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Dec. 17, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:54:54

GOML LIVE #127 - JOE'S FIRST DAY

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Time	Text
	The fart man, the fart man, the fartman, the fart man, the fartman, the fartman, the fart man, the fart man.
	Oh, live from New York, it will get off by lawn with Kevin McGinnis.
	Watch out.
	The fart man, the fartman, the fart man, the fart man, the fart man, the fart man, the fart man, the fart out.
	I'm here for real.
	I'm the fart man.
	Good joke, Ryan.
	The fart man, the fart man, the fart man.
	Now it's got to stop.
	Stop the music.
	Hello, folks.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	This is Get Off My Lawn Live, as it is every Thursday night.
	Welcome back, Maddie O'Dell, our sprightly co-host, Cut Tamatty, which is the different camera.
	There we go.
	He's wearing the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	And we have an important announcement to make.
	We are debuting our new engineer producer sidekick.
	Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Tonelli.
	Woo-hoo!
	Really?
	Hi, guys.
	How are you?
	How are everybody?
	Nope, we got a...
	There you go.
	So say hi.
	Hi, everybody.
	Welcome.
	So you got to talk into the mic.
	Okay, now I got it.
	Okay.
	So Joe, now that you're a new addition to the show, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
	Well, let me see.
	My name is Joey Tonelli.
	You got to face the microphone.
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm done.
	First day.
	Yep.
	Born and raised in Ryan, New York?
	No, no.
	You got to face the microphone.
	Okay, how's that?
	Is that better?
	Sure.
	You could twist it towards your face.
	Okay, got it.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	All right.
	How old are you?
	You seem pretty old.
	58 years old.
	58?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	What's your background as far as media and producing shows goes?
	Actually, this is my first gig, so I'm giving it a shot to see how I do.
	Okay.
	So, sorry, go back again.
	What's your story?
	Oh.
	This is my first time.
	Right, but what's your life?
	Who are you?
	I mean, we have to introduce you to the people.
	Well, who am I?
	What do you want to know?
	Where are you from?
	Like, what would your grinder write-up be?
	Well, like I said, born and raised in Rye, New York, went to Rye High School.
	You got to face the mic.
	Okay.
	Went to Rye High School, born and raised in Rye.
	You know, basically, you know, I lived out in Arizona for a little while.
	And, you know, I got a background in safety and risk management and, you know, whatever.
	So I'm just giving this a shot right now because safety is not really cutting it right now.
	Are you married?
	No, I was.
	Do you have any kids?
	I have two grandkids, a granddaughter and a grandson.
	Oh, did you have kids, immediate kids, or did you just skip right to grandkids?
	No, I have a daughter, a 25-year-old daughter.
	Oh, okay.
	She's going to be 26 on December 23rd.
	Oh, okay.
	So that's your story, and you're sticking to it?
	I'm sticking to it.
	All right.
	Well, we've got, the way this show goes is we're free for the first half hour, and then we go behind the paywall, and we read mail, and we take calls.
	There's just so much to squeeze into a live show that I don't like to go through the news.
	Okay?
	Okay, got it.
	Have you ever been shot at, Joe?
	Have I been shot at?
	Yeah.
	No, I mean, I worked when I was a American in the South Bronx.
	I, you know, back in the day, back in the 80s, South Bronx was Fort Apache back then.
	So we, you know, they were trying to score, you know, our narcotics back in the day.
	But, yeah, I mean, we, you know, was I hit?
	No.
	Okay.
	What happened with your marriage?
	It just didn't work out.
	Okay.
	You know, didn't work out.
	Now, your mom is Scottish.
	Yeah, she was born in Glasgow.
	Same with us, same with Maddie.
	Yep.
	We all have Glaswegian moms.
	My mom was last name was Hardy.
	H-A-R-T-Y-O was her maiden name.
	Glasgow Mom Crew.
	Yep.
	Does she love you?
	Is she still around?
	No, mom passed in February of 2020.
	How did she die?
	Dementia.
	She died of dementia.
	Okay.
	Let's get back to me.
	So go to the right camera, Joe.
	Great.
	Sorry, bear with me.
	Apologize.
	No problem.
	No problem.
	Now, while I'm talking about the sponsors, I want you to pull up their web pages.
	So we're going to start with Nita Fashions.
	Nita Fashions has been with us for a long time.
	I don't want to toot my own horn, but we are a major part of Nita Fashions' income.
	We got them through the pandemic.
	I would say 60% of their clients are baby monsters.
	There's a lot of lawyers and sales dudes who need to have a good 10 suits.
	But there's normal blue-collar dudes who need that one suit for funerals and weddings.
	And when they get circumcised, that's where Nita Fashions comes in.
	I've got my whole new wardrobe for the marathon, which is happening in less than 24 hours, and it's lasting for 24 hours.
	At 6 p.m. tomorrow, 6 p.m., Joe and I will be together taking you through a 24-hour shift of the show.
	We'll be interviewing everyone who's on the network.
	We have every single contributor spanned out too, and it works because, you know, Australia and Britain and Hawaii, we've got Lotus, Dusty Bogan, and Katie Hopkins.
	They can be in the wee hours of America time, and they're in normal time on their zone.
	So they'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when we're fucking exhausted at 5 a.m.
	And I'll be wearing my Nita Fashions tuxedo, which is silk-lined.
	Red silk.
	You should get a Nita Fashion suit.
	Maddie?
	I'm going to.
	For your various court dates, which are inevitable.
	Would you wear a suit when you went to court?
	Depending on, like, when I went to trial and stuff like that, I wore suits.
	With a tie?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I mean, for like regular local court or until you start, unless you're in custody, you go in your regular street clothes.
	But when you go to trial, they'll let you put a suit on.
	And did it help with your sentencing?
	So like people's like shaved, get their haircut, they look all like neat in primitive apartments.
	It's all foregone bullshit.
	They don't give a fuck what you look like.
	They know what they're doing before you get there.
	Yeah, they know how long they're going to put you away for.
	Exactly.
	So Nita Fashions is great for all of that.
	And what I keep saying on this show is, you've never experienced wearing a tailored suit.
	It feels like PJs.
	In fact, as a blue-collar LARPer, I wear thick denim and wax pants and these thick flannels and red wings.
	I'm very uncomfortable in my leisure wear.
	I actually look forward to going to work because I wear a suit and can finally be comfortable.
	Oh, I like those lapels too.
	That's the hot thing now.
	Peaked lapels.
	All my new suits have those lapels.
	Anyway, Nita Fashions.
	I think the best way to contact them is to DM them on Instagram, set up a measurement thing.
	They just got back from a world tour, so they probably won't be doing that for a while.
	And get all your measurements done from home remotely, and then they can send you samples, swatches.
	You can do all of this remotely.
	Then you get this wonderful package from FedEx.
	It's like Christmas in your house.
	So that is...
	What's the URL, Joe?
	I'm sorry, what's that?
	What's the URL?
	What's the website name?
	http://slash www dot is it nita fashions?
	Nitafashions.com.
	Anita fashions or nita fashions?
	Anita.
	N-I-T-A.
	Yeah, fashions.com.
	Why are you adding an A at the beginning?
	Like Anita Harding?
	Oh, no.
	Nita Fashions.
	Nita, Nita.
	Okay.
	So that's our intro.
	What are we thinking of Joe so far?
	Going well?
	You know.
	Can you cut to Maddie?
	Is he making an effort?
	I'll just wait.
	There we go.
	Hey.
	What do you think?
	A little rough around the edges, but, you know.
	Joe's had a very storied career.
	He's been in the military.
	He's been in jail.
	He's been an all-around guy.
	A medic.
	He's a man's man.
	EMT.
	What was that story, Joe, where you were on the highway with a helicopter and you got hit by a car and it fucked up your spine?
	That's a good story.
	That's the story?
	Yeah.
	Well, I'll tell the story.
	Massive pileup on the freeway.
	He's in the EMT.
	He's in a helicopter.
	Lands on the highway.
	Some guy breaks through the barricades, drunk, hits Joe as he's putting, I think, a kid onto the helicopter.
	Fucks up his spine.
	He's had a stiff neck ever since.
	Is that the way the story went, Joe?
	Yes.
	He said yes.
	I don't know if his mic is on.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Are you talking to someone there, Joe?
	Who are you looking at?
	Oh, no, I'm looking at the keyboard.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So did I do a good job of your drunk driving story?
	Sure.
	All right.
	Let's just shoot the shit for a second, Maddie, before we get into the mailbag.
	I was just talking to some dads on the phone here and there.
	Their prediction is that school does not go back after the Christmas break.
	And it's a repeat of last year with fucking Zooms and bullshit.
	And you know who really suffers from that is kids in shitty neighborhoods.
	Because their parents don't discipline them.
	And I talk to these teachers in this neighborhood, in the South Bronx, and they go, out of a class of 30, I'll have three kids.
	Because the parents are still asleep.
	I'll have three kids that are ready to go at nine.
	Two will be playing video games.
	And one will be like, okay, what are we doing today, teach?
	Yeah, that's sad.
	I don't understand what the hell is going on.
	Can you cut to Maddie, please?
	He's just talking there in the abyss.
	So, you know, Monday, obviously, Governor Kathy Hochel, she implemented the mask mandate for the entire state of New York.
	What is that now to non-New Yorkers?
	Everyone in every business, every employee has to be vaccinated.
	Indoor public spaces, you are required to wear a mask regardless of your vaccination status.
	So basically, the masks are back on if you want to go to the supermarket, to the gas station, to the bank, to anywhere that's a public space.
	Wait a minute, but at our bar, you don't have to wear a mask if you have a vaccination card.
	I think the businesses have to implement a vaccination verification, but fuck all that shit.
	I mean, why would I tell anybody my medical history?
	Right, but just for the record, if you have a vaccination card or proof of vaccination, you don't have to wear a mask.
	But everyone needs at least that.
	Every gym, if you don't have a vax card, you need a mask.
	I know my nephew's gym, they said, if you don't have vaccination, you can't go there anymore.
	He's like, really?
	It's pretty funny.
	My sister told me, she goes, he walked in and the girl says, oh, do you have your vaccination card?
	He goes, well, do you have AIDS?
	That's the proper reaction.
	And the girl at the desk just looked at him.
	Yeah, have you ever had AIDS?
	Do you have chlamydia?
	What are your STDs?
	Yeah, that was the one I saw.
	I can't remember what state it was, the governor somewhere was getting, he was leaving the podium, and somebody asked him, one of the reporters said, Are you vaccinated?
	And he turned around and somebody like his assistant or something said, that's a very inappropriate question.
	He comes back to the podium.
	He goes, no, no.
	He goes, do you have any STDs?
	Have you ever had any STDs?
	And the guy's like, what?
	He goes, yeah.
