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Jan. 14, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:26:36
S04E75 - THEY MAKE GREAT PETS
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
Welcome.
Welcome to the TGIF episode of GOML that was Pornofapyros starring Perry Pharrell, who, like me, has an Asian wife.
My Asian wife is right over here, my work wife.
Hello.
You have an Asian wife at home, too, though she's not Asian.
And I just read today, my wife's half Native American and half Slav.
Apparently, Slavs are officially people of color.
Starting today.
Did you know that?
No.
So my wife is 100% non-white.
And so are you.
Huh.
I guess, right?
Puerto Ricans are not real people, meaning whites.
My brother-in-law is half, obviously.
And when he was a kid, people go, what are you?
Are you Chinese?
And he goes, no, I'm a half-American Indian and half plain.
We're plain.
The reason I played that is because every time I see the way liberals talk to Negroes, I hear the song, they make great pets.
They make great pets.
And it's actually we make great pets.
So let's try to ignore that for today's green screen where we're going to go through some highlights from my favorite, third favorite, Reddit shitlib safari.
But what was I talking about?
They make great pets.
Oh, yeah.
I was noticing that balloon when we walked in from the New Year's Eve party.
You can see it on the wide.
I think I have to get rid of it because I got about 9,000 motion detector notices from our security cams.
It's got to go.
Every time the heating comes on, it moves around.
But you know what else I noticed for my security cameras?
Cool.
You were late today.
Yes.
What happened?
This is true.
Well, I mean, you ever, as a guy, you're ready, but your wife and your kid, she had to take the car today and bring the baby to go to her old job for things.
Really?
I hear you as a person, but not through the sound system.
Check, check, one, two.
There we go.
Okay.
Yeah, she had to use the car today, so it's, you know, leaving at a normal time.
I was outside of the car.
I was like, you're going to be ready when I'm outside?
She said, yeah.
I'm there 45 after something around there.
But the reason I gave that time is it's the outside.
Like, you don't have to get here at 10.59 every day.
I come in on Wednesdays at 9 a.m.
Like, why do you always have to do the exact bare minimum?
Well, I mean, I got a family at home now.
Family?
I'm Nicholas.
You're up all night.
That's not true.
You go to bed like 4 a.m.
That's not true.
Oh, what time do you go to bed at?
Two-ish.
So everyone's asleep.
You're up to the wee hours.
Then you come in here, and then you go to the gym.
Wait, I go to the gym?
Yeah.
What does that have to do with here?
Well, you're like, I need to be with my family, but you're mostly at the gym here and sitting around noodling a guitar when you're asleep.
I've cut it down to an hour at the gym.
An hour?
That could be if it was an hour at a local bar, I'm sure you could relate and you'd say, that's...
Why not three hours?
I'm actually at the local bar when my children are at school.
And my wife doesn't want me around.
My baby doesn't go to school yet.
You know what she...
Yes, she does.
That's a fucking lie.
She goes to baby school.
Fuck.
Well, if she didn't.
You know what my wife did?
She bought disposable coffee cups.
That's a good...
That's a good...
No, it's not.
Do you know what that means?
What?
It means get your coffee and get the fuck out of here.
Oh.
Sick of seeing you loiter around reading the paper.
Go.
You can drink it in the car.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Damn.
I've been thinking a lot about that letter we had last night where the guy said, my wife hates her life and she can't believe that she had a baby and she's so fucking bored all the time.
One thing I was thinking of too, because I don't think we gave him very good advice, or enough advice, was just help her nest.
Maybe the home isn't hers enough, so she doesn't feel inclined to do it up.
My wife, and I like her taste, so I like the house she's made for us, but like it's her pictures on the wall.
Now, I don't need a man cave per se because I agree with her.
So, you know, there's sex pistols, sex pistols flag above the bed and stuff.
We're on the same page.
Right.
But maybe it's too dude zone.
Maybe if she felt in control, like that daunting article that haunts me like Banco's Ghost, the article that Barry Weiss promoted where the woman said, I got a divorce because I wanted to feel the wind in my face, the sun on my face.
I think I made the right decision.
And it all started because she couldn't afford a new kitchen.
Get the bitch a kitchen.
Storage wars?
No, Ryan.
That's a different Barry Weiss.
Yeah, it is.
We shouldn't have that Barry Weiss on our radar.
When I say Barry Weiss, you should know who that is, and you should think B-A-R-I.
And when I talk about going to the gym, you should spell it G-Y-M.
Mad about Barry Weiss.
Yeah, so that's the woman.
Did you just Google her?
And divorce.
Okay, well, it's an article that she promoted about divorce.
She didn't write it.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Come on.
Be aware of the zeitgeists and stuff we discussed on the show and do your job.
Barry Weiss promotes divorce article, and the woman's name was Honor, which is easy to remember because it's fucking weird.
And she has no honor.
Anyway, that article just haunts the pee out of me because she threw away her family for nothing.
And I don't want it to happen to me.
I don't want it to happen to you.
So give them what they want.
Give them some compliments.
Here's another marriage tip.
Don't talk too much.
Don't tell them too much.
I've had crazy nightmares the beginning of this week because I kind of quit booze or I quit boozing to the level I was.
And that makes sleeping hard for the first few days.
So I'd have crazy nightmares.
Don't tell her about it.
I looked up that song, tell her about it.
Tell her all your crazy dreams.
He wrote that in 1982.
He was divorced in 82.
So it's good advice if you're looking to lose your wife, but she doesn't need to hear all your crazy fucking dreams.
Don't tell her about it.
Shut up.
Okay?
How are you doing on that article, Ryan?
You know, I was hearing a hissing sound, and I have to get rid of that before we do anything.
So the soundboard had a little bit of an issue, and I had to restart it.
And now the voice processing is a little different.
Okay.
Is this episode going to be garbage?
No.
It's just I had kind of tapered the bass down a little bit and like put a dip in the mids of the computer so that way if you're talking over the video, I duck down the volume, but you'll still cut through because the human voice has a certain frequency.
So I'm just like reaching out to you.
Okay, well, I actually have one second to spare, so I managed to look it up.
It's in the Atlantic.
It's called How I Demolished My Life, a Home Improvement Story by Honor Jones.
You can look it up yourself, but it's all about...
For a while, I had a thought.
I was quite certain that I loved our home.
I had a mushroom in my wife, blah, blah, blah.
God, the upkeep.
So hard.
I would vacuum whenever.
I didn't have a secret life, but I, what if, what is it with divorce, women, and real estate?
And she talks about the countertops.
I had wanted, I thought, soapstone counters and a farmhouse sink.
That's how it starts.
So give the bitch her countertops is what I'm screaming.
Anyway, sorry.
We have a pretty racially heavy episode today.
It's going to make AIU look like the chick who does the 1619 project.
But before we get to that, let's have a little bit of fun.
This shit about Rogan and the fucking doctors who signed a petition.
We don't have a COVID section today, so we can just jump into that.
This shirt's kind of prinkly.
This is a trick the left does.
A menace to public health.
Doctors demand Spotify.
Well, they're not doctors, actually, E.J. Dixon.
I've seen this E.J. Dixon around.
There's been Proud Boys and other garbage articles he's written.
I mean, Rolling Stone's garbage.
What is E. Can you look up E.J. Dixon?
Always Google the author, folks.
I'll do it because you'll take it.
Didn't they reach out to you for an interview?
Really?
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
Yeah, I remember her.
It's a little Jewish child who's like your babysitter's friend.
And when I say your babysitter, I mean the woman who babysits your kids.
You still, like, I just, Brian, I just looked at her and how are you so motherfucking slow?
Change your search engine if that's not working for you.
I'm staring at E.J. Dixon right now and have been for a minute.
Google?
If Brave isn't working, then Brave's not working.
Give it up.
Do your fucking job.
Figure it out.
Jesus Christ.
It puts me in a bad mood and then I can't do my job.
I was talking to a doctor, though, about this.
