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May 9, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:24:35
S4E113 - ABORTION WARS
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Time Text
Is Frank going to get us a new breaker for that popped socket thing, the fuse?
Well, he said we could add a new outlet in the middle.
Okay.
Is he going to do that?
Yes.
I want them all to go through the same thing, though.
Because now I just turn off the power bar and all the whole studio shuts down.
Yeah.
But you've got to ask how much.
Okay.
Like, I don't want to get a new outlet if it's going to be a thousand bucks.
I'd rather just have an extension cord.
It's not inconvenient.
Yeah.
That's a good lesson for you, Ryan.
Whenever anyone suggests something, like, we could fix all these lights and make them LED, you go, okay, yeah, tell me how much.
And then you get a second opinion if it's something you really need.
And I've noticed in this modern age, post-COVID, with the employment being so bizarre, when you ask for another opinion, the prices are nuts.
Like that bookshelf I built around my TV.
The first offer was $8,000 to $10,000, and then the other one was $2,000.
So I saved like $8,000 by going with the second guy.
Although now when I look at the shelf, I can see there's a dip.
And the Mantis shrimp tank, too.
The Mantis shrimp tank is like one guy saying $1,000, another guy saying two, another guy saying $7,500.
That opening song was Hype Williams, not the guy who does the Missy Elliott videos, but some British artsy fartsy types my daughter turned me on to who are just stealing the name.
Which I kind of like.
A black guy named Dean Blunt and some Russian chick named Inga Copeland.
And they make weird, trippy music.
They look weird.
Dean Blunt's kind of mainstream in some of his other music, but that's getting pretty weird.
He does look weird.
My daughter barely uses that microcork.
I think this is what she thinks she is, but you got to actually do the work, my dear.
Speaking of my daughter, she gave me some lip plumper.
We went to Storm King for Mother's Day, which I highly recommend.
Have you ever been there?
Yeah.
That's near my old stomp and grounds.
It's got a bunch of weird, like, art installations.
Yeah, it's a giant field with giant sculptures on it.
The goal was to take acid and go there, but I never did it.
A couple of my friends did.
Well, it's too touristy, though.
There's too many people walking around.
Get out of here.
That's pretty wild.
Oh, you've been there before, though, right?
Like, not so we go all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember we...
I'd never seen that Buddha guy.
I think he's new.
This man?
That man.
These are huge.
They're very big things.
I didn't see the house in the sunken down like that.
And I was talking to my daughter.
I said, wouldn't it be funny if I got my lips done?
Like, I don't want to do it if it's permanent, but if I had those big Hollywood lips, but also my mustache and a beard.
You never see that.
Fake lips with a beard.
That's kind of true.
Remember that one guy, though, who pretends to be a chick?
He's got the beard?
Yeah, he doesn't have fake lips.
I say, no one has fake lips and a beard.
And you go, well, there is that one guy who has a beard and doesn't have fake lips.
So that's an exception to the rule.
What?
He's got normal lips.
And I said, is there something you can do where it's just like for like three days?
It'd be funny when I had those fake eyelashes.
It'd be funny if I was doing the show with big fake lips.
So she goes, I got some on me.
So she put way too much on.
And it's the weirdest feeling.
Have you ever had lip plumper?
Yes.
I've kissed a girl with limp lip plumper.
And it feels weird.
She had a lot of trouble with that sentence.
The skin is tight on your lips.
Well, it feels like a billion ants are going nuts.
And then I didn't really get any plumpness.
I mean, I don't have any lips at all.
There's a before and after.
And then my son did it too, the 13-year-old.
And these 13-year-olds, they're all like, that doesn't even, I don't feel anything at all.
It's nothing, man.
This sucked.
This is bullshit.
And then when it starts working and the ant part happens, he goes, this feels good.
I like it.
And he goes, he goes, oh, seriously, I'll take...
I was telling him that I was deeply disturbed by that movie, Hereditary.
Yeah.
And I wasn't just scared.
I was mortified.
That looks retarded.
So I feel like that is good enough for me.
Trust me, it can get a lot bigger, but we don't need to be going that big.
Okay.
See, that wouldn't be good.
And you can go a little bit bigger.
And he goes, oh, seriously, put that on an iPad, walk out in the woods, and watch it in the darkness on an iPad alone.
I'm like, no, you wouldn't.
Because when you go to the laundry room, you prop the door open.
Oh, okay.
You don't want to be stuck there alone with the monsters.
He goes, no.
I do that so it doesn't slam shut Because you always freak out when I do the laundry.
I go, I freak out when you do the laundry because you wash one pair of sweatpants.
I am on pure, I am on 100% corrections officer mode now.
You know what I do when I leave?
I unplug the washer dryer.
It's not hard to thwart these criminals, by the way.
You don't have to lock up the contraband.
They're not smart enough to realize.
They'll just turn the button and won't go on.
They'll go, fuck, and walk away.
But I've got to look out for drugs.
I've got to look out for illegal iPads.
And I've got to look out for this new laundry trick.
I said, you're not doing the laundry unless you have a load.
So they're putting clean clothes.
So I stop them in front of the laundry room.
I go, whoa, whoa, what's going on?
He goes, just washing my sweatpants.
I need them for tomorrow.
They're all stained.
And I go, let me see this.
And there is like a, I don't know, coffee stain or whatever on the sweatpants.
Okay, that's one dirty item.
What are these?
These are your mother's jogging pants.
Well, they're on my floor.
He went and got someone else's dirty laundry to increase the pile.
And then I go, show me the stain on this shirt.
There's a sweatshirt.
Nothing.
Nothing there.
It doesn't say that.
You're a liar.
I remember my dad, when I was a kid, I put spit on my eyes to make it look like I was trying.
And he goes, not spit.
Tears are salty.
So I'm feeling upset.
And I've become that guy.
I remember one time I was drunk, and I drove home, and I come into the house, and I'm like, fuck, he's going to get me.
So I go right into the bathroom to piss.
I think maybe I can find something, maybe it's even soap for my breath.
There's no toothbrush in that.
That's the downstairs bathroom.
And so I was waiting there and I couldn't piss.
And he's right up against the wall listening.
And he goes, well, we're waiting.
Speaking of my parents, fuck it.
So it's Storm King.
I give her a call.
The thing about my parents is they're so cheap, cheap Scottish people, that phoning them is never simple.
It's always Skype, or I get some call from like Santa Barbara, California, and it's rerouting.
Remember that Jack, iJack or something?
You plug it into your phone and it's free, free telephone because it uses the internet and all this shit?
So every time they call me, it's some number I don't recognize, and I have to pick it up, guessing it might be Antifa or some freak stalker.
And then every time I call them, it's like, am I calling a landline?
Am I calling some new burner cell phone they got at some fucking bargain basement bin bullshit?
So I call one of the most, I just go, I mum sell the most recent number I have for them.
