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Dec. 13, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:46:10

S04E64 - GAY BILL CLINTON

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	Hey dudes, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	That was Antidote, an old New York, not old actually, old to you because it's 20 years ago, but not old to me, but a New York hardcore band called Antidote.
	That's an anti-immigration song called Foreign Job Lot about foreigners coming in and doing the jobs for cheaper.
	What's happening back there?
	Oh, nothing.
	Some technical glitches?
	We got you a Friday show.
	It didn't record.
	We've been having some problems with the TriCaster.
	We got a big marathon on Friday.
	We're going to start at 6 p.m. and just go for as long as humanly possible.
	I like to be smug and think it'll be a 48-hour marathon.
	I don't see how I could do more than a 12-hour show.
	So this may crap out in the wee hours of the morning.
	But yeah, we'll have everyone from the network here.
	I'm raising money for me.
	That's the point of the marathon.
	We've been stuck at 25,000 subs forever.
	And it was like, and then it just stopped.
	Are there only 25,000 weirdos in the world?
	Possibly, but I want to be double sure.
	So we're going to have all kinds of bonuses for, you know, if you get your friend or your family member signed up, you get a discount, those kind of incentives.
	We'll see if we can't get to 30,000.
	That will be our goal.
	Not that raising money for censored is as important as raising money for Zenoa Kinsman and her kids, but after the success of that Christmas drive, I'm pretty optimistic.
	Although an abandoned black baby is a little more appealing than a old white millionaire, as far as charity goes.
	But let's get right into it.
	Antidote were a band from the late 90s, early 2000s, and they, people don't get this about New York hardcore.
	A lot of them were Cubans, so they've experienced socialism.
	A lot of them were Puerto Ricans.
	And if you lived in the city, grew up in the 80s, you're aware of how shitty socialism can wreck your city, and you're aware of how bad welfare is for everybody.
	These kids that grew up in the projects, they see third generation welfare and they go, these guys are fucking mooches.
	And if you have your shit together enough to practice and have a band and write songs and do shows, you probably have somewhat of a work ethic, right?
	You learned a guitar.
	So those guys hated their brethren, their neighbors.
	And it was not racial.
	But you had the West Coasters like Maxim Rock and Roll and Tim Yeo and all these, this scene in the West Coast heard Agnostic Front and Cro-Mags and went, oh, they're racist.
	They have an American flag in the background.
	That's racist.
	So it's kind of funny to hear this band antidote come back and do sort of a reunion tour and sing songs from back then that were totally reasonable in New York terms.
	They're now offensive.
	But the beauty is, thanks to de Blasio socialism, we're getting back to this sort of awareness where the woke people are waking up.
	And I think this song might become less offensive again.
	I mean, as I said on Eric Bowling's show on Friday, de Blasio just gave citizenship to 800,000 people.
	Sorry, not citizenship, but he gave them the right to vote, which is a major part of citizenship.
	I mean, what else is there?
	There's the right to vote and jury duty.
	And of course, all the sort of ethereal subjective things that come with citizenship.
	But fuck jury duty.
	You don't have to go to jury duty, right?
	But you can vote.
	Almost a million people in New York City can vote without citizenship.
	Now, as my buddy Mike pointed out, it's not going to last forever, my friend.
	Because eventually, and it's starting to happen with blacks, eventually Hispanics are going to go, wait a minute, these people I keep voting for are they're abortionists?
	Hispanics are Catholic.
	They're pro-life.
	They're anti-gay marriage.
	What?
	You can only be an idiot for so long, right?
	Look at my cool suit.
	I know you think these are white socks.
	They're gray socks.
	I had it taken out a bit, and they overdid it.
	Anyway.
	Walk to walk.
	So go to 11A.
	And you can see that these guys have gotten big shit for this song.
	Aliens from another world that come to the U.S. for jobs.
	So now they're backtracking and pussying out.
	I think we're too far ahead.
	Dierst.
	The worst.
	That's too far back.
	To find an adequate paying job because companies were starting to pay illegal immigrants an awful low wage.
	Bast?
	The song doesn't express hatred towards immigrants.
	Cuck.
	The song expresses anger toward being cut out of a fair paying job.
	Antidote is a band of mixed races and is the furthest thing from anti-immigrant.
	Did the song age well?
	Probably not.
	Okay, stop.
	Stop doing this.
	Stop backtracking.
	Stop kowtowing.
	I've made this mistake where I would talk to people and go, no, no, no, Proud Boys Aren't Racist.
	Or 10 Things About the Jews I Hate About the Jews.
	That's a comedy video.
	Have you seen it?
	Don't apologize.
	Don't backtrack.
	You know why?
	Because the people that are canceling you don't give a fuck about the truth.
	They're nerds who are bullying you.
	They got bullied in grade school and they want revenge.
	So when you go, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, everyone in the band is, it's a multiracial band.
	They just go, oh, good.
	My bullying is working.
	I finally have some power from these weak, skinny, greasy hands.
	I'm finally hurting someone.
	You just tell them to fuck off and laugh and do your show.
	And if they say you can't play that song, you play that song.
	Classic EP with no hatred behind it whatsoever.
	It's something the band has played normally to all audiences and has never been an issue.
	So that's where they fucked up right there.
	They relented.
	We're mixed races.
	The song didn't age well.
	We'll take a look at the song in a second, of course.
	See what the soy punks are kvetching about.
	But you see in the second paragraph, they relent and sort of get a popular dirt with the stream.
	They're backpedaling already.
	But here's where the meat of the story is.
	In between sets, Lou, members of the opening band and their friends had a verbal altercation outside.
	It ended quickly and Lou walked away.
	An African-American friend of the opening band went to open the door for Lou as he went back inside, but then let it slam in Lou's face.
	At which point, Lou said, why you gotta be a bitch-ass nucha to him?
	Why you gotta be a bitch-ass nucha to him?
	Lou is a dark-skinned Puerto Rican man that uses this terminology all the time in regular day-to-day life to a 63-year-old old school Lower East Side NYC Puerto Rican with just regular everyday talk.
	That reminds me of I was on the plane once leaving.
	We were getting out and everyone was in order because I was handling it and I'm a butt boy.
	I don't let people butt in line.
	And it was a white dude and he was in front of us and he was on the phone and his wife had given birth and he was like a wigger.
	Yo, grew up in East New York and Brooklyn.
	Yo, fucking niggas got to get their heads straight.
	And on the phone, he said to his wife, he goes, oh, fuck, that's so cool.
	That little nigga look like me.
	That little nigga look like me was the question.
	And then there was a black kid.
	You could tell he was middle class.
	We were coming from L.A., so he's probably an LA kid.
	And he's in front of his middle class black dad.
	And he looks up.
	He's maybe 12.
	And he looks up at his dad.
	Like, dad, I just heard the N-word from a white person.
	I thought that was a big deal with us.
	And the dad, you could see the dad go, it's, the dad was saying, I forgot to explain one thing.
	There are exceptions.
	And for some reason, New Yorkers, not only can they say the word, but a lot of them don't know it's a bad word.
	I told you that story too.
	My buddy was teaching in East New York for troubled youths, all black kids.
	He goes, I don't like the N-word.
	You can't say it in this class.
	And it was like he said, I don't like the.
	So they change it to neighbor and ninja.
	I've got a lot of these stories I repeat.
	Because it's like greatest hits.
	Black American, African-American, Jamaican American, but black for the most part.
	Dominican American, and I identify as an Afro-Latina.
	I identify as Afro-Latina.
	I identify as Mexican.
	I refer to myself as a Black Tina.
	I am ham hogs and black eyed peas black.
	I am Ashley Elbows black.
	I was white for most of my life until I came to the United States and I found out I'm diverse.
	Chinese and Puerto Rican.
	I identify, I guess you're not.
	That's one of you.
	That guy got a shitty end of the stick.
	He doesn't look cool.
	Can Latinos use the N-word?
	Hell, no.
	But they do.
	Latinos are black people, too.
	And then that right.
	Latinos should be able to use these.
	Dumb rules.
	No, thank you.
	I've never used the word.
	Great news, Mexicans.
	You get to be black.
	No.
	They're not doing that.
	No, no, no.
	No, no.
	Oppressed by that word.
	If you are a person who've never been called the N-word in a negative way, or you've never been in a situation.
	Put that little man in there.
	That little accountant.
	Don't think that you can really recommend that you've never been oppressed by.
	Ryan's got a bit he's been pitching for years where he does an PSA on how the N-word is actually a bad word and you shouldn't use it.
	It's like a now this segment with like a colorful background.
	And I'm like, guys, what's up, my bloop?
	And it bleeps and you're like, what just happened?
	And you're like, did you know that the N-word isn't just a fun thing you call your friends, but it actually has ties to slavery?
	We'll check it out after this break.
	And then you get the graphic.
	Everything is racist.
	Like catch up, the like, did you know ketchup was slavery?
	So you just make the n-word video for one of those, as if people didn't know.
	I was watching a great book review on black in Britain by this guy I'm obsessed with now, this old British Jew who says, does that thing where the THs are Fs.
	I'll talk now that thing.
	And he's just like going through this book written by this black British dude that's just all lies.
	They find some woman who didn't grow up in Liverpool.
	Her bones look like she came from somewhere else.
	Yeah, she came from Manchester.
	She's not from Africa.
	And he keeps conflating Northern Africans with Africans, which is an old scam that everyone falls for, like the We Was Kings and fucking the Moors and all that shit.
	You know the guy I'm talking about?
	It's called History Debunked.
	You could not be farther away from what I'm talking about.
	You're in another universe.
	I'm talking about a book that is being debunked by this guy.
	I highly recommend.
	You know what's fun to do with him?
	He does a lot of reading from shit, which I told you is annoying.
	But you just sort of put him on when you're getting dressed or cleaning your room.
	It's great background.
	And it's such quality information that you pause it when you go poo.
	Like, you don't want to miss out on any of this.
	Have you got it yet, Ryan?
	Okay, so There he is.
	See Black History?
	The guy, the bald guy?
	That's the guy I'm talking about.
	Well, any of his videos, they're all great.
	History debunked is the channel.
	Probably one of the smartest people in the world.
	I have a tendency to chip.
	Oh, I have a new guy I just debuted at the gym today.
	It's called the teacher's pet.
	And what you do is you suss out what a coach is about to say, and then you come over and you say it first, and then say, I took care of it.
	For example, Takai and John were talking today.
	It's in between rounds.
	There shouldn't be an issue there.
	And I hear Larry go, hey, guys.
	And the second I see him walk over, I run over to them.
	I'm like, guys, guys, guys, can't be talking.
	Okay, we're trying to work out here.
	You're not supposed to be talking.
	And then when Larry finally makes it up there, I go, I told them, Larry.
	I go, you guys can talk after the workout, but not during, not even in between rounds, okay?
	What do you think?
	Pretty good.
	Pretty fun, huh?
