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May 13, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:10:41
GOML LIVE #148 - SHITSHOW (Part 1)

Ryan gets a new nickname and Sylvia is back from the hospital and ready to talk dirty! ALL FREE CONTENT WILL NOW BE AVAILABLE AT CENSORED.TV

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Time Text
We got some buffering.
You gonna take me home?
I already know the title of the show.
Shit show.
I'm writing it down right now.
Shit show.
It's been a shit show, and we haven't even started yet.
We lost the Bobby Lee's there with their song Radiator.
What do you say, Radiator or Radiator?
Radiator.
You say Radiator?
Radiator.
Rad.
I got my wrong glasses on.
Hold on.
Mike Prague.
Prague.
Glasses from my office, Maddie?
Gotcha.
We had our TriCaster crash.
We did.
We were having buffering problems.
The Bobby Lee's aren't coming out.
Don't get your hopes up, folks.
This show is going to suck.
But there is a silver fox providing a silver lining to the show, which is Sylvia.
Sylvia's back, folks.
I'm back.
Woo!
She looks like a little embryo there in some sort of Arctic igloo.
How are you feeling, my dear?
I feel on top of the world.
No pain at all?
Zero pain.
Zero pain.
Really?
Because you said even like two days ago, you still had a bit of pain.
Yeah, two days ago, I was in pain.
When I think about Biden, I get into a great deal of pain.
Wow.
So we haven't seen you in two months because you fell and broke your hip.
Is that correct?
I fractured my hip.
Okay.
And they didn't give you a new hip.
They just, what, stitched it up?
They stapled it back together again.
And now you're fine.
Yeah, I'm good.
Good to go.
Well, we're very happy to have you back.
And of course, the 50% of Get Off My Lawn Live, Maddie Odell.
What's going on, everybody?
Good to see you.
I would say Maddie Odell is 50% of the show.
I'm 50% of the show.
Ryan is like 10%.
And then Sylvia is like 38%.
That's over 100%.
I do Dr. Joe Biden math.
So you know the way this show goes.
We do live chats where we send all the money to Max and John.
They're going to get out in less than a year now.
And when they get out, we'd like them to have some scratch.
Nice.
So I'm hoping to give them like, I'm committed to spending $100,000 on Max and John, but I'm going to deduct all the money we've raised.
So $100 total, everything I've paid for lawyers and everything.
So I'm guessing I'm up to 50.
I want to raise another 50, so that's 25 each over the course of the next year.
We also make the first half hour or so live, and then we go behind the paywall.
So sponsors pay for this, so everyone in the world can see it for free.
We put it on what, Bumble?
We put it on BitChute, but soon, actually after this episode and going forward, they're all going to be available on censored TV for free.
Oh, right, right, right.
Which is weird because people can't promote it.
You can't send a censored.tv link because the word itself, the URL itself is banned.
Already starting with the shit show, Ryan, you should have the QR code here for our live show in Orlando on Saturday, June 25th.
We'll announce the venue day of.
People are asking me, can I go?
Wait, does that work?
Tinyurl.com censored live?
Yes, you can make.
I didn't know you could do that.
You can make it whatever you want to make it.
Damn.
Not a maiden.
We make him sound retarded.
Well, he doesn't sound not retarded.
And then at the top, look at the top left of that screen.
You could QR the show.
See, the problem with this QR code is people are watching it on their phone.
But if you're watching it on someone else's phone, maybe your girlfriend can grab the phone.
Yeah, get a friend.
Digimon.
There's a letter someone sent from Paris, and they go, we are from France, and we want to come to Orlando to see your show.
But we have a six-month-old.
Will he be able to come to the event?
Yeah, but don't bring a...
What?
Don't come.
It's going to be hot.
You're bringing it.
It's hot.
I don't know.
You don't bring a six-month-old on a plane to go see a fucking show.
What are you bad parents?
Plus, he'll grow up racist if he comes to this show.
It's true.
Hope starts in the womb.
Bigotry starts in the womb.
Sylvia, when did you become a racist?
A racist?
The only thing I ever raced for was potato pancakes.
I'm not a racist.
I love everyone.
I don't care what color you are.
You did marry five blacks.
Right?
Racist is an ugly disease.
It's a disease.
A disease of observation.
I grew up with everybody.
Why can't I hear her very well?
Is she coming through the?
You put her through the speaker.
Keep talking there?
Well, she doesn't have to come through the speaker.
Well, actually, she does.
Go ahead.
But she's definitely going on tape, right?
Do you mind saying something, hun?
Yeah, it was the same issue with Tim the other day.
He's slow, but he was on.
Sylvia, count to 10, please.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Who put a quarter in you?
You really sprung to life.
I should be coming through.
Yeah.
Okay.
Also, we are advertising our new awesome shirts.
I've been working with the cartoonist who did this for months on these, getting everything perfect.
I don't break for queefs.
And the great thing about it is it's elusive.
So it's not like people see it and go, oh, there's a gentleman who, while he's fornicating in an air pocket, gets caught in his partner's vagina, he doesn't discontinue the intercourse.
They just see a truck and they don't get it.
It's up to you to explain.
And look at this.
Bag of Coke.
The apostrophe on the don't is a can of bud.
We've got a bong floating in the air.
There's boobies there.
The rat fank dude's hat says BM, baby monster.
Sprockets, smoke.
I think we should make this into posters.
It's really good.
I wouldn't recommend flying Delta Airlines with it on, though.
No.
Well, that's just it.
The captain wouldn't get it.
You're not going to have some flight attendant going, I queef.
You got a problem with our queefs?
You don't break for them?
But it's pro-Qeef.
It's like, I don't see your queefs as an issue.
Nope.
Big Kimmy, the girl I lost my virginity to, she was totally ostracized at our school, Bell's Corners Public School, when we were little kids because everyone thought she farted.
But she was closing her pencil case and was like, very thick, sort of, whatever you call the zippers.
But the things on the zipper, whatever you call those.
Teeth.
Yeah, the zipper teeth were so big that it went nice.
Poor Kimmy.
She had a rough life.
So, yeah, the Bobby Lee's, to go back to the beginning of the show, a band from Woodstock, New York, fantastic band in the vein of Black Lips and all those awesome bands.
How do you, it's amazing to me that there are still new great bands.
Like listen to these guys, it's sort of like painting.
Like, how are there still people painting and it's good to look at?
She'd make a good wife.
I think HR for the fabric is a good thing.
Let's also get down to our sponsors.
We're sponsored by Silk City Hot Sauce.
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The sauce is called G-Sauce.
I don't know how can they have it for sale already.
I haven't even sent them a picture of myself looking red.
They're that good.
