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April 1, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
53:37
GOML LIVE #142 Part 1
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of 69 Jamaica declared independence and said fuck you England and five years later said yo England Waguan Would you mind if I came ashore you know oh what happened to your little island?
Yeah it's kind of it's not as good since you left oh okay yeah come over you like soccer and Guinness.
You're part of the club already.
You'll blend in nicely.
There was a couple riots like the cover of the Clash album, right?
The guns of Brixton and all that.
But they did pretty well.
And then you have immigrates like Linton Quasy Johnson.
Unlike the specials and all the great ska bands, Linton Quasy Johnson did a new kind of assimilation.
He's actually a pioneer for this kind of assimilation, which is, I'm going to bitch and gripe about this country, and you people will love it.
And it's true.
Americans, Brits, Europeans, Westerners love shitting on their country.
And they love it when you come here and go, this place sucks.
So one of his biggest hits, of course, was England is a bitch, bitch, bitch.
There's no escape in it.
Did it?
England is a bitch, for true.
As you have white, his whole white band, like, so true.
Sonny's letter was all about the police and how evil they are, and they beat up this kid, and he's in jail now.
And then that song, what do you got there?
England is a bitch.
So he's a poet, right?
The band was all like supplied by the country he hates.
England is a bitch.
There's no escaping.
Okay, then leave.
England is a bitch.
Eskiapen.
That's got to be fun to talk that way, though.
Eskiapen.
Eskiapen.
That's what I would do if I, I don't know, had nothing but free time and no family and no studio and no show and was forced to do this at gunpoint.
I want to do a documentary about Puerto Rican Spanish, Glaswegian English, Jamaican English.
Actually, that's not a good triad, is it?
Jamaican English, Glaswegian English, and it has to be another English.
Like maybe deep, deep south.
They couldn't be black either.
You're already covered black with Jamaicans.
Some other weird English.
But I love the bastardization of language.
It's interesting to me.
But anyway, that song, The Eagle and the Beer, people living in fear, is where we're at now, right?
The Eagle, America, and the Bear, Russia.
We're living in fear of an impending nuclear war fair.
You can rhyme fear and fair in Jamaica.
And this funny part about his version of events is, why are you so worried about a nuclear war?
We're living in hell now.
There is annihilation and poverty everywhere in this shithole called England.
But I kind of, it's very relevant today.
I mean, we do, I kind of agree with him in many ways.
Like, why are you worrying about nuclear annihilation when we're dealing with this brutal economy and we've got pedophile teachers and we've got fucking oil prices through the roof and unemployment and nothing can get done and the supply chain is all fucked and we've sort of lost our hubris and we're in a national divorce where one side hates the other.
And fucking Proud Boys up in Connecticut, what was the name of the town?
Check my getter.
They just did a food drive.
They got 800 pounds of food, cans, chips, everything.
Donated it to loaves and fish shelter, food service thingamajiggi for the homeless.
And they said, thank you so much for bringing this.
Then some cunt journalist, I think I may have caught him, calls them up and goes, you know that's from Proud Boys, right?
And they go, no, thank you.
It's garbage.
Dude, what are you doing?
That's like from 100 years ago.
What the hell?
And so they've refused it.
And Proud Boys go, what are you doing?
You're not going to take our donation?
Yeah, Einfeld, Connecticut.
Loaves and Fishes.
So go down one.
This woman, presumably an affirmative action hire, Maya Nicole Matthews, she gets the job to run loaves.
What's it called?
Loaves and Fish?
Go up one?
Yep, Loaves and Fish.
Loaves and Fishes, right?
Obviously a biblical reference.
And she says, no, doesn't that mean, first of all, she's making her own career and political aspirations.
She's putting that above the people, the homeless people there, who I presume are disproportionately black.
That's the pattern in the country.
So she's putting her own fucking politics above poor people getting food.
Isn't that a violation of their 501c?
Are you not a nonprofit anymore if you're making it political?
Because that's political.
Now, the fact that she's wrong isn't that relevant.
Should you be analyzing the politics of the people who donate?
What if they were Nazis?
If I'm starving, you can feed me Nazi buns.
Is that a good name for a band?
Nazi buns?
I was just thinking, I was trying to work some pun.
What if that was the chapter, what if like in the history books and Wikipedia one day they were like, and then the Nazis actually started coming around.
They started donating food to disproportionately black homeless people.
Well, that's the other thing.
Like, I don't want to get in the weeds of why she's wrong to call them that.
Right.
That's a waste of time.
That's so two years ago.
But yeah, if you do want to get in the weeds, why would Nazis be donating to black people, Mexican people?
I mean, if they were Nazis, they'd have a caveat, right?
