I've been working with the cartoonist who did this for months on these, getting everything perfect.
I don't break for queefs.
And the great thing about It is it's elusive, so it's not like people see it and go, Oh, there's a gentleman who, while he's fornicating in an air pocket, gets caught in his partner's vagina, he doesn't discontinue the intercourse.
They just see a truck and they don't get it.
It's up to you to explain.
And look at this: bag of Coke.
The apostrophe on the don't is a can of bud.
We've got a bong floating in the air.
There's boobies there.
The rat fank dude's hat says BM, baby monster.
Sprockets, smoke.
I think we should make this into posters.
It's really good.
I wouldn't recommend flying Delta Airlines with it on, though.
No.
Well, that's just it.
The captain wouldn't get it.
You're not going to have some flight attendant going, I queef.
You got a problem with our queefs?
You don't break for them?
But it's pro-Qeef.
It's like, I don't see your queefs as an issue.
Nope.
Big Kimmy, the girl I lost my virginity to, she was totally ostracized at our school, Bell's Corners Public School, when we were little kids because everyone thought she farted.
But she was closing her pencil case and it was like very thick, sort of whatever you call the zippers.
But the things on the zipper, whatever you call those.
Teeth.
Yeah, the zipper teeth were so big that it went...
Nice.
Poor Kimmy.
She had a rough life.
So yeah, the Bobby Lee's, to go back to the beginning of the show, a band from Woodstock, New York, fantastic band in the vein of Black Lips and all those awesome bands.
How do you, it's amazing to me that there are still new great bands.
Like listen to these guys.
It's sort of like painting.
Like how are there still people painting and it's good to look at them.
I think HR for the fabric.
Let's also get down to our sponsors.
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That's a great rap.
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I don't know what that means.
That's Aaron Berg's fucking.
Oh, Aaron Berg has a sauce with these guys.
Yes, and what happens is the hot sauce gets an opportunity and leaves your house.
You look like you're four feet tall.
Sorry, I ruined your joke.
I said the hot sauce finds a better opportunity and then leaves your house.
Oh, okay.
I'm just kidding.
Nobody knows who Aaron Berg is, Ryan.
Aaron Berg recently left his show with Gino Biscante on Compound Media, which is Anthony Cumia of Opi and Anthony's Network.
Anthony, I mean, Gino was very upset.
I don't know if you saw, but because apparently Aaron has a clean bill of health, but before he said, I'm leaving the show, big reason, open heart surgery.
And then Gino was like, nobody recovers that fast, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, he was really mad.
Aaron implied he was dying.
He was like, I prayed for him.
So there's dramas there.
And you could watch Gaffer.
That's a shitty thing to do, but I have an announcement to make.
I'm getting open heart surgery.
Are you serious?
Best case scenario with stint, probably open heart surgery.
And I talked to the doctor there, and I said, What are we doing?
He goes, you need a heart transplant.
And I said, what the fuck?
So I go on a waiting list?
And he goes, yes.
And I go, my friend Maddie's on a waiting list.
And he goes, yeah.
And he showed me the list.
And he said, here's Maddie and you're way down here.
And I said, what if I give you $100,000?
He crossed Maddie's name off the list.
Dude.
And then in Crayon, wrote my name where Maddie's was.
Nice.
And I took his place.
That's not nice, Maddie.
I asked the doctor one time, I said, what if I can get a heart?
Right, right.
Provide my own.
No questions asked.
He just looked at me like, I was like, I was just saying.
Totally hypothetically.
B-Y-O-H.
Do we do that?
Dude, I feel like I'm making veteran jokes like false valor in front of a real veteran here.
When it comes to heart stuff.
You didn't make a heart joke.
I did.
Okay.
That's true.
You're not good at life and thinking and existence and air and water.
As long as he's not mad at me.
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Now, the thing I always say about our sponsors is: these guys get flack, Antifa harasses them, they get threatened all the time for promoting this show, for sponsoring this show.
You need hot sauce.
You need it on your eggs.
You need it in your Bloody Mary.
So why not get the hot sauce from the guys who have the balls to support free speech?
Same with the coffee, same with every other necessity in your house.
Like I said before, I met an optometrist who was MAGA in the city, old mob dude.
I'm like, well, now I got my guy.
I got to get glasses, so I'm going to get them from this guy.
Get your hot sauce from these guys.
They are, what did Biden say today?
Ultra MAGA?
Yeah.
And he called Trump the MAGA king.
Is that what he said, or did he say king MAGA?
These insults are getting more and more true as his presidency goes on.
Like he said, these guys are going to try to tell you inflation and your anger.
I know your anger about inflation.
He goes, I can taste it.
What?
You can taste my anger at inflation?
I don't recall sending any bodily fluids your way.
But he goes, he says, these MAGA parties are going to take that anger from the inflation that I can taste, and they're going to try to mobilize that anger and make it show up at the polls, make it affect your vote.
And I'm like, yeah, that's exactly what we want to do.
And there's nothing smart about you, Joe.
That's what democracy is.
When you fuck up and inflation gets too high, people try to vote you out.
That's the deal.
These people are going to trick you.
They're going to try to say that because I'm doing a bad job, then I should go.
That's not how it works.
Never mind the fact that I suck.
I should get a reward.
I got a bone to pick for Fox News.
Years ago, if a reporter or journalist had a different view of the news than Fox News, it was okay.
They'd let it slide.
Nowadays, you've got a different view of the news on Fox News and some of the other news channels, they fire you.
What the heck ever happened to free speech?
It's being murdered in this country.
Well, even Tucker Carlson, who I consider one step down from Jesus Christ, he won't go near Dinesh D'Souza's 2000 Mules thing.
Same with Newsmax.
They won't go near, and I think it might be because Dominion is so litigious, but Newsmax, Tucker Carlson will not go near Dinesh D'Souza's new movie, 2000 Mules.
Which I have yet to see.
You know, everybody talks like they've got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips.
Just a bunch of gibberish.
In act, they act like they forgot about Dre.
You are ruining my sleep at night, Donald.
Donald, you plagiarized that.
What do you mean?
You didn't make that up.
It's a rap.
You just said a rap lyric like you made it up.
Said a rap lyric?
That doesn't sound familiar to me, but what does is that you guys forgot about Dre.
Really, in a big way.
If you look at it, you've forgotten about Dre.
Man, Mike Suey.
I think Trey's gay, by the way.
Yeah.
I've heard that.
That's clear, right?
Why are you wearing a Yankees hat on a Mets show?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Tomorrow, my first concert at Madison Square Garden will be Limp Biscuits.
Yeah, so I'm wearing the red hat.
I got it today.
Are Limp Biscuit Yankees fans?
But that was just, I don't know.
That's a good question, but he wore this hat, the Yankees hat.
So I don't think he's from Jane.
You're sure it was a Yankees hat?
It was backwards.
No one ever saw what was on the front of his.
Oh, it was a Yanker.
It was a Yanker.
So you're going to see Limp Biscuit.
Who else is going to be there?
Jane's Addiction?
No, no.
Maybe it's a whole festival.
What do you got?
Early Jane, Late Jane's, Pepper Summer Age?
No, no, just Limp Biscuit.
And maybe an opening act.
Bam.
Boom.
Yankee Hat.
It was backwards, but he's got it forward sometimes.
Limp Biscuit really got blamed for that 90, what was it, 99 Woodstock Rape Festival where it was just fucking absolute chaos.
Yeah, when they played Break Stuff.
Yeah, Give Me Something to Break.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then they had bonfires.
My wife was watching a documentary about that Woodstock.
I've kind of had forgotten about it.
You know that the Porta Potty's all overflowed.
So when you see those people dancing around in mud, it's shit mud.
My mom went there for one day.
I tried to like ask her about it right after we had watched.
Oh my god, you're so young that your mother was at 99 Woodstock.
Yes.
Not the old one.
She was too unborn to go to the first one.
1994, I believe.
Oh, 94.
So when were you born?
Wait, she might have went to 92 or 94?
When were you born, Ryan?
1989.
The year of our Lord.
No, that's called the year of the fag, at least with the Chinese calendar.
That's not true.
Yeah, it is.
It's like a character is like that.
I don't like that.
To promote it.
It's a Chinese symbol that looks like a limp wrist.
I know.
Limp risket.
Really?
I really hope I didn't...
Huh?
Didn't you call them that like one minute?
No, I'm limp risket because I'm a fag wearing their hat and they're limp biscuit because they're rad and they rule.
I made my own insult, essentially.
I made my own insult from scratch.
Homemade insults.
So yeah, we get the super chats where we give the money to Max and John.
I don't know how much money we've raised so far, maybe two grand or so.
We have a year to get to 25, to 50, really.
25 each.
And then we take phone calls and we talk to you.
And then we also take, well, it's like an AMSR.
M-N-S-B-L-L-R.
AMSR?
AMSR with Sylvia.
AMSMR, sorry.
Sylvia taking off her coat.
You can hear every molecule because she's sitting on the mic.
Hey, Sylvia.
If you're going to fart, make sure you fart on the mic so we hear it.
We need it, yes.
Oh, that's not allowed.
Jewish women don't fart.
Only Goyish girls fart.
Do you?
So you'd ever fart?
Never.
Do people...
Unconstitutional.
I just realized, and this has nothing to do with Jewish or Goyam.
I just realized I've never heard an old person fart.
Are you serious?
Really?
When they sneeze?
It's fart city.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
I've heard plenty of, like, simultaneous farts with coughs and skins.
Go to an old age home or a nursing home.
I'm sure they fart like crazy.
Oh, my God.
Will you ever go to a nursing home?
Stuck them there.
Will you ever end up at a nursing home?
Me, never.
I'd rather commit suicide.
But when your hip was being repaired, you weren't just at the hospital the entire time.
I was in a hospital, not a nursing home.
The whole time that it was a hospital.
You were in a hospital for two months?
I was a month in the hospital, then a month in rehab.
Jesus.
And where was the rehab?
That's a hospital.
Jewish Sarah Newman rehab, where they have physical therapy.
They also have nursing homes.
Once you're in a nursing home, you can't get out.
So the Sarah Newman thing is a hospital.
Sarah Newman is not a hospital.
It's a rehab.
Rehabilitation, like if you have an accident.
Okay, so it's not called a hospital, and it's not a nursing home.
It's not a hospital.
Because our good friend Joe Tonelli, a scam artist who grew up in New Rochelle, Mamaraneck area, and pretended to be a nurse for many years.
If you look him up, you can see plenty of warnings, people saying, don't trust this guy.
He has been in an old folks' home for two months.
I think because he was on Medicaid.
They didn't want to keep paying for a room in the actual hospital.
So that's the same way that all those old people got COVID because there's some sort of paperwork somewhere that says, save money, stick them in an old folks' home.