Produced by Silk City BBQ, and we're going to be giving away some sauce.
These guys work directly with a big farm in southern Vermont that grow a variety of hot peppers exclusively for them.
There's several flavors to choose from.
Here's a taste of what you'll see.
If you want to pull that up there, Ryan, erotic fever, fire-roasted habanero with maple syrup, killer hot.
Now, a lot of people will see erotic fever and they'll think, this is a sexual sauce.
I should put it on my genitalia when I fornicate.
Do not do that.
Do not warning.
Don't try this at home.
And that's just the name of it.
It's called erotic fever.
It's not meant to be incorporated into your sexual stuff.
It'll burn your genitals.
It'll burn your genitals.
It can burn a woman's penis.
It can burn a man's vagina.
That's right.
2022 burns.
I got 2022 burns.
That's a great rap.
Habanero and ghost pepper blend with honey badass jew.
I don't know what that means.
That's Aaron Berg's fucking.
Oh, Aaron Berg has a sauce with these guys.
Yes.
And what happens is the hot sauce gets an opportunity to leave your sauce.
You look like you're four feet tall.
Sorry, I ruined your joke.
I said, the hot sauce finds a better opportunity than leaves your house.
Oh, okay.
But it's just, I'm just kidding.
Nobody knows who Aaron Berg is, Ryan.
Aaron Berg recently left his show with Gino Biscante on Compound Media, which is Anthony Cumia of Opi and Anthony's Network.
Anthony, I mean, Gina was very upset.
I don't know if you saw, but because apparently Aaron has a clean bill of health, but before he said, I'm leaving the show, big reason, open heart surgery.
And then Gina was like, nobody recovers that fast, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, he's really mad.
Aaron implied he was dying.
He was like, I prayed for him.
So there's dramas there.
And you could watch Gavin.
It's a shitty thing to do, but I have an announcement to make.
I'm getting open heart surgery.
Are you serious?
Best case scenario is stint, probably open heart surgery.
And I talked to the doctor there, and I said, What do we do?
He goes, you need a heart transplant.
And I said, what the fuck?
So I go on a waiting list?
And he goes, yes.
And I go, my friend Maddie's on a waiting list.
And he goes, yeah.
And he showed me the list.
And he said, here's Maddie and you're way down here.
And I said, what if I give you $100,000?
He crossed Maddie's name off the list.
Dude.
And then in Crayon, wrote my name where Maddie's was.
Nice.
And I took his place.
That's not nice, Maddie.
I asked the doctor one time, I said, what if I can get a heart?
Right, right.
No questions asked.
He just looked at me like, I was like, I was just saying.
Totally hypothetically.
B-Y-O-H.
Do we do that?
Dude, I feel like I'm making veteran jokes like false valor in front of a real veteran here.
When it comes to heart stuff.
You didn't make a heart joke.
I did.
Okay, that's true.
You're not good at life and thinking and existence and air and water.
As long as he's not mad at me.
There's several flavors to choose from.
Here's a taste of what you'll see.
Erotic fever, we mentioned that.
Killer hot.
Habanero and ghost pepper blend with honey.
Badass Jew, that's Aaron Bergs.
A green jalapeno sauce zipped up with habanero.
Jezebel.
The raspberry habanero sauce.
Hot syrup.
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Now, the thing I always say about our sponsors is these guys get flack.
Antifa harasses them.
They get threatened all the time for promoting this show, for sponsoring this show.
You need hot sauce.
You need it on your eggs.
You need it in your Bloody Mary.
So why not get the hot sauce from the guys who have the balls to support free speech?
Same with the coffee.
Same with every other necessity in your house.
Like I said before, I met an optometrist who was MAGA in the city, old mob dude.
I'm like, well, now I got my guy.
I got to get glasses.
So I'm going to get them from this guy.
Get your hot sauce from these guys.
They are, what did Biden say today?
Ultra MAGA?
Yeah.
And he called Trump the MAGA king.
Did he say king MAGA?
These insults are getting more and more true as his presidency goes on.
Like he said, these guys are going to try to take inflation.
I know you're angry about inflation.
He goes, I can taste it.
What?
You can taste my anger at inflation?
I don't recall sending any bodily fluids your way.
But he goes, he says, these MAGA parties are going to take that anger from the inflation that I can taste.
And they're going to try to mobilize that anger and make it, you know, show up at the polls, make it affect your vote.
And I'm like, yeah, that's exactly what we want to do.
And there's nothing smart about you, Joe.
That's what democracy is.
When you fuck up and inflation gets too high, people try to vote you out.
That's the deal.
These people are going to trick you.
They're going to try to say that because I'm doing a bad job, then I should go.
That's not how it works.
Never mind the fact that I suck.
I should get a reward.
I got a bone to pick for Fox News.
Years ago, if a reporter or journalist had a different view of the news than Fox News, it was okay.
They'd let it slide.
Nowadays, you got a different view of the news on Fox News and some of the other news channels, they buy you.
What the heck ever happened to free speech?
It's being murdered in this country.
Well, even Tucker Carlson, who I consider one step down from Jesus Christ, he won't go near Dinesh D'Souza's 2000 Mules thing.
Same with Newsmax.
They won't go near, and I think it might be because Dominion is so litigious.
But Newsmax, Tucker Carlson, will not go near Dinesh D'Souza's new movie, 2000 Mules.
Which I have yet to see.
You know, everybody talks like they've got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips.
Just a bunch of gibberish.
They act like they forgot about Dre.
You are ruining my sleep at night.
Donald, you plagiarized that.
What do you mean?
You didn't make that up.
It's a rap.
You just said a rap lyric like you made it up.
Set a rap lyric.
That doesn't sound familiar to me, but what does is that you guys forgot about Dre.
Really, in a big way.
If you look at it, you've forgotten about Dre.
The man might sue you.
Nowadays, everybody want to talk like they got something to say.
I think Trey's gay, by the way.
Yeah, I've heard that.
That's clear, right?
Why are you wearing a Yankees hat on a Mets show?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Tomorrow, my first concert at Madison Square Garden will be Limp Biscuits.
Yeah, so I'm wearing the red hat.
I got it today.
Are Limp Biscuit Yankees fans?
But that was just, I don't know.
That's a good question, but he wore this hat, the Yankees hat.
So I don't think he's from.
I'm sure it was a Yankees hat?
It was backwards.
No one ever saw what was on the front of it.
Oh, it was a Yanker.
It was a Yanker.
So you're going to see Limp Biscuit.
Who else is going to be there?
Jane's Addiction?
No, no.
Maybe it's a whole festival.
What do you got?
Early Jane, late Chains, Peppers and Rage.
No, no, just Limp Biscuit.
And it may be an opening act.
Bam.