That says this is just for whites.
Right.
Or it's like shit that only white people would like.
I don't know.
Like what, jello?
What do only white people eat?
Everyone else goes, what the fuck?
You crazy, motherfucker.
That's a good thing.
Shortbread?
Please write in with your...
Yeah.
BLTs?
No, I think they're...
Have you ever seen a black guy have a BLT?
I've never really seen black people eating a BLT, but some of them do hate pork, right?
Well, yeah, that's not as common as it is on TV, though.
Anyway.
So I don't know.
I thought it was funny that the song is so prescient, and it also is one of my favorite subjects, immigrates.
And I want you to call it.
Now, don't be racist with that woman and do something stupid like you fucking black bitch.
Then you're just justifying.
That's right up her alley.
But I think, and I did this, I think you should call her and go, so what's going on here?
You check the political affiliations of your donors and you deny them food.
There was 800 pounds of food there yesterday.
And they said, if you don't come and pick this up, we're throwing it in the garbage.
Poor people are there going, could I have a nibble?
And then I talked to some people.
There's a rumor going around.
This hasn't been validated, but there's a rumor going around that plowboys waited outside and said, fine, fuck you.
We'll just feed them as they come in for help.
And they were like, no, thank you.
And I think, and I have it by good authority, that the homeless people were told, if you accept any food from those Nazis, you're never coming here again.
So they're like, sorry, I can't eat.
Sorry.
Go back.
What's her name?
Maya Matthews.
Mrs. Matthews?
What a cunt.
With a nose ring.
Yeah.
How old are you, ma'am?
You don't have to say, I agree with this group and everything they do.
When you get asked by the journalists or whatever, you just go, it's not my job to get into the political affiliations of the donors.
That's not what we do here.
We're a Christian organization that's here to help the poor.
I'm not going to do an audit.
I'm not going to do an ethical audit on everyone who walks in the door.
I don't have time.
Yeah.
By the way, one of the journalists, I said to him, the guy who wrote that article, I said to him, I said, you ready for this?
Here's the article here.
Why isn't it displaying?
Do you get this?
On journalinquirer.com.
Where it doesn't display?
Yeah.
I said, you don't find it kind of unusual that a black woman is denying and then I put in brackets, presumably disproportionately, black people food?
And he goes, what would make you assume, presume that?
So he's baiting me like I'm going to say something racist, like, well, black people are always hungrier.
I don't know what the fuck he's trying to make me say.
Black people say it themselves.
They complain about that all the time.
I go, oh, cute.
You're acting coy, so I'll say something racist.
How totally not an activist and totally a journalist of you.
First of all, we didn't bring identity politics into this.
You and Maya did.
I'm just explaining your hypocrisy using your logic.
The general pattern is blacks are overrepresented in the homeless population.
It's safe to assume this pattern rears its ugly head in your neck of the woods also.
The big picture here, however, is letting personal optics trump people getting help perfectly sums up why so many people hate assholes like you.
Go fuck yourself.
Which is my new favorite thing to say.
It kind of means the end of the discussion, too, doesn't it?
Yeah.
I mean, how can you...
Go fuck yourself.
You can't talk anymore if you're fucking yourself.
It's better than fuck you, I think.
Right.
Fuck you makes you sound a little vulnerable.
Like, I don't know.
Fuck fuck you.
Right.
Like, I'm mad.
Please go.
Go fuck yourself.
Means, like, you go away and I don't care what you do when you're gone away.
You're away for good.
Right.
It's better than Tucker's, fuck you.
I hate you.
Yeah.
Fuck you, I hate you.
I love it.
It was my second favorite.
It was big last week.
But the problem with fuck you, I hate you is it's sort of like I'm reluctantly saying goodbye.
Fuck you.
I hate you.
It's like this revelation that I don't like you anymore and I can't believe we've come to this.
Right.
It's too vulnerable.
Yeah.
It's like I'm not even done with you.
It's announcing that I'm done with you.
It's like how you would announce divorcing your wife.
Like, I can't believe we're here after 20 years, but fuck you.
I hate you.
Fuck you.
I hate you.
I like to smile, though.
That's awesome.
If you could smile and say fuck you, like...
Fuck you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
And it's like refreshing.
It's like, yeah, it sounds like an abused woman who's finally had enough.
And his intimidation doesn't do anything to her anymore.
So she's just like, fuck you.
I hate you.
You have no power over me.
All of that shit is vulnerable.
The beauty of go fuck yourself is it's like I'm not even considering what you have to say.
Right.
Get out of here, go over there, and stick your dick in your ass.
Yeah, that's quite the command.
Go fuck yourself.