	You're not going to tell me, so why would I tell you my medical history?
	You know, where does it end?
	I still don't believe that HIPAA laws are there to protect our privacy and our own personal.
	And here's the other thing.
	Deaths are not going up.
	This whole thing is over.
	We're all about this Omnicron variant, whatever the fuck it's called.
	And there's been zero deaths.
	It's just more propaganda.
	It's more bullshit.
	Like, I'm actually impressed today.
	I saw a couple of things that said there's a few counties in New York that are like they're fucking the system saying, no, we're not following the mandates.
	We don't care what you say.
	We're choosing not to enforce or go abide by your mandate.
	I'm really surprised by that because I just assumed every politician wants to kiss the governor's ass.
	Yeah, fuck that.
	So what are the counties?
	Is it Rockland?
	Rockland, Dutchess, Putnam, and Madison, which I believe is like way upstate.
	So Rockland is where the Weather Underground killed those two cops in Nyack.
	Yeah, we come to that.
	The post office is named after them.
	Yep.
	Maybe they're not into Cuomo, the guy who freed the Weather Underground from prison.
	All right.
	Shall we dive into the mailbag, Joe?
	Sure, absolutely.
	Okay, so I showed you the little thing where you show the doohickey, the mailbag, where we make fun of our ex.
	We're going to have to change all this shit now that Ryan's gone.
	Yeah.
	Joe, shut up.
	Your parents are dead.
	Got to come up with a new song.
	Got to come up with...
	Folks at home, if you can come up with a new song.
	I'm not sure what we're doing with this giant piss screen.
	There we go.
	Not getting any audio.
	Hmm.
	Anyway.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's take our...
	What is this?
	Something.
	In that Gavin's mailbag.
	And it's let me touch it.
	But wait, what comes after Don't Have a Dad?
	Ryan, shut up.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let's take a look.
	Let's turn our eyes.
	Can you pull up the audio for that fucking thing, Joe?
	Guys, there's going to be some hiccups.
	Ryan was with us.
	Let me touch it.
	Let's pour some out for our dead homie, Ryan.
	I wonder what he's doing now.
	Not the smartest move in the world.
	Probably online slapping the bass.
	No, he doesn't.
	He makes songs that slap.
	Oh, songs.
	But he plays the guitar better than Jimi Hendrix.
	But imagine you have a newborn and you decide, I'm going to quit my job.
	His wife must be thrilled with his awesome decision-making.
	Ryan!
	Okay.
	But, you know, we've had other producers in the past.
	Ryan was one of many, if you recall.
	We had Rat, the guy who was such a pussy, it inspired the Proud Boys.
	We had David Cast, who was stolen from me by Laura Ingram.
	We had John Sereno, who was fired by Cumius people for asking one of their clients for more money, which I thought was, well, I'm not going to criticize my buddies, but it seemed pretty intense.
	That was back when the cop ran the show there, Keith the Cop.
	And then there was Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	Funny guy, but incompetent.
	Almost as bad as Joe.
	But this is Joe's first day.
	Are you going to be getting better at this, Joe?
	We'll try.
	We'll do my best.
	You're going to go to the electric chair?
	Dude, we don't want you to fry.
	And why do you keep showing Nita fashions?
	I think that's been established.
	Oh, I'm sorry about that.
	Wrong button.
	Okay.
	So I showed you this earlier, Joe.
	What we do is we go through the mailbag.
	It should be in the archive section, right?
	And I thought it would be fun if we just focused on ones that say Maddie, because sometimes people send in letters to Maddie, and we get so many a day that by the time he's back here the following week, it's long gone.
	So put in the search bar, Maddie.
	Joe, who are you looking at?
	Oh, no, I'm just looking at the keyboard here.
	Sorry about that.
	There's multiple screens.
	I'm trying to get it together over here.
	No, you went to school in Scotland, correct?
	Elementary school.
	Oh, I thought it was high school.
	You know, I was in school in Scotland for a matter of months when I was a very little boy.
	And there was a kid there.
	I've told the story a few times.
	It's my favorite story.
	And he was very, very poor.
	He was from Paisley, which was up the road.
	And he was so poor that his parents didn't have time for him.
	They were both working.
	And he had lots of brothers and sisters.
	And he was the forgotten youngest.
	So he loved coming to school because there was like, it was warm and there was paper and you could eat stuff.
	And people looked at him.
	And he loved it.
	So he gets a call and they're like, Angus McDougal, please come to the principal's office, Angus McDougal.
	I think his name was Angus McDougal.
	And he's like, that's my name.
	See me.
	I'm getting announced on the intercom.
	Not sure what's happening here.
	And they take him to the principal's office.
	Did I die?
	I know.
	You don't have to.
	Hey now.
	Joe's kicking in the middle of the park.
	This is called learning as we go.
	Sometimes you don't have time to train a new guy, that's what I'm saying.
	I bought a city of pants.
	And he was all excited that he got to go to the principal's office.
	And then he came back about three hours later, bald as a cue ball.
	And people were not bald back then.
	This is 1974.
	We're all little kids.
	And there's this little five-year-old.
	His head is bald as a cue ball.
	And he comes in, and he's still smiling.
	Everything was good for him.
	In retrospect, he's probably beaten by his dad, so he's so happy to be away from him.
	Sorry to put a bummer spin on that.
	So we're all like, as he walks down the aisle back to his desk, and we're all fixing it on like, and then he sits down, still smiling, still bald, no eyebrows.
	And he looks at the class, and we're all looking back at him.
	Even the teacher was going, and he looks at us all and he goes, I got lace.
	He was thrilled.
	So much attention.
	People touching him.
	People cutting his hair.
	I am matter all of a sudden.
	Okay, you don't have to do anything for this, Joe.
	I can handle it.
	There's no graphics.
	But if there's a picture or a video, I need you to bring it up.
	Why are you playing the woman background?
	This should be letters.
	I need envelopes dancing around behind me.
	Oh, okay, gotcha.
	This is not good advertising, especially for the show tomorrow.
	The marathon tomorrow is about getting our numbers up to 30,000.
	And blah, blah, blah.
	We're not really selling ourselves very well.
	In fact, we're probably losing subscribers in the hundreds.
	That was not really the objective here.
	How are we going to do 24 hours with this level of incompetence?
	Joe, those are not envelopes?
	Envelopes?
	Those are envelopes.
	Nope.
	Okay.
	Tricky little buttons.
	They're very tiny buttons.
	No more audio.
	Because what's going to happen is I think it's kind of funny now that you're fucking up, but then there's going to be when the switch happens.
	And it goes from like normal mistakes for a new guy to get your fucking shit together.
	And we're drifting into that arena right now.
	Oh, for fuck's sake, Joe's off.
	Those are not envelopes.
	Those are televisions.
	Envelopes are the things that you lick, that you would put, I don't know, your welfare check in.
	Hey, right there.
	All right, Maddie, someone has written a poem for you.
	Oh, nice.
	Are you ready for this?
	I'm ready.
	I hope I am.
	For a number of weeks now, one Maddie O'Dell has been gracing the show we call G-O-M-L.
	This little monster, with a temper so short, has brought wisdom and flavor, I am glad to report.
	He doesn't take shit, and he doesn't like liars.
	As a lad, he was raised in a baptism of fire.
	He was always a rough boy, as Pete Townsend knows well.
	But to cross him is to take one quick trip to hell.
	His intellect uncanny, his insights profound.
	One of a few in this world who can hold a candle to Eddie Gloud.
	He couldn't indulge in Joe's lies or his fibs.
	He was seconds away from destroying his ribs.
	He's a poet, a preacher, a true bon vivant.
	We've got Maddie O'Dell.
	What more could we want?
	Joe, you're in this poem.
	P.S. Ryan, you suck, and you've been playing all the segment transitions over the audio for the opening of this show.
	Unfortunately, you're talking to someone who has left the company, sir.
	But thank you for that.
	Maybe we should bring up the incident that you and Joe had the other day.
	No, not yet.
	Not on his first day.
	Okay.
	Because there was some words that were had.
	I like Joe.
	Joe's my buddy.
	Okay.
	Wouldn't it be funny if Ryan called in?
	This is called Watch with Maddie.
	So, Joe, go through the subjects, assuming this didn't come up under Maddie, and find one that says Watch with Maddie.
	By the way, Maddie, I sent you this.
	I saw it on ShizMob, and it was a bunch of convicts.
	They were making burritos.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So they had taken the mattress off the bottom bunk, which is all steel.
	They lit a fire with toilet paper underneath the bed.
	So isn't that going to set off smoke alarms?
	Not really.
	I mean, people like fires all the time.
	Like, they make tattooing and stuff of fire, and they make all sorts of stuff of fire.
	What you do is you make a wick, like out of toilet paper.
	Can someone cut to Matty, please?
	Joe, can you cut to Matty?
	No.
	So you get toilet paper, I don't know, twice a week.
	The CEOs give it out.
	During count, they'll just drop two rolls of toilet paper in front of your cell.
	But if you're need flame, constant flame, is you roll toilet paper up and you twist it until it's thick.
	And then they take hair grease that they sell on commissary.
	And they'll fill up like a cup or a coffee cup or and they'll fill it with grease and they'll grease up the wick and they'll light it like a candle.
	So the grease keeps the, it's like a candle with a cup.
	Oh, it's exactly like those buffet tables when you get the side or whatever.
	But they do it with the toilet paper too.
	I mean, they just put them on there.
	And I mean, I've seen people make food with, you know, stingers.
	You know, they use irons, anything that's going to get hot.
	I mean, probably when that bunk was first used, see how it was painted gray and then it's got a big raw spot in the middle?
	Yeah.
	Like the paint, the paint's going to burn.
	Yeah.
	That'll do it.
	But somebody did it at some point where they're going to just find something metal or something and try to scrape all the paint off before they do it.
	It looked like a party.
	Okay, Joe, this is probably pretty ambitious for you, but I'm going to try to send you what I am talking about.
	Where did I send that to you, Maddie, in Instagram?
	Because I was just so impressed.
	I think you sent it to me in a message, and then I had to tell you that it was just taking me to the general Shizmabin page.
	It wasn't like the specific clip.
	Okay, so, Joe, go to the Shizmabin page.
	That should be one of our bookmarks.
	It's a constant source of ours where we get our news.
	I like how we're seeing as this sinister evil hate list.
	I'm on the Facebook hate list where you can't say my name.
	I got restricted yesterday or the other day.
	For what?
	Because I wrote the day before the mandate came out, I had the sign that said, you know, New York State implements mask mandate starts December 13th or whatever Monday was.
	And then somebody wrote in Magic Mark over it, we will not comply.
	I posted that like Sunday night and it was good.
	And then the other day, like the next day or Tuesday or whatever day it was, I did it.
	I wrote, fuck Tyranny, fuck New York State, do not comply.