Boom.
Yankee hat.
It was backwards, but he's got it forward sometimes.
Limp Biscuit really got blamed for that 90, what was it, 99 Woodstock Rape Festival where it was just fucking absolute chaos.
Yeah, when they played break stuff.
Yeah, give me something to break.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then they had bonfires.
My wife was watching a documentary about that Woodstock.
I've kind of had forgotten about it.
You know that the Port-a-Potty's all overflowed.
So when you see those people dancing around in mud, it's shit mud.
My mom went there for one day.
I tried to ask her about it right after we had watched it.
Oh my god, you're so young that your mother was at 99 Woodstock.
Yes.
Not the old one.
She was too unborn to go to the first one.
She was 94, I believe.
Oh, 94.
So when were you born?
Wait, she might have went to 92 or 94?
When were you born, Ryan?
1989.
The year of our Lord.
No, that's called the year of the fag, at least with the Chinese calendar.
That's not true.
Yeah, it is.
It's like a character is like that.
I don't like to promote it.
It's a Chinese symbol that looks like a limp wrist.
I know.
Limp risk it.
Really?
I really hope I didn't.
Huh?
Didn't you call them that like one minute?
No, no, I'm limp risket because I'm a fag wearing their hat and they're limp biscuit because they're rad and they rule.
I made my own insult, essentially.
I made my own insult from scratch.
Homemade insults.
So yeah, we get the super chats where we give the money to Max and John.
I don't know how much money we've raised so far.
Maybe two grand or so?
We have a year to get to 25 to 50, really.
25 each.
And then we take phone calls and we talk to you.
And then we also take, wow, it's like an AMSRR.
M-N-S-L-B.
A-M-SR.
A-M-SR with Sylvia.
AMSMR.
Sylvia taking off her coat.
You can hear every molecule because she's sitting on the mic.
Hey, Sylvia.
If you're going to fart, make sure you fart on the mic so we hear it.
We need it, yes.
Oh, that's not allowed.
Jewish women don't fart.
Only Koyish girls fart.
Do you, so you never fart?
Never.
Do people...
That's unconstitutional.
I just realized, and this has nothing to do with Jewish or Goyam, I just realized I've never heard an old person fart.
Are you serious, really?
When they sneeze?
It's Fart City.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
I've heard plenty of, like, simultaneous farts with coughs and stuff.
Go to an old age home or a nursing home.
I'm sure they fart like crazy.
Oh, my God.
Will you ever go to a nursing home?
Stuck them there.
Will you ever end up at a nursing home?
Me, never.
I'd rather commit suicide.
But when your hip was being repaired, you weren't just at the hospital the entire time.
I was in a hospital, not a nursing home.
The whole time that was a hospital.
You were in a hospital for two months?
I was a month in the hospital, then a month in rehab.
Jeez.
And where was the rehab?
That's a hospital.
Jewish Sarah Newman rehab, where they have physical therapy.
They also have nursing homes.
Once you're in a nursing home, you can't get out.
So the Sarah Newman thing is a hospital.
Sarah Newman is not a hospital.
It's a rehab.
Rehabilitation.
Like, if you have an accident.
Okay, so it's not called a hospital, and it's not a nursing home.
It's not a hospital.
Because our good friend Joe Tonelli, a scam artist who grew up in New Rochelle, Marinac area, and pretended to be a nurse for many years.
If you look him up, you can see plenty of warnings, people saying, don't trust this guy.
He has been in an old folks' home for two months.
I think because he was on Medicaid.
They didn't want to keep paying for a room in the actual hospital.
So that's the same way that all those old people got COVID because there's some sort of paperwork somewhere that says, save money, stick them in an old folks' home.
And Como got away with it.
They didn't prosecute him because he didn't, yeah, he didn't go to jail, but his reputation is mud, and we're never going to see him again.
What did they say?
Lady Justice is blind.
Can you focus on Sylvia a little bit better here on today's shit show?
Do I focus on what?
The camera.
You seem a little blurry.
Oh, she's punched in a lot.
But let me see if I can.
I'm very upset with what's going down in this world.
Be more suspicious.
Not the world I grew up in.
In what sense?
The world I grew up in, there was justice.
There was respect for your elders.
There was respect for knowledge and education.
You know, Sylvia.
When they grew up, they knew they had to work for a living.
They didn't feel like owed them something.
They didn't go around with a chip on their shoulder.
They didn't do drugs.
The most they did to get hard was drink beer in the schoolyard.
Now, everyone talks these days about how racist everything is and how America hasn't progressed since the 50s and blah, blah, blah.
When you think of like South Bronx in the 60s and 70s, were we over, maybe not the 60s, but in the 70s in New York City, like did people talk about racism this much?
No, the 70s was great.
Everybody got along good.
There was no friggin' racism.
The only thing that I remember in the 60s, they started with black power, white power.
That's pure bullshit.
You know?
That's racist.
We're all the same.
People don't want to admit it.
We're all the same.
We're all made the same way.
One is not better than the other.
You might be smarter than the other.
You might have native intelligence, but nobody's better than somebody else.
If you think you do, you're digging a deep ditch for yourself.
You're going to wind up at the short end of the stick.
Little do you know.
Hoist it on your own.
Either that or hang out with people who are Democrats like Biden.
There you go.
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This background is wrong, shit show.
That's my new nickname for you, shit show.
That's pretty good.
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And again, they are veteran-owned and operator.
Beard Vet stands for the national anthem, but they kneel to the cross.
Did I say owned and operated?
Am I turning into Joe Biden where words just become a series of vowels?
You're owned and operated.
The chart of contributions help her brothers and sisters in uniform.
Who support them?
They support us.
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It's not a joke.
It's not a joke.
I can taste it.
You know what I feel like is hard?
Like coming up with an actual accurate, Joe Biden accurate Bidenism.
Like it would be like, you know, you get the soldiers out there, man.
One time I did salute.
Salute under the hot sun, right?
Salute under the hot sun.
Everybody.
They ordered arms.
Yeah, you're right.
Because the shit that comes out of his mouth is so alarmingly random.
Like what he was talking to those people in yesterday's episode, or sorry, Tuesday's episode, where he goes, Iraq 50 times, 48 times.
Yeah, every time you go.
Like, how are you going to riff that?
I don't know.
It's hard to come up with a true fucking Bidenism.
I think I got close.
Like, I could taste it.
I never would have come up with that.
No.
No.
Caller One and Caller Two tonight are getting a free gift pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team.
Right.
Thank you, Beard Vet.
Now, we did need a fashions last week, right?
Did we do them every second week?
I don't recall that we did, honestly, to be fair.
Okay.
Well, we might go past the half-hour mark and indulge.