Right.
Yeah.
Because I'm not going to fuck you.
You know, if I say fuck you, it's like now I'm saying fuck you.
And a way you know it's real is like I know I would never say it to a friend or my wife or my dad or anyone that I genuinely cared about ever.
I can't even imagine saying it.
If I said it to you, you'd be fired.
That wouldn't be.
If I said fuck you, I hate you.
I've probably said that 20 times today.
That's how you say hello.
You know what I mean?
Like, go fuck yourself.
That's, we're done.
Yeah.
By the way, for those of you not just listening to the audio, I'm sure you've tuned in and you see our baby monster shirts.
I'm not happy.
These are not thrilling to me.
The thing about a cartoon shirt, especially this obtuse and ugly, is it's got to be loud.
This is way too subtle.
Now, I talked to the t-shirt guy.
He sent me these as a 50-shirt sample because, as Linton Quasi Johnson points out in The Eagle and De Beer, we already can't get t-shirts on time.
And the normal silk screening printer shops are all down.
Supply is way, the few that are available, they're in way over their heads.
So we have iron-ons left.
That's all that's left.
And I'm like, iron-ons?
I remember those from the 80s.
They fall apart after one watch.
And he goes, no, the technology's improved, but the problem is they only are like 11 inches wide.
And I was like, not good enough, dude.
I want this to be like armpit to armpit, massive face.
So I'm describing the new baby monster shirt.
So what we'll do is we'll have these as a limited run.
50 small prints, we'll call them.
Maybe we'll spell it P-R-I-N-C-E for some dumb reason.
And then I've now ordered like the big, huge ones.
Baby monster.
Yeah.
And for those of you who are not familiar with why we are so excited about this term, baby monster, I think fans are gay.
And Katy Perry has kitty cats and Lady Gaga has her little monsters.
So we want to refer to the viewers and the subscribers on a regular basis.
Both those words are lame.
Fans are lame.
So let's mock.
I'm ruining the joke right now.
Let's mock all of those other clubs by pretending we're just the same.
And then, of course, Baby Monster refers to Maddie O'Dell when he was in prison.
Someone stole his, what do they call porno mags?
Their binder, their book?
Their sex book or something?
Porno mags are banned from prison, but if you have one previously, they're grandfathered in.
So they're like laminated with tape and people treat them like the Bible.
And someone stole his.
So he lost his fucking shit.
He tied up his shoes tight.
He tucked his pants into his socks, his shirt into his pants.
And he made it very clear in the common area that whoever fucking has it is going to get tuned up.
No matter what.
And if it was given to you, I'm going to tune you up and then you can take it up with the guy who gave it to you.
But someone's going to fucking die.
And he unplugged the TV and did a bunch of other shit and was screaming at everyone.
I've seen him lose his temper a few times.
It's not pretty.
And he had a friend who was a murderer in there.
And later on, the friend, let's pretend he's Daniel Trehouse.
Treyhouse, you know that guy?
Daniel Trejo.
Machete.
Machete.
A machete type guy comes by.
And he says, hey, man, has anybody seen my fucking baby monster around?
From then on, Maddie's been known as Baby Monster.
He's got a tattoo.
So we said, perfect.
So Lady Gaga sent up and we'll describe our guys.
A lot of pushback with baby monsters.
They want to be called pool shitters.
We got some pool shitters still in the comments.
Absolutely not.
Women don't want to be called shitters.
Women don't shit.
So anyway, that's baby monster.
And speaking of baby monsters, where is Crip Daddy, our severely handicapped friend in the wheelchair?
Where is Sylvia, our 110-year-old sex addict?
Where is Baby Monster, our ex-con biker?
My whack pack is sick.
Crip Daddy's, I don't know, too ill to do stuff.
Actually, he's fine.
We never even asked him.
Just helps this joke.
Maddie is brutally ill.
He can't get out of bed.
He's got the heart of a warrior.
No.
An ex-mess head.
His heart's garbage.
It's got a defibrillator stitched into it.
It's got a heart monitor.
He's got five doctors checking their phones constantly watching his heart movies on the heart transplant list.
So he has bad days.
Today's a bad day.
So my whack pack cannot be here.
Sylvia, as you know, fell.
Syl fell.
And she cracked her hip.
So she won't be here for a couple of weeks.
That's rough.
So you're going to get a lot of gav over the next two hours, guys.
I found out white people food.
Potato salad with raisins in it.
Never had it.
So there's a big meme.
People don't get us whites.
Raisin and potato salad?
That must be like a...
It must be Germanic and it must be in the deep, deep Midwest.
Because that's never come across my desk.
I think it's a little...
I think maybe Southern too.
