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June 17, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:32:12
S4E130 - FAMILY FUN
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Live from New York, it's Get Off Money One with Kevin McGuinness.
I don't know when everything was so woe.
Why is there a feminine in every TV show?
I can't watch a movie without seeing rainbows.
I can't find a male music artist not wearing girl clothes.
I got raised in mind.
I should be bent on everything.
I'm a hateful baby than everything that's going on.
Wait till it kicks in.
I should believe all women because every girl is a queen.
Tell me something I don't know.
Cause wild love are so predictable.
He can't see a movie without there being a rainbow in it.
What do you got a problem with rainbows?
See, that's how they get you.
They make it a little thing and they like pronouns.
What?
You can't say they instead of she?
Is that so hard?
And you go, no, it's not so hard.
But I'm not going to give you an inch because you're going to take a mile.
Oh, we can't have a drag queen at Fenway Park throw the opening pitch.
Is that a crime?
No, it's not a crime.
I don't care that the person throwing the pitch has makeup on and is dressing as a lady.
But I don't really like the people you're inviting to baseball games.
You want to see who threw the first pitch at Fenway?
Go to 12AA.
This is the slippery slope.
We give them an inch.
We say you can throw a pitch.
And then this is the mile they take.
What?
See why we're mad?
And baseball is a very American pastime, right?
Everything about it is great, but it's also very kid-oriented.
Like you go to City Field, and the kids go up and they can bat.
They hit this ball and these little wiffle balls and win a prize.
That's why you get so angry when baseball players chew tobacco or do drugs or get caught drunk driving.
It's a bad example for the kids.
That's why we get mad.
We get madder than the CEO of Nike getting caught doing drugs.
Happy pride.
Show me your dick.
We're living in a fucking crazy time.
Gays have all, gay culture, I shouldn't say has always, but gay culture sort of post-AIDS, maybe even during AIDS, has always been about how we fuck.
Not the music we like or what kind of food we make, like other cultures, but how we fuck.
And you know what we did?
We said, fine.
You fuck weird.
Bye.
A lot of straits fuck up the ass too.
A lot of straits do suck as many dicks as you.
Okay.
Bye.
Don't come near kids.
And then they start invading kids.
And then we go, I don't like this.
So the stadium had the green monster and the gay monster in the stadium at one time.
It's amazing.
We got a lot of shit to talk about today.
I saw Camus Bell's special.
I thought it was new, but it's the ancient Chinese secret.
But it's so woke and it's so embarrassing.
And I realized, we talked about this the other night, that it's a form of samboism.
What?
What are you talking about?
You're calling him Sambo?
Well, it's not sincere.
It's not merit-based.
It's not funny.
Being a black man, married to a white woman, of course, and bitching about the alt-right and Nazis and how boring it is that everyone's racist, that doesn't appeal to blacks.
It doesn't appeal to men.
White women and other women, mostly white women, and here I am doing a Bill Berth shitting on white women, they seem to like it for some reason.
I guess they feel cool.
Maybe they're more prone to guilt than men, white men.
So when blacks go, you guys are racist, everything's racist.
Most men with a normal level of testosterone, you know, above Ryan levels.
How dare you?
They just go, yeah, shut up.
Fuck off.
But girls, not only do they take the bait, but they like basking in it, which is weird.
So I don't blame Camus and other black guys for going, I'm going to make money off of this.
This will be my job.
I'll perform comedy for white women.
I'll pretend that my life has been a racist hellhole and there's Nazis everywhere.
And women will go, I like that.
Ladies, why do you like that?
What is the joy in the self-flagellation?
Is it the sexual kink?
Remember I told you my local message board, like in my town, there was this guy who was a serial rapist, basically.
He was a corrections officer that would fuck the inmates, and that's considered rape because they don't have a choice.
Reuben something.
And he would get on there and he'd talk about black oppression stuff in this all-white neighborhood in Westchester.
Yeah, and of course they fall for it.
And they're like, you're right.
We're so evil.
We're so disgusting.
And he would talk about how this is who we are.
And this message board is for things like, I have an extra Ottoman if anyone would want one.
And then he's on there talking about fucking this, another black kid died today at the police's hands.
This is who we are.
And they would all agree.
So then some nosy mom whose dad is a cop didn't like the abuse.
She had enough, I don't know what, oomph, testosterone to say, yeah, no, no, I don't like this guy.
And it's weird that she talks about how hard he works, but he's on this message board.
So she discovers that he's a corrections officer that fucks people.
So she accuses him of it.
And then all the other women are like, that is disgusting.
How did you better know what you're talking about if you're going to throw on that allegation?
Look up Ruben.
I think it's Ilha, corrections officer.
I've told this story before.
And so you assume he's going to deny it, but it's true.
So he Puts a post called Extreme Ownership and owns what he did and how he's grown as a person from his mistakes and blah blah blah.
And then, guess what the reaction is from the Karens?
They go, You are so brave.
And I was saying it to a buddy of mine who works at Fox News.
And I was like, Look at this.
I told him what I just told you.
And he goes, It's sexual.
It's like they want to be raped by him.
It's a kink.
They like abuse.
It's a perverted fetish.
So Camu Bell's comedy show that we'll watch in a bit, in a way, and this is just a theory, is like a weird black sexual fetish where he abuses them and they giggle.
Okay.
What we should really be talking about, though, is more important subjects.
Before we get to the one, I have one piece of heavy news that's in the opening.
But someone sent me a bunch of cool get off my lawn AI.
My new favorite artist is AI.
I used to like Francis Bacon.
I used to like Ralph Stedman.
Their AI is better.
I can't believe I'm fucking saying that.
My favorite artist is AI.
I don't know how they do it, but I want everything I see I want in my house on the wall.
That's the bird which is the bald eagle.
Like, wait a minute, is this God?
Now, the guy who sent me these, I think he made them, or, you know, whatever making them is.
But it seems like the base face he used for me isn't my face.
Like, that's not what my nose looks like.
I wish it was.
I got this faggot little button nose.
This was called Body Shot of Gavin McInnes as the president holding the bird, the bald eagle Ralph Stebman.
Oh, you threw in Ralph Stebman.
Interesting.
The last one was beautiful bald eagle hyperrealistic photography.
Show me more.
All right.
What's this one called?
Full-body portrait of Gavin McInnes as president shaking hands with again a giant bald eagle by Francis Bacon Ralph Steadman.
Oh, cool.
The computer has outdone Ralph and Francis.
And I wish, by the way, I wish I was sitting here going, you know, we always talk about computers being better, but you'll never beat the freshly drawn hand ink splatters of Ralph Steadman or the brushstrokes of Francis Bacon.
No computer will ever learn that.
It's like love and humor.
It's the one thing, art they can't get.
Oh, actually, they can.
This is better than Frank and Ralph.
It's almost endearing how off it is sometimes, but how close it is.
It's the perfect amount of flub.
Yeah.
What's this one called?
Is that Picasso?
It's got a ring Van Gogh to it, yeah.
All right, so this is Gavin McInnis as the president shaking hands with a giant bald eagle, Vincent Van Gogh.
So it knows how to do styles, too, which is pretty wild.
This one is full body shot, Gavin McInnes president, bald eagle, Ralph Stedman, Francis Bacon.
Okay, another one.
Beautiful.
Like, beautiful.
I want to make this my passport photo.
We can make shirts.
I'd wear that.
What the fuck?
See, the nose isn't my nose.
No.
Alright, you're the president of the United States posing for a selfie with the giant bald eagle patriotic detail.
Anyway, that's cool.
There's a couple more, too.
That.
That.
That's insane.
That's awesome.
That's one of my favorites.
That's awesome.
What's that called?
A giant bald eagle is fighting another man city streets realistic photo high.
All right, let's start the show.
We've got too much to do here.
So I face this way, right?
That's correct.
Starting the show.
No more fucking around.
Let's get down to the best end.
And then, sort of a weird thing about this show, we do the start the show, but then we have to do the interstitial of the subject we're talking about.
So we've decided to start with feminism.
We are the storm, the very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
You said I was too pretty to fight.
That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is.
We've got to get to the Proud Boys soon.
I know some of you are sick of it, but holy shit, the shit is hitting the fan.
And if they went to court tomorrow, it would be 15 to 20 years.
Would you kill yourself if you were going to go to prison for 20 years?
No.
But it would suck.
Because my first thing in my frontal lobe is always fatherhood, right?
Yeah.