How have you been doing, Maddie?
I'm all right.
Can't complain.
So today we saw you make toast.
Yes, yes, that was the episode that dropped today.
That was a viewer request.
Miles M wrote that in.
So we got to please the baby monsters.
And why did you choose margarine instead of butter?
Because if you're going to request toasts, you're going to get nothing but the best.
Yeah, you're not a gourmand if you're just asking how to make toast.
White wonder bread and margarine.
You know what I had in Nashville?
There was a fried bologna sandwich, and I was like, I've never had that before.
I'll try it.
And I got it, and it's just a BLT, but instead of B, it's fried bologna.
Dude, it was heaven on earth.
Especially on a night out drinking where you're like, I want salty, but I don't want to pig out, but I like a little oomph.
I've had a few fried bologna sandwiches.
Was it a BLT?
No, it was just bologna, cheese.
Well, when we were inside, It was just like a slice of bologna and meat and bread.
In the microwave.
It's a popular dish in receiving.
Maddie and I have both done time.
No need to get into the specifics of how much.
I don't think that's important.
Definitely not.
No.
That's a pissing contest.
Yeah.
That's petty.
Now that's how guys talk to one another.
What matters is that we're both ex-cons.
I found a rarity in the supermarket.
They stopped selling it.
Maybe they're racist.
I don't know.
Hebrew National Salami.
Now, Genoa Italian salami is great, but Hebrew National Jewish Salami makes it, puts it to shame.
It is dynamite.
And it was gone.
You could either on Jewish rye bread, or you could slice it up, make an omelet.
It is great.
And you couldn't find it.
I found it.
Okay, but I thought you were starting this out saying there's some sort of indication.
The stores don't have it anymore.
It's very hard to find.
Dude, we could do a whole show, dudette, on what harbingers of the decline of Western civilization can be located at the grocery store.
I looked for about an hour, three different stores, just trying to find beans.
Yeah.
Cowboy beans, England beans.
Now, as far as exotic Japanese beans and all kinds of fucking Hispanic beans, oh my God, there's entire sections of the grocery store.
But the original white beans, gone.
Hand-cut fries, done.
Erased from society.
Dude, they've been making things.
We should start marching around grocery stores with tiki torches saying you will not replace us.
Did you notice everything is smaller now?
Like it comes in like smaller packaging.
I noticed that with hot pockets, there's just two in a box.
I've noticed that with the co-hosts where the guy will be like five foot seven and he'll be dressed like Hans and Franz pump you up.
That was pretty funny.
What are you?
You know what you look like with your shirt tucked into your sweatpants?
You look like the most shit together guy at the Mental Institution.
Where you're like, oh, don't worry, I'll clean it up.
And you like, you volunteer.
I mean, you're blurry, obviously.
The base of your microphone shaft is perfectly crisp, but everything else is blurry.
And you look like the guy who some of the, whatever you call them, interns, the guys who work at the mental institution, they're like, why is he even here?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He seems like he has it together.
The orderlies?
Then you like start losing.
He looks like a bouncer.
He like beats the shit out of a fridge.
He looks like a bouncer.
Thank you.
A bouncer in fucking Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, maybe.
Hey, excuse me, Veruka.
Mrs. Salt, Ms. Faruka, you cannot have whatever you want.
You cannot buy an oompa loompa.
So you're out of here.
Okay, so it's the half-hour mark.
Sometimes I feel like we should allow the freeloaders just to take a dip.
You want to give them the whole thing?
What do you mean, the whole first hour?
Yeah.
No, suck my balls.
Dry.
You know, I had sex with my wife this morning, and we did it in the living room where there's a bookshelf.
And I started reading the titles to buy myself time.
Nice.
But from her perspective, it must have been weird because it started out like, oh, yeah, because it's been a while.
The barber, my barber, was like, you people that are married, you have pizza every night.
I get pizza one night, but a good one night.
I get steak one night.
I have different, all my bitches.
I'd mix it up.
I'm like, dude, I don't get pizza every night.
When I get pizza, I devour it because it's the only food and it's rare.
I'm in a desert.
Anyway.
I don't even get Pizza Friday shit.
I got Pizza August.
That was funny.
I know.
I'm just cool.
So the beginning, I'm like, oh, yeah, all fuck feels so good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I look over the bookshelf and start my new technique.
So all of a sudden, it goes, I'm like, oh, yeah, and I'm just reading.
But it worked.
I think it bought me 30 seconds.
Nice.
Maybe even a minute.
Which in 20 years marriage years is an hour.
An eternity.
At my age, you're trying to get from like five, seven minutes up to 11 minutes.
11.
11.
No, you're young.
That's baloney.
You got to try new techniques.
And you'll go for a whole hour non-stop.
Just pounding for an hour.
It's more than pounding.
You got to try new ways.
I see I got to teach you all over again.
Tell me a technique then.
Like, tell me how to fuck.
90s eyes.
What do I do?
You play her like a piano.
First, you suck her toes.
Oh, shit.
Then you take your dick and put it by her tit and rub her nipple.
Okay.
I've never played a piano like that before.
What song is that?
Is that a piano?
Then you pretend her belly button is her cunt and you just caress it.
Then you take your dick by her ear and you rub it.
What?
Then you take your dick by her throat and you caress it.
Then she's all wet and dying for you.
So that's it.
And you shove it in nice and gentle and slow.
And how long after that is the pumping going on for?
For as long as you and her want it.
It'll be way more than 11 minutes, guaranteed.
Well, you marry mostly blacks.
No, I married any man I love.
Color had nothing to do with it.
I understand, but your sexual experience has been out of seven husbands, five have been.
I had over a hundred men in bed before I got married, baby.
Oh, my.
I had Arabs.
I had Iranians.
Who are the best lovers from the top down?
Latino men.
That's funny because my barber was saying the same thing of Latino women.
Latino and black.
You know why?
They're not like white boys.
They don't have any inhibitions and they'll do anything and everything to please you.
Or to please themselves.
Would they sit on your face?
no comment perfect smile there you go can somebody Can somebody edit that where she said it's like playing a piano and it's like, first you got to suck the balls and then every time you're blurry.
Before we go to start taking calls, I want to say a shout out to our oldest sponsor as far as being there from day one, which is Nita Fashions.
I don't usually wear t-shirts on this show, but Thursday nights we want to promote our awesome merch.
But every time you see me wearing a suit, I'm wearing a Nita Fashion suit.
I heard they have a get off my lawn lining now.
I can't believe they didn't tell me this.
It says never stop fighting in the lining.
And they live in Hong Kong.
They're Indian dudes, dot, not feather.
And I'm like, okay, you guys sure you want to get behind this show that much?