Yeah.
Touch at the sale from there.
Beard Vet, veteran-owned company, our favorite sponsor.
And next to Nita Fashions, of course.
BeardVet.com.
Put in the code Gavin.
You get 15% off.
What is Beard Vet?
It's two things.
It's beard grooming and coffee.
You have a big beard.
Your beard gets wiry.
Women don't like making out with a beard that feels like steel wool.
Get beard grooming tips, kit, everything.
It's not just like they have one little thing.
They have a whole beard grooming culture that you can see there on Ryan's desktop.
So get that.
They've got 15% off everyone who uses Gavin, but they also have fantastic coffee.
It's the coffee we drink here at the studio.
And I got to say, the Diablo gives you a real kick.
Boy, whoa!
Does that get you going in the day?
Diablo.
And as I keep saying, you have to get coffee, right?
Everyone needs coffee.
It's what we do.
It allegedly started the Industrial Revolution, according to Michael Poland, who was about 100 years off.
But why not, when you're buying this necessity, which is up there with water and electricity, make sure you get it from vets who support free speech.
That's a double whammy.
So you're supporting vets.
You're supporting an American-owned business.
You're supporting a vet-owned business.
And you're supporting free speech.
These guys, everyone who supports this gets harassed, just so you know.
Everyone who is a sponsor for this gets attacked.
They get calls.
I mean, that's kind of why I said you should call this woman from the food bank, whatever it's called.
Because they're doing it to us.
So why don't we call them back?
Don't harass her, obviously.
Just ask her why she did that.
And these guys put up with lunatics calling them all day, and they say, go fuck yourself.
Which is the best thing to say to people like that.
So go to beardvet.com.
Put in the code Gavin, 15% off, all beard grooming and coffee products.
Thank you, Beard Vet.
Look at this shit.
Apparel.
Wait, go back.
So we've got the coffee, the apparel, cool mugs.
What else?
Beard oils, beard grooming kits.
Remember, I said it's not just one little cream, beard grooming products.
Lots of fantastic shit there.
They got rubs?
The rubs.
What are rubs?
I think for meat, right?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
That's new.
It must be a caffeinated rub.
I've never tried that.
Have you ever tried a coffee rub on steak?
I don't think I had a coffee rub.
That might be a white thing.
I don't see cayenne pepper, brown sugar, range rum, coffee.
Okay, so they had put their own coffee in there.
Garlic pepper.
Cowby and I assumed it would be caffeinated when the picture on the front has tons of coffee beans.
I thought those are little bugs.
Bugs?
I thought those are little appetizing bugs.
Please be kidding.
Please be kidding.
I'm totally kidding.
Wow.
Look at that.
They sponsor a car.
Oh, wow.
Fucking Raisin Real.
All right, let's get back to the show.
Yes.
So we've covered those two things.
I guess we should wrap it up.
What we do on this show is we take calls.
We go through the letters page.
We've got a ton of letters here.
And we have a live chat, a super chat where people donate money.
I read everything that's $100.
And 100% of that money goes to Joe Biggs.
Various charities over the years.
But Joe Biggs is a biggie.
He's going to court end of May to defend himself because he committed the most horrendous crime imaginable.
He trespassed on the Capitol.
And what do we do when we pray?
Forgive us our trespasses, and we forgive those who trespass against us.
Well, the state does not forgive Joe Biggs for his trespassing.
So we're kind of trying to get money for his lawyer, Dan Hall.
The guy's already put in $100,000 of his own money to fight this case.
So we're just trying to, I don't know, give him some gas money.
I think we're up to about $10,000 so far on the give, send, go.
Please keep giving her on that.
Update on a very similar case, Brendan Vaughan.
Brendan Vaughn got in a fight with a Palestinian at a pro-Israeli thing.
He's a proud boy back in 2017.
Palestinians strangled him.
He tuned the guy up very briefly.
Bonk, bonk, shove.
Shoved the guy to the ground.
He came back to Canada.
It was ignored.
The police saw the whole thing and went, all right, well, you strangled him, and then he strangled you, then you shoved him.
Okay, self-defense.
He saw the Jewish Defense League actively kicking the shit out of the guy after he went to the ground.
Some of those guys got arrested.
But Brendan comes back to Canada.
Years go by.
Word gets out that he's a proud boy.
That's a big deal in Canada now.
So they retroactively go back to the fight and make it a hate crime.
Bang goes his door.
They pick him up like Hannibal, tie him up, handcuff him, throw him on a plane to D.C. He's been in jail for two months.
D.C. is the shittiest jail in America.
All murderers, by the way.
There's no one in there for jaywalking.
D.C. doesn't prosecute.