And Como got away with it.
They didn't prosecute him because he didn't, yeah, he didn't go to jail, but his reputation is mud, and we're never going to see him again.
What did they say?
Lady Justice is blind.
Can you focus on Sylvia a little bit better here on today's shit show?
Do I focus on what?
The camera.
You seem a little blurry.
Oh, she's punched in a lot.
But let me see if I can.
I'm very upset with what's going down in this world.
Be more sensitive.
Not the world I grew up in.
In what sense?
The world I grew up in, there was justice.
There was respect for your elders.
There was respect for knowledge and education.
You know, Soviets.
When they grew up, they knew they had to work for a living.
They didn't feel like owed them something.
They didn't go around with a chip on their shoulder.
They didn't do drugs.
The most they did to get hard was drink beer in the schoolyard.
Now, everyone talks these days about how racist everything is and how America hasn't progressed since the 50s and blah, blah, blah.
When you think of like South Bronx in the 60s and 70s, were we over...
Maybe not the 60s, but in the 70s in New York City, like did people talk about racism this much?
No, the 70s was great.
Everybody got along good.
There was no friggin' racism.
The only thing that I remember in the 60s, they started with black power, white power.
That's pure bullshit.
You know, that's racist.
We're all the same.
People don't want to admit it.
We're all the same.
We're all made the same way.
One is not better than the other.
You might be smarter than the other.
You might have native intelligence.
But nobody's better than somebody else.
If you think you do, you're digging a deep ditch for yourself.
You're going to wind up at the short end of the stick.
Little do you know.
Hoist it on your own.
Either that or hang out with people who are Democrats like Biden.
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So there seems to be two main focuses with our sponsor, Beard Vet, this vet-owned badass dudes who sell beard grooming products and coffee.
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This background is wrong, shit show.
That's my new nickname for you, shit show.
That's pretty good.
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Did I say owned and operated?
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It's not a joke.
It's not a joke.
I can taste it.
You know what I feel like is hard?
Like, coming up with an actual, accurate, Joe Biden accurate Bidenism.
Like, it would be like, you know, you get the soldiers out there, man.
One time it did salute under the hot sun, right?
Salute under the hot sun.
Everybody.
They ordered arms.
Yeah, you're right.
Because the shit that comes out of his mouth is so alarmingly random.
Like when he was talking to those people in yesterday's episode, or sorry, Tuesday's episode, where he goes, yeah, Iraq 50 times, 48 times.
Yeah, every time you go.
Like, how are you going to riff that?
I don't know.
It's hard to come up with the true fucking Bidenism.
I think I got close.
Like, I can taste it.
I never would have come up with that.
No.
No.
Caller one and caller two tonight are getting a free gift pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team.
Right.
Thank you, Beard Vet.
Now, we did need a fashions last week, right?
Did we do them every second week?
I don't recall that we did, honestly, to be fair.
Okay.
Well, we might go past the half-hour mark and indulge.
How have you been doing, Maddie?
I'm all right.
Can't complain.
So today we saw you make toast.
Yes, that was the episode that dropped today.
That was a viewer request.
Miles M wrote that in.
So we got to please the baby monsters.
And why did you choose margarine instead of butter?
Because if you're going to request toasts, you're going to get nothing but the best.
Yeah, you're not a gourmand if you're just asking how to make toast.
White wonder bread and margarine.
You know what I had in Nashville?
There was a fried bologna sandwich, and I was like, I've never had that before.
I'll try it.
And I got it, and it's just a BLT, but instead of B, it's fried bologna.
Dude, it was heaven on earth.
Especially on a night out drinking, where you're like, I want salty, but I don't want to pig out, but I'd like a little oomph.
I've had a few fried bologna sandwiches.
Was it a BLT?
No, it was just bologna, cheese.
Well, when we were inside, it was just like a slice of bologna and meat and bread.
In the microwave.
Yeah.
It's a popular dish in receiving.
Maddie and I have both done time.
No need to get into the specifics of how much.
I don't think that's important.
Definitely not.
No.
That's a pissing contest.
Yeah.
That's petty.
Now that's how guys talk to one another.
What matters is that we're both ex-cons.
I found a rarity in the supermarket.
They stopped selling it.
Maybe they're racist.
I don't know.
Hebrew National Salami.
Now, Genoa Italian salami is great, but Hebrew National Jewish Salami makes it, puts it to shame.
It is dynamite.
You can make it on Jewish rye bread, or you could slice it up make an omelet.
It is great.
And you couldn't find it?
I found it.
Okay, but I thought you were starting this out saying there's some sort of indication.
These stores don't have it anymore.
It's very hard to find.
Dude, we could do a whole show, Dudette, on what harbingers of the decline of Western civilization can be located at the grocery store.
I looked for about an hour, three different stores, just trying to find beans.
Yeah.
Cowboy beans, England beans.
Now, as far as exotic Japanese beans and all kinds of fucking Hispanic beans, oh my God, there's entire sections of the grocery store.
But the original white beans, gone.
Hand-cut fries, done.
Erased from society.
Dude, they've been making things.
We should start marching around grocery stores with tiki torches saying you will not replace us.
Did you notice everything is smaller now?
Like it comes in like smaller packaging?
I noticed that with hot pockets, there's just two in a box.
I've noticed that with co-hosts where the guy will be like five foot seven and he'll be dressed like Hans and Franz pump you up.
That was pretty funny.
What are you?
You know what you look like with your shirt tucked into your sweatpants?
You look like the most shit together guy at the Mental Institution.
Where you're like, I'll help.
Don't worry, I'll clean it up.
And you like, you volunteer.
I mean, you're blurry, obviously.
The base of your microphone shaft is perfectly crisp, but everything else is blurry.
And you look like the guy who some of the, whatever you call them, interns, the guys who work at the mental institution, they're like, why is he even here?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He seems like he has it together.
The orderlies?
Then you like start losing.
He looks like a bouncer.
He like beats the shit out of a fridge.
He looks like a bouncer.
Thank you.
A bouncer at fucking Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, maybe.
Hey, excuse me, Veruka.
He's got those muscles on his arms.
Mrs. Salt, Miss Veruka, you cannot have whatever you want.
You cannot buy an Oompa Loompa.
So you're out of here.
Okay, so it's the half hour mark.
Sometimes I feel like we should allow the freeloaders just to take a dip.
You want to give them the whole thing?
What do you mean, the whole first hour?
Yeah.
No, suck my balls dry.
You know, I had sex with my wife this morning, and we did it in the living room where there's a bookshelf, and I've started reading the titles to buy myself time.
Nice.
But from her perspective, it must have been weird because it started out like, oh, yeah, because it's been a while.
The barber, my barber was like, you people that are married, you have pizza every night.
I get pizza one night, buttiger one night.
I get steak one night.
I have different, all my bitches, I'd mix it up.
I'm like, dude, I don't get pizza every night.
When I get pizza, I devour it because it's the only food and it's rare.
I'm in a desert.
Anyway, I don't even get pizza Friday shit.
I got pizza August.
That was funny.
I know.
I'm just cool.
So the beginning, I'm like, oh yeah, oh fuck feels so good.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I look over the bookshelf and start my new technique.
So all of a sudden it goes, I'm like, oh yeah, ought.
And I'm just reading.
But it worked.
I think it bought me 30 seconds.
Nice.
Maybe even a minute.
Which in 20 years marriage years is an hour.
An eternity.
At my age, you're trying to get from like five, seven minutes up to 11 minutes.
11.
11?
No, you're young.
That's baloney.
You got to try new techniques and you'll go for a whole hour non-stop.
Just pounding for an hour.
It's more than pounding.
You got to try new ways.
I see I got to teach you all over again.
Tell me a technique then.
Like, tell me how to fuck.
What do I do?
You play her like a piano.
First, you suck her toes.
Oh, shit.
Then you take your dick and put it by her tit and rub her nipple.
Okay.
I've never played a piano like that before.
What song is that?
Then you pretend her belly button is her cunt and you just caress it.
Then you take your dick by her ear and you rub it.
What?
Then you take your dick by her throat and you caress it.
Then she's all wet and dying for you, and then you shove it in nice and gentle and slow.
Shove it.
And how long after that is the pumping going on for?
For as long as you and her want it.
It'll be way more than 11 minutes, guaranteed.
Well, you marry mostly blacks.
No, I married any man I love.
Color had nothing to do with it.
I understand, but your sexual experience has been out of seven husbands, five have been...
I had over 100 men in bed before I got married, baby.
Oh, my.
I had Arabs.
I had Iranians.
Who are the best lovers from the top down?
Latino men.
That's funny because my barbara was saying the same thing of Latino women.
Latino and black.
You know why?
They're not like white boys.
They don't have any inhibitions and they'll do anything and everything to please you.
Or to please themselves.
Would they sit on your face?
No comment.
Perfect smile.
Can somebody edit that where she said it's like playing a piano and it's like, first you got to suck the balls and then every time you're blurry.
Before we go to start taking calls, I want to say a shout out to our oldest sponsor as far as being there from day one, which is Nita Fashions.
I don't usually wear t-shirts on this show, but Thursday nights we want to promote our awesome merch.
But every time you see me wearing a suit, I'm wearing a Nita Fashion suit.
I heard they have a get off my lawn lining now.
I can't believe they didn't tell me this.
It says never stop fighting in the lining.
And they live in Hong Kong.
They're Indian dudes, dot, not feather.
And I'm like, okay, guys sure you want to get behind this show that much?
Like a lot of businesses get canceled.
And they're like, we don't give a fuck, buddy.
They don't swear.
They're very, very prim and proper.
I don't know.
They don't say buddy tailors.
But they were like, we get to get off my lawn sensor TV client every day.
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Let me tell you.
So yeah, I call it the tailor for cheap rich people.
You go there, you get a suit for $800.
You get a shirt for $50.
It's perfectly tailored to you.
It feels like pajamas.
You've never lived until you've worn a suit that was made specifically for your exact body shape.
It's awesome.
If you get drunk, you end up passing out in it because you're so fucking comfortable.
In the summer, going to meetings, you're so comfortable every day.
So the way to set this up is they do sort of world tours.
And I mean literally world tours.
Where you go there.
They were just in New York and you go there and they have all these swatches and you get set up.
But the next one won't be for a while, I don't think.
They're still on it now.
I'm not sure where they are.
But you contact them.
Instagram seems to be the most popular way for our viewers.
You DM them.
You set up a meeting.
Your girlfriend has a measuring tape.
She measures your neck and everything, your waist, your inseam.
And then you pick various...
They can send you swatches or you can just do it by sight.
And then a suit just arrives.
FedEx.
Here you go, sir.
It's much better, though, when they meet you and you get to feel the swatches and everything.