Like a lot of businesses get canceled and they're like, we don't give a fuck, buddy.
They don't swear.
They're very, very prim and proper.
They don't say butter tailors either.
But they were like, we get to get off my lawn sensor TV client every day.
We are loving it, let me tell you.
So, yeah, I call it the tailor for cheap rich people.
You go there, you get a suit for 800 bucks, you get a shirt for 50 bucks, it's perfectly tailored to you.
It feels like pajamas.
You've never lived until you've worn a suit that was made specifically for your exact body shape.
It's awesome.
If you get drunk, you end up passing out in it because you're so fucking comfortable.
In the summer, going to meetings, you're so comfortable every day.
So, the way to set this up is they do sort of world tours.
I mean, literally world tours, where you go there.
They were just in New York, and you go there and they have all these swatches, and you get set up.
But the next one won't be for a while, I don't think.
They're still on it now.
I'm not sure where they are.
But you contact them, Instagram seems to be the most popular way for our viewers.
You DM them, you set up a meeting, your girlfriend has a measuring tape, she measures your neck and everything, your waist, your inseam.
And then you pick various, they can send you swatches, or you can just do it by sight.
And then a suit just arrives.
FedEx.
Here you go, sir.
It's much better, though, when they meet you and you get to feel the swatches and everything.
And the fun part, too, is that sort of pampering you get when they show up at the hotel in your town and you go there and choose all the fabrics and stuff.
It's awesome.
And I know if you wear construction or something, you don't need 10 suits, but you have funerals, you have weddings, you need at least one suit that fits you perfectly.
Ooh, do it for your wedding.
That's smart.
So, yeah, go to NitaFashions.
What's the actual URL, Ryan?
It's nitafashions.com.
Once again, that is nitafashions.com.
That is Nita, N-I-T-A, NitaFashions.com.
All right, let's start the mailbag.
We'll read one letter, and then we will disappear behind the paywall.
Sound good?
Sound good.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Oh, fuck.
We have FOP Medals in Johnny Apple, too.
We do.
That's five sponsors.
That seems a little heavy.
So maybe we'll have to do the whole first hour free.
That means we're popular.
So we had a problem with the letters.
We were getting too many.
I was getting 100 a day, and they're all gold.
And I thought, well, we'll have Ryan do celebrity mailbag.
That will eat it up.
But that only eats up like 20.
And then I realized the solution to the problem.
Become the ultimate male snob.
So now if your letter is not the greatest thing I've ever read and it doesn't deserve the Poet Laureate Award, I just turf it.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Home to mommy.
I'm out of here, babe.
You should have the background that you're going to have to be on Thursday Night's Live shit show.
This guy?
Yeah, the one that incorporates mail calls and everything.
True.
Okay, I have to say off the bat here, out of the gate, I got a thousand letters telling me to fuck off because I laughed at Ryan for saying cutlery can rust.
Of course.
A shocking amount of letters saying that.
Yes.
I still am on my side.
When was the last time you looked at your sink and you went, oh, damn it, I left these forks here too long.
They're all rusty.
Now, I understand there might be some $900 Japanese knife that's not supposed to get wet for more than a minute.
No one has those.
$300?
I got a shooting.
No one has a shoe.
A lot of people have a shoe.
No one has a shoon.
I assune you, people have a shoon.
I've shoon it myself.
Maddie, can cutlery rust?
I've never particularly seen it myself.
No.
But I don't leave dishes in the sink for long.
There you go.
Well, that's my thing.
I leave shit in the sink for like a couple days.
I've never seen any rust on them.
Anyway, here's one of the only letters we got that didn't tell me to fuck off and didn't say Ryan is awesome.
So it's the one I'm focusing on, clearly.
And it says, Detective shitty on kitchen knives.
Stainless steel is almost impossible to rust in a lifetime.
Unless your water is one on the pH scale, you're fine.
And then he sends a link.
Wstoff.
Wustoff, they're German knives.
The person who trained me about knife work and stuff like that, he had a Wustoff.
Knife work?
What do you mean?
When you worked at that sushi place?
No, no, no.
I worked at a high-end, like a winery, very nice winery up in Warwick.
And they had an amazing kitchen.
I worked in that kitchen.
Why do you sound like you're at gunpoint right now?
I really wish I could cut to me and then there's like a gun there, but it's just me.
Jason Jones and Samantha B family friends.
They were our neighbors upstate.
Nice.
Gavin, I'll get the ass lapping over with now and say big fan, blah, blah, blah.
I'm writing you because I recently watched a show that aired from 2016 to 2019 called The Detour.
Your old pals Jason Jones and Samantha B wrote it.
I thought it would be woke, but it actually pokes fun at both sides.
That's where, especially for that time frame, makes me wonder if they both have come more to the center.
Anyways, thought you might want to check it out.
Yeah, I used to hang out with Jason Jones.
You know, we'd get a drink every couple months, and he knew I was a righty, and he was clearly a lefty.
But it was normal.
This was back pre-Trump where you could talk to the other side and they'd roll their eyes and you rolled your eyes.
I always found, though, back when I had liberal friends, it wasn't both of us rolling our eyes.
It was them rolling their eyes at me because I didn't think that fucking snow was racist.
And then me going, how can you possibly think that blah, blah, blah.
And I'm still there now.
Like with Biden.
Oh, wow, that was a good fucking stunt.
With Biden, I'm just like, how can you...
A friend of mine in Tacoma was a lawyer, and he's a liberal.
And he's like, about a month ago, I said, what would you give Biden?
And he goes, B-minus.
I'm not even mad at that.
I'm just confused.
B-minus.
I understand homosexuality more than I understand liking Biden.
I haven't spoken to him since.
So not because I'm mad, but I've been meaning to call him.
But like, it's got to be a D right now.
Minimum.
I think Biden would give Biden a D. Biden is not blown away by Biden.
Didn't he say something about that, too, that he wasn't doing so good?
Yeah, he said, I'm the shittiest president in the world.
In the history of America.
Let's call my mom.
See what she thinks.
She hasn't spoken to me since I missed Mother's Day.
Even though I didn't miss Mother's Day, she forgot to check her messages.
Now, guys, for everybody who doesn't know, if you're watching for the first time, you go to the site, censored.tv, and on the under the live page, you can donate to read a message on air.
That's right.
You go to the live stream and underneath the player.
Who's that handsome guy?
And you can see your message.
Calling my mom, Sylvia.
I hear that.
It's about time.
Get on it.
Someone's asking about your dog.
Tinkerbell.
Sylvia's Tinkerbell.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, how are you, Looneytons?
Good, good.
You're on the air.
We're live.
Really?
Oh, my God.
God wants on speaker because, you know, he's stupid.