	That seems kind of like rare, though, right?
	You'd have to really look for that.
	Unless he's telling people stuff all the time.
	Yeah, all the time.
	Get your hands up, everything.
	If you're just hitting the heavy bag like this, you'll hear, get your hit.
	You're supposed to, with the heavy bag, you're supposed to be in a fight.
	So you're supposed to punch and then block against a bag.
	How did Larry react?
	I feel like he just looked at you and went.
	He was confused.
	He couldn't tell if I was making fun of him or not.
	Yeah, that's it.
	I was on this morning.
	I had another great line with Larry where I go, Larry, this is all about the delivery.
	You have to keep the straightest face you can.
	So if you want to laugh, go to the bathroom or something.
	Focus on 9-11.
	Think of the people jumping off the towers.
	And you go, hey, Larry, Larry, all the bags are taken right now.
	Would you mind if I just sort of practice on your face for a little bit until the bag is available?
	I was scared to hit his face.
	Dude, I've smashed his face to blood.
	Yeah, right?
	It seems tough.
	He's got the pads right here.
	No, one time he said, he's so arrogant.
	He goes, get in the ring.
	He gets in the ring and he says, do your best.
	Try to hit me.
	I missed him 90% of the time.
	But that 10%.
	But 10%, I was fucking wailing on his face.
	He's very, very fast, but he's also 53 years old.
	Dude, I could do those, the paddle things when he holds the pads.
	I could do those probably 60% faster if I wasn't worried about the instinct to punch a face.
	You have to punch the pads next to the face, but just like in between the things, you just feel like punching the face.
	That's what you're taught.
	Punch faces.
	Okay, I've never heard that before.
	I thought you were going to say, because he'll slap you with the pads.
	I didn't get slapped with the pads.
	And then every time he does that, I go, no one come in.
	We're locked up.
	ADT.
	I got security.
	And you block them.
	And I block it.
	That's pretty good.
	You can't come in.
	The doors are locked.
	But then every time he hits me, he goes, oh, we got a breach.
	Oh, you forgot to set the alarm.
	Boop, boop.
	Today, he was using pool noodles, which is like, what am I supposed to do?
	Hit a pool noodle at 100 million miles an hour and also block?
	Yeah, that's tough.
	So he got me, and then I just go, boo-boo-ba-da-ba-da-da.
	And then he just goes, and then he walks away going, ADT, motherfucker.
	Anyway, I might not be conveying my amazing bits very well, but you also have to understand that a gym is very unfunny.
	Because everyone is, the reason they're there is because they were picked on or they had to fight their way out.
	So they don't like getting fucked with.
	Like I was watching Tim spar with this huge black dude and he saw that I was watching and they were in the clinch.
	And so Timmy just goes and pretends he's fucking him.
	That was a bad move.
	The guy didn't think it was funny.
	And it sent him into a rage and Timmy got lit up.
	Damn.
	Yeah, no gay shit.
	Don't do gay jokes ever.
	This is painful to go through this.
	I've been through this before.
	We've already done this show.
	But maybe it'll be so good now because I've already discussed all these and I've honed my shit.
	But I also kind of just feel like sitting on my ass and shooting the shit.
	Like I saw Anger Management this weekend.
	And it has a good premise that I like, which is, dudes, and I'm screaming to you guys right now.
	Four years you've been dating her.
	You're a pussy if you haven't proposed.
	Four years is embarrassing.
	You should be embarrassed.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	Three years, whatever.
	But like, if someone told me, or this happens all the time, when guys tell me that they've been with a girl for more than four years, I just feel like they're saying, I'm a chronic masturbator or I cry myself to sleep.
	Like it's something embarrassing that you want to move on from because it's like irreparable how much of a loser you are.
	Aren't you embarrassed?
	I knew a guy who was engaged for nine years.
	Engaged.
	He proposed.
	Just never got around to it.
	So she's eventually, after she lost all her good over years, left him for another dude.
	And then they would send pictures of themselves fucking to him.
	Whoa.
	I guess she wanted to punish him.
	And then the dude was just an asshole.
	As the guy, the new guy, I'd kind of be like worried.
	Like, you still care what that guy thinks?
	I mean, I know I'm the guy fucking you, but drop it.
	Well, you said that's how Mac Miller died.
	Yeah, that was a theory.
	Pete Davidson said, hey, I'm fucking your bitch.
	Yeah.
	And he went, not anymore.
	I'm dead.
	Is your fucking heroine?
	In your face, because that's my bitch now.
	You want to hurt me?
	Too late.
	I deaded myself.
	You can't hurt a killed person.
	Can't hurt me if I don't exist.
	This movie's great.
	It's not great.
	It's ridiculous.
	And here's the craziest part.
	I'm going to ruin it for you, okay?
	Spoiler alert.
	The entire thing is a prank on him to make him lose his temper a lot and eventually become so brave, he proposes.
	Is his girlfriend the head of the Illuminati?
	That stewardess you just saw is in on it.
	Right.
	They bought the seats in the plane.
	They're in on it.
	That's just 1% of the movie, by the way.
	This is a quick flight.
	There's a judge who's in on it.
	Cops are in on it.
	Like, it's a Truman show type thing.
	Is she the daughter of the impractical jokers?
	She hired Jack Nicholson to do this whole prank thing.
	These guys are in on it.
	What did you just say?
	What was your riff?
	Is she the daughter of the impractical jokers?
	Oh, okay.
	Phew.
	It's pretty bad, but not as bad as I thought it was.
	It's star-studded, too, by the way.
	Everyone in it is huge.
	No.
	I don't get how they did that.
	He's terrible, ridiculous character.
	Nothing makes sense.
	But then you look at his terrible character and you're like, well, he was just acting the whole time, so it's almost realistic.
	Yeah, so this whole anger management session is also part of the prank?
	How much did she hire Jack Nicholson for?
	A trillion?
	Like, I don't understand.
	It's ridiculous.
	Yeah.
	Kind of a megalomaniac, too, if he thinks that this many people would be interested in the fact that he's a pussy for four years.
	Anyway, put a ring on it, folks.
	I also watched the movie Ted on the weekend with Mark Wahlberger, which is a very well-written movie.
	It's very clearly about the fact that Seth McFarlane is gay.
	That's who Ted is.
	Ted is his homosexuality.
	But he pretends that the movie is about the infantilization of all men.
	No, it's about the fact that you're gay and you can't move forward with your life.
	You still live with your mommy.
	Because that's what a lot of gays do.
	That's what my uncle did.
	They just sort of stagnate rather than embrace their faggotry.
	Holy shit, I just thought of something.
	What was it?
	I understand if you're in the closet in the 50s and 60s, but like late 70s, 80s, 90s, if you're in the closet, you're a homophobe.
	Oh, right, because you think it's bad and gross.
	Yeah, you don't like fags.
	So you don't, like my uncle, no one gave a shit after, you know, 1980, but rather than embrace his homosexuality, he lived with my grandmother.
	He went to the pub every night.
	He would occasionally break down and fly to San Francisco and probably have a whole penis fest.
	Isn't he a homophobe?
	Because he was the one saying, I don't want to jump with both feet into this disgusting thing.
	No one else gave a flying fuck.
	It's not like Glasgow's homophobic.
	They got their own problems.
	All right, let's start the show.
	No, no, no.
	Actually, no.
	We're not starting the show.
	We're doing funny little tidbits, and then we start the show, right?
	Starting the show is when we start doing like real segments.
	Okay.
	So let's not start the show.
	And check out this retarded analogy that Dave Chappelle made.
	It's really irritating.
	Dave Chappelle, to be clear, had possibly the most successful sketch comedy show ever.
	I'm not counting SNL.
	And they were throwing money at him.
	He defined the network, and he was employing dozens of people.
	And when I say employing, I don't mean landscapers.
	I mean this is a major peg in their career.
	Oh, you were the line producer for Chappelle's show?
	We got to get you.
	So he was beginning, he was like a launching pad, sending off, launching all of these careers, all these rockets into comedy space.
	Couldn't have been better.
	He's doing it with his friend Neil Brennan.
	Great combination, him and Neil.
	I don't like Neil Brennan, but that's irrelevant.
	Like the Stones, though, they just found that perfect combo.
	Neil would sort of mainstream his kooky jokes.
	And I got the feeling Neil was a bigger part of the brains of this thing than Chappelle was, judging by his specials recently and how unimaginative he is.
	And when he finally comes up with something good, you find out he stole it from Owen Wilson.
	So you got a good thing going.
	But a lot of people, and my dad taught me this at a very young age, are not just scared of failure, they're scared of success.
	I remember I got an A in math once, which was rare.
	And my dad goes, you see, the problem here is you're a winner now.
	And that can be daunting.
	A lot of people don't want an A because they're scared of success.
	Because it comes with responsibility.
	That's expected of you now.
	So I took his advice and I got C's from then on.
	But I think that Chappelle was so overwhelmed by his success that instead of just like riding it, he went and jumped off.
	You know, it takes some courage.
	Even with a motorcycle, that's a good analogy because you see people their first time and they go, then they freak out and that's when you see it go into hedges.
	You kind of have to be like, I'm taming this beast.
	And then take it.
	And here's the perfect analogy for this scared of success.
	I've always said that the head of the Brad Pitt fan club, well, let's assume she's fat and white and ugly and weak, shouldn't fuck Brad Pitt.
	Because say he said, you know what?
	Let's just do it.
	I'm bored.
	I'm in between marriages.
	I'm going to fuck the head of the fan club.
	It's probably the best blowjob I'll ever have.
	And I can do whatever I want to her.
	She'll be my puppet.
	He invites her over.
	Do you think that they would have a good two-day fuck and watch movies and Netflix and spoon and giggle and have a gay old time?
	Brian?
	Yes.
	You do think that.
	I think they want to spoon and have a gay old time.
	I don't think that.
	What do you think?
	Do you think?
	No.
	What's poking out from the back of your head there?
	A little peacock feather?
	Is that your mane?
	What is that?
	Does that mean you're in heat?
	Are you courting other birds?
	It means I'm scared.
	It's a sign of fear.
	You fucking Makataw?
	Kind of looks like an Amazonian bird doing a mating dance.
	That sounds tropical.
	Actually, you also look like a little pygmy aboriginal fucking Aztec.
	A little bit.
	Yeah, because they didn't...
	How did they cut their hair back then?
	You watch period pieces like Gladiator or something, and they have like a tight shave.
	They had scissors.
	Egyptians had scissors.
	Yeah, but the Aztecs, I don't know what they did.
	They must have burned it.
	Or just on a rock and then go with a rock.
	But it was perfect.
	Yeah, I know.
	Well, that's, well, we don't know if it's perfect.
	We've only seen Apocalypto.
	How did...
	So anyway, no, she would not.
	She would cry.
	She would cry her eyes out.
	She'd throw up.
	Then she'd apologize.
