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April 29, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:04:54

GOML LIVE #146 - MATTRESS BOY

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	Hey, yo, be your friend.
	Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGinnis.
	When a girl gets pregnant, a man is gonna run around.
	This a couple numbers when it's born, he wants to come around.
	Talking out sorry for what I did.
	And all of a sudden, he now wants to see his kids.
	She had to bury by herself and take care of it by herself.
	And giving us some money for milk won't really help.
	Half of the fathers with sons and daughters don't even want to take them.
	But it's so easy for them to make them.
	It's true.
	If it weren't for you.
	That was Ed OG, known to his close friends as Ed Og or Ed Og.
	Big Boston rapper.
	Probably the most popular Boston rapper outside of fucking Jump Around Dudes, House of Pain.
	The first to break it into the international scene.
	And this was back in the 90s when blacks rapped about culpability and said, we got to stop the violence and save our communities and be better men and stick around our babies.
	And then the left got involved and said, no, no, no, just complain.
	It's way cooler to complain.
	And we lost culpability on a lot of different fronts.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	We have Maddie Odell in the studio for a change.
	What's going on, everybody?
	For a change?
	Yep.
	I'm here every week.
	Besides that, it's rarely here.
	And of course, a Japanese man named Ryan Katsu Rivera is visiting us.
	Japanese and Puerto Ricans.
	So you know how this goes?
	The first half hour is free.
	Then we go behind the paywall.
	We've got sponsors paying for the free part.
	We make the video and the audio free.
	And it's not really that typical of the show.
	Usually on the show, we go through the news, we make some jokes, we mostly make fun of people.
	We're very rude.
	And on this show, it's more about getting in touch with the guys who pay.
	So we talk to the subscribers, we do a live chat, we do calls, and we go through the letters.
	I've painstakingly gone through the mailbag today and selected only the very few.
	But before we get into any of that, I want to talk about something pretty serious that happened to me in my home.
	Not unlike Bob Odenkirk's home invasion.
	This was a violation of my most sacred space.
	Ryan, these new backgrounds don't work.
	They're too dark.
	You lose the contrast.
	No, they have to be like white.
	Anyway, Bob Odenkirk claims he was home invaded three times, which does not make any fucking sense.
	No one is home invaded 1.5 times.
	First of all, if someone's home invaded, there was that porn star who got home invaded.
	She got like gang raped.
	And that's how I know who Mercedes Carrera is.
	And that's why we still talk on a regular basis because the left totally abandoned her because she's a porn star.
	That's gross.
	Now, I'm not pro-porn.
	I'm anti-porn.
	But criminals, porn stars, they're all still human beings.
	And believe it or not, if you're a porn star, you do not deserve to be gang raped in your own home.
	You do deserve to be gang raped on any bridge in the surrounding area, near your home.
	Consensually.
	Yeah.
	Consensually gang raped.
	Oh, that's a good name for a band.
	Oh, there you go.
	So Mercedes freaked the fuck out when everyone ignored that girl, and I appreciated that.
	But anyway, this shirt I'm wearing, I'm wearing this shirt like Mattress Girl.
	Remember Mattress Girl?
	She claims she was raped, and she carried a mattress around with her for her entire school year.
	No way.
	Yeah.
	She was on the cover of New York Magazine as the new sexual revolution.
	Now, if she was raped, yeah, that's pretty intense.
	And I support you.
	That's a good way to bring attention to it.
	But what happened was she was going in the vagina hole in doggy style, and her German exchange student boyfriend, with whom she discussed anal regularly, put it in the wrong hole momentarily.
	And she claims that was the rape.
	What's going on with her fucking Barack Obama fro there?
	Is that her new look?
	That's my new look.
	That's a bad look, dude.
	For a chick.
	I've had the mattress.
	A lot of folks say I wasn't raped.
	But I was.
	So anyway, if you look at what she literally went through, I have been through this yesterday.
	And that's why I'm wearing this shirt.
	Allow me to tell you the story.
	So two days ago, I was wearing this shirt.
	It's a very cozy shirt.
	It's made by the Ogden brothers, I believe.
	We'll find that out in a second when I take it off.
	But I had my reading glasses and my normal glasses.
	I had my normal glasses in my pocket, and I was wearing my reading glasses.
	And I was alone at Gavstav watching Better Call Sol, which has become my new tradition.
	And I put it on a chair.
	And I have these canary yellow bar stools.
	So to see the shirt on the chair is hurting the aesthetic of GavzTav.
	So I'm annoyed by it.
	When I go upstairs, I grab the shirt.
	I throw it over my shoulder.
	I know my glasses are in it.
	And I throw it on another, like on the couch upstairs while I'm closing up the house and making sure everything is secure before bed.
	Next day I wake up.
	I go to get my glasses.
	I can't find them anywhere.
	Anywhere.
	I search for 40 minutes.
	The kitchen, the bedroom, under the bed, every single kid's bed.
	I'm going to rooms like my daughter's room that I was nowhere near from like 6 p.m. on.
	I know I had my glasses post 6 p.m.
	And I had been to my, had been in my daughter's room after that.
	So there's no reason to check my daughter's room.
	I check it.
	Then I start going crazy.
	I start checking hiding spots.
	I catch myself checking the fridge.
	And then I'm starting to look at spots that I've already checked several times, like the dirty laundry.
	It'll magically appear there.
	It'll magically appear.
	You did, you looked here before, but you were wrong.
	You didn't look here before.
	You just think you did.
	Going over the same.
	I'm going through my wife's laundry bag 40 fucking minutes.
	I'm late for the gym, which ended up being late.
	I didn't have my glasses all Wednesday.
	So this goes on, and my son was, he's got a broken wrist, so he was staying in, sleeping in late.
	He didn't have to go to school until 10.
	I go, have you seen my glasses?
	They're in a blue shirt.
	This blue shirt.
	They're in a blue shirt.
	And he's a teenager.
	So of course I get, oh.
	Like, I could be on fire and go, hey, man, do you know if there's a fire extinguisher around here?
	I don't know.
	Well, I'm burning to death.
	I'm self-emulating.
	Emulating?
	So he goes, no, I don't know.
	Okay, so that sticks up here.
	And then I go to work all day.
	I go into the city.
	Compound media is canceled.
	So I go back to the Bronx.
	We shoot a show here.
	I get home, and I just can't relax.
	I can't do anything until I find those fucking glasses.
	Our house is not that big.
	So I start doing what I call a sweep.
	You know when you leave a hotel room?
	You do a sweep.
	You go into the bathroom.
	You check every nook and cranny in case you left a charger or a toothbrush.
	There's always something.
	There's always an iPhone charger, especially if you're with a family.
	There's always an iPhone charger.
	So you start in one corner and you rule out every room.
	You look under the beds.
	Then you can leave the hotel room.
	So I'm doing that to my own fucking home.
	And I'm going deep, boys.
	I'm going under couches.
	I'm going into laundry rooms.
	I'm checking fridges again.
	I already checked the fridges.
	Eventually, my wife, I've been texting her all day.
	I know this is crazy.
	I know you're busy, but have you seen my blued shirt with my glasses?
	She doesn't even fucking respond.
	That's the level of disrespect we're dealing with here.
	I hate this fucking shit.
	Oh, it gets worse.
	So eventually they notice that I'm grumpy and I can't talk because what I'm doing now is I'm in the FBI and I'm ruling out every single area in the house.
	Fridges, bars, fucking storage units, places where we store stuff.
	My dogs like food.
	I'm going through everything.
	And I can go, I can definitively say this area has no shirt with glasses in it, right?
	So pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
	I'm upstairs now.
	And my wife eventually goes, maybe it's in our son's dirty laundry or his clean laundry.
	This has been 36 hours.
	Okay, maybe not 36 hours, right?
	I woke up.
	Okay, it's only been like 10 hours since I lost them.
	She goes to my son's bed.
	What the fuck is there?
	This shirt.
	What's that?
	Say that again?
	This shirt.
	What?
	With my glasses in it.
	What?
	Fold it up?
	No.
	Thrown like a piece of trash.
	Oh, Lord.
	Discarded?
	She, as she's, and this is what my wife does, and it drives me fucking nuts.
	She thinks she's cleaning up when she grabs random piles of things and puts them in a neat pile.
	So you could have a broken light bulb, a used syringe, a banana peel, and a notebook, and she would just go like, notebook, broken glass, used syringe, banana peel, and they'd be in a neat little stack.
	That's not cleaning up.
	Most of that shit goes in the garbage, and the notepad goes in the notepad section.
	It's not a joke.
	You've got to stay alert when you're cleaning up.
	It's not a dumb job cleaning up.
	It takes concentration.
	You don't just fucking like not make it look like a bomb dropped.
	You have to, everything in its place, a place for everything.
	So anyway, she eventually notices that I'm freaking out.
	I'm starting to think I'm insane, actually, because I know that this shirt has these glasses and something's fucked up.
	So she checks my son's bed.
	It's right there at the very top with a bunch of his other.
	The kids will all wear like sweatshirts and fucking sweatpants.
	She picks it up.
	Oh, there it is.
	Now this fucker, my son, has been sitting on his ass saying, oh, while it was two feet from him.
	I know what you're saying.
	Gavin, why didn't you check his room?
	I did.
	But the bed that he was like one foot away from, I figured it can't be that.
	You're right, you're right, you're right.
	I should have been more thorough in his room.
	But he's going like, well, you just burst in my room, playing MLB or whatever.
	And I go, I got to find my fucking shirt.
	I need my glasses.
	And then glasses all day.
	He's like, whatever.
	And then I go, she gives me the shirt and I go, it's been here the whole time?
	And then my son goes, oh my God.
	And I go, what are you, oh my God, I didn't have my glasses all day.
	It's not just a shirt.
	And then I exaggerated my nearsightedness.
	I don't really need these.
	I need them for reading.
	How are you doing, Gavin?
	They're just like reading glasses that I can wear on my face.
	I miss my glasses all day.
	And then I look at her and I just go.
	And I decide I'm going to do something new.
	Instead of going, what the fuck?
	I swear to God, it was the last time.
	I told you like 10 times I was trying to find my shirt with my glasses.
	I was like, no, no, no, no.
	This is revenge.
	So guess what I did?
	Nothing.
	she started wearing slides.
	I fucking hate slides almost as much as Crocs.
	So her slides are gone.
	So, is it Crocs, slides, and flip-flops or just it goes flip-flops are bad.
	Slides are worse.
	Crocs are unacceptable.
	Especially for a woman.
	You know, a grown woman, a mom.
	Like, you don't have to wear stilettos every day, but you have to try a little bit.
	Those are gone.
	I'll never tell you.
	You could torture me for 10 hours.
	I would never tell you where I hid those slides.
	And then with the boy, I'm Scottish.
	My stomach does not work very well.
	We're used to like meat pies and beer, really.
	Yeah.
	We're not good with spice or anything, but I drink a lot of liquor and eat a lot of Mexican food, a lot of jalapenos.
	So my shits in the morning are...
	There's a special section in the basement for me that I've been.
	The IP room.
	Yeah.
	Gavstav.
	Yes, there's a bathroom in Gavstav.
	I'm supposed to use that.
	No, not this morning.
	I used the bathroom that's next to his room.
	I destroyed that.
	And I think I know why.
	You blew it up, as they would say.
	So that's my new form of parenting and being a husband.
	And I think you should vacillate.
	You can be a grump for four days.
	You can get in a fight.
	Or you can just smile and go, thanks for my shirt.
	Thanks for my glasses.
	I wish you nothing but the best.
	Evil and vindictive.
	The darkness behind the eyes would really alert me.
	With respect to yourself.
	And good luck brushing your teeth tomorrow.
	Because both of you are in for a world of hurt.
	And then, while they're wondering, like, why was that shit so bad?
	He doesn't usually shit in my bathroom.
	And where are my slides?
	They look over and I'm just like stirring my coffee with this same shirt on.
	Like, hey, hot shit.
	How's it going?
	Oh.
	Notice you're wearing your normal shoes today instead of your usual slippers.
	You've just been gaved.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Let's say thank you to Johnny Apple CBD, our oldest sponsor, our most wonderful sponsor.
	We always talk about the tincture that we put in the coffee.