Like, getting divorced, the first thing you think about is, if you're a good human being, what about the kids?
How will this hurt the kids?
Right.
And then with suicide, well, I'm not going to be around for 20 years.
But then you think I could send them letters and give advice and make comic books for them and stuff.
Why are you jumping to this?
You suck at your job.
This is the first link.
Yeah, but I'm talking about kids and totally unrelated subjects.
Okay.
So you could still contribute.
Gonna go see Max and John soon driving up to say hi.
Gonna miss Father's Day, I guess.
But then John has missed a lot of Father's Days.
His daughter's three.
He's never seen her.
There was all this COVID shit, and it's hard for Zenoa to get out there.
So I'm glad I'm going to be there on Father's Day so I can, you know, ease the pain of him not seeing us.
Imagine you get out, your daughter's already four.
Four's a little person.
Four is like they talk and they walk and They can get themselves a little snack anyway.
Yeah, no, that's trying to think of what that was like before having a kid.
It was like impossible.
So I was like, wow, that's got to suck.
It's like, no, that's like an unfathomable pain that I couldn't even fucking do.
I would think it would be like losing all your limbs.
Right.
Like, would you rather be in prison for 20 years or lose 100% of all of your limbs, one, two, three, four, and just be a torso in a chair for the rest of your life?
Right.
I think I would definitely...
I think that's pretty easy.
I would go for torso and a chair.
They could probably break up something with my mouth where I could like.
Oh, technology in like 20 years, you'll be able to run around.
I could talk.
I could do this show, no problem.
Hey, welcome to the show.
I don't know why you talked.
Sorry, I don't have any arms, so I can't enunciate as well.
I used to use my arms to enunciate.
I'm Italian.
Yeah.
Well, that would be a cruel fate.
Well, that was weird about Christopher Hitchens.
His fucking, the end of his life, he couldn't talk, and that was his person.
That was everything.
Him communicating, him conveying his thoughts, him arguing.
That was Christopher Hitchens.
Anyway, let's dive into some fun shit.
I'd like to start the show.
The reason I started the show earlier is because we have a lot of fun feminism stuff, but this truly, deeply disturbed me.
I have to pretend this woman had garish, horrific sock tits.
Because if she had anything reasonably normal and this beautiful, you can tell she's beautiful by her skin.
She's what, like 25?
This 25-year-old had fairly good tits and she got fake tits and the mother is, or the grandmother, whatever she is, is condoning it.
It's up there with top surgery.
I mean, it's pretty similar.
Anyway, go ahead.
They're beautiful.
I gotta touch them.
Oh, they're hard.
I hope they get a little soft.
They won't.
They won't.
They'll droop, and then the hard ball will be at the bottom like an orange in a sock.
Like, I have to pretend she had cancer or something so I can sleep at night.
I hope they get a little soft.
I know a girl, a young girl from Vice Days, she had her tit removed, and she got a fake tit, but it didn't have a nipple.
And she was like, should I tattoo a nipple on?
And I go, yeah.
Because when you're fucking her, not that I ever would, you just don't want to be distracted.
And if there's a tattoo there, I assume you could just tell your brain, that's a nipple.
Did you see this?
Somebody wrote into Celeb mailbag.
So yeah, he's got a video here.
It's not safe for work.
This chick wanted her tits reduced.
You know how they bomb abortion clinics?
We should bomb clinics that reduced tit size.
All right, not safe for work.
There's tit size.
So the stretch marks, like they're very, very deep.
Indeed.
Gorgeous.
What would you like?
How would you like them to look if sort of shaped it?
Taking away tit meat is not going to get your stretch marks away.
If anything, the big size, but now on a smaller tit.
From now on, universally, all women who want breast reduction have to talk to me.
And I would suggest you look at my previous cases to know what my judgment will be.
If your back is breaking and you cannot find clothes, and if you swim, you hit the bottom of the pool like a brick.
I'm open to negotiation.
Those.
No.
President of the world, Gavin McInnes, and co-president Anthony Kumia have decided that no, that is not acceptable.
Those big milkers, those are basically perfect.
What a fucking bitch.
Wouldn't it be funny if she got harassed?
Death threats.
You dare fucking touch those and you will regret it.
I thought this was interesting.
Remember this Harry and Paul sketch?
One of my favorite sketches?
Harry and Paul were so good at beginning, middle, end sketches.
They were just tied up in a bow at the end.
The comic timing was beautiful.
I mean, the men were the Francis Bacon and Ralph Stedman of comedy sketches.
This is one of my favorites.
You could play this.
Those are real players.
Georgie.
Arsenal pretty unlucky to go one down early on, but a great strike by Fabergas.
Literally passed it into the back of the net.
Typical Arsenal goal.
You know another reason I was asking about mistresses the other day?
I am getting so far away from women.
Like I always criticize people who don't talk to cops and talk to ex-cons and talk to people on the street and they don't know the working class and they're out of touch and they become sort of...
Oh, I just ruined the punchline.
Go back?
Well, it's just positive.
They get out of touch with humanity and that's why they can say like, proud boys are Nazis.
And if you support Trump, you're a white supremacist because they don't know any.
I'm getting that way with women.
I don't meet any.
And when my wife has a bunch of girls over, like, I get the fuck out of there.
Not because I'm scared, but because I want them to have their free lady time and not, I don't want to bother them.
So I'm becoming those dudes.
You know what's good about when you're married and you're not looking at chicks for that reason?
You get to really enjoy what women have to offer when you're not like it's close to nothing, but it's an angle that's like, hmm, that's retarded.
Yeah, well, when I talk to them at parties and I'm stuck, all I can do now at parties is I go, oh, are you ladies talking about Justin Bieber and Tampons?
I make fun of how awkward I am.
No, we're talking about Tampon Bieber.
It's a combo of both.
But it's true, they are talking about their kids and schools and baseball and shit like that.
I had a party at Gav's Tab the other night, and Maddie goes, Oh, can I bring over Bill and whatever her name is, his wife?
The guy hangs parties with his wife.
Like you, why are you bringing your wife to Orlando?
Because she's great.
Is she going to bring the baby to the show?
Not to the show, but to Orlando.
So she's going to Orlando for a show, and she's not going to the show.
Well, we have friends down there.
We're going to meet up, like baby friends, friends our age that have babies, and then also they're going to go to do life.
Friends.
And I have a lot of friends in the Orlando area.
There's PBs I know.
There's just friends that I've met throughout the years and stuff like that.
And then so they're going to go to Disney Springs while we're at...
What's Disney Springs?
It's not a park.
It's just like a Disney hangout.
So at the peak of Disney's pedophile accusations, you decided to get on a plane and fly your daughter to Disney?
Yeah, well, they don't grope you around.
They just have really shady, satanic messaging.
Okay.
Well, the good news is she won't remember them.
No.
Anyway, let's finish this punchline.
I've totally destroyed this segment.
Literally passed it into the back of the net.
Typical Arsenal goal.
And Rodney, great start for City.
Just what Mancini would have wanted.
It's great to see City.
Where's the bloke, darling?
Yeah, where's the bloat, love?
Sorry, what bloke?
Bloke we talked to.
We chat to about football, love.
Where's the bloke?
Well, I'm the bloke.
No.
No, come on, love.
Where's the bloke?
Where's the bloke, darling?
Where's the bloke, love?
Honestly, it's only me.
Now, don't be silly, darling.
Where's the bloke?
Where's the bloke, darling?
Where's the bloke?
It's half-time.
We talk to a bloke about football.
Where's the bloke?
Go and get a bloke, love.
Where's the bloke?
Where's the bloke, love?
Where's the bloke?
Get the bloat, love.
Get the bloke, darling.
Two sugars.
We'll be back after the break.
So they don't want to listen to the birds, right?
They don't think the bird has anything to say.
They only want to talk to the bloke.
Well, guess what, geezers?
You're fucking wrong.
You're clinically wrong.
You're savagely and brutally wrong.
The birds have got a lot to say.
Just ask Paddy Gonia.
There she is.
Listen to the fucking birds.
Go down.
There we are.
There we are.
The birds have got a lot to say.
I love how he thinks he's so hot like our boners are exploding.
You know?
Like Marilyn Monroe and Jane Mansfield or something in the way they're like, hello.
And you're like, oh.
You look absurd, dude.
What was that move?
And in the songs, they know the move.
It's so fucking hysterical.
Like, it's almost mean.
I feel like I'm making fun of him.
You're not sexy.
You're a clown.
Look how serious he is.
