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March 11, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:01:09

GOML LIVE #139 - STOLEN MUSIC

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Time	Text
	Oh, live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
	Everybody on the deathbed that there will be some dark songs.
	Say a prayer for everybody on the deathbed that there will be some dark songs.
	this song weakness i was only joking when i said i'd like to mash you but he didn't i would get if he said it's an homage he didn't well if it's an homage you wouldn't say i was only joking the same exact lyrics from one of their biggest hits that appears to have what is that 8.9 million views that's correct relatively well-known song pretty common i saw that super hot vapid oh jesus what am i doing maddie odell is here in
	to death for using a the guy's 78 years old we're still not at the level where they're giving them awards for it they're just giving them light sentences i think if you zoom forward five years they'll start giving them ribbons like you did your part to fight racism well what i find most disturbing about that story is i guarantee if I went on the streets and asked,
	especially around here in the South Bronx, I asked average Joes, what do you think of that?
	I bet you most of them, especially the white people, would be like, well, you shouldn't have said it.
	You know.
	Yeah, but do you deserve to die?
	It's a bad word.
	It's very rude.
	But if you call an old lady cunt, should you be beaten to death?
	Speaking of old ladies and cunts, let's bring in our special guest, shall we?
	Ladies and gentlemen, part two of our secret special guest, Sylvia.
	Things can collapse in the trend.
	I'm afraid I'm telling you I'm okay.
	Broken heart, I broken train.
	Brain doesn't work, so don't recommend.
	You take it everywhere you go.
	Okay.
	Well, tonight it's exciting as usual.
	We're going to talk about love and marriage.
	Okay.
	Love and love and marriage.
	Do you think, if an old man who's 78, I believe that's around your age, calls an African-American gentleman the N-word twice, he said, don't say that again, and he's like, whatever, N-word.
	I don't use it because I'm an anti-racist activist.
	What should the young black boy who beat him to death have to what should the consequences be?
	I think he should just kick him in his nuts and spit on him and walk away.
	Right.
	But if the guy kicks him in the nuts so hard he dies, it should be manslaughter.
	It should be, I don't know, 15 years or...
	Friendly persuasion, probation, and community service.
	Okay, no.
	Now, if you murder an old person, and I'm about to right now, you should go to...
	Is that a hen?
	You should go to jail.
	Get off my lawn, baby.
	You should go to jail for a long time.
	It's murder.
	15 to life.
	Okay, well, that was quite a jump from the kicking the balls.
	What do you think, Maddie?
	Well, they're going to say that because he only punched them.
	I don't know all the specifics, but if you punch somebody, you don't necessarily have the intent to kill them.
	Right, so that's manslaughter.
	Right.
	Right, right, right.
	I mean, every one of us is petrified of a bar fight where you hit the guy and he hits a potted plant on the way down, and next thing you know, he just accidentally killed a guy.
	It's not premeditated murder.
	Right.
	You didn't.
	There was no...
	I mean, the intent was there to hit him, but not to kill him.
	Not to kill him.
	But yeah, it would still be...
	It would be like involuntary manslaughter or manslaughter.
	It should be a few years.
	Usually like four.
	It should be more than Max and John who kicked some Antifa that didn't even mind.
	Yeah.
	I mean, two years house arrest is.
	Maybe that's how they do it in Florida.
	What about being a serial killer and we do not mean sugar pops?
	Those guys should get...
	Life.
	They should just be killed in the electric chair.
	Yeah, because they're not going to change.
	You've got to stamp them out like a disease, like we're going to stamp out Putin.
	I'm very liberal when it comes to punishments, but fucking kids and serial killing, that's just like human garbage.
	You're out.
	You're kicked out of society.
	Speaking of kicked out of society, you may have noticed I usually look amazing.
	Amazing.
	Amazing on the show.
	Not like a maiden.
	And that's because my suits are exclusively made by Nita Fashions.
	Now, you're not here for the suit episodes, but usually I'm decked out in tailored suits.
	And I got to say, Nita Fashions, when you wear a suit and a shirt that has been custom-made specifically for you, it's PJs.
	It's more comfortable than my normal clothes.
	Like my Sunday clothes or my Thursday night clothes, I just wear these welder pants, my Gucci sneaks.
	This is less comfortable than my suits.
	Nita Fashions is so, you look more comfortable.
	That's why we say, get off my lawn.
	Yeah, okay, okay.
	We're doing a commercial right now.
	So you contact Nina Fashions.
	Our guys, the baby monsters, seem to prefer DMing through Instagram.
	Okay, whatever floats your boat.
	And what they do is they measure you up.
	You sit there.
	Your girlfriend will use the whatever it's called, measuring thing.
	Not measuring tape.
	Is it tape?
	Yeah, measuring tape.
	Okay.
	Measuring tape.
	They use the measuring tape.
	They measure you up.
	You do your neck and everything.
	They get your full body.
	And then they'll make your suit and send it to you.
	Ship it from Hong Kong.
	It was described to me by a producer at Fox News.
	This is like 10 years ago.
	My top button was undone.
	And he goes, what are you doing?
	You look like a fucking clown.
	And I go, oh, I can't do it.
	It kind of chokes me.
	And he goes, yeah, that's for little kids.
	If your top button can't be done up, you're wearing a shirt that you got off a rack.
	That's not what adults do.
	And I go, well, I can't afford to have my own tailor.
	And he goes, yeah, yeah.
	First of all, you can.
	You're just too cheap.
	And cheap rich guys like me, we go to Nita Fashions where we get everything decked out for totally reasonable prices.
	You get a shirt for $50.
	Now, that's the bottom of the line.
	You can go way up to like $150.
	And with suits, you could go crazy and get a $3,000 suit, which is the kind of price you have to pay in New York.
	But you could also go way down, you could get a $600 suit.
	And this isn't just a suit, this is a custom suit cut to your approval.
	Perfect.
	If there's any mistakes, you send it back and they'll tweak it.
	And now you have a perfect suit.
	Even if you're a blue-collar welder, you need a suit for weddings, for funerals.
	You should have at least one suit.
	Now, if you're a lawyer, you're in marketing, I think you've got to have 10.
	Is this the reads?
	So go to Nita Fashions, N-I-T-A, NitaFashions.com, Family Business.
	We've been going there forever.
	It's basically every suit I have, every suit you see.
	And we'd like to thank them for sponsoring the show since day one.
	Why do you look so mad all the time?
	You look like you disapprove.
	I'm just doing a commercial for you.
	I love it.
	Okay.
	I wish they made women's suits.
	Well, they do.
	They have a few female clients.
	I don't know why.
	I don't want to disrespect Nita's customer base, but I have seen some women there when we do our fittings.
	Oh, I forgot to mention that.
	They'll come to your city, contact them.
	They do these tours.
	They couldn't do it because of COVID, but now they do these tours where they're at a hotel in New York, in fucking Berlin, in London, all over the world.
	You go in there, and then you don't have to have your girlfriend use the measuring tape.
	They do it.
	But sometimes I see women there, and I'm like, what are you doing here?
	This is not your area.
	You know what I mean?
	Women love coming into our zones.
	We do.
	Like, you come into my bar.
	That's a man's zone.
	We have to make an imprint.
	Can you hold the mic up to your mouth a little bit?
	We have to make an imprint to let you know we exist.
	I think you have to.
	Because, as they say, it's a man's world.
	It's a man's world.
	I think you just get horny.
	Oh, we get horny too.
	Can't factor that out.
	Even at the gym, like, today I'm watching, I was just doing the workout in the back, but I'm watching the girls in the front.
	This is totally sexist.
	But I'm just like, bitch, what are you doing?
	They hit the heavy bag in a way where it could be your actual scrotal sack.
	And you'd be like, they're loving it.
	What are you kidding?
	They're getting off watching you do push-ups.
	Maybe.
	You could do the push-ups, so you could do the lat pull-downs.
	But the girls, they hang around, they're doing the weights, they're doing the lightweights, you know, they're doing the high reps, lots of volume, but not a lot of weight.
	No, I'm not even talking about that, Arnold.
	I don't mind women going to weights.
	I understand that.
	You're toning.
	But women hitting the heavy bag, they look so silly.
	It's dainty.
	They're going to hurt their hands.
	They do when they do, like, left, right?
	They're going, punk, punch.
	Say that to Mohammed Ali's daughter.
	I bet you can punch, but she's got a lot of testosterone because of the genetics, you know.
	I mean, it's true.
	I mean, what do you want me to say?
	It's true.
	It's true.
	Anyway, so the women in the gym, they're taking the pictures of themselves with the Instagram and they look in the mirror with the butthole showing.
	And it's like, get out of here.
	You know, it's man's world.
	Like she said, you know, Sil said it's man's world.
	Yeah.
	Their attitude is do it or do it.
	Do it or do it.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Doing Arnold is hack, but it's sort of like playing Louie Louie.
	Like, if you do it well, it's a nice thing to do with a lot of people.
	I do a subdued one with a lot of his...
	What people do is they go like, and that's hack.
	But I watch the pumping ion and I talk about the different things and his different cadences.
	And so that's where it really picks up a lot of slack where the hack people live off.
	You know what I noticed?
	Since I stopped drinking whiskey for Lent, I'm getting into other people's shit and it's bothering them.
	What do you mean?
	It makes you into a busybody.
	Like I could hear my daughter was doing vocabulary questions with my wife and one of the words was cadence.
	And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, then I get over there and I'm like, the way you remember words is you draw something, you photographic memory.
	So let's do a drawing for each one of these words, insidious and cadence, and doing drawings and stuff.
	And she's like, uh.
	And then they get my salad wrong at the pizza joint.
	And I'm like, guys, what's going on?
	I knew you were going to fuck this up.
	You have these college students working there.
	And then I see the guy on the street tonight.
	This was an order they fucked up on Sunday.
	And he's like, hey.
	And I go, oh, shit, they're mad at me because I yelled at the woman I hung up on her.
	So then I go into the place and say, look, man, it's just, it was frustrating that that's twice the salad's been fucked up.
	And they're like, I didn't even know it was you.
	And I realized the guy that was like Harump, he's probably got his own problems.
	His mother might have breast cancer.
	And I'm sitting there going, they're pissed off that I hung up about the salad thing.
	Being a non-drunk, you're like worried all the time.
	Are you mad at me?
	Did I offend?
	Even my cousin, we're in the city last night.
