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Dec. 10, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

01:58:55

GOML LIVE #126 - RITTENHOUSE'S LAWYER

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	I'm from New York!
	I represent science hello folks.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
	We are here live Thursday night here.
	Welcome to my co-stars, Maddie O'Dell, and a new co-star.
	John is here, John Pierce.
	He was portrayed as a mooch who raised two million, kept him in jail to raise $2 million.
	Him and Linwood stole it and are living high on the hog.
	And John, not to give any spoilers to our long interview, but what is the problem with that particular allegation?
	Oh, you're asking me now, Kevin?
	What?
	You're asking me now?
	I am asking you now.
	Oh, with a $2 million bond?
	Yeah, what's your problem with the contention that you and Linwood kept him in jail to raise money so you could get it up to $2 million pocket it?
	Yeah, so the reality, and this is easily verifiable with public information, as everybody followed this, is that both Linwood and I worked ferociously hard over the course of three months to raise $2 million,
	which is required in Wisconsin.
	You need the entire $2 million cash bail.
	It was certainly not easy to do.
	We worked extremely hard to do it.
	I was not part of the Fightback Foundation during that timeframe, so I don't have precise visibility into exactly what amounts were had at what point.
	But I do know that the moment that Fightback had the $2 million for bail, they wired it to me on November 20th.
	And on November 20th, I immediately then got the certified check and drove to Kenosha directly and bailed Kyle out.
	So the notion that you guys were holding on to the money or holding on to the fund and raising money for him to get it up and up are false because the second you got 2 mil, you used it to bail him out?
	Yeah, certainly as soon as I got the $2 million for bail, we immediately that day bailed him out.
	Obviously, there were some costs that were ongoing with respect to investigator fees and attorneys' fees because there was work being done.
	But as soon as there was $2 million that Fightback had available, as far as I'm aware, that was wired to me on November 20th.
	And that very day, I drove to Kenosha and physically billed Kyle out.
	And it was our sole mission in life.
	I can tell you that because I lived through it.
	I know it was Lynn's top priority.
	And we did it as soon as humanly possible.
	And it was actually one of the best and proudest moments of my professional career to see him reunited with his family.
	So it was our sole mission in life at that point, and we moved as fast as humanly possible.
	Ryan, I don't want, like where this camera is.
	I told you to put it up on the side to do a wide, and you said, no, no, no.
	Then we'll see profiles.
	That's horrible.
	I'll show you what it looked like.
	Now Maddie looks like John's bitch.
	Well, that is not the case.
	But we're having my TriCaster is technical difficulties.
	Dude, bad.
	Dude, it's bad, man.
	Dude, it's bad.
	Yeah, it was.
	Alright, so we're auto-playing some themes before, and it stopped.
	But you can't see this, but every time I try to press a button, like this is supposed to be switching cameras, it doesn't.
	So I'm clicking.
	What do you mean you're clicking?
	Click, I have to, instead of taking, which is like setting up a shot and going to it, I have to manually go to the shot.
	So that's fine.
	Should we just reboot the TriCaster?
	I did it three times.
	I restarted it.
	I noticed something weird when we were filming John's thing.
	It's a little tech behind the scenes, but I'm going to try to figure it out.
	In the meantime, you wanted me to go wide.
	I could show you what that might look like.
	Okay, I'm ready.
	Ryan is getting up and physically moving the camera.
	I love it.
	I like it.
	Look, we can see censored there.
	Once again, I was right.
	And while you were setting it up, I said, what are you doing wrong right now?
	I've got plenty of length.
	Zoom out as much as you can.
	That's zoomed out.
	That's zoomed out?
	100% zoomed out.
	That's zoomed out 100%?
	Yeah.
	100%.
	We can move back a little closer.
	We can scooch.
	Yeah, we just don't want to fall off.
	What a cool shot that is.
	We got censored.
	And obviously, when the viewer sees Maddie and John looking at an angle, they know it's at me.
	They know they're not staring away like a weird SNL sketch.
	Yeah.
	Maddie, can you remove that water bottle from the bar?
	I don't like the aesthetics of water bottles.
	Sure.
	Can you print out the sponsors?
	What are our sponsors?
	Did Vince update that or did he fuck up again?
	I'm the only qualified person at this company, by the way.
	Without exception.
	Let me just check my...
	Here we go.
	I'll just do it myself.
	Our first sponsor, by the way, is, of course, Bubba and Hanks.
	We'd like to thank Bubba and Hanks for being part of the show the last couple years.
	Bubba passed away on Tuesday.
	Holy shit.
	Wow.
	Bubba's been sick for a long time now.
	Can you bring up Bubba and Hanks in the background, please?
	Yep.
	And we were praying for him, but prayer only does so much.
	And he has passed away from cancer.
	Guys, if you can find in your heart to get some Bubba and Hanks for Christmas, I'd be happy to show the farm some love.
	Andrew Bubba Fries was a great man, a veteran and an American badass.
	And he never gave a shit about what the news printed about us.
	He stuck with us through thick and thin, cancellations being deplatformed.
	Bubba stuck around like a trooper.
	Outside of the integrity and loyalty Bubba showed us, I have to say, Bubba's main focus was raising great beef, and he loved being part of the censored.tv platform.
	He was an unabashed conservative, and for that, Bubba earns our endless respect.
	Thanks for love and support, Bubs.
	Sleep in heaven.
	Peace.
	Support the Bubba and Hanks farm this Christmas.
	BubbaNHanks.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.
	That is BubbinHanks.com, promo code Gavin.
	Thank you for your support, Bubs.
	You are one of the good ones.
	Give Jesus a fist pump for us and all the listeners.
	Rest in peace, brother.
	God bless America.
	Wow, that's heavy.
	You know, when someone is sick with cancer, you always have this sort of self-denial where you go, it's not that bad.
	They might have a second run.
	I think empathy becomes overwhelming and you just, you sort of block it out of your own mind.
	And you say, that person I know and I love who's been part of this company since day one is not going to die.
	And then they die.
	And you go, wow, I guess this was real.
	He really does have cancer.
	It really was terminal.
	Our ad guy was very close to him, too.
	So, I mean.
	He went out there to visit him.
	Yeah, he kept giving me updates.
	And they were just getting worse and worse.
	And, you know, now there's no suffering there, but it's still very sad.
	What do you mean there's no suffering there?
	There's no suffering anymore.
	He's suffering.
	He was losing a lot of weight.
	He was like 60 pounds at one point.
	He was 60 pounds?
	Yeah.
	Are you sure?
	I asked him three times.
	I was like, 60?
	He's like, yeah, 6-0.
	6-0 pounds?
	Correct.
	Wow.
	So Bubba has passed on, but the beef remains, and it is one of the greatest places to buy steak.
	You can have it delivered to your door.
	It arrives in these coolers.
	I actually hold on to the coolers because they're pretty handy.
	I keep my beer in them on the back porch.
	But yeah, it comes in this cooler with dry ice in it.
	Everything is intact.
	Maddie's a big fan.
	We've had the burgers, the ribs, the ribeye, the sirloin.
	It is incredible quality.
	And I guess it's Hanks.com now.
	What a shock.
	Sad news.
	Sad news.
	We're getting to that age where people are starting to die.
	Ryan's adjusting things.
	Still trying to figure out what to do.
	I guess that's one of the downers of showing up at 8 o'clock.
	Thank God his hair is still here to amuse us all, though.
	If you didn't have that hairdo, I'd be so annoyed right now.
	But it just brings so much joy to my life to look over at you and see that if I had hired someone to give you the worst possible hairdo I can imagine in order to amuse me the most, I would say, can you make him look like a weird Puerto Rican ninja with a sole patch and a pinhead with retard bangs?
	I don't think that's very funny.
	And the guy who I hired would say, okay, Mr. Gavin, I'll do my best, but it's going to take a long time.
	Can you just show people your profile?
	Take your headphones off.
	This is the last time I'm doing this.
	Wait, wait.
	Move back.
	We got black in the way with tactical walls, tactical Tim.
	No, no, back.
	Go back towards...
	Backwards means towards your back.
	Yeah, there you go.
	Yeah, there.
	No, lean a little bit forward.
	There we go.
	Look at that hat.
	It's a weird Peruvian minor hat.
	Like you live in Peru.
	You're a weird Aboriginal from Peru.
	This is cool, though.
	Yeah, you're like a hot Peruvian model.
	You're like the guy, you know, they wear those funny little bowler hats?
	No, not from Peru.
	You're like their legal liaison.
	You're the guy they talk to because there's land rights claims because coal miners, they found a place in Peru that's amongst the Aboriginals that has a lot of iron ore.
	And they have to go through a lawyer.
	He's their go-to guy because his mother's mother was an Abbo.
	This is far too specific.
	I don't know where you're getting this.
	That's what you look like.
	I don't think I do.
	I don't think there's anything wrong with naming what someone looks like specifically.
	I moved the clock here.
	Let me move it back.
	Are you going to puke now?
	What?
	Are you puking?
	No, dude.
	I had some serious puking going on.
	I don't know if everyone saw this, but I did iHypocrites show, and Gazzi Kadzo was bleathering on.
	So much so, by the way, I thought we should give him a show.
	That would be amazing.
	I think it's time Gazzi joined the network.
	Uhuru!
	Aquava y'all!
	And he was talking so incessantly, and there's a stomach virus going around my home.
	My wife had it, my daughter had it.
	And I drank a beer, and I don't know if you ever drank a beer where it feels like you chugged 300 beers.
	Like it has three times gravity on it?
	Yeah, like Maggie takes this medication that makes his stomach go, I've had enough.
	Oh, yeah.
	And he can't fit like a raisin in his mouth.
	What's that medication called?
	Ozempic.
	Ozempic.
	So I felt like I was on Ozempic.
	And he's like, like honestly, two minutes of diatribe.
	And I was like, I don't.
	So I said, I have a virus.
	And I stood up here and just laced this whole half of the studio with projectile vomit.
	I'm fucking killing myself for not puking at the camera.
	Historically, most low approval rates won't.
	I've got a virus coming out your ass.
	Kamala, is that you?
	Oh, man.
	Wait, I just want to say that.
	I wanted to ask you something else here.
	We're not going to go too much longer.
	Isn't it weird the guy just jumped to the next question?
	Like, he should have said, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	What just happened?
	I barfed.
	I got a virus.
	Not a lot of empathy there.
	And then I barfed all night.
	And there is nothing worse, to quote Lena Dunham, than the 10 seconds before you barf.
	You're decisively committed at that point.
	It's out of your hands.
	And I have a theory, because my wife and daughter had it.
	I think women are better at handling those kind of stomach viruses because, and probably due to childbirth genetically, they can handle like, this is out of my hands, having a barf session.
	There's no question about that.
	There's no question that they handle it better.
	Like with childbirth, they're just like, here we go.
	We're going on a horrible roller coaster ride, but it leads to a baby.
	And childbirth isn't like a bad thing and then it comes out.
	It's like contraction after contraction after contraction.
	And they just sit there and take it.
	But men, they're usually in control of their surroundings.
	So we go, no, no, I'm not.
	Like if someone was slapping you in the face, you'd go like, fuck you, and grab his wrist or whatever.
	But women get slapped in the face, you know, if it's a big guy, she might be like, oh, this sucks.
	So we've been trained to handle our problems.
	So we're lying there.
	We feel the specter of puke coming like 40 minutes before.
	And he's like, I'm coming for you, bitch.
	And you go, no, you're not.
	I'm training my brain to fight you.