	But that got restricted and they restricted my account for a couple days or whatever.
	Isn't that amazing?
	You're not allowed to say do not comply.
	Fuck that.
	Wow.
	I mean, I understand, you know, if there's some dumb law and the police go, oh, you're not complying.
	You have to comply with this law.
	No, it's not a law.
	Mandates aren't law.
	Right, right.
	But even in that scenario, like jaywalking, whatever, but now you're not even allowed to say verbally.
	So much for free speech.
	I mean, so much for free speech, but it's like nobody's dying of Omicron.
	No one's dying from COVID.
	Like, it's minimal.
	It's over.
	The whole thing is over.
	It's sort of like where they, at the end of World War II, a lot of Japanese kept their POWs.
	And Germany kept POWs and made them help rebuild Germany.
	They had to eventually get out.
	I don't know how they eventually got out there.
	I guess someone let it slip that World War II ended three years ago.
	Okay, go down.
	What the hell's that sound?
	Oh, I'm sorry, that's my phone.
	I thought I turned it off.
	What is your outgoing alarm?
	It's Squad 51 from back in the 70s.
	Okay.
	Nope, not Maddie.
	Nope, not me.
	Shizmobbin.
	Nope, not the mail.
	And turn off your fucking phone, please.
	Okay, so scroll down.
	Oh, Lord.
	Scroll down.
	Yep, yep, yep.
	Keep going.
	Keep going.
	Okay, not too fast.
	Yeah.
	Boy, they post a lot, don't they?
	Shit, I hope it was shizmobbin.
	No.
	No, I think it might have been Grindface.
	Shit, it was.
	Sorry.
	Go to Grindface.
	Grindface.
	How did they get cameras into the prison?
	Smuggling cell phones.
	Where up, your ass?
	Well, guards.
	Like, say if you were in MDC in Brooklyn or MCC in Manhattan, it probably cost you $3,500 for a phone.
	How do you get that to the guard?
	Outside.
	Your people on the outside.
	So someone on the outside gives the guards, like mom or wife, $3,500.
	Right.
	Like, someone will come visit you.
	You tell them on a visit.
	You know, you got to send money either.
	They may send it.
	You may meet in person.
	I doubt they'll meet in person, but it gets done quite frequently.
	Yeah.
	Like I remember when I was in MCC doing a violation, I worked in the H because I was a cadre there because I was only doing a violation 10 months.
	And I was working in the H factory.
	Like that was my job.
	Turn that off.
	That's not it.
	Fucking go ahead.
	Yeah, keep going.
	And part of our daily job was to go around.
	And in each cell, you have a vent that blows in, like fresh air, and then you have a return vent that's on the floor.
	So anything that you're not supposed to have, like contraband or anything, if you need to get rid of it quick and they shut the water off where you can't flush it, you just throw it down the return vent because there's no screen or anything on it.
	So we would go, me and my buddy, his name was Archie, and another Scottish guy.
	Oh.
	Oh, yeah.
	And we would go around to where all the vents would come in, like in the ventilation system, and where they came down to an end, they would have a door.
	And we'd open a door.
	We'd find hooch, cell phones, weapons, all sorts of crazy shit.
	And that's because the COs were dropping it off there?
	No, no, like either somebody's cell was getting searched or they were doing a shakedown.
	Right, right.
	You're making prison sound really fun.
	No, no.
	Okay, so go back to Grindface there, guy.
	1, 1,000, 2, 1,0003, 1,000.
	Scroll down.
	Jesus H Christ.
	If you make me miss Ryan, I'll be impressed.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	I'm looking for a prison cooking.
	This should be like a tenth of the time.
	Oh, there it is.
	Right there.
	Left.
	You see those burritos?
	Top left.
	Right there.
	These guys are having a good time.
	Nope.
	You got to click on it.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Wrong video completely.
	There's the burritos.
	Left.
	The burritos.
	The burritos.
	The burritos!
	Holy shit.
	It's like this is where I start to wonder if you're hired by the feds to make me go insane.
	Right there.
	Are you a CIA operative?
	Okay, so there's...
	I don't get how there's no smoke, really.
	No.
	So I guess it's not going to set off any alarms.
	But there they are.
	They got Doritos, Zappies, and then they got a giant bucket.
	Oh, yeah.
	Cooking food on the weekend in the joint.
	Wait, I heard music there.
	It sounded like fuck you, Dad.
	We're not getting these interstitials, are we?
	Can I hear the audio for that, please?
	Lord.
	Our telethon tomorrow is going to be all about why you left censored TV.
	All right.
	I give up.
	Alright, so we should probably go behind the paywall now.
	I wouldn't say you come fuck with our grill, but it's surreal.
	Straight up.
	Raw cooking food on the weekend.
	Hey, Joe.
	Saturday vibe.
	Do you?
	Wait, where'd you go?
	Saturday vibe.
	Do you, what do you look at on Instagram?
	What are your hotspots?
	Turn that fucking thing off, please.
	Just close the entire window.
	Wow, this is a catastrophe.
	What do you like to look at on Instagram?
	I'm not much of a really Instagram person.
	What are your social media sites?
	I don't usually do a lot of social media.
	There's too much negative stuff out there.
	Okay.
	Now, I've always been curious, and no one can answer this for me.
	I recall a time about six months ago where you were absolutely drowning in pussy.
	You had a different chick over every week, and it was all like, hey, did you get to meet Claudia?
	And then she was gone.
	Then it was Nancy or whoever they were.
	And they came by and they'd get drunk.
	And we had a gay old time with them.
	They were pretty reasonable.
	You're what, 68?
	Oh, thank you.
	58.
	58.
	So they were all like 40s and stuff.
	They all looked pretty darn good to me.
	And then, poof, no more chicks.
	What happened?
	You meet them on the internet.
	It's not the same when you meet somebody in person or at a bar or something like that back in, you know.
	Internet dating is not the way to go.
	But that doesn't explain how it was nothing, nothing, nothing, sea of chicks, nothing, nothing, nothing.
	What's that got to do with the internet?
	That's where you meet them today.
	It's hard to meet somebody.
	Well, why did you stop meeting them?
	Huh?
	Why did you stop meeting them?
	I didn't like them.
	I wasn't into them.
	After a few months, it was not for me.
	But why were you into all those chicks and then not into those chicks just overnight?
	That's it, you know.
	I just wanted to get us whole.
	Okay, but why would one be horny for a little while and then not before or after?
	Can't answer that.
	It's just the way it is.
	Did you get your penis caught in your fly?
	No.
	No, he's good.
	Joey T's good.
	Oh, you have a name for your penis?
	Yeah.
	Joey T. You know what my dick's name is?
	No, this should be good.
	Joe Tonelli.
	Okay, speaking of convicts, this is the last one before we go behind the paywall.
	I was told to watch this with Maddie.
	Breathe, breathe.
	You know what, dude?
	Just stop touching buttons if there's nothing going on.
	So this email is called Watch with Maddie.
	It says, convicts fighting for money.
	Watch to the end to see what Maddie was going to do to Joe.
	Sounds like this guy's familiar with the beef you guys had.
	So play that video.
	It's from a guy named Lee.
	Watch with Maddie is the subject.
	It arrived across our desk November 18th.
	We're going way back here.
	All right, it's almost a month.
	2021.
	Watch to the end to see what Maddie was going to do.
	This is not good advertising, is it?
	Oh, this is ancient Chinese secret.
	God damn.
	Well, have you ever seen this video, Matt?
	A little bit, yeah.
	I did six years in YA and then 19 months in the joint.
	What'd you do?
	Stabbed him dude in the neck four times.
	He was a rat.
	Gotta let him know what time it is.
	What's one of your most memorable fights?
	That time that I stabbed that dude.
	I expected him to drop, but he got up and wanted to fight.
	I was pretty scared.
	My name's Tommy.
	I'm fine for telling you fights and I'm here to rat some shit.
	I just can hear the stops in fucking.
	This is my first pipe, man.
	Your first pipe ever.
	Ever.
	Are you bullshitting me?
	He's jolly.
	So is his orbital socket.
	He's toast.
	Yep, you make weird noise when you lock up.
	You get knocked out on cotton.
	You're like, ah.
	It's involuntary.
	A lot of people's hands go up.
	And then they don't know what happened at all.
	They're like, what happened?
	I've experienced that.
	I didn't know who my kids were.
	I knew my wife's Emily.
	I knew Emily was an important name.
	I didn't know why.
	Why am I in Oakland?
	Bad times.
	You ever been knocked out, Joe?
	Yeah.
	What happened?
	Got to a fight and got knocked out.
	Yeah.
	What was the fight about?
	It was about 30 years ago.
	I can't remember.
	I don't know who it was about.
	He was a little intoxicated.
	Okay.
	Were you a big drinker back in the day?
	No.
	Okay, I think we should wrap it up behind the paywall.
	Before we go, though, so earlier that thing, they say what Maddie was going to do to Joe.
	So there was an incident recently where Maddie was mad that you put some bass in your voice.
	That sounds like prison talk to me.
	I'm not familiar with it.
	What does that mean?
	Well, we were having a conversation and Joe was a little perturbed and like just kind of yelled at me.
	And I don't take kindly to people yelling at me, so.
	What did you say to Maddie, Joe?
	Yeah.
	You don't recall?
	This was like a week ago.
	Not a little longer than that.
	Two weeks ago?
	Tactical Walls, Tactical Tim, big support of the show.
	He's a war vet.
	He is an American patriot.
	He's sponsored this show since day one.
	And it seems that we have a disproportionate number of patriots.
	And I believe it's because every other sponsor takes the knee because they get harassed by Antifa, by the woke mob, by the DNC, by everyone.
	And it means that when you have a bunch of sponsors on a show like this, every single one of them has balls.
	And Tactical Walls has balls.
	However, even if they didn't have balls, you'd still want this in your home.
	What a fantastic way to display your guns.
	Look at that mod wall.
	These are all made in America by Americans, Patriot-owned, vet-owned business.
	Look at that shit.
	And if you live in a shitty state like New York, where it's legal to have any kind of gun, you can get yourself a little kid finger painting and she can put her art on the mod wall.
	No, they've got all kinds of places to hide your guns.
	They've got places to, from tissue boxes to mirrors embedded in the wall, really quick access, home invasion, any kind of robbery, you're going to be ready and armed.
	And if they break in, they're not going to be able to find your stuff.
	Also, if you don't have any guns, you can use it for your kids' baseball display, dirt bike stuff.
	Joe's not doing the greatest job in the world of showing all the different things that Tactical Walls has.
	But if you go to tacticalwalls.com, you use promo code Gavin and also Gavin15.
	They both work.
	You get 15% off your next order, which they ship to you.
	Very easy to put together.
	You need a level and you got to find out where the studs are.
