlem right now, there is nothing of any consequence.
There is just chains, and they're all leaving, too.
There's just Duncan's, Footlocker, McDonald's, occasionally, a few Starbucks, but less every day.
And it's because they're not welcome there.
It's the free market.
I mean, do the fucking math.
Why would a Whole Foods not want to make money?
Don't you understand how capitalism works?
They don't care if it's what race the customer is.
All money is green.
There's food deserts in the hood because of blacks behaving badly.
I love this guy's solution, though.
He's like, it's not us.
We're not the ones behaving badly.
We're not the ones shooting each other.
It's the government.
Turn it up.
Nigga, we ain't cold like that.
We do some shit.
We get caught.
We get caught, man.
Come on, man.
Y'all ain't gonna wake up and see this shit.
I'm telling y'all real facts with real life tears in my eyes, man.
If you are not from Chicago, or if you live in Chicago, stop thinking every fucking gunshot going off came from your motherfucking ops, man.
It's called mercenary groups, nigga.
Google it, nigga.
The police, nigga, hop in their cars, nigga, hoodie up, paint their faces, nigga, ride around and shoot us, nigga.
And then you be like, oh, the stones just came through here blowing, for I'm finna go slide.
So you go back on the stones, shit, and you blowing at them, nigga.
That's how they do us, bro.
That's on my son, man.
That's on my son's.
That's funny.
Chicago, downtown Chicago.
It's packed with police, nigga.
So who the fuck killed a big-ass rapper on Oak Street in four shooters, nigga?
And they got away with it, nigga?
And y'all still want to believe the streets did that?
The government did that, nigga.
Nigga, we ain't cold like that.
And I was checking out black Twitter.
A lot of black dudes agree with him.
He also has an interesting theory that Jay-Z is a time traveler who works for the Illuminati.
And his proof is when Jay-Z was young, he wore a Basquiat t-shirt.
And now he looks like Basquiat.
So this is, and when the people say it's bullshit, they pull Out this.
This is evidence that all black crime is a white guy because it once was.
Once.
Looks incredibly like the guy in the surveillance video.
Police took the son, whose identity we were not given, into custody.
Then they got a call from another woman who said they had the wrong guy, that it was her boyfriend who robbed the bank, and this is her boyfriend, Conrad Zerdiak.
The actual perpetrator was white as could be.
He had bought a theatrical mask from Beverly Hills, which cost a few thousand dollars.
And it's very lifelike, and he had it on.
And it looks like the guy they called Crime Stoppers about.
I mean, his mom said the cartoonish nose?
He did it.
It looked just like her son.
Sunglasses covered Zerdiac's blue eyes.
Gloves covered his f ⁇ ing.
They really worked on this editing, didn't they?
I like this news station.
So because of that one asshole now, they think it's a thing.
It's not tattable.
It's a lot of costumes.
Let's do a...
What's this now?
It's a lot of costumes here.
That one's really good.
When you see the black women fighting, too, often their tits are hanging out and stuff.
So I guess these government ops, they have a whole bodysuit.
Yeah, like Big Mama's house.
Yeah, like Big Mama's house.
Like Big Mama's house.
So, remember when Martin Lawrence was getting a hot rock massage and it melted into his fatsuit?
Yeah.
Great.
Hat scene.
That's one way you can do it.
You'll notice if you go up to any of these gangsters and you cut them with a straight razor.
Foam.
Foam.
Instant foam.
Latex.
No blood.
No.
Hey, is this still racism or are we about to get out of it?
We're about to get out of it.
Well, because Detective Shitty has a theory about racism.
Okay.
But it's that kind of shitty detective work.
Okay.
Okay.
So, oh, that's not a thing.
No, you're doing things as you talk about how shitty you are.
It's for the brand.
I could have done that.
So, now have you seen this thing about Sesame Place?
The racist mascots.
It's been popping up like wildfire.
You might notice this from Shismobin.
So.
Oh, yeah, they don't touch the kids.
Yeah, let's show this one here.
The high-fiving.