	And he's like, okay, go bananas.
	I'm coming.
	You're going to be puking in 25 minutes.
	And you go, no, I'm not.
	No, I'm not.
	And then like 20 minutes in, you're like, wow, this guy on the horse is getting real close.
	I set up a bunch of barricades and a deep moat.
	His horse hopped over that.
	And he's still coming.
	And you're like, I'm actually going to be the first guy in history who stopped you on your horse.
	You turn around and you go away.
	And he's like, why would I turn around?
	You have a stomach virus.
	You're barfing.
	And you're like, no, I'm not, actually.
	I'm the first to break the mold.
	I'm the non-barfer in history.
	The first non-barfer in the world to stand up to you.
	Turn around and walk away.
	And then it gets to like 12 minutes before the barf, and you're looking at the horse.
	I mean, you can smell his breath.
	And you go, I'm still fighting you, but I'm getting a little insecure about our fate.
	And then there's that like six minutes where you go, just on the off chance that you're winning, I'm going to go to the toilet because I don't want to puke on everyone, but I still could turn this around.
	It's not set in stone here.
	And then there's those four minutes where you're sitting cross-legged on some towels because the tile's too cold.
	And there's the toilet and you're like, yeah, I didn't beat the horse.
	He's here.
	Those fucking two minutes.
	Your mouth starts salivating.
	Like, what's hell if it's not that?
	That's terrible.
	And I think for males, it is much more difficult.
	And it's like an emotional experience, too.
	I mean, it's just terrible.
	You failed.
	You failed to fight this horseback monster.
	And then there's a and then after the first one, you know you don't feel good.
	That means there's three more.
	You can tell what the last one is.
	The last one is euphoria.
	We're out of this.
	You're done.
	Your contraction.
	You're good for the next one.
	But after the first two, you still feel like shit and you're like, I have nothing to puke, but dude, I'm David Beckham.
	I have a fucking six-pack.
	It actually hurts when I cough because I'm so fucking shredded from the night.
	Oh, Jesus, which reminds me of Tactical Walls, a fantastic way to display your armaments.
	Christmas is here, and you need Tactical in your house.
	Seriously.
	Tactical Tim makes the greatest tactical hiding gear in the world, and we are blessed to have Tactical Walls sponsoring the show.
	Treat yourself and your loved ones with some badass gear from Tactical Walls this Christmas.
	I should note that the ad copy guy made the S's in badass dollar signs.
	I guess they have good resale value.
	Love Christmas.
	I gave you my heart.
	It's a thing of the past.
	This Christmas, I'm giving you a tactical wall.
	It's the future.
	Jesus.
	Go to tacticalwalls.com and use promo code Gavin for 20% off.
	Tactical Walls supports G-O-M-L, and they are friends of ours.
	If you're trying to conceal the extra hardware in the house, you need Tactical Walls, TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin for 20% off.
	I remember when I sold my old apartment in New York City, the people who bought it knew who I was, and they go, are there any weapons in the house?
	Okay, fine.
	Yes.
	If you double-click on this panel on the wall, nine handguns appear magically, Which, for some reason, I'm willing to just give to the home.
	What's nine times five?
	Fucking $4,500 worth of guns I just left there?
	No, there are no guns hidden in the walls, you fucking liberal pussies.
	But in your home today, you can have guns hidden in the walls.
	You can have guns hidden in tissue boxes, in shelves, in mirrors, everywhere in your home.
	You can be tactically armed in your own home with tacticalwalls.com with a vet-owned American-made company built here in the US of A. If you're lucky enough to live in a state that's not New York and you can have all the guns you want,
	you need Tactical Walls to show off your freedom.
	Thanks, Tactical Walls.
	I'm going to come.
	All right, so because we have a famous guest on the show, Matty Odell and his friend John, we should take calls early, I think, this month, this week.
	But what we're going to do is we're going to go behind the paywall now and say goodbye to the freeloaders who are too cheap to pay the $10 a month to be on censored.tv.
	And we are going to speak to the people out there who do pay $10 a month.
	Let me turn on my mic here.
	And we'll be taking calls, I presume, will be mostly censored around our new guest, John Pierce,
	who has been completely vilified by his old pal, Kyle Rittenhouse, on the show Tucker Carlson tonight.
	So yeah, goodbye, freeloaders.
	We're leaving the free part of the show.
	And hello, subscribers.
	Let's enjoy ourselves.
	And for both subscribers and non-subscribers, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	That's what I've been doing for the last 50 years.
	I represent science.
	That's dangerous.
	You're attacking science.
	I'm random.
	You are doing something detrimental to society.
	You are attacking science.
	I represent science.
	I mean, I know a lot of Italians from Brooklyn and the Bronx.
	We call them zips.
	The etymology of zip is Sicilians talk so fast that it sounded like they were zipping along.
	So they got the, I guess, racist nomenclature zip.
	But I don't know any Italians that talk like Dr. Fauci.
	Hello, what are you doing?
	They sound like Woody Allen.
	It's so didactic.
	Who the fuck talks like that that's not a 90-year-old Jewish woman?
	What is that accent he has?
	Oh, it's Brooklyn.
	It's Bedsty.
	Yeah, I'm familiar with Brooklyn.
	I lived in New York for over 20 years.
	That's a very unique accent.
	I feel like his Italian buddies are like, dude, what the fuck's going on with you?
	You sound like Ethel Merman.
	Anyway, I guess we should do the interstitial for thanks for calling, right?
	We're not doing any mailbags.
	This won't give anybody PTSD because it played on a loop at one time.
	You were on the air.
	Mute have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	I love that band.
	What is that band?
	Bands just stop trying to be original.
	You're not going to write satisfaction.
	Just give up.
	Make like schmaltzy, okay, Sunday morning music like that.
	Give up on trying to blow our minds.
	There's too many songs.
	Let's start taking some calls, Ryan.
	Sounds about right.
	With broken machinery.
	Yeah, I'm actually very bummed and concerned.
	No, you should be like fucking Scotty and Star Trek.
	You're trying to make things happen.
	Oh, yeah, no.
	In between anything happening, I'm like trying to figure out...
	Well, first I'm trying to figure out little shortcuts in case it doesn't come back.
	Oh man, I'm working and working.
	Let's see if we got 573 on the line.
	This guy's name is John.
	Hold on a second.
	He's listening to the show.
	John, can you hear us?
	Turn off your radio, John.
	Can anyone believe how awesome my suit is, by the way?
	Look at this.
	This is my Nita Fashion suit.
	Look at my lining.
	Wow.
	That's the first time I'm seeing that.
	It's like geisha girls.
	Yeah.
	That kind of takes away from the James Bondness of it.
	Is that me?
	No one sees that.
	Yes, it's you.
	Hi.
	Oh.
	Hello.
	Hey, hello.
	Is that me?
	I just want to know when the marathon show is a week tomorrow.
	I need to take the day off.
	Yeah, a week tomorrow.
	Thanks for calling.
	That'll be a week tomorrow evening.
	I mean, I say like 48 hours.
	I think I'll go from like 8 p.m. till 8 a.m.
	I think it'll be 12.
	12 feels solid.
	Like you could do a solid.
	Someone stayed up all night.
	That's impressive.
	You tune in at 6 a.m.
	He's still there.
	Plus, my buddy Ryan, who owns my boxing gym, is turning 50 and I got to roast him that day.
	There's only so much meth in the world.
	Only so much Bobby P. Arthur Kwan Lee invited us to his art thing on the 18th, unfortunately.
	We're going to be dead by then.
	It's the 17th we're doing it?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	17th and 18th.
	So the 18th week.
	Did you know Arthur Kwan Lee is an MMA guy?
	Well, I know he's ripped.
	I want to work out with him.
	We're going to set it up.
	I'm going to learn some of his tricks.
	I'm saying that about a man.
	Hey, I met John Pierce.
	I can't wait to work out with him.
	It's different for Asian.
	Like, why would that occur to you?
	Because we're trying to gather information for one another.
	Oh, I had a really good dinner with John Pierce.
	We're probably going to work out later.
	What?
	You're going to shit together too?
	It's like drinking but healthy.
	I'm going to get a colonoscopy with John Pierce.
	We had a good dinner.
	It's not like a colonoscopy.
	Yes, it is.
	Working out is like a private health thing.
	No, it's not.
	It's like having your foreskin washed.
	It's like boxing without contact.
	608, you're on the line.
	Hi, it's going.
	Hi.
	So you, I've heard you say that, like, if aliens existed, you wouldn't believe in God.
	I was just kind of curious about that.
	Like, why the fuck would it matter if aliens exist?
	Like, God doesn't exist, you know?
	Do you believe in God?
	Yes.
	Are you a Christian?
	Yes.
	So we have to be the most important thing in his book.
	We have to be the center of his universe.
	He is the most important thing in his book.
	Okay, but why did he make other creatures that supersede us?
	We are in his image.
	That's true, but like, how would an alien supersede us?
	You know what I mean?
	Just the existence of aliens.
	Well, he's clearly capable of traveling thousands of light years and finding us.
	So he's more technologically advanced.
	He's more intelligent.
	He's better.
	If you can get to me, you're better.
	Well, I don't know.
	I just don't see any biblical scripture to back that idea up.
	I didn't think they didn't think it was going to come up.
	It shouldn't come up.
	But anyway, thanks for calling.
	We'll discuss it with the group.
	John, what do you think?
	Oh, Dr. Fauci's here.
	Oh, yeah.
	Scientifically, there's no reason to find that there's been extraterrestrials hiding around the universe, as it were.
	And I'm an expert on all sciences, and so I can provide you with questions if you've got any answers.
	Okay.
	John, you're a Christian, right?
	Yes, I am.
	You're a weird Christian.
	You're like an Orthodox Serb or something?
	I'm a Serbian Orthodox Christian, Eastern Orthodox Christian.
	What the fuck is that?
	Is that like the long white beards with the funny hats?
	You got it.
	You got it.
	Okay, so this is my personal belief is if there was proof of alien life, that means that we're second best, and that means that God doesn't exist, and Christianity is a lie.
	I tend to agree.
	I agree with you.
	Yeah, I mean, we are made in the image of God.
	And, you know, just from a revelation standpoint, you know, the world that he created for us is so sort of magically, perfectly suited for our existence that, you know, I think that we're number one in his book.
	And I can't, I don't, I mean, I personally don't think that there's other life in the universe myself.
	What do you think, Maddie?
	Are you a Christian?
	I don't even know.
	But I was born and raised Roman Catholic.
	But today, 2021.
	Hmm.
	I'm not really a religious practicing person.
	I mean...
	Do you believe in God?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I would always fall back on my Roman Catholic upbringing.
	I mean, there's not everything I agree with how the Roman Catholic Church operates.
	But do you believe you go somewhere when you die?
	Yeah, there's got to be something.
	Yeah.
	Because I believe in ghosts.
	Ghosts?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	You may experience.
	Wait, have you ever seen ghosts?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Hold on.
	Stop the presses.
	This is record scratch.
	You believe in ghosts?
	Oh, yeah.
	100%.
	I ask everybody I know from time to time.
	My childhood house I grew up in was haunted.
	Why would anyone bother hanging around Earth when they've touched the afterlife?
	Well, they're stuck in purgatory.
	Unfinished.
	So what are your ghost experiences that we don't know about?
	There used to be an old lady that used to go around my house, my childhood home, yeah.
	And what'd she say, like, what's up, man?
	She was like, you would see her.
	You would, you know, she would do things.
	Like what?
	She'd poke her head around corners.