	She'd say, I'm such a fucking loser again and again as she cleaned up the barf.
	And he said, I got a maid.
	I have a maid.
	Don't worry about it.
	And then when they finally got down to it, which would take her to a bottle of wine and a lot more barfing and crying.
	Oh my God, her mascara.
	She's washed her mascara off.
	She's blubbering, throwing up.
	When they finally got in it, she would go, I'm so sorry.
	I love you so much.
	And then she started crying again because she cannot handle success.
	So don't give it to her.
	Believe me, when we were in high school, we made that mistake a lot.
	We said, I'm going to fuck the jocks.
	And I'm going to take this guy, David McMillan, I think his name was.
	We're going to bring him into our gang.
	You think he's a loser?
	Everyone's bullying him?
	Now he's a member of our gang.
	We were like thinking outside the box.
	Didn't go well.
	We were fucking with the space-time continuum.
	So when David came out with us, we were all drinking jungle juice we stole from our parents.
	That had never occurred to him.
	He's a nerd.
	And we had a couple chicks in our gang, Kim Gustafson and Tammy Conkle, K-O-N-K-L-E.
	She's aged pretty well, by the way.
	And David gets so wasted, like he chugs a whole jar of vodka.
	We're like, dude, what are you doing?
	That's for all of us.
	And then we're going over the Kanata Overpass, and he's puking his guts out going, I love you, Tammy.
	I love you.
	Meritocracy is there for a reason.
	No one else could have been the singer of Motley Crew.
	They would have blown it.
	And they actually tried, and it failed.
	So, in this analogy, Dave Chappelle is the fat, ugly head of the Brad Pitt Fan Club.
	She had success.
	Perfection.
	What every comedian dreams of.
	That's why comedians are such pussies, by the way.
	You'll notice, like, comedians don't come on my show or even around Anthony Coome.
	They're super nervous.
	They're kissing ass and being faggots so eventually they can get a TV show like Kevin James, King of the Hill.
	That's what the goal is.
	I don't know why.
	It's not that much money.
	And TV shows are a lot of work, but okay.
	So anyway, Dave Chappelle makes it to the top and he throws it away and he uses this pathetic analogy that makes him look really bad.
	And I think he thinks it makes him look really good.
	And it is yet the reason I'm bringing this up here is because I'm noticing this theme on today's show of the bigotry of low expectations.
	This analogy is embarrassing.
	And if I was interviewing him, I'd say, well, I'll tell you what I'll say when you hear the analogy, but they just sit there and kiss his ass like they're listening to the wisest man in the world.
	He's a fucking idiot.
	Oh, and one last thing before you hear this, fuck his fake accent.
	He's from the Buckeye State.
	He's an Ohioan.
	And he's got a southern drawl.
	When you look at his old material, he's a goofball Midwesterner.
	There he is.
	The Midwestern goof.
	But let's check out this Southern drawl, motherfucker.
	Trust me.
	And they do what's called a salt trap.
	I didn't know this.
	Apparently, baboons love salt.
	Okay.
	So they put a lump of salt in a hole and they wait for the baboon.
	The baboon comes, sticks his hand in the hole, grabs the salt.
	Salt makes his hand bigger, and he's trapped.
	He can't get his hand out.
	And if he's smart, all he does is let go of the salt.
	Baboon doesn't want to let go of the salt.
	Then the bushman just comes, takes the baboon, throws him in the cage, and gives him all the salt he wants.
	And then the baboon gets thirsty.
	The bushman lets him out of the cage.
	The first place the baboon runs to is water.
	Bushman follows him, and they both drink to their fill.
	And in that analogy, I felt like the baboons.
	But I was smart enough to let go of the salt.
	Isn't that a great...
	What?
	Dave, just to get back to your analogy for a moment here, the key sentence here is they both drink to their fill.
	Everyone was happy at the end of your analogy.
	The baboon had a kind of, he had to do a bit of work.
	I'm not going to lie.
	But he's got his salt levels up and he's had a nice big drink of water.
	The fucking bushman, who was about to starve to death, he was going to die of dehydration.
	He's good now.
	And he can now tell everyone where the water supply is.
	So now his entire tribe is doing great.
	You were smart enough to let go of the salt?
	No, you were lazy and scared enough to let go of the salt, you fucking rube.
	It's official starting today.
	I hate Dave Chappelle.
	I am joining the trans community.
	Go ahead, I got you.
	You ready, man?
	Go ahead, do it.
	I just hate when people are seen as cool, and it's because they spun something bad.
	Like Johnny Knoxville, I love him, but he fucked his first wife over.
	Their marriage fell apart.
	He wanted to trade her in for a newer model, just like Jimmy Kimmel.
	But the narrative with the media is that she just couldn't take the jackass stuff anymore.
	It was too much seeing him hurt himself.
	She loved it.
	It made them millionaires.
	They were broke before that.
	But he wanted a hot Asian wife, so he dumped her and got a new one.
	But the media take is like, he was smart enough to let go of the salt.
	Stop spinning it.
	At least Kumia goes, you know, when I had my first wife, I was making 50K.
	She's a 50 grand a year wife.
	Oh, no, it's 18 grand.
	And then he goes, then I'm making millions.
	And I'm like, she's not a millions wife.
	So I traded her in.
	Perfect.
	What are you showing that for?
	Oh, that was a head.
	Oh, I know what that is.
	Go back, by the way.
	That's a pet peeve of mine.
	Don't you hate it when you click on an article and the video is not related?
	It has nothing to do with it.
	Dude, and like, I used to complain about Gateway Pundit having too many ads.
	Now it's almost every site.
	Imagine if it's a bad thing.
	It's an Easter egg hunt to find the article you're looking for.
	What the fuck have those rice balls got to do with the Lincoln Project?
	Imagine they're talking about it.
	And these Asian girls weigh in.
	So I thought it was TikTok.
	You tried to make him look bad.
	I think Tiki is a cute name for a baby or something, but Tiki Torch is scary.
	You want to hear more about Trump?
	Smash the subscribe.
	It's hot fire.
	So Stone Unturned, just to finish this from a few weeks ago or maybe last week, I couldn't remember a time where liberals get caught doing something bad and they go, yeah, I'm doing it on purpose.
	So Patriot Front, the first tweet about them appeared to be a fake bot account that was probably feds trying to make us notice Patriot Front.
	And then right after it became a Patriot Front tweet, and they said, yeah, that was us in disguise tweeting about ourselves.
	You go, no, it wasn't.
	You got caught and you changed it.
	And I was like, when else have they done that?
	And then a baby monster sent that in.
	And it was the DNC operatives, those kids all worked on DNC campaigns and they wore khakis and tiki torches to make that guy look bad.
	And it was pointed out by people involved.
	And then we go, wait a minute, that's your team.
	Why the fuck they included a black guy?
	I'll never know.
	And they go, yes, it is us.
	It's performance art.
	We were dressed like that to show that he's bad.
	Thank you, baby monster, for clearing that up.
	I could not remember the other instance of that.
	We're just sort of tidying up before we start the show.
	I also want to say that Trump's new social media is going to flop.
	I love Trump, obviously.
	I don't want him to run for president.
	He's too old.
	I want Ron DeSantis and fucking Hawaiian chick, Tulsi Gabbard.
	Or anyone.
	I don't really care who's vice president.
	They don't exist.
	Mike Pence didn't have Trump's back when push came to shove, so they're totally useless.
	But we've seen social media with Parlor.
	It went down.
	They kicked out John Matzey.
	We could never figure out what was going on.
	It seemed to be a Fed thing.
	Meh, we dumped it.
	Getter came along.
	I'm on that mostly.
	Then we hear China donated to it.
	I don't know.
	And I've only got 3,000 followers there.
	I mean, I'll keep at it, but I don't know.
	Telegram, really user-unfriendly.
	I hate it.
	Gab, Ron Coleman tried to help them fight the good fight for free speech.
	They kind of pussied out.
	So what's going to make Trump's thing different?
	And the other problem is 50% of the country hates Trump.
	So you have no liberals there to make fun of.
	Like at least on my Twitter, which I'm there secretly, I can follow all the lefties and see what they're thinking, which is always retarded, by the way.
	And I'd like to add, they're panicking.
	You look at their accounts and they're like, we've got to move or we're going to lose the Senate and the House.
	Oh, yeah, you're losing it, bitches.
	Anyway, here's Mr. Wonderful saying how great Trump's social media thing is going to be.
	You don't have to agree with the people they've been canceling.
	But they make that decision for you and you don't get to hear their voice.
	And as a result, you don't present competition as well.
	Let's include that in the notes.
	Here's a much more interesting little news piece.
	Kevin Spacey.
	I've got a great theory about this dude.
	Let's start early with the gays.
	If you're gay and you're Kevin Spacey's age, you couldn't come bouncing out of the closet the way you can now.
	So you become anyone's dog for a bone.
	And this is actually a Greg Guttfeld theory where he goes, back in the cave days, if you saw a hummel in the pack, you just hit him with a giant rock and kill him.
	I don't know.
	You're useless.
	You're not breeding.
	You're not going to help the tribe.
	You're dead.
	And so they've learned to be very like, hi, you look amazing, girl.
	Oh my God, that is so cute on you.
	And then they love what you've done to the place.
	And you're like, really?
	Who, me?
	And they go, yeah, what is this?
	Nita fashion.
	Hello.
	I need Anita.
	And you're like, oh, I look great.
	Wow.
	Like LA people are like this too.
	So they learn to adapt.
	And this isn't a genetic thing over centuries.
	It's like it happens per person.
	They go, okay, I got to fucking be likable or I'm getting a rock dropped on my head.
	So it makes them better actors in a sense, despite the like, hey, you guys, that they have to overdo.
	Although that's even acting.
	Like raging queers.
	Hey, you guys.
	Say they're stuck in a cabin for a year.
	I bet they're like, I got to get some fucking food, man.
	If I keep eating this wheatgrass, I'm going to die like that into the void, dude.
	It's giving me diarrhea.
	I need drinking water.
	That's how they talk.
	Same with Sean King.
	I want to make everyone with an affectation live in a cabin for a woods.
	Live in a cabin for a woods.
	Live in a cabin for a year and hear their b their accent break down.
	But anyway, so that was spooky.
	Computer, what sound did you just make?
	Sorry, I don't know that one.
	The FBI slept in today, I guess.
	And I think I know why.
	So I think I know why.
	What happened was he got into immersionism.
	No, sorry, not immersionism.
	I invented that word.
	That's when you're a journalist and you live with the people.
	He got into method acting, Daniel Day Lewis shit.
	And Daniel Day Lewis is a straight man, so he can be Bill the Butcher for 24 hours, and then he can stop doing that and be Daniel Day Lewis again.
	Because he has to be.
	He's got a wife and a kid and a life, and women want to suck him off.
	Gays, they got nothing going on tomorrow.