	And after that, you're good to go.
	And the possibilities are absolutely endless with tactical walls.
	Okay, so we're going to go behind the paywall now and we'll answer a couple more emails directed to Sir Matzalot and then we will take calls.
	Now taking calls is complicated technically and we have a new engineer here.
	So I'm predicting it's going to go so badly that we're just going to have to stop and end the show.
	That's my prediction.
	But then the next show will be better.
	How this telethon is going to go, I have no idea.
	Because this show has been a catastrophe.
	And multiply this 50 minutes, 45 minutes, by upwards of 24, and you're going to have a literal shit show.
	All right.
	So wait, so now we end the show.
	So, Joe, remember I told you how to end the show?
	Hello?
	Yes.
	Okay, so we're going to end the show like that, and then that makes it, when they have, we put it on a podcast and stuff.
	So that makes it a nice, you know, bookended, clean ending.
	But we're not leaving.
	So do the ending, and then I'm going to fake walk out and come back in.
	So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I got the fear.
	I'm sure there ain't no cure.
	So will I go to go!
	So we're going to have a tattooist tomorrow.
	Yes.
	Who's coming in?
	She's got a terrible name, Dowdy, Lauren Dowdy.
	Oh, where she has a white blind.
	Make you think of an old lady.
	But she's a very attractive young lady.
	Or Nora Shelby.
	And, you know, she's way out Chicago ways.
	But so we can all get tattoos tomorrow.
	I want to get an Antifa tattoo here of an anarchy raven with an anarchy bomb, because I'm Antifa.
	And then I want to get Mr. Mett smoking a cigarette, just his head.
	And then I want to get Pepe the Frog as Michael Jackson with the words Michael Frog Jackson.
	Those are my goals.
	Okay?
	As Joe, that's a new one.
	Never been done.
	We have a guy going To the bathroom in the middle of the show.
	So we will not be cutting to you, Maddie.
	No.
	If you budwire yourself right now, it will not be caught on tape.
	No.
	That'll be the end of that.
	The inspiration for Nice Shot Man.
	We just had a break.
	Yeah.
	He could have gone pissed then.
	This is a real catch, this guy.
	Yeah.
	I still don't miss Ryan, though.
	But I'm getting there.
	I'm getting there.
	Yeah.
	Ryan ruins everything.
	Oh, good.
	This will help me deal with my new hire.
	I got him from Zip Recruiter.
	I don't recommend you use Zip Recruiter.
	Just kidding.
	Don't sue me.
	I didn't.
	Dude, what the fuck?
	You add someone else into the mix and Ryan can't handle it?
	Fucking horrible audio.
	Gavin has an echo.
	Oh, so they're going back to the John Pierce episode.
	Hey, fags, not Maddie.
	Okay, that doesn't really count as a Maddie letter.
	That's for John.
	Question for John.
	Poem for Maddie we already covered.
	I don't really see Matt.
	Sorry about that.
	I've never, ever in my life seen a show where someone walked past the camera.
	Wow.
	Why is this in the Maddie pile?
	I don't see your name anywhere.
	Oh, it's just a list of the end.
	I want specifically Maddie stuff.
	Okay, this one sort of mentions you, but whatever.
	Hello, gay Santa.
	That must be me.
	Slanty Eyes Elf.
	That was our ex-employee, Ryan.
	And Maddie, the weak-hearted trike rider.
	I've taken your advice the past two or three years now and haven't said shit to my liberal family members and friends during the holiday gatherings.
	I didn't say that.
	I said the opposite.
	I said, don't ex your family out of politics.
	That's a liberal thing.
	What the fuck do you think I said?
	Don't say shit to your family.
	I'm all about family no matter what.
	And that's a thing too.
	When I was a kid, our friends, our gang, and this goes all the way up to fucking our 20s, weren't necessarily all our best friends.
	Like, we had, when I was a little kid, there'd be a couple retards in the crew.
	Joe, who are you talking to?
	Oh, I'm just looking at the keyboard, just trying to get used to everything.
	Okay, I'm just going to say something here.
	Joe asked if he could bring his girlfriend for his first show.
	I said, yes, as long as you don't talk to her, as long as I don't see her, as long as I don't know she exists.
	I said, if you look at her, I will mention it.
	I'll ask you who you're talking to.
	So, Joe, the bringing of the girlfriend did not work out.
	So, please, no offense, whatever your name is, please never come here again.
	Joe is at work.
	I don't know why.
	He needs to bring his old lady, and I mean that strictly in the biker sense, you're not old, to work.
	Okay?
	We agreed that you're coming to work alone from now on?
	Absolutely, yes.
	I'm sorry about that.
	Okay.
	Now, is it true, Joe, that there was a robbery at the bar you work at and they came with shotguns?
	You grabbed the shotguns out of their hands and said, you got two choices.
	I kick the shit out of you or you run away now.
	Did that happen?
	No, that didn't happen.
	A Mexican 23-year-old told me you told him that.
	No.
	Okay.
	Is it true that Stephen Segat...
	No, Arnold Schwarzenegger saw you in prison, in jail, beat up eight black guys, and he said, you're coming to my dojo, and he trained you to be an excellent fighter.
	Okay.
	Only pointing out fun facts for them on the hot topics that get brought up and drop it after that.
	Okay.
	Oh, I see what he means by haven't said shit.
	He means like, I haven't started a war, which I did say.
	Right, okay.
	But fuck that.
	I can't do it any longer.
	I think by not saying shit to these retards has led to the situation this country is in right now.
	I don't even care if I'm wrong about things.
	I will not sit there and be quiet, which he spells quite, while they run their stupid fucking mouths.
	Merry Christmas, Fags.
	Love Brant Bender.
	You can say my name because I'm not a pussy, which is ironic because his last name means gay in Britain.
	Yeah, I know what you're saying, dude.
	My friend, his parents died recently.
	Excuse me, Gavin.
	I mean, I interrupt.
	Can my girlfriend go to the bathroom?
	Yes, she may.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Let's try to guess where this is going to go.
	Like, you see people, even in New York City, you see when someone's taking a picture.
	Okay, so she's going around the back.
	When someone's taking a picture on the street in New York, everyone else is like, oh, geez, and they get out of the way or they stop or they go.
	Not Joe.
	He just goes right in front of the camera.
	Photo bombed.
	So they've got some money.
	And I don't know how much, you know, middle-class people, the dad dies, it's probably like 500 grand divided by three kids with all the funerals and stuff.
	They probably end up with like 150 or 120 each.
	So they got some money.
	And she's not working now.
	She's living off the inheritance.
	And she's bitching about capitalism at the dinner table where the parents are only there in spirit.
	And he's ready to fucking lose it on her and end their relationship.
	I don't want him to do that, but I get it.
	I'm not saying he should have killed it, but I understand.
	Can only eat shit or listen to.
	Yeah, I mean, you're lucky.
	All your siblings are fucking on the same page as you.
	Which is weird.
	My younger sister is.
	My younger brother is not.
	He's a tie-hard lefty.
	My older brother, I'm not really sure what his politics are.
	Kinds of keeps it close under the vest.
	Did you just hit the camera?
	She just hit the camera.
	High heels.
	Your older brother, you're not sure where he is?
	I just assume all cops are MAGA.
	Is that naive?
	I think he leans more that way.
	I mean, I'm not 100% sure.
	Are you guys not speaking?
	No, we do.
	I spoke to him on Thanksgiving and stuff like that.
	That is close.
	I talked to my brother 24 hours ago.
	Politics didn't come up.
	Okay.
	Now we have a new problem.
	Now I'm worried that you and your eldest brother are not close.
	No, no, we are.
	How often do you speak to him?
	At least two or three times a month.
	I guess that's normal, yeah.
	So, yeah, I totally understand what you're saying.
	And you can only take so much abuse before you start feeling like a fucking cuck.
	But if someone is dumb enough to fuck with a family gathering by bringing in how evil Trump is, then they're a stupid bitch.
	And the odds of you yelling at them and them going, huh, that's a real wake-up call, are zero.
	So just think of it as a petulant 12-year-old.
	Are you going to convert them?
	No.
	So it's either say goodbye to your dumb bitch sister.
	Again, when I was a kid, we had retards in our club.
	We tolerated them.
	They were great.
	We'd play with them.
	Or when I was a very little kid, like 10, your buddy would be there.
	And the only way his mom let him out was if he brought his little brother or little sister along.
	So you'd be playing, doing stuff, and there'd be a four-year-old there.
	You didn't mind.
	You made sure they didn't get in traffic and stuff.
	And then when I got older, you know, you look at Archie comics, there's Moose, Big Dumb Moose.
	We had this guy, Paul Cahias.
	He was an imbecile and an over-the-top dramatic bitch.
	He dressed like a beetle.
	He had a beetle's cut with like pointy little boots.
	And we called him the Greek tragedy because he was Greek.
	And we would wear pins that said Paul Cahias, the Greek tragedy.
	Like taking the piss out of him was part of our culture.
	We would be, you know, devastated if he ever moved out of town.
	We loved him, but he was a retard and we hated him.
	But he was your.
	He was our retard.
	So you don't have to have this perfectly symbiotic relationship with everyone.
	It can even be acrimonious.
	Like Joe and us.
	Or Jimmy.
	Joe and I have had some words.
	Maddie asked him to go outside.
	Or Jimmy.
	Jimmy's a liberal.
	That's the other bartender.
	But as, you know, rational adults in a society, we got through it.
	We worked it out.
	And now everything's copostetic.
	Yeah.
	As rational adults in society, dope.
	Okay, what's going on over there, Joe?
	I think he's rearranging the tactical wall.
	I told us.
	All right.
	I told him to stay still.
	Here's what's going to happen.
	We're going to go to calls.
	People are going to ask you questions.
	You're going to do your usual to, I don't know, like you've been doing this whole show.
	So, actually, you haven't said seriously yet.
	Seriously?
	Really?
	There we go.
	I love it.
	So I'm not going to, I don't want you to call with Joe questions, please.
	Actually, you can throw that out.
	That's Ryan's shit.
	Are you trying to get fired?
	Oh, this is what these welfare types do.
	They show up for work, they do a shit job, they get fired, and then they can go tell their counselor or whatever that they did their best.
	Okay, so we're going to take calls now.
	Wait, okay, wait a minute.
	What's this?
	Basically, a group of girls invaded and jumped a family's home, even jumped the mother.
	This is so sad and evil.
	At the end of the video, you can see a girl who took off her mask, and her name is Saima Abdella.
	Hope she gets locked up.
	What's up, Gavin, Maddie, and Ryan?
	I remember when Trump said Somalian refugees were a disaster for Minnesota.
	Fast forward a few years, and they're breaking into people's homes to jump them.
	Whoever is the Republican nominee in 2024 needs to run on zero immigration and mass deportation of criminals who immigrated here.