	You know, you're in the house alone by yourself.
	Who the hell's in the house with you?
	She'd make noises.
	My brother had a drum set in the attic.
	Like the drum would start banging.
	Nobody's home.
	This is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
	Oh, yeah.
	All sorts of stuff.
	Why is this coming out now?
	I've known you for years.
	Oh, you never asked me if I believed in ghosts.
	You never asked me if an old lady was banging drums from the grave in my attic.
	Supposedly she died in the house.
	Her husband built the house.
	I mean, she was just there.
	She would go missing and then show up again.
	All sorts of things.
	Why would she be in purgatory?
	I don't know.
	Wait a minute.
	I never had a conversation with her.
	Ryan, what's that view you just showed?
	This is the wide.
	I thought you were zoomed out as much as you could be zoomed out.
	No, it is, but I fit them in this box so we could see you in that.
	Yeah, the half screen.
	Especially when I'm clicking slow today.
	I see.
	Okay.
	But my understanding with purgatory, not that I believe in it for one iota, is that something bad happened, like the guy who killed you didn't get prosecuted or there's some sort of unfinished business.
	I mean, I'm not like a paranormal investigator or anything.
	I don't know much on the topic.
	But you should be if you grew up with a girl.
	My ghost.
	I can only tell you what I've seen and experienced.
	You should look into it.
	Surely if you grew up with a ghost, that's like your fucking stepsister at this point.
	Yeah.
	You should be like reading 100 books on it.
	Yeah.
	And it was funny.
	Like after my brother brought my family home and he literally gutted it from attic to basement.
	And I was, whenever I would go to his house, I would like say to his wife or him, I'd be like, so you got to tell me one thing.
	Is the ghost still fucking here?
	And his wife used to be like, I'm not discussing it.
	So, I was like, I'll take that as a yes.
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, yeah.
	This is like John going, Yeah, well, I went through some rough stuff because my adoption.
	No, like, all right, oh, that must have sucked.
	When did you get adopted, John?
	14, 15?
	He's like, No, zero.
	No, that's totally true that there are issues with adoptees regardless of when they're adopted.
	I'm going to send you a book.
	It's called The Primal Wound.
	Yeah, you sent me a book written by a woman.
	I'm not interested.
	There are zero, zero separation problems with someone who hands over a fucking baby.
	I mean, I'm sure there's some genetic niceties that happen when it's your real biological parents.
	But for the most part, you hand a baby to someone, they raise it with love and care.
	That's their baby.
	There's nothing going on.
	Yeah, I guess.
	Separation anxiety?
	They call it attachment disorder.
	It's like the mad name character in Goodwill Hunting is what's going on.
	John, when I was supposed to pick up John to do the show, and I was 10 minutes late, he was blubbering, sobbing.
	And I was like, John, John, I'm sorry.
	I was 10 minutes late.
	And he's like, you don't understand.
	I was adopted.
	You don't know the anxiety.
	So I don't believe in ghosts, Maddie, and I don't believe in separation anxiety.
	What do you call it, John?
	Attachment disorder.
	What?
	Attachment disorder.
	Attachment disorder.
	It's a Mad Demon character in Goodwill Hunting Hat.
	Oh, okay.
	Sorry, I didn't know there was a real-life example of this.
	It's an actual thing.
	I promise you.
	It's called Batman Disorder.
	Bruce Wayne played him in the movie Batman.
	What was called a primal wound?
	I'm going to send it to you.
	It will go straight in the garbage.
	Please address it to garbage.
	South Bronx, get off my lawn studio.
	The next episode of Sesame Street, Oscar the Grouch is going to start talking about separation anxiety because it landed in his garbage can.
	Scientifically, that's a funny joke.
	His attachment to this word.
	Hey, Dr. Fauci, why do you have a chink retard hat on?
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	Scientifically.
	Look at your hair sprout out from the back of your headphones.
	This is actually a weird Puerto Rican alfalfa sprout.
	I'm not Puerto Rican at all.
	What is going on back there?
	Are you a local farmer?
	Is that sustenance farming?
	Science farming.
	From head to table?
	This is a haircut that acts as someone as a Rorschach.
	God, what were you thinking?
	Anybody who did this about an inch and a half high like that.
	They're mostly homosexuals see this haircut as funny and weird.
	It's a Rorschach, girl.
	Okay.
	It's a gay.
	Go ahead and fucking move me to the West Village because I'm laughing my ass.
	We have a camp there in the West Village, and we're going to hoid all the holy.
	Fauci was like a weird pussy Italian who the Italians in his neighborhood rejected and he was sort of like Tarzan but raised by Jews.
	Because that accent does not comp that does not compute.
	Hello, I'm an Italian from the Brooklyn.
	What?
	We've all met a million Italians from Brooklyn.
	Zero of them talk like Woody Allen.
	All right, let's take another call.
	You can tell I'm going to be dragging you out every call to at least 20 minutes of conversation.
	Ruben, it's Alex.
	Hey.
	Hey.
	Are you still thinking about moving to South?
	What?
	Are you still thinking about moving down to China?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, that's happening.
	The question is when?
	Whether it's in eight months or 18 months?
	Well, no offense.
	I'm a little worried you might be one of them immigrates, man.
	Like, you got any interest in southern culture?
	I got a book to suggest to maybe get you in the flavor for the move, you know?
	Okay, as long as the book doesn't involve the trauma of adoption, I'm all into it.
	What's the book called?
	It's called Jack Hanson's One Man's Army.
	And this dude was neutral in the Civil War until his boys got butchered and they brought home their heads to daddy.
	And then daddy has a real nice rifle made and goes and gets all kinds of revenge.
	It's a true story.
	Yeah, that sounds great.
	I love that.
	That's how I feel about the Civil War.
	It was not about slavery.
	It was about the South saying, yeah, I'm not doing anything that you tell me to do.
	I don't care what it is.
	Could be brush your teeth two times a day.
	You don't tell me what you do.
	Absolutely.
	This guy was personal friends with Ulysses S. Grant.
	He was completely neutral.
	His boys were out hunting one day and got accused of bushwhacking.
	And they gave him a drumhead trial and executed him on the spot.
	And he had a nice gun made, and he was taking out dudes at 1,200 yards in the Civil War.
	It's pretty amazing.
	What's bushwhacking?
	Well, modern day would be like sniping.
	But back in the day, you know, war was more of a gentleman's pursuit, and that was kind of frowned upon.
	But they were out.
	My story has it, they're out squirrel hunting or deer hunting or they weren't bushwhacking.
	So bushwhacking is being a sniper in the woods during a war and shooting the enemy from the trees.
	Yeah, because they're trying to liken it to like thieves robbing you on the road.
	It's not an honorable pursuit.
	You got to line up and shoot at each other.
	It's no honor in it.
	Well, it was an honorable pursuit when we used it to defeat the British.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Whatever works.
	Yeah, thanks for calling.
	That's a good tip.
	Yeah, I can say it's one-man arm.
	Yeah, we put it up on the screen.
	It's actually one-man war.
	Thanks.
	I want to open a bar in the south called Escape from New York.
	E-F-N-Y will be the name of the bar.
	I'm very excited about it.
	All right, next call.
	All right, we got.
	Thanks for calling.
	435.
	Doesn't anyone have any calls for John Pierce?
	We have a celebrity here.
	Hey, come on, you're fucking.
	What is he, chop liver?
	What is he?
	The part of the body that filters the blood, diced into small pieces?
	Okay, we get it.
	3435, you're on the line.
	Maybe you have to say hello to them?
	Thanks for calling.
	Hello.
	Hey, are you there?
	Yeah.
	It is Ryan.
	Okay.
	Hey, let's try to move forward.
	Hello?
	Continue, sir.
	Let's go, shithead.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	That was great.
	Next caller.
	That was not very good.
	This is Uncle 614.
	What's up, Uncle?
	Hey, guys, what's going on?
	Nothing.
	What's happening?
	I've got a question for you, Gavin.
	I was wondering if you're familiar with the term Asian fishing?
	No.
	It's a thing that it's probably more exclusive to the Gen Z kids, but it's when people who aren't Asian present themselves as completely Asian on social media.
	And it's kind of a baffling thing.
	I'm actually half Asian myself.
	I don't understand why a white person would do that.
	But I actually have a half a website is doing this.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Jesus Christ.
	No, no, he's right, man.
	Listen, yeah, people do this.
	It's a tactic that they'll do for.
	Wait, are you doing it?
	What do you mean?
	Tim, Poole, are you pretending to be half Asian?
	No, I actually pretend to be half white.
	That's why I'm wearing Carhartt hats now and wearing Brooks Brothers.
	But anyway, yeah, but it's sick, man.
	You're losing your trademark beanie?
	Yeah, man.
	Here's the thing.
	So we were, you know, me and Luke were going to get some pizza.
	Luke Radogowski?
	Radowski, yeah.
	Radowski.
	Do you pay that guy?
	What is that guy's incentive to live at your compound?
	Oh, he's cool.
	Yeah, I don't really get into that.
	I can't really discuss things like that.
	But I could tell you what.
	Ian pays him kombucha, like he makes his own kombucha.
	And Luke loves it, man.
	It's crazy.
	He'll sit there with some Doritos and some pizza.
	And just like, if you try to talk to him, he's just like, no, can't do it.
	So anyway, yeah, BuzzFeed put out this article not too long ago about weeboos.
	And so they're like white people trying to go out pretending they're like Japanese and stuff like that.
	It's real weird.
	I couldn't give less of a shit about people pretending to be Asian.
	And I have a very wide net of give a shit.
	You do, yes.
	That's true.
	Like I care about those women who do the fucking catfish thing with the fingers where they wear a glove and can like catch a catfish.
	Noodling.
	Noodling.
	I care about that.
	You care actively about that.
	I care.
	It seems handy.
	It seems hard.
	Those things can weigh 100 pounds.
	What is it?
	What is it that they do?
	It's called.
	Noodling, where they...
	I think you have to wear a glove because they have sharp teeth.
	But you go down there in the mud, you go like this, and then a catfish bites your fake worms and you grab it and wrench it up out of the water.
	Yeah, but one more thing about this Asian fishing thing, it's like people are like, oh, well, well, that's like, you know, Uyghurs, you know, pretending to be black or whatever.
	But like when these kids are doing it, it's almost like they're appropriating Uyghur culture.
	So it's like two levels of like stealing culture.
	I would say that we have been, as white people, we've been so brainwashed into thinking we suck that I understand Zoomers going, I'll take anything.
	I'll make myself trans.
	I'll become Asian.
	I'll become black.
	Whatever I have to do to not be this disgusting, horrible person that is behind slavery and colonization and everything wrong with the world.
	Give me an out.
	I'm gay.
	Whatever you want.
	I'll suck a dick.
	I wonder how many straight men in high school are like, just to not be straight white males.
	Five.
	Probably five.
	Five million.
	There's five million dicks sucked by straight men.
	Gross.
	This catfish tickling.
	The only thing grosser than sucking a dick that you don't want to suck is eating out a girl you don't want to eat out.
	Have you ever done that?
	It's like putting your face in a wound.
	It's disturbing.
	A wound.
	A wound.
	Or a wound.
	Or a wound.
	Yeah.
	And you're in dry heave position.
	I actually just farted right when I did that, too.
	All right, next call.
	Danny's on the list.
	Yo!
	Hey, dude, so I know this might be ancient Chinese secret, but it keeps coming up on Snapchat for me.
	These two British fags who pranked or got Katie Hopkins to fly out to Prague or something.
	Dude.
