Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

March 4, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:12:44

GOML LIVE #138 - INTRODUCING SYL

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	This is the love that I give to you alone More than the simple words I try to say I only live to love you more each day More than you ever know my arms long to hold you so my life will be in your keeping Waking,
	sleeping, laughing, weeping Longer than always is a long long time But far beyond forever you'll be mine I know I never lived before And my heart is very sure No one else could love you more than the greatest
	be in your keeping Waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping Longer than always is a long time But far beyond forever you'll be mine I know I never lived before And my heart is very sure No one else could low you
	on the sidewalk You can tell the past boy I can tell the future Give me lobotomy and I can be a tutor Open up the blast doors then we can be muted I can smell your fingerprints all over my computer So give me all the black,
	brown, sticky sugar water Swing you buy your neck of my mouth, this can be your future Something very strange about your picture in the mirror When you move it doesn't move, now how could that be weird?
	Just keep on rubbernecking at whatever feels familiar I can set my brain on a holiday forever You can fire a rocket out of rocket, it's the future If you weren't already dead, I wouldn't have to school ya You say whenever I'm fine Down
	in my beach heart Whenever I'm fine Open my charge to the plain cloth officer behind us What are you a master of disguising deep and silent?
	Drop another depth charge, calling like a viper Eyes so close together, make it harder for the sniper Shoot the starving porno for the uppies in a circle Second death upon you swimming backwards like a turtle Man, I really trusted you, I thought you were civilian I could shove a magnet in your mouth and make a million Did you pack your bag or did somebody pack it for you?
	Take me to the sad, sad party that you're bound to Whether you're I have, not or I have, I got a question Are you living, dead or is it some kind of possession?
	I can't.
	Ah, that's what I'm talking about.
	I don't think I know why.
	It doesn't feel you're a lion.
	Mikey!
	Mike!
	Boom!
	These explosions of bullshit!
	But it sounds like that's some fucking commie gobbledygook.
	Jesus Christ, Mister, you okay in there?
	What the fuck are you talking about?
	Down in my peace, I do my whenever I'm open my heart down in my peace.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	Disconnected from the world again.
	Hello, this cramming into every port.
	I skill the blisters in the sun.
	What's that?
	Say that again.
	Jesus Christ.
	That is a very unfortunate situation.
	Don't be a cutie pie, okay?
	You sound very gay.
	You're going to race.
	Get him out of here, get out.
	You're going to race.
	Don't make an opportunity now.
	So I'm a lining in the pitch.
	Shutting my lips over my teeth.
	I thought your eyes are bulging out.
	You got a lot of stealing steel.
	Otherwise, live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.
	Hello, America and the rest of the Western world.
	I'm sure there's a few holdouts in the Eastern world.
	Japan.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	Welcome back, Maddie O'Dell, the co-host with the most.
	What's going on, everybody?
	Good to see you.
	The star of Maddie's Shitty Kitchen, which is a raging hit.
	Thank you.
	Glad I'm not well.
	Of course, Ryan Katsu Rivera, aka the putz.
	That's right.
	As you know, the way this show goes is we are live and free for the first half hour.
	Then we go behind a paywall.
	The reason we're free is because sponsors pay for the first half hour.
	Sponsors like Tactical Walls, a veteran-owned Tactical Walls.
	Go to tacticalwalls.com for the best products in America.
	Use the promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.
	TacticalWalls.com.
	You know, it's funny, reading this copy, it used to be like a paragraph and a half of like, we rock and he's a veteran and, you know, don't fucking fuck you with my heels on.
	All this fun stuff that he would use inside jokes.
	And I kept ridiculing the copywriter until I broke him.
	Gavin 15 also works as a promo code.
	And now it just says in brackets, say whatever you want.
	Yeah.
	And I can't even help but make fun of that.
	Dude, whatever is one word.
	So you wrote, say whatever you want.
	So I'm even making fun of you quitting your job as a copywriter.
	You're fucking that up.
	Promo code Gavin15, Gavin, Maude Wall, look at this shit.
	Show off your guns, enjoy yourself.
	We're currently at 100% veteran-owned sponsors on Get Off My Lawn.
	Not one of our sponsors is not veteran-owned.
	You know why?
	Because when you support a slightly controversial show like this, you get attacked by the mob.
	And when veterans get attacked, they act the way we all used to act in the 80s, which is what?
	Oh, you got a problem with them?
	Fuck off.
	As opposed to now where they go, I'm sorry, we'll take care of it.
	It won't happen again.
	So most cool people live in areas that are not in the South Bronx where you can have a gun.
	And we don't live there.
	So on our tactical walls, we have brick-a-brack, some mugs, we've got E.T. That's a statue my wife gave me with the fingers crossed and it says, please be a fart.
	And I was just saying earlier, since COVID fried my guts, my farts don't smell like shit anymore.
	So I fart with reckless abandon.
	I was at the gym earlier, I brought the kids to boxing, and I'm surrounded by Mexican gentlemen.
	Jalapeno was there, and I'm just farting.
	Now, normally, you would let a fart like that go, and people go, what the fuck, dude?
	What's the matter with you?
	But because it smells like a burnt match, people just go, oh, I guess there was like fireworks here yesterday.
	It's kind of a gift.
	Yeah, I'm jealous I'm not full cobalt.
	You're not full cobalt?
	No.
	My wife says my shit still like smells like shit, but also cobalt.
	Or weird.
	Dude, I was mentioning on Anthony's show, people call me a pussy for this.
	Tell me if this is a pussy, okay?
	It's the drop-down bar, whatever you call that.
	105 pounds, 20, then 20.
	You're sitting on a chair and you're pulling it to your chest, then 20.
	And then 95 bar, 20 shrugs, and then 20 of these.
	All of that three times.
	How much weight are the these?
	Is it a bar?
	100 dumbbells.
	95.
	Whoa.
	Oh, 95 is a bar.
	No, the bar.
	The bar and the weight is 95.
	Gotcha.
	The pull down, and I can't even lift my arms up.
	The pull down is...
	That was 105.
	Oh, the lat pull down where you're sitting down, you pull the bar down.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Lat pull down.
	Yeah, the V. It's kind of gay to know all the names, Ryan.
	Well, that's.
	I mean, putts.
	I don't know all the names.
	Yeah, the lats.
	I got a good spread nowadays, but.
	Yeah, let me see your spread.
	What do you mean?
	Well, it's hard to describe how to do it, but basically you would go like...
	It's known as your wings.
	Your wings.
	See these?
	Oh, these?
	It's weird to do, but you could easily raise your arms and not engage them, but to let the curtain go out, you have to roll your arms forward.
	Okay, you want to play hardball?
	Yeah.
	I'll show you my wings.
	They're fucking basically bat wings.
	No, no, no.
	See what you're doing.
	I'm Alex Jones.
	I've turned into Alex Jones.
	Like this.
	You have to relax your.
	You have to relax your arms.
	You're not like tensing your arms.
	Okay, I'm relaxed.
	You're just rolling.
	Now you put your arms down.
	And now out to the side.
	Like, yeah.
	And now try to push these things forward.
	Like, kind of rock your...
	Like, point this part of your elbow forward.
	That was your shoulder.
	Okay.
	Kind of.
	Okay, so do that until you could feel these like this meat.
	Until you feel this meat coming forward.
	This is tedious.
	This is tedious.
	It's really not easy to do unless they're like totally big.
	You know, I feel like it's a waste to be standing here and being this sexy without a chick, a groupie by myself.
	Let's get some fucking bitches in here.
	Let's get some groupies.
	Do you have any girls you could call on?
	I do.
	Shall we get some chicks up in this bitch?
	Hell yeah.
	All right, let's do it.
	Yeah, the last one.
	Dancing down.
	Sunshine's drip.
	I don't want to.
	You don't want that?
	I don't want to knock it down.
	It's garbage.
	It doesn't really exist.
	Okay, I'm good.
	And you can lean on these TVs.
	This is Syl.
	You may recognize her as the doctor from Futurama.
	The mad woman of the South Bronx, mother rocker.
	She's a local, born and raised in the South Bronx.
	We're big fans.
	Married seven times.
	Seven is a lucky number.
	A lot of people of, a lot of BIPOCs.
	Oh yeah, hell yeah.
	You had a lot of black indigenous people of color.
	You had five black husbands?
	Yes.
	One Jew boy and one spicorama.
	Spicarama, that's my favorite show.
	And what would you call your...
	Are you Jewish, Italian?
	What are you?
	I'm a nutjob.
	Okay.
	I'm a Jew girl and one quarter Russian and pure Americana.
	But you're wearing a Christian cross.
	Well, I converted.
	Jesus helped me out, so I said, okay, you're my man, Jesus.
	Nice.
	How did Jesus help you out?
	Well, how?
	Yeah.
	You had lung cancer for a while.
	He smiled on me and said, I'll show you the right way to be.
	I said, okay, you're my man.
	I'll follow you.
	Okay, so you're Christian?
	Yeah, with a Jewish culture.
	I'll die a Jew.
	Oh, Jesus came to earth as a Jew.
	Okay.
	He was king of the Jews.
	What's your religious denomination, Maddie?
	I was born and raised Roman Catholic.
	But you didn't get your ashes.
	No, I did not make it to church yesterday.
	So you're going to hell in a handbasket.
	He hasn't gone to church in 20 years.
	I don't think Ash Wednesday is like a priority.
	It's not a priority, no.
	When you burnt down St. Peter's.
	Could have happened.
	Was that 15 years ago?
	Can we still talk about that?
	I walked in and Walls fell down.
	Vatican, the Pope is hardened when he hears your name.
	He locks himself in the bedroom and says, uh-oh.
	That's it.
	Here comes crazy Americans.
	This is the thing about dudes in bars.
	Like, you'll have a bar buddy for 10 years, and then you'll go, do you have kids?
	Or like, what's your job?
	Yeah.
	Are you gay?
	Yeah.
	Like, how long before we knew D?
	I won't say his name in case he's watching, but like, I didn't know he was gay until two years of knowing him.
	He wrapped his tongue down your throat.
	You knew he was gay.
	Whoa.
	I didn't know he was gay until he came from me fucking him.
	Damn, wow.
	That's like, wow.
	What kind of fag is enjoying himself like this?
	Meantime, his Indian coach will murder him tonight.
	Look out, South Bronx.
	We'll hear them wail and rock.
	Here comes Stinkabel, the virgin, the only virgin in the USA, the only girl who's a friggin' virgin, and she's not Catholic either.
	Syl, you can't see, but Syl is referring to her Chihuahua, who is in the studio.
	Put her up, put her on the.
	Oh, she's in my room.
	There she goes.
	Get her set up here.
	I have actually a nice little bed.
	I made for her.
	Look at this.
	Oh, she'll like it.
	She loves all of that.
	Yeah, it's so max.
	Well, that's more of a.
	For her to go to the bathroom on, isn't it?
	You bit me last time.
	Come here.
	She's playing hard to get.
	Well, she's mad because I put a dress on her.
	Oh, yeah.
	Can you pick her up?
	I can't go that low.
	She won't bite you.
	She bit me before.
	No, she won't.
	She wants to be picked up.
	Okay?
	She's good now.
	I'm like once burnt twice shy.
	So yeah.
	What are your religious beliefs, Maddie O'Dell?
	Like I said, I was born and raised Roman Catholic.
	I don't know if I...
	Do you believe in God?
	Yes.
	Do you believe you will go to heaven when you die?
	That's hoping maybe.
	He's hoping.
	Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior?
	Yeah, I believe Jesus was the Son of God, you know, the Holy Trinity.
	What about you?
	Well, my father told me when I was a wee little girl, there's only one God.
	Man calls him by many names.
	And his name is not Budweiser.
	Well, your dad was wrong.
	Because Jesus was the king of kings, but Budweiser is the king of beers.
	Okay.
	Bravo, Bud.
	Go, Bud.
	Forget the Mets and the Knicks.
	Go, Bud.
	Screw the Yankees.
	So we were going to go through Biden's speech the other night.