And the fun part, too, is that sort of pampering you get when they show up at the hotel in your town and you go there and choose all the fabrics and stuff.
It's awesome.
And I know if you work construction or something, you don't need 10 suits, but you have funerals, you have weddings, you need at least one suit that fits you perfectly.
Ooh, do it for your wedding.
That's smart.
So yeah, go to NitaFashions.
What's the actual URL, Ryan?
It's nitafashions.com.
Once again, that is nitafashions.com.
That is Nita, N-I-T-A, NitaFashions.com.
All right, let's start the mailbag.
We'll read one letter and then we will disappear behind the paywall.
Sound good?
Sound good.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Oh, fuck.
We have FOP medals in Johnny Apple, too?
We do.
That's five sponsors.
That seems a little heavy.
So maybe we'll have to do the whole first hour free.
That means we're popular.
So we had a problem with the letters.
We were getting too many.
I was getting 100 a day, and they're all gold.
And I thought, well, we'll have Ryan do celebrity mailbag.
That will eat it up.
But that only eats up like 20.
And then I realized the solution to the problem.
Become the ultimate male snob.
So now if your letter is not the greatest thing I've ever read and it doesn't deserve the Poet Laureate Award, I just turf it.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Home to mommy.
I'm out of here, bye.
You should have the background Thursday Night's Live shit show.
This guy?
Yeah, the one that incorporates mail calls and everything.
True.
Okay, I have to say, off the bat here, out of the gate, I got a thousand letters telling me to fuck off because I laughed at Ryan for saying cutlery can rust.
Of course.
A shocking amount of letters saying that.
Yes.
I still am on my side.
When was the last time you looked at your sink and you went, oh, damn it, I left these forks here too long.
They're all rusty.
Now, I understand there might be some $900 Japanese knife that's not supposed to get wet for more than a minute.
No one has those.
$300, I got a shooting.
No one has a shoon.
A lot of people have a shooting.
No one has a shoon.
I assune you, people have a shoon.
I've shooned it myself.
Maddie, can cutlery rust?
I've never particularly seen it myself.
No.
But I don't leave dishes in the sink for long.
There you go.
Well, that's my thing.
I leave shit in the sink for like a couple days.
I've never seen any rust on them.
Anyway, here's one of the only letters we got that didn't tell me to fuck off and didn't say Ryan is awesome.
So it's the one I'm focusing on, clearly.
And it says, Detective shitty on kitchen knives.
Stainless steel is almost impossible to rust in a lifetime.
Unless your water is one on the pH scale, you're fine.
And then he sends a link.
Wustoff.
Wustoff, they're German knives.
The person who trained me about knife work and stuff like that, he had a Wustoff.
Knife work?
What do you mean?
When you worked at that sushi place?
No, no, no.
I worked at a high-end, like a winery, very nice winery up in Warwick.
And they had an amazing kitchen.
I worked in that kitchen.
Why do you sound like you're at gunpoint right now?
I really wish I could cut to me and then there's like a gun there, but it's just me.
Jason Jones and Samantha B, family friends.
They were our neighbors upstate.
Nice.
Gavin, I'll get the ass lapping over with now and say big fan, blah, blah, blah.
I'm writing you because I recently watched a show that aired from 2016 to 2019 called The Detour.
Your old pals Jason Jones and Samantha B wrote it.
I thought it would be woke, but it actually pokes fun at both sides.
That's where, especially for that time frame, makes me wonder if they both have come more to the center.
Anyways, thought you might want to check it out.
Yeah, I used to hang out with Jason Jones.
You know, we'd get a drink every couple months, and he knew I was a righty, and he was clearly a lefty.
But it was normal.
This was back pre-Trump where you could talk to the other side, and they'd roll their eyes, and you rolled your eyes.
I always found, though, back when I had liberal friends, it wasn't both of us rolling our eyes.
It was them rolling their eyes at me, because I didn't think that fucking Snow was racist.
And then me going, how can you possibly think that blah, blah, blah?
And I'm still there now.
Like with Biden.
Oh, wow, that was a good fucking stunt.
With Biden, I'm just like, how can you fucking, a friend of mine in Tacoma was a lawyer and he's a liberal and he's like, about a month ago I said, what would you give Biden?
And he goes, B minus.
I'm not even mad at that.
I'm just confused.
B minus.
I understand homosexuality more than I understand liking Biden.
I haven't spoken to him since, so not because I'm mad, but I've been meaning to call him.
But like, it's got to be a D right now.
Minimum.
I think Biden would give Biden a D. Biden is not blown away by Biden.
Didn't he say something about that too, that he wasn't doing so good?
Yeah, he said, I'm the shittiest president in the history of America.
Let's call my mom.
Let's see what she thinks.
She hasn't spoken to me since I missed Mother's Day.
Even though I didn't miss Mother's Day, she forgot to check her messages.
Now, guys, for everybody who doesn't know, if you're watching for the first time, you go to the site, censored.tv, and on the...
You will be charged as per your international plan.
Under the live page, you can donate to read a message on air.
That's right.
You go to the live stream and underneath the player.
Who is that handsome guy?
And you can see your message.
Calling my mom, Sylvia.
I hear that.
It's about time.
Get on it.
Someone's asking about your dog.
Tinkerbell.
Sylvia is Tinkerbell.
Hi, mom.
Hi, how are you, Looney Tunes?
Good, good.
You're on the air.
We're live.
Really?
Oh, my God.
Dad wants on speaker because, you know, he's stupid.
I was just talking about a liberal friend of mine who gives Biden a C minus.
What would you give Biden as a grade?
You were a teacher for many years.
Okay.
Is there a minus, C minus, minus?
Yeah, I think it's called Nest.
They're all idiots.
I mean, you can't get anything more stupid than turtle.
Justin Trudeau, yes.
Justin Turdo.
Turtle.
The guy calls himself a teacher.
He was a drama teacher for two months.
And then he got fired for God knows what all.
I don't know.
I mean, why do we have leaders like this?
Two smart, advanced countries full of really smart people.
I know.
I mean, we spent four months, five months in America, in Florida.
I just don't get it.
The world has gone so crazy that we've now got leaders that are just not appropriate to what people want and need.
You know?
Do you want inflation?
Do you want to have no power?
You cancel.
What the?
She canceled the call.
She probably pushed a button or something.
The government is a little too hip to her truth.
I like, whenever I'm stalked by journalists too, they call, You know, they want to call your relatives and everything, and they find your wife's number and stuff.
I can't believe Biden's wife went to college.
That I could believe.
And she took philosophy.
So, where does she get the colossal nerve to be called a doctor?
Give me a early childhood education is her doctorate, and it's the lowest IQ PhD you can get.
I mean, how do you fuck it up?
Here's how five-year-olds should be educated.
How do you get that wrong?
How is she a doctor?
She needs a doctor.
So does he.
You ever see him coming off the going up the airplane?
Yes, he fell.
He falls when he walks.
They say he suffers from dementia.
I don't know if he does or not.
And he blames inflation on the Ukraine war.
Okay?
He's not doing nothing to lower gas prices.
The salaries suck.
Okay?
At least when Trump was president, people prospered.
And he wasn't scared to face the dictators.
You look like you're disappearing into that couch the way Homer Simpson disappears into that couch.
He disappeared to face the dictators.
He had gumption.
Biden couched them.
Biden tried to make a deal with Iran of all insulting things.
What is he, a retard?
Well, Obama's deal with Iran was particularly...
Well, Obama I could forgive because he was naive, but Clinton wasn't.
And they gave them so much money, American taxpayer money, then when the inspectors went to look at their plants, they said, oh, you could go to these, but not this one.
So we gave away money.
Why is it in this country, even many years ago, I believe it was the early 60s, Russia was starving.
We stunt potatoes.
Why in this country, other countries badmouth us, look down on us, but when they're in trouble, we're the first ones, they run to help, help, help.
What do we look like?
We look like pussies internationally.
Like saps.
You're like saps.
Like saps.
We had a message earlier that said hipster, hacker, hustler.
Explain that.
It's a thing I stole from some Japanese marketing guy.
I said, every successful company has to have a hipster, a hacker, and a hustler.
So the hipster is the guy who cares about all the culture and what's going on in the world and can tell you what LOL means when it first comes out.
That's important to have.
You need a hacker who can figure out why your machines don't work, why your message isn't getting out, why these cameras keep failing.
And then you need a hustler, which is like a sales guy who is going out there getting new clients and everything.
And people can be combinations.
Like Ryan and I are both hipsters in the sense that we're both heavily involved in pop culture.
But he's the hacker.
And then the hustler is a guy you guys don't know.
We have like a sales dude out there that we hired that handles all that.
And then we have the hacker, our tech dude.
But you need those three elements to have a successful business.
With Vice, I was the hipster, obviously.
Shane was the hustler.
And I guess Sarush was sort of the hacker.
I'm a hustler.
And I only hustle what I believe in.
I'm aggressive.
I always have been, always will.
Have you ever been to prison?
No, I had husbands who did heavy time.
Okay, let's take a Sejoran briefly over to FOP Medals.
Now, this is spelled P-H-A-U-P, not FOP, which is a derogatory term for wealthy Englishmen used mostly in Australia.
It's also used to refer to dandies.
Wait a minute.
Is that what Australians call Englishmen?
FOBS?
I don't know, maybe not.
But FOB, P-H-A-U-P, is a sponsor of ours.
They're going to make us their own coin, right?
Well, I thought that would be a good idea.
We're not sure yet.
Okay.
The economy could not be worse.
What's going on there with your shit there, Ryan?
Shit show.
Will you stop that fucking notification?
I'm not doing it on purpose.
It's running out of memory.
What?
Our computer.
How is your computer running out of memory?
Well, that's the old one.
The new one's doing it.
We clearly don't have a hacker on board here.
No.
So the economy is collapsing.
You know, when Biden was elected, my dad took all of his money out of his stocks and he put it in a bank.
And he lost, I think, 50 grand or something in actualized losses by cashing out.
And my brother and I mocked him.
We laughed in his face and he was very angry about it.
But, dude, you're showing all your work here behind us.
It turns out he was right.
The economy is so bad right now that it does make sense to have pulled your money out.
I don't know about now.
We have Bitcoin down to fucking zero.
But one thing that does not fluctuate is precious metals.
Go to FopMetals.com.
Use promo code GAVIN for 15% off.
And at least invest some money in silver.
At least have something tangible in your home that you know when the shit hits the fan, you can touch this currency.
You can hold it in your hand and know you're safe.
Fopmetals.com sends you silver at a reduced rate.
It is reliable and tangible in an era where nothing is real, in an era where clown world reigns supreme, where we have a new press secretary coming out, a black lesbian who is convinced that everything she looks at is racist.