	That is such an ancient Chinese secret.
	It's literally two or three years old.
	What I'm getting at is where's the payback from the censored TV family?
	When are we going to prank these weeds?
	Okay, so what's your update to that?
	Are you just telling us about a three-year-old prank?
	Oh, it keeps popping up all over my Snapchat.
	Ancient Chinese secret.
	Okay, thanks for calling, dude.
	Yeah, three years ago, Katie Hopkins got flown to some northern European town where they have tons of money for pranks, and they gave her the like, I don't know.
	Cultural, Unitarian, Normative, Trans, Positive, whatever award that spells cunt.
	They gave her the cunt award.
	Oh.
	And she fell for it and went up there and got the award.
	This is more important, and it keeps popping up on my feed.
	Oh, my God.
	I get sent this like three times a day.
	Have you discovered these people?
	It's a Haitian guy and an African-American woman.
	And the man's name is Ibuprofen.
	This is them at a thing.
	Yes, here we are at Haldane Center Gallery.
	And here we are showcasing our art.
	This exhibition is being hosted from today.
	You want backstory?
	They look like they're wearing masks.
	Yeah, they are very weird and sweaty.
	And I think maybe they're on drugs.
	The backstory of this, and I came up with this myself.
	My theory is that they were coached to do this video.
	They were like, hey, you have to keep it a little more succinct because she rambles in her early videos.
	And she's mad.
	So this is her facetiously sounding white and being informational.
	Yes, here we are at Albany Center Gallery.
	And here we are showcasing our art.
	This exhibition is being full.
	So that's the most normal she ever is.
	She's a meth head.
	It's clearly mess.
	It could be, yes.
	We here in the Northeast tend to not know how many people are on mess.
	Everyone is on mess south of the Mason-Dixon line and in the Pacific Northwest.
	They're all on fucking meth.
	Look at how she thinks eyes look.
	That's not normal eyes.
	You can even Google us.
	We're on Google.
	We everywhere.
	We digital.
	Y'all connect with us.
	We need more people.
	We everywhere.
	We everywhere with it.
	We everywhere.
	Your art is garbage.
	We're on Google.
	One time.
	It's objectively shit.
	Look at that.
	Yo, we digital with it.
	Fucking prey glue to boostier to a piece of garbage and then stuck some more shit to it.
	What a useless waste.
	Even in a fire, you'd be kind of embarrassed to throw that in.
	You would be like, what's with your kindling, dude?
	It sucks.
	There's so much good content.
	Here's just a little family jam of them.
	Why are you so familiar with this?
	Could you stumble upon it?
	I couldn't stop.
	Once I found their blackfolds.
	Quality it is.
	Everything that they do is bad.
	Absolute shit.
	And it's fantastic.
	I'm so sick of the pandering.
	Okay, I can't find the family jam, but here's the one where they're showing off hats that they've created.
	Let me guess, they suck.
	Well, that's an interesting theory.
	Someone jizzed on a hat, and now we want to buy it?
	Look, I jizzed on a hat, spray-painted orange, and glued an M ⁇ M to the top.
	Dema should get your hat drizzled.
	Dema?
	Hat drizzle.
	Oh my god.
	Dude, you got to separately send me that link.
	Doesn't that sound like hell?
	It sounds like they're in hell.
	You're playing a clarinet.
	I don't know what they're doing.
	After that hat and my experience with barfing the other night, I feel like when I get to hell, I'm going to say to Satan, is that all you got?
	This is bullshit.
	It's just very hot.
	Like, look at this.
	Take some notes.
	Hey, Satan, if you're watching, this is what to turn on when the heat's at its fullest.
	Thank you.
	My name is Harlan.
	I'm 12 years old.
	Oh, all right.
	We're not going to make fun of you.
	Yeah, we don't make 12-year-olds, but I'm guessing she sucks.
	The food that they make is bizarre and stomach-churning.
	What is this?
	Where do they live?
	I find it.
	Albany White.
	Oh, my God.
	Here it is.
	Albany.
	How did I know it was a white part of town?
	Here it is.
	Why take lessons when you can just figure out a violin from scratch?
	They put a music stand-up for these poor kids with no music.
	Did you think?
	Do something?
	I mean, the bigotry of low expectations has rocketed past the short bus into embarrassingville.
	When do you ever buy a chicken that looks anything like that?
	Imagine being their neighbors.
	We got the fire!
	See, they're celebrating fire.
	That's how far.
	They sound like Island boys.
	We got the fire chicken.
	This is how...
	All right, that's enough.
	Jesus Christ.
	What a waste of time.
	On your own time, do that forever.
	It will never stop.
	And by the way, I think that black fist thing is actually a weapon.
	Hot take.
	Oh, they're the ones who made that.
	Yes.
	So, yeah, it's a weapon.
	So you stick your hand in it and, like, punch people?
	Yeah, I don't think that this is just like a black power fist to like show your support.
	Because judging by this.
	So, Maddie, you're a career criminal.
	Have you ever worn a fist cast?
	No.
	Never.
	What about a black fist?
	Well, will you consider it now?
	Fist cast?
	No.
	No.
	Okay.
	Look how effective it is.
	I don't know.
	That's a hard no for Maddie.
	That's a hard no there.
	That's a hard R. All right, next call.
	Excuse me.
	Ron is calling about the vaccine.
	Island boy!
	Island boy!
	I got the Island boy.
	I'm fucking late those toys.
	So I had something to say, but I changed my mind because I heard the conversation that kept going.
	First off, I want to say hi to Charlie Sheen over here sitting at the bar from his from the Pearl Harbor picture.
	Oh, yeah.
	That doesn't surprise me seeing that picture.
	I actually want to ask John a question, though.
	Sure.
	So, John, what is the deal?
	Are they just completely not giving constitutional protection to anyone from January 6th?
	Because if I'm not mistaken, the Sixth Amendment says that we have a right to a speedy trial.
	Finally, a good question on the call-in show.
	Holy shit.
	Stop the pressing.
	It's the second time you've said that to me, Gavin, so I appreciate that.
	Wow.
	Yeah, so without talking about specific cases that I'm involved in, you know, because I can't talk about pending criminal cases that I'm involved in.
	Yeah, obviously you can't go into any specifics.
	Yeah, but so generally speaking, you are correct.
	You have a constitutional right to a speedy trial, and you also have a statutory right to a speedy trial, which defines it as, I believe, 70 days after you're arrested or arraigned or your first appearance or something like that.
	You know, the challenge here, quite frankly, in these cases, is that the government moved very quickly to charge hundreds of people without having the discovery ready to go for the defendants to be able to really prepare for trial.
	And so what it's done...
	So you're saying that, if you don't mind me asking, so you're saying that basically they're not even arraigning them, they're just leaving them there to rot until they decide to get around to discovery and arraignment?
	No, they all get arraigned relatively quickly, but the discovery process is not complete even as of yet.
	And so it puts the defendants and their counsel in a very kind of catch-22 situation because while the detained defendants certainly want to have a speedy trial and they want to try to get out of detention as fast as possible,
	they obviously also want to be able to be effectively sort of prepared for trial.
	So it's a very challenging situation.
	The judges do have authority under the Speedy Trial Act, relatively broad authority, in the quote-unquote interest of justice to extend that time, which they have routinely been doing.
	But this is largely a situation that is caused by the fact that the government charged so many people so quickly without having the evidence, the discovery lined up, which is really typically the way it's supposed to occur.
	But we've got guys in there for like Ethan Nordine and Joe Biggs have been there for 10 months in the shoe.
	No chance of bail, and they can't go into GenPop because they'll foment a revolution.
	How this is Venezuela?
	But if I can be a little bit of a conspiracy theorist here, which, you know, obviously, you know, we can.
	Does it have anything to do with the fact that discovery would lead to discovery on the other side as well?
	So they're trying to put it off as long as possible to try to get it out of the minds of people in order to say not let everyone know that there were a fuckload of feds involved?
	So look, there are lots of people that are commenting on that sort of issue online, and there's lots of speculation about it.
	Again, there's lots of things that I would like to say that I simply can't about these cases.
	Sounds like a yes.
	That sounds like a yes.
	Yes, so.
	Oh, you just said yes.
	Yeah, so it's a bit, look, it's not a good situation for the people that are detained.
	You know, they're in very, very bad conditions.
	That is not a facility, the one that they're in in Washington, D.C., you know, that is designed to hold people, you know, long-term.
	It's a very, very unpleasant place.
	John, do you think they'd be getting the same treatment if they were island boys who don't have max with the toys?
	They got some island boys.
	So elaborate on that a little bit more fun.
	They were from the islands.
	Thanks for letting me call in.
	Gav, just so you know, last time I called in, I asked about the vaccine exemption, and I got it.
	So I just wanted to at least pass along a little bit of good news before I got to.
	How did you get it?
	Being a giant fag?
	Kind of.
	So I filed a religious exemption as a Satanist because Satanist tenets is that one's own body is inviolable and subject to one's own will alone.
	And I thought, huh, I wonder if I go full-on woke for my religious exemption, if they'll give it to me.
	And I'll be fucked they did.
	That's amazing.
	Where do you live?
	What state?
	So I currently live in the very heart of the Midwest, right here in Missouri.
	Okay, you're going to say Missouri next time.
	Wow, that's amazing.
	I was going to not say it, and then I'm going to.
	Yeah, the feds are not going to jump into the telephone wires.
	Don't people from Missouri call it Missouri?
	Yeah.
	Are you going to go a Mizu on my ass?
	I beat up a guy from Missouri once.
	He said he's going to go Mizu on my ass.
	Oh, I don't give a fuck.
	Beat up everybody in Missouri.
	We're the meth capital of the world.
	Are you kidding me?
	So that's amazing.
	You got away by saying you're a Satanist.
	Another one of my friends did that, too, in Canada.
	Satanist?
	He got a lot of Christians turned down, but out of all the people that were turned down, only the Satanists actually got that.
	You know what?
	Satanists are particularly litigious, and Christians are not.
	I wouldn't be surprised if bureaucrats see Satanism and they're like, this sounds like one of those independent citizens kind of thing.
	He's a fan of the private sector.
	I'm just a traveler.
	What are those called again?
	The free citizens, sovereign citizens?
	I'm just traveling.
	I was traveling at a velocity in a vehicle.
	I was not speeding.
	It's like the physics thing.
	I know how fast I'm going or I know where I'm going.
	I don't know both.
	Sorry.
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, I guarantee you they know Satanists as litigious.
	So what's the moral of that story?
	Get litigious.
	I don't like it, but it worked for Scientologists and Proud Boys need to start suing.
	Proud boys need to start sending legal letters to everyone who calls them white nationalists starting tomorrow.
	It's the only way.
	I don't like this setup.
	I like handshake deals and punches in the face.
	But if you want to stray from that and you put us in a world where we're constantly getting fired for rumors, okay.
	We'll fight you in the courts.
	Fine.
	You win.
	Next call.
	Calvin's calling about video games.
	Is he an island boy?
	I'm an island boy.
	We always forget the next part.
	I think they do too.
	Something about your vest.
	And I'm just trying to make it.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Okay, before I get into it, I just want to know, is John Pierce an ass man or a tip man?
	Great question.
	Yeah, I tend to get myself in enough trouble as it is without kind of venturing into this territory.
	So I'll leave it to Gavin to guess.
	He's been pretty insightful about me today so far.
	So I'll just leave it to Gavin to.
	I appreciate that, John.
	Absolutely.
	I appreciate you handing me the torch.
	Sure.