	A lot of people said we should have live streamed it.
	I guess I should be open to that, but I just see like...
	He's put in a dementia home for nursing home.
	He's a lame duck.
	He's Mr. Magoo.
	What were the highlights?
	He said, you can surround Kiev with tanks, but you'll never win the heart of Iranians.
	Yeah, the hearts and minds of the Iranians.
	He said, a wall can't keep out the vaccine.
	I don't know.
	Oh, he switched on.
	He said, let's fund the police now.
	Yeah, but that wasn't a typo, putz.
	That was typos.
	Plus, he's a right.
	And then there was this.
	Did you see Nancy Pelosi going like this?
	Yeah, she's an asshole.
	Yeah, she's.
	Her mouth is too big from sucking dick all the time.
	Any Republican, she sucked off, so they hate her guts.
	She's got fantastic tits, though, for her age.
	Yeah, sure.
	Plastic surgery will do it all the time.
	Yeah, fake tits.
	Do you wear a bra?
	I forgot it.
	Tinker Bell wanted it.
	We had a fight, and I didn't have time to put on.
	My tits failed.
	When you get old, your ass fail falls, your tits pull.
	The only thing that don't fall is your belly button.
	Gravity.
	Gravity gets its revenge as you get older.
	Still active.
	Right.
	Would you say you still have a sexual libido, Syl?
	Oh, yeah.
	I don't know why people think when you're older, you have no sex surge.
	I've been a passionate sex freak the day I was born.
	You're a freak.
	Would you call yourself an American hoe?
	An American slut?
	I'd say more an American called girl slut.
	American callgirl slut.
	It's far more...
	Yeah.
	Have you ever done sex work?
	Did I get paid for sex?
	Yeah.
	It's a different era.
	No.
	Did you get paid for sex?
	From the time of dawn civilization to now until 10,000 years later, sex...
	Look, God gave us three things.
	Suck oxygen, have the desire to eat, and fuck your brains out.
	The sexual urge, okay?
	We all have it.
	With some, it's more than others.
	Some are buried.
	You've got to bring it about.
	Now, the host of the show and the co-host, they're living sexual examples.
	And a little Japanese Chinaman, he's a sexual warrior.
	No, he's not.
	Matt and I have fucked hundreds of women.
	Ryan's probably plowed like 20.
	I'm not going to say my number.
	That's not going to blow up.
	No, I don't know my number.
	He's seducing them.
	This Japanese Chinaman.
	You know how the best lovers are supposed to be Japanese men.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	It's like they have to work for it.
	No.
	They don't have to work for it.
	They send in a kamikuzi.
	Since we're not gifted.
	That's how they eat pussy, like kamikazes.
	They just go.
	Yeah.
	All the girls that Japs eat out, they're like, this is a day that will live in infamy.
	And then they commit Harry Carrey, but with their dick, and they impale you with it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	They whip themselves to death.
	Are you alright?
	Yeah.
	I don't think she feels safe up here.
	It's all right, baby.
	Sit on this.
	Sit on the mats.
	Did you know there's a baseball strike going on?
	Yeah, I just found out yesterday.
	I found out yesterday, too.
	And people go, you're not a sports fan if you don't know this.
	Did everyone know this?
	Sill didn't know this.
	No.
	Oh, I know it.
	The last time I checked, none of those teams were putting money in my bank account.
	But when the last big baseball strike was the Montreal Expos asking for so much money that they just said, fuck you, and they left.
	And that was the end of baseball in Montreal forever.
	The end of the stadium, the end of culture, the end of childhoods, over.
	Yeah.
	What are these fuckers, don't they make $10 million a year?
	Yeah, they do.
	Some make more than that.
	Yeah.
	And they're all retards, too.
	It's not like they need a yacht.
	Their tastes are like fancy steak.
	Not exactly bright.
	Cocaine occasionally.
	And pussy or pussy.
	That's not that expensive.
	No.
	A million dollars a year.
	You can do all the Coke and pussy and vacations you could possibly handle.
	But you don't get Hillary Clinton's seal of approval.
	I don't think.
	What's next?
	I think she's.
	So the opening day's been delayed?
	What the fuck?
	I think Hillary Clinton is an undercover dyke.
	Yeah, there's what you're calling.
	It's called a walkout.
	No play.
	I don't understand all of that.
	We should do a sports show where we all just try to guess what the fuck is going on.
	I agree with you, Silt, that Hillary's a dyke.
	I think she was fucking Uma Abadin, that hot pachyderm.
	She probably was.
	What's the matter with your eyes?
	Are you sad because you wanted to fuck Hillary and Huma got her?
	No, she's not my type.
	Now, Bill Clinton's got a loose dick and a loose mouth.
	He's fucked so many southern bells that his head is chiming.
	On that note, we do the live chat here where we raise money for Max Hare and John Kinsman, who got in a 17-second fight with Antifa and are spending four years in prison for it.
	I have an update on that, actually.
	So Max and John are in separate prisons, but in both prisons, everyone is getting fucked over with the six months they all worked on to have taken off their sentence.
	Maddie's more of an expert than me, but my understanding is you go to prison, if you work in the cafeteria, you work here and there, they take six months off your sentence.
	If you do a year and a half, right?
	And then you make like, I don't know, six cents an hour or some shit.
	Yeah, they make...
	The states are a little different.
	I think what they call it is an IPA.
	I can't remember what it means.
	What the hell is that?
	I can't remember off the top of my head.
	But, you know, it's more than the allotted good time.
	But they got charged with violent crime, so they got to do 85%, which is like 54 days a year good time.
	But like we used to, in the feds, we would get six months halfway house, which you could get lose and all that shit.
	But it's called IPA in the state.
	Yes, that was it.
	Max said we all lost our IPA.
	So word on the street is, not from Max Hare, COs, don't punish him from this, but I talked to other people at Governor, Gouverneur, and they just said, yeah, we're canceling all IPAs for the entire prison.
	We don't care if you've been scrubbing the floors, teaching English, teaching Spanish, fuck you.
	So he's sitting around and someone's eating an apple and they're chewing it and then spitting the skin on the ground.
	And he's like, can you stop doing that?
	That's disgusting.
	And the guy's just like, now there's a red button that the CEO pushes to say, eh, eh, inmates are fighting.
	And our friend may or may not have said to the CO, are you going to push the red button?
	Because I'm about to fucking lose it.
	And the CEO goes, nope.
	So, whack-a-mole.
	He picks up the apple eater, slams him on his back, knocks the wind out of him, tunes him up a little bit.
	And he's handcuffed and denied all his privileges.
	But who gives a fuck?
	He's in there for another year.
	Four years, folks.
	He's still got another year.
	And we had this big party planned for him.
	And as Maddie pointed out, there's no party.
	You got to get right to your location after you're released.
	So it's like a race to beat the clock from the moment you're released to when you check in at night, especially when you're in the Canadian border.
	Yeah, well, see, they take that into consideration.
	But before you get released, you have to tell them if you're going to take public transport, like if they're going to give you a bus ticket to the train station and then take the train to give you more time.
	At least give them a fucking party.
	When we were in Cuba, me and my dad were shit faced.
	He was drinking vodka out of a Milwaukee light king can.
	And there was a Chinese guy there and totally racist entertainment.
	I'm not talking long ago, by the way.
	This is like 10 years ago.
	And the guy's up there and they go, so where are you from?
	And he goes, oh, I'm from Toronto.
	And they go, I don't think so.
	Hoi, hoy, woo, hoi, hoy, hoy, ho.
	And all the Cubans are laughing, like the staff, and everyone in the audience is going, oh, because they're from Toronto with him.
	And then they do this banana eating contest where they blindfold you and you have to eat bananas.
	But they blindfold everyone.
	Then they take everyone blindfolds off.
	So this Asian guy is fanatically eating bananas alone.
	And then they're done and they go, oh, you win.
	And he's like, oh, he doesn't realize that he's been alone eating bananas with the blindfold when everyone's unblindfolded.
	Which is probably funny in primitive cultures.
	But me and my dad were just like, oh, for fuck's sakes, give him a bottle of vodka.
	Give him a prize.
	And I feel the same way about prisoners.
	You did your time.
	Yeah.
	Have a party when you get out for fun.
	Now he's got supervised release.
	The water people knock the South Bronx.
	You get the greatest people.
	Even Paul Newman made a movie in the South Bronx.
	What was that?
	The go-getters are Fort Apache.
	Fort Apache, isn't that the worst police station?
	That's just up the street from us.
	Isn't that the worst police station on earth?
	But the people that live around there are the greatest human beings.
	Those share that chicken with you, their milk, their women, they're great.
	Now, when we walk around the South Bronx, we're petrified.
	At least I'm speaking for myself here.
	Me and putz.
	Murder is everywhere.
	There's murderers all over the world.
	When you were a young girl in the South Bronx, skipping along, playing stickball.
	It's so hard to remember.
	But was it dangerous back then?
	No more than that.
	No.
	But you, look, come on.
	You're saying the South Bronx is just as dangerous now as it was in the 60s?
	As long as you don't act scared of them, they ain't gonna fuck with you.
	You act scared of them, they're gonna hurt you.
	Have you ever been mugged or assaulted?
	Oh, yeah.
	They would have an annual camera in New York City.
	Oh, have you ever been attacked or assaulted at the South Bronx?
	No.
	Really?
	Really?
	Wow.
	As long as you act like you're not scared and you mind your P's and Q's, they ain't gonna fuck with you.
	I wonder if it's because then they assume you live there, so they don't want to shit where they...
	I was a little girl.
	I think they could tell that you're from the South Brooklyn.
	No, they don't know.
	I don't look, well, people thought I was Irish.
	I was just a crazy nutjug.
	They didn't know if I was Irish or not.
	So what if I kiss a blondy soap every three steps?
	They didn't know.
	Okay, so we're going to go behind the paywall soon, but I like to show the cheapskates who don't subscribe the culture of the show.
	So maybe we should take some calls and let's change things with the super chat.
	Okay.
	Because last time it felt...
	I felt...
	It was abusive.
	It was abusive.
	I felt hampered.
	I didn't feel free.
	Right.
	When I had to read and read and read every $5 thing.
	So the cheap ones we'll put up on the screen by all means.
	But I'm only going to read the $100 ones from Max and John.
	Sounds good.
	I thought we were...
	Okay.
	All right, so we're going to start the show.
	Let's start the show.
	Monster Chuck.
	Oops.
	Uh-oh.
	What happened here?
	Careful.
	Syl, you're about to get attacked by an eagle and Donald Trump.
	Oh, I know what happened here.
	Sounds exciting.
	I know what happened here.
	We've got some sort of technical glitch.
	Boop.
	Okay.
	What happened?
	What the fuck are you doing?
	She's right.
	Here we go.
	Oh, and then it goes that way.
	Watch out, Tilbury.
	There's him.
	And then an eagle takes him away.
	Are you a Trump lady?
	Hell no.
	You hate Trump?
	No.
	You told me he was a great president.
	Personality, him as a man.
	As a president, the only good thing he did was get a lot of jobs for Americans.
	That always good.
	Just jobs.
	But Biden's a fucking wimp.
	And he's a retard.
	He's a reaper?
	Yeah, he's a reaper, too, but he's also a retard.
	I think he's afraid of the reaper.
	You can't understand a word he says.
	He has dementia and Alton is.
	What did you expect?
	Yeah, agreed.
	Caramel Harris, who hates his guts, is the real president.
	That cunt.
	Agreed.
	Isn't it funny how Kamala Harris sold herself as black when there's nothing remotely black about her?
	She came to fruition.
	Her formative years were in Montreal.
	Fucking bitch.
	Got a man off a death row who was innocent.
	She tried to block at the bitch.
	She put so many people in jail over tiny bits of marijuana.
	She ain't no fucking good.
	If she becomes president, I'll shoot everyone in the ass.
	331 million people you will shoot in the ass, including babies?
	No, not babies.
	We allow them to live unharmed.
	Are you pro-life?
	Am I pro-life?
	Yeah.