Oh, oh.
Look at the beauty I'm enjoying.
Even like his, look at his scraggly, balding hair, too.
Even his gay friends are like, when they say like, you're beautiful, they're kind of kidding.
Like, they don't have a boner.
No one has a boner here, sir.
What?
It's true.
Canaries die in a coal mine.
It's a sign you better get out.
So they have some stuff to say.
Will we choose to listen?
That's a monster.
Birds hate you, dude.
I could just see like two starlings above him rolling their eyes as a turkey vulture rides the thermals puking.
Please turd on him.
You know, Aquaman can control fish.
If I could control birds, I would begin a mass turting right now.
Is this a nightingale?
A conferi?
What a cuck.
That's terrible, that man.
Patty Gonia.
This is a popular story going around about a woman who was raped.
They had the kid, and then the guy stole the kid.
And the court said yes, because he's connected.
I don't know.
That's pretty fucking connected.
That's Joe Biden level connected.
What's the video of?
Is that an unrelated video?
Yeah, of course it is.
That's our biggest pet peeve.
Woman claims she's...
So go down a bit.
Wait, this could be it, yeah.
I need the whole story here.
Something just does not add up.
This is like Saudi Arabian.
It was caused through rape.
See, even if it's, even if it's if even if she volunteers, what the word I'm looking for?
Consensual.
That's statutory rape, 16 and 30.
So maybe that's what she means?
Well, yeah, I was enraged too, until I sort of inhaled and exhaled.
So she came forward when?
Well, 2015.
The daughter's 16.
So it must have Happened 15 years ago.
Right?
Lady.
Wait, wait, wait.
Am I right about that?
How old is the girl?
When my daughter was five, he found out about her.
Right, so she waited at least five years.
I don't know.
And by the way, thank you, me too.
Thank you very much for making me dubious of rape.
My entire life, up until the fucking 2000s, if I heard about a rape, I knew there was a bad guy involved.
And we wanted to all go kick his ass.
Now, the first thing I hear, just like with racist, they ruin that word too.
When I hear someone's a racist or a rapist, I go, I need more details.
So you ruin the word.
And that makes women less safe.
And it makes the victims less reliable.
It makes them less victims.
So now, if some fucking guy jumps out of a bush with a ski mask on, a knife in his hand, starts raping a screaming woman, you get guys like me, and I presume the jury too, going, well, wait, what happened?
This has been fucked with before.
You just had to wreck it, didn't you?
We had a system here that protected women.
We had a system called the Traditional American Family that kept women on a pedestal and happy and loved.
Their children were loved.
Now, what do we have?
Nothing.
And half of you fuckers, by the way, who said women can do this, women can't do that, you're not having kids.
So your version of events ends the bloodline.
I can't tell you how many guys I've been talking to recently that just have no intention of having kids.
Sean, who came to coach my daughter on her microcorg, not interested in kids.
Michael Board had dinner with him last night or on Wednesday night.
No intention of kids.
The documentary filmmaker who did the Wild Whites, Jessica White documentary with Johnny Knoxville, was talking to him the other day.
No intention of kids.
And that's like cave days.
They escaped a saber-toothed tiger.
The plague.
All this shit.
And it ends with you.
No.
Don't let it end with you.
Don't follow this bullshit plan that these cunts have invented to hurt themselves.
It's masochism.
They're fucking miserable.
These lonely old cows like Amanda Marcott and all of these bloggers who write about the Proud Boys and how evil they are.
They're just mad that these guys are pro-family and pro-West and they've chosen to fetishize blacks and practice weird forms of self-abuse.
Speaking of which, Media Matters is on a raping spree.
I love the cannibalism of the left.
This is 1.6.
I love to see them fuck up.
Now, again, I don't know how serious this is, but the radical left are the ones who made up this wide net when it comes to sexual assault.
So I'm glad that they have to live by the sword and die by the sword.
Freshly resigned Media Matters editor thread alleges that MMFA covered up for a man who preyed on our colleagues.
Remember when Morgan Spurlock, the dunce who did 30 Days, the Supersize Me movie?
And he outed himself?
He me too'd himself and said, I sexually, I was sexually inappropriate to my employees.
No one had complained.
You wanted to nip something in the bud?
What?
Anyway, go back to that.
Blow it up.
Media Matters senior editor Tim Johnson is now former senior editor after resigning from the ostensible media watchdog.
And he's got a whole thread explaining his decision.
So it's a guy who left because of sexism.
He's got to be gay, right?
I'm very fortunate in my circumstance that I did not end up on the street the next day as a consequence of what my former boss did.
I bet a lot of people would have.
Would I care about getting any type of job reference from anyone there?
No.
I'd rather rely on my own reputation.
I hate all this pussy ambiguity.
My experience has been that the vast, vast majority of past colleagues were wonderful kind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for that.
Good to know.
What did he do?
Did he grab her ass?
Did he grab her tit?
Whose tit did he grab?
No, I think those have all been deleted.
So, once again, as KRS1 put it, the ones screaming, keep it real the loudest, are the ones the most full of shit.
Remember Kim Fox?
She was the frog-like woman who looks like a doad who tried to get the juicy smole story smothered because Michelle Obama told her to, and the Obamas are the mob that run all of America like it's a Reggio de Calabrio.
Her husband, this is 1.5, called the cops on her for beating him.
What?
I guess you don't have male friends, and I guess you don't have a local bar because imagine that was your buddy, and he walks in the bar.
Hey, man, you see the news?
I go, yeah, dude.
You can't sit here anymore.
Why don't you sit outside?
Blow it up.
Domestic battery to police.
I cannot imagine reporting domestic battery from a woman.
I know it happens.
I'm told it happens.
I've heard arguments like, no, dude, you got to get it on paper because she'll accuse you.
And you have to show like there has to be a record of you with a black eye or you're going to end up in jail for domestic abuse.
I kind of get all that kind of talk.
But outside of some sort of political strategy to protect yourself, my wife beating me up?
No.
Husband summoned police to her South Suburban home to report she had battered him during a domestic dispute.
CWC Chicago has learned the state's attorney's chief investigations...
Okay.
What?
Wait, stop.
The state's attorney's chief of investigations, former FBI agent James P. Roach, has abruptly resigned.
What's that got to do with anything?
Is that him?
Is he the state attorney's chief of investigations?
Keep going.
This is getting weirder by the minute.
They responded to the home while I went to the address.
There was a domestic, no injuries.
Kim and Kelly Fox standing on their home's front steps.
Kelly Fox said his wife got mad.
Oh, his name is Kelly.
God, I hate all these stupid names.
Can you just name your kids Mike, please, Black Americans?
Kelly said his wife got mad about something that was posted on Facebook that he did.
Kim Fox became physical when he refused to leave.
She blocked his exit from a bathroom, grabbed his collar, and threw his video game controller.
Is he eight?
What am I, 10?
He tried to turn on the TV and Kimberly snatched the controller out of his hand and threw the controller?
Did it break?
I bet it's got a big piece of tape on it now.
I bet the batteries went flying.
So he can't play video games and he can't watch TV during a fight.
Poor guy.
Keep going down?
This guy sounds like the largest pussy.
His pussy's even bigger than his wife's.
She overheard what her husband was telling the officer and she said, all that is true.
Kelly said Kim slapped him on his left cheek.
Holy fuck, dude.
You better find a new bar.
But officers said they did not see redness, swelling, or marks, prompting Kelly to say he just wants to be left alone.
Can't see redness on the black man's face.
Yeah, you can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's get a black guy in here and slap him.
Let's do some tests.
What are you doing?
Calm down, first of all.
It's called research, sir.
Jesus Christ, you guys are uppity.
We're seeing if you get redness from slapping you, okay?
If you must know.
God.
If I was still at Vice, I would go to Libya and buy a slave for $400 because that's how much they cost.
And we'd make them do fun things.
She can't come in my personal space and put her hands on me.
He allegedly told the officer, he wanted to make sure someone understands what is happening here, that she's being physically aggressive, and he just wants it to stop.
This guy is the biggest pussy I've ever read about in my life.
Kimberly explained that she did put her hands on Kelly, but it was only to help him guide him out of the house.
She never slapped him.
So the whole controversy, we're going to abandon the remotes.
I don't think that's going to make it to trial.
But the redness of the face is going to be an issue.
I got to see this guy.
Can you find an interview with Kelly Fox?
And is he the guy he resigned as chief of investigations?
What an absolute shit show.
Oh, you could see redness on his face.
