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Jan. 28, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:15:18

GOML LIVE #133

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	There's colours on the street, red, white, and blue.
	People shuffling their feet.
	People sleeping in their shoes.
	There's a warning sign on the door.
	There's a lot of people saying we'd be better off.
	And don't feel like Satan, but I am the lamb.
	So I turn up a bit and pray I can keep on flying the free world.
	Keep on flying the free world.
	Keep on flying the free world.
	Keep on flying the free world.
	I see a woman in the night with a baby in her hand near the North Street light near a garbage can.
	Now she puts the kid away, she's gonna get a hit.
	She hates the life and what she's done to hit.
	And there's one more kid that'll never go to school.
	Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool.
	Keep on rocking in the free world.
	Keep on rocking in the free world.
	Keep on rocking in the free world.
	Keep on rocking in the free world.
	We got a thousand points tonight for the homeless man.
	We got a kinder, gander, machine gun hand.
	We got a kind of gander machine gun gun.
	We got the conference stores and toilet cane.
	Got stylophone boxes for the ozone man.
	Got a man of the people, test people for God.
	Got fuel of earth, got close to Christ.
	We found out in the free world.
	We found love in the free world.
	We found love in the free world.
	We found out in the free world.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	I don't think I know why.
	Not your only time.
	I've been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel.
	Holy shit.
	I come really, really hard.
	Baby Collinson, I need you here.
	Fucking quit.
	And that's a half past four, and I'm shifting.
	I kiss.
	When she is lonely and the longing gets to work, she's never came on coming in from above.
	Don't need to matter.
	We've got a thing that I suppose with our love to eat that boop-boop wave in the air.
	Red I love your slap-joint bandits around here.
	The radio springs on forgotten song.
	When the leaves coming home strong.
	crazy Dimash thinks he's a doad.
	Jesus Christ you're talking about.
	Never happened in the States.
	Never.
	Oh, so lucky that is that lucky bird.
	You turn around and walk away.
	You ugly.
	Shut up.
	Shut your mouth.
	I'm gonna come.
	No more speed, I'm almost there.
	Gotta keep cool, now I gotta take care.
	Last car to pass, here I go.
	And the line of cars drove down real slow.
	And the radio played that forgotten song.
	Randall is coming on strong.
	And the newsman sang here seemed song.
	I want more rain, I love it.
	When I get lonely, I'm sure I'll have enough.
	But you said the comfort coming.
	We got favours.
	We got skies.
	We got favourite.
	We got favourite clothes.
	Red love.
	Live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
	These wheels are sponsoring giving me homes and I can sing songs about South Wales.
	I'm a South Bamman with skin in our face.
	Southern man don't need him around anyhow.
	Welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	We're here with Maddie Odell, who just escaped death today.
	Yeah, I'm here.
	What was your blood pressure?
	76 over 46 today.
	That sounds pretty bad.
	Yeah, it was hypotension.
	Hypotension?
	Yeah, it's the opposite of hypertension, which is high blood pressure.
	But that's because my, you know, my heart, my left ventricle doesn't pump enough blood.
	To me.
	Why are you setting all this shit up now, Ryan?
	Ryan, get over here.
	You need to show the studio audience what the fuck you're wearing.
	You have skin-tight booty short jeans.
	Are they jeans?
	Are they jeans or Lululemon leggings?
	Like, put on the big camera and what the fuck are you wearing, dude?
	And you can wear Timberland sarcastically at a Halloween party, but you keep wearing them.
	Okay, I wasn't going to suggest this.
	I was going to do camera three, but what the fuck are you doing now?
	Stop, stop, stop.
	Look at his pants.
	Did you have to use butter to put those over your thighs?
	That's not even gay.
	Like, I don't think gays would wear that.
	I'm just going to say that.
	I'm so gay.
	Oh, boy.
	And how do you feel about those pants?
	Fine.
	Did you, like, get muscular and those are your old pants or something?
	You have enough money to buy new pants?
	Now I have big, big, thick.
	Big quads?
	And a fat Puerto Rican woman's ass.
	You're bootylicious.
	You got them apple-bottom jeans.
	And he's wearing long johns.
	Are you wearing long johns?
	Why are you wearing long johns?
	It's a glorious calf.
	That looks like a half.
	Oh, God.
	Who knew?
	You know, when we were kids, we called everyone a fag.
	And who knew that would become a compliment compared to what we were surrounded by?
	Yeah, we're live streaming this show for the first half hour, and then we go behind the paywall to punish those who don't subscribe to censored.tv for 10 bucks a month.
	Really, it's less than two beers a month, depending where you live.
	If you're drinking at the Legion, I guess it's like four beers a month.
	But it's a fantastic deal, unlimited entertainment every single day.
	We've got Laura Loomer.
	We have a lot of people that aren't on the network anymore, but we still have all their shit.
	So Candace Owens and Cornell West and Dinesh D'Souza and Milo Yiannopoulos and Laura Loomer and all these jive turkeys.
	I'm also getting a hold of all my old shows from the Gavin McInnes show, the show that discovered the Proud Boys.
	So we'll be uploading those shortly.
	But before we get started with the show, we'd like to thank Tactical Walls, vet-owned sponsor, Made in America.
	These walls started out as, actually, the whole thing started with just a mirror that's set into the wall.
	You had to cut into the drywall, avoid the studs, which is what my wife did when she was looking for a husband.
	And you open that up and all your long guns are in there, right?
	But the thieves are too stupid to figure that out.
	Then he gets into like shelving that you double click and the shelf drops down and your Moss burger's there.
	And then he got into the tissue box where he calls it an issue box and there's your handgun in there.
	And then he started making these walls, these tactical walls where you can beautifully display all of your guns in your panic room.
	Or, you know, if you're in the South, it's just in your room room.
	This is, of course, a terrible example of tactical walls because we're not allowed guns here in the South Bronx.
	But we use it to just like hang our coats and shit.
	But you can use it for other stuff.
	Like there's a, you, you, kids into baseball, they display their bats and all their gear is on that, their gloves and everything.
	The possibilities are endless.
	They've got it in the back of Jeeps where you drive around and you have the back of your Jeep is all set up with gear.
	So when you open the back door, everything is all set up there.
	It really, I mean, just go to the site, tacticalwalls.com.
	If you use the code Gavin15, you get 15% off all orders.
	20% off.
	Well, no, it's 15%.
	I think I was wrong last week.
	Oh, you were wrong last week.
	Oh, shit.
	So it's made in America by American Patriots for American Patriots.
	And you got to remember, when you see them sponsoring this show, they're getting in shit.
	So this isn't just a normal sponsor like when you see Haagendaz do a promo at Coney Island.
	This is someone who was brave enough to stand up to the lunatic leftist mob and continue to support us almost since day one.
	This guy's been around forever.
	I must say, Tactical Tim is a ride or die sponsor.
	Yeah.
	Ride or die, baby.
	He's not fucking around.
	I don't know.
	We had him here.
	I was here.
	He watched the fights.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	He took all our money.
	Beat us in the bets.
	Oh, yeah.
	Holy shit.
	He body nailed us.
	Got me for like 80 bucks.
	Who did he bet on again?
	Well, there was multiple fights.
	So we would bet on different fighters throughout the night.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And he fucking took all our money.
	What was the big fight that night?
	Oh.
	Was that a Jake fight?
	Oh, fuck.
	I don't know.
	Probably.
	Oh, if it was, it had to be horrible.
	I remember there were some female fights, right?
	Or like two queeb-looking guys with weird Joker hair, and you guys would bet on Joker, and then he bet.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	The undercards were all way better than the actual fights.
	That guy's a liar.
	All of those fights are fake.
	That's in what censored presents.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I'm going to have to go double check and see what fights we were watching.
	I mean, we've watched fights with Cousin Eddie and a bunch of other fights.
	I call bullshit on all of the Jake Paul fights.
	Oh.
	I think you name the round.
	He tells them round eight.
	And Floyd Mayweather desperately tries to not knock him out.
	He accidentally knocked him out.
	He had a clause in the contract that he wasn't allowed to knock Jake Paul out.
	Right, right, right.
	But he did anyway by accident.
	Yeah.
	But then I guess Floyd Mayweather, did he lose to Jake Paul?
	Was it Mayweather?
	Yeah.
	Was it?
	And then there was the last fight where you see him going with his gloves.
	And then Tyrone Woodley's got his hands up, and as soon as he starts to come with his overhand right, he drops his hand.
	And if you look at his face, he drops his hand and he goes like this.
	He winces like here comes my million bucks.
	I was just like, no, good.
	So fucking bad.
	Yeah.
	But I mean.
	That's the sport.
	We left it open to those kind of cheats.
	It's had honor in the past.
	It's been a blue-collar sport forever, and it's had honor.
	And then these millennial E-celebs go, Wait a minute, there's no way to check if you got to get the other view of that, Rye.
	There's another view of like looking over Jake Paul's shoulder, like watching Tyrone Woodley's face.
	Let's see if it's in this vid.
	And he literally drops his hand and winces.
	Watch.
	Drops the hand.
	I watched the wince.
	What the?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Because he's anticipating it coming.
	Here it comes.
	Are you kidding me?
	I mean, Stone Cold knocked him out.
	But watch.
	Go back a little bit there, Rye.
	And watch.
	He drops his hand.
	He keeps his other hand up.
	But watch his face.
	He kind of turns his head down and closes his eyes.
	Waiting for the imprutches.
	That's amazing.
	Watch.
	Drop the hand.
	There it is.
	Yep.
	He went like this to anticipate it.
	Come on, man.
	Come on, man.
	Come on, man.
	Come on.
	You don't let me hit you.
	You're not black.
	But you know what I mean about boxing?
	I mean, the guys found a hole and they drove a truck through it.
	So these, it's Jake Paul.
	And what's the other guy's name?
	That was Tyrone Woodley.
	No, but Jake Paul, the other Paul brother, also does this.
	Oh, Logan Paul.
	Yeah, and they thought, we have this e-celebrity status.
	It's all about clicks.
	So let's have fake fights and we'll make millions of dollars.
	We'll ruin boxing for everyone, but I don't give a fuck about boxing.
	Let's ruin it.
	Yeah.
	It's sort of like fishing.
	Like you see these $10,000 swordfish on the wall at the hotel.
	Yeah, the big marlins.
	And I'm talking to the guy, and he goes, yeah, what they do is they make a bust of the marlin you catch and then you sell that bust.
	And I'm like, make 10 busts.
	Taxidermy can be catching.
	And then go all over the world, all over the world, all over America selling them.
	And say it's the one bust.
	So that would be me doing a Jake Paul on fish taxidermy.
	Because at least with fucking animal taxidermy, you got the hair and everything.
	Right.
	Like the bear here, like, that's a plastic or fiberglass mold.
	Right.
	But it's got his definitely the exterior bear.
	You could fucking peel back the leather.
	You can't get it.
	Do DNA or whatever you do on it, and you can see that it's a real bear.
	But with the fish, it's totally fabricated.
	So make some fake fish.
	You gotta get up there and airbrush it and cheat.
	You gotta make some fake fish.
	Well, it's kind of hard to skin a not to skin it, but it's too thin, I guess.
	There's no way to tan it.
	You ever try to skin a fucking bear?
	It's impossible.
	Wow, you've lost some weight, Jack Black.
	Looking felt.
	Going on a diet, trying to lose a little bit of the weight.
	Looking felt?
	Like what's on a pool table?
	Or svelt?
	Rock and roll!
	So you don't know the word svelt is what I'm gathering.
	I know the word belt, and I'm wearing one right now.
	At Chino, I've got a belt.
	School of rock.
	You look totally different as a thin guy.
	You look like a Mexicano.
	Thanks.
	Now, folks listening to the audio, you're probably shocked that we got Jack Black on the show, and you should be, because it was a hell of a get.
	But he's here.
	Chalo, you've got a me.
	So what we do on Thursdays, every day on this show, and I'm speaking to the outsiders now, we go through the news and we make fun of it.
	It's sort of like Howard Stern meets Tucker Carlson, but with less retards.
	And Wednesdays we do the show.
	I go to Anthony Cumia studio.
	We do it there.
	But Thursday nights, just kind of fucking around.
	Yeah, we take some super chats.
	So this is how you do it.
	You go to the site, right?
	Here's the website.
	And I figured we'd walk people through this because some people don't know.
	So you click the live banner.
	We're watching live here.
	You scroll down a little bit, and then it says, donate.
	Is this like your news voice?
	I'm trying something, yes.
	Okay.
	So donate to...
	Well, now I'm self-conscious.
	Never mind.
	Wow, you got some thick skin there.
	Someone notices your voice is a little off.
	Your job is to make fun of other people's voices, but someone notices yours is 1% different, and you have a complete meltdown and stop talking.
	He needs to save space.
	No wonder we fucking roasted you cocksuckers in World War II.
	Boom!
	And for those of you who can't see, Ryan's Jewish.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I don't know about roasted.
	Don't need to read a message on there.