	I'm pro-me, baby.
	Have you ever had an abortion?
	Eight.
	Oh.
	Besides that?
	It's like a plunger sucking your guts out.
	So it's not so bad.
	No, it sounds kind of bad to me.
	You as a man wouldn't know what true agony as a woman is.
	Except when you orgasm all over our bellies and tits.
	As they call it in French, le petite moll, the little death.
	Yeah, I like that.
	Let's just read letters as we wait for calls to come in.
	Ryan, do you want to put the number on the screen?
	Oh, yeah.
	Maddie's shitty little kitchen was great.
	The background music was a nice touch, and it was nice to see Maddie doing his thing.
	Can't wait for the next one.
	Now, Maddie, your plan, we talked about making a prison little kitchen.
	I'll do a...
	You want to experience jail cuisine?
	Which is tricky because there's jail and there's prison, right?
	And jail is less creative.
	It's like a shitty cuisine where it's like...
	It's hardcore.
	Bad.
	Prison is a little different because there's more access to stuff, right?
	Kettles.
	And the commissaries are a lot more hardcore.
	So we're talking about food.
	Oh, the food is hardcore.
	No, no, no.
	Making food.
	Because these guys make food in their cells.
	Oh, yeah.
	So when you make food in your cell in jail, it's basically ramen is your best bet.
	And then in prison, you can get a microwave.
	You could make like empanadas.
	Frozen pizza sticks.
	Have you ever been to jail?
	In Miami, yeah.
	For what?
	Prostitution.
	Really?
	Shocks me.
	Day County.
	I never would have guessed that.
	I did it for love.
	What do you mean?
	You're in love with yourself?
	My husband was in trouble, so I turned some tricks to help him out.
	And how much money did you make?
	I don't know.
	$800, $900.
	Oh, wow.
	We got calls.
	Oh, but you want to turn that mic on, Gabriel?
	Oh, yes.
	And Maddie, too.
	Let me just read this letter.
	Well done on the new output of content on the network lately.
	Outstanding, my boy, still to watch the old G-Dog shows.
	But Ryan and Maddie made a decent show with Maddie's Shit Little Kitchen.
	Maddie brought his knowledge from the live shows into cooking, and Ryan asked all the right questions and got shots.
	I'm proud of your boy.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Appreciate it.
	I gotta say, I'm pretty surprised at what a hit Maddie's Shit Little Kitchen was.
	It was fun, delicious.
	I learned.
	I made a similar meal inspired by your show, says someone else in Maddie's Little Kitchen.
	I, too, am not a trained chef, but love to cook and eat good food.
	I cook all the big meals in my house, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.
	I've become partial to deep fry my turkeys.
	Excuse my gas.
	It's just amazing, easy, and delicious.
	Have you ever tried doing that?
	Anyway, love the show, except Gavin, stop doing that annoying.
	And then he uses the N-word.
	That's the worst word there is, right?
	No.
	What's the worst word?
	Fuck you, motherfucker.
	Well.
	Please.
	Otherwise, the show has been very enjoyable.
	And then he's included a picture of his steaks and his potatoes.
	And his scallions.
	Oh, and he's got some asparagus there.
	Have you got that one?
	It's called Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen, Ryan.
	Okay.
	It's from a guy named Jason.
	Got it.
	That's cool.
	I've got to be careful not to dox him.
	People send in letters anonymously, Syl, because they don't want to be identified with the show.
	They don't want to get fired for watching.
	They don't get fired watching the show.
	They're cowardly.
	They don't have a set of balls and I spun conspiracy to them.
	They're cowardly.
	What's going on with your eyes?
	Are these lights bothering your eyes?
	No, I have a thyroid condition that it burns.
	No, the lights don't bother me at all.
	You got sunglasses?
	Yeah, I gotta buy some.
	I was gonna wear them tonight, but I thought you'd think I was incognito.
	Hey, Maddie.
	In that tactical wall above my bicycle, there's a dish of sunglasses.
	Could you bring one of them over, please?
	He didn't show us the finished product.
	I know, that's weird.
	Who shows ingredients?
	That's like when you're a little kid and you're working on your first poem and you write out rhyming lines and then you show, hey, mom, look at this.
	I'm almost ready to start.
	Maybe this is what he considers cooked.
	It looks like he's using a heater, like an actual heater.
	These are for children, but she's petite.
	I have a little face.
	Thank you.
	Thank you, that works.
	Thank you, it helped.
	Really?
	Oh, great.
	Thank you.
	We'll leave those there.
	Have we got a call or should I do it?
	We do have calls.
	Okay, let's talk to a caller.
	And then we're going to leave.
	Then we're going to go behind the paywall.
	And you guys don't get any of this.
	You don't get Tinkerbell.
	You don't get silk.
	I heard a beep.
	Can I talk yet?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Sorry.
	Oh, I'm so sorry.
	Hello.
	No, I'm sorry.
	No, I'm sorry, caller.
	I'm sorry.
	No, no, no.
	No, it's me.
	I overspoke.
	I wouldn't shut up.
	It's me.
	No, you could speak as much as you want.
	I'll get to my point real quick here so I could leave you all alone.
	It's kind of a fan favorite, I think, and I think Phil's insight might make it even better if you listen to just a selection of Ryan's musical output.
	Oh, thank you.
	Wait, what?
	Do you have any suggestions?
	I want to listen to some of Ryan's music if you heard that.
	So I'm going to hang up and try to.
	So hold on a sec.
	Hold on a sec.
	This is shocking.
	So we have a baby monster calling in who enjoys Ryan's music and wants to hear more.
	I never said that.
	But I do want to hear more.
	Oh, I get it.
	Ironic.
	Like Corey Feldman.
	Like crazy.
	Well, he just seems to be a fan favorite, so I just want to have it.
	I'm caught up now.
	You hate him as much as I do.
	No, it sounds like he enjoys.
	No, Ryan.
	It's like going to see Charlie Sheen.
	I want to hear about Tiger Blood.
	Thank you for calling.
	Yeah, let's hear your latest jams.
	Okay.
	Bring it on, Ryan.
	Thank you.
	Let's see.
	I have, this was from today.
	Oh.
	I was doing.
	It's great.
	This is Share.
	Share.
	All guys love share.
	If there's one thing, you're at the local bar and you're just like, hey, dudes, let's put on some share on the jukebox.
	And everyone's like, thank God.
	Finally, thank you.
	Alright, no, you sit here.
	Alright.
	You'll have to pick up the bed.
	I'm not going to hold on to it.
	No, that's.
	We have to find a better chair for you.
	That's the thing.
	I'll bring one from home.
	All right, so I'm going to be sitting in Syl's spot, but no, no, I have the mic.
	That's your mic now.
	I have your mic.
	Are we good, Ryan, with switching?
	Yeah, oh, you.
	Yeah, just aim the mic towards her a little more.
	You could point it down there too, hon. Yeah, you really got to eat it.
	Pretend it's a cock.
	Well, oh, well, not.
	I love it.
	That's like ASMR.
	So we're going to go behind the paywall now and take some calls and read some live chats and have some fun.
	But for all you freeloaders there, you've got to sign up for Censored.tv, $10 a month.
	All you can eat every night.
	You get Taker Bell.
	You get Sylv get Maddie Odell.
	You get Ryan Catsu Rivera, aka Putz doing covers and share.
	I mean, what else is there in the world?
	Nothing.
	And if you don't want to join us, well then as our goodbye, we would like to say to you, get fucked.
	Okay.
	Get fucked.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Do you believe in life I've alone feel for me?
	It's not the same.
	Hold on a second.
	Hold on, my dear.
	When was the last time you sucked a dick?
	We're on the air, Gavin.
	No, come in.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	You are swimming down plug dick.
	Oh, really?
	Wait, wait, wait, wait.
	I gotta plug this in.
	They always say, why is a Jew smiling on her so much at her wedding?
	Because she knows she's never gonna have to suck a dick ever again.
	That was very funny.
	So Syl will also be available for questioning.
	Yes, I will.
	Most definitely.
	She's not going anywhere.
	We just, we've got to come up with a better back solution.
	Yeah, our new...
	I got to put my jacket on.
	It's getting really cold.
	It's getting cold.
	Her cataracts.
	I mean, her thyroid.
	Cataract spam.
	It's hurting her eyes.
	I got to put my jacket on.
	Think about myself.
	Are you continuing to put up the super chats?
	I'm going to refresh those.
	I do have a couple of calls on the loin.
	Could I have the ashtray, please?
	Right over there.
	Where is he?
	On the left, on the glass table.
	Wait, I'm freezing.
	I've got to put my chat.
	Someone writes in, why do people like Kate Bush?
	I don't know, because she's really good.
	And she made a type of music that is not derivative.
	Where do you see an ashtray?
	Interesting and exciting.
	Keep running up that hill.
	Keep running up that hill with no problems.
	How could you not like that?
	Don't want to see.
	Don't want to see.
	If you don't like pop music, I know I make fun of Ryan because he goes a little too far.
	But if you don't like pop music at all, you have no heart.
	Yeah.
	It's a community.
	Like, when a song comes out and a lot of people like it, it might not be the coolest thing in the world, but you're all vibing.
	You just played Cher on a Peter Frampton machine.
	Peter.
	Yes.
	But, no, not dystopia.
	Like, this is a jam.
	Right?
	You could play this to a room full of murderers, and they'd be like, not good a lot.
	That slaps.
	Syl, do you know Kate Bush?
	Of course.
	She's good, right?
	Yep.
	Hell yeah.
	What about the French songbird Edith Pyatt?
	Thanks, madam.
	Edith PF.
	PF, yes.
	She was wonderful.
	Yeah.
	We'd like to keep it a little more modern.
	Where is the ashtray?
	Put it on the plexiglass.
	No, I got it right here, baby.
	Put it right on the side there.
	On the plexiglass.
	Put it where?
	Syl is so impressed with the studio that she said I could be a professional interior designer and said she can get me giggling.
	You would be a great chapel in the Hampton.
	What?
	You would be a great male callboy.
	Oh, I thought it was about my incredible design skills.
	Now you're saying I would just be a prostitute?
	Like a young Greek god.
	I like that part.
	You know, I saw some meme that said, men are so starved for attention, you say anything nice about them and they won't shut up about it.
	And I noticed at No Screens Day with my kids, my daughter's walking by and she goes, you got a great outfit on today.
	And I went, oh, really?
	Because I wasn't sure about the shoes.
	Because usually I wear my red wings with my welder pants.
	But then the Gucci high top seems like it's not on brand.
	But then I thought it looks good.
	And she goes, it does.
	Then the bitch goes to school with her phone.
	Oh.
	I got hustled.
	It's New York City, baby.
	Oh, yeah.
	Fuck you.
	Buttered up the old Eagles.
	Let's talk about Latruth Latrek from the Mulan Rouge.
	The women loved him, but he was a cripple.
	They felt sorry for him.
	He was a great artist.
	You know that song, Whenever We Kiss, I Wonder and Wonder.
	Your lips may be warm, but Sherry, where is your heart?
	I think that's one of the saddest love songs I've ever heard.
	Why is it today singers got to show their bodies and they're considered great singers?
	Years ago, Perry Como, Tony Bennett, Aretha Franklin, was...
	Cell, you fucking hypocrite.
	I was nude at the beginning of the show.
	You were fawning all over my naked body like it was a gift from God.
	I had to.
	You were loving it and inhaling it.
	You told me it was better than the Coke you sniffed last night.
	You were drunk with lust.
	Yes, I was.
	Massaging every...
	So you love naked entertainers just as much as everyone else.
	Yeah, but if they have talent as a singer or a singer, they don't have to shake their ass.
	As a singer or a singer?
	No, a singer or a singer.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	They don't have to show off their body.
	If you have a beautiful voice, you have a beautiful voice.
	Years ago, it was your voice that counted, not whether you had a sexy body and a good voice.
	So today, everything is superficial.
	That is true.
	What were your tits like when you were like 20?
	They were 34D and high as a motherfucker.
	Perky.