	And he goes, his wife, after the dinner, his wife goes, we're not going to come to the burbs to meet you tomorrow.
	We've got a bunch of stuff to do.
	And I'm like, did I fuck up?
	Did I offend you?
	Because I was talking about Zelensky all night.
	I wasn't trying to offend anyone.
	If someone was offended, you misinterpreted what I said.
	He's like, will you calm down?
	My daughter's running errands and my wife doesn't want her running around the city alone.
	No liquid courage.
	It's just non-liquid counseling.
	It's not like I'm scared.
	Oh, shit.
	I'm just receptive of all the answer to that.
	Yeah, you're like more aware of everyone's feelings.
	The answer to that is drink up, chump.
	When did you last get drunk?
	Oh, I can't tell.
	That would be telling on myself.
	That's a no-no.
	You were a big drinker in your day, though, right?
	Never.
	Nope.
	No, really?
	I was Jew in you.
	Jew stones.
	Sit at the peppermint lounge with one screwdriver the whole friggin' night and twist the night away.
	Everyone did the twist.
	I met the beetles.
	really?
	Yeah.
	I went to Paul McCartney and I said, if you're a beetle, they have beetle bugs in Florida, huge beetle bugs with wings.
	I said, if you're a beetle, let me see you fly.
	He turned to John Lennon and said, what do I tell the bird?
	He said, shut her up and tell her, you want our autographs on stupid me?
	I said, no.
	Who the fuck wants you?
	No, I don't think they're worth much.
	Where's the peppermint lounge?
	That was on 47th Street.
	Everybody, the young people from all the boroughs would go there and twist the night away.
	Twitch, twitch.
	You must be like that?
	Seems like a ridiculously easy dance.
	What year are we talking here?
	We're talking in the 60s and 50s.
	You've got to bring the mic up closer.
	We're talking in the 50s and 60s, long before you were born, Gavin.
	I was born in 1959.
	Oops.
	And I used to go to the Peppermint Club as a baby and deal Coke from my diaper.
	Me, I prefer heroin and Dilauda.
	Dilauda, wow.
	Did you do heroin?
	No.
	Heroin did me.
	Speaking of Hebrew National Salami, chopped liver, and pastrami, cats.
	Send out pastrami to a boy in the army.
	Chicken matzo ball soup.
	Speaking of chicken matzo ball soup, Beard Vet is a veteran-owned company.
	Almost all of our sponsors are veteran-owned.
	Outside of Nita Fashions, I think is the only one.
	But Beard Vet is a company that sells both beard grooming equipment and coffee.
	Stay warm and caffeinated with Beard Vet Coffee.
	Beard Vet has a great beard grooming products service also.
	Check out our exclusive GML discount at beardvet.com with promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders.
	Beard Vet has the El Diablo Coffee Blend, which is what we have here at the office.
	Whoa, does it get you cooking?
	It's like a pre-workout.
	Brazilian roast blend, and they are all on sale with promo code Gavin, plus free shipping on all orders when you go to beardvet.com.
	Just to the ad sales guy, stop typing out www.
	The fuck are you doing, dude?
	I don't think you've had to type www.since 2000.
	It's a 20-year-old thing.
	Just go to beardvet.com.
	Your browser will figure out what you're going for, and it'll handle the HTTP semicolon slash slash.
	Do you want to go sit down?
	Yeah, I got it.
	I got it.
	Take that mic with you.
	I'll take it.
	Why do you wear flip-flops?
	It's winter.
	It's snowing today.
	Sean the owner is one of us, and like all of our sponsors, he's a veteran.
	Beard Vet Samsung, the national anthem, Beard Vet Kneels to the Cross, Beard Vet charitable contributions help our brothers and sisters in uniform.
	We support them and they support us.
	Treat yourself to some excellent coffee and grooming gear.
	Beardvet.com, Gavin for 15% off.
	Caller One and Caller Two tonight are getting a free gift pack with Sean and the Beard Vet team.
	This isn't a Christmas giveaway.
	Is it AdGuy?
	We'll find out the hard way when Caller One and Caller Two show up.
	But yeah, we have their coffee here right in the equipment room behind us.
	And that stuff gets us cooking.
	Maybe one of the reasons this show is so didactic.
	Didactic.
	Is because we're on El Diablo.
	It's equipment.
	It's equipment for the show.
	That's why we keep it with the wires and cords.
	Right.
	Because it's a functional part of the show.
	And if you don't want your beard to look like Santa Claus started doing mess, you should try their beard grooming products.
	I use a little bit of it.
	I don't need it much.
	But when your beard starts getting longer, it gets frazzled without the grooming supplies.
	And again, 15% off when you use Gavin.
	And please do use Gavin so they can see that this shit works, that this advertising thing works.
	And also, you're buying coffee, so why not buy coffee from a vet-owned business?
	It's like when I found my glasses guy, my optician, I found out he was MAGA, and I'm like, okay, well, I have to buy glasses, so I'm going to be going with this guy forever.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, say you found a milk supplier and a Cheerios supplier and a fucking broom and dustpan supplier and that you found out they're vet owned and they support our brothers overseas.
	You go, I'm in, I'm going with them.
	It beats fucking DuPont.
	Okay, so we're getting close to the part where we cut off the freeloaders and we go behind the paywall.
	But just to finish up what I was talking about before I interrupted myself 20 times, chicks getting into dude things.
	Mr. Odell, in your biker days, the Hell's Angels are only dudes.
	Correct.
	Were there chicks like, what a podify?
	Well, back in the 60s, there were some.
	I think there were three female members at one point.
	What is that?
	Why do you want to be in our thing?
	I guess women say the same thing about drag queens and trans men.
	You know, men trying to do their thing.
	Do women, though, know their place in biker culture in 2022?
	Yes.
	Definitely.
	I mean, I would imagine they still do.
	I mean, if you can't have your...
	If you can't control your old lady, what else?
	You can't control that.
	You're in big trouble.
	Yeah.
	So you don't get chicks saying, I'd like to play a more prominent role in the club.
	No.
	Well, there's no more female members in the club that I would.
	I understand, but not just...
	I'm not talking about members.
	I'm talking about girlfriends.
	You know, like...
	No, they, no.
	there's no women in the meetings or anything like that.
	Women are not members, they're not brought up for membership.
	They're nothing to the club.
	I mean, not nothing.
	They're tolerate whatever, but basically they're like second-class citizens.
	They're ought to have anything to do with hell's angels.
	They don't dictate anything.
	So can you wait till we call on you?
	Call on me?
	I don't want to sound like I'm trivializing your input here, but.
	They truly, in this instant, are the weaker sex when it comes to Hell's Angels.
	They know their place.
	Can you make sure you get a row of stars there, Rygai?
	Okay.
	Who do you think you could beat up, Sylvia?
	Who can I beat up?
	Yeah.
	Anybody who fucks with me.
	Yeah, I was talking to Zenoa Kinsman about an hour ago.
	Her eldest boy looks like Juicy Smollett.
	And Juicy Smollett just got 150 days in jail, $120,000 fine, and 30 months of probation.
	That sounds pretty exactly perfect.
	I saw that he was getting sentenced today.
	I didn't catch the sentencing, the actual sentence that he got.
	I think it's a great sentence.
	It is.
	Yeah, 150 days.
	It's commendable.
	He cost a lot of people a lot of time and money.
	Like, detectives are running around looking for these bad guys.
	Yeah.
	Phantoms of the night.
	Not here.
	So that's the monetary problem.
	Uh-oh.
	Who is it?
	Answer it.
	Answer it, Sylvia.
	Scam likely.
	I'm trying to shut it off.
	Scam likely.
	The American public should be aware.
	Scams all over the place.
	Your cell phone, the news, the politicians.
	That's why we call this show Keep Off My Lawn.
	We don't come for scams.
	Company in nature.
	Yeah.
	Toe in the line.
	Good company man.
	So Zenoa's in these like strongman competitions.
	And they have a woman's division.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Now, Zenoa knows her place.
	And she's like, look, the deal is men, if they lift 1,000 pounds, they get $1,000.
	Women have a different standard.
	They're not expected to lift 1,000 pounds.
	But if they lift 600 pounds, they get $600.
	Okay, that sounds pretty fucking basic.
	That's pretty.
	Dollar a pound.
	Yeah.
	But some of the women are mad because they're like, we should get the same amount of money for 600 pounds.
	That kind of says everything, doesn't it?
	Yeah.
	That doesn't.
	No.
	Sorry.
	And then one of the women's argument was like, well, we have to give birth and do all this other stuff, so we should still get $1,000 for the $600.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	And I said this because I didn't want to call like what she's doing trans, but I said, if there was a competition called the Perfect Lady Competition, right?
	And it was fair and not biased, and you know it would be, it would be biased towards trans, Caitlin Jenner would definitely win it.
	But say it was fair.
	Trans men and drag queens would do worse than cis women at the Perfect Lady competition because they've been ladies their whole lives.
	They move around like ladies.
	And even if you take testosterone as a chick today, I think Joe Rogan pointed this out with that Fox MMA fighter who was trans.
	Fractured girl's skull.
	Yeah.
	We've had these fucking amazing pipes since we were babies.
	So I would wager that even if you like could a woman could just like plop her brain in your head tomorrow and with the same man's body, she's not used to it.
	Right.
	I mean these men who have had upper body strength their whole lives, you take testosterone and it's not real testosterone, it's synthetic, and now you have this sort of fake man thing.
	Can you cut away from Maddie when he yawns, please?
	That's nice.
	Well, unfortunately, if you could notice my voice and my stuffy nose, my good friend Gavin passed a little cold off to me, so I took cold medicine earlier today.
	And it's kind of kicking my butt.
	I gave it to my kids.
	I apologize for the yawn.
	Your nose runs like a faucet until you just put tissue paper up your nose.
	Stay off the cocaine.
	Day three.
	You cannot do what's not in you to begin with.
	So women ought to get over themselves.
	A man is still a man.
	Right.
	Don't try to imitate them.
	It's not in you.
	It's called a strong man competition.
	And these women are complaining that...
	They're born out of jealousy.
	They're not doing well.
	Oh, yeah.
	So that's the end of the story.
	So the end of the story is this chick goes, I'm going to compete.
	Zanoa assumed she was competing with her and the other women in the woman's portion of the strongman.
	Right.
