He was our shitty closer for many years, and now he's our good closer.
The Mets are kicking ass, number two in the entire league, right below the Yankees.
We're 16 and 7.
Unfortunately, my bet is only up to 720.
Now, you'd think $1,600 minus $700 is $900, but I'm out $180 somehow.
Now, I just asked the bookie.
He didn't get back to me yet, but is he taking this as individual bets he places right before the game?
Or did he take my entire bet at once?
You know what I mean?
Right.
Because individual bets would change.
Like, what is my bet?
Is my bet I want you to bet $100 on every Mets game?
Or I want you to bet on the entire season?
Which is what you wanted.
Bet on the entire season.
That's what I'm committed to.
Right.
And I can't pull out, so I should be rewarded with more than just this bullshit.
Right.
That seems like an individual bet thing.
Yeah, I've changed.
I'm paying $100 and I have the option to opt out.
That's less rewarding than my huge risk, which where I risked $16,000, boys.
Now, obviously, they'd have to lose every game.
It would break all world records, whatever.
But I also stand to gain $16,000.
Anyway, Diaz is kicking ass, and that's a cool song.
Blaster Jacks.
Very exciting to be at the stage, at the stadium these days with the Mets.
Narco.
Narco.
Very ironic because this all started going well for me when I bought a statue.
Did I send you this picture last week?
Did we talk about this?
I don't remember the statue.
So there's a place in the Bronx, not far from our office, that sells all these weird fucking statues.
I get heard about it.
It's called like Health Botanical Garden Center or some weird fucking name that makes no sense.
And it's full of statues, mostly Grim Reapers.
Lots of $300 Grim Reaper statues that are about four feet tall.
I showed it to a Puerto Rican friend, not Ryan, a friend.
And he goes, yeah.
If those are for sale in your neighborhood, you're in a really bad neighborhood.
That's the saint of death.
I thought, are we getting a new one of this, by the way?
A new just default background?
Yes.
A triangle for the setting up of the show.
Okay, that's like pop culture.
I sent you that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then there's like lots of Indians, statues of Indians, and then lots of black slaves that are like black.
Not brown, black slaves that are like a whole group of them.
Anyway, one of the statues I really liked was this guy, Jesus Malverde.
Is this ringing a bell?
Nope.
Okay, so I haven't talked about him.
I've since changed that whole shelf and added much more booze.
But that guy, I have a shrine to him now with skulls on either side.
You know that vodka that has skulls?
Yeah, Dan Aykroyd's skull vodka.
Yeah, yeah.
So I have one on either side of him.
And the luxpin.
So this guy was allegedly a real dude who turned to crime after his parents died because that particular part of Mexico was being colonized by miners and elites, and the locals weren't getting any of the money.
So he started robbing them and giving the money to the locals, a Robin Hood character, which is how the narcos see themselves.
They see themselves as Robin Hoods, like Pablo Escobar.
I'm taking from the rich and giving to the poor, building schools and stuff.
So Mal Verde means bad green.
Like you acquired your green in a bad way, so I'm going to take it from you.
And so he's in all narco-terrorist style homes.
If the cops ever come to my house, they're going to be like, this guy definitely deals cocaine.
And he's holding money in the statue.
And ever since I got it, my betting luck has been nuts.
Number two in the entire league.
Again, the Mets are one of the worst teams ever.
I wear a jacket from when we won the World Series, 1986, it says on the jacket.
And we're such losers, it's like when Red Sox fans are talking to Yankees fans, and I'll come in and say, yeah, well, that's like we did last year with the Phillies.
And people won't even make fun of me.
It's like being retarded.
People just go, yeah, okay.
Anyway, so the pitching this year, and I'm behind the guy going, we have Jacob DeGrommes Young winner.
Yeah, I know you do.
That's great.
You're fun.
You're number one, buddy.
Yes, I am.
I'm number one.
Speaking of losers, I attended Larry Barnes' induction into the Hall of Fame, the Baseball Hall of Fame, yesterday.
Never been to that place.
It's called Russo's on the Water.
It's in Howard Beach.
I drove Larry and his sons there because I called an Uber and it was going to be a 45-minute wait.
You ever heard of that?
Rarely.
I've never heard of that in Newbery.
3 a.m. maybe, yeah.
Yeah, this was at 11.
So I just fucked, I jumped in my car and I drove them.
When they get to Howard Beach, which is in Brooklyn, they go, we're in Queens.
No, yo, this is where, this is the kind of place you come here, you don't leave.
Dude.
We buy a house?
East New York.
If a white guy goes to East New York, he's a dead man.
Fucking East Village.
A, you're A-OK.
B, be careful.
Avenue C, see you later.
D, you're dead.
But black dudes are like brainwashed into thinking that Howard Beach, yo, what are you doing here?
Why are the mooling yarns here?
You're fucking dead.
You're not coming out of here alive.
Like, you know, that movie Judgment Night, where the RV goes through the wrong part of town, and these white guys are stuck in a black part of town, they're all going to die.
Black people think that about white neighborhoods.
Anyway, we got some pics from it.
Oh, there's the movie.
I was peeing.
I missed the beginning.
His personality is solid.
Stop.
It was some of the rudest people.
They're chatting while the speech.
Apparently, this is true of all boxing awards things.
I mean, boxers are not known for their high IQs, and I don't think they're known for their manners either.
Holy shit.
And I couldn't even do the turnaround and like, uh-huh, face, because half the place was doing that.
My eyeballs would wear out going, hmm?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Go ahead.
This guy.
Jibber-jabbing in a way.
The accomplishments and these numbers raised are numerous, and I'm going to let you look at the book so you can read about them.
I didn't want to go over them again, but I just have to say how much we look up to this man and love this man.
He's never been to the pay of war.
He has an energy like no one else.
Stop.
You see, so that first table on the top left is Larry's table with his sons there and a family that came.
Then that, so that's like the top table, I guess, if it's Larry's.
Then there's the fun table with Tommy Bags and the crew.
And then I'm at the loser table.
Third best table.
What?
Yeah.
I'm driving the guy there.
You two are like ebony and ivory.
I'm in the ugly section.
You ever see the Kirbier Enthusiasm where they don't get seated in the nice spot?
They're in the ugly section?
I was seated in the ugly section.
Guess who I was sitting next to?
Whom?
A broad.
You.
What the fuck?
What are you doing here?
A Jew broad.
Because I'm Jewish, but I'm from Boston, so I'm basically a New Yorker.
And I go, you know how you tell the Jewish wives?
They don't suck dick.
You know how you tell the Irish wives?
They don't suck dick.
I just made that joke up on the spot.
So it was fun talking to her.
She was cool.
She talked about something funny about being a mom, where the dad comes up with a rule, like my rule, no screens day, but then he's at work.
So the mom has to enforce it.
She's like, I don't want you fuckers hanging around me.
At least when you're on your screens, you're out of my hair.
Anyway.
Have you ever met him before?
Walk up to him and say, hello, he'll bring you life.
He's no referral.
He was wearing a sparkling beige suit.
And then that's the guy, the let's get ready to fight or whatever his saying is with the dreads that go to the fucking ground.
He's bald too.
His hairline's back here, and then his dreads touch the ground.
Listen to this bitch jump in.
I have nothing to add to this, by the way, because this young man is just the most amazing young man.
But I do want to talk just like one thing about this game.
This young man is probably one of the most polite young man.
Women ruin everything.
I have nothing to add, she says, and then says he's a very polite man.
That's nice.
All old black guys are polite.
The ones that aren't are dead.
Let Guido Sarducci go up there and say something.
I'm being real short.
I can't, I can't imagine.
You can't help being real short, Larry.
Shannon Briggs right there had this crazy speech where he's like, let's go, champ.
That's his saying.
And he got everyone to say, let's go, champ.
And it's like, Larry, I wrote Larry a fucking speech.