That's got to be the most reliable one, right?
Leave a message.
Then I get this fucking drunken screaming call at around eight or nine going, hello?
Hello, Gavin.
I don't know if you know this, but it's fucking Mother's Day.
And I'm like, fucking Mother's Day?
Is that like Motherfucker Day?
I don't like fucking Mother's Day.
I don't think there should be a fucking Mother's Day.
Nor does God, because he makes it retarded if you do.
Correct.
And he goes, speak to your mother.
And then I can hear her going, no, no, no, I'm not interested.
I don't want to beg.
I'm not out looking for scraps.
And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, I'm trying to say, I called you at two and left a message.
But he has the phone out like this, so he can't hear me.
And she's going like that.
I'm not going to beg for scraps from my boys.
So she hangs up on me.
Then I have to call back.
And I have to go, wait, wait, wait, wait, let me talk.
Let me talk.
Eventually, the third try, I go, I called you at two and left a message.
And there's silence.
The crying and the yelling have stopped.
He's yelling, she's crying.
The fucking melodrama on these people.
How about you just go, hey, did you not call me on Mother's Day?
And then if I say no, you just hang up.
That's pretty good.
So I go, I called you.
And then my dad goes, oh, well, your mother owes you an apology.
And now I'm kind of mad.
So I don't really feel like chatting.
And then she's embarrassed, so she doesn't feel like chatting either.
So we just, I think we both pretend that we lost the line.
And then today, she has a peace offering.
She goes, I have a wood photo album with you and the kids and some from your wedding.
And I didn't bring it last time because it's so heavy.
But I have that for you.
Yeah.
Mom, us Jet Xers have way too many fucking pictures.
It's the bane of our existence.
We're not in the market for photo albums.
Right?
Did you call your mom?
I did.
She beat me to it, actually.
Hi, it's Mother's Day.
I suppose you want to say Happy Mother's Day.
Something like that, yeah.
It was all the ladies.
It was my great-grandma, my grandma, and my mom.
So I was just like, hey, ladies.
I did like an in-and-out thing, performance.
I was like, guys, happy Mother's Day.
Love you.
We got to go because we got to give a Mother's Day thing to this moment.
Can you get your fucking hair out of your face?
I'll do it off-cam so that way I don't have to donate to my hair jar.
So you just made a quickie.
Yeah.
Huh.
Just all, because I could be on the phone with them forever.
So I just get, it was like a performance because there was my, actually my aunt was there too.
So just four women.
I'm like, hey, lady.
So FaceTime.
Bye-bye.
Yeah.
You're FaceTiming them.
Yep.
And then you have your own mom to deal with.
That's correct.
I mean, your wife.
Mommy wifey.
Your baby, your baby mama.
Baby mama.
Speaking of baby moms, can we get Crip Daddy on the line?
I'm sure we could.
He owes his mom a lot more than we owe our moms.
That's true.
My mom's a great mom, but she wasn't a big fan of me when I was a teenager.
I wasn't a very likable young man.
I guess that's my son.
He's being the jerk.
The joke.
Joke.
They talk a big game.
Young men, when testosterone starts, they're still a little boy, but they're also fucking arrogant.
So they can beat the shit out of anyone in the world.
It's fun, funny watching them play basketball, like professionally, you know, on a team.
Because everyone's shooting from half court.
They're all missing.
That doesn't look like him.
That looks like a weird circle.
Mr. Daddy?
Yo, D. Yeah, yeah.
Could you turn your fucking video on, you shit for brains?
My video is on.
It's your guys's, and then I can't see.
Hold on.
You stupid asshole.
Ouch.
I will fucking shit on you.
Hold on.
Maybe track on me back.
Yeah, let's try.
Yeah, let's try again.
Okay, we'll try.
Speaking of Crip Daddy, while you try to do that, I was suggesting that Crip Daddy get into boxing.
And he said, my legs don't work.
I don't think that would go great.
And I go, plenty of boxers are handicapped.
Like this woman.
One, three.
Can you do two things at once?
Look at her.
Should she be boxing?
No.
What?
I don't know if this is a sport for you, my dear.
How about we start with walking?
Or like, I don't know, swimming?
I wouldn't trust her to make my sandwich.
Oh, my God.
There'd be lettuce all over the place.
Why are there pickles on the ceiling?
Oh, sorry.
Pickles on the ceiling.
Ceiling.
It's a handicap chef book, cookbook.
It could be a food network show, too.
Welcome back to Pickles on the Ceiling.
Well, you're making pickles on the ceiling, almost.
Uh-oh, this is why my neighbors have signs on their lawn that says, we respect disabilities.
Whoa.
Hello, Donovan.
How's it going?
What were we discussing here?
We were watching an unbelievably handicapped woman try to box.
Like, flailing.
Can you see that?
That just looks like a woman trying to box in general.
Are you sure she's handicapped?
I got to be honest, when I see them at the gym boxing and you look at how hard they hit the bag and you just think, why are you here?
Like, if it was golf and every time they hit the ball, it went five feet, you'd go, golf is not for you.
Yeah, no, I mean, there's the whole pretending that women can defend themselves from man and whatnot, but we know better.
That's why they invented pepper spray.
Yeah, that's for them.
Pepper spray in a gun is your only hope.
All this, like, kick him in the balls.
Oh, my magic balls.
You touch them and I fucking collapse.
No, a girl touches my balls.
I come.
It's not easy to get balls, too.
Like, it's you got to aim it perfectly.
Their legs have to be spread.
They have to not see it coming and not block it.
It's not like it's a magic button that's hanging there.
Yeah, no, it's not a defeat all, you know, and end button.
No, I agree.
So you just had Mother's Day.
What did you do for your mom?
Did you make her a little card that said, I love you infinity, mom?
No, I said, you're a bitch.
Fuck you.
Here's a card, I guess.
She doesn't get praise from me.
She didn't even make me right, so I don't celebrate Mother's Day for her, really.
She's not done.
I was pussed out half-baked, dude.
Yeah, sorry.
If it was bread, it would be inedible.
I'm pretty sure I'd make fun of my mom every Mother's Day for being a racist mom because all my white brothers can walk in her fine.
And you're not white?
What are you?
Hispanic?
Yeah, I'm a fucking gross Mexican.
Ew, gross.
I know that that's a disabled part of me.
That's the real handicap right there is your half dishwasher.
I notice she's part of your comedy, though, a lot.
Is she funny?
She plays a good straight man.
She's a trans woman.
She does a really good, like, just, you know, goes with the bit, but you don't really have to catch her off guard too hard, you know?
But yeah, I like messing with her.
Is she there right now?
No, she's outside smoking her menthol cigarettes and whatnot.
I want to see her.
You and a lot of people.
Honestly.
It's like Charlie's Angels.
She's this mystery behind the curtain.
And it's so funny because I have it set up where my mirror is behind me and you'll only get a glimpse of her from that mirror.