	And she goes, no, I'm a man.
	I'm competing as a man.
	And Zenoa, she was obviously a woman.
	And Zenoa goes, oh, oh, okay, sorry.
	Yeah, I didn't know.
	And she's thinking in her head, I thought you were just a fucking dyke.
	I didn't know thought you were a dude.
	And the woman goes, yeah, I'm trans, so I'm a man, and I'm competing with the men.
	And Zenoa goes, well, you know you're going to lose, right?
	And she goes, no, I'm not.
	And Zanoa goes, but you're competing with men who have had real testosterone their whole lives.
	And she goes, I actually take testosterone, so I'm competing on an even playing field.
	Fucking woman, if that's what she feels?
	It's just so.
	delusional.
	You think you could, and both sides of the trans thing are delusional.
	You think you take a testosterone pill and boom, you're a dude?
	No, you're more masculine than most women.
	Right.
	Still a long way to go to dude town.
	You know what's wild?
	Is that on Survivor, my wife's got me watching Survivor, there's a tranny who fucking looks like a dude.
	But she didn't disclose that or something like that.
	Oh, that's ancient Chinese secret, right?
	This is brand new.
	Okay, so then this is the second time this has happened.
	Yeah, I believe so.
	Yeah, on Survivor.
	I remember like last year or two years ago, there was a tranny who was outed during their like Tiki Torch thing.
	Yeah.
	And it was a huge deal.
	And they go, one of the guys goes, well, maybe one of the reasons is that he used to be a chick.
	And then the music is like, whoa.
	You ever watch that show Naked and Afraid?
	Oh, yeah.
	This new season, there's one with a trans girl.
	Right, right.
	And a trans girl is a guy who has transitioned to a girl.
	So it's going to be two guys.
	Right, right.
	You can see that wide square body, male body.
	So, but this one is weird because trans girls.
	Sorry, Ryan, just one second.
	So it's a guy that's a normal guy.
	It's usually a guy and a girl.
	Right.
	And they're naked and they're going to last three months.
	And they're afraid.
	Now naked and really afraid.
	Now, the guy's a biological male, but the female is a trans.
	Is there a dick involved?
	Oh, yeah.
	I would imagine.
	I mean, I didn't see it.
	I would imagine, too.
	But they're like, oh, this is going to be a surprise for my partner or teammate or whatever they call each other.
	Well, that's actually advantageous because I've always thought on that show, they must drink cum.
	Excuse me?
	It's protein.
	Oh, right.
	So it's like, I don't mean on day one.
	Three weeks into it.
	Three weeks into it.
	And you've been eating bull weevils.
	And the guy's like, well, I have a pile of protein in my scrotum that I'm not using.
	You can have it.
	And she's like, okay, make sure the cameras are off.
	But now they both have cum sacks.
	So maybe the other guy's blowing the train.
	But the bottom line, when it comes to women and men, we outlive them, outsmart them, outpuck them, and outbox them.
	Well said.
	You don't outsmart us.
	But behind every man, there's a woman using our brains and our smarts.
	Men think with their dick, get real.
	Making a genius a sandwich is not really outsmarting him.
	We outlive you.
	Yeah, that's true.
	It's outsmart is the only one I have a problem with.
	You outfuck us, sure.
	Although you don't really get...
	You're the only woman I know that got horny after menopause.
	Oh, well.
	You were horny before menopause.
	That's a fantasy that women, when they get older, have no sex urge.
	That's not true at all.
	I am a living example.
	So you're still horny like tonight.
	Correct.
	Homeboys get like.
	I will knock off a piece of ass as soon as I get home.
	All I gotta do is go into Duck's Inn and take whatever I want.
	And he won't quack either.
	When did you last get laid?
	Recently.
	With whom?
	With Kevin.
	What's he look like?
	He's Irish.
	He's good looking.
	Nothing wrong with God.
	And you don't blow anyone, so he just fucked you from behind?
	Jewish women don't suck dick.
	So what did you do?
	Just doggie at your house?
	No, you do everything else.
	Everything else perverted and enjoyable.
	What else is there?
	There's doggy, there's missionary?
	No.
	They look at you like you're a big lollipop.
	They have to lick you, suck you from your head to your toes for starters.
	Damn.
	Before they even stick it in you.
	What are you kidding?
	Wow.
	On that.
	Wait, so the thing about the tranny, they lied about being on lithium, like antipsychotic medicine.
	And so the guy comes up and he's like, the host, he's like, I usually don't walk to the tribes and say anything, but we have a situation here.
	We can't give this fucker medicine.
	And everybody, like, the women cry.
	They're like, oh, my God, you're leaving us.
	Because the night before, he's like, I am a woman, actually.
	And everybody's like, wow, pretty good fucking transition.
	But because he didn't disclose his fucking medical information, he now has taken a spot from somebody who could have legitimately been on the show.
	And they're all kissing his ass.
	I hate that your story's so touching shit.
	They kiss his ass.
	Meanwhile, if anybody had done that and they weren't a tranny, it would have been like, you're fucking the worst.
	You've lied to us.
	And now everyone over.
	They literally.
	And also, what's crazy is that they make these challenges for six people and now they have to just deal with like five.
	So now they're like having people sit out and they have to change all this shit because of fucking Jackson's ass.
	Fuck you, Jackson.
	It's sort of like these guys where they've been married for, you know, 20 years.
	They have five kids and they go, it was a British guy that I'm thinking of.
	He's like, I'm actually gay.
	And everyone goes, that is so brave.
	And this woman is sort of going, yeah, it was really like Chris Jenner and Caitlin Jenner.
	I've been a woman this whole time, baby.
	Oh, gross.
	I was sucking a woman's dick for like 15 years?
	Isn't that rape?
	Yeah.
	Or longer.
	It could have been 40, 45.
	Here's the summarization.
	You're not brave if you waste people's time.
	New rule.
	New rule.
	New rule.
	New rule.
	You're not brave if you're wasting people's time.
	Just because you tuck it and use duct tape.
	I believe he was originally from Westchester.
	Who?
	Bill Maher?
	No, Bruce Jenner.
	Oh, yeah?
	Oh, wow.
	Bruce is from Terrytown.
	Or Sleepy Hollow, one of those.
	I like Terrytown and Sleepy Hollow.
	Isn't Terrytown very copy?
	Very copy?
	Cop-like.
	Lots of cops?
	It's a small department.
	No, no, I mean retired cops live there.
	Oh, I'm not a...
	I don't know about the demographics.
	The best place is the South Bronx on the rooftop.
	You get it good.
	I think you're talking about something else, honey.
	I think you're talking about...
	Your sex, you mean?
	Did you say you were raped on a rooftop in Harlem?
	That's what she meant.
	She did.
	Wait a minute.
	Get whatever you want on the rooftop in the South Bronx.
	But you were raped on a rooftop in Harlem.
	That was in Harlem, though.
	That was in Harlem.
	So wait a minute.
	Wait a minute.
	Do you have a pattern?
	Ryan, you're fucking up the screens.
	Do you have a pattern of fornicating on roofs?
	No, only when it shingles my tingles.
	I don't know what that means, but it sounds graphic.
	She likes to hang out on the rooftops.
	I heard that dragon.
	What about under the boardwalk?
	I've heard of under the boardwalk.
	I've heard of drag queens talking about, or like Amanda Lepore and her friend, whatever the other one, Sophia Lamar, talking about how much they love sex in bathrooms at nightclubs.
	I've heard of that.
	I've never heard of rooftop sex being a thing.
	The best place is any place when the urge comes over you.
	Any place is the right time to be with the one you want to fuck.
	When pizza's on a bagel, you could eat pizza anytime.
	Even a slippery bagel.
	Okay, so let's open up the phone lines just before we...
	Because I was going to cut everyone off now.
	We're 15 minutes past the deadline, but I want at least some people who are too cheap to subscribe to censored.tv for $10 a month, where you don't just get my show, which is amazing, by the way.
	You get Jim Goads, Jacob Wall.
	Atheism is unstoppable.
	We have Milo Yiannopoulos episodes.
	He's no longer with us, but you got to understand when these people leave, we still have all the episodes banked.
	We still, you come to this site, you still see Roger Stone, Candace Owens, Cornell West, Josh LaCash.
	We've got Compound Censors, a show I do once a week with Anthony Comee.
	And we have Miss Spitz vocalist Michael Graves.
	We've got Soph and Lotus and Katie Hopkins.
	It's a network.
	Like when you turn on Fox News and there's always a show on, there's way more content you could possibly handle.
	Our newest hit show is Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
	Yeah, everyone should watch it.
	He has the smallest kitchen in the world.
	Yes, that is true.
	And he makes unbelievable...
	Dude, your potatoes taste like steak.
	Yeah, the potato, I like, you know, I guess it comes from the heritage.
	The Scottish heritage.
	What is the secret to your potatoes again?
	Well, it depends on me.
	I mean, roasted.
	Those ones we have.
	You put sugar in the water.
	Oh, the ones that I made for the first episode was they were boiled for about between, depending on how many are in the water, maybe 12, 14 minutes.
	I had salt, sugar, and a little bit of dill.
	And then I pan-fried them in the beef rendering, the fat rendering, and the grease and everything.
	That's probably what it is.
	Hot shit.
	Hot shit.
	So the boiling is pretty normal, and the water.
	You don't get to get the texture right.
	But it's the panel.
	You have to comment on how they were consistently good all the way through.
	I had a lot of housewives sending us letters going, I've been cooking for 30 years or whatever, and this totally revamped the way I'm going to do steak and potatoes.
	Yeah.
	So that's just one show we're off at a tangent about.
	The one you want badly is getting next week.
	Prison food.
	Like the county jail smash up, mashup, whatever you want to call it.
	I mean, that's the whole favorite thing in the world is like people under duress coming up with solutions to their problems.
	And the way they make chicken nuggets and burritos and I'll explain ramps.
	Soup and all that shit.
	They go to the concession stand.
	What's it called?
	Commissary.
	Commissary.
	Some people call it, it depends where in the country you are.
	Some people call it canteen.
	Some call it commissary.
	You know.
	The commissary's in town.
	Uh-oh.
	But it's just basically the store where you can shop.
	And they make these elaborate meals with their limited resources.
	I mean, county jails are a lot tougher because it's a limited commissary and people aren't there.
	There's not a lot of people working in the facility.
	Right.