So it's like 270 doctors have begged Spotify to stop.
There we go.
Have begged Spotify to stop doing this shit and get Joe Rogan off the air or at least ban his thing.
Or as Joe Biden said, he goes, social media, you need to stop the misinformation on your shows.
Shows?
Joe, social media doesn't have shows.
Do you mean Joe Rogan on Spotify?
Spotify's not social media.
Anyway, so it's all of these different 270 doctors, right?
When you look at who signed this thing, you'll find many, many are the following.
Medical residents, nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, which is fake, a psychologist, a dentist, a registered nurse, a master's student, an anesthesiologist, a nurse, 270.
This is exactly like, follow the science.
Scientists agree that we have a global warming problem, climate change.
Don't you believe in science?
And you're like, this is what happened with the climate, global warming shit.
They put out a survey.
They asked like a thousand scientists if they think that climate change is an issue.
About 15% said, well, yeah, it could be very serious.
Then they redid the survey with just those 15%.
And that's how they ended up with 98% of scientists agree.
We're all going to fucking die.
The planet.
Harrison Ford was just on screaming about the science.
Listen to the science.
And it's so, see if you can find that, Randy.
It was in previous notes.
He's talking about the science and this planet.
We won't have anything for our Children.
And what should we do then, Harrison?
Spend money.
We need windmills.
We need to spend, spend, spend.
We have to build back better.
We have to spend $7 trillion.
We have to spend the equivalent of, I think it's $150,000 per household or some shit like that.
And you go, well, wait a minute.
That's just going to double the debt and permanently cripple our grandchildren economically.
So bankrupt our children with beyond the shadow of a doubt.
There's no doubting that.
Because there might be some sort of climate change happening.
You clearly don't give a fuck about the children.
You're just doing what's hip now, you old coot.
Look at him.
He looks like a fucking hillbilly.
Stop giving power to people who don't believe in science, or worse than that, pretend they don't believe in science for their own self-interest.
He's an actor.
They know who they are.
We know who they are.
Does it mean we are all rich or poor, powerful or powerless?
We will all suffer the effects of climate change and ecosystem destruction.
And we are facing what is quickly becoming the greatest moral crisis of our time.
That those least responsible will bear the greatest costs.
Okay, so America will bear the greatest cost?
Because China is the most responsible.
I don't know why you're making it a generational thing.
It's happening now.
And as far as plastic in the ocean, we're like the bottom 1%.
Anyway, it's just fucking ridiculous, isn't it?
Climate.
We've been hearing about this.
Remember the ozone?
That was big when I was a kid.
Acid rain was big in the 80s and the ozone.
The ozone has since healed itself magically.
And acid rain has just vanished.
Then when I was a little kid, they were talking about global cooling.
The whole planet's going to become a giant fucking iceberg.
Then it was the oil shortage.
We're going to run out of oil.
Then it was water was a big thing for a while.
We're going to run out of potable water soon.
Now it's just, it's going to get hot.
And the whole, all of Earth will become the fucking Sahara Desert.
Unless we do something now and spend money.
Fuck you.
We're not.
Oh, here's an interesting little cop segue.
Someone was talking about the why do they have to shoot them.
They have to shoot them because not everyone is in a video game and goes down after one click.
Sometimes you'll shoot someone a bunch of times.
You don't get the heart.
You don't get the major organs.
And they keep coming at you to kill you.
And cops die all the fucking time.
So this is something you should show people when they say, why didn't they just Jesse James him?
They should have shot off his earrings.
That would have given him a wake-up call.
They always say fire a warning shot.
Yeah, warning shots work for sane people.
They're not going to work for you, for this fucking lunatic who's on God knows what drugs.
I think we just saw something that required no less than 17 bullets.
Did you see that?
He still said, oh, damn.
Boe Vey with the shooting and the bong bang and the hug.
Meshugana.
He's meshugana.
Die, bitch.
Which brings us to a cop who was just killed in LA by F-13.
Hey, extremist reporters who are monitoring extremism.
I have some extremism for you.
They're called Florencia 13.
They were formed.
Shit, I think they go back to the 50s.
Yeah.
Some of them, it's hard.
There's the Mexican mafia down there.
They control a lot of the gangs.
There's MS-13, and there's gangs that are about, you know, the way Hell's Angels would subsume other biker gangs?
I think Florencia, I think F-13, Florencia 13, is about subsuming other gangs.
It's very complicated over there.
There was one guy who wanted to bring them all together, which I strangely support.
I'm not proud of myself for that.
But there's too much bloodshed, too much violence, and too much money in the drug trade down there.
But what makes F-13 famous recently is their ethnic cleansing.
You fucking pussies are so focused on oath keepers and Kyle Chapman and Proud Boys.
And there is a gang in South Central that is murdering blacks for no reason outside of race.
It's not gang-related.
It's not bloods and crips.
It's a 13-year-old black girl on her skateboard going over to a friend's house.
Pop.
Dead.
It's ethnic cleansing.
It's Nazi stuff.
You hate Nazis, right?
This is right up your alley.
But you don't go near it.
Because as I told Bull Summer, you're a fucking pussy.
Anyways.
I sent this to you later.
Ryan.
Where's my Coke?
Wait, what's this?
Oh, yeah.
Florencia killing blacks.
They say the number 13, by the way, because M is the 13th letter in the alphabet.
So I guess both Florencia 13 and MS-13 work with the Mexican mafia because the Mexican mafia likes the 13 thing.
LA cops go over, woke DA George Gascon's head, and get the feds to file murder charges.
So these four F-13 gang members are just driving around their hood in Los Angeles, South Central, and they see this guy with silver chains.
I'm not sure if they recognize that He's a cop.
He's strapped, and maybe that's a giveaway in that area because it's impossible to get a legal gun.
But they steal his chains.
No, they must have known he's a cop because they took his wallet.
He gave them the wallet.
They took $100 out of it and they threw it away.
So it's not a normal robbery.
But these fucking animals were going to get a lenient sentence because of this Soros DA.
Now scroll down.
We can look at their faces.
So that cop, that young guy, he was the one who was murdered by these gang members.
That's the fucking faggot Soros DA.
And then if you scroll down more, you can see the four perps.
Disgusting, horrible animal, gang member, Mexican garbage.
Look at this chick.
Hey, Haley Marie Grisham.
Where's dad?
What happened with dad?
Could you be a bigger failure as a father when your 18-year-old is hanging out with F-13 on cop murdering sprees?
You pathetic piece of shit.
I know this makes no sense, but out of all of the scumbags here, I want to punch her dad the most.
I want to just fucking throw him around like a ragdoll.
God damn it, you fucking shithead.
You loser.
You fucking waste.
Look at your daughter, dumbass.
Anyway, scroll down.
So I think the sheriff did a good move.
He said, fuck these DAs.
We got to make this federal because they're not going to prosecute these people because they think it's mean.
But if you keep going down, they have this chart.
Yeah, yeah, crime space.
No, no, more of that.
More, more.
That thing.
George Soros' network of woke DAs.
Is it just me or does this seem like a tip of the iceberg?
Cyrus Vance.
I mean, every time I hear about a corrupt DA, I Google his name with George Soros and there is funding.
It's not five.
It's like 500.
So this, this, whoever made this map is a fucking underachiever.
All right.
Also in the news, I thought this sort of summed it up.
We got to call child services on these fucking LGBT moms who aren't even gay.
Somehow it would be better if they're gay.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know how blind people don't like the cochlear implant because it erases deaf culture?
So I kind of understand that.
But imagine if a mother was not deaf and she was against the cochlear implant and she was an activist for deaf rights.
Isn't that a lot more annoying?
Like when the deaf people fight against cochlear implants, I sort of go, I don't really, it's not really my world.
So I kind of get where you're coming from.
But with these people becoming crusaders for LGBT and also sucking dicks and getting fucked from behind by their male husband, I sort of go, what are you doing?
Mind your own.
Being good at it, if you will.
Why is my box here not perfectly square?