	So I think Kevin Spacey immersed himself in that house of cards character and became him.
	If you look at, we might want to jump ahead here, 15.
	Remember when there was a controversy and he had to talk to the public?
	Who was he?
	That's not Kevin Spacey.
	That's the guy.
	What's his name?
	Frank something?
	Yeah.
	Oh, sure.
	They may have tried to separate us, but what we have is too strong.
	It's too powerful.
	I mean, after all, we shared everything, you and I. I told you my deepest, darkest secrets.
	I showed you exactly what people are capable of.
	I shocked you with my honesty, but mostly I challenged you and made you think.
	And you trusted me.
	So anyway, Kevin recognizes that he's a bad person deep down.
	He plays his character.
	He starts to like it.
	It starts subsuming his personality, sort of like the character in How to Get Ahead in Advertising, where he has a tumor on his shoulder, and then the tumor goes into a face.
	And then when they go to have the tumor removed, they accidentally remove this guy, and this tumor takes over.
	The tumor took over.
	Now, add to this that Kevin Spacey was hanging around with the Clintons a lot.
	So he's hanging out with the Clintons.
	It becomes clear that Hillary has people killed.
	And he takes one of them aside, probably Hillary, and he says, I have some people that are causing me problems.
	I wish they would go away.
	And then Hillary goes, what are you talking about, Kevin?
	You got the wrong gal.
	I think I know what you're implying.
	And it means you believe the media.
	And no.
	Anyway, bye.
	I'm going to go get another drink.
	And he goes, maybe I had her all wrong.
	Then he got a call 24 hours later to the minute.
	To the minute.
	That's how they know it's about the thing.
	And they go, hi, I heard you have some issues.
	Friend of mine thought we should have a talk.
	Meet me at the Rampoli Diner, third booth from the left, tomorrow at 4 p.m., at exactly this time.
	Then he meets him, tells him, give me the name on a piece of paper, blah, blah, blah.
	That's how it's done.
	Okay?
	And then the first time it happens, he gets this exhilaration.
	He's like, I'm immensely powerful.
	And then Frank comes in and he goes, wow, you didn't think you were?
	Are you surprised with your new standing?
	Or was that always your standing?
	And Kevin's like, it was always my standing, Frank.
	I've always had that kind of power.
	So you're not scared of this new development, this new ability to solve your own problems, are you, Kevin?
	No, sir.
	No, Frank, I'm not.
	I'm proud and I won't let you down.
	Let me down?
	You fool, I'm you.
	We are as one.
	And then, he starts pegging them off.
	He starts behaving like Bill.
	He grabs asses.
	He sucks dicks.
	Not that Bill sucks dicks, but he's a gay Bill Clinton.
	And every time one of them complains, his friend from the diner makes them disappear.
	It's a shame we can't name the gay Bill Clinton.
	What?
	It's a shame we can't name the episode gay Bill Clinton.
	Why can't we?
	Okay.
	I'll put it in my notes.
	It's in the runnings.
	Sometimes something pops up and it'll subsume that.
	Kevin Spacey accuser, Linda Kulkin, dead.
	Massage therapist.
	That's not Linda Kulkin.
	That's a totally different case.
	Dead.
	Kevin Spacey won't face criminal charge.
	Dead.
	Kevin Spacey accuser dies by dead.
	Kill them with kindness.
	So that is my theory, and I'm sticking to it.
	What do you think, Ryan?
	Pretty damn good.
	Do you believe it?
	Yeah.
	I mean...
	You believe that the earth is flat, dinosaurs don't exist, and Michael Jackson never touched kids.
	So you better fucking believe this.
	It's way better than those.
	I do believe it because I feel like, like we had said before, you know, this goes back to Louis C.K., that they're empty vessels.
	And he found power through a role.
	And this was a very...
	The House of Cards was a huge show.
	Yeah, so he felt like the president.
	No one goes, ew, gross.
	Frank sucks dicks.
	People say that about all gays.
	In fact, I've told many people this.
	If you imagine yourself, sorry, if you're fucking your wife and you imagine Kevin Spacey's head floating over the bed, you will not come.
	I've told this to many men and they have come around and thanked me and said, dude, my marriage is better.
	You bought me three minutes.
	And I know you youngsters want, well, fuck 20 minutes, maybe all night.
	When you're married, three minutes is 30 years.
	I love how 20 minutes is like a big day.
	You're like, you guys will fuck maybe like 20 minutes.
	Sorry, is that...
	That's like, it's decent.
	20 minutes.
	My wife would go, what are you doing?
	Are you okay?
	Are you drunk?
	I got to get to work.
	Well, yeah.
	What are you, like an hour?
	You could push it to however long you'd like.
	No one woman wants to be fucked for an hour.
	That's UTI though.
	In the honeymoon phase.
	Maybe, like she'll want to be fucked three times in a day, but she doesn't want to be fucked, plowed for an hour.
	Trust me, I don't want to.
	Do it like this for an hour.
	You'll have a bruise.
	Yeah, no, trust me, that's not my idea of a great time.
	I've been doing it for 20 seconds.
	I'm already annoyed.
	Yeah.
	Get your cock out of my pussy.
	It gets to a point where just like, we have things to do.
	Well, that's drunk sex.
	Drunk sex, you're just like, shall we stop?
	Yeah.
	You try to point your toes and your calves hurt the next day from trying to eke out a loaderoo.
	You never do that?
	That's a good tip.
	Point your toes?
	If you want to shoot quick, you point your toes.
	It tenses up all your muscles and you can feel pretty good.
	Now I have to think of you when you do a little plie.
	And by the way, his accent, no modern-day Southerner talks this way.
	He's like doing a period piece, Lincoln-style.
	Oh, what you want?
	You want me back.
	That's like a Southerner from the Civil War.
	No modern American talks that way.
	Same with Dave Chappelle's Southern Black Voice.
	Yeah, man.
	Man, man.
	I'm from Tennessee 100 years ago.
	Same with Chris Wallace, who was scooped by CNN, because I think they're going to fire Don Lemon, by the way.
	They fired Chris Cuomo.
	Don Lemon's next.
	There's a void there.
	They got some money.
	Chris Wallace performed very well for the left when he fried Trump with the Proud Boys shit.
	Twice he brought that up because he saw it hurt Trump.
	So he's clearly a lib.
	And so he's going over to CNN for fucking infinite money to do their streaming.
	No one watches CNN.
	You probably get 7% of your viewers on streaming services.
	Like Fox Nation probably gets 7% of its TV viewers.
	7% of nothing is nothing.
	Nobody.
	Nobody is watching CNN's streaming service.
	Remember Anderson Cooper streamed a show and it had 300 viewers?
	It's going to be a shit show, but Chris Wallace is getting paid.
	And I hate that everyone's talking about it.
	Chris Wallace.
	He's a newsreader.
	But you think he changed his voice over the years?
	I'm Chris Wallace.
	No, what Chris Wallace does is he talks like Walter Cronkite.
	Oh, right, right.
	Or he's stuck in the transatlantic way of talking.
	He sounds fucking ridiculous.
	It's like a radio DJ today talking like those 80s coming at you on WNTFM.
	We got a blast for the pass here.
	Def Leppard's going to be rocking your socks off with a fiery new jam called Pyro Media.
	Yeah.
	That's how Chris Wallace talks.
	I'm Chris Wallace.
	We're going to be talking about all kinds of stuff here in my fake old-timey news voice from the 1950s.
	Yeah, you can't picture him like on a road trip talking about...
	What's your favorite band, Chris?
	Pink Floor, The Wall, when that came out, that was pretty good.
	No wonder I'm so sick of fucking fake accents.
	Like that hot chick on Fox, who's from the Midwest.
	Yeah, yeah, she has a Connecticut kind of an affectation.
	Yeah.
	Anthony Coome has got a good broadcaster voice, but it's not a radio voice.
	But it evolved over the years.
	So what he does is he enunciates very well, but it's not a radio voice.
	It's like somewhere in the middle.
	It harkens back to like radio guys, but it's like a normal dude.
	But when he first got on radio, he was just like, yeah, well, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	And then he got more succinct and very like...
	Maybe it's wearing headphones to hear your voice in your own ears.
	Or like whatever happened to Pacino with his voice.
	I want a voice.
	My voice needs to get sultry.
	First he was this.
	And as his career got better and better, he wanted to get out of it.
	Yeah, I guess short guys have shorter larynxes.
	Oh, maybe.
	You're more likely to have a high voice.
	How did that come from?
	Yeah, we have to...
	Hot boys, I'm all hot, sir.
	But just get started.
	You are in trouble.
	I don't care if I'm in trouble.
	When Johnny was first starting out, he's a fag.
	And now Johnny's starting out.
	I said that to Ben Shapiro once.
	I said, drink a glass of whiskey, not big, like this, and then smoke a cigar and then scream into a pillow for an hour before you do a show.
	He's like, no, thank you.
	You have the worst voice in the world.
	That would be awesome to hear a fucking masculine ass voice coming from him with his info and his facts.
	It's just got to go, man.
	Fact story.
	Especially when you have a little boy face.
	Like, you've got to counter it with a neck tattoo or something.
	Pretty much, folks.
	He should get a facial tattoo.
	That'd be badass.
	Or you know who else is really bad?
	Let me hear him.
	10 insults, and he just keeps going around and around.
	He's the editor of the family.
	Is that a person talking or a nostril?
	Listen to conservative podcast in the country.
	And there's Chris Wallace.
	I'm just getting in there.
	It's two annoying voices.
	At least Ben Shapiro is doing his own voice.
	He's one of the few people who shouldn't do his own voice, but the rest of them are affecting some kind of a guy.
	Yeah, Ben sounds like a nose.
	He sounds like Jowells.
	Chris Wallace.
	Yeah, I'm Chris Wallace.
	10 insults, and he just keeps going around in a round.
	But yeah, it keeps going around.
	Who's that NPR guy?
	I met him once.
	I gave him my book.
	Moe's...
	No.
	NPR.
	He's like the most popular guy.
	Big Jew, of course.
	No, no.
	Big glasses.
	He's got Buddy Holly glasses.
	He's like the hipster.
	NPR guy.
	Really Jewy name.
	Mo.
	Mo Shi Moon.
	NPR host.
	Hear how it happened or something.
	I'll see if I can find it.
	But his voice is like, what made you think that radio would be good for you?
	NPR is charity, so of course they'll take in anyone, but fucking Jesus.
	What's his name?
	He's still on here, right?
	So podcasts and shows, morning edition.
	All things considered, maybe?
	Who's the host?
	Like farmer?
	No, no, no, no.
	Those are articles.
	That's tough.
	It's going to bug us.
	NPR.
	NPR host.
	Glasses.
	Whose wedding did I meet him at?
	Oh, yeah.
	What's her name?
	Male.
	Jew.
	I don't know if it'll search Jews.
	All right.
	Speaking of Jews.
	Wait.
	There he is.
