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Nov. 19, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

02:16:10

GOML LIVE #124 - TEMPER TEMPER

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	Oh, live from New York.
	It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
	His wonder's already passed, so he's shooting at the bus.
	Keeping guns in his locker and he detenized like it's actually important.
	But he likes a shorted watch him showing up where I'm back and he must be on the back of the bow.
	That sounds good.
	Who's that again?
	Ethan Klein?
	Ethan Ethel Kane.
	Ethel Kane.
	Floridian living in Alabama now.
	It's got kind of an early aughts Canadian kind of vibe.
	Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.
	Welcome, Maddie Odell.
	What's up, everybody?
	Good to see you.
	Perched on his stool like a Glaswegian gangster.
	You look like you're in a documentary about the crimes in Glasgow.
	Oh, shit, I got the wrong glasses on.
	Also, welcome, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
	That's me.
	An inimitable.
	I'm wearing an homage, and you guys didn't get it left.
	Let me go get my glasses.
	Focus on you exclusively.
	I quizzed you, and nobody got it.
	I was holding a thing, and I was walking like this.
	I already forgot it.
	And I played the theme song to the shining, and they still didn't get it.
	But this is my Jack Torrance outfit.
	What do you think, Batty?
	It was tough to, definitely tough to guess.
	I know.
	Especially with the object you had as your axe.
	That's true.
	And I didn't inform you it was an axe.
	Well, especially with your weird Asian plate face and your strange Congolese nose, we're supposed to get Jack Nicholson out of that.
	You know, Lloyd.
	Sorry.
	Sorry if we're not reminded of Jack Nicholson when we look at Mr. Miyagi face down on a plate of glass.
	No.
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	Thank you, Flagshirt.
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	And God bless America.
	Well done.
	What do you make of that?
	Outstanding.
	You know what?
	I'm getting so ripped now that I'm getting these things.
	What are these called?
	Obliques.
	Ribs.
	I'm getting obliques.
	Your obliques are like on the sides above your waist.
	You were oblate in that.
	No, I'm not getting those.
	I'm talking like below the nipple.
	These.
	These aren't obliques.
	My wife points out today.
	Well, the sides would be your lats.
	Right.
	These lats I'm getting?
	Up here.
	Let me see.
	Well, lats are.
	I've been drinking beer all day.
	Yeah, I'm getting lats.
	Wait a minute.
	I showed you where you said the wrong area.
	Then you stood up and showed the same part on your body.
	The obliques or wrong waists are.
	The obliques are above your waistline.
	That must be.
	Obliques.
	See?
	Oh.
	Those are our obliques.
	And lats are both right and wrong.
	Lats are right here.
	That's what I was pointing to.
	Yeah.
	Okay, I'm getting lats.
	Okay, you pointed out obliques, though.
	No, you did, though.
	Human anatomy.
	My wife points out today that my shirt no longer fits.
	Like this.
	Look at this button.
	My pecs are so gigantic.
	You shrunk it in the wash.
	What's with your weird coat?
	Is it an inside-out jean jacket?
	It's a reversible Levi's number with a corduroy maroon on the outside and denim on the inside.
	Yeah, it's not reversible, dude.
	It is.
	No, just because it says it's reversible doesn't mean it's reversible.
	It looks like an inside-out jacket.
	But it's got the pockets.
	Yeah, I know.
	They're wrong.
	Fashion faux pas.
	You think they swindled me?
	No, I think they made an error.
	It's not an inside-out jacket.
	It's an inside-out jacket.
	Is it time yet to what they would call start the show?
	Because if so, I have a debut.
	What do you think, Maddie?
	Should we start the show?
	Sure.
	Okay, actually, I want to talk to Maddie about something publicly.
	Publicly.
	Before we start the show.
	Sure.
	You've had two temper tantrums recently, and I'm concerned about you.
	Concerned.
	This is an intervention.
	I'm not so much concerned about you going back to jail.
	I'm concerned about you having a heart attack if you get in a fight.
	Now he's going to get into a fight because you have a shitty heart.
	Well, we'd have to cross that bridge one.
	Now you should get into a fight if someone slaps an old lady in front of you, but your past two baby monster episodes have not been worth dying for.
	One, Joe Tanelli, said he lowered his voice, I guess.
	What exactly?
	He put some bass in his voice.
	Put some bass in his voice.
	Well, you know, he was trying to, I guess, puff out and do a little peacock.
	But what exactly did he say verbatim?
	A couple people were breaking his balls, and he said something.
	He's like, all right, that's fuck enough, guys.
	You know, I'm not going to fucking deal with this bullshit.
	So I said, ooh, look at you putting a bass in your voice.
	And then he's like, yeah, that's fucking right.
	I said, well, let me tell you something, Joe.
	So it was the, yeah, it's fucking right.
	If you ever fucking speak to me that way again, I'm going to knock the rest of your fucking teeth out.
	And then, you know, I said, I don't know who you think you are.
	You're not that guy.
	And, you know, don't give people the ammunition to break your fucking balls if you can't take it.
	Can I have the firearm, please?
	But you went outside and you were going like this up next to the highway, ready to fight.
	Yeah, he caught a nerve.
	I had a vein was going to burst in my head.
	Okay, Ryan, see if you can find Coco the gorilla doing sign language.
	Okay.
	My angle on this is, and I'm not right or wrong, this is just my opinion, that you'd be right if it was anyone else at the bar, like me or James or anyone who disrespected you or whatever.
	Joe is a monkey.
	He's a gorilla.
	He's not a human.
	So it was a dog that was growling at you.
	There's Coco looking at a viewfinder.
	That's who is talking shit.
	It's precedent.
	Some old habits die hard.
	Like, I just can't, I can't tolerate it.
	I understand.
	And if it was Jose and he said, fuck you, bitch, what you're going to do, you'd be totally justified.
	And if he died of a heart attack or went to jail for that fight, people go, well, he shouldn't have done that to Maddie.
	But I'm trying to put Joe in another category.
	He's coke.
	Yeah, but it still doesn't excuse it.
	Yes, it does.
	No, because somebody else could have been sitting in the bar and seen Joe address me that way, and then they feel that they can address me that way, and then they get knocked out.
	That's a strong point.
	It's like in gangs in New York, where they're like, if somebody does something to me, I cut their hand off.
	And if not, then I cut their...
	You know, I don't talk disparagingly or down to or try to embarrass anybody that I consider a friend.
	So if I don't let my friends address me that way, I'm not going to let people I don't know address me that way.
	And that's the basic rule of that.
	Okay, touche.
	All right, you may win this round.
	Case number two.
	We're at the bar and football, college football, and one of the teams is wearing camo.
	And one of the guys goes, seems kind of weird that the team's wearing camo, which is obviously for the troops, yet they were taking a knee.
	And then someone else goes, are they still doing that shit with the taking?
	No, I said that.
	I said, are they really still taking a knee at the national anthem?
	Right.
	And then someone else goes, no, they didn't take a knee, but they did do the black national anthem.
	And then you said, what the fuck is that?
	I never heard of that.
	And then L.A., the 74-year-old black man, goes, that's because you don't know your history.
	And then he got all pissed off.
	He threw his money in the bar and walked out.
	Who the fuck?
	Right.
	And then you got super mad about that.
	And you were like, if anyone has a problem with there being one national anthem, I want to know right now.
	I'll fucking take you outside.
	Anyone.
	Now that was a waste of a baby monster, I believe.
	I mean, you know, I'm not going to do anything to a 74-year-old man.
	No, no, he was long gone.
	Right.
	So you weren't threatening him.
	And as you pointed out, he's got a point.
	Not with the black national anthem.
	That's horseshit, obviously.
	But if you're 74 and black, you can complain because you had 24 years of racism to go through.
	Quarter century.
	Absolutely.
	So that's fine.
	We'll listen to you.
	You're not a fucking rich Peruvian who just arrived here.
	But the fact that you got so mad about that, it concerned me.
	Well, I'm just getting tired of the whole woke and all the fucking bullshit.
	I know, but you've got a shitheart.
	You've got a criminal record as long as the days are long.
	You don't want to be losing your temper on bullshit, or it's going to be either death or prisoned.
	Well, let me tell you something.
	At a fucking NFL game, if they're playing the black national anthem, it's fucking bullshit.
	It's got nothing to do with fucking race.
	There's not two fucking countries.
	Correct.
	There's one country.
	There's one fucking national anthem.
	There's one flag.
	And if anyone who doesn't fucking like it, I got a problem with that.
	Now you're getting yourself mad at me.
	Yeah, I'm getting worked at because y'all are a passionate man.
	Like, I don't give a fuck.
	Anyone wants to fucking test me or think I'm not what I am?
	Try me.
	Okay.
	Agreed.
	But no one was trying you with the black national anthem.
	See what he did?
	I wasn't mad.
	You know, I wasn't.
	Dude, you were fuming.
	What just fell?
	Yeah.
	It's me kicking my waste paper basket.
	Accidentally.
	Yeah.
	You know.
	So all I'm saying is, Maddie, if you're going to lose your cool and risk death with your shitty heart or prison, make it either someone more worthy than Coco the Gorilla or someone who actually has a problem.
	LA was not arguing on behalf.
	He left.
	Right.
	So you were yelling at a bar of people who didn't even know what the black national anthem was.
	Yeah, I never heard of it.
	I'll tell you what it is.
	It was a tribute to Abe Lincoln that some black composer did.
	It was not racial at all, very religious.
	And then in the early 1900s, I think 1920 or something, the NAACP said, that's the black national anthem.
	And everyone went, whatever, I don't know what that means.
	And then in the past like two years, or maybe a year, everyone went, that is the black national anthem, and we're playing it all the fucking time.
	So it's been like brought back from the dead.
	It's a random, irrelevant thing.
	Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
	Which brings us to Tactical Walls.
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	Just use the promo code Gavin.
	Make Christmas memorable for your loved ones with Tactical Walls.
	We here at Get Off My Lawn in the South Bronx or in New York City, technically.
	We are part of the boroughs, the five boroughs, and we're profoundly jealous of you non-New York City people who can have a wall to display your fucking guns.
	You lucky bastards.
	If you do have a bunch of guns and you live in a non-New York City place, then we highly recommend you use Tactical Walls to display them.
	It's both aesthetically pleasing and a handy way to grab them if there's ever any trouble.
	So use promo code Gavin.
	Go to tacticalwalls.com.
	Thanks, Tactical Tim, for your service to this beautiful country.
	Once again, vet-owned, American-made sponsor here on the site.
	We didn't make that a prerequisite.
	I think the reason that so many of our sponsors are vets is because they get harassed by Antifa and it takes people with balls to say, yeah, fuck you.
	I don't, no, no.
	You're not harassing me out of my sponsorship like Media Matters and Nandini Jamini, who tortures people that support anyone remotely right of fucking Mao, like Breitbart.com.
	God bless you and your family, Tactical Tim.
	Everyone in Tactical Wallace, thanks for sticking with us.
	We love you guys, and thank you for supporting censored.tv.
	There's a couple news items we should graze over before tomorrow because there'll be ancient news in the next 15 hours.
	And that is footage of a poltergeist has finally been unearthed.
	We've heard of poltergeist.
	We've seen them in horror movies.
	A poltergeist, for those of you who don't know, is a wildly violent ghost that hurls people around.
	There's been a special camera invented.
	It's sort of an infrared camera, and it can find things that you can't see with the naked eye.
	And apparently, poltergeists are black.
	I was just as shocked as you.
	I assumed it was like an Ebenezer Scrooge type of guy, right?
	When you think of ghosts, you think of like 200 years ago.
	There wasn't a ton of blacks around back then, but it's actually a black dude.
	Ryan, can you dig up what I'm talking about?
	Maybe you don't know.
	Poltergeist.
	NFL running back caught beating the shit out of his girlfriend.
	It's the number one story on Daily Mail right now.
	Every time you watch like a Cheerios ad or a car commercial, it's a multiracial couple getting along smashingly.
	It's usually a white male and a black female, and they have an ethnically ambiguous kid who's adorable.
	This is all true in this case, but it's a white woman and a ghost and a beautiful five-month-old mulatto.
	Oh my God.
	Have you not seen Shizz?
	I have.
	I think Shiz is down again.
	Go to Daily Mail, dude.
	It's everywhere.
	Well, I didn't include it because I don't like to do links on Thursday nights, but you got to see this.
	It's really fucking giving her.
	Just put an NFL on Daily Mail.
	I was watching the Twitter responses to this video, and I knew there'd be people defending him because of black ghost privilege.
	And this guy's saying, like, look, she was recording, so she knew shit was going to go down, so she was probably running her mouth trying to make him mad.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	My wife can make me mad all day.
	I'm not poltergeisting her.
	Listen.
	You think that was okay?
	Now I do not.
	What does he grab here?
	You thought that was okay?
	His own scene.
	Okay, pause.
	I think, actually, I'm stealing this from Maddie because we watched this before the show.
	I think she went through his phone and caught him cheating, and he's mad at her for being nosy.
	And he goes, you call me destructive?
	Like, you're ruining our relationship by finding out that I'm fucking chicks.
	What is that that he grabs?
	Candy or something?
	Looks like ice cubes, maybe.
	Did she have a drink in her hand?
	Oh.
	Because he like throws it at her head right here.
	You thought that was okay?
	And they're going to ruin relationships and talking about I'm destructive?
	Listen.