	You click that little jammy and then you go ahead, you pay for it.
	So we got paychats, we got calls.
	These are all things you'd miss because you're cheap.
	You didn't sign up.
	Yeah, dick.
	That's how you get the customers to sign up.
	You just call them dickheads and cheap asses.
	No, so there's three things going on tonight.
	One, we go through the mailbag and we read letters from people.
	And I've pre-screened all these, so they're all gold.
	They all have purple flags, Ryan, if you're going through the email.
	Secondly, we take calls.
	And then thirdly, we take super chats that people pay for.
	And that moves you to the front of the line.
	The super chats go to two political prisoners.
	I don't take a cent of the super chats.
	The first one raised $1,500.
	The second one was a lot less, right?
	$600 and $100.
	It was $600.
	So up to $2,100.
	And that goes to two political prisoners, Max Hare and John Kinsman, who are currently serving four years for fighting Antifa.
	Antifa picked a fight with them by throwing a bottle of piss.
	Max and John obliged, beat the crap out of them, to Antifa's credit.
	Antifa said, we don't want to press charges.
	But the idea of throwing MAGA men in jail was too exciting.
	And de Blasio and Cuomo decided to take it upon themselves to charge them anyway.
	And so the money will go to their families, to them having some kind of A nest egg when they get out.
	Obviously, this isn't the only source of income they'll have.
	We've been raising money for them their entire prison term.
	All right, a lot of setting up here.
	But why don't you do the mailbag song, Ryan?
	Let's hit the mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	You know, I was looking at that thinking, I wonder if Katsu, his father, has ever seen that or what he would think.
	And then I realized he wouldn't give a shit.
	He might see.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	Right?
	He might see it and be like, Frickle Geo, Giggle Gill, Frickle Gee, Lick O Gee.
	Alrighty then.
	Okay.
	Hey, fellas, this seems like something you'd mention on the show if you knew about it.
	A man in Seattle shoots a 19-year-old girl in the head.
	Police corner him in a hotel room, but he won't come out.
	So they give up and go do paperwork.
	Guy then goes down to Portland and murders two people.
	And then he includes the archive in case they change it.
	Yeah, I mean, I'm of two minds about this kind of stuff.
	You keep telling the police to fuck off.
	You keep telling them they're useless.
	You keep suing them.
	And eventually they just become secretaries, right?
	But they were called to his hotel room prior, too?
	Yes.
	And he won't come out.
	So, you know, in the good old days.
	Shaywalking or something?
	What?
	I think it was domestic violence.
	Yeah, that's weird because...
	In the good old days, you just go in and clean up shop, but you can't do that anymore.
	So cops are going, okay, fine, I won't do my job.
	Like, what I'm saying is, we, as, you know, the left, leftist America, especially up in Portland, said, don't do your job.
	Do you blame them?
	They have blood on their hands.
	Who does?
	We.
	The leftists.
	Yes.
	Media, all these protests.
	I mean, if I had a kid who was a cop and there was, he called me and goes, dad, this is crazy.
	It's my first day in the job.
	And there's some lunatic in a hotel room who won't come out.
	I go, just file the paperwork and go home.
	Like, don't be a cowboy.
	Because it's lose-lose if you're a cowboy.
	You know, I was talking to a cop buddy here in the Bronx, and I said, Tim Poole keeps getting swatted.
	People call, can we do a fake SWAT where you come in and you arrest Maddie and I and you like throw us on the ground and stuff?
	And he goes, are you out of your fucking mind?
	Wow.
	He goes, everyone in a 10-mile radius would be fired to death.
	Like they would nuclear bomb the precinct.
	And that would be the start.
	That would be just a cool thing.
	I lose my job.
	My friends would lose their job.
	The place I get pizza, they'd all lose their job.
	Pizza.
	He goes, if this was 2006, I would happily come in and kick over some cameras and fucking throw you up against the wall.
	I'd enjoy beating the shit out of you.
	Yeah.
	But it ain't 2006.
	No.
	No, it's crazy, man.
	And listen, I don't like to talk.
	Oops.
	There we go.
	I don't like to talk about it, but we got swatted again.
	We had a huge DDoS attack.
	And for those of you that don't know, that's like a massive hacker thing.
	And we have security protocol.
	Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Poole is in the studio.
	Tim, do you support...
	I noticed you're wearing a Carhartt hat.
	Are you okay with Carhartt's forced mandates?
	Well, listen, man.
	This is what I have to say about that.
	Look, guys need beanies, okay?
	Guys like me could use a beanie when they shower, when they sleep, when they go to bed.
	Okay.
	Agreed.
	So if I'm going to rotate them, sure, I'm going to add the Carhartt in there.
	But I'll tell you what, just to boycott them, I don't wear it outside.
	But Tim.
	On camera.
	Tim.
	Yes.
	Are you that guy?
	Oh, I'm.
	You know, I've learned from this?
	No.
	I'm not going to say I'm.
	Speaking of Carhartt and the mandates, I saw one of the craziest articles I've ever seen today.
	I'll forward it to you, Ryan.
	It's in Wisconsin, right?
	And they have these people working on the front lines, the heroes, healthcare workers.
	They're told they have to get vaccinated.
	They go, I'm in great shape.
	Obviously, my immune system's kicking ass.
	I've been working with these people for two years and I'm fine.
	So I don't want the vaccine.
	I don't think the vaccine's evil, but I don't think I need it.
	And I don't like that you're forcing me to take something.
	So they go, well, if you don't take it, you're fired.
	Okay, I'm fired.
	And then the hospital gets a notice, these people have a new job.
	They're working like in northern Wisconsin where we don't have these mandates.
	The hospital goes, no, you can't work there.
	I own your labor.
	Which, as a baby monster pointed out, is serfdom.
	Like, you're a slave.
	If I can't, if you fire me, but I can't work anywhere else, then you own me.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	That's like Scientology.
	It's, yeah.
	What do they call them?
	The squirrels or whatever?
	Theticare requested Thursday that McGinnis temporarily block seven of its employees who had applied for and accepted jobs at Ascension from beginning work there on Monday until the health system could find replacements for them.
	So they fired these people for not getting the vaccine.
	And then other people tried to get employment.
	They said, no, no, no, you can't get employed until I can find someone to replace you.
	If I'm fired, I'm terminated.
	It's none of your fucking business.
	I can blow my head off.
	Go suck a dick.
	Yeah.
	I would be like this.
	I'd be like.
	Like the day you gave me my termination, my pink slip, we're done.
	I'm out of here.
	Bye.
	Nothing applies.
	I mean, it's one thing if you have a contract with non-competes, but these guys are basically freelancers.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye, everybody.
	Bye, Neil Young.
	Every time I hear Trump say that, I think of Neil Young.
	It's so great, Neil Young.
	What is he?
	80?
	Get rid of all of my get rid of Joe Rogan or I'm out of here.
	Bye.
	Take my catalog down.
	Bye.
	I don't think boomers understand that like if you're Fleetwood Mac or Steely Dan or Rush, believe me, you were fucking huge.
	I'm Gen X. I worshiped you.
	But you're done now.
	No one knows who the fuck Neil Young is.
	You're not carrying any weight.
	No, and the people who know who he is are like my parents who don't spend anything on anything.
	I mean, Neil Young had a couple of good songs, but for the most part, his music was horrible.
	And he's also...
	In my opinion, you know, not the biggest fan of him.
	Never get to be cool.
	What's that, Johnny Rotten?
	This is the story of Johnny Rotten.
	All right, next.
	Are we taking calls to Rye Guy?
	Yeah, we are, but not yet.
	I think we get behind the paywall.
	Because it's like, you know, you could call, theoretically, but then it's like, you know, who am I talking to?
	Oh, so you don't want to give out the number for people to call in because non-subscribers would do it.
	I hadn't thought about that, but that's very smart, too.
	Wait, okay, so then what's your logic?
	Well, they don't deserve to hear the calls.
	Yeah, they do, because we're trying to sell the show.
	And so we want to show the Cheapskates all the different things we do, from super chats to calls to everything.
	You know, I'm all over YouTube ever since I said, go ahead and rape this show to death as long as you keep the clips short, like 12 minutes or so.
	And then like five different channels are doing it, and it's no problem, which is curious.
	Because they're probably non-monetized.
	They're probably non-monetized, but why is YouTube allowing it?
	And I remember Ezra Levant wanted to rehire me after I got fired from Blaze, but he said, can I rehire you as Miles?
	And I'm like, yeah, sure, whatever.
	Fuck, I don't have anything else going on.
	I'm fired.
	And so he contacted the lawyers at YouTube and they said, no, you cannot run Miles because it's still Gavin McInnes.
	So I was completely blackballed, right?
	So why are they allowing these other guys to give our content out in small doses?
	I believe that they think it's hurting me.
	It sounds like megalomania.
	I understand that.
	But I think they think it's hurting the channel.
	So like, yeah, that's hurting them.
	That'll do.
	Yeah, I got a few phone calls from personal friends and said, oh, I saw you on YouTube.
	I was like, really?
	I could care.
	I swear people see me.
	You know, I'm uncancelable.
	I can't get canceled.
	You know, unfortunately, we have an offender.
	Okay.
	Now, listen, Gavin Shorts, I've seen your clips.
	You do great stuff.
	But this whole 40 minutes, 42 minutes.
	Well, thanks for advertising it, Ryan.
	That was prudent.
	These are a bit lengthy.
	And so I know you're watching.
	And can you please keep them within a normal time frame?
	Our show is only, but so long.
	But if they, what do they have, like 400 views?
	That doesn't matter.
	4,000 views for the 40-minute clip.
	That's not nothing.
	Chaloo.
	So it's...
	Oh, it's only 9.25.
	That clock is fast.
	Oh, you put batteries in it.
	I got a lot of letters about people getting divorced, dude.
	Ever since I did that long deep dive about that couple who was giving up after four kids and they're only in their early 20s.
	But I'll get to them.
	I hope I get to them.
	But the pattern here I've noticed is totally flippant behavior.
	Not he was a professor and he'd been fucking in his student for four years and they're madly in love and they're eloping to Barcelona.
	This was like she started working from home and she became bitchy and she said she needed time for her own mental health.
	So I gave her that by taking the kids away and now she has her, she stays at like her sister's house and you're like, wait, what the fuck happened?
	Yeah, that's there was no reason for that.
	Or he was working out of the gym and his trainer and him got along and now they're fucking and she's a five, but she's 10 years younger than his wife.
	And you're like, wow, what a great reason to destroy your children's lives.
	Yeah, but if he's not getting it at home because the wife is staying at her sister's house banging someone else.
	He's got needs too.
	Those are two separate stories.
	Oh, oh.
	The common thread here is the kids are not a concern.
	And I'm just not happy.
	I'm just narcissism.
	I want to try something else.
	Me, me, me, me.
	Sex is like not a big deal.
	Divorce is like not a big deal.
	I think what happens too is the woman will start the workforce.
	She'll be with other divorce women.
	And they start pissing in her ear saying, you got it.
	We went out last night.
	It was so fun.
	We got super fucking wasted, you guys.
	And then she starts getting brainwashed.
	Anyway, sorry.
	Last letter before we hide.
	Dear G. Dizzle, Ryge, and Maddo.
	I was sick for a little over a week and gave me a chance to catch up on GML.
	I don't care.
	You were talking about pit bulls, and you said they're just victims of a bad narrative.
	Now, we know Maddie is a big pit bull owner and fan, so we disagree on this.
	And one of your callers mentioned that Dalmatians and poodles are not only more aggressive, but they are higher on the list of yearly dog bites and incidents and attacks.
	This not only came off as an extremely disingenuous argument to me, but to make it much more interesting, he stated that with a healthy amount of arrogance as if he was schooling you.
	Well, that's true of that entire generation.
	I've noticed this with the millennials.
	Whenever they send a letter, they go, yeah, what's actually happening is your pupils are dilating.
	And fuck off.
	Speak with such conviction and condescending attitudes.
	Especially medical shit.
	Yeah, well, the reason you got a hemorrhoid is when you're working out, you're pushing too hard and the capillaries.
	And you know, they just checked it out on Wikipedia.
	We used to do that.
	MMD.
	Yeah.
	As kids, we didn't know anything.
	Like, I'm talking about 18, 19.
	And so you'd listen to your dad, and your dad would go, like, The thing about fucking money is that you keep printing it, and it's no infinite.
	You know, it's just going to cause inflation.
	Nothing's free.
	And you're like, nothing's free, actually.
	They keep printing money and it's causing serious inflation.
	And the girls you're talking to don't go, what kind of inflation?
	What percent?
	You just go, it's really bad.
	Anyway, the new equivalent of that, the dad is the internet.
	So now they just look something up and fucking.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	What he conveniently doesn't mention is that the amount of damage a pit bull typically does is exponentially worse than a fucking poodle.
	This is a fact that all pitbull advocates seemingly gloss over like it's nothing.
	I feel like a fag writing a letter about it, but I'm just so exhausted from watching what seems to be every arrogant retard in the universe writing the show to correct you, only to be refuted by you in a heartbeat.