	Mo Raka?
	No.
	It is Mo Rocka.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh.
	What do you mean, oh?
	Because he was on the daily show.
	I remember.
	I thought he just disappeared, but this is his new gig, I guess.
	Now, look at, just let's hear his voice.
	Mo Raka.
	And imagine you're the dad, you're Herschel Raca, and your son Mo goes, Get, I want to get into broadcasting.
	You go, why not write an article?
	It's the same thing.
	But people don't have to hear the fucking voice.
	One of the first pieces you did was like First Lady's Birthplacers or something like that that nobody ever cares about?
	Well, it was a guy who impersonated First Lady Florence Harding, Warren Harding's wife.
	Now I'm thinking that's not a fan.
	Anyway, sorry to waste your time, everyone.
	We'll figure it out later.
	Just like that caught cheating deal.
	I've been meaning to get to this for a while.
	Carly Borisenko is Borisycho.
	So it all started when they were talking about abortion and how it's murder.
	You're murdering babies.
	And she says, well, these babies chose to die.
	Because when you're a sperm, you choose whether you want to be a human or not.
	I did not know that.
	Wouldn't everyone want to be a human as a sperm?
	You're about to just be a load on the floor.
	I'll take human being over literally garbage.
	This is 1-8, but she goes...
	So go down here.
	It gets crazier.
	While answering a number of assumptions that she said, she said this includes children who choose to be aborted as they chose to be born into human form.
	So hold on.
	The Holocaust thing is second, and it, of course, swallows up all the attention.
	I find the first one more interesting.
	So she goes, there is a weird, crazy argument for sperm choose to be human.
	I don't really get it, but it's like they're all swimming, and then one of them goes, I want to be a human.
	So it meets with the egg, and then they make a person, right?
	Okay, sort of.
	Wait, what's with all these conservatives?
	Ben Weingarten, he's like an encounter books dude.
	Charlie Kirk obviously is Prague are you.
	Is Newsweek going right?
	Newsweek is going right.
	Huh.
	Because we had that Andy No article about Antifa last week, and then there was the totally fair article about Proud Boys.
	Hmm.
	Get woke, go broke, go right.
	Everything's totally right.
	Totally cool.
	So yeah.
	But then she extrapolates that and says, when the baby's in the womb, it chooses to die by telling the mom, I guess, abort me, abort me.
	What?
	I don't get that.
	And then, so someone makes fun of her and they go, oh, okay, so if you did, everyone in the Holocaust deserved, they wanted to die, which of course you say, no.
	But she goes, yes.
	It was their choice.
	Yes, that's true.
	What does this say?
	Everyone who died in the Holocaust chose?
	First of all, she spells it wrong.
	Choose to die in the Holocaust before they were ever born because they collectively wanted to understand the experience of ultimate oppression.
	That's why Hitler went to heaven.
	Now you're like, what's a joke here and what's serious?
	I'm not even following her.
	So then she gets interviewed a bunch.
	She goes, no, no, no.
	I was just trying to piss off Christians.
	You mean Jews?
	If you want to make Christians mad, talk about the Holocaust.
	Oh, yeah, here's the.
	And I am happy to answer any questions about the tweets that people find.
	Oh, so offensive.
	Of course, they were meant to be offensive.
	I was trying to piss off Christians.
	And to frankly sugarcoat it and not apologize for it.
	I'm not a Christian.
	I do not see the world the way you see it.
	What's behind her there?
	Her scarves collection?
	I'm not going to be honest.
	I was being a little antagonistic.
	I was a little antagonistic.
	Ooh, you mischievous little girl.
	A little antonistic.
	Not in any way.
	Well, I was going to show you.
	If we're being honest about it, I knew it was not a good enough.
	We have to start off with an acknowledgement that this tweet was pulled out of context of a larger discussion that I was having.
	Okay, it wasn't a discussion.
	I was trolling Christian conservatives.
	That's what happened.
	I was trolling Christian conservatives.
	So now I was trolling Christian conservatives for a good day and a half over the abortion argument because I think they're being idiots.
	And I was just trying to piss them off.
	And so at some point it changed into a spiritual discussion about, you know, looking at like my belief system versus theirs.
	I'm not a Christian.
	I've never been a Christian.
	I have a completely different worldview than most Christians.
	Yes, that's clear.
	So then it gets even crazier.
	They start talking about Hitler and what he believes today.
	Go to 2-0.
	What?
	Wait, that was 2-0.
	That was 2-0?
	Okay, go to 1-9 then.
	She talks about a discussion with Hitler.
	Was that 1-9?
	Yeah, it should be in here somewhere.
	So maybe it's in 2-0.
	Come on, it's got to be there.
	It's the tweet where she says the Hitler tweet.
	I think that's in the article.
	Okay.
	Where she goes, look, this is what he's saying now in a post-death interview.
	And she includes the link, and she goes, if you believe in that kind of stuff, I don't even really.
	She makes it seem like if it's your cup of tea to believe that Hitler is still doing interviews.
	No, that's not my cup of tea.
	It's false.
	He's dead.
	You got to find it, dude.
	We had it when we first recorded this entire fucking show.
	There's 2-0 following down here.
	Yeah.
	Come on, Ryan.
	You pulled it up last time.
	And that page doesn't look like it's loading.
	Those weird white spots.
	Are you in Brave?
	I don't think you should do Brave for things like this.
	It's good for not tracking you and not selling your information, but it's not great for making sure everything loads and all the flash players work and all that stuff.
	I'm going to open up a new chrome.
	But yeah, we got to see this.
	Then she links an interview with Adolf Hitler.
	Basically, like, I'm not his publicist, ask him.
	I don't know if he's doing interviews right now.
	This is on Chrome.
	Now, this shit ain't loading.
	Keep going down.
	Oh, well.
	You just have to believe me that she included an interview with Hitler.
	Who are the serfs?
	Even call out real anti-Semitism.
	Wait, it might be at the end of that.
	Did we show that entire thing?
	No.
	Everyone can be wrong.
	We're fucking human.
	I'm wrong all the time.
	Why does everyone have to fucking quadruple down?
	But hey, hey, I'm not an anti-Semite.
	I launched the anti-Semite challenge and I challenge you, sir.
	Can you do it with your Jewish wife?
	I didn't get that.
	Here's a story that I'll just throw it in, but I don't really care.
	O'Keefe caught this rep, this black dude, who doesn't seem to like conservatives, and he's running as a Republican, and then he got caught.
	It's kind of fun to see people get caught and be awkward, but I don't know.
	Even what he got caught doing didn't seem so big of a deal.
	James Lolino, Project Veritas Action.
	I need to show you a video.
	I have James O'Keefe on the line.
	Let me sort of stop for a second.
	How arrogant do you have to be to think that you're not constantly being recorded or these words could be used against you?
	Like you're a Republican candidate.
	You're with your volunteers.
	Why are you talking like they're not going to fuck you over?
	Or this isn't going to be taken out of context?
	Directly?
	Alex, James O'Keeffe here.
	Alex?
	We'll talk later, James.
	Alex?
	Alex, would you like to have your comment to James O'Keefe about the undercover footage in your campaign?
	Oh, yeah, you're getting a real new splash about how politics work.
	So then he gives his statement, and it's so bad.
	This guy, you know what?
	This is again, I know why I included this, the bigotry of low expectations theme.
	This guy's not qualified.
	He's not savvy.
	He doesn't deserve this position.
	If you don't understand that you could have enemies lurking, everyone I talk to, outside of maybe Maddie Odell and Ryan, I'm aware could be a Fed.
	And I speak accordingly.
	That's why we have this fucking Alexa next to me.
	Because everything I say, I'm totally prepared.
	Even when I'm texting, if someone says something remotely dangerous, I go, for the record, the FBI reads my texts.
	MYPD has access to my phone.
	So don't confess anything to me.
	He's a spoiled person.
	Good evening.
	My name is Alex Dovall and I'm a congressional candidate in Arizona's 9th District.
	I would like to start by making it clear who I am.
	I am a conservative, and I am a soldier who loves his country and wants to protect our God-given freedoms.
	In the recently released videos of me, I was visiting.
	You're paying all these people to tell you what to do.
	You know why Trump won?
	Because he didn't have political advisors.
	He just winged it.
	You know why Dave Portnoy got away from that whole Me Too thing that the Atlantic spent or Vanity Fair, whoever spent months trying to get on him?
	Because he just spoke to the camera and explained himself.
	This guy is reading a script and it comes across as insincere.
	You look like another SNL sketch.
	I can see the guest reading the cue cards.
	Regarding the vote audit, I mentioned that I believed, like President Trump, that there was fraud in our election.
	My frustrations stem from the fact that the establishment was more focused on the theater of audits rather than policies to secure our election.
	Oh, that took a long time.
	So he wandered his eyes off mid-sentence instead of remembering the end of the sentence and looking at the camera, and then he had to find exactly where he was.
	Still using.
	I bet his fingers just like on the screen, like, that's why.
	Just memorize the vibes and say it.
	Yeah, the bullet points, sir.
	I feel that establishment leaders used and are still using the audits to raise money from Americans.
	That is a pause.
	That's the Biden thing.
	With the teleprompter goes off.
	Did you see he read end of message?
	That's correct.
	During, what is it, Bob Dole?
	Pull that up.
	Teleprompters don't just say end of message.
	They don't stick it in a sentence, and you just have to be smart enough to see that it's coming, which would be fine, by the way.
	I could handle that.
	It's like return, return, long space, asterisk, asterisk, all caps, end of message, asterisk, asterisk.
	Like, there can be no mistaking that you're not supposed To read this.
	I'm proud he didn't say asterisk.
	Asterisk end of message asterisk.
	You can't say it.
	Say it?
	Asterisk.
	Say it.
	Seriously.
	Asterisk.
	Asterisk?
	Yeah.
	Isn't it asterisks?
	I thought it ended with ks.
	This is the kind of thing I'm often wrong about.
	Asterisk.
	See?
	But it's probably pronounced asterisk.
	Well, let's hear.
	No, it wouldn't be.
	What is it?
	Like, I'm going to ask you a question?
	Like, computer.
	By the way, this does not count as Ryan being right because I slowly tread into this water and reluctantly.
	Or it's like comp troller.
	Asterisk.
	Yeah.
	Your boy.
	I never...
	I said, isn't it?
	And I was wrong.
	Yeah, there was no bets made.
	10.
	This was a fair and square.
	Maybe show the clip web page video.
	You couldn't have chosen a worst example of this.
	But why would there be a video like that?
	But don't ever click on the...
	Robots make those.
	You just clicked on robot news.
	Is that what it's called?
	Yeah.
	Welcome to the Robot Fucking News.
	That was terrible.
	Last item before we start the show is the dude who does Barsteel Sports Hot Minute, his Hot Takes, which Ryan yelled once, those are cold takes,
	on the street when he saw him.