	This guy keeps sending me an Espeedo, Gavin an Espeedo.
	I don't know.
	Okay, congratulations.
	You bought Google Image.
	This is a picture of me from like, I think it's like 99 or something.
	And I'm in Austin, Texas.
	It's south by South.
	Oh, my God.
	She just pissed on your white rug.
	Oh, for fuck's sakes.
	That's the second piss today.
	I should have walked her.
	We jumped right in your car.
	I hope she's not shitting.
	I hope she's just pissed.
	I don't actually prefer shit.
	Yeah, because you just picked that up.
	Oh, she pissed on the white rug?
	Hey, Tinkerbell.
	No, no.
	All right, I'm going to clean that up and get it and nip it in the bud.
	Next time I'll walk her before the show, definitely.
	Well, hopefully she'll be dead by the next show.
	She's 14.
	It's time to go.
	She wanted and inaugurate as a true Republican voter just show.
	But now the Republicans are becoming corrupt, too.
	She started the state when they stormed Congress.
	She was the leader.
	She's keeping it under rafts because she's black.
	This is your dog, Tinkerbell.
	Hell yeah.
	She started the whole shit.
	Okay, let's take a call while I clean up this fucking piss for the second time tonight, by the way.
	Okay.
	We've got Danny coming on the line.
	Gab, my man, how are you doing?
	Good.
	Hanging in there.
	Yeah, I just got to say, man, the network, stellar.
	More and more content coming out every day.
	Content's getting better and better.
	I have one request.
	I know you got the bar back there, and you and Maddie are pretty big drinkers.
	We'll leave Ryan out of this one.
	But I want to see who can down a pint quicker, you or Maddie O'Dell?
	I'm up for the challenge.
	Yeah, I'll do it.
	I have a feeling that.
	I'm going to hang up so I can watch you guys.
	Have a great night.
	Love you.
	Thanks, buddy.
	I have a feeling that we'll be pretty equally matched because I don't see you as a big chugger.
	I'm not a big chugger.
	Are you a big chugger?
	No.
	No, I get like, it gets like foamy.
	Yeah, I'm not good at chugging.
	I used to party with this dude, Sharky Favorite.
	He would just go, wow.
	And it would be gone.
	He's like, you got to open your throat.
	I know, yeah.
	Okay.
	I hate when people say that.
	What do you mean, open?
	You think I control all these valves?
	But I'm up for the challenge.
	Should we do it now?
	Sure.
	Okay.
	So Philip the Points, boys.
	Do you know where my cell phone is?
	I think I left it in your car or at the bar at Ducks In.
	We got Nick Taiwan calling in.
	Are you from Taiwan, Nick?
	No, I'm not from Taiwan.
	But my question is, if we had halfway decent leaders who didn't just want to destroy everything, wouldn't it be genius if we invited Taiwan to be the 51st state to sort of steal it out from under China's grasp?
	Interesting.
	That would be a world war, wouldn't it?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, you gotta remember the Chinese are all about face, saving face.
	So us taking, even if we took Taipei or Kaoh Chung, they would lose face.
	They'd never get over it.
	Yeah, they wouldn't.
	But they both had vengeance.
	So we might as well very vengeful.
	I'm going to go.
	He was getting talked over.
	You'll never look a Chinese fortune cookie in the eye again.
	Good point.
	All right, here we go.
	Wait a minute.
	I really don't feel like chugging a beer here.
	One, two, three on your mark.
	Wait, wait, we've got to read that $100 one.
	Yes, we do.
	That was the deal.
	Hey, Gav, how do you find nose beers while on vacation out of town?
	I feel like a cop whenever I try it.
	Yeah, it's real tricky.
	You're going to get shitty stuff.
	My recommendation would be, depending on where you are, if you're at a resort, of course, you befriend the staff and they might set you up.
	But if you mean just like visiting Nashville, you don't know anyone, I would give up.
	Because you're going to get fucking garbage.
	What if you get fentanyl, too?
	You're going to get fentanyl.
	You're going to get meth.
	You're going to get ripped off.
	I don't know how to do it.
	Okay, ready?
	Do you want some music?
	Yes.
	Okay, what sort of awesome hardcore music?
	Tenope Yup?
	Knight Rider?
	The theme for Knight Rider.
	Okay.
	I'm already kind of bloated.
	I'm feeling pretty negative about this.
	Or maybe I'm just trying to get into Maddie's head.
	Oh, it's a bluff.
	I'm trying to fucking psych him out.
	Making him think there ain't gonna be no competition.
	You're making me blush.
	Just gonna have a wee swalle.
	Hold on.
	One, two, three, go.
	Wow, Maddie.
	Wow.
	Impressive.
	That is impressive.
	Look at this.
	I had a third.
	What the?
	Can you please fart for us?
	I did fart, actually, Sil.
	Was that your signature fart or your ordinary one?
	It was my classic cobalt.
	But congratulations, Maddie O'Dell.
	I won.
	Great chug.
	Good work.
	Sill sounds a little unusual to me.
	Yeah, you know what?
	I'm going to fix her mind.
	I was just about to go fix that.
	We got Tony on the line up until then.
	Okay.
	Tony on the line.
	Hey, what's up, Gavin?
	Proud of your boy.
	Proud of your boy.
	Quick question, man.
	I've been in a relationship for two years, and then this is the third year, but we've broken up.
	We broke up about a year ago and keep going on and off, on and off.
	We try to block each other.
	Shit like that, but we keep having sex with each other.
	Why do I like to get rid of this kid?
	Quiet over there.
	I'm missing the question.
	Sorry, so two years on and off, right?
	No, so we were together for two years straight, and we broke up about a year ago, but we've been just having sex every other month.
	And it's like, I got to find a way to get rid of her or block her.
	But every time, like, I unblock her, and we end up having sex.
	And is the sex great?
	Yeah, it's like 10 out of 10.
	Marry her.
	I don't know if she wants to marry, though.
	I can't.
	It's not a democracy.
	It's a benevolent dictatorship.
	Take control of the relationship.
	We're not broken up, whatever.
	Go over there and punish her.
	Own her.
	Dominate her.
	You're the boss.
	Control her.
	Yeah, you hear?
	It's not about democracy.
	That's the dumbest thing we ever did, was letting women vote, not just in elections, but in relationships.
	Like, you've got to just...
	Let them know you're the man.
	Yes.
	You're the boss.
	So, you found the one.
	The sex being good is God, or if you're an atheist, nature, saying, this is the one.
	I want you to breed with her.
	It's on.
	All right.
	You're done.
	Proud of your boy.
	Thanks, guys.
	Here's an interesting letter we got.
	War theory.
	He says, three things can be true at once without there being any correlation.
	The media lies and is incompetent.
	I'm drunk from that third of a beer chugging.
	Ukraine is in the pocket of the United States and Putin doesn't like that.
	I guess that's all number two.
	And then Putin doesn't want NATO east of Germany because he wants to be the man who rebuilt the Soviet Union.
	Okay?
	These three separate issues resulted in a war and poor coverage of that war.
	I think the right skepticism towards the war will undo any progress it made winning over Normie American with CRT and the Truckers.
	I don't really understand that letter, to be honest.
	These three separate issues resulted in a war, correct.
	And poor coverage of that war, correct.
	I think the right, so he doesn't like that the right is skeptical.
	To be clear, and I'm not even sure this is what you're saying, I'm dubious of the war, but I know that a good thousand people are going to die.
	Real deaths, real people really dying.
	We just think that there's also, like, 80% of it is fake, 20% of it is real, is my two cents.
	What do you think, Sil?
	Is this war in Ukraine real?
	I feel like we're losing you now that you're not on the camera.
	Well, Putin is like Hitler.
	He wants to take over gradually everything.
	If the Western powers and dementia biden don't stand up and do something, you know, just economically strangling them, Putin don't give a flying fuck.
	He will continue on.
	He's a radical lunatic and extremely egotistical and very hostile.
	You've got to remember his roots, KGB.
	He's not going to give up.
	Okay.
	And you also got to realize Ukrainian people are not Russians.
	But in the region he wants, they're ethnically Russian.
	They speak Russian.
	Unfortunately, well, there's Russian people living there, but the Ukrainians want no part of Russia.
	He hates any thought of democracy or free will.
	People in Russia, if they say anything bad about him, their whole family disappears.
	They're tortured, beat, and murdered.
	So that's Putin.
	Who's the fattest guy you ever?
	Mayo and Stalin.
	He's one of their buddies.
	Who's the fattest guy you ever fucked?
	The fattest guy?
	Yeah.
	An Arab.
	Yeah, the littlest tick I ever had in my life.
	I couldn't even feel him fucking me.
	Did you suck it?
	He was so good looking.
	Did you suck it?
	No.
	Jewish women don't suck tick.
	Why not?
	It's against our religion.
	Not kosher.
	That's right.
	You don't eat pork.
	Even if it's baptized.
	Imagine the gift.
	You suck it.
	You fuck it, but you don't suck it.
	That's our motto.
	Fuck it, don't suck it.
	There you go.
	That's a t-shirt.
	And stay in school.
	We got our next t-shirt.
	Fuck it, don't suck it with a big star of David.
	That's right.
	That way.
	Oh, my God.
	I want that.
	But it's a star David with a woman's symbol in the middle, and it says fuck it don't suck it.
	That's a tattoo.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Okay, let's take a call.
	Unfortunately, this is a very rude message, but it's $100.
	Why are you subjecting all of us to this gorgeous woman?
	Isn't Maddie enough?
	Maddie's gorgeous, but not as.
	Yeah, I mean, I want maximum gorgeosity.
	So let's have Sylvia and Maddie.
	We can both enjoy.
	Look at Sophia Lauren.
	Still beautiful.
	Yeah.
	She was a war baby.
	Her tits are still high.
	Her lips are still luscious.
	That's true Italian vintage.
	Wait, is Sophia Loren still alive?
	Yes, she is.
	And she's still dropped that beautiful.
	Wow.
	Sexy as could be.
	She might be.
	Yeah, she looks fairly good, although, I mean, she must be 80.
	Oh, she's alive and kicking.
	Dude, when she was young, though, oh my God.
	That weird funny teeth.
	I hate when women, they have a quirk, like funny teeth, or I don't know, their tits are too big or something, and they want to fix it.
	They're like, if I could just get rid of the gap in my teeth or my thing or even like my slightly wandering eye, I'd be perfect.
	No, ladies.
	Pretty is pretty.
	Only ugly can be beautiful.
	Are you lying down smoking a cigarette, Syl?
	I'm getting ready for my next sex party.
	But I'm, isn't that how you burnt down your last apartment building by sleeping with a cigarette?
	No, I burnt it down from too much sex.
	The friction.
	I had a rabbi, a priest, and a pastor.
	They all said amen.
	The friction started sending sparks.
	It was the friction of the three sexual bodies that lit everything on fire.
	They were loving it.
	Tinker Bell said, stop, mommy.
	You know fucking well I'm a virgin.
	Alrighty.
	Gavin and Biden, forehead twins.
	What's up?
	Homo bros.
	When I saw Biden's forehead today, I thought there's an Alzheimer patient who bumped his head.
	Then I watched Gavin interview Beards and Beerly and he's got the same thing going on.
	What the fuck, Gav?
	Is this a side effect of the rich and powerful taking adrenochrome or are you both a couple of head-bumping idiots?
	I guess you've never heard of your ashes?
	Ash Wednesday.
	Ash Wednesday, beginning of Lent, you get your ashes and you commit to denying yourself something.
	You're supposed to give the money you would spend on that thing to charity.
	If I gave the money I spend on whiskey to charity, because that's what I'm quitting for Lent, charity could buy a...
	The Pope doesn't need your money.
	He's filthy rich, him and the Vatican.
	Agreed.
	If you have that money, you could buy.
	Yes?
	You could buy Hillary Clinton's ass.
	There you go.
	See, we practiced that before the show.
	It was a toss-up.
	And we're doing a kind of comedy duo thing.
	Let's take a call.
	All right.
	Alrighty then.