	His background is athletics.
	His ex-wife was a soccer star.
	They tend not to be having a lot of junk in the trunk, soccer women.
	I'm going to go with Tipman.
	He's Irish.
	He's from Pittsburgh.
	I don't see him as a giant ass dude.
	I'm going to go with Titman.
	And you can tell by the giggles that I've hit the nail on the heads.
	I've hit the head on the nipples.
	He's a tip man.
	And that's how titmen giggle too.
	That's the name of my first book, Titmen Giggle 2.
	One of these days when I'm not a lawyer anymore, I'm going to come back on the show and then I'll really be able to talk.
	We can finally get to the truth.
	Sorry, we missed that caller.
	You've been getting lied to about video games.
	When people play as a woman and they say it's for the thinner waist so they don't get hit.
	Yeah, but it's not true.
	It's what?
	Yeah, that's not true.
	Every character has a hitbox is what they're called, where that's the part where if you get shot, it does damage.
	And for the men and the women, it's the exact same.
	They don't make it easier for the switching to a woman.
	That's a complete lie.
	Because the original story he told me was, you have to buy skins to be a dude.
	And I'm like, uh, empty my bank account.
	We're making you 90 dude skins.
	He's like, okay, good.
	And then I turn around and I see some fucking hot chick.
	And like, there's like three or four dudes using chicks in Fortnite.
	The fuck.
	And grown men do it, too.
	It's, it's disgusting.
	Yeah, it's like Chun Lee in Street Fighter 2, which we have here in the audience.
	I'm kind of disappointed Ryan hasn't pointed this out because he's a video game player.
	Dude, he plays chicks.
	No.
	He's fucking running around with a gorgeous ass and like lambskins on himself, fighting dragons as a chick.
	That's actually, I'm going to step in here real quick.
	My boy Ryan, he sat over here for a second.
	It comes down to his hand, where you get to play.
	What was the game, Jesse Peterson?
	What was your game?
	Oh, yeah.
	Horizon Dawn or something like that.
	Anyway, we used to play that, but we didn't have the video game.
	So we used to throw rocks at each other and say, Horizon Zero Dawn.
	And whoever got bleed first, whoever got bleed first would die, usually.
	I'm really understanding you, Jesse.
	Anyway, so when Ryan...
	Why was he a chick in that game?
	I'm trying to explain.
	When Ryan can pick a character, if he can pick boy and girl, he'll pick a boy.
	But in that game, Glavin?
	Glavin, yeah.
	Glavin.
	Glavin.
	Glavin.
	But people say Glavin, they get my name wrong.
	I don't care.
	I'm Glavin you said that because I do like to have options.
	So anyway, what I will say is that when Ryan can pick a candidate, he picks a boy.
	And by the way, he's not a nerd, so he doesn't know about the hit points.
	So wait a minute.
	Do these games start you off as a chick and then you have to earn the right to be a dude?
	Yeah, I don't play a lot of games.
	I'll tell you what.
	That's a weird thing to do to young men.
	You have to earn the right to be a man.
	You're going to be a woman until you earn your balls.
	Yeah, it's almost like Indian karma where you come back.
	If you're good, you come back as a man.
	If you're bad, you're going to stay with Tilly's.
	No, I think if you're bad with Indian karma, you're like a rabbit or a donkey.
	Damn.
	Which is the woman or the animal kingdom.
	Okay, thanks, Jesse.
	Let's take another call.
	Jesse.
	Ryan, you got to get rid of that painting behind you.
	I cannot look at it.
	It's the worst painting that has ever been painted in life.
	Why don't you take it to the camera right now and just tear it in half?
	I can't control my camera.
	This fucking side.
	Oh, wait, I can.
	Okay, cool.
	That is so bad.
	By the way, that's not a four.
	It's the skeleton.
	This took me like an hour of staring at this piece of garbage.
	No.
	It's the skeleton grabbing, like, I assume that's you.
	That's a man dressed as a clown.
	And he's losing his heart to the time, to money.
	I don't know.
	What?
	Love as a price tag, and that's time.
	But he's got money in his hand.
	And death is taking him away.
	It says, oh, your time's up.
	You know, it reminds me when people go, I wish my dog could talk.
	I wonder what he's saying.
	This is what your dog is saying.
	If you could get your dog to do a painting, it would be that shitty.
	He's taking your dog painting.
	He's getting taken away from life and he's got money to.
	Rip it up, please.
	But, please just burn it with a lighter.
	But he can't afford happiness and love because the price tag is just time.
	He's only got money.
	But that doesn't make any sense.
	Tell that to them.
	The penis coffee mug I bought in Paris in Pigal is way more meaningful than your painting.
	And it's much better.
	It's much more professional.
	I disagree.
	Well, hey, callers, call in and say, what would you rather own?
	That penis mug?
	Where the handle's a dick in an ass?
	Or Ryan's weird, like, skeleton taking a guy away because he doesn't have time for love, but he has money?
	Like, who is this guy?
	Jeffrey Epstein?
	It's based on a Toto song.
	What's a Toto song?
	Love Isn't Always On Time.
	I'm just kidding.
	That's a joke.
	It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.
	This guy's calling about Jimmy Fallon or something.
	Did you hear that?
	Someone in the background is like, hey, butthole.
	Say, butthole.
	This is the level of intelligence with our fans.
	It doesn't matter, bro.
	Hey, man.
	Your friend wants you not to forget buttholes.
	Buttholes.
	Yeah, come on.
	Such a funnier word than anus or asshole.
	I want to say it to a doctor.
	I'm worried about my butthole.
	What do you want?
	What?
	What do we want?
	Are you perchance stone?
	What the fuck are you standing there looking like a bunch of fucking retards?
	Now we're just listening to a man's private conversation.
	We look like retards?
	Yeah, if I were going, I'd say bye.
	Dude, what the fuck did you just say, old ass man?
	All right.
	Thanks for calling.
	That was great.
	Nice work, boys.
	They always say, like, everyone needs a voice in America.
	Why is it only the select few get a voice?
	Okay, here's a voice.
	What do you have to say, rest of America?
	Fucking buttles.
	Vicky, you look at retards.
	Thank God we got everyone's opinion.
	Maddie, I bet if you turned down the censored sign, it would be legible.
	Oh, on the left.
	I don't think that has a fucking...
	This is on and off.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, you're right.
	Yeah.
	It's the other lights that have the dial on them.
	When I made those signs, he wouldn't let me do a dial.
	Damn.
	He said it's not possible for white light.
	White light?
	What a joke.
	Find your line.
	He was from Vietnam.
	This is Lewis on the line.
	Can you hear me?
	Yes.
	Hey, how's it going, you bunch of faggots?
	Well, that hurts, but yeah, we're good.
	No, no, no, no, no, not you, only Ryan.
	Only Ryan.
	Okay.
	I'm not a man.
	I had a funny story about Rikers.
	What?
	I had a funny story about a tranny at Rikers.
	Okay.
	Are you at Rikers?
	Are you a CO?
	No, no, no, no.
	So I was there.
	I don't want to say why because it would probably dox me.
	But I was there for about a month last year from January to February.
	So just to be clear, you're a man who was in Rikers prison jail, and your concern is we might find out who you are and you would be embarrassed that you called into censored.tv.
	Despite the fact that you're an ex-con.
	No, no, no, I'm innocent.
	I'm innocent.
	That's what they all say, right?
	Okay.
	So spending a month in Rikers is far less embarrassing than watching this show.
	Yeah, very true.
	Anyhow, so there was this black guy that I met in there who was about 27, and he was an ex-pimp, and he was in there for pistol whipping one of his whores because he was smoking his mask.
	And I find out this guy's like a huge fucking rap sheet.
	His name's Che.
	And he's getting this special treatment from all of the COs.
	And I'm like, you know, what's going on here?
	Something doesn't add up.
	So I talked about it.
	What kind of special treatment?
	Like chocolate shakes and extra Scrabble pieces?
	Like peace and legends?
	He's able to stay out of his cell after lock-in.
	He's able to, you know, get more than the limit on commissary.
	He gets extra food.
	You know, special privileges.
	He wasn't bearing the brunt of it.
	And so then I come to find out that he's always going down every day to the medical unit.
	And it's because he's registered as a tranny.
	But he's not trans.
	You see, he explains this to me.
	He's just a homo.
	And so he's registered as a tranny.
	And I say, you know, why are you doing this?
	He says, oh, it's very easy.
	Anytime one of the captains comes through and catches me with a contraband or I poke someone, I stab someone, and then I get locked up and they start fucking with me.
	I call in to the 311 line.
	And because of de Blasio's policies, if you file a complaint from within the prison system that they're abusing a transgender, all hell breaks loose.
	We get investigators come in.
	And so this guy shows me, I'm like, so do this.
	So he calls in, says a complaint, says that one of the captains is harassing him and making anti-transgender remarks, and then calls the Legal Aid Society.
	And within a day, we have investigators coming in and stopping everything and questioning this guy and segregating him and then locking everyone down.
	And it's like this guy was fucking untouchable.
	And all he had to do was just get an estrogen shot.
	And he got released within like a week.
	His balls were smaller.
	He had a slightly higher voice, but he lived like a king.
	Yeah.
	So why was it?
	Do you think he was released early also because of this shit?
	Oh, 100%.
	You know, you have a black gay guy.
	What's the one way to get a little bit better in the system?
	You say you're trans.
	Say you're trans, and if you're already a homo, it gives you nicer skin, you get the estrogen treatment.
	You should really look into it, Gavin.
	I hear that you can change your passport, you can become gender neutral.
	I think it might be, you know, it's some double Jeopardy stuff for you.
	Just God forbid, if you ever get in trouble, say you're trans.
	Yeah.
	Okay, thanks for calling.
	Ryan, why did you go and bring John at water who has a full pint of water next to him?
	I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
	Why don't you focus on your job and not bringing people who have a water, a water?
	Speaking of while I can't, but Justice Smalley.
	Tell John, why are you drinking out of that and not your glass?
	He brought it to me and I feel it's the polite thing to do to actually.
	It's guilt water.
	Don't drink your guilt water.
	Just Mollet trial reaches a verdict.
	Why are we talking about this?
	Because we don't know anything.
	Oh, yeah, we know what happened.
	A verdict means nothing to me.
	Oh, they announced what the verdict was.
	What's the verdict?
	He's guilty on five counts and not guilty on one count, but he's guilty on five counts.
	Okay, but if this is just going to be probation, it doesn't mean anything to me.
	If it's a year probation, total, total charges, that's a non-existent thing.
	I think there were felonies, so I don't think you'd get a year, the minimum, five years, as felony probation.
	Ooh, now we're getting...
	John, I don't like the look of water bottles on bars.
	Can you hide that?
	No problem.
	You get it.
	So, Maddie, you think it could be five years?
	Well, felony probation is five.
	Well, New York, I don't know about Illinois.
	But felony probation in New York is five years.
	What do you think, John?
	Oh, I have not the slightest idea about what the law in Illinois is on this.
	I just haven't been following it.
	But do you, John, do you think it's not possible that he might get away with just probation despite five?
	I'm doubtful he'll get away with just probation in light of kind of how much he sort of put the city through and he kept lying and he.
	He got away with it.
	Everything was done.
	Okay, Jesse, your prank didn't work.
	Move on.
	He goes, I'm actually suing the city for wasting my time.
	No, we're suing you for wasting our time, fuckhead.
	What a moron.
	Yeah, that was not very smart.
	The problem is he's going to thoroughly enjoy every day in prison.