	We always talk about the gummies that help you sleep.
	We always talk about the vapes and the cartridges they sell and the delicious cookies they have at johnnyapple.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.
	But I was always reluctant to mention the non-THC totally legal high you get.
	Because I'm like, is that good for them?
	Do they want to support that?
	Well, here they are saying, mention our new nighttime tincture with CBN and the HHC Super Hemp Stem Vape Pen.
	The nighttime tincture is CBN infused with CBD and a really powerful relaxant.
	The super hemp stem is a blend of CBN, CBD, and HHC distillate, a derivative of THC.
	And it will get, here's them talking here.
	It will get users extremely high and sedated.
	So I know they wanted to avoid anything illegal and they do, but I didn't know if they wanted to promote the fact that some of this shit gets you real toasted.
	Zonked.
	Zonkified.
	So take it easy on the gummies, folks.
	Especially the HHC, whatever it is, super hempstem.
	Like my wife had two, and she had to put an ice pack on her chest, and I had to do the Gavin McInnes show slash G-O-M-L till 2 a.m. to keep her grounded.
	Of course, she said, you loved it.
	No, bitch.
	I didn't love staying up till 2 a.m. making sure you laughed all night.
	And I don't like looking for my glasses for hours.
	And by the way, with that previous story, I searched all morning.
	I was not happy all day knowing that physics had been defied and a shirt that I knew should be easy to find had vanished.
	I'm starting to think someone broke into my house.
	Over and over.
	But I do know what cheered you up yesterday.
	Maddie's fantastic meat pie.
	Scotch pies.
	I assume that everyone in Britain loves scotch pies as much as you and I. No one in Britain has heard of them but Scottish people.
	Well, James is James.
	Here's my theory.
	The land is so shit in Scotland that there's no arable land, so they have that weird lard pastry and then lamb on the inside.
	That's all they can make with some beans.
	But fuck it's good.
	With lard.
	You nailed it.
	Now, I don't know if this will air in the next Maddie's shitty kitchen, right?
	Oh, yeah, next Wednesday.
	Yep.
	Yesterday was the pork.
	No, the shrimp peanut spicy noodles.
	Maddie, could you aim the mic to your mouth a little more?
	Sure.
	Yeah, the spicy noodles, which was delicious.
	I don't want to sound critical here because it was a fantastic meat pie, but you told me that you got the wrong pepper.
	So I had pepper in my head when I bit it.
	Bit it.
	When I ate it.
	And so it tasted peppery, but I think that may have been the result of suggestion.
	The power of suggestion.
	I think so.
	I mean, my cousin Michael, he was there towards the tasting part.
	And he's the one who mentioned it to me because Ryan and he were eating them at first.
	And then I had some.
	Oh, so Mike noticed it was peppery.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so it's not just in my head.
	No, no, no.
	But me planning that, see, when I said to you, hey, it was supposed to be white pepper, not black pepper.
	I've got a pretty incredible guess.
	Why did 14% of the recipe produce 50% of the flavor?
	That's what I'm wondering.
	Why, you thought it was peppery, too?
	No, it was like a black violence statistics joke.
	Well, don't give away the joke, dude.
	Are you sorry?
	Sorry, I'm checking out my phone for our imminent guest.
	El gueste eminante.
	So you got to give me a little more time to catch up on the joke.
	Should I take a poke of this?
	Now, I put a skull and crossbones on this.
	This is the Delta 8.
	Should we see what happens to me if I take a couple poke?
	Okay.
	Because I might not perform as well, which would be...
	That would be impressive if you could get possibly worse.
	If you get any worse than what you are now, I didn't know you'd go below zero, but that would be something.
	Bye-bye.
	I remember that in high school, you'd have acid, and you'd be like, see you later.
	Well, that was a big poof.
	Don't date.
	Let's see what it do, what it does.
	Back in the Adderall days, we would also, you'd have an Adderall and a large coffee, and you'd come up back when I had the ad agency, we would do a lot of Adderall.
	Not a lot, actually, five milligrams.
	To young people today, that's fucking to anyone today.
	You're taking the peachy stirrups.
	It's a lot for me.
	So a large coffee and five milligrams, and I'd just go up to my business partner and go, I am high as a guy on the 4th of July.
	So I'm not going to announce this guest until we call her, in case she doesn't answer.
	But let's give it a whirl here, folks.
	You ready?
	Sure.
	Tell me how the volume is there, Rye Guy.
	Sounding good so far.
	She's stoned to know.
	I know.
	Three ringy dingies, as Gilda Radner would say?
	Four ringy dingies.
	Not looking good, folks.
	I might have to call my parents to make up for this.
	Please leave your message for click on the draw.
	I almost gave her a phone number.
	I think they can parse the rest.
	They'll just click four and then try every other combination.
	You fucked up.
	We all did.
	It's not even four.
	I don't know why she said a fuff sound.
	That's Libs of TikTok.
	Well, thanks for coming on.
	I got her number.
	She said, I saw you requested an interview.
	Glad you guys got in touch.
	You guys have supported me from the beginning.
	I just said, I feel like I just got a text from Elvis.
	And I said, love to do a sit-down, but we'll take what we can get.
	She goes, let's just talk on the phone.
	Sure.
	And I was like, 9.15.
	And I'll just explain that we're live.
	By the way, speaking of live, you can go to the live desktop thing.
	You click live.
	Donate to read a message on air.
	We'll read most of them.
	$100, we'll definitely read it.
	But you click right here, fill it out, read your message.
	One of the reasons that this shirt was off is because it's so warm.
	So that's a bit of a curse.
	But I can't recommend these shirts enough.
	This is...
	Sorry, I was wrong.
	I said Ogden Brothers.
	Orton Brothers, clothing company, Western Vermont.
	This is a medium.
	I'm fairly fat.
	I'm 5'10.5.
	It's not at all snug on me.
	Mediums can be pretty small.
	So I weigh 196.
	I think this medium would fit you if you meet any of those criteria.
	But Orton Brothers, fantastic shirts.
	I'm 196.
	Yes, but you're petite.
	Yes, I'm short.
	Join the Baby Monsters Telegram group.
	Okay.
	Stand black and stand by.
	T.m.
	E slash baby monsters.
	Nice.
	With a zero for an O and a three for an E. Gotcha.
	For our listeners out there.
	So I want to ask Livs at TikTok a few things.
	One, do you think you caused the don't say gay bill?
	Because I think she did.
	And then two, I wanted to ask her about the Taylor Lorenz defense.
	So Taylor Lorenz is the, I don't know, HuffPo, Daily Beast.
	They're all the same to me.
	Journalist who doxed her.
	The left's defense is there was two women with that name.
	I wanted to make sure I didn't expose the wrong one.
	So I went to the house of the other Chaya, whatever LaBlof, very like Israeli-sounding names, to say, are you the one that slips with TikTok or is it the other one?
	Oh, Jesus.
	Which makes you go, okay, like, say I do take that side.
	Why are you so determined to find the name of the person doing the account?
	Yeah.
	Like, why is that so important to you?
	But the reporter was all over the news a couple of months prior to that, literally crying.
	Yes.
	Because she was doxed.
	And how horrible of a thing it was.
	And then she turns around and does it.
	You know, graffiti artists are popular all over New York City.
	Why is there not this giant push to find out who the fuck this particular graffiti artist is?
	Why do you need to know the name of the woman who's doing that?
	Who cares?
	Why don't you defend the people that she's exposing and point out why their ideas are awesome?
	Anyway, we're missing a lot of these fucking live chats.
	I feel bad.
	Go back to the first one, Ryan.
	Something about...
	No, not that one.
	Can you discuss Milo in more depth?
	Why he left the industry?
	What exactly is he doing?
	Did he split from his husband?
	He left.
	We had a negotiation about pay, and it kept going up and up and up and up and up.
	And then I said, dude, this is getting crazy.
	And he said, I can see which way the wind is blowing.
	Goodbye.
	I was like, all right.
	Because he's used to big money.
	He's used to millions and millions of dollars.
	So when he's negotiating with a Scotsman, I'm just like, I don't know.
	That's a bit rich.
	And then he told me to fuck off.
	not in a bad way.
	He just said, like, I can see which way the wind is blowing.
	And I said, okay, bye.
	And then I think it took him by surprise because he expected the money he was asking for.
	But and then, you know, he's like me.
	He's canceled.
	So where else is he going to go?
	So he goes to Church Militant.
	They take him in.
	And he's doing a great job there.
	I don't know if he's split from his husband.
	I mean, he says he's not gay anymore, right?
	I'm going to say yes.
	I'm going to guess yes.
	Do you believe he will return to the scene in the coming months?
	Well, this brings up the confusing question, the unanswerable question, can you come back from being canceled?
	And I don't think so.
	Will I ever have a Jimmy Kimmel show on NBC?
	Is it even fathomable?
	No, that's like a different universe.
	That's a multiverse.
	You think the Elon Musk Twitter thing, let's say you were back on Twitter.
	If I'm back on Twitter, I'll be banned in a month.
	I don't know.
	Let's say you weren't.
	Couldn't that put you, couldn't that start like kind of a revolution kind of revolution?
	If I am back on Twitter, I'll tell you what my first tweet will be.
	What?
	Niggers cause the Holocaust.
	I wouldn't do that.
	They did.
	I understand that, but I don't think.
	Through basketball.
	I know.
	I've seen the documentary.
	But.
	Can you imagine?
	Look, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out.
	And I'm going to say the most outrageous part first.
	Niggas cause the Holocaust through basketball.
	Now, I hate that word.
	Basketball.
	But.
	No, I don't know.
	I think that might, because all eyes would be on you.
	They'd be like, let's see how bad you're going to be able to do it.
	No, but when you're in a situation like that, you just can't resist saying the worst thing imaginable.
	Yeah, I hear you.
	Well, he said, Elon tweeted today that he's next going to buy Coca-Cola so he could put cocaine back in it.
	Yeah, he did say that, yeah.
	Do you know why Coca-Cola doesn't have cocaine?
	Because it's illegal.
	But why was it made illegal?
	I guess people were getting hooked on it.
	The American government decided that the Negro gets too crazy on cocaine.
	And it's not good for society as a whole.
	That's why they banned it?
	They outlawed it?
	They outlawed it.
	They're hoping it would cut out the basketball thing that started the Holocaust.
	Okay, let me...
	Wait, we have hopes for Libs of TikTok.
	The rest of that Milo message, they said that he's our generation's Christopher Hitchens.
	Oh, he's great.
	I love him.
	I love him.
	I always will.
	You ever see the Hitchens versus brother debate?
	Christopher, and what's his name, Peter?
	I think so.
	Hello?
	Hello, Libs of TikTok.
	Hi.
	Hi, how are you?
	Good.
	How are you?
	Good.
	You sound like you're maybe 33.
	I'm not going to confirm or deny anything about my age.
	You sound like you have a large mole above your left eyebrow.
	I will neither confirm nor deny anything about it.
	You sound like you have a neck tattoo of an eagle giving America the finger.
	That doesn't make sense.
	Hi, how you doing?
	I'm good.
	Are we live now?
	We're live.
	You were being recorded.
	You're being broadcast.
	This is it.
	Okay.
	I hope I didn't pressure you into this call.
	I'm more excited that you want to be my best friend, so we can scrap any interviews if I can retain that friendship.
	Okay, yeah.
	I mean, I'm happy to do this for you guys, but people have been sending me clips of you guys mentioning me for months already.
	So I know that you guys have been supporters from the beginning, and I appreciate that.
	You know, I did an interview recently where they said, Andrew Breitbart said that politics is downstream from the culture.
	Can you give me an example?
	And I said, libs of TikTok is the reason we have the don't say gay bill.
	Would you agree with that?
	Well, the left keeps saying that, and I really, really want to believe it's true, because that would make me feel so good about myself.
	And I believe it's probably, it's like a tiny bit partially true, but I don't think I was the one responsible for it.
	I mean, the census is obviously really on top of these things.
	He knows what he's doing, and what he's doing is incredible.
	And it probably was in the works for a while.
	But I think it probably helped a little bit and definitely helped rally support for it.
	Yep.
	Well, this is the thing.
	You know, politics and laws are based on the general consensus.