I was just talking about a liberal friend of mine who gives Biden a C minus.
What would you give Biden as a grade?
You were a teacher for many years.
Okay.
Is there a minus, C minus, minus?
Yeah, I think.
He's a complete idiot.
I think it's called Nest.
They're all idiots.
I mean, you can't get anything more stupid than turtle.
Justin Trudeau, yes.
The guy calls himself a teacher.
He was a drama teacher for two months, and then he got fired for God knows what all.
I don't know.
I mean, why do we have leaders like this?
Two smart, advanced countries full of really smart people.
I know.
I mean, we spent four months, five months in America, in Florida.
I just don't get it.
The world has gone so crazy that we've now got leaders that are just not appropriate to what people want and need.
You know, do you want inflation?
Do you want to have no power?
You cancel.
What the?
She canceled the call.
She probably pushed a button or something.
The government is a little too hip to her truth.
I like, whenever I'm stalked by journalists, too, they call, you know, they want to call your relatives and everything, and they find your wife's number and stuff.
I can't believe Biden's wife went to college.
That I could believe.
And she took philosophy.
So where does she get the colossal nerve to be called a doctor?
Give me a early childhood education is her doctorate, and it's the lowest IQ PhD you can get.
I mean, how do you fuck it up?
Here's how five-year-olds should be educated.
How do you get that wrong?
How is she a doctor?
She needs a doctor.
So does he.
You ever see him coming off the air going up the airplane?
Yes, he fell.
He falls when he walks.
They say he suffers from dementia.
I don't know if he does or not.
And he blames inflation on the Ukraine war.
Okay?
He's not doing nothing to lower gas prices.
The salaries suck.
Okay?
At least when Trump was president, people prospered.
And he wasn't scared to face the dictators.
You look like you're disappearing into that couch the way Homer Simpson disappears into the trust.
He's just to face the dictators.
He had gumption.
You know, Biden cows.
Biden tried to make a deal with Iran of all insulting things.
What is he, a retard?
Well, Obama's deal with Iran was particularly terrible.
Well, Obama, I could forgive because he was naive, but Clinton wasn't.
And they gave them so much money, American taxpayer money.
Then when the inspectors went to look at their plants, they said, oh, you could go to these, but not this one.
So we gave away money.
Why is it in this country, even many years ago, I believe it was the early 60s, Russia was starving.
We send potatoes.
Why in this country, other countries badmouth us look down on us, but when they're in trouble, we're the first ones they run to help, help, help.
What do we look like?
We look like pussies internationally.
Like saps.
We had a message earlier that said hipster, hacker, hustler.
Explain that.
It's a thing I stole from some Japanese marketing guy.
I said every successful company has to have a hipster, a hacker, and a hustler.
So the hipster is the guy who cares about all the culture and what's going on in the world and can tell you what LOL means when it first comes out.
That's important to have.
You need a hacker who can figure out why your machines don't work, why your message isn't getting out, why these cameras keep failing.
And then you need a hustler, which is like a sales guy who is going out there getting new clients and everything.
And people can be combinations.
Like, Ryan and I are both hipsters in the sense that we're both heavily involved in pop culture.
But he's the hacker.
And then the hustler is the guy you guys don't know.
We have like a sales dude out there that we hired that handles all that.
And then we have the hacker, our tech dude.
But you need those three elements to have a successful business.
With Vice, I was the hipster, obviously.
Shane was the hustler.
And I guess Sarouche was sort of the hacker.
I'm a hustler.
And I only hustle what I believe in.
I'm aggressive.
I always have been, always will.
Have you ever been to prison?
No, I had husbands who did heavy time.
Okay, let's take a Sejoran briefly over to FOP Metals.
Now, this is spelled P-H-A-U-P, not FOP, which is a derogatory term for wealthy Englishmen used mostly in Australia.
It's also used to refer to dandies.
Wait a minute.
Is that what Australians call Englishmen?
FOBS No, maybe not.
But FOP, P-H-A-U-P, is a sponsor of ours.
They're going to make us their own coin, right?
Well, I thought that would be a good idea.
We're not sure yet.
Okay.
The economy could not be worse.
What's going on there with your shit there, Ryan?
Shit show.
Will you stop that fucking notification?
I'm not doing it on purpose.
It's running out of memory.
What?
Our computer.
How is your computer running out of memory?
Well, that's the old one.
The new one's doing it.
We clearly don't have a hacker on board here.
No.
So the economy is collapsing.
You know, when Biden was elected, my dad took all of his money out of his stocks and he put it in a bank.
And he lost, I think, 50 grand or something in actualized losses by cashing out.
And my brother and I mocked him.
We laughed in his face and he was very angry about it.
But, dude, you're showing all your work here behind us.
It turns out he was right.
The economy is so bad right now that it does make sense to have pulled your money out.
I don't know about now.
We have Bitcoin down to fucking zero.
But one thing that does not fluctuate is precious metals.
Go to FopMetals.com.
Use promo code Gavin for 15% off.
And at least invest some money in silver.
At least have something tangible in your home that you know when the shit hits the fan, you can touch this currency.
You can hold it in your hand and know you're safe.
Fopmetals.com sends you silver at a reduced rate.
It is reliable and tangible in an era where nothing is real, in an era where clown world reigns supreme, where we have a new press secretary coming out, a black lesbian who is convinced that everything she looks at is racist.
And she'll be representing the president who cannot speak English.
And he talks about tasting anger over inflation.
That's the economy we're living in, a clown economy.
So buy something solid that you can touch, that you can safely know is there for you if the shit hits the fan.
You can go on the run.
Go on the lamb.
If we lose everything and it becomes Venezuela, you have silver.
You don't have to put all your life savings on it.
What?
They call it God's money.
God's money.
I wish the Federal Reserve was based on gold.
Used to be.
That would save everything.
But anyway, FOP Medals.
P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com.
Promo code Gavin.
We should have a Sylvia silver dollar.
Print-minted.
Dude, I'm writing that down on my notes.
If FOP is going to make us silver, I want it to be Sylvia's face.
Yes.
A Sylvia coin.
I've heard that.
Let's write that down.
I'm writing that down.
Sylvia dollars.
Sylvia coin.
Invest in Sylvia.
What about gold?
I heard gold shot up in price.
They have gold on the side as well, I believe.
Oh, really?
Check that out on Fox.
Frost today.
Gold drop.
It's like $1,830 an ounce.
Good time to buy.
I know a guy who works at a factory where they make, I don't know, gold bars or they have gold.
And you go in there, they brush your whole body with like these metal detector things.
And then they scan your whole body.
You have to leave all your shit outside.
You put on like a bunny suit.
And then they weigh you when you go in and they weigh you when you go out.