Oh, cool.
But he's not a big reader.
And I left it on his answering machine.
This guy can memorize entire scenes of movies.
Like, he'll just go up to you and he'll go, are you not entertained?
Yeah.
Marcus Aurelius, I didn't come here to kill.
I didn't say I know him.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
He becomes gladiator for five minutes.
He said it so many times, you're starting to remember it.
Yes.
Yeah.
I did not say that.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
Rocky, like, and he builds it up too.
He's like, at first, I killed for sport.
And now, and then he builds it up.
And then he tells me to say, I have to say, you knew Marcus Aurelius?
So say that.
And then he looks at me and I go, you knew Marcus Aurelius?
I didn't say I knew him.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
Everyone in the gym is like, who the fuck's Marcus Aurelius?
And I'm not going to ask if you knew him because I don't want to fucking.
Imagine the lion isn't even like that.
He's just so amped.
It's like, I didn't say that.
I said I brushed his shoulder once.
But he's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't say I knew him.
Actually, it could be a misremember, like in Rushmore, where we thought he says, oh, it's a jellyfish.
And then you look up the movie and what are you painting?
It's a jellyfish.
What?
Or the laughing guy with the monocle on CBS News from the 70s?
I was like, he's dying.
And then we look it up and the guy's like, a monocle.
At any rate, or a very difficult situation.
That doesn't even exist.
Or thinking that in the song it goes, everybody.
And meanwhile, it's just like...
Oh, wait, the way that one is.
That one is.
That one is it.
That's how I remember the good.
See if you can find that.
Marcus Aurelius touched me on the shoulder once.
Marcus.
Anyway, while you do that, I'll say some of my speech.
You know, thank you guys.
This is great.
Thank you so much.
You know, when you had a career in this sport, you look back sometimes and you wonder, are they going to remember me?
Did I make a difference?
Well, looks like I made a difference.
I'm on it.
I don't know where I'd be without boxing.
I'm skipping apart.
Actually, I know where I'd be.
I'd be dead or in jail.
When I was a kid, I was into sports, but I was always Larry, no fear, Barnes.
It's an asset in boxing, but it's a curse out here on these streets.
There was a time in the early 80s where I was running with a bad crew.
This is sounding so racist.
And I could feel myself getting pulled into crime.
I wanted to make money on the streets.
I want to do big stuff like robber bank.
Thank God for my cousin Paul DeVos.
He was a golden glove champion who got me into boxing in the 80s.
I started watching Sau Mambi on TV.
He was traveling all over the world defending his super lightweight title against Instaboody Jesus, Termite Watkins, Thomas Americo.
He used his fearlessness for good.
And is this the part where they escort him off the stage because he got a hernia and they put a camp on him and then he comes back?
This is a man's bro.
I started training at Pockchester Boxing Club in the Bronx and I ain't looked back since.
I trained day and night.
I run from Mount Vernon to Watt Plains and back.
Along the highway, I looked like I stole a TV.
But I didn't have no TV.
I'm doing it in his style of comedy, too.
I wasn't into crime.
I was a new man.
In fact, in 1990, I stopped a bank robbery at the same bank I was thinking of robbing as a kid.
I was 2-0 at the time.
No, 12-0 at the time.
And some criminal had seen a woman empty a safety deposit box.
This is all true.
He knocked out a bank robber.
Oh, shit.
What a life.
By the 90s, I started fighting the same guys I used to watch on TV.
I fought Saul Mambi, he would say.
Ben listening all the fights.
I fought Felix Trinidad there, and boom.
He's talking about Madison Square Gardens.
Celebrities coming over to wish him luck.
What a left uppercut.
I got to say, he knocked me into the Twilight Zone.
I thought Rod Sueling was calling my name.
That's a joke he always says when he talks about that.
And then the last line is, so thank you.
Bye-bye.
Feels good to be appreciated.
Oh, and I couldn't help but notice there's a lot of ladies here tonight.
I want you all to know one thing.
Larry still got it.
Hey!
The walk-up is great.
And then, is this the part where Pavarotti comes in?
Look at his fucking face.
But Larry does talk like James Brown.
Yeah.
By the way, speaking of faces, go to 11B.
Ladies, what are you doing?
And you'll notice, I looked up this plastic surgeon that she works for.
His wife looks normal old, like laugh lines and a normal face.
He has crow's feet.
No, no, 11B.
Oh, sorry.
There's two 11Bs.
The first 11B, New York Post.
So they don't do this to their own faces.
They do it to insecure, normal-looking women to turn them into monsters.
Look at that thing.
What is that?
Damon Wayans and white chicks.
Plastic surgery made staffer work with COVID, asked her to fake test suit.
She had to fake a suit?
Look at her fucking face, dude.
It's like what Martin Short said.
He said, whenever you see a woman with plastic surgery, you don't go, oh, there's a 23-year-old.
You go, oh, there was a woman who was in a horrible burn accident.
They managed to put most of her face back together, and she can lead a reasonably normal life.
What did she look like before they show her?
I don't know.
See, look, he's got wrinkles.
Look at her.
What the fuck have you done, lady?
That's silly.
I think there's a young woman in there somewhere.
I think there's like a 34-year-old.
That looks evil.
Yeah, that looks dark.
That looks like an evil short guy.
Speaking of evil short guys, Ryan's Instagram is back, and it's really good.
Check out 11A.
He does these sketches where he works at this shoe place.
I didn't know you had a job at a sneaker store.
I do not.
I don't know what this is.
Okay.
Already kind of offended.
It's pretty cool.
Ryan puts up a video a day.
What's this one about?
Let's see.
Let's see.
Hi, hi.
Welcome, welcome.
Oh, my God.
You should buy shoes.
You should look at me like I'm a museum architect.
Let's see how these shirts look today.
You know, I don't really like how this is looking at this.
Where do you get the time to go?
You want to get shirts?
That's not me.
What?
That's a different human being.
I don't even know if you could clarify.
You wait, you have a twin brother?
No.
That's not even using close to me.
I'm offended.
And I don't look like this.
Go to the picture.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
That guy doesn't have a mustache.
There's way more than that.
There's a picture of us all together with Larry.
Every time someone takes a fucking picture, they add 40 feet of sky.
No, that's another picture.
That one.
Zoom out.
Oh my God.
Actually, I'm impressed they got the shit.
They usually crop the feet and then have all the other shit.
Like, how do you not know to take a fucking photograph?
100% of the time, you ask someone to take a picture for you, they add four feet of shit.
Go in, get all of John's body.
If you're going to crop, you crop like just above the waist.
If that's not cropping any hands.
It's not rocket science to take a fucking picture.
Look at Tommy Bags.
He's wearing a turtleneck with a gold chain and a suit and Gucci slippers.
I'm like, dude, I don't want to speak out of turn here, but are you perchance Italian?
There's a cop and a criminal in that photo.
Cops and criminals are all friends now.
Now that they're retired, they're all buddies.
And we have to bring back my game show.
Cop or a criminal with the texts.
Yeah.
We'll play it once a day.
I was thinking about hosting a game show on this very site where it's a quiz show and I interview and quiz people individually and then stack them up.
Who's the smartest person on censored.tv?
Could be a special.
So the contributors.
Yep.
I feel like Goad will win.
Do you think Goad is the smartest person at Censored.tv?
Besides you.
Yeah, obviously.
Devin Tracy's pretty smart.
Yeah.
And he doesn't look too different from Goad.
That's a great point, Ryan.
We're talking about intelligence, and you notice the two people are bald.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Rolling Thunder happened Since I spoke to you last, very cool deal in Ottawa.
So they went to lay a wreath at a war memorial.
This is the same war memorial where a Muslim terrorist shot a guy in a kilt, a guard, a soldier.
What was his name?
Nathan Cirillo?
Was the soldier?