	Sometimes the general consensus is wrong, but in this case, it was right.
	And I think what happened was we all knew that kindergarten teachers are pro-gay and very left.
	And we didn't really care because we thought they're just teaching them ABCs and 123s.
	And ultimately, most education is just a glorified daycare.
	But what you did is you took public information and you said, no, these guys are not casual about it.
	It's really fucking in your face.
	And that's when I think America as a whole went, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	We don't care if you're gay.
	We don't care even if you're trans, if you're some chick who managed to grow a beard.
	But like, your obsession with it is making me very uncomfortable.
	They're obsession with pushing it onto kids.
	Yeah.
	And you know what we always say on this show?
	We go, homosexuality is a sexual preference.
	Kids are not sexual.
	Why is this on the books?
	Yeah.
	I mean, when kids are old enough to understand, then, you know, they can choose to do whatever they want.
	But, I mean, it should definitely not be in schools and it shouldn't be part of the curriculum.
	Like, hey, kids, when you're dating, there's going to be a lot more oral and a lot of foreplay.
	Obviously, as you get older, in a marriage, 20 years in a marriage, there's going to be a lot more doggy style than you'd expect.
	Missionary is about a tenth of marital sex, okay?
	It's very important you know that.
	If you memorize that, then you get an A. Yeah, you can say that back to me without laughing.
	And you know, another thing they don't get about kids is I have kids, and anytime it's not just sex, but any kind of like kisses or smooching or like even in a movie where two people seem attracted to each other, it disgusts them.
	They abhor it.
	Interesting.
	Do you have, can we ask if you have any?
	No, I don't have kids.
	I don't have kids yet.
	Yeah, they're not into it at all.
	You might as well be talking to George Costanza about joining the NBA.
	Anyway, second question.
	So I follow a lot of leftist accounts, and their review of the Taylor Lorenz thing is that she's totally innocent.
	She found your name, and then she found another woman with the same name.
	So she said, I'm just going to verify that I don't expose the wrong Chaya, whatever, weird Israeli name you have.
	And so I'm going to meet her to say, hey, I don't want to get you embroiled in this if I got the wrong one.
	That's their defense.
	What do you think of that?
	Well, I think it's funny because she went on an interview afterwards and she said that she was going to post the story anyway.
	And then she blamed, I don't know if you saw this, but they were saying that before the story even came out, people on Twitter were talking about how she showed up to people, my family members' homes.
	And so she was blaming them for confirming the story for her.
	And she was like, oh, well, you know, she murdered herself.
	And then she went on an interview and literally blamed again those people who posted about her visiting family members' homes.
	And then in the next sentence, literally, she's like, yeah, well, I was going to post the story.
	So it's like, she was going to post it anyway.
	And like, now she's blaming them for confirming my identity.
	But, I mean, she, I don't even think she knows.
	She does, I don't, she's lying and she knows that.
	So it wasn't just one other woman with your same name that she approached.
	It was all kinds of relatives.
	She approached quite a few people, and there are a lot of people who actually share my name.
	So I don't know how she was planning on confirming 100% who it was.
	What is that name?
	Is it Israeli?
	No, it's not.
	Okay.
	I'm not even sure where it originates.
	Like Eastern European, maybe?
	Yeah.
	So are you suing her?
	Like, are you thinking of taking legal action?
	I can't discuss any of that.
	Sorry.
	Okay.
	You're not thinking of suing me, are you?
	Not yet, but we'll see how the rest of this plays out.
	Oh, great.
	I knew this was going to be bad.
	Well, thanks for calling in.
	I just want to say that you're an inspiration.
	I love what you do.
	And just like Project Veritas, the thing I love about what you do is there's not that much editorial.
	There's 0.01 editorial.
	It's just, hey, everyone, I know you abore these people.
	You avoid them like the plague because they're fucking annoying.
	But here's just, in case you want to dip your toes in, here's what they're saying on a regular basis.
	And I was shocked.
	I thought I was in tune with them, but I was mortified.
	Yeah, it's mortifying.
	And when you keep seeing it over and over and over again, it just confirms that it's not just a one-off case.
	I mean, this is happening constantly.
	So it's really, it's scary what's going on.
	And there seems to be an element of animosity to it.
	Like, oh, you think that I'm going to go your way with the American flag?
	Not only am I not doing that, these are my flags.
	Like, there's a real fuck you element to it that's indicative of Antifa and the radical left.
	You know, when I was a kid, my kindergarten teacher was the sweetest old lady you could conceivably imagine.
	Yeah, same.
	And this seems more like some sort of in-your-face, almost like revenge.
	Yeah, it feels a little bit like organized.
	Like, I mean, I don't know.
	They're like, you know, we're going to go into all the schools.
	We're going to take over all the schools and this is what we're going to do.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it does feel like that.
	Indoctrination.
	That's the ultimate question, too, with the radical left is how much is some grandiose plan, and I vacillate from these two options.
	How much is some grandiose plan, some globalist evil plan?
	And how much is just like an incompetent virus that gets into the system via unions and spreads like a metastasized cancer against its own will?
	I don't know.
	I don't know which one.
	Yeah, I don't know if we'll ever fully know how this happened and how it was organized.
	And the other big thing with this is, and Jen Saki was in tears discussing this recently on the news, it's all about defending gay kids who are being bullied.
	And I've checked in with parents with young kids.
	The only bullying going on is anyone who doesn't say they're trans or bi.
	The gay bashing thing is like 30 years out of date.
	I think they just really want to be a prox.
	They really want to be a what?
	Oppressed.
	So they want to be victim.
	Yeah, and they've got oppression by proxy.
	It's Munchausen, where they say, these gay kids are getting bullied and I'm standing up for them.
	Okay.
	Well, you may want to check in to see if the gay kids are being bullied before you change the entire educational system forever.
	Right.
	Like, show us evidence of that.
	Yeah.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	We're out of time, but I should probably say this off-air, but can we become friends?
	let me sleep on it.
	Okay, that's great.
	You got time.
	Okay, all right.
	Well, it's been nice.
	Thanks so much for appearing on the show.
	I know you put a lot of you're risking a lot more cancellation by even speaking to me, but I think you're doing the Lord's work.
	All right, thank you.
	Thanks, Libs.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	This is a clip from Tucker that's you might not want to be my friend.
	Are you hurt by that?
	Yeah.
	Well, she's a busy woman.
	She didn't say no.
	I might have to put on my hurt shirt again.
	She kind of said no.
	Oh, God.
	Kind of sounded like she didn't like you at all.
	Didn't sound like she enjoyed the interview.
	No, she did.
	But this is a clip from Tucker saying she actually is responsible.
	DeSantis' spokeswoman or press secretary.
	Millions of parents are grateful for that.
	So it's Kratina Pushaw, who's the press secretary for the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis.
	Tucker, you got to go to the bottom of the partly in response to video.
	Fly away in the back there.
	Libs of TikTok that Florida ultimately banned public school teachers from lecturing kindergartners about sex.
	That's no law.
	It's one of the most popular laws in the state.
	The majority of Democrats support it.
	So Libs of TikTok was getting results, as good journalism does.
	Not bad for a Twitter feed.
	So of course that Twitter feed had to be shut down.
	The Biden administration and its many servants in the news media set to work.
	Pretty big.
	It's a big bill.
	I've never seen that Christina Peshawar retweet her.
	That's a nickname, by the way, Peshawar.
	Because see the way she just blows off questions?
	She's like, Pushaw.
	Her last name, I think, is Rudolph.
	Rudolph?
	I love your repetition.
	But what's your fake name?
	What's your fake name?
	Well, I usually use Lemieux.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Before we go behind the paywall, let's say thank you to Beard Vet.
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	He's a good egg.
	We like him more than a friend.
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	Treat yourself to some excellent coffee and grooming gear.
	Beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, 50% off.
	CallerOne and Caller Two are getting a free gift pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.
	So there's two things.
	If you have a beard and you groom it, go to beardvet.com.
	If you don't, do not.
	If you buy coffee, why not buy it from someone who's vet owned and vet operated and supports us and supports free speech?
	That seems like a no-brainer to me.
	I keep telling you, my optometrist, no, not my optometrist, who do you buy your glasses from?
	Uh-oh.
	This is a free call from Mercedes Carrera.
	Oh.
	An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
	This call is not private.
	It will be recorded and may be monitored.
	If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions.
	Hey, Mercedes, you're live on the air.
	Hey, Gavin.
	And hey, everybody, live on the air.
	What's going on?
	Not much.
	I'm just here in wonderful West Valley Detention Resort.
	San Bernardino's been all over the news recently.
	Someone just killed a Hell's Angel in a club there.
	There was another major murder that went on, I think, yesterday.
	Oh, really?
	That place is hopping.
	Yeah, it's the place to be if you want to get murdered.
	How's life in jail?
	Well, it is as absolutely unextraordinary as always.
	They say that's the biggest part of it is it's boring.
	Very mundane.
	You know, it is boring, although I have to say, in the last three years, I have given myself a PhD in history.
	I've read probably a thousand books.
	So, you know, it's not bad for somebody who wants to read as long as you can tune out all of the idiot sounds.
	Okay, so you're totally focused.
	You're in your cell.
	You're reading about China.
	You're reading about Russia.
	You're learning Mandarin.
	You're investigating conspiracy theories like Russians orchestrated 9-11.
	All this stuff.
	Give us a grand picture of the past hundred years.
	What's really going on?
	What do I think is going on?
	Yeah.
	Okay, well, I mean, really, what we have right now, or what's going on in myself, are you asking about the money?
	No, no, I mean the globe, history, Russia, China, the West, the East.
	Okay, well, actually, what's happening right now, what Russia's doing, is what Russia did in the 19th century.
	There's a great book by Peter Hawkirk called The Great Game.
	And so the picture in Ukraine is exactly what happened with the Circassians.
	The Russians invaded an area of Georgia called Circassia in about the 1830s.
	And the British at the time went into an extreme amount of Russophobia.
	And they did exactly what America is doing now.
	America is the new Anglo-American Empire.
	And the British were unwilling to fight the fight, but they armed the Circassians.
	And the Circassians were absolutely leveled.
	They were destroyed in this battle because the Russians have always been a disorganized army, that they will throw endless amounts of men at the fight.
	So they destroyed Circassia, and they ended up annexing the empire.
	The Russians are always, always expanding.
	Catherine the Great always had designs for Constantinople.
	Turkey has absolutely come back to life.
	Most people don't know this, but there's a fight right now in Armenia and Azerbaijan.
	This has come back to life.
	This is because Turkey is awakening.
	Catherine the Great named her two grandsons, Constantine and Alexander.
	Putin wants to go down in history as Putin the Great.
	He has designs to re-expand the Russian Empire.
	If you notice on his podium, there's the two-headed eagle.
	Do you think that there's going to be a world war?
	I don't know if there will be a world war, but I think there's a handing off of power.
	Most people don't know that the Russians and the Chinese are creating their own cryptocurrency that's blockchain-backed.
	And whenever you see currencies change, see part of the reason that these currency blockades have not affected them is because they have created their own currency system, this blockchain-backed currency.
	The Swiss sanctions have not affected them.
	This is a big deal, because if they have their own currency system, then they are able to create their own transfers in Eurasia, right?
	And that's why they banned Bitcoin.
	90 to 95% of Bitcoin was actually mined in the Xinjiang region.
	This is getting too complicated for my tiny brain.
	Mercedes, we got to go.
	But are we all going to die in a nuclear war within the next week?
	I don't think so.
	But you know what?
	The Christians have been predicting the Paduusia and the resurrection of Christ and the end of the world since about 70 AD.
	And it hasn't happened since then.
	And I don't think it'll happen now.
	I think the world will continue to repeat itself over and over because humans are very stupid and they do the same thing.
	As Voltaire always said, history doesn't repeat itself, but man always does.
	All right, Mercedes, thanks for calling.
	All right.
	Love you guys.
	Love you.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	Yeah, that's a like a I've heard that rumor that Putin actually owns Bitcoin.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Well, we should also make it clear before we leave that Mercedes has been accused of one of the most heinous crimes imaginable, child molestation.
	There's been no evidence of that.
	The authorities confiscated her hard drives and found nothing.