	He fucking cheated on his wife when she was pregnant, newlywed, fucked his intern, ruined his life, said as much.
	And now he's running around talking about Kyle Rittenhouse saying, well, first saying it's cool that he fucks a lot of pussy.
	Yeah, man.
	And now he's saying, anyone who saw that interview, I don't care what your politics are, what your gun stance is, what happened in Kenosha at the trial.
	If you see those clips of Rittenhouse saying he likes butts and boobs and your reaction isn't, well, that was weird and uncomfortable.
	You're a weirdo.
	But then click on the pics below.
	His first take was, got Rittenhouse out here, fucking yeah.
	And then later, oh, find a bigger loser than this kid.
	It's impossible.
	I hate left-wing men who are in sports arenas.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	It's so gross.
	It's like when white women convert to Islam.
	You're just like, yucky.
	Always found ways to come together.
	To come together.
	He sounds like a robot running out of boundaries.
	Go back.
	I ruined it.
	What in the name?
	We've always found ways to come together.
	We can find that unity again.
	And the message said, end of message.
	He thought those were quotes.
	He thought those were quotes.
	So he said, and the message that he was going to say was, asterisk quote, end of message, asterisk quote.
	Oh, he's winging it.
	He thought it was a quote, I think.
	But go back.
	They don't look like quotes, do they?
	I know.
	But if you're old.
	We've always found ways.
	Like squint, it looks like quotes.
	You know, women can make babies.
	Yeah.
	It's when they want to be pregnant so bad, they get what's called, I think, a psychosomatic pregnancy.
	And they make a baby.
	But it's only, you need a man and a woman to make a baby.
	But women make things like teeth and hair and nails.
	And then we make like brains and bones or all the good stuff.
	So they'll give birth to this lump.
	And it's just like an eye, four hairs, a tooth, and looks like a placenta.
	And I would imagine if you could train one of those to speak, it would sound like Joe Biden.
	We can come together and we can have unity.
	Go back to him now.
	What in the name?
	No!
	We've always found ways to come together.
	We can find that.
	He's a talking lump.
	And the message said, end of message.
	Yeah, that's what it is.
	And the message said.
	No, it didn't.
	And the message said, hey, Mama Suta.
	All right, I think we're ready to start the show now.
	Finally.
	Together we can and we will.
	Personally.
	So it's coming from here, and it's going this way.
	That's right.
	So I'm like.
	Oh, it's gone.
	If this doesn't record today, you're doing all the simultaneous streaming and everything too, right?
	Yeah.
	No, if that didn't happen, I'd commit S. We have triple backups.
	Yes.
	We have triple bypass surgery.
	Okay, monster truck.
	I'm waiting.
	I think we found the groove there.
	Because during the explosion, you could first, you're doing something, and then after the explosion, you could be doing completely a different thing.
	That's fun.
	These are my old shirts, by the way.
	I can't wear a tie with them.
	Oh, no.
	I found a thumbnail for the show.
	That's good news.
	Okay, so I want to talk about the culture wars.
	And as we said last week on Anthony's show, commercials are the front lines in the culture wars.
	They are the head of the pack.
	They recognize that women do most of the buying, the woman of the house, the mommy, whether she's working or not.
	So they want to appease her.
	And she is agreeable, like all women.
	So They have this pie-in-the-sky multicultural world where white guys are married to black women.
	They have ethnically ambiguous kids.
	There are no straight couples in a white woman's mind.
	When you see a commercial, you're seeing a white woman's mind.
	You're seeing her desires.
	And she desires white men to marry black women.
	Probably because she feels bad for them, because they tend not to do so great generally.
	There was a Japanese scientist who researched millions and millions of people's views of beauty, and black women came up last.
	So that makes, I don't care, and nor did he.
	He had autism.
	He was just doing studies.
	But white women and women in general feel bad about that, but especially white women.
	So they want to put black women on a pedestal, which they do with Leslie Jones.
	And they talk about how beautiful she is.
	And if you watch the Miss Universe pageant, they're basically all black women.
	Fucking Scandinavia, Uzbekistan, Norway, Finland.
	They're always black women.
	Anyway.
	This has now got to the point where they hate white men.
	And just as the DNC and the pro-choicers have decided to target adoption, the new liberal brain appeasing women, appusing the shit chests, seems to be focused on attacking Santa.
	He represents white men to a lot of people.
	So let's make him suck.
	So I've noticed this slew of commercials, like this commercial, which, again, is a white woman's fantasy.
	She fantasizes where black men stick with their families, and not only are they around their sons at all times, more than the mom, actually, but the granddads are there too.
	Stop.
	What's his problem?
	He's got an Americanized son and a grandson, so he's clearly been in America for a long time.
	You don't like Santa, that he's white?
	I mean, you live in a white country.
	I'm sorry.
	America, when you lump in Hispanics who are white, the demographics say 70% white.
	60 to 70.
	So, like, I don't understand.
	Stand.
	You represent, black males represent 7% of the population.
	Why are you, you're mad that you're not everywhere?
	Superman's white.
	Is that acceptable to you?
	Does Superman bother you?
	Like, why would this bother him?
	Maybe if he just moved here from the Congo an hour ago, but if you're bothered by Santa, you must be bothered by everyone in the mall, too.
	The fuck's, like, I don't even get the premise.
	Are they budding?
	Or they're next?
	So he doesn't like it.
	Look.
	Oh, great.
	It's fucking Christmas.
	I got to wait an entire year to use this.
	Give more than a gift.
	You couldn't have had worse timing, kid.
	This is for next Christmas, Dad.
	Now you have to find a place to store it.
	Make sure you don't forget it.
	No, that's not the gift.
	Look in the socking.
	Oh, it's Tickets Back to Africa.
	Interesting.
	Where all the censors are black.
	Goodbye.
	I wish you have a good Christmas.
	Sorry, the only cheap flights were today.
	You have actually an hour to get to.
	I didn't know what you were going to take so long.
	Open that present.
	You might miss your flight.
	That must be a flight, huh?
	Imagine flying to Africa.
	So there's that one.
	And then this one, this is more clearly a woman's fantasy.
	Santa Claus is an inept boob.
	He's trying to get a present for, what's a white woman's favorite victim?
	A black woman.
	He's trying to get a present for her, which is a wiener dog, because we know how black women love wiener dogs.
	Or no, not a wiener dog, but those Queen Elizabeth dogs, whatever those are called.
	He was supposed to get her one of those.
	You forgot.
	He forgot to pack it because he's an idiot.
	He's not a magical Norse god.
	He's a moron who has a whole convoy in front of him.
	And guess who has to handle everything?
	No, I can't.
	Look.
	You see that?
	She looks like Bjork.
	She's pretty hot, actually, Mrs. Claus.
	She sees the dog and she's like, oh, for fuck's sakes, you idiot Santa Claus.
	You loser.
	She's got to get in her Mercedes G-Wagon.
	What are those, 200 grand?
	This was procured by Santa.
	And she's driving it around to show what an idiot he is.
	There's the dog shit for brains.
	There you go, black girl.
	We love you.
	Now, I'm not trying to say anything about this, but I think the guy that casted to be Santa is Jewish.
	Not that that matters, but I think, you know, usually a lot of actors.
	And the stretch, Ryan.
	That's a Jewish guy.
	That is a Jewish man, yes.
	So it's just weird.
	Because something about him didn't feel Santa-y.
	And then you just like...
	His nose has to be round.
	Right, right.
	He's got a button nose.
	Yes.
	And this guy's got it kind of square.
	By the way, if they wanted the Black Santa thing to really take off, they would have given him his present on January 3rd.
	Black Santa's a little late.
	Sorry, it goes with the territory.
	You know why Jews have big noses, huh?
	No.
	Air is free.
	That's an offensive joke I heard recently.
	And when the person said it to me, I said, get out of my car.
	We were going at 80 miles an hour.
	He's dead now.
	That's what you have to do to wipe out anti-Semitism.
	Kill people who make anti-Semitic jokes.
	And then we're not going to talk about this because we already covered it, but let's just put it on file.
	Gay Santa from Finland.
	We're not going to spend any time on it, but it has to be here.
	Show it.
	Let it be.
	Let it be.
	Man, easy on the lips, sir.
	They kiss, they fuck, it takes them years to consummate.
	And this is disturbing because it's Finland.
	So women hate us and everything we represent around the entire world.
	You know what it might be?
	God doesn't want people my age breeding.
	We're not going to be around for the kids.
	So he makes the kids shittier quality when a woman has them at like 50.
	So he doesn't want men and women having sex at 50.
	That's why when you're 14, you can't stop thinking about pussy.
	And when you're 51, it doesn't go down that much, believe me.
	I think about lingerie all night.
	The different outfits I can put on.
	No, but seriously, if I'm having trouble sleeping, I just think of like fucks I could have had that I didn't.
	And I play them out, how they could have gone in my head.
	And I dress her up in a saucy outfit with high heels and short socks.
	That'll buy me like an hour.
	But anyway, yeah, God doesn't want us doing that.
	So I think there's this evolutionary trait where women disdain men.
	Like they're gross.
	Yucky.
	That's my theory.
	There's a self-hatred aspect.
	Like this is a super white country, Switzerland.
	That's a different subject.
	Whites are ethnomasochists.
	They hate themselves when they reach a certain level of affluence.
	And that's true from 15-year-olds to 90-year-olds.
	I'm talking about women going, women, middle-aged women hate men.
	They find us repulsive, and they want to hurt us, which is why every commercial is a commercial.
	And we're falling and getting lost and being baboons who won't let go of the salt.
	Okay.
	I think we should hit the mailbag.
	All right.
	Uh-oh, I forgot my computer.
	Oh, no.
	So we're going to erase the theme.
	No, no.
	We're just going to have to have you go through this.
	Okay.
	Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes together.
	Guys, I screwed up.
	I brought my fancy computer home, which I shouldn't do.
	I got a lot of work done, though.
	I finished my Christmas cards.
	So I'm happy about that.
	But we're in a strange sort of zone here floating around where I don't know what the letters are.
	So Ryan will be reading, supplying the graphics.
	He can't read, and he's terrible at, he has terrible judgments.
	So this might be the worst mailbag ever.
	This is true.
	We should start thinking of stuff we can do for the marathon when, oh, I'm going to run out of voice.
	That might happen.
	You might have an Al Pacino Dave Chappelle thing going on.
	No, like this has been less than, this has been like almost an hour and a half, and you can hear that it's going.
	You're in like need of loss in territory.
	I like this sound, though.
	It sounds cool.
	Yeah.
	It definitely sounds like...
	I want that.
	Should probably do my outgoing message right now.
	I sound like Will Arnett.
	Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Hey, I'm not here right now.
	How do we get that voice?
	I'm not really a big text guy.
	I mean, I'm not a phone guy as far as like voicemail and calling.
	Just start calling people.
	Just text.