What do you mean?
Oh, it seems like a rhombus.
Yeah, it looks cheap to just have just a regular screen.
It looks like OBS.
It looks like you've...
No, I'd rather it was a normal screen.
And it shows more stuff.
Like, it's a sneaky way to...
Yeah, we had this argument last night.
Give up on non-right angles, please.
It's feminist, claptrap, bullshit, anti-male, anti-traditionalism.
We're all right angles here starting today.
Anyway, she's talking with these guys.
I have nothing to hide is her attitude, right?
And this kid goes, yeah, she's going to make sure we're LGBT.
Even if we're not gay, she's going to make sure we're part of it.
And the spookiest part of this whole video is when he brings it up, the farthest away kid, this kid senses like, uh-oh, he's blown up mom's spot.
Now, he doesn't necessarily believe in mom's philosophy.
He's just tenacious enough and he has his sort of like spidey senses to know that if you trample on mom's rhetoric, it's bad for everyone.
So don't rock the boat.
Whether the boat is on the right course or not, it's not really in his mindset.
But check out how smart he is as this mother basically shows that she's a terrible mother.
Maybe this kid with the blue hair recognizes this bitch could get child services called on her, and that's worse for all of us.
So let's just smile and keep things going here.
If I have to pretend I'm gay or I support LGBT, whatever the fuck you need.
As long as I get food and shelter.
White people that aren't like serial killers like Ted Button.
Does your mom say you have to be LGBT?
I'm not minding she's what I want to be, but something.
But come on, Lucky, keep talking.
Say what you're talking about.
My mom doesn't matter if I am gay or lesbian or any of that.
She doesn't care.
All she cares about is that I'm a part of it.
And if I'm not a part of it, she'll try to convince me to join it.
Because I...
What?
Are you saying right now?
Facts.
That I would convince you to join what?
The LGBTQIA plus?
Community.
White people that aren't like serious.
He said the quiet part out loud.
And look at that kid.
Shut up.
Shut up.
What a nightmare home.
And how frequently they say it?
They say LGBTQIA plus.
Yeah, yeah, it's one word.
It's one syllable for them.
Imagine that was white nationalism he was talking about, which is a lot more easily argued, I would say, than the need for infinite genders and pansexuality.
She'd be dead.
It'd be the end of the universe.
I don't agree with either of them, by the Way.
I am disabled.
Are you going to fix my box, or is that something you have to do later?
Later.
I make all those in Photoshops.
Oh.
Yes.
Also, people called in about how ugly the boxes in the super chat were last night.
Yeah.
Offering to make their own, even.
Well, the interface.
That's straight from the only place I could see it.
I know, but you made rhombuses then, too.
Oh, Tilted?
Yeah.
I think I have to send you to design school.
I hope it's not expensive.
I'm going to send you to a class.
And I won't take it out of my wallet.
I'll take it out of the company.
Yeah, that's what we're going to do.
I have excellent design.
No, you don't, Ryan.
Yes, I do.
Remember, let's talk about racism with the round edges and all that shit?
Sure, that.
But check out this intro I did.
Okay?
This is design, design, design.
All right.
Folks, he has a new intro to prove that he has a great sense of design.
We've barely begun this show.
It's going to be a long one today, folks.
I've got a lot of shit to say.
All right, you're taking too long, as per usual.
So I'll start the next segment of the show.
I was at the gym today, and my trainer, my coach, had me doing this weird karate kid bullshit where it's an iron beam.
And I have to practice.
I'm not hitting with my fist flat enough.
He wants like clonk.
So after I did a bunch of arm draining workouts, he had me hitting the iron.
It's not a pole.
It's like a square thing.
It's got flat edges, a pole with flat edges.
And I have to make sure my hands are up and go clink, clink, clink, clink.
And it's exactly like Karate Kid paint the fence stuff.
So I'm thinking of funny sketches in my head.
And I make myself laugh like once every two years.
The previous time was I got this underwear out of the dryer and it wasn't quite ready.
And I put it on and it was kind of moist in the bottom.
And I thought about how funny it would be to go up to my wife and think that this turned her on.
I got my underwear out of the dryer and it was still wet.
And I put it up against my balls and my taint.
And I could feel what you feel about what it's like to be wet down there.
That made me laugh.
And then today I made myself laugh thinking of doing a sketch.
Are you still looking for that thing?
No.
I'm not going to interrupt your story.
I thought how funny it'd be to do a parody of Karate Kid where he's painting the fence and then he's sweeping the floor and then he's mopping outside.
He's sweeping outside.
He has to strip the paint off the boiler and then repaint that and then he's got to do the laundry and then he's taking out the garbage.
And after a few days, he says to the sensei, what's going on here, man?
Am I ever going to learn how to fight?
And he just gives him a gun and he says, here, if anyone fucks with you, just shoot them.
Thanks for cleaning up my house.
That's pretty good.
Not as funny as I remembered it.
I did have a fun thing, though.
I got a new bit.
Every time I do something, I then convey it to Larry, who's known as Larry No Fear Barnes.
So I go to like it today.
And no one laughs at the gym.
I think because a lot of them come from a violent background.
So laughing at people or like, you talking to me?
Oh, am I funny?
Do I amuse you?
It started a lot of fights, maybe with their drunken father.
So when I'm doing straight comedy, they're like, what the fuck is someone about to get stabbed?
So I go up to Larry and I go, Larry, come here, man.
When you're in the ring, you'll notice that what drains you is fear.
So you have to be brave and you have to accept that you're in a fight, you could get knocked out, shit could go bad, and not let the fear drain you.
Okay, my man?
And then I hug him and I put my hand on his back.
No one's ever spoken to him like that in his life.
Or I'll explain what I just explained to you, Lao.
You got to get your knuckles flat on the iron there.
Watch here.
Lair, watch me.
Watch this.
Okay?
And then I take all the things that he's famous for, like no fear and what's that called?
Slipping?
And try to explain it to him.
Anyway, I'm getting on my own nerves.
But what does he do?
What does he do when I do this?
Yeah.
He goes.
And then he goes, you fucking crazy, man.
Yeah, that's him creating a folder.
You look dope.
That's him creating a folder to store what you just did in his brain.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, you can't make this shit up.
They got to do a reality show about this place.
Did you see this, motherfucker?
And then he goes up to whoever he's trained.
Did you hear that shit?
He's a cupcake.
Here's the...
And I made the music for it, too.
Fonsus thing.
Yeah, that's fucking 90s.
That's 90s graphic design raver shit.
Like, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
That's 30 years out of date.
But Japanese writing?
Like, I put that in Vice when we were newsprint.
That's Eagle Trip and Vice in 1995.
So how...
Were you even born then?
That's cool.
How old are you?
48.
When were you born?
89.
Okay, so I guess you were too young to know, but when you were six, that was the way everyone did graphic design.
Well, that's shit rules.
See, you're never wrong.
What is it supposed to be?
Like some flash.
You can't learn.
But you say cars got better and then the design got better, but cars got worse.
I disagree.
I think everything was better back when.
Yeah, I know, because you're low quality.
You're base.
You're like, yeah, Chinese looks cool.
I'm based.
No, it was Oriental Crime Report.
It's the whole guy.
Okay, well, that was a terrible example.
Here's another Asian.
The thing you did for Katie Hopkins, that was really cool, but that took a lot of time.
That's my style.
It's like, no, it didn't.
It's, what the fuck's that guy's name from Monty Python?
Yeah, I told you to mimic the guy from Monty Python.
But I've always done that sort of shit.
What?
Yes.
Wait, wait, wait.
Here's another one.
Wait, this one is not that style, but Terry Gilliam.
I'll show you another one.
But this one is pretty cool too in the news.
Porny, shitty font.
Like this blowing out the contrast is someone who's excited to be able to do it.
This is so fucking amateur.
Yeah, stop.
Will you stop wasting and ruining the show, showing us shitty graphic design to show us how good you are at graphic design?