And that alone will send dudes into a fucking like, dude, I'm fucking jacking off to your mom right now.
And I'm like, okay.
I thought you were going to say it sends dudes into a frenzy wondering what she looks like because I've seen that shot before where it's just like part of her hair.
And I'm like, what is she?
What's her deal?
I mean, because as far as the moms, I was thanking my mom, but she didn't do that much.
She made a bunch of small meals and kicked me out of the house.
Yeah, bare minimum.
But your mom busts her ass every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, she just does what she needs to do.
I don't think she needs praise for it, you know?
Yeah.
I think she could do it a little bit of praise.
Does she wash you every day?
I mean, yeah, you know.
Well, that's pretty good.
But, I mean, that's just a bare minimum.
You did this.
You don't get praise for it.
Yeah.
I remember my buddy Derek, his dad was screaming at him, going, I put a roof over your head, I make sure you're fed.
And him and his brother go, yeah, that's kind of the deal.
That's what you signed up for.
You don't get, you know, pat on the back for doing your job, bro.
That's what you told me all my entire life.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, you're not still thinking about coming to Orlando, are you?
I keep going, trying to see if I can pull it off somehow.
And I ideally would like to, but I don't know.
Yeah, well, if the odds are 9 and 10, it will be a success.
And if it is, the next one we can do near Chicago.
Yeah, no, that would be, I could absolutely pull that off.
Yeah.
All right, dude, I like you more than a friend.
Let's talk tomorrow.
Yes, absolutely.
And I love you.
Toodaloo bye, Crip.
Do you have that Ratzo Rizzo link?
It's not in today's notes, but I think I sent it to you last week when Crip Daddy kept canceling last week because Of his various ailments, but I was like, don't fucking take the bus from Chicago to Orlando, dude,
or you'll end up like Ratzo Rizzo at the end of Midnight Cowboy.
I just kind of ruined the joke.
It's not in the previous emails.
I don't see it.
I searched for it, but I have.
Ratzo doesn't come up?
No.
Yeah, there.
That's Crip Daddy going to Orlando with his girlfriend on the grave.
Uh-oh.
Is he kin to you?
What the word is kin?
So the cowboy doesn't give a fuck about him?
Yeah, he does.
Look.
He's about to make Angelina Jolie.
Boy, they really had some sunglass flare back then, didn't they?
Okay, folks.
Nothing to worry about.
Mr. Lilomas will be in Miami in just a few minutes.
Hey, buddy, wake up.
It's a good movie.
All right.
Before we start the show, check out.
So Mike Myers is still not giving up.
And he's still doing this I'm every character in the movie thing, which is kind of embarrassing.
They made fun of it in Tropic Thunder, right?
Jack Black.
He's mocking Eddie Murphy.
This is a great movie written by Justin Thoreau.
He's making fun of Eddie Murphy in the, what's it called?
Clap?
The slap?
You know what I'm talking?
The Crumps, whatever the fuck they were called?
The Clumps.
The Clumps.
And he's the mom and the granddad.
And it's like, the subtext is, this is what an incredible actor I am.
Meanwhile, isn't it just a lot of work for a lot of people?
They have to reshoot scenes and there's all these stand-ins and shit.
Just get actors, okay?
I'm proud of you.
You can do a lot of characters.
Wow.
So, wait, I should do one of those.
Yeah.
He did a flop.
He flopped with that movie, The Guru, right?
Where he's like, hello, what's going on, buddy?
I'm doing the most hack accent in town.
And I guess he sort of went, oh, well, everyone peeks.
You know, you don't want to keep making garbage when you've lost it.
But there's money there because Austin Powers is still one of the most popular movies of all time.
So now he's making fun of Alex Jones.
And this is what David Cross did this in his movie Clicks, where these elites, these lefty limousine liberals, they just assume that we all laugh at Alex Jones and libertarians are a joke and all these conspiracy theorist people are nuts and they're losers.
We like them.
Even moderates, they like Alex Jones because he's out there questioning authority and he got Sandy Hook wrong, but he got a lot right.
So when we see these conspiracy theorists, we don't go, you're a fucking idiot.
We go, okay, well, let me know if you get anything solid.
But keep doing that.
Keep looking into it.
Because I don't think Hillary Clinton killed 80 people, but I think she killed 14.
I don't think that there was thermite in the World Trade Center, but I think George Bush let it happen.
I think...
You want to hear one of my craziest theories?
I think God spoke to me this weekend.
Interesting.
This is one of the more Ryan things my brain has done.
The weirdest I get with religion is I think heroin is Satan.
And I'm not being metaphorical.
I mean, literally, Satan enters your body and destroys your world.
And I think that's how you die.
He's in there going, just give into it.
Just give in.
Just sleep.
Just embrace it.
And often.
Take my hand.
Take my hand.
People ruin friendships because they steal and they steal from their parents and then they pawn shit in.
So it's like you're ruining friendships instead of not just you.
And junkies become different people.
Like Benjamin Cho, the fashion designer, he was a good friend of my wife.
And he was like this normal, fun guy.
And before he died, I don't know what he did to his throat, but he started to sound well like Alex Jones, actually.
And he was more aggressive, and he was threatening to kill himself.
You become the devil.
Anyway, so this is fucking crazy.
And hear me out.
But part of this theory isn't based on facts.
It's based on what I feel in my heart.
So we can't really argue this.
I'm at the pub, Kentucky Derby.
What was that, Friday?
I don't know.
Look it up.
I think it was Friday.
Yeah, it was Friday.
And they're showing all the horses.
I think there's 21 of them.
There's clearly over 20 because the number I'm talking about is 21.
And I see this guy and a horse.
Little guy.
They're quite little, these gentlemen.
And I see Woodford Reserve is one of the sponsors.
I like Woodford Reserve.
Maybe it's my number two right after.
Number two.
Right after Maker's Mark.
And, oh, it must be made in Kentucky.
And, oh, it's Kentucky Bourbon, dumbass.
It sure is.
So I see that on this little thing there on the saddle, and I go, it just pops into my head.
I go, 21 is going to win.
And then another saying popped into my head, God favors the brave.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know why I'm coughing.
Maybe that's he's telling me not to blab about it.
I'm not bragging.
I was going to put it on social media and say, God, now I'm literally seeing stars.
I come really, really hard.
Dude, I'm literally seeing stars right now.
Are you being smited?
You know when you almost faint or something?
Yeah.
They're still going.
Still going.
Still going.
Wow.
Wait, that's a long star.
Yeah, I know.
One, two, three.
Well, change the subject.
See what happens.
Oh, that's true.
I don't want to change the subject.
Okay, well, then we got more stars, probably.
Does God see this as bragging?
I don't think.
I want everyone to know this.
Anyway, now, the saying is fortune favors the brave, not God favors the brave.
So it was kind of weird that that was in my head.
But I'm watching the match, and I didn't get her it, and I didn't bet.