	Yeah, you're right.
	It's ice.
	Geez.
	This is WWE levels.
	Oh, it's not done yet.
	Picks her up and slams it through like the bouncy chair.
	Right.
	Well, those bouncy chairs have a lot of shocks, dude.
	Probably broke or fall.
	Yeah.
	Oh, there's the bouncy chair.
	She looks like shit.
	Can't put on makeup?
	I wonder what she looked like before, they dated.
	I thought it would be funny to take his side on this, but I'm not enjoying it as a bit.
	It's not a great idea.
	It's not amusing to me.
	By the way, this is another thing that someone pointed out when we showed this video.
	Your apartment looks like shit.
	He's in the NFL.
	He's a Jet player, and I think they're in Miami to play the Dolphins.
	I don't know where that is.
	Well, I think He's a former running back.
	That might be a little side piece that he's had that he's paying for the apartment and everything.
	It's not his main residence.
	Okay.
	Well, if you're a multi-millionaire, then even your side piece's apartment should be pretty dope.
	It shouldn't have a shower curtain dividing the bedroom from the rest of the place.
	It's very Asian take on living space.
	Wait a minute.
	You're talking about me or the shower curtain idea?
	The shower curtain.
	Yeah, you're right.
	That's a weird thing to do.
	Room separating.
	It's, yeah, it's just give up.
	You either build a wall or you don't.
	When he gets really mad, she closes the curtain.
	He's like, where'd you go?
	This place is small.
	Is that so the five-month-old doesn't see you guys fucking?
	Is that what's going on with that?
	I think when he walks out, he goes, I love you to the baby.
	Yeah, something like that.
	It sounded like he said, I love you, Boo, or whatever the kid's name is.
	Where the baby's like, okay, it just seemed kind of intense.
	With the baby.
	It's crying in the WWE shit.
	The baby didn't even start crying until he left.
	Like, it wasn't able to process what was happening.
	Yeah, it's five months old.
	It knows nothing.
	What, is that him?
	What are you showing me now?
	Mob and Chez is back.
	Oh, these are the two.
	It wasn't gone.
	It's just their show.
	Okay, let's see some of the comments because Mob and Shiz tends to be a little pro-black.
	He is...
	What is that?
	A cat?
	I can't figure that out.
	He's dog.
	He's a dog.
	What are some of these comments, Ryan?
	I've got the camera in the way.
	Get off my page.
	If the races were referred to, imagine if the racers were reversed, get off my page, he says.
	Oh, that's people talking about me.
	We couldn't see it.
	Shut the F up.
	Something wrong with Zap.
	He probably whacks up with a Peter Bread in the supermarket.
	That shit corny, shut the fuck up.
	Well, that's his classic line.
	My son's on the cover of magazine.
	He said, that shit corny, shut the fuck up.
	Pork sees of a human.
	Thank God the baby wasn't chair.
	I think I know wahahai.
	Okay, we're not getting the black.
	She probably said the end of the day.
	I noticed that now that Maddie's Instagram is public, he'll have a picture of him in a t-shirt and people are like, I think I know waha.
	I get all sorts of.
	They just show references.
	Another thing, another news item I wanted to get to before we start taking calls is one of the weirdest phenomenons I've ever come across in my life.
	And that is Kyle Rittenhouse's mother is not breathtaking.
	She's not a supermodel.
	She's a working-class single mother who I'm guessing has slept maybe three hours a night for the past month.
	She definitely didn't sleep last night.
	She's not big on makeup and toning.
	What do they call that?
	Contouring.
	So she, believe it or not, a single mom who's worried that her boy is about to go to jail for, I'd say, 20 years is a worst case scenario.
	I mean, worst case is life, but you know what I mean, like plausible worst case.
	What do you think, Maddie?
	It doesn't look good with the three days of deliberation.
	That's not a good sign.
	What do you think the span is of possibilities here?
	Reasonable.
	Obviously, death sentence and scot-free.
	12 to 20.
	What?
	12 to 20.
	12 to 20 we're looking at.
	We made a bet with Brian.
	I'll give him $400 if Kyle gets nothing.
	And if Kyle gets anything, he has to drink a glass of whiskey before doing a show.
	We thought that would happen before today's show.
	Nope.
	Mistrial counts as well.
	What?
	Mistrial counts as well.
	Why are you a Bond villain all of a sudden?
	Miss Job.
	Jack Torrance.
	I'm spooky.
	You're like the fucking Squid Game billionaires who were like, I want to see them die.
	Oh, those guys.
	69.
	I heard Sam and Jim and Sam's show today, and they were talking about how corny it was.
	They were like, what number did you choose?
	Yeah.
	69.
	Oh, I chose 96 because 69 is dead.
	They do that sound.
	And I have a theory on why that acting is so bad.
	It's Korean TV.
	Yes.
	So the white guys available for the movie are going to be like English teachers.
	It's not going to be actors.
	You're in Korea.
	When I lived in Taiwan, we modeled.
	I modeled Levi's with some other nerd, and we danced for a commercial wearing Levi's because they needed white dudes.
	And we were obviously terrible.
	But that's how desperate they are.
	So that's why I believe those actors are so shitty in that movie.
	But what do you think is going to happen to Kyle Rittenhouse, Maddie?
	Glasswegian gangster.
	I don't think he's going to get charged with intentional homicide.
	I know they have first-degree reckless endangerment on the thing.
	That carries like a 12-year sentence in Wisconsin from what I understand.
	It's going to be tough.
	I mean.
	Okay, get into your soul.
	I'm trying to think of this.
	Smokely.
	The first guy who was the dropkick guy that he was never a witness or anything for the prosecution.
	We just discovered today he was a serial wife beater.
	Yeah.
	He didn't pull his gun.
	He didn't fire on him.
	He didn't do that.
	That was the first time he was knocked to the ground and kicked in the head and that.
	He didn't start firing until like the second and third time that he was knocked to the ground and people were, well, two people pointed guns at him and one guy hit him with a skateboard.
	So it kind of shows himself.
	I thought the only person who pointed a gun at him was Gross Gerkowitz.
	Gage Gerkowitz.
	Well, didn't someone shoot at him?
	I can't remember.
	Well, they said they fired a warning shot or whatever.
	I mean, you know.
	So what do you think is going to happen?
	Vibe it out.
	Feel it out, dude.
	He should walk.
	It's justifiable.
	100% justifiable.
	We're not talking about that.
	I think he's going to get probably 15 years.
	What?
	Yeah.
	They're deliberating over every Charge right now going through all the jury instructions trying to find what they could fucking hang him on because I don't give a fuck what anybody says.
	There's jury intimidation.
	I'll make you a $20 bet right now that it does not go over three years.
	Three?
	Three.
	Okay.
	I'll say 15.
	Okay, let's shake on it.
	Horns guy got 42 months, I think.
	Yeah.
	Capital Horns guy.
	He got three and a half years.
	He's already done a year, so it's two and a half years.
	That is a fucking insane sentence for trespassing.
	He didn't break any windows.
	He meandered into the Capitol wearing a silly costume.
	His crime was really being the most visible guy because he had an outfit on.
	That's really his crime.
	They're saying, well, he led them all there.
	Says who?
	Remember that footage that Tucker showed where he shows up at the Capitol and he's like, it's my favorite guys.
	And they go, what's up, dude?
	And there's some guy bleeding.
	And he's like, and then the cop goes, you guys, can you guys get out of here?
	And the bleeding guy goes, we're going to get out.
	I just want to make sure no one breaks anything.
	And the cop goes, this is like one of the most respected areas at the Capitol.
	It's kind of a big deal you guys are here.
	If you could really, if you could move, that would be great.
	They're like, yeah, yeah, we're leaving.
	We're leaving.
	Three and a half years in prison for that.
	Fuck?
	What did the Black Panthers get when they stormed the Capitol with guns and took over the entire building armed militia?
	I don't think they had anything.
	They got nothing because they're cool.
	If the shaman was cool.
	He's with Q. Q told him to do it.
	Yeah.
	Are you trying to dig up that footage I just mentioned?
	Ryan?
	No, I was...
	I want to put this.
	I have this ready to go.
	Can we just say we're starting the show?
	No.
	So instead of you doing your job, you're so excited about the one little piece of work you did that you neglected to pull up a very important video piece, which you're probably not going to find now.
	We still have this Unturned Stone of the original tangent, which is ugly women talking about how much prettier they are than Kyle Rittenhouse's mother.
	These freaks want to make fun of how Kyle's mom looks.
	That's rich.
	Now, Sam Hyde is obviously in the top right.
	That doesn't count.
	But I'm sorry she's not taking your breath away when you try to fucking murder a child.
	I find when I try to murder a woman's child, she doesn't look hot.
	This is like my joke about World War II vets, how none of them are hot.
	112.
	I'm not sure if that guy, like, that's obviously a joke.
	But the other guy, look at this.
	I'll be 65 in February.
	She must have had a tough life.
	Yeah, I don't think that's a joke.
	He's bragging.
	That's a guy talking about how gorgeous he is.
	What?
	And look at this.
	Wow, hate ages you quickly.
	Here's what peace and love looks like at 59.
	Like these fucking menopausal women and their egos.
	It's bizarre.
	Making me feel better about 61.
	Look how hot I am.
	You look like shit.
	Yeah.
	You look like a fat, wrinkly boy.
	And maybe if you are going to say something like this, shouldn't you have tons of makeup on?
	61 with purple hair.
	Well, look at that one.
	Wait, what does that one on the left say?
	54 and feeling fine.
	Good thoughts and kind deeds, baby.
	So if you have good thoughts and kind deeds, you can be as hot as her.
	Not like Kyle Rittenhouse's mom, who's totally not hot.
	I'm in my 70s and I think I look younger than her.
	No, it's a blurry, shitty photo, and we can see that you're 70 in it.
	Two years younger.
	Super yikes.
	Look how hot I am.
	What a weird fucking flex, by the way.
	I'm better looking than his mom.
	Like they want a politicians.
	First, I'm better looking than his mom is the flex.
	And then they want to make him political.
	So they go.
	How is that political?
	Hate aged her.
	That's stupidity.
	It's racism and hate made her look old.
	And I don't have any racism.
	Hate has no home here.
	So this is how gorgeous I am.
	The fuck are you talking about, you losers?
	All right.
	Last sponsor before we go behind the paywall.
	Of course, our favorite ever, Nita Fashions.
	I'm actually kind of regretting this sponsorship deal.
	I should have asked for equity.
	We are responsible for 60% of Nita Fashions clients.
	We get paid a nominal fee for this sponsorship.
	I should have said, I want 10% of your company ad infinitum forever, you fuckers.
	Fuck Nita Fashions.
	Don't shop there.
	Josh Kurder.
	No, I'm happy to support this company.
	It's a fantastic place.
	They make all my suits and they can make all your suits for a very affordable price.
	You go there, they go town to town, and they measure you up.
	It's a very fun experience.
	You feel like a king.
	You go there, they measure you up, but even before that, you go and you like, you check swaths.
	You've got like binders of swaths.
	And you're like, hmm, you're feeling all these fabrics.
	Like, it's guys don't usually get this kind of a treatment, right?
	We're always like, just put that on and go fucking take out the garbage, bitch.
	So for one day a year, there they are, the Daswanis, you're treated like a king.
	And you sit there, you feel the different fabrics, you talk about the craftsmanship.
	Then when you get your suit, they're like, do you want a metro ticket pocket?
	Do you want this kind of collar?
	Should we have this pocket?
	Should we put your name here?
	And you're an aristocrat.
	You're a monarch.
	You're King Duncan I of Scotland for one day.
	And then they have your blueprint.
	And every time you see a James Bond movie or something else, you say, can I have a jacket like this?
	Like when I saw Animal House and I saw him do the speech at the end, where he's like, point of personal privilege.
	You can say what you want about me, but I'm not going to let you sit here And desecrate the United States of America.
	Then they all walk out, and I was like, Can you get me that suit?
	Maybe three weeks later from Hong Kong, it arrives and it fits like pajamas.
	I cannot recommend Nita Fashions enough.
	Look them up on Instagram.
	Have you got the Instagram link there, Ryan?
	I do.
	And they'll set up a Zoom call with you, which isn't as fun as the checking of the swatches.
	But they'll have someone measure you.
	You'll have a perfect sort of an invisible mannequin of yourself.
	And then you can just order things at your heart's content.
	You can get a beautiful dress shirt that fits you perfectly, that doesn't choke you.
	By the way, when you don't have your top button done with a tie, you look like a fucking loser.
	You look like a kid at his first job interview.
	Your top button has to be done up if you're wearing a tie.
	You can get that for $50.
	You can get a suit, custom-made, the cheapest possible.
	You could probably use $700.
	And that's a suit that will last you forever.
	And the sky's a little in the other direction.
	You have super thick cotton shirt for $150.
	You could have a $3,000 suit like a tuxedo-made for our imminent marathon on December 19th.
	Yeah, you choose the buttons.
	Anyway, I've said enough.
	It's really fun.
	Go to nitafashions.com.
	All right, let's get behind the paywall, shall we?
	We said everything we can about the sponsors.
	We're about to take some calls.
	And all you freeloaders, I want you to know that we hate you.
	And all you have to do to get the rest of this show and all the other shows is go to censored.tv.com, sign up, $10 a month.
	That's a beer and a half a month in Manhattan.
	I'm sure you people probably pay $4 a beer.