He had light skin.
Hey, I want to see video.
I want to hear him talk.
Hi, I'm Kelly Fox.
There's so much hate in the world.
I live in an environment where I was trying to play video games and slapping that man.
I practiced extreme ownership of my girl name.
And then I was trying to, she kept yelling and she slapped me on my left cheek.
And then I tried to watch a TV shift through my roomway.
It's unconscionable.
I just want people to know what's going on.
Germant.
The War on Names.
The Black American War on Names.
Rarely reported.
Yeah, no, this is the same.
Listen, that's the dispatcher.
This is going to be him to the dispatcher.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Are there any weapons in my house?
No.
Anybody been drinking tonight?
No.
I'm too much of a pussy to drink.
We're outside.
There's a car phone.
You said you see the police?
I did.
We need just one wine cooler and a skinny margarita.
Alcohol-free.
I'm having a skinny girl, alcohol-free, skinny girl mark.
No duels?
O duels is for fools.
Get drunk.
That's our new motto.
That's awesome.
Mr. T doing Budweiser commercials.
No fucking around.
Drive drunk if you have to.
Okay, let's get to the green screen and check on Camus.
Camus, Camu.
Camus Bell.
Here you come, sir.
I don't like that background.
So yeah, watched this last night.
I was pretty drunk, and I emailed myself a bunch of things.
Something about 14 minutes in.
But I might be wrong.
This might be hilarious.
And drunk me will have to, I'll get drunk tonight and then apologize to you so you can see.
Why do you have a punk background?
Why do you have that?
Why do you do that?
Okay.
Lots of fans.
Now, if you recall, stop.
He had a big thing on CNN, a show.
Pause, please.
It does not pause, but go ahead.
He had a show about racism and America's full of hate and blah, blah, fucking blah, which we've realized has no real economy outside of upper-middle-class white women named Karen.
Sorry to Bill Burrett, but that's no, black people don't watch Camus Bell.
They don't watch him on CNN and they don't come to this show.
If you see any black people here, they're plants.
So he talked about Proud Boys being racist and the alt-right and the KKK and all of this stuff.
You know, they must have an incredible research department over at CNN because they managed to find every single racist in the country.
And I think that managed to span about four episodes.
Anyway, if you're famous, you can do a comedy thing.
You know, fucking Mike Pence could do a comedy tour and people would come.
So let's check it out.
Drunk Me Said This Sucks.
Babysitters and Aunties or that weird neighbor, like, it'll probably be fine.
I missed that.
But whatever.
Yeah, that's how it is when you're a parent.
When you're a parent, you have to do things sometimes for your kids, whether you want to or not.
That's the joy of parenting.
I did not know that.
Like, my kids like to go camping.
It's not their fault.
Their mom is white.
All right.
That's how she was raised.
Dying.
Dying with laughter.
I got to be honest, as a black man, I just don't feel like it's in my DNA to want to sleep outside on purpose.
You just see what I'm saying.
It's not, I don't care.
Let's go sleep outside for fun.
Why would we do that?
This is a weird black thing that's kind of racist.
Like, imagine I said black people don't want to camp.
They don't get the concept of being at one with nature and being outside.
They're too stupid to understand it.
People would, I'd be in big shit.
It's sort of like that black comedy where they go, motherfuckers on the Titanic.
You got woman and children first?
Fuck that.
I'll be like, woman and children last.
I'm getting on that boat.
And you go, oh, so you're not brave and you have no honor.
Okay.
Look how pink I am, dude.
Deep pink me.
Look at that.
I look like I fell asleep outside.
All right, go ahead.
There's tons of Pendleton and Patagonia ads showing black people camping.
I don't know what he's talking about.
According to the catalogs that I get every day, black people love camping.
Now I look like I ate a rotten squid.
So it's either food poisoning or sunburn?
Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Or I'm Max Headroom?
Yep.
All right, I'll be a sun.
I prefer sunburn.
Thank you, that section.
Yeah!
Like, why would I want to sleep outside?
We slept outside the big house for years.
Now I have a mortgage on the big house.
You see what I'm saying?
Slavery jumps in and black people are laughing their heads off.
Wherever you go camping, it's always a feature that your cell phone reception gets much worse.
Why would you put those two things together?
Let's go out into the forest in the middle of nowhere and my cell phone doesn't work.
Nah, nah, nah.
Again, as a black man, that makes me real uncomfortable.
All right.
I got places in my house where my phone goes to three bars.
I go, I get the fuck out of here.
No.
So flexi.
Sorry, I can't.
Obsessed with their phones and totally reliant on staring at their fucking phones all day.
I don't like this racist guy.
He's saying a lot of negative stereotypes about African-American people of color.
Do the laundry, honey.
No, no, no.
I don't know what might happen while I'm in there trying to reach you.
His background, comedy?
What's his background?
Did he do comedy and then got the CNN show?
Or he got the CNN show and said, I'm going to try comedy?
Let me look it up.
Because this seems very stiff.
Anyway, keep going.
Tomorrow.
I'm not that kind of person again.
I want to live off the grid.
I don't want to live off the grid.
I want the grid.
Oh my God.
InfoHid.
I want the grid.
Oh my God, InfoHid.
America's stand-up comic and television host.
He was hosting the CNN series United States of America since 2016.
Was it comedy first or CNN first?
Well, Czech career.
After establishing himself as a socio-political comedian and community activist based in San Francisco, Bell became a founding member of the comedy collective Laughter Against the Machine.
I have been featured in a number of prominent podcasts and publications.
Okay, that's enough.
Okay.
This is boring.
I want my phone to have all charged up, all the bars, all the apps ready to go, all the news apps.
You know what's going on.
I need to know everything at all times.
I got an app on my phone that just says, run, nigga, run.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
What?
I don't get that.
It doesn't even say why.
It doesn't want to scare me.
It just says, run, nigga, run.
They love when they hear the N-word because it's such a forbidden fruit.
And then when they hear it in a context that's acceptable, it just, ah, heaven.
I'm hanging out with a black guy and he's saying the worst word in the English language to me as a friend because we're like this.
All I had to do was pay 60 bucks.
That's a superpower.
Like if you're hanging out with the human torch and he does fire shit, you're like, woo.
I don't like that word usually, but when my black friend Camus Bell says it when we're hanging out, I think it's funny and I laugh my head off because I'm with my own.
This is everyone at the New York Times, by the way.
This is the New York Times.
Doesn't want to get me nervous.
I got high blood pressure.
I said I'm black.
What do I got to say?
Then eventually he just says, stop, nigga, stop.
Oh, good.
You good, nigga.
You good.
Okay.
Happens about three times a week.
That's how I got here.
Did you notice he started out being a dad and went to being a black man within less than a minute?
And now he's nigger this and nigger that.
It's much their uprising supplies.
What the fuck did I just say?
I want to say much of their chagrin, but I mean the opposite of that.
So I change it to uprising applause.
Run, nigger, run.
Oh, shit.
Hi, I'm shit.
That's special right there.
All right.
That is a very dandruff brave outfit.
I would be covered in flakes if I had that.
There's some tension in the audience.
Could a dandruff flake make it out of there?
It's kind of an obstacle course.
Why does your phone have to call you a nigger?
Jesus, dude.
I'm uncomfortable.
Your phone have to go.
And I'm smiling.
Because run, black man, run, doesn't sound that serious.
You know what I'm saying?
Sounds like it's a girl.
I wasn't asking that.
I was asking what the app is and what world this joke exists in.
Right.
I don't understand.
You're always in danger.
You're fucking rich.
I think his parents are academics.
Married to a white woman.
Everything's fine.
Okay, jump ahead to 14.
Drunk King said something about 14 is bad.
Berkeley versus the alt-right.
Berkeley is fighting.
There we go.
So we even go a little bit before that.
So every few weeks.
If they had a girl, they would call her.
That's the best way to.
Yeah.
That's the best way to explain it.
That's what it boils down to.
If I had to bottom line it.
So every few weeks, the alt-right would show up in Berkeley and start fights.
And people in the media, which is hard for me because I work in the media, would be like, Berkeley versus the alt-right.
Berkeley is fighting the alt-right in the streets.
Look at Berkeley fighting with the alt-I was like, I live in Berkeley.
Berkeley is not fighting the alt-right in the streets.
Now, here's how it works: the alt-right puts out flyers and they get online, they create graphics and tweet and Facebook about that they're going to have a fight in Berkeley on like a Saturday.
Whoa.