So they want to go lay a wreath at that same spot, and Justin says, No, not going to happen.
And they go, yeah, it's happening actually.
So now going to Ottawa and humiliating Justin Trudeau has become a tradition, which I'm very happy about.
Rido Street.
That's where I got rolled for my docks.
I got beat up by skinheads and they stole my fucking Dr. Martins right past that overpass.
How'd they get away with it with so many people there, though?
Well, this was in 1987.
Oh, I see.
The foot used pretty encased in glass, that whole area.
I mean, like the sidewalk, because it was so cold.
Oh, shit.
Isn't Toronto like half subterranean?
Montreal.
Montreal?
It gets so cold.
And I love this because Trudeau hates anything that makes him look uncool.
He could care less if Canada sinks into the sea.
But the reason he spent so much money, which it translates to like 30 grand per person in Canadian media, donating to newspapers, is because he wanted them to write nice things about us.
I think one of the reasons the Proud Boys became terrorists is because I made fun of him.
Because my brother hung out with him a few times because my brother was friends with his stepbrother.
And so I tell that funny story about him worried that a campfire would hurt their carbon footprint.
And I think he has it out to get me, and the Prowboys was a great piece of revenge.
Another big enemy of his is Ezra Levant.
By the way, this march is because of Ezra.
Ezra injected life into the Canadian right.
And fucking Justin hates that.
He's a drama club kid.
Do Hells Angels have a Canada chapter?
That's a yes, right?
Yeah, Ryan.
Gotcha.
Like hundreds.
The Hells Angels have chapters in Turkey and Tokyo.
They're a global organization, my friend.
Oh, dang.
That was probably the dumbest thing you've ever said.
Not even asked.
Speaking of drama club kids, so much of the body politic right now is those annoying girls who were in the drama club.
Remember them?
They were kind of sluts and kind of stupid and not quite all there.
They're obsessed with attention and they had their drama friends.
But you know what I mean?
Remember the drama club in high school?
They weren't quite aligned with reality.
They were dumb attention whores.
The guys were all gay.
The women were fag hags.
And they were retarded and gross and stupid.
Well, retarded.
And this is, you know, you heard Jen Sackey has got a deal with MSNBC.
She's got some show coming up.
Me, me, me, me.
And people would say, why does Biden have a set?
Like, why doesn't he talk from the White House?
He's in a fake White House.
We see flowers behind him that are always in bloom.
And it's because the staff, and I have this on good authority, they're all Veep fans.
Seriously.
Wow.
They love the show Veep.
So for them, this whole White House thing is just a show.
They're playing house.
So much of women in the workforce is playing house.
Some guy just sent me a picture from Ireland of an ad for like where construction workers get their morning scones, you know, their little bacon, egg, and cheese in the morning.
And the commercial for it is like, choice is a must.
And it has some homo with a fan.
Like, this is where construction workers get their coffee and it's about choice, people.
And that's clearly a woman who works at a marketing firm virtue signaling to her friends.
It's not the free market.
Like that.
There's no drag queens who go to this place for their morning fucking sandwich.
It's women in the workforce fucking up.
That's what Gen Sacchi is.
That's what the White House is.
That's what huge swaths of our economy are.
And that's what the Minister of Information is.
She's got a book out.
13A?
Oh, yeah.
So this woman, Christina Push, who I think works for Marjorie Taylor Greene.
I'm not sure.
I forget who she works for.
Ron DeSantis.
Ron DeSantis.
I'm two chapters into the Minister of Truth, Nina Jankowicz's book, and she's arguing that we should censor the internet to protect women from mean tweets.
She shares a story of her friend who went on an exotic vacation to Thailand to recover from online abuse.
For the record, just to be clear here, when women are abused online, it's other women.
Men don't sit there and going, you look so fat in that.
You're such a bitch.
Oh my God, a coach handbag.
Are you like on welfare?
But go back to 1-3.
Tulsi Gabbard, is that her name?
She was saying that this whole ministry of, yeah, this whole Ministry of Information thing is Obama.
This is not Biden's decision.
Obama senses that they are losing their stranglehold on big tech, and he knows that's how they win elections, that politicians control the information, they control the populace.
So here is April 21.
Obama saying social media sensors don't go far enough.
The good news is that almost all the big tech platforms now acknowledge some responsibility for content on their platforms, and they're investing in large teams of people to monitor it.
Great.
Given the sheer volume of content, this strategy can feel like a game of whack-a-mole.
Remarkable.
It's WACK.
Still, in talking to people at these companies, I believe they are sincere in trying to limit content that engages in hate speech, encourages violence, or poses a threat to public safety.
See, he's so much better at this.
They genuinely are concerned about it.
They want to do something about it.
But while content moderation can limit the distribution of clearly dangerous content.
What's dangerous content?
It doesn't go far enough.
Oh, so we're learning a lot about this minister of information.
And she's got a book out that's all pro-communist shit.
what did you say you found out about her?
She was talking about the beauty of censoring content a long time ago.
What'd you say?
Oh, Ryan Luther.
Can you hear the gears?
His Model T Ford brain is at work right now, folks.
Yes, there was a.
Did you, Marcus Rosalius?
You sent for me.
The wrong thing.
I did find the part?
I did.
You're good, Spaniard, but you're not that good.
Oh my God, I hear this every two days.
I've never seen that.
Like, I've maybe saw this when it came out, but it's so weird hearing this speech I've heard from a James little James Brown come out of big actors because he doesn't do their voice, really.
He does his, like, ha, ha!
You knew Marcus Horrid.
I did not say I knew him.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
As predicted.
Totally calm.
I didn't say I knew him.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
But he screams.
When Larry does it, his eyeballs come out of his head.
I didn't say I knew him.
I said he touched me on the shoulder once.
Yeah, and he'll grab your shoulder.
Well, he grabs onto you and you're like, what the fuck?
Is this part of the scene?
It's not.
He does not touch that man.
No.
He's disconnected from himself.
So anyway, back to the minister of truth.
We have a minister of truth.
Ministry of Truth.
It's a concept literally in 1984.
It's literally Orwellian.
Goebbels was the Minister of Truth for Hitler.
We used to laugh at Canada.
Aha, you have the CBC, you have government-mandated information.
Aha, you commies.
And then America goes, hold my beer.
So Obama's still president.
He still sucks.
But not only does Nina Jankowicz have a book, she has a CD out of songs.
Did you know about this?
No.
Now, don't include me in this.
Make it full screen.
This is a greatest hits collection we came across of Nina Jankowicz's best songs.
Imagine owning the Minister of Information's greatest songs, all in one place.
In a once-in-a-lifetime collection, Censored.tv presents the ultimate Minister of Information collection.
At least half a dozen beautiful songs, including Humankind is Insane.
Any dolphin can see that humankind has gone insane.
A song about Harry Potter's genitals.
I help them solve the mystery of the A. And I'd like to solve the mystery between the A. The classic, Who Do I Have to Fuck to be Rich, Famous, and Powerful?
Santa, if you're listening, please tell me what to do.
Who do I fuck to be famous?
And featuring her brand new hit, Information Laundering is really quite ferocious.
Information laundering is really quite ferocious.
It's when a hopster takes some lies and makes them sound precocious.
That's right.
You get two CDs for just $16.99.
Call 718-400-6959 to order the ultimate Minister of Information Collection and get two CDs for just $16.99 plus shipping and handling when you use your credit card.
Call now or order online at https://censored.tv.
Wow.
I hate musical music.
I hate it.
It's an affront to music itself.
They make up the songs in what, like six months?
They have to adhere to a plot.
The Strokes first album probably took them 10 years to make.
And someone throws together a bunch of shit garbage.
Musicals have the worst type of music.
And the fact that people like it, by the way, that really quite furooshius.
That's why she got the job.
Because the entire White House is now drama club girls.
So they saw that and they loved it.
Remember Obama Girl?