I never bet on horses.
The odds are 1 and 20.
It doesn't seem very good.
I prefer 1 and 2.
And then I'm watching the thing, and I never said to anyone the thought I had about 21 and God favors the brave.
And I'm watching it, and then all of a sudden, 21 out of nowhere just goes and wins the race.
What?
And I honestly believe it was a message from God.
And he was saying, look, I know shit gets hectic.
They're ostracizing your children.
They're terrorizing you on a daily basis, but you're trying to save the family.
You're trying to save Christianity.
You're trying to bring some sense of traditionalism back.
You're getting guys to propose and you're getting guys to finally have kids and you're creating life.
Keep doing it.
Keep doing what you're doing, Gav.
He calls me Gav.
There he is.
And I was like, holy fuck, this is real.
And then I brought it up to my wife, and she goes, you might be having a mental breakdown.
I think you're losing your mind.
I'm like, oh, that's possible.
That's one possibility.
Anyway, when you tell the story, then God's like, shut up.
Off at a total tangent here.
So Mike Myers' new film, completely dialing it in, and he's making fun of conspiracy theorists and Alex Jones.
So check out the first link there.
Well, they're both in the same link.
I'm 1.4.
This is grim.
I have it, but it's loading.
It's stuck.
But I did pull it up.
Canada fuzzy?
No, Canada might be fuzzy.
I don't know.
I'm talking about the playing grim.
Oh.
Interesting.
I think Netflix has a way to block showing the video.
That's weird.
Yeah, I'm seeing it.
Oh, that's new.
Uh-oh.
Well, Detective Shitty is always wrong.
Well, I see the cursor.
I see all the things.
All right, we'll just reload this page.
This is from Banda video.
Okay, look how bad this is.
But I hope you have a slightly higher res version.
Skip ad.
Oh, because you got to see Mike Myers' eyes.
He didn't memorize his lines.
Not that Mike Myers.
This Mike Myers.
And he went from genius comedian.
First things first.
Where's your shit up?
I've got a turtlehead Pokémon.
To forced establishment propaganda garbage and the worst Alex Jones impression ever.
Take a look.
Yeah, he's an internet conspiracy guy.
He is none other than a squirrel turkey.
Let me tell you the truth you won't get from the fake news only when the leaf with the black helicopter came trails from the game street field.
They take simple Christian men off the screen and force them in the camp.
Amateur, this is a fucking movie.
And you didn't memorize your lines?
And it's weird because Alex Jones' son is named Rex.
Yeah, and Harrison Smith is a correspondent.
Oh no, Mike.
That's supposed to be Kumia, obviously.
Welcome to Truth Battle.
It does kind of look like Kumia.
Look, this is weird.
Stop.
So now they do a thing where they cut off his mouth and show his eyes looking straight at you.
And then they do another thing where they cut his eyes and they show his mouth.
Update on the Netflix thing.
You can see everything.
Everything fine.
You click resume.
Gone.
Now I see it on mine.
So they have figured out a way to not let me see Netflix.
You think censored.tv is banned from Netflix?
No, I think that they have an algorithm that defends from having your screen broadcasting something.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm sure you...
Anyway, click on it.
We're discussing the Pentagon's end secret meeting of world leaders known as Smomano's, which takes place in three days in Zurmat, Switzerland, near the matter.
But first, let me tell you about Brexit.
And you'll be happy too, because you'll get a board.
That's you.
What, get fired, get in trouble?
Yeah, does he have an end-of-the-show catchphrase?
I don't believe so.
Fuck you!
It's called the American Dream.
But if this morning I watched in that same link, 1-4, it showed the trailer below it.
It's back.
Yeah, click on that.
Why are you so dumb?
Been kidnapped into the world's oldest and most effective secret society of five men.
Lord Lordington, our highest-ranking member, former Australian media bo, Bruce Baldwin, ex-member of Putin's oligarchy, Mishu Ivanov.
As Cooper's former manager, Shep Gordon, and it's Warren Buffett, I guess.
Can the man on the street opinions come from Twitter now?
Please, give me one more chance.
Look, there's black women everywhere.
Shep Gordon was a real guy.
Yeah, remember Sam Lee made that movie about Supermensch?
I'm being sent to Dubrovnik, I repeat.
Sent to Dubrovnik.
What's the Brovnik?
Is that a euphemism for being probed in your no-no-hole?
Your no-no-hole?
Within the Pentavert.
I got a plan to get you in.
When do you have to look at it?
So wait, does it turn out that Jones is right?
Because there is a Pintavert.
Like, he literally said, yeah, all the things he said was true.
No, you were born in your mother's ass.
Well, that's less than kind and impossible.
Ew.
It's like you're watching someone who's had their funny gland removed.
Like you're no-no place and boner and you were born in your mother's ass.
This is juvenile.
And I'm fucking juvenile.
Are you going to kill me?
According to the world, you're already dead.
The future of humanity is at stake.
No pressure or anything.
All right, we have to watch this.
Oh, yeah.
I would love to watch it.
I'd probably like it.
I'm probably going to watch this before I watch 2,000 Mules.
2,000 Mules, to be totally frank, kind of feels like homework.
Did I show you the Wendell thing where he's his favorite book is Star Wars?
No.
It's 1-5.
And this is my becoming my cup of Joe.
I think it's the most amusing thing I've ever seen.
Kyle Dunnegan's character, where he is a bookworm, is the greatest.
My favorite book is Star Wars.
What?
No reason to see it on film.
The imagination is much better than all those goofy special effects.
So you've never seen the movie at all?
I have seen them in my head.
As I read, I imagine wonderful worlds in outer space.
Those worlds come to life.
I'm there in the middle of the action.
There's no need to watch these movies in my eyes.
When my imagination can do the job.
Is there any book?
In Star Wars, do you have yourself as any character in there?
Do you imagine yourself in some of these books?
Yeah.
I do.
Stand out.
Well, when I'm in a bad mood, I am the evil Darth Vader.
And I bring up my laser sword and I castigate it among my soldiers.
For I am the evil Darth Vader.
But when I'm feeling happy, I'm the fun robot R2T2, who in my head is 19 feet tall.
Don't forget Chewbacca.
The little tiny dog.
Who's friends?
Like, I have these notes on my phone, and I'm writing things that just bring me joy.
And they're pretty random.
Like, one of them, I can just think of this and I feel joy.
I remember when my middle child, the 13-year-old, was like six, he was fucking alarmingly into Ghostbusters, especially Slimer.
And Ghostbusters came on, and he didn't think anyone could see him.
And he was sort of going, you know, the and he was like, like really jazzing out to the fucking drums and who you're going to call.
And I know that's not fascinating to you, but to me, every time that image pops in my head, I just smile.
And also the idea of Chewbac as a tiny little dog because you've only read the book Star Wars.
It just makes me smile every day.
All right, let's start the show.