	And by the way, if you are going to text, don't put the dollar sign after a number because you're going to ruin my day.
	And I'll respect you a lot less, probably zero.
	I like how your voice makes you like just over everything where you're like, yeah.
	Well, that's my hot guy.
	Like whenever I'm trying to be sexy, like if I'm wearing just like a cardigan with no pants, I'll just like come outside when you're having a coffee, you with a lady, and I'll just be like, oh, man, what time is it?
	Yeah.
	Sort of like taking this with the.
	Being cool is always being in a state of recovery.
	Yeah, and it's sort of like disheveled.
	Your hair is askew.
	Just being cool somewhere.
	Oh, man, what time is it?
	I'm sorry I'm late.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well.
	Okay, so let's hear the first letter, Ryan.
	Okay, this is a possible video drop from Juicy Smalley.
	Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.
	I was talking about this on Getter.
	What is Juicy Smalley's story?
	Like, I support him.
	I'm in BLM.
	Okay?
	No one can answer this question for me.
	What happened?
	As of whatever we are now, December 9th, Monday, 2021, what is he saying happened?
	Because he's sticking to his guns.
	So is it, I was attacked by MAGA dudes.
	They said, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Okay, we have the Nigerians here.
	Oh, I know those guys.
	I used to jerk off with them and do drugs.
	Well, they beat you up, Jussie.
	What?
	So is his new angle, I thought it was MAGA dudes, but apparently it's these guys I know.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's a good point.
	Okay, if that's your pitch, Jussie, then you're a victim of black-on-black crime, and it's got nothing to do with BLM or racism.
	Like, you gotta, you can't accept that you were beaten up by Africans and now still push the racism thing.
	We all.
	Right?
	So if you're on Jussie's side and these people fucking exist, believe it or not, don't you have to abandon all talks of racism and just say he was beat up by asshole Africans that were trying to look racist?
	Is he saying that the letter was still sent by different racists?
	Like, I want to know.
	I don't get the other side's arguments anymore.
	Like with the COVID thing.
	If you're not vaccinated, you're putting other people in danger.
	But you can still transmit the disease when you're vaccinated.
	That's the end of that argument.
	But you still hear Stern every day talking about how selfish people are.
	The only person you're hurting by not getting the vaccine, going by their logic, is yourself.
	How is it selfish to put yourself in jeopardy?
	We're in a logic drought.
	So this one is, it's supposed to be him saying, I'm a gay Tupac.
	I'm the gay Supac.
	Yeah, so normally we wouldn't read that letter that's stupid and a waste of time Cassandra Fairbanks had her wedding and this is from Citizen Dildo sorry for doxing you and her marriage included guesses Jack Pesobic,
	Eliza Blue, and Tim Poole who wore his mother effing beanie, says the guy.
	He says the picture on her Twitter.
	Oh, she changed her name.
	Yep.
	She married a Scott.
	Scott.
	Well, we don't know his first name.
	Michael Graves played our own Michael Graves.
	Oh, yeah.
	I knew that guy looked familiar.
	And yeah, Tim Pool wore his beanie.
	See, let me explain Tim Pool's predicament.
	He has convinced the world that he's not hiding his baldness.
	He just likes to wear a beanie at all times, even in the summer when it's 100 degrees, which is going to be great now that he lives in Texas.
	Oh, no, he's in West Virginia, sorry.
	The problem with the beanie is you can't wear it with a tux.
	So what do you do?
	You take off the beanie and you wear the tux and everyone goes, oh my God, you're horseshoe bald.
	That's a bad look.
	Do you wear a little fedora or like a little hat?
	What he did was.
	So you have to just say, I have to stick to my whole costume.
	Yeah.
	Sad.
	I don't dress up.
	It's the curse.
	And this is what I keep screaming about the bald community.
	You didn't fuck a kid, guys.
	Relax.
	Like the way they live in shame.
	The way the Edge always has his hat on.
	And all these other guys will always have like a little pork pie hat or something.
	It's okay to be bald.
	When I was a kid in the 70s, bald was like you'd have a movie star and you'd have big, his hair would be this long on the sides and bald on top.
	Gavin McLeod.
	There was another guy on Mary Tyler Moore who was horseshoe bald and people were just like, that's a bald guy.
	I'm not bald, dude.
	Okay.
	Well, what's under your hat?
	It's none of your business, man.
	First Amendment, what happens under my hat stays under my hat.
	It's private business.
	Number two, I don't have a tuxedo.
	And actually, I was trying to go get one, right?
	But we just recovered from COVID.
	So like everybody had COVID.
	And so that was the time where you get the fitting done.
	You can't just walk into a shop a week before a wedding and get a tux made.
	I'm sure you know about that.
	You're Mr. Suits.
	I didn't see a lot of people with in tuxes, actually.
	Yeah, you're Mr. Suits.
	So maybe you'd know that.
	Yeah, most people at the wedding had a suit on.
	You don't own one suit?
	No, I don't, ma'am.
	I don't own a blazer.
	No, and it's my second amendment right.
	You're a dress shirt and a blazer?
	It's my second amendment right to not wear a suit if I don't want to.
	Yeah, no one was saying you may not.
	In fact, you were welcome at the wedding and no one said a word.
	Just a couple of people did say things to me.
	It's a little disrespectful to the bride.
	Jack Pesobic made a joke.
	I didn't like it.
	It's fine.
	Water to the bridge.
	He's a great guest.
	Your insecurity about your baldness has disrespected Cassandra.
	And I think the groom said something too.
	He was like, you made a joke.
	And I didn't find it very funny.
	So I laughed.
	You don't find anything funny.
	You're an autistic Korean.
	No, I find plenty of things funny, man.
	Uh-huh.
	No.
	No, you're not like that.
	For instance, somebody does a kickflip and the skateboard goes into their Gooch and they're like, oh, dude, my balls, dude.
	Like, it's like Steve-O stuff.
	I'm laughing.
	You sounded like Steve-O when you said my balls.
	Yeah, it's an impression I do.
	I do tons of impressions.
	Really?
	I never saw you as well.
	You ask me to do any impression.
	I do all of them.
	Okay.
	Do Matthew McConaughey.
	Okay.
	Let's check this out.
	All right.
	Sorry.
	Let me do the driving one.
	Lincoln commercial?
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Oh, hey, man.
	It's the why of things, man.
	That sounded like Hank Hill.
	Okay, next one.
	I don't know who that is.
	All right.
	This is you in the future.
	I like that these are all visual.
	Oh, that's very flattering.
	I was going to say, let me predict this is going to hurt.
	Well, it hurts because that's not ever going to happen.
	You know, I could start taking testosterone, I'll have you know.
	Okay.
	But testosterone, okay.
	And that doesn't help you just instantly build muscle sitting down.
	You have to work out, though.
	I work out every day.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean, yeah?
	But not for hypertrophy.
	You know what you should do?
	You should come to my gym tomorrow morning.
	I'm going to do a workout, and you should film it.
	Okay.
	So don't forget.
	What time, though, man?
	9.30, man.
	Okay.
	I'll be there.
	Be in E and everything.
	All right.
	We've got to record a lot of shit for this marathon, so we're ready.
	Another thing we should do is we're going to have that tattooist chick here doing tats.
	Oh, yeah.
	Which is weird because we're broadcasting a show, and if there's one thing that's fucking loud and annoying to hear, it's a tattoo machine.
	I guess she could be in my office.
	Yeah.
	We'll set up in my office.
	All right, next letter.
	Okay.
	Let's see here.
	Senses the sprinkle.
	Reckon I'll take that apple bacon wrapped pork chop again.
	We no longer have that dish.
	It was on the fall.
	I've seen that.
	Yeah, it's not funny.
	He's rednecks and service industry, boring.
	It's like C plus, B minus comedy.
	Next.
	Blatantly racist encounter.
	Sprinkles question mark.
	You live here?
	Why?
	Because I'm black?
	Yes, that is the reason.
	Okay.
	You just look kind of suspicious with that hoodie on.
	Well, you look ugly and you're white.
	Why are you people always so angry?
	Why do you people always smell like wet coins?
	You're saying you can smell me from all the way over there right now?
	Yes, the odor is very...
	At least I season my food.
	You guys have been saying that for years.
	Like, we get it.
	At least I can sit inside Andy Starbucks.
	How does it feel that you always look 30 years older than you actually are?
	What does it feel to be born with a negative credit score?
	Didn't you cry when Trump left office?
	I didn't vote for Trump.
	Oh, not that kind of racist.
	I have morals.
	You're kind of funny.
	You're funny too, Tyrone.
	F you.
	Should we get a beat?
	No sprinkles there, folks.
	Mediocre shit.
	I like it.
	And it was a normal argument.
	Is that comedy?
	I was watching it going, touche, Touche.
	Touche.
	Touche.
	The funny part is that.
	Good discussion, gentlemen.
	Imagine a world where that could happen and it wouldn't be filmed and crying racist.
	Spooky UN.
	That's how I talk to everyone at the gym.
	That's like normal banter.
	Apparently, there's a new spooky UN statue.
	Whoa.
	A Guardian for International Peace and Security sits on the visitor's plaza outside UN headquarters.
	The Guardian is a fusion of Jaguar.
	Was this made by stepbrothers?
	Did the UN and I just become best friends?
	And donated by the government of Oaxaca, Mexico.
	It is created by artists Jacobo and Maria Angelez.
	That's embarrassing.
	That is embarrassing.
	But the good news is Antifa will not topple it because it's diverse.
	And as we've learned from the radical left over the past few years, adversity is our strength.
	Agreed.
	Next one is a possible new drop, they say.
	Carrie, are you gay?
	I am indeed.
	Yes, sir.
	Carrie, you're fired.
	Okay.
	I don't know if that was trick edited.
	Absolutely was.
	But it's good.
	I'll leave that up to Ryan.
	He's the drops nigga.
	I am the drops nigga.
	Let's do a couple more.
	I kind of like this.
	It's very easy.
	Right, right.
	Hey, Gavin, Ryan, or tech guy, which is me.
	Maybe in the future, I'll just red flag them.
	And then I read.
	Now, none of these have been readers.
	So let's see if I do good here.
	There's some words.
	Hey, Gavin, Ryan, or tech guy.
	I was looking up hardballs with Jim Goad on Google.
	Out of curiosity, I found this website of almost all sensor TV's content uploaded in its entirety.
	Okay, well, let's click on that and see the views.
	If there's hundreds of thousands of people, Internet Archive.
	Can you see how many times it's been viewed?
	53.
	Oh, no. 53 people got our show for free.
	Wait, let's see.
	If they have all of our content, this might be a problem I wrote.
	Removed, censored, redacted.
	This doesn't look too problematic.
	Movies?
	So yeah, we'll get on that.
	Thanks for your sleuthing there, Mr. 53 Views.
	Thank you, sleuth.
	I'm being sarcastic, Ryan.
	No, thank you, sleuth.