Obama girl.
I wonder what it would take for me to be an Obama girl.
Maybe one day I could escape this editing and software pod and fulfill my true dream of becoming an Obama girl.
I can see it now.
Obama girl.
I'll be an Obama girl.
Oh, but daddy, you want me to work a real job?
You gotta go to school.
Yeah, musicals suck.
Is he on the can?
I don't know.
He's pissed.
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah, fine.
Leave me alone.
I want to become an Obama girl, Dad.
Talk about it later.
I'm taking a shit.
And I really don't like that Harry Potter's genitals thing.
I want to know what Live Teams likes.
Now, I've heard there's a documentary about that little gang.
Oh, yeah.
Her musical duet.
And they go, no, no, no, we were like 12 when we made the song.
Okay, so you were worried about Harry Potter's cock when you were 12?
Like 12-year-old girls want, they want to have big dicks.
Big dongs.
Big magic dicks.
12-year-old girls are sick of small dicks.
Is that what you're saying?
Is that?
I'm proud that she didn't make a wand pun.
Like, what size is your wand or whatever?
You want to fuck Harry Potter.
So their defense is, no, no, no.
I, as an adult woman, don't want to fuck Harry Potter because he's 12.
When I was 12, I wanted to fuck Harry Potter.
Oh, because 12-year-olds are so horny.
I gotcha.
That brings us to the war on kids pretty quick.
But before we get there, I want to...
Should we just jump there?
Yeah, let's do it.
War on kids.
War on kids.
I'm going to regret that.
Hello, fam.
I had a sex change upgrade.
Who wants to pound my bag?
We are living in an ageism era where children are seen as human garbage.
Regulations to indoctrinate American school children with poisonous and divisive left-wing doctrines.
I had some people telling me that I shouldn't downplay the grooming aspect of all this LGBTQ kid stuff because it's how gays reproduce.
I never really thought of that before.
Obviously, gays can't reproduce.
There's no eggs in a butthole.
So when the gays put their dinks in other gays' bums, the only thing they get is baby AIDS.
And as far as lesbians go, well, they scissor for a while and they rub sex toys on themselves and then they get LBD, lesbian bed death.
None of this includes kids.
So they groom.
Go to 19.
It's weird because is this LGBT war on kids?
Kellen D. Nicholson, a male-to-female transgender person, has just been arrested in Portland and charged with 12 felonies related to grooming a child for sex and possessing child sex abuse imagery.
She posted photos of herself in the girl's bathroom on Reddit.
It's funny because you see these more moderate gays say, we don't want to fuck kids.
What the hell is the matter with you?
Because they're mortified at the possibility that we're right.
Well, we're right.
So get mortified.
Does that look like a chick to you?
18 trans F looking for sex with folks to fuck at any age.
Whoa.
I want to fuck some folks.
It's weird that you mentioned that too.
Yeah, like LGBTQ is merging with War on Kids.
I actually have two.
I have a bunch of LGBT stuff, and it's all trans child stuff.
So what does that go under?
I thought it was interesting, too.
Go to 2-0.
They don't release mug shots anymore.
Kellen Nicholson, blah, blah, blah.
She was arrested, but Oregon no longer releases mug shots because of a new law to protect riot arrestees and other suspects.
So I'm talking to a dude at Larry's Thing, and he had some African-American gentlemen sitting in the passenger seat of his car.
So he does what any normal person would do is he grabs a baseball bat and says, get the fuck.
He calls 911.
He goes, get the fuck out of the car.
Now, I wouldn't recommend that if there's like five black dudes skulking around your car.
But if it's someone you think you can take, by all means, that's the right thing to do, right?
So the police show up, they get him.
By the way, this guy, he had some anti-masking sign, the criminal.
And when he goes, hey, get the fuck out of my car.
You know what the black dude did?
He went like this.
Oh, I can't see you anymore because you put a sign there.
That's peekaboo.
That's what babies do.
Oh, I'm invisible now.
Well, actually, adults peekaboo.
But when your kids get older, they think for a little while, like when they're two, they think this makes them invisible.
It feels that way.
Well, it's not true.
Try it.
Even the training's Coca-Cola is gay.
Where do you get a gay Coke?
If you think you're invisible when you close your eyes, reverse your camera, make a video, and then look at it, and then close your eyes and go like that, and then open them.
And I bet if you play back the video, you'll see that you're there.
Anyway, so the cops go, people don't really, this is in Westchester, but it's same laws in New York.
People don't really press charges anymore.
He's just going to get out on bail.
The cops were discouraging him from pressing charges.
And he's like, no, he was clearly trying to steal my car.
He was messing with the casing on the driveshaft.
I want him arrested.
I want to press charges.
Okay.
I mean, we used to punish these guys by taking them way down to Manhattan and putting them in the tombs there.
At least it's a commute.
But now they don't let us do that.
They have to go to the local thing.
So he'll be in a holding cell for a couple hours.
Then they'll tell us to let him go.
And then the guy gets arrested for some other violent act like a day later.
And he spends like two weeks in jail.
And then they go, hey, for the freedom of information or criminal rights or whatever, he has your address, your name, everything about you.
That was given to him.
But you can't see any of his criminal record stuff.
You can't see his mugshot or anything.
That's all private.
So his privacy is sanct...
What's the word I'm looking for?
Sanctimonious, inner sanctum.
I always fuck up that.
Sacred?
His personal information is sacred, but you're, the guy who was attacked, the guy who had his car robbed, your information is public.
And you know why they're doing that?
So people won't press charges.
And they're doing it for a number of reasons.
One, they just want less paperwork, less casework.
And two, the mayor wants it to look like crime is going down.
And crime is going down in the sense that reported crime is down.
Crime is up all over the place.
But it's reporting it is down because why bother?
He's going to be punished for an hour.
He's going to be mad that you inconvenienced him for the mere act of trying to rob you.
And you're putting your whole family at risk now because he's clearly unhinged.
He's a criminal lunatic.
And that's what's happening with this stupid kid out there molesting children.
And we're too scared to criticize any of these people because the lunatics are running the asylum.
And one other thing about the gay attack on kids, 2-1, the media empire behind the scene is pushing a new show about teenage drag queens.
Okay, for the record, let's just be clear here for a moment, okay?
Drag is homosexuals dressing in blackface, but instead of blacks, it's women.
So women face?
It is a parody of women.
Why are they parodying women?
Because as a gay, you feel weird.
And you feel like a woman.
You get fucked up the butt.
You're submissive.
There's very few tops in the gay community.
And you're like, this is weird.
And you get bored of feeling weird.
So you go, I'm going to ridicule this.
Satire is the best way to get out of a bad situation.
So I'm going to ridicule the fact that I feel odd.
And the feeling comes from my sex life.
My sexual proclivity Is bizarre.
I'm a woman, but I'm a man.
So I'm going to ridicule that.
It's 100% based on sex, which is why they have names like Little Miss Ho and all kinds of cum puns.
And almost all the time, their names are sexual puns.
It's a parody of their own sex life.
I don't really give a fuck what these adults do, but if I was a woman and I was a feminist, I'd be pretty offended.
There's one thing I know for sure is that you don't bring sexual parody or sexual anything to children.
But CNN does.
Come to the Discovery Plus.
That's not CNN.
Liz, my lovely friend.
I first discovered drag at 13.
I didn't know what it was, but I knew I wanted it.
Put on the wig and the makeup, and I'm someone completely different.
I'm so pretty!
My drag name is Vanessa Shimmer, and she is just a force you cannot reckon with.
I hope these kids are gay.
Yeah.
Like, what if this kid isn't even gay?
And I do believe you're born gay.
We discussed this before.
You're an egg.
So you're about to become a homosexual.
But a young gay kid is as much a gay kid as an egg is a chicken.
It's not hatched yet.
But you can tell that it's going to be a gay, right?