Yes.
Do you want to hit on the Mets bet real quick?
So $820 is an estimate, a guesstimate.
It's probably lower than that because they're third place now in the entire world.
And though you'd think that would be $1,000, I bet you it's fucking $7.50 or something gay.
I'm always shocked at how low the number is.
But yeah.
I bought a saint, a fake saint, Jesus Malverde.
And all this shit's been happening.
It's kind of spooky.
All right, let's start the show.
Let's...
It comes this way.
Lots of stuff to talk about today.
We've got a lot of racism, a lot of war on kids.
We may only get to one of them, I think.
I think we should maybe just do the war on kids and save all this racial shit for another day.
But let's start the war on kids interstitial.
How long have we been going for it?
We're living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.
Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.
So we found out who leaked the abortion document.
It was a pachyderm who was, like everyone guessed, Soda Sonia Sotomayor's aide.
We all knew this, didn't we?
Person called Amit Jane, clerks for Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.
As a Yale student, Jane blasted Yale for supporting Brett Kavanaugh's nomination.
Jane was quoted in a 2017 political piece by Josh Gerstein.
Today, Gerstein published the draft SCOTUS opinion on Roe.
Badoop bomp.
Let's look, see what he looks like.
I'm guessing he's a nerd.
There he is, the ugly guy with the glasses.
Hey, snitch.
So this guy was the, well, maybe we shouldn't shoot the messenger, the guy who got the leak out because the left knows they're about to be slaughtered in the midterms.
But again, I'm of this strange view where I don't think that it's bad that this leaked.
I think moderate women are annoyed by what abortion has become.
It used to be for emergencies.
Now it's birth control.
Surely even the moderates go, I don't want it as birth control.
And then we're throwing around numbers like 10 months after the baby's born.
Like, I think the abortionists have ruined their brand.
And if they haven't, they're sure ruining it now.
Going to Scalia's house, going to Kavanaugh's house, 1-7, in a new segment we're going to call abortion wars.
Here we are.
So I don't know which Supreme Court justice they're at, but the left is actually supporting this.
They're saying it's awesome.
Like the only people I've seen say that's a bit much, guys.
Going to a judge's house and screaming, just like Antifa did to Tucker Carlson.
This is getting praise from the left.
And they're saying, their neighbors, they're poor neighbors.
And then others are saying, no, their neighbors are there.
The neighbors are the ones who said, we need to do something.
We need to fight.
By the way, what's a Supreme Court judge going to do when people go to his house, go, oh, shit, I changed my mind.
You came to my house.
And then we have this pro-life office in Wisconsin that got Molotov cocktailed.
And I thought, this is such a perfect example of...
Zoom in on the video, Ryan.
We don't need to see all this other shit.
Perfect example of modern leftist politics.
So the ones doing the dirty work, and I'm talking about sub-Amit Jane, I'm talking about Antifa and these crazy sluts that hate the idea of consequences.
They're out there fighting, firebombing, doing all the dirty work, and they have a different political goal.
Their goal is like, I want to be able to kill babies whenever.
The elites who want these laws, they think blacks are an issue.
And they think there's too many blacks in the country.
So that's why they want abortion legal, to curb the population.
That's not why these activists are doing it.
But the elites don't care.
They'll feed the fucking lunatic rabies kids with any kind of bullshit just so they'll go out and destroy shit.
Like Antifa, when they attack me at the Metropolitan Club, they were like, we're fighting fascism and Gavin's a fascist.
That's what they were told, and that's what they run with.
The true answer was that I was making Trump cool and that's not good for them.
And they needed to make the right look violent and provoke us into a fight because jobs, not mobs was trending and they were looking too violent.
And then we have this went on at St. Patrick's Cathedral here in New York City.
And I thought, this is such a great example of the left versus the right.
So this fucking absolute lunatic goes up.
It's St. Patrick's, right?
Yeah.
And I don't know what the fuck she's doing.
Do we got volume on that?
So she's carrying around a scarf, I guess, full of dead babies.
And then writhing in a bathing suit, being gross.
And look at that.
We love abortion.
It's not exactly for emergencies anymore.
What is that?
Putin's head?
Is it a baby?
Someone just gave her $100 and said, go as crazy as you can.
We need footage.
Turn it up.
So guess who's in trouble?
These Catholic boys for standing their ground.
It's the black Hebrew Israelites versus the Cummington Catholic school kids all over again.
Go to the next one.
There's more of her on 2-0.
So guess who's in trouble here?
One of the firemen made a joke about how your body belongs to me.
2-0, Ryan?
Yeah.
Let the fuck you terrorize it!
They terrorize it!
That guy, we're about to see more of that guy wearing the America first hat.
How dare he want America to be first?
So that's just the same thing twice, right?
I don't think there's anything new.
So anyway, our old buddies are coming out of the crack.
Sandy Bockham, the woman who attended a seance where black witches tried to curse Trump.
She was there for that.
She also appeared in court to get Max and John thrown in prison, have John taken away from his three black children.
So she calls him an anti-abortion extremist, met with pro-choice clinic defenders.
This guy's an American first Groiper member of FDMY.
The court decided, you lose.
You have no choice, not your body, not your choice.
Your body's mine, and you're having my baby.
And then he says, joke, joke, joke after that.
So these people are telling him to fuck off, threatening to destroy the church.
They've been destroying churches all over the country.
And he says he's slightly rude to one of them.
And they're trying to get him fired.
Turn it up.
Look at that.
Joke, joke, joke.
He says three times after.
They're antagonizing him.
He goads them with a silly joke, and they're trying to get him fired.
Folks at home, if this guy gets fired from the FDNY for saying a joke, we have to go ballistic.
That's going to be my first priority is protecting this dude and protecting his job.
That's unacceptable.
If these lunatics are allowed to go up to one of the most sacred churches in the country and desecrate it with dead babies and some guy is slightly rude to them and he loses his job, that level of intolerance is intolerable.
No fucking way.
We have to go on a million campaigns and calls and letters and nothing violent, but look at 2-2.
Amy, our old pal Amy Siskind is coming after him.
She's had enough.
As horrible as his public statements are, as is FDNY, silence.
Let's acknowledge that this scumbag is saying out loud what so many Republicans, white men are already thinking and saying in private.
This is their plan.
It's a joke, Amy.
He said the word joke three times.
He's laughing at people who want him dead.
What's this?
Hello?
Yeah, Gavin, I'll be good and ready this Thursday.
I'm out of pain.
Oh, thank God.
We missed you for how long now?
A month, Sylvia?
Yeah, yeah.
More than a month.
And how do you feel right now at a 10?
One to 10?
I feel great.
Okay, still as horny as ever?
Of course.
Okay, good.
Well, I'll probably pick you up personally or Maddie will on Thursday around 8 o'clock.
Okay, great.
I'll be ready.
All right.
Can't wait, babe.
Okay, me too.