You should explain what Sesame Place is to people who don't touch the kids.
Okay, Sesame Place is a theme park for Sesame Street.
They have these mascots.
Now, my theory, it's not racism.
And Shismobin and a lot of people, even Ian Miles Chang, I think, is convinced that there's racism.
So here's one of Tully.
He touches the hand, touches the hand.
And it looks like that's racism for some reason, that he's...
And then this one they say.
They're slapping like this to kids.
No, no, no, no, no, not that.
That one's coming right up.
But this one, they say they slap somebody in the face.
That right there.
Now, they can't see very well in there, but here's my official theory when it comes to this main video.
This is the one that's been going around.
So you got Telly, I think that is.
I don't know what that is.
He says, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What looks like only the black girls.
But if you look...
He accidentally high-fived the adult.
Yes.
And then he went, I shouldn't have done that.
No, no, no.
Yes.
My theory is that they have a protocol of like either no touching about the high fives because of COVID stuff.
The mascot sees the camera, pretends he's socially distancing all of a sudden.
He just high-fived the woman, then goes, no, no, no, no, that's, I'm not supposed to do that.
So the high fives, then he goes, oh, camera.
No, no, no, actually, no.
So they're saying it's racism, and I'm saying it's not.
Let's do Proud Boys.
Okay.
Of course you're right, but thank you.
It's not rocket science.
Stand back, stand by.
Proud boys point out.
Proud boys.
Somebody's got to do something about Antifa and the left.
Antifa is an idea, not an organization.
You got it, not malignant.
Stand back and stand by.
Stand by.
Stand by.
I tell you at my kid's baseball game, one of the dads of the opposing team yelled, finish him!
Interesting.
These are nine-year-olds, by the way.
Finish him?
I believe that's what they say at the end of Mortal Kombat when there's about to be someone killed and there's blood everywhere.
You're yelling, finish him, at a little kid in basically his first season of baseball with a uniform.
Finish him!
Ended up walking him.
I was like, well, it looks like you didn't finish him.
It is a tech.
So this is funny.
Proud boys have been marching a lot on Long Island, and I met that particular chapter, and it's very dark.
There's lots of Hispanics, and there's at least two or three black dudes.
And when they go on these marches, they take pictures of them and they say, hey, we don't want to hate on Long Island.
But they always crop out the black guys.
And I'm telling you, you fucking dummies are going to make this club racist.
And when I say you, I mean the media, because they hear white nationalists march on Long Island.
They look at the picture, they only see white guys, and they go, oh, I guess, A, white nationalism is more mainstream than I thought.
And B, I'm going to join.
Maybe it's a thing.
And the next thing you know, you manifested hate where there was none.
And I thought this was an amazing paragraph.
So there's a new group called the Justice League that is going to stand up to them.
And it's a group of activists who make it their mission to confront racism in our region.
Lately, the Prowd Boys' arrival in Long Island, coupled with extremism, racist acts, and violence across the state, have made their work both more urgent and more difficult.
So you go, okay, this sounds terrible.
Look at the girl, by the way.
Say this was a racist gang.
One little black girl is going to go take on the fucking Nazis?
Like, you don't even believe what you say.
Your very existence proves that you don't think this is a violent gang.
What's the headline again?
So I thought this was a great thing.
On the Proud Boys, Long Island Substack, a newsletter describes their May 21st demonstrations in Long Island as a display of patriotism and love for the country.
This is what they are announcing.
Proud Boys are announcing what their march is about.
To spread cheer and goodwill in these communities that we love.
Claiming that they were welcomed with open arms, a spokesperson for Substack did not immediately respond to questions about the Proud Boys' use of its platform.
But the company's terms of use state that Substack cannot be used to publish content or fund initiatives that incite violence based on protected classes.
So the Proud Boys say we want to spread cheer and goodwill in these communities.
The journalist contacts Substack and says, doesn't that violate your initiative on inciting violence?
Like, this is in the same paragraph.
Fucking insane.
Unless the initiative is to incite violence, then yes, they are going against that.