	So it's, oh, I just barfed.
	2.2 beers a month?
	It's nothing.
	And you don't just get this show.
	You get Jacob Wall catching the FBI trying to fuck young girls.
	You get Lotus in Hawaii talking about the disgusting evolution of leftists over there.
	You've got Jim Goad going back through time and showing you the patterns of hypocrisy that have been going on for generations and how we can see this evolve into the future.
	You got me and Anthony Kumiya, and of course you have possibly as popular as me, if you can even imagine that.
	You have atheism is unstoppable.
	I'm a Catholic.
	I'm a Christian.
	I believe in God.
	He doesn't.
	I tried to get him to get on the show and discuss this, but he didn't want his face on the screen for some weird reason.
	But you have a plethora of other shows, more than you can possibly watch.
	I think if you watched everything we have to offer, you're spending too much time watching censored.tv.
	That's the level of content we're dealing with over here.
	At any rate, we're now going to only speak to the people who pay.
	So goodbye, freeloaders.
	And to everyone, both freeloaders and the guys who pay.
	Get fired.
	Get in trouble.
	Be brave.
	And never stop fighting.
	Yeah, right.
	He fucking loves me.
	Get this.
	My motorcycle key has arrived.
	It's in Johnny's bed.
	So you found the actual.
	I found the actual key.
	I can't send you the picture because it's got my son's face in it, but.
	You didn't tell the viewers what happened.
	Well, guess what?
	Now that I see this new key, I don't need you, bitch.
	But it's still an amazing story.
	Go fuck yourself.
	It's a tale of ingenuity.
	You left me.
	I moved on.
	Oh, now that you got the new key that you made from the technical.
	I got a great life now without you.
	Nobody knows what you're talking about, but it's not.
	I don't need you.
	Okay.
	We're done.
	Okay.
	Don't try to waltz back into my life.
	There's two, maybe three more warm motorcycle days of 2021, and you abandon me at the end.
	You're dead to me.
	Have you found the yes, it was just sent to me.
	My wife showed it to me.
	It was in my son's bed.
	I lie there and look at my phone while he goes to sleep because he's a fucking, he's horrible at going to bed.
	And it was discovered in his bed.
	I don't want her anymore.
	No.
	You have a new one.
	The keys are she.
	I've moved on.
	The keys are she.
	I don't think the viewers know the work that went into getting.
	So it's a cool story.
	So!
	Okay, here's the story.
	Okay.
	So I'm all excited.
	It's like 60 degrees today.
	So I go to the bike.
	I'm ready to fucking rip.
	I don't know.
	I've been doing a lot of drunk driving on my motorcycle, and I think it helps you break through any fears you have about going 90 miles an hour because you don't care if you die.
	So then the next day, sober, it's like you broke your cherry and you're like, whipping because you remember drunk you tearing up the highway last night at 90 miles an hour.
	I'm obviously exaggerating.
	I couldn't handle 90.
	75?
	But anyway, I go to start the bike.
	There's no fucking key.
	Fuck.
	And I search and I search and I search.
	And then I go, it's at the studio.
	It's at the studio.
	And I'm kind of a pussy with bad news.
	Like if I think I may have lost my wallet, the way I check my ass is I won't just go like, I'll like start on the hip And like creep towards the back pocket so the news won't be too alarming too fast.
	You know what I mean?
	Gonna let you down easy.
	Yeah, let me give me the no slowly.
	It's sort of like if you're going to a lake in Canada in the summer, some people dive in.
	I like to just sort of go, oh, fucking Jesus.
	Oh my God.
	Oh my God.
	Then like put the water on you.
	Oh, here we go.
	I think it's a Scottish thing.
	My dad's the same way.
	He'll fight anyone in the world, but he takes an hour to get into a lake.
	So I get to the studio today and I'm going from the door to where my desk is and I'm like, easy, easy, moment of truth, moment of truth.
	And I just peer around the corner very slowly.
	No fucking key.
	So I call our man Joel, who talks a big game.
	I saw this video where this guy puts in a dead key like with nothing on it.
	He feels around and then he pulls it out and he's like click, click, click with clippers.
	And then he makes the key and turns it on.
	And I said weeks ago when we went golfing, I go, can you do that?
	And he goes, yep.
	I use a file, not a clipper, but I can do that.
	Okay.
	So I call him and I go, I lost my fucking key, dude.
	And he goes, okay, well, send me your VIN and the fucking serial number.
	And then maybe we can order a key from Amazon.
	And then we'll call Triumph and see.
	I'm like, that's weeks, dude.
	It's now December.
	I want to ride it now.
	And he goes, okay, well, I don't even know where to begin.
	Like, can you give me, he makes me take a picture of the ignition and the ignition doesn't have any number on it.
	It just says like on-off kind of thing.
	And he goes, I don't know what you want me to do here.
	And then I remembered.
	I'm not going to show it on the show because you guys could steal my bike.
	But I was talking about Ryan's stupid bitch baby.
	Just kidding.
	Dumb joke.
	I was talking about Ryan's adorable child.
	And I can't remember who was asking.
	I think it was my wife.
	But I'm like, her feet are one inch.
	And someone didn't believe me.
	So I took my triumph key, my Bonneville key, and I put it next to her foot.
	And then I took a picture for scale.
	And I was like, look how tiny her feet are.
	So then I send that to my locksmith guy.
	And he's like, dude, I can make a key from just this.
	Amazing.
	And I go, do you need me to print it out?
	And then in Photoshop?
	And he's like, no, no, no, no.
	I can look at it and then go, so I go, okay, I'm not home.
	I'm at the studio.
	But the garage door is open.
	And he goes, okay, I'll go by.
	And then he sends me a video.
	He goes, chink, clink.
	It's on.
	Green lights are on.
	I'll leave it on your seat.
	You owe me a drink.
	And I was like, this is fucking amazing.
	And here I have in my pocket, connected to my tile so this never happens again a brand new key.
	I'm going to swing it so you can't duplicate it.
	Look at that.
	Amaze balls.
	From a picture.
	Isn't that amazing?
	It really is.
	And now my old key is like, hey man, I want you back.
	No.
	Fuck off.
	Fuck you.
	You abandoned me on the most important day of the year.
	Fuck you.
	I hate you.
	That's me talking to my kid.
	You have hurt me today.
	You're fucking dead.
	Hey, Key, if you're watching this, you're fucking dead to me.
	You have hurt me today.
	I have a new key now.
	Of course, if I lose this key, I have to.
	Isn't it exactly like your single days with bitches?
	Remember, obviously, but when you're single, women are like plants.
	And you have like a spare and a pear and you're watering them.
	And then you like call some chick you haven't called in 10 days.
	And she's like, I'm going out with this dude, Kevin, tonight.
	And you're like, what?
	We're an item.
	And she's like, you haven't called me in 10 days.
	And you're like, oh, I let you die.
	You died on the vine.
	I should have watered you more.
	I've noticed that is true as a married man with bars.
	Like, I used to think I could have three locals, like our buddy Jose does.
	But no, if you're going to have a chick you're fucking, you can really just have one.
	Monogamy is natural.
	You can't fuck three chicks and have them all be eager to bone you every time you pop by unless you have nothing else going on and you're donating like, I don't know, 12 hours a week to chicks.
	And I think I know why.
	I don't think a man can have two locals.
	Here, I'm going to say it now on the show.
	I don't think a man can have a spare and a pair.
	I think he should aspire to that if he's out trying to look for a mate, but don't expect it to last.
	A man cannot have more than one woman he's focused on fucking.
	And a married man can't have more than one bar that he sees as his local.
	Or, you know, you walk into, say you have two bars, which I did for a while.
	And I'd walk into the other and it'd be like, oh, hey, man.
	And you could tell it was like.
	Haven't seen you in a while.
	Haven't seen you in a bit.
	And the bartender doesn't give you the buybacks that he was last time.
	And you're not.
	Just leave.
	Just go somewhere else.
	You're not established the way you are when you have one local.
	There's some sort of grand moral there.
	I'm not sure what it is, monogamy.
	There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.
	When you play a bunch of those, is that your way of saying I'm boring?
	I come really, really hard.
	Okay, last thing I want to discuss before we start taking calls is Abigail.
	Say what?
	I've had enough of this woman.
	Why is she coming to our bar?
	You've had her Phil?
	I'm done with Abigail.
	She was playing Phil Collins and like weird shitty 80s songs that you never really thought of.
	Like Heat of the Moment or some shit, you know?
	Like Asia?
	Well, you called her by the wrong name the other day.
	What is her name?
	Abigail, I guess.
	Okay.
	You called her.
	Something like that.
	It was close.
	It was similar.
	Alexandra or?
	No, oh fuck.
	But she gets all of.
	She's perpetually offended.
	And I remember the first time I met her, I don't give a fuck.
	She's a black Caribbean woman.
	She's seven feet tall.
	She has an accent.
	She's from Trinidad and Tobago.
	No one has a problem with any of this.
	No.
	She has a butt on her head the size of a pumpkin.
	She looks like Mr. Potato Head.
	She dresses like she's going to the Caribbean Academy Awards.
	Red leather short shorts, fishnet stockings, high-heel shoes, a blouse.
	She's got a gunt.
	She's got a fupa.
	And then she'll have like jewelry in her fucking hair.
	Like a gold chain like hanging from her man bun with like diamonds.
	She looks like a clown.
	It's ridiculous.
	And no one cares about any of that.
	But then she starts complaining about like, why are there no woman here?
	I don't know, because you're at an old man bar where I am Ricky Schroeder and Silver Spoons.
	Like I'm a gorgeous child at our bar.
	I'm a spring chicken.
	There's a couple others.
	Tommy and James are younger than me.
	But Tommy and James come across as children at this bar.
	It's normally like Freddy, right?
	Yeah, they're quite in their early 30s.
	Cross-eyed geriatrics, yeah.
	Freddy and fucking the guy with the gorgeous blue eyes.
	What's his name?
	Artie.
	Artie.
	Like Artie could build a boat with his eyes closed, literally.
	Yeah.
	And I revere those old men.
	And I'm like, hey, how's it going?
	They tell me about when they had like a 1974 Alfa Romero in 1974.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think Freddy Pipes still works for whatever reason.
	I don't know, but they're all in their mid to late 70s.
	Yeah, Freddy Pipes has had every beautiful car you can mention, but in the time of.
	Yeah.
	Like, oh, you like the 1968 Ford Galaxies?
	Yeah, I had one in 1968.
	So great guys to talk to.
	And if you're going to be some fucking Caribbean queen, don't play that on the fucking jukebox.
	And just be quiet and revere your surroundings.
	Don't reek up the entire fucking bar with perfume.
	And in the summer, when the ceiling fans are on, she walks in and boom, it's chemical flowers from coast to coast.
	And one time she goes, I said like that, yeah, that guy's a total faggot.
	And she goes, excuse me, that's not really acceptable.
	I was going to say nomenclature, but she wouldn't say that.
	That's not really acceptable language, you know, using such words.
	I'm like, Abigail, you're from Trinidad.
	It's illegal to be gay there, and it's a capital offense.
	You're murdered by the state if you're fucking gay.
	And you're worried about me using a rude term?
	And then I'm thinking, like, imagine I went to a Caribbean woman's hair salon in Yonkers.
	Oh, that's, I didn't even mention that.
	She's from Yonkers.
	So she takes a $40 Uber from Yonkers, comes to the bar, drinks whatever, $30, $40 worth of booze, then goes home, $40.
	We're at $130 to sit with old white men.
	Why?
	She doesn't even like them.
	She's like, well, there's no woman here.
	Yeah.
	Like, maybe if you have a fetish for old white dudes, I'd understand it.
	But she doesn't talk to like she's on her phone.
	She's constantly in the fucking bathroom.
	God knows what's going on in there.
	Complaining about the fruit flies.
	Like, imagine I go to Yonkers.
	I spend $40 on my Uber to go there.
	I go to a Caribbean woman's salon where they're making their man buns, putting jewelry in their man buns.
	And I put Metallica on the jukebox and constantly complain about the atmosphere and how there's no men there.
	I am a woman.
	I am black.
	Yeah, I mean, it's an oddity.
	I mean, is a public spy?
	Is she working for the Huffington Post or the feds?
	I don't know.
	Is she waiting for me to say something racist?
	Is she about me?
	Sorry to be self-centered, but is she a spy trying to catch me say something racist?
	No.
	If I say nigger, will she leave?
	It's like Beetlejuice in reverse.
	You say the N-word and she finally goes fucking home.
	God damn it.
	It is a cube murder.
	It's a man, baby.
	Arrangement, but I don't read too much into it because I don't really...
	I say hello and that's about it.
	Okay, we'll treat it as a Rubik's Cube then.
	What is she doing there?
	How many bars are between Yonkers and where we are?
	A lot.
	Probably 100.
	I mean, did she like spin a globe and throw a dart at it?
	She's miles away.
	And you folks probably watching this, you might live in North Carolina.
	You might live in Florida.
	Things might be a little more spread out where you are in Indiana or something.
	We're in New York City.
	It's like it's fucking bar mania.
	This city was founded by the Dutch, but quickly taken over by the Irish.
	There's bars after bars after bars.
	When you go to Grand Central to go home on the train, you get a fucking Maker's mark to go.
	You're sitting on the train with the fucking Maker's mark on the rocks.
	On the train.
	You can drink on the train.