So if you end up in a D.C. jail, you're a bad man.
And there's no whites in there, apparently.
So he's in there, and he can't get any information.
His lawyer can't get any information.
I got him a lawyer a long time ago, the first wave of this, when the first wave of this hit.
And the media gets every detail.
In fact, the lawyers were going to the local Canadian media to find out what's going on with his case because they couldn't get anything.
And sometimes it was, just don't come back to America.
You'll be free tomorrow.
And other times it was, you're looking at 15 years.
So after, plus this is COVID, right?
So he's not allowed out of his cell.
So after two months of solitary confinement, he starts considering suicide.
And this just happened last month with a guy.
I don't want to get his name wrong.
Matt Sherpa?
Joe Sherpa?
Sounds familiar.
His aunt was just on Tucker's show.
She didn't cry, which I was crying watching it.
What a rock she is.
So her pet Perna, I think his name was Matt Perna.
And I believe he killed himself on February 25th of this year at his home.
He was only looking at six years, but he'd already been through the ringer because of the persecution going on here.
He had lost his job, ability to make money.
His friends hated him.
Oh, you're an insurrectionist.
Everyone in his community fell for it outside of his immediate family.
So he became an agoraphobe.
He stayed at home all day.
And looking at going away to jail for six years and having no future, he just hanged himself.
This happens a lot, by the way.
The narrative committing murder.
Like, remember that dude?
That's not her.
Matthew Perna.
Yep, I got his name right.
Remember that dude?
He was a vet.
he had PTSD, very closely attached to his dog.
He was defending his bar.
This is like some like Colorado or something.
Yes.
And they're all vandalizing the place.
And he's like, I'm on your side.
I'm a lefty.
Black Lives Matter.
Just please don't fuck with the bar.
Some black kid gets in his face.
He's like, please, please stop.
I don't want any trouble.
Him and his dad are there just defending the bar.
They've got their guns.
And the black kid beats him up.
And in the kerfuffle, the black kid gets shot dead.
So the narrative is he's a racist.
He was out hunting blacks during the George Floyd riots.
He is damaged from, you know, being a vet.
And he's ostracized.
He closes down the bar.
He moves.
The stigma follows him.
And he offs himself.
Jack Gardner?
From Oregon.
Gardner.
Oregon.
Hillsboro, Oregon.
I calculate, and I've done presentations on this.
For those of you who don't watch the show regularly, Mondays and Tuesdays, we do a lot of deep dives into these kind of things.
And I count about 35 deaths from BLM and Antifa during the George Floyd riots.
A lot of them black guys killed by various assholes.
Five black teens shot at Chazin Chop.
There he is, Jack Gardner.
How dare he support the president of the United States?
Hope he rots in hell.
Just kidding, God.
We're getting close to the half-hour mark where we boot everyone.
Some more white people food.
You know what I want to do?
Berries?
Black people don't eat berries?
I don't think they like water either.
Maybe that's racist to assume, but I'm pretty sure I heard something about they don't like water.
Hmm.
I want to do a deep dive on Monday about all of these people that had their moment in the sun and laughed at those of us who got married and got our girlfriends pregnant, our wives pregnant.
And now it's 10 years later and they're sort of going, what the fuck have I done?
Like Pauly Shore, I saw him on Joe Rogan and he goes, it was so awesome.
I was a teenager.
I was the number one guy in the country.
Everyone loved me.
And I was partying every day.
And then, and now it's all gone.
And then Rogan's like, what do you want to do?
You want to go back to that?
And he goes, yeah, I love partying.
And Joe Rogan goes, well, just party every day then.
You have money.
It's not that expensive.
Beer.
These are still a buck each.
They haven't gone up since I first tried one in 1984.
Not the book, the year.
Oh, you laughed at that?
Yeah.
Because I would assume like you're in the book and you tried one in 1984.
I got it.
Yikes.
And Pauly Shar goes, no, no, now I want to go to a Korean spa and have a juice and watch the news.
Oh, so there's a hole in your life.
You didn't have a wife and kids, dummy.
That's what I was writing in my hit book, Death of Kool.
It's awesome to party.
I got you.
But that's a chapter.
You got to turn the page.
Or another one I want to get into.
I'm kind of spilling the beans now, ruining the whole green screen.
But Elizabeth Plank, Liz Plank, possibly the sexiest woman in the world, also a brainwashed woke feminist who had a real sort of anti-male thing, you know, 10 years ago.
And now she's trying to channel her feminism through a love of men.
Look at her.
That's a 10.
I know you get mad when I throw the word number 10 around.
She's a 10.
But these are all old pictures.
She's not a 10 anymore.