	I'm embarrassed by my fellow millennials, blah, blah, blah.
	Anyway.
	Some of the strongest dogs, that doesn't mean they're necessarily the most aggressive.
	So although there are stronger dogs, maybe they don't bite as much.
	Thanks, Ryan.
	What a great input.
	Did you ever see this?
	There was a guy, the pit bull owner had a heart attack or something, right?
	And then this guy's giving him CPR.
	The dog kills the guy giving CPR, and the dog owner survives.
	Fucked.
	He's trying to protect his owner.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Yeah, he's like pushing his chest.
	If I saw a guy with a pit bull dying, I would say, I can't help you.
	You have a pit bull.
	You did this.
	Yeah, you have a trap.
	Should have taught him CPR.
	Dogs that know CPR, type, type, type, type.
	Anyway, I smashed the subscribe and I'm getting my money's worth.
	I don't care if you use my name.
	I'm not a pussy.
	It's Eric Brokop.
	It's funny to think that people are afraid to openly say they listen to your show, but activist journalists can write mainstream articles attempting to normalize pedophilia, which is true.
	We've seen all these articles that are out now saying, look, stop calling pedophiles child molesters.
	They don't all molest children.
	They just want to.
	Monday's episode or Tuesday's episode was disturbing.
	All the teachers and the video.
	Why are you worried about pedophiles' rights?
	Like, you'll take your daughter out of a school if the teacher's dad was reputed to have said the N-word 20 years ago.
	But pedophiles, well, I think my daughter could learn a lot from them.
	It's just a different type of sexuality.
	The queer agenda and all that bullshit.
	Clown World doesn't do it justice anymore.
	You know, I've been talking to this new guy as a contributor, and he's got kind of an interesting thing he's been pushing where he's talking about the Bible.
	And his contention is it's going to be illegal in 10 years.
	Whoa.
	The Bible?
	The Bible.
	Interest.
	Well, they're banning free speech and stuff already.
	Right.
	I saw To Kill a Mockingbird is getting pulled from some schools because it's racist.
	So the Bible is anti-gay.
	It's anti-globalist with the Tower of Babel.
	And you could argue that's anti-diversity.
	And diversity is our strength.
	So I think he's got a good point.
	Anyway, we're way past the half hour mark.
	True.
	That should give you a good dose of what this show is about.
	Although no other show we do is like this one.
	We don't often...
	We do the mailbag every show, but it's only for like five or ten minutes of the hour and a half.
	And this show is unique in that it's 100% contributor-based content.
	I mean, viewer-based content.
	All right.
	Goodbye.
	Yeah.
	Stay tuned.
	Hey, Wallers.
	We're not going anywhere.
	You know, the most interesting thing I thought about that Netflix documentary about Leonard Skinner is how much they would fucking jam.
	Yeah.
	Oh, fucking.
	Like five hours a day, every day, in a shack in Florida in August.
	Sweltering heat.
	Just everywhere.
	In a swamp.
	Yeah.
	Imagine the mosquitoes alone.
	Must just be off and beer.
	Probably just beer and just beer and everything just pouring out of your pores.
	Yeah, your blood's so thin the mosquitoes can't handle it.
	Black Flag were like that, too.
	They would practice five hours a day, six days a week.
	I could see Henry Rollins being that regimented, though.
	I don't know.
	Would you get bored?
	All right, I think we got it.
	I mean, it's fucking punk at the end of the day.
	And home with a two-minute song.
	All right, let's start taking some calls.
	Oh, I don't have my little thingamadoodle.
	Oh.
	Dinkle Breath.
	Someone wants to know if...
	If I could call out Joe Rogan.
	Call him out?
	For not having Sam Hyde on.
	Yeah.
	He's been really going hard on that wanting to go on Rogan thing.
	I think it would be great.
	Dude, it would be amazing.
	On Joe Rogan.
	And you look at, like, as far as the media attention goes, you hear about that white-bearded dude who was into making vaccines.
	Oh, yeah.
	Robert, what's his name?
	Dr. Malone.
	Yeah.
	Who, by the way, they're calling him a proud boy now.
	I don't know what the fuck that means.
	But there's those, the famous ones, that blow up.
	But if you actually check Spotify, there's a lot of sort of dud, mediocre comedians that no one really likes.
	Like that fucking spinster chick who's a total sad whore.
	The fuck is her name?
	Shit.
	She's all about being a female comedian.
	Imagine being a comedian and being all about your gender and how you're a female comedian.
	Aren't you kind of admitting that women aren't funny if that's a huge deal?
	Is it Jen Kirkman?
	No, but she's one of the worst.
	Well, he has Annie Letterman on all the time.
	Who's the one that hangs out with Annie Letterman?
	Who's the chick who she brought a robot of herself up on stage to skeeve everyone out?
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Fuck.
	Celicity Carla Flockhart.
	Cummings.
	Yeah.
	What's her name?
	Whitney Cummings.
	Whitney Cummings.
	It's so sad watching these girls, too.
	Like, Nikki Glazer, I adore her.
	I used to hang out with her a little bit.
	She liked my book.
	And I watched her stand-up recently, and it was like, I just can't find a man.
	And, you know, it's, oh, the good thing about having your face fucked is you don't have to do anything.
	And then it sucks, though, when he leaves.
	Her last one was crazy.
	She started talking about all her kinks.
	Oof.
	Like what?
	I heard her on its journey being talked about being fucked up the ass and saying she likes it because it's so good.
	She literally subscribes to like all these crazy gangbang BDSM.
	Like, says she secretly wants to do it, but she wants it to be like she's being forced to do it, but she's willing to do it.
	She wants to get gangway.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like she wants like a toilet bowl over, a seat over her head with like pig and slut and everything written on her.
	She's like, but I just don't want to, like, I don't want to be like initiated.
	It has to just, they have to make me do it.
	It's like, what are you talking about?
	And then you do that, and you realize it was just for a comedy.
	You're a man looking woman.
	And then you're in jail for 15 years.
	Yeah.
	She's got some serious kink issues.
	She's living with her parents now.
	We've ruined our woman with this bullshit freedom shit.
	And that goes back to these divorce letters I was getting, which I might jump to after this, where it's clear the woman is bluffing when she says, like, I'm not happy.
	And he's like, okay, I want you to be happy.
	Like this dude at our bar, the sanitation guy, where she goes, hey, if we pretend we live near the high school, our kids can go to this great high school.
	Meanwhile, she's going out with these divorced women and parting her ass off at the bar that ends with 19.
	And they're like, this is fun.
	We're getting Coke.
	And the kids are getting older.
	So it might be an element here might be paranoia, phobia of empty nest syndrome, because you know it's coming and you're worried you're going to be bored with this asshole of a husband, loser of a husband, whatever.
	So I've told the story before, but she goes, whatever, honey, let's do it.
	So he gets an apartment, and then she goes, okay, we can pretend we live there.
	Now the kids can go to a good high school.
	But apparently they do spot checks on the apartment.
	Really?
	So buy a key of furniture and put furniture in it.
	Whatever you want, honey, whatever makes you happy.
	He does that.
	And then she goes, you're not going to believe this.
	Apparently, like, they'll knock on the door some nights to make sure you live there.
	Okay.
	Can you stay there?
	I guess this is going.
	He's like, okay.
	And then he's like, I stayed there two nights.
	She goes, I hear they're cracking down.
	Make sure there's like cutlery and your underwear drawer and posters on the wall and stay there for two weeks because this is the week they crack down.
	He's like, whatever, honey.
	Whatever makes you happy.
	Her divorce lawyer had been setting this all up for a year.
	So then she files for divorce and says he's absent.
	He abandoned the family.
	He got an apartment two miles away from us, five miles away.
	And so he had the book thrown at him.
	The kids, of his two kids, one of them went against him.
	So the moral of this story is, honey, I want you to go stay at an apartment and pretend you live there.
	No.
	We're not doing that.
	Well, the kids won't go to a good school.
	Oh, well.
	School's for retards these days anyway.
	I was realizing this the other day.
	I got an argument with my dad about it.
	I was like, my daughter missed class because she slept in or something.
	And I thought, I don't fucking care.
	I don't care about school at all.
	If my kids played hookie for a week, I'd be proud of them.
	I know, I can't believe I'm saying that.
	But school has become such a shit show brainwashing fest.
	Indoctrination camps.
	I don't give a fuck.
	And if you're curious about the Civil War, here's a Civil War book.
	You know?
	Like, you're reading and writing is important.
	But like, what are they learning in there?
	It's a glorified daycare.
	And then my dad was like, well, look at people who have been to university are 11 times more likely to be.
	No, because they're smart.
	And your data comes from your generation when university was science, technology, engineering, mathematics.
	Even art school was hard back in the 50s and 60s.
	You could leave and you could do photorealism.
	Now?
	And only like 5% went to university.
	Yes.
	And that's all who should.
	One of the biggest problems with America, I think, today is there's too many colleges and universities.
	Everyone's not meant to go to college.
	No.
	I mean, it's beautiful to learn the classics of Dickens and the Romantic era and see the Mona Lisa and all that stuff.
	We can squeeze that in.
	I think they said there was like 4,100 college and universities in the United States.
	That's fucking ridiculous.
	Yeah, 4,100.
	It was 95, 5.
	95 people, 95% got a trade, 5% went to school.
	Now it's reversed.
	And it shouldn't be reversed.
	Look at them.
	You can see them on the internet.
	You see these journalists talking about proud boys being neo-fascist and white power adjacent.
	You're clearly retarded.
	I saw some post the other day.
	What was his name?
	Christopher Matthias.
	He was saying Tucker's latest attack on Soros perfectly mirrors the Daily Stormer and 4chan neo-Nazi criticisms of Soros.
	Yes, that's true.
	It also mirrors the Amish, the albino, the Maddie and Gavin and Ryan, and the fucking motorcycle mechanic criticisms of Soros.
	Because it's true, you fucking dunce.
	All cats are mammals.
	All dogs are mammals.
	All cats are not dogs.
	Who's that new guy who's getting a lot of press lately?
	Klaus Schwab or something like that?
	I've heard of that.
	Let me look him up.
	Yeah, he's got this new global leader things.
	And he's infiltrated half a fucking Trudeau's cabinet, Venezuela, Lacrohn's.
	Yeah.
	Ryan, see if you find...
	I think it's Klaus Schwab.
	Yeah, that sounds familiar.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's him right there.
	Yes, we've seen him.
	He's the guy with the weird fucking Star Trek accountant vest.
	World outfit.
	Yeah, there he is.
	He's got like some group that he teaches these.
	Look at his fucking outfit there in the middle.
	That's Zod shit.
	Oh, my God.
	When did he get off this?
	Let's all speak Esperanza.
	That's the globalist uniform.
	How could you take anyone seriously wearing that?
	He's not wearing a collar because that's traditional.
	This is new.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Collars are for the old days.
	Oh, Jesus.
	The old days.
	Yeah, but he's been a busy man.
	Well, I mean, all of that shit was so esoteric like five or six years ago.
	We knew they existed, but it's like, yeah, these globalists, they're fucking nuts.
	Now it's fucking mainstream.
	Soros has at least a dozen DAs setting people free, including the guy who plowed into the dancing grannies.
	That was a Soros-funded DA who released that guy.
	So it's on our front doorsteps now.
	Those are no longer lunatics we used to laugh at, like flat earthers.
	And is he fucking promoting his other articles?
	Previously, fucking bam.
	He's a rich kid who changed his last name because it was too long.
	His parents are doctors.
	They pay all his bills.
	All of those kids are.
	You know how, like, what's our Chadwick Moore doesn't look gay?
	Like, if Chadwick Moore did look gay, he would look like this guy.
	This poor kid has no lips.
	It's just like a razor slit for a mouth.
	Look how weird he looks.
	What the?
	His eyelashes?
	Yeah, that upper lip is just straight across.
	His eyes are a little wonky.
	And his weird been in the tombs for four days, beard.
	Yeah, this hairy monster.
	Yeah, that right eye is definitely wandering.
	Yeah, it is.
	It might be the left one.
	He actually looks like...
	No, if you're looking at the screen, it's not a left.
	These guys are all so low-T, they look like lesbians who are transitioning.
	And it's like, hi, what's going on?
	My name's Christopher, and I'm a man now, and I don't even remember what it's like to be a woman.
	Dude, I sent this to my wife earlier today.
	You know how these lesbians will cut their tits off?
	Yeah.
	I think it's awesome.
	Because tits are for fags.
	No, I'm just kidding.
	Someone sent me a picture of actually what they're cutting off.
	It was a baby monster.
	And I was naive enough to assume that it's just like cutting here, taking out some fat, and then sealing it up again.
	Like cutting off your earlobes.
	That's just a stupid area, right?
	But no.
	Tits are incredibly complicated.
	I've seen reduction surgery.
	In person?
	No.
	At a party?
	Are they cutting strips out?
	Yeah, it's weird.