	There's booze everywhere.
	Even way out in the suburbs of Westchester, you can get a drink at 3.59 a.m. right before that one bar closes.
	And then I'm sure the earliest beer you could get would be probably the Italian restaurant at 9 a.m.
	So there's five hours you can't drink.
	Booze is everywhere.
	What the fuck are you doing here?
	And again, if she was colorful and funny and enjoying herself, I'd be jerking off.
	Scratched my head.
	It's confusing.
	And so everyone avoids her mostly because she reeks of perfume.
	So she's stuck with like Freddy with the cockeyes.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Freddy Giants jacket.
	And he's all too thrilled to talk to some young people.
	Probably hasn't spoken to a 30-something in forever.
	Then she goes, I'm moving to Georgia.
	Or South Carolina or something.
	South Carolina.
	Somewhere down South.
	But I'm keeping an apartment in Yonkers.
	And you're like, wait, I've heard of bi-coastal.
	New York and LA.
	Rich people do that.
	They have two apartments.
	But Yonkers and South Carolina, that's not a thing.
	What's that?
	Say that again?
	Why?
	That's exactly what I say every time she opens her mouth.
	What?
	I'm trying to think what you called her the other day, not Abigail.
	And she was like, you just called me the wrong name.
	And you were like, oh, did I?
	Then you're not memorable.
	It's like when people get mad, they go, I've met you like four times.
	Okay, so you're not memorable.
	Why are you mad at me for you not being memorable?
	Sorry.
	All right, let's take some calls.
	No mailbag?
	Good point.
	Mailbag.
	I forgot all of you.
	All right.
	They's Stewie.
	Ryan, shut up.
	You don't have a dad.
	Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
	Let me touch it.
	I brought my cool new computer because the old woman's letting us down.
	It works by fingerprints.
	Look at that.
	I just touched it with my finger.
	It's pretty impressive.
	Oh, shit.
	Low bats.
	Don't worry about it.
	This is from 46 minutes ago.
	Fy guy Gab.
	The picture of your motorcycle key is on Getter.
	Yeah, whatever.
	Steal my motorcycle.
	I don't care.
	Lesbians.
	I call bullshit on lesbians only liking women.
	There's no way they only eat pussy.
	They have to use fake dicks.
	So are they really lesbians if they're using dildos that resemble a man's cock?
	Strong point.
	Also, lots of trolls today in Kenosha at the courthouse.
	Here's a video of a guy getting harassed by the pro-pedophile demonstrators because he has a rifle bag.
	Look what he pulls out of the bag.
	People think he's a fed, by the way.
	Could be.
	Why is he a fed?
	Empty case for the attention.
	Empty case for the attention.
	Black dildo.
	How is that good for the feds?
	Or he's not a fed.
	And they all know him.
	Come back, fucking.
	But look at the lack of violence there.
	He's got his service dog.
	There was some violence.
	A reporter got slammed by two people.
	They got arrested.
	But like that guy going, you're not welcome in my town, Jesse.
	And I was watching that video and I was thinking about life in the 80s where you would talk that way in high school and you would get your shit rocked.
	Like the way adults talk to each other in 2021 would be totally not tolerated in junior high in the 70s and 80s.
	I agree.
	It bothers me.
	People have to understand.
	They're not sitting behind a keyboard when you're face to face.
	Meanwhile, in Singapore, I have a cousin who's an expat in Singapore.
	What are you doing in fucking Singapore?
	The West is the best.
	Like I lived in Taiwan for a while, but I was in my early 20s trying to make money.
	I didn't intend to move there.
	But all these guys, like, there's a Prow Boys chapter in Japan.
	And I get it, but I also go, guys, the West is the best.
	What are you doing in the East?
	And they go, well, it's more, there's more conservative values in Japan than there are in America.
	And I sort of go, okay, well, then come back here and fix it.
	Turn around, you walk away.
	I can't believe two separate guys said that to Kartnark.
	Kartnark.
	Verbato.
	Turn around and walk away.
	That's a classic, though.
	I'm gay for that guy.
	That's Dylan Ol in the Watchtower.
	Kartnark.
	Turn around and walk away.
	I'm gay for him.
	I think I would be starstruck if I met him.
	He was on Dr. Phil.
	You saw that?
	No?
	No.
	I couldn't meet any celebrity in the world and not give a fuck.
	Fuck them all.
	I hate them.
	It'd be like meeting fucking rats, vermin.
	But I think if I met Cartnark, I would sort of fumble my words because he's so awesome.
	What are the magnets?
	I have an expat who's in Singapore.
	He sent me this photo.
	If you molest, we will arrest.
	Yeah.
	It should be a given.
	I'm the founder of the Kartnarks.
	Oh, there he is.
	Cardinarks are an independent organization that tries to get people to just take their cart back to the cart return.
	That's not where the carts go.
	That's the mulch.
	When I do see that some lazy thing, I thought he would be.
	I thought he'd be more of a skinny mulch.
	I thought he was a kid, yeah.
	On the wand of justice and activate the mouth siren.
	My understanding is this original case.
	He looks like a cop.
	I didn't expect him to look like a cop.
	He's got a cop face, yeah.
	Cop head.
	He's got cop head.
	This originates from a bit done with a local radio show, and it just got way bigger.
	That's not where the cards got.
	It's an old spot.
	We've had hundreds of encounters.
	I've had many threats on my life being a card narc.
	Besides a guy pulling a gun on me, I've had multiple people say they're going to run me over.
	Well, sir, that's not a killer.
	Sir, that's against the law.
	There's definitely an adrenaline rush.
	Don't f yourself.
	Man, cartnar.
	This is my uniform.
	I have an equipment vest, which is actually a bulletproof vest.
	I put my body camera right here, captures everything that happens so nobody can lie about it afterwards.
	That's uh curbing, sir.
	You know what's the curve?
	He does this all over America.
	Jesus.
	He's got too much time.
	It'd be one thing if it was like he did it for a week and he had a bunch of footage.
	He's been doing this for years across the country, bitching at people for not putting their carts back.
	Talk about commitment to a bit.
	Telling you, obviously making money at it.
	He deserves a PhD in comedy for this.
	Do they have him sit down?
	Just asking them to put their cart back where they know it belongs.
	Yeah, that's what's great about him.
	He never abandons the bit.
	Well, but you do more than just ask them to put their cart back.
	Well, that's correct because...
	You shame them.
	Correct.
	And it's only, as you saw in the videos there, it's a bumper magnet.
	It's not marking, but it is that scarlet letter that says, I don't return my shopping cart like a jerk.
	And when they do react like what we're seeing in some of these videos, it does highlight how ridiculous they are, how ridiculous their ego is.
	Is your disability lazy bonesitis?
	Because I saw you walking that store.
	Oh, absolutely.
	How about that?
	Your fucking yourself.
	Delicious McDonald's and you yourself.
	I love banging drains.
	You're throwing you there.
	I don't give a man.
	Let me give you my gift.
	Let me give you my business card.
	Who you think you are?
	But don't ever tell somebody with a disability it's lazy bones itis.
	You had a pretty good throwing arm for someone with a disability.
	Throwing arm into my back.
	I gotta use your back to throw.
	Would you like my business card or not?
	How about that?
	So why do you harass people?
	Not harass.
	Agents.
	Because it's the best thing in the world.
	But the real disability might have like a gibberish.
	Don't ever insult somebody and tell them they don't have a real disability, Sebastian.
	Yeah, I'm in a hurry to go home to my autistic daughter.
	Who also has a disability?
	My autistic daughter?
	Why does your daughter give you the right to park there?
	Mom, you didn't put the cart back, did you?
	No, and also our autistic kids don't talk that way.
	Well, she says she has a bad back.
	You probably could be a better role model for her.
	Her back is autistic.
	Sam, you're a piece of s.
	Ma'am, I didn't throw anything at somebody.
	I doubt many people are getting your body anytime soon.
	You don't know what people are doing.
	Wait, what did he say?
	I don't know what's going to be inside your body anytime soon.
	Sam, you're a piece of s ⁇ .
	Ma'am, I didn't throw anything at somebody.
	I doubt many people are getting your body anytime soon.
	You don't know what people's day is.
	You don't know what their life is.
	I don't know her day, Dr. Phil.
	But I do know that I saw her walk out to her truck, climb up in her truck, and load her groceries.
	The percentage of the people watching Dr. Phil, watching him know what cartnar is.
	Take this at face value and are like, he's going a little far with the cartnarking.
	I mean, I'm going to sound sexist because it's mostly housewives.
	Yeah.
	And we like to venerate the housewife on this show.
	But I'm going to go with 15 to 20% of the people watching that show got the bit.
	And the other 70, 75 were like, I mean, you should return your card, but that's way too much.
	All right, anyway, dogs.
	Hey, Gavin, Maddie, and Fag Dad.
	Whoa.
	That's you, Ryan.
	That's what we called the Antifa kid when we were in jail.
	Sal and I, Fag Dad.
	Oh, tell me more.
	Well, we were in jail.
	Why were you in jail?
	Because we were, it was the NYU talk that you did.
	I did a talk at NYU.
	I was pepper sprayed.
	Right.
	Antifa were there.
	I went undercover.
	They were screaming, fuck you, Nazi, stuff like that.
	Correct.
	I did the talk blinded.
	But the professors allowed the students to drown it out, so we left.
	But Proud Boys were there at the beginning.
	This was sort of the beginning of Proud Boys being violent.
	Yeah, this is before Antifa was a thing that I knew of, really.
	Okay, that doesn't mean anything.
	Antifa's been around since World War II.
	But they've kind of resurfaced.
	No one cares, Ryan, that you heard of them in.
	So we didn't really have on the street opposition at this time.
	Trump wasn't even inaugurated yet.
	He wasn't.
	This was February.
	Right?
	So.
	Yeah.
	Or he was just inaugurated.
	And I dress up as Antifa.
	I wave to my friends across the street, the Proud Boys.
	And then I get into a little kerfuffle because I'm spotted.
	How'd you get spotted?
	Because this tall dude, after I waved, I was like, hey, guys, it's me.
	And they were like, this fucking guy, I have a picture of your own spot.
	I have a picture of a guy.
	I'm here.
	Disguised as Antifa.
	What's up?
	I've told this story a million times, but it's a tall Nordic Viking-size guy, but with the heart of a pussy.
	Maybe it was the dude who went to Grikers for a year for fighting that old Jew.
	No, this guy's real tall, like obnoxiously tall.
	So I'm on up getting cornered by him, and he gets his buddies over.
	What was he saying?
	You're a fascist.
	Yeah, and then he made me say, save Black Lives Matter then.
	If you're not a race.
	Yeah, they say that like it's saying to a Fed, like making a Fed do drugs.
	Or saying to a Fed, I'm not a Fed.
	Is that a true thing, Maddie?
	Where feds are not allowed to say, I'm not a Fed?
	Entrapment.
	Well, they could lie if they, you know, it's part of their job to lie.
	Yeah.
	And if their life is in danger or they feel their life is in danger, they can actually do drugs.
	So that whole drugs test and the say you're not a fed.
	I mean, it comes with a lot of, from what I've seen and heard, because I'm not a fed.
	I've never, I did all the drugs willingly in my time.
	But yeah, to say like the guy Billy Queen, he wrote that book.
	He was an undercover Mongol.
	And the guy Jay Dobbins said he became a Hell's Angel, which he never did.
	But he would say, you know, there was people that hung around him to do the drugs.
	But he was eating diet, like, and he was eating pills of fedrin to stay up anyway, he was all fucking whacked out.
	But yeah, there are protocols if the quote-unquote undercover agent feels his life is in danger.
	If he doesn't do it, then he can do it, but he has to report it.
	Then they take his blood test, all this other crap.
	Did that Hell's Angel guy get sussed out by a dude?
	He never came.
	No one believed him.
	Jay Dobbins?
	Is that the undercover guy?
	Well, yeah, they were.
	I saw this on Gangland.
	They had some Hell's Angel, or maybe it was a different gang.
	And he's like, I knew that guy was full of shit.
	I told him I was going to kill him.
	He was shitting his pants.
	And we didn't end up killing him.
	And I turned out to be right.
	And we all went to jail.
	I got to look into this.
	I think that was the one Vargos and a guy named something, what's his name, Falcone.
	He infiltrated the Mongols, the Vagos, and the Outlaws.
	So meanwhile, you've abandoned your family.
	You don't spend any time with your son.
	You're infiltrating all these biker gangs.
	I think they got one murder for that guy's entire career, which was some dude who picked a fight with the Mongols.
	Well, that was Billy Queen.
	Yeah, what do you think was going to happen when you picked a fight with the Mongols?
	Was it going to go great for you?
	So that's what my tax dollars are going to?
	No.
	Society's not better off.
	You should have been with your son, fuckface.
	That's going to the undercover cop, of course.
	So it's a myth that you can say, are you in law enforcement?
	And they have to, by law, say, fuck, yes.
	No, that's a lie.
	That's a lie.
	And also, if you do a bump, then I know you're not a Fed.
	No, they'll do a bump.
	If they feel, like, you can play, I don't party, and if somebody's challenging or someone pulls a gun out and says, if you don't fucking do a bump, I'm going to fucking blow your brains out.
	Or, you know, if they feel that their life and limb is in danger, they can do it.
	But you could still argue that I had to do a bump at this party because it would have ruined my whole case if I didn't.