	Women ruined the military coming home videos.
	You're on the line.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, big Gav.
	Yo.
	So, I was binging military homecoming videos pretty hard last night, and I found that women being in the military has ruined them.
	In what sense?
	Well, it used to be you get this guy home, everyone thinks he might die.
	So when he comes home, his mom, his wife, his girlfriend, his kids are all thrilled to see him.
	Now we're sending these women off, and we know they're not going to probably die.
	So when they come home, no one's really that excited.
	I never thought of that.
	And also, like, when you see the woman coming back after a year away in Afghanistan, you go, well, why did you sign up for this?
	Like, when you see a dude do it, you're like, you sign up for this to go fight for the Western world and change the course of history.
	When you see a woman do it, you're like, you're doing paperwork and shit over in Afghanistan.
	Like, why did you deny your three-year-old a mommy for a year?
	Like, the whole reason we have the military is so mommies can be with their kids.
	And then you left?
	Then they come home half a dike.
	It's like when you see them on Naked and Afraid.
	And you're like, what are you doing?
	With your pendulous breasts getting attacked by wild boars.
	We all know that they're going to have a cush job over there.
	So it's like, yeah, it's better than being on welfare, but we don't need it.
	Yeah.
	Do the paperwork from home.
	Good point.
	Thanks for calling.
	Want to watch some?
	Yeah.
	I promise you I will not cry.
	And I am a bull.
	Yeah, I gotta admit.
	Well, the music is.
	I get annoyed.
	Cry near river.
	Cause I cried a river over you.
	Oh, hey, I wasn't here to tuck you in for a year.
	This needs better.
	The music is not like...
	Hey, cry.
	Yeah, it should be rudimentary peanut.
	What have I done?
	Why did I sign up?
	Wait, that little girl is in the military?
	She's surprising her mom.
	I had to fit in foxholes.
	I was the only one who could fit down the little tubes where they were planting the bombs.
	Tunnel rats.
	I was a tunnel rat.
	With little pink asses hanging out.
	I don't know if you could say that, but sure.
	I feel nothing.
	Sorry.
	Because you're a Budweiser man.
	The Bugiser has numbed you to the realities of life.
	No, Sil, when I see men coming back and surprising their kids, I cry so much I have to drink Gatorade to avoid getting dehydration.
	But this, I'm annoyed that they left.
	It's like Ashley Babbitt.
	I'm sorry.
	A controversial statement coming up.
	Ashley Babbitt, what were you doing at January 6th?
	Why were you there?
	The John Sullivan, the Antifa guy, is going, jump through the window, go, go, let's attack, let's attack.
	He's a fucking miscreant, degenerate, radical leftist.
	He's yelling at you to go in.
	A normal man, a red-blooded patriot would sense that something was up.
	And he'd go, yeah, let's hold off.
	I see some black dude with a gun pointed at me.
	Send the women in first.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Normal men don't say women first.
	But that Antifa dude, the black dude, John Sullivan, goaded her to go in, and she died.
	She shouldn't have been there.
	Did he get arrested?
	No, dude.
	He's in Ukraine right now.
	He's in Ukraine now, shooting for CNN.
	She's dead meat.
	He's a correspondent.
	And I think they're making him a correspondent because they realize, holy shit, we had an Antifa at Jan 6.
	That doesn't look good.
	So let's make him go to Ukraine and do some other shit.
	So then it's like our Anderson Cooper.
	But we just had a normal reporter.
	Press credentials.
	So why don't they send Anderson Cooper there?
	Because he's a faggot.
	That's true.
	No.
	He's got spunk to him.
	Oh, he's got spunk all right.
	He's got spunk on his lapel all over his face.
	Yeah.
	And then some.
	He'll spunk it out.
	That's right.
	Would you let a man come on your face?
	Yeah, of course.
	For the show.
	Good for your complexion.
	So no blowjobs, but you can jizz on your face.
	Oh, yeah.
	Sperm is always healthy.
	I think that's in the Torah.
	Okay, here's a fun question we got.
	It's a would you rather.
	It applies to all of us here at the show.
	And it is as follows.
	Are you ready, team?
	Yes, sir.
	Team powers activate.
	Would you rather, now you have to change this, Syl, to a female for you, okay?
	Would you rather make out with a guy for five minutes, suck him off for 30 seconds, or take it in the ass for 10 seconds?
	All three.
	I love it.
	Okay, so Syl said yes.
	That's the female perspective.
	Yeah.
	This is easy.
	Like, is this person drunk?
	Of course, make out for five minutes.
	Yeah.
	It's like, here's three levels of homosexuality.
	Which one do you want?
	The least one?
	Yeah.
	I think this guy...
	Oh, I see.
	Five minutes is more than 10 seconds.
	But yeah, five minutes is making out with a dude.
	I made out with Milo as a joke.
	The asshole is tighter.
	You prefer your butthole to your vagina?
	Both, I like.
	At the same time?
	Yeah, hell yeah.
	Well, Maddie and I. I'm like a two-dick man.
	Women go crazy for a two-dick man.
	Maddie and I just had a beer drinking competition.
	Maybe we should have a whole fucking competition.
	Hell, fucking.
	Hot shit.
	Hot shit.
	Hot shit.
	He's gone.
	Alright, let's take a call.
	Okay.
	We have.
	Video games.
	This man is talking about video games.
	My dude.
	Big yellow world.
	Go ahead.
	I missed that.
	Alright.
	Alright.
	Alright, video games.
	Are you drunk, sir?
	Uh, no, not at all.
	That's what drunk people say.
	So back in, like, your Rebel News days, you didn't seem to really care about video games, right?
	Correct.
	Like, if you do it, whatever.
	But now, yeah, you don't really like them that much.
	So what's the deal?
	Wait, are you saying that I like video games now?
	No, you don't.
	You hate them.
	I've always hated them.
	You always hated them.
	Yes, in Rebel video days, I always talked about how sad it is that we have grown men playing video games and the average age is 35.
	I'll play them with my kids as a way to bond, but the fact that grown men are playing video games alone and pretending they're fucking Spider-Man is downright embarrassing.
	Which is true.
	That's pretty true.
	But what if you come home and it's like watching a movie, right?
	You got two hours to go.
	No, it's not like watching a movie.
	A movie, by the way, is an hour and 20 minutes.
	It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and you're done with it.
	You guys play video games for six fucking hours, and there's sort of a story, but not really a beginning, a middle, and an end.
	It's not literature.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Goodbye.
	Thanks for calling, fucking drunk asshole.
	You notice I have to use two hands to scratch my head.
	Hey, Gab.
	Hello.
	What's going on?
	Hey, I'm calling from Prince George, B.C. Love you guys.
	Hi, Syl.
	Hi, Maddie.
	You guys are in Northern B.C. Yeah, North.
	Well, we call ourselves, yeah, we call ourselves the capital of the north.
	It's kind of bullshit, but yeah, it's like middle.
	You've talked about PG when you did your Canada video.
	You said we say A a lot.
	Yeah, you do.
	I agree with that.
	Is it cold up there?
	What's it like?
	Because you're on the ocean, so it must be kind of tropical.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	We're not on the ocean.
	We're central.
	We're central BC.
	Okay, so what was the temperature today?
	We've had a really weird winter, but normally it's like minus 20 right now.
	It's pretty cold up here.
	Which is what?
	Like zero degrees Fahrenheit?
	Minus 20?
	No, it's probably like minus 5 Fahrenheit.
	Oh, yeah, they tend to meet around zero.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	32.
	Yeah.
	Dude, that's fucking cold.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm sledding every weekend up here still, yeah.
	But hey, I called about Sean Avery probably two weeks ago, and I realized I really omitted.
	He played in the NHL.
	He's a super cool guy.
	He's got his own podcast.
	Oh, yeah, he's the guy that yells at people for like riding.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's what I was going to say is maybe could Ryan throw up a video, Sean Avery Bike Lane Part 6?
	Is he joking?
	Is he joking in that video?
	No, no, no, no, no.
	No, he's from Northern Ontario, and he's a hockey player.
	They talk to Part 7.
	I know who he is, but yelling at people for being in the bike lane is a Portlandia sketch.
	No, it's not.
	No, it isn't.
	Yes, it is.
	It is.
	It's annoying, and it's stupid.
	And in New York City, as dense as it is, why would you give a fuck that someone is parking their garbage truck at the side of the road?
	Because he's Canadian.
	No, he's a tough guy from the NHL.
	He's looking for shit.
	There's videos of him knocking out guys in New York outside of bars and stuff.
	I know, but it's not a good look to be bitching about the bicycle lane if you're not kidding.
	Fred Armison in the Portland sketch is kidding.
	Yeah, well, okay, but I'm from Canada.
	Like, we're not densely populated like you guys are.
	I see it as entertainment, like a guy saying, like, fuck you.
	Yeah, but when you say fuck you, you have to be right.
	Like, when Syl said, I couldn't fuck her without a condom, I said, fuck you, and I was right, because she can't get pregnant.
	Yeah, but he's, I don't know, in a few of his videos, like, it's guys that are, like, bike messengers parking their bikes, like, straight in the middle of the bike lane.
	I don't know.
	I find it, like, annoying some of the shit that he sees.
	No.
	Thank you for calling.
	You're wrong.
	Pitching about the bike lane is gay and retarded.
	Just stop.
	How fucking hard is it to just stop?
	You little midget?
	That's funny.
	Just stop those little midget legs at the light.
	It's not hard.
	Dude, you're a danger to yourself on that bike.
	Hey, that's funny.
	Jesus Christ.
	Oh, fuck.
	Jesus, I didn't know these existed.
	How creeped out do you think this guy will get if I film them?
	Look at this crazy store.
	Wow, they sell dildos and like lube and stuff.
	That guy's probably buying a giant dildo.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey, that's funny.
	Yeah.
	Hey, what's up, bro?
	Nice segue.
	This comes full circle.
	I had a lot of firsts to your body.
	Okay, Ryan, go to the clip, Rapist, not racist.
	I have to piss.
	Okay, that's in the mailbag.
	Yeah.
	Rapist, not racist.
	Yeah.
	Read it, and then play the clip.
	Okay.
	Today.
	Okay.
	Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
	Take a look at this video from Sky Sports News, the biggest sports news channel in Britain.
	They reported David Goodwillie, a footballer, embroiled in a scandal where he was signed to a Scottish football team, who then sacked him following the backlash after it was revealed he was once convicted rapist.
	Anyway, while they report on the issue, they called him a racist rather than a rapist and had come out into it.
	I'm reading this verbatim.
	And had to come out and apologize for him being a racist.
	Is being called a racist now worse than being called a rapist?
	Crazy.
	Take a look, and we shall.
	At that story, we would like to issue an apology to Mr. Goodwillie a little earlier this evening.
	In error, we reported that he had been ruled to be a racist in a civil case in 2017.
	The ruling in question was actually that Goodwillie was ruled to be a rapist in that case.
	We apologise for the error he reported.
	They apologize for the error reporting.
	That's.
	Yeah, it was still a problem.
	Well, the example he always used is fucking the cannibal.
	What was his name?
	Bundy?
	No.
	Was it Dahmer?
	Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer, was like, I heard you're doing a documentary on me, and you're going to focus on me eating black people.
	That's because black people lived in my neighborhood.
	I'm not a racist.
	I have a feeling we're losing Syl.
	Syl, are you peacing out?
	Yes, I'm listening.
	But are you getting tired?
	No, it's very exciting, rapist.
	I say, burn them at the stake.
	Do you think rape is a big deal?
	I mean, in the old days, you get raped at a party on a date rape.
	I don't mean like a guy jumping out of the hedges.
	But if you're at a party and he buys you dinner and you don't want to and you do anyway, was it that big of a deal back in the 80s?
	I think he should be tortured, decorated, and murdered.
	So yes, it is a big deal.
	I'm definitely against rapists in any shape, form, or shade of color.
	Okay.
	Have you ever been raped?
	Yes.
	What kind of, what happened?
	Well, I was forced on a route by Knife Point in Harlem.