And she'll be representing the president who cannot speak English.
And he talks about tasting anger over inflation.
That's the economy we're living in, a clown economy.
So buy something solid that you can touch, that You can safely know is there for you if the shit hits the fan.
You can go on the run, go on the lamb.
If we lose everything and it becomes Venezuela, you have silver.
Put all your life savings on it.
What?
They call it God's money.
God's money.
I wish the Federal Reserve was based on gold.
That would save everything.
But anyway, FOP Medals.
P-H-A-U-P-Medals.com.
Promo code Gavin.
We should have a Sylvia silver dollar.
Print-minted.
Sounds good to me.
I'm writing that down on my notes.
If FOP is going to make us silver, I want it to be Sylvia's face.
Yes.
A Sylvia coin.
Let's write that down.
I'm writing that down.
Sylvia dollars.
A Sylvia coin.
Invest in Sylvia.
What about gold?
I heard gold shot up in price.
They have gold on the side as well, I believe.
Oh, really?
Check that out on Florida.
Drop a little today.
Gold drop?
It was like $1,830 an ounce.
Good time to buy.
I know a guy who works at a factory where they make, I don't know, gold bars or they have gold.
And you go in there, they brush your whole body with like these metal detector things.
And then they scan your whole body.
You have to leave all your shit outside.
You put on like a bunny suit.
And then they weigh you when you go in and they weigh you when you go out.
Yeah, just in case you put a little fucking ring in your stinker.
That's a good band name.
Put a little ring in your stinker.
All right, let's take a call.
Fucking A. Take a fucking call.
So the show in Orlando is going to be fun.
Maddie will be there.
I will.
Sylvia Ideali would be there.
Where is this, Orlando?
Orlando, Florida, yeah.
Probably not.
I don't see you.
I'm going to leave Tinkerbell alone.
I left too many times.
It's hard to get you here to the studio.
Or I could take a train there with her.
I don't want the six-month-old, and I don't want the 79-year-old.
That's my baby.
So what I want to do is, this is how I picture it in my head.
Ryan comes out.
Great people.
He's doing his shit.
He has his phone doing his Snapchat face.
Behind you on the screen is you, but with the Trump face.
That's cool.
We must have the technology.
I think we do.
So people who look at you right there in front of them see you holding a phone going, bye-bye, home to mommy.
But we see Trump.
That would be amazing.
And then you introduce Josh Denny.
Then you come out and do the same thing as Jordan Peterson.
Introduce Kumia.
Then you come out as Jesse Lee Peterson.
Introduce me.
And then we all go backstage.
Then we come out.
We set up a table like Kill Tony.
And we all sit down and do a podcast just to show.
Maybe we also have the screen.
We can refer to pictures and videos.
Maybe highlights our favorite things of the past year.
Like, of course, for me, it's Eddie Gloud.
I watch that every day.
The myths and the legends and bear the brunt of it.
Privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
Had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
I hereby bet my fortune that those glasses are not prescription.
Damn!
He loves his little blue frames.
Maybe I'm naive, but I don't say that apologetically.
I believe the Washington insurrection, I don't believe Trump started it.
He was being patriotic.
He felt he was wrong.
He was angry.
I think the people that went ahead and twisted what he said, they twisted it.
They wanted an excuse.
Well, we got Lori Lightfoot calling for violence, demanding a revolution, and there's no ramifications.
Trump said very clearly, legally make your voices heard.
Legally.
He didn't ask for any storming of any capitalists.
No, he didn't.
And they always wanted to.
Although the way the cops let them in, it sure looked like the cops asked for it.
They blamed him unfairly.
He never got a good review from the press.
They always picture him out of president.
We have to do it.
They nailed it once again.
They didn't do it to Obama because Obama was our first black president.
Let's take a call and then we'll say thank you to Johnny Apple CBD and then we will sneak behind the paywall.
You know, stop all this free shit.
The people that you're kicking off, the freebies, this is what they had to say about you.
Gavin the demon.
You know that, right?
Whoa.
I like how efficient she is at taking the kinks out of her water bottle.
Gavin the demon.
You know that, right?
Boom.
Water bottle's brand new.
It's fucking nude.
One second, that water bottle is brand new.
All those hours of crinkles erased.
So we have our calls coming in, of course.
And the first two callers will have one, I think.
A beard vet.
A beard vet vet.
Gavin.
Am I on?
Yes.
Go ahead, call it.
All right.
Phil, you're an angel.
Ryan, you have sprinkles, but they're fecal sprinkles.
Maddie, I'm too scared to compliment or insult you, frankly.
Gavin, you are the modern-day Jesus Christ.
Today, I walked around a supermarket with my MAGA hat on, and what I the reason I did is I saw in the news, Kanye West is out of his mind, but no matter how crazy he is, he has a part that can recognize what's going on with the left.
And he said, the MAGA hat makes him feel like a superhero.
And when I heard that, I was like, I'm going to put it on because I didn't wear it except on 4th of July last year and see how it makes me feel.
And everyone started giving disgusting looks.
I got maybe two or three yells from cars on the street.
I was in San Diego.
And what I saw.
One of the yells like, fuck you!
Yes, yes, just fuck you and fuck Trump or Nazi.
Like two of those, two or three.
But what I recognized is, I think what I have, what I put the hat on, is it doesn't make me special, but what it makes me is, I think it emphasizes that I have freedom of thought.
And when people freak out and they're ingrained in Trump is a Nazi and whatever, the red hat symbolizes whatever they decipher Trump has, as Hitler and whatever.
But the red cat, for me, I felt like I was a superhero.
The red hat symbolized that I had freedom of thought.
And Gavin, I just want to know what your opinion is on that because also, obviously, I don't want to go to restaurants with the hat on.
You obviously get bit in your food all the time just being Gavin McKinnon.
So you have to be smart about it.
Yeah, I'm at the point now, and thanks for calling, where if people don't spit on my food, it tastes dry.
But it's amazing what that hat means.
What that hat really means today is, especially in a liberal city like New York or San Diego, it means I don't give a shit about your made-up hysteria.
That's what this means.
It means, I know you think this is racist.
I don't care what you think is racist.
It means I don't want three bathrooms.
And when you tell me why there should be a male and a female and a trans bathroom, instead of like most Americans, I'm going, okay, let me hear you out.
You might have a point.
I'm just going, no, no.
Like when Trump said, kept saying anchor babies, that the Univision, whatever journalist said, can you use a better term?
He said, what term?
And the guy said, I don't know, the undocumented workers of, no, the natural-born citizens of undocumented workers.
And Trump said, nah.
Now that nah is crucial.
Nah.
Nah.
That takes too long.
I'm going to say anchor babies.
The nah is what the red hat means.
It means, nah, I'm not listening to your like gender shit.
I'm not saying I'm against it or I'm offended by it or I want to argue with you about it.
We're not playing that.
No.
Nah.
No, I'm out.
Well, we want to have a cis-born male compete in a female swimming thing because she identifies as a woman.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, we're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
Well, can we debate it?
No.
We're just not doing it.
Nothing to debate?
No.
Well, she's here.
The starting gun's about to go off.
Okay, well, hold on.
Let me grab him.
Hey, buddy.
Sorry.
We're not doing it.
No.
Get your hands off of me.
Okay, sorry.
Well, get back to the changing room and I'll get my hands off you.
But yeah, we're not.
That's what I love about the MAGA hat.
It's a non-statement.
And the way the left is now is, if you're not 100% with me, you're 100% against me.
So just by simply not joining their maniacal crusade, it's the most evil thing you could possibly do to them is to go, I don't even disagree with you.
I'm not getting involved.
Your thing is gay.
Your thing is retarded.
You talk like a fag and your shit is all retarded.
And I'm not paying any attention to your various new made-up rules that change on a daily basis.
Imagine being mad at someone for not...
It's like when I was a punk rocker as a teenager, me walking down the street and seeing people without mohawks and without bondage pants and going, what the fuck?
We're trying to have a revolution here.
And they're like, I'm just not into punk.
I think it's noisy.
Well, that's not true.
Fuck you.
What about bow wow wow?
They're musical.
There's a lot of poppy stuff within the punk genre.
Come on.
Come on board.
Nah.
Bow, wow, wow.
I'm not coming on board.
All right.
Last sponsor before we leave.
I don't like, by the way, Ryan, how Maddie and I are different sizes.
We look like different species.
Yeah.
Do you look a little pale?
No, you don't.
Yeah, normal color.
Johnny.
Wait, I smell weed.
It could be the Johnny Apple CBD that I've been puffing on.
Are you puffing on the Delta 8?
I make it a habit during the live show to take at least one little puff.
But isn't the Delta 8 super strong?
Yep.
So aren't you going to be too baked to work?
Might you do an even shittier job than you usually do?
Are you going to become shit show squared?
Let's see.
This is the stem to go.
You can recharge it, but it's a one-time use little just boppity boop.
And it's got super hemp in there.
It makes you feel good.
Super what?
Super hemp.
Super hemp in it.
Super hemp?
You bidened that.
You said it's got simohemp in it.
It's a blaze.
Oh, man.
I was the vice principal under Brock Toboggan.
And you got to try this nighttime tincture, man.
Come on in.
Come on, nighttime.
Taste it.
You can taste it.
You can taste that.
They have some, all this stuff is good.
And that shit tastes good.
The tincture?
A couple of drops under the tongue.
Oh, yeah.
So, yes, Johnny Apple CBD.
I like the gummies at night.
They help me sleep.
Sometimes I sleep so hard that when I wake up in the middle of the night, my hands are tingling.
Not like pins and needles, but just like tingling.
You ever get that?
I get that when I drink a lot, too.
I wake up in the morning and my hands are tingling.
Do you ever get that?
Yeah, I've had that experience.
What is that?
I would say it's nerves or something.
Drinking cuts your sex urge.
Drinking cuts your sex urge?
Oh, yeah.
How about it makes you last?
That's probably why your Puerto Rican colored guys last so long.
They're drunk.
No, they weren't drunk.
I never went to bed with a drunk man.
I don't mean shit face, but like...
I don't mean drunk.
No liquor in them.
Four drinks.
No, no liquor at all.
Really?
How about marijuana?
They don't have the same inhibitions like white dudes.
They do not have it.
What do you think marijuana does to the sex?
Latinos are very romantic.
They'll say verbally things to you to a woman where you want to open your legs like a butterfly.
Like what?
What would be a good quote?
Your vagina looks like two pink slugs making love in the night sky.
It's been so long I can't remember.
Okay, well, that would be a good one.
So, yeah, JohnnyApple CBD, johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin.
We've got the cookies.
No longer make cookies, sorry.
We don't have the cookies anymore.
No.
We have the tincture you put in your coffee to take the edge off.