And then also.
Oh my God.
The feminist bumper we should watch.
Okay.
That's brand new.
And is it sick?
Yes.
Feminism.
I'll just hold on just one sec.
I just got to find it here.
It's got to load it up.
Just give me just two secs.
Sorry, just a second here while I get it set up and show you how great I am after showing you two horrible pieces of shit that are super corny wave flyers.
You, I think.
Yeah, I did.
Okay, now I don't have it.
You're ruining the show.
Opening.
I had a really tight show all planned.
I was really excited about it.
We could hit feminism.
Who here identifies as a feminist?
We are the storm.
The very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
We need to make these like spilters on.
You said I was too pretty to fight.
That's toxic masculinity.
You don't realize how you're behaving.
World pretty good.
And the song is, I'd love to change the world, but I don't know what to do, which is so.
The feminism, why the letters have to go all kookified?
You said you liked it when, and thanks for calling and the other ones.
So I literally used that formula.
Okay.
Anyway, stop ruining my show.
Zach Doe.
So back to the boxing gym.
I was thinking today how there's black dudes and white dudes, young guys, old guys.
You know, the young guys have a chance at making this a real career.
Very young guys.
Older dudes are just there to stay in shape.
Everyone's the same.
They play trap music.
The black guys like the trap music.
As old guys want to hear Black Sabbath.
So we switch it back and forth.
There's zero animosity.
And one of the reasons there's no animosity is because boxing is hard.
So we're focused more on that.
And the fact that you're here doing the hard thing is everything.
And even if you hear some like old cops or farmer making some joke about, yeah, they love that.
They're going to steal your fucking TV next.
You'll see that same guy over there in the weight section talking to the dude, blah, blah, blah.
So anything that would appear as racist if you had like a secret hidden camera, it's a very minor thin layer at the top that is very penetrable and is immediately forgotten when they go to lift weights together.
And I think it's because boxing is hard.
They're focused on a thing.
It's almost like a job.
I actually said this about threesomes before.
People thought it was gay that I had a threesome with me and another guy.
We're like, fucking this chick.
And it's like, I don't see the other guy.
We both have a job to do.
And they're like, what about his dick?
Do you ever see his dick?
And I'm like, if that ever happened, it would be like you're digging a hole for a body and two shovels clinked.
Like you're focused on the hole, literally.
And it's the same with skate parks.
Young kids, like when my boy was like six, I would bring him to the skateboard park and you'd think, well, here's a little kid who can barely go up the thing and back down again.
And he's scared and they want to use the ramp.
So you'd think they'd go, get the fuck out of here.
But they don't.
They're like, hey, kid, yeah, you know what you want to do here?
Here, let me show you.
And then just go up and bend your knees.
Bend your knees.
They knew more about it.
Meanwhile, they're doing all the kickflips and catching air and doing what all the kids are doing with the boneless ones and the fucking rail slides.
And that's true too here out in the suburbs when I take them.
My youngest boy now and his friend, they're not in the way.
There's older guys there.
Zero judgment because everyone's focused on this hard thing.
Skateboarding is hard work.
So that's what matters.
Race isn't a thing.
So how does this apply to America?
Get to work.
Fuck the freebies.
Fuck the welfare.
Fuck the food stamps.
Let's get jobs.
Well, what about illegals?
Let's close the borders, get the illegals out of here.
Well, now we need a workforce.
Yeah, let's legalize drugs.
That's end crime.
Get prisoners out of prison.
Not 5% of the people deserve to be in prison.
For some reason, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are obsessed with the 5% that should be there.
The Julius Jones is the mass murders.
I want the fake domestics out.
I want the stupid drug charges out.
I want the dumb gun charges out.
Get all them out and get them to work.
And then we won't have time for all this bullshit talk about equity and racism and sexism and transism and the 1619 project and slavery.
And this is why blue-collar guys are in a way more woke than middle-class and upper-class people because they're hanging out with black dudes.
They don't have time for this shit.
They're working all day.
They're shoveling the coal in Virginia.
They're fucking welding on the high-rises in New York City.
They're inspecting the steel.
They're re-grouting the fucking bathrooms.
They're fixing the plumbing of the entire skyscraper.
They don't have time for your bullshit 16-19 lies.
The future of America is to make it more like a skate park and a boxing gym, where we're all focused on the task and not each other.
Which brings us to how we really are, 1-5.
We're colorblind.
America is not racist.
Racism is not a thing.
I know I'm talking about it a lot on today's show, but it's to say, can we stop fucking talking about it?
You know?
We're in a standingly colorblind country.
96% of Americans approve of neighbors of a different race.
Highest in the world.
91% approve of interracial marriage.
89% of Americans think rising diversity is just fine.
Americans are loving, generous people.
Now, people will say to you, okay, 91% approve of interracial marriage, but only about 2% or 3% of whites marry outside their race, and it's even less with other races.
Yeah, those are not mutually exclusive.
People, whites may tend to marry whites.
It doesn't mean that they have a problem with you not doing it.
And yes, there are black neighborhoods.
There's Koreatown.
There's Chinatown.
There's white neighborhoods.
But if anyone dares to stray from that tendency, no one gives a shit.
If I move into, I've lived in Chinatown.
No one fucking cared.
I've lived with Hasidic Jews my whole life in Montreal, in Mile End, in the northern part of Le Plateau.
Upstate, I'm right next to Curious Joel in Eldred.
And then in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I'm right next to them by the fucking Williamsburg Bridge.
They didn't give a shit.
What are you doing?
Oops.
And it's sort of like a male and a female.
They'd say, no one really has a problem with gays.
Oh, really?
Why do 90% of Americans have heterosexual relationships?
Because that's just the tendency.
Most men want to fuck women and vice versa.
But if two women want to fuck and two men want to fuck, we go, okay.
Don't get any jizz on the couch.
This is the study it came from.
The source.
The world's most racially tolerant countries.
Ryan, can you please figure out how to get through the paywalls?
It's a very simple VPN or whatever.
I've had a million people call and explain anyway.
Can't get to the map, but it shows you that North America is by far the most tolerant country in the world.
Yet, it's the country you hear bitching about racism the most in.
Do Indonesians constantly whine and complain about the lack of equity?
Do we have fucking Brazilians?
Who, by the way, we got 320,000 of the 10 million slaves that came from Africa.
Brazil got 4 million.
Is Brazil constantly nattering on about racism?
No, they got fucking Bolsonaro, the braveheart fawns of the Western world.
Which brings me to this black author over at Medium who says, I'm with Gavin McInnes.
I mean, they didn't literally say my name, but I'm with Gavin McInnes.
I'm so bored of these anti-racists.
I actually kind of get a racist vibe from them.
They see us like pets.
Anti-racism is becoming troublingly racist.
You might think it's helping, but it's not.
And she goes, or what is it?
He or she, go back to the top there?
Steve.
He goes, for example, Los Angeles private institution Brentwood School recently announced plans to segregate parent-teacher meetings by race as part of its, and I'm not kidding here, inclusive excellence racial equity initiative.
So for a racial equity initiative, these woke liberals are imposing segregation on the school.
White parents will meet white teachers, will meet with white teachers.
Black parents will meet with black teachers.
Latino parents will meet with Latino teachers.
My kids are Ho-Chunk Indian, Slovak Scots.
Who should they meet with?
I presume that interracial families will need to separate in the name of progress.
And then this is my final article before we get to a green screen about this.
And this bitch stole my line, by the way.
This is in Quillette.
What's the title of this?
What a stupid picture to use.
The Infantilization of Black America by who?
Tosin?
Tossin Akintola.
So we don't know what gender that is.
Well-meaning white progressives, meanwhile, treat black Americans more like the family pet.
Hey!
Than the family friend, condescending to praise us when we align with their views and fearly attacking when we don't, like when blacks voted against gay marriage in California.
The conversation about race in America has been framed by progressive media and co-opted by the Democratic Party to supplement the coalition that supported Obama during his presidency, presumably in the hope that blacks would gratefully support Hillary in her run for office.
