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Feb. 28, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
49:21
GOML LIVE #137 - UNDERESTIMATING RYAN (Part 1)

Turns out, the chimp knows a thing or two about Ukraine. Also, dancehall sucks.

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Time Text
*BANG* Hello, this is the Medical Center How can I help you?
Hello, is that the emergency doctor?
Yes, this is Dr. Davis.
How can I be of service?
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
I'm on my way.
Hang up your phone, darling.
Emergency, Mr. Dr. Mon.
You have to bring home your medication.
Can you give me some of your low portion?
Give me the injection for all night long.
Emergency, Mr. Dr. Mon.
You have to bring home your medication.
Can you give me some of your low portion?
Give me the injection for all night long.
Hey!
Over me use my time and my teacher just to check your temperature You had your heartbeat, I said my meter, I call my sweater Prepare for your paration, I don't want to stretch In check, my food, the better, make it boom me like a pepper Theater done, separate, my scrubber it no matter Me seek and me search, but me never find better Me have a love potion, you have to make you feel better Hurry up dog, before me feel sicker Emergency, Mr. Doctor Mom You have to bring come, your medication Can you give me some of your love potion?
Give me the injection for your night That was clearly Beanie Man Was that Beanie Man?
Yeah, that was clearly Beanie Man with a slut that he's fucking, who agreed to, or he agreed to do a song with her, I guess, because she's retarded and talentless and he's one of the most famous dance hall dudes in history.
Who am I?
The keys to my mama!
But this dumb bitch, I don't know, she got him to do a song.
What a mess.
That was sent in by a Baby Monster.
Speaking of Baby Monsters, we have Matty Odell in the house!
What's going on, everybody?
Good to see you.
Welcome back.
Matty Odell.
We will be debuting Matty's new show, Matty's Shitty Kitchen.
There we go.
Which is smaller than this desk, by far.
Oh yeah.
And he'll be preparing this meal.
Right?
Yep.
That exact one.
Now, what is this exactly, Matty?
That's a ribeye.
That's an inch and a quarter ribeye with asparagus, you know, sautéed, grilled, and it's got a little salt, pepper, and a knife and everything there.
That was done in a little bit of pan with olive oil, butter, and lemon juice, a little salt and pepper.
The steak is a ribeye from a local butcher.
Great choice.
That's my favorite steak.
It was a rib eye. - Are you mad?
Am I mad?
This is fucking disgusting.
This is a shit sandwich.
No, it's obviously delicious.
It's fucking terrible.
It was really good.
That's fucking terrible.
I wouldn't give it to my dog.
Might poison him.
Our viewers are very sensitive about chewing on the mic, but I understand, Ryan, you were disturbed by how delicious it was.
Yeah.
When I took a bite I was so disturbed I went... He sent me a text and said it was the best meal he's had in a... Months.
A long while.
For months.
Definitely this whole year.
Oh yeah.
I put a little TLC in it.
Cause I like to eat good food.
Me like to eat good food with the man.
There's butter there too if you want it.
The fucking potatoes?
There's butter for the potatoes.
Oh.
Yeah, when you were offering me butter on it and stuff, I was like, I couldn't imagine it getting any better, so no.
Oh yeah.
And then you put butter on it, it is better.
But, you can't picture it getting any better.
I thought my wife was the best cook in the world.
And now... This is making me lust you.
Alright.
I'm glad you like it.
That was probably not the goal.
Who knows?
Don't judge Matty.
Don't put your thoughts into Matty's head.
You don't know what he was going for.
Well, I want to reveal the goal, so if I say it's not the goal and he says it is... Who does the cooking at your house, Ryan?
Mostly me, but sometimes my wife also cooks.
That's Maldon finishing salt.
Oh, yeah.
Salt flakes.
The Maldon.
Oh, yeah.
So, Ryan, do you think Matty's a better cook than you?
Because you seem freaked out by this.
Yeah, he's got the touch, dude.
What can you say?
He took a few pointers.
I was asking him about some tips and stuff like that, and I learned a lot while doing that.
I am also an owner of a cast iron skillet.
You're blurry.
And so he was teaching me how to season it.
I come home, and I don't remember mentioning the seasoning of the pan, because his looks like it's brand new.
It's shiny and immaculate.
It gets used a lot.
Yeah, so you season it, you know, in the oven.
I season it quite often.
Yeah.
You know, I go to the gym, I come home, and I hadn't mentioned the seasoning thing to my wife, and she's already starting to season the pan.
I was like, maybe I did mention it, and I didn't.
I definitely didn't.
Yeah, you did.
You clearly did.
How's the asparagus?
It's about a goose.
You know, your wife has a new baby.
She feels vulnerable.
Anytime you say anything good, she's scared you're gonna leave her.