This is just a lie.
This is patently false.
Every few months at Berkeley, the school, not the town, there'd be an Ann Coulter talk or something like that.
And someone would show up and Antifa would go absolutely fucking nuts and burn everything down.
Sometimes Proud Boys would show up and protect her and stop them from beating the shit out of her.
They did this with Milo Yiannopoulos when Milo was going to come down.
And you can tell that he thinks Ann Coulter, Milo Yiannopoulos are Nazis and they came there to fight.
Milo didn't go to Berkeley to fight.
Ann didn't go to fight.
And I didn't go to Berkeley to fight.
I went there to read Ann's speech because she was banned from Berkeley campus.
Berkeley, the harbingers of free speech.
Remember the 1960s black and white photos with free speech on a big fucking banner?
That's Berkeley.
Now in his world, he's changed it into, hey, let's have our annual fight.
No, not our fucking quarterly fight at Berkeley.
Look at all the people causing the violence there.
And then she's the one who got pepper sprayed in the face.
I think it's about to happen.
Yep.
So that's the alt-right coming for a fight?
Good suggestion, drunk me.
You nailed it.
Look at the heads leaning like this.
Like gathering information.
Oh, is Eddie Gowd doing a talk about the myths and the legends?
You can see how many leaning heads there are.
So every few weeks, the alt-right would show up in Berkeley and start fights.
And people in the media, which is hard for me because I work in the media, would be like, Berkeley versus the alt-right.
Berkeley is fighting the alt-right in the streets.
Look at Berkeley fighting with the alt-I was like, I live in Berkeley.
Berkeley is not fighting the alt-right in the streets.
Now, here's how it works.
The alt-right puts out flyers and they get online.
They create graphics and tweet and Facebook about that they're going to have a fight in Berkeley on Saturday.
Show me what.
Hey, everyone.
We're the alt-right.
We're going to have a fight this Saturday at Berkeley.
That's as retarded as his stupid N-word app.
This is just dumb lies.
Talk about a straw man argument.
Berkeley, people who like to fight are like, do you want to fight in Berkeley this weekend?
Sure, I'd like to fight this weekend.
What's it about?
I don't give a shit.
I just want to hit somebody.
Yeah.
And they should stop.
The people who were there were Berkeley students and Antifa.
Because Milo was going to talk and they're against free speech.
It was Berkeley versus the alt-right.
The alt-right is fighting in the streets.
It's like, no, it's not Berkeley.
Do you know how it affected the residents of Berkeley when the alt-right showed up the first time?
This is how the residents of Berkeley were affected.
It canceled the farmers markets.
That's how Berkeley was affected.
There was white women in yoga pants standing at the fight going, that's your audience, dude.
How the fuck am I supposed to get my tail?
What am I supposed to get it from Whole Foods like I'm a goddamn refugee?
Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dude, that's your wife.
And every single person in the audience.
They're doing their best.
They're showing up to your shitty show, laughing.
They're sitting there getting laughed at.
They're laughing at how corny they are and how pampered they are with their farmers' markets.
Carrying yoga mats wrapped in plastic, never been used.
No, that's not a thing.
None of anything he says is a thing.
This special should be called, That's Not a Thing.
There's no N-word app.
We're told you camp, so you're, I guess someone's lying to us about that.
Alt-right planning fights at Berkeley is not a thing.
I don't even believe you that the farmer's market was canceled.
That's probably made up too.
The alt-right.
And then what happens is that all these D-list right-wing celebrities showed up in Berkeley to take advantage of the moment so they could get some press.
And so then you got like Ann Coulter and Milo Ionopoulos showing up, and they had speeches at Berkeley, but they didn't give the speeches because when they showed up, the alt-right showed up and there's fights in the streets.
And the police are like, we can't have this.
This is not safe for our students.
We're like, I got to get to class.
Stop.
Stop.
Could that be farther from the fucking truth, please?
Ann Coulter didn't get on a plane.
Ann Coulter had a planned speech.
She was told she can't go.
I said, I'll go, but you won't be allowed.
I'll go.
Give me your speech.
I'll print it out.
I'll fly down there.
Proud boys would just set up speakers and I'll yell it out on a mic, get through as much as I can until I get chased off by security.
And that's exactly what happened.
In fact, that picture where I'm like this going, Uhuru, that's Proud Boys escorting me away from security who were right behind them chasing us off the campus.
That's no alt-right planning a fight.
That is free speech getting banned and a D-list celebrity saying, I'm not going to let it get banned.
I'm going to get that speech read.
It was a particularly raunchy speech, by the way.
It was like, thanks a lot, Ann.
This one's fucking over the top.
That's one story, beginning, middle, and end.
And then the other story is Milo planned to come.
There was huge protest.
They said, she can't come.
Unlike the Ann Coulter thing, they didn't ban her.
So he did get on a plane.
And then the students and the radical left, NTFA, all the same thing, really, started burning down the campus.
And by the way, in a nation where there's free speech, you don't let people who burn things and throw barricades into windows stop a speech.
That's what the police are for.
That's what the National Guard is for.
You have to make the speech happen.
It's free speech at all costs.
Sorry.
And that concept is foreign to him, by the way.
Like when, remember when the, this is similar, But it's not really free speech.
That is free speech.
Remember the interview, that really corny movie that mocked Kim Jong-un?
There was a rumor that there was a death threat and they were going to blow up a cinema.
It was a rumor that Kim Jong-un was offended and his communist terrorists are going to fight back.
That's fuck no.
So, what do you do as president?
I'm president of the world.
We have the National Guard there.
We show the movie.
Even if no one comes because they're too scared and everyone has to get frisked, we do all of that, whatever it takes to show the movie.
Because the opposite of that is what happened.
And what happened was someone just has to say a rumor and a film is wiped out of the theaters.
So we are now their bitch.
That's not the way it works.
Don't be their bitch.
Don't let them censor you.
And don't make it so fucking easy for them to censor you.
And don't let these fuckers lie about what the alt-right planned a fight.
What are you, five years old?
That's how I would explain it to a toddler.
And then later when they got older, I'd explain what really happened.
Go ahead.
Canceled.
And then Ann Coulter and Miley Leonopoulos and all the people on the right are like, Berkeley is anti-free speech.
Berkeley doesn't like free speech.
No, I live in Berkeley.
Berkeley is fine with free speech.
We love freedom of expression.
We're anti-bullshit, all right?
We're not that.
Bullshit is free speech, you moron.
Bullshit is a big part of free speech.
It's all in there.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Your free speech is just speech that you like.
Like this bullshit, your new special, your old special, called Not a Thing.
That's not a thing.
Listen to them clap, these fucking Berkeley.
We're fans of free speech.
We don't have to agree with what you say or what you do.
There's a naked guy who for years just walked around Berkeley.
Pro free speech because there's a naked guy there.
What are his political affiliations?
If it's pro-free speech, can I go do a speech in Berkeley?
Could I do a speech about an apolitical speech?
Could I go do a comedy show about animals?
Would that be allowed in Berkeley?
That's not bullshit.
No.
Naked guy, anyway.
And different people from different sides of the political aisle and the culture were like, fine with it.
There'd be women in burkers with their kids going to school.
Honey, the naked guy needs to get to work.
We have to get out of his way.
Yeah, Muslims love public nudity.
They have no problem with it whatsoever, you fucking liar.
Anyway, we get the idea.
I got to admit, this special sort of gives me sexist vibes because when I watch it and I see the audience, I think, women are stupid.
But I'm like, wow, y'all are so predictable.
Everything's political.
Why are y'all so sad and miserable?
I think you're mad because I'm happy.
I'm just kidding.
Women aren't stupid.
But a certain type of women are really into dumb shit.
You see this?
This is one day ago from Kamal Bell.
Fathers for pro-choice.
Not his own brewing kid, not socks.
Give him safe and legal access to abortion.
Hello, I'm noted male feminist W. Kamal Bell.
Yes, you are.
How much I've spent on birth control in my life?
$213.
Mostly on condoms that expired in my wallet.
You know how much my wife has spent?
$17,530.
Why are you on birth control?
Dads, if you've ever had sex and not had a kid, it's likely birth control or abortion played a role.
We're used to not having to worry about it.
But nobody ever got pregnant from a vibrator.
For that, you need...
I sperm an egg!
A sperm and an egg!
That's right.
See, the majority...
Did you see that?
What?
He's talking about vibrators in front of little kids and pointing at them.
And then they said, sperm and egg.