	But like in prison, the meals become very elaborate, very good.
	Yeah, Max has five rooms, have a microwave.
	Some state prisons in New York still have ovens, stoves that you can use.
	But in the feds, you just have a microwave.
	County jails, if they have them.
	Like I was in a county jail in Virginia waiting for my federal trial, and they had no microwave, no hot water, no nothing.
	It was just water out of the sink.
	I mean, I know, I understand you want to punish bad guys, but you also want a sense of efficiency.
	And if they can make their own food, everyone's better off.
	No?
	They're not animals.
	No.
	That's something that the populace needs to figure out.
	Right, yeah.
	And they're doing their time.
	That's another thing that bothers me about inmates is this whole concept that they have to be punished after they get out.
	I beat up an old man to death because he said the N-word.
	You gave me my horrible punishment of watching Netflix for two years.
	Two years house arrest.
	But after that, look, I think he should have got worse.
	But if that's the punishment, then this post-probation and like anger management courses, it's just the problem is a lot of them are repeaters.
	Whatever crime they did, they do the time and they do the crime.
	They come out and do the same thing over and over.
	Well, I'm not sure that's true with murder and serious crimes.
	That tends to be a one-off.
	Did you know Maddie?
	Did you know Maddie's been to prison many times, Sylvia?
	He's a shortstop.
	Are you kidding me?
	He's a baby monster.
	Guy doing 13 to 30 years in prison and then tell me about it.
	Two of my husbands did that.
	She's claiming stolen prison value.
	He's done time that's similar to that.
	Look at that yardboard.
	Wait, you had an ex-husband that went to jail for murder?
	Was it one of the...
	What did you do?
	You murdered a fly in the air?
	Yeah, something like that.
	You raped a fly to death.
	Fly swater.
	He raped a fly to death.
	He swatted the fly to death.
	What did your man do who got 30 years?
	Was that one of your black husbands?
	I'm just guessing.
	Husband number seven, murder.
	Who did he murder?
	Why do 50% of your husbands commit...
	Oh, wait, no.
	He murdered this man that followed him and his girlfriend on the subway.
	So were you married to him before or after that?
	Hold the mic closer to your mouth.
	After.
	After he committed the murder.
	So how long did he do?
	About 34 years in prison.
	Damn.
	And you got with him after that?
	Correct.
	So he must have been old as shit.
	No, not all that old.
	He was very young when he went to prison in his early 20s.
	Huh.
	So he was like 56, 57 when you got him?
	Yeah.
	And then how long did you guys stay together for?
	We're still together legally, but because of domestic violence, I'm not with him anymore.
	No kidding.
	Now, Camille Pagney got in big trouble for saying what no one mentions about domestic violence is the sex is often quite hot.
	Make up sex?
	Well, once your husband or your boyfriend starts using you as a punching bag, they're not going to change and they're not going to stop, no matter how much they may love you.
	So the best thing is to cut them loose, Bruce.
	That sounds logical.
	But was the sex particularly hot?
	The sex was great.
	Like your legs would vibrate after?
	No, he would never slap me.
	He'd punch me.
	I kept thinking he'd change.
	No, no, I mean, your orgasms.
	He has a very bad Latino temper.
	Were your orgasms earth-shattering?
	Oh, yeah.
	Hell yeah.
	Nothing like a Latino lover.
	The best lovers in the world are Latinos and blacks.
	They don't have the inhibitions that white dudes have.
	They'll do anything and everything to please a woman.
	It kind of contradicts what you said last week.
	You said that that was a myth that they outscrew.
	No.
	The only myth about black men is the size of their penis.
	That's a myth.
	They're like anybody, any other man.
	The main thing with any man is not the size, it's does he know how to use it.
	That's all that really counts.
	As a boring milquetoast white man, what do these Latinos do that is different?
	Like, what should I be doing?
	Casting at some point.
	Should they reach around and diddle your bean?
	No.
	Like Morocco?
	Number one, they will talk to you very romantically and make your legs open like a butterfly before they ever lay a finger on you.
	They could read off a grocery list in Spanish.
	Talk very romantically.
	Like what?
	And going.
	Your lips are like two.
	How your skin is like an angel.
	Your lips are like two larvae making love in a pink roof.
	You sparkle like a diamond.
	Duel sparkle like un diamando.
	Your nipples are like two purged pepperoni calling out to me.
	Your pussy is like a razor slit on a stuck pig.
	Like a ravenous mountain.
	Like, honestly, if you...
	Your anus is like a Hershey's kiss.
	If you say the floor is wet in English and you say in Spanish, Spanish says a lot sexier.
	It's like, el piso es mojado.
	Or you're like, the floor is wet.
	So wet is mojado.
	We've been giving these fucking freeloaders way too much free content.
	Let's take a call, read one call, read one letter, have one super chat, and then get these fuckers out of here so we can be with our baby monsters.
	Just a reminder, guys, you can call in with the number on the screen there.
	And also, you can super chat by going to the live show.
	Watch live.
	Are you saying we don't have anyone?
	And then...
	Oh, no, we do have calls.
	And we have a thing right here, a button right under the show.
	Donate to read a message on air.
	How much money have we raised for Max and John with these super chats?
	I can inquire for our super technical.
	My gut says five grand.
	Total?
	Grand total?
	Grand, grand total.
	Let's do a bet.
	Last time we bet, I failed miserably.
	I think it's 30.
	No, I think it's 45.
	38,000.
	So right under yours.
	It's definitely not 38,000.
	She's doing prices right technique.
	It's between 32 and 5,000.
	I'll say 47.50.
	Ooh.
	Final answer.
	That 50 really adds confidence.
	It's like, I know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about.
	Now I'm shook.
	The auctions, it's funny the different fundraisers, because we can't do normal fundraisers for them.
	They get shut down.
	The live chats are okay.
	The doodle auctions usually raise about $5,000, but it takes like 15 drawings in a couple months.
	But man, that Christmas drive we did for Zenoa, boom, $12,000.
	Yeah, that was good-looking out.
	I'm going to try just doing a give, send, go normal page saying, look, here's the truth.
	Max and John, four years for fighting Antifa.
	They're going to get out in a year.
	No early release.
	Yeah, they lost their six months.
	That's all thrown away.
	So they're going to be out in a year.
	Can they have a little cushion while they get back on their feet?
	John Kinsman lost all his steel inspection licenses.
	They expired.
	I knew somebody willing to give him a job when he gets out, too, but he probably has to have that certification, I'm guessing.
	Well, he can obviously redo the classes.
	Sure, sure.
	He knows what he's doing.
	It's like me redoing a class in pussy eating.
	Like, okay.
	I'm an expert.
	I'm already an expert.
	If you're classy.
	You start slow.
	We're taking some calls.
	Let's take a call.
	You are on the air.
	We'll have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's on.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Cool.
	I'm not a tarded.
	I'm not appalled.
	We have lives of TikTok video.
	Libs of TikTok video.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hi, mister.
	Yo!
	Oh, trucker.
	Oh, yeah.
	Is that a real trucker?
	Yeah, sounding like you.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Yes, sir.
	Driving a rig right now.
	Fucking eight.
	Right on, guy.
	Right on, right on.
	Hey, I got a question for anyone here that wants to take it.
	I'd like to know what you think the percentage of, either percentage of women or maybe is it a regional thing that actually believe that bullshit that you showed on Anthony's show or you showed on your show the other day?
	What bullshit?
	Is it regional or can you quantify a percentage?
	What bullshit?
	Talking about the patriarchy and the feminism thing they were talking about in the video.
	Which home was this now?
	The woman who said that being fat is a feminist statement and being skinny is...
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	And you know, because I was at a bar yesterday and a girl that I grew up with was working in the bar and was kind of on the same subject.
	And then she said, I've never heard anyone say this, but she goes, as a woman, you're guilty until proven innocent.
	And I just was like, man, I feel like it's infected my generation.
	But there's two things going on at the same time here.
	There is like, how many people would say that?
	And then how many truly believe?
	Like, I want to give a lot of these liberals heroin, inject their veins and go, okay, now, do you really believe that cops are hunting black people?
	And you can, I imagine them just going, I've seen that, but that's what everyone's doing.
	So I'm doing it.
	Right on, yeah.
	I feel the same way.
	But wait a minute.
	So you listen to this show in your truck?
	Yeah, right now, yeah, I am.
	I'm driving it.
	I have it on my phone, but you're coming through my big Bluetooth trucker headset.
	It's harder to hear you, actually.
	Maddie's microphone is coming through clearer than yours is.
	Okay.
	So you're using Wi-Fi?
	No, my data.
	And you have unlimited data?
	Yep.
	So it's just like you listen to this show the way someone else just looks at Instagram through their phone without Wi-Fi.
	Yeah.
	And is there enough...
	Through the censored app.
	Is there enough bandwidth to watch the video?
	To watch the video.
	I just had it live.
	I get the notification that you guys are live, and I just, boom, it comes in the middle.
	So you can see all this.
	And how big is your screen?
	It's an iPhone 12 Pro Max.
	I'm not actually looking at it right now because I am driving back into PA, driving a rig right now.
	Because that's illegal, probably, right?
	Does PA stand for penis?
	How do you hear that, Phil?
	PA is Pennsylvania.
	Okay.
	Okay, let's try to solve this man's question.
	So, this is a tough one.
	It's a real mind teaser.
	So on the compound censored, we were talking about this crazy bitch who said that if you lose weight, you're catering to the patriarchy.
	And the whole concept of a fat woman is made up by men who have a very narrow view of what a woman is.
	And if you try to acquire that kind of beauty where you're not a fatso, you are basically some sort of a slave.
	I want to phrase this in a nice way.
	It wasn't.
	Articulating to the shithead.
	But she's fat.
	Yeah, that's what we're doing on Monday with Crip Daddy.
	You just blew the surprise.
	No, it's the thing we talked about on Compound Censored.
	Let's see.
	I have it in this program here.
	Did you not watch the show?
	I watched it late because you jumped in early, and I didn't expect that.
	Okay, so it's at the very beginning of the...
	But anyway, it's a video we already talked about on the show.
	That woman who said that it's patriarchal to want to be thin.
	That's basically the crux of it.
	So how many people, how many women think that being obese is perfectly healthy and to try to not be fat is sexist as opposed to healthy?
	I'm going to go with, first let's do the whole country.