	I'm not sure exactly how that is.
	I tell you what, I sure would love to be an undercover Fed, infiltrate a biker gang, and then after five years, have my boss go, dude, what is going on?
	I'm this close.
	Well, that's what they were trying to say with the guy, Jay Dobbins, that he started, I guess, enjoying the lifestyle.
	Oh, that's what happened with Jay Dobbins?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Makes sense to me.
	We always joked about that.
	Not that Prow Boys are in the same league as Hell's Angels, but we always joked about that with Proud Boys.
	We'd be like, if you're a Fed and you're meeting these guys at a bar doing bumps, fucking telling dirty jokes once a month, zero discussion of fucking anything of importance.
	There's no like kidnapping Governor Whitmer going on.
	You must be like, I need a little more time.
	I'm this close.
	I need to do more bumps and suck more tits.
	Well, you have to party harder to find what's really going on.
	Isn't that what Weddie Bulger did?
	He just kept, well, that's different.
	He was already a gangster and he just like strung along.
	Well, he grew up with this guy that was like a big wig in the FBI.
	Right.
	That was like his neighborhood guy.
	And his brother was like the attorney general for Massachusetts.
	Yeah.
	I saw the movie.
	Dogs.
	Hey, Gavin, Maddie, Fag Dad.
	On 10 Things You Hate, you said you hate when people order water.
	I didn't finish the Fag Dad thing, but I don't have to tell a story, but I was on Fox News, apparently.
	This is me getting arrested.
	Oh, there we are.
	Yeah.
	God, you look so young there.
	I was.
	That's before, you know, became that was like six years ago.
	I believe it's four.
	I went and did a talk at NYU, and people brought signs that said Black Lives Matter.
	What the fuck?
	What are you talking about?
	There's Ryan getting arrested.
	Oh, so, oh, yeah.
	Finish the story.
	So there was two Proud Boys and eight Antifa that were arrested for that, right?
	Why don't you finish the story while I get a beer?
	Yes.
	True.
	So I wave to my buddies across the street.
	Antifa guy points me out.
	He says, we have one over here.
	He tells me to say Black Lives Matter if I'm not a racist.
	And there's a black woman there next to us.
	And I was like, Black Lives Matter.
	Because before it was like the most political thing where you would take a stance against it and be like, no, fuck you.
	So I said it.
	And then he gets the attention of the black woman there.
	He's like, hey, this guy's a racist.
	And she was like, shut the fuck up.
	And she just like blew him off.
	And he was hurt by that.
	So anyway, now I'm just trying to like get away from the barricade and go over across the street to my buddies.
	And he waves up, he waves a couple of his friends over, and they all kind of just like human wall me to the brick wall.
	And then, you know, they do a couple of things.
	He tries to like smash my head against the brick wall.
	He tries to sucker punch me like this or like that.
	Like he hits me.
	And I'm trying to keep my cool.
	My adrenaline is rushing, so my voice is a little like, I'm like, I was like, whatever.
	I'm out of here.
	Whatever.
	Yeah.
	And I just try to leave and I'm like, oh, fuck.
	Like, this is getting really intense.
	And I'm starting to walk towards across the street.
	And then this guy gets in front of me.
	And the Antifa guy gets right in my face.
	So I just push him out of the way.
	And then I get sucker punched.
	So then I punch him with the guy.
	I forget when the sucker punch happened, but I punched the guy in front of me, turned around, punched the tall Viking guy.
	That's what the cops saw.
	The cops only saw me punching people.
	They didn't see what they did to me.
	So I was the only one that got arrested out of that.
	He's standing over there looking at the ground, kicking rocks.
	Like he's like, I'm okay.
	They're like, do you want to go to the hospital?
	He's like, I'm okay.
	We get locked up in this paddy wagon, and Sal's been there for hours.
	He looks like he's kind of delusional by the time I get in there because he's been locked up so long in this paddy wagon.
	And we're locked up with Antifa.
	So it's me, Sal, and this one Antifa guy.
	We wound up going into the same jail cell.
	Oh, wait a minute.
	First, he's cool.
	The newspapers said two Proud Boys were arrested, which was you and Sal, and eight or nine different people.
	They do different trips.
	They do different trips.
	They do different trips.
	They do different trips.
	So like in this paddy wagon, it was literally just me, Sal, maybe two Antifa, but at the end of the night, which is me, Sal, and that Antifa kid.
	And we're actually like getting out.
	We're actually kind of...
	one of them escaped from the paddy wagon?
	They might have put him in a different cell or something.
	Oh, a different cell.
	So you've already done the drive to the tombs or the 19th precinct or whatever it is.
	Yeah, it was near the Brooklyn Bridge or something like that.
	That's the tombs.
	Yeah.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, damn.
	We're in just a precinct.
	Just the holding cells.
	Okay.
	So there's a Middle Eastern Antifa kid, and like I said, we're getting along.
	And then we said a joke, like a kind of off-color joke, edgy joke.
	And he was like, excuse me, can I get moved to a different cell?
	And now...
	But we were just like kind of getting along for a second.
	We're like, yeah, fuck the government.
	We're about that too.
	We're about small government and just freedom and shit.
	And so we're kind of getting along.
	And then he fucking, because of one joke, he decides to leave.
	So we're like, oh, come on.
	Well, it's probably used to term sand niggers.
	We didn't say anything about his Middle Easternness until he left us.
	You have a tattoo that says sand niggers on your chest.
	But I didn't show.
	I did have my shirt off, yeah.
	But I tried not to turn towards him.
	I guess you saw it.
	Anyway, so as he's leaving, we're like, oh, come on, Fag Dad.
	We call him Fag Dad.
	Why?
	It was the funniest thing when you're in the middle of the day.
	Which is funny.
	I'm not denying that.
	But what brought on Daddy?
	Middle Eastern Baghdad?
	Oh, Fag Dad.
	I got you.
	Yeah, yeah, great.
	He might have been from Baghdad.
	I don't know.
	Quality joke.
	We call him Fag Dad.
	What I always tell my kids, when you're insulting someone, if someone's picking on you in school, don't be creative.
	Just say, fuck you or Fag Dad.
	You're not trying to win some sort of limerick argument.
	Just be a dick.
	Yeah.
	They're fucking with you.
	Fuck with them back.
	I learned something weird about Sal that night.
	Have you ever seen a person that just peels their nails off?
	Instead of like biting their nails, he just works a little groove in and then he just peels the nail off.
	I think that's a sign that we're letting this story go too long.
	I see.
	When we're hearing about his cuticle patterns.
	Okay.
	So back to this original email that started this whole discussion.
	You hate it when people order water at a restaurant and don't drink it.
	Well, I'm a server bartender and I hate when tables order waters for no reason as well.
	But the thing that pisses me off the most is when people bring their dirty ass dogs in with them to eat.
	Thoughts on that?
	Yeah, dude.
	It's unacceptable.
	Don't bring your fucking disgusting dog to the bar.
	It's illegal in New York, but they do it all the time.
	One time I was at St. Dymphness on St. Mark's Place in Manhattan, and I brought my dad, which was a mistake.
	And the thing about my dad is he gets some beers in him in Manhattan and he wants to fucking brawl, which is like, dad, you're 75.
	Those days are gone.
	Stop getting ornery with the public.
	Plus, we're in New York, and the odds are one and two, you're dealing with an asshole, like a psychotic asshole is going to kill you.
	So there was, we're walking out of St. Diffnus, and there's someone there with their lab, some yuppy piece of shit, whatever.
	No one that's going to hurt our family.
	And my dad, I go like, okay, so we should probably go to this bar here.
	There's a bar called Cheap Shots around the corner.
	It's cheap and it has shots.
	And he's like, hold on a minute.
	And he goes back into the bar.
	He's like, see you people with your fucking dog.
	It's disgusting.
	This is a restaurant.
	People are eating in here.
	And you've got your fucking dog.
	And I have to grab him and go, all right, all right, all right.
	You know, we're living in a society.
	So he does that.
	And I've told this story before, but I feel compelled to tell it again.
	My brother told me recently.
	Yeah, I'm repeating a story, okay, assholes.
	You're allowed to do that when you're a 51-year-old dad.
	We repeat stories.
	So my dad, you know how a little doggy has a little bow here with the hair?
	So he sees one sitting in a baby seat and he's disgusted.
	He's with my brother and he goes, oh, for fuck's sake, they got a bloody Doug in a fucking baby seat.
	That's disgusting, ridiculous.
	So he goes over to the manager and he's like, there's a fucking dog.
	He knows not to say Doug when he speaks to locals.
	There's a fucking dog in a baby seat over there.
	And the manager goes, that's totally unacceptable.
	And we would never allow that in our restaurant.
	So let's go over there together right now because I don't want those people coming back.
	This is not a dog restaurant.
	I hate that kind of shit too, dude.
	So he goes, show me.
	And he goes, over there.
	And the manager goes, I'm sorry, I don't see it.
	So my dad walks over to the baby seat and goes, and there is a one-year-old female child with a ribbon in her hair with her hair like this.
	I don't know if he doesn't have his fucking glasses on.
	She's just a wean.
	Leave her alone.
	She's only a wean.
	Yeah, we wean as having a bat of fucking mac and cheese.
	And the manager is like, and then he looks down and sees its child and he just storms out of the restaurant.
	Doesn't matter.
	Sometimes the complaints will be false.
	But yeah, dogs in a restaurant are fucking gross.
	Stop doing that.
	I hate your dog.
	We're going to lose subscribers now.
	There's this dog park in Westchester that everyone goes to by Rye Playground.
	And you go there and the dogs are running around, which is fine.
	What the fuck ever.
	But then they come over to you and they're like sniffing your balls and trying to eat your kids' sandwich.
	And then you look over at the owner and he's going like you're going to go, he's up to his old tricks again.
	And the owner's going to go, he's very curious.
	Fuck you.
	Pull up the Tucker Carlson clip.
	I don't like you.
	I don't give a fuck about your dog.
	You want to lay down?
	How about you lay down, kiddo?
	Yeah, go ahead and lay down.
	Yeah, go ahead.
	Bro, are you good?
	That's not funny to me.
	Why'd you pull that up?
	Fuck you.
	I hate you.
	Yeah, that's it.
	Can you get a tattoo of a video?
	Not yet.
	Just like 37 little clips of fuck you.
	Wait, that's hilarious.
	I hate you.
	Actually, yes, now I say you can.
	Yeah, don't bring your dog to eat at the fucking restaurant.
	Wait, there was another store with my dad attacking somebody.
	My service dog.
	Service dogs.
	Remember that?
	That seems to be dying a little bit.
	Thank God.
	Hey, I love dogs.
	They were bringing their fucking dogs on the plane.
	Every single person.
	One time I got on a plane and I saw in first class there was some hairdresser and he had two long wiener dogs at his feet.
	And then I went into coach because I wasn't with my family and I'm cheap.
	And I see him going, and he's walking back with us, the plebs, with two wiener dogs in their little cases.
	Someone had sat down next to him and the stewardess had said, I hope you don't mind.
	There's two dogs there.
	And she went, actually, I'm allergic.
	So he had to give up his first-class seat and come and sit with us with two dogs on his fucking lap.
	Good.
	Woke racist Virginia Governor defends push to make VMI more inclusive to speech in speech to cadets.
	What's going on here now?
	Virginia Governor Ralph Northam on Monday defended his push to make the Virginia Military Institute more inclusive in a speech to the cadets.
	In a speech, he honored the Institute's leaders, blah, blah, blah, and said we need to embrace change and sustain the Institute for the long term.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Dude, don't just send me a fucking article, you cunt.
	Fuck you.
	Fuck you.
	I hate you.
	Can you bring back the Book of the Day segment?
	Yes.
	I have been rebuilding my entire library with a very involved ladder system that has a bar on it.
	And all my books are in boxes.
	I will be bringing back the Book of the Day segment.
	You know what I was thinking recently, Ryan?
	That stupid kid's book for retarded losers that you were reading?
	Yes, I have the physical copy.
	I want to give that to my son.
	He's not reading.
	He's addicted to his fucking phone.
	Guys, we need to get off our fucking phones.
	I ordered a BLT this morning, and my brother said to me, he goes, I quit Instagram, I quit everything.
	He goes, I read books now like it's watching TV, like my attention span goes on for days.
	Back when I was on Instagram and Twitter, I couldn't read more than a paragraph without spacing out.
	I had crippled my attention span, and now I can hunt.
	He hunts deer, and he'll just sit in a tree for like seven hours with nothing at all.
	Just damn.
	And I said, dude, you're right.
	Because he's me.
	When you're talking to your brother, you're talking to old you or young you.
	So I'm talking to young me, and I'm like, he's so fucking right.
	So I ordered the BLT this morning, and I was like, don't look at your phone, don't look at your phone, don't look at your phone.
	And it was like not sucking Brad Pitt's dick.
	It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
	Like I could feel the phone burning a hole in my ass.
	And I was like, it was, it was, this is going to sound gayer than the Brad Pitt joke.
	Dude, it was like lifting weights.
	I'm sorry to say that.
	I'm sorry to use that analogy, but I was like, don't do it, don't do it, don't fucking, not gonna look at my phone, not gonna look at my phone.
	I've even noticed like with us, like friends, one guy will go piss, and the second he gets up, the other guy's like, oh, thank God I can get back to this.
	And you're looking at shit.
	You're looking at garbage.