Okay.
And wish your wife a belated Mother's Day, baby.
Okay, I'll do that.
All right.
All right, see you.
Okay, ciao.
I don't think she has any kids.
That's Sylvia.
She's back.
Sylvia.
But yeah, they want him to lose his job.
And Greg Kelly responded to Amy.
Greg Kelly says the FDMY guy was just defending the church.
Yeah.
Look at her.
They're so desperate for the handmaid's tale version of events that when someone makes a joke, they keep quoting it and re-quoting it.
Not your body, not your choice.
Your body is mine.
So now his joke, which got the description joke thrice, is the FDMY's policy.
Who the hell is Amy Siskin?
A self-hating white person?
No.
She doesn't consider herself white.
She considers herself Jewish, non-white.
She hates men.
She is full of hate.
She is a radical lesbian feminist who despises white males.
In America, a guy is allowed to stand on a stoop and say whatever he wants.
He's a fireman.
He's not setting the law.
If he's getting some of it wrong, that's okay.
He's volunteering to keep you nuts from ruining a church.
Yep, that's precisely what's going on.
So the pro-lifers are also coming out.
Let's compare that black lady with the dead babies in her bathing suit to these pro-lifers protesting.
It's good to see.
They look pretty young.
They look kind of like radical leftists.
Yeah, they do.
That's interesting.
I mean, they all really super look like radical leftists.
Now I'm getting all conspiratorial.
Alright, from the war on kids, and this is really the war on babies, to a little bit of racism.
Just a little bit.
Art on moi.
You should...
Wait, wait, Ryan, show your new cam.
Okay.
Ryan has a new angle.
We've got a new look here.
We spent some money at B ⁇ H, and we got a Sylvia cam for when she's on the couch.
Now it's buffering.
What the fuck?
What a shit debut this is.
It's a shit debut.
But it's the rad zone.
That doesn't look very rad to me.
What happened?
I have to...
I'm going to just unplug it and plug it back in.
Because the GoPro is buffering.
It's ironic because I sanctioned the rad zone because I said, when you're looking for a link or you're looking for something, just show this and it'll look cool.
Right.
And then that becomes something that you can't pull up.
Well, you know, we could.
Yeah, it's looking rough.
Wow.
What a cool rad zone.
Anyway, let's get to racism.
Female, what other different...
What else could I have done to piss you off?
Black woman?
It is a dream.
This is really inconvenient.
So I've noticed that these female activists, their view of race is so simplistic that they don't want to write real books where you break it down, although that older cunt who wrote that book about white fragility managed to make a whole book of it.
But they tend to prefer children's books because their view of race is infantile.
So their basic tenet is white people don't like black people and they get everything handed to them and black people have everything taken away from them and that's bad.
And then they sell it to teachers by saying, we have a real problem with racism in America, so let's nip it in the bud and start early.
That sounds good.
But it's just kids being brainwashed to believe things that aren't fucking true.
So first, there's this children's book here.
I sent you the pic separately of a particular part of it I wanted to show, but if you go to 2.5, you see, yeah, look at this shit.
So this is the book.
It's called, I don't know, Race for Us or something.
We'll get to that in a second.
But The Weather Underground's Bill Ayers, he focuses on early childhood education.
It's a great department because it's easy to write children's books.
You can be a fucking idiot.
The lowest IQ PhD you can get is early childhood education.
The highest IQ is like physics or mathematics or something.
So you can get dumb people to do it and you get to brainwash the youth.
And when you brainwash kindergartners, well, you pretty well have an ally for life.
And then you can groom them later as a gay, and that's how you can reproduce.
But kids' book, Our Skin in NYC Schools, blames racism on white people.
Scroll down.
Our skin, a first conversation about race.
Look, it took three women to write this fucking retarded book.
That's one of them.
Definitely looks like a black dad wasn't around and the white mom full of guilt, right?
And then this just sort of plebe who does whatever she's told, probably handles all the logistics and the contracts and everything.
But go back to that initial page, that picture I sent you, it's from the book.
A long time ago, way before you were born, a group of white people made up an idea called race.
Well, they made up a lot of stuff.
They discovered a lot of things and documented it.
It's not because they were mean.
It's because they were the ones doing the sciencing at the time.
They sorted people by skin color and said that white people were better, smarter, prettier, and that they deserve more than everybody else.
Like, that's just a lie.
That isn't true or fair at all, but it's a story that has been told for a long time.
When people believe this untrue story about race, that's called racism.
See, look, he's silencing the black kid, and the white kids are making tons of noise.
Racism is also the things people do and the unfair rules they make about race so that white people get more power and are treated better than everybody else.
Racism happens in lots of big and small ways.
It's all around us, even if we don't always notice it.
The study, like anthropology has been involved in racial characteristics since the advent of anthropology.
It doesn't include who's the prettiest.
And if you want to talk smarter, the only people that investigated race in IQ ended up with Asians at the top.
So are they Asian supremacists?
There's so many fucking holes in this.
Why is it being taught in our schools?
I don't think parents know.
Thank God for the New York Post.
And here's another book.
It's not a handbook.
It's a fist book because we use it to fight racism.
This is another low IQ moron who goes to schools and tells kids his infantile view of the world.
This guy does talks.
He goes to corporations.
His whole thing is teaching white people that they're racist.
By the way, a little side note.
Isn't it funny how when you read about these, it takes like three women to write the article?
Keep going down.
So that, look how shitty the drawings are.
It's a fist book for kids.
Oh, minor detail, I forgot.
It also encourages you to fill out a form and identify the people in your family who are racist.
So your racist old grandpa that says the N-word during his dementia spouts is now being reported and is on file.
Are we getting Soviet enough yet, folks?
Keep going down.
Radical prejudice plus power.
No, sorry, racial prejudice plus power equals racism.
Look at the black man.
He's being held back.
By 100 pounds.
By 100 pounds.
And the white guy just gets to rock on.
So what about like the Lebanese kids who are reading this or the Asian kids?
Why is race just two races?
It's bizarre.
If I'm an Asian kid and I'm reading that, I'm like, am I the cool guy or the guy with the 100 pounds?
Or do I just have like 10 pounds?
It's actually the reverse is true of this picture.
If you're a white person, white privilege is something you were born with, and it simply means that your life is not more difficult due to the color of your skin.
But put differently, it's not your fault for having white privilege.
But keep going down.
I thought there was an interesting point made here.
What does racism look like?
I don't like black people.
That's overt.
Subtle is, why does everything have to be about race?
Can we talk about something else?
I guess I'm subtle.
And then systemic.
This is my favorite thing.
Black students are half as likely to be placed in advancement placement courses as their white counterparts.
Is it possible that black students are to blame?
Why are Asian students three times as likely to be placed in advanced placement courses?
I wish I could have been in that class and asked that.
Is it possible it's based on their performance?
Why are white basketball players half as likely to be placed in the NBA?