People seeking abortions are already parents.
They know it's right for their families.
They would know if having another kid would send them spiraling into poverty.
It definitely would.
Oh my God.
Funny you should mention God because there's literally no mention of the word abortion in here.
Just like shall not kill.
It's almost like this is just a way for a few fragile men to use religion to control our bodies.
Hold on.
We're trying to control the unborn's bodies and have them not killed.
And by the way, the best way to advertise abortion is to talk about some street whore or some like 16-year-old who's already on welfare and doesn't know where her next rent check's coming from.
And that tugs at the heartstrings and you go, I still think she should have a baby.
But a family that already has a beautiful home, look at those doors.
A family that already has a beautiful home and just doesn't want another one.
Another kid's going to send this house spiraling into poverty?
Yeah, and they're saying contraception is more expensive.
Abortion isn't.
Right?
Is that the point that look how expensive contraception is?
Yeah, I kind of missed that.
I thought they were saying that like the whole field of sex is sexist because women have to spend so much money.
Parenting is a job.
So wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Are they arguing now that we should use abortion as birth control?
It sounded like that to me because like why, you know, use contraception.
It's very expensive and the woman has to do it.
So if you have a baby, you can decide to get an abortion instead so you don't spoil into it.
I'm old enough to remember that the argument was passionately, no, we're not trying to use it as birth control.
It's for emergencies.
Now it's like, let's just do it if we're slightly inconvenienced.
And I think that's almost half of abortions, by the way.
Like the old, the people smarter than this idiot would say, well, they have to have abortions because they'll die and the kid will become a criminal and she's a crackhead and blah, blah, blah.
That was the old argument and we never use it at birth control.
Now they seem to be arguing that it is birth control.
And I've seen it be birth control.
You see these feminists bragging about like, I've had 25 abortions and I thought they were all awesome.
By the way, they're not awesome ladies.
You're going to have nightmares.
I promise you.
A wonderful, very difficult job.
And since when does America force anybody to do a job against their will without paying them by controlling their bodies?
Oh, cool.
Brought slavery back into it.
Oh, yeah, right.
So as we celebrate Father's Day, let's also celebrate murdering abortion and bodily autonomy.
Because man, have we benefited from those?
So enjoy your day, guys, and welcome to The fact that abortion has devastated the black community, and you just said, man, has America benefited from abortion?
That's not a great look, Camus.
Fucking killer whale.
Shimu.
All right, let's...
We've got a lot of shit here, but I'm sick of talking about the meandering.
Let's get to the mailbag.
Keep it fun.
Keep it short.
Keep it sweet.
Let me touch it.
Let me touch it.
I like that Bryson Gray song a lot.
Like, I'm not really not a big fan of rap at all.
So I would never listen to...
That's not a good sign, Ryan.
When the man with the worst taste in music on earth likes your song, Bryson Gray might kill himself.
I have great taste in music.
He's a man of God.
He would never do something like that.
Let's play some more of it then.
I think it's so great.
It's like it's really listenable stuff.
Well, he seems to be drifting from rap into pop.
Well, yeah, well, that's what rap is right now.
Like, if you look at Postmo ownership that's singy, The Weekend.
They're coming around to making music in the hip-hop community.
Okay, that's something I have to just briefly cover because the hearings are looking really bad.
And they've desperately polluted the Proud Boys' waters.
They need to move to Miami or have the court.
There's only been five change of, whatever you call them, locations in the past 15 years.
But the jury is totally polluted in D.C. by this fucking ridiculous shit show hearing.
Not to mention the media feverishly working on changing the narrative here.
And it relates to babies and being unhappy.
Go to 21A.
You may have to change the background of Proud Boys.
I don't know.
I was looking at the people involved in this and the thousands of hours of work that has gone into catching the Proud Boys.
And you think, could you even imagine these people, these journalists, working on BLM riots or Antifa riots and identifying everyone and finding out like who organized the Molotov cocktails?
Like those two lawyers, they were handing out explosives that went into the cop car.
Who else was involved in that?
The New York Times would never report on that or do something this in-depth in a million years.
But you go down at the names and you're like, go know, the author is fuck nuts.
Natalie Renault is like a lonely fat chick.
Stella Cooper, another girl mad at men, all childless.
Alan Froyer, feminism killed his marriage.
He's alone with some young girl going nowhere, acting like an infant.
I don't know Aaron Bird.
I bet he doesn't have a family.
But like these three people, instead of having a family, they've devoted their lives to catching these fathers with newborns sinning and being bad.
And being, they want them to be unhappy.
They want to punish them.
And I don't think they even know this.
But I believe a huge motive here in going through the proud boy's sins with a fine-toothed comb is because they're family men and these people will never have a family.
So check out this video.
I could have green screened it, but isn't it at the top?
It goes through the days of January 6th and says that Proud Boys had a plan all along and they take all their Super Bowl talk of like, we're going to fuck shit up and take that as proof.
But they do a weird thing where they'll say, this Proud Boy did this and then they went and broke stuff and barricades.
You don't know if they are the Proud Boys or guys that were next to them.
So they may be making the argument that Proud Boy started it and everyone finished it.
But the tone, and that's already dubious, but the tone is they were responsible for everything.
And the work that went into this is just alarming.
And you did all this work, New York Times, because why?
Because you care about democracy?
I looked at these authors' other articles, and it's all BLM and racism, and this horrible white school district did this to the black woman.
They're just obsessed with black failure and white guilt and shitting on families because their lives are miserable.
It's the Bryson Gray thing.
The way we're creeping into the site for free, I don't think it'll let me watch this video.
How did you see this video?
You should be subscribed, dude.
Oh, you have a login?
I'm going to need that login.
Yeah, well, it's a little late.
And look at this cartoon that's going around.
The not-so-proud boys.
So not only these people anti-family, but they're desperate for Nazis.
And they take Enrique Tario and lighten him up so he's kind of white.
And then that way they can get away with white is right on a helmet.
Because they desperately want these guys to be Nazis.
They want patriots to be Nazis.
I don't know why.
It's fucking genuine.
Anyway.
Oh, yeah.
The one other Proud Boy's thing.
Stephen Colbert was talking about it.
Laughing gleefully about Joe Biggs going to jail For 20 years.
That's fun and funny because by the time Joe gets out, this proud boy will be a member of the double ARP, which is literally true.
He's like 30 now.
If he goes to jail for 20 years, he'll be over 50.
This is a...
Where is it now?
222.
In case you're still wondering the future of all the legislature vehicles, cut away from that.
And we'll get back to it when the commercial's over.
In here, out there, all the ships at sea, welcome to the late show.
I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, what are we looking at here?
We're still waiting for the next January 6th committee hearing.
The next one was supposed to be today, but now the next one is tomorrow.
But yesterday, the committee did drop a teaser for the next hearing.
A teaser.
Yeah.
That's me doing it.
Movie.
Is there a multiverse where there are consequences for staging a coup?
All we know is that Rudy Giuliani is hiding bottles of wine in every dimension.
Yay!
Special effect.
Keep going.
Yay!
Which one's the real me?
The teaser hinted at new information about the fall.
His joke is about this being a big Hollywood affair.
Yeah, that's my point, Moron.
He's making fun of the fact that it exists is already retarded, but he's making fun of the fact that it's not hardcore enough.
It's like, oh, it's the Muppet Show.
Like, they're putting on this show, but we're saying they're putting on a show.
But he's saying it's just a show.
They should be just locking them up and executing them.
Well, they did lock them up.
They're locked up.
Pay an attorney.
John Eastman, seen here after winning the 100-meter dingus.
In case you're still wondering, what happened?
Another ad.
Here, this is on.
That doesn't make sense.
They play another ad after 10 seconds?
Teen here after winning the 100-meter dingus.
As you may recall, as you may recall, Eastman was the dumbass mastermind, or dumbastermind, behind the ridiculous legal argument that Mike Pence had the power to block Congress from certifying Biden's victory.
You know who disagreed with that?
Mike Pence.
On January 6th, Pence decided not to wish democracy into the cornfield, but Eastman did not give up with his plan.
We know that because yesterday the committee released a little teaser video of former White House attorney Eric Hirschman describing a phone call he got on January 7th.
It was the day after.
Weirdest art in the world.
Eastman.
And by the way, remember that whole thing about pandas being a pedophile thing?
Oh, yeah.
Because they're eyes from crying and they look like pandas after they get raped?
Weird choice.
And weird choice for that drag queen in San Francisco to call himself Panda.