What?
So if you say like, hey, I saw NASCAR, look cool.
You'd come home and she'd be wearing like a full body suit.
Fire retardant racing suit with a helmet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love NASCAR too, don't go.
It's a genetic thing.
Dude, this is amazing.
Where'd you get these steaks from?
Local butcher.
And what's it called?
With that?
That's a ribeye.
My favorite steak.
Arguably the best steak.
A lot of people like porterhouses because you get like three cuts of meat but... It's got the perfect amount of fat too.
Yeah.
It comes with more fat on it.
Like if you see the pictures I sent you when I uh...
When they were raw, there's a lot more, but then... Yeah, yeah, it looked really marbleized.
Yeah, you trimmed it.
Well, you trimmed the heavy, like the fat cap and everything like that.
You're not gonna sit there and chew on the fat.
But the fat's the flavor.
Yeah.
And there was a very tiny bit of a bone in one side of it, which is also flavor.
You want all that.
So starting tomorrow, new hit show, Matty's Shitty Kitchen.
The first show is this meal you're seeing right now.
Steak, potatoes, and asparagus.
The next show, I believe the plan is prison food.
Yeah.
Well, you couldn't get more American than steak and potatoes.
Yeah, it's fucking amazing.
It's excellently well done.
If you look at the potatoes, they're fucking perfect.
The steak, perfectly well done.
It's Gordon Ramsay.
Yeah.
I don't know about that, dude.
It was one of the greatest steaks.
Gordon Ramsay has a thing where he's always like this.
That's not cooked!
It's raw!
You're a fucking idiot!
So, we're outside a restaurant in upstate New York where no one has made over a dime in four weeks.
So we're doing good guy Gordon.
We're just like, this is an excellent restaurant, lots of promise.
It's owned by a mother and a son.
They've done great numbers, but we're going to check out their menu to see if it holds up to Chef Ramsay's.
No, you clearly haven't watched the show.
I've watched the fights.
That's why I can only do Angry Ramsey.
Yeah, you've only seen the sizzle reels.
He goes to those restaurants in upstate New York, but he's a cocksucker to them, if they suck.
It's not like he hugs everyone.
He only hugs them when they do a good job.
That's what hurts, though.
He starts out nice, and then he starts losing respect for them in real time.
It's the same as all his shows.
He's a Scotsman, ultimately.
And he gives you the time of day.
He says, um, I'm open minded, but, uh, when you fuck up, he says it, which is becoming a rare trait.
So you know how this goes to the first half hour of the show is in front of a paywall.
It's all free.
It's meant to represent the brand, but it doesn't really because it's not how we do things here.
It's more of a Just sort of winging it.
We'll talk about the opening song in a second.
And then we take calls.
We take Super Chats.
We donate the Super Chats to Max and John, our friends in prison.
And we read letters.
Oh shit, I forgot my computer in the other room.
And stuff like that.
We also, because this part is free, we thank our sponsors, TacticalWalls.com.
Veteran owned, go to TacticalWalls.com for the best product in America.
The ad copy guy is so hurt by me constantly making fun of his copywriting that now it's just four sentences, which includes, say whatever you want.
And whatever is spelled wrong, by the way.
Ryan you're showing premiere it it's what space everyone whatever is one word ad copy guy and you don't have to type out www dot unless of course it's 1999 and you're a baby boomer Young people your age, you can just say TacticalWallace.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
They are doing, he's included Christmas giveaways for some reason.
So, even after you've been humiliated for your terrible copywriting, you have a typo and you mention Christmas, you fucking retard.
Yeah, right?
Yep, so incredible stuff there.
Ways to mount your guns if you live in a non-gun state like we do.
You can put up your baseball equipment.
You can trick out your Jeep.
Go and check out TacticalWalls.com because to explain every single option they have goes on and on forever.
It is amazing the variety of shit they have.
And Tactical Tim's a close friend of the brand.
It's strange that almost all of our sponsors are veterans.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah.
Well, they're patriots.
I guess they're the only ones who don't care when Antifa calls you 900 times and terrorizes everyone you talk to.
So, we gotta get into Ukraine today, but let's go back a step to the opening song.
So that was a... I'm gonna assume a slut?
A groupie?
Some probably like rich British woman.
She made I'm gonna say a million and a half from her divorce and she's in Jamaica getting fucked.
She's fucking Beanie Man and she goes, I want to be a performer too.
Look at her.
She's up in age, too.
Yeah.
She's no spring chicken.
I mean, I can't be wrong, right?
She's a nobody who wants a music career.
She's Rebecca Black.
There's no way.
Oh, I know.
Maybe she didn't even fuck Beanie Man.
I mean, I can't be wrong, right?
She's a nobody who wants a music career.
She's Rebecca Black.