	I'm going to go with 70% of women in America understand that being fat is unhealthy and being thin is healthy and it's got nothing to do with sexism.
	I would say that's her.
	I would say 5 to 10%, let's say like 6.987% of American women think that being slim is a male patriarchy thing.
	It's an unattainable body image.
	Now in New York City, in Berkeley, in Portland, you're going to get, you're in the eye of the storm.
	So that 6.9% is going to sound like 50% of the people around you because you're in the eye of the 6.9%.
	But that's the problem with America now is this shrill minority of lunatics are defining what we think the American ethos is.
	And not just on TikTok, obviously.
	The reason that went viral is because people identify with it.
	In the New York Times, in the Washington Post, MSNBC, all of these mainstream media sources will say stupid shit like that.
	Women's magazines, they all say it and they believe it.
	So that's our answer, sir.
	70% think that it's healthy to be thin.
	7% thinks it's sexist to say that.
	And then we've got another ambiguous 20-something percent floating around who could give a fuck either way.
	They just want their French fries.
	They want their fried food.
	Thanks for calling.
	Okay, so that's a call.
	Tough brain teaser from that guy.
	Real homework assignment.
	Talking about women getting lighter sensors.
	That was a tough one.
	It was.
	You handed it well, Gavin, per a man.
	Thank you, Sylvia.
	Look at this.
	This is pretty fun.
	Notice, quote unquote, per a man.
	Of course, a woman could have handled it a hell of a lot better.
	That's true.
	Okay, take it away.
	Women could do things that men are not capable of imagining.
	Okay, so the question was...
	We're the creative force.
	Man is the doer, the protector, the strong one physically, but women are the creators of mankind.
	Great point.
	You won this one.
	And if they put their head against the wall and take a couple of steps back, they can lift up a chair and stand back up, whereas men can't.
	Yep.
	It was on all in the family.
	We are the chair that man lifts up.
	Okay, let's take a letter.
	This was...
	I just saw this today, and I think this hits on the same thing about girls getting unfavorable sentences or something.
	It's an orbital look for my girlfriend to hit me.
	She says, yes, blah, blah, blah.
	Nothing comes up.
	You type in boyfriend.
	Something fun happens.
	It immediately goes for help is available.
	Loser's got to get a new screen.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think maybe his girlfriend threw it.
	Okay.
	Oh, yeah.
	This is someone stealing something I said, which reminds me, I'd like to toot my own horn, if I may.
	I was talking on my MAGA dad chat about Kamala Harris.
	And they were talking about her imminent speech in Poland, I believe it was.
	And we were talking about what an idiot she's going to sound like.
	And I hereby predicted the following speech.
	Okay?
	This is what I said Kamala Harris was going to say.
	Ready?
	Ready.
	What do we learn from times like these?
	We learn what has already been learned for centuries.
	We learn that this is now and we need to be aware of what the future will hold.
	And that is what the past has already told us.
	That war has no real victors but those who write the stories we all try to accept as the truth.
	But don't until we do.
	Long dramatic pause.
	Until we do.
	Amen.
	And then she awaits an applause and nothing happens.
	So that's what I guessed her speech would be.
	Now, Ryan, I emailed this to you.
	This is her speech.
	I think it's the same thing.
	It's the same picture.
	I predicted this speech.
	That's why we're here today.
	Because we have the ability to see what can be.
	Wow.
	Unburdened by what has been.
	Wow.
	And then to make the possible actually happen.
	I don't know what the f ⁇ that was.
	Wait, that's fucking crazy.
	And you have receipts.
	I believe you.
	I have receipts.
	I can prove this.
	Holy shit.
	That's crazy.
	That's even better than her response if the Russian question proposed by the reporters yesterday that has Russia and America discussed the refugees?
	She just laughs.
	She laughs and says, you showed me this.
	She laughs and says, a friend in need is a friend in need.
	She's like asking for Poland's president.
	She cackles the way the question was like, is it true in college you ate a salad bowl full of M ⁇ Ms?
	And then she goes, let's not get into the M ⁇ Ms.
	That was a crazy time.
	No, no, no.
	We're not asking about a silly thing that you did as a dare.
	We're talking about foreign policy and refugee status in America and how that will affect our population.
	She laughs like it's some sort of inside joke we should all be laughing at.
	Uh-oh, that's someone calling me a Satanist for believing in evolution.
	What?
	So we got that, and then we have to do a mailbag, right?
	Do we want to hit the intro to show the people what that looks like?
	We did hit the mailbag.
	What do you think?
	No, we did the thanks for calling.
	Haven't I read a letter yet?
	Okay, I've got a letter right here, ready to rock.
	Okay.
	So this is a guy named Buck, and he's this, though, I know why we went off at a tangent because he's stealing what I've said a million times.
	Last drop of pee solution.
	This man states, basically you trick your dick into thinking it's in your pants.
	If I'm at home, I'll sometimes just leave my dick out of my pants.
	If I wash my hands and a drop of pee will fall on the bathroom floor.
	Or you can wrap your dick in a piece of paper and put it away.
	That way you won't get pee in your goddamn knickers, he calls them.
	We all know They're wrong with this.
	They're what's wrong with this country.
	I, Gavin McInnes, hate Knickers.
	That's a very clunky email, but yeah, here's a trick I learned on my own: you go piss, you shake it, and you go to your penis, who's looking up at you like, I can't wait to fucking piss in this guy's drawers.
	And you go, oh, well, that was a great pee.
	I'm done.
	You put it in your underwear, you don't let go, and you pull it right back out again.
	There's four more drops.
	Dude, I've tried everything.
	And that works for you?
	That works for me.
	It doesn't for me.
	I do it all the time.
	I put the paper in the thing, and I'm like, all right, we're done.
	I even walk away.
	I take a toilet paper, I put it on the head, and then I start walking away with it in my pants.
	But you have to remember, it is not a drumstick.
	You cannot keep tapping it.
	That's true, but it feels good.
	So I do it.
	No, but sometimes there's still like, if your dick is a syringe, there's still like five CCs of piss sometimes.
	It just zoof.
	I've been pissing for half a century, and I still, if I don't do that trick or some other like milking or there's the whole prostate thing where you're supposed to get up.
	From your gooch.
	From your gooch, you feel me.
	From your shovel.
	I don't have time to fucking make love to myself.
	I got to get back to work.
	But still, like, you'll walk out for the bathroom and you'll feel like, baboo, babo, babo.
	Shake three times and rock.
	No matter how you shake your peg, the last weed drop runs down your leg.
	And I go commando in my sweatpants and it shows.
	Like every, I've tried everything.
	I've tried your techniques.
	I think you and Anthony were talking about this too, and it's like, there's just nothing you could do.
	Why do you go commando in your sweatpants?
	Why are you wearing sweatpants?
	So many questions.
	Around my house.
	You know?
	Just to...
	I wear shoes and pants and a buttoned-up shirt in my house.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	Well, I like to be a little comfier.
	And I go to the gym a lot, too, so I just, you know, throw it in the camera.
	When I go to the gym, I change out of my pants and I put on my sweatshorts that I have in my gym bag at the gym, which I haven't washed in six years.
	Basically, I piss my pants.
	Right for the pickets.
	Okay, have we covered everything there?
	Because we've given these people way too much.
	I go commando everywhere.
	Get it?
	Yeah, we get it.
	Knock three tons on the wall if you're ready.
	That's a different thing, but also a technique that we use.
	Okay.
	So we've done all the service to these freeloaders.
	Gave them an hour 14.
	I know, that's ridiculous.
	Damn, yo.
	I'm not good at my job.
	I'm supposed to have cut them off 40 minutes ago.
	45 minutes ago.
	48 minutes.
	Let's do a super chat, and then we will have done everything.
	That's correct.
	Okay.
	Let's see.
	Did we read this one?
	Kebine.
	We did, Gebin.
	Kebine.
	Gavin, what would be your strategy if you had to do 12 rounds of boxing against Maddie for the WBO, whatever the fuck you weigh, weigh title of the world, fellow Scotsman?
	We're actually around the same weight right now.
	I'm 195.
	What are you weighing in at these days?
	195.
	Wow.
	I'm 106 and loving it.
	So Maddie has a heart condition.
	Yeah.
	He can't fight.
	So let's pretend that he's in tip-top shape.
	My biggest fear wouldn't be the punches.
	Not that I'm not scared of Maddie's punches.
	I know they'd be brutal.
	But my biggest fear here is the number 12.
	I mean, that's fucking murder.
	So my strategy would have nothing to do with actually fighting because I feel like I've already got my vocabulary for punches and it's not great.
	But it's not like I'm going to learn some crazy fucking super punch.
	So I would not drink.
	I would jog three miles a day.
	Nothing crazy.
	Road work.
	Two miles a day.
	And just try to get my cardio up so I could last.
	I mean, I could always block and take punches and stuff.
	No, you have to kick and bite.
	Damn.
	That's another thing women could do that men can't.
	I did not know that was an option.
	Yeah.
	I would kick and bite.
	WBO.
	My friend Larry fought for the WBO title.
	Yeah.
	He's getting inaugurated in the Hall of Fame May 1st.
	Nice.
	Congratulations, Larry.
	We celebrate carnivalism.
	Not officially on the show.
	That's not our stance officially.
	But some people can have that secret.
	Yes.
	We're not supposed to tell anyone that.
	Okay.
	So there we did it.
	We did a letter.
	We did a call.
	Chat.
	Silvio.
	Silvio, we've got Maddie.
	We've explained the context here.
	We've done way more than we should.
	We only have 45 minutes behind the paywall, but I will tell you that once we go behind the paywall, things get much raunchier.
	Much more bitch.
	Much more involved.
	I've sort of been taken easy because I'm scared.
	I'm weak and scared that we're going to get kicked off.
	It's quiet.
	Podcast land.
	So thank you for tuning in, you fucking freeloaders.
	We're about to go behind the paywall now.
	We're going to do mostly calls probably.
	That seems to be the pattern here.
	And in the interim, for everyone, both freeloaders and subscribers, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Safer for everybody on the deathbed that there will be some dark stars.
	Safer for everybody on the deathbed that they will be some dark stars.
	Time for not alone.
	Time for the alone.
	Not alone.
	I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
	Cause you're not alone.
	You're not alone with me.
	Say it pray for me.
	Wait, if you ripped off more of the, maybe all the songs are ripoffs.