And now you can tell that she's getting forgotten, especially in New York.
She's living in New York now.
She's from Montreal.
But it's an elephant's graveyard for ovaries here, ladies.
Do not come here.
If you're a pretty girl like Liz was, you got a fucking few years to grab your rich guy.
And then he's going to start fucking someone five years younger than you because men in New York have too many opportunities and men are only as loyal as their opportunities.
Sorry.
I don't like that about us, but it's the way most of us are.
And she's got her laugh lines now.
And she's got things like, you know, she has instructional things on like, Wendy's just not that into you.
There she is.
Look at that one, Nita Pandemic.
You see what just happened there?
That's a woman that just lost her looks.
Now, if she had two kids and a husband, she'd be the hottest mom wife on the block.
But I think she's subconsciously realizing now that there's ramifications for all of this ignoring the herd.
And yeah, she was doing a thing on this.
So many people ask me, Liz.
Isn't this being kind of like a- Well, that's an ad for Sonos that she did.
But she's got one of these videos where she's like, hey, what you got to say to him if he's not calling you back is that you're not active enough for me.
I like a little more stuff.
And then you indicate that you're going to break up with him and stuff like that.
And I'm just like, yeah, I've been that guy.
And when there's pussy everywhere, you're just like, all right, I guess I'll just cross you off my to-do list.
I got another 10 here.
And another chick that I'm obsessed with is publicity.
P-U-B-L-Y-S-I-T-T-Y.
I guess I'm not doing this anymore.
I just ruined the whole thing.
But she is put on too much weight, but you can see through the weight that she's a 10.
And she's really cool and fun.
And she's got this great podcast on Barstool Sports called Spilling Tea or something like that.
That's her there.
You can see the 10 behind the jowls.
Not the jowls, but the chubbiness.
Wait, stop.
Don't show this yet.
If you look her up when she's younger, though, before she got fat, she's Shockingly beautiful.
Anyway, you look at her and she's like, Hi, everyone.
This is what I do on Sundays.
I go out and I get tea and then I have a sandwich and then I talk about boys.
And you're just like, You would be such a great mom.
You're so organized.
You should be making shit with construction paper for them.
You should be organizing their little baby books.
Instead, you're organizing books on like various shoes.
And you see that, I don't want to call her a shit chest, but you see all of these, not just women too.
Paulie Shore's a dude, but all these people who are like, I'm partying, dude.
Fuck you.
Remember, we used to do that.
We used to get wasted doing bumps and shit.
And on Sunday night, we'd be like, hey, this is to Monday morning.
Fuck you, bitch.
And we were saying, fuck you to Mondays, to the next morning.
We used to make jokes about the next morning and how it can go suck my dick or something like that.
And that's the way you say in your 20s about the future.
But you have to, you know, take it with a grain of salt.
It's almost like being a punk and going, fucking live fast, die young dude, and then dying.
You're like, no, you're not supposed to literally die.
Like, it's a thing.
It's just a party saying.
And I see how these people get older and they're like, I don't know what it is, but there's something not right with my life.
And I'm like, yeah, you didn't have kids.
You didn't put a ring on it.
I never thought about it like this before, but women that don't have kids are like permanent, like little girls or something.
Like when men are nerds in their 40s and 50s, like I love Star Wars.
So the new Star Wars came out.
That's like what it is, but for a female.
Yeah.
And what do they talk about?
Relationships constantly.
Like, okay, look at these two girls realize what we've been screaming for years, which is don't give the milk away for free if you want anyone to ever buy the cow.
And Bill Schultz, we're not speaking because he said, oh, I know what you're doing, Gavin.
You hate that you can't go out and fuck chicks anymore because you're married.
So you want all of us to have shitty lives.
And I'm like, first of all, fuck you for desecrating my marriage.
Not even fuck you.
Go fuck yourself.
I guess it was a go fuck yourself.
Yeah.
But secondly, no, dude, I'm trying to help.
This shit that we're about to show you, I've seen this a billion times.
Do you think I go up to 23-year-olds and I go, you guys should stop partying, man?
Hey, enough with the wet t-shirt contest.
I have a blow dryer.
I'm drawing them off.
No, no, no, no, no.
Look, here's a dry chemise.
Sit down.
You guys are getting way too crazy.
No, I don't talk about early 20s people.
I talk about late 20s, early 30s and say, guys, guys, guys, whoa.
Trust me, you're going to regret it if you don't fucking dial it in.
Ladies in New York City, over 32, you are a colostomy bag for the entire city's come.
You're not going to like that after a while when you sober up and look around.
It's like Jello Biafra says in the Dead Kennedy song Riot.
Tomorrow you're homeless.