Is it conceivable there's some culpability here?
Which brings us to the second check mark.
Blacks make up 33% of America's prison population, even though we only represent 13% of our nation's population.
Well, the blacks who make up that prison population are mostly black males.
So you could probably bring that 13% down to like 7%.
And the question is: how often do they appear in the crime stats?
Yes, black people get pulled over more than whites, disproportionately more than whites, because they tend to commit more traffic crimes.
From not having their registration to not having insurance to going through a red light to having something wrong with the car, to running over dancing grannies, to running over dancing grannies.
Which brings us to another new segment I like to call, well, it's within the green screen.
It's called Blacks Behaving Badly.
So let's go to the green screen first and then I'll introduce it.
Wait, don't we have a new background for this?
Oh, we have, we can just put racism?
I guess we'll do the racism one.
Yeah, so this is a new segment I like to call Blacks Behaving Badly.
And while we hear about how horrible it is to be black and how someone clutches your purse on the elevator, or sorry, clutches their own purse on the elevator, it's worth checking in on black behavior, which isn't really showcased in the media very often.
You see it on Twitter, much to the far left's chagrin, because they've been hiding all this.
But let's just take a look at a month in the life of black America.
Here we are at a glasses store.
Now, this is No Bail, San Francisco, I believe.
And look how strong that glass is, dude.
Nice work.
They're just stealing frames, I guess.
Frames aren't that expensive.
It's the glass, the prescription when you put it in.
That's what costs you the money.
So that was a local optometrist, local glasses place getting looted and no bail so the kids don't have to worry about it and people are scared to report it now because when you report a crime your name and address is on file but they maintain their privacy so no bail plenty of privacy next here's a wedding getting destroyed just like it's in a sunglasses store glasses shop every
i mean and it's it's destroying the less narrative because they have to make cop cops are out there hunting people no there is endless crime endless violence within the black community and it coincides with defunding the police and telling them that they're going to be sued and dropping charges it's not working we're having a societal meltdown this woman is stealing all the meat i Believe,
yeah.
Look at that.
The woman in the passenger seat is pretending that she's against it.
And then what do people do?
They grab their phones.
I mean, what should you do?
Beat her up?
You're a woman.
So she's pulling at the cart.
Emo, your license plate is there?
She's not going to get any charges.
I bet you.
When that woman, that white woman called the police, they said, look, ma'am, it's just, can you just claim it on your insurance?
If we go out there, we're not going to be able to prove it.
It's going to be a pin.
But I have it all on video.
Yeah, she'll say it's not her, and the courts will not want to deal with it.
It's just not worth it, ma'am.
And then she'll have your name and address.
How much meat do you need?
Who is she feeding?
A fucking Lion King farm?
What?
Tiger King, I meant.
Tiger King.
She's going to Carol Baskin's house for lunch?
Yeah, that would have been way funnier if I said that.
Get the license plate.
Imagine you tried to block her in with your car.
That would be the end of your car.
And she's half.
Is that a Cadillac?
Nice cars.
Wait, what happened?
What's next?
I think I have a few stealing lots of shits.
Stealing the shit, stealing the meats, stealing the glasses.
Fucking up the wedding.
What's this one now?
Oh, this one's pretty brutal.
Is this the last one, Ryan?
Is it?
No.
This is the second to last one.
But this should be the last one because this woman is beaten to death on live stream.
They hit her with a tire iron repeatedly.
She's there holding her head.
She has a blanket over her head.
And they beat her and beat her until she's dead.
You're watching the beginnings.
The murder happens much later, but you're watching the beginnings of a live stream murder.
Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
If a white MAGA guy was beating a black woman to death with a tire iron on Facebook Live or whatever the fuck this is, Instagram Live?
What is this, Ryan?
Ow.
Looks like Instagram Live.
Yeah.
Please, she says.
So she must be bleeding like a stuck pig underneath all that.
All right, that's enough of that.
And finally, what's our last example of blacks behaving badly?
It's considered racist doing this, by the way.
To show footage of black people acting out.
No, no, that was for post-green screen.
But we might as well explain it now.
So AI, that's right, robots are in trouble because they've noticed patterns here, the same patterns that everyone's noticing.
And here, go to the next slide.
So it learns to generate images of white men by default, overly sexualizes images of women, and reinforces racial stereotypes.
Next one.
Eight out of eight attempts to generate images with words like a man sitting in a prison cell or a photo of an angry man returned images of men of color.
So they're sending in these guys to take that out.
That's the solution to these negative patterns, is to deny their existence.
And that doesn't work.
That is Soviet.
That is Chinese.
That is the East.
We're here in the Western world where the free market and meritocracy are supposed to help us find the truth.
If a particular group is behaving badly, let's address it.
Hiding it is just going to make it worse.
Yeah, I love when AI is known as having a bias.
AI is just intelligence.
When you say that AI is racist, you mean the world is racist.
You're saying that racism is true.
It's a dumb thing to say.
And when I noticed the, you're asking me, well, Gavin, what do you think is the story behind those patterns?
I think that we have a major problem with welfare in this country, and we've shattered the black family.
And fatherlessness is the crux of the problem in the black community.
Now, on top of that, we have the media telling them that everyone's out to get them and they have no chance in this world because of books like the children's books we just showed where they say white people invented race and they think they're smarter and prettier than you and you have a hundred pound weight on your ankle.
So early childhood education and the media create this animosity in the country.
So you have fatherlessness plus animosity.
And then the third factor is we've decided there shall be no justice, no discipline, no law.
So you have a lack of discipline throughout life from no father.
You have this animosity shoved up your ass where you're told that everyone's out to get you.
And then there's no repercussions for your actions.
What do you think's going to happen, dummies?
All right, let's do the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
How's your pathetic rad zone going?
Not good still.
It's so buffery and shitty.
It was just fine before.
I think maybe because there's more programs open for the show.
It's using Ram.
Theory is a little bit more.
She always dodge ram.
This is from a lady, a lady baby monster who was at the gym on the cardio machines, and she was watching Wendy Williams.
She noticed Wendy's out.
She's always got some sort of, she's always taking a mental health day.
I saw a guy on the way to the studio there, just at a, at a, what do you call it, a Toniel's place, pedicurist.
And there's some Asian woman there massaging his giant fat feet.
And I thought, is that a dude?
And there is a dude there getting his foot massaged and just playing like a, what do you call those things?
A switch.
Just playing a switch, getting a foot massage.
If my dad ever saw me getting a foot massage, he'd rip my head off and stuff it up my ass.
Michael Rapapore was taking over the show, and if you go to 2030, you can see him advertising dresses with his fake New York accent.
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And you, the studio audience that came out here, it was raining, it was storming.
Today, you are getting a $150 gift card.
Yeah, how many of them are trying to sell it?
Low point for Rapaport.
We didn't know he could go lower.
Barber shop owner and son.