	Also, Maddie was spot on last week.
	DeSantis Gabbard is an awesome ticket.
	All right, I don't think you're going to be able to find this, Joe.
	It's called Minnesota Somalian Teens Jump Daughter and Mother in Their Own Home.
	Okay, wow, I'm impressed.
	You're supposed to have me in the bottom right corner, though, but whatever.
	Nope.
	Close.
	So just show that.
	I remember that.
	So these Somalians show up to this chick's house because she was talking shit.
	And they go and beat up the Somalian mother and daughter.
	I actually don't care about this.
	This is a refugee brawl.
	This is immigrates fighting each other.
	I just read the other day about a bunch of guys storming a house with baseball bats.
	Ten of them going and chase the residents out.
	You got to hope you'll have time to grab your gun.
	Maybe not.
	And then what'd they steal?
	An iPad Touch.
	Who the fuck that is?
	And a couple phones.
	I don't like that like phones.
	Which I assume you can't use after a while.
	You need someone to flash them.
	You can just sabotage your phone, right, if it gets stolen?
	You could remotely erase it.
	Yeah.
	But the thing is, you need someone to flash it.
	Like, you'd have to erase the entire phone, which isn't that...
	I mean, I mean, there's people out there that do it, obviously, because people steal phones and get rid of them.
	But not a lot of people do it.
	I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of people that do it, but it's not like a talk.
	You're going to find somebody local that's going to do it.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Let's give up on this letters page.
	We're not yet giving up on Joe.
	Let's fucking go to take some, we're going to take some calls.
	Do not get your hopes up.
	Yeah.
	Keep your hopes very low.
	This is already complicated for Ryan the retard.
	So someone who's never done this job before and who walks in front of cameras, goes pee and knocks shit over.
	I look forward to it.
	It's going to be a nightmare.
	But anyway, so play the thanks for calling thing.
	Here, let me get the mic.
	You're living in an ageism era where children are seeing as human garbage.
	Stop, please.
	That's the war on kids.
	I'm sure it'll come up in the calls.
	But we're now doing the calls.
	So go to the thanks for calling thing.
	No, no.
	You only get one thing.
	Joe's been getting a lot of things.
	My thing with Joe Tonelli is 704 on the air.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It's great hearing from you.
	All right, next call.
	Wow.
	This is the end of my career.
	I had a good run.
	Do I look kind of blurry to you?
	Joe?
	I seem blurry to me.
	All right.
	Do we have any calls?
	Does anyone care?
	Is there anyone out there out of 25,000 people?
	Is there anyone left after Ryan left?
	I feel blurry.
	Remember that Woody Allen movie where a guy was blurry?
	That was a pretty good concept.
	That was back when he was unbridled and could be as creative as he wanted to be.
	I don't know if he fucked his stepdaughter.
	I think it's fucking weird that you fucked your adopted daughter.
	That's the weird thing, too.
	The weird thing about Woody Allen is it's like, no, no, I didn't fuck my daughter.
	I fucked my adopted daughter.
	Oh, that's way better.
	Phew.
	Like with the Holocaust deniers, they go, they didn't gas anyone.
	They just rounded up a bunch of Jews for being Jews.
	And then when the infrastructure was bombed, they couldn't get food to their POWs, so their POWs died.
	And you go, oh, okay, that's way better.
	So only 300,000 Jews died after being rounded up because of their religious preference.
	Oh, that's fine.
	I didn't know it was so mild.
	Have them calls, yo.
	Okay, how are we doing here?
	I think I'm almost there.
	Almost there.
	This is embarrassing.
	And I know my enemies are watching this episode and going, not only is this loser deteriorating in front of our very eyes, but he did this right before he set up a 24-hour telethon, which is going to be an absolute failure.
	Oh boy, I can't wait.
	This is like, and it's ironic too.
	Maybe God set this up because I've just spent a week gloating about Chris Cuomo and Andrew Cuomo.
	And I was like, I love when my enemies finally get fucked.
	And ha ha ha.
	And I'm still rocking.
	I'm still here doing great.
	Barely.
	I'm doing great.
	But those losers finally fucking died.
	And I'm still the little engine that could.
	And I'm the little engine that can't.
	Thanks to Joe Tonelli.
	Okay.
	We've got this road.
	This probably could have been handled a little earlier, Joe.
	But can you go, Joe, go up, leave your desk.
	Get a road.
	Take off your headphones.
	Hang yourself.
	Shoot yourself in the face.
	Actually, do that tomorrow.
	But no, get up from your desk, please, sir.
	And go over to this camera, camera one, and tell me that it's focused.
	Because I'm feeling very blurry.
	That feels very sharp.
	That feels very blurry.
	That feels very sharp.
	If I look ugly, then you've done a good job.
	As Vladimir Putin says, don't get mad at the mirror because you look ugly.
	Now that's focused.
	I'm stunned you were able to do that, by the way.
	You fucking monkey.
	He is Coco the gorilla.
	Wouldn't it be funny?
	Coco's dead, I believe.
	But wouldn't it be funny, Joe, if we could take you and Coco and put you together and show you some basic sign language?
	And wouldn't it be funny if they just blossomed?
	Like, oh my God, they're up all night chatting.
	I feel like you guys would become best friends.
	Coco to Gorilla.
	Got a way to get on my skin, but all right.
	What do we got?
	Do we have a call yet?
	Any day now.
	Any day now!
	You are connected as the host.
	Welcome, host.
	You are now in the host room and can manage your callers from the Colin Studio web interface.
	Thanks for showing the process, Joe.
	The process is very important.
	Too many buttons here.
	The knobs are buttons and the knobs.
	It's like he's stuck in a submarine.
	I love how he has Billy Bologna and Peewee Herman behind him, and he has no idea who they are.
	Welcome, host.
	You are now in the host group.
	Callers from the Collins Studio Let Entertainment.
	What a great show.
	You're live on here.
	Okay.
	Thanks, Joe.
	Is the caller there?
	Am I on?
	Yeah, I hope so.
	Can you hear me?
	Can you hear us?
	Yeah, I can hear you.
	Okay, how you doing?
	Go ahead, caller.
	Yeah, look, I just wanted to know how this recovering crack addict is allowed to have a beer on your show.
	Is that Maddie or me?
	No, the other old guys in his 60s.
	Oh, Joe Tonelli.
	That's right.
	Yeah, that's a good question.
	Joe, were you a crack addict?
	Doesn't want to answer it.
	All right.
	Good luck with the show, boys.
	I got to go.
	That's sort of like that's how the end of my career would sound, right?
	It's the customer saying, good luck with everything, guys.
	I've got to go.
	You must have been an awesome.
	Like, I love you.
	You did a great job.
	You had a good run.
	I enjoyed vice in the 90s.
	Oh, we got someone else there, Joey?
	Gavin.
	Yeah.
	I had the beep.
	Ride the fucking beast.
	That should become our new motto, ride the beast.
	There you go.
	Yeah, okay.
	All right.
	So we're in, huh?
	You're in.
	You're on the air.
	All right.
	Tell 911, my nigga.
	Yeah, this is gang gang shit, motherfucker.
	You don't know who my wife is.
	So, hey, Gavin, we actually had a question for you about calling mutuals and showing up to a bar for them.
	I don't speak that language.
	Is that a proud boy shit?
	What are you talking about?
	Calling mutuals?
	That's usually like a cop or a farming term.
	Yeah, no, if they speak to the shifts.
	Well, that's mutual aid.
	Like the show's kind of mutual aid.
	So we were just wondering, like, when one proud boy calls out another proud boy for a mutual and they show up at the bar, do you A, fuck the mutual or B, call down one Monday and say you're going to sue?
	It sounds like a loaded question and it doesn't sound very sincere.
	So what's the mutual here?
	Is that a chick that everyone wants to fuck?
	Very honest.
	Very sincere.
	Very honest.
	Okay, so I'm sorry.
	I'm having trouble understanding this here.
	So let's define a mutual first.
	Let's define a mutual first.
	Okay, oh, good.
	I can actually hear you a lot better now.
	So when two Prowboys have a problem that can't be solved through bitching on Telegram, and one says, I'm going to call mutual on you.
	I want to fight.
	And then the other one actually shows up for the fight.
	And are you supposed to do the fight, find a place to do it that's nearby, or are you supposed to call 911 and say you're going to sue?
	So the latter's a no.
	But before we get to this, why wasn't this beef handled via Sharia law at a meetup?
	Oh, because different chapters.
	Hmm.
	I never thought of that.
	When we created this club, we hadn't really ironed out the possibility of intra-chapter beef because there was really just the Manhattan chapter and a couple West Coast chapters.
	Joe, what the fuck are you doing?
	Showing my shelf and some flying mail?
	Get back to me, please.
	Really?
	I would say they got to fight.
	And that happened all the time.
	You'd have Tiny was always fighting within the club in a good way, where he was like, he said he wants to leave the club, and then he changed his mind and said, I'm actually in.
	I don't know what I was talking about.
	So this dude, Chris, was like, you can't do that.
	You can't say you're out and then say you're back in.
	So Tiny goes, okay, let's fight.
	And Chris was like, all right, let's do it.
	So they fought in a parking lot.
	And the weirdest part about the fight was they took their shoes off.
	So it was two dudes fighting in a two dudes fighting in a parking lot with no shoes on.
	And of course, Tiny beat him up.
	Tiny is the Jolly Green Giant.
	But I thought it was cool that they wanted to settle their beef like that.
	That's how men settle beefs.
	You know, Max Hare, he used to work on the railroad, and he regularly would get in arguments with his black co-workers.
	At one point, he was arguing with this guy because he respected them.
	And the guy was like, you know, the Tulsa, Oklahoma, they killed Black Wall Street.
	So the next day, Max would show up and be like, No, that wasn't what happened.
	It was a race riot that got out of hand, and you're making up shit.
	All your fucking facts are wrong.
	So then they'd get, you know, physical.
	And then their boss would go, you know what?
	You guys need to go to the fight room.
	In the Grand Central Station, there's a fight room for the guys who swing the hammers and work on the railroads.
	It's what men do.
	So they go to the fight room.
	There's nothing in this room.
	It's just a room.
	Nothing you can break.
	It's underground.
	And they fought it out.
	And I don't know if there was a winner per se, probably Max.
	And that was the end of that.
	And they had settled it.
	So I guess you led me on 100 tangents.
	You know the answer to your question.
	And the question is, if two men have a beef, they should probably settle it physically.
	God bless your cotton socks, sir.
	Thanks.
	Can't tell if that guy was fucking with me or not.
	How is Tiny doing?
	It felt like he wanted to frame me or something.
	Tiny's doing great.
	Hello.
	Hold on a second, Coler.
	He's going through physical therapy with his ankle.