Tonight it's a blast.
All right.
Finally, we're ready for this milk cow thing.
What brings in the most money for you?
Because you're on YouTube.
Okay, you've got a little bit of a get out of there.
I agree.
I also just think you're only really hurting yourself.
And I do think with friends with benefits, I do think there's a chance where if you were to cut them off, they would maybe come around if they're just dragging their fee and it's just easy for them.
But I also think there's a chance they just know you're not their person that they're going to end up with and they might never come around.
But either way, what's the benefit for you?
What I always say, and I urge you all to ask yourself this, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?
Anytime you're in a situation.
Keep watching.
You missed the beginning.
Oh, great.
Now we got to loop it all around again.
Anytime you're in a situationship and it's not becoming serious within two to three months, get out of there.
I agree.
I also just want to.
Okay, so isn't that amazing?
This is like when fucking Rogan and all those comedians go, we came up with a thing.
It's called Sober October.
And for about 40 days, we don't drink.
Yeah, it's called Lance.
This has been thought of before.
Hey, we came up with no fap.
It's this cool thing where you don't beat off.
No wanks.
I'm guilty of it too.
Yeah, that's all been covered by Christianity.
And this whole, if he's not into you after two months, he's not into you after 20 months.
This has all been covered.
Talk to an old person.
Any old lady could have told you that.
But these young girls are sort of discovering all of these traditional things from scratch, like it's a new thing they discovered from trial and error.
And I guess to them it is.
Anyway, we're going to go behind the paywall now, start taking some calls.
Before we do, however, I'd like to thank our longest sponsor.
I feel bad saying Beard Vet was our favorite sponsor because I feel like I'm cheating on my wife, Nita Fashions.
But Nita Fashions is where we get all our custom suits, custom shirts.
You call them up, contact them.
You guys seem to like, you baby monsters seem to like contacting them via their DM on Instagram, where ironically you cannot type out censored.tv.
Set up a meeting with them.
They can measure you up.
They'll probably come to your town soon enough.
And when I say your town, I mean Glasgow, Sydney, Toronto, Hong Kong, New York, Chicago, like everywhere.
But if you can't wait that long, set up a meeting with these guys online.
They'll show your girlfriend how to measure you up using a tape measure.
And then once they have your measurements, it's just calling in, getting any suit you want.
There's the G-Dog.
And it fits you so fucking well.
It's so comfortable.
I honestly, I LARP as a blue collar guy when I'm not wearing suits.
And my red wings and my fucking wax welding pants and my Carhartt jackets are so much more uncomfortable than my suits.
My suits are PJs.
And I often do sleep in them.
And the great thing about them too is their range.
Like you could get a custom suit for probably $600, $700.
You can get a dress shirt for $50.
Or you can get like a super thick, incredible quality dress shirt for more like $120.
and it's, you know, it doesn't even wrinkle.
It's so thick.
Same with the suit.
Get a wool suit, a corduroy suit, a plaid suit, a black funeral suit.
Every man should have one suit at least.
I don't care if you're a fucking, if you work in the sewers, you should have one suit for funerals and weddings that fits you perfect, makes you professional.
And guys, you look like such an asshole when your top button is not done up.
I just saw that in a movie recently.
Oh, jackass.
Johnny Knoxville was wearing a suit when he's playing some suit guy, and his top button wasn't undone up.
I'm like, dude, that's not the character.
Like, it just, it looks so amateur.
It looks like you borrowed a shirt.
That's not a good look.
Get your tux there.
My marathon tux I wore was Nita Fashions.
Every time you see me wearing a suit, look at him.
Gets your fucking top button done up.
I thought you were just being picky, but that looks like shit.
It looks like a kid at his first job interview.
By the way, you know what I found in my junk drawer?
Did I tell you this already?
No.
Johnny Knoxville's Adderall prescription bottle.
Oh, I remember you had that.
It says PJ Clap on it.
That's probably worth money, right?
Yeah.
Especially if the ODs.
We should do.
But I'm going to put it in a little plexiglass case.
I don't want it at my house because I don't want my kids saying like, daddy's friends do pills.
I'm still pals with Knoxville, but you can get what I mean.
That's why I never had any Sid Vicious or Dash Snow pictures in the house.
I don't want to glorify dead junkies.
Anyway, that's a tangent.
So NitaFashions.com.
On Instagram, what's their Instagram account?
Nita.fashions.
Nita.fashions.
If you get a chance to see them in person, too, you could look through those swatches for touching them, looking at them, talking for hours about yourself and things that you like.
It's a real merry Antoinette indulgence that men rarely experience.
It's a pampering.
Yeah, it's really like the male equipment of going to a spa and you go through all these different swatches and everything.