There's no way.
Oh, I know.
Maybe she didn't even fuck Beanie Man.
Maybe her husband paid for this, and then she did a song with Beanie Man.
She's actually never fucked him.
It's a make-a-wish.
Possibly.
Maybe she's terminal?
She looks like my mom.
- Oh. - I've never been less horny in my life. - Yeah, this is about as sexy this is about as sexy as an actual hospital song.
It reminded me of Beanie Man in 1998 when he did a song with... I think it was... Wait, go to 1-2?
Oh yeah.
So this is Beanie Man at his best.
For some reason, punk rockers were allowed to listen to reggae and dancehall when I was a teenager, so I'm very well versed in it.
Against my will.
This is Beanie Man's hit.
This is a guy we just saw without a hideous spinster forcing him to perform.
That was 98.
I think this song is why I have a BMW.
I love Jamaican nouveau riche.
I think when I got you new one, I said Sim Simmer, who's got the keys from Beamer, and you were like, I didn't peg you as a Beanie Man guy.
Same with my Land Rover.
It's Jamaican.
I love that they have a Bimmer and a Land Rover next to a house made of cinder blocks and corrugated tin.
And I was gonna say, you got the Beamer and the Land Rover and a landlord.
Yeah.
But the song, the opening song reminded me of Tipa Irie.
Few people remember him.
He was like a British dude, but he sounded like a Jamaican guy that no one had ever heard of.
And when you found his records, you thought you dug them up from some old weird Jamaican.
Like even the cover there does not look like you found some weird rural Jamaican guy.
He's from fucking Brixton.
Maybe this is what that white woman was going for?
Possibly.
She didn't hit it though.
She missed the mark.
Maybe this is what that white woman was going for.
Possibly.
She didn't hit it, though.
Yeah, no.
She missed the mark.
She just definitely wants a shot of penicillin.
I like in this song, she talks about how she's big and...
He goes, me, tipper, irie, and me.
Kind of small or something.
And she goes, me, Mrs. Irie, and me.
Big and me, broad.
Oh.
So the big and proud thing lived on way back when.
Well, Brian, you talk like my youth was in the 1920s.
I picture black and white when you tell your stories.
This is like 1989.
Year of my birth.
Really?
Yep.
Check out this beautiful jam, Ragamuffin Girl.
A beautiful ode to his lovely wife.
She's a ragamuffin with the chicken stuffin'.
Woah.
You're gonna fall in love with this.
Oh yeah!
I think you just said, step up Mr. Honey Bites and tell him wagwan.
Oh my, wagwan, wagwan.
You're known as Mr. Honey Bites?
I'm trying to think, who's better, this guy or the guy with the one string guitar?
No, dude.
What are you talking about?
How dare you?
The guy with the one-string guitar is an incompetent retard.
Tipa Irie is a god.
Oh, yeah?
Tipa Irie.
He did a song with the Black Eyed Peas recently, 1-6.
Really?
Uh-huh.
Which is weird, because...
They didn't take advantage of his dance hall skills and just treated him like a reggae star.
I was watching this video before the show and it looks like, you know those cooking shows like Gordon Ramsay where they say, here's a vending machine, make a delicious gourmet snack with Cheetos and Oreos and like whatever you can get in the vending machine.
They have to make a high-end meal.
Doesn't this look like they were locked in Target overnight and they had to make a hit song with the equipment you can find in Target and the clothes.
That's him.
That's Tipa Irie.
That's Tipa Irie right there?
Yeah, he's older than us.
He's like 60.
Wow.
I Target is this I think they did a target commercial - Hmm?
Well... Are they still together?
If I was the CEO of Target, I'd go, these guys are making Target commercials, let's get a Target logo on them.
They're dancers.
This is dancer rock.
Go Fergie.
What happened?
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
They did a Target commercial.
And it's exactly the same, but actually better.
Is this a song they already had, or they did this for Target?
No, this is their song.
Oh yeah!
They released it.
Oh, they're releasing their ad.
They're doing an ad for their CD, and it's at Target for $9.98.
It was only at Target.
Here's another one.
Another Black Eyed Peas Target commercial?
Another one!
Wow, they love Target, dude.
They are Target.
What's the difference between the Black Eyed Peas and Target?
You could enter one and buy stuff in one.
It's the same thing.
They should just merge.
I've always said that about the Canadian-American border.
Let's just erase it and merge.
Let's cut the shit.
We're the same.
Black Eyed Peas are our target.
Stop.
They'll do all the music for all your commercials.
They are brand ambassadors.
So then I'm reminded of dance bands, like bands made by dancers, which of course brings you to the Pussycat Dolls, who had zero musical talent, but they were sexy and dancers.
And they hire Snoop, just like that opening woman hired Beanie Man.