We want to spread love.
Doesn't that violate your hate protocols?
Do you think standing your ground's a little bit aggressive?
Yeah.
And then look at 2-7.
So they're wearing.
Oh.
Yeah.
Anyway, by the way, so they're taking the name Justice League to go around and, I guess, beat Patriots in the streets.
I just think that as an Avenger, that's copyright infringement.
If anybody were to do that to the Avengers, we would see you in court.
Okay.
Are you wearing an Iron Man shirt or is that an app?
Iron Man shirt.
I'm doing Celebrity Mailbag.
You invited me this Friday to do it.
Okay, yeah, I remember now.
Yeah.
Yeah, Iron Man.
Right.
So they've been wearing Bucky's face mask.
We talked about this yesterday, I believe.
And Bucky's has been confronted and told, Proud Boys are wearing your shit.
What are you going to do?
You could be like Fred Perry and disavow.
Did I tell you that story?
I was talking to Long Island guys about this shit.
And they said they were at a bar and they were all wearing their Fred Perry's and everyone was fine with them.
It was, I guess, a right-wing bar or whatever you want to fucking call it.
And they saw some liberal at the bar who was really mad.
You got to always like suss out the room.
So he sees this guy and he's fanatically on his phone.
And, you know, he's probably googling Proud Boys, whatever.
And then he finally finds what he's looking for and he summons the courage.
Maybe has a shot first.
And he comes over and he goes, what do you think of this?
And he shows them an article that says the CEO of Fred Perry disavows the Proud Boys.
Like the guy was going to go, touche.
Guys, let's wrap it up here.
The guy who works at this clothing store doesn't like us.
What the fuck?
I only wear pants where the CEO of that company loves me.
I've been banned on Instagram about four or five times.
I know they don't want me there, but I have to post my memes.
So I'm still there, regardless if they support me or not.
Jarvis, set me up for a sex profile just in case.
I'm going to get a little spicy today on my story.
Okay.
But so you can just watch this segment, I guess.
This is Hotspot.
The stores, the mascot, the brand, Bucky's is beloved in our state.
But tonight it's facing some challenges, and this is why the Proud Boys wearing Bucky's products at demonstrations around Texas.
And some are calling it hate-jacking.
That's when an extremist group adopts a brand and tarnishes its reputation.
Our Bill Spencer is covering the controversy tonight.
Hatejackie is live at the Bucky's near Sugarland.
Bill.
Is that like a hate fuck, but you don't have a girlfriend?
Keith and Danielle, the Proud Boys are known nationwide for their very strong political beliefs and ideas.
Well, now it appears they have adopted a very popular icon as part of their new look.
Pushing and shoving and controversy at a protest rally at the University of North Texas in Denton, as seen in this storyful video by Ismael Belcorum.
And at the center of it all, the Proud Boys, a far-right-wing organization that has apparently added a familiar face to their uniform.
It's a face just about every Texan knows.
It's Bucky the Beaver, friendly, goofy, bucktoothed face of Bucky's, the massive chain of gas station emporiums.
The Proud Boys are already known for expressing their own political beliefs and ideas at rallies and protests all over the United States.
And now it appears they're using Bucky's pet beaver to promote those far-right ideas.
So just what do the Historians think of this new addition to the Proud Boys look?
I think it's probably pretty bad that any political group would use Buckies as part of their advertising.
Well, they shouldn't be using like a family-friendly logo to promote their own hate group.
It makes Buckies look bad, yeah.
If they're doing that, they're giving an impression that Buckies is behind them and that they're promoting their action, whatever action they're taking, which is not right.
In Conroe, Nurse Lorene Roberts is a former officer with Pride Houston and a prominent member of the LGBTQ community.
She told us what she thinks about Bucky the Bee.
I wonder what she'll think.
I think it is blatant disregard not only to individuals and people all around them who they are disrespecting, but also to the company itself.
This is so stupid.
This is idiocracy.
I quote, we have never had contact with this people and do not know them.