	What year was that?
	In the 60s.
	How old were you?
	About 19.
	Was the assailant a person of color?
	Yeah.
	And how long did it last?
	What is it like?
	10, 12 minutes.
	Wow.
	And did you call the police?
	No, I knocked on doors and nobody would answer it because they looked at me on Whitey.
	They wouldn't help Me.
	What were you doing in Harlem in the first place?
	I had a girlfriend that I met there.
	When I was going home, the guy grabbed me, dragged me to the roof, held me by knife point, and raped me.
	Jesus.
	Wow.
	And did you ever call the cops about it?
	I didn't.
	They said to me, fuck off, what was I doing in Harlem?
	Sheesh.
	The good old days.
	They called me a nigger lover.
	Oh, wow.
	And were you?
	And they didn't believe me, but it was true.
	It was the truth.
	What happened to me?
	Wow.
	Different time.
	But you were a fan of the African Americans throughout your life?
	No, I just like men of any shape or color.
	But five of your seven husbands are black.
	Yeah, correct.
	I didn't like them because they were black.
	I like them for themselves.
	Right, that's cool.
	Love knows no color, baby.
	What were all seven men's names?
	Marty.
	No, no, full name.
	Ardidi.
	Marty Ardiddi.
	Charles Anquay.
	Norris Beret.
	I can't remember the rest.
	There were so many.
	What was the shortest marriage?
	Shortest?
	Well, Norris was six feet tall.
	Marty was five, seven or five age.
	Charles was about 17 feet.
	Putz is referring to the duration of the marriage.
	That's correct.
	Well, Morris, Marty, I was married to 17 years.
	I divorced him.
	Why?
	Because we didn't agree how to bring up our only child.
	He was right and I was wrong.
	Wait, what happened?
	We did not agree how to bring up our only child.
	And what was his contention?
	That more discipline?
	And you said no discipline?
	She said she was sick.
	She didn't want to go to school.
	She wasn't sick.
	She just didn't want to go to school.
	So I let her stay home.
	And he said to me, there's nothing wrong with us sending her to school, but I ignored him.
	Well, that's a bad fight at the most.
	It's not divorce material.
	Well, she was married 17 years.
	Yeah.
	The problem with...
	My wife and I had that fight this week.
	The problem basically with all my marriages and being single, basically I'm oversexed.
	So no matter how much sex I'd have or love, I always wanted more.
	So I would have affairs.
	Oh.
	Infidelity.
	What's your ideal amount of fucking, maybe not today, but in your heyday?
	Say you were 30 years old.
	How much sex would you want?
	Never enough.
	Like four times a day?
	Oh, no, more than that.
	Four times.
	A voracious actor.
	Day and night non-stop.
	Day and night non-stop.
	Like a mess.
	Come on, Self.
	Be serious.
	Four times a day?
	More than that.
	But like people had been, we had sex day and night except on Friday.
	And it would wear him the fuck out.
	What happened on Fridays?
	He ate food.
	No, we wouldn't do anything.
	Recovery.
	We would just relax.
	Their genitals would heal?
	No, he was exhausted.
	Dude, if you beat off five times a day, your dick would hurt like hell.
	I had sex five times one day.
	His ultra sex.
	But she's talking about every day.
	And I bet you even that time you had sex five times a day, your dick was a little sensitive when you went piss.
	Like it gets tender.
	No.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean, no, silly?
	You don't have a dick.
	We're talking to dudes here.
	But yeah.
	Look, the men I slept with, they were extremely sexual.
	So they weren't the average man where after one buck, they'd be tired and couldn't fuck again or after two.
	These men like to go at it for hours non-stop.
	Multiple pops.
	So do you think that's why you ended up with so many African-American and Hispanic lovers?
	No.
	That's a myth that an African man's genitals are bigger than...
	I didn't say bigger.
	I'd be more libidinous.
	That's bullshit.
	Aren't those groups more libidinous than us corny white guys?
	No.
	It has nothing to do with the color of your skin.
	Either you have an extremely passionate sexual nature or you don't.
	You could be Chinese, Japanese, American.
	Ryan's Chinese, American.
	It's your sex urge.
	If you have a very strong sex urge, I was your kind of woman.
	Also known as a libido.
	Right.
	Syl, do you think that's what brought us together those many years ago at Subway in New Rochelle?
	Yeah, you sensed and sexy looking.
	You sensed that I was a horny dude and you're a horny bitch and we just bonded.
	Exactly.
	It was like we felt the energy.
	We knew each other.
	Your auras were drawn together.
	Right.
	This was two years ago.
	I met Syl at Subway and then she walks into my local bar and I'm like, wait a minute, that's that horny bitch from Subway.
	And again, imagine when she was listing her exes, she was like, a guy named Gavin McInnes, and you're like, oh shit, that was me.
	That was you?
	And it turns out you were married.
	Not even in a past life.
	This life.
	Now, I don't believe in sleeping with married men, but I'll make an exception for that little Jack Chinaman with me.
	Hiding in the back.
	Ryan.
	But you won't blow him.
	No.
	Dang.
	Spider-Bluejob.
	I find that insulting.
	It's like it hurts my dick's feelings.
	You have the audible, the option.
	Yeah, but I don't want to break his wife's heart.
	That's true.
	I wouldn't want to break his wife.
	She's going to murder him and me.
	That's right.
	Chinese torture style.
	Well, she's a white lady, but she would still murder, I believe, for me.
	Let's take a call.
	Alrighty.
	Shannon.
	Talking about moving south.
	Hello?
	What's up, guy?
	Your name's Shannon.
	Hey, girl name.
	Yes, sir.
	You could probably fuck us all.
	Must have had a rough kindergarten.
	I've actually known a guy named Shannon.
	I'm on air right now.
	Yes.
	I know a black guy named Shannon.
	You know a black guy named Shannon?
	Yeah.
	I also know black guys named Shannon.
	Hey, moving down south.
	I'm a little worried about you because, you know, you're right.
	You've been talking about this the last weeks about how friendly and everything is.
	Yeah, you're going to piss people off.
	But the main thing I worry about is you move to a small town.
	Like you've been talking about Greenville.
	I don't know if it's about Greenville.
	But here's what's going to happen.
	I live in a small town in the south.
	I was raised in a small town.
	We have liberals out the ass here.
	They're very small, but what's going to happen is they're going to dox you.
	And then what happens is, as red as it is, you know, they're normies.
	They're not going to understand.
	They're going to hear that there's a Nazi in our town, and they're going to get pissed about it.
	So be careful is all I'm saying.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, think about it, you know?
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	Like, a lot of these people in my various neighborhoods that I've lived in who freak out, they're not necessarily left-wingers or radical leftists.
	They just hear Nazi and they freak out and they get scared.
	They don't look into it.
	Right.
	And especially when the mob is all doing it.
	So yeah.
	Like when I was in Nashville, there was Black Lives Matter signs on lawns in Nashville, Tennessee, eastern Nashville.
	So I think it's a kind of a myth that you go south of the Mason-Dixon line and everyone goes, God damn, what were you doing up in there in New York, boy?
	What?
	Welcome home.
	Well, I'm comfortable telling you where I'm from.
	I'm from Fort Smith, Arkansas.
	And I'm going to be able to do that.
	What's your name?
	Arkansas.
	Everybody here tells us who you are.
	What?
	All they know is that...
	What's your full name?
	You won't tell us.
	I'm not going to do that.
	Why won't you tell me that?
	You want me to tell you my first, middle, and last name?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	You ready?
	Yep.
	I'm nervous about it, bud.
	I'll do it.
	Do it.
	My name is Shannon Palmer from Fort Snowth, Arkansas.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Okay, what's your name?
	Because ain't nobody fucking.
	Hey, go.
	Ain't nobody here.
	Go ahead.
	What's your pin on your bank card?
	I think it's 1378, isn't it?
	I can tell by the way you're talking, it's 1378.
	Yeah.
	My last four digits of my Social Security is bajanka bajkabu ra.
	Yeah, thanks for calling.
	Those are all valid points.
	All right, next letter.
	Gavin is right about dogs.
	Hello, Kevin and Ryben.
	I grew up with two dogs, schnauzers, and I always enjoyed having them around in my teens.
	To instill some responsibility, my family tasked me with caring for the dogs, which I did until they died of the old age of 13.
	I was devastated by this and slowly began to realize people spend ridiculous amounts of money on the finest breed dogs, animal clothes, excessive toys.
	Sylv, does this ring any bells?
	Of course.
	You've been spending a lot of money on that fucking dog over the years.
	Hell yeah.
	That's my baby.
	She's better than a human.
	And to what end?
	Ten years of overpriced joy, which ends in a death that devastates your family, all for something that doesn't even have a soul.
	In the years since, everyone in my family has restocked on dogs.
	And as someone free of that burden, I notice how much unnecessary stress is added to all their lives.
	Family gatherings are frequently cut short due to the poorly trained dogs.
	Humans should just stick to having human children.
	Love you more than a friend.
	Yeah, you got to put them in a border when you go away and all that stuff.
	But I think it's good to have a dog for security if you live in an imperfect area or if you're silly and you want a chihuahua to fall asleep in your vagina.
	I'm using this $100 to tell you I'm unsubscribing instead of spending it on a yearly subscription because this episode is giving me AIDS.
	Fuck you.
	Wow.
	And to say that, he spent the price of a year's subscription.
	That's a blow.
	That's a painful blow.
	That's a blow.
	We're going to miss that next year.
	Let's see.
	We got calls.
	You want the calls?
	National Kitchen.
	It was my name.
	Ellen.
	I'm talking about being canceled out of my job.
	The new show is awesome.
	Thanks.
	Nice little kitchen.
	Appreciate it.
	And hello to your lovely, very distinguished guest.
	Well, Sylv.
	So.
	You just caught her picking your nose?
	No, I'm squeezing a bump on my nose.
	You're squeezing a zit on your nose?
	I was trying to take it off, but it would have hurt too much.
	Was it a zit or like a...
	What is it that you're squeezing?
	It's a bump.
	What do you mean a bump?
	A zit?
	Like a goiter?
	A mole?
	You gotta realize, I'm not just from the truth.
	I'm from a faraway planet.
	Damn.
	I'm only part human.
	You're from the Bronx.
	You're from two blocks.
	That's why the Uber was a million.
	You're from South Bronx, and don't you forget it.
	Okay.
	Sorry, caller, we got sidetracked by Sills Boogers.
	That's a new show.
	I'm calling you because I lost my design job just for quoting you.
	At least that's what I'm suspecting.
	I messaged you a couple of weeks back about that.
	Pretty crazy stuff.
	I was leading the design of a major fitness brand.
	They have a fitness app.
	Allegedly providing videos for CrossFitters.
	Big, big company.
	And for three years, I was leading their design department.
	It's a gym shard.
	Design all of their apps, all the cool stuff.
	And one day I just get a notification that I'm being removed from the team after a meeting giving us unlimited budget for the rest of the year.
	And I tried to dig into it.
	And I contacted the CEO.
	And all he could say is like, yeah, some high-profile people didn't like what you said on social media.
	And without any context, we still can't be associated with it.
	And the funny thing is that whenever you brought someone on the team, it took them weeks and weeks to add them to the tool, like Slack and all that stuff.
	But they dropped all my access within one hour.
	It's like, man, that's efficient.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	So you were on some design team for a sports brand.
	We all get that.
	You were canceled in one second, totally excommunicated from the company you were working at, and things were going great.
	Correct.
	I'm not clear on exactly why.
	So they just told me that a high-profile person complained about something that I said on social media.
	And the day before, I commented on that video where you had a debate about trans with Matwalsh.
	And I just said, as Gavin McKinnon has said, trans people are mentally gay.
	Oh.
	And where did you comment?
	Was this on YouTube or Facebook?
	That was on YouTube.
	YouTube.
	Wait, you have an accent.
	Where are you?
	Hey.
	Congratulations, your first French color.
	Nice.
	Pauli Vous.
	Oh, vous comment.
	Ou en France.
	Lyon, Paris.