Yeah.
And the other guys hired Tipa Irie.
They're just a little bit hotter than The Nurse.
If you held a gun to my head, I don't think I could get this song stuck in that same head.
I don't know this song.
But it has like 63 million views.
Holy shit.
That main chick is the only one you remember.
Like, if you saw any of the other ones in an airport or something, you wouldn't... You wouldn't be like, that's the chick from that thing.
It's unknown.
It's like... It's like a K-pop band.
It's like the bassist of The Who.
John Entwistle.
You could sit next to him at a bar and have no idea you're sitting with John Entwistle.
She's got kind of an ethnic vibe, like a Filipina.
She's something.
Anyway, that song sucks, but then I'm reminded of her brother Jonathan Anton, who had an incredible show in 2004 called Blowout, and he's a hairstylist.
Who's very aggressive.
This is her brother.
Now stop.
Stop.
Remember how I told you the way to fuck your wife is to watch her stupid shows and comment on them?
It's the best way to seduce a girlfriend or a wife is to pretend you care about Real Housewives or whatever.
But inevitably you get Stockholm Syndrome and you start caring about the show.
I started getting into this show Blowout in 2004 that was on Bravo.
And it's about this weird not gay hairstylist who's probably has the IQ of like I would say a bear or a frog and he's got a very bad temper and he was always coming up with ideas because the guy's making tons of money because you're a hairstylist in LA which is it's like being in sanitation in New York like you can't not make money.
But in one episode, his water dies, his water is out at his house, so he uses bottled water to wash his hair, and he goes, oh my god, my hair is insane today!
So he becomes convinced that it's because of the bottled water.
So he comes up with these filters to put on your shower head that can make your water like bottled water.
Which is just made up filters.
It's just another bunch of filters.
It means nothing.
Carbon is in there and all this crap.
It means nothing.
But women are so eager to be attractive that they spend thousands of dollars on this.
So it's a success.
So that guy, I remember this episode.
That guy was gonna design the packaging.
But he was taking too long and was pissing off Pussycat Doll's brother.
And he'd had enough of this shit!
So this is him arguing with Pee Wee Herman about it.
Fake.
Such a fake fight.
- I'm gonna leave the bottles there, you look at it.
I'll go.
- Fake, such a fake fight.
- Get him out of my saw.
- It just doesn't matter, you discuss it with him.
- Look at that LA look.
- And you know where you wanna go, you know where to find me.
Whoa!
Come on, you're talking to me.
You know what?
We know the score here.
You know when you called me, you said what we were going to do.
Shut the fuck up and leave!
What we were going to do is I was going to work with you and I was going to be insulated from the lights.
In 2004, were TVs square?
Yeah.
Even all those Black Eyed Peas songs.
You're welcome.
Wow, I'm old.
Yeah, aspect ratio.
TVs were square in 2004.
Yep.
That's very recent.
Um... Should we... Okay, we're done discussing those things.
Start the show?
Let's start the show.
Fuckin'... Why was that so green, that one show?
The, uh... It was the keying.
I had to adjust the keying.
Why'd you have to adjust it that one particular episode?
I use it for different things and usually I don't have the green screen on it and also I've been creating new sessions so I have to redo the green screen parameters every time I do that.
Now Ryan and I are going to AFPAC tomorrow to study the white nationalists and learn about their disgusting behavior and expose them for who they are which is Number one threat to American safety today.
Domestic terrorism, mostly white supremacists, which is Trump supporters, blue-collar Americans, anti-mandators, anti-vaxxers, QAnon, Canadian truckers.
Am I missing anything here?
Parents that go to school board meetings.
Parents that care about CRT.
Parents that, I know this sounds like anti-masks, but parents that don't want their kids to wear masks.
Those eight groups are the threat to America.
They are going to destroy our country.
And Biden is doing his best to stop them.
And Trudeau is chipping in.
Klaus Schwab is doing a great job.
But eventually, you know, you got to take up arms yourself.
So we're going to AfPak to kill everyone there.
Right.
First I'm going to ask them, I mean there's a lot of controversy over how does, like I know the followers of Nick Fuentes, they Zeke Heil with like the 45 degree angle one.
But since he's the leader, does he just do that like Hitler Heil?
Heil.
Like that little lazy bones?
Like Dr. Evo?
Yeah.
Heil.
Like I want to get to the bottom of that.
We got to stop them.
And we got to find these black white nationalists.
Because they must hate themselves.
Bryson Gray, John Miller.
And those are just the people that are special guests.
There's also the black attendees.
Remember last year we noticed a bunch of black attendees? - Mm-hmm. - Gotta find them too.
I gotta say, every time I fart I get mad.
Why's that?
Cause it smells like... I forgot what it's... Cobalt!