Maybe just a coincidence.
I don't remember why he called me and he started to ask me about something dealing with Georgia and preserving something.
Skip ahead.
This is boring.
I can answer that one.
Don't do that.
Eastman engineered a failed coup on national TV and thought he could just keep going.
That's like being on trial for public indecency and swearing in by raising more than your right hand.
Herschman.
Can you imagine going to this and laughing your fucking face up?
I want to get to Proud Boys.
I didn't even mean to do Proud Boys.
I only want to hear two words coming out of your mouth.
Smoke and explain how that calls are by going to one.
In worst case scenarios are not happy about it.
Some of the folks, some of the folks being featured in the videos and these hearings are not happy about all the publicity.
Take Proud Boy leader and worst case scenario David Cross.
Joseph is much more handsome than David Cross.
For his role in the coup, Biggs has been charged with seditious conspiracy.
It's a serious charge.
Yeah.
Carries a maximum sentence of 20 years.
By the time he gets out, this Proud Boy is going to be a proud member of the AARP.
And Biggs wants to move his...
Isn't that amazing?
Ha ha ha, Joe Biggs.
You're going to be a senior citizen by the time you get out for this mistake, this sin, this vandalism, this trespassing, this insurrection.
This guy really hates insurrections.
What if it was liberals?
These people love democracy, right?
What if it was Antifa and BLM who stormed the White House during Trump's time?
I assume the New York Times would invest thousands of hours into researching Antifa and BLM who stormed the Capitol.
And I assume Colbert would be joking about BLM and Antifa spending 20 years in prison, right?
Because their beef is democracy.
They don't want democracy sent to the cornfield, as he put it.
Right?
Or is this just vindictive, county partisanship?
His trial now, according to the court, quote, in view of the increased and unquestionably spectacular 24-7 negative press and media coverage about the fraternity known as the Proud Boys.
Oh, that's right.
I forgot.
The Proud Boys is just a fraternity.
January 6th was just hazing.
I mean, we all heard their chant.
Stop.
He doesn't understand the word fraternity.
It has many meanings.
We usually say fraternal organization, but fraternity, if you have a dictionary, works.
It's a group of men.
Fraternal.
It's a fraternal order.
So you don't get the English language, my friend.
There's an army of people working on these jokes, by the way.
Have another.
Biggs' attorney argues that his client can't get a fair trial thanks to this week's televised hearings of the House Select Committee on January 6th and all the media coverage.
From morning, Joe, to Stephen Colbert's late show.
Yay!
We're all helping put Joe Biggs in prison.
Hey, can you have his daughter on the show and you can clap to her about how she's not going to have a dad for 20 years?
You know what would be funny, Stephen Colbert?
You bring his daughter on the show and you go, ha ha, you stupid bitch.
Wouldn't that be hilarious?
They would clap.
And then we could all clap and then we could say vibrator and point at her.
That's merely a reference in case this clip's taken out of context.
All right, that's enough.
Fucking nausea.
This seems like in a dystopian movie.
It really does.
It's like The Running Man or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Or Hunger Games or something, doesn't it?
And Mr. Biggs is going to be so old when he gets out of prison, he'll be a senior citizen.
Love it.
I hope he gets raped in there.
And they do that all the time.
They love their rape jokes.
Let's just end with this inadvertent Prowboy segment with this 2-3.
I think it's Greg Kelly.
I don't really do Brumble.
Are we on Brumble, Rumble?
We're on Rumble.
We're on Rumble.
And Bit Shoot.
You're on Rumble, but the show is on BitChute.
Will they talk about it this?
Who is that little cop waving people in?
And these guys just standing in the hallway.
Welcome to the Capitol.
Not stopping anybody.
Why?
Why didn't they?
If we could get these questions answered, it wouldn't be a sham hearing tonight.
And what about the officers who refused to do anything when they were specifically asked, even begged to help?
Why are you letting this happen?
Why haven't you come for backup?
There is your backup.
This is our damn Capitol building, and y'all are letting it get destroyed on your watch!
And they just stood there.
Maybe they had orders somehow, some way to let them inside so that this process could not continue.
The constitutional, the totally legal objection to the electoral count.
I, Paul Gosar from Arizona.
What purpose does the gentleman from Arizona rise?
I rise for myself and 60 of my colleagues to object to the counting of the electoral ballots from Arizona.
Is the objection in writing and signed by a senator?
Yes, it is.
It is.
I wish that mattered.
Yeah, that's enough of that.
Then they show a bunch of tweets.
Then there's this.
Tomorrow!
We need to go into the capital!
Into the capital!
Tomorrow?
I don't even like to say it because I'll be arrested.
Well, let's not say it.
We need to go.
I'll say it.
We need to go in.
Shut the fuck up, Boober.
To the Capitol.
Face Fed person?
I was there for that.
We didn't go into the Capitol.
I didn't see that coming in.
We were there.
You went to Gen 6?
Oh, wait, no.
Wait, that wasn't the day before Gen 6.
We need to go in.
Shut the fuck up, Boober.
Anyway, Ryan, enough.
I was there a different time.
All right, now we can do the mailbank.
Sorry about that, folks.
Got sidetracked.
And that won't be.
That'll be old news by the time we get to Monday.
Ryan, you are the best part of GOML, and your last solo GOML was a lot more entertaining than your average Mick Drunkard episode.
Oh, my God.
Your show is, once again, as good or even better.
It would piss that aging alcoholic off.
See, when insults are accurate, I am aging.
I do look uglier than I've looked ever in my life.
And I do drink way too much.
I can take it.
It's when it's not true that it's annoying.
Like, I didn't start vice, you fucking cunt.
I suggest you do 10 to 15 minutes of the most fucked up Dal-E AI art available.
There's a Twitter collating the best ones.
And probably subreddits, blah, blah, blah.
Gavin completely botched this idea and only showed like six pictures and they were very boring.
He's got wet brain from all the alcohol and could fuck up literally anything.
Very sad.
That's a woman calling herself radical vixen.
So I'm excited about this new plan.
I got a day off.
We're going to pre-record Canada Day.
That'll be all about Canada.
We're going to pre-record July 4th.
That'll be all about Trump.
But maybe Monday?
I don't know.
I will have...
Yeah, maybe Monday.
Can you believe Father's Day is Juneteenth?
I'll be tired from going to prison all weekend.
There's a lot going on that day.
Antifa, what's a lot going on, what?
Monday?
Yeah, Juneteenth, Gay Pride, Father's Day.
There's a lot.
A lot to be proud of and celebrate.
I just got an important text from someone who's at the bar.
Still, this isn't.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Breaking news, emergency.
Still going to be there?
Question mark?
I haven't seen him in a while.
He's the guy who said to me, he goes, are the Mets going to do this?
Because he's a Red Sox fan and he was some drag queen Fenway Park thing.
And I was like, I fucking hope not or I'm going to kill myself.
And then I sent him the first pitch from Fenway guy, fucking dudes up the ass.
Like, here's a tip, people who book drag queens.
There are zero wholesome drag queens.
100% of them have a video out of them butt fucking each other or drenched in calm or saying all the kids who look up to me can suck my dick.
That's the whole point of them.
There are zero wholesome ones.
I promise.
So give it up.
Get some gays, if you must, for gay pride.
Don't get their weirdest members.
Antifa indicted in Dan Diego.
He spells it.
Grand jury indicts Antifa members for political violence in California.
In a first-of-is-kind case, a San Diego County grand jury has indicted 11 members of the violent left-wing group Antifa.
I can't believe they said violent left-wing group.
You know what the New York Times described Antifa as?
I wonder if I got it here.
Yeah, far-left activists known as Antifa.
You can always tell where the article is going to go by the way they describe Antifa.
And if they say anti-fascist anywhere in the article, crumple it up and throw it in the garbage, even if it's on your phone.
And then get a new phone and cut and have the cuts in your hand stitched up.
This week in San Diego, grand jury indicted them.
Use a tear gas assault with a deadly weapon.
Assault by means likely to produce great bodily injury.
This is the first of its kind to target and break up Antifa cells.
Brought forward by...
Okay.
I'll be cautiously optimistic about that.
Thank you.
Because we know the guys, did we talk about this?
The guys in Philadelphia dude was having a patriotic rally.
Word got out that it was a Proud Boys thing.
It wasn't.
And two Hispanic Marines show up and they go, Antifa goes, you're Proud Boys.
And they go, what?
You're Nazis.
You're white nationalist.