	The only person who's not going to enjoy it is his anal lips.
	I think when they dragged him away, his mouth was going, yeah!
	And his asshole was going, no.
	He'll never be in general population if he goes to jail.
	Why?
	Because of his celebrity status.
	His what?
	Because of his celebrity status.
	So that's a thing where celebrities are going to get beat up?
	Well, you know, they say it's going to disrupt the day-to-day operations and safety and security of the institution.
	Maybe now that you're a regular part of this show, you won't be able to be in gen pop next time you go to the other side.
	I mean, he could, like, if it's a big enough personality or somebody, the prison itself puts you in there.
	You don't have a choice in the matter.
	It's not like he'll, he could sign into protective custody, but like I said, if you're too much of a famous person or they think that something's going to happen to you or you're going to get extorted, it's called administrative segregation.
	You'll be in the shoe for ad sec.
	Administrative segregation.
	Administrative segregation.
	Is it better in there?
	No, it sucks.
	23 and 1.
	So it's the shoe.
	Yeah.
	So it's the same as if you punched a CO in the face.
	Right, there's a little difference if you're in there for disciplinary.
	I guess if you get in trouble, you get written up and you go in front of your disciplinary hearing and all that shit and you get sent to the shoe, you get a lot more stuff stripped away from you.
	Like when you're on administrative segregation, you can still order food and stuff from commissary and stuff like that.
	Like when you're on disciplinary segregation, you can only get hygiene products and shit.
	But you're still locked in the same cell for 20 days.
	Still 23 and 1.
	Right.
	You got to rotate cells every 21 days, I believe.
	Okay, now I'm feeling kind of bad.
	I want Jesse to suffer, because my friends have suffered, but I don't really want him to be in the shoe for four years.
	That seems a little rich for a prank.
	I want to do a year even?
	That even sounds like a lot.
	I said it's up to the prison administration.
	As a judge, I would do six months in the shoe.
	The judge really doesn't have anything to do with inside of the Department of Corrections.
	They can recommend anything they want, but it doesn't get followed.
	I thought the jury comes up with a guilty verdict, and then it's up to the judge to how much he follows the pattern.
	Couldn't a judge say zero to 100?
	The judge does the sentencing, but what Maddie's saying, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, is once they're sentenced and they're in the Bureau of Prisons or the equivalent in the state.
	DOC or whatever.
	That doesn't have anything to do with the judge anymore in terms of whether they're in solitary or right, I understand.
	But you know he's going to the shoe because he's a celebrity.
	Right.
	So if I was a judge, I think I would give him six months knowing he's going to inevitably go to the shoe.
	I mean, we all hate Jussie, but three years, come on.
	I think what you just suggested would be a pretty reasonable.
	Six months.
	I think that's pretty reasonable.
	He would do it at a county jail.
	And the worst part for Jussie is in six months in the shoe, he's not going to get fucked in the ass.
	Double punishment.
	I could not imagine not getting fucked in the ass for six months.
	I'd kill myself.
	I was fucked in the ass an hour before the show.
	We have a fluffer here.
	That's gay.
	I'm just kidding, Owen.
	I don't have a fluffer.
	I didn't know you were here.
	Oh, okay.
	Because then you'd be gay bear.
	Yeah, I'm doing a gay joke.
	It's like my only two jokes are, I'm going to fuck you or I'm going to fight you.
	That's basically all I got.
	That's fine, but what about throwing some like bear jokes in there?
	You're like, hey, does your back itch?
	Why don't you go rub it on a tree?
	Get some honey.
	I don't get that.
	How is that a thing?
	It's about bears.
	It's a bear joke.
	It's definitely about bears.
	There's no doubt that was about bears.
	You brought in all the top bear shit.
	Honey, scratching.
	That's all bear shit.
	Everyone knows about that.
	But I don't get how that's a joke.
	Well, what about when you rummage through garbage?
	It's like, is the earth flat in here?
	No, it's round.
	Get your band.
	Bear.
	Maybe your tiny brain gets so consumed with doing an imitation that as far as coming up with what to say, there's only 1% left.
	Bears.
	Just bear with me.
	Oh, there we go.
	He had to pause and cut away, and he got a pun out of it.
	He almost fucking got a hernia.
	He had an aneurysm.
	Thinking so hard.
	He literally had to wipe the sweat from his brow.
	You can have an aneurysm on a toilet.
	You never know.
	Bear thee.
	That's true.
	All right, let's take another call.
	Bear the brunt of it.
	Texas childhood.
	I grew up with the...
	We couldn't indulge in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of it.
	I was raised in a tradition that believed in the privilege of the privilege of the myths and the privilege because we had to bear the brunt of it.
	I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
	What's with the neck?
	Like, I grew up in a home that didn't have the privilege of the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of it.
	That's the thing about having an afro.
	You can do shit like that because it's not going to tussle your hair.
	I can't do that.
	Look, I already got strays.
	I grew up in a family that couldn't indulge in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of it.
	He does not look happy that you're giving him criticism.
	Sorry, Eddie.
	Last name, Latin for lame.
	Do it again.
	I can't get enough.
	This guy's my coach.
	I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
	Oh, bear the brunt of them.
	That makes sense.
	The myths and the legends.
	Plural.
	Yes, that's MSNBC, John.
	He goes off at a, I'd say a two-minute diatribe, and the white other guests, co-hosts, et cetera, are so petrified of getting fired that as he berates them and touches them too, like holds onto them, they all just go, mm, mmm,
	mmm, mmm, petrified of offending this fucking Martin Luther King dipped in clown sauce.
	Who do we got next?
	We got Texas child custody.
	That old subject that I'm a total expert on.
	Sounds like an A and it's a very difficult situation.
	Very difficult situation.
	So you are going to your son's stepfather's house to get your son at 3 p.m. for custody, but then your son's stepfather, he comes up with the guns.
	What do you do?
	Hey, Christopher Walkins, a shitty joke, or is that like you asking a question?
	Remember that guy who tried to pick up his son and he got shot?
	That's what he's talking about.
	Yeah, maybe John should handle this.
	I'm lost.
	Yeah, John.
	Well, it is a very unfortunate situation.
	Well, there's a guy who went to pick up his kid and he's arguing with his ex-wife and her new husband or boyfriend comes out, tells him to get off his property.
	And he doesn't, and the guy ends up shooting him, killing him.
	Yeah.
	Which is in Texas, if you're told to get off somebody's property and you don't, they can...
	Well, they have the Castle Doctor.
	Castle Doctrine's all over the South, right?
	Certain states.
	I mean, New York has a Castle Doctrine.
	It's the only place you don't have to try to retreat.
	My buddy from the Army said that you can't fire off a warning shot because that's illegal.
	But this guy, he fires off a warning shot.
	So already there's something there for why the guy was trying to fight the guy, trying to take his gun.
	Wait, are you doing a Christopher Walking imitation or that's your voice?
	I just always talk like this, you know?
	And you live in...
	My nearly child is a child.
	All right, thanks for calling.
	I don't like your voice.
	Too hard.
	Too many jokes, too many layers.
	You can call in and do a jokey voice, and that's your thing.
	You can call in with a real question about castle doctrine.
	You can't do both.
	We're sitting here trying to parse your joke and then answer your question about the law.
	No.
	Next fucking call.
	Okay.
	Thanks for calling.
	All right.
	I believe this is if.
	I should probably wrap this up early, I think.
	We've got a fantabulous guest here.
	We can't be dragging it out.
	Jeff.
	Hello, Jeff.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Hey, I had a follow-up for the John question earlier.
	Good.
	So with the January 6th horse shit, obviously it's, you know, it's what it is at this point, but do they, in the long run,
	once everything starts to get settled out, do they have a case against, I guess, whatever district court they're in or U.S. government against their Sixth Amendment rights violation for just sitting and holding and holding and holding them?
	Yeah, so I mean, look, it depends on each particular case, and it depends on the circumstances of each case.
	I mean, there's certainly, look, there's already been a finding by District Judge Lamberth in the case of my former client, Christopher Worrell, that his civil rights were violated because he didn't get the appropriate medical treatment for his cancer condition.
	He's dead now.
	Right?
	No, no.
	Certainly die?
	I certainly hope not.
	No, I don't believe he is.
	But he was released by Judge Lambert from pretrial detention because of the failure of the Bureau of Prisons to give him any kind of adequate medical treatment for his cancer.
	And the judge found that there were, I believe, found that there were civil rights violations in that instance and held, I think it was the Bureau of Prisons in contempt and ordered an investigation by the Department of Justice.
	So, you know, certainly in that case, there's already been a finding of civil rights violations.
	And, you know, I'm sure there will be.
	That doesn't count.
	That's cancer.
	What about all of the others who were meandering and were sentenced and they turned trespassing into what's the 1522 thing again?
	The 1512 charge?
	Yeah, what's that again?
	That's essentially obstruction of an official proceeding of Congress.
	That charge is being challenged in, and that's the sort of the big felony charge that they're trying to hit people with where they think that they can, because that's the one that has a 20-year maximum sentence.
	Now, that statute is being challenged in dozens of cases as being unconstitutional, both sort of on its face as being too vague and as opposed to...
	Well, it's also been going on forever.
	And in the past two years, how many public governmental buildings have been destroyed, burnt?
	They've had, how many city halls have been stormed?
	Obstructing government bureaucrats from doing their job has been happening on a daily basis now for two years.
	Well, it happened in the Capitol with respect to the Kavanaugh hearings.
	It's happened all the time.
	I mean, a federal courthouse in Portland was under siege for over 100 days, and you had folks who were trying to burn individuals alive inside of it.
	You have multiple instances in state capitals in which there have been demonstrations that certainly appear to be designed to disrupt those proceedings.
	And so really, what you're looking at, and I think what is self-evident with respect to what's happening in the country right now, and again, I can't refer to the January 6th cases in which I represent people, but generally speaking, I think a lot of Americans are seeing that we basically have two systems of justice to a certain extent in this country right now.
	And like we talked about earlier, that's a very dangerous, slippery slope.
	Because if folks in a free republic do not feel that there is an equal, fair system of justice, and if they don't feel like there's an election system that has integrity to it, that's not a good recipe for holding together the fabric of a free republic.
	Well, just to tease our conversation that will be airing probably in about a week, black, poor, brainwashed BLM Americans think that America's out to get them, and if they do something wrong, the justice system will let them down and cops will throw them under the bus and there'll be no fairness in a court of law.
	And that's true for patriots these days.
	So the irony is BLM, if they're worried about supporting the oppressed, they should support the January 6th meanderers because these are the ones who genuinely have the systemic bigotry against them.
	It's not true for blacks, but it is true for patriots, especially white trash patriots.
	I mean, the real reason, if we're honest, they attacked Kyle Rittenhouse is because he's white trash.
	If he was wealthy, if he was a member of a long-standing family, you'd never have heard of him.
	But because he's a hillbilly, they couldn't wait to fucking eat him alive.
	Right, John?
	Well, I'm thrilled that he was acquitted and he should have been acquitted because he was totally innocent and it was perfect self-defense is what I have to say to that.
	Did you not be honest right now on the air?
	Is it true that you did heroin with Kyle Rittenhouse many times?
	Fortunately, that is not accurate.
	Okay.
	Is it true you guys hosted gay orgies in the hotel?
	Just be honest.
	Again, fortunately, that is not accurate.
	That is not true.
	Okay.
	I think it's...
	Oh my God, Kyle Rittenhouse.
	I think it's time to be honest about this.
	And we did do those things.
	Looks like it's Smurf.