Cobalt!
And I'm like, I fly to fucking Nashville to do that interview, right?
I'm taking off my shoes.
I'm taking off all my shit.
Some Muslim is giving me shit about my belt.
I'm taking off my belt, going back outside.
So that's Muslims fucking up my day to day.
Then I fart and there's no shit smell.
It's cobalt because either my nose is broken or my ass is broken.
Something's wrong with my body because of COVID.
So that's China.
That's the communists.
So China is affecting my day-to-day.
Muslims affected my day-to-day.
Radical leftists affect my day-to-day.
They put signs on my neighbor's lawn.
They terrorize my children and stuff.
So all these groups are fucking up me personally, and it's the same for most Americans.
You talk to the average Joe, and you're like, how was your day today?
Well, COVID fucked me over.
I got doxxed at work.
The mandate's fucking me over.
So we have these enemies that affect us on a day-to-day basis.
On a Thursday, whatever we are today, 2, 24, 22.
Yep.
These people are fucking up our day today.
Yet, what is the news consumed with?
Nick Fuentes.
Yeah, he's fucking up my life.
Some skinny dude with long fingers who has controversial opinions about nationalism is wrecking the world.
Let's make it unable for him to fly.
Muslims can fly, even though 100% of air terrorism is Muslim.
But we don't want to stereotype a group, but Nick Fuentes can't fly.
He's still on the no-fly list?
Yeah, dude.
So we have to save Bryce and Gray, save John Miller, save... like in his lyrics, he's got SOS in here.
Spotify to ban my songs.
So, S. I never thought of that.
Bryce and Gray is...
He's been held captive.
Why don't these dumbass fucking leftist journalists interview black people who go to white nationalist conferences?
If they really cared about getting to the truth, they would investigate that.
But you know why they don't?
Because they know what the truth is.
And the truth is that their crusade is completely full of shit.
Anyway, before we start taking calls, we should discuss Ukraine.
And get rid of the freeloaders.
No, no, no.
I want to get some Ukraine into the free show, but I thought who better to ask about Ukraine than our number one source of information for all things foreign policy, ladies and gentlemen,
Ryan Ketsu Rivera. - Ryan Ketsu Rivera. - - Ryguy, what should we do?
Sanctions, what do you think?
Well, interesting.
I mean, the sanctions, they've affected the inflation, they've turned the Russian dollar into kaput.
Wait, we've already done the sanctions?
We've already imposed sanctions on Russia?
Well, I think the imminence of the sanctions already has affected the dollar.
Oh, the simply threatening sanctions.
Yes.
So now, if we take them off of this, I think it's called SWISH, SWIFT, the SWIFT pay, then that could have bad consequences.
I think that might already have been, Putin might have already expected that would happen.
Uh-huh.
But yeah, that could be seen as a, because he made it pretty vague, anybody who tries to interfere with his Ukraine operation.
That will be like an act of war, essentially, and we'll have to pay for it in ways that we've never seen before.
Okay, so you're... Ryan's solution, not sending our boys over there, but banking sanctions.
Well, sending our boys over there, I don't know if that's personally... I don't think it's a good idea.
Okay.
But it's the sanctions.
Sanctions is the way to go.
Yeah, I mean, it'll stop.
So we kick the Russians out of the World Bank.
Get the fuck out.
You're not part of the global economy anymore.
That could have repercussions.
Now he has nothing to lose.
Now, if he acquires some of the some of the resources from Ukraine, he's not going to be able to liquefy all of that.
What about the part where Germany, some childless communist cunt named Angela Merkel, Killed all of their ability to make their own energy.
She's against nuclear energy, of course, unlike France.
She doesn't buy from us.
So she was left with wind and solar, which means you don't have any power, so she got it all from Russia.
So when we talk about global sanctions, Merkel goes, no, don't you dare.
There's a lot of people that rely on them.
Because if you fuck with Russia, you fuck with Germany, because we're totally, 50% of Germany's energy It hurts us too.
We get 100,000 barrels around a day from Russia.
So they would stop exporting it because they would stop being able to, if they're off the SWIFT pay and stuff.
then they would not be able to get their money from the profits from those transactions.
So they would stop and then we'd be hurting for the oil, maybe open up the Keystone Pipeline.
But Saki said that it wasn't open, so there's nothing flowing through it, so that really wouldn't help.
But we could start fracking again and start things.
But for a long time, looks like we're going to be hurting in the old oil price-a-roos.
Now, they have imposed the sanctions.
They've cancelled five banks, I think, or they stopped five banks from letting the oligarchs in Russia, the people around Putin, like some of the rich elites, from accessing anything from their accounts.
So, it's hurting people in this country, and he's a very idealistic Guy, right?
Ideological guy.