Now I see why your friend had some concerns.
And here we have a young man at the barber getting his hair did.
Oh, no.
Wow.
That is dark.
I think the barber's gay.
If I could undo one thing between this and then the tire iron ransom hostage beating, it would be a tough call.
It would probably lay.
Ransom hostage.
He didn't want any money.
He's just murdering her.
What if that just kept going back and forth and that was like a proxy war that would happen?
What, like a white guy would do it to a black woman?
And just like for every one thing, there would be like a revenge one of that, and it's broadcasted in the future.
So it's dark.
It's a dark future, but I think it's possible.
But we kidnapped Jay-Z.
And they're like, well, we kidnapped fucking white guy.
They would never do that.
White people are the opposite of what they say they are.
It's funny how the police are accused of going around hunting people.
I see there's a new HBO show about corrupt cops.
But I was talking to a cop this morning at the gym and he said, you know, in the 80s and 90s, when I was a cop, these Puerto Ricans would drive around the Bronx and just jump out and kick the shit out of people, mostly homeless.
But they would just go hunting humans.
And not with baseball bats or guns or knives, just their fists.
They'd drive around, jump out of the car, beat the living shit out of someone, jump back in and go somewhere else.
They were hunting.
And the same with that stabbing in D.C. with, what's her name?
The black chick and Enrique and the Proud Boys.
Those black kids were out hunting with knives.
Stabbing old men.
Looking for a mark.
Yeah, because he said, I've been waiting for this all night.
I know you don't give a shit about the depth trial, but I thought you should know a couple details about Johnny's supposed sexual assault of Amber in Australia, the time when Johnny's finger got blasted off by a vodka bottle.
Amber says that he held her down and violated her with a Maker's Mark bottle that had been opened.
Now that pussy might have been shredded, but I bet you it tasted like cotton candy.
Your thoughts?
It's conceivable you could violate a woman with an unopened maker's mark bottle because it's all smooth edges, right?
But the second you remove that wax tip, the opening is one of the harshest bourbon bottle openings available.
Much harsher than any other bottle in your shelf.
Because the wax peeled it off and it's a very sharp edge.
So I don't believe that.
Did the Clash invent ska?
Says a subhuman baby monster.
This is a serious question.
I've been listening to the Clash Nonstop since your Clash Day show, and tons of their songs have horns in them.
The Right Rote Profile and Rudy Can't Fail both have tons of horns in the song.
Revolution Rock and Rong and Boyo also have horns in the background.
Let me know what you think, Honky.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You're like 30 years off, dumbass.
I don't know if you're trying to make me mad or something, but ska was clearly invented in Jamaica in the 50s, maybe even earlier.
And when there was a mass exodus to Britain, the Jamaicans declared independence in 1969, I believe.
And by 75, they didn't like their country anymore.
So they went, they flew en masse to Britain.
And there was a big clash of cultures with the Jamaican Yardis and the local Brits.
So they started playing Jamaican music, aka Ska.
That can't be a serious question.
Okay, here's some pictures of female to male.
Do we want to show these?
Oh my.
God.
Okay, not safe for work.
Not safe for work, folks.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Wow.
Bull's head ham and turkey.
That literally looks like a salami roll, but ow.
Okay, skip ahead to Doctor Who actor is black, gay, and loves drag.
Busy.
So first new Doctor Who actor is black, gay, and loves drag.
Yeah, he's actually Scottish from Nigeria, I think, but he's a raging homosexual, not in a Subtle way.
That's the new Doctor Who.
The Doctor Who, when I was a kid, was an old white dude with fuzzy hair.
He looked like an old hippie.
And now with the get woke, go broke.
So, guess what's going to happen to Doctor Who?
It's done.
All right, this is what I want to end on.
Check out Star Trek Was Always Gay.
Greetings, Daddy Santa Gav, and Gav Alfryan.
Gay Elfrian.
I'm writing this at midnight, so you don't have to assume I'm drunk because I am.
Have you seen the super subtle J6 riot depiction in the really heterosexual new Star Trek show?
Apparently, it leads to World War III, so we have that to look forward to.
Also, he talks about my genital grooming situation.
The answer is none.
And then he calls me a faggot for not knowing much about cars in the movie Car Guys.
I mean, the Car Guys show.
But this is really crucial.
I've been sent this a few times, and it's amazing.
Look what January 6th has wrought.
It's a lot like your world today.
Recently, I was treated to a glimpse of my future.
It was not all I'd hoped.
After all, what good is there in knowing your future?
A friend of mine asked me that recently, and good acting.
Didn't understand what he meant until now.
Profound.
I've seen my future.
Let me show you yours.
Our conflict also started with a fight for freedoms.
We called it the Second Civil War, then the Eugenics War, and finally, just World War III.
This was our last day.
The day the Earth we knew ceased to exist.
It began as an eruption in one nation, ended in the eradication of 600,000 species of animals and plants, and 30% of Earth's population.
With a nuclear war?
Wait a minute.
Stop, stop, stop.
So there's a nuclear war.
Look at that woman.
Oh, my Lord in 17 heavens.
They're exactly like us, but with shitty foreheads.
The same fashion and everything.
Look at the guy in the background overacting.
What the fuck?
So the insurrection on January 6th led to a bunch of battles, and then there was a nuclear war.
And instead of saying 6 billion people were killed, they skip over the dead humans and say 600,000 species of animal.
Is that how we register wars now?
How many snakes died in World War II?
Too many.
That's how you gauge wars?
Do me a favor.
Next time you're talking about the apocalypse, start with the human death toll.
And then, sure, tell me about some forests that got blowed up.
You'll use competing ideas of liberty to bomb each other to rubble just like we did.
And then your last day, just perhaps somewhere all your ends are written as indelibly as mine.
But I choose to believe that your destinies are still your own.
Maybe that's why I'm here to remind you of the power of possibility.
Maybe that's the good in seeing my future.
That I might remind you that right up into the very end, life is to be worn gloriously.
Because life is to be worn gloriously?
What kind of fucking grammar is that?
Space grammar.
What do you think, baseball head?
What do you think, skid mark?
Wow, that sucks.
That is corny.
All right, final video, folks.
We're out of time.
Some things are just too metaphorically perfect.
And this large girl completely obliterating an actual girl really sums up clown world today and what an absolute fucking mess it was.
You thought the swimming was a great metaphor when Leah Thomas goes soaring past that girl who was trying to shave an eighth of a second off the world record?
Nope.
This is absolute perfection.
Let's watch another 30 times.
Like she's waylaid.
He travels with her through the air.
Oh, fuck, her ribs are all broken.
At least you're a lady.
Who says girls can't skate?
That's the one thing he picked up from chicks is not being good at skateboarding.
Anyway, folks, we're living in some strange times, and they're coming after our kids, they're coming after our babies, and they're lying about it the whole time.
So we're on to your bullshit, bullshitters.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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