Pre-gay, we'll call it.
So I hope these kids are pre-gay.
Because if you're making straight kids, this is what we've done to bullying.
We're so petrified of bullying and we're so determined to up the bully victim that now the bully victim is the bully.
And you better be gay, kids, or you're in trouble.
My parent, a child that wants to do drag.
I never expected drag to be a part of our lives.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, these are so cute.
Did he expect his dad to be a part of his life?
These are problems I never thought I had to prepare for.
Is that Thrash and Vaudeville?
These are so cute.
These are problems I never thought I had to.
It looks like it, doesn't it?
Yeah.
What I love about drag is the glitch and the glory.
Okay, this is weird, too.
That's a girl.
Right.
Now she's just accelerating her sexual maturity.
Now you're doing woman face and gay face.
Like you're co-opting gay culture.
Right.
What?
Talk about clown world.
Wow.
My name is Noah and I'm transgender.
No, you're not.
Have you talked to mom and dad about depictions?
Was it you that for Halloween you dress like a woman dressing like a man?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's this.
A thing and a thing.
What do you think of taking those photos down?
It's a constant reminder that we had to pretend I was look.
So hold on a sec.
The whole point of this show is that these kids are fragile and mentally delicate and we have to tiptoe around them.
Why is there a fucking camera in the kitchen?
Why did you have Discovery Plus come by if you're that fragile and make yourself world famous?
They're all bossing their parents around.
Get off my lawn right now.
They're all bossing their parents around, but too, by the way, that's not really a fragile.
Well, it's sort of, it's like this threat of suicide, right?
You know, you can keep the picture there, but it's going to be right before my funeral because I'm going to kill myself.
Okay, don't, no, no.
Picture's coming down.
Do you think Ama would ever want to watch me do drag?
How do I explain this to my child that she doesn't fully accept Novella?
Making friends has been a hard thing for me to do.
When I'm becoming Nemo, become more confident.
Let me make sure you are appropriately fluffed.
Okay, this is where I get disturbed.
Did you see that living room was full of adult fags?
Confident.
Like, who are these friends?
Imagine how weird it would be if I had a 12-year-old friend.
Hey, is Darren around?
Yeah.
Okay, tell him that Gav's here.
I want to go do mini pod or whatever.
Just throw football around.
Don't you have your own kids?
Yeah.
Darren's my friend.
Duh.
Even that seems more sad than creepy, but when you add a gay voice to it, like, hey, is Darren here?
Hey, can Darren come out and play?
Yeah.
Can I have Desmond's Amazing on my podcast?
I murdered a meth junkie dealer.
Are you going to play mini put?
Ew, no.
We're just going to hang out.
Way worse.
Call Darren.
Hey.
Fucking Ryan's getting on my nerves, man.
What are you doing?
That could be any day of the...
Gorilla tag?
Anyway, so this is where...
This reeks of grooming.
I'm playing Gorilla Fag.
One, two, three, four, four, five homos are at this little boy's house cheering about his drag costume.
That's creepy.
They're reproducing.
You're watching gays reproduce.
And the parents egg it on.
Difficult for them, but they try, and that's all you can ask for.
It's impossible.
What's with that voice?
They tried.
She sounds like John F. Kennedy or Robert Kennedy with that weird crying disease.
They tried.
But he's based.
I'm really fragile and I'm at the verge of suicide, but can we have a camera crew over in my kitchen?
Kids to understand that they're not alone.
So my mom started Draguton.
Kids and their families are coming from all over the country where we get to be our true selves.
Oh, God.
This is happening.
This is Vanessa Shimmer.
This is a place of love and support.
Because we need that in this world.
It's a sex joke.
This is me.
Drag is a sex joke.
Anal sex is a huge part of drag.
You know, couldn't they have...
Hum is a major part of their jokes.
Couldn't they have covered this like in a real way where it's like the music isn't like yay and it's like, you know, this is a thing that's happening.
You know, make up your own.
Oh, yeah, that's not a documentary.
That's a rabid celebration.
It's propaganda, basically.
So part of this, too, is part of this culture with the drag and The trans kid shit is anti-family, anti-kids.
Don't reproduce.
So not only are they grooming kids to be gay under the auspices of making gay kids feel okay, they're also saying to us normal people: don't have kids, don't have a family, get divorced, get in trouble.
And I want to do a green screen about this commercial I saw that is anti-family propaganda.
And I watched it with a sane dad brain.
And their idea of a life with a lot of kids looks fucking awesome.
And the fact that it's being used as propaganda to have women let their eggs dry up is downright disturbing.
Let's check it out in the green screen.
So this is a commercial for a phone plan, a cell phone plan.
And I guess these people had a bunch of kids to save money on their cell phone plan, which is a funny kind of a concept.
But look how miserable they are after having kids.
Talking and texting for years, we got married for the family plan.
And then we really expanded our family.
Stop.
So they've got what?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine kids.
Nobody has fucking nine kids.
That's absurd.
But guess what?
It would be awesome having nine kids.
Look how fun that is.
Do you know how hard we work as modern parents to get the house full of kids running around?
If not our own kids, their friends?
Like every dad's dream is to go, whoa, whoa, as some stranger runs up the stairs with a little fucking fireman mask on, running around, honk, honk, water pistols, trumpets, trombones.
This is awesome.
And look at this funny kid with the blue all over her face.
The only thing that's not accurate there is you'd be photographing that and laughing your head off.
There's your son is hanging around.
He's not in his room.
He wants to hang out with you.
That's cool.
These are the cutest little things in the world.
Go smell that head.
It's yours.
You don't have to worry about coming across as Joe Biden.
These cute little characters aren't even crying.
They're having a good time hanging out.
Yeah, the house gets messy.
Good.
You're not showing it to sell it.
You're living in it to live.
So fuck shit up.
For the wireless savings.
It seemed like the responsible thing to do.
And then just yesterday, my sister told me to...
Stop.
When you have that many young kids, your furniture's Ikea.
You don't have fancy furniture.
So that kid with the blue is getting blue on everything.
Good.
It's garbage.
You're going to throw it out when the youngest kid turns 13.
And look at the cool drawings you get on the house.
This is supposed to look like hell.
And it might look like hell to you if you're 18, but they're clearly marketing to adults.
We're supposed to see this and go, ugh, kids.
It's these women in marketing, these single cougars, these fucking shit chests.
They're making the commercials.
Just like that.
I'll find you that picture with the Irish billboard.
Just like the woman who okayed that construction worker's billboard.
They're not helping the market.
You'd be much happier at home.
What are you doing?
This is ironic.
This woman, not this woman, but whoever, the woman behind this, doesn't have kids and is writing commercials to make herself feel better about her shitty, lonely life.
Meanwhile, the cell phones company is like, hey, can you sell phones, please?
You know, like the thing we paid you to do?
How ironic.
We're in a therapy session right now for the marketing woman behind this campaign.
And the victim is this poor phone company.
Visible.
Yeah.
Get unlimited data for as low as $25 a month.
Yeah.
Stop.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Single women's homes do not look like this.
First of all, they're a fucking mess.
Well, let's go back.
They're not a home.
It's an apartment.
Single women, spinsters, all these women you see blogging about shit.
They live in apartments in a mediocre part of Brooklyn, and it's a shithole.
And there's laundry piled up to the ceiling.
The fridge is full of to-go containers.
I used to fuck them when I was single.
And their apartments were always garbage.
There was no sort of like arching theme.
You want some more irony?
Just like the previous thing?
This was shot in a happy family's home.
This was shot.
This house that they used as a set had kids in it at one point.
They're probably older now.
They've gone off to college.
But this is a loving home that a family lived in.
And they have an actress come in and pretend, no, this is my home.
So again, we're in a sick, depraved propaganda machine that is denying reality and pretending that a woman would have a house like this and be happy and live alone.