Nobody is going to prevent us from providing clean bathrooms equally to all people.
Putting on the bottom of the city.
You want to hear a funny insider scoop?
Proud boys are using those, that second sentence, as the new 14 words?
No.
And I counted it.
It is 14.
Go back.
The new 14 words have nothing to do with race, and they are, nobody is going to prevent us from providing clean bathrooms equally To all people.
Well, I'm glad you think it's funny, Gavin, but I don't support your little group.
But it's not a hate group, Bucky.
Are you sure?
I saw them doing bad stuff, like trying to stop Mass Damn Tifa from going around and setting fires peacefully.
Yeah, see if you can pull up, Bucky, see if you can pull up that honky-tonk thing with the bikers.
Okey-dokey.
It's weird because, like, in my day, with Nazi skinheads and punks, there was no, like, what the fuck are you going to do?
What, what, fuck you?
Yeah, bitch, bitch.
Mace, it was just like, shmm.
Instantly.
Like, there was no talking at all.
There it is.
Antifa finds out.
Salem, Oregon.
Antifa finds out.
Wait, where do you see that?
Okay.
Where do I see that?
Oh, my God!
Morgan to take action.
And now we see this.
This guy has the weirdest accent, by the way.
Look at this.
So, no, in my day, it would just be like bonk instantly.
But let's get the fuck out of here.
And then women getting involved.
Women.
Whoa!
Walk away!
Walk the f ⁇ away!
You guys came here!
Bye-bye, guys!
So in this entire scuffle, we see a lot of pushing and spraying, but not a single punch being.
I remember doing a video on that.
Is this like an Asian accent that's been Americanized 99.9%?
I think it is.
Cowen events with Camin's subscription.
I had you all wrong, and I'm sorry.
I support the Proud Boys.
I'm a proud Western chauvinist who refuses to papologize for creating the modern world, and you can use our bathrooms.
No one asks you to papologize.
Well, I deeply, from the cotton of my sart, papologize.
Dear Linda and her GOML co-hosts.
Oh, sorry.
What am I doing?
Let's get the mailbag.
Yes.
Sorry about that.
That was wacky.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a debt.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Dear Linda and her GOMO co-host, while searching for more information about the ephemeral news of mass shootings in my city of Philadelphia, oh, you poor bastard.
Couldn't imagine being in Philly these days.
I came across this wonderful mass shooting tracker site.
I can't say I'm totally shocked by what I found.
Philadelphia has at least one mass shooting a month, a total of six so far this summer.
Turns out that 99.9% of the people shooting up the streets across America aren't disgruntled 4chan doomers, go figure.
Shocked that New York City only has one.
I guess most of the NYC shootings are one-on-one, one and done.
Maybe you'll discover some fun info here.
And then that's not a very fun chart.
It's got colors.
P.S., I'm going to see the Mooney offshoot at the Rod of Iron Festival every year.
It's a great time in October, and you guys should definitely check it out.
Big pro-Trump, pro-gun.
I guess we're Moonies now.
For the Porridge Wog, two things.
One, can you please stop having these random dementia patients on your show who can barely comprehend where they are half the fucking day?
Cats with AIDS are funnier than these crazy bags.
We're going to have to agree to disagree there.
Two, I'm getting married in September.
Thanks to you for teaching me to stop being such a giant fag and stop wasting my girl's time and finally marry her.
So I guess I can forgive your fuckery this time.
Look, if you didn't like Linda, then you're wrong.
Don't get married.
Your wife deserves somebody who gets it.
Yeah.
Like, you're just wrong.
Hi, Gavin and Ryan.
What should the ratio of moms to dads share the diaper changing?
100% mom in theory is not ideal or attainable, but 50-50 feels wrong.
Yeah, the proper diaper change for a mom and a dad is 70-30.
70% of the time the mom does it, 30% of the time the dad does it.
Sounds good.
As far as getting them ready for school and knowing their schedules, their music classes, baseball, that's 100% mom.
As far as cleaning up around the house, that is 80% mom, 20% dad.