But Democrats have come to take the black voting bloc for granted.
Even though 44% of black voters consider themselves moderate and another 27 consider themselves conservative, black Americans still overwhelmingly vote Democrat, 90%.
That's what LBJ said, right?
We'll have these niggas voting for us for the next 100 years.
But this can't last because like Latinos, blacks are a Christian.
They're pro-life.
I mean, when you get more middle class.
They're anti-gay.
They think homosexuality is a sin.
To be on the DL, you'll get your ass kicked.
Hence the term down low.
So can they vote like that forever?
And Latinos are even more so.
They're more pro-life.
They're more anti-abortion.
They're more pro-family.
And they're more anti-gay.
So eventually, both of these Christian groups are going to go, what the fuck are we doing here?
Who are these people that we're supporting?
And the second that happens, the left is going to be pushing for closed borders.
They don't like you.
Hey, blacks and Latinos kissing Democrat ass.
They don't like you.
You're a useful pet to them right now.
They think you're adorable.
But as soon as the family dog bites someone, it's taken out back and shot.
And by you not voting for them is you biting their kids.
And you will be gone like that.
Anyway, that brings us to this super fun green screen moment called They Make Great Pets.
Yeah, let's run everybody.
Is that plugged in?
What?
Is that plugged in?
Yeah?
You gotta hear anything?
Oh, keep checking.
Checkety check, check.
Check.
Checkety check.
So this is a cool sweater that a white woman knitted.
And it's got all these different hands.
You know, I saw a map done on the skin color that Hispanics identify with, and most of it was this.
The black, black ones were like 2%.
So Hispanics are white.
Anyway, this woman did a wonderful sweater to show her support.
It's actually a sweater t-shirt, which I don't really understand.
That's like leather shorts.
You got all that artillery to keep warm, and then you leave your arms bare.
You're going to get a cold rush in the old armpit there, Karen.
All right, so look at her neck.
That's a shit chest, you can tell.
Like, is there a more incompatible group than these fucking liberal, secular, gino Karens and black dude from the hood?
They couldn't.
It's like Ann Coulter said, the only thing they have in common is they all hate white men.
You can see her.
She's got a pretty good body, though, for a 48-year-old.
Okay, what is this one?
Can I go to a black barber shop if I'm white?
I saw it on TV.
They look so cool, and they're all riffing.
I want to riff with those guys.
There is something weird about whites, and I have this too, where you're just like, you see them and you're like, hey, yo, what's up?
It's a genetic thing.
Like, I want to be friends.
We don't have to be enemies.
Let's be friends.
What's the handshake?
Yo.
Yo, dog.
Yeah, man.
I ain't trying to fuck with that.
Sometimes you have to pretend to be a racist and pretend to hate their guts just to get up to a normal level, to get to zero.
Because you start up here.
Hi, want to be friends?
Let's rap together.
Then you think, okay, I'm going to pretend to be racist.
And it brings you here.
It's a similar thing you do if you're uncomfortable going through customs and you're innocent.
Pretend you have a kilo of Coke and you're now having to hide the cocaine.
It takes away the stress.
I don't know why.
These are just tricks why people have to do.
I don't know.
Normal barbershops are boring.
And I just see people having a good time in these black barbershops.
But would I be accepted?
Or are y'all just going to look at me funny?
I want to go so bad.
This is like Animal House where they go, Otis, my man.
And the music stops.
And the other guy goes, we're going to die.
Can you imagine walking into a black barbershop and just sitting down?
Hey, that would be funny.
Next.
They make great pets.
What is this one?
Black people are beautiful people, even in prison.
So this is a Reddit shit lip safari where they look at comments.
This must have been something about, I don't know, blacks working in the cafeteria, and there's some rich white woman who is keen on not living near them, doesn't actually like them close up, but from afar it's fun.
If you like them so much, this is like that teacher that I boxed with who teaches in the South Bronx.
He's like, hey, if you like them so much, we need tutors.
Come on down.
Can you help out?
We'd love to have you help out.
Nah, can I just write a check?
He's got Yeezys on.
What are the fucking Kanye West shoes?
Yeezys.
Yeezys.
He's got Yeezys.
His uncle gives him all the money he needs.
His shoe collection is probably worth $100,000.
Money's not an issue.
It's paternal figures.
No, I don't want to touch them.
Next.
What's this one say?
Employers, consider giving your black employees a day or two off after the written house verdict, regardless of the outcome.
Oh, really?
So whether he's getting the gas chamber or whether he's getting a million-dollar reward, it's still going to be very emotional.
It's going to be hard for capital B, even the capital B shit.
The fuck is that about?
That's embarrassing.
It's pandering.
You know what?
I like my pet more than humans.
It's like when people say, I like my dog more than most humans.
In fact, I'm going to capitalize dog just like you would God, because my dog is God spelled backwards.
Remember that thing they had?
It was someone saying, I think animals are better than people, except black people.
Black people are as good as animals.
And you're like, congratulations, moron.
You just went full circle and you're as bad as the most dangerous racist on earth.
It's going to be hard for black people to work and it isn't fair to expect them to.
My doggy shouldn't have to work after the bad day.
It should be National Doggy Day.
They make great pets.
This is me sleeping on one of my pets.
Wait a minute.
Oh, fuck.
It's her hand.
I thought they added beard fuzz to the bottom of the statue.
Look at that thing.
I would love you to spend two days with a live George Floyd, just hanging out in parking lots, trying to hustle fake $20 bills, smoking crack, doing fentanyl, fucking in a fucking alleyway,
dressing up as a con ed guy and attacking a pregnant woman in a home invasion robbery.
Is that what you love?
Do you love?
Look at her.
Dude, we're reaching t-shirt levels here.
This is dangerous.
Do you know how big the knee they have to sculpt is going to be?
What?
Do you know how big the knee that they have to sculpt is going to be?
Maybe that's what she's doing.
She's pretending to be Derek Chauvin's knee.
Oh my God.
We may have to make that a shirt.
What else have we got here?
I had a question in the SAT that assumed you knew what an escalator looked like.
Some people in poorer communities have never been on one.
I wouldn't say it's racist, but it does present an issue.
Why didn't they show his face, please?
I want to have him here in the studio.
People in poorer communities have never been on an escalator in the United States of America in 2021?
It's just one example.
You know what I think he's talking about?
That viral video of the first escalator in like, it wasn't Zimbabwe.
Brand new mall, yeah, brand new Mall.
Yeah, it was like Kenya or something like that.
It was a less disgusting African shithole.
And they were all standing on it going, whoa, and falling everywhere.
I don't know.
I probably saw my first escalator when I was four.
I didn't take a night class in using them.
You figure them out after maybe a nanosecond.
It's just one example.
But escalators are usually in places like airports, malls, places of big business, places of big business.
Is this how we talk now?
People of color, places of big business?
Big business one.
What?
It's in a place of big business one.
Yeah, yeah.
This was translated by an aboriginal.
Look at them.
I think he's basing it on this.
In fact, I think he's so retarded, he thinks this is like Compton or Baltimore.
The Mall of America.
By the way, sitting on it is a Band-Aid solution.
You're okay for now, but eventually you're going to get to the top.
And that's going to be a huge pylon.
Is it just me or are escalators intuitive?
They're asking each other if they need a ticket to ride it.
We had that ticket coming up.
We did.
I got up.
Because you don't have the money to spend there.
You might not know.
Escalators are fucking everywhere.
And every black person in the entire country has been to a mall.
The fuck are you talking about?
I was at Davin Buster's in Pelham the other day, and I was the only white guy there.
Two major real estate search engines, Nick's crime data in racial equity push.
Yeah, I don't want to know about it if my dog pees on the carpet.
Bad dog.
Bad dog.
Let's just erase that.
This was like when Eric Holder was the DA and Obama said, yeah, we got 14% of the population doing a lot of the crime, 50% of the violent crime.