	So it's not a rumor.
	So Kyle Rittenhouse, you're admitting that there was gay orgies at the hotel room and you guys did tons of heroin.
	They couldn't be gay or Gavin.
	There was, you know, whatever the equivalent of boobs on a woman was, but the guy version.
	I think that's butt cheeks.
	There were butt cheeks and lots of heroin, like you said.
	Why did you throw Proud Boys under the bus, Kyle?
	We had your back like crazy until Dave fucking fraud Kenhauser.
	I'm just going to say this.
	My ass hurts, but it's not from the gay stuff I did with John.
	It's because there's a hand up my ass using me as a puppet to say, you know, things I'll say.
	But hopefully that's not gross.
	I like how you're being diplomatic about what you say.
	You don't want to burn any bridges, but you are confessing to gay orgies.
	Right.
	Well, it's 2021, and that's not a problem.
	It's actually gay not to be gay.
	So I don't want to speak out of turn, but there was plenty of gay orgies.
	It's funny that my brain goes to that as the worst two things in the world you could possibly do, right?
	Heroin and gay orgies.
	Yeah.
	Which is somebody's idea of a great time.
	It's like, I've done half those things.
	You're really?
	I hope.
	The subject of heroin has come up multiple times today.
	Well, I mean, half the country's on it.
	Look at the Oxy pandemic.
	The Oxy epidemic.
	Everyone's on fucking Oxy.
	And as far as gay orgies, that's 100% of gays.
	There's no gays.
	There's no chaste gays.
	There's no gays that like fell in love with their high school sweetheart.
	Notice I'm making a fist.
	All right, next call.
	All right, we got.
	I'm not still on.
	We don't get two things, though, sir, so I'm going to have to drop you.
	No, you're done, dude.
	By the way, from my puking, not only do I have David Beckham's body, but every time I barf, I mean, every time I barf, every time I hiccup, it feels like I'm getting punched in the tits.
	Like, it is a workout, that barfing.
	Jesus.
	Very violent.
	This guy's talking about cars.
	It sounds like something out of Star Wars.
	That's a really great TIE fighter.
	Yeah, it sounds like a TIE fighter.
	I remember in the show, the Sarah Silverman show, Jay Johnson has a quote where he goes, he's a cop in the show.
	And he goes, as a cop, I've seen things that would make you crap a book on how to puke.
	And I go to Jay.
	I know him.
	I go, that's the funniest thing that's ever been said.
	He said, I think Dan Harmon wrote it.
	I go, I want to literally write a book on how to puke.
	It'll probably just be a fanzine, just so I can put it up my ass and pretend to shit it out because I want to be part of that.
	I want to experience that.
	And then I thought, well, I have to figure out how to puke.
	Here's how to puke.
	Don't put your head down in the toilet.
	It goes up your nose.
	You want to put your chin over the lip of the thing, the basin, and go so it comes out this way and gravity pulls it down and not up your nose.
	This is inviting nasal barf, which is the worst because you finally experience the euphoria of the barfs are over and now you've got to blow your nose and get that fucking diesel gasoline out of your sinuses.
	If you're just sitting there going straight out, nothing's going in your nose.
	And once you're done that third puke, and don't kid yourself, it's not going to be one.
	It's at least three.
	And when you're done the third TIE fighter, you wipe this fucking bile off your mustache and you're free for at least two hours.
	Here, here, do the scene, but you're the TIE Fighter.
	Okay.
	We got him.
	We got the fucking TIE Fighter.
	That one almost.
	That's a loud TIE Fighter.
	Why are they so loud today?
	I missed it.
	Did you miss that one?
	Yeah, you can still hear it.
	My wife put like a, it was actually a Bubba and Hanks cooler.
	No offense, Bubba and Hanks.
	I know this is not great advertising.
	But she brought me a Bubba and Hanks cooler that I was keeping my beer in.
	She emptied out the beer and put that by the bed.
	And I'm like, I got like one of my boys sleeping in the bed with us.
	I'm not going to barf on the side of the bed with like two other family members as I sit there going, like I'm yelling.
	I have to be in, even with the bathroom with the door closed, it's waking up the house.
	Who, what kind of selfish asshole that's not a kid barfs on the side of the bed?
	Did you wind up barfing on the side of the bed?
	What?
	Did you wind up doing it anyway, even though you said you wouldn't?
	Ryan, I just spent five minutes explaining why it's wrong to barf by the side of the bed.
	I still don't have to.
	I just explained the logic behind it, and then you go, did you barf by the side of the bed?
	I think you could still think it's terrible and all the things that you said and then also still have done it.
	You shouldn't rape kids.
	It's wrong.
	It destroys their life.
	It destroys their family's life.
	Family's going to kill you.
	Did you rape that kid?
	No.
	I didn't do the thing that I was just saying is a terrible thing.
	Okay.
	That's my past two days.
	I believe you, Gavin.
	Thank you.
	Gavin's a good guy.
	You know, someone made a joke about raping a kid, and I thought he never raped a kid.
	That makes him a good guy.
	He's a good guy.
	That'd be a t-shirt we should make.
	Don't rape kids.
	Never have, never will.
	No circumstances would I. Yeah, no thanks.
	Want me to rape a kid?
	You got the wrong guy.
	True hero.
	You're so not raping kids.
	Okay, now I'm doing the thing I hate where SNL and mainstream comedians will do all kinds of kid sex jokes, but they won't make fun of Muslims or Jews or do anything racial.
	Oh, but you do that too.
	Nigger Kaike Muhammad cartoon.
	Now we're even.
	Sorry to have John on the screen as you did that.
	Let me try it again.
	Nigger Kaik Muhammad cartoon.
	Okay, now we have this guy calling about cars.
	Cars.
	312, you're on the line.
	Yo, yo.
	You're on.
	What's up, Gab?
	What's up, Maddie?
	Hey, man.
	What is John?
	Chop liver?
	What's up, Brian?
	No, no, John.
	You're close.
	Listen, I wanted to know what exactly are you looking for in a car?
	Well, I got sent it actually the other day.
	And it is a beauty, a flaming beauty.
	And it was a Jaguar from 1990.
	It had, I think, 30 mile, 30 miles, 30,000 miles on it.
	And it was a 1997 Jaguar XJR.
	And I was like, you know, I like older cars than that, but, you know, I want power steering and air conditioning and all that shit.
	And at least 20 grand.
	Whoa.
	I mean, I could go to 30 if you found me God?
	But I'm not going to fucking 50 or 60 for something that's going to cost me 20 grand a year.
	Guaranteed.
	You've had this conversation with Maddie?
	Yeah.
	What does Maddie suggest?
	Maddie's a BMW guy.
	As am I. I sensed to a car that you put on the show.
	It was early 90s M5.
	So an early 90s M5 has fuel injection, right?
	Everything is modern in that?
	Correct?
	It's basically the same as the modern one.
	Let's pull that up.
	Let's pull up an early 90s M5.
	I just lost an M5 to the storm.
	But I didn't like the edges.
	Ooh, that's a beaut.
	Dude.
	What year is that?
	Wait, that looks like a hatchback.
	Here we go.
	See, the problem with that.
	Oh, that's...
	Are you sure that's early 90s?
	Yeah.
	Promise, Ryan, that would have been 80s.
	I think that was early 90s.
	Do you like 1992 M5?
	Because all of those look 80s.
	Those are going to skyrocket in value.
	Yeah, they're already going nuts.
	And it's weird because you go, it's a bad time to buy a used car.
	But it's also good because the resale value is up there.
	And these things go up.
	That's a very pretty car.
	Look at that fucking front grill.
	Aggressive grille.
	Yep.
	Wow.
	That is a lovely vehicle.
	Okay, so...
	I'll continue to send suggestions.
	Okay, thanks.
	Thank you.
	Is that really helpful?
	I mean, sure.
	Okay, do you want to buy a BMW?
	Yes.
	Okay, but like, you want to buy an old BMW?
	What about an early 90s BMW?
	Yeah, that's old, and it's a BMW.
	Hey, you want to buy an old Jaguar?
	What about a 90s Jaguar?
	Yeah, that fits the criteria.
	Thanks for your help.
	Island boys.
	Ooh, we got an exciting question.
	Do you like gentlemen from the Caribbean?
	Yeah, what about some Island boys?
	Okay, we got Tony on the line.
	Tony?
	Island boys.
	They're making Island boys moves.
	We got some Island boys.
	I live in a blue state, guys.
	And I'm seeing the tide turn on the masks.
	I walked into my daughter's cheerleading event for the basketball game she was cheerleading for.
	And I'm not fucking kidding.
	There was probably three or four moms drooling over my masculinity of not wearing a mask.
	The kids on the bench were staring at me going, that's a man.
	And then the men in the crowd, they were just going, I'm such a fucking pussy.
	I'm such a cuck.
	Are you positive, sir, this is not you projecting?
	I am not kidding.
	You know, fuck me, eyes.
	When a girl just wants to fuck you, when she gives you that look, I had like three or four of them in like seconds.
	It was just all the women were staring up at me.
	I was way up in the stand.
	They didn't need to be looking up at me.
	And then, to boot, then I take my kid to her birthday party at this like trampoline place.
	The black guy that was like the security guard for the kids, he's yelling at everyone.
	He's like, don't touch that.
	Don't jump on that.
	Don't.
	And then my kids were doing all that shit and he wouldn't fucking say a word because he was fucking scared that I was fucking crazy because I didn't have my mask on.
	He wasn't going to fuck with me.
	So you get the most streak red in the fucking world and you got girls trying to fuck you.
	Kids are trying to, you know, have you be their father.
	And then you've got guys saying this guy's just like Charles Bronson over here.
	And so I'm never wearing a mask again.
	And I do get the occasional Karen.
	I was walking out of the bank the other day and I opened the door for her and I could just, I knew with eyes in the back of my head that she was a liberal, fucking feminist, 60-year-old hag.
	And she goes, oh, thank you.
	Wait a minute.
	Do you not have a mask on?
	No, I'm wearing a mask.
	Should have just said that.
	Yeah, that would have been hilarious.
	I go, nope.
	And she goes, wow.
	And I was just like, if I was quick-witted enough, I would have been like, why are you here?
	There's a fucking drive-through.
	If you're worried about this being the Black Death, why are you just walking around with your little paper mask on?
	You think that's going to protect you?
	You can smell a fart through your mask.
	You can smell COVID through your mask and breathe it into your lungs and die, lady.
	It's like, it's just mind-blowing living in a blue state with COVID because then you go to Texas, Florida, Arizona, South Carolina, Georgia, no one has masks on.
	But in Washington state or California or Oregon, people will try to kill you if you don't have a mask on.
	The best is the dirty looks you get from the liberals when you're in like a convenience store or something.
	And it's just so gratifying.
	It's really like hate has no home here.
	It's just become a meaningless gesture that means I'm part of this tribe and I wouldn't dare stray from this tribe because that's the tribe.
	I have one of those signs down the street from me and I've been so wanting to buy the sign off the censored store and switch it out and see how long it lasts.
	Oh, Do we still sell those?
	What does it say?
	Hit us no home here, has no home here?
	Yeah, I think last I checked, it was there, and I just thought it'd be funny because they look identical.
	Yeah, I mean, the one we were selling on the store and the one that's you know out and about are identical.
	So, anyways, all right, thanks for calling.
	You seem weird.
	John, John.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Sorry, John has a question for John.
	Yes, sir.
	John, does Kyle, is Kyle like cheese pizza or pepperoni pizza?
	Yeah, I actually don't know the answer to that question.