	She's a good friend of mine, has been for many years.
	I have to keep open in my mind the 1 to 2% chance that she's guilty, but you're innocent until proven guilty.
	And I strongly believe that she's a victim of this political witch hunt.
	She's sexy and cool and fun and interesting and smart, and she was making MAGA sound cool.
	And I believe she was framed.
	She's got a born-again Christian ex-husband who wanted custody of the kid and got the kid to say horrific things.
	And the reason the whole case got wings, and she hasn't even been able to see a judge for three years, has it been now?
	Yeah, I think it's just.
	Because she's MAGA.
	And my evidence, of course, is everyone else I know that's MAGA in prison, not getting any justice.
	From Ethan Nordine to Joe Biggs to Max Hare to John Kinsman, the list goes on.
	Brendan Vaughan, Nick Ox.
	We don't have justice in this system.
	We have a deep swamp mob.
	And it's fucked up because we're even wondering, you know, what's true and what's not, even amongst our own friends.
	It's the Soviet Union.
	You don't know who to trust.
	You don't know who's listening.
	You don't know who's going to frame you tomorrow and throw you in prison for bullshit.
	Moles everywhere.
	Moles everywhere.
	Can I say this too?
	Ethan Nordine.
	He has written a letter about his experience in there and just some of the things about the system that everybody should read.
	If you go to Julie Kelly's Twitter, at Julie Kelly, at Julie underscore Kelly2, it's there at AMGreatness.com.
	So that just came out today, which should be pretty huge.
	Oh, good.
	Yeah, we're going to get Ethan on the show.
	I had trouble with SecureCorps.
	I applied to SecureCorps' video messaging with him, and they let me down.
	They said, no, you did not pass.
	The jail refuses to let you video chat with him.
	Whoa.
	But Ryan got through.
	I did.
	Wow, that's crazy.
	Anyway, it's fucking insane.
	These times we're living in.
	Definitely.
	We saw the cops let them in.
	I mean, it was a meandering, not an insurrection.
	And it's...
	I was talking to a bartender last night in Grand Central who was saying his wife is from Moscow.
	And she goes, to this day, if they're talking about anything controversial, she takes his phone and her phone and she puts it in another room.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because that's how she grew up.
	But he said, but with her in Moscow, she was worried someone had a glass up against the wall.
	And I was like, they did.
	And he goes, yeah, they did.
	It wasn't paranoia.
	Wow.
	And as Michael Malice points out, they would have family members turning each other in.
	So you're sitting at dinner looking at everyone.
	So yeah, when I talk to Mercedes, of course, there's a little tiny part of my brain going, what if my friend is lying?
	What if my friend did molest a child?
	It's not a fun thing to have in the back of your mind.
	No.
	But I'm 98% sure that she's innocent.
	I think that's, she should be happy with that, right?
	Yeah.
	What are you at, Ryan?
	With her innocence, like yeah, 90-something percent.
	In the 90s?
	Anyway, we're going to go behind the paywall now.
	We usually only do half an hour, but we had some hot guests.
	We're going to start taking calls and reading letters.
	So, to the freeloaders who are not willing to spend $10 a month, you're really, I don't know, why don't you just try it for one month?
	My show alone is now five days a week.
	It's fantastic.
	It gives you all the news you need.
	It touches all the hot topics.
	Tonight, we're going to be talking about what's the big hot topic.
	Fucking obviously Elon Musk is big, but...
	Well, if you're subscribed, you could talk to us.
	Otherwise, we don't give a shit about you.
	Oh, Chris Pratt.
	They're trying to cancel Chris Pratt because I guess he's not rapidly left-wing the Guardians of the Galaxy guys, like for what?
	For your made-up witch hunt?
	So my point is going to be, this is all it takes to push back against the mob.
	It takes one person in control, a CEO, a director, the manager of the restaurant, to go, yeah, I know what he did.
	I know what he did.
	I know what he said.
	He still works here.
	That's fine.
	Like, I was at a pizza place the other day, and I see this fucking boomer couple freaking out and staring at me.
	I'm in Westchester, and they're on the stairs, and they're pointing.
	They're rich.
	I can tell this guy makes $2 million a year.
	Him and his wife are loaded, white couple, not Jewish, Italian, it seemed.
	And he goes, he's pointing at me.
	And then, and I go, hi, because the cat's out of the bag.
	He goes inside the restaurant.
	We're at the patio.
	He goes inside the restaurant.
	He complains to the owner.
	And he goes, you have a fascist out there or some shit.
	And the fascist, then the manager goes, we don't ask our customers their political affiliations.
	It's not really my job to make sure that everyone I serve food to agrees with me politically.
	So that's not really on the table.
	That's all it takes.
	He didn't agree with me.
	I don't support the proud boys.
	He doesn't have to say.
	He doesn't have to Zeke Heil.
	But he, so then the guy runs out.
	I think I've told you this story before.
	Runs out and starts going.
	He has no adrenaline control.
	And he goes, I know who you are.
	I was telling them, I don't want you here.
	I don't like you in this town.
	I know your name.
	You don't know my name.
	I'll tell you my name.
	And I go, I don't care what your name is.
	I said, my usual, if you want to debate, we can debate.
	If you want to fight, we can fight.
	But otherwise, fuck off.
	I don't care what a stranger thinks.
	And he goes, I don't want you here.
	I just go, why would you think I would care?
	You're a stranger.
	Who cares what strangers think about themselves?
	I would have said, how's it feel to want?
	Fuck out of here.
	And then he leaves, and then he comes back and he goes, oh, Jesus.
	Making a movie for nothing.
	I managed not to cry the entire time.
	But when that fungu came out, it brought me back to happy days.
	And the fonds.
	And the way he would treat Richie Cunningham and Potsy.
	Ralph Mouth.
	And Ralph fucking Mouth.
	And I thought, I came in here thinking I was Sticks, the black guy who played the drums on a few episodes.
	And I'm walking out of here like a Ralph Mouth with a fucking stick up his ass.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Joy into your life.
	You can still be called daddy if the mother's not your wife.
	Don't be scared.
	Be prepared.
	Cause love is gonna get you.
	It'll always be your child.
	Even if she ain't with you.
	So don't run on your child when it's your own.
	Cause if you're for now, then you'll regret it.
	When it's grown, be a father to your child.
	Be a father to your child.
	Be a father to your child.
	Be a father to your child.
	That song would be racist today.
	If that was a country song and it had all black people in the video and it was...
	Probably any other genre.
	Try to be a father to your child.
	Black man.
	I didn't get a lot of warning there, Ryan.
	Sorry.
	You have hurt me today.
	Well, I want a new video dropped.
	There's a scene in Husbands and Wives where Judy Davis, I think her name is.
	And what's his name?
	Where's like, were you the infant?
	Get in the car, you infant is good.
	But what's his name again?
	Seymour Grande?
	Seymour Grande, yeah, that's got to be it.
	She's going on a date with a guy, and he wants to go to an opera, and she's been fighting with her ex-boyfriend.
	What the fuck's his name?
	And he goes, the new guy on the date goes, I can't go.
	I'm upset.
	Hi, Sally.
	There he is.
	Thank you very much.
	Come into my rent-stabilized den.
	Can I take your coat?
	It's lovely.
	I love it.
	Thank you.
	Is this the scene?
	Yeah.
	I thought we'd have a drink, and I was able to get some tickets to Don Giovanni.
	Great.
	Oh, another Don Juan story.
	Yes, yes.
	Sidney Pollack.
	What would you like?
	Anything.
	She's a white white wine.
	Every time I see these old New York movies, I'm like, how'd you get that apartment?
	I mean, it's like, it would be $3,700 today.
	Those are pre-war, too, because they get the high ceilings.
	Yeah, yeah.
	What's your job?
	That's why he said rent-controlled Ben.
	Well, how'd you get a rent-controlled place?
	Rent control is law.
	You can only go up 3%.
	Right, but they're impossible to get.
	Yeah, because it's either got to be a family member.
	Puerto Rican grannies live in those things.
	Yeah, and then they're like grandchildren are moving because they're family.
	Right, yeah.
	It'll keep them.
	It's like friends.
	Because you see that giant apartment, you're like, fuck you, this is bullshit.
	Yeah, it's only allowed illegally to go up by 3% a year.
	So what's the drop in here?
	You'll see.
	Because I do.
	Yes, I heard.
	Don't give me that shit.
	It's been three fucking weeks.
	How did you meet someone so fast?
	Oh, bullshit.
	You had to have known it before.
	Bullshit!
	Don't give me that shit!
	Oh, you're in love.
	So fast?
	I don't fucking believe it.
	You were seeing whoever it is all along.
	Quintessential American male.
	Of course I expected things to happen, but not so fast.
	Are you that sure?
	Okay, maybe jump ahead a bit.
	You've got a personal thing.
	Really?
	Don Joe.
	Think of it as Mozart.
	Fucking Don Wands.
	They should have cut his fucking dick off.
	Can I get that some more wine?
	I hate white collars with a different colored body.
	Of course it's gay.
	It's like a convertible.
	I've never seen someone in a convertible that's not a douche.
	Oh, no, no.
	Oh, wait, go back.
	What you like?
	No, no, not that far, psycho.
	I think it was final.
	I didn't realize you were having anything.
	Of course, you went back to the cave days.
	What time do we have to be there?
	Listen, I don't really think I can do this.
	I'm feeling upset.
	There.
	I'm feeling upset.
	I'm feeling upset.
	So when I'm freaking out about something or something's going bad for the show, you can just pipe in.
	I'm feeling upset.
	That's great.
	Feeling upset.
	I'm feeling upset.
	I'm feeling upset.
	It's got a music.
	Myrtle.
	Myrtle.
	Oh, my.
	First of all, who's going to allow somebody that they just met to use their home phone?
	Long drawn out.
	They're on a date.
	They're dating her.
	What are you going to say?
	No?
	She's arguing about her previous lover having a new girlfriend.
	Yeah, what are you going to say?
	Get off my fucking phone, bitch.
	I'm like, yo, this is not the time or place to have that conversation.
	Well, you're working class.
	These are elites.
	Oh.
	These are the Upper West Side Manhattanites.
	Okay.
	They don't say, my man, we're not doing this right now.
	This is not happening here.
	Well, that's a good segue into our first letter.
	Should we do the mailbag segue?
	Did we do that?
	We didn't do it.
	Let's do it.
	The interstitial?
	Sure.
	Why the hell not?
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	So this letter is called, Did Maddie Get Into a Situation on a Bus?
	Question Mark.
	On a bus.
	And I don't think Maddie takes the bus, but someone claims to have footage of Matthew O'Dell on a bus dealing with some pox.
	Loading.
	Let's see this.
	I'd love it.
	Maybe it could be old footage.
	You know, we don't know.
	But if my computer pulls this, this does look like one second.
	Is that you?
	See, palm trees.
	Yeah.
	That guy has no tattoos.
	Yeah, that's got to be Oakland.
	So that's before you got tattoos?
	I watched that whole thing.
	They go back and forth.
	I started getting tattoos at 14, Ryan.
	Oh, shit.
	So this is when you were 13 years old.
	You look older, though.
	That's crazy.
	I was probably on the bus at 13.
	Damn.
	Stand clear of the doors.
	So did he do anything?
	Because everybody would have been dead if that was Maddie.
	That's my assumption.
	There was a lot of talk, allegedly.
	Yeah.
	That's called making movies.
	You can go out making movies out here.
	Welcome a new Gavin into the world.
	Hey, Gavin, Maddie, and Ryan.
	Please welcome Gavin Eric into the world, a boy who was named after one of the biggest positive influences in my life.
	Eric the Midget, I guess he means.
	From Stern Show.
	Of course.
	Don't worry, Gavin.
	Oh, high-pitch Eric, he means.
	He's my second son.
	I don't plan on being a fag, so there should be more to come.
	Little cutie this guy.
	Show the cutie?
	Isn't it weird how that one baby blanket is universal for all babies everywhere in the hospital?
	Oh, in the hospital nursery?
	Yeah.
	Like, whoever invented that fucking blanket is doing pretty good for themselves.
	That is the blanket.
	And the hat.
	And the hat.
	The little hat, yeah.
	The little hat there.