	And just boom, boom, boom.
	Look at that beat.
	Yeah, anyone out there know boom boom boom boom Do you want to call him get out of my way?
	I'm gonna blow you away.
	I can call him boom boom boom I said it to my daughter and I go get out of my way.
	There's a song going on This is pretty woke.
	levitating where she's like if you want to remake with uh elton john that's the new one so play the first song that's the hit yeah yeah yeah yeah that's another tick tock song i want you baby if you want to run away with me i know i feel like shitting like a chicken for a ride I had a premonition that we fell into a rhythm where the music don't speak for life.
	So we got that.
	Now play Miguel Bossé.
	It's coming up.
	Have faith.
	I was going to say this pretty far.
	The judge is going to say no.
	Until.
	They said Cajones.
	Isn't this kind of creepy that he's a devil?
	There's a lot of little kid asses.
	This is bad.
	No, okay.
	What you're having there is cadence similarity, but the whole...
	fucking censored.tv according to Grace Note there are 80 million songs out there as of 2011 yeah but that's probably just trademarked right the winner by knockdown victory the number one arrival welderway in the world you hear that dance dan dan yep the fight second fight
	watching did you want to ask well someone mentioned wanted me to mention bald eagle I guess for whatever reason bald eagle yeah they like mentioned him the great bird or something like that I don't know what they wanted Is there something about the Eagle?
	That's his MK Ultra trigger.
	Oh, yeah.
	Now I'm sporting Ukraine.
	They kind of failed, but nice.
	Try at least.
	The bird which is the bald eagle.
	The bald eagle.
	Shows you that the elites don't watch our show.
	Did you want to ask any?
	G-O-M-L Live question.
	Any thoughts about getting Anal Chinook back together?
	You should do it here on the show.
	Did you guys ever play with anyone cool?
	Yeah, we play with lots of people cool.
	We opened for the Daglow Abortions, who the bassist, we drank almost a 2-4 in an hour with the Daglow Abortions.
	And the bassist projectile vomited on stage and didn't stop playing, which I was very impressed with.
	I couldn't imagine doing that.
	Projectile vomit, that's when you lie on the bathroom floor with your shirt off, trying to get like cold on your skin.
	And he's just like, They have a song now called Anal Chinook because of that show.
	And then, of course, the Dead Milkman we played open for.
	We did a whole plot where Ozzy Osborne was killed.
	And we had to bring him back from the dead.
	And we did that by shitting in a bucket.
	And he was killed by a priest at the beginning of the show.
	We had a lot of theatrics at our shows.
	And the priest was Rodney Anonymous Mellencamp, the singer of Dead Milkman.
	He liked that we had costumes and stuff.
	And I had a leg brace at the time because I tried to run up a wall to do a flip.
	And I'm not that talented.
	And I landed on my knee and I broke my knee.
	So I had a leg brace.
	But the show was about the time when it was about to take off the leg brace.
	It had been like, I don't know, a couple months.
	So we had Ozzy come and heal me.
	And I took my leg brace off and I was saved by Ozzy Osborne.
	And then Rodney Navis jumps out of nowhere, kills Ozzy.
	Ozzy's dead.
	And then the whole show, we have songs about Ozzy.
	We change the lyrics, trying to get him back.
	And then we end up shitting in a bucket together.
	And then we throw the shit in the audience.
	My mom was in the audience, actually.
	The shit was a bunch of chocolate bars without their wrappers.
	She thought it was feces that flew by her head.
	Oh, boy.
	The funniest part of the whole thing was the guy we got to play Ozzy was just like this average black dude with like a box cut.
	Nothing Aussie about him.
	There's nothing Aussie about him.
	Yeah, you should make Aussie one of your guys.
	Yeah, I'm thinking about it right now.
	We opened for MDC in drag, and a bunch of Nazi skinheads showed up and wanted to fight.
	They did fight because it was the Millions of Damn Christians album, and MDC had a song called Skinhead that went to the tune of S is because you're so stupid, K, like the KKK, I because you're an idiot, and then a Nazi too,
	H is because we hate you, E, H and every day.
	A, because we promote anarchy, and D, destroy the state.
	And they weren't happy about that.
	Although I heard in the South, there were so many skinheads at the show there to kill them, like 200, and there was only 50.
	And Dave MDC told me that he changed the lyrics to like, S is because you're super, and K, just like you're the crazy cool, and I, because you're intelligent.
	Oh, man.
	They buckled.
	Buckled under the pressure.
	There we go.
	$100 Super Chat.
	We read the $100 super chats.
	Gavin, when are you releasing your relationship book, How to Handle a Savage, Keeping Your Squaw in Line?
	Shout out Romeo Brown.
	I'm not, like, the thing about being married for a long time is you're not exactly kicking ass and taking names.
	Like, you think as soon as she says, I do, she's your bitch.
	And I remember hearing that when I was eight years old.
	Dale Aiken, he said, once you get married, you can just go, hey, show me your tits.
	And she has to be like, and show you at any time.
	And you can eat her pussy.
	You're going to be like, lie down.
	And I was like, I remember being like maybe 10 and going, oh man, when I get married, I'm going to put my face right in her vagina.
	I'm just going to go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	You motorboating son of a bitch.
	Yeah, but if I said to my wife tonight, hey, let me see your tits, like she wouldn't even look up.
	She'd just be like making eggs.
	It wouldn't even register.
	So you're constantly courting.
	You're never really in the clear when you're married.
	You're always figuring it out as you go.
	We've got a live letter here talking about what we just talked about.
	Is it true Tom Green stole your band's shit?
	I said he did on his Instagram live when he's oot.
	Yeah, so we were doing this clowny shit with a lot of projectors in the background and plots to the show and costumes and different actors running out on stage.
	I believe the Wikipedia term is clown punk.
	But yeah, we were doing it before his band was.
	His rap band was called, it's a pun about crime.
	Fuck.
	Look up Tom Green's rap band.
	And they would come out with ski boots on their head and they did all the same shit.
	Yeah.
	But he's a very talented dude and I spotted that from way back.
	I discovered him the same way that a black guy invented the light bulb.
	The light bulb was already invented.
	He just also invented it.
	Organized rhyme.
	That's it.
	But light bulbs were going to be fine without the black guy.
	He just simultaneously invented a filament that he wanted patented.
	So when I say I discovered Tom Green, Tom Green was already on his trajectory to fame.
	And as he was at the very, very beginning, I go, this guy's going places.
	And I told him, I go, dude, you're fucking very talented.
	You're going to be rich one day.
	You got the sprinkles.
	And he took off.
	Now, that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have done anything without me.
	But the reason I knew he had the sprinkles was in Ottawa, Canada, on CKCU, there was a, or maybe it was a local public radio, it was some like local shitty radio station.
	He got on and people would call in and he would fuck with them.
	Like, this isn't that exciting of a dynamic.
	We're doing it right now.
	But he would do these things where he'd, I guess cell phones had just started and he would have people walk around and he goes, okay, go into the pizza joint.
	And so he has this guy go into a pizza joint and then he says, give the pizza joint guy, the pizza maker, the phone.
	I got a funny order.
	And he goes, yeah, okay.
	And then the guy gives the pizza dude the phone.
	And then Tom goes, this man has kidnapped my daughter.
	We are the FBI.
	This is very important.
	You need to keep him there as long as you can until we can get law enforcement there.
	This is the biggest sting in the history of whatever Canadian CESIS, the RCMP.
	And he convinces the pizza guy that he's dealing with a criminal.
	And then the guy gets the phone back and he's like, what did you say to that guy?
	He's freaking the fuck out.
	And I was like, that's talent.
	But yeah, Tom Green did our shit.
	I'm babbling here.
	That's illegal.
	You can't do that, you know?
	You can't go into a pizza restaurant and tell people they're fucking terrorists, man.
	How is it illegal?
	You can't do it.
	It's against the law of law, you know?
	That's not.
	I'm lying right now.
	Okay.
	Sharon.
	Sharon!
	I got my fucking glasses, man.
	Fucking, we did Coke off the back of a fucking armadillo's tail, man.
	Sylvia, you ever do Coke?
	No comment.
	That sounds like a yes.
	Now I've done it.
	Oh, you gotta use the mic a little bit more, honey.
	Use the mic, girl.
	Well, I read in this book by Robbins.
	You put Coke on your pussy and he puts it on his dick.
	Oh, Tony Robbins.
	And you go for hours.
	Not true at all.
	All it does is fucking numb you.
	You're much better off snorting coke.
	The only bad thing with cocaine is you snort it, you go up to heaven, and then you go crashing down to the pits of hell.
	True.
	So I think you're better off with crack or marijuana.
	Well, you can do the ups all night, and then the hell doesn't come till the next day.
	Yeah, but it's still coming.
	But I have, I remember when I first would do Coke, it's actually after I moved to New York.
	It wasn't that big in Montreal.
	And you'd be doing your party all night Saturday.
	You're up till like fucking 10 a.m.
	And then you open up the gates to the bar because you were in the basement and the sun is blinding.
	You're like, wow, that was a fucking great party.
	That was fun.
	It was a heavy session.
	And then on Monday, you're like, why am I so blue?
	Why am I depressed?
	You've got a Maddie fan there.
	Yeah, and you're just like, I'm not a depressed guy.
	I'm a happy guy.
	And nothing's really going wrong with my life.
	My mom doesn't have cancer or anything.
	Why am I so upset?
	And you go, oh, cocaine wants its money back from Saturday night.
	Wait, what was this?
	What state has the highest number of censored.tv subscribers?
	It's funny you say that, my friend.
	Georgia.
	Because I was in a meeting for about an hour today with Chatty McGee, Josh Denny, and we were talking about a censored.tv live event.
	Ooh.
	And he was saying, well, let's get the data from the subscribers and see what the most popular state is.
	And then we'll have it there.
	My gut just says Orlando would be the best place for this.
	Too many old people.
	Orlando has the best?
	I think it would be the safest, the funnest people ever.
	There's like fucking seven Proud Boys chapters just in that area.
	Better off of Savannah, Georgia.
	She knows our metrics.
	Everything is peachy down in Georgia.
	I want it to be...
	Orlando's a great hub to fly into, too.
	But it's all old people.
	Orlando?
	Yeah.
	No, not Orlando proper.
	The surrounding areas.
	My parents live an hour away.
	But I don't think Orlando itself.