	Remember, the bullet went from the front out the back of his heel.
	Correct.
	Like you could not have had a worse trajectory for your foot.
	But he's going through that and he's walking now.
	He's doing pretty good.
	Great.
	Great guy.
	One of the best guys I've ever met, I got to say.
	Go ahead, caller.
	Go ahead, caller.
	Hey, can you hear me?
	Yes, sir.
	Okay, I actually have a question about my relationship, if you could help me out.
	So I've been watching you since Red Eye, you know, Rebel, all that good stuff.
	And you've always said you don't always have to agree politically or everything like that with your partner.
	It's more about starting a family.
	Would you say that you would still think that way?
	Absolutely.
	She's not your soulmate.
	You don't have to be best friends.
	You don't have to like the same bands.
	My wife hates Generation X, the band.
	I don't know why.
	But I do get where you're going here.
	And we are living in clown world.
	If my wife was part of the clown world movement, which has gone off the fucking deep end, that's kind of different.
	I mean, people are talking about never speaking to someone who's not vaccinated ever again.
	That's really a person going insane.
	So if your wife is that nuts, what do you do?
	That's a good, if that's where you're going, I think that's a good question.
	And if it's not, you should pretend that's where you're going because that's a good question.
	Do you want to know any backstory on our relationship or anything, like her beliefs or anything like that?
	Yes, I'd love to.
	I'm sorry.
	I went off on a tangent.
	No, you're fine.
	So basically, she's 22.
	I'm 24.
	She's still in college and everything.
	So, you know, you can imagine what you have to deal with with that.
	But believe it or not, she knows what I believe.
	She knows what I think.
	She knows I'm a Trump supporter.
	She knows I was part of the Proud Boys.
	She knows all this about me.
	You're not anymore.
	No, no, I'm not anymore.
	But that's because the Atlanta chapter kind of broke down a little bit.
	But, yeah, so, but she knows all that.
	She knows what I believe.
	And I know what she believes.
	She's still really young, not very, I would say, like, young in the mind when it comes to these things.
	She doesn't know a lot about like policy and everything like that.
	But she's actually, she told me that she thinks communism is a good idea.
	So I'm trying to convert her.
	But she's also very heavily Christian, very family-oriented.
	Like she comes from a two-parent household, everything like that.
	So I'm thinking maybe as time goes on, she'll kind of convert it.
	Yes, absolutely, dude.
	When I was 18, I was all about communism.
	I wore a fucking pin on my leather jacket of Lenin.
	Maybe not 18, maybe 17 or 16.
	But that's perfectly normal for young people.
	You know what they say?
	If you're not socialist when you're young, you have no heart.
	If you're not conservative when you're old, you have no brain.
	A 22-year-old is allowed to consider communism.
	That's just a silly fad.
	I say you should.
	I think a really big indicator of success in marriage is parents being together.
	I mean, my wife and I have had some fucking rocky times, boys.
	Even without all the Karens and the political stuff.
	Like, we've had some fights.
	I remember one time, and thanks for calling, by the way, but wet her up.
	You got one.
	She was like, she tends to buy shit that's a homework assignment for me.
	So she'll buy like some back terrace for vines with the lattice system and all this shit.
	And the kit arrives and it's my fucking job.
	And I'm like, I don't want vines.
	What are you doing?
	But it's like, I think this would look pretty.
	It looked nice on the internet.
	Okay, I guess I'll spend my entire weekend building a vine system.
	So she got some tree and we had a place upstate.
	And she's like, I bought this tree.
	I want you to plant.
	I'm like, I don't want this tree.
	And we live, the thing about upstate New York, if you're near the Delaware and you're in like Eldred, New York, Berryville, New York, Port Jervis, it's all fucking rocks.
	So I have actually planted shit up there without a shovel, with just a pickaxe.
	So I go in, I fucking slam in, I lift out all the rocks, I put the thing down, the dirt I can deal with with my hands, and then I put the thing in, put the rocks back, and put the dirt back.
	That's how rare dirt is up there.
	There's never been an industry in that area.
	And so it's raining out, and I go, and I can't believe I did this, by the way.
	We were newly married.
	This was like, we didn't even have any kids.
	And I go, you plant the fucking tree.
	And we had this huge fight.
	And she's out there in the pouring rain with a pickaxe, digging into the ground.
	And I'd done this a hundred times.
	We planted apple trees all over our property.
	I was like, why don't you fucking try it, you fucking bitch.
	And she's planting it, and she's like crying in the rain.
	And it's like, Why do you hate me?
	Like, that one fight, which I barely remember, would have ended most marriages.
	And we moved on like two days later because both our parents are together and will be till they die.
	And we get that there's horrible, terrible mistakes and stupid fights and bad decisions, and you eventually get over it.
	So I would say when you're looking for a mate, their parents being together is much more important than if she's stupid enough to consider communism for a second.
	Go ahead.
	Women consider all kinds of stupid shit.
	Have you heard their music?
	Go ahead, call her.
	I feel like there's someone there.
	I can hear them.
	Maybe I should put this road mic on my glasses.
	Is someone there?
	Joe?
	Hey, Joe, anybody on the line?
	Hey, Joe, do your fucking job!
	Are you asking me?
	No, we're asking the...
	No, we're not asking you.
	Oh, Jesus.
	We're not concerned with your goings on.
	I feel like there's someone there.
	I can hear them.
	Yeah.
	Maybe I should put this road marketing.
	I like this guy.
	Hey, is that me calling me?
	Someone there, Joe?
	Yes.
	How you doing, sir?
	Hey, Joe, Joe, you're fucking gone!
	Are you asking me?
	The guy listening to the show.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Can you hear me?
	Please ignore all other sounds.
	What's up, fellas?
	What's up?
	Maddie looking fine as fuck.
	Thank you.
	Hey, great show tonight, guys.
	Loving it.
	Loving, loving it.
	Going great.
	We don't need Ryan.
	We got our own shit going on.
	Yo, you don't need that fucking guy.
	Going smooth.
	Hey, asking for a friend.
	And since Joe's there, he might know more about this.
	But what's your opinion on digit play and pegging?
	Asking for a friend.
	Okay, great question.
	And we don't often get questions directed to Joe, but I think this is a good time for Joe to shine and show that he's not just an incompetent producer.
	He also has a lot to say about controversial sexual proclivities.
	Joe, how do you feel about pegging and digit playing?
	We're not talking about that.
	No comment.
	Why, Joe, you don't like the ass play?
	You don't like the digital rectal exam?
	I tell my doctor, put two fingers.
	I want a second opinion.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Great question.
	I thought Joe Hannah.
	Really good.
	I love you guys.
	Me too.
	Welcome to the second last show on Censored.tv.
	Next call.
	Joe, you just click on the next call.
	It couldn't be more intuitive.
	When I'm done with the call, it goes gray.
	The next call is the next call.
	I mean, I don't even know how to explain it to someone.
	Say you're eating a bowl of blueberries.
	It looks like he's trying to do a Chinese.
	When you eat the blueberry that you touched and you chew it, it's gone.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	Hello, John.
	Can you hear me?
	Sure, I got.
	Hi, John.
	How you doing?
	Hey, I'm great.
	Jake.
	Hello?
	Yeah, so I wanted to ask Maddie.
	I got a family member who got in trouble for smuggling drugs across the southern border from Mexico to California.
	I think it was his first time offense.
	And I tried Googling what the punishment was, but it's very curious because it's not a topic we talk about with them.
	And the family that he belongs to, his immediate family, has a big get-together right before Halloween.
	They said, we've got to get this together and have a party before he goes to prison.
	Anyway, Thanksgiving came around and he was there.
	So I was wondering if there's some sort of leniency going on based on all this woke discipline that TA has to do.
	But you don't get arrested and go right to prison.
	I mean, you can go through a, your case could take over a year, 14 months.
	Joe, can you go to Matt?
	They're still probably trying to work out the evidence and everything.
	You think?
	Is that what you mean?
	Well, you know, I mean, you would have to imagine, I mean, I haven't been in the federal court system in quite some time, but there has to be an extraordinary amount of backlog cases from when, over the last year, since COVID,
	when everything was shut down and everything.
	I mean, he's going to get arranged.
	Depending on where, on what side of the border he got arrested, obviously I would imagine it was New York.
	So if he's coming through California, it's probably like San Diego near France.
	Like he's going to go in front of him.
	He'll get arrested by the CBP.
	They'll take him to the marshals because those are the ones who process you in federal court, the U.S. marshals.
	Then you go in front of a magistrate and they set a bail or a bond right there.
	That all happens within 24 hours of your actual arrest.
	And then you have to go to what they call pre-trial, what was it, pre-trial?
	Yeah, the bond was his mom put a second, or took, his aunt took a second mortgage on their house to pay for his bond.
	Yeah, I've had some high bails.
	What was he smuggling?
	$100,000.
	I mean, yeah, it depends on like...
	I didn't like it.
	What did he get caught with?
	How much?
	I mean, was it like, did he have a nickel bag of weed in his pocket or did he have like a bag of coke?
	You have to know all the particulars.
	Hard.
	Hard times.
	That's what I think.
	Well, in the Fed, 50 grams are better.
	It's 10 to life.
	50 grams is less than two ounces.
	Yeah, because the story that he was always telling all of us during like family gatherings Is he's going to play soccer in Mexico and he's on a travel team and all that.
	And then, sure enough, he gets popped right around in September.
	Okay.
	Well, it sounds like this guy needs to be a little more forthcoming with you about what's going on because you're trying to put pieces of the puzzle together and you don't know anything.
	Well, he's my wife's cousin.
	And I get, frankly, I get a little nervous.
	I'm kind of like Ryan was when you'd always put him on the spot with how he feels about Maddie.
	So when there's hard crimes going on, I really get, you could hear my voice squeaking and everything.
	All right, well, if you want to know what's going on with him, all you have to do is go online and go to Pacer, I think it's Pacer.gov, which stands for Public Access to Court Electronic Records.
	And you just put his name in and it'll come up.
	And also, Maddie points out there's a whole grid where you can see the crime.
	Yeah.
	And the it'll it'll show you his indictment and what he's charged with and stuff like that.
	But outside of that, you show me that grid.
	Sentence and guidelines.
	The sentencing guidelines that goes like...
	1 to 42.
	You did this, you've got this, 1 to 42, and you can kind of see where things are going.
	Right.
	Thanks.
	Just before I say goodbye, you said I get uncomfortable the same way Ryan would get uncomfortable when you'd ask him how he feels about Maddie.
	What are you talking about?
	That was a few episodes about.
	A few episodes ago, you said, tell us how you feel about Maddie, Ryan.
	Come on, be honest.
	He's like, I like Maddie.
	It was just funny.
	There's cordial.
	You know, you're all cordial.