We have the CBD cream that you put on your muscles after, you know, remember you have a leg day at the gym and then going up and down the stairs is a fucking nightmare for the next 24 hours?
Not with the CBD ointment.
My wife will put it on her feet if she's going to go out on a date with me and wear high-heeled shoes all night.
She puts CBD in her Tootsies.
It makes the high-heel shoes more tolerable.
What's good about that, too, is it masks the pain, but it doesn't speed up the recovery process.
So if you were to take something that speeds up the recovery, now that your body's like, oh, I don't know if I'm Mike Myers every time you explain something.
We're going to watch The Pentavert?
Yeah.
Oh, we should all watch that together.
That should be an episode.
We'll watch The Pentavert.
You know what would be cool?
We watch it in this format.
Yeah.
That would be cool.
So like you sit there, Ryan sits there, I sit here, and we just go through it all.
I wonder how F we're going to do it now that they blocked us from capturing their screen, remember?
We'll figure out a way.
Yeah.
But we could put it on that TV and film it.
But I bet you that will end up being, with all the pauses, like four or five hours.
So we could play that if we're ever going to go away for like a week, we could play that in like four parts.
True dance.
Anyway, fun idea.
This is all in a commercial for johnnyapple.com.
Johnny Apple CBD.
Great guy, Johnny Appleseed.
You know, a lot of people think that he was planting apple trees because he loved apples and wanted people to make apple pies.
No.
He was a drug dealer, basically, and the drug was booze.
So he would go on the outskirts of the pioneer's land and predict what direction they're going to go in, like years ahead, plant apple trees.
By the time they got there, there'd be apple trees.
He'd sell them apples for cider.
They'd get drunk on the apple cider.
Because everyone was drinking booze back then.
Because life sucked.
Because we were at war with the Indians for 400 fucking years.
Instead of ripping down statues and everything, how about we go, wow, you guys went through some shit.
North and South.
We're very impressed that you got us here.
Thanks for that, great-great-grandpa.
As opposed to fucking ripping down Johnny Rebel.
You rip down that.
The way that statue in particular, the way it crumpled and curled in on itself, just with the gravity and the weight that they used.
It's like, this guy was conscripted.
Do you think he had slaves?
Slaves were Lamborghinis back then.
2% of the population had them.
You're beating the shit out of some poor schmuck who was 17 and got ripped off a farm and sent to die.
Fuck you, Nazi.
Anyway, I'm not sure Johnny Apple endorses all of these takes on Confederate history, but they do endorse a good time.
So just inhale and relax at johnnyapple.com.
All right.
That's enough for the freeloaders.
We are supposed to give them 30 minutes.
We gave them 70.
I can't believe we did that.
I feel dirty inside.
I feel like a whore.
I feel like a slut.
But we did squeeze in five sponsors.
So this is the way we end the show behind the paywall.
And by the way, the show is five days a week, Monday to Friday.
And then on Saturdays, I play reruns of my old show, which you haven't seen, which is called the Gavin McInnes Show.
And you can watch that and watch the Proud Boy slowly emerge from 2015 on.
So in the interim, when you're out there, don't be ashamed of who you are.
Don't hide it.
It could get you dumped.
It could get you ostracized from your friends.
If you say how you truly feel about things, you may even lose your job.
Now, don't go out of your way to lose your job.
But if hiding and never saying what you mean in a very diplomatic and fair and legal fashion is going to get you fired, well then fuck that job.
It's not for you.
You'll get cancer if you stay bottled up and never say what's on your mind.
You should say what's on your mind.
Defend yourself.
Be rational.
Don't say stupid shit like I want to fuck kids and blacks should go back to Africa.
If that's how you feel, you're a retard and you shouldn't just shut up.
You should kill yourself.
But for the rest of us sane people, speak rationally.
State your case.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
It's just us now.
We're all alone.
Bye-bye.
I'm out of here, buddy.
Hey, little radiator.
Ain't nobody get in time for this.
I'm done here.
I wanna go.
Hey, little radiator.
I forgot to say this in front of the paywall.
Our buddy Geyser.
Proud Boy.
Five points.
From the Five Points.
Well, it's what it's on my computer here.
Nice.
Five points MYC Proud Boys.
Hey, Ryan, you pull that up?
But If she said he watches every week, he's probably a freeloader who just watches on the free show, so he's going to miss this.
No.
No?
I don't think they would be.
Okay.
Geyser, good luck with you.
Geyser, good luck.
Work hard.
Bust your ass.
You can do this.
Proud of your boy.
I'd love to join the army, especially when they try to break you.
I would never break you.
You break down and build you back up.
It's fun talking to Joe Biggs and Ethan Nordine on the phone and John and Max because they're just like, they're never fucking breaking me.
Never.
And Joe Biggs especially, he goes, I read sometimes a book a day.
He's read 200 books since he's been in there.
Oh, yeah.
And he's like, and I'm telling you, they're never going to break me.
And I'm saying it now to you because I know they're listening to this call.
Oh, I'm hoping.
And I want them to know that I could be here for the rest of my life.
It's kind of weird that I've got that black dude right in my ear.
Isn't that a weird placement for him?
I know that guy.
I've met him a few times.
He's a Long Island dude.
He wears like 14 whole Dr. Martins.
So yeah, guys, congratulations.
I hope you're seeing this because we were told you only watched the Thursday show and then the three show.
All the best.
Let's do another letter, shall we?
Sure.
Guy knocks out a female after 12.
Now, I have a very controversial view on hitting a woman.
I think it's acceptable if she hit you 12 times.
How do you feel about that, Maddie?
I would probably restrain her and subdue her.
I don't know if I would actually, like, cold cock her.
Yeah, that's another thing, too.
Like, I had a fight once with this girl where she would be punching me, and she was giving good punches.
And I would just go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
And then at 12, I would go, boom, and just punch her here in the chest.
She'd go flying across the room, and then she'd come back and do the same thing again.
Yeah.
She had a big black bruise.
I would definitely restrain her or subdue her so that she would no longer be able to strike me.
Okay, so now you're like on top of her and she's squiggling around and then she's going to get up and just keep punching.
You could do a little bit.
If you want to act like a man, you're going to get hit like a man.
Playtime's over.
Well, this particular guy, he took 18 hits and then knocked her out.
Let's see.
Sylvia, can you see this monitor when we play this video?
No, I can see it.
Tell me what you think if this is acceptable or not.
All right.
It's pretty rich, but on the other hand, go full screen on that, Ryan, because you got to watch the details.
Okay.
Don't hit my fucking phone, you fucking piece of shit.
Don't fucking come in.
Fucking eat her and fucking piece.
Yeah.
Take my fucking glasses and break it.
You're punching me.
Really, Nate.
She punched me!
You need to back the fuck off, Veda.
You don't feel no remorse.
You literally are here to use this girl.
To use her.
You don't feel nothing for her, and I just knocked her out, alright?
Yeah.
And she went down.
Yeah, you knocked her out on camera.
Everyone here is wasting their minds.
It's like a daycare.
I mean, I could go either way on that.
I could go, fuck you, you piece of shit.
The punches were obviously not doing any damage to him.
She's not doing anything to him.
He couldn't step backwards.
She couldn't hit him.
He's still like in the car.
Okay.
Yeah.
They weren't like, you know, sizing up punches.
They were like, book, book, book, book, boom.
It doesn't matter.
Once you start hitting a man, you deserve to get hit.
You want to act like a man, you're going to be treated like a man.
Okay, so officially the vote is Sylvia says that bitch had it coming.
She got what she deserved.
And Maddie's saying, no, you didn't have to do that.
Equal rights, equal fights, bitch.
What about you, Ryan?
What do you think?
Not only did he do the right thing, I think Veda should have gotten some, too.
That was a lot of punches.
I have a controversial take on this, and I don't think anyone's going to agree with me, but I think after he knocked her out, he should have pulled down her pants and raped her.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
I'm saying.
I think he should have raped her when she was down.
Because the door was in between them.
She's bad news.
Why rape her?
Girlfriend bring her there?
Why rape her, period?
I don't know.
She's bad news.
Contact her.
She damaged goods to begin with.
I wouldn't rape her, period.
That would be gross.
No.
Yeah.
She doesn't deserve it.
Here's a letter here that says, some racist shit from a mixed blue check.
Blue check.
Okay, that's a good term.
Someone has a blue check on Twitter.
Maybe it's just me, but as a mixed race woman, one of the things I struggle with is loathing my whiteness.
I've witnessed and experienced so much hate and conditional love/slash support from my white household and upbringing that I've developed an internal self-loathing that I work on every day.
Meanwhile, you're just a fucking white chick, Dylan Gonzalez.
Like all of these fucking brunettes, calling themselves women of color because they have a slightly weird last name.
I'm so bored of this.
You're a brunette.
You're Veronica in Betty and Veronica.
The clan would have no idea who you were.
It just makes no sense to me.
Like people like that, why would you...
That's what...
Why do you got to bring that all day long that you're half white and you loathe?
Well, why do you got to bring that in to begin with?
Yeah, like, you don't pick.
Why do you got to play the rice card?
The rice card.
I play the rice card.
I play the rice card every time I have sushi.
It's true.
Look her up, though.
Who's Dylan Gonzalez?
I see this bitch.
Fucking.
Who the fuck?
Get it?
Fucking...
Dylan Gonzalez.
Dyl Gons or Two Gons?
Does she have any hits I'd know?
See, this is why we need it.
This is where Ryan should be the hipster and know all this.
Ryan, what is the drip doctor?
The drip doctor?
Probably a doctor that checks up on your style.
Or he comes and fixes it.
Yes.
Oh.
54,000 followers?
I mean, that's.
I just barfed three times.
Yo, that's crazy.
Does she have a video?
Oh, she's a singer?
She says Trey Songs is racist.
So he's black.
Anyway, let's take a call.
I'm getting annoyed by this entire universe.
Yeah.
Meaning the world of Dylan Gonzalez and Trey Songs.
Dylan Gonzalez.
All right.
541, you're on the line.
And you won also beard vet stuff.
What's going on, 541?
I couldn't remember earlier.
That thing, Black Lives Matter.
Hold on, Carler.
Sylvia has something to say.
Black lives matter.
That's a bullshit thing.
I was in New Rochelle Hospital.
A technician, I said to him, oh, black lives matter?
White lives don't matter.
In God's eyes, all lives matter.
He shot me a dirty look.
That was his answer to me.
Thank you for that, Sylvia.
Go ahead, Carler.
Yeah, when Ryan first started doing his impressions, I thought he sucked.
But man, I'll have to say he's getting pretty good and maybe even getting to the level of like Kyle Dunnegan.
He did his Owen Benjamin last week, and Owen Benjamin, first thing Monday morning, said that he saw Ryan's impression, and he said he loved it, and he thought it was really good.