Why do you have such a big house, you lonely, sad bitch?
I want to go back to the fun house.
Family plan savings.
Oh, no, stop.
How many kids are we up to here?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Yeah, nine kids.
Awesome.
The kids are all dressing up.
They're not watching TV.
They're having fun.
Some kids bouncing a beach ball on my head.
That is paradise, what you're seeing right now.
That is heaven on earth.
And the woman behind this ad will never experience that.
And the fact that she sees this as a nightmare is her coping.
There we go.
Lucky.
Yeah, that's what it's like to live in a big house.
It's my only regret, the only time I'm jealous.
I don't give a fuck about a Russian oligarch at a $200 million yacht.
I don't want a $200 million yacht.
I'm too cheap.
The fact that it costs $5,000 in gas to get out of the dock would ruin the whole trip for me.
This is what I want.
When I see some, I met a cop once who had eight kids, and I was genuinely cowed.
I felt like less of a man.
I am so fucking jealous of this alleged sad sack and his fake ethnic wife.
What a fucking Bullshit Festival like this thing: Dump your fiancé if he sins 2-4.
If your fiancé goes to a strip club for his bachelor party, you should call off the wedding.
Like, so much of modern feminism and female politics is about shattering the family.
Would you get in trouble if you went to a strip club now, Ryan?
If I didn't tell her.
Yeah, probably.
Why would you tell her or not tell her?
It's none of her business.
Shouldn't this be war on kids?
Oops.
Not that I'd be in trouble.
It would just be kind of shady.
It would be like, why'd you do that?
Okay, so I don't know why you're adding a layer to this question.
You go to the strip club, you tell your daughter, yeah, sorry, I'm late.
Gavin and I went to Tits and Tushes.
I don't know, actually.
Because she's kind of playful with the idea.
She's like, I want to go to a strip club.
Why don't you take me to a strip club?
Because women are a fucking nightmare at strip clubs.
They don't understand the culture.
Strip clubs are pussy church.
You go there to reverently pray to vaginas.
They stick them in your face.
At least in Montreal they did.
As long as I don't take communion at the pussy church, I think I'll be okay.
A lap dance?
See, this is what women don't get about strip clubs.
It's either pussy church when you're alone or with two guys and you're just like that.
A lot of guys go alone and just look at tits and cunts.
They're not laughing and screaming and doing shots.
Women as strip clubs, women aren't as sexual as us.
So for them, they don't worship dicks the way we worship pussies.
So they're doing like jello shots and screaming and laughing and falling over chairs.
We're like this with an anus here.
Like, yeah, like going to like an aquarium or something.
You're just like, wow.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
If there's a bunch of guys, there'll be a bit of humor in it.
Last, but you're not falling in love.
You don't hold hands with strippers.
You don't make out and come up with future plans.
When are we going to go to Malta Verde?
What the fuck is Malta Verde?
Sounds like a great dish.
All right.
Let's do this, this last one here.
Affirming my trans child.
You're going to have to get through the paywall here.
But this bizarre freak is talking about when her son was six, she came out as trans.
Now, some of you might not have kids.
I've had three six-year-olds throughout the years.
And I don't think people understand how young six-year-olds are.
Like, they have jokes like, Gavin is a noob, and he's fat.
He's fatter than Ottawa.
They don't pronounce the world.
They still can't pronounce words.
Like a burger's a bogle, church is torch, merch is morch.
When my kids were six, they said, what do you want for Fatty's Day?
Fatty.
Weather is wetty.
Sunscreen is sunscreen.
A sloth is a slog.
And I go, for Father's Day, just get me a beer.
And my six-year-old goes, Bill, that's so bowing.
And I go, okay.
And then him and his sister will walk around the house going, Bio, the most Boeingest Pleasant in the wheel.
Bio is the most bowingest president in the whole wide wheel.
That's how six-year-olds talk.
How I'm uplifting and affirming my trans child amid the hate.
We don't hate your child, dumbass.
We're worried about your child.
We hate you.
Go to her face.
818.
It says everything.
First of all, she's a badass because she's giving the finger, which is, it means, that's a hand gesture.
I think people just put queer in their bio now because no one's going to watch her eat someone out, right?
She's like, yeah, I'm super queer.
I made out with a girl at a party once when I was wasted.
And then you get a get out of jail free card.
You're black.
You're a minority all of a sudden.
They're soon going to lose their minority status.
Everyone says that.
But look at some of the verbiage here.
Go to 1.6.
This is the, the way they talk is just bizarre.
Oh, I promise you that billboard.
How the hell does a six-year-old know what non-binary means?
M was six when they told my husband and me with great distress that they don't identify as the binary person we'd always assume them to be.
And even though love has always existed among us, we made a point thereon to instill an intentional framework of unwavering support, validation, and acceptance inside our home.
How brave.
Isn't that amazing?
Amazing.
That's amazing.
So you didn't bully your kid.
Like, it's, again, it's munchausen by proxim, like we keep saying.
Go to the...
Oh, yeah, check out this quote, 1-7.
It revolves around the cis-heteronormative model, which exists at the intersection of colonialism, misogyny, and white supremacy.
The fuck are you talking about?
I have intersectionality, I guess.
I'm cis-heteronormative.
I'm colonial.
Misogynists.
Let me send you this picture, Ryan, that I'm talking about, and we'll drop the subject.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Antifa or racism, this show.
Or my pet Biden, even.
I sent you that picture.
We're going to have to get to the mailbag in a second.
We got time for a quick Tifa.
Attitude.
Centra, that's where Irish guys, bricklayers, get their sandwiches.
And just like all this shit we've been talking about, I promise you, it's a woman who okayed this campaign.
Because no construction workers see that and go, ooh, I'm going to get my muffins from there.
I'm going to get my morning bacon, egg, and cheese from Centra because they promote faggotry.
That literally, it looks like an insurance billboard or some shit.
It's good for her resume.
When they go through her book at the next ad agency meeting, they'll go, oh, you're really woke.
Centra, of course, gets fucked up the ass.
That's so off from looking like a place you could buy things at.
What the fuck is that?
Yeah, just have a sandwich and a coffee.
Okay.
I really want to do my pet Biden.
Okay, we're going to squeeze into my pet Biden.
It's going to be a long show.
I got to do it.
Got to squeeze it, man.
It's got to be done.
Biden.
On him I can defend my pet.
Biden.
President.
He's big and loose.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
You know, just to get back to that green screen briefly, the only way to reverse this cultural trend is to complain and be a thorn in their side the way they're a thorn in our side.
That's why BLM and Antifa get whatever they want because they bitch and moan.
People with big families are too busy with big families to say anything, but we should complain.
We should be heard.
That's offensive to us as patriarchs.
We should complain.
We should attack.
We should let those companies know that we don't stand for that.
Like the fucking NAACP was complaining about a birthday card that used the term black hole.
That's how sensitive they are.
There's a Sound Garden song they're not going to like very much.
Yeah, we got to get sensitive.
You know, Josh LaCash does a really good job of that on his stories, usually on Instagram, just pointing out anti-family stuff all the time.
It's amazing how much there is.
Don't let it go.
I mean, if these CEOs are so weak that they spend $30 million on a Black Lives Matter banner, then we should get $30 million on a pro-family banner.
You know what I mean?
We need an NAACP for the family.
The National Fucking Family Association.
Nafa.
Nafa.
How about the National Institute for a Greater Good America?
National Institute for a Greater Good America.
That's pretty cool.
What do you think?
I think it flows.
Flows.
National Institute for Greater Good America.
Yeah.
Okay, first quote.
Let's see if you can crack his code here on the Biden translation machine.
If you think about it, what was the reason why we led the world beginning around 195, 6, and 7 and 8?
What is the Sesame Street note?
What do you think?
195, 6, and 7, and 8.