	Well, I assume with reduction surgery, they keep the milk ducts intact.
	Yeah, they cut the nipple off and then they draw the lines like sunbursts and they cut down and take it out in strips.
	Please don't do that.
	I'm against the bombing of abortion clinics, but to be honest, I'm not against the bombing of breast reduction surgery clinics.
	I'm going to become a domestic terrorist and fucking kill those places.
	JK, JK, JK.
	Josh Kenning, FBI.
	Yeah, the glandular tissue in each breast is divided into 15 to 20 lobes, which are organized in a daisy-like pattern to make nursing milk.
	Did you get it, Ryan?
	The lobes are further split into smaller lobules, which create milk for the mother.
	What?
	For the mother to give to the kid, I assume.
	The milk is carried to a reservoir right behind your nipple by little tubes.
	So that has got to go.
	Wow.
	So they're not just tucking a thing, taking out some random stupid fat, like when you're cutting into a steak and you don't want to eat the chewy part.
	Piece of grizzle.
	Yeah, this is not grizzle.
	They're removing major machinery.
	It's tisle.
	Looks like a pink sunflower.
	It looks like a big fucking deal.
	A very intricate thing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's like having a finger removed.
	But no, no.
	No.
	I'm going to have to disagree.
	Because that's way more intricate than anything else.
	Fingers got a lot of shit going on.
	Knuckles, there's all kinds of stuff.
	Not glands.
	Glands is when you really start getting.
	So I'm a sexist because I think it's horrific that we live in a culture where cutting these off and literally throwing them in the garbage is empowering feminism.
	Body dysmorphia.
	Sorry, I disagree.
	I don't want you cutting these off.
	They look like they were a bitch to make.
	I don't want you cutting these off and throwing them in a Ziploc bio-waste bag that goes to an incinerator In the basement of the hospital.
	You know?
	Like, fucking be a lesbian.
	Have some lesbian tits.
	Be a tomboy.
	Wear your stupid little Justin Bieber when he was 16, sideways baseball hat with your underwear sticking out of your shorts and your undershirt and your fucking, yo, I'm a dude.
	Take the hormones.
	Get the stubble.
	Go nuts.
	Put on a strap on.
	Fuck your girlfriend.
	Thumbs up.
	I approve.
	I don't know.
	I mean, this saved its life.
	So it's saving lives.
	It saved his life.
	And by the way, I guarantee you that article is like six months after the operation.
	Let's check back in with old Rye Guy.
	Let's check in with old Ryan Cassada in five years.
	What have I done?
	At least they held on to his fucking nipples.
	Is that home plate?
	Yeah, it's a tattoo of home plate.
	Oh, I thought it was maybe a pocket.
	He's like, I also want a pocket and no tips.
	Is that possible?
	Is that home plate so you know where the ship is?
	She identifies as a fucking marsupial.
	He wanted a pocket.
	Oh, I get it.
	Home plate is close.
	It's hit to home.
	Home is where the heart is.
	It hits home base.
	Home is where the...
	My wife has a tattoo of a heart here.
	And shortly after knowing her, I go, what's all that about?
	What do you think you have a little heart?
	She goes, yeah, I don't know.
	It was just sort of meant like, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
	I go, no, you don't.
	You're totally guarded, quiet.
	Well, you come across as a bitch.
	No.
	I don't see it as a bad trait.
	I'm an asshole, and we're attracted to bitches because we need a grump to keep us in line.
	My mom's a bitch.
	My dad's an asshole.
	It's a thing.
	It's salt and pepper.
	You need it.
	You come across as a yin and yang.
	If I married a nice girl, she'd be trampled to death.
	There he is.
	Bitches don't wear their hearts on their sleeves.
	There's my buddy Ryan.
	Hey, man.
	Hey, look, it's Adam Friedland from Cometown.
	Okay, stop, stop.
	Hey, Ryan.
	Yes.
	Not you, him.
	Oh.
	Hey, Ryan.
	What's up?
	Do you break for queefs?
	What's the worst shit you've ever had?
	You got to see my hemorrhoid.
	Can I show you my hemorrhoid?
	It's kind of flattened now because I sit on it, right?
	Dude, you got to see my hemorrhoid.
	Oh, here.
	I just cut my fart.
	It's a really bad fart.
	It smells like cobalt.
	Let me throw it in your face.
	And you not get mad.
	Instead, this is what men do.
	You throw a fart in their face and they go, oh, dude, fucking raunchy.
	Something you, man.
	They actually get concerned.
	If you like shit in their face, basically, and send them the worst fart on earth, they go, oh my God, what are you eating?
	No, you got to get checked out.
	It's like they did a little cancer test or a pap smear and the results are not good.
	They're like little fart doctors.
	You want to do that?
	Do you want to talk about...
	Do you want to watch gay porn with us?
	You know what is gay porn to us?
	It's watching a man make a wooden wheel for a cart.
	Oil riggers is gay porn to us.
	Guys who build a log cabin 100% by themselves from scratch.
	We watch that on.
	No power tools, no power tools.
	Yeah, we watch that on Speed Thingy, sped up.
	Do you want to watch that with us?
	Because I'm happy to hang out with you.
	How about a punch buggy red?
	If I see a red punch buggy, I fucking nail you in your girly arms.
	Are you okay with that?
	But it's funny, like, it's like, what's he going to bring to the table as far as conversation?
	He doesn't have any experience as a man.
	Yeah.
	He really thinks being a man is just kind of like doing this?
	Like, I don't care.
	Okay, if you want to cut your tits off, watch.
	If you want to cut your tits off.
	You got to watch George Brett.
	That was perfect.
	Watch George Brett's video where he shit his pants last night and just fucking water.
	Just water.
	What'd you do?
	I just kept walking and went straight through the bathroom.
	I'm wearing buckskin boots, no socks.
	What?
	That sounds really uncomfortable, by the way.
	Oh, Jesus.
	Your toes are all slimy and you're legally.
	And one dude is sitting down with his hand on his knee and he's kneeling down.
	He's listening to the entire conversation so intently.
	Yeah.
	He goes, yeah, you know, I'm good for about once a year.
	Shit myself.
	Shit my pants last night.
	Does he say three times a year or one time a year?
	No, at least once a year.
	Yeah, I'm good for those about once a year.
	Parted last night.
	Did you hear that before he said shit my pants last night?
	He goes, look at him.
	He's bent over like squeezing like.
	I want that Ryan chick to be there with sunglasses and a hat on just like stretching going, oh yeah.
	They look like pit vipers.
	So what was going on there when you shit your pants?
	Does he have two pairs?
	He's got two pairs?
	Yeah, I think one are clear.
	That's funny.
	Shit myself.
	One are clear.
	One are clear.
	None are grammar.
	I did.
	I went out and had a great meal.
	Just a great fucking meal.
	I had to go to the bathroom, so bat in the car.
	I'm going, Trow, hurry up.
	He's just been down listening to the whole story.
	Guy next to him?
	I had fucking shit in my pants.
	So this is what we do, ladies.
	Like, you know that meme where she's, they're lying in bed and she's looking at him and she's like, I wonder what he's, he's probably thinking about other women.
	And then they have him and what he's thinking about, it's usually nothing at all.
	Or, you know what we're thinking about?
	We're like, how the fuck does a sewing machine take the needle down and then scoop it and then it, what the, how does that, who, who came up with a watch?
	Like, what was the first watch?
	I can't even think of, I've seen like the inside of the watches I wear.
	What was the first one?
	Was it only a third of those little cogs?
	That's not good enough.
	It's like all or nothing.
	You can't have like two cogs and it's a watch.
	exactly.
	So, are you ready for all of that, Ryan?
	No, I'm not into that.
	I'm into talking about gender politics, fluidity, the history of the LGBT.
	Well, that's not what guys are into.
	So you're not a guy.
	How I still get yeast infections.
	Politics of yeast infections.
	That's lesbian shit.
	You're a lesbian.
	God damn it.
	Hey.
	All right, let's do some of these divorce things and take calls.
	We got a call.
	We got plenty of calls.
	We should probably do some of that.
	We got Mark.
	Mac.
	What's going on, Mark?
	Hey.
	Hey, guys.
	So last week, Ryan dropped a bomb when he said that his dad, who up until that point I thought was a dead beast, but now I think he's the greatest dad in the world, he took him to Jeff Lynn's house.
	Yes.
	Who's Jeff Lynn again?
	Is he in Toto?
	No.
	ELO.
	Shut up.
	You know who Jeff Lynn is.
	You're from England.
	You know who he is.
	Okay, who is he?
	He's the ELO guy.
	Don't bring me down.
	Oh, yeah.
	Hey, there, Mr. Blue.
	It's endless hits with that motherfucker.
	Yeah, those albums sound like greatest hits album.
	Dude, he fucking...
	Was it the Beatles that you produced for him?
	Yeah, but Caller, he dragged his son to one of his jobs as he cut hair because he didn't have anything to do.
	And fucking.
	No, I knew about this two days in advance.
	And I rode on the back of his motorcycle, weaving through traffic through Beverly Hills, go to the top of Beverly Hills, fucking just surprise him.
	And then while he's getting a haircut, his girlfriend slash secretary or assistant, whatever, showed me around in the room that the band used to play in.
	So they got like the records and his studio, the Gretsch's.
	We bonded on Gretsches.
	And then here's what's funny.
	Jeff Lynn, after my dad sent him the highs and lows video that we all know and love, Jeff Lynn put a video in.
	Can't give you my heart if I can't.
	Take your word.
	La la la la la la la.
	It's like a rape.
	It's like living a rape again.
	Not that I would know.
	And Jeff Lynn put out a video where it's multiple Jeff Lynn's all in a room talking to each other after my dad sent him that video.
	And how does that relate to your video?
	Because there was multiple meetings.
	Multiple rhymes.
	I like it on that long wave album or whatever it was.
	Yeah, wait, let me see.
	Jeff Lynn.
	Yeah, it's going to be hard to find.
	Alright, thanks for calling, buddy.
	And also, I found out my dad gave me this coat, right?
	This is cool.
	Gave me this coat.
	Sent a bunch of stuff.
	I'm not trying to make your dad a thing.
	It's like fetch.
	So I'm like, oh, and it's a nice trench coat.
	It fits real well.
	It's a $3,000 Christian Dior jacket.
	And that Louis Vuitton that we thought was fake.
	And Milo, when he was gay, he knows he's a stuff.
	And so do you, and so did you.
	Oh, I knew it was real.
	You were like, it's real.
	So, I mean, this guy's giving your dog some bank.
	That's how you show love in Japan where feelings don't exist.
	Why are you selling on Poshmark?
	I was thinking about it.
	To afford our Disney trip, I was thinking about...
	Let's see it.
	Put it on.
	Let's see you in it.
	See you.
	Because everything you wear is so bad.
	I got you a new jumper, son.
	It's actually not good of you to wear good clothes because they're with a Timberland.
	It's bad for the brand to wear good clothes.
	Yeah, well, it's just a waste.
	Come out here.
	Let's see.
	That's a good camera.
	So it's just like a long cashmere kind of a trench coat thing.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's the faggy French stuff.
	It's great to wear with a suit, you know, it's cold out with a suit.
	Yeah.
	And here's the thing, too.
	I have one from the gap, but it's like...
	It doesn't have nice lining, so the material gets stuck and it rides up your sleeves on your suit.
	This one has like a silky lining, and it doesn't catch your suit.
	Yeah, okay.
	Can you get back to the right camera, please?
	Yes, the board has to be...
	There we go.
	Folks at home didn't see this, but it was particularly cringe.
	I said, that's a good jacket to wear the suit.
	And he goes, yes!
	I'm excited.
	I like to be spoken to.
	By the way, today on Safe Space, it was the last episode.
	So we did a final episode with Talib Stark Safe Space.
	And the TriCaster, their TriCaster has been doing some shit.
	Always having problems.
	It crashed during his show.
	So there was just like no green screen technology or anything.
	And it just like...
	Wow, I can't believe I didn't see this on the front page of the dailymail.co.uk.
	Nobody watches that show.
	Nobody cares.
	No one knows what you're talking about.
	All right.
	So this is what I was talking about earlier.
	You ready?
	My sister and husband have four kids.
	My sister and husband, this is from a woman.
	No, it's from a guy.
	So this guy's sister and her husband have four kids.
	And he's calling it quits after 13 years of marriage.
	Four kids, 13 years of marriage.
	They're all fucking young.
	He joined a CrossFit gym.
	Good.
	Got really into his image, bad, and decided he could bag a chick that's slightly younger than my sister.
	Gay.
	The most cliche midlife crisis scenario.
	He's in his mid-40s and already talking to a woman in her mid-30s.
	What?
	This is like when I tell guys to get married, I go, you've been dating her for eight years.
	What are you waiting for?
	Her with bigger tits?
	And then you see these guys throwing away their marriage for her with bigger tits or her 10 years younger.
	What?
	Like, are her laugh lines too pronounced for you, sir?
	Where's the loyalty?
	Yeah.
	The woman also has four kids.