	They wouldn't let us keep it.
	I was like, what the fuck?
	What?
	Yeah.
	You should have just said, oh, I'll give it back.
	Yeah.
	As soon as I find it.
	Yep.
	Like the other nurse took it.
	I don't know.
	She never brought it back.
	I gave it to the other nurse.
	I thought my wife was going to be on my team with that.
	I was like, we have to have it.
	Yeah.
	And she's like, we can't.
	Women hate scams.
	We got to.
	You know what you pay for childbirth?
	It's coming home.
	Yeah.
	It's going home.
	Yeah.
	That's going to baby scrapbook.
	Childbirth's weird.
	Like, I have a weird insurance where if it's sort of like emergency insurance, so if something breaks a thousand, then it pays.
	Yeah.
	But otherwise not.
	Your wife had teacher's insurance, right?
	Something like that.
	Yeah.
	Some sort of shit.
	I was working when my son was born.
	I was working for Great Spring Mortars of America, Poland Springs, and Nestle.
	And, you know, we had a good HMO.
	I think it was Aetna.
	I can't remember what the hell insurance was back then.
	But of course, my wife has to go to a doctor outside of the plan.
	So I got to pay cash.
	And what was that?
	10 grand.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	To have my beautiful son into the world.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, 10 grand out of pocket in 1995.
	Whoa.
	But I love her.
	I love him.
	It worked out.
	Are you guys ever going to get back together?
	Never.
	I mean, you and your son.
	Hey, Gav, you mentioned Viet Cong, now known as preoccupations and their whole situation with the name change.
	But have you had any experiences for the thoughts on the band, their music, members, previous band, women with focalists mathfligo?
	No, I couldn't give less of a shit about the band Vietnam.
	And they were called Vietnam, not Viet Cong.
	So that's a boring letter message.
	MSLK knife.
	Hey, Gavin, Maddie, and Ryan.
	Maddie, can you tell us about the knife you use while prepping food on MSLK?
	I never thought of the show as an acronym before.
	MSLK.
	Oh, yeah.
	Why don't we just lose shitty and just call it the MLK show?
	Because MLK is already taken.
	By who?
	Martin Luther King.
	The Protestant guy who lost the tablets?
	I rely heavily on my Cutco French chef knife, and I'm wondering why you chose the one you choose.
	That's just a vegetable chopping knife that I use.
	I think the actual brand on it, I mean, I don't know, it's not that expensive or anything.
	I think it's Kamikoto.
	But Joanna here, oops, I said her name, is asking why you chose that particular knife.
	You used to work at a kitchen distributor, right?
	So you had access to anything.
	Yeah.
	I mean, knives, some knives are like $600.
	Cutting knives, carving knives.
	Okay, why'd you choose the one you chose?
	Answer the fucking question.
	To be honest with you, I liked the way it looked.
	Because it's a very thick, wide blade, and it's very blunt on the end.
	Is that the Japanese one in the case?
	Yeah, that's a set.
	There's two cases, and there's four knives in it.
	I never showed you mine.
	It's the Shun Premier Santuco.
	Eight inch.
	Did your dad give you that instead of love?
	No.
	Oh, not even that.
	No, not even that.
	Ryan, can you pull up a clip real quick?
	Like, I'm chopping the red bell peppers.
	Oh, yeah, let me see if I got that.
	You can see the night.
	Well, we'll jump to the next song letter.
	When we find that, this one's called Shit Music.
	Ryan, you don't have to find it.
	There's nothing here but text.
	What's up, Faggots?
	Ouch, which I don't like.
	That hurts my feelings because it was derogatory.
	This person is obviously not a member of the LGBTQIA community.
	Don't forget the plus.
	Plus community.
	Do you know what IA is?
	IA?
	Yeah, LGBTQ.
	Inclusive.
	IA.
	Isn't it inclusive or intersex?
	Intersex.
	Oh.
	And A is asexual.
	Oh.
	Asexual.
	Neither of us have been laid in like a couple weeks.
	I guess we're A?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm not happy about it, but I'm definitely A since we renovated our bathroom.
	See how it's blunted at the end?
	There's like no tip or anything.
	It's just...
	That's what Siddiq Khan wants in London to stop all the murders.
	He thinks it's the fact that knives are pointy.
	Oh, I heard you lost your temper making the meat pies.
	Oh.
	Little baby monster one on camera.
	I told Ryan that you're going to have to do like an outtake part for like a day.
	No, no, that's an intake.
	That's going in the...
	That's making the.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, the lack of counter space was definitely.
	Well, we know you have access to a fancy business kitchen, but I want to save that for like something major.
	Yeah, yeah.
	50 lasagnas.
	Oh, definitely.
	Put it this way.
	Oh, you have him losing his temper?
	Oh, yeah, he has it here.
	Is this it, Ryan?
	You can give a little sneak peek, I guess.
	You can give a little sneak peek.
	Yeah, why not?
	That looks like the poop emoji.
	So I'm rolling this pen.
	I'm rolling this out.
	This one might be the success.
	Turn it up.
	I want to hear him.
	This is the success one, I think.
	Okay.
	So now we got our...
	You'll notice it because there's less and less stuff against the wall.
	Because I'm trying to get space to roll it.
	You got to go to the ones where there's nothing there, Ryan.
	Like against the back wall.
	Wait, did I cut before that?
	Oh, you don't have it?
	No, no, we have it on the GoPro for sure.
	But we have to pick it up.
	It would start ripping and tearing.
	Don't worry about that.
	Oh, here it comes, dude.
	I'm getting nervous already.
	All right.
	Scratch that for a second.
	Retake.
	Don't seem mad.
	I tell you, the fucking rolling pin gets smashed on the counter and everything.
	Yeah, it's on the GoPro.
	Okay, so you let us down.
	All right.
	Well, this is a sneak peek.
	If you don't have it, just don't get our fucking hopes up.
	Hang on.
	I gotta step away for a second.
	This is gonna turn away.
	I'm gonna step away from it.
	Real fast.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, this is all here.
	Okay.
	Now you want this to sink in.
	Oh, is it I gotta I gotta step away for a second.
	Yeah, this is gonna turn to a shit show real fast.
	Is it more flour it needs or something?
	No.
	I'm rolling it too thin.
	It's too delicate.
	I'm just letting my emotions get the best of me.
	Yep.
	Ooh, look at them.
	Oh, I think right about now.
	And it's just funny because it's just like a little cute little ball of dough.
	That's the thing that's got the...
	Oh, every time that flipped up to it, I was like, oh, fuck.
	See, now see the lip on the stove there?
	I can't get the rolling pin to go flat.
	That's why I'm like rolling it like this.
	That's why the show is called Maddie's Shit.
	In the kitchen.
	Rewind that for a second, Ron.
	Wait, that's all it was?
	Oh, but...
	It literally...
	Look at it before he hit it and look at it after it.
	It literally has a permanent dent in there.
	That's not there before.
	Oh, he keeps getting pissed.
	I mean, but show me more.
	Motherfucker.
	Wait, where's the rolling pin?
	It's right there.
	I mean, the rolling pin smash.
	He smashed it.
	Well, go back.
	Let's see the smash better.
	Oh.
	Motherfucker.
	That's nothing.
	Oh.
	Motherfucker.
	My dad would total the entire kitchen.
	The chairs would just be toothpicks.
	Oh, I said it.
	I said everything on this counter.
	They get everything that was around it.
	I said, it's going to end up all over my apartment.
	I was like, it was driving me bananas.
	But I managed to squeak three out.
	What's up, Faggots?
	I like everything about recent Maddie's shitty little kitchen except for the fucking depressing music playing in the background.
	It's creepy and it doesn't fit with the chill vibes.
	If that's Ryan using his own music as a soundtrack, he should have his hands cut off.
	It's not my own music.
	The best will.
	It is not my own music.
	And I think it adds a good something, something.
	I don't know.
	Where do you get it from?
	I get it from a very exclusive, expensive site.
	Okay.
	And in fear of any literature.
	Brian does put it in there by himself.
	I'm not really involved in the music.
	It should be like for the Scotch pies, you should use just bagpipe music.
	Yeah, I try.
	Scotland and Brave.
	I tend to, you know, I mean, like, pork shoulder doesn't really have, like, an ethnic theme or anything, but I just kept it chill.
	Oh, are they talking about the electric stove?
	Welcome to another edition of Mac Cheese.
	Oh, I did put the electric slide in one of the.
	Because my stove is electric, and the oven is electric.
	It's electric.
	So I think when I was doing it, I was like, oh, yeah, it's electric.
	So he put the song, it's electric, playing in the background.
	Immediate action.
	But the music is.
	I need the action drills in there.
	Okay, last one before we take calls.
	Hey, G-Dog, Jackety-Chan.
	And Maddie, there was recently a book published by the American Association of Pediatrics all about puberty, but including all this trans shit.
	They also talk about puberty blockers and how they're healthy and safe.
	I attached an NPR article that conveniently leaves out the puberty blockers.
	Also, my pet Biden spoke at a Teacher of the Year event and told the teachers that kids don't, yeah, we're going to cover that tomorrow.
	Kids don't belong to the parents.
	They belong to the schools.
	Oh, Jesus.
	So this NPR article about a new puberty guide for kids leaves out the puberty blockers part, which are permanently damaging.
	If girls take puberty blockers, they are unable to have kids for the rest of their fucking lives.
	Oh, geez.
	How did we end up here?
	I don't know.
	That's disgusting.
	They might be racist, and they might start a world war.
	No?
	But let's ignore adults giving fucking eight-year-old girls, or I guess puberty blockers must come around 12 and 13, must block their puberty.
	You would never even conceive of what does it serve?
	I could never conceive of that as a thing.
	Mengalu.
	Puberty blocker.
	Yeah, what purpose is it?
	What the fuck?
	Why does that even exist?
	Like, I can understand there's a market for death blockers.
	You don't want to die.
	Menopause blockers, maybe.
	Puberty blocker.
	How did that...
	How'd they get money to fucking create that?
	Yeah, that's disturbing.
	I don't like that when I turned 40, I could no longer read without glasses.
	We don't want to have to carry on reading glasses everywhere.
	Fix that.
	Puberty, not a thing.
	Everyone goes through it.
	Yeah.
	Everyone on this planet that's over 50 times beating off six times.
	15 went through puberty.
	$100 by Scott Johnson.
	What pharmaceutical company distributes that?
	Who is the scientist who said, I have an idea?
	Who's the fucking doctor that prescribes menstruation with women?
	Why don't I work on preventing pubes?
	Nashville is only a seven-hour drive from Chicago.
	If you did the live event in Nashville instead of Orlando, maybe Crip Daddy could attend.
	Also, I'm the one who told Libs of TikTok about you and Anthony, and that's why she follows him on Twitter.
	Oh, thank you, Scotch and Brye.
	That's amazing.
	And yeah, we're going to do more of these.
	Nashville.
	If you could freak your Friday into any of your co-hosts' bodies, who would you pick, assuming everything you see you get to record used for content?
	Oh.
	I got to say Crip Daddy.
	Okay.
	He does count.
	I would want to know what it's like to be paralyzed.
	Oh, Jesus.
	And not just for a minute, but for like, I would like to be Crip Daddy for a week.
	Wouldn't you?
	No, I had a cellmate that was paralyzed from the waist down.
	It was crazy.
	So was a chair in his cell?
	Yeah, he had a wheelchair.
	I was in the infirmary at the time'cause of my heart condition.
	Oh.
	And uh, yeah, like he c he would sometimes add like to like adjust his leg.
	'Cause he had a steel rod.
	Like, I guess when you have those injuries, when you're paralyzed from the waist down, mid-body down, like, he had a rod inserted into his back to help him, like, support his upper body.
	So, I guess he was, like, it hurts after a while.
	So, he was like, yo, can you, like, adjust my.
	And I'd have to pick his leg up by the cuff of his pant, like this.
	And just like, like, picking the leg up and just feeling that it was just like a dead fish.
	It was so fucking freaky.
	And to make him feel better, you just sway it?
	Like, I would just move it over towards wherever he...
	Because he said when he first got paralyzed like that, he started burning himself.
	Like, with hot water.
	Because you can't feel the hot water.
	And they try to do it with lighters.