Parenthetically, if you think about it, what was the reason why we led the world beginning around 195, 6, and 7, and 8?
Whoa.
I thought there was going to be more.
I don't have enough there to work with, I don't think.
Okay, so you're a failure.
Can you just play the detective shitty card?
We haven't seen that in a while.
I guess I could.
He means...
Why?
I don't like that.
He means, why do you think we started leading the world in 1905, that kind of timeframe, early 1900s?
Because the Industrial Revolution was getting its footing and we had serious manufacturing and we could now compete with Britain and other superpowers because our manufacturing was coming into its own thanks to the Industrial Revolution and automation.
That's my theory.
I think it's pretty good.
1905.
But he's so out of it.
When he wants to say things that sound slightly unusual, like most people say 1905, right?
But it's not an O, it's a zero.
So he's like, I don't want to be made fun of.
Is it 1905 or 1905?
I'm just going to cut it out entirely because I don't want to be ridiculed.
And look what happened, Joe.
You're ridiculed.
Next, speaking of the war on kids, Biden admits that all your kids belong to us.
These aren't, we always talk about these children.
They're not someone else's children.
They're our children.
And they are the kite strings that literally lift our national ambitions aloft in a literal sense.
Think about it.
No, not in a literal sense.
They're not literally kite strings.
That's one heavy fucking kite.
I hope your kite has a jumbo jet engine because its kite strings weigh about 7,000 pounds of terrified children duct taped to each other.
What a horrific image.
Yeah, I can have nightmares tonight.
Kids are literally kite strings.
If you got to do one thing to make sure the nation succeeds in the next two generations, what would you do?
You'd want, I would say, remove you from office.
Have the best educated public in the world.
No.
Have our students gain confidence enough to know what they can do to reach.
Trade.
How about drop out?
That's what I want kids to do.
I mean, help them teach and reach their potential.
And you've heard me say about our children.
But it's true.
They're all our children.
And the reason you're the teachers of the year is because you recognize that.
They're not somebody else's children.
They're like yours when they're in the classroom.
You represent a profession.
It helps them gain the confidence.
And there's nothing smart about you, Joe.
So everyone is mad about this next clip because he fucked up the word kleptocracy.
Yeah, that's pretty bad, but it is a clunky word, kleptocracy, kleptocrat.
I'm a little more concerned with him saying the opposite of what he means to say.
You know, when you go to a hotel, you say, hi, I'm allergic to the sun.
Can you find me one with a window facing a brick wall?
Okay, sir.
We'll see if we can accommodate you.
I'm going to try to help you because you're the customer and it's important that you're happy.
So I will accommodate you.
What does he say here?
That will enhance our underlying effort to accommodate the Russian oligarchs and make sure we take their ill-begotten gains.
We're going to accommodate them.
We're going to seize their yachts, their luxury homes, and all the ill-begotten gains of Putin's kleptocracy.
Yeah.
Kleptocracy.
The guys who are the kleptocracies.
I'm going to laugh so you think I'm joking.
Wow.
Go down a bit, though.
What did he mean?
We're going to hold on a sec.
Other ill-begotten games.
Accommodate.
But go down, because in the transcript, they changed it.
Accommodate.
Wait, go up, go up.
Accommodate.
Hold accountable.
Oh.
He confused hold accountable, which is the opposite of accommodate.
The man does not speak English.
Someone did a max headroom of it if you go to 28A.
I'm glad we squeezed this in.
It's just made the whole show.
It's always good to catch up on our President of the United States of America.
Amazing.
It's crazy, man.
That wasn't worth our time.
And the Trevor Noah thing.
That kind of slipped under the radar, but that.
Oh, yeah.
Did I send that to you?
I meant to.
How did you know about that?
I had watched.
I almost got through the whole 30-minute set that he opened up with, but I did not.
But do you have the clip of him saying everything's up?
I think so.
I meant to know where it is.
I meant to send it to you.
Everything is up.
Everything is up, is down.
Everything is a CKIFA.
Yes, that's it.
I think ever since you've come into office, things are really looking up.
Gas is up, rent is up, food is up, everything.
No, it really has been a tough first year for you, Mr. President.
He's laughing.
I think ever since you've come into office.
Here's the proper response, Joe.
When someone mocks your incompetence and says that you've turned American into Venezuela, you go, like Tom Hanks did when Ricky Gervais was making fun of Hollywood.
Yeah, things are going bad.
Two policemen are in critical condition.
You're laughing.
You're laughing.
Speaking of everything up, look at this brutal lie Jen Sakhe just did.
I'll end with that.
Hopefully she ends with that too.
This is 2.9.
Look at this.
I mean, we saw, and I talked about this a little bit earlier.
To the recent, the inflation data that came out today, we know that 61% of that is driven by the price of energy costs, by Putin's invasion into Ukraine.
And we need to continue to take every step we can.
That's working with us.
Just so you know how bad they are at lying.
If you're going to lie, stretch the truth.
Don't say the opposite of the truth.
Don't say accommodate when you mean hold accountable.
Let's go back to the graph we showed last week.
Like this graph should be projected into the sky.
It should be visible for everyone in this fucking Truman show on a giant fake sky.
Okay, we'll put it behind planes.
If this is all real.
We'll have it be a huge.
Click on that graph.
No, that's not a graph.
Look at that graph.
Look at that.
The pink is Biden.
The green is Putin invading Ukraine.
Jensaki would have you think that the green is 63% of the red.
Nope.
It looks more like maybe 2%?
40-45.
Alright, let's get to the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Doodle-dee.
I don't like these push-button volumes the new MacBooks have.
Bibbity boppity boop.
Bippity boppity, doopity-boppity.
Rocky Or Picture Show was a musical that had pretty good songs.
But that was a tortured home all.
This is back when gays did feel bad about being gay and weren't over-glorified.
And so you had a lot of pent-up frustration, the guy.
I can't believe they wanted to do the time warp again.
That's crazy, man.
Well, it's a dance, Joe.
Yeah, but it's...
You do a dance once and then what?
You go sit down?
Yeah.
You want to do a dance like several times.
You take a step to the left and then like a sweep to the right.
Crazy.
Hey, guys, there's an extremist researcher, a genuine extremist researcher, not one of these people who constantly combs through white male conservatives trying to get them to say something racist.
This is someone who's actually Concerned about genuine extremism.
Owen Linehan, it's spelled E-O-I-N, based out of Germany, he showed the relationships between Antifa, the violence they generated via Twitter, and the journalists that supported them.
Antifa screamed, complained to their friends, and Twitter's trust and safety team, and he was quickly rebanned.
Antifa is big tech.
My Wikipedia page, Proud Boys Wikipedia page, was put together not by someone loosely affiliated with Antifa, but Antifa.
The editors at Wikipedia are Antifa.
The health and safety people over at Twitter are Antifa.
The journalists that write about Proud Boys and Trump and Patriots, those are all Antifa.
He showed the relationships between the violence, the journey, blah, blah, blah.
Antifa screamed, yep, sorry.
Well, yesterday they granted his appeal.
He had broken no rules.
His papers passed peer review, and Antifa began to scream and cry once again.
It took less than 24 hours for him to get re-banned.
He was published originally by Quillette, featured by Andy No on Postmillennial, featured in Daily Caller.
So just having a peer-reviewed paper that explains the link and structure to Antifa organized violence is enough to get you permanently banned on Twitter.
So he says, I have zero faith that Owen can change the company.
Sorry, I have zero faith that Elon can change the company.
I think he'll set some new rules and they'll just do what they always do and report back that everything is going well.
Elon won't be reviewing your appeal or the reports that come to you.
He may do that.
He's talking to me now.
He may do that for hyper-popular people like Trump, but there's no way he'd do that for anyone.
Everyone.
Yeah, I agree.
I'm not going back on Twitter.
Here we have what appears to be an African political poster that says, what can can't, what can can't, can can do it.