They can mail you swatches too.
They'll FedEx them for free if you want to go through that kind of stuff.
There's something about wearing a suit too.
It's like when you have a nice suit or a nice piece of clothing, like the pants that I got from them, awesome material and they look great.
You know that they're there.
So even if you don't wear them that day, you're like, I'm going to wear them for something.
And now you have this day in the future that you're looking forward to wearing those pants.
You know what I was thinking about today too?
In London, England, because in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, all the gangsters wore suits, if you're wearing a suit and you don't look like a Ponce and there's a bit of skin art or something and you look like you might be a hard man, people are like, oh, fuck, that's a murderer.
Like, it's scary to wear a suit in England.
And that's the book I'm reading right now.
I Am Not a Gangster by Bobby Collins.
Great book, not well written, which is my comfort food.
I love badly written books by cops and criminals because the more typos, the more authentic.
You know, it might be a great date if you have a chick that you're talking to and you haven't quite gotten to.
Have her come over and then measure you.
Be like, I just listen, if you're a single guy, like, can you come over and just help measure me?
I got to do this thing.
And now you're doing something together.
You get a little wine and you're rich.
You put on music.
Yeah, you're like, $2,000.
Yeah.
Or at least a weird apartment.
Where you just lie and say you got a good job.
You're like, it's coming in soon, so I just figured I'd get the nice suit.
Or I'm crashing here while my apartment gets renovated.
Yeah, yeah.
This is my friend's stupid.
I'm getting gutted.
I don't know why he has pictures of me all over the place, but it's my buddies.
He's kind of obsessed with me.
Okay, let's get behind the paywall now and talk to the baby monsters and to all your freeloaders who just watched or heard all this for free.
I'd like to tell you to go to censored.tv, sign up.
You can sign up just for a month, three months.
You can have someone gift you a month.
Maybe ladies blow a guy and say, you now owe me $100.
Get me a prescription to censored.tv medication.
Or I'm going to say you raped me.
Works every time.
Throwing out ideas there.
I don't know.
I don't know how you live your life.
Anyway, I guess I'll see your freeloaders next week.
For all you people who pay, we'll see you.
Oh, we'll have new shit on Friday.
We'll see you Monday.
But I got my jag.
So we're going to go to DC and pick up my new car, and we're going to film an episode of Car Guys.
So that's coming next week.
Isn't that exciting?
Anyway, get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
On't never stop in Z fighting.
He must mean the whole world when he's talking about the famine and the fear.
He can't mean all that horrible famine in England.
Although England is a bitch.
Seen.
There's no escape in it.
Should we start the show?
England is a bitch, Vitru.
Why don't we do a little start the show?
Okay, let's start the motherfucking showroom.
Oops.
No button.
Yeah, no button.
They would pay for that.
Let's also...
So let's set up the call as I turn my mic on.
Uh-oh.
I think my mic might be dead, bro.
Okay, I could switch out some mics.
Because we don't have Maddie or Sylvia here.
People seem confused about her name.
Syl is an abbreviation for Sylvia.
If it's easier, we can call her Sylvia.
Yeah, this motherfucker's dead.
You know what I've been thinking about?
I'm probably going to be called to the courtroom for Joe Biggs' trial.
And I know what they're going to do.
They're going to find me saying the N-word and say, do you think that's funny?
And I'm going to say, yeah.
And they're going to go, I'm going to say, the problem with you doing is you're going through 700 hours or more.
Shit, it was 700 hours five years ago.
You're going through thousands of hours of content and you're cherry-picking things that you find offensive.
You could do the same and prove that I'm gay.
You could do the same and prove that I'm a homophobe.
That's the way it works when you have that much content.
Oh, but have you used the N-word?
Have you discussed the Holocaust?
Are you denying that you've mentioned rape and giggled about it?
And they'll go, no, I'm not denying that.
There's times, there's contexts where those three things can be funny.
Oh, really?
He thinks he's got me, right?
Right.
Can you give me an example, Mr. McInnis, of the N-word being funny?
Okay.
In boxing, most people go like this, right?
But Mike Tyson, he came up with the peekaboo technique, where you put your gloves in front of you so you can see better.
And it doesn't block the sides of your head as well, but it enables you to see better than this.
And it would be funny if I was talking to a bunch of dudes that were all real boxers and they were being really serious about boxing.
And I said, oh, not me.
I'm more of a peekaboo nigga.
And I guarantee you people would laugh, especially in the context of black dudes there that were all like professionals and I was just being an idiot.
I don't find that funny.
I don't think the jury does.
Well, maybe it's my delivery, but trust me, that's a funny concept.
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