Dude, it was really good.
Like, he gets me.
Have you ever interviewed Owen Benjamin or dealt with him much, Gab?
Yeah, we had him on the show and shit a hundred times.
If you search, you know, Owen Benjamin on the site.
Have you subscribed to censored.tv?
Yeah, I'm subscribed.
I mean, that's why I was curious.
Get searching, buddy.
It's there.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
Yeah, dude.
I'm glad he brought that up.
He really liked it.
Your gay little pastor gave you a binder and molested you on a field trip?
This is not the right place for that.
That sounds like an Owen Benjamin imitation.
Yeah, it does.
Let's talk about how Ryan is.
Neither of the Angels nor the Saxons I've met have free will, haha.
That's one of the seven deadly sins.
So, Mr. Krabs is greed.
Clearly, clearly greed, dude.
Dude, he's a grabbler.
Wow.
He's a grabbler.
Oh, he's a grabbler.
He's always eating stuff.
In season four's, have you seen it?
He breaks down how I break him down.
Because he's just nailing how I think.
Like, the mockery, which is deserved, is that I'll come up with a new bizarre theory and act like it's super obvious for everyone.
I get that.
That's a funny thing to point out about me.
Where I'm like, dude, it's always been in plain sight.
I mean, it's so obvious.
Yeah, that's a good point.
It's one thing to imitate someone.
Imitate someone?
Wow.
Very difficult to imitate.
But it's another thing to grasp the patterns of what they say, which is what you said earlier about Biden, to try to come up with the next Bidenism.
Like, would you rather be in jail for a month or be in jail until you can come up with the next Bidenism?
I'm going to take the 30 days, thanks.
Oh, that one I'll take the 30 days.
I'll be at Rikers.
I'll mind my own beeswax.
I'll play Scrabble with the COs.
I'll try not to get in any fights.
I'll mind my business at the shower, but I'll meet people's eyes in the shower and make it clear I'm not a victim.
But yeah, it could be a thousand years.
Because every single one of them, you go, what?
I can taste your outrage at inflation.
Inflation tastes like shit.
I mean, go back to the hairy legs.
Hairy legs.
Would you rather do a year in prison or stay until you can come up with, or you can guess that he's going to talk about how when he worked as a, no, when he was sitting in the pool, not when he's a lifeguard, that's a whole other thing with corn pop.
The kids would smooth down his leg hairs.
I don't even believe that, by the way.
Disturbing.
Kids don't do that.
Like, kids don't play with your leg hairs.
It's not a thing.
Disturbing.
Kids don't get into the nuances of adult bodies.
Like, I've got a fucking big mustache.
Maybe when my kids were babies, they might like grab my beard a little bit.
But kids don't really like, or they'll grab your glasses when they're babies.
But kids don't really get into like your ear holes and stuff when they're more than like one.
Yeah.
They don't play with your leg hairs.
That's like saying, kids used to put the sugar cubes in between my toes.
What?
Leg bears.
Kids are not into adults and the nuances of their bodies.
Wait a minute.
Maybe we've just stumbled across some weird pedo shit.
Yeah, it always sounded pedo-y to me.
I was like, they play with your hairs and you're talking about it?
Like, think about when you're a little kid, your dad's leg hairs, you're just like, ugh.
Like, get my dad out of here.
He's gross.
It's disturbing.
I still am freaked out by human feet because my dad's fucking toes were so disgusting because he was so poor when he was a kid.
His toes were like folded up upon themselves because he had small shoes.
And today it looks like Chinese footbinding.
I cannot look at it.
And he wants to see anyone else's feet.
That's why I can't watch MMA.
There's too many fucking toes.
Toe bear.
He gave me a good compliment.
He said, good impressions are about the internal world of the person, and you're really good at That.
And he sort of shits on Alex Klein, which is kind of funny and unnecessary.
He's like, see, dude, Alex, like, he talks about Hillary Clinton.
Like, dude, I don't get into that.
Like, I'm not paranoid.
But, like, Ryan gets me, dude.
And he's like, he called him a huck Finn or something.
He's like, it's basically just like a light-hearted insult.
But we're happy here.
He's already.
He's alright.
And I sent it to him because Alex was pumped.
He's a big fan of Big Bear.
And before we did the interview, he was like, so, what, we don't like Owen?
We're making fun of Owen?
I was like, no, I love Owen.
We're also just doing a best form of flattery imitation.
You see, it was on TV.
The Secret Service that used to work for her and Bill Clinton.
He said they used to have tremendous arguments, Bill Clinton and his charming wife, Hillary.
She gave him a black eye.
She broke her bars.
And that she has a terrible violent streak in her.
Yeah, she gave him a black eye, and then the Clintons gave America a black eye.
But two wrongs don't make a right.
Exactly.
We don't want either.
Here's a letter, must read trans posts.
What's up, fags?
Me and Buddy had the best time reading these two posts.
Absolutely hysterical.
It reads like satire, but this whole subreddit is full of these brain twisters.
Would love to hear y'all go through these.
So here's one.
I guess the reddit is called Ask Transgender.
And the first one is, how can I tell trans women to fuck off with their silencing me as a trans man while avoiding trans misogyny?
Okay, there's so many like two negatives to make a positive here.
So how can I tell trans women, so that's a dude.
So how can I tell gays to fuck off with their silencing of me as a lesbian while avoiding whatever?
That's really just a lesbian saying she wants to tell gays to fuck off as they both compete to be something they're not.
And then the content of the thing is, had a couple trans women recently who told me it's not my place to talk about abortion or that I need to sit down and listen because of my male privilege.
Meanwhile, they don't have vaginas and she does.
Had another respond to me, basically making it about her and how I need to be more sensitive about triggering pregnancy dysphoria.
Well, fuck me for needing support around the fact that there are a fuck ton of people in the world who want to make me into a forced incubator.
I literally have a uterus and can get pregnant.
My privilege ain't saving me from shit here.
I felt totally silenced and felt like I didn't know what to do because honestly, in my head, I was just so fucking angry.
I knew whatever I said next would be something I regret.
So I'd like to figure out beforehand how to respond to this kind of thing in a dignified manner, but I'm pretty fucking socially in that, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, yeah, you're mentally ill if you're trans.
Her male privilege.
Yeah.
So two guys in drag are talking about how important it is to have abortion rights, even though they have dicks.
They're yelling at a lesbian with a fake mustache who's sitting there going, I care about abortion.
And then they tell her to shut up because it's the ladies are talking.
Oh, Jesus.
The ladies with dicks are talking.
So shut up, dude, with a vagina.
It's almost like a little puzzle, these fucking things.
I don't have the capacity in my brain to digest that.
Here's another one.
Is it transphobic that I'm happy my boyfriend is AFAP?
Now, I had to look this up.
What the fuck is that?
It's assigned female at birth.
So me and my boyfriend who has a vagina, right?
So this is like Gigi Gorgeous.
Is it transphobic that I'm happy my boyfriend?
So just basically, let's just say, instead of my boyfriend is Afab, just say, my girlfriend.
Me and my girlfriend and both...
Wait, pull it up, Brian, and I'll speak it there.
You keep pulling up that Sylvia and her dog thing.
It's been pulled up 100 times now.
We got it.
Think about my baby.
Yes.
When I left it tonight, I never heard her.
She's 15 years old, April 12th.
She cried fiercely, and she wanted Gavin.
She recognized him as a true Republican.
She barked.
She wanted him to pick her up.
But she bit me when I went to touch her.
Well, because she doesn't know you.
She doesn't know if you're a Biden fan or a Trump fan.
Okay.
But she recognized me as a Republican and she knew me.
Yeah.
All right.
So let me, you can pull it up in the original format, and I'm going to translate it into English, okay?
So me and my girlfriend are both hypersexual, and we fuck a lot.
And because of this, I tend to think to myself, I'm happy that she's got a pussy for the sole reason that considering how much sex we have, he would have undoubtedly, she would have gotten me pregnant.
Oh, so it's just a lesbian.
So it's a lesbian saying, is it transphobic that I enjoy my lesbian relationship?
Lesbian.
Here, you can't buy condoms until you're 18, so that wouldn't have been an option.
The pill isn't either.
I've shared this with her, and she agrees with me saying it would have been a mess.
But I'm starting to think this is a transphobic mindset.
I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ.
Where in the world can't you buy a condom until you're 18?
Yeah, Salt Lake City, maybe?
Everywhere.
They're impossible to avoid.
All right, let's take a call.
Have there been any $100 super chats I haven't read?
I will check.
So far we have Daniel on the line, 260.
You're on the line.
What's up, Daniel 260?
Hey, dude, I just wanted to say your superware can only rust if you have a well.
Hard water.
Hard water.
You know who has a well?
Who?
Nobody.
I do.
You get 100% of your water from your own well?
Yes, I do.
Okay, you're a freak.
I grew up with well water.
You should be in Ripley's, believe it or not.
That's fucking rare.
I think your house upstate probably had a well.
Well, maybe a well for like the entire street.
It's not uncommon.
It's very common.
Yeah, but I grew up in the city, and I never had rusty silverware.
So there's something with the city water.
Huh.
Well, it's got a ton of chlorine in it.
Got fluoride and shit.
Yeah.
Got fucking fluoride.
That's one thing I don't agree with.
What?
Go ahead.
There's fucking fluoride in the water.
It's turned the frogs gate.
Yeah, good.
There is some fluoride in Britain and Japan's water, and their teeth make homeless people look like they're in an ad for Kogate.
Thanks for calling, buddy.
Turns the frogs gate.
Yeah, a toast to baby monsters.
Here's to each one of you finding a wife that will look you straight in the face and ask, so what?
Who's John Floyd?
As did mine during the peak melee of the 2020 BLM riots.
John Floyd.
John Floyd.
Wait, we should make shirts.
Oh my God.
Can we make tribute shirts that say it's like the graffiti, you know, hood tribute shirts?
It's a John Floyd, but it's his face.
Yeah, you know what would be funny?
You have a George Floyd shirt.
It says R.A.P. John Floyd.
And then people come up to you and like, what the fuck, man?
And you go, what's the matter?
They go, it's George Floyd, motherfucker.
And you go, oh, my God, I had...
I can't believe I didn't notice that.
Holy shit.
Dude, that would be awesome.
I tried Sylv's sex advice.
It didn't go great.
Sylvia, we have a super chat here.
Someone called in.
They said they've tried your sex advice since we started the show.
I guess they sucked on some toes.
And they said it didn't go great.
Well, they didn't do it right.
In the ear?
They didn't do it well.
They tried the dick on the throat, dick in the ear.
You got to get the feeling.
You got to get the mood.
And you've got to do light touching, very not rough touching, like you're grabbing a piece of meat.