Yeah, just in case you put a little fucking ring in your stinker.
That's a good band name.
Put a little ring in your stinker.
All right, let's take a call.
Bugging A. Take a fucking call.
So the show in Orlando is going to be fun.
Maddie will be there.
I will.
Sylvia ideally would be there.
Where is this, Orlando?
Orlando, Florida, yeah.
Probably not.
I don't think.
Leave Tinkerbell alone.
I left too many times.
It's hard to get you here to the studio.
Or I could take a train there with her.
I don't want the six-month-old, and I don't want the 79-year-old.
That's my baby.
So what I want to do is, this is how I picture it in my head.
Ryan comes out.
Great people.
He's doing his shit.
He has his phone doing his Snapchat face.
Behind you on the screen is you, but with the Trump face.
That's cool.
We must have the technology.
I think we do.
So people who look at you right there in front of them see you holding a phone going, bye-bye, home to Mammy.
But we see Trump.
That would be amazing.
And then you introduce Josh Denny.
Then you come out and do the same thing as Jordan Peterson.
Introduce Kumia.
Then you come out as Jesse Lee Peterson.
Introduce me.
And then we all go backstage.
Then we come out.
We set up a table like Kill Tony.
And we all sit down and do a podcast just to show.
Maybe we also have the screen.
We can refer to pictures and videos.
Maybe highlights our favorite things of the past year.
Like, of course, for me, it's Eddie Gloud.
I watch that every day.
The myths and the legends and bear the brunt of it.
The privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
Had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
I hereby bet my fortune that those glasses are not prescription.
He loves his little blue shoes.
Maybe I'm naive, but I don't say that apologetically.
I believe the Washington insurrection.
I don't believe Trump started it.
He was being patriotic.
He felt he was wrong.
He was angry.
I think the people that went ahead and twisted what he said, they twisted it.
They wanted an excuse.
Well, we got Lori Lightfoot calling for violence, demanding a revolution, and there's no ramifications.
Trump said very clearly, legally make your voices heard.
Legally.
He didn't ask for any storming of any capitalist.
No, he didn't.
And they always wanted to.
Although the way the cops let them in, it sure looked like the cops asked for it.
They stormed.
Unfairly.
He never got a good review from the press.
They always picked him out of the president.
We have to do it.
He nailed it once again.
They didn't do it to Obama because Obama was our first black president.
All right, let's get big.
Let's take a call and then we'll say thank you to Johnny Apple CBD and then we will sneak behind the paywall.
You know, stop all this free shit.
The people that you're kicking off, the freebies, this is what they had to say about you.
Gavin the demon.
You know that, right?
Whoa.
I like how efficient she is is taking the kinks out of her water bottle.
Gavin the demon.
You know that, right?
Boom.
Water bottle's brand new.
It's fucking new.
One second, that water bottle is brand new.
All those hours of crinkles erased.
So we have our calls coming in, of course.
And the first two callers will have one thing.
The beard vet.
The beard vet vet.
Gavin.
Am I on?
Yes.
Go ahead, call it.
All right.
Phil, you're an angel.
Ryan, you have sprinkles, but they're fecal sprinkles.
Maddie, I'm too scared to compliment or insult you.
Frankly, Gavin, you are the modern-day Jesus Christ.
Whoa.
Today, I walked around a supermarket with my MAGA hat on.
And what I the reason I did is I saw in the news, Kanye West is out of his mind.
But no matter how crazy he is, he has a part that can recognize what's going on with the left.
And he said the MAGA hat makes them feel like a superhero.
And when I heard that, I was like, I'm going to put it on because I didn't wear it except on 4th of July last year and see how it makes me feel.
And everyone started getting disgusting looks.
I got maybe two or three yells from cars on the street.
I was in San Diego.
And what I was like, fuck you!
Yes, yes, just fuck you and fuck Trump or Nazi.
Like two of those, two or three.
But what I recognize is, I think what I have, what I put the hat on, is it doesn't make me special, but what it makes me is I think it emphasizes that I have freedom of thought.
And when people freak out and they're ingrained and Trump is a Nazi and whatever, the red hat symbolizes whatever they decipher Trump has, as Hitler and whatever.
But the red cap, for me, I felt like I was a superhero.
Like they all, the red hat symbolized that I had freedom of thought.
And Gavin, I just want to know what your opinion is on that because also, obviously, I don't want to go to restaurants with the hat on.
You obviously get bit in your food all the time just being Gavin McKinnis.
So you have to be smart about it.
But I want to.
I'm at the point now, and thanks for calling, where if people don't spit on my food, it tastes dry.
But it's amazing what that hat means.
What that hat really means today is, especially in a liberal city like New York or San Diego, it means I don't give a shit about your made-up hysteria.
That's what this means.
It means, I know you think this is racist.
I don't care what you think is racist.
It means I don't want three bathrooms.
And when you tell me why there should be a male and a female and a trans bathroom, instead of like most Americans, I'm going, okay, let me hear you out.
You might have a point.
I'm just going, nah, no.
Like when Trump said, kept saying anchor babies, that the Univision, whatever journalist said, can you use a better term?
He said, what term?
And the guy said, I don't know, the undocumented workers of, no, the natural-born citizens of undocumented workers.
And Trump said, nah.
Now that nah is crucial.
Nah.
Nah.
That takes too long.
I'm going to say anchor babies.
The nah is what the red hat means.
It means, nah, I'm not listening to your like gender shit.
I'm not saying I'm against it or I'm offended by it or I want to argue with you about it.
I'm not, I'm not, we're not playing that.
No.
Not doing it.
Nah.
No, I'm out.
Well, we want to have a cis-born male compete in a female swimming thing because she identifies as a woman.
Nah, no, no, no.
No, we're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
Well, can we debate it?
No.
We're just not doing it.
Nothing to debate.
No.
Well, she's here.
The starting gun's about to go off.
Okay, well, hold on.
Let me grab him.
Hey, buddy.
Sorry.
We're not doing it.
No.
Get your hands off of me.
Okay, sorry.
Well, get back to the changing room and I'll get my hands off you.
But yeah, we're not.
That's what I love about the MAGA hat.
It's a non-statement.
And the way the left is now is, if you're not 100% with me, you're 100% against me.
So just by simply not joining their maniacal crusade, it's the most evil thing you could possibly do to them is to go, I don't even disagree with you.
I'm not getting involved.
Your thing is gay.
Your thing is retarded.
You talk like a fag and your shit is all retarded.
And I'm not paying any attention to your various new made-up rules that change on a daily basis.
Imagine being mad at someone for not, like, it's like when I was a punk rocker as a teenager, me walking down the street and seeing people without mohawks and without bondage pants and going, what the fuck?