	And then it's just that I feel uncomfortable around him just because I don't want to get in a corner or something.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I see what you're saying.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thank you.
	Thanks for calling.
	I like those kind of indie songs.
	Or I did when I was a young man.
	What if Ryan secretly resents you, Maddie, for being a successful biker and he always wanted to be a successful biker?
	A successful biker?
	Yeah.
	That's the first time I've heard that term.
	You were a successful biker.
	Well, yeah, I mean.
	I mean, there's successful chess players.
	There's successful gamers.
	There's ways.
	I took it as far as there's metrics for this.
	Yeah.
	Successful tattoo artists.
	We've got a girl coming in tomorrow night who's going to be tattooing us all.
	Assuming Joe doesn't blow everything.
	But are you into getting a bald eagle tattoo?
	Sure.
	I have an eagle tattoo on my forearm.
	Well, it's probably too hairy.
	We're going to get bald eagle tattoos.
	Me, I guess Joe and Maddie.
	Joe is not egregious.
	Joe, are you going to get a bald eagle tattoo?
	Too many buttons here, knobs and whatever.
	All you got to do is do.
	You already said that.
	Hey, it's double.
	Joe, we're getting tattoos tomorrow for the telethon, the marathon.
	Are you going to be part of that?
	Joe!
	Holy shit.
	Who knew that someone could make Ryan look like fucking the most talented engineer on earth?
	Well, I have to admit, I did have not very high expectations.
	Hasn't he been kicked out of two bars for shitting on the walls?
	A negative.
	No.
	Yeah, you have.
	Yeah, you have.
	You rub shit on the wall at Duns, and then they made you clean it up, and then you rubbed shit on the wall again.
	Why did you do that?
	Who are you?
	Mental patients do that.
	That's what three-year-olds do.
	Did you do that?
	This is not going well.
	I'm not positive Joe should be taking.
	I know Ryan's gone, and we need a new producer, but I'm not positive it should be Joe Tonelli.
	No.
	What do you think, Joe?
	Are you perfect for this job?
	Joe!
	Almost there.
	Almost there.
	That doesn't make any sense.
	Next call.
	Let's just do the next call.
	Really?
	Hey, Joe, when you get a chance, can you fix the screenshot?
	You've got two Maddies.
	You fucking retard.
	Can you hear me?
	I can hear you, sir.
	Hey, y'all.
	Yo, yo.
	Hey, I'm a big fan, man.
	What'd you run fucking Ryan off and get this nigger-loving faggot in there for?
	I don't think he's a nigger lover.
	Or a faggot.
	You should have said retard.
	Retard, dude.
	Yeah, that's better.
	How you daring?
	I'm all right.
	Hey, I work at a shop.
	We work on bikes and cars and shit.
	And I listened to your show during the day on the speaker.
	And whenever you talk about little gay cars, it's embarrassing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I'm sure it is.
	Well, that's the problem of being a New Yorker.
	You don't get cars.
	You don't get guns.
	You appreciate them both if you're a man, but you don't get a lot of access.
	What about these?
	I just saw this bike like a few hours ago.
	It popped up on my Instagram feed.
	These little 250s.
	What are they called again, dude?
	Queer bike.
	What are they called?
	Julians?
	Do you know what I'm talking about?
	You sent it to me.
	I didn't even look at it.
	It's like this American-made bike, and I don't know.
	I really like it.
	But as you point out, I'm not really...
	Janice.
	J-A-N-U-S, Janice Motorcycles.
	Made in Indiana.
	They make 250s and 450s.
	You ever heard of them?
	No.
	Well, you should check them out.
	I think they're cool.
	What about Moto Goozies?
	Are those gay?
	Yes.
	Harley's are the only good bike.
	I don't like the aesthetics of Harleys.
	I'm not impressed.
	Yeah, I've seen one show you called The Fat Boy a Fat Pig.
	So, what's the point of your call, sir?
	I just miss Ryan, and I think it's a work.
	What do you mean it's a work?
	It's a scam?
	It's a joke?
	I think, yeah, I think Ryan had to go out of town or something.
	So, you're torturing us all with this guy.
	The video is fucked up.
	The audio is fucked up.
	Joe, I'm sure you're all right, dude.
	I've heard stories about you, but you suck.
	Yep, I agree.
	Hey, do you know where the name Fat Boy comes from for Harley Davidson?
	No, I don't.
	It's actually named after the two bombs that we dropped on Japan.
	Fat Man and Little Boy.
	Fucking A. Yeah.
	True story.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling, buddy.
	Isn't it funny how that was such a great moment in American history, and it's now this fucking horrible shame?
	It's become the new slavery.
	What's that, Hiroshima?
	Yeah.
	And you're like, we ended World War II.
	You're welcome.
	Yeah.
	Well, you know, I had a Japanese girlfriend at one point, and I took her to Pearl Harbor and made her sit on all the guns and everything.
	She didn't like it.
	Did you fuck her extra hard and say like, that's for fucking.
	I don't get, like, I care about Pearl Harbor now.
	But as a young man, I never gave a shit about it because it was just like some crazy thing a long time ago.
	And I remember as a joke, every time I saw Japanese people, I would go, fuck it.
	I got to be honest, I'm still pissed about Pearl Harbor.
	I actually might be now that I'm 51, but back in like 20s and 30s, it was just a joke.
	And they were super hurt, I noticed, Japanese people, like with an accent, Japanese.
	They'd be like, oh, I understand, you're very mad.
	And then one guy was like, can you name another time in history where someone had the balls to stand up to America?
	I was like, wow, you're really sensitive about Pearl Harbor.
	I guess it's a big thing with history.
	You know what?
	In Russia right now, I kind of envy that he was so patriotic about his country, and I was just pissing away Pearl Harbor jokes.
	All right, let's do another call.
	I got to piss.
	Go ahead, caller.
	Are you asking me?
	Yeah, Joe, another caller, please.
	Yo, Gavin, what's going on?
	What's going on?
	Is Gavin not there?
	He's peeing.
	He had to take a quick piss, so.
	What's going on?
	What's your name?
	My name's Pete.
	I've been a fan for a long time.
	And I'm starting to wonder, too, if this is all bullshit with Ryan.
	I think the whole video, how it was shot, it's just weird.
	It's like, why would he be recording the argument?
	I only work on Thursday nights.
	Well, I wanted to ask Gavin, if it is true, why the fuck can't they settle this bullshit?
	Ryan's a part of the show.
	I've been here since the beginning.
	Can't just get rid of him.
	He's got to settle that shit.
	But his incompetence is shocking.
	Seven, you're crazy.
	I love you to death.
	I love the show.
	Best show ever.
	Okay?
	Number one.
	I feel like I've never actually met you, but you're, dude.
	Have you ever met me?
	No.
	So I would, that's probably the inclination for that.
	Well, no shit.
	What I meant, if I was going to finish, I know we've never met.
	Shut the fuck up, Basil.
	Regardless, whatever.
	You guys got to settle that shit.
	Please tell me this is fake.
	So you want to know if the Ryan firing is fake.
	If it's not fake and you guys actually got into an argument, why the hell can't you settle it?
	And if it is fake, then I'm a big asshole for fucking buying it.
	I like those options.
	Thank you for calling.
	Well, Ryan got up and walked out.
	It's not like you said you're fired.
	What do you do?
	That was a decision that he made.
	Did you know my parents were talking about divorce like last year?
	After all these years?
	Yeah.
	They've literally been married for 50 years, half a century.
	And I'm done with him.
	I'm done with him.
	And I said to my dad, what's going on now?
	Like, I give a shit.
	Like, I couldn't give less.
	Every time they call me, I go, can you just die so I can have some money?
	I just need my inheritance.
	By the time you finally fucking croak, I'm going to get like 10 grand.
	I want to buy a vintage BMW or something of substance, and you're not helping.
	I think you've every time I drive it, Dad.
	Back when they were fighting, now they're fine.
	Now it never happened, by the way.
	It's not like they go, oh, that was crazy two years ago.
	It just vanished into the abyss.
	But I go, so mom's leaving you?
	And he goes, look, I don't want to waste anyone's time.
	If someone doesn't want to be with me, then not, then fine.
	I'm not going to waste, you know what I mean?
	And I feel the same way about a lot of shit.
	Maybe even my wife, if she was like, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you forever.
	I eventually just go like, fine, fuck you.
	But anyway, I felt that way when Ryan left.
	He was like, I fucking quit, fuck you.
	What am I going to do?
	Please don't quit.
	It's like when Milo quit.
	I love Milo.
	He's fucking awesome.
	But I don't beg people to be at a company.
	And I've noticed, by the way, with Censored TV, with the contributors, there's guys where I set up our deal.
	You'll get this much money for this much content, and they're good.
	And then there's the other ones I had to kiss their ass all the time and work on it.
	Like Laura Loomer, I love her.
	But I had to like constantly be calling her, trying to get a show.
	I don't have time for that shit.
	That's a different job.
	It's called the show fucking coaxer.
	That's not for me.
	I don't want that job.
	With AIU, we set up a deal.
	You get this percentage of what you bring in.
	I was a little disappointed in how much money it was as I watched it leave my bank account.
	I didn't realize he was that popular.
	Holy fuck.
	Can we renegotiate less?
	Let's renegotiate less money for you.
	But, you know, the guy pumps out the shit.
	I don't have to think about it.
	It just appears on the site.
	I watch it occasionally and I go, this is great content.
	He's on track.
	This guy's good.
	I don't agree with him.
	I'm not an atheist.
	I don't like that he doesn't like marriage.
	I don't like that he's pro-vaccine.
	So?
	I love the guy.
	Do you have to be friends with everyone?
	Do you have to?
	No.
	Do you have to agree with everything your friends believe in?
	Fucking Maddie likes pearl jam.
	And tool.
	And tool.
	I mean, over the course of the next 30 years, I think I may be able to get him out of that.
	But it's going to take a lot of...
	It's going to take a lot of work.
	But like, why do you have to, anyway, that's a separate subject.
	The big picture here is like when Ryan quit, I was like, what am I going to do?
	Kiss your ass?
	Fuck you.
	It's the same as a sexual relationship, really.
	If a girl is like, I fucking hate you, I've been having an affair.
	Bye.
	And gentlemen, if a woman says to you, I need a break or I suck with someone else, do not sit there and work out a plan B. Walk out the door.
	Goodbye.
	There's no negotiating.
	We're done.
	Save some fucking face, please.
	Take a page out of the Chinese book.
	Next call.
	What book is that?
	I guess the Communist Manifesto.
	No, that was Mark's.
	Mao's little red book.
	Hey, Gavin.
	Hey, hi.
	Hey, Mao.
	Hello?
	What's up, David?
	Hello.
	Can you hear me?
	I can hear you.