	I'm recently divorced.
	So the woman, the mistress, has four kids, I should have said.
	You've noticed this before, but it's not like he's leaving for a nine.
	Right, which isn't really better, though, but I get your point.
	He's wrecking the kids' lives and my sister's world for a mom of four who is like a 5.2.
	I'm sure she's in shape, but CrossFit women are broad-shouldered dykes.
	Makes no fucking sense.
	Did you just fart, Ryan?
	No.
	Sounded like it.
	What?
	You heard a fart?
	Yeah, I heard two farts now.
	I didn't know.
	I heard a fart during your denial of the first fart.
	And counting five farts?
	I could send pictures upon request.
	I don't care.
	It doesn't matter.
	Of his 35-year-old mistress versus his 42-year-old wife and mother of his four children.
	See, I wrote an article a long time ago called Divorce Your Wife.
	And I said, if things are going bad with your wife, just leave her.
	Just dump her.
	Fucking leave her.
	Okay?
	Now you're looking for someone who's your type.
	I'm into brunettes, ethnically ambiguous brunettes with a big ass.
	That's me.
	I'm right here.
	He's not off on that description.
	I can hear you.
	I'm listening.
	Ducky, Mac.
	But you also want someone who's close with your kids, that you have things in common with and you have past experiences with, and someone your children will adore.
	And you also don't want to traumatize your kids with divorce.
	I know.
	How about your wife?
	So you divorce her in your head.
	Then you see this new chick.
	Now there's a new chick.
	And you do all that new chick stuff, like you buy her lingerie and you court her and you ask her out for dinner and stuff.
	You court your wife as a mistress.
	And now, don't tell her any of this, by the way.
	And now you're courting this ethnically ambiguous brunette with a big ass who your kids love.
	They're happy.
	You haven't hurt your kids.
	You're probably going to get her.
	The odds are pretty high you're going to end up fucking her.
	And now you're in a new marriage with a woman that's perfect for you that your kids adore.
	Problem solved.
	Because half the time these divorces are just like, meh, I want to feel, remember that fucking traumatizing article where she goes, I want to feel the wind in my hair.
	I want the sun on my face.
	Okay.
	Please watch Retarded Policeman number 8 on YouTube.
	My kids and I are huge fans.
	Thought you'd love this.
	I'm familiar with Retarded Policeman.
	He's great.
	Oops.
	There was a couple of loose ends from last week.
	Yeah, people have been sending them in all week.
	Which, okay.
	So this one is Ela Klein when she was in IDF.
	Pretty intense.
	It loops from that point, but very good footage.
	That guy got in a lot of trouble.
	Sven Stoffels, he posted a Chinese COVID coronavirus thing, and he got fucking death threats for months.
	They called his brother.
	They contacted the brother threatening to kill the kids.
	So it was like Chinese people, like from China.
	Yeah, and you get...
	From China.
	Yeah, but then he also got like super liberal white people.
	You could tell that it's like he sent me an email screenshot.
	And crazy shit.
	Anyway, shut up.
	Anyway, he's a fucking loser, and it's tempting to tell my nieces and nephews what a fucking loser he is.
	Now, this was a good question, I thought.
	Because you want to tell your kids that Santa's real and stuff.
	And like, say, you know, someone's brother goes out to a circuit party and he gets AIDS from being gangbanged by black dudes in an S ⁇ M porno.
	And the kids go, whatever happened to Uncle Jerry?
	And you're like, he had cancer.
	So I get that side of the equation.
	Kids don't need to know about everything disgusting.
	But at the other hand, like, why am I covering your fucking tracks?
	So I wouldn't get too graphic, obviously, with the kids, but I go, yeah, Uncle Joey, he wanted to be with another woman, and he broke Rhonda's heart.
	And I don't know why he did that.
	And maybe he has a good reason.
	Maybe you'll talk to him about it, but I'm really angry at him because I think he wrecked the family.
	I don't think that's hurting kids.
	I don't think that's giving, that's not TMI.
	9-11 is TMI.
	Santa's TMI.
	The fact that mom and dad have butt sex when she's drunk is TMI.
	But the only thing bad about that is, and when I was going through my divorce, you know, my ex-wife and I, we both went out of our way not to disparage each parent.
	Like, I wouldn't talk bad about his mother in front of him because I didn't want to.
	But you hadn't done anything bad.
	That's a big difference here.
	I mean, we would fight and argue about custody.
	And, you know, there were some, wasn't always great terms between my ex-wife and I going through the divorce.
	It took four years for us to get divorced.
	A lot of money.
	It's like the uncle should just be like, listen, maybe when you're older, you're on the stand.
	Because his sister should be like, hey, don't say that shit to the kids.
	They got to make their own judgments.
	I mean.
	But okay, using that analogy, I think it's okay to say to the kids, dad was in a biker club.
	Well, the kid was just one kid.
	Yeah.
	Your father's a biker.
	It's very tense.
	The FBI is all over me every day, and it can become overwhelming.
	Because you know that his brain is going to go to affairs and fucking chicks and hitting mom and all these other terrible things.
	So just be like, I don't know, the FBI's been over here three times this week.
	I've had enough.
	Well, that's one good thing.
	My ex-wife would religiously bring him out to visit me and pick me up the day of my release.
	And she kept him involved as much as she could.
	She sounds like a great woman.
	She is.
	And she also must have good taste if she divorced you.
	I think she has good taste because she picked you in the first place, Matt.
	Yeah.
	What does that say?
	Thanks, Robbie.
	Rob?
	Yes.
	$100.
	Thanks, Robbie.
	For now, my entire family bites their tongues.
	Should we keep remaining bubble of protection around the kids?
	Right now, they think he's awesome and just fell out of love with mom.
	I hate that shit because then the kids grow up and go, oh, yeah, marriage is cool and everything, and you can have kids, but you fall out of love.
	It's a thing.
	No.
	The kids even told my sister she should just find someone that loves her.
	So fucked.
	My sister just says she loves their dad and he is going through some.
	Oh, yes.
	She loves the dad and she's just going through something.
	Set such a bad example for their kids.
	Yes, exactly.
	I was talking to someone at my parents', we'll call it a retirement home.
	It's like a little apartment complex, whatever.
	And it's just like, my wife's parents are together.
	My parents are together.
	Those kind of couples, and I think you should look for that when you're looking for a mate.
	Although I will say that kids who had it particularly bad, like with total deadbeat dads, are often good dads.
	Like my buddy Tommy, who's the grandson of Waxi Gordon, the Jewish mobster.
	His dad was a mobster, but he was a pussy, so he ratted on everyone and was in witness protection when Tommy and his twin sister were like three.
	And he was like, that fucker was never around.
	So like, you should see this guy doting on his kids.
	It's like he's in the Justin Bieber fan club and his kids are Justin Bieber.
	Like he worships them.
	Very admirable.
	He's an amazing dad because his dad was so shitty.
	But for the most part, I think it's healthy to find someone whose parents are together because like my wife and I just go, we're having a really shitty year.
	We're having a bad time.
	We'll sleep in separate rooms or we won't talk to each other.
	We'll just wait until this passes.
	And it does pass.
	Bestiality on a dad's laptop.
	Yeah.
	What happened?
	Yeah, here we go.
	I mean...
	Someone found Beast Yellow in their dad's laptop?
	I think that would be a right of passion.
	Like, there was always somebody that everyone watches bestiality on a daily basis.
	I'm always jerking off to horses getting blown by a woman.
	When I was 12, I found Beast Yellow in my dad's laptop.
	I'm now 24.
	I never said a word.
	Can't get over the fact that my father jerks off.
	Well, did he, though?
	Hold on a sec.
	Right, you don't know that.
	You should see the fucking shit cops send me.
	It is, I always fall for it because it's a beautiful woman.
	I click on it, and then it's someone, like someone diarrhea-ing on someone's face and a tranny.
	I mean, I could never show you any of these videos.
	And 100% of them are the most disgusting thing you've ever seen, like a diarrhea fight.
	Well, before laptops, when we were teenagers growing up, there was always like somebody who had a VH, an old VH, and it was like, I think it was called Barnyard Follies.
	Yeah, that rings the bell.
	And they had like an 80-year-old man fucking a pig, and the pig's dick was curly like the pig's tail.
	And then there was girls fucking, giving horses blow jerk.
	It's fucking hilarious.
	But you're sitting there in like disgust, but you're glued to the fucking screen.
	Yeah.
	And nobody, I don't think anyone ever jerked off to that.
	No one.
	So for you to be disturbed by this, you'd have to see him jerking off to it.
	Yeah.
	You have to assume it's there for a joke.
	Now, kiddie porn, of course, is a whole other story.
	Because if anyone sent you kiddie porn, well, you'd instantly delete it and you'd go beat them up.
	Is that it?
	No.
	Okay.
	I have kids age 15, 12, and 1.
	Tomorrow I'm going to get a vasectomy.
	Please say a silent prayer for my balls.
	Dude, I mean, shaka songgu to each his own taste, but I would never get a vasectomy if I had 100 kids.
	I just don't like the concept, but I get that you're doing that, and at least you procreated.
	Don't do it, dude.
	Hey, Gavin, just jizz on her face.
	I've been a fan of your content ever since my father told me about it six years ago.
	You brought me a lot of important information, lots of laughs.
	Today is one of the hardest days of my life.
	My father passed away this afternoon.
	Sorry to hear.
	Sorry to hear, Dad.
	Terrible.
	I held his hand and stayed by his side at the hospital.
	You're a good son.
	That must be a doozy, sir.
	The rest of the message is here.
	At the hospital for two days, I was wondering if you could tell us a light-hearted story or a bonding moment that comes to mind when you think of your dad.
	Keep up the fight.
	Owen.
	I mean, three days ago, I was sitting by the pool in Florida, and I was with a new friend, and we were both being sarcastic, and the superintendent came by and said, this is my boy.
	And we were joking around, and the superintendent said, yeah, pretty obvious it's your boy.
	And I said, it's fun hanging out with him.
	It's like me with AIDS.
	And then everyone laughed their heads off.
	And I enjoyed that moment because I knew that, you know, I had ingratiated myself with his friends.
	And that was a good thing to do.
	I don't know.
	Proud boys came to meet us wearing all Proud Boys gear with Proud Boys' neck tattoos.
	Did you see any manatees with your old friends?
	Excuse me.
	And then I thought that was great because he sees that we're not pariahs and there's a bond with this club where we, you know, see each other when we travel and stuff.
	So those are all great memories.
	But yes, Ryan does bring up something that was.
	What happened?
	Was it a good memory?
	Was it...
	No, it's not a good memory at all.
	You don't like to walk through it again?
	I will walk through it.
	It's set the mood.
	Because it's good content.
	And I care more about this show than I do about my own reputation.
	Maybe just get on your feet there, soldier, and maybe tell the story.
	I cringed when you sent me that.
	Why don't you just play the clip?
	Oh.
	Because I was drunk.
	I got shit-faced with my dad.
	We planned to go to the aquarium the next day, and I said something to him that I don't know.
	I woke up the next morning going, what?
	Manatees?
	Where the fuck did that come from?
	What did he do when you said that?
	Well, he was shit-faced too.
	I don't know.
	Like, he might have gone like, what the fuck, fucking.
	But I sent you the clip, Ryan.
	You could just play the clip.
	Hey, I may have given Get On Your Feet Soldier run for its money.
	I was just with my dad.
	The kids went home, wife went home, and then we were just drinking beers at some weird, like, rock and roll bar.
	And we're talking about going to the aquarium tomorrow.
	And as we shook hands and I said goodnight, he was like, love you.
	It's great to see you, pal.
	I love you.
	I was like, love you too, Bob.
	And then I go, as he's walking away, I go, let's check out some manatees.
	No, it was worse than that, Gavin.
	What?
	I guess tomorrow at the aquarium, we'll see various animals, including manatees.
	But that's how you say goodbye to your dad?
	Oh, shit.
	That's how you say goodbye to your dad?
	All right, see you later.
	Hey, tomorrow's going to be the day where we fucking check out the manatees and their big fucking tits.
	Yeah, it was worse than that.
	As I hugged him, what?
	I said, let's see some manatees tomorrow.
	Oh, who were you when you did that?
	I've never heard.
	You've done a lot of things.
	I have no history with manatees.
	I don't give a fuck about manatees.
	They look like shitty walruses.
	They don't even have the fangs.
	I don't have any feelings about these.
	They look like larvae.
	Who likes manatees?
	I'm all you see is man titties.
	Yeah, they're manatees.
	It's more of God's.
	Animals are just God's garbage.
	And what was Jim's response?
	Nothing.
	Because it was like a hug and then a walk away.
	And then he whispered.
	So for all I know, he's like, fucking monitor.
	He whispered, I take it back.
	Must be the drink, son.
	I gotta say, though, my dad's locals suck.
	They're not our local.
	Our local has handicapped people.
	Like that dude in the wheelchair.
	He's some tuck.
	Yeah, he comes in every now and then.