	Orlando is an old age home, baby.
	I lived in Orlando.
	Are you ageist?
	I'm aged list.
	Not bad.
	You're A-list.
	Don't let evolution make a monkey out of you, says a writer.
	Nepa.
	Evolution teaches that through millions and billions of years, death brought man into the world.
	God's word teaches that through one man's sin, Adam, man brought death into the world.
	Who's the fucking woman, man?
	She gave him a fucking Nepu.
	She said, here, take this, and Adam took it.
	Come on, man.
	Yeah, I guess I get what you're saying, but I think death is inevitable.
	And with evolution, God's plan after the big boom and the first domino was, I'm going to start this evolution thing going, and eventually we're going to get to man, which is my perfect creation.
	And he's going to keep getting better.
	I mean, our lifespan was pathetic when we started out.
	Even in the 50s, it sucked.
	It was pretty low.
	And now it's like 75 for men and 80 for women.
	That's going to keep going up.
	Social Security fucked up in America.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	With pensions for cops and firemen, they're like, let's give them $100,000 a year because they're only going to last Another five years.
	They'll get it at 65 or well, you get it at 64 or 67.
	But the life expectancy was like 62.
	Yeah.
	Now it's $4 million.
	Yeah, it's like 80, what is it, 78 for Americans?
	40, 45 million.
	Yeah.
	I think it's 45.
	If you're a cop and you hurt yourself on the job, which COVID is racking those numbers up, you got blood clots.
	Okay, that was on the job.
	So now they're like 75% tax-free of your best year or the best of your last four years.
	So say that's $140.
	Now you're up to like $100,000 a year tax-free.
	Then you get Social Security.
	You're only 40 years old.
	Well, you can only get 60 years.
	You've got another 35 years.
	What?
	You get Social Security at 64.
	You don't get it when you retire.
	Okay.
	So I guess Social Security will start at 64.
	Yeah.
	Which is coming up if you retire at, well, not really at 44.
	I didn't know that.
	I thought you get Social Security right away.
	No, no, no.
	You get your pension right away from your apartment.
	You could take an early retirement.
	What's your money from, Sylvia?
	Sex, sex, and more sex.
	Do you get a pension?
	On sex?
	Hell yeah.
	Okay.
	You have a nice apartment.
	I belong to the Curl Girls.
	I brought you to your apartment last week.
	It looked very nice.
	I belong to the Call Girls Union.
	Whoa.
	Hey now.
	Oldest profession in the world.
	Got a lot of callers in the land, by the way.
	All right, let's do some calls.
	Spread them and thread them.
	Bar fights.
	Bar fights.
	Sorry, you've been on the line for an hour.
	You might know.
	There you are.
	Hey, buddy.
	Hey, question for you.
	So I like to consider myself a fairly tough guy.
	I played rugby for a lot of years, broke my nose about a thousand times, broke both my arms, all that shit.
	Went to boarding school, but to this day, I've never actually been in a straight-up bar fight.
	So what's your advice?
	Oh, this is Maddie's area of expertise.
	I'm a pussy.
	Anyone can get in a bar fight.
	It's pretty simple.
	Do you need to go out and just need to go out and look for it, or do you just wait till it comes to the business?
	Wait, do you want to experience a bar fight?
	I mean, if, I mean, listen, I don't advocate for violence.
	It'd be wrong with me.
	I mean, I've been in plenty of fights.
	Been in plenty of bar fights.
	Wait, sorry, Maddie.
	Let me interrupt you.
	Sir, are you asking what to do in a bar fight or how to get into a bar fight?
	No, I'm asking, like, I mean, I'm 26.
	It's kind of gay to not have been in a bar fight right now, right?
	Well, have you ever been in fights with anybody ever?
	I mean, doesn't have to necessarily be in a bar.
	Not like swinging, you know?
	I mean, I'm almost at the point where it's like, it's almost worth going out and getting knocked out just to, you know, feel it, you know?
	Yeah.
	I mean, if you're out there late, when we get close to last call, two o'clock.
	There's always something going on.
	There's some black dude who won't leave a table of girls alone, and they've asked him to leave them alone twice.
	I remember Harold Hunter.
	He's dead now.
	I think he died of a cocaine overdose.
	One of the only people in the world, that skater dude.
	I remember he would always be harassing these tables of girls, and you felt like a pussy if you didn't go over and do, go, guy, Harold, Harold, just, they're not into it.
	Let's, let's go.
	Then he'd get violent and ornery.
	There always seems to be trouble.
	I like fights in bars because they last like 10 seconds.
	And there's no, they get broken up and you look great.
	And then you get pulled back and you get all the glamour.
	And none of the...
	My biggest fear, I've never had anything close to this, but you get knocked out, you're lying there, and then someone's jumping on your head.
	That's the worst thing in the world.
	You can get so wrong.
	You can really get stomped at by a lot of guys.
	Donald Trump!
	That's right.
	Frankly, I'm here.
	I didn't even know he was here.
	I feel like a Nelk boy.
	No, don't you like it?
	Wow, this is great.
	Thank you, sir.
	And thanks for calling, buddy.
	Wow, this is an honor, Mr. Trump.
	Thank you for coming by.
	Not a problem.
	Gavin, I love the show.
	Love what you do with it.
	But I had no idea.
	Of course.
	The bird, which is the...
	You know the whole bird thing?
	I like bird.
	We have bald eagle tattoos.
	I like your new sunglasses.
	This guy knows all around such a lot.
	Put it there.
	Nice.
	Sylvia, Donald Trump is here.
	Hey, Donald.
	Donnie boy.
	I'm jealous of your black clips.
	Well, let me tell you what.
	I would fuck you with my heels on.
	Your heels?
	You don't wear heels on.
	You sound like a super fan.
	You're a baby monster.
	Donald Trump is officially a baby monster.
	This is amazing.
	Amaving.
	Baby boy.
	Come to mama.
	I will come to mama and I'll go home to mommy.
	Okay, and that's frankly you.
	But I've been to a lot of bar fights.
	A lot of people, you know, I'm leaving I'm getting a scotch or something like that.
	And then I don't drink.
	I just hold it.
	I look cool.
	I was going to say, I don't think the brother was.
	I heard you drink carrot juice, Donald.
	I do drink carrot juice.
	Unless you're dissing me because of my big bunny.
	Because of my color.
	Which is not very cool.
	But I love Syl.
	She's great.
	Great addition.
	But the bar fights, they're kicking people.
	Have you seen what they're doing?
	They take you to the bar.
	They fight you, the blacks, I don't want to say, the African-American.
	And then you're on the ground and they're kicking you in the head.
	And it's like, when does it end?
	It's like being raped.
	They're raping you with their foot.
	What a violation to be kicked in the head when you're unconscious.
	It just every time I see a foot.
	You never know what hits you.
	Everything online or anything, it just makes me go.
	It's like seeing hell.
	I don't know.
	It's just something that's so beyond the pale of the head.
	When you wake up, you suffer amnesia.
	You don't know who you are.
	You don't remember what the hell happened.
	It's like a roofie.
	It's like taking a roofie, for instance.
	Here's a crazy thing to say: say there's a fight, and then you notice during the fight some psycho stabs someone in the fight.
	That's horrible.
	Those are not the rules.
	Kicking a passed-out guy in the head is worse.
	Of course.
	Both just dangerous and could be deadly.
	It's so immoral.
	Now you'll have brain damage your whole damn life.
	Mr. Trump, will you stick around?
	Of course.
	I love the show, and I'm going to stick around for the callers.
	I mean, you can call in right now, 718-400, they say that.
	400, right?
	6959.
	Those are the numbers.
	So if you're listening, now you can call.
	Okay.
	What's the matter with your eyes?
	Donald, my bad.
	It's crazy.
	I tell you what, these eyes, they're nuts.
	These eyes.
	Melania.
	These eyes will never see them.
	Like you.
	These eyes.
	You know that song, Sylvia?
	Of course.
	Burton Cummins.
	Mine eyes have never, never seen the likes of you.
	You go, Donald.
	Now we could see your eyes.
	In your eyes, the light, the heat, right?
	I am complete in your eyes.
	What's your bedtime usually, Sylvia?
	When I'm done with sex.
	Oh.
	So never.
	So you never sleep.
	The city that never sleeps.
	Shine on Harvest Moon.
	The Sylvia that never sleeps.
	Okay, let's take some more calls.
	We're running out of time here.
	We're down to the last 14 minutes of the show.
	All right, we have Calvin.
	Hello.
	Calvin Candy, any relation?
	Go ahead.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Gavin, can you hear me?
	Yes.
	First of all, Uhuru.
	Second of all, you are an American hero.
	I want to say hi to Phil, Maddie, and the chink.
	Always a pleasure.
	No, just kidding.
	What's up, Ryan?
	What's up?
	So I came across a joke today, and I wanted to get your expert opinion, Gavin, if this was true.
	Back in the day, obviously, in medieval times, women wouldn't wash down there, right, for months.
	And how was it not rampant diseases and STDs?
	Because at that point, if you're not washing down there for months, it's like a marinated pussy, right?
	I mean, it's horrible.
	Yeah, but wouldn't they use like a warm facecloth and like soap it up and just do a horse bath?
	Sylvia, in the 60s, how often would a woman wash her vagina in 1968?
	Every other day.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, yeah.
	In these evil times, the French would not bathe.
	That's how perfume came about.
	But they also didn't circumcise, and the dick cheese in the foreskins must have been alarming.
	Men were always dirtier than women, okay?
	But the women's parts are on the inside.
	The men's parts are on the outside.
	So women, basically, I hate to tell you, Cola, are cleaner than men.
	Get over it and live through it.
	Amen.
	You know, and the main reason for calling was I've been with my girlfriend for about two years, ex now.
	Everything was going well, and about a week ago, I find pictures in her phone of her naked brother.
	I wish I was joking, but I am not.
	We live here in South Dakota, so it's kind of made a joke here, but this honestly happened, and I wanted to get away.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
	Whoa!
	Okay, first of all, the nakedity.
	Is this like sexual or is it like a guy jumping off a dock at a party skinny dipping?
	Definitely sexual.
	It's absolutely abhorrent.
	How positive are you that that's her brother and she wasn't lying about some guy she's fucking?
	And when you found out, she goes, oh, that's just my brother.
	Well, I know for a fact it's her brother because I've met her brother.