You do light strokes.
That is probably what happened.
He didn't do light enough strokes.
Like you're stroking a pussycat or your dog or your favorite doll when you were a little kid.
Or if you were a boy, your Superman doll.
So you should touch a woman's body, her tits and everything, the same way you would touch a Superman doll.
Yeah, lightly.
Light strokes, like you're painting.
Light strokes.
Light.
Light and caressing.
There you go.
Gently touch the Superman cape smoothly with your fingertips.
Go get Lex Luthor, Superman.
Light strokes.
Save Lois Lane.
Very essential.
Lois Lane is dying.
It works.
Hey, Gavin, Ryan, Maddie, and Sill.
On Jacob's most recent show, he's talking, of course, of Jacob Wall, he implied that men who make sexual innuendo jokes with another are likely closeted gay men.
Uh-oh, that's about 88% of my jokes.
14% to 88% of my jokes.
Sexual innuendo jokes.
Do you have any other shows on your network hosted by very straight guys who work out shirtless on OnlyFans for hundreds of gay men?
Ryan, you should do that.
I should.
Dude, you would get tons of money.
On my cameo, you could ask me to do whatever.
Wink, wink.
How many cameos have you done?
Twink, twink?
I've done, I want to say 80 or 60.
And how much do you get per one?
Cameo takes a cut, so I get about fucking I set it at 30.
The price is 30, so I probably get like 26 or something like that.
And then if people buy it on the app, it takes $10 away from that, so $16.
So that sucks.
How do they not buy it on the app?
Just go to the actual site, like even on your phone or something like that.
Just look up the website and do it.
Okay, so I only care about how much you gross.
So 30 times, what would you say, 65?
1950.
I've done 69.
So I've made $1,900.
You made about two grand?
$1,900?
And it's really all thanks to you.
I don't think people would have known me, obviously, if it wasn't for you.
But remember when I guess-hosted your show?
I got like 2,000 followers that day on my original Twitter.
Well, really back.
That's funny.
It's funny that you got 2,000 followers because I got zero cares.
And yeah, and that.
Fucks given zero.
That was rude.
He adds, there's a swamp behind my local truck stop, and I was thinking of letting truckers shoot scorching hot ropes of calm into the bog while admiring my asshole to make up for telling me my friend he was a hottie.
That's funny.
Who's this?
We have Laura on the line.
Oh, wait, we got a caller here.
Mercedes.
Oh.
Sorry, Laura, put you back on hold.
An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
This call is not private.
It will be recorded and may be monitored.
If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
To accept this free call, press 1 to refuse the thank you for using Securis.
You may start the conversation now.
Hey, Mercedes, you're on the air.
Oh, fantastic.
Hi, everybody.
How are you doing?
I'm in jail.
I know.
It's such a generic question that we all ask to each other every day, but when someone is in prison, I feel so stupid saying it.
But what are you supposed to say?
Well, I'm here.
I am alive.
And I'm in this fantastic facility that is evidently 48 mattresses short.
That's a lot of mattresses.
Yeah, so one must one go, and then they don't have cleaner.
Yeah, they're sort of cleaners.
When you say cleaner, you mean what?
Like to mop the floors and wash the walls?
Yeah, cleaner to mop the floor, cleaner to clean the clothes.
Yeah, these are things that I was informed of by a sergeant.
Wow.
What did you have for dinner?
I mean, for breakfast this morning?
A piece of bread and some peanut butter.
And then water, or what did you drink?
They gave us milk.
Yeah.
And what did you have for lunch?
Well, you know what?
I'm actually foiled because I'm on the kosher diet.
Oh, you converted to Judaism?
Well, I'm a Jew.
I'm ethnically a Jew.
I never knew that.
I told you this like 10 times.
And then you always say, I never knew that.
This is the thing that always happens.
I keep unknowing this fact.
Yes.
Because I don't want it to be true.
I always thought of you as a spic.
I am a spic.
I'm a Jewish Spic.
Oh.
A chick.
I'm a Murano.
I'm a Marano.
Oh.
The people are Portuguese Jews that came over to the islands, the slave traders, actually, as you must know.
Okay.
What'd you have for dinner?
A turkey sandwich.
Again, because I'm spoiled.
Everybody else gets balanced.
And are you left hungry after this?
I mean, is it enough to fill you up?
You know what?
It's enough for me because I wear size small scrubs, but I would imagine the men are kind of hungry.
And the fat souls must be going nuts.
Well, you know what?
That's why they eat ramen noodles every day.
Right.
They fill up with the carbs and the ramen.
Yeah.
Well, you know what's interesting, though, is the men tend to leave jail either fat sos or really fit, but the women tend to leave quite large.
Oh, really?
Women get fatter in prison.
Yeah, unless they have really, really great self-control, like I do.
Do you get to exercise?
I mean, only if you choose to.
The men do.
Wait, why do you keep talking about the men like you're in some sort of co-ed jail?
No, I just happen to know what the men's behaviors are because they will write about it.
Okay, but there's no men around you for 100 miles.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
It's funny that our relationship, you know, I had you on the show as a porn star five years ago.
So our whole dialogue was always very sexual back and forth about various sexual details.
And now that you're in prison, we've never discussed anything remotely sexual since you got in there.
It's always like China, Russia's goal globally, the mathematics of Chinese characters.
There's nothing sexy in here.
Oh my God.
Like, you know what?
You want to actually become an absolute aesthetic?
You want to actually become celibate for the rest of your life?
Like, I have been a celibate for the last three years, however many months I've been here.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Yeah, this is not the place for sexual activity, I promise you.
Okay, before we go, we've got to wrap it up here.
What's your latest political theory?
My latest?
What are you obsessed with these days?
Ukraine?
Oh, God, you're really putting me on the spot here.
Well, every time we talk, you've got some overarching theory about JFK or 9-11 was orchestrated by Russians.
Johnson did JFK.
Pick that one.
Yeah, I think that's a good theory.
In fact, Roger Stone wrote a book on it.
Oh, there you go.
See?
Roger Stone is right.
Wait, I was supposed to send you something.
Fuck, I totally spaced on that.
What was I supposed to send you?
Same picture.
Oh, yeah, a picture.
Send me a picture.
There's something sexy.
I'm going to get off the gown in my jail cell.
All right.
Thanks for calling.
Keep in touch.
All right.
Love you, Bob.
Bye-bye.
Now that she doesn't talk sex anymore, she believes in none of this and none of that.
I noticed some baby monsters were mad that we have her on the show because of her heinous accusations that she molested her daughter, which, of course, we would want her dead if she did it.
You think she did?
No.
The only evidence they have is a heavily influenced interview with their daughter that was put on by her born-again Christian dad who was trying to get custody.
And then they go, well, there was proof.
There was paraphernalia at her house.
There was cameras pointing to the bed.
Yeah, she's a pornster.
They all have cameras pointing to their bed.
That's what they do.
It's well documented.
You know, it's a sad fact.
Parents that want custody of the child, men and women, the first thing they say is the child was raped or molested.
That's how evil people could get over custody.
Yeah, I think that happened to Woody Allen.
I mean, he's a creep for dating Sun Yi or whatever her name is, but I don't think he touched that other chick.
Chick.
Child.
There's no cure for rapos.
There's no cure for pedopaws.
Centuries ago, if men were rapos, they had them as eunuchs watching the princesses and the slave girls.
They cut off their nuts.
They desec them.
Sounds good to me.
You know, I've hung out with Mercedes and her husband a bunch of times.
They're not a very sexual couple.
Like, I talk about sex way more.
Sylvia and I talk about sex way more than they talk about sex.
It's not really their thing.
They're more into like politics and conspiracies and Russians and Chinese and Islam and what's happening to the West and all that kind of subject.
Why'd she go to jail?
Because she's in a custody battle with her husband, ex-husband.
He got the kid to say that all this horrible stuff went on.
They took that interview, they threw her in jail.
She hasn't been to the judge.
Her trial hasn't begun.
It's been three years she's been waiting for her trial.
She's dying to go to trial.
They took all the hard drives in her house and went through them all.
Nothing remotely kiddy anywhere.
What state?
California.
Oh, no wonder.
San Bernardino.
Fontana County.
Okay, let's do another letter before.
Don't we have someone on hold?
Yes.
Laura.
Laura.
Laura.
Laurie.
You're on the line.
Laura.
You're online.
You're online, Laura.
Laura.
Hello, Laura.
Oh, maybe it's not Laura.
Hey, how you doing, dude?
614, you're online.
Oh, 614?
Hello?
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Yes, I can.
How are you?
Good.
Are you in Australia?
I am.
Right on.
How's it going?
What was I going to say?
Who have you been getting into the Australian music scene?
Oh, we never stopped, man.
Australia's been on fire for like five years.
I know, I know.
We're producing good music for a shitty little country like ours.
The chats and that chick, that Mick Jagger chick with the moves.
What's her name again?
Ammon and the Sniffers.
Oh, Amo and the Sniffers.
Yeah, fantastic.
So much good shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I've got another recommendation.
They're called hiatus coyote.
One more time?
Give them a look.
Hiatus Coyote?
Hiatus Coyote.
That sounds familiar.
I think the Australian, I don't want to call it punk, but like bare bones rock scene, yeah, punk scene, whatever, is as good as like London in 1977 or New York in 1977.
We have these things called the Sharpies.
Oh, remember the Sharpies?
Those weird skinheads back in the 70s.
Yeah.
No, this music scene right now is way better than Sharpies days.
This is fucking exciting.
You're going through a renaissance.
Yeah, no, no, it's good.
Good live scene.
The other video I was going to recommend, Mark McGowan is a WA Premier, and he had a video telling all the Aboriginals to get jabbed.
And he's translating Aboriginal.
Yeah, we showed it on the show, dude.
Thanks for calling.
We never should ever give callers two things.
Ha ha.
Every single time.
Thank you for calling.
Thank you for calling.
Every time callers get two things, the second thing sucks.
He spent $50 on the call because he's been on...
How do you spend $50 on a call?
International Gabbin.
Oh, shit.
Sorry, Mike.
But their money goes backwards there, so it doesn't matter.
But let's go back to the hiatus monkey.
No videos?
Sounds like Nope Yup.
Kind of reminds me of Kid Koala, or what was that other guy?
DJ Kidd from the early odds.
There's a music video by them.
Australia is going through a musical renaissance that puts punk to shame.
Okay, I hope that pays for his 50 bucks.
Yeah.
We're down the last 10 minutes of the show, guys.
We got another caller, 610 on the line.
Yellow, 610, you're on the line.
Bugging, hey.
Go ahead, 610.
Kevin.
Yeah.
Hey, man.
I had a theory about this.
Everyone's freaking about having to cross state lines or whatever to get abortions.
Like, you know.