And even that 14%, it's not old black ladies and babies.
It's black males 18 to 25.
So it's like 3% are doing 50% of the violent crime.
And Eric Holder goes, I got it.
Stop saying that.
So I forget when it was, 2010 or so?
They just erased blacks from the crime data.
And now if you want to talk about how blacks are represented in certain crimes, you have to go back to 2010.
And now we're doing it in real estate.
African guy in the hardware, oh, this is great.
This is my favorite one.
This inspired this whole segment.
African guy in the hardware store asked me to put on a mask like, come on, bro.
Clearly, his actual desire and not just some policy.
Guess I'll start wearing a mask again if Omicron's at the point where normal people actually want you to.
Oh yeah, I guess I'll wear the mask again now that normal people actually want you to.
Not trying to be an antisocial personality.
Now I'm reading like a pet.
So if someone white asks you to put on a mask, don't do it.
But when a black dude does it and he's cool, I don't know.
Oh yeah, look at this one.
So saying you are my sunshine and whoever finishes it gives them $500.
I guess a black person said that.
The amount of kindness I see coming from black people, they just radiate positive energy.
Much love.
And then someone else says, not want to bring race into this, but African Americans are some of the most chill, childlike, perfect.
Perfect.
To think childlike is a compliment.
That goes back to the infantilization we were talking about earlier.
Some of the most chill, childlike, and funny people to have around.
I am not one, but I'm saying from my experience with co-workers.
They're almost like cookies.
They're human cookies, freshly baked.
That's why they're brown.
They're all chocolate chip.
Is that the last one?
Oh, okay.
What's this now?
Oh, yeah, this is a guy.
He's renting out an apartment, but guess what?
You must be queer.
Enby, whatever the fuck that means.
Do you know what that means, Ryan?
Enby?
No.
POC preferred.
The rent?
Well, it depends.
It's $925 plus utilities for BIPOC.
What does BIPOC mean?
Again, bisexual people of color?
Binary?
NB.
What does NB mean?
In the LGBT community?
I can't really read that.
NB is a non-binary person.
NB.
Oh, non-binary.
Genetic project.
Yeah.
And then what's BIPOC?
Okay, let's see.
Because I want to be...
A lot of these you could just say, yeah.
I thought it was biracial person of color.
Let's see.
Yeah, that's it.
Biracial person of color.
So I could probably say I'm like half Armenian, half Romanian or something, right?
I could just find some.
No, black indigenous people.
Oh, black, indigenous person of color.
I think I'd just say Cherokee like Elizabeth Warren.
And then, of course, it's $50 more if you're not BIPOC.
Wait a minute.
Queer can be...
What if you're white, queer, or white, Enby or white trans?
Wait a minute.
A lot of these three groups still have to pay the $975.
It's only POCs who get the $50 discount, which I guess comes out of his pocket.
You're a dork.
Is that the last one?
They are childlike.
If you were to look at black children.
What the hell you talking about?
You can't say shit.
You got this shit from the 99 system.
Why would I talk to like that, bro?
So in ways, they are childlike.
Because from children, they're full-blown, you know.
Is that the last one?
Nope.
We've got one more.
Do we know if this guy is indigenous?
He looks it to me.
Native Americans and black people in America automatically get a pass for being anti-vaccine because of the rich and long history of unconsented drug testing.
Rich sounds good, doesn't it?
I have a rich history of unconsented drug testing.
Unconsented sterilization and biochemical slash drug warfare conducted on these groups.
I'd be anti-vaccine as fuck if I was in one of these groups.
Yeah, that's why I'm anti-vaccine, actually, because of the government's terrible history with mandates like thalidomide.
That wasn't a mandate, but that was something that was going to save all the babies, be great for pregnant women.
Next thing you know, everyone's got lobster arms.
So, because you sterilized Puerto Ricans and waged all these drug experiments on various BIPOCs, I don't want your fucking drugs.
And we come back with that with pets behaving badly.
Look at this PlayStation prank.
Of course, people doing pranks are better at conveying the state of the union and what's happening in America better than the news.
Why does 65% of Americans not trust the media?
Because they would never do something like this.
Why are they running with him?
Are they going to rob him?
Wait, I want to hear what he's saying, the guy in the coat.
Why are you just trying to snatch my thing?
I think the guy with the places he goes, why do you want to snatch my thing?
And the thief said, why do you want to snatch my thing?
Or you have the train thing I just sent you.
Ryan, I sent it after the notes.
This is going on in LA.
They're now jumping on moving trains, opening up the containers, and just going through all the junk.
And when they find something like this, or this pen, or something that's not a computer or a PS5, they just throw it on the ground.
Like fishing lures.
Books.
Books do very well.
Yo, what's good with that chain?
That supply chain.
Look at that.
Just dragging.
Has he got a coffee in his hand?
He's at work.
Oh, no, he's filming everyone.
Dragging his box, dragging his ass.
This is in Zimbabwe.
Oh, wait.
Sorry.
It's in Los Angeles.
I'm just get on news, baby.
They don't always make great pets.
Oh, we found a TV one.
That was full of shit.
Good thing we defunded the police.
Those racist police don't have to get involved.
By the way, F-13 has been very effective in ethnically cleansing the area.
When we think of South Central, at least when you're my age, you think of rap and stuff.
NWA.
If you go to NWA's Turf Now, it is all M-E-X-I-C-A-N.
There are no more blacks in that area because they were ethnically cleansed.
And the only media source that ever wrote about it was, I think it's called Red State Politics, Ryan Gerduski.
Look at this.
They're just going with the train now.
Throwing shit out.
And if any of them get caught, they're looking at zero probation, zero jail time.
Remember, stealing under $800 is not a crime.
We're in a weird conundrum, too, because I've always been against this over-incarceration, but at the same time, they're letting everyone run rampant.
I'm against bullshit charges for drugs, guns, stuff like that.
Things that are not in the Constitution.
Theft, that's pretty basic.
That should be punished.
What do you think, Ryan?
Personally, I think that there's no point stealing a constitution.
Quintez is here.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hey, Nick, do you think I should not be on Getter because you were banned?
I think Getter is a bunch of homosexuals.
I mean, obviously, we know that if you look at their policies, and obviously they talked about Christmas quite disparagingly, that nobody liked that.
That was not very based, you know.
So I think they're pretty whack, but I'm going to keep on there.
I have an alt account.
And until something comes along where we could, you know, maybe drop some spicier language, then maybe we could just chill on Getter for a bit.
Okay.
Good to know.
I got to admit, while you were talking there, I was thinking about myself and how there'd be no Nick Fuentes without any Gav.
And maybe that's why I'm so hated.
That is true.
Because I red-pilled a generation.
I think we're ready for the mailbag, my friend.
Oh, my.
I really do.
That is wild.
Because I was just thinking that.
That's why I have the bumper ready to go.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Let me touch it.
My computer still has E.J. Dixon on from the opening of the show.
Wow.
She looks like an old Jewish broad and she's probably 20.
An OJB.
Good news is she'll aged gracefully because she's already 40.
You down with OJB?
Old Jewish brads.
Some guy was really mad.
He said he put $50 into the super chat yesterday and he didn't get his question answered.
For fuck.
So let's see what his question was.
Did he put it into the mailbag?
I should have given it a red star.
He was basically talking about the...
Yeah, here we go.
Hey, fag tards, I sent you $50.
Now, this, this is called Riddle, by the way.
This is...
He's putting the dollar sign on the wrong side of the 50.
And this is my bad because I let it slip that it's my weakness and it makes me fucking mad as shit.
And people think it's funny to make a Scotsman mad.
So now every single letter we get has the money on the wrong side.
The dollar sign on the wrong side.
So you're not mad that they got it wrong because you know it's unintentional, but you're mad because you know they're trying to make you mad.
So now you're mad.
I'm mad at both.
That's the problem with being Scottish.
You're constantly angry.
And I can't tell if I should be mad at this guy for fucking with me or I should be mad at him for getting the dollar sign.