	You're not looking at like...
	There was a bombing and New York City is on fire.
	After the nuclear attack of New York City, there's nothing there.
	It's like, still no verdict on Rittenhouse, still no verdict on Bannon, still no progress on this.
	You checked me an hour ago.
	I have nothing new to say.
	Oh, Mad Ball's on fucking Hardball.
	I mean, Twitter.
	Do you want to follow them?
	Like, stop.
	And I'm screaming at you, but I'm screaming at me.
	We need to try to get...
	I'm embarrassed to admit this, but when I get my data report, it goes, you were down 18% this week.
	You're down to three and a half hours a day.
	Three and a half hours a day?
	I watched Star Wars twice every fucking day this week.
	That's embarrassing.
	That's not good.
	That's like saying you jerked off three times a day.
	Every hour on your phone is a wank.
	Let's try to get our phones.
	Let's all collectively agree to try to get our phone use down to an hour a day.
	And then I always use this cop-out, even to my kids.
	I go, I need it for my job.
	See, what I do is I talk about the news.
	So I need to check Twitter and Instagram regularly.
	So I have shit to talk about.
	Bullshit.
	I am only able to tackle maybe on a two-hour show, 20 newsbytes.
	Inevitably, when I do my collection of news shit, I have 60.
	I have way too much because I'm spending way too much fucking time on this shit.
	Just fucking sitting there watching like girls dancing.
	Like, what are you doing?
	Is this Bill Burr?
	Bill Burr.
	You're just like on your phone looking at like girls practicing dancing?
	It's like, dude, who cares?
	You're right.
	You're so right.
	I gotta say, though, Bill, you used to be the funny, like, man of the people.
	And when I say man, I mean, representing men.
	And then you married that black chick, and now all you do is shit on white women.
	You sound like a vessel for your disgruntled bitch black wife.
	Are you listening to me?
	What's up, dude?
	And you're also on your phone too much.
	No, dude.
	It's just watching girls practicing dancing.
	You know?
	Okay.
	Here's an article about Bill Burr.
	I mean, a letter.
	I found it odd that you make fun of Bill Burr as often as you do.
	I don't think he's the person you claim.
	See Link.
	Then he sends a link.
	Pancakes.
	Where are you?
	And it's called...
	All the way at the top now?
	No, I'm back to Bill Burr.
	The subject is Bill Burr, 9.32 p.m.
	Burr.
	Got it.
	Let's see what he's got to say.
	Probably something brutal.
	You know?
	Pancakes.
	It's exciting for people to get upset about things, though.
	It's exciting to them.
	I think it feels like you feel like you are saying something significant.
	I mean, I guess in a lot of ways it is virtue signaling.
	So it's saying like, I'm in the right.
	Because people like to point and go, see, that's wrong.
	It's a new white job.
	Showing people what's wrong.
	Virtue signaling.
	Yeah.
	It's such bullshit.
	And then they sit there and they actually like, how do I, they're using oppressed people to show how great they are, how great, how much I care.
	No, that's the same guy.
	That's the same fucking guy.
	And I resent his implication that virtue signaling is a white thing.
	Blacks do it differently than us.
	They do like white griping or something, bitching about racism and everything.
	But yes, whites maybe own virtue signaling, but blacks do the same shit.
	It's more like virtue condemning, talking about how horrible white people are and all the terrible things they've done.
	It's the same shit.
	This is Bill calling the kettle black.
	Like he's got a locked in, you know, white knighting.
	Not not white knight.
	You know the thing, man.
	Because he's real and genuine.
	No, no, no, not white knight.
	He's calling the kettle his wife, but he's got a real black wife.
	So he's actually, he's not virtue signaling.
	This is his life.
	But when people do it, it's fake.
	I got to say, even with Proud Boys, the white dudes that had black wives, which was a lot, by the way.
	Drew that.
	Disproportionate amount.
	They would be the ones who'd be like, yeah, well, it's Nigger Fridays.
	And I'd be like, it's a Tuesday, dude.
	This is a new bar.
	They just let us have meetups here.
	Can you stop it with that?
	Why?
	Because the niggers are going to get mad.
	And I'd be like, they got like, Bill is sitting there gleefully in a get-out-of-jail free card.
	He's got his fucking white privilege card.
	I got it here.
	I have mine.
	Sam Hyde calls it El Classico when you marry black.
	El Classico.
	Sam Hyde is so fucking funny.
	Why isn't he more in our lives?
	Let's drive to.
	Okay, go back to that Bill Burr thing, and I'm going to go piss.
	None of them are involved.
	No.
	Just sitting around tweeting and blah, blah, blah is, you know.
	It's not a contribution.
	It's barely more of a contribution than what I'm doing, and I'm not doing anything.
	Right, right.
	You know, I know.
	I care.
	Sniffle emoji.
	Send.
	I have to live with one.
	Wow.
	That was so brave.
	Yeah.
	Thank you for being an ally.
	And people go like, thank you for being an ally.
	Do you know what it's like to share a shower with a black woman?
	I think that they.
	It's way harder than tweeting, dude.
	The fucking drain gets like all whatever, dude.
	Sniffle emoji.
	Yeah, sniffles, sniffles.
	You know.
	I thought that all that bullshit, that shit with...
	I'm not, just listen, not name names.
	Yeah.
	There was a certain guy.
	He booked a comedy festival.
	You ever take a piss after your black wife takes a shit?
	I don't want to hear you tweeting about like, oh, Black Lives Matter.
	It's like, go share a bathroom with one of them.
	And did something he shouldn't have done.
	He was 100% in the wrong.
	But the people that should have been offended.
	It was being racist.
	Or whatever, from what I heard.
	And then it was just a bunch of bitter comics because they didn't get into the festival.
	Not one of them said, oh, I can't believe you used that word.
	That's so painful to this other group of people.
	Every one of their tweets was about themselves.
	Painful to that other group of people.
	Indian Joker.
	I actually wasn't doing the smile at the beginning.
	I don't know what I was doing.
	I think it was like...
	Let's take a look at it.
	Bill Burr can go fuck himself, you fucking virtue signaling cunt.
	And I don't mind virtue signaling cunts.
	I just hate hypocrites and backstabbers.
	Like, Bill Burr was the guy.
	What?
	You're talking about fucking being a mom's the hardest job in the world?
	Try being a red-headed roofer in Boston in the summer.
	And we're like, oh, okay, so you're one of us.
	You're like a hardworking dude who's sick of hearing fucking women bitch about how their easy life is so hard.
	Then he marries a black woman.
	He's like, fucking white woman.
	They got to stop fucking oppressing black people.
	You know, rise up, Uhuru.
	And you're like, what the fuck?
	You got to that level and then you became a cuck.
	Just like, look at the Mandalorian, the fucking MMA bitch, bitch, awesome woman, who said, the way they're persecuting conservatives seems like the way they would persecute Jews in World War II.
	Oh, so you're a Nazi?
	No, no, no.
	I'm saying the opposite.
	You're canceled.
	And Bill Burr is like, oh, I fucking hate Nazis.
	Don't cancel me.
	And he survives.
	So he's a pussy.
	Like Amy Schumer, who was on Red Eye and Fox News all the time.
	She cut her jib on Anthony and Opie and Anthony, being like a pro-working class, you know, sorry, but white male demographic.
	And then she got popular and went, I was kidding.
	Even the Beastie Boys, they fucking cut their chops on license to ill, being like, oh, love fucking ditch.
	Go make a sandwich, girls, girls, girls, girls.
	And then they go, they get famous and they go, free Tibet.
	We were just kidding.
	We needed to get in the door.
	And now that we're in the door, fuck all those jerks.
	We paid your bills, bitches.
	We paid Bill Burr's bitches.
	I mean, bills.
	We paid Bill's bills.
	That was good.
	Outstanding.
	That was fun, but it never said, let's start the show.
	You know what I want?
	If you could be like, let's start the show.
	Okay, ready?
	That'll be the...
	Let's start the show.
	Look at your stupid angel face.
	Whatever, dude.
	My face rules.
	And yours drools.
	No wonder we treated the coolies like shit.
	Those are annoying.
	Who the coolies is?
	Those are the chinks that made the railroads.
	Chinks and man the railroad.
	I want to be a history prof. All right, guys.
	Have you got it?
	Sorry, I'm late.
	I appreciate you sticking around.
	Last night was insane.
	But today we're going to talk about the coolies.
	We're going to talk about the coolies.
	They're the chinks that made the railroads.
	And first question goes to you.
	Who fucked them?
	Actually, that's a true question I have.
	The coolies.
	Like, did they go without sex for 20 years?
	Who fucked them?
	Did they let them out of the tunnels they were digging?
	Well, they built the railroads, right?
	Were they in tunnels?
	A lot of Chinese miners and railroads as they were going west.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	So they weren't exactly drowning in Poon.
	No.
	I would imagine lots of these coolies never had sex ever.
	Most of them were slightly.
	They didn't have to deal with the pussies and tits because they had to build the railroads.
	They had to band a prune, if they did.
	They had a band of Bundy.
	They had a band of prune.
	They couldn't indulge in the myths of the pussies.
	We grew up in a society that we did not have to deal with the pussies because we had to bear the problem.
	Exactly.
	Don't get me fired.
	Don't touch my shoulder like a human pro.
	Go ahead on any tirade that you feel mildly induced to do.
	Whatever tickles your fancy, Eddie, don't fucking get me canceled.
	Oh, should I turn on my mic?
	Yes.
	Gentlemen, start your Michaels.
	America is not unique in its crime.
	If we are going to get past this.
	You are on the air.
	We'll have a conversation.
	This is a fucking loser.
	You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.
	Hey, why does everyone get two things?
	You have one thing.
	Thank you for calling.
	It was great hearing from you.
	Bye-bye.
	All right, next call.
	I bet people are triggered here.
	America is not unique in its crimes.
	It's not unique in its crimes.
	Really?
	There was other countries that were racist?
	Well, what makes America unique?
	They are unique in their inability to recognize their sins.
	Ah.
	Well, they have systemic racism.
	Meanwhile, that's such fucking horseshit.
	Like, there was 10 million slaves exported from Africa.
	America got 300,000.
	Brazil got 3 million.
	Yeah, America is unique in that they self-flagellate for their slavery, while Brazil is like, whatever.
	We had a few Negroes come by.
	Just a few.
	Like, who else is constantly whining about their horrible sins from that 10 million?
	Portugal?
	Are they apologizing all the time?
	No.
	Is there a fucking Black Lives Matter movement in Portugal?
	Fucking quiz!
	Maybe.
	In the sense that...
	Okay, we got...
	Hey, T. Tick Chris' story.
	Yo.
	Yo, I'm going to.
	All right, so I got a funny story about something that happened to me on Monday.
	So I live in Vegas, and I go to college out here.
	And Monday morning, I woke up, and I knew I had class.
	So I had the greatest freaking idea.
	So the first class I have is like a Constitution U.S. history course.
	And it's in a big auditorium.
	So I sat all the way at the back of the class, and there's probably like 140, 45 people in there.
	And what I was going to do is answer a question with a drop to see if there were any baby monsters in the class.
	Like if they reacted all weird to it and like jotted their heads back with their eyes wide open.
	Wait, hold on a sec.
	You thought you would answer a question with a drop?
	Hey.
	Yeah, with a drop.
	Okay.
	How many people are in the class?
	About 140, 45.
	Okay.
	Yeah, it's a really big lecture.
	So the subject matter was like the Iranian Revolution.
	So I raised my hand and I asked Professor, so the Soviets, what was like the hallmark of Iran?
	Like the Soviets have the hammer and sickle.
	The U.S. has the bird, which is the bald eagle.
	What was that for like the Iran at the time?
	So right when I said that, I mean, three freaking heads just snapped back at me.
	Nice.
	Dude, their eyes look like dinner plates and their jaws almost grand.
	And guess who else looked at me the same way?
	The professor.
	Ready?
	The freaking professor, bro.
	Gavin, Biden might be your pet, but my professor is my baby mobster.
	There you go.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	I don't want to give you this.
	Isn't it possible that the professor stared at you because he saw everyone else look at you and he thought this could be some sort of like white power secret message?
	Like, I'm not willing to give you that the professor was a baby monster.
	No, no.
	It was only three people that looked at me that way.
	I know that because I talked to them after class because it was obvious.
	But wait, you said the professor looked at you weird too.
	You're dropping that?
	Yeah, along with those three people.
	So was the professor a baby monster?
	I didn't ask him.
	Like, I'm like 92% sure he's definitely a baby monster, but I was just so 92% definitely.
	Yeah, like I mean, what did they say?
	They were like, holy crap, that was freaking hilarious.
	And we chopped it up after class for like a good 20 minutes.
	All right.
	Well, thanks for calling.
	That was fun.
	Bye.
	That rules.
	It's so weird doing these calls when you meet someone with a lot in common with you and you're like, we should be friends.
	And you're like, bye.
	It's kind of like being in Motley Crew.
	Like, you get a blowjob and you're like, bye.
	See you later.
	Gotta go.
	Later.
	Next.
	We had a good run.
	All right, we got Daniel on the line.
	Go ahead, Daniel.
	Hi, my name's Daniel.
	I'm wearing a gray zip-up hoodie with short olive, green shorts, and blue flip-on van.
	Okay.
	What are your pronouns?
	My pronouns are he, him.
	Okay.
	Now we can finally start.