	It was bizarre, man.
	Because he got paralyzed in a car accident when he was like nine or ten years old.
	The funny thing?
	You know what he was in jail for?
	Kidnapping.
	He's in a wheelchair.
	What did he do?
	Grab her and slump her over the chair?
	No, it was some girl that you used to talk to online, and she told him that she was over 18, and she was like, yeah, I'm coming down your way.
	And he lived in New, I don't know if he lived in New Jersey or the girl lived in New York.
	That's why he was in New York prison.
	He had nine years for it.
	What kind of kidnapping, though?
	Because kidnapping is the weirdest thing.
	He went and picked her up and jumped on your car and you drive, you kidnapped him.
	Right, but she, he drove up there and the girl got in his car and then they went back to his house and then she started acting real weird.
	So I think he dropped her off in like Coney Island or something like that.
	And then she got like wigged out and said, I'm underage and said, you know, I'm not 18.
	She was like 17.
	And she said, you kidnapped me.
	And the fucking police came and got her.
	And then they locked him up and gave him nine years.
	Wow.
	He said, how did you force her to get in a car?
	You can't get out of the car.
	Push her in there with your wheelchair.
	Right.
	Yeah, it was fucked up, man.
	So I'm trying to play devil's advocate here, and it's not working.
	Like, should he have asked for ID, I guess?
	No, I mean, I. But you don't ask for ID when you're dating.
	He was probably like 19 or something when he was in jail.
	Oh, shit.
	Wow, that's a judicial mistake.
	Nine years.
	Nine fucking years.
	Nine years in maximum security prison.
	All of his 20s gone.
	Gone.
	Fucking crazy.
	Damn.
	Bananas.
	Too bad he wasn't black.
	Kim Kardashian would be trying to be.
	Not good enough.
	Did he look white?
	He had a similar complexion to Ryan.
	Yeah, not good enough.
	I just found it, because I thought he was bullshitting me when I first was in the cell with him.
	I was like, are you fucking kidding me?
	He's like, dude, he's like, I got nine years for fucking kidnapping.
	I'm like, your wheelchair, like, like, try not to offend a guy.
	I'm like, you've been paralyzed since you're 10 years old from the waist down.
	What do you mean you kidnapped somebody?
	Do you think today's society is beyond you own?
	I can't read that one.
	Your own conception.
	Your own conception of how Sodom and Gomorrah was.
	I perceived SNG to have been rife with sexual deviancy, which we all see today.
	But were they doing post-birth abortions and distorting simple universal truths to promote generalized confusions and fear?
	I don't know.
	Are we worse than Sodom and Gomorrah?
	Or what about the pre-World War II, what do they call that in Berlin?
	The fucking...
	I always forget this when I'm trying to remember it, but the culture of Germany before World War II with the old ladies prostituting themselves.
	Are we that bad?
	Yes, is the answer.
	There's no justice.
	No justice.
	The people who are in jail are not meant to be in jail.
	Cops can't do their jobs.
	It's a fucking mess.
	Great time to murder someone if you're interested.
	Oh, Jesus.
	What is the best way to approach hit on women in the gym?
	I've never done that.
	I don't like...
	Top hitting them on in the gym because they feel vulnerable.
	I don't like women at boxing gyms.
	I don't know why they're there.
	They punch the bag so softly.
	I'm just like, this is an irrelevant gesture.
	Baby monster tattoo.
	Hey, Gavin and Ryan and Maddie.
	I want to attach a picture of my baby monster tattoo so you can see the trend catch fire for yourselves.
	I hope you don't mind that I took some liberties with the shading.
	I think you did a fantastic job, sir.
	I deeply regret not getting a shine on my bald eagle's head like you have.
	I ruined the joke.
	I got the shine.
	Do you have a shine on yours?
	Yeah.
	I got the shine.
	I thought it would look bald.
	It doesn't look bald.
	They don't look bald.
	I have a little tiny one.
	Because their hair is slicked back.
	So people just think it's a fucking eagle.
	And I have my baby monster tattoo.
	The OG.
	Yeah, the original.
	All right, let's take some calls.
	We haven't taken any Khazals.
	And before we do, we'd like to thank you for calling, Frankly.
	Oh, remember the callers get beard vet shit.
	Yep, the first two.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, share?
	Understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You got one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	All right, next call.
	That's such a good jam.
	I might want to get into that band.
	Uh-oh, dude, I've turned this on a couple times.
	I turned it on before.
	The thing is, the fucking button stinks.
	Like, you'll hold it and you'll be like, no, it's not.
	It's on now.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's full battery on.
	The button's going to turn itself off?
	The button stinks.
	No, no, no.
	It just, when you hold it, sometimes it turns on, sometimes it doesn't.
	You have to just keep pressing and holding the button.
	It stinks.
	Thanks for coding.
	I called Glenn Beck's producer and I said, I have a story here.
	Hear me out.
	And I told her the story of my shirt with my glasses.
	And I go, I am so fucking mad about this that it would be a very passionate segment.
	And it might be cool for Glenn to have a segment that's not political.
	And she's like, no.
	No.
	Not interested.
	Not interested.
	Okay.
	This is why I make the big bucks because I think outside the box.
	Especially because you spent 40 or 45 minutes on the bottom.
	Five.
	I could have spent, I want to do a documentary about it.
	Three night series.
	We don't have a lot of cameras in the house.
	We have a lot of cameras outside the house.
	But when I did have more cameras in the house, I would use them all the time for finding my glasses and finding keys.
	And it's such a funny thing to do to see yourself be like.
	And you're watching going, you fucking idiot.
	One time I watched myself leave my wallet in the taxi and the taxi driveway.
	And I'm trying to see the license plate.
	I'm like, you fucking idiot.
	Your wallet is in that taxi, you fool.
	Anyway, someone there?
	Yep.
	Hello.
	Go ahead, caller.
	Hello.
	Hello, caller.
	How's it going?
	Good.
	How are you?
	I'm doing all right.
	Hey, it's a pleasure to talk to you guys.
	Right on.
	Hey, I started a podcast, and I am looking for advice how to grow it, and what you guys would do if you're starting from ground zero.
	Well, my honest advice would be to just keep churning it out.
	I mean, you're a sperm swimming upstream right now.
	There's a million people with podcasts.
	And make it as true to your own culture as possible.
	I don't know if there's anything unique about what you do.
	Maybe you're like a helicopter mechanic, and you could get into that and get that niche.
	But if it's just generally blabbing away, I would probably just give up.
	It's not going to go anywhere.
	Sure.
	Well, it is more politically driven, I guess.
	What's it called?
	Let's think about this.
	What?
	What's it called?
	Let's think about this.
	Let's think about this.
	Let's think about this.
	Is it on YouTube?
	And.
	Well, I'll use anchor.fm, and they'll send it out to like Spotify and Apple Podcasts and stuff like that.
	All right, boring.
	Thanks for calling.
	I don't fucking care.
	Yep.
	Yep.
	I'm boring.
	I think this is it.
	Let's think about it.
	Okay.
	Let's think about it.
	Nice free ad.
	And I gave them a theme song.
	And he wins, too.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, he gets a number saved.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Gina is on the Lena.
	What's going on, Gina?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hello.
	Hi.
	I'm calling about the war on kids.
	Okay.
	Last week, I think you played a cartoon, and it showed like little kids how to masturbate, all kinds of weird shit.
	Well, pretty much a lot of state similar cartoons are going around.
	And I noticed that after they show these awkward kids trying to masturbate in cartoons, they directly go to something about trans kids.
	So it's like, I get this feeling like they're leading this awkwardness about, you know, showing kids masturbating.
	And, oh, well, if you feel weird, maybe you're trans.
	Otherwise, what does trans have to do with masturbating?
	Here's the million-dollar question, caller.
	There's two things at play here.
	One is, I want to fuck kids.
	Please don't take that out of context.
	So I'm going to groom them, and masturbation is something that's going to come across your plate.
	So I'll start with that, and then I'll crowbar in trans, and then I'll crowbar in gays, and maybe I can eventually crowbar in minor attracted persons, right?
	So there's a plan there to fuck kids.
	All right, so that's a thing.
	I don't know what the percentages are.
	And then there's also, as we discussed earlier, there are people who are naive and easily manipulated.
	I'm talking about teachers and educators who go, I hate the idea of gay kids being bullied, as we all do.
	That sounds mean.
	So I want to make content and decisions for the kids that say, hey, don't hurt gay kids.
	Gay kids aren't evil.
	They're just different.
	So that's another percentage.
	So the first percentage is purposely grooming children.
	The second percentage is inept people, you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
	So inept fucking idiot leftists accidentally sexualizing children.
	What's the percentage here?
	How much, what out of 100, what percent is knowingly, you know, polluting children's minds in order to fuck them?
	And what percentage are just fucking idiots who've been brainwashed and are walking into a pile of shit?
	Was this targeted for like pubescent teens?
	Oh, no, no, eight-year-olds, nine-year-olds.
	Primary school.
	Like, what the fuck are they doing?
	You don't, like, I remember the first videos about how to learn how to master.
	I was like 11.
	It wasn't sexual.
	12, 13, it started getting sexual.
	8, my dick was just a piss stick.
	Yeah.
	Like, at what point?
	Like, I could tell I liked girls, you know, because they were nice, but I didn't want to, like, lick them.
	You know what I mean?
	But, like, I'm probably going to marry one of those one day.
	Everything like movies and books, like, parental guidance is obscene language and your music.
	And what happened to all these parental, like, Tipper Gore and all that?
	Yeah, PMRC swearing.
	You're going to show eight-year-olds videos.
	You had a masturbate.
	What do you think, Carler?
	What's the percentage I'm leaning towards?
	It's definitely intentional.
	I would say 70% intentional.
	Wow.
	I don't have the answer, but that's a big number, my dear.
	The dirty jurors.
	I'm going to go much lower, and I could be wrong, and I might change my mind tomorrow, but I'm going to go for 10% evil globalist child rapists, 90% fucking idiots, easily manipulated, you know,
	tools, tools for these guys.
	What are they called?
	I'm really high towards purposefully, but not purposefully.
	I'm sorry.
	Thank you.
	Thank you for not getting a lot of people.
	There's a lot of money involved in the grooming and a lot of, you know, like you say all the time that without all this victimhood, the money goes away.
	So I think they know what they're doing.
	Yeah, but are they knowingly grooming kids so they can fuck them?
	Oh, okay.
	That part, I don't know, because it's like greed versus perversion.
	I don't know.
	Oh, that's disgusting.
	Yeah, I think.
	That might be lower, like you said.
	Yeah, they're just, the thing that's disturbing is, you know, they tried making blacks pets.
	They tried making feminism the thing.
	They use trans now.
	That's the newest pet.
	But the disturbing thing is, you go, wait a minute, kids are getting sexualized.
	And they're like, I don't give a fuck.
	I got to get more votes.
	I got to get more power.
	Those kids can go.
	Like that video we showed yesterday says, fuck they kids.
	I know.
	That was disgusting.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That Instagram post or thing about how it's okay to kill the newborn baby?
	Right.
	28 days after it's been born?
	I just think that a very small population wants to have sex with kids.
	And maybe I'm just being naive.
	But what I think is really happening here is the left is so power hungry.
	They're such amoral Bolsheviks that they are attracting kid fuckers and they don't care.
	Like that long Twitter thread we read the other day where they go, the left doesn't literally want to fuck your kids.
	They want to breed young revolutionaries.
	The fact that there's this side thing happening where we're accidentally grooming young kids, they could give a fuck about.
	They could walk kids off a cliff as long as they gain more power.
	I'm more inclined to believe that thing.
	But none of this is good, folks.
	None of this is good.
	No.
	I've been to some awesome Pig Rose parties at the Scorpions Clubhouse in Oakland County and have some stories from those times.
	So I'd like to ask Maddie, what are the craziest, coolest parties he's been to?
	And does he have a story he'd like to share?
	Well, that's a big ask.
	Craziest parties.
	I've been to some crazy parties.
	I mean, like a big giant party.
	I was kind of had like other people outside of the circles that I was traveling in.
	Those were pretty tame.
	So the Hell's Angels, do they have gangs that they are friends with?
	Clubs, sorry?