	I'll see if I can find this.
	My wife texted me a video of local bars and what they're like.
	And it was like our bar.
	And I realized my boxing gym and my local are a level of quality that is really hard to come by.
	And I shouldn't take it for granted.
	Like the boxing gym, 100% of the walls are covered with fucking little landscape.
	I don't think there's one inch of open wall space.
	Not one inch.
	And like, I'm going to work out today and this ex-mobster did time for no shows.
	You know, when you sit at the construction site and he's like, you're going in there, stay out here like a real man.
	When you're going to go fucking work out, when did you last spa?
	And then I say to the owner of the gym, you've got these old bags.
	Why don't you put them on their side?
	I could make them into a couch and then people could put their shoes on and stuff on these like sideways old boxing bags because there's nowhere to put your shoes on.
	And it's like, I don't want people sitting there, you fucking dildo.
	Like the comedy is top-notch.
	The fucking gym is real.
	World championship training.
	What?
	Locker room banter.
	Locker room banter is fucking bad.
	And then, oh, I found it.
	Oh, great.
	Okay.
	So I'm going to text this to you, Ryan.
	So that's my boxing gym.
	It's in a movie where they want to have an authentic boxing gym.
	And it has been in movies.
	And then my local bar is the same level of quality as this boxing gym.
	And I go to, I love Florida.
	I like New Smyrna Beach.
	But I got to say, my dad's bars were like, the first one was blaring music, a cover band.
	Oh, my fucking phone seems to have crashed.
	Oh, God.
	I was there that day.
	Shit, was I not there yet?
	Okay, great.
	Sorry, I'm not doing a very good show here.
	How do I send you this?
	TikTok is so hard to send people shit to.
	Copy.
	In the meantime, check this out.
	In the meantime!
	Catch Superboy gave me $4.99.
	So honestly, I'm just going to read his comment call.
	He says, everything about getting into birdwatching.
	When I lived down south, we would always see the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	I hate birdwatchers.
	That's Opie's new studio.
	Yeah.
	I hate birdwatchers.
	I hate birdwatchers.
	He's trying to get a personality.
	No, I don't.
	And he's going with Oscar the Grouch.
	No, it's not.
	You don't, by the way, OP, you don't hate Birdwatchers.
	You're not familiar with them.
	You don't have an opinion about them.
	You feel the same way about them as Manatees.
	Dude.
	Let's go see some.
	They're not on your radar.
	Can we make that a shirt?
	It'll be like a vacation souvenir.
	I'm patting him on the back.
	Now I can indulge in how cringe it was.
	And I was like, let's see some manatees tomorrow.
	Do you want to burp him?
	I got the perfect.
	Holy shit.
	Got a little gas dad?
	Dude, it says, let's go see some manatees.
	Got a manatee on it.
	On the back, it's got your handprints, like a hug handprint on the back.
	Holy shit.
	But go back to that.
	So go back to the TikTok that I just sent you.
	Because when I first moved to Westchester, I was looking at local dive bars.
	I don't want to live in a town without a good dive bar.
	I guess I could handle a bad boxing gym, but like there's one next to Anthony's studio that's a Muay Thai, Muay Thai place.
	It's all clean and it's got no vibe.
	Yeah, I saw that.
	You might as well just get some bags in your garage at that point, right?
	If there's not characters there.
	Well, everybody's worried about germs.
	Yeah, but there was, it's brand new.
	It used to be a restaurant, so it's just got no vibe.
	Okay, look at this is this is the perfect bar.
	That's Lizzie.
	Right?
	The weird hot chick who doesn't belong there, but it belongs there.
	I talked to her the other day.
	Then there's the old guy.
	That's...
	Wait, I can name all these people.
	What?
	What happened?
	The woman with the broken foot?
	Is that me and Nick Rochefort as baby together?
	That's in Ireland, I believe.
	What's the reason for that guy's face?
	See, you we must be wasted and he's being funny.
	That is pretty funny.
	And like, I always say women don't belong in bars, but the women who do frequent bars, like you can tell with those two, they can take the horrible jokes, like doggy style.
	Yeah.
	This girl who comes into the bar, she was a big Coke dealer back in the day, and she grooms dogs.
	So we call her doggy style.
	And Jose talks about her pussy all the time, and she laughs her head off.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so now go back to our local, one of our locals, and it looks like that video, doesn't it?
	Yeah.
	And this, why am I not there?
	I was standing right next to Don.
	Are you in the studio?
	I'm on the layer out.
	There's everybody.
	Oh, there's everybody in there.
	There's a fucking perfume.
	Okay, so obviously the previous video was the highlight of the year.
	And this was when my wife sent me that video, I sent her where I was at the time.
	But it's pretty rare to find a good boxing gym and a good dive bar.
	Although, you know, the dude at the gym was talking to me about this bar in Flushing, which if you're a tourist and you come to New York, you should check out Flushing.
	It is 100% China.
	Like, it's China.
	You could take someone in China, inject some sort of 40-hour sleeping drug into their neck, put them on a plane, release them in Flushing, and not tell them they're in America, and they would not know.
	Outside of this occasional stop sign and the street signs, it is fucking China.
	China.
	But just like Winnie's in Chinatown, which is this weird dive bar that plays karaoke, and it has Chinese people in like an Irish pub who don't like white people.
	You go piss there and it says, go home, Whitey.
	And you're like, dude, I'm, this is my place, actually.
	You're Chinese.
	But there's another one, I haven't checked it out yet.
	I'll report back.
	That's in Flushing that is in all the dumpling spots and the toad things and the Eat the Turtles.
	And you go down through all these, all the signs are Chinese.
	There's no English anywhere.
	But you go down this alleyway and you come into this tiny little pub that's as big as your bar that you're in now.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it's like three white contractors and a guy with a Fu Manchu mustache.
	And it's basically the same as an American bar in China.
	Nice.
	So I got to check that out.
	But anyway, my name is Heather, but I go by Buttons.
	My boyfriend is a PB.
	It has been such a positive influence in our lives, and it couldn't be more grateful.
	When we go out, he doesn't hide his tat and wears his gear often.
	People look at him like he's a fucking unicorn because we were in rural New England.
	Thank you, Buttons.
	Okay, this is the letter I've been meaning to get to.
	One of the best divorce letters I got.
	It's a little long, so bear with me.
	I'll try to speed it up.
	Hello, Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie.
	I'd like to email this email to be read live on the show if possible so I can get Maddie's input as well.
	Your green screen segment on Tuesday really hit home.
	Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	My wife, 31, and I, 35, have serious problems.
	Time for a backstory.
	My wife's been married since 2015.
	My wife and I have been married since 2015.
	We did it for six years prior.
	We've had two kids since being married.
	My son is five and my daughter is two.
	All right.
	Your son is five, your daughter's two.
	All bets are off.
	You could be married to a dude at this point.
	Go Google how to give a blow job at this point.
	We own a house.
	We're in no debt.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Everything's great.
	Our marriage has been fine until about six months ago.
	I was working two jobs.
	He gets a lot of details in here.
	I'm going to skim through.
	So he was working a night shift, and it was good for him because they were making insane money, and he was getting sick of his office job, and this job was, you know, more hands-on, and blah, blah, blah.
	So I thought it was the right move to leave my job and do this other job that pays way better, but it's way more hours.
	And then my wife gets to do what she's passionate about.
	We got a new house that fills our family better, size, layout, everything's great.
	Fast forward to July 22nd of this year, I went to work and received a text from the wife.
	It said, in short, I feel we should separate.
	Fucking a text?
	Yeah, that's cowardice.
	The explanation of the time from her was that she wasn't feeling the connection between us.
	This goes back to that fucking article about the kitchens.
	I'm haunted by this fucking article.
	Honor is her name.
	She's from the Atlantic.
	That's ironic.
	No honor in that text message.
	Basically, I didn't do anything, but at the same time, I didn't do enough.
	I agree, though, with the didn't do enough.
	Women are magic.
	They're wizards.
	But wizards are kind of crazy.
	And eventually, almost like the wizard on Adventure Time who has a long beard.
	I think he's called like the Ice King or something.
	Ryan probably knows.
	I don't actually.
	You have to, like, not physically, literally slap them around, but you got to kind of grab the mad scientist once in a while and be like, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that.
	But too often, because we're such great guys, us guys, she's like, I really feel like the house should be all pillows.
	Like, all right, let's go get some pillows.
	We'll go to bed, bath, and beyond.
	We'll line the house floor to floor with pillows.
	And then they're like, I can barely walk in here.
	Why'd you let me do this?
	So when your wife goes, I want wall-to-wall pillows, you go, nah.
	You could have some extra pillows on the bed, I guess.
	But if the wife just one day said, I'm unhappy, that means she sat there idly and said nothing, communicated no feelings to the man.
	If he was going off track or she wasn't happy with the way or his new job was taking him away from the family or anything like that, she just stays silent and says nothing.
	I think that happened to me and it was like right now.
	If somebody doesn't know that what they're doing offends you or bothers you, they don't know to stop it or change the behavior.
	Yeah.
	And every time he does it, it just builds up more resentment within her and he's like, I can't take this shit.
	Fuck it, I'm out of here.
	But if you just said, hey, you know, maybe you should try to get less hours or you like, you drive into the garage, you destroy the garage door again because you're drunk driving.
	You puke all over the floor and then you leave before she wakes up.
	And you get a text that says, I can't take this anymore.
	This drinking is getting out of control.
	I get that.
	Right.
	The scratch is there.
	But if I got a text like this where my wife texted me and said, I feel, if I got it right now, I would go, we are having, I got to take care of something.
	It's a family issue.
	I'd have you guys finish the show.
	And I would drive over there right now and be like, what the fuck's going on?
	What'd you say?
	I agree with her that at times we became lazier, complacent with our relationship, but I'm a very hands-on dad and was also getting used to being at home with our kids five days a week.
	Oh, because he was working from home with the new job.
	At this point, I made the wrong choice.
	I gave her space.
	I took care of the kids the majority of the time, and she took advantage.
	She was around less and less, weekend trips with friends, drinking overnights.
	Things start to get real fucking sketchy.
	Yeah, and if this is in Florida, maybe meth was involved.
	My wife and I, I could go, I go to Westfest and shit.
	I go on Bender's, but it's announced months in advance.
	I'm going to Scotland with my cousin in February.
	I'm there for two days, and now she has a weekend.
	She can go away.
	Like we're in debt to each other.
	But I don't get like 10 weekends away.
	That happened to Chuck Zito.
	I just kept taking weekends away without reciprocation.
	Excuse me.
	Come to find out she considers us separate and starts dating another guy.
	She just assumed that they were separated?
	Yeah.
	He has kids, divorced, part-time parent.
	He's got money, travels for work.
	That's about all I know.
	So I'm working through this, staying solid and consistent for the kids.
	She gains new friends, isolates herself from all our mutual friends we've had for years, and none of them understand it and see it, although we've been shouting this from the rooftops.
	So only the few I have talked with really know the full scope of things.
	Moving forward through fall, we both get COVID, twists our schedule, work life.
	At one point, we have another discussion in which she tells me the guy she's seeing isn't all he's cracked up to be.
	Now she wants back in.
	This is what I was screaming.
	Divorce your husband and then in your head and then remarry him in your head.
	Drippy toes seems like a great insult to me.
	Example, Jared Holt is a loser.
	I guarantee he's got drippy toes.
	No, it's not a good insult.
	He's an asshole to people, drinks more than he should.
	We talk more.
	Holidays were coming for a birthday, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	This guy's really getting into the details here.
	Try to keep your letters a little more concise, please.
	I don't need to know about Christmas.
	Just draw a fucking picture.
	Like, if you feel any sort of way inside, you know, you have to, like, get it out somehow.
	And, like, the best way to express anything, I tell everybody.
	Like, don't fucking tell me how you feel.
	Like, fucking draw a picture.
	Don't be a fucking idiot.
	So, like, I drew this.
	Like, this is the whole story right here.
	I made this with piss.
	That's shit.
	Did the Hadsa draw a lot of pictures when you were living with them?
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, a lot of pictures.
	But they didn't use shit.
	This is, I think that's blood.
	We went on a date to a comedy show, had a hangout or two with our friends, partially working forward to getting things back together.
	I was taking it slow.
	Don't take it slow.
	As it seemed, she didn't want my affection.
	At this point, she had told me the guy she was seeing was done with, but she's still trying to figure out her life.
	So she's already broken up with this guy?
	Then here we are in January 2022.
	We put the kids to bed one night, daughter in the kids' room, her and my son in the master bedroom.
	I'm staying awake per usual for some downtime.
	She smokes weed before bed most nights, and they giggle and talk before bed most nights.
	Okay.
	One time I was high, and my daughter was like four, and she goes, can you come in here, Dad?
	Okay.
	And she goes, I think I saw a giant shadow.
	We were living in the city go across the buildings.
	Shit.
	And I was like, what?
	And she goes, it was like a walking stone man, but he was invisible.
	And his shadow was still cast across the buildings.