	Okay.
	Well, I emailed you a video that I posted that was an Instagram story of mine that I was just bullshitting around on.
	And it was a fake tutorial on how to fix a Casio keyboard.
	And it's got 51,000 views now.
	I check it every once in a while.
	I get funny comments every once in a while.
	Gavin, I heard you a long time ago say a joke is, you like your jokes to be 80% understood and 20% not.
	Yes.
	And I think that this video is a good, it's like my version of that because people message me and say they hate it.
	People are like, ah, I love it.
	But it's a minute and 41 seconds long.
	How to fix the Casio keyboard.
	It's like the first.
	I got it.
	All right, let's do it.
	Cool.
	Thanks for calling.
	Check it out.
	Okay, so I picked this keyboard up at the thrift store the other day, but it doesn't want a seam to power on.
	So I'm going to show you guys how to fix a busted keyboard.
	So first things first, once you unscrew all the screws, you want to make sure you keep them in a place where you won't lose them.
	Just put them right there for now.
	Next thing you want to do is bust out your multimeter.
	If you don't have one, you can pick one up at your local radio shack and just start testing.
	You know, after a thorough testing, I think I found the culprit.
	Looks like an alien jerked off on this circuit board here.
	This is a very common issue, and, you know, you just have to...
	Well, you kind of ruined it with the alien.
	That's too much.
	You know.
	Oh, and now we've got a lot of people.
	You're not too much.
	Oh, now we've got too much.
	Compassion.
	That's too much, sir.
	Too much.
	You know what that reminds me of?
	You know what that reminds me of?
	Okay, you say what it reminds you of.
	Remember that one thing where it's like how to cook yada dada?
	And it's like you slap your chicken.
	You take an ESL class in English.
	Remember that thing, how to cook, yada yada?
	Yada yada yada?
	What?
	Who are these people?
	I'll find it.
	I'll speak English, and I'll tell you what it reminded me of.
	It was the computer repair guy who snuck a huge pile of beans into a dude's computer.
	And then he sealed it back up.
	And then he had the guy call the IT thing.
	And he showed up and he's like, all right, let's see what's going on here.
	And then he's like, what the hell?
	And he finds all these beans in his computer.
	Oh, my computer here.
	Find that one.
	This is the car one.
	Find the beans one.
	This is stupid, but okay.
	He's got beans.
	He's got beans.
	Maybe it's the same guys.
	They're the bean guys.
	Pallet of bean?
	Oh, it's a bad one.
	Imagine you're a dad, you die young at like 58, and you leave your kid like 400 grand.
	And then from heaven, you're watching him buy pallets of beans into the car.
	It's hitting the horn.
	But wait a minute.
	That's going to hit the gas.
	Yeah, start the car.
	You've got to put shit around the gas in the brake.
	I've never seen this before.
	Because the whole car is full.
	Can you get it?
	He did not react.
	Yeah, your joke didn't work, dude.
	It's stupid.
	Go to the computer, beans.
	Your dead dad is not happy with your stupid prank.
	There it is.
	Oh, my God.
	Is it the same guys?
	It is.
	Vlog creations.
	Blonde creations?
	Vlog creations.
	Vlog creations.
	This guy's...
	It's funny because if I watched that first video, I'd go, this guy does not have the sprinkles.
	But then when I saw the way this went, I went, dude, has the sprinkles.
	That's why.
	It smells like a cow.
	Can you put wet beans in there?
	That's why it's smoking.
	Oh, shit.
	I cannot wait for him to get here.
	I'm so excited.
	And I'm going to play like as stupid as possible.
	Bing bong.
	Who is it?
	I just spoke to you.
	Hey, the guy my brother called to fix the computer.
	Yes.
	It was working.
	It works good.
	And then, you know.
	And then it goes to the blue screen.
	Right.
	When it's on and it's working, you can do whatever you want to do until the blue screen comes on.
	Is that what happens?
	Right.
	It turns on most of the time, and then maybe five, ten minutes in, it'll go just turn blue.
	Did I speak to you on the phone or did I speak to someone?
	My brother.
	Okay.
	He said you had like files that are important on here.
	I mainly use it for video games.
	So can we turn it on?
	Yeah, uh-huh.
	Oh, it's up here.
	Got it.
	Because he said it's Windows 7.
	Windows 7 has been, Microsoft no longer supports it.
	So what happens...
	I don't usually have more than three windows up at a time, so that shouldn't be an issue.
	Well, it actually is an issue within Windows 7.
	But maybe max, I would have like five windows open.
	Never six or seven, though.
	It came on this morning, and then it turned blue, and then it turned off again.
	Well, did that come out?
	It must have.
	How'd that come out?
	Gucci slides?
	That's an all.
	I tried pressing some of the buttons on the back.
	But the computer's not even turning on and it's plugged in.
	It comes on sometimes and then just turns off and then sometimes it doesn't come on.
	Okay.
	It sounds to me like a power supply unit might have gone bad or something.
	I don't know what that was.
	Alright, just give us the fucking punchline, please.
	What is going on?
	I'm going to tell him that you're fixing.
	Oh my gosh.
	Dude.
	Power supply.
	Yeah, he says it's a power.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Come here for a minute.
	He said it's power.
	Dude, have you ever opened this computer up before?
	No.
	I'm going to open it up and show you something I've never seen before in my life.
	What?
	What?
	What's all this in here?
	This is not supposed to be inside a computer.
	This is beans inside.
	What do you mean?
	Where did you get this computer from?
	God for me on Craigslist.
	I use it a lot.
	Holy crap.
	I never had an issue.
	None of this, these black things, all these...
	This is like food.
	It's not like to help the computer stay cool or anything.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Someone sold you something.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	These are black beans.
	This is what you gotta have.
	How much do you think he's gonna charge them?
	Good for the computer.
	Now, this is what I was talking about.
	Pick any of the one that you'd like.
	How to make beef jerky, how to make lava cake, how to make chicken enchiladas.
	What are you talking about?
	Mashed potatoes.
	This is the channel I was talking about.
	Just which one interests you?
	None of these interest me remotely.
	What's how to make salsa?
	How does a guy go to a salsa store?
	He picks up toxicos.
	1.9 million views.
	We're waiting.
	1.9 million views.
	Jalapano.
	God, I got my gymnasium gelapano.
	Okay, Ryan, this better get funny soon.
	Right now, I'm in a child's chemo session.
	Okay, we're getting funny.
	You know, we'll just add an egg for fun because they smash.
	All right, you got me.
	This is good.
	His old ones, man, where he would just slap a chicken for no reason.
	I like how the camera's brewing.
	He smashes the salsa.
	There we go.
	They're the eggs.
	So he's kept the four.
	And he'll do things real delicate.
	What, the salsa?
	Yeah.
	Are you out of your mind?
	No.
	With the eggs?
	Sure.
	Alright, let's take a call.
	Okay, this is a would you rather?
	We know the rules, folks.
	Okay, guys.
	Hold on, stop.
	If this is a would you rather, it better not involve me fucking my mom or my dad.
	No.
	Or anyone fucking my wife.
	Nah, it just involves blowjobs and dudes.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Here we go.
	Now we're talking.
	Hold on, stop.
	Daddy, start your engines running here.
	We got a tough one.
	Okay.
	So, would you rather perform 95% of a blowjob or the last 5% of a blowjob.
	You just stole this from the internet.
	This is a classic.
	Goodbye.
	Thanks for calling.
	Because one part's got to come, but the other part, you don't know how long it'll take.
	I mean, I'm annoyed that it's not organic, but I guess we have to answer this age-old.
	We all know that you can't say both because everybody's like, oh, you can't do that.
	And you're like, I'm not a woman.
	I don't go neither.
	So the real question is, would you rather suck a dick for a little bit and have no jizz in your mouth or suck a dick for a little bit and have jizz in your mouth?
	I guess I'm going to go with the 95%.
	Yeah.
	I'd have to agree.
	I get no jizz in my mouth.
	Nobody says you have to take the jizz in your mouth.
	But there is jizz.
	It's jizzing.
	It's going to get on your face and stuff.
	Yeah, because sucking a dick is something I don't want to do, right?
	No.
	So if I'm sucking a dick for like 10 seconds or 30 seconds, I've already done the terrible thing.
	I'd rather die.
	You'd rather die?
	Fuck yeah.
	I'd rather die.
	You'd rather die than suck a dick?
	What's happening?
	No, I'd rather suck a dick.
	I'm going to come.
	I'd rather be around.
	But as far as like sucking a dick for 10 seconds and 20 seconds, 30 seconds, they're all equally bad.
	Once I do one or two pumps, it's the same as 40 pumps.
	I'm sucking.
	Now I'm a guy who sucked a dick.
	Yeah.
	I saw that.
	In the second category, it's just as bad, but I've got jizz everywhere.
	So I don't want to do the jizz thing.
	So I'll take the first.
	Especially if.
	But by the way, I'm not thrilled about what I have to do.
	And I've been thinking about this a lot recently.
	This whole like, how much would you have to be paid to like eat out a dude's ass and everything?
	I'll eat your ass.
	You're in a helicopter that you own at a $150 million mansion, and 100% of the time you're sitting in it, it's because you ate a dude's ass.
	It ruins the mansion.
	It ruins the helicopter.
	It ruins the indoor pool.
	It ruins everything.
	Too much of indecency.
	Too much of indecency.
	That's the problem with that shit.
	It's not like that.
	People are going to come to your house and they're going to go, holy shit, you have your own private plane with this waterbed and a bar?
	Dude, this is...
	I've never met anyone with their own private plane, but this private plane is the nicest private plane I've ever even heard of.
	What did you do?
	Did you invent a way to sequence the genome or something?
	Or did you come up with a way to help kids with leukemia?
	No, I sucked off a homeless man.
	It amused a billionaire who paid me this plane.
	I'm like, can you pull over at the next airport?
	Yeah.
	I want to get off.
	You just ruined my flight.
	Well, maybe he's gay.
	You ever thought of that?
	I brought this up at a dinner with Ann Coulter once and all her friends, and she was furious with me.
	She was like, I invite you out with my friends, and you talk about how much you'd have to be paid to let a homeless man fuck you in the ass?
	Like, that's embarrassing.
	It's not even, she didn't say embarrassing because she doesn't talk like that, but she was like, aren't you embarrassed?
	So uncouth.
	I don't think I'm going to invite you out for dinner anymore.
	And I said, I managed to sway her.
	I go, and it's actually an intellectual discussion.
	And I explained to her the parameters and all this stuff.
	And we actually came up with a solution where you take $3 million and you give $7 million to charity to an entrepreneur's fund.
	So when you're swimming around your indoor pool, you're like, I actually created an entrepreneur's fund for Native Americans where they can start their own business.
	And she goes, I actually admire that about men.
	She goes, I wouldn't do anything remotely sexual for one cent that I didn't want to do.
	So we would never consider any of that.
	But you men, you guys will like eat a piece of shit for if it'll help someone.
	I actually wrote an article about it on Tacky Mag.
	About this whole exchange.
	What was it called again?
	It was like, how much to be fucked up the ass by a homeless man?
	Because the problem with it is, say you say, I'm sorry, there's no price.
	Then you're walking home that day and you get raped by a homeless man for free.
	That's no good, right?
	Gavin raped by a homeless man.
	The $10 million question, I called it.
	And it's got a picture of Artie Lang on the front.
	Artie Lang.
	Next call.
	I didn't know they included a picture of the author in the...
	Was that new?
	Or they stopped doing that?
	I don't know if you can do that in comedy, Ryan.
	I don't know if you can take a photo that I've already attributed to someone as an insult and then take it away from Artie Lang and put it on me.
	That's plagiarism.
	I could have said, oh, wait, they switched the picture of Artie to you.
	That's weird.
	That would have worked.
	Fuck.
	All right.
	Well, I'm learning.
	Speaking of...
	You're loining.
	We have my best friend, Retarded Maureen.
	Is this true?
	773, you're on the line.
	Maybe you say hi to him.
	You have a magical voice.
	Yeah.
	You barely see the road from the heat coming off me.
	Ooh, yeah.
	And he's trying to reach down between my legs.
	Is he implying the heat is coming from his pubes?
	Put the seat back.
	You got hot pubes.
	Best story.
	Best story ever.
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	Did I talk about that before?
	Did I say that that's David Loss groin?
	No, some dude walking around some horseshoe bar and he's some kind of stripper and he bends down with his anal lift.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	He had, like, whatever.
	You put a dollar in his speedo and he opens up his speedo.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He had heat coming out of his Speedo.
	I put $5 in it, which was a bad move because that made me his daddy.
	And then he later picked up a beer bottle with his anal lips.
	Oof.
	Without looking or holding it.
	His hands were up here.
	That was at a gay bar in the East Village called The Urge.
	He had the urge.
	Which was unrelated.
	My whole idea was to call about my story here with, you know, Maddie being, you know, hot-tempered.
	That's me.
	I can relate.
	I can completely relate.
	Okay, well, I want to talk to you guys in general and say, I actually admire your anger.
	I admire your rage.
	But I'd like it to be directed to things that are very important.
	Like someone is telling an old lady to go fuck off.
	But if it's Coco the gorilla or a guy who left and isn't even there anymore and no one cares, don't have a heart attack and go to jail for it.
	I get ghosted by my 43-year.
	I got my best friend, 43 years born next door to each other, ghosts me.