So just both to be safe.
Neither are great.
Hey, fag tarts, I sent you a $50 super chat and you totally papered over it and went on to spend more time on some fucking yokel who sent you five bucks.
You called it a riddle because you were too coked up to stop and think.
Okay, Greg?
What if you're doing your...
This is his question now that I glossed over last night.
What if you're doing your 10 years of debauchery and you wind up meeting a girl you can spend the rest of your life with?
Should you discard her like the rest?
And then he says, are you fucking retarded?
Try thinking about it when someone sends you a question that makes you think.
Sir, I don't know where you get the idea that your question is complicated, but your question is so retarded that it's hard to figure out.
Do you think that I say you need to have 10 years of debauchery?
So start getting drunk at 14 and go bananas till you're 24, no matter what happens, even if you meet a young Eva Mendez with a Pulitzer Prize in mathematics?
No.
I said most party phases these days are going from 14 to like 34 at best, okay?
14, 24, that's 20 years of getting shithammered and playing video games and sleeping all weekend.
That's ridiculous.
I tried to get the maximum down to 10, 14 to 24.
Now, if you find the one at 19, as I've said a million times, I've never seen happier people than young Catholics who got married before college and started churning out kids right away.
So obviously, if you find the one early before the 10 years, grab her, put a ring on it.
The 10 years is a maximum, not a mandatory.
Shit, if you find that the miss is right at 14 and a half, go to Texas and get where it's legal and get married.
No, I'm just kidding.
When's the youngest you can get married in America?
With your parents' consent?
Let's race Ryan.
Youngest married.
Good afternoon, guys.
America.
According to Unchained at Last, youngest girls to marry in 2020 were three Tennessee 10-year-old girls who married men 24, 25.
Was that legal, though?
With the youngest boy to marry being an 11-year-old who married a 27-year-old woman.
Jesus Christ.
What states can you marry at 12?
One state has a minimum age of 12 years old for females and 14 years old for males.
Holy shit.
Two states have a minimum age of 14, Alaska and Vermont.
Three states have a minimum age of 15.
12?
Holy shit.
12 is a fucking baby.
They can't even menstruate, right?
Weird.
And I was always mad at Mexico for saying the age of consent is 12 when ours is 17, but it looks like it's not.
I mean, I assume everyone knows if you get married, you're fucking.
That's so fucking funny.
So true.
Speaking of angry Scottish people, we got a very interesting letter here.
Well, we're waiting.
Oh, you got some nerve saying that to me.
Gavina.
Oh, so this isn't for me.
This is for that hot chick who did the show last Friday with Ryan.
Gavina, so I'll just read it on her behalf.
On the last episode of Girl Talk, you said you don't like time waste your phone pranks.
Totally agree.
You said you like it when they're angry and Scottish, though.
I instantly thought of Make Your Dad Mad, an old prank on Glasgow radio, that would have people pulling over on the drive home to laugh safely.
I think this will be right up your seat.
Now, Ryan, we spoke about this a little earlier.
I'd like you to pull up a Scottish fireman background, because this guy is a fireman in Glasgow.
And let's hear the tape.
Oh, do you have me over here?
Shannon did not disappoint me.
She came up with a great scenario where she was going to phone her dad, Alex.
She said, I would need to come on at some point as a sleazy photographer.
Because she's turned up at my studio and I'm taking some photographs of her for Zoo magazine.
Yeah.
Right.
So, how would Alex take that?
Because, you know, at the end of the day, she's a model now.
Julie would be happy and proud of his daughter.
Not really.
Hey, I phoned you yesterday.
Hi.
This guy's getting contacted me.
Like, he's seen my photos and Facebook and stuff.
And he wants me to, like, do this in a photo shoot.
Right.
Right, so I'm in the Eastern studio the nose.
Hey, what?
Well, he works for you.
Oh, Zoo?
You know that you need any photo shoot for fucking you?
I f ⁇ in a new magazine for you, Shannon.
Right, I know, but I think it'll be.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, but if I see you, she could tell me you're getting photoshoot for the end of your praise up.
Swear to God, you'll never f you for me again, Emily.
No, but I think it'll give me some like money, a bit of money for my holiday stuff.
Shannon, I don't give two monkeys if it's go money for your mouth.
If I see you anything other than a wetsuit and a diver's helmet going in front of your magazine, I'm gonna you know f ⁇ him and all.
But I don't need anybody go so funny.
Shannon, absolutely.
No way, no never.
Right?
But the guy's here.
You're going to fucking no.
Alright, then what's the problem, mate?
I'll tell you what the problem is, mate.
That's my daughter.
You've got in that studio, right?
I get girls in there all the time, mate.
Every girl comes in this studio with somebody's daughter, mate.
You want me to talk or no?
I'll knock yourself out.
I'll knock you out.
That's what I'll get.
I think you're being a bit aggressive, mate, to be honest with you.
I'm talking to you, John.
Look, mate, you got what you do with a couple of feathers.
I'm your boy.
Because it'll be tastefully done.
I'll put tassels over them.
Reports of Lobby fine.
And I'll ram them up, you.
Or hey, put my door back on the corner.
Bro, I'm out of the sticker on, then you and I can have a chat once she's calmed you down in the.
Just kill me, Lego.
Kill me where you're looking at.
No studio games and stay right there.
Stand on it.
Get this through your fixed golden head.
Hey, let's be able to be a wind up.
She's a house.
I'm going to kill you.
Come on, tell you.
It can wait till we pay for me.
I know it can leak it.
It can leak in me being in jail for a moment.
I can't even believe you're phoning me asking us.
But I'm going to get...
If you're kicking a bikini, I'm going to on you.
You have to never be able to wear a bikini again.
You haven't seen it.
The guy who's going to take my photos around.
What about stuff for him?
I've got like all you want to stop with me.
Shannon, get your fucking road right now.
Hold on, here's the guy.
Alright, Mike.
So is everything cool now?
No, nothing's cool, Paul.
If I'm any photos taking my daughter, I swear to God, I'm going to come dune there.
And you don't even want to begin here.
Imagine what I'm going to do to you and anything else.
Understand, Mike, but someone's got to play for the film.
Phil'em.
I don't care.
Keep your fucking monkey ducky BBD eyes off my daughter.
He's hung up.
Wow.
That's intense.
That's part one.
We're not done yet.
We're not nearly.
You can see that for yourself.
What's the link there?
Make your dad mad with Alec and Shannon.
Make your dad mad, Alec and Shannon.
That was Alec, a firefighter.
And it gets worse.
He gets even angrier.
Maybe we should add subtitles to this clip at some point.
Did you understand that?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Murder.
I'll fucking murder you.
I'm going to be in jail for murder.
He says, if she's no, if you're posed in anything but an underwater suit with a diver's tank.
Yeah.
Um, shit.
All right.
Oh, this is relevant.
Globo Homo desperate to censor Rogan.
Daily Mail.
Joe Rogan.
Oh, yeah, we already discussed that, dude.
Thanks for sending me a Daily Mail article of the most popular story in the fucking...
Let me stick to red flags here.
And it's ironic that the letters that should be read have red flags.
I saw this on Reddit today, thought you'd laugh.
Chinese people pissed at blacks for some Chinese basketball controversy.
And this is how they reacted.
Can you imagine if whites did this?
We would never hear the end of it.
Okay, they're probably yelling like, you jerks, you were not fair in this recent controversy.
We think you should reconsider your position.
I imagine that's what they're saying, right?
Yes.
Civil.
Nigga!
Niger!
Niger!
Niger!
Niger!
Niger!
Nigga!
Nigga!
Love their basketball.
Get out of the China!
Nigga!
They're having fun.
Wow.
You know, China's become such an important market with Hollywood that when they do posters and it's a black movie or a movie with a black guy, like say that Will Smith movie where he was a superhero.
What was that called?
Hancock?
If there's a Hancock poster in China, Will Smith would be like in the background and it would be Jason Bateman and the other chick in the front.