	Do you understand that question?
	Is that an inside joke?
	This is a good question.
	Yeah, no, I understand the question.
	I'm not aware it's an inside joke, but I actually just don't know the answer to the question.
	Oh, man.
	Well, I have to say that.
	Okay, I shouldn't have everybody.
	I'm glad that we let you get one more question in.
	Thank God it didn't cut you off.
	Thanks for calling.
	This is clearly someone on the West Coast who's smoking marijuana.
	Yeah.
	And it is LSD.
	I have no problem with people doing LSD.
	In fact, one of my favorite books is, I believe it's called Free Radicals.
	And it's about all the major discoveries in science that happen from guys who have done LSD.
	It's all these, from Steve Jobs to, what's his name, Robert Watson, James Watson, the DNA guy, talking about how LSD expanded their brain.
	By all means.
	I mean, I don't really want my kids to do it, but I did it, and I get it.
	It's a real brain stretcher.
	But the modern version is marijuana.
	And I mean, don't call into a show if you're on marijuana.
	Don't drive.
	Maybe draw.
	I'm not even sure you should draw on marijuana.
	You might like summon some demons.
	Well, you end up with a painting like Ryan has.
	Yeah.
	I think you're being too flattering.
	That was probably done with a little bit of weed.
	That was weed-induced?
	Probably.
	I used to smoke weed all the time.
	Oh, that's an old painting?
	Yeah.
	Dude, get it out of my life.
	Why did you bring it into the studio?
	Oh, he actually.
	It's bad for the brand.
	He actually painted it.
	I didn't know he painted it.
	Because I'm an island buddy.
	We have a color on the line.
	That clean.
	Wait, they made a song?
	Yeah.
	That's the only word.
	We know who the original Island boys are, though.
	Is it really blown out or is that my speaker?
	Seems to be part of the sound.
	Blown out speakers.
	Yeah.
	Somebody on the line claims to be their fraternal uncle.
	You're on the line.
	Fraternal uncle?
	Hello?
	We'll wait, sir.
	Yeah, this is a scoop.
	There's our second celebrity tonight.
	Okay.
	Say hello to them.
	Hello?
	Hello, Island Boys, Uncle?
	Yes.
	Oh, thank you.
	You didn't.
	Okay.
	What's up?
	Island boys.
	You got to lean your head down.
	You got to rub your hands together.
	Ryan, you got to put something where you can do the island boys.
	But yes, they're horrible.
	These are your nephews?
	Yeah, no, no, they're not.
	But I'm saying that my nephews are Cuban, well, a quarter Cuban, and they obviously work that hard for their college apps.
	So, you know, being blue-eyed white people that happened to have one fourth Cuban, they did that.
	So it worked out great for them to get into school.
	Wait, what the fuck are you talking about?
	Are they Cuban?
	You're trying to be funny and make a point.
	We already outlawed that.
	I lost my tracks.
	Be funny or make a point.
	You know what?
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	Yeah, whatever.
	Yeah, whatever.
	Those are my nephews.
	Well, they're not my nephews, but my people that are quarter Cuban and they got into college.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	They have blue eyes.
	I figured quarter Cubans did get into college.
	I had a hunch.
	But they did have blue eyes.
	My nephews are quarter Cuban and they have blue eyes.
	I better call into a show and let that be known.
	I don't give a fuck if your nephews cover themselves in gasoline and smoke a cigarette right now.
	We only care.
	We care if they're island boys.
	If they're island boys, we do care.
	We're back to one celebrity this show.
	Fucking one.
	You gotta be part of the island, man.
	I mean, have you seen these island kids quarter Cuban?
	They got blue eyes.
	If they go to college, right?
	What do you mean?
	They gotta be part of the island, Joe.
	They gotta be part of the island.
	They put their vests on, boy.
	You know, they do all these crazy things, man.
	But you try to get them to...
	Not college.
	You try to get them in a trade school.
	They got blue eyes.
	Quarter Cuban.
	They got a quarter Cuban, man.
	They got a blue eyes.
	He's the corn pop boys.
	The corn pop boy.
	Got hairy legs.
	Fucking pee pop boy.
	Fucking pee pop boy.
	Fucking.
	The poor boys.
	Okay, bye.
	I love him as an old man at the local bar.
	I'm not bananas about him as a leader of the free world.
	Jay's on the line.
	What's up?
	I ask questions for Maddie O'Dell.
	That's me.
	All right, man.
	So here's the deal.
	I was sitting there at the bar and had a couple of Hell's Angels come in.
	They were driving a van, right?
	They had their colors on.
	So this loudmouth at the bar, he calls them out.
	He goes, hey, you guys aren't supposed to be wearing the colors because you're not on your bikes, right?
	They summarily took his ass out the parking lot and beat the shit out of him.
	Yeah, that would be the appropriate actions.
	Yeah, so here's my question.
	I know he's a loudmouth.
	He probably deserved to get the shit kicked out, but was he right?
	Are they supposed to be wearing the colors when they're not on their bikes?
	He can do whatever he wants.
	He can put his patch on whenever he wants.
	You know what?
	Who's the guy that wants to tell a health agent what he can and the kid do?
	I used to love it.
	I'd be out and about and interact with people, what we would call civilians back in the day, and they would tell me how the club worked.
	And I'd be like, Yeah, what?
	And they're like, Yeah, that's how it works.
	And I'm like, wait a minute.
	I'm not only, I was the president.
	I said, when will you remember that you know how it works?
	Because I'm only the president.
	I think I should know how it works.
	But you're going to tell me.
	You run into a Joe Tonelli that knew about MCs or something?
	He's going to do this now.
	Oh, yeah, Joe.
	He knows everything.
	No, but yeah, that's pretty common.
	Even to this day, people are like, how are you out of?
	They have to kill you.
	I'm like, well, I'm standing in front of you.
	I'm not dead.
	I sat there and shut the fuck up.
	They can do whatever they want to.
	I'm just going to drink my drink.
	I'm good.
	I don't understand what possesses people to go up and just go up to somebody who has no interest in speaking with them at all.
	They probably just wanted to go in there, have a couple of drinks, and leave or whatever, whatever they were doing.
	Why would somebody feel that they have to go up and dictate to these people their opinions?
	But why pick a fight with anyone where you don't know their background or what they're capable of?
	He's probably just trying to show off for some chicks, you know?
	Yeah, you know, we used to have a saying, stupidity is painful.
	And don't let your tongue get your teeth not.
	Can you be a Hell's Angel if you don't own a motorcycle at all?
	Nope.
	You need one.
	Yeah.
	You can.
	It motorcycle club.
	And horse.
	Does it have to be like a Harley or a particular tour?
	Actually, the official rule just has to be bigger than 750 cc's.
	It doesn't mention a manufacturer or a brand name.
	Most ride Harleys.
	There are people within the club that don't, but that's few and far between.
	Interesting.
	All right.
	There you go.
	Thanks for calling.
	Thanks for calling.
	Okay, we're running out of time here.
	We might have one or two calls left, folks.
	A lot of calls this show.
	Getting in touch with our audience.
	This is from Heidi.
	Heidi.
	Hi, guys.
	Hi.
	Hi, this is Heidi.
	I have a question for John.
	I know they did well because he got acquitted, but do you think that you would have done anything different as the defense?
	Did anything they did buy?
	Finally, a good question.
	Well, I mean, thank you for the question.
	His Wisconsin criminal defense lawyers, Mark Richards and Corey, I forget how to pronounce his last name, they did a great job.
	I actually recruited them and convinced them to take the case, and they did a great job.
	Every trial, I mean, it's like a fingerprint.
	I mean, every snowflake.
	I mean, every trial is completely unique based on the personalities of the lawyers, the judge, who ends up being the jury, et cetera.
	I think that, and I didn't actually have that much time to really watch the trial because of the January 6th cases, but I did follow some of the commentary.
	And I heard some of the commentary, the two sort of criticisms I heard, which I don't buy into actually, are number one, that they shouldn't have put Kyle on the stand because the prosecution's case was so weak.
	I was going to ask you that.
	So you think that was a bad move?
	No, no, no.
	I think it was a good move.
	Oh, because that was a very bold move, right?
	Yeah, it's always a risk.
	But, you know, they obviously knew their client well.
	You know, I mean, Kyle, he is a composed young man, and he didn't do anything wrong.
	And so, you know, the jury always wants to hear from the defendant, right?
	It's just that sometimes tactically, you know, it doesn't make sense to put him on the stand if the prosecution did a bad job and if you're worried about how he might perform.
	I think the risk reward calculus here was managed correctly to put him on the stand because they probably anticipated that he would do well, which he did, and that the prosecutor would do terribly, which he did, because those prosecutors are terrible.
	The other criticism that I sort of saw, which I also disagree with this criticism, is that they didn't object enough whenever the prosecutors were cross-examining Kyle, that they should have been objecting much more on technical grounds.
	That's very much a judgmental call in terms of how much to object, and it depends on the flow of the trial, and it depends how the cross-examination is going, because at a certain point in the trial, jurors start to make up their minds.
	And they've kind of reached the point where they feel like they know kind of what happened, and they're ready to kind of get on with things and keep things moving.
	And if the defense attorney objects too much, it can really get irritating to the jury if it's really not a fundamental strategic reason to object.
	And the other thing that can happen if you object too much when your witness is being cross-examined is it can look like you're trying to protect him because he can't handle himself under the cross-examination.
	So I think, you know, and again, I mean, despite some very tough words that I've gotten from the whole camp, including Mark Richards, being objective, I think they did a great job.
	I mean, that's why I recruited them to do it.
	And thankfully, Kyle was acquitted.
	That's right, he did.
	So to answer Heidi's question, would you have done anything differently?
	Well, so from a fundamental standpoint, no, I don't think I would have.
	I mean, my point was about sort of every trial is unique and whatnot, is that a jury trial, a trial is...
	In hindsight, 2020 hindsight, would you have changed anything if you were magic?
	Well, I mean, a trial is a very complex thing.
	It happens over the course of like multiple weeks, right?
	So obviously every lawyer would do something different, but from a fundamental standpoint, in terms of their strategic decisions, no, I don't think...
	Let me back up.
	The one thing I might not have requested is a mistrial without prejudice.
	So they requested a mistrial with prejudice when there was that instance of it became apparent that the prosecution had not provided the HD version of the drone footage.
	And then at some point along the path there, and again, I didn't have time to follow the trial very closely, but at some point along the path, they also asked for a mistrial without prejudice sort of in the alternative.
	I think that things were going so badly for the prosecution and they were going so well for Kyle that I would not have requested that because that ultimately could have led to a retrial if there was a mistrial.
	But again, these are all judgment calls that you're making literally on the fly.
	So it's really tough to, in hindsight, second guess them.
	But by and large, I wouldn't have done anything differently from a sort of fundamental strategic standpoint.
	I think they did a great job.
	What a great ending to our Thursday GOML Live.
	We have Kyle Rittenhouse's OG lawyer here.
	We heard what he would do if he was there.
	And sounds like it would be pretty much the same that got Kyle Rittenhouse off.
	Too bad he threw us all under the bus when he finally did get out.
	But that is the want of teens today.
	I'd like to cordially thank our co-hosts, John Pierce and Maddie Odell.
	Not sure about Ryan Katsu-Rivera.
	We've got some words with him to discuss after the cameras are shut.
	But get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I'm just going to do my job.
	Unbelievably bad.
	That's what I have done for the last 50 years.
	Misinformation.
	It just makes common sense easy minds.

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