What can can't, can can do it.
I googled this and nothing came up.
What can, can't, can can do it.
So I guess the guy's name is can.
I suppose.
But what can can't, can can do it.
Well, it's I think it's the honorary Alaji Baba Shehu Agai.
What can can't?
Maybe the town is can?
That's the worst political slogan I've ever seen.
We should do a whole thing on African flags.
Remember that email we got?
And they showed us the local municipalities in Africa and the flags they have?
And they're like sub-Corel Draw child.
What can?
Barbershop dilemma.
Hey, homos, problem solved.
Who gives a shit what the ex-wife wants?
Well, if you understand, we called the guy.
This is, by the way, from yesterday's or last week's show where the guy was worried about having both his guns go to one barber and not to the owner.
Now, I said, that's a huge fuck you.
So you better have a good reason.
And he did have a good reason.
He doesn't like the mean barber, the owner of the barber shop.
So that changes everything.
Now it's just like, sorry, tough, tough tits.
But I didn't think he hated that guy.
And I said, okay, just so you know, going to the other barber while the owner of the barber shop doesn't have a client is fuck you.
So this happened already, right?
Did you get nothing?
Let me give him a call.
He had COVID.
He wasn't at Larry's thing.
I ate his dinner.
That's crazy, man.
Did he get the chicken or the salmon?
Dude, you know how much fucking food is at these things?
First, we get the breakfast, and it's a little plate, and I go, that's bullshit.
I paid $150 for this seat.
Limitless Booze, by the way.
I was shit-faced.
And any booze you want.
Usually Limitless Booze, it's like this kind of wine and Jack Daniels.
No, they had bourbon, galore.
They're pouring me fucking three fingers.
Bud, I got a whole bucket of bud.
Yeah, there's a, I think it's made in Peru.
It's a certain brewed alcohol that they take, like the roots.
And shamans make it in Colombia.
It's crazy.
Jamie, pull that up real quick.
This problem has been solved, though.
He doesn't like that main barber, so I don't care about the barber being insulted.
Hey, man, you're back on the air live.
What happened with the barber?
What happened with the barber?
Let's see what happened.
I went in.
Connor sat down with the first guy.
The brother with hair asked for Jake to sit down.
I said, Jake, no, sit down.
The barber with the hair smacked the chair with his cape that they put around.
He's like, no, no, come sit, sit.
I go, no, no, no.
He's not getting his hair cut by you.
Your brother's going to cut his hair.
So that was a little awkward.
And then that's what we did.
And then he intentionally sat next to me and talked about cars to make it seem like it's not that I didn't want him to cut my boy's hair.
It's that I wanted to sit and talk with him.
Oh, because when people walk by the big window, they'd see him sitting there with an empty chair, and that looks bad.
You know what?
That makes a lot of sense.
So you started out insulting him, and then he had to have this humiliating sit-down as some sort of sad penance.
Oh, 100%.
Okay, so you're evil.
Fuck you.
Oh, by the way, war on kids real quick.
So basically all of the world, besides America, has realized that these puberty blockers are the same chemicals used to chemically castrate people.
Oh, that just made me feel like sick and dizzy.
It's disgusting.
And so this is...
This is a thing.
I think we're the only country using it or something.
The world is letting this happen to young people who have everything in front of them right now and they won't have it because now they're going to be you turned onto oh my god.
No one's carved up.
There would be no problem.
I can't have babies.
I can't have sex.
And I'm just like, oh my God.
Irreversibly damaging them forever.
It's not just a problem.
We knew it was irreversible.
Right.
But yeah, that chemical castration is like the chemical version of cutting your dick off.
Right, right.
The solutions for pedophiles have always been, my favorite is murder, killed them.
But then they had this like rod that goes around your dick and it has like sharp pins in it.
And when you get a boner, the pins go into your skin.
So they'd show the kid kitty, the guy kiddie porn, and it would punish him.
And then the third thing, then there's actual castration where they chop your balls off.
And then there was the chemical one.
Like all of these things are pretty brutal.
And we're doing them to kids because they sense that they're probably going to be gay when they become sexual.
That's the gif I sent my wife after she told me about that.
She's like, did you know that it's actually chemical castration chemicals instead of just puberty blockers?
Long-term studies.
Yep.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, the Weather Underground woman, Cheza Bodine's mom died.
Weather Underground chick, Kathy Bodin.
This is under the subject, Cheers.
Okay, gotcha.
I don't like gloating over the death of a person that doesn't feel very Christian, but fuck this cunt.
She was, I know the son of the cop that she shot at.
He's a proud boy.
He says, oh, good.
I can't wait to tell my dad.
Remember, when the Weather Underground did this attack in 81, they didn't just say, give me all your money, and they were funding the revolution.
They were funding black revolutionaries, the equivalent of BLM back then.
And so they had to steal money to buy guns to give to the black men.
Weird form of cuckism, mostly Jewish people, Jewish cucking themselves for black revolutionaries who hate them, by the way.
They just came on a blade, like shooting machine guns, not even giving the cops a chance, or the, sorry, the Brink security guys, a chance to surrender.
And then when the cops would apprehend them, again, like no hands up, nothing.
And now her son is the Attorney General for San Francisco.
What is he now?
Chezo Bowden.
He's a very politically ambitious and successful politician because the 60s and 70s revolutionaries are deeply embedded into the American political experience, which is why Obama started his political campaign at Bill Ayers' house,
and that was Chess's father, adoptive father.
He raised him.
But he is what now?
He's the DA of San Francisco, yeah.
Incumbent.
DA of San Francisco incumbent.
All right, let's get to the final vid.
Back to our gay theme.
Excuse me.
Once again, Shaquille O'Neal is the only funny person on a sports show.
I hate sports shows because it's guys in suits and sneakers, which is a bad look.
But sometimes this will grace my Instagram feed.
And we have, what's his name again?
Charles Barkley.
Charles Barkley.
Charles Barkley.
I think he once blew $14 million playing blackjack.
That's pretty sick.
What a fucking idiot.
Oh, one thing I wanted to mention, by the way, we're talking about holding the Russian oligarchs accountable.
I don't have a problem with the Russian oligarchs.
Jews were ostracized from Russian society, and they were not permitted to get involved in the banking system, the economy.
They were ostracized.
So they created their own black market, and they did wheeling and dealing and moneylending and all that shit that we need to start an economy on the side.
When the Russian economy collapsed post-Gorbachev, that black market became the market.
And now the seven oligarchs, six of which I believe are Jewish, became the barons of the Russian economy.
Russia's a big country.
Look at a map.
So yeah, the guys who are controlling the economy are going to be fucking loaded.
I don't have a problem with that.
We're going to take away their luxury homes.
I have a bigger problem with sports stars blowing $14 million on blackjack than I do with Russian oligarchs.
But I don't care about rich people.
There's a strange culture in this society.
And Breitbart was big on this when he was alive.
Slamming entrepreneurs and slamming the rich like it's disgusting.
Fucking friend Leibowitz saying, if you made over a million dollars, you had to have hurt somebody.
Really?
What if you helped cure cancer?
Do you deserve any money?
What about the guy who came up with shatterproof glass on windshields?
How many lives has that saved?
Does he deserve any money?
Anyway, apples too.
Can you milk him?
Hey, this is just breaking.
Uh-oh.
Nick Fuentes.
Oh, wow.
Off the no-fly list.
I didn't know you could get off no-fly list.
Amazing.
That's amazing.
And we're back.
That's Liddy.
Oh, that's pretty funny in the back.
There's people with masks on and physical masks on.
And then ADL and FBI.
That's cool.
That's good news.
Anyway, let's get to that final video.
When a guy's banging you, you spin off of him.
That's the worst defenders to play against, actually.
At the gate, when a guy is banging you, just lie there and think of England.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
You know you spin off of him when a guy is begging you.