Because they don't like the black people, the BIPOCs.
Hi, Gavin.
Rye, I love you guys, so I'm going to be brutally honest with you.
Ryan is a burden on the company.
And I want him gone.
Sorry, bitch.
Thank you.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, you don't have to know what kind of guy he is.
He's just a super guy.
It's like a made-up guy.
It's like a panther.
No, they just completely removed the what's his name?
Oh, shit.
Sure did.
Got him out of there.
Sorry, Finn.
They're not fans.
Not a fan of Finn.
No, he didn't say that.
He said, supporting and taking care of a mantis shrimp in an office will be incredibly challenging.
Ooh, it's going to be so hard.
Saltwater tanks are notoriously hard to maintain and should only be invested in once you know a lot about saltwater upkeep and aquarium hobbying in general.
What the fuck is anyone talking about?
We're all going to die.
It's like we're buying a nuclear reactor.
I don't want to see all your hard-earned money go to waste by blowing thousands on a mantis shrimp tank.
Hundreds.
If you really want to pursue it, pay someone in New York City that specializes in aquariums to come and give you an estimate.
What do they need to see here in the studio?
Okay, this is a big, so you have mostly oxygen in here?
I think we can go to the aquarium place and go, hi, we have a room.
It's 70 degrees and it has normal sunlight.
Can we have our shrimp yet?
Well, over time, it'll definitely be over 1,000.
Yeah, you got a $200 heater.
You got the substrate, which costs maybe like $50.
Okay.
And maybe some hardscaping if you want some coral or some other bullshit in there.
That'll be a couple hundred if you want.
You have to have real rock so that way it doesn't mess with the pH and it doesn't over time grow shit on it.
So you have to have this aquatic aquarium safe rock and such, substrate.
Well, Maddie's supply place where he works for the, where he, where his friend has that pizza place, they're right next to an aquarium place in White Plains, I think, called Jaws.
See?
So I don't know.
I gave you a project hoping you could take it on.
I think I'm going to have to handle it.
You give me that credit card.
I'll have a dream tank.
Oh, that's what's holding you back?
You know that I would happily give my credit card for that.
You think I'm going to charge you?
No.
But since last night and we decided it's a symbol of success that we get this thing, now I'm on board.
Now you have my attention.
A symbolic shrimp is better than a regular shrimp.
Okay, last one.
Truth about truck driver given a 110-year sentence.
Yo, Gavin, the boys, have you seen the story about the truck driver that caused a massive pileup?
Yes, we have.
All I've been seeing is headlines about what a horrific injustice it was to sentence this guy to so many years.
But only recently have I actually looked into it.
The sentence made sense.
He goes, we need an AIU breakdown.
So it seems this guy lied about his experience with the type of trucks on his application.
Then he proceeded to drive like a fucking maniac, triggering 911 calls about his reckless driving.
He was speeding excessively that day and slamming on the brakes repeatedly.
He blew past the inspection stations and missed a safety lane that would have been able to stop the truck despite the failing brakes.
He recklessly caused a mass.
Maybe he made the brakes fail by abusing the whole fucking engine repeatedly.
He recklessly caused a mass casualty event because he is a lying immigrant.
I heard rumors that he was an illegal alien.
I fucking hate watching our legal system being corrupted by dipshit celebrities and TikTokers who never care enough to do the bare minimum amount of research.
Oh well, Tard's going to Tard.
Yeah, that goes back to what we're saying too about remorse.
Did he show remorse?
I don't fucking care if they show remorse or not.
What are the facts of the case?
But because this guy cried like a bitch, he got 90% of his case thrown out like the time.
It was 110-year sentence.
So yeah, about 90%.
It was 110-year sentence.
It's down to 10.
For all the people he killed.
And it was not an accident, or I should say it was not a simple accident.
It was gross negligence.
If you're drunk driving and you run someone over, you're going to jail for involuntary manslaughter.
And you're going to do a lot more than 10 years.
You'll see the moment the crash actually happens, a giant plume of black smoke in the sky.
Now, in the order from the judge canceling tomorrow's hearing, he says they respect the governor's authority to do so, but because of the timing of the decision, doesn't feel the respect is mutual.
Here's part of a statement from the governor.
That black plume of smoke looked just like the plume of smoke that wasn't there in the Flight 93.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Yeah, let's get into that.
All right, let's get to the fucking final video.
Some, for some, oh yeah, I was gonna say, for some reason, I think this is a chick because you can hear her voice, moron.
This woman has the sprinkles.
She knows her audience.
She knows how to get what she needs out of them.
And it makes for some pretty, pretty, pretty good comedy.
Can you shut the fuck up?
Wait, we need the very beginning.
What did she say that made him say that?
Hey, how you doing?
Can you shut the fuck up?
Hey.
How are you?
You want to try these donuts down, so?
No, beach, I'm on the diet.
Hey, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Doing good.
Is that it?
Helping how you?
Is that it?
Is that it?
Is that it?
That it?
You missed Daniel Mann.
Would you like a receipt?
Yes.
Corona said hello.
Ma'am, your receipt.
I didn't get that one.
Corona Town.
Daniel Man.
Would you like a receipt?
Yes.
Oh.
Ma'am, your receipt.
Corona time.
And they went, Corona Town.
She don't like Corona, apparently.
Did you hear that?
What is that?
Funny town?
I don't know.
I need to move there.
She don't like Corona, apparently.
What the?
That one segment alone, that should be submitted to the local tourist board.
Welcome to...
This is like Glasgow levels of funny.
If you ain't funny, get the hell out.
We're mostly the descendants of Scottish immigrants from Glasgow.
Corona town.
Oh, she doesn't even like Corona, apparently.
She's no big funny old Dorona.
I guess you don't need your receipt hen.
On you go, on your bike.
Whish is off.
Oh, you're a week.
It's not even touching the ground, man.
Remember that one?
No?
It was an old guy with a fucking, with a walker, and his son's helping him, and he's like not even touching the ground with his walker.
He's like, you're not even touching the ground, man.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got a walker.
Yeah, that's been sent to me 900 times.
Anything that's remotely viral in Scottish, it fills my inbox.
That's the dank machine.
Can you guys stop sending us the actual video?
What do you mean?
Like, you're filling up my computer.
I thought you'd like this 81 megabyte video.
It's really good.
I don't like it anymore.
Send me the fucking link.
Dink Wad.
Yeah, fucking dink a link a link.
You my mom?
This one too.
That's now a bunk machine.
It's not a bunk machine.
It's a fence.
Alright, so us.
Oh, you're right.
Ma'am, your receipt.
She'll lack her own, apparently.
$195.
You can insert it there.
Excuse me, y'all.
I just ran out of gas and I ain't got no money.
Paul, give a fuck.
You like these?
I really don't like them.
I really don't give a fuck what you like.
How much are they?
It's hot.
Make go back, go back.
You like these?
I don't really like them.
Excuse me, y'all.
I just ran out of gas and I ain't got no money.
Paul, give a fuck.
You like these?
I really don't like them.
I really don't give a fuck what you like.
How much are they?
It's hot outside today, aunt.
How much is the fucking chips?
Getting some food for your dog?
What the hell you think I'm getting it for, my fucking zebra?
Hey, how you doing?
Can you?
That's it.
Should we watch this just because we mentioned it?
Sure, but I need to go to that bodega and set up a lawn chair.
Yeah.
You're sticks even touching the gunman.
You're sticks even touching the grainman.
All right, folks.
Have a fun weekend.
Try to stay off your phone as much as possible.
Spend time with your loved ones.
If you are going to drink, please follow the downer acronym.
Don't cock block.
Only 13 hours.
Water a plenty.
Never after three.
Eat your meals.
Regulate your bumps.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave.
And never stop fighting.
And yes, next week we're touching the gun fun.
Touching the gun fun.
My friends feel like the bin of source of who we are.
Do we ourselves anything much faster than light?
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