	And I'm like, holy fuck.
	Like pulling her sheets up to my face.
	She goes, and I feel the rocks were silently screaming at me.
	Like they could scream into my head.
	It sounded like screaming, but no one else could hear it.
	Oh, my God.
	That's the scariest shit I've ever heard.
	Let's kill ourselves.
	Suicide pact.
	It's a little extreme.
	This night, however, I only hear her talking, putting her to the door, and I begin to hear her flirting, breathy, stony conversation with the guy she was once dating.
	After listening for a short period, my blood boiling, breathing short, I opened the door, let her know I heard everything, let out some words, and tried to keep from waking my five-year-old laying extra on my just say, get the fuck, get over.
	Get her out of the room.
	And you can yell in the other room.
	I don't want my kids to see or hear me losing it since that.
	There's another good thing, too.
	Like, you go through crazy phases where you're yelling and screaming at each other.
	And without context and without parents, we're still together.
	You go, well, we had a yelling, screaming fight.
	I punched a hole in the wall.
	She threw spaghetti at me.
	It went out the kitchen window.
	It smashed through the window.
	We had to have a glass guy come.
	That's the apocalypse.
	You must be divorced.
	But if you've grown up seeing your parents have those kind of fights and stay together, you go, yeah, we just had a crazy fucking fight.
	That was a doozy.
	Anyway, back to work.
	Yep.
	Since this, I've told her I want to finally divorce and have gathered the paperwork for an uncontested divorce.
	After this confrontation and discussions, she has expressed how sorry she is, regrets it so much, and she wants to make things work.
	This is back in July.
	This is just like it was in July.
	She's lost all my respect and trust as a partner, blah, blah, blah.
	She's changed to a different person.
	She wanted to separate.
	She just should have ended hours before starting another.
	True.
	I don't think I can try and stay together with this woman after the lying and taking advantage.
	Shit, she's pulled.
	Okay.
	I'm going to sound like a pussy for saying this, but I don't think you should throw the towel in just because she was making a dirty phone call.
	I would fucking lose it if I heard my wife having a dirty phone call.
	I don't know what would happen to the furniture in the house.
	It would all go outside.
	My fists would be black and blue from destroying things.
	I wouldn't hurt her, but it would be huge.
	But is that worth torturing your children for the rest of their lives?
	She didn't fuck him.
	And she said she regretted it.
	And she was high.
	Yeah, maybe you just get even on your own.
	She assumed that they were separated and started dating someone.
	Right, but then they were getting back together and they went on a date.
	After that, she didn't like the guy and broke up with him.
	Right, right.
	She wanted back.
	Well, now she wants to...
	No, no, no.
	Don't get me wrong.
	It's terrible.
	She wants to change his spots.
	It's terrible.
	Well, I'm saying you can change the leopard's spots.
	What if you just live your life?
	What do you think he should do?
	Should he just divorce her?
	Yeah.
	Really?
	Right there, he said, my trust and respect for her is gone.
	I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
	You can't trust your partner.
	There's nothing.
	It could be a partnership, like a business thing, and then you just kind of live your own little life.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	You go get some sighs.
	Like, where do you get?
	You know, you're still David Cho.
	When she was dating this guy, when she was assuming they're separated.
	The beginning, though, when she was with the other guy, he's partly responsible for going, okay, you do you.
	And I'll take care of the kids.
	He didn't fight hard enough for her at the beginning.
	She just wants someone to love her.
	She wants someone to be passionate about her.
	You know how horny my wife gets when I beat up people?
	It hasn't happened often where she's been there, but twice I've been pounding a guy, and she's been almost trying to fuck me as I punch him.
	Like, remember JL?
	Yeah.
	As I was pounding him, I don't know where the fuck she came from, but I think she was licking my ears or something.
	Yeah, I thought she was going to be mad.
	She knows that her man's standing up for her honoring.
	Right.
	They love that.
	Of course.
	So when you say, I agree with you, let's go to bed, Bathyon, and get pillows coast to coast.
	They go, nah.
	This is like, they want a daddy at the end of the day.
	Let's be honest.
	And before, I never say this to my wife, but back before I had a daughter, I'd say, who's your daddy?
	I'm your daddy.
	Sometimes I would fuck girls and I'd say, I'd make them say, I'm your father, Gavin McInnes, or you're my father, Gavin McInnes, whatever it is.
	And they would be like, fucking gushing.
	Daddy bear.
	Kinky bear.
	Gushing.
	So they like the daddy role.
	And when you comply and acquiesce, it's a turnoff because you're not a good dad.
	I'm talking about metaphorically here, the pillows.
	Add to that, I'm certain she slept with this guy.
	Yeah, yeah, of course she did.
	100%.
	And the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
	Yeah, of course it does.
	I don't think I can be intimate with her again.
	I get that.
	Now, as I write this, she's staying at this guy's house while he's out of town.
	Why'd you allow that?
	Oh, no.
	Like, you keep fucking...
	It's done.
	It's like a Thanksgiving turkey.
	No bueno.
	I don't want to sound like a fag, but I want this family to stay together.
	I'm in our house.
	We are bouncing the kids back and forth.
	Oh, that must be great for them.
	She works her 10-hour a week personal training wacky schedule.
	I am working Monday to Thursday for one friend and his company around her wacky schedule.
	Then Friday with my other buddy's company, the lucrative contract gig.
	Bills are paid, and we're working around each other's shit.
	I think she now understands how important it is to keep a family together after she told me she broke down into tears trying to say anything to our son.
	There is nothing more important to me than my kids.
	Crucial detail.
	All I ever wanted after marriage is to build a family.
	Okay, here's what we got to do.
	You got to be honest with the kids and say mommy screwed up and she made some horrible mistakes and she kissed a guy.
	I don't know, something like that.
	Don't say that he sucked his cock and she annually raped him while she had a ball gag in her mouth.
	They don't need to know that.
	Too much information, Bear.
	But stay together.
	Forgive her.
	Start calling the shots from now on.
	You don't want to fuck her because she cheated on you.
	I get that.
	Stay in the same bed.
	Have like, I re-watched the beginning of Nobody with Bob Onenkirk last night.
	They had a pillow between them.
	I don't know.
	Put a pillow between you.
	It's going to take like a year before you guys can have normal sex again, but you will have normal sex again.
	So I disagree with Maddie.
	I don't think this turkey's done.
	The turkey's fucking severely damaged.
	It's burnt.
	It's burnt.
	It's stuffed.
	It's never going to walk again.
	I'll tell you that much.
	It's definitely in the oven, but we can pull it out of the oven and give it a heart transplant and do something with this.
	There is hope for this.
	So that's my two cents.
	Because, like, what are you going to do after this divorce?
	You're going to end up with a shitty her.
	She's going to end up finding a shitty you.
	They're going to be miserable.
	They're going to have to spend time with other strangers' kids.
	They're going to end up loving those kids.
	It's out of sight, out of mind.
	So you'll see your kids less, and you'll love them less.
	Sorry.
	You don't see your kids for fucking eight years?
	You love them less than if you saw them every day.
	I hope I'm not disparaging Maddie, who was in prison forever.
	Yeah, I see.
	You want to rock through these chats?
	Hey, Gav, could really use some advice.
	Early 20s, and one year ago, I was on top of the mountain.
	But after some dodgy cannabis, all I've got, permanent neurological damage causing constant nerve pain.
	Can no longer walk, go to the gym, train MMA, and life has pretty much been wrecked.
	I don't know.
	We can get Donovan Crip Daddy to give you some information on that.
	Yeah, let me take that back.
	Because there's things to live on.
	I don't care about that guy.
	So you took some weird weed.
	What am I, fucking Dr. Gabby?
	What am I five?
	Obviously, Maddie loves his son just as much as if he saw him every day.
	But I've seen with these marriages where they switch families, they start loving these other kids.
	And I shouldn't have said you love them less, but they get less love, I guess, is what I should have said.
	That's one of the reasons I never, I never had children again.
	Because I didn't want my son to be in my life and see me being around for another child.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that must be horrible.
	Yeah.
	Like those dads who abandon their family, like with my kids' ages, 9, 13, 15, and then 16, and then they get a new family, some Asian chick, and then they have a baby, and then like your daughter sees you,
	like, holding this baby and talking about, like, Veronica's birthday.
	Yeah.
	Right around at my birthday.
	My ex got remarried and had more children, but I never did because I didn't want to put him.
	But wasn't he living with your ex?
	Yeah.
	So those were his step siblings?
	Yes.
	Half.
	Half step siblings?
	That's a quarter step sibling.
	No, the step is when there's no relation.
	Oh.
	Oh, they all have the same mother.
	Yeah.
	They're half brother, half-sister.
	You already showed me that Chris Hines one, dude.
	Let's take a call.
	All right.
	Oh, this is from Beard Vet, $100.
	Couldn't be more proud to sponsor the show.
	Hope this helps.
	Semper 5, Do or Die.
	That's a very clever way to get an ad read in there, my friend.
	That's a very...
	Obviously, he was in the Marine Corps.
	Yeah.
	Tactical.
	That was a flank.
	Got flanked.
	Oh, nice one.
	Beard Vet duped us.
	Learning Bear.
	Boombox.
	Any advice for guy and his wife still living in Camie, Canada?
	Also, have you ever wanted to visit...
	I've always wanted to visit PEI.
	I will visit PEI.
	What's PEI?
	Prince Edward Island.
	Prince Edward Island.
	It's all Scottish DNA over there.
	No, oh, that's cool.
	Yeah, I don't know why I haven't.
	I've never been on the East Coast.
	7-12, you're on the line.
	7-1-2, on the line.
	Go ahead, College.
	Hello.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	What's going on?
	Yeah, I was calling about the intro to the show.
	I was always fascinated with how you used to have the boom box blend into the actual boom box.
	And I was feeling like you could still do that, like have it on a stand, and then like when the show cuts in from the intro, there's that boom box right there.
	Maybe you pick it off the stand, you walk it to your desk, and then shut it off, and that's all I was calling about.
	Maybe I'll chat you like 50 bucks if you can like do it for one episode.
	That's a fucking...
	That's happening tomorrow, sir.
	Bam.
	Yeah, we promised to line it up.
	That's a great idea.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I could hang it with like a rope from.
	Because it'll have to be suspended pretty big, right?
	Yeah, or just close to the camera.
	No, I'll put it on like a stepladder.
	By the way, thanks for calling.
	I'll put it on a stepladder, and then I'll turn it off and put it on the ground out of the shot, and then I'll walk around here.
	Okay.
	I like that.
	Nice.
	Good tip, sir.
	We said, thanks for calling.
	773, you're on the line.
	Please turn down the show.
	Yep.
	You're on.
	Get on.
	What up, dog?
	Ready?
	Yes.
	All right, I'm ready, too.
	Yeah.
	All right, I got three ideas.
	What do you think?
	I think they're great.
	Yeah.
	No, all right.
	You get three ideas.
	You choose, Gavin.
	Okay.
	So this is an ultimatum, but it's got three instead of two.
	The three ideas, they can't be related.
	And so I have three ideas.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That was great.
	You don't want to hear what that is?
	It's like a joker or something.
	Shut up, Brian.
	I control this show.
	You want to do your own show?
	Do your own show.
	That seemed interesting.
	Chris calling about Sean.
	No, no, no.
	I want to read a letter now.
	Oh.
	Oh, okay.
	Okay, we'll talk to you, Chris.
	What's up?
	Hey, Gab, I'm calling about...
	Do you know the former NHL player, Sean Avery?
	No.
	Is he black?
	He was like, no, he's white.
	He was a shit disturban.
	You'd love him, dude.
	He had Roger Stone on his podcast like two months ago, and he's fairly far right, but he just left New York for L.A. to kind of do an acting thing.
	He's got a, like I said, he's got a killer podcast, but I think he really vibed with him.
	He sounds familiar.
	Oh, yeah, I know this dude, Rangers guy.
	Yeah, he's got the rule.
	He has a rule, his own rule in the NHL for fucking with goalies.
	They implement a rule overnight because of him.
	And what is it?
	No stabbing the goalies?
	He turned his back.
	He's the first player ever to turn his back to the play.
	He was fucking with Mark Androdur.
	He's putting his hands in front of the goalie's face so that they could get a deflection in.
	And overnight, the next game they played him, it was in the playoffs.
	Overnight, they made the Sean Avery rule.
	He's not allowed to turn your back to the play.
	It's fucking sick.
	So what's your question?
	Well, I don't know.
	Like, maybe he talks about he's like a retired NHL or he wants to go back this year.
	But he's totally MAGA, loves Trump.
	And I think you and him would have a fucking unbelievable rapport because I listened to his show and your show, and you guys were.
	All right, let's try to get him on the show.
	Thanks for calling.
	Identical.
	Okay.
	You're going to hit a mailbag again?
	We got super chats, people paid for, and people waiting on the line for hours.
	Maybe we could do the mailbag.
	No, I got to finish this because it's the same subject.
	Oh, the divorce thing.
	Yeah.