	I have a question about that.
	How do they find your YouTube unless they're watching?
	Unless they're watching the video and they see your comment and recognize your name.
	Is there a way that they could search you and see your comment history on YouTube?
	Here's the thing.
	I have sort of a minor YouTube channel.
	It used to be in my name.
	After a while, I changed it.
	But the fact is that Google, they still remain your original URL if you'd search by the name and you can still find the person.
	Whoa, and you could find all their activity.
	But that sounds like someone's searching for the person.
	So someone at your office was out to get you?
	No, no, there's no office.
	We work fully remotely.
	Well, you know what I mean, asshole.
	Someone from your company was out to get you.
	No, I don't think it is.
	There could be a...
	Sponsored athletes, maybe a big athlete.
	I feel like companies have a job for a person to scour the team's social media.
	That has to be a job.
	Jobs are hard because I used to have my job in my social media bio.
	Big mistake.
	Lesson learned there.
	But that was pretty crazy.
	Or it could have been somebody ratting.
	Wait, where in France are you again?
	I'm in Tahiti in French Polynesia.
	What the fuck?
	You're in Tahiti in French Polynesia.
	So it's a French colony and everyone is normal there, but French.
	There must be some hot bitches there.
	Yeah, especially the mixed breed, so to speak.
	Half Polynesian, half French, or half Polynesian, half Chinese.
	Ooh, your poor dick.
	It must look like Freddy's skin.
	It's pretty, you know, like tan skin and clear, like blue or green eyes.
	That was Marlon Brando's fetish.
	Rich and powerful.
	So you commented on a YouTube video.
	You said, ask Gavin McInnes, trans are mentally ill gays, and you're completely canceled within one second.
	Yeah, I guess the next day.
	And there was obviously no, I understand from the legal standpoint, like they didn't want to discuss it, but they were like, even without context, we can't be associated with it.
	This is Gavin's paradise.
	50% of suicide rates among gay, even if you want to dig down that rabbit hole, it's still there.
	It's a factual statement.
	So it's pretty crazy.
	As Ben Shapiro pointed out, they have a higher suicide rate than Jews in Germany in 1942.
	Oh, wow.
	I hadn't heard that one.
	That's pretty well.
	They walk?
	Yeah.
	Okay, thanks for calling, buddy.
	That's fascinating.
	So we were just saying.
	We were just saying trans people, like post-op transsexuals, they have a higher suicide rate than Jews in Germany in 1940.
	Where did you get that bullshit from?
	Ben Shapiro?
	He just made it up.
	No, no.
	Ben Shapiro is a Jewish guy, too.
	Yeah, it's not an anti-Semitic statement.
	No.
	You seem to be a very good idea.
	There are not 6 million transvestites of homosexuals.
	I hate to talk about that.
	Per capita.
	Per capita, yeah.
	Per capita.
	Like, you know, I guess let's just throw numbers out hypothetically.
	I guess 30.
	12% of Jews were committing suicide back then.
	So let's say the trannies are like 18%.
	No, I think they're like 40.
	40?
	I remember hearing like 40%.
	Oh, yeah, with the trans community.
	Yeah, yeah.
	The trans community is like 40%.
	Yep, I do remember that.
	Now, let's discuss why elephants and wildlife are disappearing.
	Elephants, bears.
	Bears?
	What are elephant bears?
	Soon our children won't even be able to go to a zoo.
	It'll be non-existent.
	Throughout the world, elephants are being slaughtered.
	Hippos, rhinos, tigers, lions.
	Only thing that's going to exist is the cocker roaches and snakes.
	And Tinkerbell.
	And Tinkerbell, of course.
	Uh, w Why is this?
	Because mankind is destroying the Earth.
	They've already seeked out to destroy each other with wars.
	Now they want to destroy Mother Nature.
	But what do you mean, mankind?
	Like, who in particular?
	All men?
	In general, yeah.
	Except you're an exception.
	You're a nature lover.
	Wait, I have a perfect drop for that, and it is.
	With respect to Chris McGinnis, because the law is different with respect to him.
	Exactly.
	Where did he come from?
	Here's a fun letter.
	Gayest song ever.
	This song is called The Gayest Song Ever.
	It's from a woman named Kristen.
	And she says this was an audition song on American Idol.
	Caught me totally off guard.
	I couldn't stop laughing.
	The propaganda is real.
	Plus, his name is Taylor Faggins.
	No, it is not.
	I mean, come on.
	No, it's not.
	She says to start the video at 105.
	Okay.
	Taylor Faggins.
	That was a rough kindergarten.
	Today's theme seems to be people who suffered in early grade school.
	His brother Bilbo Faggins had it.
	He was okay.
	He wanted to just.
	Is he going to sing or what?
	Yeah.
	Ahmad Arbury.
	Oh.
	Oh, Lord.
	You went for a run, cause you probably felt free.
	I think Tinky wants a triple tequila.
	Ahmad Arbury.
	Ahmad Arbery.
	Ahmed Arbery.
	Your run had an end that nobody could see.
	Your run had an end that no one could see.
	Can we write a retort song?
	Yeah.
	Breonna Taylor, you a colossomy bag for gangsters come.
	Your run had an ending that everyone could see.
	You were casing joints and then you took off.
	You were not jogging.
	Look at this.
	No one could dare do anything but stare and go, this is intense.
	Wake-up call.
	Oh, you're kind of bumming me out, dude.
	Yeah.
	And you're wrong.
	Little black boys don't run outside or play with water guns at night.
	They run away.
	Still play with real guns.
	Play with water guns tonight.
	He's talking about the kid who had a toy gun.
	He was eight years old.
	It was a BB gun.
	He was shooting people with it.
	The cops showed up.
	He pointed this perfect replica of a gun at a cop, and he got shot.
	Tinkerbel.
	What do you mean?
	Hey, Tinkabel, no, no.
	Yay!
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	Oh, God.
	I think she should be the new MC.
	That's a big piss.
	Okay, go back to Armin Arbore while I clean up this piss.
	Such a little bit.
	I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
	And little black boys don't go to the stores or use their pockets anymore.
	I've seen a pack of black guys go to a Target.
	Next time I'll walk before I come here.
	So wait a minute.
	Little Black Boys is Mike Brown?
	The little black boy going to the store is Mike Brown or Taylor Trayvon Martin?
	You know what happened is this guy did his audition and everyone went.
	Yeah, sounds good.
	Go ahead.
	I don't want to be the one to start.
	You're going to Vegas, dude.
	Yeah, you win.
	That's thumbs up.
	If this was thumbs up, don't shoot.
	Thumbs up, don't cancel.
	Yeah.
	If this was that show, what is the show where they like press the button, they all spin around?
	It would just be like...
	The voice.
	Fucking Aubrey spinning around.
	Come back.
	I changed my mind.
	It looked like Lionel Ritchie was in pain listening to that.
	Lionel Richie can't be famous.
	Oh, that's Lionel Ritchie.
	Yeah.
	Long way from dancing on the ceiling.
	Or the Commodores.
	Right.
	The Commodores.
	Slumming in the basement.
	He's worth an ungodly amount of money.
	Oh, great.
	Here we go.
	Your peace was ended by police burglars.
	Your drug dealers?
	Police burglars.
	Are you talking about the peace she had?
	No, that's a good idea.
	She's saying exactly what you predicted.
	Little black girls.
	What do little black girls do?
	Let's see.
	They don't fuck two drug dealers at once, have a dead body in their rental car, pose with guns and say, he's got my back, and then eventually die in a shootout with police because you live in a drug dealer's house.
	See, that's the difference between like white drug dealers.
	They go, yeah, that's the life I chose.
	My girlfriend died when I got in a shootout with cops.
	That's kind of what I bit off.
	I bite off what I can chew.
	Not like, what did they come by my house?
	All I was doing was dealing drugs.
	It's insane.
	I want to hear this.
	Oh, little black girls don't close their eyes or walk the streets alone at night.
	They turn their cameras on.
	No, they walk in packs, wearing shower caps, and they will fuck you up.
	When they see white.
	Oh.
	And little black girls don't open doors or use their pockets and need more.
	Can someone tell them what they're living for?
	They don't use their pockets?
	Pajama pants don't usually have pockets.
	They need more.
	I can't believe they air.
	By the way, little black girls should be scared in like Compton where Mexican gangs might kill them.
	But I don't think that's what he's going for.
	No.
	Well, they don't use their pops.
	That was the line.
	Little black girls don't close their eyes when they see white.
	Oh, my God.
	That's the pattern.
	That's what's happening.
	It's just her frame of mind.
	Agreed.
	I love all these white people petrified of like even blinking.
	Like, yep.
	It's like when, what's his name, was bearing the brunt of it.
	And he's like, I grew up without the lies and the myths.
	And every white person in the room is going, uh-huh, uh-huh.
	I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
	Mm-hmm.
	Yep.
	Okay.
	I have no problem with that.
	That's great.
	All I can say is, screw Obama.
	That's right.
	Great point.
	We need love.
	We need more.
	Yeah.
	More what?
	Love?
	I bet you do.
	Reparations.
	Little black boys and girls are scared.
	Mike Proud is a little bit more so unprepared.
	The world sees black, no matter what you wear.
	What?
	He needs to change that line to pay.
	Damn it.
	I would love him to like stop.
	So these little black boys and little black girls.
	Let's see you.
	See you.
	A big brother reality sizzle reel of Breonna Taylor for a week, Trayvon Martin for a week, Mike Brown for a week.
	Do you want to see what went on that week?
	It's not little black boys and little black girls reading Charles Dickens and trying to save the world.
	Trying to turn their lives around and help people and play Uno and not close their eyes.
	Breonna Taylor was the bad bitch of the drug dealers in her community.
	She held their money because if they get busted, they don't want to lose their money.
	She fucked them both, two guys.
	She's part of a polyamorous fuck fest.
	Mike Brown was a relentless criminal who was kicking the shit out of anyone who stood in his way.
	He was not little by any means, by the way.
	He was a fucking beast.
	And Trayvon Martin, much to his friend's middle-class chagrin, he was kind of a normal kid.
	But he decided to get into that thug life, yo.
	As they all said, stop, stop, dude.
	You're turning into a fucking thug.
	You're better than that.
	He's like, fuck that.
	I'm a fucking get out there.
	I'm going to make a name for myself.
	I'm a good gangster.
	Let's get to the basic.
	You're an undercover, talented singer.
	Well, he was the lead singer of a band called Anal Chinook.
	Anal Chinook, yeah.
	I heard you formed the Temptations.
	I worked with the Temptations for many years.
	They were reluctant to let me on stage.
	What about the Drifters?
	Drifters?
	All three of those bands, I was only allowed to do studio recording.
	And when they went on tour, they would pretend that there was some sort of complication, which hurt.
	I'm not going to lie.
	I got to piss again.
	Little black boys, no.
	What do you think the conversation after that was with Betty Perry?
	What is it?
	Luke Bryan and Luke Bryan.
	What about Johnny Mathis?
	I feel like it was like, did I like, did I...
	Did I hear all that?
	I was trying to cry.
	Were you trying to cry?
	They were just worried.
	They didn't look concerned enough.
	Like, did I look like I was honoring that enough?
	They probably could have gotten canceled if they could.
	But what about Johnny Mathis?
	I don't know who...
	Wait, who's Johnny Mathis?
	A certain smile, a certain way.
	Do you think they would have been canceled if they yawned during that?
	Oh my God.
	Wouldn't it be awesome, though, if one of them said, you know what?
	I made a good amount of money.
	I got 20 million in the bank.
	I'm going to fucking sabotage my career right now.
	And then when they go, so what do you think, judges?
	And the country guy's like, I got to be honest, that's a pile of horseshit.
	I just had to Ryan, I said, what do you think the off-camera behind-the-scenes conversation between Lionel Ritchie, Luke Bryant, and Katie?
	Because we're all worth well over $100 million each.
	So Lionel Ritchie.
	He's worth literally half a billion dollars.
	Right, he's on board.
	Luke Bryant?