God forbid you should have to go on a road trip.
Well, here's what I think it is.
Like, I know you're retarded when it comes to guns and gun laws and stuff.
But the gun laws that they've set up in this country as far as from state to state, especially with handguns, it's like almost impossible.
If you live in Pennsylvania and you travel to Virginia and you want to buy a handgun, you can't just buy a handgun in Virginia and then take it back across state borders.
You have to fill out, you have to have them send it back over to your state with an SSL and then pass a background check back in your state.
Like they make all these crazy loopholes, or not, I'm sorry, not loopholes, all these crazy rules if you want to try to do it.
They purposely make it difficult to do.
So I think all these libs are like, hey, wait a minute, are we going to do to abortions the same thing that we've done to gun rights?
Because if we are, it's going to be really hard to do.
Right.
Well, they also say, look, just because you ban abortions doesn't mean it's going to stop abortions.
And we're like, yeah, that's what we've been screaming about guns.
But I used to have a place up in Berryville, New York that was right by New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and New York, all within a mile.
You get a handgun in Pennsylvania pretty darn easy.
You got a driver's license, you go in there, and it's yours.
You fucking take a wrong turn off of the 17 and you end up in New York or New Jersey with your handgun.
You're looking at five years.
Jersey would be the same.
Oh, dude, I live outside of Philly and I know a guy and I've done this.
There's a wrong turn you can make going into Philadelphia where you end up on a bridge heading into New Jersey and there's no turning around.
A friend of mine, he had a Glock 19 with 15 rounds in it.
Got on the bridge, was like freaking out.
He's like, oh my gosh, I'm going to New Jersey because you can't take a gun from Philly to New Jersey.
That's against the law.
So he's speeding to get out of there.
He wants to get off the first on-ramp to get off and turn around.
Cops pull him over.
I think it was a mandatory 10 years plus a dollar for every hollow point, but he pled out.
He pled out to a year basically for a moving violation that they caught a gun on him for.
It's ridiculous.
And it's this.
So, how did they find the gun?
You know, he was probably stupid enough to admit to it.
Yeah.
I never got hit.
10 fucking years for a long turn.
If he was on the bridge and could not get off to the first exit to go back into Pennsylvania, that would have to be the biggest dick cop in the world.
Say, listen, I got on the bridge.
I didn't realize I had my gun on me.
I'm trying to get back over and turn around and come back in.
It's the first exit.
Like, for a cop to arrest you for that, that's got to happen.
And for a judge to hit the gavel, but the law still exists.
It's just because you're in a disturbance.
You can say what you want about the cops, but yeah, if they want to follow the law, which, you know, most of the times you want the cops to follow the law to a T. It's when they start not following the laws when things get weird.
This is the whole problem, too.
The reason we have a federal government is because states got sick of shit like this.
But here's the best of it.
Where one state has to follow these rules, and it gets hampered by that, and the state right next door gets to prosper and not follow all these dumb EPA rules.
And then they go, okay, let's make all the rules the same, but they don't do it with guns.
And when we threaten to do it with abortion, everyone shits their pants.
There's constitutional carry laws in 24 states.
24 states put forth.
Meanwhile, constitutional carry is supposed to be federal.
Yes.
It's the opposite.
Abortion is now going through what gun rights have been going through for decades.
It should be a federal regulation, but they've let the states handle it.
And it's a big fucking mess now because the states have been handling who can carry guns and who can't for a long time.
And now abortion is going to have the same kind of thing.
Anyway, I love you all.
Fuck you.
Affiliate.
Love you, man.
The abortion bill got knocked down.
Shot down.
Didn't pass.
But was it even done?
I thought what leaked was them thinking about it.
No, it's got shut down.
Joe Manchin from West Virginia sided with the GOP.
It was 5149.
It's over.
It's over.
Nothing happened.
Nothing overturned.
He's fucking.
Now, they're trying to pass H.R. 28, which is if you're legally allowed to carry a gun in one state, it should be honored in all 50 states.
That'll probably never see the light of day.
But 24 states already have passed what they call H.R., I mean, constitutional carry.
Anyone over the age of 21 years old can carry a gun concealed, unconcealed, whatever you want to do.
Well, it has the word constitution in it.
Yeah, constitutional carry.
It should be the normal.
Because your right to bear arms shall not be infringed.
Yeah, it's a God-given right.
Yeah.
Pretty much inalienable.
Except for somebody who's multiple violent felon.
Wow.
I didn't even know.
Who does that apply to the people?
I don't even know the rule with those scumbags, to be honest.
Those guys don't follow the rules, so none of it applies.
Because the deal is, you did your crime, you did your time, you should be absolved.
100%.
You're back into society.
Like when the kids are bad, they get a timeout in the corner.
They're now normal kids again.
100%.
You face the corner for five minutes, you're good.
I've been rehabilitated.
Yeah.
If you slack off at work so much, you agree you should be fired, but instead get promoted, should you quit because you're working for clowns?
No.
Have fun.
Enjoy yourself, dude.
The time you need to avoid working at work, it's easier just to do the job, usually.
Yeah, the time would go by so slowly.
It's more trying to occupy your time when doing nothing.
Yeah, but this guy is doing it and having a great time, and he got a raise.
Do it, dude.
Have you not seen the movie Office Space?
It's a great way to live.
That's a big fuck you because you're just taking their money and you're like, all right, you fucking idiots.
Or just wear a MAGA hat if you really want to get quitting.
Or maybe you're more talented than you know.
With quitting, too, I always say, don't jump off a train if there's not another train next to it.
Jump off the train onto the other train and then ride that train.
Don't quit unless you got something set up or you're going to go broke.
Polaris is another good Australian band.
It's so many fucking amazing bands out of Australia.
It's amazing.
What's that?
Ryan, can we get a Jordan Peterson?
Yeah, you absolutely can.
But I would totally prefer if you went to cameo.com.
Oh, now you're taking away from the show so you can make your own money on the show.
No, but you could have me say it to you.
Wish you happy birthday, for instance.
Don't try to scoop the show.
Show your Jordan Peterson face.
So right now, I have such little memory on the computer, I have to figure out, I'm probably going to have to do a restart, but it will not load the thing.
There's not enough memory on the computer.
See, this is what I'm worried about in Orlando.
You should probably go to Orlando tomorrow and start working on this technology so we get what we want.
Well, I am going to be there this weekend for Creative Clash.
Well, pop by the venue and talk to them.
Okay.
It's in Tampa.
Tampa's close to Orlando.
No.
It's not?
Nowhere near it.
Oh, fuck.
Never mind.
Why would you say that?
Because I know friends that live there and they were like, it's close enough to go.
Tampa's on the Gulf of Mexico.
Oh.
Orlando's in the center of the state.
Yeah, it's close enough to go, meaning we'll drive for five hours.
I'll drive for five hours.
I wonder how ticket sales are doing with this show.
Is there a way to check, I wonder?
Yeah, she's going to tell us on Monday.
Okay, so Monday.
Bam, there you go.
Why'd you take the QR code?
Yeah, there we go.
Put that back up.
So I don't know if you can scan it on.
If it sells out, we'll do two shows.
Oh.
And then if it really sells out, we'll do a bunch.
Like we'll do Chicago, we'll do LA.
Although LA, can you imagine the fucking Antifa lunatics, how mad they'd be?
But maybe we could do no, not Oakland, San Diego.
Maybe Northern California, Big Sur or something?
I heard some good things about San Diego.
Wait, what's that?
Al Cajon, but Orange County?
Isn't there like a MAGA part near LA?
We knew one guy who was a little bit more.
There was a fight on a beach.
Remember that?
Is it Huntington Beach?
Something like that?
Something like that.
Maybe we could do that.
All right, we've got fucking seconds left.
Seconds.
I think we have time for one more call.
Okay.
It's 10.57.
We have three minutes left.
Okay.
Here's a letter I wanted to read.
I don't know why.
Hold on a sec, caller.
Government, my wife and I take care of her 91-year-old grandma in Utah.
She's from Ohio and will be visiting in June.
Her ID has expired, and we tried to get one here in Utah so she can fly.
They won't accept her old ID as proof, along with bills and mail.
They told us they need her original birth certificate, not a copy.
She's fucking 91 years old.
Who did I think?
Well, it's not her original.
It's just a certified copy from where she was born.
Oh, okay.
You'd have to find out where she was born and go to the court clerk.
Yikes.
And they will give you a new one that's got a barcode and a stamp.
And then Bose.
Pain in the ass, but especially if she's born out of state.
This is their policy, and they won't change it for anyone.
I lost my mind on these people.
I may never be welcome with that DMV again.
Maybe you're wrong, dude.
Maybe it's just, I'm not saying you're wrong, Maddie.
I'm saying the writer is wrong.
And maybe it's just a matter of fucking working a little harder there, pal.
Sorry.
All right.
Final call for the show.
John, 979, you're on the line.
What's going on, John?
What's up, Johnny?
Can you hear me?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, man.
Up until about a year ago, I pretty much disassociated myself with social media for probably about two, three years.
And well, anyway, I went to rehab and everything, and I came out.
And so I started with Instagram and shit like that.
And all this stuff, man, this war on white people is fucking starting to make me one racist motherfucker.
And I try not to be.
I really try not to be, but dude, there's this guy named Charleston White on, I see him on fucking YouTube and Instagram.
He talks all this fucking shit.
And I mean, if a white dude was to even say a quarter of what he said, he'd be put on a fucking no-fly list.
It just fucking irritates the fuck out of my ass.
Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
Exactly.
So what's this guy's deal?
There's so many black rap dudes who are political and they want to create a black state.
If whites wanted to create a white fucking restaurant, they would be annihilated.
Anyway, sir, you're opening a Pandora's box at the very end of the show, but that's a good point.
Thanks for calling.
I remember Roger Ailes, when I was at Fox, he said that.
He said, just anytime there's a confusing situation, just reverse the races and see how outrageous it is.
And I think that's a good gauge on how inequitable, how unegalitarian we've become.
But that's time for another show.
We'll actually be discussing that tomorrow as we look at nationalism when it relates to whites, blacks, and browns and how the government and the media treat those three different groups from the proud boys to the not fucking around coalition and why do they treat them differently.
Hint, one group is Marxist, the other is not.
At any rate, that's for tomorrow.
Thank you for tuning in.
I'd like to thank my Gumar and Sylvia.
It's a pleasure always.
We're so glad to have you back.
So happy to be back with you wonderful guys.
Glad to see you in good health.
We'd like to thank my co-host, Maddie Odell.
The great chef.
And of course, we wouldn't have a show without our very own shit show.
That's me.
Brian, the great cameraman.
The great Filipino.
Yeah.
Filipino.
So, without further ado, get fired, get in trouble, be brave.