	You have a very annoying gay voice, but I'm going to try to work through it.
	Gavin, do you think that Milo's really not gay anymore?
	Like, I don't really buy it.
	That's a good question.
	Okay, and let me just...
	Okay, go ahead.
	No, no, you go ahead.
	Alright, because, alright, look, I am gay, okay?
	I really...
	I don't love being gay or whatever, but I even went to this Christian therapist for years.
	And I don't know, I just like men.
	I don't know.
	If it really works, I would consider doing it, but I just don't think you can really not be gay anymore.
	And in the case of Milo, he seems pretty gay.
	So do you buy it?
	Is it for real?
	This is a good question.
	So I'm just going to go with my emotions and answer this question like a chick.
	Wait, before we do that, let me remain a man just for a second before we get into that.
	I think you're born gay.
	I don't think there's anything you can do about it.
	I think it's unfortunate.
	I don't think it's the end of the world.
	I think it's like being an albino.
	I think it's like being a vegetarian lion.
	We were made to eat meat.
	We've got big incisors.
	If you're a vegetarian lion, you've got these big, huge fucking fangs and you're eating tofu.
	Okay.
	Do I want to hurt a vegetarian lion?
	No.
	Do I want to deny a vegetarian lion any rights?
	No.
	But when I see a vegetarian lion, I go, oh man, that sucks.
	You got all that beef and you can't do anything about it.
	But I still, I mean, my wife's a fag hag.
	There's homework at our house every day.
	I'm not sure what's going on with the screen right now, but we'll figure that out later.
	So let's accept that.
	Now I'm going to turn into a chick, okay?
	I know Milo fairly well.
	He's not a very like spoony kind of like love you dude.
	So do you ever really know Milo?
	He's a real performer and it's fun.
	I mean, he came to my house.
	He stayed overnight.
	My wife and kids met him.
	He's really fun to hang out with.
	You got Liberace at your house.
	It's exciting.
	So I love Milo, but I just cannot wrap my head around him being like, I love eating pussy.
	Did he get divorced?
	Well, that's another question.
	So here's my theory, and I'm just shooting the shit here.
	I don't want to make him mad.
	I don't want to lose him as a friend.
	But here's a possible angle, right?
	He's dating that black dude.
	They're not really married, whatever the marriage was.
	The black dude is like a street kid, genius.
	Homothug.
	Yeah, he's a homo thug.
	His boyfriend grew up on the streets, but he's very intelligent.
	I met the guy before.
	He's a very successful academic.
	He is doing his dissertation on social welfare in New York City because that's the system he grew up in.
	He doesn't like the way it was handled.
	Very, very smart dude.
	Very handsome, too.
	And my only problem with his husband is his cum tastes kind of acrid.
	Like it made my throat burn.
	But besides that, fantastic guy.
	But the dude might be like a black culture kind of ghetto dude as far as like his relationships go.
	I'm pulling all of this out of my ass, by the way.
	But I feel pretty good about it.
	But anyway, in a relationship like that, you're like, go make my money, bitch.
	So it's possible that Milo was making all this money for his white college fund and the Breitbar people and funneling it to his black boyfriend who drives a Ferrari.
	A fucking Ferrari.
	I was going to say, did you have to get the Ferrari back?
	And it's Iron Man colored and it's like a Tesla too.
	Like his boyfriend's doing very well for himself.
	So it's possible that Milo stopped funneling hundreds of thousands of dollars to the black guy and the black guy said, we're done.
	I don't want you anymore.
	Yeah, I need money, bitch.
	And Milo might even like that in a weird, like, you got to understand gay culture, right?
	He might even be like, yeah, I am a bitch.
	I didn't give you enough money, girl.
	So he's on the lamb, not the lamb, but he's on the loose at that point.
	And then he goes to Florida.
	I stopped giving him money, so that stopped going to the guy.
	And then he joins Church Militant post black boyfriend.
	And now he's just making money for himself and his rent or whatever.
	He's probably making like 60 grand a year with Church Militant.
	I don't know.
	That's a theory I have.
	I don't know if it's true.
	I could never, I will never get the truth out of Milo.
	We're not that close.
	And even if we were, I don't think he'd tell me.
	But sorry, that's a very long and involved way of answering your question.
	And you just simply ask me, do you honestly think he's not gay anymore?
	No.
	I don't think he's not gay anymore.
	I think he dreams of penises all night long and probably blows dudes in an alleyway in Florida.
	I mean, that's why we say it's sad to be gay.
	Not because you decided to suck a bunch of dicks, but because you became an albino.
	Like, you could put dicks, put a gun to my head and make me suck 100 dicks tonight.
	By the way, I would be like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
	This is me sucking my first dick at gunpoint.
	Okay, you ready?
	I'm like this.
	Okay, here we go.
	Don't worry.
	Don't shoot me.
	Don't shoot me.
	I got it.
	I'm going to suck it.
	I'm going to suck it.
	Calm down.
	Everyone, put your finger, trigger control, guys.
	Trigger discipline.
	I don't want you.
	Okay, good.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Here we go.
	All right.
	That's number one.
	All right.
	Here's number 100.
	It's 13 hours later.
	Okay.
	I can't believe we're already at 100.
	Let me tickle them balls.
	Okay.
	Here we go.
	All right.
	Number 100 and 100 dicks.
	It's been 13 hours.
	This is a black one.
	We've only had like 100.
	Oh, no, sorry.
	We've only had like 32 black ones.
	Black dicks.
	All right, here we go.
	Black dicks smell bad.
	And here we go.
	Meanwhile, someone like you is just like, all right, when are we done here?
	Let's do 200.
	Maybe.
	So the short answer is, I don't see how he could possibly be not gay.
	Yeah.
	But what do I know?
	Because I thought about doing that conversion therapy shit, but I just don't know.
	You can't turn the gay away.
	Okay, I believe that.
	But the thing is, I saw these gay dudes that had a bunch of adopted kids at the Shake Shack once, and they just couldn't fucking control the kids.
	They were running around, jumping on the table, or not the table, but the chairs.
	So then I just started thinking, maybe, maybe, maybe gays shouldn't adopt kids.
	Well, you notice with gay adopters, they won't shut the fuck up about being gay.
	And the kid is always like, my dads, I have two dads, and we have a rainbow Christmas tree, and we're gay and proud.
	And you're like, okay, calm the fuck down.
	Like, say you were, I don't know, two Masons and you adopted a kid.
	I'm a Mason kid.
	I love the Masons.
	I'm a fucking Masonic motherfucker.
	Like, let it go.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, no, I don't, they don't seem to adopt very well.
	They don't seem to be able to drop.
	Yeah, I don't want any fucking kids.
	I don't want anything to do with my sister has kids.
	I think you're a weirdo.
	You know, God made you a freak, and you should, you're like an albino, enjoying.
	Live it.
	Have some fun.
	It has its perks sometimes, but, you know, butt sex does, like, I'm worried I'm becoming like your old, that old man you talked about, like, his anus and stuff.
	Like, I'm worried I'm going to become that one day.
	Yeah, you should be worried.
	Eno muscles can only take so much abuse.
	What are you saying?
	The sphincter's going to break?
	Yeah.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah.
	Sphincters fall apart.
	Yeah, I remember you telling that story.
	And I don't know.
	I mean, anyway, I'll think about it.
	But anyway, thank you, Gavin.
	I appreciate it.
	And fuck Ryan, too.
	He's deadweight.
	Yeah, he's deadweight.
	Fuck him.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	Thank you.
	How are we doing here?
	I think we're ready to rock.
	Let's wrap it up.
	For those about to rock, we salute you.
	Joe, tell the next caller it's our last call.
	Okay.
	Don't play the fucking Somalian video.
	Yellow.
	Or I will murder you.
	Hello?
	Yes?
	Yellow.
	Is that you, Colin?
	Yellow.
	How's she going?
	What's happening?
	Pretty good.
	Hey, hey, so I'm watching this fucking, like, my local news here.
	I live in the fucking Midwest State.
	It says we have an $8 billion fucking surplus here.
	Just wondering what you think the best way to do it.
	Is it easiest to just give it back to the taxpayers?
	It's like, how much are you fucking taxing me here?
	Minnesota, by the way.
	Minnesota.
	You got $8 billion floating around?
	Yeah, isn't that bullshit?
	The fucking fifth highest income tax in the country.
	It's like, what are we doing?
	Well, maybe the government is very fiscally responsible.
	How about no income tax for the next two years?
	I don't know.
	If you have to spend it, can we spend it on an entrepreneur's fund where anyone who has a great business plan gets the money to do it?
	I don't know.
	I don't know what that means.
	I can send you my address.
	They can send me some of it.
	Okay, we got the Somalians.
	You gave it back to the fucking people.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, they're never going to relinquish those funds to anybody.
	They'll spend it on.
	Thanks for showing us the Somalians, Joe.
	All right, Joe, that's the Somalians again.
	Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
	Here's the deal.
	I shouldn't have hired you.
	We're doing a 24-hour marathon tomorrow, and we've been dealing with a lot of shit here.
	So I don't know if you want to buy some meth, but you need to stay up all night tonight and figure out this shit if we're going to do a marathon tomorrow.
	I don't miss Ryan, but I'm damn close, and I can't do this anymore.
	Sorry, folks, to cut this short, but we're wasting everyone's time.
	Lord fucking knows what is going to go down tomorrow.
	You know, I had a storied career.
	I started in media in 1994 with Vice.
	There's been some ups and downs.
	I've been fired from every job I've ever had.
	Censore TV was great, but I feel like tomorrow is going to be an absolute catastrophe.
	I think I'm going to get drunk to try to deal with Joe's failures, and then it's going to be a bunch of horrible, regrettable things I say while Joe fucks up.
	I'm going to break shit, and you're going to see the end of my career.
	I hereby predict that tomorrow will be right out of the SCTV sketch Johnny LaRue on New Year's Eve.
	John Candy played him, I believe.
	And you're going to see the pathetic decline of a very influential and gravely misunderstood iconoclast.
	So tomorrow will be a shit show.
	I recommend, it's going to be free.
	I recommend Antifa and the liberal left watch this shit because you're going to see your arch enemy slowly fade away.
	I think this will be the end of the network.
	And Joe, you're a huge part of that.
	You're a huge part of the decline.
	You are on.
	Joe and Ryan together have broken me.
	Congratulations.
	Many have tried, physically beaten me.
	Antifa have tried.
	Journalists have devoted years of their life to ending my career.
	The New York Times, entire media institutions, and I think Joe may have done it today.
	So tune in at 6 p.m. tomorrow to see the decline of Gavin civilization.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	Why does that mean you have two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for coming.
	Why did y'all leave me behind?
	Why did you guys leave me behind, guys?
	I'm over here tapping this big bitch.
	All I know is I jumped on her, big ass.

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