	Again, Ryan, I'm conducting this show.
	I'm smarter than you.
	I have a grand plan here.
	I'm not reading a letter that's like, hey man, have you ever tried licorice?
	Okay?
	There's a method to the madness.
	Re the woke up.
	Re the we broke up couple.
	I go through the same shit every month.
	My wife says she wants to be happy and why don't I let her be happy and I should have a better woman and the divorce would be good for the kids because they won't see us fighting that much and why don't I let her do what she wants and I'm too angry, etc.
	I don't give an inch.
	Ooh.
	My standard response is that if she's so inclined to divorce, she's welcome to take the door, but that I won't abandon my three kids one month, one week, or one day.
	She never leaves and she won't leave because she doesn't want a divorce.
	She wants to see me fight for our marriage whenever things are too hard or we argue too much and we lose track of each other.
	Here's another thing.
	When you're fucking women, it doesn't look like a feminist video for mutual love.
	Let me say it that way.
	Sometimes, if you were to peer through the window, you might be inclined to call the police.
	If you did call the police, you'd have an angry couple with red cheeks and come on them from a particularly raunchy sexual episode.
	So men are pretty much like, I don't mind like getting hurt when I'm doing labor and with sex, you know, I don't mind hurting you, but don't bite me and shit.
	But with women, it's not all like massages and smooches.
	Sometimes they like an element of danger.
	Sometimes they want to not know if they're going to live or not tonight.
	Now, this sounds terrible coming from me, so check out the stand-up comedy of that pregnant gook who just got married.
	She talks about like, look, I'm in control all day.
	Everything's fine.
	I want to be scared when I fuck you.
	So sexually, women like an element of danger, and they want it to be rough sometimes.
	Similarly, I think in the relationship, they might enjoy the fight.
	They might enjoy the threat of divorce.
	They might enjoy and find a loving sort of warmth in being disciplined.
	I know I sound like a 50s fucking sexist here.
	I'm not talking about slapping them around, although there might be an argument for that in certain contexts.
	But they might like the like, I want to leave you.
	You know, like when a newly adopted kid is acting out to see if the parents really love him?
	She might be like, I want to get divorced.
	I hate this place.
	To see if you're like, oh, okay.
	Well, bye.
	Can I still see the kids?
	Yeah.
	No, not anymore.
	But when you go, I want to get divorced.
	I hate this place.
	Shut the fuck up and sit down.
	What are you talking about?
	And don't talk like that in front of the kids ever again.
	Ooh, he loves me.
	This is especially true of black chicks.
	I used to fuck black chicks where they would be like, tell me how jealous you are.
	And I had to pretend because I didn't really give a shit who they fucked because I was 29.
	She never leaves.
	She won't leave because she doesn't want a divorce.
	She wants to see me fight for our marriage.
	Dude, that's the episode.
	That's the title of the episode.
	Fight for your marriage.
	I got to make a note of that to myself.
	Fight for your marriage.
	Whenever things are too hard or we argue too much and we lose track of each other, the fights appear to be serious, but I don't let them affect me too much.
	I concede nothing.
	And then he has quotes.
	The fights are bad for the kids.
	Imagine what a divorce would do to them, he responds.
	Next quote, you were not happy.
	And then he responds, happier than you, bitch.
	Just kidding.
	That's not why I'm here.
	Yeah, that's another thing.
	This idea of like, I need to be happy all the time.
	What are we in Disneyland?
	Like, the greatest generation, the World War II generation, if you asked your grandfather, or that's me, in your case, would be your great-grandfather, or maybe even your great-great-grandfather.
	Hey, are you happy, Jimmy McInnes?
	He'd be like, what do you mean?
	Like, they didn't think about that.
	Are you fulfilled at your job at the printing press company, at the newspaper factory?
	What, what?
	Fulfilled?
	What's fulfilled mean?
	Like, it never occurred to them.
	Do you want to feel the wind in your hair?
	Do you want to feel the sun on your face?
	Well, like, they didn't even understand the concept of self.
	What's Jimmy feeling?
	How are you?
	He's like, there's my family.
	There's my wife.
	There's my bills.
	That's all.
	I'm not saying that's utopia.
	We've improved since then, in many senses.
	Like, I clearly have a self.
	But if I'm depressed for like a month, I go, I guess I'm depressed for a month.
	It's like having a hemorrhoid.
	In a funk.
	I'm in a funk.
	Work through it.
	My hemorrhoid will go away.
	The depression will go away.
	You don't let me do what I want, he has in quotes.
	And then he responds, you do what you want more than you know.
	And then in quotes, we don't do anything fun, in quotes.
	Yes, we do.
	Our kids are incredibly fun.
	And we'll have more fun.
	Just hang in there.
	Great quote.
	Great response, I should say.
	And then he says, et cetera.
	And he goes, I feel terrible for that family, for that guy, and the idiotic mistakes he's making.
	And for their kids, and even for the bitch.
	In fact, I wish their breaking up was a ruse to capture more views.
	Let it be so.
	I mean, that's the fucking show right there, folks.
	All right, let's.
	I will hastily accept another call, but I'm worried that it's going to ruin this fantastic ending.
	636, you're on the line.
	A lot of pressure, 636.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Is that me?
	Is it me?
	It's you!
	636!
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's me.
	That's me.
	I didn't really even really have a question.
	I was just calling the vent because I've just been sitting here just getting pissed off.
	Every day I get more and more pissed off because I used to just be as a type, you know, live and let live.
	And the more and more, you know, every single day these people are pushing farther.
	I'm just curious, what is Gavin's, what's the word I'm looking for?
	When would violence ensue?
	At what point?
	When does he say enough is enough?
	But what do you mean violence?
	Like, I grab a gun and just start shooting up the streets and falling down?
	No, no.
	Like with the vaccines and with everything going on and the mandate, at what point, like, what's the tipping point?
	When do people like, yeah, I mean, I don't want to use violence.
	I'm not saying I want to do that or to do that.
	I'm just saying when does that happen?
	Well, I think it happens on a small scale.
	Like with Proud Boys and Violence, it was Ann Coulter's doing a talk.
	You showed up to disrupt it.
	You shoved some people were shoving you back.
	Like they waited for violence to start before they fought back with violence.
	As far as like storming the Capitol, storming the parliament buildings, that's way down the fucking line.
	How could it possibly be effective?
	What I think is really effective in Canada right now is happening.
	50,000 trucks going from Vancouver to Ottawa.
	That's a hell of a lot more effective than storming the Capitol and committing acts of vandalism and trespassing, which, again, I'm not saying was the end of the world.
	I just think it was ineffective.
	But this is effective.
	Look at this.
	And just like Cuomo, both Cuomos, Justin Trudeau is obsessed with the way he's perceived.
	He's a megalomaniac who wants to be seen as this cool prime minister.
	And that just ruined his reputation in one fell swoop.
	So I couldn't, it's hard to think of a better way to fight back than what they did in Canada with that convoy.
	First step is go out and vote in the primaries.
	Yeah.
	Also, local politics, too.
	Local politics are key right now.
	Yes.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	All right.
	Last one is going to be a letter.
	Hey, Dildo's, that green screen was spot on for our current situation.
	That bitch cares more about how masses of people see her than she cares about her own family.
	Anytime that dude grows some nuts, she cuts him off, but then continues to point out the shitty things he did.
	She got super defensive about him dating and the strip club.
	What a miserable cunt.
	My wife and I have only been married for a year.
	We've had some battles.
	And by the way, it's worth noting, too, when you're married, most of your big fights are in the first five years.
	Like I look back at some of the fights my wife and I had in our first five years and I'm just like, what the fuck?
	Like screaming outside in the rain, yelling at each other.
	She bought a tree and then told me to plant it in the rain.
	And I was like, I don't know why you bought this tree.
	No apple tree is going to grow over in that spot.
	And why do you got up with these, you come up with these whims and now it's my job to dig a fucking hole?
	And, you know, this tree's going to be dead tomorrow.
	So I have to do it tonight.
	And I go, you fucking do it.
	So I had her dig a giant hole in the pouring rain.
	Nice.
	And she's dredged.
	She's like, why do you hate me?
	Like, it was a fucking doozy.
	And I look back at that now and I just would have been like, all right, I'll plant this tree, but you owe me like 100 blowjobs.
	Exactly.
	Oh, and I said, vote for the primaries.
	Vote in the midterms.
	Right, right.
	But all local politics, like even much smaller than the midterms, are the only way to take this country back.
	Mayors, like, look at New York.
	Look at Eric Adams and hiring his brother.
	And it's fucking Zimbabwe over here.
	It's just a bunch of black people voting in other black people based on race.
	It's pathetic.
	Can you tell my kid happy birthday?
	Happy birthday, Caden.
	Happy birthday.
	Happy birthday.
	Or as Larry Barnes said at the gym the other day, he goes to someone whose birthday it was.
	He goes, happy birthday, man.
	Happy birthday to you and your family.
	What?
	They all share the same birthday?
	Absolutely.
	This is a good question, I think.
	You know what he said the other day?
	He's like, I don't know, man.
	Fucking, now I make it in Italian.
	He goes, yo, I don't know.
	I can't do a black accent for some reason.
	But he goes, Will Smith, Queen Latifah, I don't know about Denzel, Kerry Washington, all those Hollywood niggas.
	Something happened to them.
	I don't know if they sucked a dick or if they ate a pussy, but something went nuts with them.
	That would drive someone nuts.
	Okay.
	She got super defensive.
	My wife and I have battles, but no in hell would I divorce, especially with the baby three weeks away.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Are we good?
	I think so.
	This is the last one.
	Okay.
	G'day, Gav.
	I'm interested to know whether you would do the same thing as Norm McDonald's in his medical situation.
	You keep your...
	Yeah.
	I think so.
	I mean, if it was relatively mild, it might be funny.
	Like when Tom Green had his ball removed.
	He filmed it.
	Remember that?
	Yeah, that was funny.
	Testicular cancer.
	But if it was like, you're fucking dead.
	Like, no way.
	Then I think I would just do as many good shows as I can and then say, I got to go, I'm dying of cancer and then disappear.
	You didn't just die.
	Like Billy Connolly.
	He got Parkinson so bad that no one wanted to look at him because it was sad.
	And he said, I get it.
	I'd be sad too.
	And he stopped doing interviews and he vanished.
	Can you stop yawning on the show?
	He's dying of heart failure.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I mean, it's been a rough day.
	I'm not trying to.
	Maddie won't do the Norm McDonald route.
	Yeah.
	As he has.
	My illness is pretty well documented.
	All right, we're five minutes over.
	Let's just shoot the boar.
	In the beginninging.
	This is Derek Adams.
	In the beginning.
	Yeah.
	It's beg.
	It's B-E-G.
	Beg.
	Beginning.
	I'm singing some benigging here.
	Beg.
	In the beginning.
	Inning.
	No, forget in the beg inning.
	You know, like, baseballs have innings?
	No.
	In a Dagata DeVita.
	That's where we're headed in New York.
	That's what affirmative action does.
	Supreme Court judge, I don't care what her politics are.
	Make her a she and make her black.
	Oh.
	Did you see the good point they brought up about Manchin and what's the other Democratic charge man?
	Simonin?
	Yeah.
	Now, after they've been thrown under the bus and had their names smeared because they didn't do the build back better and all that, now they need them to be friends so they can get their Supreme Court pick into the Supreme Court.
	Have you heard this crazy theory that's not so crazy?
	We make Kamala Harris the Supreme Court judge.
	Now there's an opening for VP.
	Hillary becomes VP.
	Everything's going great for three or four months.
	Then, unfortunately, Joe has to step down.
	Hillary Clinton becomes VP.
	That would be a nightmare.
	I mean, when someone brought that up today in my little chat, my MAGA dad chat, I was like, okay, but that's Zimbabwe.
	That's third world shit.
	Like, Mugabe gave Zimbabwe to his secretary because she was pretty after he died.
	He willed her the leading position as president.
	But it's conceivable.
	Yeah, especially in this clown world.
	Yeah.
	Because look at New York City.
	Yeah.
	Eric Adams, all his affirmative action hires.
	Cops are getting killed.
	He goes to Albany.
	He says, can we change the laws?
	They go, fuck you.
	These murders are black and we back them.
	So we've already tasted Zimbabwe.
	Yeah.
	Oh, it's going to get worse before it gets better.
	So the most you can do, folks, is hold on to your marriage.
	If the country falls apart, that's one thing.
	If your marriage falls apart, that's far worse.
	Don't let these people destroy everything around us and don't let it affect you.
	You know, who the president is, it's alarming, it's distressing.
	I'm not bananas about this clown show that is running New York City right now, but it doesn't really directly affect my children.
	My wife leaving me directly affects my children.
	So let's focus on what's really important, and that is your immediate family.
	Don't break up.
	Hold on to it.
	Black Lives Matter wants to dismantle the nuclear family.
	The nuclear family is paramount.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	When the skies are smooth.
	Sweet home.
	When I'm coming on to the bathroom,

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