As far as keeping care of the lawn and making sure everything outside and inside works, that's 100% dad.
As far as planning trips, that's 100% mom.
And so is packing for everyone but the dad.
He packs his own shit.
But she doesn't touch the luggage.
That goes from you to the car and from the car to whatever room it's going in.
You do 100% of the driving.
Wait, when the family is together, the dad always drives.
You never let the woman drive unless she's alone.
As far as picking people up, dropping them off, it's about 50-50.
But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
Okay.
Here's a song called 10 Little Boys.
It reminds me of when I was teaching in Taiwan, there was a book that was written, a kid's book that was written by the number one English student in the whole country.
And it was a black family, and one of the boys' names was N-I-G-E-R.
I don't know if that's pronounced Niger.
And he got the name from a map of Africa.
And he walks into the room, and the dad, black dad, said, What a lazy Niger.
Oh, Niger, you never work.
Clean your room, Niger, said mom.
Do the dishes, Niger.
And I fucking made the mistake of bugging out.
I was like, I need this book.
I have to have to have this book.
Holy shit.
And I was laughing my head off.
They freaked out.
He wants this too bad.
Like I was Mousy Chiso, or they were Mousy Cheeso.
And they grabbed the book and said, no, we can't loan out books.
And I never saw it again.
Wow.
There's a moral here, folks.
You come across something like that and you go, oh, interesting.
It's a great book.
Yeah.
Very good.
What's that over there?
Is that a squirrel?
And let's think, 10 little nigga boys, you will enjoy it.
What did someone chop someone's hand off?
Dear Gavin Imragai, change all of this article to punk, as Gavin says.
It's insane and is one of the news articles that sticks with me.
And it's an African woman in London who says she can't totally be herself at work.
She has to sort of tamp it down.
She has to speak a certain way.
And having to do this is called code switching.
Remember that black girl, that black politician that Project Veritas got, caught and she said, I want that hood money.
I'm a nerd.
I want that hood money.
And I can turn it on and turn it off.
So she was turning it on when she was talking to the prisoner.
But like, I was thinking, imagine this story was about a racist.
I'm a racist and I have to turn it off at work.
I can't say the N-word or make any of my rude jokes.
And I'm constantly trying to hold my arm down from Seek Hiling.
It's a living hell.
I have to code switch.
That would be funny.
Discrimination against racists.
We don't tolerate intolerance.
Okay, I thought there'd be more laughs at that, but that's fine.
Hey, Gav, Linda will burn down your building and kill your family.
She's clearly a paranoid schizophrenic.
I would let Gary babysit my 11-year-old daughter before I brought her on my show.
Also, she was fucking hilarious.
I'd say keep her around.
Good stuff, but keep your head on a swivel.
Mark the cop.
Yeah, I mean, we could have her back in like a month when we're bored.
Maybe like a big group.
Imagine it was like the presidential debates, and we had Maddie, Sylvia, Linda, the state trooper guy.
That could be fun.
Ohoy, Gavin Rive.
The video played on Monday of the dude getting his throat cut was remarkably similar to the time I got stabbed in the neck.
Luckily, the assailant that attacked me, a psychotic homeless man, missed the jugular.
But he punched the knife into the side of my throat twice.
And when I tried to run, he pounded the knife into my back so hard that he broke two of my vertebrae.
If I wouldn't have fought him off, he would surely have killed me.
This went down right after I bought some meth, which I had just cheeked, put up his ass, in case I got searched by the cops.
I went into emergency surgery with a lousy bag of meth melting in my asshole.
The whole thing was a nightmare.
Holy shit.
So you're getting, you're, you're in incredible pain.
You're getting your neck stitched up and your back operated on while meth courses through your veins, which must erase the anesthesia.
But I took it as a sign from the big guy that my party days had long ceased to be fun.
I checked myself into rehab, got clean, and eventually got off the street.
Good to know.
I like your new sunglasses.
This guy's sending us some female cops in Belgium.
We've already showed this clip, but I like that.
Okay, first of all, they discover about 100, maybe 60 African illegals hiding in a basement.