They go, we're Mexican, dude.
We're Marines.
And they go, fuck you, spick.
Fuck you, wet back.
And then they begin attacking them and pepper spraying them in the face because you can't beat up a Marine with your fist.
And these guys got probation.
What are they looking at?
Yep.
No jail time.
Charges dropped.
Probation.
Don't be bad for a year and you're good to go.
And that guy with the glasses, he's like a major player.
If he was a prow boy, they'd call him a leader.
He's a Joe Biggs, Ethan Nordine, Enrique Tario, Antifa dude.
No problem.
Why?
Because Soros, and you got to give him credit, was smart enough to decide to focus on DAs.
I got to admit, maybe I'm not enough of a super villain.
It wouldn't occur to me to spend millions of dollars supporting progressive DAs and judges.
But it's working in his favor now because all of his paramilitary troops, all of his shock troops, get away with murder.
Well, the opposite happens to his enemies.
And look at the Jan 6 hearings.
Please give Gavin some Kleenex before showing him this article.
Top fact checker at USA Today, forced to delete articles over fabricated sources.
And it sounds like she was an affirmative action hire.
Gabrielle Miranda.
And by the way, if I was female and Hispanic, I'd be fucking pissed off at anyone who did affirmative action because it makes me look trivial.
But yeah, look at her.
Look at her up on Daily Mail, Ryan.
So many Proud Boys articles and anti-patriot articles are done by these little babysitters.
These little girls who are just playing journalists.
And what happens to them?
They can't take the heat.
They all get addicted to Adderall, by the way, just so they can meet their deadlines.
And then they just end up fabricating because they don't belong in the job.
Nickname recommendation, Dear Gavin, Lord of the Rad Zone.
Came up with a name for Beat Buttigig.
Pete Booty Jizz.
Now, don't fall for it, dude.
You don't do any gay shit with him because that's what they want you to do.
All right.
That's enough letters.
It's just more news.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Check this video out.
Maybe it's the video we just showed.
No.
Here's a new one.
Last minute in Jan 6 new video.
Check this video out.
I've never seen it before.
It looks like they wanted to let it happen.
A coordinated campaign was executed with extreme efficiency.
I'll put on a link instead of sending a big video like you requested.
I wonder what the hundreds of hours of video being kept secret would show.
Is that the one we just showed?
Yeah.
So there's that.
Oh, is that the whole thing?
Yeah, dude.
We already got it.
Farts.
All right.
Fops.
Time for the final video.
Let's do a few.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
I want to keep Friday shows fun.
I think I got to get off my phone because I get to work and I've emailed myself 60 articles and that's six hours of television.
What's this weird dude with a gun?
I don't remember sending myself this.
Oh yeah, this is kind of funny.
Some dude with a gun just appears out of nowhere as this car comes into frame.
So there's a cop chase.
Uh-oh.
Bang.
Rolls his car.
Hits a tree.
And then some dude with a gun runs out.
Oh.
I was going to shoot him.
I better get the fuck out of here.
Whatever town that's in, we are in the Wild West.
Look at that.
Like, those thieves just jumped from their joyride from the cops.
And there was another thief escaping from another robbery that also entered into frame.
Dude, sell your house.
You're in a bad neighborhood.
A man riding a dog.
Yeah.
Easy up.
This is family guy.
This is a cartoon.
Your neighborhood is cartoonly bad.
That's a bad level.
I like that those guys got out, though.
I've never seen a video where the Benny Hill theme can be played during and then the curb your enthusiasm afterwards.
Look at that.
They're fine.
They'll get nothing, of course.
Thanks to progressive VAs.
I don't know if we showed this before 3-8.
I didn't realize this, but birds, it takes them a while to realize worms are not just dropped in your mouth.
Have I talked about this before?
Doesn't sound familiar.
So when they're in the nest, you just go, and you get a worm.
So they go, I get it.
Every time I see a worm, I'm just going to go, ah, and it'll jump in my mouth.
No, dude, that was your mom feeding you.
Now that you're on your own and no one's feeding you, you got to get your own worms.
Ah, ah.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
What the fuck's going on?
Hello?
I'm opening my mouth.
This is like my wife.
She was finally ready to blow me and I didn't want her to.
You can come in my mouth.
Hello.
No, thank you.
I got to get to work.
Bye.
This worm is like, thank God I got one of the stupidest birds in the world.
I wonder if deep down somewhere, this worm is hurt.
Like, what am I, chopped liver?
Eat me, bitch.
Yeah, right?
Maybe he's not the early bird.
Here's a chick just bursting into flames.
This is always funny.
You've seen a billion of these.
I don't know why people keep doing this.
The pros do not outweigh the cons.
Hello, I'm so happy.
Let me put my hair back because this is dangerous and things could go really wrong.
Yeah, fun.
Let's throw some things on it and let's spill shit on you.
I'm sorry.
I feel like Stephen Colbert laughing at people's pain and suffering, but I know they're fine.
Remember, you poured the fucking Jager right at them at the end.
Do you hate them?
Was this a hit?
Grind face.
My wife's like, what is that siren I keep hearing coming from the bedroom?
I'm like, it's me watching my grind face.
Don't fuck with chapel.
Oh, it's tequila.
He sort of sprayed it.
What a fucking genius.
Remember spontaneous combustion in the 90s when that was a thing?
Yeah, you would be into that.
What do you mean?
Well, you're always into stupid theories.
Oh, I don't know if I believe it.
That doesn't really...
I know you would if it was going on now, though.
I'd have to see the evidence.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they'd have pictures of pants and shoes and a shirt, and they'd say, look, that guy just spontaneously combusted.
Well, in that case.
All right, let's do 41.
You just ruined my surprise.
41.
This isn't very funny, but I just want to remind everyone what cops go through every day and what they're willing to do.
They put their lives on the line.
You guys call them assholes.
The job is done.
None of their kids are going to become cops.
But while we lose police and we see crime like cars rolling with other thieves accidentally trespassing on one other police chase, as that becomes the norm in America, I just want to remind you the guys you got rid of.
Okay?
These are the people that you said are racist pigs and need to die.
These are the pigs you want to fry in a blanket and cook them like bacon.
Okay?
What's he doing?
He's talking to someone.
They've got some sort of traffic problem.
He's saying maybe take a picture.
She's probably got an unregistered vehicle, some bullshit he has to deal with, and he's trying to work it out with her in a very normal, calm way.
Turn it up.
His body senses are up.
You see that?
Guy came at him with an axe.
Bigger's just been attacked.
They just shots fired.
Shots fired.
Can you imagine that was your life?
Where at any moment someone could jump out of a car with a fucking axe and try to kill you?
That is my life.
And look up the odds statistically of you getting hit with an axe and a cop getting hit with an axe.
This is like the fourth time this happened this year.
Remember, they just got a guy in Times Square.
Like you walk down the street in the hood and you're like, someone could be trying to drop an air conditioner on my head right now.
They take that up and we go, hey, I understand you risked your life for us every day.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it.
Oh, no, I was going to say, fuck you.
All right.
All right.
Final video of the final videos.
I think I would be so confused.
I wouldn't pull my gun up for them.
I'd be like, what's going on?
What?
Yeah, an axe.
Why do you have an axe?
Is there a tree behind me?
Are we going chopping?
Hold on.
I got to finish this traffic thing.
I'll get my axe and we'll go get some firewood.
Oh, you want to kill me?
Here's a video of a man saying, and before we play it, I want to make clear what he says.
He says, how, you?
And I think those are two separate sentences.
How, question mark?
You, question mark?
Right?
Then he finally gets into a sentence where he says, get to fuck, which is a way of saying fuck you.
Then he says, don't fucking bite the board, you cunt.
A lot of angry epithets and swear words being hurled at this thing.
And then we find out he's got more questions and he asks, what are you doing in the lake anyway?
And finally, he makes it clear, I'm not dying today.
Get to fuck you, junkie.
Oh, oh, you get get the fuck, don't fucking be a motorcun.
But you didn't in the walk anyway.
I'm not dying to dance.
Get to fuck you, junkie.
Get to fuck, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
But it doesn't face me.
I wouldn't wear a dress, even if a label paid me.
I know.
I can read your mind.
I should be bent on everything.
I'm a hateful bigot, and everything I say is so mean.
I should believe all women because every girl is a queen.
Tell me something I don't know.
Cause wow, y'all are so predictable.
Everything's political.
Why are y'all so sad and miserable?
I think you're mad because I'm happy.
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