So his people, if they're upset, and they are, they've arrested I think 1,700 protesters.
A lot of protesters over there.
So if he's seeing that much resistance against this land grab, then that might be the thing to make him change course.
But he feels a right to Ukraine.
I mean, he feels that NATO, Ukraine being a part of NATO, that's an existential threat, similar to how the Bay of Pigs, you know, Cuba having missiles was an existential threat to us.
So he kind of has a point.
I'm not sure why I lie in this whole thing.
I'm learning a lot of this today, but I'm very interested in what's going on over there.
Well, we started this bit to make fun of how stupid you are.
But I think what happened was we attacked the Puerto Rican half and the Japanese half retaliated.
I'll take over.
Like Pearl Harbor.
Right.
And I think you're right.
I think the solution is that we open up our fuel lines.
We open up our ability to generate fuel.
And then not everyone is so beholden to Putin.
Frack!
Fucking open up Keystone.
Make our own fuel.
Taiwan is the real thing that's going on.
Build the XL.
The one you shut down first day in office.
What?
The XL pipeline.
Yeah.
It's retarded to... Ultimately, I don't like America looking weak, but I don't care about Taiwan or Ukraine.
You can have them.
Sorry, you live next to MS-13.
Your house is gonna get fucked with.
It's not my job to protect you.
I apologize.
Buh-bye.
I don't give a shit.
You can show all the pictures of, like, dying old ladies on Daily Mail UK you want.
You can show me pictures of children crying out in pain.
I don't give a fuck.
Sorry.
Die, bitches.
I happen to.
I think, even though they're just white people, I think the fact that just civilians are being hurt is probably a pretty big deal, but we can't be the world police for, you know.
I don't care about anything outside the Western world.
And even then, I start with America and do concentric circles outwards.
The whole argument was that the Ukraine was kind of leaning towards Western values and that's what got Putin to be like, what the F, because he has like puppet regimes in there and stuff.
He probably wants to create another puppet regime.
But you know, Zelensky is not innocent in this whole thing.
He's been, all the shady shit and the corruption happens over there with Burisma and then there was some other bullshit over there.
But so there is corruption and I think they're like really backed by Israel.
Okay, boring.
Let's take some calls.
All right.
Do we say bye to everybody?
Bye?
No, let's take maybe a couple calls and then we'll say bye to everybody.
Let's open up the Super Chat.
You do the thanks for calling intro and I'll go get my Macputer.
Sweet.
That's what my kids called it when they were young.
We were on air.
I'm going to have a conversation.
This is a fucking loser.
You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why?
Hey, why does anyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It was great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
All right, next call.
Bye-bye. - Hey.
So true.
I mean, we do say bye, don't we?
I guess I gotta turn on this Rode mic.
We say goodbye in plenty of ways.
We say... I said goodbye!
Bye-bye!
Is Trump gonna run in 2024?
I hope so.
Bye-bye!
Bye, everybody!
Dude, just for the comedy, I miss the laughs.
You know what I miss?
I just posted this on my story today.
Look at this.
Look at this Biden.
That's me ripped.
Look at this.
How beautiful.
It's been a long time.
Long time.
Mariana Rivera?
Yep.
Amazing, right?
Amazing.
That's a lame clip, dude.
Look how nice and simple that was, though.
Just the good old days.
Remember Fauci's throat?
Yeah.
Trump had a beautiful throat.
Trump fucking barreled it in.
Dude.
I saw some meme where they, I think Donald Trump Jr.
put it out where he goes, I miss the way he said China.
China.
China.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so you need to turn your mic on.
You got your mic on there, Gav?
My mic's on.
All right.
We have a call about marriage.
A good topic here.
Hey, Gavin.
Uhuru.
Uhuru.
Hey, so I've been dating this girl for a while.
Things are getting kind of serious.
I bought a ring.
Getting ready to propose to her.
Just want to know what you think the best way or the most classy way is to propose to a woman.
How long you been dating?
Over a year.
All right.
How old are you?
I'm 25.
She's 29.
Dump her ass.
She's old as shit.
Just starting anew.
Well why do you say it like that?
She's disgusting.
I would ghost her, go away on vacation, don't answer her calls.
No, my advice with proposing is try to bring in a thing that you guys have in common.
Like my wife was obsessed with Paris.
So we went to the Eiffel Tower.
I hired a little street urchin to hand her a crumpled up plastic bag, a paper bag.
J'ai un petit cadeau pour vous, madame.
She opens it up.
The ring is in there.
Will you marry me?
Oh my God.
Fucking wet as a pack of slits.
Homeboy got it that night.
There you go.
But like, I don't know, like say you guys have a place you like to visit.
You hide the ring in one of the rocks or something and then you pull it out and will you marry me?