	All right, this is this is my brother lives next door.
	I've leaned into him since being fired.
	January 25th, I get fired, and I lean into those that I know, my good friends, my dad.
	And as we evolve, as I'm moving forward, get a new job, new house.
	Was this your friend?
	Or your dad?
	Yeah.
	No, no, me, me.
	I'm the one that got fired.
	I'm the one that got fired, but I'm using all my resources to pick myself up, right?
	Yep.
	And every couple months or whatever, I get back together with my friend.
	We're talking on the phone.
	We hit the ground running.
	We talk for two hours.
	Hey, how's it going?
	How's that job?
	How's that new job going?
	Well, yeah, I've been doing this.
	I've been doing that.
	And I mention what I've been using, you know, Jordan Peterson, right?
	I've been leaning into all of this, all these resources.
	You know, Gavin McGinnis, Crowdboys, he goes, hey, hey, hey, hey.
	He's like, Steve, you're trying to sell me something.
	I'm like, no, no, no, no.
	I'm trying to tell you my story.
	You asked.
	You've been critical in my recovery and how I've gotten to where I've gotten.
	He's like, I love you, man.
	He hangs up.
	And I mentioned Gavin McGinnis Proud Boys, and I'm done.
	Okay, we get this with a lot of baby monsters where they're saying the pitch wrong.
	So when you are talking to friends and promoting me, the show, or Proud Boys, it's a one-time fee of $84.99.
	That is to get your license to sell the Proud Boys merchandise.
	After you pay the $84.99, you only have your licensing fee of $542 a month, assuming you hit your numbers with the merch and you sell enough to pay for the licensing fee.
	Furthermore, if you recruit three more salesmen per month and they pay their initial licensing Proud Boys fee, then they are established and you don't pay a dime.
	And of course, if those three guys also recruit three more people to sell the merch.
	That's not an Amway.
	No, you see, this is what I hate.
	It's got nothing to do with the Amway or a pyramid scheme.
	It's about giving people the privilege to use the Proud Boy's license to sell the merchandise.
	No, ma'am.
	No, it sounds like a message.
	You're so above me right now.
	I mean, I'm losing.
	If I didn't know any better, I'm losing a friend.
	My best friend from we were born next door to each other.
	We were opening up the windows, talking over the driveway.
	You know, we just went through our lives together.
	We end up calling each other.
	We hit the ground running.
	And I go, I'm not, I'll just put it out there.
	You know, I'm not a proud boy, but I've been using all these resources, such as your podcast, such as when I buy the subscription.
	I'm in.
	I've used this.
	I've used all these other likes to muscle my way back from getting kicked in the nuts, being fired of how to fix this, how to fix it, how to get it right, put your family back on track.
	And who else would I share that with?
	All right, don't get offensive.
	I'm just being funny.
	Calm down.
	If that's how he treated you, because you expressed how the tools that you were implementing to get yourself back on track and get back on your feet, regardless of what it was, he should be supportive of you.
	If he just wants to hang up and be like, good luck, I love you, and fuck off.
	He was going to be a friend, no matter what history you have.
	Because when the fucking shit came down to it, listen, when you're in the midst of things, when the fucking dust settles, there's going to be people that want to be there next to you.
	Everyone else is just fucking passing bys.
	Maddie, that's why you're good for this show.
	And just passing by.
	Because when the dust settles, the motherfucker that's fighting on the left on the phone.
	I don't know.
	Those are your friends.
	Well, I've been ghosted.
	I know that when the dust settles, like, We can get back together on the phone, hit the ground running.
	He lives on the other side of the country.
	We can hit the ground running.
	But yeah, it needs a little time because, you know, we were already drinking before we picked up the phone.
	Wait a minute.
	Are you talking about maybe you guys could get back together?
	No.
	He's showed his hand face.
	No, he's X'd.
	He's X'd, dude.
	He's done.
	Get him out of there, man.
	Seriously?
	Luke Radowski, he had a friend that he would take him around in a...
	I can put it this way.
	Just set yourself up from here.
	He's got a disappointment.
	He's brought me out of the gutter.
	No, it is disappointing.
	He helped me get out of the gutter.
	And he's done more as a man, as a brother, that I do.
	In fact, I look up to him.
	And I couldn't finish this conversation.
	That aspect of this conversation.
	So wait, hold on a sec.
	So this guy stabbed you in the back and said, fuck you, but you're still waiting there like a bitch for him to re-accept you and you're going to be so happy to have him back when he's ready to take you back?
	Well, he's not saying, fuck you.
	Yes, he is.
	He hung up on you.
	Okay.
	All right.
	I'm listening.
	I mean, I'm hearing you.
	No, dude, I had this friend, Steve.
	I won't say his full name.
	He was in my book, Death of the Cool.
	Great guy.
	We were inseparable.
	When I was in high school, he was a grade above us, which is like literally a grade above you.
	Like, 14-year-olds didn't hang out with 15-year-olds, but he hung out with our gang.
	So we were so impressed that we got a guy from a grade above.
	Anyway, he was the coolest guy in school, blah, blah, blah.
	We moved out of our house together.
	We got an apartment in the city.
	We were both in bands.
	He was in The Trapped.
	I was in Anil Chinook.
	We were best pals, super cool guy.
	I moved to New York City.
	We did a movie together, The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants.
	I actually had to alter the movie where I had to make it look like he was getting all these calls because he's a music producer from bands who wanted them to produce his album.
	Meanwhile, the truth was no one was calling him.
	In fact, the editor, Brian Gaynor, was actually getting calls and he had to turn down work.
	So we lied in the movie to put up Steve, put him on a pedestal and say, oh, Steve's so in demand that we have to stop the movie.
	It was all a lie, right?
	The movie's not a reality documentary.
	It's a comedy.
	But anyway, did the movie...
	You've come back to people that have...
	I mean, it's apparent, the backturning.
	It's apparent.
	But we have had these people who, you know, you have to give them a moment.
	This is not face-to-face.
	Hold on, hold on, hold on.
	Just let me finish this fucking story.
	So we do this movie, and he's like, we sold it to Netflix for 15 grand.
	And there was three of us.
	So it was like 555.
	What the fuck is that?
	Oh, it was a...
	I got a ding.
	Elevator?
	So he asked me for the five grand twice, which fucking pissed me off.
	But anyway, that's irrelevant.
	So we're doing shit.
	And then on Instagram, out of the blue, he's like, yeah, you used to kiss the ass of Nazi skinheads who stole your boots.
	And in my, like, not to me, but in my Instagram comments.
	And I was like, Steve, what the fuck are you talking about?
	I got beat up by Nazi skinheads for my boots.
	I tried to pretend to be their friend so I could try to fight them and steal my boots back.
	And then he changed his story and went, yeah, I know.
	I was just like so saddened that my friend would have to kiss their ass in a sad attempt to dupe them into getting his boots back.
	And I'm like, okay, well, why didn't you say that?
	So then we kept going.
	And then I was looking up girls we dated in high school.
	This is now in the like 80s.
	And now they're like 40 and 50 years old.
	So I go, dude, I looked up, let's call her Julie Jennifer.
	I looked up Julie Jennifer, who I went to prom with, and she's horrific.
	She looks like a fucking witch.
	I mean, she was the hottest girl in school when we were in high school, and now she's a monster.
	She's like a four.
	And then he goes, you're the only guy that's a four on the inside.
	And I went, what the fuck?
	And I go, where's all this coming from?
	What are you doing?
	And he goes, look, man, I don't know why you're contacting me.
	I already told you you're a fucking fascist and Nazi garbage.
	Fuck you.
	And I go, okay, bye-bye.
	We had a good run, like 30 years or whatever it was.
	And then he contacts me like two years later and he goes, hey, man, my dad died.
	I'm going through a lot of shit.
	I want to make bygones, bygones, whatever.
	And I go, okay, you're the one who called me a Nazi and a fascist.
	And he goes, let's not play the blame game.
	That's an actual quote.
	So I go, and then, and this is a mistake.
	Then I went, okay, your dad's dead?
	All right.
	So anyway, we start talking.
	And there was a Vanity Fair article that this guy, Adam, that we all knew did.
	And it was shitty.
	And it was a hit piece.
	And he spoke to the guy.
	And he didn't really shit on me in the interviews.
	But I was talking about the article.
	And I was saying, there's like 50 problems with this article.
	And he goes, I was always about peace and love.
	And you were always about hate.
	And I'm like, what the?
	And it made me so fucking mad because that bullshit narrative, I don't mind if it's about me.
	You can call me fat and ugly and Donald Sutherland with AIDS, whatever.
	But that narrative terrorized my children.
	So he's jumping on board a thing that has terrorized my children and fucked up their social lives.
	So then I said, go fuck yourself, you loser.
	You always had a lower IQ.
	It was always been the elephant in the room.
	You were not a rock star.
	You worked with fucking Melissa Oftermar because she thought you were cute.
	You were never an accomplished musician.
	You've always been a loser.
	I never cared about that.
	I don't care who's a loser.
	I just like who's funny and cool to hang out with.
	But now that we can finally break down the walls, you're a retarded piece of shit who's been living off his mother's inheritance and she's not dead.
	You got your inheritance from your mother before she was dead by arguing with her that you wouldn't need it after she's dead.
	That's pathetic.
	Anyway, now we're done.
	Go fuck yourself.
	He's called me a bunch of times.
	I told him, go fuck yourself again.
	But my point is, I should have known the first time he turned his back that this is not a good person.
	Like, fuck a good friend.
	It's not a good person.
	So the second someone that you care about turns your back on you, just, this is the great thing about the Scots.
	Poof.
	You cease to exist.
	There's no one to be mad at.
	There's no one there.
	If you did a 23andMe, they're not on the fucking chart.
	They don't exist.
	They never happen.
	My fucking wife had a friend.
	They were born together, literally.
	They in the same hospital.
	They fucking, one was each other's bridesmaid.
	And because of all the proud boy shit, she said, I need to take a break from our friendship for a while.
	My wife has always had more money than her.
	My wife has flown this woman around the world.
	That's a woman thing.
	My wife was there.
	When her mother, when her father died, the girl's father died, my wife, she was like 21 or something.
	She drove six hours from Madison to Milwaukee, whatever it is, four hours, with a six-pack to greet her at the airport and be like, let's relax.
	Your father's dead.
	I'm here for you.
	And then because of Proud Boys, she cut all that off.
	She's fucking dead.
	Like she doesn't exist.
	My belief is, and I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but when someone shows an inkling of betrayal, even like I'm not saying that that car accident had anything to do with that.
	I'm hearing that.
	I'm hearing that.
	They're fucking done.
	Like done.
	Like this whole notion, we learned this when we were in high school with relationships where girls and boys would say, I need a break.
	No, no, no.
	Break, we're done.
	We're dead.
	They cease to be.
	And it sucks because like you lose 60, 70, 80%.
	With Trump, I lost 80% of my friends by supporting Trump.
	But I'm now at 100% ride or die niggas.
	Here we go.
	This is the old saying.
	There's no such thing as fair weather friends.
	Exactly.
	It's a contradiction.
	All right, am I still there?
	Yeah, you're still there.
	Yeah, he votes for Trump.
	I mean, he's just right there.
	Now, I think that we're done talking about, or you're saying that, like, there's no more to say there.
	At the beginning of the show, it was really impressive, Gavin, that advice you were giving to Maddie because it is, that's outstanding.
	I know, I'm great.
	It's the most outstanding.
	But that's what makes Maddie a great contribution to the show is that he's, you know, he toes the line.
	And you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Like, what's with the blood pressure?
	You know, let's step back and evaluate.
	When you, Gavin, have said that you can look at a guy and his blood is boiling.
	You're going to assess the situation.
	Is this worth it?
	Yeah.
	And don't die for cocoa.
	Yeah, you always got to make sure that you reassess yourself.
	Thanks for calling, by the way.
	It has to do with your mother.
	If you don't forgive your mother, then you're going to be sitting there with a hot bowl of ice cream soup.
	Like, what happened?
	Why that melt?
	So basically, you have to forgive your mother, forgive yourself.
	Because that's a woman thing.
	You don't want to be a baby though.
	Jesse Lee.
	Yep.
	I don't want to disrespect you, Jesse Lee, but you say you were eating a hot bowl of ice cream soup.
	Yeah, the ice cream soup.
	What's that got to do with your mother?
	Oh, no, no, no, when we were little.
	Little tiny scruggling, running around, beebopping.
	Was that breast milk in the bowl?
	Breast milk?
	Oh, man, made it.
	But no, we didn't have a refrigerator.
	We would have an ice block.
	So Ralph Cranpton would come upstairs with a big ice cream scoop.
	Ralph Crampton.
	Yeah, Ralph Crampton.
	Oh, you know who Ralph Crampton?
	So Ralph Crampton would...
	So Peter Frampton would come upstairs with a big old ice cream scoop.
	Peter Frampton would bring ice to your door?
	But why would you have ice cream soup?
	Because he had no ice pots.
	We didn't have ice pots.
	So it would get real cold, you know, but not cold enough to keep the ice cream cold.
	So it would melt and we have, oh, let's have a hot bowl of ice cream soup.
	And so we had three spoons and a fork.
	Guess who got a fork?
	All right.
	So it wasn't so amazing back then.
	Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
	I'd rather be with you.
	Oh, I'd rather be with you.
	Cause Godmand are too.
	So I'd rather be with you.

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