And so they decide not to get reinforcements or anything, but they decide they're going to handle it and arrest them all.
Like, that's even...
That's way bigger than the woman thing.
Even if two giant six-foot-tall dudes who were pro-fighters arrive, they shouldn't do that.
You quietly walk out and call for backup, and you better have a fucking shitload of backup.
Look, so turn it up.
They're speaking French.
Then they decide, I better just get out of here.
Excuse me.
One.
Three.
Did you see the way he just mowed past her?
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
And then they'll just hold it closed.
I'm that strong.
So that was 10 about.
11.
11.
13, 14, 15.
16, 17, 18.
19.
20.
And I'm just going to hold the door closed.
I got it.
No, you don't.
21.
Excuse me.
That was very polite.
22.
Excuse me.
I think they did more harm than good because now there's just Africans running through the city.
Next work, guys.
And then the cops show up.
And look, the real police show up, the men, and there's one guy left.
And it's so uneventful because they probably just did procedure that there's no video of it anymore.
Hey, genius and genius.
Linda had me dying laughing.
Sometimes her little interjections are mildly funny, but when you stop the show to lead her into her own rabbit hole, the result is solid gold.
The Long Island podcast segment had me choking, crying, and possibly shitting.
Haters going to hate, but Linda's great.
Would you rather French kiss a guy for 10 seconds or quickly lick his cock from base to tip?
Well, that's easy.
Lick his cock.
What?
What?
No, I would rather kiss a guy.
I kissed Milo.
We used to make out at a party just to freak everyone out.
The Hell's Angels used to do that to scare the squares.
We used to do that with licking balls at parties.
No, that's gay.
Oh, no, our parties were cooler than yours.
It's Iron Man.
Okay, last one.
YouTuber sent to prison.
Did you know FPS Russia, the YouTuber, was vocal about the fact that he voted for Trump?
Right after that, a certain three-letter organization raided his house and claimed it was because they thought he had illegal guns.
They found the tiniest amount of weed and charged him with distribution or some bullshit because he shared it with his wife.
He was then sent to prison.
You can't make this shit up.
They barely even hide their agenda anymore.
This is a government agency going out of its way to criminalize political views that were considered mundane six years ago and normal ten years ago.
No one is talking about this.
Even famous people are not immune.
The three-letter organization involved didn't raid his home for over a decade, despite him making the same kinds of videos, but then all of a sudden decide after he says he's a Trump supporter, Jesus, we are all fucked.
It is a little weird.
I never thought about that at the time.
We actually, yeah, we brought him up a couple shows ago, remember?
In the top right?
Yep.
The Russian guy.
Not Russian.
I'm a semi-new listener, so I apologize if you talked about it, but I recently watched a video by Sonny V2 discussing Paul Miller.
Apparently, he was there when Heron Kinsman fought the Antifa members who instigated the fight.
I had no idea.
That was the event.
I heard so much about it on the show.
Can you talk about Miller?
If you know him, your opinion on his recent sentence and what he was doing that night?
No worries if you can't talk about it.
So I think Paul Miller went nuts.
Much like the guy who got the bottle to the face, Jovie Vall.
Jovi Val got bottled in the face by MAGA hater.
He's wearing a MAGA hat, some skateboarder, smashed a bottle, cut his face open.
I don't think that guy was charged, by the way, even though Max in prison said, never use a bottle in a fight.
It'll add five years to your sentence.
And then he went full Nazi cuckoo, like with a swastika pendant around his neck.
I don't think that's that dissimilar from Paul Miller.
So Paul Miller was there to report on my talk at the Metropolitan Club.
He was a normal dude.
And he got mobbed by Antifa.
And then Gavin Wax and this other dude who got doxed by Antifa and had to move to the South jumped in and fought Antifa and called for the cops.
So they get, there was like 10 guys that jumped Paul.
And out of the 10, the cops managed to grab three of them, Kai Russo, Caleb Perkins, and Finbar Sloanem.