I told one dude I said You're going to Ireland, her grandparents are there, go to her grandparents grave, cemetery, and then when you're there say, isn't it weird how your grandparents met, and then they made your mom, and then your mom met a guy, and then she made you, and here we are, you know, perpetuating this thing, and we're alive because of these people, chance meetings, making these commitments, and then he pulled out the ring and he got down on one knee and he said, will you marry me now?
And she said no.
She said, uh, I'm too young.
And then they continued their trip, but they slept in different beds.
Very awkward.
And she cried herself to sleep every night.
She did or he did?
He did.
I go, why didn't you just leave?
And he's like, we spent a bunch of money on the trip.
I don't know.
So, uh, I'm not an expert, but, uh, you know, you can feel it out.
You got to ask your dad for permission and make sure he's, uh, he can keep his mouth shut.
But, um, I would, I would choose something that's special to you.
Cause you're going to be talking about this for the rest of your lives.
So try to make it something cool.
You know, Albert Hammond Jr.
proposed to a girl when he was shit-faced, and it fell out of his hand and into a dog bowl, and it took him about five minutes to find it.
DJ Tiga, a friend of mine, finally got the courage when he was drunk in the middle of the night, he had threadbare underwear on, and he pulled it out of a FedEx package and gave it to her.
So, you can blow this, but I don't know.
Be creative.
Do something that involves your relationship.
And then fuck her.
Cool, man.
Bye.
That guy's getting laid.
The best thing about proposing?
You get pussy that night!
Yeah!
You would hope so.
I never trust these no videos.
Did she say no or yes?
Couldn't tell.
These are supposed to be good ones.
These will make your heart burst.
That one was kind of like, okay.
These are just regular proposals.
Fall.
Fall.
Yeah, I was gonna say, man, she falls over the fucking string.
Don't marry her, she's fat.
What are you doing?
Her legs show promise.
She doesn't deserve to be loved.
That's right.
She's blindfolded.
Oh, she's gonna push it out of her ass?
I think so, yeah.
It'll shoot out of her ass onto a finger.
Oh, he's gonna pull her ring out of her ass.
I don't know if other people should be there.
Yeah, no, no, no.
It's a very personal, private thing.
Yeah.
Even filming it is suspect.
And she may feel pressured.
Yeah, it trivializes the whole thing, doesn't it?
Um, we have another one about- Let's do one more call, and then we'll read one letter, and then we'll fuckin' tell these fuckers to- Phone tag?
Hey, Mark, you on the line, dawg?
With your noisy-ass submarine phone?
Go ahead, Mark.
Yo, dawg.
What's up, dude?
What's up?
Yo, so, uh, earlier today I was, uh, I was happier than a pig in shit when I saw your episode of, uh, Tinfoil Hat with Sam Tripoli.
Yeah, he's a great guy.
Yeah, I really liked it.
Yeah, I got really excited when you started talking really conspiracy theory-ish towards the end there.
Getting really excited.
You sound horny.
You are horny.
Are you beating off right now, sir?
No, but anyway, yeah, I wanted to real quick talk about Ukraine because I saw that Right before, like about an hour ago, they started to announce the gas prices are going to go up.
You know, it's like, it's so convenient.
What the fuck does that have to do with, you know, being invaded and stuff?
It's just, it's ridiculous.
Yeah.
Cause the gas prices have been great for the past year.
They've been rock bottom.
It's not like I turn white as a ghost while I watch those numbers go.
We're just keep going even higher it's just like you know it's so convenient that they just oh hey let's uh Ukraine's been invaded yeah let's that has to do with the oil supply let's let's crank that up a little bit it's it's all bullshit yeah and I don't understand why all these people are like yeah I get it they don't want to have like war but All these people on Facebook are putting these Ukrainian flags over their profiles and stuff.
It's like, dude, you don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck.
Kill them all.
Kill them all like God sort them out.
Here at Censored, we support Russia, like Josh LaCash.
I don't care about Russia either.
It's like Henry Kissinger said about the Iran-Iraq War.
Can't they both lose?
Bye.
Anyway, thanks for calling.
All right, let's take a letter.
This is from Bill, and he says Gavin.
Why didn't you laugh?
When you were showing that heinous old English woman's garbage reggae Oops reggae rap song it's not a reggae rap song Ryan dropped a zinger and neither Gavin nor Maddie laughed.
Good grammar.
He said, she's Rebecca Blacked.
Yes.
Come on, dudes.
That made me fart.
It was so funny.
Thank you.
I confess, I missed that joke.
I thought he said Rebecca Black.
I thought he just said Rebecca Black.
Yeah, I didn't hear that.
I thought that thought in my head myself.
I didn't hear the E.D.
Do you promise you had an E.D.
there, Ryan?
I did.