	Yeah, support clubs and stuff like that.
	So who's a motorcycle club that has no beef with Hell's Angels and they're all buddies?
	The Kinglings?
	No, I mean, yeah, I mean, they've coexisted peacefully.
	You know, there's been some personal issues between certain members, but no, they've they've existed kind of relatively good, but you know, um I'm trying to think like they're all small, like they're not like nationally known.
	If I said like, you know, Satan's soldiers have existed peacefully with the Hell's Angels.
	That's a local New York and New Jersey.
	Then like say the Immortals or you know, there was a club.
	The club I was in before that, Savage Creed, stuff like that.
	Did the parties have beer?
	Yeah, beer.
	Alcoholic beer.
	And cigarettes.
	Well, I don't smoke cigarettes, so.
	But they had them there for if you wanted to smoke.
	Well, you'd have to bring your own.
	Nobody's going to be like standing there selling cigarettes.
	Sometimes in the bar they have a machine.
	You put a couple dollars in there.
	They haven't had cigarette machines in bars in quite a long time.
	Yeah, and you can get a condo and a temp on inside the machines.
	Jesse's a little older, so he's from the 50s.
	I mean, I remember having the cigarette machines where it had a million pull handles on it.
	Oh, I love those things.
	I actually hurt myself.
	It's a very appealing design.
	Yeah.
	It's like a game, like slot machines, but you definitely.
	I had all the different brands.
	It had two rows of these plastic handles that gambled.
	The game you're playing is gambling your own health.
	Wow.
	It's lung cancer Russian roulette.
	It's like non-lucky stripes.
	Lucky strike out.
	Strike three, you're out.
	Camo.
	I mean, I've had some awesome ZO, do a little partying, have a little beer.
	He's not going to sit here and tell a 40-minute story about an insane biker rally that he was at.
	Did you ever have a biker party where a metal robot with a German accent walked in and he said, let me get your boots and your motorcycle and clothes?
	And then you had a big brawl with him and you stick a pool key through his chest, but you realize he's a robot.
	No, no.
	Like on a small channel?
	Okay.
	No artificial intelligence.
	I'm the Terminator.
	Here's one.
	Wedding slash Chris Plant from Monday's show.
	Gavin Mayer of FagZone.
	Glad you discovered Chris Plant.
	He does a great show weekdays on our DC Metro radio station.
	Got to meet him on a job a couple years ago.
	He enjoys beer almost as much as you enjoy whiskey.
	P.S. Got married this weekend.
	We couldn't be happier.
	I've attached a picture.
	Thanks for the extra motivation to, quote unquote, put a ring on it and stop fucking around.
	Feel free to give my bride a 1 to 10 rating.
	Congratulations.
	Kind of weird, doesn't it?
	Yeah, congratulations.
	Congratulations, buddy.
	You look short.
	Merger.
	Well, I guess we have to rate her now.
	She seems fantastic.
	It's funny with ratings, too.
	There's like someone you want to bang in an alley, and there's someone you want to marry.
	And this is a great wife.
	Like, you want her around for 40 years.
	57.
	You want those tits to be hanging down to her waist when she's 86.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	I used to remember all the time.
	We used to have a show called Raiders of the Lost Ark.
	I mean, this is her wedding day, so she looks pretty darn good.
	I'm going to say 7.4.4.
	4.
	And I'm going to give him a 6.
	It's got to be a good one.
	$700,000 and a trillion three hundred billion dollars.
	Damn.
	Alright, we got more calls.
	On the line.
	Go ahead.
	Okay.
	You're on the line, 609.
	Go ahead, Decall.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	What's going on, Cole?
	Hello.
	Hello, this is Jesse.
	Oh, it's another Jesse.
	Oh.
	What happened?
	Yeah, we had met at the convention a few weeks ago, and I decided to take the...
	Yeah, Brian had told me that he does an impersonation of me, and it's very good.
	I'm seeing on the show that he is using my face, and that's fine with me.
	He is very good at doing the makeup, and he does it very quickly.
	It's amazing.
	I like how he does that.
	And I saw him on the, he was doing cameo apps.
	He's making a lot of money doing me.
	Maybe I have him come on my show.
	I take a day off and no one will know that it's not really me and his Brian.
	That would be amazing.
	His name's Ryan.
	Isn't it Ryan?
	Yeah, I would ask you something.
	Because I'm watching a show, and I just want to know when Jesus come back, because the world is crazy right now, and Jesus coming back, it's in the prophecy.
	And when he come back, do you really want to be on the TV sucking on a turd?
	That's terrible, Gather.
	Yeah.
	I think we may have a cultural thing here.
	You're a black southern Christian.
	My background's Scottish.
	We're more like jackassy.
	So I know we agree on everything as far as like culture goes, or maybe not even culture, but religion and the West and God and family and all that and being an ethical person.
	But as far as what's over the line, I think you and I differ quite a bit on that.
	Like the sucking the shit thing registers in my head 0% of the day.
	I seen it.
	Oh my goodness.
	What happened?
	I seen it and it was very disturbing, to be honest with you.
	And yes, I am a black man.
	I know Brian's an Oriental.
	And I just want y'all to know that I don't have an issue with him using my face on the cameo on the show.
	And he does a fantastic job with the makeup.
	He does it very fast.
	And it's very amazing.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	We got it.
	As soon as you repeat a joke, you're out.
	Amazing.
	He's actually pretty good.
	Like, as a normal KLP?
	That was, I don't know.
	I got high standards with this little fucking Chinaman here.
	If I get replaced, I'm going to be pushed.
	It's not going to be amazing.
	It's not going to be amazing.
	It's going to stink.
	You know what I would love to see?
	And I can't wait till I die because I heard that when you die, you get a thing called God Hoogle.
	Wow.
	And you can look up anything you want.
	Really?
	And it comes up.
	Let's see Jesse Lee Peterson's finances from birth till now.
	Okay.
	Income, what it comes from, what he makes.
	You could tell me that Jesse Lee Peterson makes grosses, like his new network and everything.
	You could tell me it grosses $100,000 a year.
	And you could tell me it grosses $11 million a year.
	And anything in between.
	I have no fucking clue what that man makes.
	I know he's popular.
	He's got his followers.
	Is he more popular than me?
	I don't even know.
	He could be a tenth as popular as this show or 10 times more popular.
	I have no fucking clue.
	It's more popular.
	Jesse Lee.
	I spent some time today with Jesse Lee.
	That's right.
	Yeah, we filmed a brand new celebrity menback show.
	You know, Ryan and I were setting up my new arcade game in my house.
	Oh, God, yeah.
	It's big as the studio.
	It's monolithic.
	It's the size of a sub-04.
	I love the bottle opener, right?
	Yeah, it's got a bottle opener.
	It's so big that the pixelization is terrible because it's not designed for a screen that big.
	Some of the games.
	And so we were speaking Chinese the whole time.
	Like, okay, you've got to key.
	You've got to open that up.
	Come on, man.
	Why are you doing that?
	You're so stupid.
	Come on.
	You took a big machine, press button, everything, turn on.
	So we're having some trouble loading up the software.
	So we call Tech Support, and it's a small company.
	They're called CreativeArcade.com.
	Game Tech Arcade Stoppers.
	They're really cool.
	And it's some Asian dude, I think, who runs a company.
	So he's an Asian dude, and he's like, hey, man, just FaceTime me and we'll go through it.
	Okay, I can see what wires are done.
	Open up the panel.
	Your yellow wire became unplugged during shipping.
	So just, and it's taking 900% of my willpower to stop the Asian guy we've been doing for the past hour.
	Look at your hand.
	You even karate chopped this.
	I even karate chopped it.
	And I'm like.
	Yes.
	I'll grab the yellow wire and I'll plug it in.
	Okay.
	You're going to sound like the generic white guy.
	But I can do it.
	I'm fucking.
	You're Asian.
	Put the FaceTime on me.
	And then like, the second we hung up, it was like, okay.
	Oh, my God.
	Hey, smash the subscribe, you got it.
	Then I was worried I didn't hang up properly.
	Yeah, yeah.
	The Asian face Ryan's been using lately is hilarious.
	What the?
	That's my favorite guy.
	Oh, yeah.
	No.
	Idiot.
	No.
	Oh, okay.
	He's kind of like that.
	Oh, God.
	Ryan's so dumb that I don't get his jokes half the time.
	Like, we're at the laundromat, and there's these little flyers, like, at, you know, belly level that say, like, you don't come here no time.
	If you want to be here, you leave your ticket, and then you go here.
	And then there's another one that says, like, please leave a deposit.
	No, you don't.
	Oh, you wear a mask.
	And there's scribbles all over them.
	And Ryan goes, what kind of guy scribbles all over a flyer or a little sign like that?
	What kind of very short, disrespectful.
	And I'm like, it's called a child, Ryan.
	They're called kids.
	They got a pen because their mother's doing laundry.
	Yeah.
	And they're just like...
	And Ryan's like, you'd be surprised, man.
	I've seen some dudes.
	I'm like, you mean graffiti?
	What are you talking about?
	Well, Ryan's new to the child, Arena.
	A grown man just going, Daphne's not able to.
	We're in the hood, too.
	We're in the Bronx.
	I think, yeah.
	So there's no parental anything.
	Yeah.
	Some angry person is talking to them, and while they're talking to them, you're still sticking with that story.
	Wait until Daphne's like five or six and you're trying to get something done.
	This guy is the titanic of arguments.
	I don't know.
	I still think it could have been a guy.
	Oh, Jesus.
	He could have broken in.
	There you go.
	Another caller?
	Oops.
	Je don't cevic Johnny Depp?
	Je don't cevc Johnny Depp.
	De foi.
	5-4-wee.
	Gavin.
	Yes.
	I am the Johnny Depp bed shitter, and I will shit again.
	Not you again.
	Fudge.
	Dude, you've ruined their marriage.
	Let's play a game, Gavin.
	Oh, no, he's bullshitting me.
	I'll play a game.
	You get this.
	I'm going to get you more chances to figure out what song this is.
	If you can't answer it, I'm going to shit all over Crip Daddy.
	Oh, fuck.
	As long as you don't shoot on my fucking bed, you fucking piece of shit.
	All right, let's start this off.
	Fuck you, dude.
	And I'm running into first, and my pants begin to burst.
	Oh, that's like a kid song.
	Like, I'm running into first, and my pants begin to burst.
	It's diarrhea.
	Baby shark.
	That sounds called diarrhea.
	Motherfucker.
	All right, sounds too easy.
	I will shit again, though.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That was great.
	Johnny Depp.
	I keep getting people write in letters going, why aren't you covering the Johnny Depp divorce trial?
	It's a civil trial.
	A civil trial?
	And I'm like, we did cover.
	How much should I should I cover it as much as fucking dailymail.co.uk?
	No.
	No, we got it.
	Just cover it a little bit.
	She's a crazy bitch that fucked up his life.
	And he left his wife because she got old and she didn't look like a young girl anymore.
	He fucked a young piece of tang and he realized, oh my God, what the fuck have I done?
	Exactly like husbands and wives, by the way.
	No prenup.
	I forgot that guy's name again.
	Sidney Poiche.
	What the fuck?
	Lloyd Weber.
	Lloyd Weber.
	And so, do we really need to follow?
	Sammy Gelman?
	No, that's an author.
	Oh, fuck, what was his name?
	Sidney Gelmore.
	I don't think it's fucking Sylvie Gilmore.
	Sammy Gelman.
	Sidney Poitier.
	Sammy Sosa.
	What the fuck?
	There's certain names you just can't fit in your head.
	Slappy Swanson Sally.
	Oh, it was Samsonite.
	It was on there the whole time.
	It was the Fecal Delight.
	Slappy Samsonite?
	Yep.
	Sidney.
	I was way off.
	Fecal Delivery.
	Sidney Pollack.
	Sidney Pollock.
	Who's dead now?
	God bless his cotton socks.
	One of the best actors in the history of cinema.
	What's happening?
	No, just fuck that guy.
	Fuck that guy.
	Why?
	Because he shit all over the bed and ruined my marriage.
	Oh, the shit guy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Sorry.
	All right, let's take another call.
	Take another letter.
	Are you putting up the live stream still, Johnny Depp?