	And they've always been very close.
	And I actually had made jokes because they were very touchy.
	But I was like, there's no way there's any connection here sexually, obviously.
	Are you 100% positive that's the brother?
	100% positive.
	100 is a big number.
	You know, condoms, they say 99.9%.
	It is her brother.
	It's absolutely disgusting.
	Broke up, and I'm appalled.
	And right when I thought this is a woman of my dreams, that happened.
	So, I mean, there's no chance.
	I mean, obviously I'd miss her, but there's no way in hell I should take her back, right?
	No.
	If she is sexually attracted to her brother, I'm afraid that's a deal breaker.
	Thanks for calling.
	That wasn't a tough one.
	Let's go back to some hundreds, though.
	We skipped over a few hundreds.
	Why no golf episodes with Gavin Crewe?
	That's a great idea.
	We should do a golfing app.
	It's getting warm again.
	I can't believe we didn't have winter in New York.
	There was like three or four snowy days.
	There was two or three very and now it's over?
	No, Saturday.
	Rain and snow.
	A lot of it.
	We had rain and snow yesterday, and today it was bullshit.
	Like there was barely any snow.
	I'm coming back Saturday.
	This is a bullshit winter.
	I'm going to have a great snow.
	I'm petrified of what the summer is going to hold.
	We're going to have a great St. Patty's Day.
	Everyone, tune in to Keep Off by Lawn.
	St. Patty's Day will rock your world.
	K-O-M-L, baby.
	Okay, that's one of the hundreds.
	Next.
	Maddie looks like the Tootsie Pop owl.
	That's true.
	Can you say one?
	A Toho?
	One.
	A three.
	Two.
	Three licks to get to the center of Tootsie Row Pop.
	The world may never know.
	You should get a tattoo of that guy.
	Now I got to look him up.
	What's the other $100 one, though?
	Tell Thirsty Gav and Chink on a train story again.
	No.
	We just did.
	I didn't tell Thirsty Gav and Chink on a train story.
	Like two weeks ago we did.
	What's that one?
	The one where he ate corn.
	Oh, my God.
	That's not even a good story.
	Come on, guy.
	What's the other 100 one, though?
	Why you don't review books anymore?
	No, that was it.
	I went back to it twice.
	Do you guys read it?
	No, there's another 100, though.
	There is no 100?
	That was the 100, but I passed it twice, so it looks like it was two.
	Tootsie Pop Al has big round glasses, though.
	I wear glasses.
	Are they big and round?
	Big round glasses.
	Yeah, I don't have those.
	Like John Lennon, the round ones.
	Yeah.
	They're great.
	Okay, I feel like we have an Unturned Stone, though.
	Unturned Roger Stone.
	Are you sure that we're not missing a $100 one?
	Oh, yeah, that was it.
	Right.
	And I thought it was $100.
	Someone said, check the news, they just bombed a nuclear reactor.
	I don't think that's correct.
	They bombed a children's hospital, and then I saw that two days ago, Ryan.
	Go to Twitter, 9, 12 p.m.
	Moments.
	Twitter.
	I always go to Twitter for this kind of shit.
	I got a piss.
	I think we should end with a song by John Lennon.
	Imagine.
	Imagine all the people living peacefully.
	Imagine there's no religion.
	Imagine there's no heaven.
	And one day the world will be one.
	You may say I'm a dreamer.
	I'm not the only one.
	Come join me so the world will be one.
	Amen.
	That's so true.
	Go for it, suckers.
	Go big time.
	Uh-oh.
	Ukraine has lost all the community.
	Audio on out.
	Chernobyl nuclear power plant official agency says.
	Ukraine has lost all communication with a Chernobyl nuclear power plant.
	Here's a dumb thing.
	Is Chernobyl in Ukraine?
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	Oh, I didn't realize that.
	But it's been like a desolated, like, what was the word they've...
	It's like an o-gozone since like 1984 or 86.
	Of course, yeah.
	But they say if they don't have electricity, they can't cool the cobalt or whatever.
	Oh, we can't cool our cobalt either.
	I had a cobalt fart in the car the other day with the kids in it, and my daughter goes, oh, whose breath smells like that?
	A robot?
	And they brave Johnny.
	Wow.
	My nine-year-old.
	They're like, is that you?
	I go, kids' breath doesn't smell bad.
	I can tell you last Thursday, after the show, we went for.
	Oh, yeah.
	They were not cobalt.
	Not by any stretch of anyone's imagination.
	Was there any weird smell of it?
	Was it poo-poo?
	They were rancid.
	They were rancid.
	They almost killed me and Jimmy.
	I know.
	You had to leave.
	No, it was terrible.
	You went to the bathroom and closed the door and you didn't have to go to the bathroom.
	It would have been better if it was this Thursday because I can't smell anything.
	True.
	But was it poo-poo?
	It was shit.
	It was sulfur.
	It was pure, unadulterated shit.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Okay, that's good news.
	And they were silent and deadly.
	That's good news because it shows that I'm getting some of my feces back.
	Yeah.
	Sylvia, if you're not familiar, we've noticed that since we got COVID, our farts don't smell like shit anymore.
	But Maddie's saying, good news, you're back.
	You smell like French perfume.
	Promise her anything, but give her shit.
	Not give her a pen.
	Give us shit.
	You know what we've brought this show back to?
	This is Manhattan cable access, public access.
	Like, remember Robin?
	Remember Robin, what's her name, that porn star?
	Oh, yeah.
	See if you can dig her up.
	She had a cable access show.
	It was really good.
	And we would just watch it.
	The fact that everyone was naked was irrelevant.
	Robin Bird?
	Robin Bird, yeah.
	She clicked because her belly button sank.
	Do you know Robin Bird?
	Do you remember her?
	I know Robin Big.
	Oh, yeah.
	It would be broadcast to the South Bronx.
	It was Manhattan.
	And I lived 17 years on the west side of the world.
	There she is.
	She sued Time Warner to keep her show on the air.
	God, it's funny when...
	I think our tastes change over time.
	Because I remember thinking she's the hottest woman in the world.
	And now I'm looking at someone with like some dude with shit on his face.
	Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.
	That was his complexion.
	So lucky that is a lucky bird.
	But see if they have any footage.
	Look up Robin Bird footage.
	That's my goal with Get Off My Lawn Live, is to reach the point where we're Robin Bird Live.
	Well, we have Robin and Owl, so Robin Bird.
	Your wife is going to kill you, Gavin.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	No.
	Hi.
	Hi there.
	I want to welcome you all to my special Convention Years Hour.
	I want you to...
	She looks like a fucking jump in the middle.
	This is at a convention, I think.
	That's a big production.
	Yeah.
	It costs way over budget.
	Don't we love that, right?
	When we just spend all that money.
	So what are you doing?
	Okay, anyway.
	You get the idea.
	We're down to the last three minutes of the show, folks.
	Oh, my.
	Let's focus on being bros together.
	Okay.
	We've got Dylan talking about video games.
	Dylan, you're on the line.
	Hello.
	Hey, man.
	What's up?
	Hey, Gavin, back in your Ripple news days, you were talking about how video games were just a passion and just a hobby.
	You talked about JonTron being one of those people you mentioned in the videos Back then.
	What actually changed that?
	What changed what?
	Your views on video games.
	I've never changed my views on video games.
	You asked this last week.
	Remember?
	No, I'm not the same guy.
	Oh, you're not the same guy.
	So, your spin on it is this JonTron guy.
	I met JonTron.
	Seemed like a cool dude.
	I met him with Lauren Southern in the city.
	That doesn't mean I like video games.
	Yeah, but you guys said video games were a hobby and a passion.
	I can name the video if Ryan wants to look it up.
	It's the video where you're mentioning the different sections of the right.
	You go from, you know, middle line, trenchline, and conservatives to people on the far right.
	And that was, you mentioned John Tron in that video, and you said video games were a hobby.
	And so I wanted to know what happened.
	Okay, they're a hobby.
	Fine.
	They're a hobby.
	You spend way too much time with your stupid fucking hobby.
	Like, imagine your trains were your hobby, and you spent six hours a day with your fucking trains.
	Wouldn't that be embarrassing?
	Okay, that's a fair point.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Get a life.
	Stop playing fucking video games.
	Get a life.
	You know what it's almost like?
	It's almost like people reinterpreting the Bible.
	Be like, well, you did say in chapter Rebel News, we could interpret that as you think video games are going to be.
	I understand how you defend sitting there for six hours being Spider-Man or being, in Ryan's case, a woman who's running through the jungle killing dinosaurs.
	Robot dinosaurs.
	Like, are you in jail?
	If you were in jail, I'd go, wow, you figured out a way to pass the time.
	Nice one.
	Ooh, 100.
	Gavin, would you rather pose for 100 selfies?
	Would you rather have been the AFPAC?
	I do what we pose for 100 selfies on a regular basis.
	But guys, when you're doing would you rather, don't throw in gay shit.
	Obviously, like, suck 10 dicks for a billion dollars.
	No.
	You wouldn't do anything gay for any amount of money because later on, you're walking down the street and you're like, I sucked 10 dicks.
	Say you have your own jet plane.
	Everyone's on board.
	We're going to a visa.
	Hey, great.
	How'd you get this?
	I sucked 10 dicks.
	I had gay sex.
	Ah, see.
	It's not happening.
	Would you rather do this or fucking jerk off your dad?
	I don't care what this is.
	I'm not doing that.
	So stop making gay things part of ultimatums or someone fucks your wife or you jerk off your dad.
	Like all of those ones are outside of death.
	They're obviously a no.
	It should be like, here's the perfect would you rather.
	Would you rather dance 100% of everywhere you went, even if you get up in the middle of the night to go pee, or eat a piece of shit about the size of a walnut every morning?
	You can just put it like you can throw it down and then chug milk.
	What would you rather do?
	There's no homo shit.
	There's no weird gay shit bothering me forever.
	There's no dad shit.
	Come on, guys.
	Grow up.
	Stop playing video games.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Get a life.
	Be brave.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Cheers, everybody.
	Thanks, Maddie, for coming to the show.
	Thanks, Sylvia.
	Oh, yeah, always.
	Pleasure, pleasure.
	Can I not get my call in?
	With me.
	Say a prayer for everybody on the deathbed that there will be dark stars.
	Say a prayer for everybody on the deathbed that there will be dark stars.
	Say a prayer for.

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