	You suck.
	And fuck you.
	Nope.
	Too much.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	You did okay.
	I think it would be funny if you spoofed this intro.
	Start anywhere in the middle?
	We're not looking for tips.
	We don't need a writing staff, especially not you.
	Oh, what?
	We like that guy, don't we?
	Or is that him?
	And you guys have been exchanging gifts with your sisters and your cousins for so long, and you've been so comfortable being single for so long that you don't even know how broken you were until this year.
	If you've been single over 18 months as a woman, it is your fault.
	It's on you.
	Especially if you are six or better.
	I mean, hell, even if you're five or better, you have had plenty of suitable men approach you.
	Whether you recognize it or not.
	I've seen him before.
	And he's right.
	You know, ladies, by the way, brutal lighting.
	You're already a dark human being, so you got to fucking ramp that up, dude.
	I say to women that are having trouble, and they're often hot, by the way.
	You got to wear heels three times a week.
	And they go, no, I'm not looking for more men to hit on me.
	That happens all the time.
	I go, yes, you are.
	It's quantity.
	You need the quantity first.
	And you're like, no, thanks, no, thanks, no, thanks.
	Yes.
	You have to, I mean, you got to go to the buffet if you want to eat.
	You can't be like, I know, it's not the food.
	I want good food.
	Yeah, you got to try different foods, though.
	And I'm not saying fuck them, but talk to them, have an interaction.
	That's why I always say to ladies, barmaid, waitress are the best jobs for a woman.
	Because the best job for a woman is no job.
	And the best way to get no job is to get married.
	And the best way to get married is to have a bunch of suitors.
	And the way you get suitors is you're at a bar.
	And that's when men fall in love with you, rich men, all kinds of men.
	And then you go, I'll take you.
	You seem to be the most ambitious.
	Don't go for money per se.
	Go for ambition.
	You seem to be the most ambitious.
	I'm taking you.
	That's right.
	This one is everybody hates Amy Suskins.
	Oh, great.
	That's what Demi Look.
	We talked about her recently.
	Yeah, exactly.
	We put her on blast.
	If you're watching, well, she's the worst of the worst, right?
	It's almost like, do you know the people that just 100% went all in on Trump?
	And, you know, and now they're selling like freedom blank paper.
	And it's like, blank paper if you like freedom, like socks if you like the Constitution.
	Hers, of course.
	It's all this stuff, right?
	But it's like, hers is worse, in my opinion, because she's just 100% like, at least, if you like freedom guys or the Constitution thing, it's not, the repercussions of it aren't so bad.
	Well, they pick a thing where it's like, it's similar to how they go to the anti-pedophilia stuff where they go, what, you're, like, against freedom.
	They take these things where, like, you can't be against them, but then they wrap all their bullshit in, like, alongside of it.
	And then you go, what, you're against freedom?
	And you're like, no, I'm not against freedom.
	But all this other stuff you're getting pretty wacky with.
	Yeah.
	And I'm even more saying just like the corniness element of it rather than, but this girl, so it's pretty funny.
	If you check out her Twitter, she's the ultimate.
	She's kind of like Occupy Democrats, where it's like, retreat of Trump's orange.
	Yeah, of course.
	You know, quote tweet if he's an asshole.
	Yeah, it's like, or like, like if he's orange or retweet.
	I messed up that.
	You know how it gets weird when a soldier or somebody in sports is a Democrat?
	It's kind of, I get that same vibe knowing that he's anti-white.
	But he's not even red-pilled.
	He's just normal.
	He's just a normal pill.
	We're at the point now where we see someone in the arts who's not a fucking imbecile, and it's shocking.
	It's shocking.
	Yeah.
	Analogy.
	A little vote.
	I felt like I was walking the plank because I was doing it too.
	I was really disappointed in myself.
	I shouldn't be able to do this.
	I was muttering on my words.
	But maybe he's this guy.
	So basically, there's this account, like Defiant L's, and all they do is repost like back-to-back people's hypocrisies.
	And you see them pop up every once in a while.
	Right.
	What's going on?
	Oh, nothing.
	I'm just what you just have.
	You just said hypocrisies.
	What's that?
	Uh-oh.
	There's a lot of people right now who are like, hypocrisies, philosophies.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I can't hear that word anymore.
	Nah, it is bad.
	Yeah.
	But that wanting to spit, you know?
	I know.
	Did you want to hear more?
	No, I'm trying to get to the meat here.
	A whole bunch of them.
	Some of her biggest ones is when she's kind of coming at people being like, anyone who takes the Trump vaccine is a fucking idiot.
	I would never have to by far.
	That's the biggest hypocrisy thing, right?
	Oh my God.
	Like Kamala, she's like, I would never take avoidance.
	All of them.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And then, no, it's not even one thing.
	It's like the best is that they're now forcing you.
	They went from like, I would never, not to be like, hey, it's available.
	If you'd like to take it, go take it.
	They went from, I will never take it to, you have to take it.
	Right.
	So the most hypocrite.
	It's a big point here.
	Because we know Amy said, I'm not taking a vaccine.
	Trump will kill us all.
	And then she's like, line me up.
	I'll take whatever you got.
	And then the other big one was David Packham, where she said, I'm going to get you fired because you criticize me for saying we should only hire white men.
	And he goes, that sounds kind of racist and sexist to me.
	She goes, I'm getting you fired from your school job.
	He's like an assistant professor or something.
	And then he goes, remember when you tried to get, he brought it up later.
	She goes, yeah, that woman, Amy Siskin, tried to get me fired last year.
	And she goes, I would never do such a thing.
	I'm going to sue you.
	And he's like, well, here's the quote.
	It's here.
	You posted it on Facebook.
	Somebody linked this.
	Nice shoulders.
	You're a bunch of pussies.
	Okay.
	You're a bunch of cumbaged pussies.
	You ain't shit.
	You know you ain't shit.
	What?
	Did you forget that I came out, nigga?
	Did you forget that I came out?
	I'd shut your fagged ass up right now, little boy.
	He's reading a script just like that black guy.
	Did you forget that I came out?
	Is this a rap or like a WWE promo?
	I don't know.
	Why did you show that?
	I want to get back to Amy.
	Skip forward.
	Maybe he has some point here.
	Maybe he's going to give us an example.
	Do those guys pull up visuals?
	Visuals?
	A Dutch oven of gas, too, right?
	You put them under the thing and you start fucking using it.
	Just 10 bean burritos deep and you go, this doesn't smell right.
	What did they do for views that show?
	That's a Dutch oven of gaslighting.
	10,000?
	They posted a bunch of things back to back with her saying the opposite things.
	And then she posted a big thing being like, these places are a hub of misinformation.
	And they're like, they're just sent their trolls after you go.
	And she just kept saying that they're misinformation hubs, but all they do is post your tweets.
	I didn't realize that.
	She tried to shut that account down.
	We need to shut down her account, guys.
	It will destroy her.
	She will be so fucking devastated.
	Will she be like Obi-Wan Kenobi where she's more powerful off Twitter than on Twitter?
	That's all she has.
	She's kicked out of finance.
	She kicked herself out of her own marriage.
	Her kids got too old.
	They kicked her out of motherhood.
	She's just got her dogs and Twitter.
	And her big thighs.
	She's got nurse thighs.
	You ever see pics?
	No, I don't care.
	Not proportional.
	I don't care.
	It's gross.
	But do they have another example of her?
	Go back.
	We finally got to the meet and you wandered away.
	They're posting misinformation.
	She posts that and they go, a screenshot?
	Save that for later.
	Yeah.
	And then we're going to post it again.
	It's just an endless cycle.
	Yeah, totally.
	But you were.
	Who did you work for her?
	She used to be, I was looking at her thing.
	She's like, I'm going to do a little killer or something.
	Some bullshit like that, but she writes for a bunch of different places.
	But also, she used to be like a hedge fund person.
	She's like up there in the finance.
	Leave it all behind her, you know.
	All right, let's get to the final video.
	Yes.
	What should the structure be for this health?
	Should we go like I think we should do loops?
	So we do racism, sexism, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Then we go to the mailbag.
	Then we do a bunch of final videos.
	Then we go back and MyPet Biden and did it, did it, did it.
	That's fun.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So there's like every hour there's a mailbag kind of cluster sets.
	Yeah, like just clusterfucks.
	Cluster fucks.
	Just shows upon shows upon shows.
	I wish my name was Jonathan Cluster Fucks.
	Dude, that would be...
	Excuse me?
	I wish my name was Jonathan Cluster Fucks.
	You're doubling down.
	Okay, you're leaning into it.
	I was giving you an out.
	It's amazing how many things I call my youngest boy.
	Johnny Bones, JB, Bones, Charles.
	Charles.
	That's a fun one.
	That was my nickname at a restaurant.
	What else do I call him?
	JJ.
	Johnny Booboo Puff.
	That's cool.
	That's a lot of them.
	Yeah.
	I call my baby a bunch of weird stuff, too, like beep boop or like I can make one up.
	Smoogly poof.
	Just made that up.
	I'm going to call her that later.
	That was gay and boring.
	Ruled and ruled.
	No, because I'm talking about things I've said a thousand times.
	You're just making up words and pretending it's relevant.
	Yeah, making up.
	Don't you make up ones and then some of them stick?
	No, they happen organically.
	They're wonderful.
	Of course I make them up.
	No, the government gave me those nicknames for my kid.
	Oh, You got to link me to that site.
	You got to what?
	Link me to that site.
	Yeah, it's called thehowtobefunny.com.
	You should spend the rest of your life there doing research.
	Anyway, you just ruined the punchline here.
	I was going to talk about how hard women work, especially at Subway.
	And occasionally a woman would like to take a nap.
	If that's on your bun, let her nap.
	You never wake a sleeping baby and you never wake a sleeping lazy.
	Hey, you said you were going to put pepper on that.
	Black pepper I asked for.
	Can you put the black pepper on it?
	That's going to be yaws at the end of the telethon.
	Oh, thanks for crawling.
	Look at this.
	So the pepper comes back.
	And here we go.
	We're back.
	Fun show.
	Repeat that you didn't know about.
	I actually only got to half the stuff because we were doing so much chatting.
	I think I prefer that format, though.
	Yeah, it's a little more.
	I like shooting the shit rather than just hammering through the fucking news like you don't own a computer or a phone.
	We'll see you tomorrow.
	I don't know that one.
	Oh, computer.
	We'll see you tomorrow, more of the same.
	And Wednesday is fucking Anthony.
	Thursday, we're going to do a normal show, a live show.
	And then Friday, 6 p.m., we're going to go for as long as we can and try to get the subs up to 30,000.
	Sound good?
	Sounds good.
	You've got all kinds of tricks up your sleeve for the show?
	Game shows?
	I got some games.
	Games.
	I like games, board games, any type of game.
	You have Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, but no one will play with me because I always win.
	That's from a bad dating show.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

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