I had E.D.
I couldn't get the joke up.
Whoa, that was also good in the response.
Okay, let's not underestimate this.
This is the underestimating Ryan episode.
The redemption arc ep that we've all been waiting for.
Okay, last one before we go behind the paywall.
Dear Mr. McInnis, the thought has been lurking in my mind for weeks.
You're the only person who's ever described prison to me.
I've never been and hopefully never will, but you're the only person I've found who ever talks about prison life.
Well, I know 0.001 about it, but Matty O'Dell here knows quite a bit about it.
Spent some time there.
Well, you did four hours.
I did do four hours.
Yeah.
That was jail though.
That was jail.
I told you, I mentioned this the other night, Max lost all his early time because he got in a fight, but he can't tell us about it because he can't discuss it on JPay or on the phone or anything.
So who knows what the fuck happened, but he claims angels were following him.
What do you think, speaking of prison, what do you think about this, like work at the cafeteria for a year and a half to get six months off early?
Well, everyone has to work in prison.
Everyone has to have a job.
You have to have a job?
Yeah.
I mean, there are no-show jobs in prison, too.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, in the federal system, you would get a job like what they call PM Compound.
And they would just go down and check in with their boss and just go about whatever they were going to do.
But they got paid 98 cents a month.
98 cents a month.
I want a raise.
I want a dollar a month.
You can't even make a collect call with that.
AM compound like that you would have some guys walk around the rec yard and they clean up.
They got this little broom and a dustpan on a stick.
We used to call it a Cadillac in prison.
Maybe jail's different because there's a mobster at my gym who went to jail for a no-show job in real life.
And then the CO was saying, you should get a job here, make the time go faster.
And then he said, hey, I didn't fucking work out there, why would I work in here?
Yeah.
I mean, jail sucks because, I mean, I guess it would give you a little bit more movement.
Like usually in jail, you just stay in your block because you're an unsentenced inmate.
Well, I would say the reason that I humanize prisoners is because we all assume that it's the cops and the robbers, you know, juvenile view of the world where bad guys are in prison and good guys are not in prison.
But that's not the case.
Especially in an America where everything is illegal.
You've probably done three felonies this week and not even known it.
So if the state is out to get you, you could end up in there.
Mercedes Carrera did not molest her daughter.
She is in jail right now because she was pro-MAGA.
She's sexy and popular and charming and that was bad for the Dems.
So coincidentally, they found a horrible crime to ruin her life.
Max and John got into a 17-second fight and they threw her away.
They threw the book at them four years in prison because it was good for the Dems.
Maddie O'Dell!
They were told to crack down on gangs.
They couldn't get into MS-13.
So they went after white gangs like the Hells Angels.
They spent how much on you?
Two million dollars.
Two million dollars.
You need a scalp at that point.
I need a scalp.
OK, well, Matty had a gun at one point in a state that isn't gun friendly and he gave it.
Where's the gun?
I don't have it.
OK, just throw him in fucking jail.
We got to get we got to get moving here.
Good stuff.
Good stuff.
OK, super chat before we leave.
Someone sends in.
It's pretty simple.
It's America first, bitch.
Now, this is why I'm a grammar Nazi, because you look like a fucking imbecile, Bruce.
When you say it's America first, bitch.
You're hurting the movement.
We're not asking you to use the semicolons and fucking Oxford commas every time you walk out your front door, but it's America First, bitch.
Sounds like I'm an America First, bitch.
Like I'm a loser slut who follows around America First like a whore.
America First, by the way, as we learned in the Louis Theroux documentary, has made this mistake themselves on their stickers.
The proper phraseology is, America first, comma, bitch.
Okay?
It's America first, comma, bitch, or else you're an America first, bitch.
The commas exist for a reason.
English is the easiest language there is to use, conduct, have the language at your disposal.
Okay?
Put a fucking comma after America first, you fucking idiot.
And on that note, let's go behind the paywall and we will continue to enjoy our contributors and criticize them when they're wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for enjoying this free episode of Get Off My Lawn.
Tomorrow we'll be at AFPAC investigating the evils of racism, but on the show we'll have Maddie's debut of Maddie's Shitty Kitchen.
We will have a TGMS episode number two, and we'll have the Sam Tripoli episode that they were just talking about, as well as, of course, the lovely Wayne Dupree and a myriad of other free, I mean, sorry, post-paywall content.
Not a very good ending.
But until next time, cheapskates, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
Mr. Dr. Munn, you have to bring home your medication.
Can you give me some of your low potion?
Give me the injection for your nylon.
Emergency, Mr. Dr. Munn, you have to bring home your medication.
Can you give me some of your low potion?
Give me the injection for your nylon.
She call emergency, accident or a fit.
Apparition run out of the bone marrow split.
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