	You can't roll your eyes.
	But I think the other ones, you can look at the other person and be like...
	Yeah.
	I think Luke Bryant was like, I had an itch.
	If I was a little white boy and act like an asshole, I got to wrestle him with the jail.
	Yeah.
	You got the shit beaten out of you.
	Does it make you feel like you were handcuffed to a kid?
	You're a fucking moron.
	You're never a little white boy or a big dude.
	Exactly.
	I would love him to say this is horseshit, and you obviously don't know anything about these cases.
	You don't know about, you're going for this really juvenile narrative of what happened in these various cases.
	It's fucking potential.
	And it's embarrassing.
	It's pathetic.
	Pathetic.
	And then the guy would be done.
	He'd have to move to fucking rural Kentucky.
	He'd be over, but at least he would have died with his boots on.
	Today in the news, a 17-year-old, a gang member, was hiding from police.
	So a 12-year-old kid to protect him shot at the cops, and the cops murdered and shot to death a 12-year-old black kid.
	I think you're thinking of a week ago, and it was a four-year-old, and they didn't shoot the kid.
	Oh, yeah, that just happened tonight.
	So it happened again.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	I think that was a few days ago.
	It was a four-year-old.
	No, no.
	Just tonight, a 12-year-old black kid was shot to death by police.
	He was shooting at police to protect his 17-year-old friend.
	They killed him.
	Well, if you're shooting bullets at me?
	Yeah, well, you can shoot somebody and not kill them.
	Shoot them in their arm, their leg.
	They shot to kill.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	You're right.
	I apologize.
	I thought you were talking about a different case.
	I patronized it.
	I was wrong.
	What's the opening paragraph there?
	Plain clothes, Philadelphia police officer fatally shot a 12-year-old boy in the back Tuesday night, moments after a bullet was fired into an unmarked car, police said.
	Police identified the youth as Thomas Siderio Jr., saying officers took him to Penn Presbyterian Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead a few minutes after the shooting.
	The police statement Wednesday described Sederio as white.
	So what do you think of that Brianna case that was murdered?
	Well, we were just discussing it, Sil, and I said that she was in with the wrong crowd.
	Yeah, she was.
	That's what she signed up for.
	Yep.
	You know, in fact, I would argue she liked the danger.
	She liked the fact that she could die at any moment.
	It was sexy to her.
	Could be.
	And the media painted it as a sweet little couple.
	And they went out for dinner, and then they came home and played sad.
	As one does.
	Human life is wasted.
	It's sad.
	That's what Maddie and I do.
	We'll go to the bar, and then after, I'm like, I don't want to be at the bar, but I don't want to go home.
	And Maddie would go, you want to play Uno?
	And I'll be like, yeah, I'd love to, dude.
	the supermodel on the couch know her Mike Honcho Los Angeles she's a local in our neighborhood in the South Bronx she's a legend here and we said hey Syl, instead of talking to you on the street and drinking a beer with you at our local,
	we'd love to have you on the show.
	And she said, yes.
	What about the famous Thinkabelle?
	I heard she did TV back in the 70s.
	Yeah, you were on TV, right, Syl?
	In the 70s?
	I was in Greenwich Village in the comedy club.
	Well, that kind of vibe.
	Are my friends gay because they mock me for drinking Budweiser all the time?
	Nope.
	Same guy.
	Nope.
	It's the king of beer.
	What's wrong with Ballantine beer?
	Ballantine Ale?
	Yeah, good point.
	Shout out to Dalton, too.
	Hello.
	Typed in.
	Malt liquor.
	Mar lejo.
	Let's take a call.
	Let me get this up real quick.
	All right.
	Michael, men becoming pussies.
	Hey, guys.
	How you doing?
	Hey, man.
	What's up?
	Hey, so love the show, by the way.
	And I wanted to share that my girlfriend recently watched an episode and really liked Ryan's impression.
	However, she thought that his impression of the guy with the list, I forget his name.
	Jesse Lee Peterson.
	Jesse Lee Peterson.
	She thought that was really Ryan.
	And when it went back to his regular face, she said it's just an impression.
	So he's actually pretty funny.
	That's wonderful.
	But the main reason I'm calling is I'm getting, I've noticed a pattern, which, you know, I don't really get in very many fights as an adult.
	I'm in my early 30s now.
	But people always tend to escalate things, like they get into shoving matches or things like that.
	And I've never played that game.
	I always, you know, de-escalate if I can.
	But as soon as someone touches me, it's on.
	You know, I'll knock them out.
	And this happened to us at a bar recently with, you know, with my girlfriend.
	And these guys, or not these guys, guys at the bar, but one of the guys was being real, real friendly, real flirty, whatever.
	And he kept touching my girlfriend on the arm and shoulder and stuff while he's talking to her.
	And she was getting uncomfortable.
	She's pulling away from him.
	So I slapped his hand down and I said, hey, man, cool.
	Don't touch her.
	And he goes, sorry, sorry.
	We kept talking.
	Everything's cool.
	I'm ordering another beer.
	And out of my peripheral, I see him do the same shit.
	But this time it's like the front of her shoulder.
	And he slides his hand down to like accidentally touch her tit.
	So I turned and immediately just punched him right in the face.
	And I didn't expect him to go down like a sack of potatoes, but he did.
	I caught him on the way down.
	So he didn't hit his head.
	Nice.
	I, of course, get kicked out because the bartender sees me hit a guy.
	She doesn't see him touch her tit first.
	I was military police, so I wasn't worried about the legal ramifications.
	I know I'm allowed to defender like that, but I was wondering what your guys' thoughts are with, I mean, this guy's like texting her now.
	She's a realtor, so he had her number and like threatening to sue me and all this bullshit.
	And I don't, we have this stupid litigious culture.
	So I'm really wondering, you know, there should be a limit where you just leave the situation, be the bigger man, or was I right, you know, to punch a guy in the face for defending her honor really for grabbing her tit?
	Yeah, I mean, the problem is you do something like that.
	By the way, if he had hit his head and died, you're looking at manslaughter.
	But the problem with those kind of things is so you do nothing, that creep grabs your tits, and you sleep, you go to bed at night for the next infinity years going, I'm a fucking pussy.
	Why did I allow that to happen?
	And you hate yourself, which is a much worse punishment than getting sued or getting beat up or getting arrested.
	So, you know, Anthony Coome is like, fuck it.
	I'm old.
	If I see shit happening, I walk away.
	I mean, the shit like 15 black teenagers with knives and an old lady are getting attacked.
	I guess you're walking into a death sentence.
	So there's horrible situations like that.
	But if it's like some creep at a bar, that's kind of easy.
	You got to punch him.
	And then I think the really important thing is to get the fuck out of there.
	Really quick.
	Oh, we took off.
	The security warned me.
	Like, how do they know who you are?
	And I told him, I'm like, no, I'm out.
	How did they catch you?
	In my opinion, 100% did the right thing.
	100%.
	Well, I will say that the sex we had that night was super high.
	It was like Niagara Falls down there.
	So you defended her honor, and now she's going to fucking suffocate.
	Yeah, nothing a woman loves more than.
	She told her mom about it, too, and her mom was absolutely in love with it.
	Listen, girls' panties get wet when you're defending them.
	That's what you're supposed to do.
	A man has to, first of all, have you forgiven your mother?
	Shit.
	His mother didn't do anything wrong.
	Does the live show go on later?
	Because I'd love for her to hear this episode.
	You can replay it.
	You can replay the episode.
	Nice.
	I love the show.
	Jesse Lee, are you a particularly violent individual?
	No, I won't get into fights.
	When I was younger, I used to scrap.
	All the time, we used to scrap.
	We call it scrapyard in my front porch.
	Because people walk by, I just hit them for no reason.
	It was wild.
	Yeah, it was crazy.
	Okay.
	I like that.
	I like that.
	I had to get up.
	It wasn't so amazing.
	So I had to, you know, I had to forgive my mother.
	Peter.
	Peter.
	You better step it up a little bit because that's amazing.
	That's amazing.
	It was amazing.
	It's not as good as ice cream soup, but it's close.
	Hey, Sel, do you get turned on when you see a guy getting a fight for a sense of honor, whether he's defending a woman or defending himself?
	Yeah, I like that.
	Does that make you horny?
	I don't want to get turned on, but I appreciate it.
	Does it make your pussy wet?
	So when a man defends your honor, like if you're out with a guy and some other guy tries to hit on you and your man steps up and tells him, hey, that's my girl, back off.
	And they get into little fisticuffs.
	How do you feel about that?
	I like it.
	Love it.
	Amazing.
	It's amazing.
	Can you say amazing?
	That's what a man's supposed to do.
	There you go.
	Sil, can you say amazing?
	Amazing.
	Amazing.
	And I don't mean amazing grace either.
	Okay, we're coming to the end of the show.
	Got two minutes left.
	Someone sent us in a letter called Breast Mutilation.
	And it says, after eight attempts of acquiring better tits, what do we got here?
	Oh, God.
	Breast augmentation?
	Better tits.
	Better tits.
	Better tits.
	Better tits, better ingredients.
	Papa Jones.
	I'm not a big titanium.
	Oh, not safe for anybody, by the way.
	Let's check it out here.
	Oh, my God.
	So we got those balloons in the top left.
	That's a bad move.
	The bottom left, I mean, I don't like them, but they're not the worst.
	Yeah, then look at those kind of cars.
	They look horrible.
	They look autoficial.
	That's got to be a drug dealer just like giving her money to destroy herself.
	It looks like the one in the top left looks like they went in through the navel.
	How is that eight?
	That's three.
	It looks like plastic surgery.
	Oh, yeah, 100%.
	Yeah, that is likely plastic surgery.
	Well, you see the little scar above the navel?
	Yep.
	That was the way they used to go in and put the implants in through there so you wouldn't have scars underneath.
	Fucking gross.
	Just leave us with your shitty tits.
	We never asked you to change.
	The worst thing ever is feeling a girl's titties and you can feel the implants.
	Yes.
	I broke up with a girl because of that.
	We had long talks about my problems with her.
	Why do women outlive men?
	Why do women outlive men?
	Yeah.
	I think nature has designed them to be more important so they're more valuable because they breed.
	Less stress, too.
	Less stress, too.
	We outwit them, outsmart them.
	Behind every man, there's a woman.
	Pushing them, telling him to stop doing all this stressful, successful stuff.
	Pegging him.
	You're not capable of having a baby, carrying it in your belly for nine months.
	Nope.
	You couldn't handle it.
	Women can.
	That's true.
	They call us the weaker sex.
	They're out of their minds.
	They are out of their minds, Syl.
	And that's the end of the show.
	Speaking of fake tits, before you change something about yourself, before you make these drastic reductions or drastic plans to change the course of your life, make sure it is an issue first.
	I think a lot of us want to correct things that don't need correcting.
	We're constantly fixing ourselves, improving ourselves.
	Not just how we look, but how we behave.
	We're doing something wrong.
	Maybe you're not doing something wrong.
	Maybe everything you're doing is pretty reasonable.
	I mean, make sure it pits in your boyfriend's or husband's mouth if you're going to have plastic surgery on your tits.
	Amen.
	So be moral, be honorable, help people.
	Don't be lazy.
	Clean your room.
	Do your job.
	Show up to work on time.
	But, you know, outside of that, I don't know if what you're doing is so bad.
	And I don't know if you need to be improved that much.
	Maybe you're looking a little too much outwards for ideas on self-improvement and not enough inwards.
	In other words, I'm proud of you.
	You're doing a great job.
	So, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Beautiful.
	That was beautiful.
	I might be in prison.
	I don't remember getting a strike.
	The red damn fight is me to his off.
	I don't want to death in a fear.
	Sucking eyes.
	They make it so they make it right.
	Why we burn it?
	Yeah.
	You do that shit, Buffalo.
	I can't really hard.
	I don't like the buckshit.
	I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
	It's not a joke.
	My son's on the cover of a magazine.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Speaking.
	Wake up on this music front.
	Up from the engines.
	Up to your fingers.

▲