Magically, lawyers appear out of nowhere and get all three of them out.
And this is Caleb Perkins' second run-in with the cops.
And it's the second time a big-titted Jewish lawyer magically appeared and got all his charges dropped.
Then a few hours later, the thing with Max and John, probably the same Antifa dudes happened and they instigated two fights that night.
Oh, and after they beat up Paul, by the way, they stole all his equipment.
Yep.
His backpack.
So then Steinglass railroaded him and said, he said, I want to press charges on those three guys.
And they told him when the trial was like eight hours before, and it was at night.
And he goes, I can't get work off.
You tell me eight hours before when it is?
And then I was talking to Mike Cernovich about it.
And he goes, yeah, that's illegal.
He should file a, I forget the name of it.
It's like a judiciary complaint against Steinglass.
And I contacted him and he was too spooked because he saw what happened to Max and John.
He's like, I'm scared.
I got Antifa beating the shit out of me.
And now the government's out to get me.
I'm the bad guy.
So that scared the shit out of him.
And he moved.
I think he moved to Florida or LA or something.
And then I think he went nutso.
Kidnapped his girlfriend or some shit.
I'm not sure.
When he was on our show, too, he was like, he's like, hey, man, I'm apolitical.
I was there to document the thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was like a comic book nerd.
He was really into Batman.
Yeah, he became the Joker later on.
Which is interesting.
All right, let's do the final video.
Yes.
Okay, this is the most disturbing final video we've ever had.
It's sexual.
It's NSFW.
If you want to put that up there, Rygai.
Oh, yes, yes.
It's sent to me from someone in Ireland.
And it's some Indian Muslim, not sure if he's Indian or Pakistani, who sedates these patients.
And then, while the other doctor's there and not looking, puts his dick in their mouths.
Now, when I first heard the story, I was like, wait a minute, isn't that guy Italian?
And I realized, no, there's two cases going on right now.
One was in Brazil.
So look at the second link, Ryan.
The mirror.
Anesthesiologist Giovanni Quintela Bezera was arrested at the woman's hospital in San Jao de Meriti, Rio de Janeiro State, Brazil, in the early hours.
No, that's the wrong fucking one.
I said the mirror.
I said second link.
How do you not hear that?
Jesus.
So this woman was getting a C-section.
And he attacked two others the same day.
So her stomach is ripped open, her bowels are hanging out, and he puts his dink in her mouth, right?
You're obviously not going to fuck her in the pussy.
I'm sorry to laugh at rape, but wow, that's some hubris.
But no, now go to the link you just had up.
This is investigations into suspected sexual abuse.
So this guy, if you go down a bit, there he is.
Dr. Almir de Zubani.
This guy was knocking out.
Now, I think it was a dude.
I'm not sure if this is a male or female in the video we're about to see.
One patient requested anonymity, described how he learned about his suspected abuse from Gardai.
He told RTE investigates that he was suspected of having been sexually assaulted following surgery to move his appendix.
He called me.
I said, is everything okay?
And he said, are you sitting down?
I knew it was serious then.
The man said, go down more.
The guarda went on to describe how several statements have been made about suspected sexual assaults of the man and others.
But almost four years on.
Okay, so it's a man.
Okay.
All right, folks, you don't want to see this.
But this is a man, unconscious, getting face raped while he gets operated on.
And I apologize for laughing.
Yeah.
Lost his appendix and got an appendage, right?
He lost his appendix and his gay virginity.
So the other doctors can't really see what's going on here.
But the reason we have this on tape is because this guy was acting really weird.
And they thought something's up with him.
And he also, he would over-anesthetize them.
So they'd be like dead to the world for five hours.
I'm like, why did you give him so much?
Well, because I want to put my dink in his mouth.
The other guy's busy.
Imagine you looked at that doctor and you went, wait a minute, that's the anesthesiologist I had.
Look at him.
Like, talk about your worst nightmare.
Sorry to laugh.
Anyway, folks, don't let your guard down.
Keep your head on a swivel.
You never know who's out there trying to fuck your face.