We're trying to have a revolution here.
And they're like, I'm just not into punk.
I think it's noisy.
Well, that's not true.
Fuck you.
What about bow, wow, wow?
They're musical.
There's a lot of poppy stuff within the punk genre.
Come on.
Come on board.
Nah.
Bow, wow, wow.
I'm not coming on board.
All right.
Last sponsor before we leave.
I don't like, by the way, Ryan, how Maddie and I are different sizes.
We look like different species.
Yeah.
I look a little pale.
No, you don't.
You have normal color.
Johnny, wait, I smell weed.
It could be the Johnny Apple CBD that I've been puffing.
Are you puffing on the Delta 8?
I make it a habit during the live show to take at least one little puff.
But isn't the Delta 8 super strong?
Yep.
So aren't you going to be too baked to work?
Might you do an even shittier job than you usually do?
Are you going to become shit show squared?
Let's see.
This is the stem to go.
You can recharge it, but it's a one-time use little just boppity boop.
And it's got super hemp in there.
It makes you feel good.
Super what?
Super hemp.
Super hemp in.
Super hemp?
You biting that.
It's got simohem in it.
Because I'm blazed.
Yeah, man.
I was the vice principal under Brock debugging.
And you got to try this nighttime tincture, man.
Come on.
Come on, night time.
Taste it.
You can taste it.
You can taste that.
They have some.
All this stuff is good.
And that shit tastes good.
The tincture?
A couple of drops under the tongue.
Oh, yeah.
So, yes, Johnny Apple CBD.
I like the gummies at night.
They help me sleep.
Sometimes I sleep so hard that when I wake up in the middle of the night, my hands are tingling.
Not like pins and needles, but just like tingling.
You ever get that?
I get that when I drink a lot, too.
I wake up in the morning and my hands are tingling.
Do you ever get that?
Yeah, I've had that experience.
What is that?
I would say it's nerves or something.
Drinking cuts your sex urge.
Drinking cuts your sex urge?
Oh, yeah.
It makes you last.
That's probably why your Puerto Rican colored guys last so long.
They're drunk.
No, they weren't drunk.
I never went to bed with a drunk man.
I don't mean shit face, but like...
I don't mean drunk.
No liquor in them.
Four drinks.
No, no liquor at all.
Really?
How about marijuana?
They don't have the same inhibitions like white dudes.
They do not have it.
What do you think marijuana does to the sex?
Latinos are very romantic.
They'll say verbally things to you to a woman where you want to open your legs like a butterfly.
Like what?
What would be a good quote?
Your vagina looks like two pink slugs making love in the night sky.
It's been so long I can't remember.
Okay, well that would be a good one.
So yeah, Johnny Apple CBD, johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin.
We've got the cookies.
No longer make cookies, sorry.
We don't have the cookies anymore.
No.
We have the tincture you put in your coffee to take the edge off.
We have the CBD cream that you put on your muscles after.
You know, remember you have a leg day at the gym and then going up and down the stairs is a fucking nightmare for the next 24 hours?
Not with the CBD ointment.
My wife will put it on her feet if she's going to go out on a date with me and wear high-heel shoes all night.
She puts CBD in her Tootsies.
It makes the high-heel shoes more tolerable.
What's good about that, too, is it masks the pain, but it doesn't speed up the recovery process.
So if you were to take something that speeds up the recovery, now that your body's like, oh, I don't know if I'm recovering.
I'm going to make Myers every time you explain something.
We're going to watch the Pentavert?
Yeah.
Oh, we should all watch that together.
That should be an episode.
We'll watch the Pentavert.
You know what would be cool?
We watch it in this format.
Yeah.
So like you sit there, Ryan sits there, I sit here, and we just go through it all.
I wonder how the F we're going to do it now that they blocked us from capturing their screen, remember?
We'll figure out a way.
Yeah.
But we could put it on that TV and film it.
But I bet you that will end up being, with all the pauses, like four or five hours.
So we could play that if we're ever going to go away for like a week, we could play that in like four parts.
True dance.
Anyway, fun idea.
This is all in a commercial for johnnyapple.com.
Johnny Apple CBD.
Great guy, Johnny Appleseed.
You know, a lot of people think that he was planting apple trees because he loved apples and wanted people to make apple pies.
No.
He was a drug dealer, basically, and the drug was booze.
So he would go on the outskirts of the pioneer's land and predict what direction they're going to go in, like years ahead, plant apple trees.
By the time they got there, there'd be apple trees.
He'd sell them apples for cider.
They'd get drunk on the apple cider because everyone was drinking booze back then.
Because life sucked because we were at war with the Indians for 400 fucking years.
Instead of ripping down statues and everything, how about we go, wow, you guys went through some shit.
North and South.
We're very impressed that you got us here.
Thanks for that, great-great-grandpa.
As opposed to fucking ripping down Johnny Rebel, you rip down the way that statue in particular, the way it crumpled and curled in on itself, just with the gravity and the weight that they used.
It's like this guy was conscripted.
Do you think he had slaves?
Slaves were Lamborghinis back then.
2% of the population had them.
You're beating the shit out of some poor schmuck who was 17 and got ripped off a farm and sent to die.
Fuck you, Nazi.
Anyway, I'm not sure Johnny Apple endorses all of these takes on Confederate history, but they do endorse a good time.
So just inhale and relax at johnnyapple.com.
All right.
That's enough for the freeloaders.
We are supposed to give them 30 minutes.
We gave them 70.
I can't believe we did that.
I feel dirty inside.
I feel like a whore.
I feel like a slut.
But we did squeeze in five sponsors.
So this is the way we end the show behind the paywall.
And by the way, the show is five days a week, Monday to Friday.
And then on Saturdays, I play reruns of my old show, which you haven't seen, which is called the Gavin McInnes Show.
You can watch that and watch the Proud Boy slowly emerge from 2015 on.
So in the interim, when you're out there, don't be ashamed of who you are.
Don't hide it.
It could get you dumped.
It could get you ostracized from your friends.
If you say how you truly feel about things, you may even lose your job.
Now, don't go out of your way to lose your job.
But if hiding and never saying what you mean in a very diplomatic and fair and legal fashion is going to get you fired, well, then fuck that job.
It's not for you.
You'll get cancer if you stay bottled up and never say what's on your mind.
You should say what's on your mind.
Defend yourself.
Be rational.
Don't say stupid shit like I want to fuck kids and blacks should go back to Africa.
If that's how you feel, you're a retard and you shouldn't just shut up.
You should kill yourself.
But for the rest of us sane people, speak rationally.
State your case.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
We all alone.
Bye-bye.
I'm out of here.
Bye.
We don't know what his plan is.
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