	Yes.
	Because we've only got 10 minutes left.
	Okay, here we go.
	You're on the line.
	6-10.
	Go ahead, 6-1.
	What's up, Daddy?
	Old Well, hey, Maddie.
	Hey, what's going on?
	Old Well.
	Hey, Ryan.
	Hey, Maddie, by the way, stay healthy, man.
	Ryan, you should start smoking cigarettes immediately.
	I used to think you should kill yourself, but now that you have a kid, you should just start doing something unhealthy.
	Thank you.
	Anyway, I was calling to talk about talking to like old men.
	So, at my local, there's a lot of old guys.
	I'm 37.
	I have four kids.
	I'm one of the youngest people who hangs out there.
	And it's talking to old people, man, they've got great stories.
	Sometimes they drone on too long.
	I guess this is what's impressive about old men.
	They can sit there and they'll be prattling on for literally seven to ten minutes.
	Yep.
	And like, if you have to pee or like you're trying to leave or go somewhere else, you can just cut them off and go, hey, hey, all right, thanks, man.
	Save it.
	I got to go.
	And no hard feelings.
	They're like, okay, cool, man.
	Talk to you later.
	Nobody there against me.
	I've tried doing that to ladies.
	I have an aunt.
	She loves to talk.
	And she gets so offended if I'm not hanging on every word.
	And I'll go, okay, hey, listen, Aunt Deb or whatever.
	Aunt Deb, can we talk about this later?
	And she's like, oh, well, I guess you don't have time for me.
	And it's just one of those things.
	Yeah, it just reminded me of you.
	Men are so amazing because they can just, you can tell them to eat shit and I'll like, hey, man, eat shit.
	I'm too busy for you right now.
	And they're like, okay, whatever.
	Fuck you.
	Bye.
	Yeah, they do get sick of it.
	I love those old dudes.
	They get in a story loop sometimes.
	They'll say the same story four times in a row, like Jackson and Unreliable.
	And sometimes they get into a negative thing, I find.
	And I think it's natural to be negative when you're on the back nine, as they like to say.
	You're on a downslope.
	When you're over 60, they're like, you know what?
	I'm glad I'm not going to be around for too long because you guys are in a real pickle here.
	You're in big trouble, boy.
	The way this country's going.
	And you're like, okay, I know why you're saying that because you can't say, I'm sad I'm leaving.
	You've got to say the party sucks if you're on your way out.
	But it can be a little fucking depressing to constantly hear about how we're all going to die and things were better back then.
	But they do have awesome stories.
	And they've all like worked for the mob.
	They all drove a taxi for, you know, some major murderer.
	It's fascinating to talk to them.
	Anyway, thanks for calling.
	Dear Gavin, I was wondering if you would be able to send prayers for my son and wife.
	He was born April 26th.
	He's only 25 weeks, premature.
	My wonderful wife had to be life flighted from Elkhart, Nevada to Salt Lake, Utah.
	I'm worried sick for him.
	His name is Tyr.
	It would be an honor if you would pray for him.
	Okay, let's all have a moment of silence for Tyr.
	I hope I'm pronouncing that name right.
	I hope it works out for you, buddy.
	That must be fucking stressful.
	I don't know if I'm man enough to handle that.
	We definitely need some booze to get through that.
	A lot of time in an incubator.
	God bless, man.
	9-10 is online.
	9-10, what's up?
	Yo, Gav.
	Yo, bro.
	Hey, what's going on?
	You.
	So, hey, I'm getting ready to retire from active duty military after 20 years.
	You're going to become retarded?
	No, he's retiring from the military after 20 years.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's more normal.
	Yeah.
	Yo, hey, Maddie, I'm also part of an MC plus by 1% that doesn't support.
	There you go.
	That's a fucked up boy.
	What does that mean doesn't support?
	They would say independent.
	They don't really.
	We don't wear patches.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	But, yo, Gavin, you would be surprised how liberal and stupid the military has become.
	Really?
	That's why I'm actually retiring early because I'm sick of this shit.
	Like, they have affirmative action and equal opportunity, which means a ethnic woman will get promoted over a white male based off of her ethnicity and her gender, but not off her merit.
	It's fucking everywhere now, isn't it?
	I saw something at my kids' school for internships, and one of the things was like some country club, some golf thing, and it said who it's eligible to, like who can apply, and it said people of color.
	Those are the only people that can apply to this program.
	It's so wild because they push this equality shit, but then they say, you know what, we have to promote so many, you know, ethnicities, we have to promote so many women, and then, you know,
	white males who actually qualify, who are better than them, have to take a third step.
	They will get promoted after them by the virtue of being a white male.
	And again, if they were promoting albinos or any other group, it would be just as bad.
	It's not about, no one's saying blacks don't deserve jobs.
	What we're saying is racism doesn't exist, so you're correcting an affliction that isn't there.
	And what you're doing is you're hurting meritocracy and thwarting people who would be great at the job.
	Exactly.
	What a fucking mess.
	It's about promoting affirmative action and racism because we have to push these people up because they've been so hurt by bullshit that happened 70 years ago.
	And it's also like, and it pertains to everything, like when they go the first Native American astronaut.
	The implication is that there was tons of qualified Native American astronauts and they're being held back by, I don't know, cowboys?
	Exactly.
	Like who was saying?
	Why are we not promoting the first African American to own a major social media platform?
	Why are we not celebrating that?
	Yeah, yeah.
	He finally did it.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	Here's an interesting email we got.
	Bullshit lawsuit.
	It's called, hey, Gavin, low-tee.
	I work in a trade, and it seems to be that it's made up of 50% older guys who have their nose to the grindstone and 50% slacker douchebag millennials who will not move out of their parents' house and have a number of get-rich quick schemes.
	One particular boy I used to work with just settled a lawsuit which awards him $180,000 after the lawyers got their cut.
	He's an addict of anything that will get him high.
	One night, he's riding in a car with a few fucking grease balls, the kinds who eat scabs off their faces, to a party.
	They were doing Coke on the way.
	That's in quotes.
	Come to find out there was fentanyl in it.
	He ODs in the front passenger seat.
	By OD, this guy doesn't mean die.
	They arrive at the party and the guys in the back want out of the back seat.
	It's a two-door.
	They push his seat forward and whammo, his limp body falls forward and gets the old eyeball in the gear shift treatment.
	Whoa.
	They leave him and go to the party for an undetermined amount of time, realize he's fucked up much later and drive him a block away from his mother's house and then they dump him on the boulevard as good friends are known to do.
	He comes to and crawls home for his mother to find him lying on the doorstep.
	He survived but came away with a dead eye and drop foot.
	What's drop foot?
	It's when your foot, like the tendons and the muscles in your foot, like you can't arch your foot this way.
	Like if you picked your foot up off the ground, it would flop to the ground.
	Can you still feel and everything in it?
	Yeah, but you just don't have any control of it.
	I mean, it's pretty common.
	I know a few people that have had it and they've regained control of it.
	Not 100% sure.
	I think a lot of nerve damages and stuff like that, it kind of played out.
	So we had no junkies would get that all the time.
	They fall asleep on a part of their arm.
	It doesn't get blood for so long that it starts dying.
	And then they lose function in it.
	He sued his mother's car insurance.
	What?
	And settles a couple years later for $180,000 for doing drugs.
	What the fuck kind of lesson is that for a fuck-up?
	If you throw enough shit at a wall, something will stick and you'll be handed a bunch of money.
	Not to be a fag or anything, but I am worried about the guy.
	I've known him since he was a kid, and apart from being a lazy dog fucker with zero work ethic, this must be a Canadian.
	Yeah.
	He's a good kid, and giving an addict $180K is a death sentence.
	I'm sure inside of a year, he'll be found dead under an overpass with a needle sticking out of his arm and a dick hanging out of his pants for some reason.
	Just thought it was a good example of the fucked up court system here in Canada.
	I'm not sorry for it being a long story.
	Fuck off.
	We aren't apologetic up here.
	Well, you are.
	You invented the word sorry.
	Have a good one, guys.
	Love you more than a friend.
	What a doozy.
	Hey, only your friend can help for himself.
	Yeah.
	Like these kids, like my brother just had a friend who died, and he was rich.
	He made a lot of money in tech, and he lived alone in an apartment, and he got into opioids.
	And he, you know, we're social creatures.
	And in Canada, it's basically Shanghai, or it was a while ago.
	And he couldn't socialize, and he lost his sense of self, and he got deeper and deeper into opioids.
	And he's dead.
	In a way, they die of boredom.
	Anyway, testosterone shortage show Amazon meeting.
	The reason Amazon management showed the customer tape was because they knew the statements the customer made were factually wrong.
	As long as they let the anonymous customer make the statement.
	Yeah, but why were the employees bawling their eyes out and freaking out?
	All right, let's do one more call and then we got to go.
	I hope it's an up call.
	I feel like we're getting a little too down.
	469, you're on the line.
	Hey, dude, what's up?
	Yo, dude.
	Yeah, I got a story.
	A buddy of mine told me about his time in jail, and I've never been in jail, so I figured I could run it by Maddie and see if it sounds reasonable to him.
	Okay, let's hear.
	So, you know, he spent 30 days in jail, not too long, but according to him, he was the only guy in there that was in there for drugs and not something more serious.
	So he's setting the very scary tone, I guess.
	And he just kind of minded his own business, kept to himself, went back to his room as much as he could.
	But then the guards come in, they say, hey, dude, you're getting out today.
	And so he goes back to his room.
	He's minding his own business.
	And then, like, as he tells it, the scariest dudes in there all come into his cell.
	And he's like, oh, shit, what's going to happen?
	And so they all come up and they surround him and they go, hey, we heard you're getting out today.
	And we're going to give you a story that no one will ever believe.
	And so he's scared shitless.
	And they hold him down and they just tickle him for like five minutes.
	And then they say, no one's ever going to believe you.
	Keep your mouth shut.
	And they just walk out.
	Does that sound like something that would make sense?
	I don't know where he was, but to be the only person in the cell block that's there for drugs, that unusual.
	That's a very good idea.
	That's weird in and of itself.
	That's a biggie.
	There was this.
	But I mean, like, if you're there for a while and you make friends, but you're saying if the guy was kind of a loner, I don't know if anyone would approach him.
	They would give two fucks less about who's leaving.
	They're not leaving.
	Why is there a giant funny squad?
	Well, like, if you're, say, if you're doing like eight months or a year, like, you got to do a little bit of time in a county jail.
	Because jail and prison are different.
	Like, the night before, like, dudes may steal all your linens and your pillow and case, your fucking bedding.
	And you got to sleep on, like, just a plain mattress.
	Because you're leaving in the morning.
	Like, you know.
	Yeah, that sounds funny and real.
	Yeah, like, shit like that will happen.
	But, you know, it's the guy you piled around with.
	Coolest, funniest guys in the whole prison.
	He didn't think of him.
	I don't know.
	Got together and came up with amazing conversations.
	It doesn't sound believable to me.
	it sounds like horseshit, dude.
	But I don't know what institution he was in.
	Your friend's a liar?
	I don't know either.
	Because what guy's going to allow people that he doesn't know to walk in and be like, I'm going to tickle you.
	I hate liars.
	You hear a funny story and you go, let me file that in my brain.
	And then you realize, this might be total horseshit.
	Now I got to delete it from my fucking hard drive.
	There you go.
	I think your friend's full of shit, dude.
	You should be mad at him.
	I'm going to pretend it was real, though.
	Okay, have fun.
	You should tickle him and make it real.
	And while you're at it, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Oh, that one does.
	Put yourself in his position and see what you've done.
	But just keep in mind that you're somebody's son.
	How would you like it if your father was a stranger?
	And then tried to come into your life and tried to change the way your mother raised you.
	Now wouldn't that amaze you?
	To be or not to be?
	That is the question.
	When you're wrong, you're wrong.
	It's hard to make a correction.
	Harassing the mother for being with another man.
	But if the brother man can do it better than you can, let him.
	Don't sweat him, dude.
	Let him do the job that you couldn't do.
	You're claiming you was there, but not when she needed you.
	And now you wanna come around for a day or two.
	It's never too late to correct your mistakes.
	To get yourself together for your child's sake.

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